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rynhaswritersblock · 5 years ago

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odd one out | p.p.

a/n: shoutout to peter's hair in infinity war. that shit SLAPPED i miss it

summary: thanos' plan was to wipe out half of the universe, but what happens when the universe isn't evenly numbered?

warnings: the beginning will probably give you a heart attack for a second but it's okay LMAO, also light cussing and a headcanon epilogue because hell yeah

also i have no idea how pagers work (you'll see) so forgive me if it's unrealistic THIS IS FICTION ANYWAYS LMAO

+ + +

"mr. stark?"

the man spins around, eyes wide. not peter.

he's met with sight of peter parker, eyes wide and worried as he looks around, noticing the faint piles of dust surrounding them. a sigh falls from tony's lips; peter hadn't joined the others. he's still here.

"kid, you scared me," tony sighs, pulling the boy into a hug.

"sorry," peter mumbles. the two pull apart and look around, peter jumping slightly at the sight of nebula standing there, gazing numbly at the ground.

"he did it."

the realization hits peter and he feels heavy. the boy sucks in a breath, blowing it out lightly and shaking out his arms. calm down calm down calm down.

"pete? you good?"

peter turns to look at tony. "yeah, mr. stark, uh, i'm just on edge, i guess. i think maybe my senses are alert cause they haven't registered everything, or something."

lie.

the boy didn't know why he was so alert for shit. he didn't sit, instead opting for walking around the small area of the planet, not even thinking about how in the world they'd get back to earth.

a sharp gasp falls from your lips and you push at your desk, sliding your chair back. the pencil drops from your fingers. "what the fuck?"

a small pile of dust begins slowly collecting on your floor, your toes slowly disintegrating. the sight makes you tense before your thoughts immediately go to peter.

you fumble at your desk, movements quick- hell, you were literally disintegrating- as you look for the small device peter had given you a few weeks after revealing his secret identity; a transmitter pager.

"peter?" you ask, looking at the boy with furrowed brows. you lean up in your seat, pressing up against him as you look out the window, mouth falling agape at the sight of a spaceship hovering between the buildings of new york city. he turns his head to you, the two of you sharing a knowing look.

he had to go.

peter leans over, muttering into your ear as he taps his wrists together, webshooters forming around them. "make a distraction."

you nod, giving him a worried look before sliding out of your seat as to get attention and, subtly, let peter through.

"uh- holy shit!" you blurt, pointing out the window. "there's a spaceship!"

your classmates crowd at the windows, a blur of gasps and yells. ned stands and pushes past you, "we're all gonna die!"

feeling accomplished, you look back at peter, who nods at you before pulling up the window. you jump forward, hand wrapping around his wrist to stop him. you quickly plant a kiss on his cheek. "be safe. and use the pager."

the boy's cheeks redden and he pulls on his mask before sliding out the window. "i will."

your fingers make contact with the pager, quickly fishing it out from your bag and bringing it into your view. you scroll through your conversations from earlier in the day.

PETER i'm safe

Y/N holy shit peter where are you what's happening

PETER well i'm on the spaceship and according to mr stark there's a dude named thanos that wants to wipe out half of the universe

Y/N why the hell are you on that ship and that is not enough info oh my god

PETER i'm on the ship cause i'm stupid and from my understanding he needs to get a bunch of these infinity stone things and snap and then half of the universe will disappear

Y/N god peter please don't die

PETER i won't don't worry about me

Y/N i love you *connection lost. message unable to send.*

so that's what this was.

he did it.

you sigh, leaning back in your chair and closing your eyes. it was time to accept your fate, you figured. all you could do was let thanos' actions do their thing and hope that, maybe, you'd see peter wherever you ended up.

a few minutes pass and you open your eyes.

you had expected to be in some alternate realm. not sitting at your desk, everything the way it always was.

your gaze drifts down, about half of your feet disintegrated and ever-so-slowly continuing. "holy shit," you mutter. a tear shoots down your cheek and you wipe it off, using your other arm to support you on the chair. "okay, okay, okay..."

you close your eyes and tilt your head back, letting your tears fall. it was some fluke, wasn't it? your death was just taking a long time, that's all. it was the end. you just had to wait.

and of course your parents were on their anniversary vacation.

an involuntary yelp flies out of your mouth, followed by a sob as you bite your hand in an attempt to stop yourself from falling into a storm of screams and blurred thoughts. pictures of your parents, peter, and your classmates all swirl in your mind. you shove them away and slide off the chair, onto the floor.

with a deep breath and lots of adrenaline, you manage to stumble over and hoist yourself onto your bed. better to let it fully take you in your sleep, you figure.

but that's not what happened.

the next day, the second you fully woke up, you ripped the covers off your body, revealing your feet fully restored. yet, as the day went on, they began dusting away again, just a smidge faster.

you called your parents, got no reply. you left a few voicemails, panicking, trying not to think about how they probably were dusted away. eventually, you called aunt may and thanked god that she answered and that she and peter lived across the hall. the woman came over and you told her everything. how peter left your field trip to go to the spaceship, how he was now in space, and how some dude named thanos wanted to wipe out half the universe, and apparently, he succeeded.

you also showed her your legs and how they were slowly fading away. over the next few days, may took care of you, moving into your apartment and helping you as the dusting became faster and faster. eventually, she figured it best to admit you to the hospital she volunteered at. and so she did.

the doctors didn't have any clue what to do with you. they had no prior knowledge or experience, and therefore no answers. but they let you stay. and so, every time you slept, you were restored, but as the days went on, more and more of your legs disappeared.

may would visit as often as possible, usually bearing a plate of cookies or sundaes for you two to eat while watching rom-coms. she was already like your second mother before the whole incident- you and peter having practically grown up with each other- but she was even more so now. you appreciated her beyond words, the two of you spending long, emotional nights talking about peter and how you had no way of knowing if he was even alive anymore. she knew you liked him. she knew he liked you, too. yet, she kept the latter part a secret; a way of holding on to the idea that peter would still be alive to confess his feelings himself.

nevertheless, may couldn't spend all her time at the hospital. so you were alone. a lot.

hours of staring at the bland walls turned into hours of deep thoughts and conspiring. your thoughts mainly consisted of your situation, and in a fit of jumping around on random ideas, you came to a realization.

the universe wasn't evenly numbered.

and, lucky for you, you just so happened to be the odd one out.

+ + +

"does that mean you're letting me go?" peter asks, sitting up in the bed.

"yes," steve says. the boy shoots out of the bed and straight to the door. "peter."

he turns around, deflating sightly. i need to go. steve gives him a look. "don't get your hopes up too high."

right.

after the snap, peter, tony, and nebula spent a total of twenty-two days on the abandoned ship. floating in space, out of fuel and surviving off a small supply of food and water that most definitely wasn't enough to support peter's high-speed metabolism, along with feeding tony and sometimes nebula. on that last day, the two boys were out of hope. bony, stomachs aching, oxygen supply running lower and lower.

tony turns on the helmet and leans back. "this thing on?"

the helmet illuminates a ray that scans over him, as well as peter, who lays against the wall next to him. both look as wrecked with malnutrition as ever.

"hey, miss potts... pep," tony sighs. he talks about the situation the three were stuck in. the oxygen would run out tomorrow. and that would be it. "please know that... when i drift off, i will think about you. because it's always you," he sucks in a sharp breath. "okay, uh, pete. your turn."

the boy nods lightly, sucking in a breath as he hoists himself up, leaning against the wall and scooting into frame as mr. stark moves over to lay down.

"hi, um," peter croaks, voice weak. he clears his throat. "i don't really know who's watching this, if anyone is, really, so um... i'll just talk to all of you. i, uh, miss all of you, a lot, and hope you guys are alive and okay. may, thanks for taking care of me and helping me through everything. sorry for betraying you for a little with the whole spider-man thing. i love you.

"ned, thanks for nerding out and building star wars lego sets with me. i don't really think many other people would do that. mj, you're really cool. i know you make fun of us a lot, but you're really smart and i think you like us a bit more than you let on. so thanks.

"and, uh, y/n. thanks for growing up with me. you never let me feel left out and you always helped me with english papers because i suck at writing. you were, uh, my first crush, actually. and most recent one. and longest one. yeah, that's been going on for a while." peter sighs, silent for a moment. "anyways. i'll miss you. all of you, really. yeah. okay, bye, love you guys."

peter leans forward and turns off the helmet, falling back and closing his eyes. he would be crying if his body didn't feel as droughted as the sahara desert. he was so, so tired.

"pete."

tony's voice hadn't sounded that clear or alert for a while. peter opens his eyes, immediately shutting them afterwards, sticking a hand over them to shield the light. as he reopens them, his gaze rests on a woman outside the ship, glowing as if she were the sun. hell, right now, she was the sun.

nebula rounds the corner. "tony?"

"correct me if i'm wrong, but i think that's our savior."

peter nods, wasting no time spinning around the doorway and running through the hallways of avengers headquarters. happy yells and offers a ride, but peter declines as he speeds by, suit forming around him as he pushes through the doors and jumps, swinging through the buildings.

in an attempt to see everyone as quickly as possible, peter opted for the most efficient route, visiting those who were closest to headquarters first and working his way throughout the city. he visited ned, then mj, relief washing over them when he saw them open the door, alive and healthy. hell, he even visited flash but felt a sharp pang of guilt and sorrow when the butler opened the door, explaining that he had disappeared.

and then he finally went home, anxiety making his heart pull tight as he thought about the possibility of may having been dusted away.

"shit," peter mutters, feeling around his suit. no keys.

as if that weren't expected.

"peter?"

the boy spins around to be met with the sight of may standing there, incredulity and relief painting her face. grocery bags slip from her arms and hit the ground.

"may!" peter smiles, running to her and wrapping his arms around the woman. may tightens her hold on him, sighing into the embrace.

"i thought you were dead."

"i was worried you would be, too."

the two pick up the groceries and head into the apartment, may putting the items away as peter talks, rambling through the whole story and why half of the population disappeared into thin air.

"you've been through a lot, peter," may sighs, running her fingers through the boy's hair and pulling him to her. "how about you take a shower and i'll order some pizza? we can have a movie night and just relax."

peter nods, chewing on his lip. "yeah, uh, i need to go see y/n first- if she's even alive- and then, yes, that sounds great."

"oh, right. honey, she's... she's in the hospital right now."

"what?" peter turns his head to face his aunt, eyes wide.

"i'd best let you go find all that out on your own. i'll have the water heated up for your shower when you get back, okay?" may asks.

"yeah, yeah, okay," he mumbles, already sliding out of his seat and pulling on his mask. "i'll be back."

"pete."

he turns around, hand on the doorknob.

"i love you. don't leave me again."

"i love you too, and i won't."

with that, he flies out of the door, racing down the apartment steps and swinging towards queens presbyterian, silently cursing at the fact that he didn't even ask may to specify which hospital you were at.

he practically blasts through the front doors, heads turning at him as he almost slams against the front desk. the nurse looks up from the computer, brows raised and eyes sightly wide.

"hello, spider-man," she says, cocking her head slightly.

"hi, uh," peter pants, "i need to see y/n l/n."

"and why is that?"

exasperated, peter runs a hand over his mask, leaning on the desk. "i just got back from outer space and she's my best friend and i need to see her."

the nurse sighs, hesitant. "fine. room 206."

"thank you," peter slaps the desk, racing off towards the stairwell.

watching your friends almost die in an elevator often makes people opt for taking the stairs.

once in the stairwell, he raises an arm, shooting a web up onto a higher up railing, flipping and landing in front of a door with the number 2 on it. "nice."

"206, 206, 20- yes!" peter mutters, opening the door without even thinking to knock.

you shoot up, adjusting yourself in your seat and grabbing the lamp from the bedside table, holding it up defensively. as soon as you see the red and blue suit, however, you soften, haphazardly setting the lamp on the table. "peter?"

he pulls off the mask, running towards you and wrapping his arms around you. a sigh falls from his lips. you're alive.

"i thought you died in space," you mutter. your words are muffled by his shoulder.

"i thought the snap killed you," peter pulls away. "what happened? why are you here?"

you didn't know why you didn't want peter to know. it was almost embarrassing. out of all the people, animals, plants, and god knows what in the universe, you just so happened to be the leftover, odd numbered living thing to face the snap. moreover, you didn't want to worry peter. he'd just been through hell and know he was going to have yet another thing on his plate to fret over.

"it's nothing."

"obviously not, y/n. you're in the hospital."

"it's no big deal, peter. you've been through enough, you can go home and rest. you need it," you breathe.

he gives you a look, the soft eyes you'd fallen for making your heart ache. "you know i'm not gonna be able to rest unless you tell me."

you suck in a breath, tossing the blankets off of your legs, or lack of legs, thereof. a pile of dust sits where they used to be.

"holy shit, how did you lose your- oh," peter sees the pile, identical to the ones that he, tony, and nebula had left behind on titan. "wait... this doesn't make sense, how-"

"the universe isn't evenly numbered, peter."

now it really clicked.

a look of confusion and deep thought covers peter's face, the boy plopping down in the chair next to your bed as he stares at the pile.

he went through the whole thing in his head. thanos wanted to wipe out half the universe. the universe wasn't evenly numbered, and you happened to be the odd one out. so now half of you was gone?

"they come back when i fall asleep," you explain. he turns his head to you, eyebrows still furrowed in bewilderment. "it's weird, i know. that day of the field trip, when you went on the ship, i was just doing my homework when i got this weird feeling. i looked down and like half of my feet were gone, and my parents were on vacation, so i couldn't call for help. they-"

you hesitate. peter nods solemnly, understanding. they were gone.

"-anyways, uh, i decided to just go to bed and let it happen in my sleep, cause it was slow and i didn't want to just watch it happen, you know? but the next day i was fine, my feet restored, but then they slowly started fading again. i called aunt may and she helped for a few days, but as time went on, i started fading faster, so we got me admitted here. now it only takes about a minute after waking up for them to disintegrate, but it just stops at my hips. so."

the boy's gaze sits on the pile of dust. you stare at him, waiting for him to say something. you pull at your fingers; a nervous habit.

"i need to talk to mr. stark," he states, standing and walking to the door.

"peter," you call, brows furrowed.

jesus, can i walk through a door without someone calling my name? he turns, slightly annoyed before he meets your eyes, mood immediately vanishing. my bad.

"sorry," he mutters, walking back over to you and sitting back down. he grabs your hand. "i just sort of slipped into-"

"no-fuckery mode."

he looks at you, slightly amused. "what was that?"

"just a name thing i came up with," you shrug, face getting hot. "you do it sometimes. i'll just be talking about something and then you'll get this look on your face and you just... a flip switches in your brain and suddenly you're in no-fuckery mode. ready to fight and shit."

a laugh flies out of peter's mouth. your stomach twists at the sound, the boyish laugh you loved.

"i missed you, y/n."

"i missed you too, petey."

silence fills the air as you look at each other. you get slightly uncomfortable, feeling awkward, pulling away your gaze. peter's breath hitches. "i should-"

"yeah. go save me, spider-boy," you smile. you lean over and plant a quick kiss on his cheek.

awkward.

peter nods at you and you nod back, your faces hot and minds racing. you watch as he walks out of the doorway, pulling on the mask. the boy does a little skip as he passes the window and you catch it, having to shut your eyes at the overwhelmingly giddy feeling it gives you.

a sigh falls from your lips and you lean back, bringing your hands to your face, stupid smile pulling on your mouth.

+ + +

"slow down, kid-"

"she needs help, mr. stark-"

"yeah, i get that," the man mutters, sitting up in his bed. his older age meant recovery would last longer, especially after he pulled the genius move of ripping off his arc reactor. "i just..."

"it's a matter of reaching equilibrium."

peter and tony's heads turn to the doorway, where bruce banner stands. he walks in, leaning against the table. "sorry, i just-"

tony shakes his head, gesturing with his hand. "no, go on."

"well," bruce breathes, "at the time of the snap, the universe was oddly numbered, and y/n just so happened to be that odd number. obviously, the universe is ever-changing and growing, and right now, i'm just gonna deem counting every living organism impossible. babies are being born, people are dying (kim, there's people that are dying), hell knows what's going on on other planets- you get the deal. nevertheless, it appears that the current number doesn't matter. thanos got rid of half of the population, and that was true for the very split-second his fingers snapped. those actions were made without regard for the future; it was purely in the moment. moreover- we all know basic math- when you split an odd number, you'll be left with x and a half. y/n won't die, but she'll definitely stay disabled. i have no answer for why or how she comes back in her sleep, but..."

"so you're saying she's stuck like this forever?" peter asks.

"unless we reverse the snap."

the boy's gaze flickers over to tony. tony lets out a sigh, adjusting himself in his seat. "listen: the only way to reverse thanos' actions is to go back in time, correct? and if i remember correctly, time works differently in the quantum realm. but, here's two things: one, quantum fluctuation messes with the planck scale, which then triggers the deutsch proposition. basically, you're not coming home. two, i've never worked with the quantum realm, and honestly, i don't plan to. it's too risky."

peter deflates. tony notices, sighing and wiping a hand over his mouth as he looks out the window, feeling tired and guilty. "she's alive, pete. there was a big chance she would've dusted away like the others; be grateful that she didn't and that she's still here."

"i think tony's right, peter," bruce says, words laced with sorrow.

a blank stare at the ground is the only response that peter gives. he sits there for a minute before sucking in a sharp breath, standing. "guess i'm doing this on my own, then."

HC STYLE EPILOGUE BECAUSE IT'S BETTER THIS WAY YEAHYEAH

- peter goes home and calls you and you're like disappointed but it's okay

- you didn't get your hopes up for a reason

- peter's still lowkey angy (no talkie i'm angy) and stubborn (because he's peter. tf do you expect) but you get tired and eventually hang up, peter telling you to "have fun getting your legs back"

- the Second the call ends he does the thing like after ned leaves his room in homecoming and he scrunches his eyes and is like fuck!

- you know what i'm talking about

- peter parker = rightful owner of all awkward responses and phrases

- anyways peter spends the entire goddamn night just researching the quantum realm and time travel theories

- after he and may have a pizza night, of course

- they may have watched back to the future because peter INSISTED

- may would check in on him and be confused but not surprised

- she's like: this bitch! young love amiright

- anyways peter eventually falls asleep on top of a textbook

- next day he's like GRIND TIME as soon as he wakes up

- but

- PLOT TWIST!

- tony calls him and is like "guess what i fucking did it i'm awesome i know how to time travel"

- and yeah the Whole Endgame Thing happens

- except in this house tony didn't die yeahyeah!

- when peter left to go fight you're like "peter if you die on me i will literally bring you back to life and then kill you"

- peter's like "yeah i know"

- moment of silence for that adorable dialogue (which is word for word what y'all say. i know i have weird dialogue in hcs but this time you guys say JUST THAT)

- REALLY CUTE MOMENT AFTER THAT WHERE HE JUST STARES AT YOU WHILE SMILING BEFORE LEANING IN AND GIVING YOU A SOFT KISS

- (AHHHHHHH)

- you pull apart and kiss again but like For Real and it's the best thing ever

- yeah i'm sad and wish i had someone to kiss right now. WHAT ABOUT IT

- ANYWAYS EVERYTHING ENDS UP GREAT YOU GET YOUR LEGS BACK AND IT'S LIKE YAY EVERYONE SURVIVED

- PETER COMES BACK AND YOU GET TO GO HOME AND YOUR PARENTS ARE THERE TOO AND FLASH IS BACK TOO HSDFSBDJSHAHA

- YOU AND PETER HAVE A CUDDLE PARTY AND JUST LAY THERE HOLDING EACH OTHER WHILE WATCHING A MOVIE

"i don't know what i'd do without you, peter"

- he doesn't respond for a moment and then just blurts

"i love you"

"i love you more"

+ + +

i got so carried away with that epilogue WHOOPS!

it's 12:26am rn i am tired if i had any typos or grammar mistakes my apologies

peep the little sympathy moment for flash because even though i basically yell at him in some of these,, this is becoming a flash fanpage #flashgetsrightsbecauseifeelbadforhim

#peter parker #tom holland #peter parker imagines #marvel #mcu #spiderman #peter parker x reader #spiderman x reader #fanfic #fluff #writing #peter #parker #thomas holland

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kfrinhamburg · 6 years ago

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My train was cancelled?

Sorry for the hiatus, between a few more trips, and working on a presentation for class, I haven’t been able to motivate myself to write up a new post. However, I am hoping to get the blog back up to speed with my recent trips to the some more Scandinavian countries (the Netherlands and Denmark). First though, as promised, I wanted to give you a little insight into the much less glamorous, and often stressful side of travel. And, perhaps knowing that I hadn’t yet posted about this topic as promised, the universe decided to give me a second instance of cancelled train in Germany (which now puts me at a 2 out of 2 losing streak). This is going to be a long post with a fair bit of detail about my miserable train night. If you don’t want to read all about that misery you can stop here and hold off till my next, more fun post.

Coming back from Munich, the best (read cheapest that would get me back in time for class on Monday) option was an overnight train to Hamburg. Although not ideal, I felt like after “roughing it” in a tent for the weekend, it was a perfectly acceptable way to get myself back safely. I also had wonderfully high hopes, given the punctuality and cleanliness of the train system in Switzerland. Unfortunately, I was in for a rough night. I arrived back from my tour a little earlier than I had initially planned, but I figured it would be a good chance to charge my phone, get some snacks for the ride and get myself organized. My tour guide very helpfully let me into her key only hostel (where she works) which gave me a safe place that wasn’t the train station to hang out for a few hours. I was in high spirits (though tired) and recharged a bit before heading back to the train station. Everything seemed in order when I got back, my train was on the board, I got to my platform and waited for the train to pull in to the station, which it did about 20 minutes early (or so I thought). Upon finding myself an open seat and settling in, I hear an announcement in German which I vaguely understand to be saying a lot of numbers (which I am moderately ok at mentally translating at speed) but the real meaning was lost to me. I do however see a lot of people moving, and after a second stilted announcement in English, I learn that this is in fact not my train but a train going to Zurich. More than a little confused, and now highly concerned that I was going to miss my train (it was supposed to leave at 8:44 and it was 8:40) I grabbed my backpack (luckily I travel very light) and rush off the train to check out the board for the correct platform.

This is where the real stress of the evening began. Next to the listing for my train there was no platform number, rather “Zug abgesagt”, along with some other unfamiliar German words, is scrolling across the screen. Using google translate I learn this means “train cancelled��. “WHAT!?! Can they do that???” Well, yes. Yes they can. Apparently there were storms that caused the train to just be cancelled. And no, there was no immediate alternative option presented for me to travel back home. After some frantic questions to the man working nearby, I lined up at the customer service center to hope for some sort of solution. Arriving at the front, and showing her my ticket, the woman writes up a new ticket (by hand) and gives me a print out of a train leaving at midnight, that will route me through Frankfurt, but will get me back in time for my second class and to hand in my materials to get my German visa so i can stay in the country legally!! At this point its 9:15, and I need to find a safe place to sit myself for a few hours, even though it’s late on a Sunday and most of the shops are starting to close up. I was able to find a place in a tea shop and charge up my phone a little more, but sadly this closed at 10 :/ I then spent the next hour sitting on the train platform, near some outrageously drunk people (because if you’ve forgotten it was Oktoberfest) feeling exhausted, cold, and wildly unhappy. I eventually located a Starbucks around 11, and wandered my way in, found a stool, and parked myself there hoping to have a fully charged phone for the trip and some wifi to confirm what was going on.

Feeling a little better, and perked up from my cup of tea. I made my way to my new train to try and make sure I snagged a seat, and waited. And waited. And waited. The new train was delayed 40 minutes. When it pulled into the station, there were more people than seats and it was a scramble to find an open spot. Well lucky me, I did happen to grab a seat (although it was potentially reserved for a different portion of the trip). So briefly, in Germany a lot of these trains are local, and so they can oversell a train for seats. The potential for overcrowding was not helped by Oktoberfest and a cancelled train. This first train was set to take about 4 hours, and there was the potential to be standing for that entire time without a seat. My exhaustion and stress level at this point is terribly high. I was on a train in a seat that I might get asked to vacate and thus be forced to stand for hours, going to the wrong city, hoping to catch a connecting train to the correct city that only had a 20 minute cushion, that was now very likely to be missed because my replacement train was 40 minutes late. There was no conductor or anyone who worked for the company to ask, and the train set off with me hoping to sleep a little and that the train would make up some time.

Sadly, I was unable to sleep because of the aforementioned stress. And half dozed, half kept an eye on both people getting on at every stop to see if they’d kick me out of my seat, and if the train was going to get me to my connection in time. After about 2.5 hours, I did in fact get kicked out of my seat, but luckily snagged a new spot a car or two over. At first I was super excited to just have a spot (and one that didn’t have a reservation potentially coming to kick me out of my seat). Unfortunately, I soon learned why my seat was empty, the man next to me was kind of a vile human being. He was in rumpled lederhosen with trash all on the floor and seat pocket in front of him. He was snoring quite loudly and would kind of throw his arms and end up hitting me or touching my leg (in his sleep so it was still creepy but not as awful as it might be). But of course, I didn’t want to stand for an hour and a half and was going to stick to my seat. After about 45 minutes of my trying to get comfortable, commiserating through looks with the woman to my left, the man wakes up farts aggressively loudly basically right on me, and gets up and walks away. This was just the kind of stupid miserable thing that really felt like it belonged as part of this night. For the last 45 minutes or so I had the seat to myself, somewhat dozed and was happy to see we were making up the time from the initial delay. We arrived in Frankfurt as initially scheduled. It was cold and I was exhausted and felt gross, but I was going to make my transfer! The last leg went off without a hitch, and I got back to Hamburg in time to hand in my visa materials, though given the 2 hours of sleep I managed to get I ended up having to leave class early and had just enough energy to shower, change into PJs and then slept 15 hours (and through the alarm to go to my language class on Monday night).

Despite the misery of this trip, I booked a train to Copenhagen, this time with a friend. This train was also cancelled (as I said 2 for 2), but they scheduled a replacement train immediately so none of the ticket window nonsense of the last time. The replacement ended up being an hour late, but at least we got seats together! UNTIL, the ferry crossing, where the replacement conductor for the Danish part of the trip didn’t show up. We had to board the ferry separately and try to catch a different train that didn’t show up on the other end. Ended up being delayed again to wait for this train. When it did show up we had to shove our way on to a standing, non-air conditioned car (which was about 30 minutes). This train then announced it was going out of service, but luckily we were able to quickly hop on a different one (air conditioned with a seat!) for the remaining hour and a half of our trip. We ended up getting in about 3 hours later than originally scheduled (which caused us to miss a random sighting of the Queen of Denmark with a friend who arrived earlier). Although this bit was frustrating and turned a 5hour trip into 8, it luckily was during the day, with a friend, and the authorities handling this bit were significantly more aware and helpful at getting us transferred to where we needed to go than the first time.

After all this, all I can say is I’m disappointed in the German train system, which is not as efficient or reliable as I had anticipated they would be. Thank GOODNESS English is widely spoken, and that I now have the ability to use data in Germany because otherwise all this would have been impossible to navigate. And finally, I’m sticking to planes so long as they are priced reasonably, and otherwise I’ll probably try to go with busses!

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marie85marketing · 7 years ago

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Real World Growth Hacking: A Guide to Getting Customers for the Unfunded

“1.2 million uniques in 18 months.”

Sounds impressive.

Looks amazing at first blush.

Until you start reading. Until you start listening.

And then you see it. Spot it from a mile away.

“Raised $XX million from Joe Schmo venture partners” in fine print towards the bottom. Like it was insignificant. Like it didn’t change anything.

Immediately you should see red flags. Instantly you should be put off.

It’s not just the money. It’s the access. It’s the network. It’s the one-line email to a friend of a friend that gets you in touch with every top media property on the ‘net.

I’m not hating. Neither should you. It’s just that the numbers and therefore, the article, become farce. Those “tips” they used. Those “hacks” they employed.

Writing “really great content” isn’t the reason they hit 1.2 million uniques in 18 months. Going from $zero to $millions overnight is. Going from from 10 beta users to 10,000 the next day is, too.

Talent starts listening. Prospects start buying. Journalists start taking notice. Instant credibility hits as a byproduct.

All of those things are great. If you can get them. But you can’t. Because you’re un-funded.

So here’s what you should be doing instead.

The biggest problem facing the unfunded

Raising money isn’t the end goal. It’s also the exception in most cases.

You wouldn’t get that from reading most tech sites. But in reality, out there in the real world, it’s true.

The problem is that if Paul Graham ain’t on your speed dial, you’re gonna need a second approach.

‘Cause the things that work in that tiny, miniscule, subsection of a market won’t work for you. Or me. Or most.

The context is completely different. Which means the strategies, tactics, and campaigns are, too. Or should be, at least.

Here’s an example to make this crystal clear.

Let’s go on a new trip. Pick anywhere at all. New York City sounds fun.

So what do you do first? You don’t go to “Hotel XYZ.” Not initially, anyway. Instead, you go to Expedia or TripAdvisor or Yelp or Hotels.com or Google Travel or wherever.

And what do you look at first, before price?

Names you recognize.

That’s because 59% of people buy from companies they recognize.

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Another study from a different source found the same exact findings.

“70% of US consumers look for a ‘known retailer’ when deciding what search result to click.”

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“Brand bias” is way out in front, before pricing for most people.

How about one more for the skeptics out there?

MarketingExperiments.com ran a simple conversion test. They did all the crap A/B tests you hear about on most sites.

They did the headlines the buttons the CTAs the colors and the rest of the junk “experts” say you should be doing.

TL;DR? None of that stuff moved the needle. Not significantly. Not permanently.

One test, however, did.

Except you’re probably not going to like the answer. Not if you’re unknown and unfunded, anyway.

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The test the moved the needle on subscriptions by 40%?

The freaking logo.

“There was no significant difference between any of the treatments. The Boston Globe audience is highly motivated, and putting a button above or below the fold didn’t matter as much as the newspaper’s respected journalism.”

That’s it. All it took was the brand name. Because it’s known. Because it’s respected. Because people can trust it.

Because it’s been established over the past century.

This is the part no one tells you online. This is your biggest problem.

It’s not Skyscrapers. It’s obscurity.

Funded companies (usually) get instant credibility. By association. If they don’t completely suck.

But you gotta get it any way you can get it.

The unfunded doesn’t. There’s no awareness. Which means there’s no trust. Which means nobody’s buying.

Social proof ain’t a gimmick. It’s validation. And you need it. So here’s how you go about getting it.

First, here’s what won’t work for you

All companies have constraints.

It’s time for the funded. They need to go big, fast, now.

It’s money and notoriety for the unfunded. Time? You should have loads of it. You don’t have many customers distracting you, right?

The point is that you don’t have a ticking-time bomb. You might feel pressure to scale to X or hit $Y in revenue in Z months. You might need a certain number to live off. But there’s no pressure to do this by the end of Q3.

Hell, the unfunded has probably never done anything by Q’s in the first place.

So it’s a marathon, not a 5k. And that changes a few things.

❌ SEO is a no-go. Yes, it’s important. But no, it won’t help you in the early going.

Search engines are literally designed to reward entities that have been around the longest, have been cited the most, and already have that big brand name.

All of which you don’t have. And won’t. At least, not in the next few months.

❌ Advertising, too, won’t help you. Yes, it works. Amazingly well if you do it right. Which you won’t. Because you don’t have enough capital.

And even if you did, it probably should go somewhere else, first. Like people. Like design. Like product quality.

Because your product is your marketing today.

So you still need awareness. You still need to build a brand. And you still need customers.

Just realize now, up front, that almost 90% of your options have been eliminated.

Counterintuitively, that’s OK. You can focus now. You can start off in the direction that works with what you’ve got.

1. Align yourself with others

You need eyeballs, leads, and credibility.

Fortunately, other organizations already have those things.

So go get them. Even if it costs you a little more.

Example: Who’s the biggest player in your industry?

If we’re talking B2C ecommerce, it’s Amazon. 44% of all searches start (and end) there. They make up almost half of all U.S. online retail sales.

Walls Need Love, a home decor site you’ve probably never heard of, got their initial break through Amazon.

So too, did The Daily Fairy. “Amazon’s been incredible for my business. I started selling on Amazon in October of 2015, and it’s doubled my sales. What that tells me is that there’s a whole slew of people,” according to Emily, The Daily Fairy’s founder.

Amazon is an obvious first choice. But they’re far from the only option.

Walls Need Love also works with marketplaces like Etsy, Wayfair, Touch of Modern, Fancy, and even Urban Outfitters.

Image Source

Right off the bat, Walls Need Love looks for marketplaces that have decent terms (nothing longer than net 30, no restrictive shipping policies, etc.).

But next, they’ll look at promotion options.

For example, some marketplaces will give them advertising options to put them front-and-center on their site. Except instead of charging them out of pocket, they’ll do it as a rev-share agreement.

That means they waste nothing on fruitless ads. They’re not paying for impressions or clicks or any other meaningless metrics.

Instead, they’re only ‘paying’ (or giving up a share of the revenue) when a real buyer comes through their doors.

That gives Walls Need Love what they need most: awareness. It gives them credibility. It gives them recognition.

And it also gives them a shot to re-sell or up-sell to them later to make up that cost.

It’s no different in the B2B world.

Same objective, different tactics.

If you sell any kind of inbound marketing, you’d align yourself with HubSpot. They’re like the Salesforce of the marketing industry. The biggest, brightest, most well-known alternative.

That starts with the certifications they offer.

Sure, you and I know these are mostly useless. I’m not saying the information is bad. It’s not.

It’s just that it doesn’t ‘mean’ anything in real life. Except, to prospects. To potential clients. To people who aren’t as familiar with the ins-and-outs of the industry.

The next stop is a partnership.

Most software companies offer something similar.

Unbounce has an official one. Wistia has one, too.

The Moz one is unofficial, but still impactful.

Personally, I’ve never heard of Mammoth Growth. But they’re an official Kissmetrics partner. So they must be good!

See how this works?

You’re not just another nameless, faceless “marketing company” now. You’re a “HubSpot partner.”

You send a cold outreach email on LinkedIn or, god forbid, you meet someone at a networking event, and you’re an “Unbounce partner.”

All of these programs often offer education, too. They can connect you internally to other companies who’ve been where you’ve been and scaled up.

So you can learn. So you can level up. So you don’t go it alone.

At the very least, you barter. You trade time for eyeballs. You trade expertise for eyeballs.

You do whatever it takes to get eyeballs.

Basically, you need early wins that you can leverage for more future wins. Start with legitimacy and credibility.

Because those pave the way for everything else.

2. Now emphasize those early wins

Here’s how it works in real life.

Someone finds you through a marketplace, a partner, a vendor, a supplier. They find you because you’ve seamlessly aligned yourself with them.

So they check it out. They click and look. You need to reel them in.

Let’s stick with the Mammoth Growth example because they do this better than most.

You hit their website and see this:

Pretty simple and straightforward. A consultation form on the far-right. Some basic copy about what they do and how they can help you.

Now, look over in the upper right-hand corner:

You only get three options.

Home introduces you to everything. It’s the high-level overview.

Case Studies dig a little deeper, showing off the third-party validation earned in the previous section.

Contact is the next step. It’s the thing you need to do next.

And that’s it.

Where’s the corny team page? You know, the one where the agency shows off their “culture” and their “personality” and their “quirkiness” that makes them the perfect hipster crew for you.

It’s not listed. Nowhere to be found.

Instead, the focus is squarely on building credibility.

Scroll down on the homepage and you see more partner badges:

What do these three partner badges tell you? What do these companies have in common?

Mammoth Growth is using these for credibility, sure. But more importantly, they’re subtly positioning themselves.

They have a speciality. They work with specific companies looking for a specific solution. And if you fit that mold, with that need, there’s no one better.

Keep scrolling and you see Testimonials.

Best of all, the people in these testimonials line up with the case studies above. So the work and results become real.

Head towards the bottom of the page and you see more client logos.

Some, again, are the exact same companies. That’s not a knock. It’s clever.

Sports Insights, for example, are featured in a case study, testimonial, and here again at the bottom.

You kill it with five customers out of your first 15. (Let’s be honest, there’s gonna be some losers in the early days.)

Fine! Celebrate those wins like there’s no tomorrow. Highlight the biggest, the best, the most well-known.

Look:

Not once are services discussed on the page. Not once do we delve into pricing. Not once do we figure out if there are two people in this company or if there are 500 across three countries.

But that doesn’t matter.

You see Walls Need Love is featured on the following and you know they’re legit.

Third-party validation isn’t the only criteria. It might be the most important. It gets people to recognize and trust you. That’s more than half the battle.

However, there’s still one subtle difference to launch you on your way.

You won’t get overwhelmed with traffic in the early days. No need to worry about servers going down.

But on the flipside, that also means you gotta convert what you get. Mammoth Growth get this right. The entire site experience is first-rate. Here’s why that’s important.

3. Simple, conversion-based design

Things is a task management app from the Cultured Code.

It wasn’t founded by ex-members of Facebook. It hasn’t raised a Series A, B, C, D, E, or even F. It’s not valued at $100,000,000,000 or some other similarly-fake number.

But it is freaking beautiful.

And that matters when 94% of your first impression online comes down to design.

Things has done the first two steps here brilliantly. They’ve leveraged others. Primarily, through their one thing: design.

Literally every single big review they’ve received mentions it:

But how do you find that? How do you know what that “one thing” should be?

You don’t. Your customers (or potential customers do). Which means you should ask them. Interview them. So you can pre-sell the vision to afford actually building it.

Just under the first homepage section on their site is an introduction video.

Thanks everyone for a fantastic launch! In case you missed it, check out the all-new Things and our launch video: https://t.co/MKwe8EdL9k pic.twitter.com/9YmZTgZbC7

— Things (@culturedcode) May 20, 2017

The reason here should be obvious.

Video is the best way to show off their primary competitive advantage. It’s something they can control. And it doesn’t require a Series A to pull off.

Almost every single stat shows that video produces the best ROI, grows revenue faster, and is preferred by customers.

Scroll down even further to get simple, transparent pricing plans:

A little further for Twitter mentions to also boost credibility:

And… that’s it.

Once again, no superfluous extras. The main menu only squeezes in the essentials:

“Simple websites” often perform better. Simple as that.

You have constraints. Often, it’s limited resources. It’s limited money and people.

That means you need to put the most of what you’ve got behind fewer things. Which means you need to make sacrifices. Which means you can only afford the essential.

The good news is that aligning those things with what’s proven to work can, well, work. No matter how much is left over in the bank.

Conclusion

Every single company is bound by constraints.

Every single decision maker needs to move the needle with a less-than-perfect hand.

Pocket Aces don’t just fall in the unfunded’s lap. You gotta make your own luck. You gotta pull off some bluffs.

Big bets can put you into trouble too early. You can’t afford to lose on big pots.

Instead, you need to win a bunch of little pots before you’re ready to go after the big ones. You need to capitalize on what you’ve got.

That starts with affiliating yourself with bigger players. Ride on their coattails. Do what they want so you get what you want.

Then, you leverage those first few wins. No matter how small. You put the attention on those things so it takes attention of you.

Next, you make what you have the best possible. Even if it’s not a lot. Even if it’s three pages instead of 100.

Make those three pages the best in the business. The best design, the best copywriting, the best social proof, the best video, the best feature/benefit examples, etc.

The funded can afford to diversify. Literally.

You can’t. And you won’t. At least, not for awhile. So don’t even try.

About the Author: Brad Smith is the founder of Codeless, a B2B content creation company. Frequent contributor to Kissmetrics, Unbounce, WordStream, AdEspresso, Search Engine Journal, Autopilot, and more.

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samiam03x · 7 years ago