#it's certainly not something that uplifts my mood so

[storyuntrue]

it's only wednesday and it already has been a week™

[hwhimsypc]

Too Busy Being Yours

Keigo Tamaki (Hawks)/Reader

Note: first smut (except that one omegaverse i did with my friend on Ao3, but please bear with me, this is probably bad.) Anyway!

Warnings: 18+ (pretty vanilla), Not proofread

Summary: You don't like Hawks, until a late night of unexpected, Passionate events take place.

Word count: 1857

Enjoy!

Your heels click on the floor as you try to follow Hawks’ quick steps. His long legs makes it difficult to follow him while wearing stilettos. The pile of papers are tightly pressed against your chest, as you desperately try not to drop them. You’re barely looking where you’re going, and almost hit two people. Hawks is pulling you along by your arm, and he’s the only reason you haven’t hit anything yet. 

“Can you slow down?” You hiss between your teeth. He turns his head, a cocky smile perched on his lips. 

“Can’t keep up?”

You roll your eyes. Hawks was always teasing you in the worst situations possible, when you were least in the mood for it. 

“I told you we had to leave earlier.”

“Whatever you say.” He turns back. You’ll be there soon. 

Hawks always had a tack for being late. Being his assistant was by far the most stressful job you’ve ever had. And his constant jokes and cheerfulness were draining sometimes. Even if it was uplifting when you’d had a bad morning. 

You finally get to the interview, in a small apartment on a street corner. You stop to catch your breath, sweat immediately collecting on your brow. Of course, Hawks was irritatingly unaffected. 

“See ya later, darling,” he winks, and you shake your head, ignoring him. You were stressed. This interview gave you a bit of time to focus on all the paperwork you were behind on. 

You of course, don’t see Hawks’ smile quickly fading when he realises you weren’t really affected by his teasing. Funny. He wasn’t used to that. 

Hawks rising in popularity meant more paperwork for you. And paperwork for a top 3 hero wasn’t something that could wait until morning. A headache had been forming behind your forehead for the past two hours and it was simply getting too hard to ignore. You sigh, pushing out your chair, getting up to get yourself another cup of coffee. Was this your fifth today? Your seventh? It doesn’t matter, anyway. The only thing filling your brain is heroes, interviewers and media. The tiredness wasn’t allowed to nudge its way in. You couldn’t afford that. 

You’re so lost in thought, you don’t feel the presence sneaking up on you. Only when two warm hands grab your shoulders and you shriek, heart jumping in your throat. 

“What are you doing here so late?” And oh, it’s just Hawks. You groan, pushing his hand away. 

“Fuck off.” 

You turn to walk away again, suddenly forgetting what it was you came for. But Hawks isn’t giving up so easily. 

“Aww, come on, humour me.”

You’ve had enough. 

You turn around, grabbing his collar in anger. Of course, he doesn’t budge an inch. But it certainly feels good, and you’re tired and irritated, frustrated and angry. And you just… explode. 

“Don’t test me! This has been too long of a day… a week… a month… a year for that matter. You’ve tested my limits every day, for however long I have worked for you, I’m so fucking sick of being your plaything. You don’t respect me, you don’t respect my work-”

“Y/n.”

“You don’t seem to care for how I’m doing, just constantly putting more pressure on me. You never take a moment to stop and think. Maybe you’re not the fucking only person in the world.”

“Y/n.”

“Maybe, for just a second, could you care about someone that isn't you. And maybe, just maybe, would you think it isn’t my job to take care of you when you’re alone or sad, I’m your assistant for god's sake, you big!… fucking!… man baby!”

“Y/n! Oh my god, listen!”

You push him back. “But you never listen to me!”

Hawks’ eyes are wild. He looks flabbergasted, as surprised as you’ve ever seen him. But his open mouth slowly forms into a smirk. Your stomach drops. Whether it’s in anticipation, fear, or maybe even excitement, you don’t know. 

“Oh but I do. About the things that are important.”

You tsk. “What things?”

He looks too smug, as he starts to speak. 

“I know that you deeply hate the guy from block 1.”

You stare at him with wide eyes. 

“I do not-”

He laughs. “Don’t play smart. You frown everytime he opens his mouth during meetings, and always object when he has an idea. It’s obvious.”

Obvious, yet only you’ve noticed. 

It’s your turn to look flabbergasted now. 

“Okay, so maybe he’s not my favourite person in the world, you’re right about that.”

Hawks smiles. 

“And you never wear your hair up. I take it you don’t like the sensation.”

It had never really caught your attention, just how much notice Hawks took of you, compared to how little you took of him. You’re borderline speechless. This always happens to everyone around you. His fans, coworkers, but never you. You 're never affected. The man takes notice, and he suddenly seems closer than before. 

“Cat got your tongue?”

If this were five minutes ago, you would’ve sighed and rolled your eyes. But now, you’re silent. 

“I just- I didn't know.”

His fingers find Your neck and goosebumps travel through your whole body. 

“Didn't know what? That I like you?”

Your immediate reaction is of course, denial. 

“That doesn't make any sense. Why would a pro hero be into someone like-”

But you don't get to finish, as he suddenly pulls you close. 

“I’m going to kiss you. That okay?”

 You’re so surprised that you just freeze, staring up into his big, owlish eyes. You can’t tell what kind of emotion hides behind them. 

“Okay,” you whisper, feeling the desire pull in your chest, more intense than you’d ever experienced. Before you get to take another breath, Hawks lips are on yours, soft and wanting, like this is the last time he’s going to kiss you. You really hope that’s not the case. 

Breathing is the last thing on your mind as your mouths passionately move together. You’re clutching his shirt hard, and you can feel his erection growing against you. 

“I wanna eat you out,” he says, biting your earlobe. The surprisement from all of this has still not entirely passed, but you’ve decided to just go with it. 

“Please,” you moan, and it comes out a lot more desperately than you’d anticipated. You clumsy move towards your desk, his lips sucking eagerly on your neck as you both try to unzip your skirt. He hits a spot on the end of your neck that feels incredibly ticklish and good, and you moan a bit too eagerly as he desperately pushes all of the papers off of your desk in one swipe. 

You feel a stab of irritation in your chest, and is about to give him a piece of your mind, before he pushes you down with practised ease. His incredible strength really comes to sight in a situation like this. It turns you on a lot more than you’d thought it would. you seem to get surprised a lot today.

“Spread your legs for me, sweetheart.”

You’re pretty sure he’d be able to spread them just fine himself, but you still listen, flinching a bit when the cold air hits your aching cunt. You’re so wet already that it’s almost embarrassing. 

He grips your thighs securely, kissing up your inner thighs. You’re so wet that you can feel the slick dripping down to your asshole. 

As soon as he gets started, Hawks is unstoppable. He eats you out like he’s starving. You’re too gone to be embarrassed about the wet squelching sounds, as he eagerly sucks your clit with the confidence of an experienced man. Your legs are shaking, and you’re sure that there will be marks tomorrow from where his fingers grip your thighs tightly. 

“Don’t, ngh- don’t stop!” you loudly breathe out, voice trembling as you, to your utmost surprise, suddenly cum. Everything feels overwhelming as he stops, lifting his head, his whole underface covered in your wetness. 

“You’re acting like I would ever,” he says, a bit out of breath. You can’t deny your attraction to him anymore, especially in a moment like this. “You taste too sweet,” his voice drops an octave as he leans closer to your face, breathing against your lips. “You can’t imagine how long I've wanted to do this. I could go on all night, until you’re completely dry. And then in the morning, I want to fuck you until my body gives out.”

That would take a while, especially with the incredible stamina he has, you think, feeling as if you’re in some kind of pleasant haze. 

“You don’t know how feral I am for you, y/n. It’s scaring even myself.”

You stare up at him in surprise, suddenly unsure of what to do. But you don’t need to be sure about anything, as Hawks leads you through it. 

He pulls orgasm after orgasm out of you, as you wonder how you’re even able to take this. On an uncomfortable desk at that. But true to his word, you’re riding him like you’ve never ridden anyone ever before in his apartment a few hours later as the earliest sunlight start to stream through the curtains. 

Hawks face is pulled back in pleasure as he slides his hands up your hips, shamelessly studying your bouncing breasts. 

“You’re so good for me,” he grumbles, and you let out a pleased whine at the praise. The sheets under you are soaked, but with the way Hawks is praising and caressing you, you feel like you could go on forever. 

His mouth drops open, and you can tell that he’s about to cum. You increase your pace, the sound of skin slapping against skin getting impossibly louder. You just hope the neighbours won’t complain tomorrow. 

It’s incredibly thrilling, having the famous pro hero in the palm of your hand like this.

“I’m going to cum,” He warns, and not even a second later, warmth suddenly fills your belly as his white seeds coat your walls. You cum yourself only seconds later, resisting the urge not to scream as you feel his cum dribble down onto the sheets, your body spasming with the shocks. You hold back a wince at the distant thought that you’d maybe scratched his back a bit too hard. You’ll have to remember to ask him later if he’s okay. But for now, you can barely keep your eyes open. 

“Can we stay like this for a little while?” He asks, and you nod faintly, resting your head on his shoulder. Not a single thought passes behind your eyes, only the warmth of your bodies sticking together and Hawks, Hawks, Hawks. 

You didn’t care about the mess. Right now, you only cared about him. And that was enough.

[erosastro]

｡:ﾟSynastry Observations ❣️ﾟ:｡(part 1)

❣️Venus conjunct Moon

I cannot stress enough how much I love Venus conjunct Moon aspects in synastry. It's so so wholesome. You instantly trust each other and there's so much of care and understanding between the two of you. Even in my close friendships, this is a really beautiful aspect to have because there's so much of empathy and love and something just clicks between you two, especially a tighter orb. Venus person sees right through the Moon person and the Moon person can express themselves freely and openly, being at their most vulnerable without worry about judgement.

❣️Moon opposite Moon

So hear me out... I know this might be controversial but I love this aspect so much. Two people who are so different in so many ways but at the core, they're the same. They can learn so much from each other, especially if they both have the patience to. This is a ride or die pair who are super drawn to each other and constantly find themselves in the other person's presence. My personal favourites that I've seen are cancer/capricorn and libra/aries. This can also work well for Sun opposite Sun.

❣️Venus conjunct Pluto

So this might also be a controversial one lol. It's tethering dangerous territory, honestly because it can get obsessive really quickly and as a result turn toxic but, if both individuals are mature enough, this is unconditional love and devotion to each other and a magnetic attraction, where the couple cannot keep their hands off of each other. This can work really well imo if as I said, two of them are mature enough and there are other good aspects to support this.

❣️Venus opposite Uranus

I call this one my "love at first sight" aspect. It's so so magnetic and the two are so drawn to each other, there's a pull they can't explain and they're completely fascinated by the other person. It can get unpredictable especially with Uranus being unpredictable paired with Venus who wants stability. I do like this aspect though especially, again, if paired with other good ones because it can be so exciting, constantly keeping the other person on their toes.

❣️Mercury trine/sextile Mars

The two bond over common interests and can stimulate each other's minds comfortably. They're the adventurous couple, always coming up with new and random dates where other people would be like??? seriously?? I remember having this with an ex and our idea of a fun date was reading our books together, which other people found strange but it's because we bonded over a common interest. This couple rarely falls into a monotonous routine and always tries to keep life exciting.

❣️Sun sextile/trine Jupiter

This couple loves being in each other's presence and always finds themselves in a good mood when the other person is around, especially for the Sun person when Jupiter person is around them. They're understanding of each other's flaws and can focus on the bigger picture rather than being too nit picky and irritating the other person.

❣️Jupiter sextile/trine Neptune

Apparently this is rare? I'm not entirely sure as I've only heard that recently but I suppose it's because Neptune spends a while in each sign? In any case I did have this aspect once with a partner. They're so generous and supportive of one another's goals and dreams, jupiter constantly uplifting and encouraging Neptune and Neptune inspiring Jupiter. Lovely spiritual and idealogical growth can be achieved with this aspect.

❣️Saturn trine Sun

Having good Saturn aspects in synastry is very important in my opinion because Saturn does dictate the longevity of a relationship and it represents karma. It's not to say if there's bad aspects, the relationship won't work out, but it certainly wont help, which is why Harmonious aspects here are important. There's a good balance with this aspect and mutual effort towards the relationship, paired with loyalty and confidence. You see this aspect a lot with married couples.

❣️Ascendent conjunct Sun

They find a lot in common with each other and have a lot of respect and admiration for the other person. Also something I see in either longer friendships or romantic relationships. I have this with my best friend as well. There's just similar goals and mindsets and the two can work in beautiful harmony together. There's strong physical attraction too in romantic relationships and some people also call this one the "love at first sight". They both wish to be like each other.

❣️Venus conjunct Mars

Talk about sexual attraction... this is Instantaneous "I want to rip your clothes off right here right now". There's strong romantic and sexual attraction and this aspect ensures sex life can never get boring between the two especially paired with other Harmonious aspects. This can work well platonically too because it can be exciting. This is a classic aspect for synastry I think a lot of astrologers love.

｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡｡:ﾟ૮ ˶ˆ ﻌ ˆ˶ ა ﾟ:｡

Part 2 soon (bc I reached the audio limit...)

[itsclydebitches]

Continuing my perhaps delusional argument/hope that Ted permanently returning to Kansas is just a red herring, I was thinking about our references and callbacks this episode. Specifically, how they don't paint Kansas in a positive or unique light.

The Wizard of Oz pinball game is definitely the most on-the-nose nod to his return, yet in the scene itself Ted is literally refusing to play.

When we get a closeup on the machine we're shown Dorothy's house spinning out of control. That is, a moment when she leaves Kansas for the bright world of Oz, not the ruby slippers of her return.

Similarly, Beard loses his game before Ted walks over. The ending of the Wicked Witch is one wherein Dorothy (Ted) does not go back home.

(I'm not entirely sure what to do with this one yet, but having Mae quote "This Be the Verse" is certainly A Choice. Though I think the overall message -- people, specifically parents, will inevitably hurt their kids -- is an uplifting and very relevant argument within Ted Lasso's heartfelt context -- ergo we should acknowledge that we'll never be perfect while still striving to improve -- but that last line? Oof. "Get out early as you can / And don't have kids yourself"? That's not the proposed solution I'd expect for an episode that was sending Ted back to his son for good. Obviously Ted already has Henry, but it may be significant that Mae eschews a generic 'You can do it!' argument for a far more nuanced and harder to swallow conclusion, perhaps one that heralds Ted's controversial decision to stay separated from Henry for at least part of the year.)

(Also let's toss in the fact that Dottie uses a football metaphor -- not American football -- to describe how Ted needs to parent: sometimes you lose, sometimes you win, mostly you just tie, and all you can do it keep playing.)

Finally, we've got references to both BBQ sauce and sunflowers via Ted's WiFi password and the bread Dottie bakes him, Ted's "favorite."

Half a season ago these would have been straightforward references to Kansas, positive ones at that. However, post-S3E6 (literally titled "Sunflowers") Ted has both of these beloved objects tied to the UK instead. He enjoys the beauty of Van Gogh's Sunflowers in the Amsterdam museum and finds a BBQ sauce so good that it inspires him to (hopefully!) win it all in his English sport.

It might just be me reading into things because I'm looking for my preferred ending to the series... but also I don't think I am because it's weird that Kansas is continually framed as a negative this season. Ted is still super awkward with Michelle. Her new boyfriend is kinda awful and likewise makes him incredibly uncomfortable (understandably). The Wizard of Oz references aren't targeting the happy aspects of the story, or even the parts about going home. The symbolic references to Ted's beloved state (sunflowers, BBQ sauce, the little green army men) have all been integrated into his life here. We get a whole episode about how once Ted learns to focus on Henry instead of Michelle, Henry has a fantastic time living in London. Hell, this episode opens with Ted enthusiastically greeting everyone he passes on his walk, a beloved member of the community, a staple of this town... and then his mood turns sour when he hits his Kansas-sprung mom.

Obviously Ted is undergoing some last-minute growth when it comes to being a father to Henry (and healing the rift with Dottie), but I think Ted's in-universe improvement is misleading, implying that because he may think he needs to return to Kansas, that's actually how the story is going to end. If that were the end-goal though, I would expect the subtext to have a more hopeful, optimistic feel to it; something that not just implies Ted's return, but argues why he would want to outside of Henry.

If none of that is relevant... that's going to be even worse for me than Ted just going back to Kansas. A Kansas ending framed as a positive is far from my preference, but it's (arguably) a strong conclusion to Ted's journey. A Kansas ending after all these implied negatives both isn't my preference and feels like more objectively bad writing.

[iggy-q]

LFRP - Ignatia Quille

Name: Ignatia Quille

Race: Au Ra - Raen

Gender: F

Sexuality: Straight(ish)

Relationship status: Single

Age: 34

Profession: ex-drug lord (lady?) and addict, forger, ship captain

Hobbies: travel, poaching, artifact collection

Ignatia spent many years attempting to run from her past in only the most destructive ways: substance abuse, gambling, chaotic romances, pure adrenaline. She grew an empire from nothing but the sheafs of paper and ink she brought with her to the encampments outside the gates of Ul'Dah. Her success was pure luck. However, her downfall was of her own hand.

When the rock bottom she found herself in grew too insufferable for her, she set off for some years of solitude only to return riding the coattails of the same luck that uplifted her the first time.

Now, the captain of her own ship, she braves the seas for rare finds. From animals to gold, the Raen now feeds her desire for a thrill by drafting faux writs of passage to take what she wishes and display the trophies in her home.

RP Hooks

The Prodigal Bitch of Ul'Dah

Ignatia's reputation preceded her within the city: brutal, ruthless, sharp. Any who feared an altercation would avoid her, but those who enjoyed a challenge would have no issue with that. Any who dared poke the bear would find that she quite enjoyed a good banter dripping with double entendre and vague threats. It's an art only the most depraved would appreciate.

When she disappeared, though, her normal contacts and clientele would find themselves coming up short for info on where she went. Her office and home were left abandoned with no explanation and no forwarding address. Rumors spread: perhaps she'd been arrested, maybe an aggravated Blade had finally killed her. No matter the reason, her name once again started circulating in recent moons. Was she back? Where was she this whole time? Where can she be found now?

Sailors Needed

A captain needs sailors. If your character's looking for a job, perhaps they would find her help wanted posters tacked up around the city.

No Suitors?

Ignatia was known in some circles for her disastrous taste in partners - and for her propensity to chew them up and spit them out. Where one would expect a new partner draped over her arm upon her return, she seems to have sworn off romance and - shockingly - physical intimacy. Would your character feel so emboldened to try to sneak under her shell? Would they be successful? It would certainly be fun for her to see them try.

OOC Info

I'm looking for long-term RP partners (age 21+) who enjoy exploring darker and mature themes as much as I do! A written media, I've found, allows for a safer avenue in which to explore these things. Communication is key, however, and if any topic goes too far for you I'm fully capable of dialing it back!

I can RP both in-game and via Discord. I have a full-time job, and I also enjoy having my own hobbies and friends outside of online gaming. As such, I'm not always able to respond right away, nor am I able to stay up into the wee hours of the morning. Central US timezone.

I'm not here for the smut. If it happens in the course of an RP and there's a purpose, I'm fine with it. If I feel it would make sense, but I'm not in the mood to go into it, I'd prefer to fade to black. Your preferences are also important, so if you'd rather FTB every time or avoid ERP altogehter, that's a-okay with me! ERP isn't my goal, storytelling is.

Send me a message if you're interested! We can trade info and set something up! ^^

[wormfic-wormfic]

"Like a coffee stain on a shirt..."

"Like pomegranate juice..."

"Like a... Like a bloodstain..."

"... It's just... not coming out."

「Tommy deals with some Black Mesa trauma. Gordon comforts her.」

(She/Her pronouns for Tommy, she's transfem. Post-Canon, Hurt/Comfort, CW for mentions of blood, trauma, delusions?* & phantom pain, mentions of slight self-harm) (*I apologize if that's not the correct technical term idk how to really describe it)

"Hey, it's okay, buddy."

He rubs her back, feeling her shaking body under his palms. He doesn't know what else to do than to just physically reassure her. Let her get it all out. He understands the feeling.

"M... my hands." She mutters, staring down. Her hands are red and a bit damp from the ruthless scrubbing under the sink she had been doing previously, which was only making that phantom feeling of old blood still staining her palms even worse.

"Let's dry them off, alright? I'll grab a towel." He removed his arm and got up, moving quickly over to the kitchen and retrieving a handtowel. Something softer would've probably been better, but this was pretty much all he had time to find. He made his way back to the sofa, handing the towel to Tommy and letting her wrap her hands up in it, rubbing the fabric into her skin.

Gordon resumed rubbing Tommy's back as she focused on the towel around her hands.

"Is that better?" He loosened his embrace around her, giving her room to breathe and to collect herself.

Tommy nodded, pausing in drying her hands and taking a deep, shaky breath. She stared at nothing for a few moments. Slowly unwrapping her hands, she examined them, as if to check if they were finally clean after all her futile attempts. Her mouth was pursed into a thin, frustrated line and her expression was cold.

"I..." she curled and uncurled her fingers, digging her nails into her palms a few times. The skin was still irritated and red. There was still a faint smell of handsoap. "I don't think... I don't think the blood's ever coming out, Gordon."

He nodded, staying silent while she paused for a breath, giving her a moment to collect her words.

"It's like... like a coffee stain on- on a white shirt. Like... pomegranate juice ... or- or like- like..." she continued staring at her hands, but it looked like she was staring past them, seeing something very far away. "Like a bloodst..ain? Like- like blood... blood..." she kept mutting the word under her breath, rocking so slightly back and forth. "I- I just..." she sighed deeply, giving up on the wordplay. "I don't think it's ever coming out."

Gordon didn't know what else to say. He certainly couldn't come up with at least a pleasant simile for this- or even if he should in this situation. He wasn't sure if Tommy was really in the mood. He wasn't even much for uplifting comments either, all he could do was sit with his friend until she calmed down. He wasn't even sure if he was really helping, but he focused on Tommy. Tommy's going to be okay.

Tommy's body shivered suddenly, and a small sob escaped her. Her rocking stopped, she relaxed her shoulders and hands, falling back against Gordon. She rubbed her wet eyes, heavy from exhaustion. Gordon wrapped his arm around her, his good arm, and held out his prosthetic for Tommy to hold- and realized too late that it might be uncomfortable. But surprisingly, Tommy took it, wrapping her fingers between the metal digits and feeling the smooth, cold steel under her rough palm.

They stayed there for a while. Tommy might have dozed off quietly sometime after crying, but at least she was asleep now, and at least Gordon knew she was safe. Gordon would also fall asleep there eventually, truthfully a little uncomfortably, but continuing to hold Tommy. They'll feel better in the morning.

Yeah, maybe they're all going to be okay.

Maybe they'll do laundry together to get the rest of the stains out. Just to be sure.

★ ★ ★

(My hlvrai sideblog is @xxtommycoolattasboobs420xx if you'd like to send me asks about this, or see more of my hlvrai thoughts & fanart! ^-^)

[thehuggamugcafe]

Genshin Impact: Headcanons & Scenario (Archon!Ren)

Archon!Ren is surprisingly easy to unravel, if you know what buttons to push. They include but aren’t limited to: • Small displays of affection. Holding hands, kisses to the cheek, nipping his jaw. No matter how long you and he are together, he won’t be used to being given care. • Compliments. Seriously. Compliment him. Be it on his cooking or his finesse in battle, you’ll earn the teeniest, tiniest sign of a blush colouring his cheeks something that he’ll deny is there until the end of time. • Behind closed doors, it would surprise many to learn that the Cryo God isn’t one for taking charge or initiating anything; his partner must take the first action(s).

Seeing the Lord of Ice unravelling is like nothing else. The way his groans turn to pants, which then turn into soft moans is sweeter than any drink to ever touch your lips. Of course, you’ll be good and drink all he has to give you if it means he gets to see that blazing affection simmering in your eyes, so intense he could burn in it. And burn he does. Chilly fingers on heated skin, his frosty breath in your ear, dancing across your skin, your lips as he whispers how enchanting you are.

No matter how long you and Ren have been together, he’ll never get used to the chaste signs of endearment that you show him. Whether it’s you pressing a kiss to his knuckles or praising him for you, and your allies, having full and satisfied bellies, such little things are all that you need to do to rile him up.

If you point out that he’s more quiet than usual, you’ll not earn a reply as he tugs the gloves he’s wearing closer to his fingers.

Ren isn’t one to become jealous easily, but if anybody can achieve this without having to do or say much, it is without a doubt the Lord of Fire, Akira. Anything is possible in the Pyro Archon’s presence and rarely anything good, especially if it ends with Ren’s exasperation.

“Enjoying the view? I certainly am.” Akira will quip, a playful tease uplifting his voice as he catches Ren’s eyes locked onto your retreating backside. “I don’t know how you got them before me, but I can appreciate the sight of-”

“Enough.” The Cryo God’s voice will be like a frozen wasteland, crisp and dry, as he spares Akira a chilling askance. “I haven’t the time for your childish games, Akira. Don’t you have some skirts to chase?”

“I’d much rather chase theirs, if you’ll let me.”

The frigid glare that comment earns him speaks volumes, but even when Akira is leaving, it doesn’t stop the Fire Lord’s hand from caressing your thigh, fingers tracing a whisper of heat across your skin even through the clothing that protects your flesh from his touch. “If you ever tire of my brother, do let me know, hm?”

It’s not surprising to see that Ren has had his eyes on only two people the whole night: you and his mischievous sibling, Akira. Your eyes follow the Fire Lord as he departs. The shattering of glass yanks your attention from the door that Akira just exited, to the Cryo God standing immobile, leaning against the flickering hearth. Frozen shards of glass fall from his hand, glittering as they rain down to the floor.

“Are you okay?”

You’re quick to go to his side, eyes flicking to the deity’s hand; he’s practically crushed the frozen glass in his grip.

“No.”

At least he doesn’t lie and assure you that he’s fine, when he clearly isn’t. He no doubt saw what Akira just did and was insulted by the display. Recognizing his sour mood, you lead him away from the bustling scene after cleaning up the mess, out the door and into the cool twilight. He doesn’t object when you lace your fingers through his, having been given his silent permission to do so.

Ren will be silent for the remainder of the evening, only speaking with an affirmation or a denial depending on what you say to him.

When you turn a corner and heading in the direction of an inn, is when you find yourself pushed against the stone exterior. “Do you have any idea what you do to me?” What little he says lights a fire in you; ironic, given the element he holds dominion over. His voice is low, so quiet that if anyone else were around, you would have missed it.

You begin to reply, but it’s cut off by a kiss that takes your breath away, like you’ve just taken a kiss of winter into your lungs. He kisses you like he’s a dying man, and this is the last time that he’ll ever get to press his mouth against yours.

“Don’t,” he seethes against your lips, “ever,” he blesses your jaw with a nip, “let,” he sucks on your neck, “Akira,” he pulls away, “speak to you or touch you like that again; I won’t be so forgiving if you allow that to happen a second time. Understood?”

[ardenssolis]

@caemthe said (inbox):

[ sétanta, fantasy ] The small child kicked their legs, boredom becoming all the more evident the more restless they became. The pup already was done with dinner so they wanted to leave so they could go play a bit more before going to bed. But their phopa kept talking and talking with Ozy's dad. So boring! Luckily, Ozy's mom noticed how bored they were and asked how their day went. Sétanta looked up and tried to think of something they did that day that wouldn't earn them a frown from their phopa so... "Prince Ozy read a book for me. It was really interesting, but then Conall interrupted us. My eyes were covered but I heard them kiss-" Kids really are far more observant than people give them credit for...

     TUYA KNEW THE SIGNS of a bored child well. Kicking legs, antsy behavior, wandering eyes – it was all the very signs she had seen within Ramses when he had been that age. Lifting her hand to place a fist against her lips, she had chuckled softly, far more amused than she meant to be by the little wolf’s rather poor attempts at entertaining themselves. Thus, she had thought to speak to them and potentially offer an outlet to the little one by taking their hand and walking them around to stretch those little legs of theirs. However, before she could even bring up that particular idea, Sétanta just rattled off the first thing that came into their head as was normal for one so young. Even so, had Ramses been present, how mortified he would have been by exactly what was uttered. She paused, blinking a bit before she laughed, a soft, albeit wide smile upon her lips soon after. Sétanta was so entertaining.

     ❝Is that so?❞ she quickly made to interrupt; even quicker to offer some form of distraction as her hand gently smoothed down the other’s locks with soft caresses. ❝Such does not surprise me. Those two have always been rather close.❞ Although she knew that her son would adamantly deny that, stating that it appeared that way merely because Conall could always find him no matter where he was in the palace. True words considering that wolf’s nose, though not quite. She saw the way his entire countenance would change whenever he heard that King Conchobar was going to visit soon – and it wasn’t because he was thrilled to see the king that always had his mood so uplifted as the days trickled by.

     Even if Conall didn’t come searching for him first, Ramses most definitely would have definitely gone out to see him, giving some form of excuse for his appearance. Her child was always so easy to read. ❝Since my son did not finish telling you that story and I know you most certainly must be beside yourself wondering how it all ends, would you like me to finish it for you? I am sure he left it laying about when Young Conall snatched his attention away. Afterwards, we can make a flower crown and pass the time until your phopa needs you again.❞

[sillybiscuitshepherdskeleton]

ask games, answered 🧚🏻‍♀️

what are 3 things you’d say shaped you into who you are?

Childhood trauma, society adversity, romantic tropes on shows/films/books/music.

2. show us a picture of your handwriting?

3. 3 films you could watch for the rest of your life and not get bored of?

Frozen 2, The Proposal, 27 dresses. 

4. what’s an inside joke you have with your family or friends?

Ive none, actually. 

5. what made you start your blog?

It’s a natural for me to open up tumblr, most things i love is in there, and i’d like to show appreciation to its first source. 

6. what’s the best and worst part of being online/a creator?

Being online? You get expose to things like bad news, and it can screw up your day cause you get sad. But you also get expose to goodness in the world, and it uplift your mood for the day cause theres hope in the world. 

7. what scares you the most and why?

I’d say the death of parents scared the shit of out me. I love them, a part of me will certainly die also with them. 

8. any reacquiring dreams?

Feeling lost in life, shows in a scene of whatever it is happening that day. 

9. tell a story about your childhood

An only child that bound to have abandonment issue, grew up to be the strong one in the family, with some baggage no child should ever carry. 

10. would you say you’re an emotional person?

Yes. 

11. what do you consider to be romance?

Honesty. Flattery. Act of service. 

12. what’s some good advice you want to share?

Be strong in who you are, it’s the one thing that only you can depend on. 

13. what are you doing right now?

Finding ask games to discover myself more, tbh. 

14. what’s something you’ve always wanted to do but maybe been to scared to do?

Amusement park. I’m no fan of the crowd, but i’d love the rides and festivities. 

15. what do you think of when you hear the word “home”?

A sushi restaurant 2km from my house. It’s expensive, but i always go there when times are tough, it uplift my mood instantly. 

16. if you could change one thing about yourself, what would it be?

Weight. I took some medications, and it gains me some kgs i just dont like. 

17. name 3 things that make you happy

Sushi, taylor swift, fanfiction. 

18. do you believe in ghosts and/or aliens?

I believe in ghost. Not so much aliens. 

19. favourite thing about the day?

Restaurants are open in the day, plus my favourite boba shop (or coffee shop in general) 

20. favourite things about the night?

Its colder at night. It calms my brain and body, the cold. 

21. are you a spiritual person?

I’d say so. 

22. say 3 things about someone you love

I love you always making me realize how good i was, how worthy, even when i was feeling far from it. 

23. say 3 things about someone you hate

I hate how you make me feel the way i feel for years. I had a hard time growing out from the hell you made me lived in. i hope you get what you wanted. 

24. what’s one thing you’re proud of yourself for?

Graduating college with honors. 

25. fave season and why?

Winter/fall, i think clearly on cold weather. 

26. fave colour and why?

Maroon, cause its like evolving from pink cause you get stabbed with red. 

27. any nicknames?

Meg is a nickname. 

28. do you collect anything?

I used to collect dvds. 

29. what do you do when you’re sad?

Cry, it’s a nice exercise to just let yourself feel. 

30. what’s one thing that never fails to make you happy/happier?

A good set of nail polished. 

31. are you messy or organised?

Organized mess. 

32. how many tabs do you have open right now?

8 tabs. 

33. any hobbies?

Reading. 

34. any pet peeves?

People who smoke in open public spaces. 

35. do you trust easily?

No, but at times thats the only thing you can do, so i took the leap of faith. 

36. are you an open book or do you have walls up?

Open book at times, walls up almost everytime. 

37. share a secret

I love astrology. 

38. fave song at the moment?

One Last Time by Ariana Grande 

39. youtuber you’ve been obsessed with and why?

@clair_hawkins , she makes funny skit.

40. any bad habits?

Pulling an all nighter reading fanfictions and not sleeping at all. 

[alchemyfire]

1, 2, 7, 13, 16? ^-^

1- What’s your favorite color? My favorite color depends on my current mood. I'll apply it to clothes. When I want to feel at ease, then olive green. When I want to boost my self-confidence, black and/or red wine color.

2- Coffee or tea? Definitely tea. I love black with a drop of milk, but also green or herbal. The only one I don't drink is fruity. As for coffee, I love the smell of it and sometimes I have instant organic coffee with reishi and milk after lunch. Sometimes I order a cappuccino in a cafe. But regular black coffee usually makes me sick.

7- What would you do if you found a 100 dollar bill on the sidewalk? Well, that is very unlikely, because there are certainly no people running around with 100 dollar bills in our country. But I will imagine the equivalent in Czech crowns. Since the notes are not signed, there is no way to return it to the owner, then I believe it should be returned to the needy. I'm pretty sure I'd donate it to some verified charity. Boring huh? :-)

13- If you could commit any crime without consequence, which crime would you commit? Or would you not commit any crime at all? I don't believe there are no consequences after a crime is committed. They always are, unless one is a sociopath and has no conscience. Haha, I still feel guilty about stealing a card game in kindergarten because it had cool pictures of dogs on it. And I was crazy about dogs. But I digress a little from the topic: I respect the law, so I probably wouldn't commit a crime - only if that law was deeply against the conviction of my heart.

16- Are we really living or are we just slowly dying? Both are true. This cannot be said in general. I too have days when I feel like I'm just surviving and I need to get over this pointlessness. But when others show a person that he is useful, that he is needed, then he has to overcome this, because that is the purpose of living. Being involved in creating something beautiful, uplifting, fills the heart with enthusiasm, and then suddenly life is too short. (Yes, I'm an idealist and I'm not ashamed of it.) :-)

[twistedtangledfate]

x

Nimerah didn't like seeing Aegon like this, not when she knew who he was and could be beneath it all. When she had arrived at Kings Landing she would never have thought for even a moment that she would have found him to be the person who he was in his heart. There was something that had called her to him without her even realising it and while she was thankful he was willing to tolerate her, she was saddened that he felt such a way. She had always been told in stories that it was a great thing to be a King or Queen and yet as she stood there, quietly taking the circlet he offered to her and trying to think of it as just an adornment like any other, it didn't seem to be such a great thing. It seemed stifling, oppressive. She couldn't do much to change the situation but she could talk to him and see if that helped uplift him even for a few moments.

"I was trying to catch a bird yesterday. I was reading in the gardens and I heard it chirping. It wasn't too far away so I left my book and followed after it as it hopped away. I was so focused on catching it, just to hold it for a few moments, that I wasn't looking where I was going and I tripped," Nimerah paused for effect. "And I pitched face first into the fountain. If you had seen me by the time I got out, you'd still be laughing today" She shook her head, the circlet still resting in her hands. If it wouldn't be considered some form of treason and blasphemy, she probably would have shoved it into a corner or somewhere that he couldn't see it. She dreaded to think what would happen if the Dowager Queen walked in and saw her holding the King's Crown. She wasn't going to think about though but rather concentrate on Aegon. It wasn't difficult to do at all.

She tactfully chose not to pass comment on the mention of drinking. They'd gotten into that particular issue far too many times and that certainly wouldn't improve his mood.

@westerosiqueens

[dippietheham]

TW: Death, Grief

Grieving the loss of a loved one is hard for anyone. Even if I'm just watching and sharing grief, it can get tough.

Mocktails help me get over these times. So I went to visit my favourite bartender. He stood quietly by as I downed two of his concoctions in a row. I didn't ask if there was alcohol, but something burned its way nicely down my throat, bringing tears to my eyes.

At least that must be the reason for my wet cheeks. I have no good reason to cry. I don't have enough reasons to grieve.

While I nursed my third almost certainly alcohol free mocktail, my bartender quietly took up a tale.

----------

Have you heard of the Dancers for the Dead (he asked)?

Many people enter and leave through the doors of my pub. Oftentimes, they come once, and never return. Sometimes, they become regulars, and their habits are pretty much set in stone. For those, I know their preferences, their moods and their orders.

(He placed another mocktail in front of me.)

And sometimes... They don't return.

I've never really thought about those who don't return. People change locations or change tastes. I seldom think of them outside that mild curiosity that we humans have. The gentle wondering of why a person who entered our lives had to leave, or chose to leave. Where they're at. What they're doing. How they are now.

Death... Seldom enters that equation.

The day I met a Dancer, I was spending time with my fairy friend, watching the garden together. It's a peaceful experience, an excellent reward for owning this piece of land that crosses so many boundaries.

As he snacked noisily on his beef that day, the wind started to pick up. As sometimes happens, a little whorl of air started to spin on the path before us, picking up dried leaves and small twigs. Round and round it spun.

I suddenly recalled one of my patrons. A little old lady, with a love for flair. I'd always made a show of pulling out her chair. I'd wipe the table with extravagant movements, and serve her drinks and food with a flourish. She always had the sweetest smiles and giggles for me, and would show her concern for me in little ways. One time she brought in a packet of popping rocks, because she wanted me to feel like a child again. We shared that pack of popping rocks, an unspoken crackly secret in the midst of the hectic world.

Another young lad came to mind. He was quiet, surly, curt. But he seemed to know this about himself, for while he kept to himself for the most part, he'd leave an extra bill on the table and exit unobtrusively. Almost apologetically.

Both of these patrons had stopped returning for a couple of months by that time. As I wondered why they'd suddenly surfaced in my memories, the air started to crystallize around us. My fairy toadfriender audibly swallowed the rest of his beef, and seemed to come to attention.

It became apparent that there was someone - or something - in the middle of the whorl that had been floating past us. She was small and slender, about as tall as a standing squirrel. I couldn't see her features clearly, as she never stood still. She spun around, one foot on tiptoe, the other lifted to her knee, arms arched over her head. Her face was uplifted, and as she spun, she never seemed to face a single direction for long.

A web of water droplets seemed to flicker outwards from her dance. Little shiny gems that flared, catching whatever light was present, glittering, shining. They would be swallowed up by the vortex generated by her dance, vanishing in little sparkles. Her feet twinkled as she pushed her foot off the ground again and again, a perpetual pirouette, a ballerina caught in a cycle. The droplets spread out, up, and then fell.

Then the sense of loss hit me.

It was almost tangible, a sense that something, someone was gone. A hole was left where a space had once been occupied. But not just a hole, a lack-of-presence. Perhaps there was a sense that this should not have been. Ideally loss should never have occurred. Things should not have changed. But they had, they did, and now grief was present in the place of who once was.

As the Dancer danced on, my friendly toadfairy and I could only watch, spellbound. Tears streamed down our faces. Suddenly, with a lingering smell of sunlight, lilac and lavender, she was gone.

We sat there, my fairy friendtoadster and me, gulping like fish fresh out of water. Sobs were wracking my body, but my fairy friendlytoad reached out a webbed foot to my hand. He must have done something for me, for I was able to calm down and breathe better. He looked a mess (for a toad), but he appeared calmer too.

"You weren't supposed to see that." he sniffed.

"What was it?"

"That... was a Dancer for the Dead."

"Death comes for us all, even the fae. Along with loss, and change. But many a times, humans pretend that death and loss do not affect you. Your kind don't seem to like facing up to grief and pain. Tears that should be shed are withheld, like little plugs that stopper up the drainpipes of grief. You cover up your tears with work, with distraction upon distraction, entertainment, with drugs and addictions."

"But drains must do what they do. Or they will overflow. The grief and tears must go somewhere. And for every man or fae that tries to stop the flow of grief that comes with Death, a Dancer is born."

"The Dancers of the Dead dance unseen. They carry the unspoken losses, the unmourned dead. They weep for those for whom tears have been restricted, lingering at the edge of someone's eye, but never shed. They dance to share in the burden of grief that the world creaks with, to release it like little sprinklers, so that the world continues to spin. Grief, carried and stopped for too long, can break the world with its weight."

"For some of you humans, the grief will never be looked at. It is too raw, too painful, too much to handle, too unreal to be real. For other humans who have died, truly alone, no one is around to mourn them. No one grieves what should be grieved. And yet for some others, they need to survive. Their Grief needs a bitter pint, a friendly shoulder, a listening ear and the comfort of a warm bed after. They don't have the luxury of those things, not yet. Not now."

For all these reasons, the Dancers dance. In the midst of a spinneret of wind, in the breath of a passing breeze. In the middle of a thunderstorm, pelting down hard in the heart of a city, a little Dancer might spin, crying, expelling grief into the uncaring night. In the middle of the ocean, where the darkest smear might exist at the bottom of a deep trench, a little whirlpool would spin up, circle for a while, and then dissolve, to reappear at another time of need. Sometimes, in the darkest of hearts, a little Dancer might turn up, for a split second, attempting to release the hurt of hurts, and possibly failing. But they will still dance. On and on, they dance.

I, a human, was not supposed to see one. But for that moment, I grieved my patrons who I now knew had passed, for some reason or another. I grieved that I would never see them again. Their stories had ended, and I would never experience them again in my life.

"But the fae welcome the Dancers. Do you know why?"

I shook my head.

"When the grief has been released, it means that there is hope for moving on. Life continues despite loss and change. What is lost may never be regained, but there is always something and someone new in this world. A new memory is made with every loss. The day must end before the new day can dawn."

"The fae know this too well, for the number of years we stay on this plane. But the Dancers remind even me, that for every loss I sustain, there is something I will gain. For every loss to have happened, I must have experienced. A life lost to me, is a life that once was with me. You, my friend, have been kind to me in a way few have been kind. I will lose you one day too, as I have lost almost all my human friends."

He smiled at me. As only a toad with teeth can, but today his smile was a lot warmer.

"For you, I will grieve. But I will also be thankful that I once had a supply of good beef. And beer."

"And a human companion who never asked for more than my company."

----------

I slept like a child that night. For I dreamt of a Dancer, who caressed my cheeks with her tears, and enfolded me into dreamland with a warm embrace.

She smelt like my mum.

[dcviated]

It was a rhetorical question, and yet one Eira often asked with a small hope nested in her chest. Given the people she was typically able to converse with on a normal basis (that were in person, and not through a chat screen at least) work for her often felt as another constant in her life. Something subject to scrutiny, full of smoke and mirrors, and postured. God, the posturing. Even if her idol persona was based on her own natural inclinations it was stifling having to accentuate so much at times lest she be misconstrued as sick or weak or softening.

"Then I won't trouble you with asking if you had a day you could pencil in to while away at an onsen next month. Save you the apologies and well wishes. I know they're there. Even if the time is not."

There was a perfect opportunity for Eira to partake in a local specialty in between stops for an upcoming tour, but it was not meant to be something shared with Sonia.

"Even if it'd be something you need just as much as I do, probably even moreso. It's the opposite of the kind of activity your keepers are expecting, hm?" Secreted away. Relaxing. Killing time. For Eira, events it was about the merchandising and advertisement. Fluffing up sponsors and selling everything including herself. With Sonia, it was about the image, yes. But on a different scale and platform entirely. Selling... politics? Maybe not as different as one may think.

There was a small wince when Sonia cursed, itself a rare incident in her company. And. Worse as Eira reflects on it, that she felt something wrong in its utterance as though briefly subject to that same expectation of image by the other woman. Well. Even in casual conversation that remained the rare case, didn't it?

"I wish there was something more I could do to help. But I can't help but imagine that as an idol, there's more negative press to be had with our relationship- it's not difficult for malicious actors or opinions to take my current career and paint it as something irreverent and wasteful. Even if, as we both know, there is nothing wasteful providing an image and uplifting the spirits of those who appreciate us." Her brows knit. "Most... of the time... hmph."

"...perhaps we should order tofu after allthen. Something ironically significant about that, after all." Eira lets out an amused huff. Eating a food colloquially known for taking on the flavor of things around it. Just as Eira and Sonia were pressured into their respective slots in a public setting. She sighs, flipping through the choices with only half the spirit an evening like this would appreciate.

"Certainly not in the mood for anything spicy tonight. My stomach needs to be pampered after..." A glance over to where the mouse had been secreted away. "So I'd prefer Indian or Japanese."

Eira might not have taken to praise well, but that didn't mean Sonia would stop anytime soon. She smiled in the idol's direction, in spite of the eyroll. "I think you can do whatever you put your mind to, Eira-san," She replied, pausing in-between pets. From the look in Kletski's eyes, it seemed to Sonia that she was close to being overstimulated, possibly leading to playful bites. After the excitement of the day, the last thing she needed to add to her friend's worries was being bitten by her pet. "You have discipline and determination. I only pray for those foolish enough to question that."

Determined not just in music but in giving her cat some attention, causing Sonia to laugh as she began to pet the persnickety cat again. "I think she is just being aloof," She said as she scratched Kletski behind the ears. "Perhaps trying to play into your guilt about leaving her, or simply particular about the habits and routines in her life. Rather like her human, perhaps." She gave Eira a smirk, the sort of expression that read 'you two are perfect for each other.'

Still, Sonia envied Eira a little: she was allowed to have a cat, at least. One she admitted she didn't see often enough but a loving pet nevertheless. Sonia wasn't permitted to keep one, besides a horse or two in their stables at home. But that was a sport and means of socializing, in her father's words: a pet was just another responsibility she didn't need. Even a traveling companion would suit her, though she could guess why her family's rules pushed her to such isolation. Until she cracked, and did so on their terms.

"Hm...for vegetarian, maybe a vegetable and tofu curry of some sort? Japanese, Thai, or Indian?" She suggested, "Or a vegetarian ramen. If fish suits you, I would not mind sushi either." Both of them had relatively strict diets but Eira's was far more restrictive. She needed to be able to sing and dance for hours, after all, regardless of the court of public opinion and their thoughts on body size. Sonia had heard about the pressure idols were under to maintain a slim figure, and she didn't think that was fair. Certainly there was a level of fitness that needed to be had but there were some days that simply weren't improved without a bit of good chocolate.

But Sonia frowned at Eira's assessment: not of her body, but of her perceived inappropriate actions as a friend. "Dumping on me? Surely not," Sonia was quick to reply. She was now gently stroking the tops of Kletski's paws, the cat thumping her tail against the floor in return. Sonia had perhaps a few good pets left before Kletski abandoned her for a more interesting venture. "And you are not rambling, either. This is what friendship is: we share experiences, together and our own individual ones with each other. You never take up my time, Eira-san: it is something I am happy to share with you. I like hearing about your life, and helping you when I can. The mouse aside, apparently!"

She chuckled, though her cheerful expression fell when Eira asked about her time in Tokyo. "Not long enough, I'm afraid," She answered, sighing as the cat stood up and wandered over to Eira next, presumably in search of more pets, toys, or treats. "It is easier now for me to make these long distance journeys between Novoselic and Japan to represent my family, but they are more intent than ever that I take on more social events beyond medal ceremonies and official holidays. They are concerned I do not have enough interaction with the right sort at home and must try harder, which is bullshit as I have plenty of friends. They are just irritated that I am not given the sort of press they believe I need, that the country needs."

It was one of the things she disliked most about being a princess: the PR machine of it all, trying to cultivate a narrative that she didn't want, and what she wanted didn't matter. At least when it came to media coverage of Eira and her group, they highlighted their albums and concerts, maybe their fashion here and there. But nothing personally invasive, in Sonia's opinion.

[wellreadindividual]

Dazai Osamu: No Longer Human

First, I would like to state, this is the first book by Dazai Osamu that I’ve ever read. I don’t know anything about him, I will only speak of the book and its characters.

At the start of the book, I didn’t know what to expect, I started out with a completely blank page. Through the first 20-30 pages I was struck by the relatability of the character, being an autistic person myself, and having felt out of place in social situations since I was a child. The book discusses deeply the topics of good and bad, white lies, people pleasing and the like, while introducing the life of this truly insane and deeply flawed character, and asks us – is this a human? Does this count as a human being? Does this look like a real person to you? Dazai invites us to think deeply – the story and the emotions were so intense at times that I couldn’t tear away myself from my e-book reader, even if it was long past my usual bedtime. The point when the book started to remind me of Catcher in the Rye (which was coincidentally also the point where I first felt the itching need for using the pdf’s highlighter option) was when I read these lines:

Society won't stand for it. It's not society. You're the one who won't stand for it—right? If you do such a thing society will make you suffer for it. It's not society. It's you, isn't it? Before you know it, you'll be ostracized by society. It's not society. You're going to do the ostracizing, aren't you?

How true, how bold. Moreso, how brave. And how terrifying. These few lines are, to me, absolutely, hair-raisingly terrifying. This might just be the whole middle part of the book summarized in a few lines. The main character’s figurative eyesight half muddled by drink and other empty pleasures, half achingly, painfully sharp, seeing to the core of the pain and the injustice that is being a human. I really can’t say anything about some of the things the book says – it would just take away from the shock value, and that is what this book is good for. Shock, and with shock comes that eye-opening feel of clarity. Plus, a solid bouquet of things to think about when you’re feeling a bit philosophical.

Going back to the books I could compare it to, one that inevitably comes to mind is Crime and Punishment. Not only is it very similar in the manner it inspects moral dilemmas in, but it’s actually mentioned in the book itself. I won’t talk about the part where that happens, because I want everyone to experience those few lines in all their intensity and rawness. I can however recommend No Longer Human to anyone who wants to read something that’s just as deep and obscure.

I would definitely not recommend this book to someone who’s looking for a light read or a story that’s uplifting and easy to process. Certainly not to say that this book is any less in value – the pain makes the truth in it shine even more. For pain is the one thing everyone in this world can relate to. No, I would only advise you to wait till you’re in a stable enough mood to process something like this. If you’re looking for adventure and light fantasy, read cottagecore fantasy books, there are plenty. This is for the people who feel like they have no one to relate to, ones who don’t fit in, and not just because they watched 2 unpopular animes. This book shows all that is ugly, with no shame, or if there’s any, it shows that too. It was worth every minute I spent reading it. Also, I will definitely be reading another book from Dazai Osamu asap.

[omegalomania]

I think tumblr ate my ask or it just didn't sent but what are your favorite Bastille songs / what are some songs you recommend?

i did NOT get this ask im very sorry anon.

it's genuinely hard for me to narrow down cause bastille is pretty up there in terms of favorite artists. i love all their shit, but a special mention goes out to their second studio album wild world since it's the one that made me a Fan

uh so here's a primer i guess i spent too much time on this lmao.

if you wanna listen to their big hits:

flaws - their first single in the uk. if you ever listened to ship playlists on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 then you've probably heard this song or a variant on it at some point.

pompeii - this is the song that really put them on the map and you definitely know it. it dominated the charts all over the place.

happier - the marshmello song that you've definitely heard before too. i think bastille wrote this for justin bieber or some shit but then decided they liked it too much to give it to him? lmao. anyway if you're not digging the version you hear on the radio all the time i recommend trying the stripped down version

good grief - their big hit off their second album. big in the uk, didn't really make as many waves elsewhere, but it's a really solid song anyway. one of those "upbeat tunes that's actually really fucking sad" ones

things we lost in the fire - another one off their first album. if you live in a wildfire area this might not be one to turn to. or maybe you'll find it cathartic idk i certainly do!!

quarter past midnight - a song about escapism, as was fitting when it was released in 2018 and equally fitting now. running away for a night of fucking around with friends, craving any kind of brief departure from the chaos of the modern world

skulls - this one was not a hit or a single and is technically a bonus track but i'm including it because once again if you ever clicked on a ship playlist on 8tracks in like 2013-2015 you've heard this one. and you know what that was justified this one is also good

if you wanna feel existentially depressed:

their whole discography. i mean i kid but i also don't. that's just kind of how bastille does it. BUT IN ALL SERIOUSNESS ones that hit me in particular would beeee

two evils - kind of a grim, haunting one introspecting about morality of the self.

oblivion - musing about the afterlife, love, and how time changes all of us.

those nights - contemplating what it is we seek when we plunge into reckless escapism, and the inherent loneliness of it; how even when surrounded by people there's still the pressure of the world outside, continuously coming to pieces

the draw - this one was written about the pull of pursuing a career in music vs. staying home with family and friends. in a broader sense, it can apply to a lot of things. i always felt it resonated with feelings of paranoia and displacement

winter of our youth - discusses childhood, nostalgia, and regret. if it feels like everything's slipping away, is it easier to relive the past, especially if the past is tinted rose?

sleepsong - loneliness, desperation, and the cyclical, abyss-like nature of all it encapsulates

if you want discussion of serious topics:

final hour - a bonus track off their second album that also became a bonus track off their third album? anyway this song talks about climate change and gun control. happy stuff

doom days - this one talks about, uh, everything! doomscrolling, political divides, escalating national tensions, climate change again, etc.

the currents - a song centered on political rhetoric and the power that figureheads have over the masses, the way they can orchestrate hate. basically it's not so subtly aimed at donald trump lmao, dan's literally sung it as much in a few live settings

WHAT YOU GONNA DO??? - social media addiction and the way capitalism and corporate interests have annexed our online experiences, fighting desperately for our attention as they seek to monetize every available aspect of our lives

four walls (the ballad of perry smith) - well this one is about uh. perry smith. who was charged with the death penalty for killing 4 people in the late 50's. but it's less directly about him and more a discussion of the morality of the death penalty and capital punishment

snakes - burgeoning anxieties and the impulse to turn to easy outs, like ignorance or alcoholism, to escape the world's global problems

if you want some pop culture sprinkled on top:

icarus - greek mythology. i like this one because it addresses something that i feel isn't addressed enough in discussions of this myth, which is that icarus is a very young lad. less about the pride of the fall, and more about the inherent tragedy of that.

laura palmer - the whole song is a david lynch shoutout. i've never seen twin peaks myself but the song still slaps.

daniel in the den - christian mythology. discusses the biblical tale of daniel in the lion's den and links that up to themes of betrayal and family.

poet - this one's a double feature, referencing both william shakespeare's sonnet 18 and edmund spencer's sonnet 75. also one of my favorites.

send them off! - this is another one of my favorites of theirs. it's also been described by dan as "othello meets the exorcist" and it very much delivers there

if you want something uplifting:

joy - while bastille (understandably) has a bit of reputation as a band that makes sad music about sad things, they've definitely got some happier songs in their catalogue. pun intended cha ching. this one's one of their more straightforwardly happy tunes

survivin' - this was a song they wrote while they were touring and then felt weird about releasing once the panini hit because it felt a bit on the nose. they ended up releasing it anyway and i am so glad they did cause it's a mood

act of kindness - the "happy" part here is debatable but i'm gonna include it anyway. it’s when someone does something nice for you and that impulse Changes you way down deep you know???

warmth - one of those "the world's going to shit but at least we have each other" kinds of tunes

the anchor - one of those "the world's going to shit but you're the one fucking thing that's still keeping me here" kinds of tunes

give me the future - their latest single as of this writing and one of the more optimistic tracks in their catalogue imo! it's yearning, but it's also with a genuine hope for the future.

and LASTLY. because im going to take every chance i can to plug this band. im going to throw some collabs and covers at you because there's one thing this band does SUPER well and it's collabs and covers.

of the night - this is the big one. it mashes up rhythm of the night by corona and rhythm is a dancer by SNAP! and it's so good they still do this one live and it goes off every time.

no angels - a mashup of "no scrubs" by TLC and "angels" by the xx, poured into a strangely mournful tune with clips from the hitchcock movie psycho. doesn't sound like it should work but it does. kinda really does.

torn apart - with GRADES and lizzo no less!!! it's got two parts but they're both excellent listen to them both

weapon - collab with angel haze, dan priddy, and F*U*G*Z and one of my absolute favorites

remains - remix of their song "skulls" but featuring rag'n'bone man and skunk anansie that adds an entire new dimension to the song, really fucking excellent

old town road mashup - lil nas x's old town road meets lizzo's good as hell meets radiohead's talk show host meets talking heads' road to nowhere meets the osmond's crazy horse. "what the fuck that shouldn't work" i KNOW and yet here it is!! BLATANTLY BANGING!!!

we can't stop - one of the few times dan smith subtly changes the lyrics of the song he's covering (most of the time he opts to keep the original pronouns and the like, which is very nice to see). anyway this one mixes miley cyrus's we can't stop with eminem's lose yourself and billy ray cyrus's achy breaky heart. and also the lion king's i just can't wait to be king is there. yes i know it sounds batshit especially because the whole thing is surprisingly melodic and heartfelt and you know what it works.

anyone but me x nightmares - mashing up joy crookes' anyone but me with easy life's nightmares and absolutely one of my favorites.

bad guy mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "bad" in the title? we've got bad guy (billie eilish), bad decisions (bastille), bad romance (lady gaga), and bad blood (taylor swift). bastille even has a song called bad blood and they didnt use it. they used taylor swift's version. also the distinctive guitar riff from dick dale's misirlou is there.

somebody mashup - how many songs can they include with the word "some" in the title? someone like you (adele), somebody told me (the killers), somebody to love (queen), use somebody (kings of leon), and someone you loved (lewis capaldi). seriously these guys take mashups to a new level.

final song - this is a cover of MØ's final song. it also adds in craig david's 7 days and, impossibly enough, europe's final countdown. how does it work. how.

ALL RIGHT. THATS ALL IVE GOT IN ME. HOPE THIS HELPED ANON AND IM SORRY IF THIS IS TOO MUCH

[wizkiddx]

without making this a sap story ive had some not so great news from home and am in one of them moods to not talk abt it. but i need a tom h to hug me , pls could u write something like that?

hey anon - i am sending u all my love, and hope things get a little easier for u as soon as possible. if u ever do wanna chat abt nothing or rant just send me a pm x  I hope this is at least somewhat what u were looking for <33

summary: life is sometimes not good, but your fave boy makes it just a little easier to deal with (with some original help from his brother too)

a bit angsty but i promise mainly fluff (and a popcorn fight?)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

What drew you out of the sort-of-trance was a two soft but firm knocks at the door - well Tom’s bedroom door. You’d been relaxing with him and Harry, watching the new ‘Line of Duty’ when your mum had called for the daily catch up. Admittedly, she had already tried to call you twice today but somehow you’d managed to miss both of them. On reflection, possible not that shocking because you’d been at a charity golf day with the boys which involved a fair amount of noise, chat and competition. 

Thankfully the boys had both done pretty well, Tom coming slightly ahead but that was the norm between the two. It meant they were both happily basking in their relative victories and not moody and grumpy like they are oh so often when things go wrong. Because to them, against your pleading, begging and sometimes lecturing…. golf was not just a game.  

You and your mum had always been very close, so usually speaking to her was uplifting and made you feel a little bit more complete - what with travelling with Tom for work, her voice was a slice of home. This time though, it was not so much the case. It was just sad news about your home town. Nothing directly to your family or close friends but still, it makes you feel generally down. 

Who knows how long it’d been since you’d hung up on the phone, just staring at the wall opposite. Everything felt just hollow and empty, lacking in meaning somewhat. You weren’t necessarily thinking, more like devoid of emotion, of thoughts, of anything. Just a bit cold. 

“Y/n…Y/n?” His voice sounded hesitant, as though scared he was interrupting your call. When you didn’t respond, the door cracked open and his fluffy head poked in, not that you noticed - your brain was still half absent. Tom on the other hand, was instantly looking you up and down, very much confused as the why you looked so rigid and not present. Noticing the phone was lying quiet on the bed in front of you, he felt safe to enter. He made a beeline for the bed, perching himself down on the edge, in-front of you - so he was blocking your fascinating view of the grey wall opposite. 

“What’s going on in that little head of yours?” His voice was soft and gravely, choosing not to put much energy into his vocal box as he rubbed up and down one of your arms. 

“Hmmm? Sorry, was miles away.”

“Could tell darl.” As he chuckled his eyes crinkled round the outside. “How was your mum?”

“Yeh…um okay, I-I guess.” As much as you wanted to shake yourself out of it, it just wasn’t that easy. Everything was laced with this underlying chilliness. 

“You sure? You dont really sound it?” 

“No, I um…well I’m not sure. I think I’m okay?”

“What happened?” You shook your head in response, making Tom press his lips together with a small nod. “ Don’t wanna talk about it huh?” 

“Not… not right now. Please?” 

With a permitting nod, Tom stood up and squeezed your hand, urging you to follow. Trailing behind him into the living room, he then instructed you to take a seat on the sofa adjacent to Harry, Tom himself disappearing back into the house. It made you pout a little, you wanted him to just look after you a little this evening but that self pity wasn’t allowed to last long - because a piece of popcorn flew into your cheek. You whipped your head around, with mouth open feigning shock, to see Harry smirking at you cradling a bowl full of other possible missiles in hand. 

“And what was that for?” He shrugged his shoulders, turning his head back to the TV.

“You looked sad.”

“…” Your mouth was open, no words coming out though, as you looked at the frizzy haired boy in bemusement. Sometimes you thought you understood how his head worked but at other points, the boy was a bloody mystery. Instead of explaining his thought process (because there almost certainly wasn’t one), he just smiled evily at you - wiggling his brows. And I know you know what that meant.

Sure enough by the time Tom reentered the room, arms full with different objects he’d collected round the house, the floor had been littered with popcorn kernels. You and Harry were squealing at each other as handfuls of the snack were catapulted vaguely at each other as you chased him round the room. It took Tom shouting at the both of you for you to freeze, slowly lowering your hands in ceasefire with a giggle. 

“I leave you alone for two minutes.”

“ It was his fault!” You protested, causing a 5 minute of ‘ he said-she said’ between the two of you, even if Tom wasn’t listening to the bickering. Instead, he quickly whizzed round the room picking up all the obvious popcorn bits and then spread out all the blankets he’d got from round the rented house on the sofa.

 You knew Harry, in his very own and special way, was only doing all this to cheer you up and you couldn’t appreciate it more. Your relationship with him had recently got so much closer, thanks to Tom being busy on set actually filming - while you and Harry just had some quality ‘almost sibling’ times. And now living with him too - naturally he had grown to know your tells almost as well as Tom. 

“Alright children calm down… thought we could watch movie?” Plopping himself down on the cream seat, Tom made grabby hands to you which of course you had to comply with. 

“I’ll um… I’m gonna leave you to- well to the being in love shit. It’ll make me chunder”

“We love you too bro” Tom called to Harry, who was already on his way out - but the tone of gratefulness in his voice was evident, he appreciated Harry noticing that the two of you could do with time together. 

“Don’t make it weird!” Harry’s response had you sniggering, as you pulled the fluffiest blanket over both you and Tom and nestling into his side. 

After a few minutes of Tom pretending to argue with you about film choice, before ultimately agreeing with your choice of ‘La la land’ as he always planned on letting you. The Holland boys were both very talented at subtly being a shoulder if needed, and yes you knew it was all an act - but you weren’t about to call him out. About halfway through he kissed the crown of your head and murmured. “Can tell you’re not watching darling.” He wasn’t wrong to be fair. Yes, you were looking at the screen - but your mind was far away from the plot line. 

“Sorry I um… minds like a runaway train sometimes.” Tom released a breathy chuckle at that before murmuring a ‘come ‘ere’ to you as he all but lifted you up from sitting by his side. You ended up lying almost onto of him, with both of Tom’s strong arms holding you tightly to him. Smiling into his chest, you nestled closer so the soundtrack to the movie played over the top of his constant thudding heartbeat. It took a few moments of you both just staring into the screen, completely contented for Tom to speak, squeezing you slightly tighter whilst the two of you watched Ryan Gosling and Emma Stone twirling on the road.

“I gotchu now lovie” 

And you swore then that all the thoughts racing in your mind were outpaced by those of a different kind. Still intense ideas, ones that buzzed round your brain, but these were happy. Thoughts of ‘how could I be so lucky’ and ‘I love this man with my whole heart’. 

Apparently these thoughts were also a comfort because when Tom looked down at you after what must’ve been at least half an hour, you were spark out. Breathing deep and unchanging, eye locked shut and mouth slightly squashed against his chest so your lips were pressed together. But what made the boy physical pout was the way you relaxed hand was loosely balled round a fistful of his purple hoodie. As if you were clutching at him to keep him as close to you as possible. 

He felt so grateful - not only for you, but also for the fact that he had the ability to make it a little better. You didn’t need him - Tom swore you were one of the most fiercely independent people he’d ever met - yet it was clear you wanted him. You wanted him when you felt down, the same way you wanted to be around him when you were overly hyper and chatting pure rubbish. You didn’t want him because he was the ‘Tom Holland’ you wanted him because he was Tom. 

He couldn’t fix what was going on back at your home (I mean right now, he still didnt even know what was going on). But he did know how to make everything just a little less shit. He knew how to be your person. 

And that would forever be job Tom was most proud of.

once again sending u all lots of love (esp u anon 💕)

would love to know what u guys think if ya made it this far ;)

tagging (link to join) : @hallecarey1 @hollandfanficlove