#it's great but we're told about the collateral damage for a reason

[lansplaining]

maybe a hot take: I don't think there's any act of revenge in all of MDZS that we are meant to take pleasure in

[every-lemon]

I definitely see what you're saying. And I think that's how we're trained to read and what to look for.

However, I also think that not all writers are approaching it from this angle, and being able to understand and respect that can help us enjoy and understand certain narratives better.

For example, the kishotenketsu structure (as I, a white lady) understand it is much more focused on change or growth. Those are the terms that writers who use that structure tend to think in and embrace.

Conflict-focused readers (including reviewers and critics) may often read a story like this and find their expectations were not met. I often feel disappointed or disoriented; the story isn't what I thought it was. I thought it was telling me what to expect, but my expectations weren't met.

Now -- sometimes that's because a story isn't being told effectively. And that's why I think this advice goes around, because it *is* useful to *many* writers and readers. There's a reason the "Man vs." plot is taught in school, and why these familiar story structures (hero's journey, 3-act, 7-point, MICE, story circle, etc) are SO helpful to many of us. They help me set expectations based on what readers know to read for, and then meet them in a really satisfying way. And that's great!!

Buuuut if I can learn that certain types of stories are not setting up a status quo in order to disrupt it and therefore create a central conflict -- if I'm aware the writer may be setting up a status quo while thinking about how it may change or grow -- I won't be disappointed. I'll learn a new type of story, a new rhythm.

And of course you can still see conflict in these stories! I look for conflict first because that's what I'm trained to look for based on my experience reading and writing in English. But if I don't allow for other lenses -- especially if I don't learn the framework and expectations of *other* cultures -- I will be missing what the author set out to do.

Which can be fine. I'm not going to study every storytelling and literary tradition from everywhere humans exist and tell stories. I'm not the target audience for everything.

But!!!

Being aware that there are different ways of thinking about stories is still *useful.* Especially when it comes to writing advice.

The author whose article I shared wrote his book (Craft in the Real World) out of frustration with hearing that the stories that he and others were inherently flawed because they did not meet a white American audience's expectations. In his experience in writer's groups and workshops, he would see writers misunderstood and criticized because they were not writing the stories people expected. They were told they had to master the expected storytelling structure first, before they could tell the stories they wanted to tell *to the people they wanted to tell them to.*

And it really resonated with a lot of writers. If you check out reviews and podcasts after the book came out you can hear a lot of firsthand experience. Writers shared stories of hurt and pain and lost time not understanding that maybe the answers to their story problems weren't going to be found in the playbook of Western canon.

Anyway, does this make sense?? I feel like the difference is... knowing that understanding conflict is super helpful to many writers, but also keeping in mind that insulting other ways of thinking about stories -- and insisting that no, this IS what they are trying to do, really! -- is causing collateral damage to people who are already told that their stories do not matter in our society.

im about to maul someone.

[twrites1]

“Love In The Dark”

Time Frame: Friday Night, April 29, 2016

Location: Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

Summary: What happens when loving someone in secrecy goes wrong?

Take your eyes off of me so I can leave
I'm far too ashamed to do it with you watching me

This is never ending, we have been here before
But I can't stay this time 'cause I don't love you anymore

Sam opened the door to his home, the stress of the day finally settling in. What started off as a great day, only turned worse with one call from his parents. They never failed at finding a way to irritate or piss him off, and today, they had managed to do both. The more his mother whined about him turning into a failure and that he needed to be more like his brothers, married with children, the more it made him want to stay away from them. You see, Sam’s family was wealthy, owning the best car dealerships in the state of Texas. They wanted him to return home and be apart of the family business but Sam didn’t want that for himself. He resided in Oklahoma City and while he wasn’t in the family business, it unfortunately ran in his blood, seeing that he was a car salesman at a local dealership. It was something that he was good at and something that he actually enjoyed doing on his own terms. Its how he met his girlfriend of two years, unbeknownst of his family. They thought he was still a bachelor, hence the phone call today. A family reunion was coming up and he had no plans on going until his grandmother called him earlier in the week begging for an appearance. He vowed that he would stay only for a day. His mother took it upon herself to set up blind dates for him when he touched down on Texas soil. He wished he could be man enough to tell the truth, but it would be repercussions to his actions and he couldn’t, more like wouldn’t let his girlfriend be subjected to them.

As Sam finally closed the front door, he turned just to see something that bewildered him, “Baby.” He called out, eyeing the luggage confusedly before he sat his bag down. Strangely enough, he haven’t heard from her all day, gettin a cryptic text back from her. He didn’t see her truck out front, so he was confused on how she got here. He walked to the living room and stopped almost immediately when she saw her sitting on the couch. He was taken aback by her appearance, which consisted of swollen red eyes, and her hair pulled up in a messy ponytail while she was dressed in her sweats. Before he could even open his mouth to ask what was wrong, she spoke with a mixture of anger and hurt in her tone.

“I got a phone call earlier requiring my services for a family reunion. It was your mother.” She watched as the color starting to drain from his face, a humorless, sarcastic chuckle escaping from her lips, “Apparently you finally told her about me.”

“I-“

“Apparently.....I’m the help and Quinn’s nanny.” Mercedes recited bitterly in a whisper, her vision becoming blurry, “What in the actual hell, Sam?”

“Mer...”

“Shut up.” She snapped as the tears fell from her eyes as she stood up, moving towards him, “In her words, she told me that you said I’m a very good worker and you wouldn’t think about firing me for a second.”

Please stay where you are, don't come any closer
Don't try to change my mind, I'm being cruel to be kind

When Mercedes first met Sam, she had to admit that the man knew how to pitch a sale, and it only helped that he was easy on the eyes. Although his charm was a big factor, his personality is what drew her in. That day, she not only left with a new truck but also his business card with his personal number on there. One date led to four more before labels were attached. She can honestly say that the man made her feel like the only girl in the world and she fell quick, but was that mistake? Sam was open with her about everything but when it came to talking about meeting his family, there was no question about his stance of her never doing so. The reasoning being that he stated that they weren’t close but she raised a brow at how often he spoke to his brothers when he thought she didn’t know. She knew it was true for the parents, but she didn’t understand why and what he was keeping from her about them. Another thing that bothered her was the fact that he asked for her not to post any pictures of them on her social media pages. Not that social media was big thing to her, but why couldn’t she at least show people who way making her feel like the happiest girl in the world? She accepted it and let it go because he practically begged her to. She even confided into the one person who he was close to, his cousin Quinn, who she became very good friend with over the years. Quinn explained to her that Sam’s parents weren’t good people and left at that.

“I never would’ve thought....” She got choked up as she broke off, shaking her head as anger continued to fill her, “You’re an inconsiderate son of a bitch. I’m not going to continue to love you in the dark. I’m tired, Sam. I’m so tired.”

Sam caught her arm before she leave, eyes going wide as held up his hands once she she shrugged away from him, “Baby, wait...please stay and let me explain.”

But I don't want to carry on like everything is fine
The longer we ignore it all the more that we will fight

Please don't fall apart, I can't face your breaking heart
I'm trying to be brave, stop asking me to stay

“My parents....they’re stuck in the typical, old southern white folk ways.” He started as he moved closer to her, only for her to step back, his own eyes welling up with tears, “I’m just trying to protect you...protect us.”

“So fucking what if your family doesn’t like me, oh fucking well. As long as you did, it didn’t matter. I didn’t need anyone else’s acceptance. I’m hurt because you fed into their ways. The help? Quinn’s nanny? Do you not know how demeaning, how hurtful that shit really is? How dare you. How fucking dare you.” She spat as she finally lost all ability to keep her emotions in check, “You’re no better than them.”

He wasn’t thinking at all when he said it. His mother brought her up due to a picture Quinn had posted of the trio plus her three year old daughter, Virginia, at the play barn. He wasn’t thinking, he wasn’t. So when her words of him being like them left her mouth, it pissed him off because he was nothing like them but he didn’t deserve to be mad because he made this mess. She couldn’t be collateral damage, he couldn’t risk that, so he shamelessly lowered himself to their level to avoid them finding out about her being his girlfriend. He wanted to tell Mercedes the truth but just couldn’t muster up to it, “I’m so sorry, Cedes. I want you to believe me. I love you with every bone in my body but...”

“There shouldn’t be any buts Sam. I should be enough. I really should but I’m not. Until you’re ready for that and I have a feeling you never will be, I can’t be with you. I’m no one’s dirty, dark little secret.” Mercedes felt the tears continually gliding down her face as she walked out the room, not giving him a second glance as she grabbed her luggage and exited out of the place, to her awaiting Uber, she had just got started to know due to her recent move in.

I can't love you in the dark
It feels like we're oceans apart
There is so much space between us
Baby, we're already defeated
Ah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah everything changed me

With that, Sam watched as she walked out the door, shock instilled so deeply in him that he couldn’t do anything. His mind was screaming for him to go after her but it was falling death on his ears. He just lost everything and wasn’t even fighting to get her back, whispering to the closed door, “Please don’t go.”

But I want to live and not just survive

That's why I can't love you in the dark

It feels like we're oceans apart

There is so much space between us

Baby, we're already defeated

'Cause ah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah-yeah everything changed me

And I-I-I-I-I don't think you can save me