#it's honestly wild how their relationship got more angsty than i intended

[timstolejasonscorpseagain]

what fanfics, that you've written, are your favorites? and is it the same ones youre most proud of?

Holo there! Thanks for the question!::,)

Hm.... In alphabetical order..

Bacterial Contamination.

Fandom: DC

Rating: Explicit.

Relationship: Jason Todd/Tim Drake (no romance)

A very dead-dove fic, yes, but it was pretty fun. It's angsty, and it's messed up. I think my strongest point when it comes to my writing is emotions (which I guess makes sense, since I write a lot of angst) and just, put characters through the wringer. The point of that work wasn't something deep. I legit just wanted to make them go through something terrible. I think the writing, as in the style and format and how it makes sense, is pretty okay.

Fun fact: I didn't know what to name it, and this is a common thing. I have a docs document with name ideas, but usually thats reserved for vibe-specific or plot heavy fics. When I don't know what to name a work, I'll scroll through my music playlist on youtube lol

This one was taken from the song of the same name (Bacterial Contamination) by Deino

Beast In Black.

Fandom: Linked Universe

Rating: T

Relationships: Time & Wild, Twilight & Time, Twilight & Wild

This was for a secret santa thing, and I almost didn't finish it and I was stressed about it. But I managed to finish it on time. Looking back now, I get nit-picky about it, but it could've been a lot worse in terms of fic and plot. In reality, all I really wanted was to transform the chain into animals. It's one of my favourites though because I managed to finish it even though it was hard, and because I think the writing style is okay.

Fun fact: Once more I didn't know what to name it, so playlist I went. This is inspired by the band 'Beast In Black' with the song of the same name, simply because 'Beast' was in the title, and the album cover is a wolf.

It's Better When You're With Me (but that's better left unsaid.)

Fandom: Boku No Hero Academia

Rating: T

Relationship: Shigaraki Tomura & Midoriya Izuku.

This is one of my favourite fics that I've written, honestly. It got longer than intended, and it was my first serious BNHA fic where I actually liked it. That fic is supposed to be sad, it's supposed to be drenched in grief and small seeds of hope. Izuku deserved better, deserved happiness, and it simply turned out that death was the key.

Fun Fact: The title is from the song "The worst in me" by Bad Omens. It's symbolises how Izuku feels guilty, and that it's ironic the first person to show him kindness is a villain.

Times of pain and times of craving left to resurrect the dead, as we dared to run with the wildest of wolves and ignored the signs of the end.

Fandom: One Piece

Rating: Explicit (because of horror/gore)

Relationship: ASL

Not a popular fic, and it's not really plot heavy, either. The idea was Luffy, in a modern AU sort-of, had nightmares that symbolised his failures in canon. It started off a year or more so before I actually published it, and I re-wrote it completely after I found it again. It's very heavy on the symbolism which was super fun. Oh, and cuddles. I love non-sexual intimacy.

Fun fact: Fic was inspired by rambles between my friend Arson and me, talking about Luffy having nightmares about Ace's death, and the song 'Alive or Undead'by Powerwolf, which is where the title comes from. I'm very aware it's a long title, I couldn't decide which part I liked the most lol

Thanks for asking!

[coldshrugs]

this side of paradise, part one: r.i.p. me

characters: alma greene, rebecca word count: 1.1k rating: general part 2 | part 3 | part 4

“So…” Alma says with the sort of breezy detachment that, coming from her, can only be feigned. She pulls two mugs off the metal rack in her tiny kitchen: the first is covered in a pristine white glaze, sporting a slim handle meant for a sophisticated hand, and reserved exclusively for visits from her mother; the second is a well-loved novelty mug with a chip in the rim and cracked black glaze, roughly drawn flowers surround a tombstone graphic that reads ‘R.I.P. ME’ —Alma’s favorite. “I’ve been thinking.”

She pours and passes Rebecca a cup of coffee, making a point to ignore the wary glance thrown her way as her mom spoons a bit of sugar into the mug.

“Mhm,” Rebecca hums, worry pinching at that line between her brows. Alma wonders if it’s always been there, gone ignored from idealization, and brought to light by so many recent disillusions.

Alma sips her own coffee, stalling the inevitable. This is a topic she’s wanted to raise for a while but the timing’s never right. It’s not right today either but at least they’re alone. I’m not asking for permission, she tells herself, just a little guidance.

“I think it’s time we talk about the possibility of me turning.”

“Turning.” It’s not a question, but the incredulous way it drops from her mouth is anything but confident.

“Into a vampire.”

Rebecca takes a long drink of her coffee. The silence between them prickles uncomfortably, but teenage summers spent working at the uptown boutique taught Alma that silence sells. She leans forward and waits for Rebecca’s move.

Rebecca’s knuckles whiten around the delicate handle of her mug and, for a moment, Alma fears she’ll snap it off.

“Alma, sweetie, that’s… It’s not a good idea. You can’t possibly—”

“No, no. I can.” She rises from her too-casual slouch, fingers tracing the edge of her mug. “And I think I should. I’m going to tell you why, and then you can tell me how.”

Rebecca narrows her eyes, a calculating look that Alma’s only seen her use at work. She doesn’t enjoy feeling like work.

“Did he put this in your head? Or—or is it because you think this will help you learn more about your dad?”

Alma scoffs and meets Rebecca’s icy gaze with a blazing glare of her own. Eyes she loves in the face of a woman she barely recognizes anymore. “I haven’t talked to Mason about it yet, or any of the others for that matter.”

Alma lets that hang for a moment and doesn’t mention Rook. She doesn’t want Rebecca to know she’s right about one thing, wants instead for her to squirm in the bitterness of her incorrect assumption.

“I thought you’d want to be the first to know.”

Rebecca sits up straight in the barstool with crossed arms, that professional armor up against her own daughter, and Alma knows exactly how they got here. They were close, unimaginably close despite all the time she was away. Multiple calls every week, in-jokes, surprise lunch dates, every single holiday and school function. Rebecca was there as much as she could be and Alma stretched her understanding a little more every year. They made it work.

Alma used to pine for the weekends Rebecca could be home without interruption. Stopping by Haley’s (back when it was her father’s place) for waffles and hot chocolate before a trip to the city for new comic books and maybe a movie at the nice theater. Sitting with her back to the sofa as her mom, with the deep scent of vanilla radiating from her, trimmed or braided Alma’s hair, syndicated Star Trek episodes playing on the living room tv and she’d never felt so safe.

But she never feels safe anymore, and that’s the point. That’s the problem.

“Listen,” she starts, pulling the mass of her curls back from her face. It’s too hot in here. She didn’t mean to get angry. “I just… I can’t live like this anymore, being prey for every creature I meet because my blood’s basically supernatural Redbull—”

“Alma, please—”

“I’m serious! I’m tired, mom.” And she sighs with the weight of it, a fear she hates admitting but one that eats at her. “I love this work, I do. I’m incredibly grateful you let me in, even if it was by necessity. But I’m a target, even with Bravo’s protection. If there’s even a chance this could solve that? I want to take that chance.”

Rebecca pries open the tight line of her lips. “Vampirism won’t kill you. Their physiology may be different from humans, but their veins still circulate blood just like ours do—we don’t know that it’d negate your mutation, or if the venom would even be accepted by your system.”

Hm. Alma hadn’t thought about what would happen if it didn’t take. With the amount of shit she’s been through because of this mutation, it’s a risk she’s willing to make regardless. “I think I’d still like to try. Even if the mutation sticks around, I’d be able to protect myself in ways I can’t now.”

Rebecca tilts her head, hand on her chin, and Alma can almost see the breakneck speed at which she filters through the best and worst outcomes, a quality she’s always admired. She can’t help looking up to her, even now. Finally, Rebecca stands from her stool.

“Where are you going?” Alma heads around the counter to cut her off.

Rebecca sweeps her into a tight hug and Alma’s back on the living room floor, the scent of vanilla behind her, all around her, and Rebecca there encouraging her to think and question and embrace weirdness. Back when those rituals were enough, before she really met her hero.

“I’ll consult with the techs that did your blood work, see what advice they have. If you’re considering this, we should be as informed as possible, hm?”

The smile Rebecca offers as she turns toward the door is not a happy one, but Alma considers this a success.

“And Alma,” she says, opening the door just a crack, “do talk to Bravo about this. What to expect, what they think, what forever is like. You can’t come back from this decision.”

She marches out of the apartment with a heavy finality. Alma sinks back on the counter and scoops up her coffee. She figures this was the hard part. Talking to her team—her friends—should be a breeze after Rebecca’s hard-won, if begrudging, acceptance.

At least that’s what she’ll tell herself for now.

[girlwiththereapertattoo]

begin again - part three

Jax Teller x female!Reader

Summary: Y/N and Jax grow closer... I don't know what else to say without revealing spoilers haha

Word count: 4k words

Warnings: very bad language, mentions of blood, physical & verbal abuse, angsty & some fluff

Author's note: I appreciate all the positive feedback I've received this far! It's much appreciated :) also, I'm bad at writing these summaries

If you’re in an abusive relationship or you suspect that someone you know is being abused, speak up and reach out to the correct people!

Beta read by @crucifixedbitch

PART ONE | PART TWO

💀💀💀💀💀

He’s late. The thought brings about a familiar uneasiness and your mind conjures images of a bloodied Jax lying unconscious in some dingy ditch. Jesus Christ.

“Mommy, why did you stop reading?”

S/N’s soft voice draws you back to reality. You look over to his bed where he’s laying beside Abel. “Did I stop reading?”

He giggles, “Yep.”

Oh. You look down at the book in your hand then back up at the boys. “I’m sorry, ace. I guess Mommy’s a bit tired.” And apparently, she’s distracted. You look back down at the book, willing yourself to remember your place.

“Cooper the Cat was stuck in the tree,” he reminds you.

“Right, Cooper the Cat!” your eyes hastily skim through the short paragraphs until you land at the right sentence. “Got it. ‘Help!’ cried Cooper from the tree…”

And just like that, all thoughts of Jax and his safety are shoved to the back of your mind to deal with at a later time. It’s your lucky day today, the boys have had a long day and they’re out before you reach the end of the book.

“I love you, ace,” you whisper to your son after you’ve kissed him goodnight.

It’s because of your love for S/N that you left Jax and the endless bullshit that comes with him. Anxiety-filled nights like this one are a thing of your past and you know you can’t allow yourself to be consumed by thoughts of him. Once you start, there’s no stopping you. You know this, very well, so why is there a sick feeling twisting in your gut? Because a small part of you is still in love with your ex.

Hope blooms when your phone vibrates in your pocket but it’s only B/N. It’s not that you’re not happy to see your boyfriend’s name on your phone screen, but the anxiety’s gnawing at your mind, and you’re desperate for it to be put to sleep. Fortunately for you, B/N’s in high spirits. He’s been frustrated with you lately, and wants you back in Charlotte — his insecurities about Jax are beginning to show.

It’s for that reason that you don’t tell him about S/N’s friendship with Abel.

“This time next week, you and S/N will be back home,” he muses.

“Yeah, we both can’t wait.” You feel disappointed at the realization, “It feels like forever, doesn’t it?”

And S/N has been asking about B/N more and more these days but you don’t tell that to him, afraid that he’ll catch the earliest flight to California. Truthfully, you’re not exactly ready to let Jax out of your life which you’ll be forced to do if B/N’s in Charming. You see, he’s… protective and doesn’t like the idea of you hanging around men. Especially Jax. Hell, he almost stopped you from attending your own mother’s funeral.

Of course, it was under the guise of being the protective boyfriend. “Are you sure it’s safe for you to be in the same town as your violent biker ex?” He said all the right things and did everything in his power to talk you out of the decision but in the end, he failed to convince you to stay away.

“Goodnight, I love you.”

You hang up just in time to hear Jax’s motorcycle pull up out front. The relief is quickly overshadowed by concern when you open the door and are greeted by a bloody-faced Jax.

“I’m late.”

“I’m more concerned about that gash on your brow. Come in.” You open the door wider, “If you’re here to get Abel, he’s asleep. You can fetch him in the morning.”

“Shit.” You step aside to allow him access into the house, “I’m sorry, Y/N, I got caught up in Oakland.”

“It’s fine. S/N was happy to have Abel stay the night.”

He smiles, “Thank you.”

You return his smile, “We should clean that before it gets infected.” Before you can process your actions, you’re leaning closer to take a better look at the cut. “I can’t see much, you should rinse it with water. I’ll go grab the first aid kit.”

“It’s late, I’ll have Chibs take care of the cut.”

“Meet me in the kitchen,” you start for the bathroom, “rinse the cut.”

You grab the first aid kit from the bathroom and find Jax sitting at the breakfast table, pensively staring into space, a half-drunk bottle of water sitting in front of him.

“Here.”

Your voice pulls him from his reverie. His eyes drop to the pill container in your hand and he arches a brow.

“It’s for the pain.”

“Thanks.” He accepts the pills and pops the cap open, “I should’ve called.”

“It’s fine.” You do your best to keep a casualness in your voice when you ask, “What was happening in Oakland? Is everyone okay?”

He gazes at you for a long while before he responds, gauging where your head is at. “Yeah, we’re all fine.”

“Should I be worried?”

He slowly shakes his head, “No.”

You watch him take the pain medication, there are so many questions to ask, questions only Jax has answers to.

“Is it safe for you to be here?”

He swallows the pills and smiles, “I wouldn’t have come if it wasn’t safe. Don’t worry, you and S/N are safe.”

Hesitantly, you nod as you pull a chair from the table. In a bid to lighten the mood, you tell him, “No offense, Jackie, but you look like shit.”

“I feel like shit,” he chuckles.

You take your seat in front of him and suppress the urge to smile, “Who punched your handsome mug?”

“I was pistol-whipped.”

“Ouch.” Scooting forward in your chair, you lean towards Jax to get a better look at the rinsed cut, and for a very brief moment, your eyes lock with his before they dart up to his cut. “It’s like the good ol’ days, isn’t it?”

“You playin’ nurse?”

“Yeah.”

Back in the day, nights like these were common. Jax would sit at this very table, at the very chair he’s sat on, whilst you tended to his cuts and bruises. Mother would be sitting in the living room, hurling insults at both you and Jax. She would take any chance to remind you that you were making a mistake you would regret for the rest of your life.

“Your mom hated me.”

Your eyes lock with his, “In her defense, you would always be finding ways to antagonize her.”

And in return, your mother would call Jax all kinds of names but even that wouldn’t keep him away. Nothing ever could keep him from you. Memories of Jax sneaking into your room late at night come to mind. “I had to come kiss my girl goodnight,” he’d tell you.

“We were pretty wild back then,” you reminisce.

And you were madly in love with each other, however, you keep that part to yourself. The situation’s complicated enough without the added layer. You’ve barely mustered the courage to mention B/N’s existence to Jax because, in all honesty, you’re not quite sure how he might react to another man raising his son. The thought of his reaction fills you with dread. Heaven knows he’ll give you a hard time about leaving next week.

Gah, it’s all too much! With a shake of your head, you dismiss all thoughts and grab the ointment from the kit. “Shall we?”

He nods and shuts his eye for you to apply it on the cut. A silence descends upon the kitchen and neither of you makes an effort to fill it.

“You’re good to go,” you announce once you’re done.

“Thanks.”

“I couldn’t risk it getting infected.”

More than anything, you don’t want S/N to see Mommy’s friend sporting cuts on his face. He’ll ask questions, probably mention it to B/N, and you’re not looking to have that drama in your life.

“Are you hungry? I’m assuming you haven’t had your dinner…”

“Nah, but I should get going.”

Your mood deflates at his announcement. The truth is you don’t want him to leave but how do you stop him without giving him the wrong idea? Why are you even stopping him from leaving?

“Stay,” you blurt out.

“Stay?”

“Yeah, there’s the guest bedroom. It’s late and you’re medicated and you shouldn’t be driving and–”

“I have nothing to wear.”

“Sure you do.” You take a breath to compose yourself, “I was cleaning out the closets the other day and I found some of your old stuff. They’re clean, I uh, washed them. Everything is oversized, they should still fit you.”

You had intended to take them to Goodwill and you will but right now, Jax needs them.

“Look, I would never forgive myself if something happened to you.”

It isn’t a lie but it isn’t the full truth. Honestly? You just want him near you. It’s wrong, and you understand the implications and know that B/N won’t be happy should he find out, but one night wouldn’t be harmful to anyone, right? Besides, he’ll be sleeping in the guest bedroom.

He thoughtfully considers your proposition. After a stretched silence, he reluctantly accepts your offer.

“Great,” you perk up, “I’ll warm up your dinner.”

You make some conversation over dinner, none of the heavy shit, mostly catching up on all you’ve missed in the four years you’ve been away. He tells you about the club, and that Opie met someone and they’re now married.

“And how about you? Is there anyone special in your life?”

He doesn’t answer your question, not that you expect him to. You just can’t help but be curious. After dinner, he heads over to the bathroom to take his shower whilst you load the dishwasher and dig through the laundry to look for Jax’s old t-shirts and sweats. The guilt sets in and you fight the urge to call B/N to tell him about Jax.

You’re dialing his number when you stop yourself. “Geez, Y/N!” you toss your phone into the laundry basket and step back to create distance between you and the device. Think about this. The last thing you need is B/N bulldozing into Charming and starting shit with Jax and the M.C. — that could be fatal. No, Jax staying the night is you helping out an old friend, there’s nothing more to it.

Grabbing the folded pile of clothing, you make your way down the hall to the guest bedroom and find Jax waiting patiently on the bed for you. Nothing but a towel tied around his waist.

“I should’ve knocked, I’m sorry.”

He rises off the bed and that’s when you get a clear view of his torso, and the tattoo inscribed on his ribcage.

“You’ve proved your point, Jax, now let’s go.” “No, why?” You look over your shoulder to the big, tattooed man standing over by the counter, laughing at whatever joke he’s just been told. You’re at some grimy tattoo parlor, somewhere in Reno, and Jax’s about to get your name tattooed on his body. His ribcage to be exact. The sentiment is sweet, you admit, but it’s a permanent decision, and you’re only 17. You look back at Jax who’s now laying shirtless on the tattoo chair, “Do you realize how insane this is?” He smiles brightly as he shakes his head. “Do you have a death wish? Gemma’ll kill us both when she sees this.” Part of her rage will be due to the fact that it’s your name on his ribcage instead of hers. “And what if they find out we’ve lied about our age?” “Babe, will you relax? They won’t, this place is a dump.” Which is exactly why he shouldn’t get his first-ever tattoo done here. “There’s no talking you out of this, huh?” “No.” He laces his fingers with yours and raises your hand to press a kiss to its back, “This is what I want to do. I don’t care what my mom thinks.” “And the pain? You don’t care about that either?” He shakes his head, “No.” You glance at the stencil transfer on his ribcage and sigh. “I know you don’t have to do this–” “I want to do this.” “And there’s clearly no talking you out of this.” “Yeah.” You squeeze his hand and flash him a reassuring smile, “Do you want me to hold your hand?” His smile returns, brighter than ever, “I’d appreciate it, darlin’.” “You’re insane, you know that, right?” He nods. “Only because I love you.” You lean over to lock your lips in a kiss — you don’t doubt it for a second.

You pry your eyes from his torso, forcing yourself to face the now smirking Jax. Right, his clothes!

You hold out the pile to him, “Did you put your clothes in the hamper?”

He accepts them and murmurs ‘thanks’ before he responds to your question. “Yeah, just like you said.”

“Okay,” you fight off the urge to look down at his ribcage. He kept it. “I’ll see you in the morning. Goodnight Jax.”

Spinning on your heels, you scurry out the room before you do something you’ll regret later.

💀💀💀💀💀

“Mommy! Come see!”

S/N and Abel’s laughter sounds from the living room. Saturday mornings have always been your favorite. Sleeping in is always a winner in your books, a vital part of any Saturday routine, and once you’re up, B/N takes S/N out of the house whilst you prepare breakfast. Last weekend was S/N’s first Saturday away from B/N and he was miserable. This Saturday is different.

“Mommy?” More laughter sounds, “You will miss it!”

Lowering the heat, you abandon your cooking and make your way over to the living room. A slouched Jax is taking up most of the three-seater with S/N and Abel on either side of him, all three pairs of eyes fixed on the television screen.

“What’s got you laughing so much, ace?” You take a seat on the armrest and press a kiss to the top of your son’s head. “Beaky Buzzard?”

“Yeah.” He looks up at you, “Are you coming to sit with us?”

“No, Mommy’s got to make breakfast.”

You’d like nothing more than to stick around and watch cartoons with them but there’s breakfast to prepare. When you walk back into the kitchen, you discover your phone vibrating on the counter and you just know it’s B/N. It’s his fifth attempt in the last half-hour, probably looking to speak to S/N, but that just isn’t a good idea. Not when Jax is in the house. You’re being deceitful to both parties, but the timing just isn’t right.

B/N would lose it if he found out about Jax’s regular visits, and you don’t know how Jax would react to B/N’s existence in your life and the role he plays in your son’s life. It would ruin a perfectly good morning. The day got off to a good start with the news of the sale of your childhood home, and your son’s mood is the best it’s been all week. Why would you even think to ruin it by starting trouble with B/N?

It’s not worth it. You’ll just have to come up with a story to tell him later.

“Breakfast is served!”

The boys come barreling in and take their places at the breakfast table. You assist the two youngest boys to plate up their food before you plate up for yourself. Everyone digs into the food, and the compliments you receive are a definite boost for the ego. You listen intently as S/N and Abel excitedly recount the Looney Tune episode they’d watched earlier and S/N’s beside himself with laughter.

The happy moment is disrupted by the unwelcomed vibration of your phone on the counter.

“Is that Daddy calling?”

Shit! You wince at the name ‘Daddy’. It’s what S/N always calls B/N but somehow, it doesn’t feel right when Jax’s sitting across the table from him.

“Mommy?”

“Yeah, ace?” you look over to him, very aware of Jax’s eyes burning into the back of your head.

“Is that Daddy calling?”

“No, it’s probably the estate agent.” It’s not a convincing lie, but you’re caught off guard and can’t come up with something better. “She’s calling about the house.”

“When is Daddy calling?”

“Probably later.” You hate that you’re being so dismissive. “We’ll call him after Abel and Jax leave, okay?”

He looks like he might ask another question, maybe press for a better answer, but he resumes eating his food. You avoid Jax’s eyes for the remainder of breakfast. He helps you clear the table and load the dishwasher in painful silence. Once Jax has helped you load the dishes, he leaves you alone in the kitchen. Can the morning get any worse? Apparently, it can. You unlock your phone to find multiple texts from an irate B/N.

He didn’t take kindly to you ignoring all ten of his calls. Shit. You’re on the verge of tears when Jax saunters into the kitchen.

“Abel and I are leaving.”

You nod, unsure of how to respond. “You’ll ride on your bike with Abel?”

“No. Ratboy’s waiting out front with the van.”

“Ratboy?”

“The new prospect.”

“And will we see Abel tomorrow?”

His impassive expression says it all. Your gut twists with anxiety at the thought of not seeing Jax again before you leave Charming. How do you make this right?

“Do you want to talk about it?”

He slowly shakes his head. Just then S/N and Abel sprint into the kitchen, bustling with energy. Abel hugs you goodbye before the boys run back out of the kitchen and out of the house onto the front yard.

“I’m leaving my bike here. I’ll come by to get it later.”

“Cool. Yeah, that’s fine.”

You walk Jax out, and just like he’d said, Ratboy is waiting out front in a black van. Together with S/N, you watch Jax and Abel climb into the van and drive off.

“Can we call Daddy now?”

“Yeah, let’s go,” you lift him up and carry him towards the house. “Did you have a good time with Abel?”

He nods his little human head, a bright grin plastered on his perfect face. Once inside the house, you dial B/N’s number but he doesn’t pick up, in fact, it seems his phone’s off. Strange.

“I think his phone’s off, ace.”

His face falls. In an effort to brighten his mood, you suggest driving over to the playground.

“When is Abel coming back to play?”

You inwardly sigh. It looks like today’ll be one long ass day.

💀💀💀💀💀

The last person you expect to find standing on the other side of your front door is B/N and yet here he is, and he looks anything but pleased with you. Oh, shit. Your heart sinks at the sight of him, the chill of fear coursing through your body, and your mouth dries.

“B/N?”

His unsettling smile causes the hairs on the back of your neck to raise. “Hi, Toots. Aren’t you going to invite me in?”

Your movement’s robot-like as you step away from the door to make way for him. He walks past you, and once inside, his eyes search around the small space.

“Are you home alone?”

You seem to have forgotten how to speak.

“Toots?”

“S/N… He’s, uh… He’s asleep.”

He murmurs a soft ‘good’ before he turns around to pull you into an embrace. For a moment, you stand frozen, your brain seized up and you feel like a foreigner in your own body.

“What’s the matter, Toots? You don’t look too happy to see me. Were you expecting someone else?”

Yes. “No.” Moving one arm at a time, you return B/N’s embrace and do your best to calm your nerves. You’ve done nothing wrong, he’s not going to hurt you, you repeat over and over until he releases you from his hold. “I just wasn’t expecting you to come all this way.”

“It’s only a five-hour flight.”

Why the fuck are you here?

As if he read your mind, he tells you. “I missed you guys so much, I thought I’d surprise you,” with a tight smile, he adds, “You’re not very good at answering my calls.”

“I’m sorry.”

B/N hauls his luggage from the porch and dumps it onto the floor before he makes his way over to the living room. You follow slowly behind him, watching as he settles onto the couch and searches for the television remote.

“C-can I get you anything?”

“Join me,” it’s an order.

You drag your feet over to the couch and take your place next to him. Casually, he slings an arm over your shoulder and forcefully pulls you into his side.

“There. Now you’re close.”

You can’t bring yourself to fake a smile. Too petrified. He presses a kiss to the side of your head and whispers into your ear to relax.

“I’m not going to hurt you.”

He’s told you that lie far too many times in the past.

“Are you enjoying being back in Charming?”

You nod, the words caught in your throat.

“What are you? Mute? Use your fucking words, Toots.”

“It’s good to be back.” Your voice is shaky, barely recognizable. “I missed it here”

His fingers start stroking up and down your upper arm. “Good.”

Your eyes fix on the blank television screen in front of you.

“Is he here? Is he hiding in one of the rooms?”

“Who?”

“Your white trash biker ex!”

You jump up, surprised by him raising his voice so suddenly. “Jax? No! Why would he be here?”

“You lying piece of shit,” he spits out, shoving you away from him, the force sending you to the ground. “I saw his bike parked out front. I’ll ask you again, is he here?”

“No, B/N,” tears fill your eyes, you know exactly what’s to follow but still, you plead, “Don’t do this here. Not now, please, baby.”

“Shut up!” He raises to his feet, towering over you, and kicks at your trembling frame. “No one’s touched you, why the fuck are you crying?”

“I’m sorry.” You swipe the tears from your cheeks. “I’m so sorry, baby. I don’t… I don’t know whose bike that is.”

“Are you cheating on me, you whore?”

Frantically, you shake your head.

“I said use your fucking words.”

You bring a trembling hand to your mouth to muffle your sobs.

“I asked you a question, you dumb bitch!”

“No. No. No.” You crawl over to him, closing the distance between you. “I’d never, baby. Never ever.”

“That doesn’t explain why a bike’s parked outside your house.”

“B/N, please,” you plead softly. “S/N’s asleep, we can do this another–”

The words are lost when he harshly grabs your face and shoves you onto your back. Both hands cover your mouth to muffle your pained cries. He’s vicious, and tonight, he’s out for blood.

“Get up, you–”

Knock, knock, knock! You’ve never been more relieved in your life. B/N shoots you a warning glare, daring you to make a move. A few moments later, the knocks sound again, a little louder this time around.

“Y/N?”

It’s Jax. You are faced with two decisions: do you call for Jax to help you or do you take your deserved punishment?

“Y/N?” he knocks louder. “Are you in there?”

You’re sobbing so much, your body’s trembling. B/N kneels beside you, placing two additional hands over the ones already covering your mouth. His additional weight pushes your head further into the hard ground, causing your head to hurt. It’s sure to leave a bruise. With a final knock, Jax gives up and some moments later, you hear his motorcycle ride off. Once he’s certain Jax’s left, B/N removes his hands.

“Why is he here at this hour?”

“I don’t know.” You gasp when he wraps his hand around your neck and applies pressure, making it difficult for you to breathe. “B/N, please…”

“You’ll regret cheating on me,” he murmurs softly before his hand connects with your cheek in a hard slap.

💀💀💀💀💀

PART FOUR

tag list:

@princesssterek @derangedcupcake @furiouscopshepherduniversity @crucifixedbitch @holl2712 @sweet--catrastrophe @marvelsmylife @brittjulianne97

[dream-girls-evil]

⭐

Oh boy someone finally took pity and is gonna let me talk about The Lovers XD

This project got...SO much bigger than intended. It started as a funny crack idea I sent to another CAOS blog about Lilith freaking out about Adam and asking Zelda to be her fake girlfriend. And then I actually started thinking about it, and it has now turned into a four-part series. And it’s going to be angsty. Crack and angst, that’s my brand.

The titles for the series, The Lovers, is a reference to the tarot card. It represents a choice to be made in one’s romantic life, one that often has serious consequences and might be irreversible. It’s going to come into play on both a literal and metaphorical level. We never saw Zelda’s third card in the Tarot episode, and with what I’m setting up, The Lovers will be fitting. But it’s also just a theme of this series--Zelda and Lilith both wanting to choose each other and not always being able to, and the consequences there are for their choices.

The titles for each part of the story, after several re-labelings, come from the song Deep End by Birdy. They are 1) Can we just pretend? 2) I wish they’d told me, 3) How do we mend? and 4) If you mean everything. The titles as well as the general vibe of the song itself should give you a really good idea of the tone and content of this fic. There’s a lot of longing and love but also regret. I actually first heard this song on a Zelith video (here), and while my story is very different than the one the video portrays, it’s themes and hopeful ending are really what inspired me to use the lyrics. I also love this song because it’s not strictly and obviously about romantic love, and neither is this fic. It’s going to be a very slow burn to their eventual relationship, because it’s really important to me that they truly bond as friends and get to know each other as people first. Right now, they each need a friend and confidante much more than a romance, and part of what I think gives them so much potential as a couple is how similar and well-suited to each other they are on those basic levels first and foremost.

Everything else below the cut!

Can we just pretend?

Oh, so much to say about this fic. I love fake dating fics, it’s just a hilarious trope with so much potential for awkward and absurd situations. Plus, I know there are several in this fandom, but they’re all AUs, and I think one of the fun parts of setting one in the CAOS universe is that Lilith and Zelda are trying to fool each other just as much as everyone else. Their motives are really layered and at odds, which is great to watch since they are both so good at acting and manipulating, so in the course of trying to play each other they find that they’ve kind of met their match and enjoy the challenge. 

For Zelda, on the surface (and what she tells Lilith), her central motivation for everything is still trying to gain power within the church, and with Blackwood still being her best route to do that, she wants to use this fake relationship to make him jealous. Really, it’s just adding another layer to the pressure she puts on him to make their relationship legitimate. But also, she has reason to want to keep him away for the moment: Leticia. Then, finally, of course, she just wants to stay close to Lilith because she’s suspicious and hopes that if they spend time together, she’ll be able to monitor and limit Lilith’s interactions with Sabrina, plus improve her chances of catching the woman in a lie. 

This part of the series takes place starting with the events of A Midwinter’s Tale and ending a little after The Epiphany, and you’re all in for a wild ride. There’s lots of shenanigans, but also a lot of softness and angst--and that’s where the layered meaning of the title comes in. It is obviously humorous because this is the question Lilith asks Zelda in the beginning--”please pretend to be my girlfriend and help me out”--but as things go on and the two of them start to actually bond, it takes on another context. A fake relationship needs a fake break up, and they both know that once that happens, things are really going to change. Zelda will pursue Blackwood, and Lilith will continue doing whatever the Dark Lord asks her to do with Sabrina. There’s not really going to be room in their lives for this real friendship that’s formed, but they want to pretend they’ll make it work. Whoops, started with crack then gut-punched you with feelings. 

Anyway, there will be bed sharing, Hilda completely misinterpreting things, a whole side plot with Vinegar Tom, awkward dinner dates, temperamental telekinesis, and hide and seek in the mortuary! Yaaay!

I wish they’d told me

So, this part is sad? Sorry. After their fake break up, they are both moving in different directions and really trying to pretend they don’t miss each other as much as they do. And while they are trying to hang on to their friendship, they choose their own plans over each other a lot. This also takes place over the remaining episodes from part 2, so there’s a lot of heavy content in general, and honestly, not much is going to change just because Zelda and Lilith are on better terms.

The thing with this section is that there will be a lot of added context to certain scenes. Blackwood’s passion play will be a direct dig at Lilith, and knowing Zelda was involved with it will make it hurt all the more. Lucifer giving Blackwood His blessing to marry Zelda will be to minimize her influence on Lilith as much as Sabrina. Lilith’s tricks with the tarot cards and her glamour of Edward will be to try and help Zelda as much as for her own ends. 

The only really big thing that changes is that without Adam and his offer of taking Lilith to Tibet, the awful dinner scene will be replaced with Lucifer taunting Lilith about what Zelda is going through, since it lines up with the honeymoon. But don’t expect Lilith to save her, unfortunately, because she’s terrified of what Lucifer would do to both of them if he found out she interfered. Plus, she is conscious that it would bring up a lot of questions if she did, like how she knew Zelda was in trouble, and she’s afraid of that, too. Which brings us to the end of part 2 where, obviously, everyone finds out who Lilith really is, and it’s much worse because they all genuinely care about her and trusted her.

On the bright side though, we will see Lilith’s relationship with Sabrina, and the Fright Club and Spellman family by extension, improve, and how that affects them both. It’s going to get very awkward for her at times listening to Sabrina and Hilda treat her like Zelda’s ex and lament their break up, but they’ll also show her a lot more care and consideration and go to her for help more, which is a very odd experience for Lilith.

How do we mend?

Part 3! Kudos to everyone who’s actually read this far, because I know it’s literally a fucking essay. Anyway, as should be obvious from the title, this largely deals with Zelda and Lilith trying to figure out their feelings for each other in the aftermath of Lucifer’s imprisonment. On the one hand, Lilith’s betrayal is a lot more personal for Zelda. On the other hand, because she knows Lilith a lot better, she realizes a lot more of the truth about Lilith’s relationship to Lucifer and exactly what she went through. So Zelda is dealing with a lot of guilt and confusion about what was real and what could have been done differently and how she actually feels about Lilith after it all. So, again, we have a lot of added context to some of her actions, like deciding to have the coven pray to Lilith.

Meanwhile, Lilith is just lonely. She’s got her crown, but she’s also lost the first people who ever really respected and cared for her, even if they didn’t really know her. She wants to talk to Zelda and explain but doesn’t feel it’s her place. Bring on the yearning. Eventually they will be brought back together though, and that’s the start of this series really diverging from canon, because Lilith’s relationships to everybody is going to change how they handle a lot of events. Plus, I just really want to do a better job with Mary’s plotline and the pagans’ portrayal than canon.

They’ve got a lot to work through and work out, and will finally have to really confront and examine their feelings for each other, especially with some of the very emotional things they go through. They’re very protective of each other, and I love it. Another interesting thing will be when Marie comes on the scene and shows interest in Zelda. I haven’t quite decided how I’m going to play that dynamic yet, but I do know that it’s not going to be one of jealousy or competition. I’m not into that. They’re all mature adults perfectly capable of respecting each other’s boundaries and choices.

If you mean everything

Finally! Part 4 is the least planned out, since it’s so far in the future and so reliant on how the pacing of part 3 works out, which I don’t know yet, and also whatever I take from part 4 of the show, which I don’t know yet. But I do really want the main focus to be on Lilith and Zelda working through their respective traumas in the context of their relationship. They’ve both been through a lot, and they need to learn how to talk about it with each other. And I think that they’ll still be having some trouble coming to terms with the intensity of their feelings, because love isn’t something that’s been abundant in either of their lives really, and it has a way of changing your priorities even if you didn’t plan on it. I do think this part will probably end up being shorter and more like an epilogue. I’m definitely not going with the pregnancy storyline, so Lucifer/Blackwood will probably end up captured at the end of part 3 unless I can think of another way to have them escape or separate them.

WOW this was literally so much, let me know if you made it through! XD

I hope it was somewhat interesting. I didn’t even try not to give any spoilers because I’m me and overshare. But I hope it got everyone excited for this story and inspired to keep bugging me about writing it, because I need it.

[oveliagirlhaditright]

After all of her trauma from the Keyblade War, Kairi finds herself wishing Sora had initiated the paopus sharing with her, instead of the other way around... and imagines what that might have looked like.

She wishes for this--and much more--in her heart. And she may get her desire, but with some consequences.

Selfishness (First Chapters So Far)

Chapter One

After Sora disappeared from Kairi’s side, she selfishly found herself dreaming of what it would have been like to actually have Sora happily share paopu fruits with her from the get-go. Could she say that she was really against how the actual moment had transpired? Not really. As Sora had shared them with her in the end, even while looking at her dreamily. But at the same time… Kairi had somehow expected more: that Sora could have started that moment between them. And that in doing so, he properly would have showed his love for her that he’d displayed in so many other ways in the past. …If Kairi believed like some, that the World was a giant computer program run by a some computer system, she could have believed that Sora had just been written differently than normal when he’d seemed so shocked by her proposition. But since that wasn’t true of the World at all, and Kairi knew it, she didn’t know what had happened to make her favorite spiky-haired brunet seem so distant. … And even years later—after Sora and Kairi were miraculously together again, after everything that had happened (Sora scooping her up in his arms the moment he saw her, awkwardly kissing every inch of her available skin—awkward in that he was new to this—and apologizing and promising he’d be with her forever, as Kairi just held onto him and banished her tears away because Sora deserved to cry more than her)—Kairi still somehow found herself regretting that part of their past. And so it was, that Kairi later—while everyone was trying to find some coconuts they could use for milk at this makeshift “welcome home” party for the Keyblade hero—found herself fantasizing about Sora having been the one to truly propose the idea of the paopus to her before the Keyblade Graveyard: She thought that he probably would have nervously picked a paopu fruit from the tree before asking her to join him… That he would have stammered through some long and confusing confession—with hand movements and hair everywhere, as he mussed his spikes in his nervousness… That would have then surprised her with the paopu, as he said he’d seen her addition the drawing and would be honored if she would share it with him now. And knowing herself… Kairi knew that if that situation had occurred, she would’ve acted much like a girl getting proposed to: She would have placed a hand over her heart, had her face light up… and maybe would have even tried to give Sora her ring finger, before realizing this was only paopu sharing and readily took a bite of the one he’d offered her. And in proving just how much she and Sora were soul mates, because she could be awkward (and lazy) too, Kairi would have then ripped her own paopu fruit down from the tree… and prayed to these gods from Mount Olympus that she didn’t also unearth dirt from the tree in doing so, to accidentally get it on Sora. …After making sure that everything was okay—and that Sora really wanted to do this—Kairi would have helped him get a bite, the way wedding couples smashed cake into each other’s faces. And if she’d been a bit more courageous than she had been in the Keyblade Graveyard—something Kairi still hated herself for, and always would—she may have even kissed Sora… It wouldn’t been a perfect one—since it would have been their first, in this alternate universe—but it still would have been as sweet as the fruit they’d tasted. Kairi knew that for sure. Then, hand-in-hand, they could have gone and camped out in the Play Island’s tree house with Riku… as they all waited for the upcoming War. …But it hadn’t happened that way. And even as Sora held her in his arms now—as they were in bed together—and tried to hush her tears, as she again reprimanded herself for how she’d fared in the Keyblade Graveyard (and even found herself saying, that maybe she could have fought better for them if she’d felt loved by any Light at all), it somehow wasn’t quite enough for Kairi. She wanted a wish that she wanted granted… To go back to before everything went to Hell, and rather back when Sora and Riku had returned home from defeating Xemnas. A beautiful wish it was, too, but as many don’t… she had no idea just how much she’d pay for it. But for now—reminding herself she was a Princess of Heart, and they didn’t act this way—Kairi better snuggled into Sora, and smooched his forehead and his crown and told him that what they had was beautiful. Author’s Note: A little angsty-er than I intended, but perhaps this can somewhat fit into the “Reunion” category for SoKai Week. So, to be honest… I kind of went insane after the end of Game of Thrones destroyed me, and deleted all my stuff everywhere (my social media accounts… my fanfictions I’d started on my computer…), and this was one of the few things I had left. So that’s why I used it for SoKai Week, and tried to find a way to get it to fit (as I didn’t have time to write something completely new, like I did for some of the other days). Otherwise, I might not have used this one… Because for the last day’s theme, I probably would have wanted something cheerier. But ehh. It is what it is. And maybe I can work on a more chipper one in the future. Also… this was a vent piece I did sometime ago. Because, while I am mostly okay with how SoKai was handled in KHIII (okay, not the fridging thing. Never that), I do have some issues with it (moreso Sora suddenly not realizing he was in love with Kairi until the back half, when I feel earlier games contradict that. But it’s less so the paopus thing. I think that scene was mostly fine—despite how SoRiku fans try to say Kairi forced him to do it—and I think Sora’s reaction is normal, to pretty much getting proposed? to so young, and he quickly did get into it after his initial shock. I also loved that Kairi initiated it…), so I wrote this to go along moreso with how I think we all thought it would happen pre-game. And, yes: I do have more stories for this, if anyone’s interested (I even had written some for it, before I threw it out. But I could always rewrite..). I also realize Kairi’s probably OOC in this… But I kind of don’t care? Because this girl’s allowed to actually feel things, and be selfish sometimes: Especially after the trauma for her that is KHIII. Honestly, I had no problem with Kairi until Kingdom Hearts III: and before that I even would have told people that she was written well and consistently, and that the problem was that she just needed more screentime and the chance to do something… But now I think she has a whole hell of a lot of writing problems because of this game: Like the fact that Nomura always has her smiling about everything (why, oh why, is Kairi smiling while crying when Sora fades. I get she believes he’ll come back… And that maybe he told her something to reassure her, or gave her the Wild Card… and maybe Nomura did this to avoid a complete downer ending, and let us know things would be alright… But no, Kairi didn’t need to be smiling there). Don’t misunderstand. Her smiling is actually a Kairi trait I LOVE: that even though Sora leaves her for the greater good and it hurts her, she selflessly lets him go, keeps her chin up, knowing he’ll always return as she waits for him… But at the same time, that can only go far. And if that’s literally all she does all the time, then she becomes stagnant. And especially since KHIII has hurt his poor girl—and Sora, and their relationship: ripping them away from each other in the worst possible way, right that they finally got together—more than anything else, I think she should and needs to break down about it some. I don’t care if she’s a Princess of Heart. Human is human.

Chapter Two

Kairi woke up when music pouring into her ears via her earbuds. She sighed when she realized this, since she didn’t want to be like Bella Swan when she’d drugged herself and listened to her music on full blast when she’d figured out that Edward Cullen was a vampire. Sure, the King sending a message to Sora and Riku that he needed them was somewhat annoying and worrisome, but she didn’t need to be acting like this. It had been a complete accident that Kairi had fallen asleep in such a way, but she still felt bad about it. So, getting out of bed somewhat lazily—for Kairi hated getting up early on weekends if she could help it, but that letter had somewhat ruined any possibility but her sleeping her depression away—the redhead tried to be healthy now to make up for what happened. And then before she knew it, she was heading out her kitchen’s screen door and towards the outside world. …And who would she see there other than Sora, climbing up onto her palm tree-shaped deck as if he’d been born to do it. “S-S-Sora?” Kairi stammered before she could stop herself. This was just too much like a dream she’d had one time, where Sora had gotten away with getting her mail for her by pretending to be her fiancé. She knew for sure that wasn’t what was happening now, though. No. Sora was just stopping by to invite her to the beach like he had numerous times in the past, and- “Hey, Kairi… Even though the letter was addressed to you… Riku and I were kind of planning to leave you out—for your protection!—and I think King Mickey wanted the same thing, even though he was being polite… but I think you should come with us.” At Sora’s admittance, Kairi couldn’t help but swallow deeply—waiting for the next blow to come. After all, Sora had said they had been planning on abandoning her—even after all of their promises—so naturally, what should follow now was even more hurt… despite Sora saying he was going to do the opposite of that. “Kairi… did you hear me?” And there was a certain lilt in his voice when Sora said this, that should have spoken of good things to Kairi… but there was something about it that bothered her. Sora had always said her name differently from how he did Riku’s. With Riku, Sora would speak his Christian name casually, and with a sort of brotherly affection. But her own… Sora could sometimes whisper it or shout it, as if he was ashamed to use it or angry. And before Kairi could stop herself, she was narrowing her eyes at Sora—barely keeping herself from pushing at his chest—and demanding answers for this question she had always had, but had always dreaded asking. “Why do you have to say my name like that, Sora?! Like I let you down? Or-“ Sora was looking at Kairi with doe-like eyes now—beautiful ones, at that—and it was almost enough to make her believe he was being sincere with his shock at her question… and then his assurance, as he walked over to her and put a gentle arm around her shoulder: “Kairi… I- I say your name with reverence. How could I not? And why would you think any different? Really, I shouldn’t even be saying this. Because this gives too much away about me, but-“ Kairi didn’t let Sora finish his sentence: And not just because they were both afraid of where it would lead if he did. And also for Kairi, because… for whatever reason, she didn’t think any of this was right. And she couldn’t put her finger on why. “Sora… if you were going to leave me alone and have no qualms about it, what changed your mind now?” Kairi queried miserably, knowing full well she wasn’t going to like this answer at all but having to do it all the same. And she even pushed Sora away to do so. Something very out of character for her, because she loved him so. “…Because I know how you can be about eating, Kai—or about not eating—and I didn’t want you to stop because of me… “And because—this is going to sound weird—but I had a nightmare about some sort of Heartless getting inside of you, because of your eating disorder, and it keeping you from eating and you-you-you… “So anyway, I’d rather have you somewhere I can keep an eye on you.” Kairi was about to be insulted by this—Sora didn’t even want to take her to the other worlds because of what they’d once dreamed about, but for this reason?!—but then she saw the terrified look on his face, and realized just how scared for her he was… Perhaps moreso than he ever had been before. So why did she feel that the one really in danger was him? She and Sora were… so messed up now. And it was weird to think, with how they’d just been together at the Castle That Never Was. And Kairi didn’t want to have these sort of issues with Sora. She loved him too much for that. And if there was one place Kairi could think of that would always made him happy, it was the Play Island. So that was where they’d go. Grabbing her oar from where it was hidden behind her door, Kairi bumped Sora on the shoulder with it once—remembering some old times between them—as winked at him. “Okay, Sora. I will go with you to Master Yen Sid’s. But first, I want to say goodbye to the Play Island. C’mon.” … “Sora… do you think I’m bulimic?” Kairi asked before she could stop it—and she instantly hated herself for it, since she’d been trying to steer things back into a positive direction for Sora and herself—but she couldn’t help it. She knew he thought she was anorexic… which she somewhat was, but she needed to know just how far this went. Especially since this was the whole reason Sora was taking her with him at all. Sora sighed heavily, as he seemed to weigh his words here. “…No. I don’t even think you’re anorexic. I know it just appears that way, since there are moments you can’t eat without getting sick and no one knows why. So sometimes you just don’t eat if you’re going somewhere… You’re just an ill, Kairi. And labeling you anything else is wrong.” They were into some heavy topics now… but Sora seemed to want to let her know that despite it, he was okay with keeping up the flirty behavior they’d been doing a few weeks ago. So while they sat in front of the water, Sora splashed Kairi by kicking his feet to and fro. And she caught as much of the sea as she could into her hands, and then poured it on Sora’s head. They laughed. And it quickly turned into a water fight, with the two of them embracing but snearly ending up in the ocean before they got their act together. “But Sora… Even if you don’t believe that about me, you seem to your dream… So do you just think something bad is destined to happen to me, whether I have something to do with it  or not?” Sora’s only answer to that was to boldly kiss her clothed stomach—to which Kairi was blushing ear to ear, since she and Sora hadn’t even properly smooched normally yet—and said, “I just want you by my side. Let’s leave it at that.” And even though Kairi thought there was foreboding here, she smiled at this and leaned her head on Sora’s shoulder and wrapped an arm around his waist—much like she had during their reunion. And she wondered what wonderful lie they could come up with, to convince themselves that everything was going to be okay. Author's Note: Some of the weird things in this chapter are actually references to other people's SoKai stories (like the idea of a Heartless somehow getting into Kairi's system, and making her not eat and nearly die because of it) ... And while clearly being a nice homage to these authors, they're also there for a story reason