#it's gonna be my first time in england and in such a big city

[jackredfieldwasmyjacob]

i got the tickets to london.

[samkerrworshipper]

exhausted | barca femeni/alexia putellas x reader

reader has insomnia… but doesn’t tell her teammates alexia begins to figure it out though

was gonna make yall wait till tomorrow butttt i rlly can’t fucked lol

Sleep is something that has never come easy to you.

No matter how hard you try, no matter how much melatonin or herbal teas or meditation you tried, none of it worked.

You, quite simply, could not sleep.

It was fine when you were just a student, when you could dip out of your morning classes or sneak in a nap here and there between classes, when you didn’t have to make it through full days of work.

It was fine when you were playing for London City, when nobody cared about what you were doing, only if you could stop other players from getting past.

It had all changed though when the Barca offer had come in though.

It was known to every single footballer in the women's league that Barca had major injury problems, specifically in their backline, injuries that wouldn’t be resolved until long after the season was over.

You’d never thought though that some absences in Barcelona’s star squad would crate an opportunity for you, but for whatever reason, the Barca selectors had seen something in you, and even though it was mid season, had been desperate to sign you, it was a big move to go from England to Spain, but one you were more than happy to make for the sake of your career.

You’d never thought that the move from home would be so much more detrimental to your sleep schedule, but slowly you’d found yourself becoming more exhausted as you struggled to keep up with your new life.

There were a lot of things that were different about Spain, or more specifically the Barcelona Women’s team. When you were playing in London, training every couple of days and playing once a week, you could afford to miss some hours of sleep during the night, especially considering that nobody in London was concerned about making school a priority over there. You could take some naps during the day, laze around as much as you wanted and go to school whenever you could be bothered.

Barca was different, and not in a good way.

It was good for your football, internationally and just in general. Before Barca, you’d been more of a bench player then a starter for the England under 17s, but your game had lifted and you’d been a consistent starter in every tournament and friendly since.

You were exhausted, more than you’d ever been in your entire life, and you were sure it was starting to show.

It was hard enough being 16, in a foreign country, getting hardly any hours of sleep, training at least three hours a day as well as gym sessions and playing twice a week. Trying to be a full time student as well, it was completely unrealistic and it was starting to show.

“Nena, do you want to slow down on the energy drinks? Someone so itty bitty and young like you shouldn’t be consuming any caffeine, let alone two red bulls before noon, we’re lucky you aren’t pinging off the walls yet.”

Mapi’s hands are on your cheeks, pinching and squeezing them as if you are a baby. Instead of paying her any kind of attention you keep your eyes fixed on your laptop screen and lips pressed to the can of red bull that you’ve been tirelessly sipping at for the past couple of minutes.

Integrating into the team had been hard, but you’d actually become far closer with the crew of injured girls, mapi specifically, as well as her girlfriend Ingrid. Frido had also been one of the first people to welcome you, accompanied by two familiar English faces, Keira and Lucy.

Mapi particularly, had taken you under her wing, or had sort of adopted you in an older sister type fashion. It was sort of annoying, the older Spaniard was constantly talking, to the point where you’d learn to pretty much drown out everything that left her lips.

“If you keep touching my face then it won’t just be your knee that’ll be injured, your hands will be broken as well.”

Mapi frowns at you, her pinching fingers moving to brush loose hair from your face and rub at your temples, trying to rub away the frown lines deeply ingrained on your forehead.

“Wake up on the wrong side of the bed this morning did we, nena? You know you’ll get wrinkles if you keep frowning like that, it’s not good for your little baby face.”

You shake your head in an attempt to get Mapi’s hands off of your face, it partially works, but not fully.

“María I am serious, you’ve got three seconds before I tear this can in half and use it to cut off your fingers, don’t you have rehab to do or something more entertaining than bothering me?”

Mapi’s hands fly up in surrender, something you are infinitely grateful for.

“Fine, you want to be grumpy then you can be grumpy by yourself, don’t come looking for me later when you’re bored of school and looking for some fun.”

You don’t bat an eyelid as Mapi retreats from your table.

You take another sip of your drink, praying that it’ll somehow make it easier for you to read the words on your laptop screen, even though it does absolutely nothing.

You’ve read the same page, over and over again and yet it’s done absolutely nothing to make you understand what it is you are supposed to be learning. It’s a mess of consonants and verbs, jumbled up words that just can’t seem to resonate in your brain.

Whilst Mapi has left, unbeknownst to you, you aren’t completely alone in the recovery room.

Alexia has been sitting on one of the massage tables, doing her exercises for the last hour, watching as you’ve gradually been getting far more frustrated with your work.

Alexia’s relationship with you so far has been… rocky.

The captain had made it clear from day one that whilst the club needed you, that your studies were going to be a priority alongside football. If you had known that you’d be going from doing as much school as you liked, to hours of online school everyday, you probably would have reconsidered your move to Spain, but you were here now and struggling more than you cared to admit.

Alexia knew something was up, beyond your clear hatred for school, she just wasn’t sure what yet but she was determined to find out why.

“Everything alright pequena?”

You practically jump at the sound of Alexia’s voice, hand clutching at your heart as you suddenly become aware of a presence in the room that you were unaware existed.

“Perfectly fine.”

You do well to recover from the shock, your eyes darting straight back to your screen almost as quickly as they had left it.

“You’ve been staring at the same page for the last twenty minutes.”

Alexia notices that your hands are shaking slightly, most likely due to the insane amounts of taurine that your body is processing.

“There’s a lot of writing on one page.”

You take another sip, finishing off the can and sliding it across the table.

“Mapi’s right, it’s not good for pequena’s like you to be drinking stuff like that, it’s bad for your brain cells, and don’t get me started on what it does to your body.”

Alexia moves to take a seat beside you at the table, her concern for you growing even more when she took a look at your face and realised how exhausted you looked.

“I don’t need the lecture, I’m poisoning my body, I’m aware of it, now can I please have slime peace so I can finish this off before training starts?”

Alexia isn’t anywhere near satisfied with your answer, she wants you to argue with her, not admit your wrongdoing like it’s nothing.

“Yes, you are, you aren’t an adult, you don’t need energy drinks, you will do perfectly fine without them.”

Your eyes leave the screen to look at Alexia for a second, a little exhale huffing out between your lips.

“Okay, whatever.”

Alexia can’t get past just how tired you look, so tired that you’re seemingly agreeing with her just to avoid conflict.

“Pequena, how about you take a break for a couple of minutes, go get some fresh air, I’m sure you can finish this up later.”

Alexia’s never let you finish school early, you don’t understand why she’s deciding to today.

“I need to get it done.”

Your body is so tense, Alexia’s scared that you’re going to pull a muscle just from how tight your body looks.

“I’m sure it can wait till later, you’ve been sitting here for two hours now, you need a break.”

Your hands are still shaking, and you’re as hunched over as possible without being asleep on top of your laptop.

“Alexia, I’m fine, I’ve just got to finish this and then I’ll be done.”

Alexia’s hand reaches up to meet your shaking one, somehow hoping that it’ll stop the frantic tremors.

“You’re taking a break, just go and spend some time in the team room, or go for a walk, just take fifteen minutes and I’ll next you when you need to be back. Go, now, I’m not asking.”

You slam your laptop closed with more aggression then Alexia’s seen from you all morning, your body dragging itself out of the room without any regards for your captain whatsoever.

Alexia begins to get worried when twenty minutes later, after multiple text messages, you are yet to return.

She knows you’re stressed, that school isn’t what you want to be focusing all of your energy on. But Alexia knows from personal experience how easy it is for somebody of your age with your kind of talent to disregard things like education, something that she believes is so crucial to any adult's life. You need options, Alexia is trying to give you them, even if you seem to hate them with every single fibre in your body.

Alexia decides to go looking for you once twenty five minutes have passed and you are nowhere in sight and have ignored every single one of her messages.

It doesn’t take her long to find you, although she does almost miss you.

Alexia peeks her head into the locker room, simply to ask if anyone has seen you, the room is silent and empty though.

She almost leaves, but just as she’s about to close the door, she spots your body, tucked up inside of your locker, your head tucked into your knees.

You look frightfully unrestful, you don’t look like most people look when they’re sleeping, most people look peaceful, you look bothered, like your body is fighting against the sleep that you so clearly need.

Alexia walks over to you, now more than ever she’s certain you’re sick, that you’ve caught some kind of cold that’s causing this exhaustion and the short tempered mood you’ve been in.

She brings the back of her palm up to your forehead, an action that has your eyes snapping opening immediately.

Alexia’s sort of surprised when she realises you’ve got no fever whatsoever, although she’s well aware that not all sicknesses result in fever, something about it is putting her off.

“Hola pequenita.”

It takes you a few seconds to realise where you are and what’s happening, but as soon as you do you are shaking Alexia’s hand from your face and pushing yourself out of your cube.

“Sorry, time completely slipped past me, I’ll head back now.”

Alexia’s hand grabs your forehand before you have the opportunity to slip past her, tugging you backwards until you’re standing directly in front of your captain, forced to look at her.

“Are you sick?”

Alexia isn’t sure what’s wrong, but it’s clear something is up and sickness is the clearest option. She knows that you are no stranger to energy drinks, she spends most of her time heckling at you to try and put down whatever drink you’ve got in your hands. She’s never seen you down two in such a short amount of time though and sickness would be a good explanation.

“No, I’m fine.”

Alexia can’t find any deceit in your words or mannerisms, it appears that you are being completely honest with her, something that makes Alexia even more confused. None of the tell-tale signs are there, you are telling the truth.

“I know you aren’t a stranger to a midday nap, but it’s unlike you to be so tired.”

Alexia’s arm moves from your forearm up to your face, gently tracing the deep purple bags that are sitting below your eyes. Her thumb is soft, it feels like she’s mending all of the fatigue that lies there, but as soon as her thumb moves it all comes back.

“I’m fine Capí, just stayed up a little bit later last night.”

Alexia can tell that’s a lie, a cover up from whatever it is that you’re hiding from her.

“Well see to it that you get into bed earlier tonight. The team is out on the pitch, I told Jona that you’d join them once finished up with your work that you’d head out but I think you need some fresh air. Better get moving.”

Alexia’s voice is ridged and your body reacts to it, reaching into your locker with more speed then she’s seen you work with all day, you grab your cleats and before Alexia has the chance to speak anymore you are marching out of the rooms and out towards the pitch.

It’s perplexing to Alexia, she hates being lied to, especially when it’s clear something is wrong. She waits in the locker room for a few minutes, trying to piece together the mystery yet she comes up with nothing.

Eventually she makes the decision to go out and watch the training, pitchside, maybe you’ll have perked up now that you’re out doing something you enjoy.

The first thing Alexia notices is how frantically you are playing, it’s unlike you to be sloppy and yet as she watches you it’s all she can observe.

You are sloppy, messy and uncalculated, something that you are normally the opposite of.

You are a technical player, something that has helped you settle into the Barcelona squad with ease, you adjusted to the Spanish way of playing without much fuss.

What Alexia is watching though, you look like a completely different player. You’re practically passing the ball directly to Salma, goal after goal being put through your legs and around your body. It’s embarrassing, and she’s certain other people are picking up on your abnormal behaviour, multiple people, specifically Ingrid coming to check on you and make sure everything is fine.

You shake all of them off, even though it’s clear that something is up and whatever that something is, it’s big and it’s affecting your game and mood majorly.

Alexia’s not surprised when Jona drags you from the field, already yelling at you and sending orders your way, what she is surprised by is the way that you don’t even flinch as he throws never ending criticism your way.

You just stare at him, neither nodding or trying to reply to him, Alexia’s not even sure if you’re hearing him, if you’re present enough to be listening to the words that are leaving his mouth. For a second she considers the possibility that you’re violently hungover or acting under the influence of some kind of substance, it would explain the drowsiness and weird behaviour.

The idea makes Alexia instantly filled with anger, you are 16 and she will take you to the grave if you’ve been touching any kinds of substances. She’s mad enough as it is over the energy drinks, and she’s going to express that when the two of you are in private later on, but the chance that you’ve consumed something illegal for someone of your age, it sends shivers down her spine.

Jona has you back out on the field before you can even begin to respond to his critiques, back into defence where you are brutally humbled time and time again by the likes of Aitana, Salma and Caro.

Alexia cringes every single time, she knows that you are struggling, what she’s completely unprepared for is for you to fully collapse on the field.

Caro volleys another ball over your head and for a second Alexia doesn’t even notice you crumpled up on the ground of the pitch, she’s too busy watching the sight of Caro’s ball perfectly managing to slot in behind Cata. It’s a truly beautiful goal, and truly there isn’t much you could have done about it.

She only notices you when Cata doesn’t turn around to grab the ball, instead, she rushes forwards, leaving the ball long forgotten beside the bottom right post. She’s rushing forwards, down to her knees, directly beside your crumpled up body.

Alexia jumps up from her spot immediately, running faster than she should considering the current state of her knee, it doesn’t matter to her though, seeing your tiny little body all clumped up against the grass terrifies her.

Cata’s smart, and apparently fast acting because before Alexia is sitting down next to you, Cata’s already got her shirt off, drenched it with her drink bottle and has it folded up over your forehead. The cold water seems to bring you back a little bit, your head jerking upwards in reaction to the sudden change of temperature across your skin.

Just as Alexia’s crouching down next to you, the medics are pushing everyone out of the way, kneeling down next to you and doing the same as Cata had done, placing wet towels across your skin. They’re treating it like you’ve got heat stroke and whilst Alexia is aware it’s a warmer day, she knows that whatever is wrong with you, it most definitely isn’t heat stroke.

One of the medics squirts some water onto your face, something that Alexia doesn’t like the look of, but it seems to bring you back awake, your eyes bursting open and blinking furiously as you take in your surroundings.

Alexia can see you panicking immediately, your eyes flashing to the multiple faces that are crowding your vision.

“Everyone take a step back, give her some space.”

The medics and your teammates take a step back, leaving Alexia to skoot herself closer to you. Her hand comes to rest on your face, gently brushing the water residue off.

“Hola nena, stay calm for me, you had a little fall, we’re going to get you inside now, do you think you can get up for me?”

You nod at Alexia, you can’t remember what happened but you don’t want to be on the floor any longer than you have to be.

Alexia helps you up and off the pitch, the medics leading the two of you inside.

Alexia immediately gets you situated on a table, the medics immediately getting their hands all over you.

“Test her heart for me please, and her caffeine and sugar levels. I’ll be right back nena, I’m just going to grab something from my locker, text me if you need anything.”

Alexia is inexplicably angry and she knows that if she spends any more time in a room with you she’s going to yell, or say something that she’s going to regret. If it wasn’t for all the doctors, she probably wouldn’t care but she doesn’t need to air out private situations in front of people who have no business in your private life.

So she stomps her way to the locker room, set on trying to detangle the mess of emotions that has developed deep in her gut ever since this morning.

It’s been longer than this morning, Alexia’s noticed oddities in your behaviour, ever since you’d arrived. The energy drinks, the constant eye bags, power naps whenever you could fit them in. You live by yourself, something that Alexia deeply disapproves of and after today she doesn’t think it should continue on like this. You’d requested your own apartment for two reasons, privacy and because you didn’t want to disturb the private life of your teammates.

Alexia wanted to punch a wall, or throw something. That was all that was running across her mind as she paced back and forth in the locker rooms.

All Alexia could think about was your body, crumpled up on the pitch and she had no idea why and no idea how to help you.

You were sitting in the medical room, by yourself, beside the many doctors and physios who were poking and attaching you to different things.

You were exhausted, you were finding it hard to keep your eyes open. You’d felt the same way all day, hitting the pitch had been too much, too hard, too much energy for your exhausted body.

You wished that you’d feel the same every night when you tried to go to sleep every night, but alas, it felt like as soon as you got into bed, or as soon as you tried to close your eyes sleep just avoided you.

Alexia was probably two laps of the locker room away from throwing her phone at a wall when Mapi walked in, weirded out by the sight of her best friend grinding her feet into the floor as she walked back and forth in the locker rooms.

“Ale?”

Alexia’s pacing doesn’t stop, but she does take a second to look up at María and for some reason the concernedly smiley face of her best friend seems to help the anger bubbling up inside her simmer down slightly.

“Alexia, what’s wrong?”

Alexia’s hands are fidgeting wildly in front of her, her fingers clicking and toying with each other.

“Somethings wrong with Nena, she’s exhausted and frantic and she looks like she hasn’t slept and she’s downing all those energy drinks and maybe they’re getting to her heart? Maybe that’s why she collapsed or maybe she’s sick but somethings wrong and I don’t know what and she collapsed right in front of my eyes.”

Normally, out of the two, Mapi is the one who confides in Alexia the most. Alexia isn’t an openly emotional person and when she is it’s with Olga, because for some reason that woman can get everything and anything out of her. Here though, it’s clear Alexia needs someone to de stress with and Mapi is happy to take up that role.

“It’s just her Alexia, she’s always tired and drinking energy drinks, it’s how the kids these days do it.”

Mapi’s words are supposed to soothe Alexia, honestly they do the complete opposite.

“But she shouldn’t, she’s an athlete, she shouldn’t need them. Mapi, I am telling you, something is seriously wrong, I can feel it. I know she’s always tired, but she looks like she hasn’s slept in weeks and I don’t know why.”

Mapi, for the sake of trying to calm Alexia down, decides that instead of trying to invalidate her worries, it’s best to just try and reason with Ale.

“Ale, how about we go see her, if somethings wrong I’m sure she’d tell us.”

Alexia nods at Mapi, taking the extended arm that her friend gives her and allowing the Zaragozan to lead her back to the physio room she’d previously been in.

When she returns, she’s relieved to see that you look a lot better than how you had on the pitch. There are still grass stains across your face, but you’re less pale than you were before and you’re sipping on a gatorade which somehow makes Alexia feel less guilty about the whole situation.

“Hola pequena.”

Your eyes manage to meet Alexia’s, something that kind of shocks her, considering just how weighed down your eyes seem to be by the deep purple bags underneath your eyes.

“Bon dia.”

Alexia would not call this a good morning, she couldn’t even call it an okay one.

“What’s wrong?”

Alexia’s focus is on the physios, not you, she’s saving you for later.

“Luckily, not a lot. I checked her heart and I couldn’t find any abnormalities, it’s clear that she’s tired, she’s told me she woke up a little bit earlier than normal this morning which paired with the warmer weather and some minor dehydration is probably the main cause. She’ll take today off, rest up, but I can’t find anything that would indicate any serious underlying problems so there isn’t any reason why I would say she couldn’t be back on the pitch tomorrow.”

It’s a positive sign, but not what Alexia wants to hear, she wants something to be wrong, so that she can get to the bottom of whatever is happening to you.

“Good, thank you, do you think you could give us the room for a couple of minutes, por favor?”

The physio smiles at Alexia, giving her a nod before leaving the room discreetly.

As soon as Alexia is certain he is no longer within hearing distance, she pivots on her heel, so she’s facing you directly.

“What are you hiding?”

It’s so ominous, even Mapi thinks it’s a little bit far-fetched, as a 16 year old, Mapi was probably hiding more than she was sharing, it’s not really a fair question.

“What am I hiding?”

It sounds like you're even struggling to get words out, your voice is just so tired, like it’s taking up so much energy for you to speak a few simple words.

“Somethings wrong, you’ve been drinking all these energy drinks, which are not only far too caffeinated but also extremely bad for you and you look like you haven’t slept properly in weeks.”

You want to tell Alexia that she’s right, you aren’t sleeping properly, you haven’t been your whole life, but she wouldn’t be the first person who tried to help you and has failed miserably in the process, it’s quite simple, sleep and you just simply do not work.

“Anyone from England would tell you that I just drink energy drinks, it’s not that deep Alexia.”

Mapi is teetering on the edge of having to hold Alexia back from causing you bodily harm.

“Deep? Collapsing on a pitch is not deep? It seems pretty deep to me amor, you can hardly talk, you could hardly read this morning, it’s clear something is wrong and I want to know what.”

You don’t know how to tell Alexia that something isn’t wrong, this is just you, or the new version of you in Spain. Your insomnia had always affected you, moving to Spain had seemed to make it worse but you’d always lived like this, ever since you could remember, sleep was just something that you could never have consistently.

“Nothings wrong, I am fine, I don’t know what you want me to tell you.”

Alexia’s jaw sets and for a second Mapi does truly worry for you.

“I want you to not lie to my face.”

You visibly flinch at those words, you don’t want nor mean to lie to Alexia, but you figure you are saving yourself from a merry go round of painful conversations.

“I’m not lying.”

Alexia knows you are, she’s not stupid.

“Right, well you’ve got the day off, you’ll be coming home with me and staying with Olga and I until you look less like you are on the brink of a coma. María will go get your things.”

Mapi nods quickly at Alexia, walking out of the room as quickly as she can manage, leaving just you and Alexia.

Even though Alexia is mad, she begrudgingly helps you up from the bed, draping your arm over her shoulder to give you somebody to lean on as she walks the two of you out to her car. She’s just gotten you seated in the passenger seat and closed your door when Mapi pops up with your things. Before Alexia can hop into the car and get going, Mapi stops her.

“Be easy on her, si? She’s going through something and I know you want to know, I know you want to help her but whatever is wrong, she’s not talking about it for a reason. Maybe she doesn’t need you questioning her, just take a look, a proper look at her and see if you can get a better idea. For me?”

Alexia knows that Mapi won’t let go of her shirt without some kind of acknowledgement that she’s going to agree to her.

“Okay, I’ll go easy on her.”

It’s a half truth, Mapi seems to accept it though, letting go of Alexia’s shirt so that the Catalan can take her seat in her car and begin to drive the two of you home.

The car ride home is eerily silent, Alexia keeps her eyes focused on the road, her knuckles whitening from the grip she has on the steering wheel and her jaw so set that you begin to worry that her teeth must hurt from the constant clenching.

When the two of you pull up to Alexia’s house you’re feeling a lot better, your head is clearer and you don’t feel as broken as you had earlier.

You clamber out of the car, walking your way slowly to Alexia’s front door. Alexia bothers around with the keys, twisting them in the hole before opening up the door for the two of you.

“Ale? You’re home early.”

Olga’s voice filters in from the kitchen, the two of you making your way through until you spot her.

“Nena, is that you? I didn’t know we were going to have company, if I had I would have cleaned up a little bit for you.”

You shake your head at Olga, giving her a small smile that you’ve reserved just for Alexia’s partner.

“Go sit down on the couch, get your feet up.”

Alexia’s voice is stern, it immediately makes Olga frown at her.

Alexia allows her girlfriend to drag her from the kitchen and into their pantry.

“What’s with the mood?”

Olga’s happy space is her and Ale’s house, it’s supposed to be the one place that the both of them can get away from football and stress.

“Nena is hiding something, she collapsed at training and we don’t really know why but she does and she won’t tell us.”

Olga nods her head, the somehow younger but wiser woman putting on her thinking hat and trying to rationalise what Alexia is telling her.

“Don’t you think it would be smarter to try and be nice to her? I know that she’s fucked up, but it’s clear she just needs some love right now, maybe you should be giving it to her.”

Alexia thinks that Olga doesn’t understand the whole situation, she doesn’t see you everyday, doesn’t see how ragged you are and how deep this issue stems, but she also can’t not listen to her, the woman somehow tends to always be right and she can’t see why that would change now.

“Okay, okay.”

Olga smiles at her, getting up on her tiptoes to press a kiss to Alexia’s jaw before pushing her out of the pantry and back into the kitchen.

Alexia is unsurprised to find you dead asleep on her couch, your head lulled against one of her couch pillows. She’s glad, and decides to pocket the inevitable conversation she is going to have to have with you, instead opting to help her girlfriend make lunch.

You sleep for a total of 40 minutes, something that Alexia is less glad about. As soon as she notices you’re awake she’s forcing a bottle of water into your hands and two aspirins. You take them before she shoves them down your throat, taking multiple gulps of the water so Alexia didn’t have another reason to be mad with you.

To be fair, she looked a lot less mad than she had earlier, you wouldn’t even really describe how she looked as mad, more concerned.

Alexia sat down in front of you on the couch, taking a deep breath before she started speaking.

“I’m not going to force you to tell me anything, I understand that you are going through a lot, I just need you to know that I’m here for you, anything you need nena I am here to support you and try and help you however I think best.”

Alexia’s words cut deep for you, it’s a struggle for you not to break out in tears, as much as you really want to.

“I know Ale.”

She nods at you, holding back her own tears, there’s some kind of understanding between the two of you, that you aren’t going to cry or speak, just acknowledge each other for now.

“Olga’s made up the spare room for you, you’ll stay here until you’re in a better place. You’re welcome here and you’ll be no bother for the next couple of weeks.”

You nod your head, biting down on your tongue to stop yourself from arguing back to her.

The rest of the afternoon is fairly similar, you are fed by Olga and then spend the majority of the rest of the day lounging on the couch, occasionally falling asleep, but as Alexia notices, never for longer than 40 minutes. It’s like your body refuses to properly rest.

When dinner comes around you look just as exhausted as you had this morning, you just look a little bit less dead.

After dinner, you head off to bed, alexia’s glad, she’s hoping that you’ll have a nice long proper sleep and that all of this will be solved.

She’s wrong.

Instead of hopping into bed, you pull out your laptop, knowing that if you stand a chance at getting even two hours of sleep it’s not happening any time soon.

You work at your school work, completing the things you hadn’t finished earlier. When 12 o’clock rolls around, you force yourself away from your laptop and underneath the covers of alexia’s extremely comfortable spare bed.

You stare at the roof, every now and again you’ll twitch and for some reason it’ll hurt your brain. You play your favourite song over and over again in your head, praying that it’ll somehow lull you to sleep, it neves does. You stare at the ceiling and try to focus on the sound of the fan. You stare at the ceiling and wonder if the swirl pattern in it is mobing. You think about your favourite film and how the characters used to provide you so much peace. When you remember how much they meant to you, you let a few stray tears fall.

You stare at the ceiling.

Every once and a while, you’ll roll over and press your face into the pillows and pull the covers over your head and hope that if you hide somehow you’ll fall asleep.

Eventually, you’ll fall asleep.

Sometimes it takes hours, all for you to wake up half an hour later feeling as unsatisfied as ever.

It’s how you live, it’s the same routine every night, it’s your normal.

When 4am rolls around and you’ve managed to get a measly twenty minutes or so of sleep, you climb out of the sheets, annoyed that your glass of water is empty. Your eyes are dry and itchy with the feeling of needing to cry, you push that feeling deep into your gut, ignoring the desperate need to ignore your feelings in favour of keeping a strong face.

You try to be as quiet as possible, filling up your glass and taking a seat on Alexia’s couch, looking out of the window of her lounge room at the Barcelona skyline that lights up along her back fence.

“Nena is that you?”

You nearly jump out of your skin.

Alexia is standing in the kitchen, leaning up against the island, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes and staring at you inquisitively.

“What are you doing awake?”

The words trigger something in you, it’s probably the half dazed state you’re in, the complete exhaustion and annoyance you’re experiencing at your inability to sleep, but all of a sudden, tears are dripping your face and you don’t know why or how.

Alexia freezes for a second, she’d expected something obviously, but crying was not one of those things.

She’s never seen you cry, she’s never had to deal with a teenager who is breaking down right in front of her eyes. She doesn’t know what to do, or how to help you, all she knows is that you are crying a lot and she is just standing and watching.

The problem solver in Alexia tells her that she has to do something, so she paces her way over to the couch, sitting down beside you and tentatively wrapping an arm around your shoulder. She doesn’t know whether or not it’s the right way to go, but it seems to pay off when you immediately relax into her, your head craning into the pocket of her neck and shoulder. Fresh, warm tears drip down onto Alexia’s skin.

Alexia is tense, her back as straight as a board. She doesn’t normally have to deal with this kind of thing, she doesn’t have to try and sympathise with feelings. She’s not an emotional person herself, she cries once a year normally and that’s on the anniversary of her fathers death.

“Nena, it’s okay, I’m here.”

Alexia’s words are calculated, strategic, like she’s reading them off of google or something. Truly, she doesn’t intend for them to come off that way, but it’s kind of just how they do.

Alexia waits for the tears to stop coming, she figures it has to happen, you can’t just cry forever.

The two of you sit like that, crisscrossed on the couch until you manage to compose yourself, until you’ve cried out all the annoyance and grievances over your current predicament.

In the past, your insomnia would stop you from sleeping for days, but eventually the exhaustion would catch up with you and you would get a good night or a few of sleep, but it had been weeks now of you living in Barcelona and sleep had been avoiding you the whole time.

“Nena, what’s wrong?”

Right now, it feels like everything is wrong, it feels like your whole world is upside and you want it to be normal, you want to just be able to close your eyes and get some fucking sleep.

“I can’t sleep.”

Alexia’s brow furrows.

“Well maybe you shouldn’t have had so many energy drinks, no?”

It’s the kind of reply you should have expected.

“No Alexia, I can’t sleep, I have insomnia.”

Alexia struggles with the translation in her head, in-som-ni-a?

“Sorry, what?”

You take a deep shaky breath, pulling your head away from Alexia’s chest so that you can rub the tears from your eyes with the sleeve of your shirt.

“Insomnia, I can’t sleep, medically. I have a condition that stops me from being able to sleep regularly.”

Alexia’s head all of a sudden starts working, she’s a little bit behind, it’s 4am after all and she’s struggling to keep her eyes open.

“You can’t sleep?”

You shake your head, Alexia wants to tell you that you’re being silly, but when she sees the pure heart break and exhaustion in your eyes she knows that you can’t be lying. You look so young, tear tracks all over your face and body caved in on itself.

“I can’t sleep.”

It makes more sense to alexia now, all the energy drinks, the exhaustion, the power naps.

“Have you talked to the team doctors about it, I’m sure they could give you medication or something that could make it better, this can’t go on forever, nena.”

You shake your head at Alexia, your exhaustion turning to fear.

“No and you have to promise you won’t either. I’ve been through it, the sleep tests, all of it. I won’t take drugs, you can't make me and I refuse to.”

It’s like you go from being a mellowed out version of yourself to an attack dog.

“Nena, you need help, you can’t keep playing when you can hardly keep yourself standing.”

You shake your head, so fast that Alexia worries you might pass out from the sudden and frequent movements.

“I’m not taking drugs, you can’t make me, I won’t do it.”

Alexia doesn’t know where this sudden defensiveness has come from, but she knows two things. She needs to make sure that you understand that she can be there for whatever you are going through whilst also trying to figure out what is your random refusal to not take medication.

“Wouldn’t it help some?”

It’s hard to explain your complete hatred for any kinds of drugs. You’d grown up in a household where your mom might as well have been a druggie with how little she was invested in your life and where your dad was a legitimate druggie.

You struggled to take paracetamol, let alone any kind of prescribed drug.

You were scared shitless that somehow, you would turn out like your father and that was the last thing you could ever want.

You didn’t come from a loving home, you didn’t come from a place where you got the newest cleats every year and the best training. You came from a home where grocery money was spent on cocaine and any football money was spent on heroin. You’d been lucky enough that you were good enough for England teams to notice you, for academies to notice you. You were always good enough that you didn’t have to fork out the extra money and if you did it was your own money.

That’s why you’d been so eager to get out of England, to come to Spain. It saved you from the lifestyle that you had been so desperate to get away from.

“I’m not going to take medication Ale.”

For a long time, you’d blamed the insomnia on the constant partying that happened at your house as a kid. Your dad was a revolving door house kind of person, there were always people inside of your house, women, druggies, sex workers, partiers. It was never ending, and for a logn while you’d just thought you couldn’t sleep because of the constant noise inside of your house. When you went away for your first camp at 11, you realised that just simply wasn’t it, you had a serious problem. Maybe it was a byproduct of always being in a house full of noise, or maybe it was just your fucked up ness, you just knew that somewhere along the way, everything in your brain started working backwards.

“Nena, you don’t have to take medication, but can you tell me why?”

You figure that you’ve already told Alexia too much, why stop now?

“My dad has drug problems, always has, probably always will. My mom was never really home as a kid, when she was it wasn’t pretty. I don’t want to turn out like them. That’s why I didn’t go home over the break”

Alexia’s heart drops. She’s been through her own problems with her family, her fathers death and so on. But she’s always had something and that is a safe place to go if she ever needs it. Her parents loved her, they did everything to protect her as a child, Alexia grew up in a space where she could be whoever she wanted and her parents would support her. You, to some extent, clearly didn’t and it explained a lot to her. It explained why you were so hesitant to accept help from anyone, and why you were such a lone wolf, you had to be for survival.

Alexia suddenly wraps her arms around you, all of a sudden feeling an overwhelming sense that she has to protect you, that you need her to keep you safe.

You’re crying again, it hurts less this time, it comes more from a place of exhaustion than annoyance and anger.

“I just want to rest Ale, I just want some peace.”

Alexia’s grip tightens, she’s compressing your bones in the best way possible.

“It’s okay nena, I’ve got you, it’s going to be okay.”

Alexia just holds you, until you exhaust yourself so much from the crying that you fall asleep.

She doesn’t want to wake you, not after everything you’ve just confessed to her, so she lays herself down on the couch, keeping you pulled tight to her chest as she drapes a blanket over the two of you and rests down against the pillows, deciding that she might as well get a few hours in for herself.

You wake up to the sun in your eyes and the smell of bacon and pancakes.

You feel better than you have in weeks, blinking the sleep away from your eyes and slowly sitting up as you adjust to your surroundings.

Alexia and Olga are in the kitchen, talking hushedly as Alexia cooks over the stove and Olga rocks with her from behind. It feels and looks intimate and you are so tempted to sneak out of the front door to leave them to their peace and avoid all the obvious issues that are going to have to be unpacked with your captain.

You’re seriously considering, but your plotting is stopped when Olga turns around to grab something and she spots you on the couch, conscious and awake.

“Bon Dia, nena.”

Alexia pivots as well, sending a smile towards you.

“Good morning, what time is it?”

Olga detaches herself from Alexia, moving towards the fridge.

“It’s just past six.”

2 and a half hours of sleep, that’s not bad at all, it’s better than you’ve had in weeks.

“Breakfast is almost done, if you want to take a seat at the table.”

You nod at Alexia, standing up from your spot on the couch and walking over to the dining table, taking a seat at the table and trying to tame your bed head whilst Alexia plates up the food.

The plate she hands you is full of food, bacon, toast, pancakes, sausages, fruit. It reminds you of home in a weird way, it’s not a truly traditional Spanish breakfast, more English and it seems like Ale’s done it for a reason.

She waits until you’ve started to tuck into your food before she starts speaking.

“I’ve scheduled a meeting with Jona and the medical team this morning, for you.”

Your boyd goes from relaxed and at peace to tense, Alexia knows it’s breaking your trust in a way, but she also knows that she’s now obligated to protect you.

“I told you I don't want doctors or drugs.”

Alexia takes a deep breath, looking over at Olga and being reminded that sometimes she has to do hard things.

“I know nena, and i’m not going to make you do anything you don’t want to, I don’t think I could if I tried, but this can’t keep going. I did some research, there are some really good drugs for people that struggle like you, that aren’t addictive and can help lots. I’m not a doctor and neither are you. We don’t know about these things, it’s not our job, but there are people who do know about this stuff and they can try to help you, really help you. You can’t live like this, it’s not sustainable in any way, we need to find some way to fix this. Whether it’s therapy or medication or resting, you need something and you can’t provide it yourself.”

Alexia words are a punch to the gut, but they also make sense, she knows what she’s talking about.

“You promise that I won’t have to do anything I don’t want to?”

Alexia nods her head, she’s shocked that you’re already sort of agreeing with her.

“I promise nena, I just want to help you somehow, however that may be.”

You take a big bite of your food, and a gulp of the orange juice that Olga has set down next to you.

“I slept better than I have in months last night, because of you, I don’t know how or why but something you did made me sleep and if you think that I need help, then I can’t really argue with that. It needs to be on my own terms though.”

Alexia nods, this is so hard for you, accepting help, accepting that you have a problem that needs fixing.

“Of course nena.”

You nod, drawing all of your thoughts together.

“I think I need help Ale, I want help.”

[swifty-fox]

the heart is a muscle

a clegan christmas fic (wip)

“You were gonna hop all over the moon, risk life and limb and all that, but you won’t let go of the wall at a skating rink?”

“Bucky,” Gale warns. 

John swoops in another loop, gesturing over his shoulder with a mitten covered thumb, “I can go get you one of the kiddie sleds for balance.”

He’s smiling, crooked and bright in the dim lamplight, and there’s no snow but it’s in the air with crisp promise, breath clouding in front of John’s mouth and bits of frost beginning to cling to the whiskers of his mustache. Slowly, he drops his thumb and reaches out his hand again.

“Come on. Won’t let you crash, Gale.” 

His hand is warm, even through the wool of both their mittens, fingers just as long and elegant as Gale’s, but with an extra thickness to them. They wrap around Gale’s loosely, just enough to steady his faint wobble as he pushes away from the wall and out into open ice. John skating backward and Gale re-finding his rhythm with every push off of his legs. And he’s going to be sore tomorrow, he can already feel it somewhere in his hips, but they’re picking up a bit of speed now and when John laughs Gale lets out a breath of his own that he thinks might pass as a chuckle as well. 

John’s face flushes in the cold, perfect right on the apple of the cheeks, and the tip of his nose, both right like cherries. 

“I think I’ve got it,” Gale tells him, tugging his hand from John’s grip gently.

He lets Gale go easily, dropping his hands to his sides and spinning round to skate at Gae’s side, keeping pace with him on far for practiced feet. 

“Told you,” He teases, “Just like riding a bike.” 

“Riding a bike ain’t half so deadly,” Gale smiles, turning his head to the other side so John won’t see. 

“Nuh-uh,” he taps his nose, right across the bump of it, “Busted my beak riding my bike for the first time.”

“That why it so crooked?”

“Hockey fight. Wasn’t supposed to be fightin’ in the minors but they were being rough with our guys.”

“White Knight Bucky, to the rescue?” Gale muses, eyes fixed on the ice in front of him. It’s still clear enough he can see his reflection, hat low on his head and scarf tight around his neck. 

Shrugging his shoulders with fake modesty, John once again pivots to skating backwards and Gale considers tripping him just for the ego check, “More just a big ol’ goon with a decent right hook.” 

“Nah,” Gale disagrees, “You don’t strike me as a half-ass sorta guy.”

John smiles, something small and pleased. Shrugs once again, this time far more sincere with it, “I got an assist here and there.” 

Gale leans his weight to the side, just enough to veer into John and bump his shoulder lightly. Overcorrects on the pullaway until John reaches out to grab his hand. His hands are still warm, and the temperature is only dropping, so Gale lets the touch linger as they skate. Every now and then John’s thumb brushes absently over the back of Gale’s palm. Calloused, dry and a little bit chapped, either from the cold or working with wet flower stems all day, it rasps over Gale’s skin pleasantly. Marge had had warm hands too, always slightly sweet smelling from the soap she bought and the perfume she rubbed on her wrists. 

John smells like cigarettes and cologne and just a bit like dirt, always lingering around the edges like it had sunk right into his pores. 

“So where’d you go after Wyoming?” 

“Texas,” Gale says, watching the light twinkle in the trees. White ones, like John preferred, “Then Utah for a bit, even England for a couple years.” 

“I spent my whole life in Wisconsin,” John admits, “Always swore to my Ma I’d move to New York City and become a baseball player.”

“This was after the Truck Driver dream ended?” 

John huffs, looking down at the ice so Gale only sees the sharp edge of his smile, “Yeah, post Truck Driver.” 

It’s a little more crowded now, and John skates closer to Gale to make room for another couple, laughing and spinning around the ice. He watches them for a moment, a faint smile on his face, burned a soft orange by the floodlights above the rink. 

“So why didn’t you ever go to New York?”

John wets his lips in a movement Gale can’t help but notice, tongue pink and moist and bottom lip wide and soft-looking, “Opened a flower shop instead.”

[lottins-only]

I love you, it's ruining my life

Kylian X black!fem!reader

Author's Note: This is the first part of a childhood friends to lovers series I've planned. I'm new to this, so bear with me and let me know what you think!

  I. December 2012

Every evening after school, Y/N and Kylian would race to the park. Their bags slung over their shoulders, their laughs ringing across the paved path that led to the park that had been their stomping grounds since she could walk. Bondy was in the periphery, both literally and metaphorically, but childhood in the city as she remembered it was vibrant, fun, and inextricable from Kylian Mbappé. 

  At 12 years old, her lack of female friendships meant that she was a shadow to the neighborhood boys. Kylian was one of them; his mother Fayza, and her own mother had worked in the local primary school at the same time briefly, thus forging a strong and constant friendship. It had occurred to her as an adult that it must’ve been a deliberate step from Fayza to invite her to Kylian’s 12th birthday party, given her mothers concern at the time that she didn’t have many friends. It was true that she was largely friendless; she was shy, slow to open up, and had her nose in a book most of the time. But that birthday party changed everything. All of a sudden, the loud, energetic boy that lived and breathed football was her best friend.  And that was that. 

The sky was a dull gray on that cold December day. Y/N and Kylian made their way to one of multiple tall and imposing apartment buildings that littered Bondy, and that she and Kylian’s families shared. Their earlier kick about in the park with some of the kids from school had been cut short thanks to the biting cold. 

Y/N looked down at the cobblestones, softly humming a melody that had been stuck in her head all day. Beside her, she could hear Kylian bouncing his football, the rhythmic thud echoing softly. They were walking in tandem silently, as was routine for them. Y/N liked that about their friendship,  that she didn’t need to have to make conversation just for the sake of making conversation. 

“Ugh, not that One Direction song again” Kylian groaned. 

Y/N looked up, her breath forming little clouds in the chilly air. “Shut up, you know they’re awesome. How’d you even know it was their song I was humming?”

The tip of Kylian’s nose was adorably pink. “Maybe because you’ve been singing it all day? You know you’re never even gonna meet Zayn, let alone marry him”  

Y/N let out an indignant sigh. “Yes, I will! When he comes to Paris for their next concert, you’ll see. He’ll fall in love immediately and we’ll get married and move to England and have babies”

Kylian looked at her like she was crazy.

She continued, sighing dreamily. “ And then Harry, Liam, Louis and Niall will be my best friends”

It had been drizzling slightly as they walked but the intensity of the rain increased suddenly. Kylian pulled his jacket off and draped it over her head. 

“You’ll catch a cold if you don’t stay dry” he said softly, and her heart almost burst. Then, more loudly, he said, “Ok, let’s say you marry Zayn. You’re going to have to fly between England and Spain a lot to watch me play. Why go through that? I say you divorce him and come live in Madrid with me”

Y/N burst out laughing. “How are you so sure you’ll play for Real Madrid?”

“I know I will” he said matter of factly. “And I know you’ll be a really good doctor, doing really cool things”

It was true, she’d  wanted to work in healthcare for as long as she remembered. Her favorite subjects in school were math and biology, sometimes chemistry. Besides, she liked the idea of a noble calling. Y/N was never loud and bold about her dreams, not like he was. She was pleased that he remembered that detail about her she rarely mentioned.

“So, in Madrid we’ll have a really big house with a really big pool” He continued, grinning. “We’ll let Ethan stay over, but only occasionally.”

Y/N stayed silent,  not letting her mind fantasize about such a future. 

Inside the apartment building they shared, they raced up the stairs and paused on the landing of the second floor. This was where Y/N’s apartment was located, and where they usually said their goodbyes before Kylian bounded up the stairs to the 4th floor. 

“Well, I’ll see you soon, yeah?” Y/N tugged at the fraying straps of her backpack before abruptly wrapping Kylian up in a hug. There would be 10 days of Christmas break, and although they lived two floors away from each other, there was no guarantee that they would see each other during that time. She would miss him, she knew. In those almost 2 years since his birthday party, Y/N and Kylian had grown inseparable. The neighborhood aunties had nicknamed them “the twins”, since one was rarely seen without the other. 

Kylian instinctively hugged her back, before pulling away. A broad and uncontrollable smile spread on his face as his eyes flickered to the ground and then back up to her. “Um.. actually, I’m traveling tomorrow” He said it in a hushed tone, even though the floor was completely empty and there was no chance that someone was eavesdropping on their conversation. 

“Traveling where?” Y/N frowned. Kylian hadn’t mentioned any travel plans for the break before. 

“To Madrid” He said with a grin.

Her eyes lit up. “Oh! Are you visiting your cousin there?”

“No, No. I’m going to go see Real Madrid. I was invited by the club, well by Zidane, actually. Papa and I are flying out tomorrow. It was a birthday surprise, they told me this morning” The words rushed out hurriedly, and Y/N could tell he was excited. 

This wasn’t the first time Kylian was being courted by football clubs. He was one of Europe’s most promising talents, after all. Especially in the last two years, he’d miss a couple days out of school to go see clubs in England, Spain and other cities in France with his parents. She didn’t know what went on during the visits, but he would always come back with exciting stories and  a glint in his eye that would last for days and weeks. She knew this one would be different though. This was Real Madrid, the club in whose jersey he slept at night. This was his dream come true. 

Y/N squealed and wrapped Kylian in a tighter hug, before  pulling away and lightly shoving his shoulder. “Oh my god. Congratulations, Kylian! I can’t believe you didn’t tell me!”

He grinned even more, shifting his weight from one leg to another. 

“I had to make sure it was real first” 

Y/N gave him an exaggerated frown.

“I’ll get you a souvenir from there. Something cool, I promise” He quickly said. 

She perked up at that before enveloping him in a third and final hug. “Have fun, okay. I know they’ll love you there” She murmured into his shoulder. They said their goodbyes and parted ways.

As she watched her best friend walk up the flight of stairs, it struck her:  this was it. Someday, he would go away and never come back. Bondy and everyone in it would just be a part of his origin story.

[wosofics00]

Sister

Part 1

Leah Williamson x Russo!Reader

Summary: Where R, who is alessias sister, hooks up with Leah after winning the euros…

Warnings: SMUT +18

Authors Note: This fic is a combination of two requests I got. Here’s the first part, I hope you enjoy it and stay tuned for more. ————————————————————————

It was the night after England had won the euros, to celebrate the historic win there was a big party in the teams hotel organised with their friends and families. As a footballer you can’t switch off often and you always have to make the right choices due to the public attention, but tonight was one of the few nights the girls could finally let loose. Winning to euros was definitely a good enough reason to get smashed, and even their captain has had a few drinks to many, stumbling over to one of her best friends.

„Hey Gorgia“ Leah lightly pulls Georgia towards her and pointing towards a blonde girl standing next to Alessia. „Who’s that?“ leah asks curiously. „Oh that’s less sister, don’t you know her?“ Georgia answers casually. „Her what?“ Leah answers surprised. „Her sister, y/n“ she clarifies but Leah is still in the dark. „I didn’t even know she had a sister…come on introduce me“ Leah then says which earns her a pointed look from Georgia. „No Leah. I don’t care with who you sleep outside of football but you can’t jeopardise the team dynamics by hitting on someone’s sister“ she states and Leah rolls her eyes. „Who said something about hooking up? I just wanna meet her“ she reasons which makes Georgia roll her eyes, knowing exactly where this will lead to. „Sure Lee..can’t you stick to breaking some random girls heart instead of your teammates sister?“ she asks but Leah is already on her way towards less and her sister. „If you don’t introduce me I’m gonna introduce myself“ Leah shrugs and leaves Georgia behind. 

After taking a jug from her drink and fastening her ponytail she joins less side. „Hey less are you having a good time?“ Leah grins and gives you a quick look with a dangerous twinkle in her eyes. „Oh Leah yeah!! And you?“ less stumbles over her words, clearly more than tipsy, which makes the other girls giggle. „Have you met y/n already?“ less adds and throws her arm around your shoulder. „that’s my little sister so be nice“ she introduces them. „Hey y/n I’m Leah“ Leah grins and extends her hand while looking into your eyes. „Hey Leah, nice to finally meet you“ you grin back and shake her hand. „Your sister is pretty drunk“ Leah grins which makes you giggle. „She just won the euros which makes me think you’re not drunk enough“ you answer. „oh I’m just better at covering up“ Leah chuckles and takes a sip of her drink. In the meantime less got dragged away by an equally drunk tooney which leaves Leah alone with you. 

„So let me buy you a drink and then you’ll tell me why I haven’t met you before.“ Leah adds and lightly strokes over your arm before heading towards the bar. After ordering some champagne for the both of you, you sit down with Leah at a more secluded spot, away from the noise of her teammates. „now, you don’t live in London right? I take big pride in knowing all the pretty girls around here“ Leah flirts shamelessly. You blush at the compliment and curse yourself for being so affected by Leah’s charme. Her reputation is well known and usually you’re no one for casual hook ups, but your dating live has been difficult to say the least and saying no to someone like Leah is just hard by itself. „no I’m not from London, I actually live in Italy at the moment but I’m not opposed to visiting the city a bit more often“ you smile sweetly and Leah face lights up. 

„Is that so? You know, I’ve always had a thing for Italians“ she smirks and scoots a bit closer. „So you fancy my sister as well? That’s a shame“ you sigh and Leah rolls her eyes. „You know exactly what I mean, and I could provide a comfortable bed to sleep in if you come and visit“ she says while laying  an arm around your shoulder. „Oh Leah, if I’m coming to your house I don’t plan on sleeping there“ you grin back and lean forward to whisper in Leah’s ear. „there are far more…satisfying activities to do in bed than sleeping“. Leah’s eyes widen and she even scoots closer, her hands stroking your arm lightly. „Meet me in my room in half an hour, number 200“ she whisper and pushes a key card into your hand before sliding out of the seat and disappearing in the crowd. 

You have to pull yourself together for a moment to process what just happened, and what’s about to happen in a few minutes. Having some time left you head for another drink when an even drunker less stumbles into your arms. „y/n where have you been?“ she slurs and throws her arm around you. You chuckle „just talking a bit, I see you haven’t stopped drinking“. Less shrugs „it’s not every day I win the euros…did you talk to Leah all the time?“ she asks. „You still remember that?“ you ask surprised. „Of course, you know I don’t blackout, probably gonna throw up but not black out. So did you talk to her all the time?“. You just nod, trying to avoid eye contact. „did she make a move on you? If yes I’m gonna kill her I swear“ less grumbles. 

You have to chuckle at how cute less gets when she’s protective but are also a bit concerned about your plans for the rest of the night. „Don’t worry lessi she’s very charming but not my type“. Less still looks a bit sceptic but nods „alright, just don’t let another girl hurt you again, you deserve so much more“ she pouts now and lays her head on your shoulder. „I’ll try my best“ you say and kiss her head before she pulls away again.

„I just remembered I promised mary to do some TikTok with her, do you wanna come along or are you fine without me?“ less asks and you shake your head. „I’m fine, actually I’m gonna leave in a few minutes I think, it’s already pretty late“. Less pouts but nods „alright take care“ she slurs again and you chuckle „you too, and have fun you deserve it“ you grin and hug her tightly. Alessias hugs are amazing and she gently hugs you back, even in a drunk state she manages to be soft and warm. „I will, Patrick already told me he has some fun surprise for tonight“ less giggles which makes you pull away. „Okay that’s my cue to leave“ you say and less laughs then rolls her eyes „prude“. „Perv“ you answer and show her the finger. Less laughs and gives you a kiss on the cheek „I’ll see you at mum and dads on Sunday?“ she asks and you nod to confirm. „Perfect now bye, I need shots“ less finally says before disappearing. 

When you look at the clock you realise you really have to head to Leah’s room now if you wanted to go through with it. You still had the chance to pull out but one thought about the other woman makes it easy to decide to head upstairs towards room 200, opening it with the key card and stepping inside a dimly lit room.

——————

„Leah?“ you ask a bit unsure. „Over here!“ she luckily answers and you follow the voice to turn around the corner. There lays Leah on a king size bed, in nothing but a set of red lingerie which makes your breath hitch. „Woah“ you just say and stand there, staring at her. „Hey there“ she smiles sweetly and sits up on her elbows. Her abs are flexed in this position and you can’t keep your eyes from drifting over her body. „You can touch me you know, come here“ Leah interrupts her thoughts and sits on the edge of the bed after pulling you after her. Now you’re standing between Leah’s legs and look down on her while playing with a strand of Leah’s long blond her which falls down her tanned body beautifully. „You look so hot“ you finally gain your voice again after being startled by the sight of Leah. „that was the plan“ Leah grins and pulls you closer by your thighs. Then you bow down and look her deep in the eyes, full of lust, before your lips crash together. The kiss starts soft but grows more and more heated. Soon it’s a full on make out session with Leah laying on her back, you on top of her. 

Finally you pull a bit back to gain some air, looking at a flustered Leah. „I’ve never done this before“ you confess and a frown forms on Leah’s face. „You’ve never had sex before?“ she asks and you shake your head. „I’ve had sex of course but never with someone…random. Only in relationships or with people I’ve known longer than you“ you explain and she nods understandingly while stroking up and down your waist. „we don’t have to go all the way today you know? I’m perfectly fine with getting to know you and maybe we could resume this in London some day“ she answers but you shake your head again. „No! I want this…so bad“ you blush at the confession „I’m really turned on by you“ you add and blush even more. „I see“ Leah grins confidently and keeps on stroking your waist, now under your top. „So you’re that horny you wanna sleep with a random woman like me?“ she asks and lets her hands wander to your back. „Yes“ you just manage to say, not able to concentrate on talking with Leah’s hands on you like this. „Ts ts ts so needy“ Leah grins and pushes your back down so you both are face to face. „Let me take care of that“ she says while looking in your eyes intensely. „Okay“ you just say and smile at her while not being able to hold the eye contact fully, too nervous about the situation. Leah leans a bit forward to whisper into your ear „if you feel uncomfortable just tell me“ she says and then turns you both around easily so she’s on top.

„I will now…no more talking“ you say decisively and grin up at her. Leah mirrors the grin before diving back in, kissing you hardly. It’s a short battle before Leah gains dominance of the kiss, using her going to explore your mouth while her hands are roaming over your body. First it’s your waist, shoulders, hands and back. Then she slowly glides towards your breasts, cupping your bra lightly. „You still wear way to many clothes“ she whispers before sitting up and helping you pull off your top. „Better“ she grins and looks down at you in awe. Then she resumes to take off your bra as well „even better“ she grins again and slowly starts playing with your nipples, watching your face closely. You try to hold the moan escaping your mouth but Leah soon realises that your breasts are extremely sensitive so she resumes getting to work there. „I wanna hear you baby“ Leah says and you just nods. 

When she bows down to take one of your nipples into your mouth she can’t hold in a loud moan anymore. „I’ve never seen someone enjoying nipple play that much“ Leah smirks up at you but you just nods and beg „keep going please“. Without a word Leah resumes her work with her mouth, stimulating your other breast with your mouth. After a while her hand wanders down, lips still around your nipple, sucking and licking it. She swiftly pulls down your skirt and panties, now having you completely naked in front of her. „Fuck“ she groans and takes a long look over your body. She quickly takes off her lingerie as way so she’s equally naked and lays down on you again. 

With her knee she gently spreads your legs and starts grinding against your clit. You hiss and can’t stop yourself from rocking against Leah’s leg yourself. „Please Leah“ you quietly beg and look at her, flustered with your lips swollen and hair a mess. „What please?“ she asks with a smirk while kissing your neck gently. „Please just…do something“ you response. „I’m doing something“ she grins again while grinding a bit harder against you. „You know what I mean“ you groan. „Say what you want“ she demands and starts sucking on your neck, at all the right spots which makes you moan again. „Fuck just…fuckk me please. I want to come so bad“ you finally confess and she smirks up at you.

„Of course I’m gonna fuck you, don’t worry about that“ she says and lets a hand slide down your stomach until it finds your center. „You’re so fucking wet“. „just for you Leah…please“ you whimper and her smirk grows even wider. „oh baby“ she says with a husky voice while leaning forward towards your ear again. „I’m going to ruin you, I’m going to fuck you so hard you won’t be able to walk tomorrow“ she says and bites your earlobe before letting her fingers runs through your folds. After a pierce look into her eyes she finally pushes two fingers into your tight pussy, clenching around them immediately. A loud moan escapes your mouth which is muffled by her kissing you passionately. She bites your lip and starts moving her fingers, first a bit slower to help you adjust, then harder and harder. „Do you like that?“ she grins down at you while playing with your nipple and fingering you roughly. „Fuck yes Leah, I haven’t been fucked in such a long time“ you confess and start moaning loudly again. „Oh yeah, I can feel how tight you are“ she answers while curling her fingers to hit all the rights spot in a punishing pace. Your cunt clenches and a loud moan escapes your mouth again, signalling Leah you’re getting closer and closer to coming.

So she suddenly pulls out her fingers „turn around“ she orderes and you obey embarrassingly quickly, way to eager for her to resume. „I’m gonna make you cum now“ she whispers in your ear and suddenly spanks your ass hardly. You can’t contain a moan again, loving to be taken rough like that. „You love it when I claim you right?“ she asks and you can hear the smirk in her voice. You nod, unable to form words but that’s not enough for her. „Answer me properly“ she orders and spanks you again. „Y-yes“ you whimper and push out your ass, signalling how desperate you are. „I’m gonna give you what you want“ she decides and pushes two fingers into you again, curling them and start moving them fast and hard. „Fuuck“ you moan again, burying your head in the mattress. „You can take more“ she decides, not leaving space for doubt. She then pulls you up by the hair and pushes three fingers into you, curling them once again which makes you scream out her name. „I’m gonna come Leah, please make me cum please“ you beg, almost pathetically. „Yes baby I’m gonna make you cum“ she says and circles your clit while keeping her movements inside you until you clench hard around her fingers accompanied with a long moan. „Good girl“ she whispers into your ear while pulling her fingers out and kisses your neck softly. „Fuck“ you just breath out and fall down on the bed, completely exhausted.

„That was so fucking good“ you say after a few minutes of just laying there while Leah was stroking your back. „I’m glad you enjoyed it“ Leah smiles softly and you turn your head a bit to see her properly. „Um should I…you know“ you offer to reciprocate the favour but can’t contain a yawn. „No seeing you like that was enough for me“ Leah grins and lies down next to you. „You can show me what that mouth can do when you’re visiting London someday“ she grins cheekily and you just chuckle then turn on your side to throw one arm around Leah’s waist. „I can’t wait“ you whisper and press a firm kiss onto her lips. After a few lazy kisses you lay your head on Leah’s chest, just relinquishing in the moment together, exhausted from the night you slowly drift away. After a while you can feel how Leah shifts and gets up but after a few seconds she climbs back into bed, pulling the sheets over you to and hold you close while pressing a good night kiss on your head.

————————————

I hope you enjoyed this, please leave feedback and comments, I’ve never done this before so I’m curious about your opinions!

[internetgiraffekid1673]

What the Hell is Wizard101 (and Pirate101)

I'm making this post for the lovely @ellazimmermansblog, who is very sweet and wants to actually have half a clue what's going on in the fandom that I'm in but she's not. And oh sweet cheese and crackers. You asked for it. I tried to leave this in the comments. I really did. This is gonna get long, so feel free to read this in chunks or disregard it or just read it whenever you get the time.

Genre:

Wizard101 is a JRPG or junior-role-playing game that's also an MMO or Massive Multiplayer Online game that was big in the 2010s. In case you don't know what those are:

A JRPG is a game where you basically play as the protagonist of a middle grade fantasy/adventure story, meaning the target audience is usually 7-13. Think Pokemon or Kingdom Hearts.

An MMO is a game where everybody who plays the game is playing at the same time, in the same world. You can always interact with other players and are heavily encouraged to team up and collobarate.

While it is advertised as "free to play," it's only free for like the first hour or so of playtime. You can do the tutorial and like two other areas before you have to fork over some cash for a membership.

Basic Story:

Anyway, the spoiler-free story of Wizard101 is that you are a young Wizard enrolled in Ravenwood School of Magic by Headmaster Ambrose. He found you magically transported from "a strange world that doesn't believe in magic" (read: Earth). He believes you may be "the one we've been searching for." After doing a personality quiz to decide which school of magic you belong to, your enrollment is immediately crashed by Malistaire Drake. He used to be the Professor for the Death School, until his wife fell ill and he went mad with grief and turned evil trying to bring her back.

After beating up your would-be teacher, you learn that he's been unleashing scores of undead onto Wizard City, mind-controlling people, is going after major infrastructure, and is just being a dick in general because he's eeeeeeeeviiiiil. Ambrose turns you loose in the streets to help a number of other student NPCs save the city and do general damage control.

The main story of Arc 1 basically has you trekking after Malistaire like a lunatic, cleaning up his messes and trying to stop him from breaking the world apart while he attempts to ressurect his wife. This is where me and my brother J-Dog are at in our playthrough.

But there are 4 arcs, and the story continues WELL after you mop up the Malistaire problem. It's basically the Young Wizard saving the spiral from major threat after major threat, trekking through quirky worlds willy-nilly, and meeting a massive and entertaining cast of NPCs, all with different motivations and sidequests and problems for you to solve (or cause).

Each world in the spiral is also kind of an analogy for a real life place or a popular fictional story, but you replace all the humans with anthropomorphic animals (I'm really not sure why this game isn't more popular with furries). Marleybone, for example, which is where my brother and I are right now, is analagous to Victorian era England and populated by a bunch of stiff-upper-lipped dogs that nobody likes, mutliple crime rings of cats, and a contingent of Irish foxes that only appear in the less-popular but very good companion game: Pirate101 (I'll get to that).

That's the most basic I can make the gist, but there's still a lot of other basic information that might matter when I talk about it, so I'll put that under a cut!

Magic Basics:

The 7 main schools of magic that you can play as, and what they're general purpose/ability is are as follows:

Storm: Hit things really hard in exchange for a low accuracy rate and lower base HP. Glass cannons basically. This is what I'm playing as.

Fire: Also hitting things, but focuses more on damage-over-time spells that kill your enemies slowly.

Ice: Damage Sponge. They have the highest natural health pool, access to some decent spells early on to reduce damage, and even have a taunt spell that can draw enemy fire onto them (this isn't very useful in practice from what I've heard).

Those are the three elemental schools. The next three are spirit schools.

Life: Healers. What did you expect? They're the only class with the ability to heal other players. They get a high health pool, really good accuracy, and a lot of healing spells, but they're less good at hitting things and dealing damage. This is what J-Dog is playing as.

Myth: Summons. You can summon lots of different minions to help you out. From what I understand, each minion plays slightly differently and you're supposed to build different strategies around what they give you.

Death: Drains. Stealing health from the enemy basically. A lot of their spells will hit the enemy really hard, and then give half of that back to you. Because of the capability to hurt and heal in the same turn, they're the best to solo the game with.

And finally there is a school that lives in between Elemental and Spiritual:

Balance: battlefield control. They have a lot of damage increasers and damage reducers, and have the capability to mess with the powers of any of the other schools.

While each class does have it's unique and specific niche, they do all have the same main function: summon a monster to hit your enemy. All the combat in the game is done in a summoning circle where you take turns summoning monsters to hit each other. Each side can have up to 4 allies at a time (are we sensing a number theme yet).

Each enemy in the game has an assigned school that they belong to. Casting spells from the same school as them does less damage, while spells from the opposite school are stronger. Opposites are as follows:

Life and Death

Fire and Ice

Myth and Storm

Balance is a special snowflake that has no opposite :)

Your ability to cast spells depends on your Mana, which can be restored with blue wisps of magic floating around the world. Your ability to not be dead depends on your health, which can be restored with red health wisps.

Most spells that you cast, especially damaging spells, have a chance to "fizzle" or fail to cast. It's like missing in a pokemon game. This is the bane of every player's existence.

There are also Astral Schools later that do other things, but I ain't got there yet, so it's whatever.

Extracurriculars:

There are a number of other fun things you can do in Wizard101 that don't involve saving the world:

PvP: player versus player combat! Get the shit beaten out of you by people with more time and money! For fun! Beat the shit out of other people and win arena tickets, which can buy you cool prizes like better gear!

Pets: You can have a number of adorable little animal companions that, if you take good care of, will help you in combat! Some of them cast spells on their own, some of them give you extra spells to cast, some of them have passive abilities that increase your strength, and all of them will get more helpful the more you train them. You train them via minigames, like teaching them to dance or having them eat snacks off a stage or FIRING THEM OUT OF CANONS (amongst other questionable activities).

Gardening: Take care of the weirdest assortment of magical plants you've ever seen, in exchange for harvesting them for money and crafting ingredients and treasure cards and stuff. All of them are puns btw. Like. I have laugh-o-dils, despairagus, baby carrots (literal screaming baby carrots in diapers), and dandelions (which have actual lion faces) to name a few.

Fishing: Pull weird magical pun-based fish out of the water and sell them for exorbitant amounts of cash or stick them in your aquarium or something!

Monstrology: Study various creature types by killing them a lot until you become an expert and can either summon them as minions, stick them in your house, or just get EXTRA good at killing them.

Crafting: Use natural ingredients you found across the spiral (reagents) to make better gear yourself!

There's also photomancy, but that's just a glorified screenshot feature and we all know it.

NPCs:

Me and everybody else who plays this game is fucking obsessed with all of the non-player characters in both games. There are so many of them though, and they're so different from each other, that you're better off just asking who's who every time I post about one.

Pirate101:

While the Wizard is off being a tragic chosen one saving the spiral from various world-ending threats, there are other adventures going on underneath their nose! Pirate101 takes place at the same time and in the same universe as Wizard101, but never interacts beyond vague references.

The basic spoiler-free plot of this one is that you are a young orphan who got thrown into prison after crossing the Clockwork Armada, a tyrannical army of steampunk clockwork robots who want to conquer the world and end our God Given Right to steal shiny things (and also suppress free will or something. Idk. I never got that far).

You're broken out of jail by eccentric pirate captain Boochbeard and his monkey first mate Mr. Gandry, drag a fellow captive along with you, beat up one of the high-ranking members of the Armada, and are taken to the pirate safe haven of skull island. You're introduced to it's steward, the successful and retired pirate Captain Avery, who immediately enlists you as his errand boy/girl/goblin thing. You meet one of the first companions of your crew, Bonnie Anne, and together you run some turncoat sharks out of town.

After proving yourself to Avery and getting swindled out of a real ship, you basically spend the rest of the game chasing after untold gold and riches, beating up the Clockwork Armada, and helping out unfortunate souls where you can.

The critical difference between wizard and pirate though: The wizard makes temporary NPC acquaintances and even a few true friends, but they're always left to fight alone with just themselves (and a few other wizards if you're playing the game multiplayer, as intended). Meanwhile, the pirate is collecting ragtag companions for their motley crew like they're pokemon cards. Some of them are looking for adventure, others money, others freedom or a new life, and a lot of them just feel like they owe you because you beat them up.

All of these NPCs join your crew and you can have up to 3 of them in a fight with you, in addition to a pet. They all have highly entertainig personalities and different sets of abilities that are useful in different scenarios.

Pirate101's combat is much more up close and personal, playing more like chess where you have a bunch of different pieces that you have to strategically move around to hit different attacks with.

The different classes of pirate, which are determined by which crime got you in jail at the beginning of the game, are as follows:

Musketeers (my fave): guns and traps. The idea is that you don't have to get too close with them.

Witchdoctor: magic! They function sort of similarly to wizards in wizard101, but they can also hit things over the head with their staff and get stabbed, so no they don't.

Privateers: Healing, boosting, and commanding other pirates

Bucanners: Big sword that hits one thing very hard (and also big defense) at the cost of more agility and freedom to move.

Swashbuckler: Also hitting things, but less defense and health in exchange for more agility.

Pirate101 also has ship combat. While Wizard has convenient magical teleporters to move you between worlds, Pirate101 said "get in your boat and drive there yourself." You basically fire canonballs at each other until one ship gets damaged so badly it stops moving and gets boarded, at which point you transition to regular combat.

Pirate101 is in general, the neglected younger sibling. Kingsisle doesn't pay a quarter as much attention to Pirate, but it's still really good.

Apart from the companions and the combat, the biggest difference in pirate is probably your lack of supervision. You don't constantly have people glaring over your shoulder and telling you what to do, you just have a ragtag gang of misfits and a general order to "get money, don't die, and don't be a dick." The pirates get to be very chaotic in comparison to the wizards.

Holy mackeral, that was a lot. Anyway, I played both games a lot as a kid and spent my summer allowance on memberships for them. Now that I have an adult brain and adult money and am a lot better at video games, I have returned to enjoy them again, and I am dragging my brother along with me (don't worry, he's having fun too).

I highly recommend that you play them both, they're very fun. But this post should be a good guideline if you don't want to put that much investment into it, but still want to have half a clue what I'm talking about when I bring up either game. Thanks so much for asking!

[the1975attheirverybest]

A Brief History of Time

A/N: sorry this request took a minute. My mental health as been trash lately and I feel like it’s starting to affect my writing. Hope this can still bring a smile to your faces though. Or at least make the person who requested it happy. Let me know what you think!

Warnings: none.

—-

“When I said I wanted to go for a walk, I didn’t realize it was gonna be raining.” She groaned, using her purse as a makeshift rain hat to protect herself from the rain.

“What, you call this rain? That’s not real rain. We’re in Manchester, baby.” Matty smiled, looking up at the sky as raindrops landed in his hair.

“What else would I call it?”

“Spitting.” He stated matter-of-factly.

“Is that a Manchester thing?”

“Could be? I think it’s just an England thing to be honest.” He shrugged, watching her frown with every raindrop that landed on her clothes. “Alright, alright, you big baby. let’s find you an umbrella.”

***

“This was their last one.” Matty called out as he emerged out of the store. “You got really lucky- allow me.” He opened the umbrella for her, sticking his arm out, and gesturing for her to get underneath it. “M’lady.” She hopped closer to it, relieved at the shelter it provided. Matty held the umbrella up for her while she wrapped her fingers around his arm, huddling in to share in the cover with him.

“All better now?” He smiled down at her.

“Mhm.” She reached up, kissing his lips as a gesture of gratitude. “You know what would be even better, though?”

“What, my love?”

“If we could stop at that Starbucks over there. I think a coffee might be nice.”

“You want a coffee? Alright. But we’re absolutely NOT going into a Starbucks. I know a better place.”

“It’s gonna be really far away, isn’t it?”

Matty said nothing, simply smiling as he sprinted down the street, causing her to giggle and speed up to keep up with him.

***

“Oh, hey, look. It’s The Deaf Institute.” Matty stopped in his tracks abruptly, pointing at the building. A smile crept its way onto his face as he walked closer to the front door, leaning in to take a peak through the glass.

She couldn’t help but smile as well as she watched him visibly light up at the sight of the place whispering exclamations to himself.

“It’s where we had our first proper 1975 show, you know.”

“Really?”

“Yeah…like, just when we were starting to attract attention. We played here and it fucking blew my mind that people knew the lyrics to ‘The City.’” Matty’s eyes twinkled with pride as he recalled the night, a decade ago. He couldn’t believe how quickly his whole life had changed.

“Hey, let’s go in there.” She whispered in his ear, as if sharing a secret plan.

“I thought you wanted a coffee…”

“Just a quick look around. I wanna see!”

“Alright, then.” Matty held the door open for her. “After you.”

“You’re such a gentleman.” She teased.

The place bustled with energy. The warm orange -red lights giving everything a golden glow. The space was by no means huge, but it was definitely packed. The walls lined with promotional posters of upcoming events. Some announced comedy shows, others were for bands and up and coming artists. She found herself imaging a 24 year old Matty, excitedly bouncing around the place. The image made her heart flutter with joy.

“I mean, at the time, the place felt enormous to us. We didn’t even have that many songs yet, I can’t believe we managed to put together a set list.” He laughed. “Oh my god. Look how low the stage is. In my mind, I was way above the crowd. This can’t be more than a few inches.” He giggled at the power of his memory to exaggerate the details of such a concrete moment.

An idea popped into her head. She pulled her phone out, typing “the 1975 the deaf institute,” into the search engine. “Oh my god, look! It’s on YouTube!” She held her phone up to his face, watching as he chuckled dramatically. “Look at my fuckin hair. What a wanker!” He shook his head.

“Hey, Matty? I have an idea. Go stand over there. I wanna take a picture of you. Re-create this original moment.”

“Babe-“

“Nope. I’m not taking no for an answer. Go!”

Begrudgingly, Matty did as she said, standing in the same corner that he clung to 10 years ago, smiling at her.

“Iconic! I’m making that my phone background.” She announced, proud of herself for having made him do it.

Within moments, a group of friends at the bar had recognized him and walked over to say hello.

She stood a short distance away, watching, and brimming with pride as he shook the fans’ hands and posed for pictures with them.

“Thank you. Nice to meet you!” He waved at them on the way out, flinging his arm around her and getting ready to open his umbrella again.

The rain had picked up when they stepped back out onto the street. It was definitely no longer just ‘spitting.’

“We’re having our afterparty at The Deaf Institute, you know? Like after our Manchester show.” Matty informed her as the building began to disappear behind them.

The pitter-patter of the rain against their umbrella was too loud for them to hold a conversation. They walked side by side, in silence, Matty occasionally pulling her to him and kissing her forehead.

“What- the- fu-“ Matty’s face dropped, pausing at the sidewalk.

“What? What is it, baby?”

“This- this was supposed to be the coffee shop.”

She looked around, confused. “Where?”

“Exactly! It’s gone! This- here!” He pointed to a partially demolished building. “This is where George and I would come get a coffee sometimes. Adam and Ross hated it. I mean, they’re right, it was shit, but it was all we could afford when we were kids, so- I can’t believe it’s gone!”

“I hate to interrupt your nostalgic grief, but umm, you were purposefully bringing me to a shitty coffee place?”

Matty smiled, his reminiscent bubble popping instantly. He shook his head. “It’s shit in a good way. You know when somethings so bad that it’s actually kinda good?”

“Nope. No, sorry, I do not.” The coffee snob in her finding his logic unacceptable.

He chuckled, taking her hand in his and resuming their walk once again. “C’mon. Let’s keep walking. We’ll find something eventually.”

***

“Do you like Manchester?” He looked down at her face. The rain had finally stopped, so he closed the umbrella, using his now free arm to keep her close to him as they walked on.

“You know what? I think I do, actually. Plus, you seem to love it, and I like seeing you so happy.”

“Think I’d like to raise my kids here.” Matty blurted out, unthinkingly.

“You-you think about having kids?”

“Yeah, I mean….you know. Someday. Don’t you?”

“Y-yeah. Yeah, me too. I guess I just didn’t realize you were thinking about stuff like this- like, where you’d raise them.”

“Can’t help it. When I’m here, it’s kind of all I want.”

She felt a warm and fuzzy tingle in her stomach at the thought of Matty raising his kids in the place that had brought him up. She thought it was sweet that he’d considered something like that.

Matty had seen something that made him stop right away. She hadn’t realized it until she felt his arm pull her back like an anchor, and when she turned around to see what he was looking at, she noticed the posters herself.

“Wow…record shop?”

“No, it’s a club actually.”

“Look! The Arctic Monkeys.” She giggled, pointing to the poster, having noticed that The 1975’s own ILWYS poster was hanging just a few rows below.

“You think you’re teasing me, but I’m genuinely an Arctic Monkeys fan so, I don’t mind.” Matty laughed.

“Yeah, you’re probably the only person who doesn’t hate their new album.”

“Hey! No slagging off my boy, Alex.”

“Did you just…call Alex Turner ‘your boy’ ?” She shook her head.

“Don’t care what Twitter says. He and I get on and I think their song ‘Perfect Sense,’ is fucking mint.”

“Alright, well, we’ve been walking for like an hour and I still don’t have coffee. Can we please go to Starbucks now?”

***

They sat on the bench by the river, sipping their coffee and enjoying watching the birds land and dip into the water for a drink.

When Matty turned to look into her eyes, he noticed that she was shivering. Quietly, he took off his long, black coat and wrapped it around her, laughing to himself at the sight of her being swallowed whole by the fabric.

“Thank you, babe.” She kissed his hand.“Where’d you get this coat, anyway?”

“Stole it off the wardrobe department. Patricia found it for a photo shoot, but I liked it too much to let it go, so…”

“So, I’m wrapped up in stolen goods is what you’re telling me.”

“But doesn’t the fabric feel really nice, though?”

“I….can’t lie, it does.” She conceded, closing her eyes and enjoying the whiff of Matty’s cologne that flooded her senses when a gust of air rattled the coat around her body.

“If you’re too cold, we could just go home.”

“No, please. I’m having the best afternoon. Let’s stay for a little while.”

[fandomsandfairytales]

Live reactions to Quigley Down Under

Basically a form of liveblogging. I wrote all this down while I was watching the movie.

Putting a "keep reading" cut here because ~spoilers~

The bullet points are split up by lines every now and then, usually based on scene. I'm leaving my phone typos in there for amusement purposes and adding in occasional brackets for clarification.

[Opening scene in the boat] Oooooo he's got manners

AND SASS!

[thought this but didn't write it down at the time] Very good introduction to his character, effectively shows us what his character is like with one interaction right off the bat

Very Max Way like, helping Cora

Also yuck to those guys

Lol to him insulting and then totally doing away with those guys [my autocorrected it to "bugs" and it's not wrong]

My name isn't Roy - gives off "don't call me Shirley" vibes a bit

This man is so sick and tired of everything in this country not even 10 minutes in

They got a body!

LOL at "we sent them back to England"

Trying to grasp the plot here

The look in his eyes is saying "What if I'm actually Roy?" at about 13 min

Severus Snape voice!! [Alan Rickman came onscreen and said "Matthew Quigley"]

Fancy specs there [about the gun]

Cora admitting she doesn’t know him!

Here we gooooooo

Got earplugs sir?

Oooooo he’s got SKILLS [shooting the bucket from far away]

Knew he would, of course, lol

That deserter guy's got VERY blue eyes

Dunno if Alan Ricjmsn [Rickman] is reminding me of someone else or just himself

Well that was a fast execution

Aha, I think it’s Ben Barnes as the Darkling, a bit [the person Alan Rickman was reminding me of, because of the facial expressions]

“yOu WeRe AcTuAllY IN dOdGe CiTy???”

This guy [Quigley] is such an American

Jack Pearson vibes hair & facial hair

Why are u so proud of your mint jelly sir

Aha more plot

OoooOOOOO

“Your American Indian” I’m going to skin u alive

What is that box for? Oh, cigars

This Marston guy is so rude

Ugh white supremacy

He’s making me bristle every other word

I’m wondering if Quigley is gonna become an outlaw

The tears in his eyes!!!!

LOL GET THROWN OUT

The outlaw part might be happening faster than I thought XD

GET WRECKED

Lolllll at the turnabout

Also the guys being afraid bc of the long shot rifle XD

YRAHHH PUT UR FEET UP ON THE TABLE

Lol they’re trying to ambush him

Of course it was the slave who got him bc nobody listens or expects them

Cora is so brave!

I KNEW THEY WERE GONNA THROW TJEM TOFETJER

enemies to lovers via being dumped in the desert, let’s go

Stunning landscape

Oh no, he doesn’t have his gun. Sad

Those rickety wagon wheels!

LOL the whisper

Oooooo he’s gonna knife em

Oh he put down the gun. Big mistake

Cool theme!!! The music!

YES HE CAN SHOOT FROM THERE

YOU CAN DI IT MISRER WYIGKEY

he’s giving beat up Walt Longmire

“On a new job it’s quite common for things not to go well at first” 😂 love how they both laugh

Also she’s lowkey giving Mallory from Studio C character vibes

The way she just leaves the hoop there on the ground

Also serious Thorne and Cress vibes

Had that the moment they said “dump them in the desert” They’re really dying ooof

You’re not just going to LEAVE HER THERE ARE U Of course not. Bc you’re a man with morals

Ouch that sunburn doesn’t look fun

This is also giving Walt Longmire dragging Henry through the desert

The moon!!!

They so want us to think it’s Quigley and Cora [the two people the British guys brought in]

Nope, lol

Aha!!! The guys he killed

Lol GET WRECKED

Aboriginal people!

That shot of the silhouettes against the sun is beautiful

Interesting

More Max Way chivalry vibes! “You okay?”

“The shady side of dead” is a cool phrase

Lolll to the kangaroo bit

Oh, grubs

Her accent is making me think of Ed in the movie where they take the babies [Raising Arizona]

“I don’t eat things that are still moving” then kill it first

Cool montage!

Cora backstory??!

The slow zoom in on her is so nice

Wait. Did she actually kill her baby? The poor woman

Dang

SGE WAS TRYINH TO SAVE HER AND THE BABY!!?!!!!!!!

“I know, cause I watched him leave” ughhhh (around 50 mins in)

This poor man just got trauma dumped on

Oh they’re gone!

Is he playing along with her?!

Oh NOOOOO

The way she’s running even if she can’t do anything. She cares so fiercely

Those guys deserve to die

GET RHEM GET THEMMMMM

Lolll yeah she’s not making this any easier for him

Yay he did good!!!!

This man is like Walt Longmire and Jack Pearson combined

“Are you trying to get your head blown off?” Lowkey Riser and Billie vibes to me

Oh 😭

“I could’ve used some help up there” wdym? she didn’t have a weapon

Awww the hand over her hands

Her smile looks like the aww yeah lady

Literally burst out laughing at “I’m cold.” I see EXACTLY what you’re trying to do there sweetheart

LOL to the flirtation

Oh she’s taking her corset off

He’s sweet

LOL

“Matthew”

“I’m not sharing my bed til I know who’s in it” completely and legitimately fair and you should be that way

This is a man hard pressed to deal with her

So very American Cowboy looking at 57 min

Interestinggggg about her not remembering the night before

I feel like O’Flynn’s going to become more important or something

“Not again!!!” Spider-Man school teacher vibes

And something else too I think ^

“Matthew Quigley is really starting to annoy me.” GOOD

The whole “are we lost” exchange was interesting and amusing, you can see him starting to get it

NOOOO

IM GOING TO KILL THEM TOO Idc that it’s a movie

GOOD THOSE MEN SHOULD FALL

I love Cora so much. Her compassion is beautiful

He feels it too even though he doesn’t say anything

I hope she gets to kill someone too

Lol his sass

“Or I’ll let you live” what a threat

“It’s only 20 miles past the bingabong!”

“You only got one shot left in that shooter. Make the most of it” WOW

Don’t worry Cora I’m sure he’s fine

My heart is going to break

This baby

Him on top of those rocks is a cool sight

This is really turning into that movie with Ed and Hi, isn’t it, lol

I like the lighting in that cave

Hmmmmm Idk if it’s a good idea to leave her alone

I’m scared she’s gonna get kidnapped

“You’re the only man on this continent that would ask me what I think” oh man

Awww “little bit”

The deadpan stare at her asking to find her some other clothes

Very American Cowboy of him galloping off. This is the first time he’s actually been alone since getting here

YEAHHHH RIDE HARD

TJE EPIC MUSIC

Yah! Yah! Get your woman and the baby sustenance!!!

Missed where the long coat came from

Definitely a Longmire shot of him on his horse

Cowboy town here

Doc Brown lookin guy

“She ain’t my woman” yeah yeah they all say that

I’ve been called a lot of things ma’am but never that - Riser way vibes

NO NOT THE KID

Oh NOOOO

Not dingoes

Look at those tails those are good dog actors

NO DONT SMOTHER HIM

KILL THE DINGOES

You have the chance to change history

GOOD LADY

GET THE DOGGIES

Dang I didn’t know dingoes were cannibals

Lollll yes take the gold

Mhmmmm u gotta get back

GUN FIGHT GUJ GOHNY [I don't even know what I was trying to type there)

EPIC MUSIC

He has a habit of throwing ppl through windows doesn’t he, including himself?

FIREEE

Hopefully nobody’s in there

Put your bandada over your mouth!!! Good

Seriously more Jack Pearson vibes with a house on fire

LOLLLL to him jumping syreakght thru the roof

You’re just giving him holes to shoot throuh

Oh nvm he’s out

NOOOOO NOT THE MOM

Whoa okayyyy we are knocking the horse over

YEAHHHH “go tell Marston I’m coming after him” definitely reminds me of something but can’t remember what. Maybe Once Upon a Time “tell the evil Queen we’re coming" or something

“Oh, shut up”

None of these guys want to go, do they? Lol

I hope that black guy does something

Bandana over mouth like Riser on his bike

I knew she was still alive

Awww. She’s back in her old mind. “I killed the Comanches”

And the way he understands and goes “didn’t get any sage hens, but I got the next best thing”

Oh, he GOT HER A DRESS

I like how we see them coming over the same hill he came over

Now giving Court Jesysr [Court Jester which is another movie] vibes with him with the baby

Oh her earrings are pretty too

Uhhh should I be scared that she won’t give the baby back? Oh nvm

Love the fade to white transition

He looks like a general sitting there

Ohhhh is it only one bed type scenario??? I see I see

Oh he’s going off without her!

LOLLL she’s awake

The scene with them!!! Emotions!

That theme again

OH. The way he looks back at her. Tears in my eyes

Nice transition into the house

This fluffy haired guy reminds me of someone

The zoom in!

Oh fluffy haired guy is a Scotsman!! Or something, judging by his glengarry. Not his accent tho

Now I’m wondering. Do horses usually run into their home barn/area and rear when they’ve lost a rider who’s dead?

Lol, they’re all going to be tired, but I bet Quigley got sleep

Alan Rickman is giving me Nic Cage as Hi vibes [once again, character from Raising Arizona]

Is that O’Flynn riding?

Horse chase!!!

Oh goodness. Those poor horses.

“On ya feet ya lazy mongrels!” [Adrian Von Ziegler reference]

“Move you gutless bloody wonder” lollll

Got all the grass on him naturally, you wouldn’t see that nowadays, it’d be all brushed off by hair and makeup

Oh NO

noooooooo

Oh gosh he’s being dragged through the desert?!

Not fun not fun

Knew O’Flynn would come up again

I want that slave guy to kill Marston so bad

“What? Nothing clever to say?” Severus Snape vibes

The way if he stood up straight he’d be taller than the other two—

Oh fluffy haired guy IS wearing a kilt isn’t he?! Wait nvm he’s not, thought so bc of his coat

Okay his name is Dobkin, that’s who he is

“Some men are born in the wrong century. I think I was born on the wrong continent.”

What are you WAITING for???

This ain’t Dodge City - that again?

HAAAAAAAAA

I had honestly really wanted the slave to kill him so that he would be the one actually driving the action here lol

Marston dying in the sand is giving Dr. Brenner from Stranger Things dying

“Never said I didn’t know how to use it” mwahaha

The slave guy is back tho!

Yeah he got his gun!

Wait was HE the one who fired at the other two?

Yes!!! The aboriginal ladies!!! And the man! BE FREEEEEEEE

Oh that makes me so happy

Love the dunking the face in the barrel

Lollll here come the British

Oh he is NOT in the mood is he

Snorted at the guy interrupting the other one reading off that long paper

“In short, this paperwork says we can hang you.”

Oh?? Hmm????

YESSSSSSSS Im not surprised!!!

The aborigine people!!

….he’s giving the ”you were saying?” look

Yay! The aborigine man who was a slave seems to have been the one to bring them back!

And now he’s all alone here on this big ol ranch

Ohh goodness

Oh SHE LOOKS SO PRETTY

SHE’S SO PRETTY IN RED

Ohhhhhh he’s gonna say “Roy” isn’t he

I yelled YEAHHHH

Cobb? I didn’t realize that was her last name

Two, of course, he’s staring into her eyes [not sure what I meant by "two"—I think that was an autocorrect of something else]

She was so right about her being pretty in red

Ooooioooo she called him by his name!

She mussed up his hair!!!

Love the traditional still on the kiss and fade to black, very nice

Catch me clapping like it's a movie theater, lol

Thank! You! SO MUCH for telling us no animals were harmed or killed in the making of this movie. That matters to me

Those are some cool names for the aboriginal group

I’ve come to be fond of the theme track :)

A very good movie and a good way to spend Saturday evening.

1990, okay! Would've thought it was a bit older.

And no ads the entire time, huh. [I figured out after this that it's because I was watching it on the TV at my friend's place, who I'm housesitting for currently, and she told me she has YouTube without ads. I'm SO glad I chose to watch the movie while I'm here XD]

@thegreenleavesofspring bc I know you want to see this :)

[variousqueerthings]

8 11 32 PLEASE!

HELLOOOOO AND THANK YOUUUUUU! also I remembered how much I overthink when looking at these whoops

8. Describe your gender without using any words traditionally related to gender: You know the opening to the Mr Bean series? Mr Bean gets beamed down onto earth and then it's implied that everyone Mr Bean does after that is literally because of being an alien, but it's never actually confirmed in the text? that but like. with a much more extensive wardrobe

11. Favorite (or just one you love) piece of LGBT media?: WHY WOULD YOU DO THIS TO ME???? I'm gonna give u three out of Many that are perfect. and I'm going to connect them to a Theme (I'VE CONNECTED THE DOTS). the thing is that these movies are movies that have at some point held me gently and guided me into a greater understanding of the queer community and history generally, as well as my own feeling of place within this community

My Beautiful Laundrette: This is one of my personal seminal queer movies, I watched it as a young'un/baby queer and it's just. Oh. such softness amidst the violence of the times, and the thing is that the softness is something that saves the main characters from the violence, both as potential perpetrators and victims (and how those can be blurred concepts to begin with). the core of it is two men who come back together amidst the height of neo-nazi anti-immigration 80s England, one of whom is Pakistani British and the other a white skinhead. And they open a laundrette together. This movie is sweet, I promise! it also features one of the subtly hottest moments to me in film history, in which one of them licks the others' neck in public while being watched on one side by Pakistani family members and on the other by white racists but it's angled so none of them see it!

City of Lost Souls: Listen, Rosa Von Praunheim's documentation of trans people (and generally queer people) is so so important for our community and you should check him out, but this film in particular is such a wild fucking ride that is hard to explain. a bunch of queer artists in 80s Berlin (and this movie was made in the 80s so you get some real footage of that great big wall) just like... fuck around? share intense elder wisdom? connect? sing! (oh yeah, it's kind of a musical, a trashy punky musical). This is some of the real deep magic of queer connection. there's an iconic moment in this film (there are several) in which a trans woman picks up a one-night stand and explains to him that she's trans and he's like. "eh no idea what all of that means, but you're saying you're a woman right? great!" and it's just Fine

Desire Lines: listen this movie... I'm almost hesitant to recommend it, because I feel so personally affected by it and it's a one-of-a-kind (so far) insight into transmasculine gay culture that is just. deeply precious and not understood by a lot of even the wider queer community. myself and every transmasc person I know who's seen it have felt somewhat transcendent about it, the way you do the first time you see yourself as (positively) visible in this way, it's almost too much. it's a documentary at heart, but quite experimental in elements of its structure, with parts of it being a fictional telling of a middle-aged iranian trans man who works in an archive and is told of the history of trans men's inclusion in gay bathhouses, lou sullivan, and personal testimonies from gay transmasc people. sometimes you don't notice how deprived you've been until something gives you real oxygen

Hon. mentions: Joyland, Great Freedom, Die Beautiful my personal favourite queer films of 2023, still have me by the throat!!!

32. Do you do arts and crafts? Post a pic of a project you've done: okay I will share a picture of something, but I need to go take a picture when I have a sec. It's not complete, but I've started a little zine that's just a big collection of euphemisms and ways of talking about queerness and it's such a fascinating, fun project that's made me think more expansively about how queerness gets talked about, whether it's in the past or present (or potential futures), within and without the community, as modern, or bigoted, or outdated, or fun, or out-of-the-box, or specific, etc. -- it's very far from done, but I can give a sense of just how many words/phrases/concepts I've picked up + imagery I want to include + the construction of the zine itself, which has a few little secrets to it

[blue-spectors]

wanna talk about your ocs 👀👉👈

Sure! Thank you for the ask anon! I'm just gonna listen them since I've got quite a few:

- Vesper Cessair

He's my campion rogue (heavily tied to D&D) who was the product of a man essentially trading his wife's first child to Mephistopheles in exchange for power and wealth. He's a gang enforcer and assassin based in the city of Baldur's Gate. He's also trans, and it does play a pretty big part in his backstory.

Art by @papastacat

- (Lazarus) Eaton

He's my hippocampus oc. His species developed at the time of the megafauna and he's functionally the last of his kind. He's hundreds of thousands years old at this point, so just slightly passed middle-aged. His species can shape-shift for survival (adaptation) and so he's been living amongst humans on-and-off since about 1000 BCE. Currently in his story he's working at Harvard as a history professor and is getting involved with Dr. Augustus Muir ( @mushroomslovesyou 's oc).

Art by @artmarna on Insta and @yourmothersteapot on Insta

- Maxwell Blue

He's a 50s actor turned late night television host who has an ego problem and manages to get himself stuck in a television set for about 30 years. His story is very much inspired by 80s/90s comedy dramas as he ends up befriending a teen and hijinks ensue. (Also he's a closeted gay man.)

Art by @blondedsixties06

- Alias

My android from a sci-fi story I have yet to actually plot. They're an assassin but they moonlight as a model and actor. They're one that I've had for quite a while but can't seem to fully realize. (Yes the gold on their chest is to mimic top surgery scars.)

Visual made on Hero Forge by me

- Micarril'hrae Mel'Viir

My D&D drow oc who is the first born of his family but got demoted and exiled by transitioning. Totally doesn't parody my own life. After leaving he becomes involved with the politics of Waterdeep and eventually some chaotic stuff happens, but I haven't worked on him a ton.

Made by me in Hero Forge

- Preacher Man / Fr. Judas

Another partially baked oc. He's a priest who was raised in a necromantic cult and thinks that his purpose is to end the world so everyone will live forever. As it turns out, he actually died quite a long time ago and is actually a spirit inhabiting different bodies as the cult brings him back after each death because they think he's their savior, etc. He's a bit of a shit and enjoys toying with people too much. He's also ace!

No visual for him yet, sadly.

- Aldwin (the Silent)

He's relatively new as he's the product of a creative writing assignment I had to do on medieval monks. He's the son of a peasant family who goes mute after his father's brutal death at the hand of their lord. To keep him alive, his mother sends him to an abbey (based on Fountains Abbey) where he serves as a lay brother. He loves animals and perhaps one of the other brothers, but he's still trying to work through some things. Largely based off of the Cistercians in medieval England.

Also doesn't have a visual yet.

And then I have these who have visuals but have no story to them:

All designed by me.

I'm also working on some more period ocs, but they don't have enough substance yet to discuss here.

[nikrei]

May Comics Round Up!

I didn't think I got all that much read this month, but it looks like there's a decent amount!

Swamp Thing (71-90) (1988-1990)

Swamp Thing tells a good story as always, and is delightfully messed up in many ways. Intertwined a bit with the start of Hellblazer at this point, so read them together!

The Demon (1-4) (1987)

Missed this mini last month, so grabbed it this time around. A pretty good sequel to the 70s run, and ends with Etrigan kissing Blood on the mouth as they break up, so I think it's a success.

Invasion Event (1-8 + all tie-ins) (1989)

This is a fun event! It is also where the term 'meta-human' originates, so check it out if you wanna get that history.

New Guardians (6-12) (1989)

Sort of a mediocre run overall. Definitely groundbreaking, but you can tell that the guy with the vision left after the first couple of issues (because dc wouldn't let him be as progressive as he wanted to be with the story). Makes me wonder if Tom continues to be a fully enlightened being when he shows up in GL issues after this (if he doesn't they're all cowards)

Plastic Man (1-4) (1988-1989)

A fun gag comic mini. Good for an intro to the character, and it's neat how each issue starts with detailed "serious" comic art that then becomes v stylized and fun.

The Spectre (21-31) (1989)

Oh boy did this go places in the finish. The first half of this run has an entirely different vibe then the second half and neither of them really do it for me.

Dr. Fate (1-14) (1988-1989)

Look the new Dr Fate is sooo wierd, they are just wildly going places with this whole thing. Old Lord of Order Nabu is now a grumpy couch potato, the new Dr Fate duo have no idea what they're doing and consist of a kid that's been aged up to adulthood and his v young stepmom, and also they are soulmates. No idea where they at gonna go with this after they've killed Eric off.

Hellblazer (1-26) (1988-1990)

I like this one a lot, as serious titles go. It really is amusing the difference between Constantine in this title and in Swamp Thing. In his own title he struggles to travel around England, hitchhiking and train hopping and the like, compared to how he's jetsetting around the world in Swamp Thing.

The Question (Annual 2-33) (1989)

The Question is always quality, and also Shiva showed back up!! Many things happen, and also Hub City is literally the worst. Gotham and Bloodhaven think that they are the worst but it is 100% Hub City sorry guys.

Action Comics Weekly (609-641) (1988-1989)

Or at least the bits that were Black Canary/Dead Man/Phantom Stranger/Nightwing/Speedy/The Demon/Phantom Lady (i am not immune to the power of tits okay). These little stories were all really fun, and super easy to miss if you don't have a reading list to follow (I was following a Roy list, then backed up to catch the Dinah stories story) However, the Demon story there at the end had Jason and Etrigan back together already, so I looked up a reading list for him and discovered:

Cosmic Odyssey (1-4) (1988)

Read this to find out how Etrigan and Jason got back together. I love the fourth world. I have many things to say about it and I have written out some of that already. Jim Starlin is my enemy.

Secret Origins (26-38) (1988-1989)

Catching up on folks changed backstories for the post crisis era pretty much

Green Arrow (14-16) (1989)

Only just got started on Arrow at the end of the month! I'll read more now!

Bonus: weeks 5-9 of the Comic Kon superboy reading club! We've finally made it to the Superboy solo! But boy, does that start off getting caught in every big event around, the extra credit has to work hard!

[69bitterbeingz]

IF YOU'RE GONNA BE DUMB || CH. 8

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DISCLAIMER: This is a reupload from my prev account! best to follow the fic through ao3 [linked below] to avoid any future issues PAIRINGS - johnny knoxville, bam margera, steve-o, chris pontius, ryan dunn x female reader WARNINGS - swearing, drinking

ao3 version

Waking up to the sounds of sheep bleating and birdsong was much gentler on a hangover headache than police sirens and general city bustle. Granted, you couldn’t speak for everyone, but right now you were content to stare at your ceiling in serenity compared to shoving your face in the pillow at home. You reached for your phone to check the time and groaned when you saw 8:47 am - you knew if you didn’t get up yourself, somebody would wake you against your will, and frankly that wasn’t something you wanted to face. So, with creaking bones and a head too heavy for your neck, you clambered out of bed and shuffled to the door to hopefully score the bathroom first. Though, you froze when you stepped through the door, sucking the air sharply through your teeth and gripping the frame with a white knuckled grip. You glanced down, and despaired when you saw shiny, sharp fragments with flat tops. Tacks . You scowled at your feet, then scowled at whoever had emerged from down the hall.

“Ah, mornin’.” 

You pointed down, then at the man trying not to snigger at your obvious irritation.

“I’m getting you back for this, Knoxville.” He couldn’t hold back his laughter any longer as you started picking the tacks out of the soles of your feet one by one, wincing as you plucked each one. “Do you know how hungover I am right now? Too much for this shit.”

“It wakes you up though.” Johnny teased, patting your back when you were done. Your face very pointedly said ‘ that’s not funny’ , but he wasn’t too bothered. He leaned down and scooped the tacks up in his large hand. “I know what’ll cheer you up, let’s booby trap Jeff.” You hated to admit it, but he was right, it would make you feel better. You didn’t hem and haw much longer, just ushered him over to the other end of the hall.

Despite the not-so-ideal start, a couple painkillers [courtesy of Steve-O] later and you were ready for whatever stupid shit the guys had planned for the day. Though they directed you to drive through to Sunbury-on-Thames, they neglected to tell you what exactly was planned - and in their defence, you didn’t ask - but you had an inkling when you pulled into the car park of a rugby club. You sucked the air through your teeth, then tentatively glanced back at the guys in the backseat as Johnny and Chris started the camera.

“So we’re here in merry old England, and Mr. Pontius and I overdid it a little last night, and we’re about to practise rugby with the London Irish, a professional rugby team.”

Chris winced; “I do not feel good…”

“You’re about to feel a lot worse.” You mumbled under your breath, and they both failed to hold back giggles. They looked like utter shit honestly, shaking like dogs in an alleyway as they watched the team train out on the pitch. You probably looked just as bad but at least you weren’t about to get tackled to the cold hard dirt. 

“You know how much this is gonna hurt, yeah?” You asked, leaning over the metal rail while Johnny swung his leg back and forth, a weird way to stretch but if it works it works. Chris shivered, clutching his arms close to his chest.

“They’re pretty big boys…” It was probably the most apprehensive you’ve ever heard Chris be about grappling large men; Johnny laughed bitterly.

“I’m sure we can take ‘em.” He didn’t sound sure at all. Chris turned to you with puppy dog eyes.

“You gonna patch me up if I get killed out there?” You got it was a joke, but you were positive that at least half of him was serious. You rolled your eyes, smacking a hand on his shoulder and giving it a sympathetic squeeze.

“How am I gonna patch you up if you’re dead?”

“Do I get a patch up too, doc?” Johnny scooched up closer to you and hung his arm around your shoulders; he had such a habit of that now, and it always made your cheeks red. Nonetheless, you ignored it and nudged his ribs.

“Nah, you’re a goner too.”

“Thanks for having confidence in us.”

“Yeah, no problem.”

Then they were called up to start the stunt, so you bade them farewell and watched from the sidelines as Johnny was given a mouth guard and he started his intro.

“Hi I’m Johnny Knoxville, and this is rugby.”

Putting it bluntly, it was a bloodbath. To their credit, they really gave it their best shot, but they were no match for trained professionals double their size. It was kind of like watching a nature documentary, like when a pack of predators chase down the two prey animals that were unlucky enough to be separated from the herd. Not to say it wasn’t entertaining, because it was really entertaining, but you couldn’t imagine letting an entire rugby team tackle you to the grass, let alone doing it hungover . As you watched on in slightly concerned amusement, you couldn’t help but respect their dedication to the bit. They’d do damn near anything for good footage, huh? Could you officially label them as martyrs yet?

The players seemed disappointed when the camera crew called the end of the shoot - no doubt they had a good time throwing around such willing participants, but Johnny and Chris probably wouldn’t last much longer like that. It was all in good fun, the team lifting the guys up in the air at the end, but that didn’t mean Johnny wasn’t bloodied by it all. They nodded at the players, then limped off the pitch towards the awaiting crew. You winced when you took note of Johnny’s bloody nose, maybe you had a pack of tissues somewhere…?

“Hey, lookit us, not dead.” Johnny managed to smile through his aches and pains, making you grin with knitted brows. 

“Yeah, congrats on defeating all odds.” You rummaged around in your pockets to find what you were looking for, and once you had it in hand, you reached up to Johnny’s face and gently dabbed at the drying blood. He seemed taken aback, raised eyebrows and pursed lips, but he didn’t stop you from cleaning him up. His eye twitched when you nudged the side of his nose, and you frowned. “Does it hurt?"

“Uh, yeah, kinda.”

“It’s… probably not broken, at least.” 

Johnny didn’t seem to be listening, just stared at you and unknowingly leaned towards your light touch. He was about as clean as you could manage, without getting in there with a damp cloth to scrub away whatever dried on, but he looked better than he did before.

“You should get it checked out though. I mean, looks fine, but just in case, right?” You suggested, shoving the bloodied tissue back in your pocket and leaving your hand there to shield it from the frigid cold of the pitch. Johnny blinked, seemingly pulling himself out of the trance he was in. He smiled, a serene smile you weren’t quite sure you’d seen before, as if he just figured something out.

“...You’re real sweet, y’know that?” He asked, and it was your turn to be surprised. You didn’t need to respond, he just grinned wider and wrapped his arm around your shoulders, leading you to where the rest of the crew were stood. “You’re sweeter than you let on, don’t think you even realise. Just thought I’d tell ya.”

You couldn’t bring yourself to look him in the eye, feeling like a bashful teenager - man, what’s your deal? Thankfully, you didn’t have to dwell on it much longer.

“ Hey! ” Chris called from the distance, seemingly forgetting he was still in nothing but a jockstrap. “C’mon, we’re going for drinks!”

⋅───⊱༺ ♰ ༻⊰───⋅

It was twilight by the time the taxi reached your place, twinkly stars starting to light up the expansive sky. The hours following the shoot were a bit of a blur, pints upon pints washing away your brains into a slurry, just the way you liked it. Most of the crew hung back at the bar, but the Jackasses - namely Chris and Steve-O - had some bright ideas involving the sheep that populated the surrounding fields. So, you hopped out of the black cab and ran over to the fences separating the poor sheep from the real animals. 

“What if it bites my dick?” Chris giggled dopily, discarding his last beer bottle near the wood fencing. You were all standing a few feet from some grazing sheep, completely ignoring the presence of the four drunk idiots encroaching on their space. Johnny shoved Chris, giggling along with him.

“Bet you’d like that, huh?”

“ No way, man!”

“They’re not gonna fuckin’ do anything, they’re just sheep.” You added, unsteady on your feet as you pushed Chris as well. “Not like they got horns.”

“You’re not scared of sheep, are you?” Steve-O taunted, jabbing Chris’ arm, and he finally relented.

“Alright, alright!”

He ran up to the sheep, arms out wide as he prepared to scoop one up, but of course they all fled in different directions, baa- ing in defiance. It seemed to set off a chain reaction, sheep calling out across the fields to each other as if an alarm had been triggered. Maybe it had, maybe they were all warning each other of the weirdo charging at them like a wayward border collie. Johnny cackled with his whole body, throwing himself back before taking off after Chris, intending to do god knows what . You were starting not to care anymore as the world spun around you, the pin prick stars in the inky black sky swirling in long streaks over your head. The dizziness rattled your skull, your eyes feeling like they might pop out from the pressure, so you opted for sitting on the soft dewy grass instead. Your head soon steadied, though you still swayed ever so slightly from side to side. Without realising, you slumped backwards and hit the ground, but you didn’t mind. The sky was more inviting to look at than your shoes.

“Hey.”

A man was standing over you, buzzed head and enlarged pupils. 

“Heya.”

“You good?”

“Watchin’ the stars. ‘M not running after sheep, there’s shit all over the fields...”

Steve-O sat next to you, hugging his knees to his chest and craning his head up to look at the stars too. He took a swig of his beer as you started to ramble.

“It’s nice out here… can finally see the stars. No.. what’s it called? Light pollution, right? Never see the stars anymore.” You pouted at the thought. “You ever lived somewhere with nice stars?”

“Hm?” He hummed, turning his head so he could see your face, your cheeks and nose bitten red by the cold winds.

“Where were you before LA? Doubt you started there.”

Steve-O sniggered low and gravelly. “I was found in some flea market circus in Florida.”

“You say that like you’re a fuckin’... pound dog. ”

“Sure am.” He took another swig.

“Didn’t know you were in a circus.”

“I went to clown college, dude.”

“Well, that I did know…” You trailed off, watching an aeroplane steadily cross the sky. The lights blinked on and off in a hypnotic rhythm, and you suddenly remembered something from earlier. “Knoxville said I was nice…”

“Yea?”

“Yeah.”

“What about it?”

“Jus’ weird to hear.”

“Why’s that weird?” Steve-O snorted, letting go of his legs to lie down next to you. “You’re nice, not a big deal.”

“Even when I’m getting mouthy with bar security?”

Steve-O shrugged, grinning to himself. “You like to pick fights, who cares? Everyone likes to fuckin’ pick fights. Why are you so resistant to being called nice, anyway ? You’d rather be a total bitch?”

“I don’t.” You tried to think but it was just giving you a headache. “It’s not like that, I don’t… feel it is all. I don’t know.” You reached out in hopes he’d let you have a swig of his beer, but instead he bumped it against your head - fair enough. You let your arm fall to the ground in defeat. “...I don’t think Mila likes me.”

Steve-O pulled a confused face. “Mila…? Is he the blonde guy that lives with you?”

“Yeah, he doesn’t like me. He got pissy at me right before I came.”

“...Ok?” Steve-O shrugged. “Dude, who fucking cares if he doesn’t like you? Not everyone’s gonna like you, not your problem. Do you like him? ”

You paused; surely you must like him a little to agree to move in with him? Surely you like him a little if you formed a band with the guy? At the end of the day, you consider him a friend…

“Who gives a shit anyway, you got other friends.” Steve-O concluded, finishing his beer and tossing it away. In a drunken moment of vulnerability, you turned to Steve-O.

“Do you like me?”

He looked at you like you were being a total weirdo. “...Yeah, I wouldn’t hang out with you if I didn’t like you. Stop getting fucked up over nothing.”

With that, Steve-O got up and chased after Johnny and Chris, leaving you lying there in the grass. You weren’t quite lucid enough to dwell on your conversation in any meaningful way, so you simply let it wash over you as a thing that happened. Blindly, you patted down your pockets to find your phone, then flipped it open to check the time. However, you got sidetracked by a voicemail that was left for you from Bam. When did he call you? You didn’t even notice your phone ring…

“ [Y/n], hope you’re getting some decent shit out there. Me ‘n Dunn were talking, you should come down to West Chester when you get back, my brother’s band is playing a show and it’s about time you actually saw ‘em. Promise it won’t be lame, we’ll keep you entertained. Bet it’ll be more interesting than fuckin’ England, anyway.”

Beep.

You smiled to yourself, you need to remember to call him back. 

Clumsily, you got up from the ground and brushed the dirt off your ass. In the distance, you could hear whooping and sheep bleating, so you figured they were still occupied with tormenting those innocent sheep. You stretched your arms behind you, cracked your back, and started on your way towards them. When you finally appeared on the horizon, Chris was the first to notice you and ran up to you with a giddy smile.

“I grabbed one! It kicked like hell.” 

Looking down, you could see the red marks on his bare legs.

“I gotta get Knoxville back for the thumbtacks this morning.” 

“What do you wanna do?”

“Let’s drag him through sheep shit.”

[blindrapture]

SUNDAY JUNE 26TH, 2011 ("Fears. There's the rub.")

[This is another one where the formatting on tumblr just won't work right. I recommend the Website version for the ideal read.]

10:30 AM In case you’re wondering, that last bit wasn’t, like, some demon sneaking in and writing “Rapture is coming” into my journal while I was asleep. No. I couldn’t sleep. I kept thinking about what Rogers had said. So I just.. wrote it down and thought. I haven’t been talking much lately. I’m just.. I dunno. Lost in thought.

11:02 AM - Rabbit holes are key to Rapture - Rabbit holes are growing (according to Harlequin) - All this was started by…? (“Doctor Cloud?”) - This is not Rapture. Rapture is coming. I’ve done some thinking. And I’ve deduced that oh my god I need more information. I need to learn more about the things. The monsters.

Except they’re not monsters, are they? That’s what Mist the Harlequin told me. She called herself a “goddess.” Or something. But is that true? Is that false? I really don’t know. I have no way of knowing. Rogers said something about fears. Do gods have fears? I need to look into this more.

11:11 AM I wish I could get some answers. I’m gonna ask the generic family about things. About Rogers.

11:20 AM Alright, they don’t mind me writing this stuff down as we talk. “Rogers was a very good child. The doctors told us he was” mumble “we still don’t believe that. He’s just… a savant.” They might be right about that. He certainly knew a lot more about what’s going on than anyone I’d met. “We, I.. we don’t know who would want to kill him. He had no enemies, nothing to hide.” Meredith is crying. “On the way down here, Rogers was” interrupted, that was Bill, Richard doesn’t want him talking about that. Noted. “Can you not ask about Rogers, please?”

I asked about the Exodus. About America. “We heard about the Exodus when we were nearing London a few weeks ago. London was quite.. impossible for us to enter. So we turned back and found some flyers about the Exodus and Liverpool, and.. here we are. “We don’t have any real reason for going to America besides survival. England is theirs now. Staying for much longer would be stupid.” I asked about “them.” “Rogers knew a lot ab” Bill was interrupted again. Richard “Rogers called them.. there was this phrase he used a lot. Some old English word.. and then ‘abomination.’ So we just call them abominations.” ..Eldritch? When I said that, Bill’s face lit up. Hit the nail on the head, I suppose. “Whatever they are, they’re abominations, they are not of this world, not of God. They shouldn’t be here. But they are.”

I asked about the rabbit holes. “Portals to Hell, I say. I don’t care for them; we try our best to avoid them at all costs. Y’know the first one I went in took me to a world of nothing but toilets? It was this big city, industrial, completely normal. Except every time you thought you’d see a human, there was a toilet, instead. Not of this world! Ridiculous.” They have to get going somewhere soon. My last question: Camper Festival. “I’ve heard of that. I’ve heard the name, not much about it. But it’s really good. I hear it’s the best thing to come out of this apocalypse, lots of the oldies, the kind of music they don't make anymore. Listen, we’ve really got to get going.”

12:39 PM I’m looking around town. Donnie didn’t want to come. She said she’s feeling a little under the weather. I’ll make sure to look for medicine of some sort.

1:16 PM I couldn’t find anything. Returned to the inn. Wednesday can’t come any faster.

1:30 PM The innkeeper’s calling another headcount meeting.

2:00 PM Innkeeper says we’re all here, except for the deceased from yesterday. She gave her usual precautions, and said we’re having a five o’ clock curfew this time. Some people argued that the Massacrer will just kill people before then; curfews don’t matter to psychos. The innkeeper stood her ground.

2:34 PM Donnie’s really got a bad cold. She has a nasty headache and can’t stop coughing and sneezing. And I have no idea where any medicine is.

3:07 PM Taking another look in town. There’s gotta be something.

4:10 PM Noth … ..okay. It was that same old woman again. She was standing in the inn hallway. Now she’s gone. o_o; ..anyway, I found nothing. It’s nearly curfew.

5:49 PM Donnie doesn’t want me hugging her. She doesn’t want me catching whatever it is she has. Jordan is a sad spidercat now. ._.

7:24 PM I’m wondering a lot of things. What kind of cold might Donnie have? I mean, chances are it’s just a normal flu, but.. considering all these foreign creatures leaking who knows what into the atmosphere… I’m gonna try not to think about that. >_<

8:52 PM SCREAM WHERE

8:53 PM All the people are coming out of their rooms. Who screamed?

8:54 PM Innkeeper’s doing her headcount.

8:56 PM A lady from down the hall is dead. Her head was cut off entirely. Cleanly, too. I get the feeling it was our Masky. But that may be stating the obvious.

10:02 PM We were all questioned. I was here with Donnie; Donnie attested to it and I have this journal here, too. So every night, someone dies. But we’re getting out of here, and there’s gotta be somewhere around thirty of us. I think we’ll be fine. Either way, I’m getting some goddamn sleep.

(Attached: “Ah. Fears. There’s the rub. And the perfect jumping-off point for me to share another anecdote that this brings to mind. I mentioned some logs back that I had done some time in Aegyptus. Well, when I first arrived, date something like 90 CE, I knew nothing of the local languages so I feigned myself a mute and took residence in Memphis.

I hid in an abandoned store for a few weeks, stealing food and learning bits and pieces of dialogue from observing the locals. My clothes, I found lying on the street. Probably stole them too. I didn’t know how long I intended on staying, only that I refused to leave that time period, not when I knew at that point what I had just discovered– but that’s a story that requires far more context and so will have to wait awhile.

Before I knew it, I was standing before the the Great Temple of Ptah, listening to two people nearby speaking in English.

---Amazing what they do for us.

--- Pfft, yeah. All this effort. We don’t even care.

--- It’s not like we can just tell them we don’t want it.

--- Well, yeah, they’ll likely fight another war or something.

I couldn’t figure out where it was coming from until

I looked up and saw two people standing atop the front gates. Having no way to get up there, I called up to them, asking if I could speak.

Within a second, one of them suddenly appeared in front of me, the other one still climbing down. The one who had teleported bore the head of a jackal as a mask, the one climbing down wore bright white clothes with a long black beard.

The jackal-faced man asked me what I wished to discuss, throwing in a ‘mortal’ for good measure.

-- Ah, so you’re Fears, I said with much relief. This, however, only offended him.

--- What? ’Fears?’ Is that what they’re calling us now? Hey, Osiris! They’re calling us 'Fears’ now! Osiris, out of breath by the time he got to the ground, wiped sweat from his forehead and rolled his eyes.

--- Cute, but I wish they’d stick with 'god.’ I’m getting tired of all these epithets, and why do people insist on calling me a 'Lord?’ I decided to clarify.

--No, nobody’s calling you that yet. I, uh. I’m not from around here. I actually just wanted to know why you guys are speaking in English.

The two gods looked at each other in confusion. Osiris said, --- We’re not, foreign one. We speak in the ancient tongue known only to us gods. Your puny ears interpret it as whatever you’re used to.

Jackal guy added, --- But what is 'English?’ That doesn’t sound like the name of any language I’ve heard of.

-- Never mind, you answered my question, we’re good.

I didn’t want to say I was from the future; that struck me as kind of a no-no with time traveling.

--- Say, you’re a god too, aren’t you? The jackal guy asked, sounding enthusiastic.

I looked around to see if anyone was watching. No one in sight.

--..yeah. I’m Thoth.

The two of them gave a look as if they knew my secret.

--- You look awfully young today, Thoth, said Osiris. Last I saw you, you were on death’s door.

I just lowered my eyes. He laughed.

--- Unless you’re gifted with the ability to traverse time itself or something?

The two of them laughed at this until they saw my expression. Jackal-face asked if I really could. I quietly nodded. They looked at each other with awe then proceeded to ask me all kinds of questions, to which I replied by asking if we could go somewhere more private.

Before I knew it, we had been teleported to some glade within a forest who knows where. Awaiting us was a woman in a single large green garment. I was formally introduced to the whole lot: Jackal-face was known by many names including Anubis and Hades, Osiris also had the name Dis Pater, and the woman called herself Aura.

Anubis told Aura of my abilities, and I clarified that it’s not so much an ability as more of.. a possibility.

-- And I certainly can’t choose where or when I go. I go where the Empty City takes me, I guess.

Then I realized it wasn’t called that yet and the others assumed I was being poetic.

-- So what do you guys have powers over?

--- I see to every soul in the afterlife, every being that has passed away comes under my rule, declared Osiris.

--- I control the gales and the airs that come with it, followed Aura.

--- I judge people, added Anubis.

--- He and I, Osiris clarified, work in tandem. He’s the groundskeeper for the afterlife, to wax words. He is responsible for making sure none of my undead might have too much power.

-- As for me, I.. wander throughout space and time, writing and observing. I take it you guys have encountered me before?

Aura smiled and pointed at my book. --- Many times. You would never explain why your appearance altered, but you would always have that same tome.

-- Did I ever show any powers?

--- Not often. Sometimes, you could snap your fingers and take a human’s memories away, she said.

--- Oh, shouted Anubis, and you seem able to communicate with Olympus itself!

-- Olympus?

--- It’s one of the great mysteries of our kind. A sprawling jungle of houses built with materials no human has ever aspired to. It accompanied us on our journey from the stars, though we know not its ontology.

Sounded like the Empty City to me. I thought for a bit about what else to ask.

-- ..is there a god in this time by the name of Ptah?

Osiris recognized the name as belonging to the one he called Hephaestus, and then he and Anubis left to go and get him, leaving Aura and I alone to question each other.

--- Are there still gods in your time?

-- Uh-huh. You change quite a bit, though. I’m still trying to figure out who Anubis is in the future.

--- Of course we change, for many of us embody the nature of change itself. We have powers unrivaled by any beasts of the cosmos; such powers as us cannot stay stagnant.

-- Tell that to humans in power.

--- Ah, but we aren’t humans, dearest.

-- Many of us were, I’d imagine.

She looked at me funny. That’s when Anubis ran in, requesting that we come with him. Ah, but unfortunately even to proceed with this anecdote would require much context. So I’ll have to leave this note at the conversation above and urge the reading return to Jordan’s journals.”)

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[thinkhappythxughts]

https://www.tumblr.com/thinkhappythxughts/715679906573484032/tw-transphobia-the-terfs-trying-to-screen?source=share

hi there! sorry, this is sort of a weird ask — feel free to ignore.

i’m just a queer trans person who’s wanted to transition for years but my family is not really on board with it. i was really hoping to go to uni and transition there, and Edinburgh is one of the places I’ve been aiming to apply to. except… the city seems so transphobic?^ as someone who seems to have been there/knows a bit abt the uni, i was wondering if you wouldn’t mind talking about the city a little bit, in regards to this, if you would up to it? weirdly enough i do know lots of people who live there, i just don’t know them well enough to ask stuff like this dhjgfdjfb

hi there anon!

so firstly, full disclosure that I haven't lived in Edinburgh for about a year now, but my sister still does so I visit all the time. Generally, I think the city is a great place to live if you're trans, or queer in general. There's a great queer scene with clubs and sober spaces, Edinburgh pride is great, Portobello (Porty) pride is well worth a visit and only a bus from the city centre, Glasgow pride is also great if you can get the train across. Events like the terf screening are absolutely an outlier, stuff like that is gonna happen in big cities just due to numbers - it is the capital of Scotland after all. Occasionally there are random terf stickers on lampposts, but i've seen at least twice as many pro-trans stickers about. In regards to that screening, the number of people who turned out to protest far outnumbered the people actually there to see the stupid film, and the protest was supported by the uni's staff pride network (i know because my sister was there on their behalf as an organiser/first-aider hah)

on that note, i think edinburgh uni is also pretty good for trans stuff - I wasn't out as trans yet when i was at uni, but I had friends who were trans and they didn't seem to have any issues on the uni/admin side of things. The uni has a pretty good student pride society, and as i mentioned, there's a staff pride network, so there's a solid bunch of staff who would be in your corner if you did have any issues. The uni's student support in general is okay - the general standard for that stuff honestly isn't great in the UK, and I wouldn't say edinburgh's is amazing, but they did help me out a couple of times (with non-lgbt stuff).

you'll probably know more about me than the applications process for uni in regards to chosen name etc, and it depends if you're applying through UCAS (in the UK) or if you're abroad, so i'll leave you to more knowledgeable people on that. I would say that if you apply in your chosen name, any post you receive about applications will be in the name you apply with, so keep that in mind if the people you live with aren't supportive - terribly sorry that you're in that situation, by the way. It really does get better once you're away from them.

in regards to transition, if you're wanting to be referred to a GIC, you'll likely be referred to Chalmers centre, which seems to have a waiting time of about 2 years currently - that sounds like a lot but from what i can gather, that's quite a lot lower than most places in the UK (i'm in NE england and my nearest centre isn't even taking referrals because their waiting list is 6+years long 😭). Once you're registered with a GP you should be able to ask them about a referral and they can give you more info.

overall I think that Scotland is probably just a better place to live if you're trans in the UK - scottish parliament supported self-ID (i'm actually unsure if this has come into effect yet, need to do some googling) and if they weren't under the UK gov, they were going introduce legal third gender options too. The SNP and scottish parliamentary partiers absolutely have some outspoken transphobes, but they're much more of an outlier than in westminster, so generally i think the outlook for trans people is just way more positive in Scotland - I'm certainly planning to move back there as soon as the circumstances line up for me. It's pretty scary everywhere in the UK right now in terms of policy (and general attitude, to an extent) but yeah i think overall Edinburgh and Scotland in general are your best bet.

If you have any more questions or anything i'm happy to chat! Absolute best of luck to you, no matter where you end up, both with your transition and uni in general 💜

[dinosaur-stickers]

About me!

I’m Alex, they/them pronouns. This is a side blog for all things football. (Soccer lmfao.) I’m canadian. I’m gonna call it soccer sometimes. I’ll call it football other times. My dad’s from England. My mum’s from Argentina, but moved to England when she was in her late teens.

Teams I support:

• Manchester City, the team I support above all others. (I was born there. Don’t call me a plastic fan. I’ve supported them since I was three. It’s the team my dad supports, he introduced me.)

• Liverpool, I support them if they’re not playing City, or unless them winning directly hurts city in some way. (I have a friend who got me hooked.)

• Am I an Arsenal fan? Not really. But I like a lot of their players and will post about them.

• FC Bayern, I didn’t used to, but then Alphonso Davies signed and I had to support my fellow Canadians.

• Ac Milan, idk why. I just do.

• Vancouver Whitecaps. Shut tf up I know they’re shit but that’s my home team. (Vancouver is more home to me now than Manchester, lived here for twelve years now.)

I’m a writer, @ dinosaur_stickers on AO3.

Yes, I take prompts! Just stick them in my ask box and I’ll post them on AO3.

Request whatever you want, but I WILL NOT WRITE:

• Smut

• Pedophilia/Underage

• Any super graphic violence

• x reader’s or in first or second person.

• Super big age gaps, even if they’re both over 18 or whatever the legal age is. (Eg: won’t write 23 and a 46 year old together) Just follow the “Younger character’s age X2 then -7 rule” and everything’s good.

Looking for any posts about my specific fics? just search the fic name in the filter thingy!

Sometimes I talk about figure skating, not often tho! (there are limits to what i’ll put on my main blog) all of that will be under the tag alex’s axels, so feel free to ignore that.

Me! (And my cat, Jordie)

[chill-that-ur-inmyhead]

When was the last time you did clay work/pottery? I'm gonna guess a good 10 years ago. It is really not something I gravitate towards.

Do you like art, hate it or just not mind it? I like art. Modern art loses me a bit.

If you had to choose would you prefer dull pain for 12hours or sharp for 2? dull pain

Koala or Kangaroo? koalas - roos are actually so scary

Do you know the words to the national anthem of your country? yes

Is your country ruled by a president, prime minister, queen or other? pm

Does blue occur in your national flag? yes

Talking of flags. Do you like football/soccer? If yes, do you play and what position? Omg it is literally the Euros atm. England are in the final playing on Sunday and if someone invites me to watch the game I would be so down. However, it is not something I will do of my own accord.

Would you rather be a Model, Famous Scientist, Singer or Chef? singer - to be able to carry a tune would be great

Would you rather be a pilot, crime scene investigator or estate agent? CSI

Does making others happy really make you feel happy? Yes it is a lovely feeling

What colour literally doesn’t appear in your wardrobe at all? Neon colours I suppose

Do you actually read the answers others give to your surveys? I don't make surveys

Did you ever swear at a teacher in school? Why? Nope

Have you ever pricked your finger on Holly or another ‘sharp’ plant? Yes

Speaking of Holly, do you adore Christmas or does it bug you? I do enjoy it. But I think I enjoy the Christmases in the movies more haha

Have you ever wrote your own short story? What about a novel? Or perhaps you started and couldn’t finish? Nope probs just school assignment is the closest

Do you prefer SciFi/Fantasy/Action/Horror or Rom/Com/RealLife? I do like when movies do RealLife stories. I understand the plots have some elements added for the movies but it works on me.

What do you have a lot of faith in [note: can be anything]? That even though my life won't turn out the way I think, it will be better for me in different ways.

Think of a material thing you want. Name it here (material, made or bought). Would $100/60 be enough for this item? How about $1000/600? I do want some new carpet. So probs 1000/600 mark would cover it.

Would you rather have a big house, a lot of kids or a high flying job? Define lots of kids because I'm thinking 3 maximum and I have to be in a well paid job.

Have you ever been to a creepy/haunted/abandoned place? What did it look like and what were the circumstances? Nothing comes to mind and I can't imagine that is my sort of thing anyway.

What’s your favourite dip? BBQ sauce

Chocolate Cookies or Fudge Brownies? brownies

I give you a little baby puppy. What do you name him? Probs Archie

Is crime a big problem in your area? Yes but thankfully I'm not involved

What’s your town/city most well known for? Longest pleasure pier

Do you know a Jack? What’s he like? How about a Lisa? What’s she like? Omg I know two Jacks. Both of them are boyfriends to two of my friends. The first Jack I unfortunately know too much about because my friend tells me about their problems in her relationship and they're kinda horror stories but my friend won't leave (I really wonder what the event or argument will be to get her to leave). I understand she needs to rant but her ranting hasn't left the best impression of her boyfriend.

The second Jack, I have only just met last weekend and SWOON. He is lovely and wonderful to my friend. No notes so far. My friend has found a great companion. It is earlier days but (unlike the above relationship) I hope they go the distance.

I know one Lisa. Used to live across the road and from my narrow perspective had the most kids of anyone I've knew (6 altogether)

Are most your friends older, younger or the same age as you? similar age

Do you subconsciously hang out with those with the same star sign as you or as each other, perhaps due to certain personality traits? Interestingly, the majority of my friends are Pisces but I don't seek them out (I think...)

Name 5 objects that you don’t have but would like right now? Foundation, shoes, perfume, iPad and camera

When you have children, would you like twins? I haven't thought about it as much. It would be a surprise but I am open to it.

Do you know any twins? Yes and quads!!!!

If you were given the choice to choose your child’s gender, would you? I would ideally like two girls and a boy but I know this is subject to change ahah

What instrument would you love to learn how to play? piano

Does the sound of knocking/tapping startle you? Nope

What’s the scariest story/urban legend/creepypasta etc you heard? Ummm I think there was one about the landlord living in the tenants attic.

Do you miss someone currently? Yes but I really shouldn't haha (see below)

Is there something on your mind? Since you asked, yes a lot. It seems I have developed a crush on one of my work colleagues. I must make it clear that this crush is based on me idealising him because I really don't know him and as my friend rightly pointed out, if I got to know him, the crush would probably dissipate. There are already red flags but I can't help I like his face and while there is a chance the crush could be cured, there is also the danger that it grows.

What turned from a silly little crush, in which I thought he thought nothing of me, has now developed into something real and scary. I went to a party for one of my colleagues and another one of my colleagues suggested that me and said crush would be good together. I pointed out the obvious that he is taken and my colleague suggested that is was a rocky taken. Then throughout the night I could see what could be deemed as hints that said crush likes me back. The party was defo a turning point and has me questioning everything. Trying not to lose my head and I think writing it out is helping to try and rationalise it all.

Ironically, I had a meeting with my manager today in which she pointed out that this job is a stepping stone for my career and to not lose sight of that. I can't imagine she knows about my crush but she was so on the nose when she mentioned her daughter's career journey and how it was interrupted by guys. If I take anything away from the story, it is that I don't want my journey to be interrupted by guys, especially taken ones. It was a nice reminder to hear.

When was the last time you were in hospital? What for? Covid jab

When was the last time you went to the dentist? Earlier this year, got another appointment next week

Do you get along well with your family doctor/your doctor? I see whoever is available