#it's extremely annoying nd kinda hurts bc like i like to keep people at bay. too close makes me itchy
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i feel like i need to set boundaries. for my own sake.
#ive been dealing with some reaaallyyyy cruel thoughts towards this specific person im close to lately ;-;#i mean obviously ive tried my best not to translate those thoughts into action so its mostly fine so far#we are also miles apart rn so i cant do physical harm to our relationship by any action yet#but like damn. my brain u r a ppl killer#its just that some1 im close to is like. idk i always feel like they steal people from me.#it's extremely annoying nd kinda hurts bc like i like to keep people at bay. too close makes me itchy#but then my friend comes and completely pushes themselves into my relationship nd sort of....steals that person to themselves#and its so annoying. nd makes me have such cruel thoughts against them like um ew#nd then there are some specific people ive pushed away and those people are. so close to them rn#just bc whomever i push away they keep contact with them#and its just. sort of. really. weird. and annoying.#and the weirdest of it all probably is the fact that i kinda disclosed to my friend that im infatuated with this one person. but like#very mild infatuation and its like normal we never broached the subject again#and its just. so weird bc like#not to sound like a creep but i......went thu their convos on insta (which um. i asked for the credentials okay#i had consent whatever they dont mind if they did they wouldnt give me the credentials. i asked them in the moment ok)#but yeah anyway my friend is just. using words like. literally like. jaani. baby. heart symbols blah blah#and omg. its sort of cringe i dont rly mind bc its funny they kinda have the habit of affectionately saying that stuff so its fine but like#it's also sort of weird bc i did admit mild infatuation to my friend#also the fact that my friend mentioned how some of my friends cares for me differently (im guessing my friend meant 'care more' idk)#but like. it's sus. bc its the first time my friend ventured this time into my relationship with other people#enough to comment on the nature of depth of care? nd like. idk it makes me feel really weird#my friend is an extremely people person#i dont care abt people enough to venture words their relationship with their friends so i just chill back nd relax#but they have this. extreme need to venture into every relationship ive with people i know#and it just. gets on my nerves so bad now#ik blah blah blah that im pretty sure its all my insecurities bc this is the first time im dealing with the concept of friends#blah blah blah#but like nonetheless i dislike this feeling i wanna revert back to when i did not have people in my life#that was like. the most free moment ever. nd nowww all this shit is just ehhh ugh annoying.
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