#it's christmas dammit and I spent several hours this week either baking or watching nailed it

[xyliane]

self-indulgent killugon au #917: baker au

it all started with this quote from an interview with nicole byers, host of nailed it! (which is an excellent netflix show and everyone should watch it for hilarious baking fails):

and I turned to @ikarikari​ and @trashsketch​ and went “killugon baker au.” and in the interest of amassing everything in one place as best as possible, I’m just going to write a bullet pointed list for this AU and no one can stop me.

first off: gon works at a bakery palm owns. killua has been going there on his way to work for several weeks

he and palm are...confrontational: killua has not had his coffee, palm is just generally antagonistic because she’s been up since 3:30am. they get along really well

the first time gon meets killua is when he hears a customer (killua) arguing really loud one morning when he’s had maybe 2h of sleep. he comes out to toss the asshole on his ass, but then palm laughs. so gon immediately likes the guy, because it’s hard to make palm laugh especially in the mornings

but one morning gon’s working the register, and he’s basically a human ball of sunshine who gives killua a smile and a free shot of espresso, and killua immediately has a crush

palm usually works storefront in the morning rush for a few reasons:

this is a bakery, not a cafe--if you want a morning pastry, fine, but this isn’t a spot for hanging out. if you wanna hang out you gotta deal with Angry Bakery Owner

gon gets hit on all the time. he’s actually fantastic as a cashier but palm also has a stack of “call me ;)” napkins that leorio comes in weekly to burn

(leorio finds it cathartic to help someone while he’s in his first year of Actual Doctor M.D.’ing)

gon finds it incredibly awkward but he’s also gone out with a few customers that palm doesn’t immediately run off

killua manages not to hit on gon because that’s Rude and alluka and nanika would be Displeased

he does, however, run into gon after they both finish work, and drags him off to a semipro sports game he has to go to for work reasons--he does a lot of business exec stuff and this one would have meant too much mingling. but he and gon end up having a lot of fun together!

gon really appreciates not being hit on at work, and killua turns out to be really interesting! for one, killua’s a lot nicer than palm makes him out to be (killua: whAT SHE IS WAY WORSE), and killua’s really cool even when he’s undercaffeinated!

killua learns that hot baker isn’t just hot, he’s pretty smart in a weird way and he’s funny and has a habit of regularly surprising him, whether with food or sharp observations or just being gon

the next day there’s a little cupcake with his name on it waiting by the register

killua: why does this have my name on it

gon, from the back: it’s for you killua!

palm: no

killua: but it has my name!

palm: you owe me $1.75

killua, mouth full: too late

they do manage to actually go out on a friendly date or two before killua shows up for his morning caffeine and propositions gon via baked goods

he has been working up the nerve to ask gon out himself for awhile, but he rolls up all smooth while gon’s on a break between morning rushes and after successfully getting a date, goes “bring something you want me to eat off you tonight”

gon basically bsods. there is no gon home. 

killua manages to saunter off before hyperventilating 

once gon’s recovered, palm (who has heard everything and is torn between knives and laughing really hard) basically goes “here are your options MAKE THIS”

so that night gon shows up with a box of chocolates and a cake with a "haha palm overheard and I think she has weird ideas but I'm down if you are" and killua cancels their dinner plans immediately

MORE CHARACTER STUFF UNDER THE CUT BECAUSE I HAVE LOST CONTROL OF THIS AU

killua’s a business exec in the city. his office building has a kinda high-end hipstery cafe on the first floor, but accidentally gets off a stop early one day and stumbles into palm’s bakery desperate for caffeine

she uses ganache in her mocha lattes and killua refuses to go anywhere else ever again

he’ll take the extra 10min walk it takes to get to work, she uses REAL CHOCOLATE

gon used to play rugby, and he still stays in shape by weightlifting and biking to and from work for his 4am-2pm shift

he also was in prison for 6 months for assault before he started working for palm: he worked as a bouncer while playing rugby, and one night he broke up a really nasty bar fight that led to him punching a cop in the face

the cop was trying to break it up, gon was trying to break it up, everything went wrong

gon’s from a poor background and is an islander, and he ended up getting more blame than he should have

the one good thing is palm was also at the bar that night (got off because she did not punch a cop, she just punched assholes). she writes gon going “hey that was the shit end of the stick, hmu if you want a job when you get out”

gon also volunteers at mito’s dog shelter. 

this is entirely because I want gon to be napping in piles of puppies

he takes killua there for a date after they’re both done with work and killua has to wake him up with doggie kisses

palm’s a better baker and decorator than gon (that’s why she’s the owner and the one who does cakes and stuff), but gon gets really good at baking bread--helps that mito had him kneading bread when he was a kid

killua: so that means you’re good with your hands

gon: yes?

killua: I mean--your hands, they’re. talented?

gon: I like touching you too, killua

palm: NOT IN MY BAKERY YOU FUCKS

gon is still in really good shape, but now that he’s not playing rugby or in jail, he gets a little pudgy over the muscle

killua, who runs marathons and probably does crossfit or something, absolutely loves this, but also is Very Worried about getting fat

then again killua exists on caffeine and sugar alone, so gon brings him lunch shortly after they start Officially Dating and it’s 90% vegetables and killua is all “YOU WORK AT A BAKERY GIVE ME SUGAR”

gon threatens to take away his caffeine

this au exploded and I love it it’s very sweet and saccharine and I needed some fluff.