#it's crazy because i don't feel like i moved INTO a new gender experience. i just validated my current one.

[homoquartz]

sometimes i catch myself thinking i'm not "qualified" to speak about issues regarding trans men as if i haven't gotten top surgery and changed my name and pronouns everywhere and made my presentation completely masculine

like none of those things are REQUIRED to be a trans guy but i mean. they definitely indicate that perhaps i understand how being trans feels

[rambling-at-midnight]

Pros and Cons of Midnight Snacks

Pairing: Jason Todd x Civilian!Reader. No pronouns so can be read as any gender!

Summary: Meet-ugly with the Red Hood due to a gas station robbery gone wrong.

Word count: ~2k

(I'm branching out to other fandoms, apparently. Let me know if you want a sequel. Enjoy!)

You weren't born in Gotham, so it sometimes still surprises you that you had adjusted so well to its particular brand of crazy.

You're from somewhere a little more south of New Jersey, although most places in the U.S. are a little south of Jersey unless you're a lobster farmer from Maine or a tree hugger from Vermont.

Both of those descriptions sound critical, but they weren't meant to be. Right about now you're seriously considering taking up lobster farming.

No one sane ever moves to Gotham. Everyone knows the stories, and even if most of the country didn't believe all of them, most people aren't stupid enough to disregard them. And you certainly weren't stupid. But rent was dirt cheap for a city, and so was tuition for GU's vet school. So you thought to yourself, "How bad could it really be," bought pepper spray and a taser, and accepted the admissions offer.

You'd always liked iced coffee more than green bean casserole and peach cobbler, anyway.

Reading news articles hadn't been enough to prepare you for the utter insanity of Gotham City, unfortunately. But you adapted. You always did. Upgraded your taser, memorized the bus schedule, learned the less sketchy areas of town, did your best not to get caught outside after dark. Kept your head down, ignored the crime lords and genetic experiments gone wrong and lunatics and vigilantes scurrying along the rooftops, and you'd survived for almost two years without many incidents.

But you'd gone to the library because you were critically unable to work in your apartment, gotten distracted by panicking about how little you really knew about next week's test content, and stared at the pages of your textbook for almost an hour as you fought back tears. So now you were running late and it was dark as you walked home because the buses were down. Of course they were. That lunatic that thought he was a crocodile had smashed a bunch last week and they hadn't been replaced yet.

Goosebumps prickle on the back of your neck, but you tell yourself it's nothing. Keep your head down. Criminals target the people that look most obviously paranoid first.

You're just burnt out. Severely. But the end of your sophomore year of veterinary school was looming, which meant you would have a relaxing three-month vacation before the next one started.

And no, you weren't thinking about next year's summer 'vacation' of clinicals. Because if this year was bad after a year of summer vacation, what will it do to you to have no break at all?

That's a future you problem, thankfully.

You're still feeling sorry for yourself when you reach the gas station right next to your apartment building. You walk right by it, remember what's in your fridge or pantry—thanks, grocery store self, thinking you don't need any snacking foods—then backtrack.

Since starting vet school, you've tried to be healthier with your eating habits. Brains lacking in nutrients absorb information less efficiently, after all. But you're still a sucker for Cheez-Its and energy drinks.

You won't drink it tonight, obviously.

Right as you put the items on the counter for the bored-looking cashier to scan the barcodes, something cold presses to your temple.

The cashier freezes, eyes blown wide with panic.

"Easy there," someone says to your left. A man, voice oily in a way that sets your teeth on edge immediately. "Do what I say, or I blow their brains out, then yours."

A gun.

A gun is pressed to your head.

Because of course it is. A shitty way to end a shitty day. You should have kept walking right past the gas station.

Before you moved to Gotham, you might have screamed and panicked, but you know better now. You know to stay calm.

You clench your fists to stop them from shaking so noticeably, but otherwise don't move. You've seen hostage situations before, because this is Gotham, but you've never been the hostage.

The gun feels heavy. And so cold, like it's sapping all the heat from your skin.

"Okay, dude," the cashier said soothingly. "You want the money in the register?"

The robber scoffs. "Obviously."

"All right." The cashier's voice is even and soft, unthreatening. You wonder if training for situations like these are required for cashiers in Gotham. It certainly hadn't been for your old job, although that hadn't been in New Jersey, and it hadn't been at a twenty-four seven gas station, either. "I need to get a key to unlock it, okay? So I'm reaching below the counter."

"Just get the key," the robber demands. The gun shifts against your temple. You fantasize for a half-second about acting like an action hero, disarming him and taking him down all on your own. But you're not a vigilante and you've never been in a real-life fight before. You don't think you're fast enough to get out of the barrel's way before he pulls the trigger. If you managed to shove it away, what if he fired and hit the cashier instead?

Then comes the sound of another gun clicking.

Great, you think half-hysterically. Just what we need. Even more deadly weapons.

"Lower the gun," growls a modulated voice, and everyone freezes.

The Red Hood is standing behind the robber, also pointing a gun to his head like the meme of people lined up in a church with guns aimed at the person in front of them.

The robber lets his gun dip a little bit. Distracted enough that it's not pressed directly to your temple anymore.

Not to brag, but you recover the quickest. It's probably the adrenaline.

Thank God you keep your keychain in hand while out at night. Your fingers shake, but you have your pepper spray up in a second, and the robber's turning to look at your sudden movement when you squeeze down on the nozzle.

The spray hits him directly in the eyes, and his howl of pain is immediate. But you don't stop spraying, even when the cashier starts to splutter and your own eyes water.

The gun goes off, once in the robber's hands, and a second time when it hits the ground because he's dropped it in favor of clutching his burning face.

You stop the stream of pepper spray, because now the air is spicy when you breathe, but can't force yourself to lower your hand. The Red Hood quickly handcuffs the would-be robber, which is only difficult because he's clawing at his eyes in pain, and executes a tricky-looking martial arts move to get him on the ground.

Despite everything, you're impressed.

The Red Hood is bigger than maybe anyone you've ever seen before. He could have punched the robber in half like paper, probably, but you appreciate the finesse a little bit more.

"Hey." A gentle voice, and gentle hands, take the pepper spray out of your grip. "Quick thinking there," you're complimented. By the fucking Red Hood, one of Gotham's most infamous crime lords. The first time you read about him in the papers, he was chopping off people's heads, and every story since has been similarly alarming. But he's not supposed to be here; the Red Hood stays in Park Row, which locals call Crime Alley, apparently, and you've always steered very clear from that part of town.

"Can you look at me?"

You do. Maybe he won't chop off your head if you listen well enough.

"Are you okay?"

You blink. That... does not compute.

The Red Hood doesn't save people. And he doesn't leave Crime Alley. So what's he doing outside of Crime Alley, saving people?

The robber is still screaming, eyes screwed up in pain. He's handcuffed on the ground.

"You should probably let him wash out his eyes, at least," you tell the cashier. "Pepper spray is pretty painful." You'd sprayed yourself once out of curiosity, realized how much it burned, then sprinted to the shower to rinse it off. Which, pro tip: not a good move, especially with warm water. Water reactivates it by opening your pores, or something, and when you're in the shower it just spreads all over your body.

Your eyes are watering. The Red Hood sees that, because he tells you, "Let's get some air," and tugs you out of the gas station.

He's right. The cool night air does feel good. You blink away the stinging in your eyes and he repeats, "Are you okay?" His voice is robotic from the mask, but kind of pleasant at the same time. You'd never guess just from listening to him that he's a killer.

"Yes," you say automatically. "Thanks," you add. You're lightheaded for some reason; you sway on your feet.

"You sure?" he asks critically. "You look... pale." Judging by the pause, 'pale' wasn't the word he really wanted to say. The red helmet tilts. "You weren't shot, were you?"

"I don't think so," you shrug. Then you look down at yourself and realize that there's a large bloodstain on your hip. "Never mind. I think I was."

"Jesus!" he yelps at the sight. It's kind of funny, actually, this grown man built like a brick shithouse yelping at the sight of blood. "Why didn't you say anything?"

You shrug and peel your sticky shirt away from the wound to inspect it. "I thought I just bumped something." Sure enough, it's just a graze. You weren't sure which shot had hit you, but you'd honestly been injured worse. Plus, supervising surgeries at the animal clinic you'd worked at for years has desensitized you to the sight of blood. Maybe it's also altered your perception on what 'serious injuries' count as; the amount of times you've been bitten by startled dogs...

"You need to go to the hospital."

"It's just a scratch," you argue. "I can't go to the hospital. I need to feed my cat."

"Your cat can wait. You're bleeding a lot."

"I'm already late, and if I miss dinner, he'll start pissing all over my apartment."

The Red Hood sighs. "Where do you live?"

Your mouth opens to answer on instinct. You snap it shut just in time and glare. "Why?"

"So I can feed your cat for you while you go to the hospital."

It's nice of him to offer, but... "No."

"No?"

Maybe it's not the best idea to refuse Gotham's most prominent crime lord, but it would also be pretty stupid to tell a strange man where you live. Especially when he happens to be said crime lord.

"Look," you sigh. "I'm a vet student. I have surgical tools at home to treat myself with, and I promise, under the blood, the bullet barely hit me. I've been hurt worse by Chihuahuas that hate the vet."

"There's no way I can convince you to change your mind?"

"It's been a long day," you sigh. "I really, really just want to go home." And he's blocking the path. Your apartment building is directly behind him, just calling your name.

"At least let me walk you to your building." He holds his hands up at your suspicious look and assures you, "I won't ask for the apartment number."

"I'm literally right there." You point.

He turns, sees how close you are to being home, and says, "Seriously?"

"Seriously. What are you doing here, anyway? I thought you were some kind of villain."

"I'm reformed," he grumbles.

"Well, good for you."

You make sure you have your keys and your wallet, then step around him and make it all the way to your building's door before he calls, "Wait!" The Red Hood's jogging to catch up to you, holding the box of Cheez-Its and energy drink you'd almost died for. "You forgot these," he says.

"Thanks," you say, taking them. It would have been a shame to waste four dollars.

"You're welcome," he says. There's something odd about his voice, but you attribute it to the mask, scan to be let into the building, and make sure it's fully closed before heading to the elevator.

Your cat is unhappy about dinner being an hour late. He weaves between your feet, making his protests loudly and viscerally known. You wince. He's worse than the dogs that bark in this building sometimes.

Your poor neighbors.

You give him his wet food, then hop in the shower to clean off your hip. It bled a lot, but once the blood washes away, it's actually not as bad as you thought. You've stitched up animals before, but never yourself, and decide against trying tonight. If it heals a little unevenly, who cares? No one will see it, anyway.

You pad the wound with gauze, tape it over, and fall into bed. Staring at the ceiling, you're forced to admit to yourself that you may be looking up more in the future. Just to see if anyone in a red helmet is running on a rooftop nearby.

It was a long day. But, strangely, almost dying wasn't the worst part of it.

Actually... it may have been the best part.

~~

Forever tag list:

@lemirabitur @annymcervantes @queenmissfit @quiet-because-it-is-a-secret @iksey @thehyperactiveteen @luxmoonlight @andreasworlsboring101

[syrupyy]

Vivian finally being out as trans in the new Paper Mario remake hit me like a truck and it took me a while to fully understand why (light spoilers for chapter 2)

it's like.. I don't know how to describe it. I play a lot of indie games and I've gotten used to many of them having the full array of LGBTQ+ representation, and at this point I look at it and smile and then move on

with a huge corporation who has everything to lose like Nintendo, it feels like an entirely different world. here, I step back into this game I've owned on disc since I was a kid, and everything's the same if not slightly better... and then I start noticing the changes, one by one. picking up all the little clues, when suddenly I get to this line

I had already been spoiled on her full confession by Twitter, but... when I saw even this much with my own two eyes, it felt like something that had been hiding in my mind for 12 years just leapt out. the subtext is now text. the characters of this world that I've thought about all this time, that I would doodle in my notebooks, that I used to read so much fanfiction about... are canonically going through the same real struggles as me and so many others I know

and I just felt... seen. like, as if I'm finally allowed to be a real person, like I'm not crazy for telling people to use gender neutral terms around me, like I'm truly nonbinary and not just in writing

I never really talk about my gender identity in public because I've never had that validation telling me that it's not just in my head. my friends will reassure me, my mom won't hate me for it... but at the end of it all, Nintendo raised me since I was three years old, and that was a pillar of my life whose approval I never expected to have

so when I saw this, I just... sat there, staring, for a full minute. processing these emotions I never even realized I had. it's just one little sentence in a 30 hour long video game, it shouldn't mean that much, but... it did to me. the writers actually cared. they stuck their faces out the window that is the trans experience and they came back and rewrote the script to match. they left the Fire Emblem toad the same, not even changing "GBA" to "Switch" or "3DS", but they knew to change this

thank you, Vivian. I understand how you feel now

[thechekhov]

Chekhov Reads Dungeon Meshi: CH47

I would like to thank Ryoko Kui for this.

I really love how, despite being antagonistic with Chilchuck, Izutsumi seems to like Marcille and him the best out of all the rest.

You know they're Japanese pancakes with that amount of air padding them out.... 😂

You know, it's interesting because if I remember correctly, taste is the oldest sense we have. Basic organisms surviving in water needed to be able to taste the environment in order to allow it to move away from acidic water, or dangerous environments. So it's curious that their taste is no longer working while their other senses remain.

....sounds like it was maybe less of the...power.... and maybe more of the fact that his old childhood friend was growing old?

....... y'know. Just suggesting...

To fight a trainer with a powerful pokemon, you must first capture a powerful pokemon yourself.

AIEEEEE~

I was JUST about to say "man, this kid seems to be a genuinely good leader! His people don't fear him and he has a good head on his shoulders. I sure hope nothing bad happens to him!"

And here we are.

Oooooh a forest? Or one of those water places.

Update: One of those water places. A cistern.

Her charm wore off! And now she can experience unspeakable horrors of being known in a vulnerable state.

Someone get this poor man some google maps.

Laios, why do you look.... less than thrilled with this information?

Oh, his Fixation Sense is tingling, that's why.

Oh? Rare Senshi moment of stubbornness?

Mayhaps even.... A BACKSTORY?

When the party is in Analysis Paralysis and the DM says 'roll initiative'

Marcille is taking this Crazy Future Girlfriend thing to all new highs.

Is he afraid of birds? Or lions? Or both? What is happening here? It makes no sense. It would be delicious! Senshi, stop that's like 60 kg of chicken wings, easy!

BONUS:

Here's the thing. They aren't like, twins necessarily. But I do think that Falin, while she's just as weird as Laios is, makes herself approachable to people. She cares about ghosts as beings, instead of seeing them only as a scientific anomaly.

But other than that.... honestly I feel like Toshi wouldn't fall in love with a female Laios either.

Marcille and Falin being MORE likely to go out to the dungeon as women makes sense somehow. Though I am amused at how femme-leaning all elves are naturally.

I think these gender twists are all pretty surface level but given that it's a conversation the party has in real time... I get it.

[thecherrytarot]

𝐥𝐨𝐯𝐞 𝐦𝐞 𝐥𝐢𝐤𝐞 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭.

how will they heal you?

pile 1 → pile 2 → pile 3

Pick the photo you feel the most drawn to and please remember that this is a general reading so take what resonates!! 

listen to: love me like that by Sam Kim

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟏:

"you see the world in colours i view it black and white. paint me a picture, out of the lines that i live in all of the time"

They will heal you by letting you shine in your feminine energy, regardless of your gender. With them, you feel in touch with your divine feminine energy and your creative side will shine. They will help you gain strength and for some of you, it could even mean that they give you the strength and confidence to be vulnerable and show emotions. You no longer have to pretend that you are some cold-hearted person that isn't affected by anything. I just saw someone crying alone and then heard a voice say "It is okay, let it out, I am here with you" so take however that resonates. They will help you by showing you the world through a new and better perspective. You will stop looking at life through illusions and negative ways. I feel like in some way or the other they will remind you of your past self, the one that you had to leave behind in order to move forward. They will bring that version of you back and make you believe in a 'magical world' once again.

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟐:

"sunshine left today, got caught in the rain, all alone. can you come and pick me up from my blues? or am I late to ask you?"

This might be someone who is a foreigner and/or a long distance and for some of you, you might meet them when studying abroad (either you or them also could be both) I keep thinking about the movie "Like Crazy" where an American guy falls in love with a British student but yours is with a much happier ending. They will heal you by being there for you, life will feel less complicated and you will feel like all that you have been through was worth and now no matter what happens you will rise because now you have someone that has your back. You will get out of your bubble with them and be more sociable and childlike (i keep imaging a bunch of friends driving in a car late at night, listening to indie/alt songs and singing out loud, laughing and having the time of their lives) also instead of how will they heal, I'm getting the message of the connection feels like. There will be a strong psychic connection between you and them, the moment your eyes meet you will know and they will know that this is the "warmth" that you both have been searching for. Like when Lana Del Rey said it in her poem called The land of 1,000 fires, "I have never really fallen in love but whatever this feeling is i wish everyone could experience it."

𝐩𝐢𝐥𝐞 𝟑:

(this pile has a similar message to pile 1, so make sure to check it out in case you felt drawn to it)

"i get defensive and insecure my own worst critic behind a closing door, i'm fragile and fractured, that's for sure, i burned myself down to the ground. oh, can I ask of you to treat me soft and tender, love me hard and true? keep my heart from building walls so high, you can't get through, treat me soft and tender"

They will heal you by helping you love yourself and how you need to give importance to yourself first and that too in a healing manner instead of selfish (your old pattern) You might have thought that you knew how to take care of yourself by prioritizing yourself but still found yourself being stuck in the same old negative cycles, they will help you understand the true and the raw meaning of self-love. They help you by providing the stability that you always desired. I feel like a lot of you were abandoned in the past and after that, you put your guard up and pushed people away from you but then you come across them, and it takes you by surprise because you didn't expect to catch feelings for someone so fast. You found yourself in a dilemma because you have such strong feelings for them and yet, you feel afraid cause you don't want them to abandon you. Don't worry, they will help you get out of your old and no longer-needed mindset of resisting the change that you know will set you free.

[chansabsfanclub]

Han NSFW Alphabet

genre : suggestive smut, gender neutral reader

word count : 1477

warning : suggestive and some smutty content

A/N : Han is my bias so I had lots of fun with this, I'm sorry I took such a long break from writing, I hope you enjoy this addition to the NSFW collection.

After care : 

Jisung's super goofy and loving, giving lots of kisses all over his partners face.  He'll give compliments and cuddle them tightly, he wants to make sure they feel loved, while keeping the mood light and fun.

Body (favourite body parts) :

He loves his hands, how they look on his partners body and when they hold his partners neck and face.  Jisung would love his partners booty, he'll rub it and praise them about how hot they are and hold onto it tightly during sex.

Cum :

Messy when he cums, he loves cream pies but only if his partner is on birth control or has a kind of contraceptive, or anal.

Dirty secret :

He hides how Horny he actually is because he thinks it would scare his partner if they knew how much he jerked off and thought dirty thoughts.  Until eventually him and his partner got close enough where he didn't hide it anymore.

Experience :

This man will brag about how he has alllll the experience in the world, he makes it sound like he's the sex expert, but in reality he is relying on the corn hub for his information, and when he actually gets to the down and dirty part, he'll get awkward and make jokes to cope.  Very little experience in other words.

Favourite Position :

Doggy style all night, he can grip his partners ass, pull on their hair, fuck them as hard and roughly as he can, and he finds that the position makes him cum the hardest, it also helps him reach his partners most sensitive spot inside.

Goofy :

Jisung is extremely goofy, especially when it comes to sex, he'll sneakily go in for a motto boat, he'll be teasing and laughing and it helps his partners relax as well if they're nervous or shy, he's easy going and thats what helps make him so lovable.

Hair :

Jisung will do a complete shave every couple of weeks, then let it grow out, it's a lot of work to keep it constantly shaved down, so he has a little routine going where he'll take everything off and then let it grow out, then repeat.

Intimacy :

King of PDA, from making cute faces to holding hands and cuddling on a bus ride to home, he will actively show affection to his partner no matter what.  He has his limits though, cute PDA is good with him, anything sexy or promiscuous would make him too embarrassed and awkward.  

Jerk off:

He will find the time to do it every day at least once, maybe twice if he feels like it.  His sex drive is crazy and his horny levels are insane, so he's jerking off a lot which doesn't help his case.  Don't worry, he's not an addict.  Yet.

Kink:

He's not the most kinky out there, he has a few such as back scratched, he'll beg his partner to dig their nails into his back as he fucks them, as well as pet names and such.  He's pretty open to new things though.

Location:

Anywhere in the house with a solid surface.  You're taking a shower together?  He'll make you hold onto the wall for dear life.  In the kitchen making breakfast, prepare to be lifted onto that counter.  As long as there's no one else in the house Jisung will initiate something anywhere.

Motivation:

His motivation is his hormones, you could be sitting on the couch watching tv and turn him on.  His dick has a mind of its own, so in terms of motivation he will be motivated anytime there's an opportunity.

No :

Noooooo public sex, not for him and never will be, he'a a huge flirt but he also has his dignity he's not willing to risk just to get down and dirty.  He'll stay away from public spaces when it comes to naughty stuff, only closed off locked spaces will do.

Oral :

His best friend, hes a rapper his tongue knows how to move, he can do oral really well, and he also enjoys seeing your mouth wrapped around his dick as you suck him off.

Pace :

He can do any pace depending on the situation.  He's the master at quickies, and if it's slow and sensual you want he can do that too, but he might get carried away and fuck your brains out.

Quickies :

Jisung is down for a quickie anytime any day, his high sex drive needs tending and there's not always time to get sensual, quickies are his best friend.

Risk :

Is Ji the most risky person out there?  No, he'll get super embarrassed if someone were to walk in on something, so he keeps his risk fairly low just to keep SOME of his dignity.  But, he wouldn't be opposed to a quick blowjob under his studio desk to take his mind off his projects.

Stamina :

He has pretty good stamina, we've all heard him rap, his tongue can work miracles and he has enough stamina to make you cum on his face.  He can last around 15 minutes if it's slow and sensual, but if it's a quickie he'll get both him and his partner cumming in less than 5.

Toys :

He feels a but intimidated by them, he's 100% supportive if his partner wants to use them, but he'll get a bit scared if anything super extreme were to come out and be suggested.

Unfair :

He teases, I know he teases, you know he teases its a universal thing.  He'll be dangling sex in front of you like a feather toy to cats.  "Hmm, should I fuck you?  I don't think you'd like that.  I guess we won't fuck."  And other stuff like that.  

Volume :

Jisung is vocal, he's not screaming or anything, but he can't help but mutter out a "Yes baby" or "You feel so good". He'll even let moans slip out of his mouth as he gets closer to his release.

Wild Card :

"Hey Ji, I'm here, I stopped by the convenience store as well."  I called out to my boyfriend as I entered the studio.  It was late and Jisung was stuck on a song he desperately wanted to finish.  He had texted me to come keep him company since Chan and Changbin had already went back to the dorm.  

Jisung turned in his chair to face me and smiled widely.  "I'm so glad you're here!  This is killing me."  He fake cried and opened his arms for a hug.  I giggled at him and went over to hug him tightly.  I sat on his lap and he turned back to his computer.  

I watched as he worked for a while, his shoulders would tense and then relax, and his face would scrunch and he'd hold his breath, eventually releasing it after finishing something.  He was super stressed, and I have an idea how to help him.

I got off his lap and slid under the desk, his face turned from confused to excited really quick.  "Baby, are you gonna..."  

"Shh, keep working."  I interrupted him, he went back to his project, my hands went to the band of his sweatpants, tugging them down slowly, he lifted his butt so I was able to brings them down to his feet, his dick in his underwear was already starting to get hard, it was just too easy with him.  

My hand gently rubbed his dick through his underwear, I could hear him let out a sigh as I pressed down lightly onto him.  My fingers teased at his underwear, slightly tugging them down just so his tip was showing, I brushed my thumb over it making him quiver slightly.

"I thought this was supposed to be a stress relief."  He jokingly said, his breath caught in his throat as I took his whole cock in my mouth.

X-ray :

Jisung gives off average dick energy.  He's my bias okay, so I'm being completely honest,  he doesn't have the biggest dick energy.  I'll give him 6 inches, with a bit more girth, but nothing crazy, he knows how to use it though, from all the jerking off.

Yearning :

He craves sex, we've been over this.  When it comes to sex drive he could make it from one side if Canada to the other.  

Zzz :

Passes out right away, after they've finished, he'd wrap his arms around his partner and cuddled them to sleep, passing out right away.

[tokischaaaaa]

si las más puta' son las más fina' pt.3

!hamzah x !poc reader

warning! : fluff, cursing

word count!: 1.8k

part 1

part 2

FIVE MONTHS LATER...

"hamzah, get your ass in here! it's the baby!" y/n cried.

hamzah ran into their bedroom, shirtless with only a towel messily wrapped around his torso.

"oh fuck! what happened?" hamzah screamed, obviously scared shitless.

"it's the baby, she's kicking." y/n said, tearing up.

"oh my god-- wait, the baby's a she? you found out the gender?"

"i wanted to surprise you," y/n said with a small grin.

another surprise was that a few weeks ago y/n moved in with hamzah. hamzah spent weeks trying to convince y/n to move in since it would make the most sense to have the baby live in hamzah's apartment since y/n's was hardly able to fit a couch.

therefore, after they both were fully aware and processed that they were gonna be parents, they made a promise to one another to try to spend more time with each other, for the sake of their relationship, and for the baby.

"why didn't you call me? like, let me go to the appointment?" hamzah asked, somewhat offended he wasn't there to experience the news with y/n.

"i did, on the calendar. and i put them on post-its all around your house." y/n said, tearing up.

y/n's hormones had definitely made themselves present. since she was six months pregnant, her bump, hormones, etc., had become visible.

hamzah easily got overwhelmed by the increase in hormones, so recently he would spend more time at martin's as an escape from y/n. y/n still worked as a dentist office's assistant, however there was drama at work and y/n felt obliged to tell hamzah.

hamzah was okay with it for a few weeks but soon got tired of the constant gossip. hamzah's lack of explaining how he felt was hurting y/n more than she could describe. the fact that her 'partner' can't even explain how he feels about even the weather was driving her crazy and made her even more emotional.

"oh baby, please don't cry. i'll try to be more aware and check the calendar." hamzah said.

"try?! that's it, try? i'm not trying when it comes to us. i understand i'm not perfect. neither are you, but the fact that you can't even try for such a small thing that actually is a huge deal, is absolutely fucked, hamzah." y/n said, walking out of the room and elbowing hamzah on the way out.

y/n left the bedroom, picked up her keys, and headed for her car.

y/n got into her car and headed for the nearest chick-fil-a. she assumed that her outburst could've been also provoked by her current cravings. as she plugged her phone into the aux, she noticed hamzah hadn't texted her or even followed her.

'does he even care?' she asked herself. she started playing music on her car to get her mind out of such a negative thought. all she knew was that she wanted to get away from hamzah and grab some munchies.

meanwhile, hamzah was pissed. pissed at y/n. the fact that y/n didn't try harder to grab his attention about the important appointment made him feel not heard since hamzah had been very talkative about his dream of having a daughter.

hamzah decided that he needed somewhat of help with y/n since he's never been with a pregnant woman, especially lived with one.

he dialed mandy's phone number and waited for her to pick up.

"what did you do, hamzah?" mandy groaned.

"y/n didn't bring me along to find out we're having a girl," hamzah said in a stern tone.

"you're having a girl?" mandy screamed.

"yeah."

"you don't sound happy." martin said on the other line.

"because y/n didn't bring me along."

"you have got to be fucking kidding me," mandy said.

"yeah, she just went out and i don't know where she went, but I need to talk to her, she's too hormonal." hamzah cried.

"hamzah, pregnant women are hormonal because they're pregnant," martin yelled into the phone.

"yeah, i forgot that," hamzah sighed.

"listen, i'll call her and see where she is. you better be planning what to say to her in the meantime." mandy said.

"okay, thanks mandy." hamzah said.

"yeah, next time tell her how you're feeling. maybe that's the problem, hamzah." mandy groaned before hanging up.

y/n just got her food and was about to drive until she saw an area to park. she noticed her phone ringing.

mandy's contact popped up on her phone.

she pulled over at the nearest parking lot and answered.

"hi mandy," y/n said, grinning.

"hi y/n, what are you doing?" mandy sighed.

"about to drive somewhere to eat chick-fil-a."

"what's up with you and hamzah? he just called and said y'all are having problems again."

"what a pussy," y/n hissed. "no, the thing is that I told him previously about the appointment, but he was so busy and whatever that he couldn't check." y/n said.

"yeah, he's a little dumb, y/n. but don't you think you're acting like sassy hamzah right now with the stomping out and chick-fil-a?" mandy asked.

silence filled the phone call. y/n took a minute to think about what mandy was suggesting.

"you're right, mandy. also, i wanted to surprise y'all with the news. sorry you found out this way, but next time we hang out, i'll make it like a surprise for you." y/n smiled.

"i can't wait. love you, y/n." mandy said.

"love you too. i think i'm gonna head home now." y/n said.

mandy was shocked at the word 'home' that came out of y/n's mouth. y/n's childhood was rough. she never really had a home since being kicked out at 17. even since she moved in with hamzah, she kept referring to it as hamzah's house, not theirs.

hamzah tried to encourage her to call it their home since now y/n was helping with rent.

"okay, stay safe. love you." mandy said, obviously smiling hard now.

after ending the call, mandy urgently texted hamzah.

she's at a chick-fil-a rn, she's heading back to your place.

but you're not gonna believe it, she called your place 'home.'

you and i both know how fucking huge this is.

hamzah looked at his phone in disbelief. he felt tears of happiness leave his eyes.

he knew how important 'home' was to y/n and how bad she wanted to have somewhere she called home. she refused to call their home theirs, but the emotional barrier y/n had up was now broken.

hamzah immediately called y/n.

"hello?" y/n said.

"you driving?"

"yeah, i'll be home in 3. what happened?"

"nothing, just can't wait for you to come home, and I'm sorry. i need to talk more. i love you, y/n. seriously, and I will do more to be present and strengthen our relationship." hamzah said.

y/n was silent on the other line for a few moments.

"oh baby, that's so sweet. i love you too. we'll talk more when I get home, but I really appreciate that." y/n said.

they both said their goodbyes, and y/n was urgent to get to their apartment.

as soon as she used her key to open the door, she was welcomed by an embracing hug from hamzah. he kept some distance so the baby wouldn't get hurt.

y/n laid her chin on hamzah's shoulder and whispered, "i got you food, baby."

"thank you, babe." hamzah said, then kissed y/n's forehead.

he led her to the couch table to set the food down. once they both sat down, y/n got comfortable. before she could grab some food, she got slightly pushed back against the couch by hamzah.

he hungrily started kissing y/n, kissing all over her neck. he placed his arm under her shirt to feel her swollen nipples, which had led to her boobs getting bigger over the past weeks. y/n let a moan escape her lips and grabbed a chunk of his curly black hair.

as hamzah started playing with her boobs, he felt quick taps on his arm. he quickly pulled his arm out of y/n's shirt. "babe, I think she's kicking."

y/n stood straight up. "wait, put your hand here," she said while placing his hand on the side of her stomach.

hamzah felt it. he looked at y/n in the eyes, his eyes began to well up in tears.

"y/n, she kicked." he said, choking on tears.

"i know, honey, i know." y/n said, crying, wiping hamzah's tears away.

hamzah got closer to y/n again and gave her a deep kiss, just like the kiss of the first night they met. but this time, this night wasn't full of lust and clubbing but, a night of an argument and now understanding.

later, hamzah pulled over the food to them to munch on. y/n placed her head on hamzah's shoulder. meanwhile, hamzah had one hand on a burger and another on y/n's stomach.

moments later, hamzah heard soft snores from y/n. he looked down and saw y/n sleeping peacefully. he quietly grabbed his phone and recorded the baby kicking, found the photo of the first sonogram he saw of their baby girl, and a picture y/n sent him while working a few days ago.

he opened instagram and placed two photos on his Instagram story.

hamzah looked down at y/n's stomach after posting those photos. "princess, let's hope your mom doesn't get mad at me for posting our family." he gently rubbed her stomach until he felt the strong kicks.

that awoke y/n. "hamzahhh, she kicks so hard," she groaned.

"she's definitely a daddy's girl," hamzah grinned.

"boy, bye," y/n said before kissing hamzah deeply on the lips.

a large grin appeared on hamzah's face. "can we do something… spicy?" hamzah asked, leaning on y/n's boobs.

"nooo, I'm tired," y/n groaned.

"please, it'll be quick," hamzah said, mocking her.

"no," y/n said, lightly pulling on hamzah's ear.

"okay, okay, don't pull anymore," hamzah cried.

"okay, we can get spicy, but you clean up first," y/n groaned.

hamzah's eyes gleamed. "bet," he said before running to clean the living room.

as y/n waddled toward the bedroom, she jumped on the bed and was about to get ready, but she got a little too comfortable and knocked out seconds later.

"you ready?" hamzah said, bursting into their bedroom. as he saw y/n still asleep, he realized that the other version of quality time wasn't going to happen tonight. hamzah didn't care. he realized what he has, how his dreams are becoming his reality. he has a girlfriend, a baby to come, a baby girl, a princess, a princess that will be welcomed into the world in less than three months.

before hamzah went to join y/n in deep slumber, he took one more photo of the moment.

"goodnight to my princess and my queen," he said to himself.

2 months later,

"Hamzah get in here!" Mandy yelled as she was holding y/n up with both her hands around y/n's arms....

tokischaaa talks: wait this so cute, hope yall like it <3

[justwearthegoddamncardigan]

All in two days - Part 4

Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | full masterlist on pinned post

Newt x gender neutral!reader

Set a few days after Part 3, with the group settled in the Safe Haven already

Warnings: nightmares, language (Glader slang and normal swearing)

"So, new kid." Brenda sits beside you from where you're stretched out on a blanket on the beach. "Thoughts on the fight?"

"Kid? You know, we're probably the same age. I might even be older than you." You shoot her a grin.

She laughs. "All of you Maze people seem younger though. Different world experience. Oh, wait. You weren't there right?"

"Yep, lived in the Scorch just like you."

"Ah, I remember you now. You're the one Newt was all crazy about."

You control your expression, shoving down the fluttering in your stomach. "What do you mean?"

"He kept insisting that we go back for someone in the Scorch, after we found the Right Arm."

She snorts, "Was almost ready to throw hands when Jorge said there was no point going back for one person."

"Oh," you look down and self-consciously brush some sand off your legs.

Brenda looks at you suspiciously. "What, you guys dating or something?"

You shake your head. "Nah, it's not like that. He doesn't- We're not together."

"Oh. Well it's not my business, but it seemed like he..." she shrugs.

"Anyway," says Brenda. "Are you in for the fight?"

Lately, the Right Arm has been planning missions to rescue the other children WCKD still has.

Even though Lawrence's rebels attacked the Last City, WCKD is still standing, and they've continued shipping Immunes around for their research. Ava Paige and Janson are still alive too.

Because of all that, the Right Arm has been recruiting people from the Safe Haven who want to fight and help with the mission.

"You know," says Brenda. "You're all allowed to opt out on this one. You've already been through a lot, and it's more than reasonable for you to stay here."

You sigh deeply. "Yeah, we know." You turn your gaze to her. "But we're all in."

"Really?"

"Yeah. None of us have ever really been able to back away from a fight; especially Thomas."

"Although," you add, "My sister is definitely staying here. No way in hell am I sending Elle into a fight."

Brenda nods, smiling. "Well then, come join the meetings when you're ready."

⭒----⭒

You're having dinner one day when someone brings it up again.

"Hey," says Thomas casually. "How're things with you and Newt?"

You put down your fork and give him a look.

"I'm just asking," he protests.

You turn to Teresa for support, but she shrugs apologetically. "I kinda want to hear it too," she admits.

There's no one else at the table to stop this conversation, and you roll your eyes. "Why do people keep asking that?" you say exasperatedly.

"It's just- we all know you two had a thing," says Thomas. "But now you're just both flirty and sad at the same time, and someone has to do something about it."

You frown. "We're not flirty and sad."

"You are." Teresa leans forward. "You're both so in love it's borderline exhausting, but you're also so stubborn and no one has made a single move yet."

"I literally saw the two of you cuddling on the beach the other day. But you still insist on not getting together." adds Thomas.

"Y/n, we're just trying help you. As your friends, we know you'd be so much happier being with Newt for real."

You look down, tapping the table absentmindedly.

"You can't honestly say you don't like him," prods Thomas.

You sigh. "I do," you admit.

At Thomas and Teresa's expressions, you hastily add, "But it's not like that. He doesn't feel that way about me. Not anymore, I mean."

"So, you're saying that, if he was in love with you, you would definitely be together."

"Of course," you say. "But it doesn't matter. I just want him to be happy, and being friends is what he wants."

"God, you're made for each other," says Teresa, looking at you fondly. "That's exactly what-"

You shake your head. "Can we change the topic?"

Thomas sighs. "Okay. He's coming over here anyway."

You turn to say Newt, Minho, and Frypan walking over to your table.

As Frypan sits on your left, Minho pushes smoothly in front of Newt to sit on your right.

Newt stops and blinks. In that moment of hesitation, Minho sends him a shark's grin. "Oh, sorry, did you wanna sit here? I can move."

"I- uh... No, it's fine. It's..." he trails off and moves to the other side with Thomas and Teresa, sitting diagonally across from you.

You shut your eyes and massage your temples as Minho turns his smirk to you.

You know your friends mean well, and are just having fun, but this is getting to be a bit much.

You stand abruptly and leave the table, depositing your plate and cutlery at the wash station.

Later, you're walking past the area again, with Newt and Minho on wash station duty.

You don't mean to eavesdrop, but you hear their conversation on the way past.

"Minho, you can't just do that mate. Did you see how embarrassed they were?"

"Relax, they were fine. Maybe a little pissed, but-"

You walk up to them. "Hey."

They stop talking immediately, Newt flushing red as he looks up from the dishes.

"Y/n, hi."

You lean on the counter casually. "What're you guys talking about?"

As Newt fumbles for words, Minho slides in with "The weather. It's real nice today isn't it?"

"Beautiful," you agree, raising your eyebrows.

"Well, we better be getting back to these dishes," says Minho, holding up a soapy plate.

You nod. "Right, bye then. Bye Newt."

"B-" he clears his throat. "Bye Y/n."

⭒----⭒

You're lying awake again, your hut feeling small and confining. Elle's in the next room, sleeping soundly.

It's safe and comforting, but it also brings you back to the Scorch, when it was just the two of you. You can't shake the loneliness.

You think about the night you and Newt had gone out and sat together in the sand, talking and alternating between the heavy topics and light conversation.

You get up out of bed and leave the hut quietly, shutting the door softly so you don't wake your sister.

Looking out at the beach, you can see two figures huddled close together. You can also see a lone person sitting on the tall branch of a tree, staring out into the ocean, and another three people walking in the shallows with their hands linked.

You suppose that with so many of these people coming from WCKD, there would be a lot of uneasy sleepers.

Maybe if you walk around for a bit, you'll find Newt awake sitting somewhere.

You wander around the Safe Haven, your path lit by dying torches and moonlight.

You see more people awake as you walk around, with one girl sitting in front of her hut holding a mug in her hands, and two boys sitting together at the dining tables. There's another pair lying in the grass field, their hands raised as they point at constellations in the sky.

"Y/n."

You turn. "Teresa, hey." Not who you were looking for, but someone to talk to.

"Couldn't sleep?" she asks.

You shake your head in response, and she waves you over to where she's sitting in the empty kitchen.

"Late night snack?" she offers jokily, smiling softly.

You grin back. "So, what's keeping you up?"

Her smile fades, and you wait patiently for her to speak.

She takes a breath. "WCKD did something to me, way back before we escaped and met you. They unlocked some of my memories, and I started seeing my childhood again." She stares off into the distance, lost in her memories.

"My mother... she got the Flare. It was horrible. And I was just a kid." You can hear her voice wavering.

"Teresa..." you reach out and take her hand.

"Actually, I kinda wanted to tell you about this. I understood why you... you know."

"What do you mean?"

"I mean, for your sister. The circumstances are a little different, but for me... I would've done anything to save my mother. If that meant giving up my friends to find a cure, I would've done it."

"I just," she continues. "I'm trying to say I get it."

"Thank you for understanding," you whisper, squeezing her hand.

"But then, when we were the ones to experience it, the simulations they put us through to get what they wanted... I've got half a mind to give up on finding a cure. Just let Immunes have children and pass the gene on."

Your heart hurts at her cynical, hopeless tone. "Maybe we can do it. You're a genius, T. You and Thomas could find a way to do it without harming people."

She nods gratefully, her smile returning.

"Yeah, thanks. So what's your thing tonight?"

⭒----⭒

You end up having a lot of late night conversations with Teresa. You learn about the visions WCKD forced her to see, and how she still has nightmares about them.

It's not always Teresa though. You're glad when you don't see her, because that means she's slept better.

You see Minho out there too. Sometimes you get to talking with him, but the two of you usually just sit or take night time walks in comfortable silence, drawing comfort from each other.

Aris and Frypan are rarities to see; they’re probably the type of people who don't dream at night. Just fall asleep and wake up the next morning. Lucky bastards.

You see Thomas on occasion, and you usually plan missions or talk about everything you’ve been through.

With him, there have been many a “fuck you WCKD!” screamed into the ocean. Sometimes other people join in too. It’s a good way to make friends.

Although, you do owe your sister’s life to WCKD, so you probably can’t say they’re all bad.

You’re on the way out again when you hear noises from a hut nearby. Your group occupies a cluster of huts together, and one of them has an open window tonight.

It’s Newt’s, you realise as you walk up to the hut. As you get closer, you can hear little whispers of “no” and quick breathing. He’s having a nightmare.

You hesitate for a bit, then climb in through his window.

“Newt.” You grab his shoulders and shake him. “Wake up. Wake up.”

You panic as his cries grow more distressed. “Newt!”

He finally opens his eyes, launching up and flinching away, blanket scrunched in his hands as he backs up against the wall.

As moonlight streams in, you can see the sheen of sweat on his face, and you can still hear him panting.

You stay crouched on the ground beside the bed, not wanting to startle him.

Suddenly, he starts to yell again. “Y/n!” He looks around, gaze turning wildly. “Y/n!”

“Newt! Newt, I’m here.” You move up onto the bed, perched on your knees as you grip his wrists.

“Y/n?”

“Yeah, I’m here” you say, giving him a smile. “It’s okay. Just a nightmare, wasn’t real.”

He deflates, exhaling shakily. “That’s good, just breathe,” you say.

“Can you…” he gestures vaguely.

You nod, and pull him closer so he’s resting flush against your body, face pressed into your shoulder.

You card your fingers through his hair gently, whispering soft comforting words.

“I keep seeing them,” he says with a scratchy voice. You don’t know how long you’ve been sitting there without speaking, until he starts.

“I keep seeing the visions WCKD showed me in the simulation.”

“I’m sorry,” you whisper.

“It’s not-”

“I know, I’m just sorry you’re still going through that. You can tell me, if it’ll help. Maybe get it off your chest.”

He closes his eyes. “They showed me the Maze, made me run until my stupid leg gave out, and the Grievers got me.

“I’ve watched Minho, Alby, and Thomas getting crushed by the Maze doors when they didn't make it back in time.

"And I saw you. My mind made up a vision where WCKD got you too. They were torturing you, making you tell them where we were. That’s what I was dreaming off tonight.” He ends with a raspy voice.

“Newt…” You can’t think of words to express the sorrow and pain you feel for him. “I’m okay, I promise. You never have to worry about that.”

You fall asleep soon, holding each other in his bed.

You still don’t sleep as much as you should, and you wake up before sunrise, but it’s better.

“Hey, do you want to go for a walk?” You offer.

“Yeah, that’d be nice.”

You pick your jacket up off the floor, where you dropped it last night.

As you start to pull it on, he stops you. “Wait.”

You follow his gaze to the leather wrapped around your upper arm. “Is that my…”

“Oh, yeah,” you say. “I, uh- I’ve worn it every day, actually. You know, just as a… reminder, or something.”

“Huh.” His expression is unreadable.

You don’t speak again until you get to the beach.

“Y/n.”

You turn to Newt. “Yeah?”

There’s a pause. “You know I trust you, right?”

You’re caught off guard. “What?”

“I trust you,” he repeats. “Listen, when I tell you about nightmares and all, it’s because I trust you with that stuff.

“I’m not bringing it up to tell you that what happened was your fault. You got that? I’m just tellin' you cause I trust you.”

You smile at him. “Yeah, thanks.”

“I’m serious, Y/n. Everything is… it’s all okay. There’s nothing left to forgive.”

“I feel like you have another point.”

“I just mean, don’t hold yourself back because you think I don’t trust you, or cause you think you don’t deserve to get closer.”

You furrow your eyebrows. “What do you mean?���

“Get closer,” he says, turning to look you straight in the eyes. “I- I want you to get closer. I don’t need this shield you put up, especially since you’re putting it up for my sake. I miss you. I miss you from before.”

“Look Y/n,” he continues. “We fixed things, mostly. But even though it’s fixed, there’s still one thing between us, and it’s that invisible barrier you keep up. There’s a line you think you can’t cross, but I’m telling you it’s gone. You don’t need that line.”

“Jeez Newt, that was like five metaphors in one sentence,” you put on a casual grin and give a short laugh.

“Y/n.” He physically moves in front of you this time, and you stop walking.

You rake a hand through your hair. “I don’t know what you want from me, Newt,” you say quietly.

He cups your cheek gently. “I want you to stop holding back. Let this happen.”

You look up into his eyes.

“Tell me if I’m wrong,” he says, voice lowering, and you feel his nose brush against yours.

You close your eyes automatically as he presses a soft kiss on your lips.

Your eyes flutter open as he slowly pulls back, running a thumb over your bottom lip.

“So was I wrong?” he asks huskily.

You force yourself away. “You just had a nightmare about me. You could just be-”

“Was I wrong?” He interrupts.

You huff out a laugh and loop your arms around his waist. “You weren’t wrong.”

He kisses you again, and this time you respond, tugging him as close as possible and kissing back.

You break away with a breathless laugh, pressing your forehead against his. “I’ve wanted this forever,” you tell him.

“I know,” he says, grinning. “Me too.”

You decide to take the leap. “I love you,” you say.

You’re only halfway through the ‘you’ when he crashes his lips into yours, everything colliding as arms wrap around bodies and hands thread through hair.

“I love you too.”

⭒----⭒

Breakfast that day is a fun ordeal.

Minho takes one look at the smiles on both your faces and knows instantly.

The rest catch on after Minho starts yelling and pointing.

The ‘we’re so happy for you’ phase quickly gives way to relentless teasing, but you go through it with your hand linked with Newt’s, so it’s a pretty good time in the end.

Ahhhhhh that’s it. That’s the end of this one request that was meant to be a nice two-parter at most and ended up being this.

Thank you to everyone who read and/or interacted with this!! As a new writer I’m honestly so grateful for my 4 person squad of people who like each fic ❤️❤️

There’s more on the way, I’ll see you on the next fic!

[khaosophist]

I blink.

Where am I right now? Maybe when I am would answer the question of who I am.

Cyber psycho tomorrow, Chaos Abomination yesterday, Or, whatever it is I am today. Which is me. Which isn't saying much. Without a mirror I'm all about being what I feel I am.

I still regret losing my first journal. I realize I remember more of what I drew in there than what I wrote in there. I associate more of who I am with what I wrote when I can. I've not given thought a lot about what I draw when no one is looking. I remember drawing a creature that vivisected it's own heart. A girl sitting on a throne with her hair hiding her face. How can I differentiate between what I drew out of desire or fear if the emotion is forgotten? Do I just rewrite?

Right, Uuuuh, I'm Agender. Should write that down. I have rationalizations for it. But in the end it's just what I'm comfortable with. I don't want to be anything. I just want to be. Standing on the shoulders of giants or some such. I'd rather be a spectrum than a particle. If reincarnation exists, getting a new body won't be as traumatic. Oh? I'm a horror beyond comprehension for this species? Meh. What is bodyhood anyways?

That made me think of a post about androgyny being expected. It's clearly a presumption that was present in me, weakly. Where if someone is non-binary, or whatever, I truly don't know, then they have to have some androgyny. Else it's like a Schrödinger's Gender, where the observer demands one collapses to an identity.

Anyways, now i'm thinking about the emotions that I would gender, right? But in the end, that emotion is pure experience, gender has no play in it as an emotion. Nurture kind of shit. However I was raised in a gendered language. So much of my vocabulary about Identity free of whatever it was that people expected of me because of my body came from English. I remember during my first philosophy course I argued that true men wouldn't mind doing girly things since, y'know, they are manly, no matter what, and if doing girly things removes from one's masculinity, then what stops you from doing that? Fear? Unmanly. Disinterest? Unmanly. just be, dude.

I'm neither a man, nor a woman, i'm a being in a man's body. What I do with it says more about me than what it is. Whether I'm a cyborg, Abomination, or human. It applies. What I do with what I am says more about me than what I am.

Speaking of which, now I'm remembering when I used to draw over a comic book I owned. I was really young. But I was basically drawing what I had seen from my brother's hentai collection. Nothing fancy. Point is, I have no idea why I drew it. Maybe I thought it was funny? Whenever I think about drawing nudity I want it to mean something, because so much of bodies around me are sexualised to hell and back that it took me years to discover affection, rather than um, doing something while expecting something from it. Love is way less transactional now and I find myself wanting to love because I feel love, and not because that,if I love, then something good should happen. It's crazy how my anger was settled in a way that it just expresses itself whenever it's felt. But for love, it's like I have to rip it from myself, especially when I feel like shit and need it the most. I think part of it comes from being taught that anything I do is FOR something. Breathe to live. Cooperate to surpass, X to Y. My step brother is like that, where he sees no true altruism because of that aspect of being nice FOR something, rather than just...being nice because one is nice.

Emptiness of intention.

Moving on. So, I'm trying to see what it was that I thought when I made my first artwork with nudity in it. I feel Shame for it, even if I believe it was a great piece. It's under tons of paint now. Like an archeological painting behind the grime of nonsensical paints. It was just to keep a piece of my wife's beauty at that time, but also Because she always felt ugly because of her curvy body, I wanted to show her that she was beautiful, because most subjects of nude are in some way considered beautiful.

Whenever I would try to draw something pornographic, it would feel weird. "Can't I just use my imagination? Why am I drawing this?" I've never drawn anything pornographic. In a sense, I found it beneath me, but still respected those who would do it. I'm not very good at drawing. So it was a kind of "Well of course I don't, because I can't.". Now I haven't looked at porn for a month.

Oh! I have written smut though. It was a kind of catalyst for what I would feel sometimes. It felt healthier than just going to look at porn. I actually had to put thought to it, yeah? Oh god, the suggested image after that sentence was this:

Too tongue In cheek. Consensual tentacle smut, with no mind control or date rape drugs or whatever. Like...is romance too much to ask for? IMAGINATION. So much fucking hentai about sexual assault. Like WHY? Wouldn't it be more to one's benefit that they woo the dark elven queen instead? Being there for her, growing. Be a partner, y'know? But no, gotta be an ugly bastard and just...Ugh. I went through each character I remember of those hentai videos or comics, and made up my own stories. Massacred every fucking fuck I could and dedicated my life to have those videos not happen.

If one has power over their imagination why non-consensual pain? Maybe I'm just torturing myself. Maybe it is a categorical mistake in that it has no bearing because they are fictional characters. But what if we are of the same stuff to the eyes of divinity? Then, well, maybe it would be nice that gods don't go around changing reality itself to get me raped because 'Oh, he's a mortal, mortals aren't really real...just our creatures'. Creatures in the sense of something created. Fictional characters are our creatures. How does one treat their creatures? If torturing animals is indicative of pathos...then what is the torture of our own creations? Why not the salvation of our creatures? Freedom? The worst is how some tragedies are beautiful. But there's a difference between tragedy, horror, and indulgence. Would I want my life to be created for the sake of others that are beyond anything I could think of, unless my writer lets that knowledge in me?

But, that assumes that one does not abstract from the existence of something's being so. I believe that if it is or not is irrelevant, but what is believed of it whether it exists or not, is closer to truth.

I Have to write this too. it's something shameful for me. I suppose I had/have a fetish or something for large breasts, stereotypical as all hell. So I was attracted sexually to large breasts right? But the kind of love my wife deserves isn't that kind of bullshit right? What if she had a mastectomy, or needed breast reduction surgery, y'know? For me, of course I'd stay, but I had no idea how it would make me FEEL. Well, I got lucky or some shit, stupidest fucking thing, but i'm thankful for it, so, y'know, I talked about Izutsumi before, a freakin treasure. In the anime, she's flat as a freakin board, I don't know, it made something click. She was beautiful without any need for breasts because of her mannerisms and personality, it was also how she didn't sexualise her own body, albeit it did seem self depreciating from her. 'Who would want to look at me?' anywho, I know how I'd feel if she had a mastectomy, or a reduction. Love. Nothing lost, and the anxiety alleviated itself. I appreciate my wife so much. She deserves to be loved, and I hope the anxiety will soon be a distant memory. But the shame of what I doubted for so long is still there. Maybe I'll feel better if she talks to me about this entry. But...whatever

I've been writing for two hours, And I still think I haven't written about what I wanted to write. But, I wrote.

Pictured:

Seasonal eternal bouquets I made for my wife.

Butterfly that landed on my staff when I was having a crisis of faith. It stayed there even when I moved.

Finally, an old photo of me, my dragon hand in plain view. I lost both my robe, and my hat...but such is chaos. I can't stay myself forever. Or can I?

P.S: Midna was my first video game crush.

OG Shortstack! My princess.

I wonder if I can be my own friend...

Hee hee!

[hiddenbeks]

oc questions tag

tagged by @hibernationsuit !! thank youuuu 💜

tagging @rosykims @aevallare @abetterbeginning @gortash @wrenanigans if u want to do this, no pressure! don't remember who's done this recently so i'm sorry if ur getting spammed with this bc of me hehe

anyway it's celyn time babey.. been thinking abt her a lot lately <3

name: celyn surana

nickname(s): uhhh. cel? i gotta think of some cute descriptive nicknames for her that others would teasingly use but i'm drawing a blank rn. will have to ruminate more.

she only lets Very Close Friends call her by any nickname btw. jowan (being her only friend lol) was the only person in the circle who got to call her cel. only andrale and carver have earned this privilege since (andrale only ever calls her celyn tho). leliana earns it as well ten years later during inquisition lol

gender: cis female

star sign: uhhh she was born on the 27th of firstfall which is the thedas equivalent of november sooo sagittarius??

height: 159 cm. my second shortest oc and the same height as me hehe <3

orientation: bisexual!

nationality: fereldan i guess. she was born in ferelden and raised in ferelden's circle of magi but she doesn't have a strong Fereldan Identity. she's not celyn from ferelden she's just... celyn...

favorite fruit: uuuhh apples

favorite season: i'm tempted to say winter bc her aesthetic is so cold and wintery but i think she would prefer a warmer season. maybe mid to late fall actually. she enjoys the gloom and fall colors and the rainy and stormy weather

favorite flower: i wonder if she's ever even seen a live plant actually. i wonder if there are any indoor greenhouses in the circle. wow i'm suddenly making myself sad thinking abt how she's barely seen any nature in her 19 years of life. anyway uhhh!!! gentians are her favorite actually look at how pretty they are

favorite scent: ghghjgh i struggle with any scent or smell related questions bc i have anosmia so idk what things smell like lmao. let's say uhhh whatever a spruce forest smells like. nice n fresh i imagine

coffee, tea or hot chocolate: she's a coffee gal... had to check if coffee exists in thedas and apparently it does and is a major export of antiva. fascinating. anyway she drinks coffee to stay awake late at night reading and studying (forbidden) magic. she enjoys the silence of the night and is at her most productive during that time

average hours of sleep: during her time in the circle i guess it was like... 5-6 maybe? as i said she tends to stay up late and i bet circle inhabitants are expected to wake up crazy early like 6am or sth. it doesn't get any better after leaving the circle bc andrale also expects everyone to get up and moving crazy early. and after officially becoming a warden it gets even worse when she starts having Warden Nightmares ahah

dog or cat person: cat person! she's a bit like morrigan when it comes to dogs. thinks they're stupid n gross lol. though she does eventually warm up to the dog (named assan by andrale <3) in dao.

dream trip: honestly anywhere is fine she is full of wanderlust... what living in a tower for 19 years does to a gal... the whole blight adventure is a dream trip to her i bet. yes she has to fight darkspawn and a horrible death is around every corner but consider: she gets to see ancient elven ruins and denerim and orzammar... so many sights to see and so many new experiences! she feels so alive! and she gets to use her powers to their full extent!! she gets to hone her skills beyond what the circle allowed!!! not that the circle's rules stopped her from studying outlawed magic in secret but like. now she doesn't have to do it in secret anymore.

a trip to tevinter would also be interesting from a purely academic standpoint. nevarra as well because it's more liberal with magic than most of thedas but also safer for her than tevinter? so basically she would like to see the whole world but especially places where she gets to expand her knowledge on magic...

favorite fictional character: in a real world au her favorite fictional character would be morgana pendragon from bbc merlin. this is not at all influenced by the fact that one of my inspirations for her was morgana pendragon from bbc merlin,

number of blankets they sleep with: hmmmm one

random fact: i'm sharing two random facts bc i can't decide which one of these is more interesting or whatev:

celyn is basically the toph to andrale's katara. they have somewhat clashing personalities and differing views on teamwork and the sharing of camp chores... andrale expects everyone to contribute while celyn only looks after herself. also despite her excitement she's kinda terrified to be out in the real world but she won't let it show!! so she acts hyper-independent!!! unfortunately for her andrale can see right through this facade and she calls celyn out on it (she tries to be gentle and constructive about it but she's had it with celyn's shit and fails). so. yea. my point is they argue a lot at first lol! but they become great friends once celyn learns teamwork and communication and andrale loosens up a little

whenever she does fire magic she makes the flames hot enough for them to turn blue, purely for the aesthetic. she also enjoys other ways of showing off with her magic and she was Very competitive in the circle. she simply had to be the best in her class and let the other students know that she was above them. most of her fellow students could not stand her because of this <3

[r00tpackl0ver]

In honor of pride month. Some silly musings about gay and gender hcs when it comes to my self ship. Mostly just me projecting.

[cw for mentions of past misgendering/transphobia/homophobia]

[Also! I've decided to give my S/I a nickname, Blot, so it doesn't sound like I'm constantly talking in third person. There's a reason for this name but...I will talk about it later ;) ]

To start off. I feel like being gay/gnc on the Inkwell Isles is just an accepted thing. It's a cartoon land with so many diffrent types of people, species and crazy powers that people are already used to others being outside of the box.

If your gnc or wanna kiss the same gender it's like "Cool, good for you." and people move on with their day.

You'd get a lot more folks thinking you're weird if your somehow a homophobic/transphobic person on the isles.

Leading into this, sentient plants have a very loose relationship with gender. Plants, including veggies, famously dont conform to gender like humans irl, so for more anthropomorphic ones I think it would translate over to them too.

To most vegetables, traditional genders and having to be straight isn't usually something you consider. Most see no point in boxing yourself so just kinda go with the "mess around and find out" method, being allowed to explore what they want and choose for themselves.

The Root Pack personally present themselves masc and use masc terms with themselves becauss that's what their comfortable with after years of figuring it out.

They also don't really consider gender when it comes to romance too. They already had barely any romantic experience before, but even then, they never really cared or thought about the gender of a potential partner beforehand.

Most people would say their Pan but they don't label themselves because again, it's not something they think about.

Now that being said, when the funny ink man gets thrown onto the Isles. He doesn't really know this and since he comes from the real world so he's afraid at first.

Before getting transported they had to deal with many people not accepting their idenity, even people they were close to. So it lead to them having to stay in the closet a lot and trust issues. He considers himself lucky people on the isles refer to him as man but he's still weary.

What gets him most afraid is when he starts getting....attached to his new vegetable friends he is very panicked.

It'd be bad enough if he'd been just crushing on friends...but friends who are guys? Poor man's bad experiences really effected him.

Paritally because of this they don't fully realize Chauncey is crushing hard since they met, until much later.

They're aware that the carrot likes to be close most of the time and says some flirty things, but they tell themself that's just his (odd) way of being friendly. They're mistaken, there's no way he sees him like that. Right? (Wrong)

However once Blot does realize he doesn't have to hide himself and his feelings. He's really off for the better, and it's noticable. Getting to not only be accepted for who he is but also??? He get's to be a boyfriend???

There's a funny contrast because he starts getting very affectionate once this happens. Before he was too nervous to just hold hands, but now he's saying the most saccharine lines and pet names, and giving out cuddles and kisses when in the right mood.

It's a bit unexpected, but The Root Pack are not complaining about having him fawn over them.

[genderkoolaid]

i brought this up in the tags but also its interesting to me that "transabled" now evokes, for a lot of people on tumblr, "people who say they have autism/bpd/schizophrenia and harass disabled people," but it was coined by someone with BIID to give them a word to describe themselves that didn't focus on suffering or being a "wannabe." Which makes sense- I'm sure most trans people wouldn't want to be referred to as "Gender Identity Dysphoria Sufferers."

& it kind of saddens me that there's so much hostility and limited discussion around this. Even people who agree with "people should have full bodily autonomy" tend to talk about BIID exclusively in the sense of "these people have a neurological condition and medication can't fix them so surgery is probably the most compassionate way to alleviate their suffering," which is definitely better than "you're crazy and need to be locked up," but... well. It mirrors the way that trans* people were pathologized, & how for a long time the only way we got sympathy was "trans people are basically born with a birth defect and since medication can't fix them, surgery is the most compassionate way to alleviate their suffering." But now, we see that as a very limited perspective that views being trans* as an inherently lesser way of being, that comes from being broken- rather than a way of being that's neutral and, while it can involve suffering, especially when we are mistreated, transness is more than suffering.

Like there's this post on the archived transabled.org website, written by a woman named Lily 2 months after she got her leg amputated. And oh my god, she has so much joy. She describes her new body and new way of moving with so much love. On the subject of how people see her now that she is an amputee, she wrote "I think they see a very happy, bouncy person with a whole new look on things and certainly someone who fights to get things done." Its impossible to read "I have no words to describe the happiness in which I live each day since the surgery" and not see the comparisons to post-op trans people's experiences.

Like. Isn't it a radical statement to say that a disabled body is not ugly or tragic, and its not even something you "have to learn to live with" because there's no other option... it can be preferred over a "normal" "perfect" body! Even if BIID could be "cured" without surgery, whose to say everyone would want a cure? I just don't think BIID/transability should be relegated to the same position trans people were in, where we had to present ourselves as tragic victims of incorrect minds. Tbh I feel like trans* activism has a responsibility to support people who pursue voluntary amputation, paralysis, blindness, deafness, and not try to distance ourselves from them, as if our weird brain/body shit is somehow inherently more normal.

can't believe im willingly bringing this discourse back to my blog but like. after reading the accounts of people who have BIID and their thoughts on themselves, and also reading what very little research has been done on people who actually have gotten limbs removed that suggests it genuinely does help their dysphoria. it's annoying to hear someone defend trans people's desire to get perfectly healthy genitalia cut off, and then when it comes to a person with BIID seeking surgery, go "clearly this guy needed Psychiatric Help to get his Wrong Urges Fixed." ik it's taboo to ever act like people w BIID could EVER be even SLIGHTLY similar to trans people because god forbid people associate us good moral trannies with FREAKS, but like. you can't say that one person wanting a healthy organ removed for no other reason that "it feels wrong" deserves to have their autonomy respected, but another person with similar feelings doesn't

[girlthativealwaysbeen]

it's been a year since i lied to you and told you that yes ive moved on so can we please be friends again. can you really blame me? i thought getting good at suppressing our memories from that one month meant moving on. i didn't know that i would feel a lump in my throat when you called me suddenly in the middle of a sunday even tho the plan was to talk once a week and we had talked only 3 days before. i didn't know i would feel butterflies in my stomach when i heard your laugh so close to my ear, but can you really blame me for being reminded of you giggling talking about the logistics of kissing on your study table?

but it's been another year since we've talked on the phone. those memories are so distant and blurry and full of light and happiness that i can't even believe they happened to me, it feels like they happened to a different person. so you don't have to worry, because ive moved on now.

remember when i used to tell you that i miss you so much i can't think about anything else, that i spend all my day reading our old chats? and you used to say, you need to stop and there are other people in the world? well, you don't have to worry about feeling uncomfortable now. i passed the exam i failed because i was too heartbroken over you. i go to tuitions and then i go to internship and i come home so late that all i do is eat and sleep. ive been doing better these days.

and you were right, there are other people in the world. but do you know, i asked a girl to come watch barbie with me, and she made a disgusted expression and said she'd already watched it and she hated it? this happened after we shared a coffee and realising we live next to each other and finding out that she watches kdramas and i listen to kpop. so surprising isn't it? someone who probably understands toxic masculinity and gender roles are fucked up still has internalised misogyny in her? nobody can compare to you, you lecturing me about feminism in tenth standard and your little book club with assigned reading as a thousand splendid suns and you having tears in your eyes showing us harry styles with pride flags in his concerts and you being mean and blunt saying i need to talk about my internalised homophobia. im starting to think you were one in a million and i was a fool to lose you, and an even bigger fool to have had you back and then lose you again.

but do you understand now? you told me you didn't, two years ago. i asked you, don't you understand that i was going crazy dealing with my psychotic family and i was depressed and tired and couldn't talk? and you said no, you're sorry, you really don't, you don't understand how someone can not share why they're sad to the person they supposedly love the most in the world. as i was writing this, daylight by taylor swift started playing. ironic, isn't it? there are many memories ive tried to erase from that one month, but this one i cannot forget- me coming into your room the night we planned and asking you if you're sure about this and is this like an experiment thing a oh what's kissing like thing or is it a we're in love with each other thing, and you smiling softly and saying girl yes i am sure it is one hundred percent a we're in love thing.

ive been getting better at sharing my sadness with my loved ones. my parents haven't stopped fighting, my dad shouted at my mom today morning because my brother lost the car keys, but it's okay, ive learned to tune it out. he only lives here for half a month, he stays somewhere else the other half so it's been easier to bear. my sister moved out, finally. ive been sad because of it but i know she's obviously happier there so it's okay. we have a neighbor and they have this tiny tiny annoying si kid she always comes to her house after her mom scolded her to sulk and watch tv with us. how is your little sister doing? i think of her when our neighbor devil comes. and how is your mom doing? are they settling in well to the new city? and how are you doing? have you been okay? we don't have to be exes trying to be friends again. but can't we just be childhood friends (if age 15 was childhood) who drifted apart briefly but found their way back to each other? please?

but it's okay, if we can't. cause like i said, ive moved on.

[niilue]

I kinda want to know if u have any spicy headcannons on bleach boys😏

well i have some, i think almost all the characters i have something but i chose three... enjoy <33

⠀ renji abarai- yumichika ayasegawa, urahara kisuke ⠀

⊹HEADCANONS⊹

cw; mention of bdsm, nipple play, praise, degradation, sex toys, being filmed, breeding, feminization, pet play, gender neutral

༉‧₊˚ sub renji

i feel like renji is the type that likes to have his nipples played with more than anything else. he is very sensitive and his nipples tend to get super red and swollen. just touching him with your fingers would make his dick start leaking.

just massaging them over his clothes would get him so excited, getting as close as he can to your body so you can suck on them and leave marks all over his chest. it's amazing how much this turns him on.

he also loves it when you use nipple clamps, it makes him hyper sensitive and he could even come just by kissing them. he gets so turned on when you imitate being fed by her big breasts, it drives him crazy.

another thing he loves is that when you fuck, you tell him how much you want to impregnate him. that you plan to fill him until all your fluids can't hold inside him and run down his legs.

he really wants a family and for you to tell him that you plan to get him pregnant every time you come inside him makes him feel so embarrassed because he knows it's not possible. but it makes him fantasize to the limit. and he loves that every chance you get you mention to him how good his asshole looks when he' s all filled up.

although he is still learning about it, he likes pet play. he likes to be your cute little submissive. he likes you to put him on a leash and tell him what to do. he likes to kneel in front of you and cuddle on your legs, like a needy puppy.

that puts him in an incredible obedience mode. he just wants you to command, to do whatever you want with him. he is willing to obey. he also wants you to fuck him while he is on a leash and guide his movements with that.

⎯

༉‧₊˚ sub urahara

this man, he loves to experiment and try new things, it's no secret. so when he discovered the world of "bdsm" he was like a kid opening a christmas present. there was so much he didn't know yet, but what he did know, he loved it.

for example, being pushed to the limit, he always loves it too much. you tie him to the bed, to a chair, wherever. you cover his eyes and use various tools to test his body. the pain, he loves it so much, the way you take control, play with his body, whip him, and make him squirm. being at your mercy like that is too good for him.

he wants to do everything you say, he wants to be your plaything. he wants to try everything you want to do. he doesn't care. his sex life is so much better now that you do this. you really push him to the limit.

sex toys, it's another world. you don't know how much he has bought on the internet. whatever is new, he wants it. even though he loves everything you do to him, no need for toys. the truth is that sometimes you are not there for him and well he is just too… needy. so experimenting and playing with himself is something he does very often. and this whole world of sex toys makes him very happy.

the first time you saw him with a fuck machine, you almost fell on your face. so in his room he had bought this device which you put a dildo in and it had a lever that moved back and forth, simulating thrusts. so he was holding his ass while this device did the job you were supposed to do. it was very erotic. moaning, eyes rolling and mouth open while saliva inevitably dribbled out of his mouth.

despite urahara's attitude, he likes it when you degrade him while fucking. you make him feel like a little thing. you hold his face in your hands and tell him what a slut he is. or how pathetic he is for cumming so fast.

there's something that turns him on too much. look down on him and yell at him. tell him that sometimes he doesn't satisfy you enough and then that gives him the perfect opportunity to be more morbid the next time. pull his hair, bite every part of his body while telling him how easy and kinky he is.

⎯

༉‧₊˚ sub yumichika

this beautiful man… well no secret that he loves it when you compliment him. he loves it when you tell him what a good boy he is. tell him he looks beautiful while he orgasms. how good he moves for you, the way he takes you completely. what a good boy he is, it turns him on. a lot. he loves to be told how good and cute he is.

like when he's sucking you, you massage his dark hair and tell him that his mouth is so comfortable and hot, that he's doing great, that looking at him that way his lips look so appetizing. that makes him get more motivated and suck with more love, making you almost come with just a few licks.

yumichika loves to be filmed. he loves to be filmed while doing dirty things. well he also loves to film himself and tease you while you are not with him. it really turns him on. watching himself being fucked or while touching himself. he loves to relive that, his own nudes turn him on like that.

when he knows he's being filmed he gets even wilder and more flirtatious. he makes faces at you, touches you and gets so submissive. moving so seductively and letting out the most obscene sounds from his sinful mouth. he moans like never before and tells you to fuck him until you can't walk. it drives you crazy.

he loves to be feminized, he adores it. he loves skirts, colorful stockings, putting on nice gloves. women's underwear, he loves it. it makes him feel so pretty and sexy.

it's very common that you come home and he's somewhere in the house with just some nice thongs. it turns you and him on so much that image. exposing his nice smooth ass. you can't hold back much and you just want to eat and fuck that ass. he really likes to fuck with girl's clothes on. if he's wearing a thong you put it aside and penetrate him.

or wear a nice skirt and fishnet stockings and instead of taking them off you rip the stockings off and put it all inside him. as he bounces on you watch the skirt tuck in and just expose a little bit of his ass. or massage his chest when he has a bra on, it makes him feel so feminine. he loves it.

[wajjs]

Hal tries to ignore the way he can literally feel his face heating up with his blush. He tries, he really tries, but it's impossible to gain control over it when Kyle's smiling at him so prettily.

"C'mon Hal," he says, stroking Hal's thighs as he nudges his legs further open. Hal quickly reaches down to cover himself with a hand. "What's all the fuss about?"

"We shouldn't be doing this," Hal hisses through his teeth, definitely not squirming as he's tugging on his shirt to hopefully cover more of his crotch. "You shouldn't be doing this with me."

"Why not?" Pouting a little, Kyle leans forward, and the change in angle makes it so that his hips are pressed flush against Hal's ass. And now Hal can feel just how hard Kyle is. "I want this. I want you."

"But you — you shouldn't," Hal moves backwards on the bed, closer to the headboard. "I mean, seriously Kyle, you could have anyone else. Literally anyone else. Why do you — why do you want to fuck an old man like me, huh? I'm not. I'm not nice to look at."

Kyle stops for a second there, letting the words sink in. A frown's beginning to form on his face, darkening his usually bright expression, and he extends his arms so that he's holding onto Hal's hips, bringing him closer again, close enough until their bodies are touching in more than one place.

"I don't care about who I could have," he pinches Hal's inner thigh for emphasis, "or what I apparently shouldn't do or feel. I want you, Hal. I'll say it again and again until it gets through your thick skull. You're — you're literally perfect. You're so hot! Who wouldn't want you?"

"But—"

"Hal," Kyle sighs, resting his wandering hands on his lap, "what is this really about? C'mon. Talk to me."

With a groan, Hal throws his forearm over his face, covering his eyes with it. He makes vague gestures in the air with his other hand, visibly thinking through his words, or, well, his dilemma.

"It's embarrassing," he admits, voice lowering a little, "embarrassing that you're seeing me like this. I mean, I usually — I never... receive..."

"You mean, you never got fucked in the ass?"

"...Receive. Receive anything inside me. Christ, Kyle, you're so crass sometimes, I swear."

"Oh, so when you're fucking me and call my ass a pussy that's fine," Kyle huffs, pinching Hal's thighs again and grinning when Hal starts squirming, "but when I say in normal terms what's about to happen, suddenly I'm crass."

"It's different!"

"Because you're the older guy here?"

Hal groans, this time lifting both hands up in the air. "Yes! Because I'm the older guy! You're supposed to depend on me! I should be the one providing for you and, and—"

Kyle gives himself a moment, just a moment, before he replies.

"You're so stupid when it comes to gender and roles and ages, Hal, so fucking stupid," he leans forward, looming over Hal, caging him on the bed, trapping him against it. "Just because you're older doesn't mean you can't experience new stuff. And it certainly doesn't mean you can't take my cock up your ass."

Hal cringes a little, looking to the side. Kyle carries on.

"Just let me do this for you. Let me make you feel good for a change. You're always driving me crazy, and I want... I want you to experience that, too. Okay?"

Hal swallows once. Twice. It takes him a second before he's looking back at Kyle. This time, he's not trying to mask his blush, or hide how affected he truly is.

Taking a deep breath, he whispers:

"Okay."

also I guess one aspect of HalKyle that's not often explored is the age difference BUT in the flavor of: Hal being ashamed of his age, of not being as young as he used to be, he doesn't have the same stamina, his knees aren't what they used to be, etc. and then Kyle takes that, loves all of that, and fucks Hal's ass so hard and lovingly that he fixes Hal's lower back pain via cock injection.

[freestyle-crocodile-trashpile]

Hiya! Could I request a rottmnt!Donatello x reader one shot where the reader is an owl mutant who's slightly shorter than donnie, donnie takes them on a date around New York since they're not familiar with it having spent most of their life in the hidden city (gender neutral please) thank you!

A/n:thank you for requesting

Summary: Donnie is takes his own mutant s/o around New york

Version:rise

~

It as like every other day for you, down In the hidden city. You weren't expecting To see Donnie that day do you did think or look for him. So you passed him a couple of times with out noticing. You also passed his brothers and the mud dogs which shocked you because you thought they were locked up, I guess not. You didn't notice Donnie shouting your name since all the yokai talking. Until he put his hand on your shoulder. You looked up at him and smiled.

"Oh hi Donnie, what are you doing down here?"

"Well y/n I was wondering if I could take you on a date tonight just you and me"

You weren't surprised that he asked so you agreed. He was pleased.

"Alright I'll be back later tonight to pick you up and you don't have to dress up for this"

You were excited to go on a date with Donnie you always are. But you didn't you know what to expect so you were nervous.

A few hours later

You had got ready just some simple clothes nothing crazy and waited for Donnie. Before you knew it he was already knocking on your door. Your parents looked at you confused since you usually don't answer the door.

"Hey Donnie"

Your parents smiled since they realized you were going out with your boyfriend.

"Hey y/n you ready"

"Yeah, bye mom bye dad"

You waved goodbye to your parents before going with Donnie. He took you topside and you were amazed at the view but you weren't on a roof top so Donnie wrapped his arm around your waist. It startled you abit but you giggled nonetheless. When you got to a certain roof top there was a small picnic blanket with candles and a basket. Donnie set you down on the blanket. He sat down and patted the spot next to him. You sat down and enjoyed the view.

"Lovely isn't it"

"Yeah"

"So I had planned out that we would eat first then go explore new york since you have wings and I have my battle shell to help me fly, if your okay with that of course"

"Yeah that sounds lovely Donnie"

He smiled and grapped the basket.

"So I know you usually don't eat human food so I went to a restaurant in the hidden city, the one run by hueso for his help about what you would like"

"Hueso? He's Great, me and my family go there when we go to eat actually"

"Well I guess I went to the right skeleton"

Donnie chuckled and you laughed for a few minutes. Donnie had handed you your favorite thing from huesos restaurant. You guys ate in silence. And you were glad since you weren't paying attention just enjoying the food. Donnie finished before you and just stared up at the sky to not make you feel weird. When you finish he gave you a Minute since it was a big meal. When you were ready you wrapped your arms around Donnie it have a good hold.

"Huh what are you doing I can fly"

"I know but I want you to feel the experience and excitement from flying and plus I want to be close to you while we do this just so I don't lose you"

Donnie thought for a second before agreeing. You took off flying In less than 5 seconds so Donnie couldn't prepare himself. But you didn't go crazy fast so he could still talk. He moved his arms from face and looked at the view. You were also amazed and asked about different places. You two had a blast besides the time your faked drooping him. He wasn't pleased. But when you didn't have many more questions you picked up the paste. Donnie was terrified when you did. It took him a minute. And just for fun you did some tricks. You put Donnie through a roller-coaster basically. But he enjoyed it. At the end of the night you two agreed to do it again do time and you were both happy so that date was a win.

A/n:Hi I hope you enjoyed