#it's just me screaming about clothing and crafts don't worry you're not missing out on anything

[somedaytakethetime]

In the vein of writing my lost chapters of the Old Testament and just.. I don't know ranting about things I'm interested in or on my mind but I try not to bother my friends with because this is uninteresting, I'm using this mess as a personal diary again. After the jump that is, I'm still kind, you know?

So, in case anyone is reading this, which I doubt, and you're unaware I'm nearly 30 and thus lots and lots of introspect are happening lately. One of the things that has been most heavy on my mind is my wardrobe and how I dress. Yes, I know that's vain, but guess what? I'm vain. Also I don't want to look sloppy, I'm technically a grown woman even if I still feel like a child 😭😭

I've been thinking about comfort and practicality, not just trendy stuff that I like the look of but won't ever wear. I'm trying to wear things that make me look decent and possibly if everyone has been drinking even pretty. I've been hyper obsessed with the whole seasonal theory thing, and Kibbe body types, trying to figure out what I actually look like in terms of proportions and colouring, etc. I started years ago, actually, but I've been extra on it lately because I really want to create some sort of capsule wardrobe if you will.

Over the years I've acquired a few nifty talents: my mother taught me how to sew and I taught myself how to pattern draft a few years ago, she also taught me how to cross stitch and embroider, knit and crochet. I improved knitting and crocheting on my own over the years with the help of the internet, and books, and recently I've been trying to teach myself to pattern draft for knitted garments. The concept of drafting a pattern that will fit your body is almost the same in every medium you can use, but knitting up fabric is a tad different than cutting it out so there's a lot more maths, trial and error, involved. BUT with these skills in mind I've essentially gotten to point where I don't need to buy clothes at all, I can make everything I want or need, and embellish it accordingly.

I've narrowed down a few things: I won't ever wear low waisted things again. I lived through the 2000s, we had our 🍑 crack on show from how low waisted those jeans were... I don't ever want a low waist or a mid waist again because I'm only 1,57m (5'2'' I think, if that's your style) and I've convinced myself I have a long waist (I don't even know, the bottom of my ribs are nearly glued to the top of my hips but I still don't think I look short waisted..) so I don't want my legs to look even shorter. I also don't enjoy super tightly fitted clothes anymore. Not a fan of a skinny jean, not a fan of a top that's so tight I can't breathe (been there, done that), not a fan of tight dresses either because I don't love the way my body looks. I don't accessorise a ton anymore, a very simple thin chain necklace or two and very small earrings are the most I do. I have sausage fingers and wearing rings starts to get on my nerves after a while, bracelets are a no go except if I'm dressing up. But for dressing up I still keep things to the minimal of just metal jewellery. I'm not a high heels girl anymore, I'm also not really a ballet flats girl anymore. I prefer a trainer or a loafer because I'm still an old man at heart. Not a huge fan of a ton of ruffles, floof and huge prints anymore. My tops need to be cropped or at least only a fraction longer than waist length, because that's full length on me, everything I wear is high waisted. I sort of hate my legs but I've noticed they actually look better if I wear short skirts and shorts (mid thigh) vs if I wear midi length skirts. I look like a Jehovah's witness.. I think in order to combat that I need to keep the longer skirts to more fancy stuff and just wear short ones for daily wear. Possibly add a low back or a v neck with a long skirt, makes it less Catholic schoolgirl which was my mode of operation before...

As for colours I've noticed that I gravitate towards navy blue and greys a lot more than any other colour. I wear black, brown, jewel tones and even autumnal colours (which makes sense because if I'm doing it correctly I'm a dark autumn) but I tend to like navy blue and grey most. I barely own anything cream, beige or white... I don't look super good in bright white, for me it needs to be off white. Beige, taupe, cream, coffee and latte I can look decent in. Depends on the saturation. And so I need to fix the lack of lighter tones in my wardrobe because spring and summer are also seasons... and I'm not Scandinavian (no shade to their style at all, I take inspiration from them), I'm not super fond of wearing all black in the summer, it's hot as balls here and I would melt outside like that 😭

I've been clearing out my clothes and essentially stockpiling almost everything I own to donate to people that will want it and wear it, because I need to create a lot more things that I will wear instead of just having stuff hanging in my closet. So far I've reviewed some of my clothes, gone through all of my shoes. I need to go through all my accessories and bags, and look over the fix and mend pile of clothes that I have, to see what I actually want to keep and will realistically wear. I prefer trousers for daily wear, I need house clothes that are comfortable, loose and stretchy, and I'll add a few skirts, shorts and maybe a "fancy" dress or two in the mix for a more formal activity I might need to go to. I should probably make some summer dresses, realistically that's the season when I might gravitate towards them most because they're easier and a no brainer outfit. I still think I own too many coats because honestly? In the dead of winter I only really wear my big brown coat. It has a lining that's like... I don't know a skinned teddy bear... I think it's an imitation of sheep wool, at least it looks that way, and it's extra large on me which is perfect for the dozens of layers I wear. I need to dye my denim jacket, I don't like how light it is anymore, it looks dated to me now. I have two old lady oversized blazers, one in a posh 'I go hunting on the weekends' tweed (got it from a family friend and it's probably from like the 90s but I like the look of it) and one in black that I need to fix the length of. I'm keeping these even though I don't wear blazers... I feel like they might come in handy for something that's I might need to look put together for. Got a basic trench that swamps me a little and I'm unsure if I should keep, a grey teddy bear coat that I don't like the length of and I'm wondering if I should shorten it because it would probably get more wear that way, my Nancy Wheeler burgundy jacket (not like her actual jacket but it looks really close to it and I love it, bought it just because of that, it's staying 😤) and a short 80s fur short coat that a friend gifted my mum.. in the 80s. I'm don't support the fur business but I love that coat and I feel bad tossing it knowing animals died for it. There is no such thing as fur recycling or donation stores here, I know the US has things like that but here we don't, so the coat stays where it's been too even if it's a more rare wear for me because I feel like it's so.. over the top. I have a weird hung up on trying not to be too over the top now, I've been that for years.. 😅

I still have beef with my sweater collection. I have LOADS of yarn to knit up a few sweaters in the upcoming months using source images on pinterest (I'll address that in another post) and thus it's making me ponder the sweaters that I already own. I kept quite a few of them after the clear out but I'm still wondering if realistically I'm going to wear them or if I'm just saving them because I've grown attached to them... I barely have any trousers, I mean.. I have a few pairs, but they don't fit properly and I've been so lazy to fix them. I need to fix that in the upcoming months too if I'm going to have clothes to wear. I saved buttons ups and I'm still pondering why I'm saving some of them, two of them are EXTRA LARGE on me, but they belonged to my grandfather, who's died now, and I sort of like that connection to him.. I just need to find a way to style them that won't make me feel sloppy I guess... WHY DO WE CREATE EMOTIONAL BONDS WITH OBJECTS!? WHY??? THIS IS SICK!

Also.. WHY IS THIS ALL SO COMPLICATED ACTUALLY!??!? REALISTICALLY HOW MANY CLOTHES DO I EVEN NEED?? AND HOW MANY SHOES??? WHY DO I OWN SO MUCH CRAP!??!? I WANT TO THROW OUT EVERYTHING I OWN IN RAGE BECAUSE I HAVE NO IDEA WHY I EVEN HAVE SOME OF THIS STUFF!??? CENTURIES AGO PEOPLE OWN LIKED3 TO 5 CHEMISES, 3 OR SO KIRTLES, PROBABLY ONLY 1 OR 2 SURCOATS AND THAT WAS IT! THEY HAD LIKE TWO PAIRS OF SHOES: ONE FOR SPRING AND SUMMER AND ONE FOR AUTUMN AND WINTER!! AND GUESS WHAT?? NO ONE WAS NAKED! I HAVE ONE (1) BODY AND TWO (2) FEET WHY DO I NEED ENOUGH CLOTHES TO DRESS A SMALL VILLAGE!?? I SHOULD JUST MOVE TO A NUDIST COLONY AND LIVE LIKE THAT! EVERYTHING IS BUY BUY BUY 'MUST ITEMS THAT YOU NEED FOR THE SUMMER OF 2023' 'TOP 20 PIECES YOU NEED TO HAVE IN YOUR CLOSET' '25 PIECES A GIRL CANNOT LIVE WITHOUT AND YOU MUST BUY RIGHT NOW' I HATE EVERYONE AND ABOVE ALL I HATE MYSELF. And.. exhale. That's out now. I need to do that one, it was festering in me... ANYWAY! That's the intro I guess, I'll go over inspiration images and plotting in the next post.. whenever the next post happens.. I still have A LOT to clear out and to go over in my wardrobe 😅

[neonpaperlanterns]

May I request a fluff writing where Bobby, Crafty, or Dog Day comfort a plus sized reader?

[A/n: I realize that now that it was an or not and and. So I hope you like all three of them. Also I hope this turned out okay.]

~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We're here for you

6:00 a.m.

Stepping out of the shower you stare at the distorted image of yourself in the fogged up mirror. A frown pulls at your lips as hands pull at your stomach, your thighs, anywhere you can reach is poked and prodded. 

Your frown only deepens. It’s going to be one of those days.

7:30 a.m.

You shift in your seat. The tram leading to PlayCare felt even slower than usual. With every snag and jostle of the car you felt how your body moved. The stretch of the fabric, the press of buttons, all accentuated everytime the tram swayed along.

Your fists clench and your frown remains.

9:00 a.m.

“Tag you're it!” one of the kids' hands smacks into your stomach. You watch as he darts away, his face red from laughing. A pit forms in your gut as you can still feel the sensation of your skin rippling out from where he tagged you. Running after him is worse than sitting on the tram. You can feel how everything is shifting and moving. How your shirt clings to everything. 

“Alright everyone back inside, class is about to start.” Miss Delight calls out. You stop running, instead start herding the kids into the school. They bump into you, you try not to flinch.

You bite the inside of your cheek, your frown turning to a grimace.

“Are you okay?” It's whispered and you glance over. It's Bobby, she looks worried. You nod, everything is fine. You give a thumbs up not trusting your voice right now. 

Bobby still looks at you concerned but doesn't ask again.

10:00 a.m.

With the children in school you tuck yourself away in the laundry room. Your thoughts drifting as you watch the clothes spin around in the washers. 

You lean forward, it presses your belt into your stomach. 

You lean back but then that just draws attention to your mind section.

You hunch but now everything folds over. 

You cross your legs yet that just makes your thighs look strange.

You sit normally but all that does is make you feel wide.

So you fidget and shift trying to just feel comfortable but nothing is working and it's horrible. You feel like you are about to tear at your flesh when DogDay pops his head through the door. 

You freeze.

“Howdy there, everything alright in here?” He’s looking at you like Bobby did early. 

“Yes, everything is fine.” Your tone sounds a bit clipped which does nothing to ease his worried expression.

“Are you sure?” He tried again and you can’t help but sigh.

“I’m fine.” You try not to snap. You just want to be left alone. A low whine leaves DogDay but he's nodding and quickly disappears from the doorway. 

You bite your lip. Your mood plummeting even further.

11:00 a.m.

You hear CraftyCorn before you see her. It's almost lunch time and you're in the kitchen preparing sandwiches for the kids when the unicorn strolls inside.

“Is there something wrong?” She doesn't even say hello before she asks. You blink slowly up at her.

“... No.” You say cautiously. Your eyes narrow as Crafty stares down at you. The look on her face tells you she doesn't believe you. 

“Really? Because you can talk to us… Me about anything. You know that right?” Her face is earnest and a part of you really wants to. But instead you look away, focusing back on your task. 

“I know but I'm fine. There's nothing to talk about.” You mumble as you spread jam onto thin white bread.

“But-” You slam the jar of peanut butter on the counter interrupting her.

“I said I was fine.” You bite out, guilt instantly blooming in your stomach as Crafty flinches back. You watch as her eyes turn down cast and quickly leave the room.

You want to scream.

1:30 p.m.

In a small corner of PlayCare Bobby, DogDay, and CraftyCorn huddle together.

“I’m worried about them.” Bobby whispers. 

“Me too but I don't know what to do.” DogDay sighs.

“I think I have an idea.” Crafty states. The other two Smiling Critters stare at her curiously.

Looking around and spotting no one, Crafty pulls the other two closer.

3:10 p.m.

You're sitting at one of the many desks filling out paperwork. You're trying to focus but the edge of the desk is digging into you and shame is still burning hot through your veins. Only made worse by the fact you couldn't find either DogDay or CraftyCorn. You had wanted to apologize but it felt like they were avoiding you. 

And isn't that what you wanted? To be left alone?

You did and it felt horrible. 

It was nearing the end of your shift and you didn't want to leave like this. But it appears you didn't have a choice. And you couldn't blame them. You’d avoid yourself too if you could.

4:00 p.m.

“Hey can we talk?” Nearly jumping out of your seat you turn to see Bobby, DogDay, and Crafty in the doorway. They look nervous as they hover and you beckon them inside.

“Yeah, I actually wanted to talk to you too.” They look surprised but happy as they settle around you.

“Oh, of course. You can go first.” They say in unison. You shuffle in place as you look at the ground.

“I want to apologize for my behavior earlier. I shouldn't have snapped.” You rub the back of your neck. “I know you all were just worried and I'm sorry for getting upset like I did.” The room is quiet after you apologize. Worry begins to creep but before it makes itself at home you're being hugged.

“We’re sorry too.” Bobby nuzzles her cheek into the top of your head.

“Yeah, we were worried but that is no excuse to push your boundaries.” Crafty thunked her forehead against your shoulder.

“Can you forgive us?” DogDay has his arms wrapped around all three of you and keeps you all trapped in a tight embrace. 

Nodding vigorously you feel like crying. “Of course. And thank you for being worried about me. And also I'm sorry for lying about being fine.” You didn't mean to say that last part but you did and now you can't seem to shut your mouth.

“I just… I just woke up this morning and everything was wrong. I didn't feel right in my skin, my clothes. All of it was just wrong. I hate it. I hate me.” You pinch and pull at your belly and you frown.

A red hand comes up and grabs yours. Bobby squeezes your hand in hers. 

“Hey don't do that.” She says it softly as you are held even closer. 

“And don't hate yourself.” DogDay bumps his forehead against yours. 

“And we love you even if you can't love yourself right now.” Crafty states as she runs a hand through your hair.

You're crying, you can't help it. A waterfall of tears is streaming down your cheeks. It's a bit stuffy being so wholly surrounded by the three smiling critters but you don't care. You try to hug them back, only being mildly successful. You want to thank them but you can't find your voice. All you can do is cry as they continue to reassure you. 

“We’re here for you. Always.”