#it's been a looong time since i wrote meta though

[spurious]

Compulsory Heterosexuality & McShep: Parallels

Thinking about the parallels between John & Nancy and Rodney & his relationships, because one of the really just absolutely nuts-making things that I've realized about McShep is how much they're mirrors of each other in so many ways (insert "everybody straight until the narrative foil walk in" textpost here)

So like, with Rodney and Katie/Jennifer there’s this sense of “ok this is what is supposed to happen/what I’m supposed to do” (not even just in the narrative but even in the show itself where it's like...do the writers not feel they need to build out a relationship for them? That they can just tell us that it's happening and we'll be like "OK yeah sure seems right" even though what they actually show us is Rodney spending all of his time with John and his team?) but anyway you can see both women are these very smart, successful, self-possessed women who would look at Rodney as someone "safe," like yes he's volatile and an asshole in certain ways but those ways are almost "harmless" compared to a lot of men, and in addition--and this is what I feel is pretty important--is the fact that he doesn't really require a ton of...care and feeding? Attention? He's pretty clearly not going to pull them away from their own (accomplished and serious) trajectories. Rodney being self-centered and distracted is a feature not a bug.

So they work as essentially these little "placeholder" relationships on both sides. For the women it's "ok, boyfriend, got that sorted, rarely see him but that's fine he doesn't need much from me" and for Rodney it's like this badge of Masculine Success (tm) that he has this beautiful woman who likes him or tolerates him or whatever (see: Brain Storm and how he pretty clearly sees Jennifer as a trophy to display to his former peers).

And so, ok, I titled this note (while I was working on it) "John and Nancy" and then spent two paragraphs on Rodney but HEAR ME OUT, we're getting there.

I think we can draw a pretty direct parallel in the sense of "this is what's supposed to happen" with Rodney's relationships and John's (only big relationship we know about since the man does not have a single viable love interest in five seasons.../seal shouting "gay".png).

There's a sense (from the info we have) that John was just...never really present with Nancy. That this was something that seemed like a correct step, and it'd make his family happy or whatever, and hey, it's not like he was gonna really go off and Live His Truth if he wanted to fly fighter jets, so why not settle down with a nice woman? And I think Nancy in the beginning saw it the same way Katie and Jennifer would see Rodney, like OK this guy doesn't want much from me and I have my own aspirations, this can work as something that checks off that box.

And then eventually, for one reason or another, it ends, I imagine because Nancy looked at what they had and realized she deserved a lot more than that, and John wasn't going to argue because he knew it was true, and he cared for her and didn't want her to be shackled to him if it wasn't doing something for her.

NOW. The thing that has made me want to set things on fire and throw myself into the sea. Is realizing that John is watching Rodney go through exactly what he has already lived and he can't fucking stop it.

And maybe he thinks "well it's different for Rodney," thinks that because he's fucked up in a way that makes him patently unloveable and unworthy while Rodney isn't, thinks that because he's gay and Rodney isn't, that maybe it'll work for him in a way it never did for John.

So now I just go absolutely fucking feral about John Sheppard and how he doesn't think he's worthy of love and happiness and tenderness, and how he thinks that his purpose, the best thing he can possibly do, is die for people he loves; so of course he lets Nancy walk away because he knows it's better for her, and of course he lets Rodney bumble his way through these relationships because the alternative is, what, being with John? and as much as he loves Rodney and wants him, he believes deep down that Rodney deserves "better."

I don’t know exactly where to go with this other than screaming and wanting others to scream along with me but like. The two of them fit together so perfectly but it’s just out of reach because it’s not what’s expected of them, and John’s self-sacrificing streak means he’ll never try it, while Rodney just…I think doesn’t really put that much thought into relationships to understand that he could have something different than the boxes he’s attempting to shove himself into? Ofc our job here in fandom is to give them catalysts that bridge that gap but without some outward impetus I can see them running along these sad little parallel tracks forever and oh my god, why has a military science fiction tv show from the early 2000s given the world this amazingly complex relationship WITHOUT EVEN MEANING TO?