#it's been a long time since I've fallen headfirst into an obsession like this

[spectre-writes]

Yeah, okay, I'm getting real tempted to make a long post about why people should read 'the witch and the beast' manga because it's really good and somehow caters to my exact tastes and it's a crying shame there isn't more in the way of a fandom... I'm still trying to deal with the fact that I'm caught up and now I don't know what to do with my life.

[animatedjen]

Hi! So I am relatively new to the Jedi games but became so quickly and deeply obsessed, and seeing another user send you a headcanon has inspired me to share one too, because I have no one I can talk about this stuff with IRL, haha. I guess a warning that it's kinda nsfw (like, VERY mildly), so it's TOTALLY okay if you don't want to post this.

Ever since finishing the game I've been thinking so much about Merrin and Cal and how their relationship will change now that they've admitted and embraced the fact that they have feelings for each other. Part of me for a while was thinking maybe Cal had his "first time" with someone he met through the Rebellion in the five-ish years between Fallen Order and Survivor, but the more I thought about it, the more I felt that it would be more in character for him to uphold the part of the Jedi code that forbids romantic attachments. Like, he was just so focused on fighting the Empire that even when a slight interest in a person did arise within him, he convinced himself that it was not only against the code, but a distraction from the fight. So, he pushed all those feelings away.

This leads me to my headcanon that Cal's first time is with Merrin after the events of Survivor. While I don't have lots of specifics in mind as to when or how it comes about, I imagine that when it does happen, it is the softest, slowest, sweetest first time in the history of first times. I like the idea of Cal, this person who dives headfirst into everything and (as Cameron once said himself) "kind of likes to fight," just being incredibly thoughtful and deliberate and maybe even nervous about allowing himself to be that vulnerable with another person. Like, all these powerful emotions and powerful physical feelings would be overcoming him, and the sheer magnitude of it all would cause him to slow down and ask Merrin to lead the way, and he'll follow, so that he knows he's not hurting her or taking things too fast.

And Merrin, who is always ribbing him and teasing him and having silly banter about who's stronger, who's faster, etc., abandons all of that during their first time and is just purely kind, patient, attentive, and present with him, taking pleasure in taking the lead and cherishing the trust that he's put in her. And when it's over, I like to think they just lay together talking quietly for who knows how long, with Cal holding Merrin tight against him and Merrin tracing her fingers along his skin, maybe along his tattoo or his scars, while they tell each other stories and pretend like they'll never have to get up and leave this wondrous place <3

My offline Star Wars community is pretty small, so it's nice to have people on here to share ideas with :) So glad you enjoy the Jedi games!!

There's a lot of narrative weight to Cal and Merrin: the Nightsister massacre being led by a lightsaber (Grievous), the manipulation from Malicos, the Jedi views of attachment and dark magick. They're both survivors of a war that destroyed their families, and they take turns helping each other heal and grow.

Almost every main character in FO/Survivor is a foil to Cal in some way - but unlike all these fallen Jedi, Merrin looks to the future and finds new purpose while still honoring her past. I think that's something Cal really admires in her.

I love the trust and steadiness that they have together regardless of romantic attraction. Admittedly I haven't read Battle Scars and didn't go into Survivor wanting a relationship for Cal, so I may not be the best person to share intimacy headcanons with?? But I'm supportive of the story Respawn wants to tell, and recognize the weight/importance of their connection when it comes to Jedi 3. These tags on my recent post are kind of where I'm at:

Also Star Wars is very much lacking in the "healthy relationship that LASTS and no one DIES" department so if these two can break the trend, that'd be great 🙌

[tsuyoiqueen]

Obsessed with this song because I listened to it and all I could think about was Spideypool. It really sounds like Wade's POV when you look at the lyrics. But I wanna point out these specific parts:

Learning your colors

The different shades of your eye

Give me your worst thought

You turn away with a sigh

You said you felt patronized

This part gives me meet-uglys vibes, like Deadpool is trying his hardest to impress Spidey but the only response he gets is annoyance or silent resignation, as Spider-Man struggles to decide if he's harmless enough to keep around or if he should ignore him completely.

But then we get to this part:

In one unending moment

You fall within my reach

I'm close enough to whisper

Hold on to me

Hold on to me

This, my fellow intellectuals, is the climax of the story. I imagine Deadpool is walking down the street — probably just got done with a job and is now looking for Spidey — and he finds him all alone, beaten up and bleeding after a fight. He reaches for him, not expecting Spider-Man to actually let him help but Peter is tired and worn out and Wade hasn't done anything to hurt him since the start of their "friendship" (yes, he's still in denial) so he lets his head fall backwards on Deadpool's shoulder.

Peter doesn't know what he's waiting for when he does it, maybe Deadpool could get him to relax with one of his childish jokes, maybe he could keep him company until he feels well enough to swing back home. Instead, Wade, genuinely worried, wraps an arm around his smaller frame, says, "Hold on to me, Webs." and maneuvers Spider-Man's body out of the alley, taking him to his apartment where he can patch him up.

And now comes my favorite part, the one that made me go Holy @#$! Did this person write the song for Deadpool?

These are my burdens

This is that dark I embrace

Tell me I'm heavy

As you trace the lines on my face

They came with my fall from grace

Look at my two hands

Look at theses cracks and the holes

I am my savior

I found my truth letting go

And I've never felt so alone

This is that one part that makes the authors earn the Hurt/Comfort tag in every Spideypool fic: when they become close enough to spend time together and eventually have a heart-to-heart under the moonlight.

Wade has fallen for Peter and trusts him enough to show him his face in spite of his insecurities and fears. Peter — mask off or not, you decide — leans closer when Wade keeps his head down, afraid to see his reaction, and cups his face, the tips of his fingers tracing the lines of Wade's scars as he thinks back to what he's been told about Deadpool — about Weapon-X, how he got his powerful healing factor — until Wade's hands attempt to push him away, unnerved by the silence of his favorite spider. Yet, Peter doesn't comply and takes Wade's hands into his, looking at every crack, every ridge on his fingers, the back of his hands, his palms. He has mixed feelings; on one hand (heh), he wonders how Wade can still smile, crack jokes and jump headfirst into fights like he doesn't have a care in the world. On the other, he feels sorrow, then rage against the ones who did this to him. But both parts of Peter can't help but admire and respect Wade for his strength, longing to help him as best as he can now that Wade has let him in.

And if he dips his head and presses his lips against Wade's knuckles, watching shades of red bloom across his face as Wade finds himself speechless for once, that's his business.