#it's crack o'clock

[january-summers]

Washington centric? fluffy-crack, post "Carolina is alive after all and on the team now", no exact time period.

Carwash-y? Sibs or ship idc. it's sibs in my head but read it as you like

Washington fails to sleep properly for three weeks and reverse engineers Carolina's mum's secret recipe (soup/stew/casserole) from his memories of Epsilon's memories of Director's memories because it was Carolina's favourite food before her mum passed and her mum never told anyone the secret ingredient so she could never get it right but Carolina's birthday is coming up and Washington figures he'll put his PTSD Insomnia very unique set of skills to work making it for her.

He gets it right, confirms it's right, passes out from exhaustion before writing down the recipe and can't remember what it is when he wakes up.

They never manage to figure it out again.

Extra crack S17/post S17/time-gun edition.

Wash portals back to PFL, breaks into a meeting he doesn't care about on the MoI, shoots the Councilor in the kneecap to show he's serious about making the Director eat the food and leaves when he gets confirmation it tastes correct.

He leaves a copy of the recipe with the Director, the Director is so overcome by the food bringing back good memories that he stops being a raging asshole.

Wash gets back to his time, realises he has a time gun and he could have just asked Allison Prime directly!!!!

Carolina has no idea what's going on with Wash, she's just waiting for him to inhale so she can tell him that just because his mic is off, doesn't mean they can't hear him screaming profanities through his helmet.

[cryoexorcist]

up for adoption (again):

one adorable claymore-wielding cryo cutie!

[thetarttfuldickhead]

There was this post a little while back suggesting that Beard gets kicked out by Jane and moves in with Higgins and that’s very narratively satisfying and right, given that Leslie’s the one person daring to tell Beard that his relationship with Jane isn’t, you know, great. However, I’m a Roy & Jamie girl at heart, so I couldn’t help but wonder what would happen if Beard instead moved in with his fellow fan of few words, ie one Roy Kent.

Say, for instance, that Roy and Jamie are fucking/dating/what have you and Jamie gets it into his pretty, silly head that they can somehow hide the fact from Beard. Roy tells him stop being an idiot, of course he’s going to know if he’s staying here, only way to keep it from him if you keep away until he finds another place to live, and fuck no, I’m not moving in with you, how the fuck would I explain that, and anyway your fucking headboard would give me a migraine.

Well, Jamie says mulishly, I’m not staying away.

Fine, Roy says, secretly a little relieved. So he’ll know. Big fucking deal.

And in this version of events Roy really is cool with it, because it has to come out sooner or later and he’s not ashamed and it’s not like Beard’s gonna say anything (Roy may or may not be mistaken in this assumption), and anyway, he’s Roy Kent, he does whatever the hell he wants, okay. Only Jamie doesn’t accept that, because he has this strong and somewhat misguided notion that he needs to defend Roy’s honour by not letting anyone suspect he’s fucking his player. So Jamie starts making up increasingly absurd excuses as to why he should show up at Roy’s place like having some work done at my house and Roy was concerned I’d be breathing in poisonous fumes, yeah, so he said I had to come over here and um, Coach, I think I strained my calf today, could you maybe take a look here in the bedroom ‘cause my back hurts too and I need to lay down and yeah, Beard’s eyebrows are not as psychotic as Roy’s but they certainly climb and climb and climb. Later in the evening he just glances at Roy, so, you and Jamie, huh? And Roy shrugs, unconcerned, yeah, and pours himself another cup of tea. He doesn’t tell Jamie that they’ve been made, though; it’s still kind of fun watching the muppet make a fool of himself. Besides, the idea of their encounters being particularly illicit seems to really get Jamie going, so.

Alternatively, Jamie agrees to stay away, and then proceeds to do everything in his power to set Beard up with someone else so that Beard can be happy and move in with his new friend and Jamie can go back to shagging his grumpy old boyfriend all over the house. The attempts are predictably absurd, but also oddly sweet (‘cause Jamie wants the relationship to last, right, so that Beard doesn’t come knocking on Roy’s door again anytime soon, so obviously he needs to find someone properly nice, but it’s hard for him to figure what nice means to someone as odd as Beard).

(These two scenarios work if Keeley’s part of the mix, too, btw. She can either join in Jamie’s antics because she’s a weird girl at heart, or she can be the voice of reason if a voice of reason is what gets you going.)

Or say that Roy and Jamie really are just friends (for the moment, at least) and it’s Roy that gets a little nervous about Beard realizing just how close they are. Like, he’s reluctantly cool with everyone knowing that Jaime is his favourite player (though of course he’d deny it if someone dared say it to his face) or them knowing that Roy spends stupid amounts of time torturing training Jamie, but he’s not quite comfortable having people know that they also just… hang out. That Roy cooks Jamie dinner. Leaves Phoebe with him when Roy’s busy with a coaching crisis. That they watch stupid shit on the telly together, and that Roy doesn’t complain (much) when Jamie curls up to him like a cat. That stuff’s private, all right? So he stops having Jamie over, starts brushing him off, and at first Jamie’s undeterred because if he let Roy’s grumpiness get to him he’d never not be gotten to, but Roy persists and Jamie starts to wilt, hurt and confused. In the end, Beard – wise, all-seeing Beard – fixes Roy with one long stare and notes that there’s nothing wrong with having a friend, Coach. Plenty wrong with being shit to the ones you’ve got, though, and Roy doesn’t even yell fuck he just stands there, stony like, until he jerks a short nod and stalks off to make things up to Jamie.

Anyway, the idea of Beard bearing witness to Roy and/or Jamie being particularly ridiculous about each other is very funny, to me.

(I tried to hunt down that original post because even though I didn’t want to add to it and derail OP’s poignant take with my Roy & Jamie obsession, I still want to credit them for the original idea. Couldn’t find it, however, but please give me a shout if you have a link. Aha! @coachbeards is the original galaxy brain!)

[cryoexorcist]

"i am going to steal your kasa."

❝  petrichor.  ❞  he  says  it  like  a  CURSE.

[araiz-zaria]

I wasn't the one who got requested (it was @jenxiez to be exact), but then I couldn't resist drawing cheerleader Grant myself 😏😉😆🤪

[sleepy-crypt1d]

will never forgive the COF 2013 remake for trying to take away simon's crustiness- it is PART of him he's not himself without it

[cryoexorcist]

"So many people have said they're up for sparring, and yet, I have no one lining up to spar." Chongyun smirks. "Guess no one can handle the big weapon."

[cryoexorcist]

"Does it count if I was witness to the foolish-...I mean experiment, that occurred the last time this discussion happened? I simply want to remind everyone of the facts."

"..Do not encourage their foolishness, is what I meant." He doesn't like the look Chongyun has on his face, so he's quickly correcting himself.

[deerabigailhobbs]

Alrighty it's ramble time. Hannibal/MCU crossover in which Abigail somehow ends up in the care of Bucky Barnes. Taken place during the Winter Soldier after Steve figures out his identity. Also Abigail is 17 here.

Mizumono. Abigail has just pushed Alana out of the window. And she knows what happens now. She isn't stupid. If she walks down those stairs it's certain death. Whether by Hannibal, Will or both, it's set in stone. So she grabs a small bag of clothes she had packed, along with some money and a book, "A Good Man is Hard to Find", and sneaks out. Luckily her clothes are dark enough to blend into the dark background, her body light enough to make barely any sound. And once she thinks she's in the clear, she runs. She runs until her lungs hurt, walks till they hurt less, then runs again

She ends up at a gas station. Some poor woman is being chatted up by a man who could be her father. But luckily for Abigail, his car keys are on the other side of the table they're sitting at. She swipes them, pointing them to the only vehicle that's there, and steps on the gas, the engine drowning out the yelling of a very angry truck owner.

Now, how does Abigail exactly go to the MCU? Idk. Magic probably. We'll put a pin in that.

So the Steve and Bucky fight has just happened. Bucky's mind is scrambled. He knows this stranger. Somehow. It's overwhelming. And so, as if on autopilot, he takes the nearest car and drives. He should be going back to hydra. To report his mission. And yet he can't find himself to turn the wheel there. He simply drives. For once, with no goal. With no purpose other than to get away. It's exhilarating. It's frightening.

He's not sure how long he's been on the road, but the once tall buildings have been replaced by vast forest. "Go back" he whispers to himself. "Report your mission." But it's futile. There isn't a thing that can take his foot off the pedal.

Unless a truck would happen to be crashed into a tree.

He stops and gets out before he has a chance to think. Knife in hand, he slowly approaches the vehicle, hearing faulty breathing. He stares into the driver's seat.

A girl. She couldn't be older than 18, slouched forward. Unconscious and bleeding.

He carefully takes her out of the car and into his arms.

What is he doing? Why is he here, feeling so compelled to help? He doesn't even recognise this girl. He certainly hasn't been ordered to kill her. He thinks anyway. He's not sure about anything anymore.

Tires hit concrete, dozens of them. He looks up to see hydra soldiers stepping out the vehicles, kicking making a circle around him, guns pointed. And out of that huddle, with a sigh, steps out Pierce.

"You ran away. That's not like you." He steps closer. "That's not like you at all."

Bucky doesn't move, but clutches the girl tighter to his chest. Pierce gazes at her.

"And who is this?" No response. "I asked you a question soldier, now give me an answer."

"I don't know" he mutters out. He should just drop her. Apologise and get back to the mission. But he just can't. He only holds her closer.

Pierce looks behind, nods, and before the bullet even left the soldier's chamber, Bucky drops to his knees, left arm covering the girl's head. For such a small move, he's breathing like he's run a marathon.

"Up on your feet." Pierce demands, and Bucky obeys. Just like he's always done. It felt right after a day of... Whatever all this was.

He can hear the other man snort. "Pretty little thing, isn't she?" Bucky looks at him. Silence.

"Say, how about we take her back with us. She looks like she could get cleaned up a bit. Then we'll talk about what happened today. How does that sound?"

Another long stare before he replies back. "Good Sir. Thank you, Sir."

Bucky moves into the back of one of Hydra's trucks, ignoring the stares of the other men. Once in, he checks over the girl once more, moving the hair out of her face. And then he notices. A scar and lack of ear on her left side. Considering the freshness, these wounds weren't caused by the car accident.

It appears as though they were both missing a part of themselves.

[araiz-zaria]

Lannes' birthday coincides with Eid this year so yeah I have to draw this strip 😉🤪🤣

[rustedleopard]

It's hard being a kitsune without a tail.......

[cryoexorcist]

ARE THEY CONFUSED or is akihiko flirting with them? that DEFINITELY sounds like some sort of flirtacious line, even if mingled with a trace of hostility. perhaps aki himself doesn't know what he's saying. 

chongyun SMILES. grinning mischievously. "if i didn't know any better, i'd say you were into me. just a little bit."

they are ASKING to get their ass kicked.

      —       aggressive,   no.   stating   with   an   underlining   hint   of   command,   yes.   though   there   is   no   denying   the   freshly   woven   twinge   of   upturned   lips   does,   in   fact,   IRK   him.   

speaking   of   pie,   he   should   shove   chongyun   in   an   oven.   

❝   i   know   i'm   a   vision,   but   turn   those   eyes   elsewhere.   ❞

[loki-hargreeves]

here's some fresh mk crack for you all

[cryoexorcist]

"Childe, how do you CONSTANTLY find yourself in trouble?"

[owl-in-space]

Listen to me

Listen to me

Eddie who picked up drawing during his deployment to keep him sane, continuing it in LA as a comfort meeting Buck, who may not have found his spot in life but who has realized modeling for drawing classes is great, actually

[cryoexorcist]

"You know what I learned about petrichor?" Chongyun counters. "I learned that if someone repeats it enough times, the word will embed itself into your head and chase you around for the rest of your life."

With a hrmph, Chongyun crosses their arms. "Also that certain harbingers who had an extended stay in Liyue are fond of said word and will bring it up every chance he can."

"But if you want to give me an education, I'm listening."

"Well.. You're sort of close, I'll give you half a point for that answer.. Out of 5. The scent of petrichor isn't the rain itself, but instead the distinct way that dry earth smells after it rains. Such a scent arises from a combination of volatile plant oils and the chemical odorant geosmin released from the soil into the air, and by ozone carried by downdrafts."