#it's been a WHILE since I cried this much but it wasn't a fully sad cry

[baycitystygian]

guys. I'm freaking out I just had an Experience

[hitomisuzuya]

hiiii! hope you've been doing well and having a good christmas season time!!!💞

not sure if you're comfortable with writing this or not but what about wanderer with a s/o who gets overwhelmed and cries very easily during that time of the month? i just really need some fluffy fluff and you're the best at writing it 🥹

wanderer (scaramouche) x fem!reader. fluffy fluff fluff. period woes. comfort. soft scara

aww merry christmas and happy holidays to you and everyone around the world❤️ i cry very easily during that dreaded time 😭

before this happened, wanderer didn't know he would be thanking himself for having incredible foresight to buy one specific thing for you.

ah, your period. wanderer knew he wouldn't quite fully understand the monster (as he liked to call it) that was your period. he hates that he can't just purge it like he could unruly slimes screwing around too close to sumeru city.

wanderer is frozen with wide eyes. there you are, sniffling and crying with a closed light novel in your lap. he'd in a way sensed when your time of the month is coming, but it still gave him whiplash how the symptoms could suddenly rear their ugly heads at any given moment.

he couldn't imagine what it did to you.

your period also genuinely freaks him out. you are bleeding all the time, therefore you are dying. and you are always in so much pain that it hindered even your movements at times.

"why are doing that nonsense?" wanderer bristled, taking your hands off your face so you would look at him. "stop it," he hates seeing you cry. hates it. he can barely handle it.

"bu-but, the main character died at the end," your words wobbled as you sniffled, uselessly brushing tears away only for more to fall from your eyes.

"did you really like the main character that much?" he asked, glancing down at the light novel in your lap. "what was so great about him?" he was going to try and get to the bottom of this, even if he wasn't the best at expressing himself sometimes. he knew he ran the risk of sounding like an insensitive asshole and making things worse.

"no, not particularly. it's just.." you sniffled again, trailing off as your lower lip trembled.

"hm?" wanderer knew he absolutely had to be delicate in approaching this. please, just tell him how to fix it. it's always hard on him seeing you cry.

"his dog must be so lonely now. the main character promised he would come back, and animals have feelings too. i can't imagine the lonely sadness his poor doggo felt realizing his owner, who cared for him since he was a puppy, wasn't coming back," you are crying more tears now. "the main character is an only child, and his parents are dead. who would take his dog and care for him and love him now? it's just so sad," the words came tumbling out of your mouth.

you buried your face in your hands again, and wanderer let you. he knew you didn't like him seeing you cry.

as wanderer slowly processed what you said, he suddenly knew exactly what to do. he immediately turned and strode to his little hidey spot for gifts he'd gotten you. this one in particular was originally to make up for him being an asshole to you earlier in the week. who knew it would come in handy double like this.

you felt something tap the top of your head. "why don't you ask him yourself? he's right here," you opened your eyes to see wanderer holding a soft, plush dog that looked incredibly similar to the dog you are crying about in your book.

"aw, scara he is so cute," you cooed, taking the plush from him and putting it's nose against yours for a moment. wanderer is incredibly relieved that you instantly stopped crying.

"there, now he isn't going to be lonely or sad. see? he looks happy already," wanderer couldn't believe he was referring to an inanimate object like it was actually alive.

but it sure made you smile.

"he can keep you company while i run out and get some things for you. you need a new heating pad, right?" he hated how hooded your eyes looked from being in pain from cramps and body aches. he was already making a checklist in his head. pads, a heating pad. disgusting chocolate, both kinds.

"i can go with you," you started to get up.

"no. no, just stay where you are," he abruptly held up a hand to stop you from getting up. he could tell it hurt you to even move. he wasn't going to have that. he glared at you a little when you opened your mouth to protest.

sighing, he looked down at the stuffed dog in your lap as he grabbed a blanket to put around you. you would be in less pain while he was gone if you were warm. the concept of heating pads taught him that. "ask the mutt to hold down the fort for me," he knew he sounded incredibly silly, but it was worth it to him to see you smile softly up at him and nod.

before he left, you gave him a quick kiss. "thank you, scara. i love him, he is so cute. you are the absolute best," wanderer's vision on his chest lit up.

[owliellder]

The Finer Details

Post DI! Leon Kennedy x Painter f! Reader

MDNI 18+

(Session 1, Session 2, Session 3, Session 4, Session 5, The Reveal)

Description: Leon realizes that retirement is in his best interest now that he's getting older. All of his accomplishments as an agent mean he's truly earned a painting to commemorate..

Warnings: Not Proofread, Age gap! (reader is anywhere between mid-late 20's and Leon is 40), Porn w/ Plot, Use of she/her pronouns, Angst, Hurt/Comfort, Alcoholism, mentions of trauma/PTSD/depression, P in V smut (wrap it NEOW), Leon cries during sex 💔

Tags: Older Leon Kennedy, Younger afab!Reader, Leon is SAD but he is your muse, Crying, mentions of Leon masturbating, starts off with Dom! Leon and Sub! Reader, falls into switch territory because that man needs some serious TLC, Praise kink, Hickeys, Handjob, Nipple play, Oral sex (m! and f! receiving), and a heavy dose of Aftercare

Author Note: You know how each president of the U.S. gets a painting at the end of their term? I'm thinking like that. Plus, my favorite hobby is recreating renaissance art, so I figured this was a good fit (hopefully).

Cross posted onto AO3

Session 1: The Sketches

It was late at night when Leon made his decision to retire fully.

He had gotten home over an hour ago from reviewing mountains of paperwork, most of which pertained to missions that other agents have gone on or will be going on.

Younger agents. More energized agents.

The fact that he hadn't gone on a full mission since San Francisco was driving him up the wall. But that's what he wanted. He requested to hang back the last two years.

Both Chris and Claire had fully retired themselves right after San Fran, Claire being the first to retire to focus on her growing family with Chris following suit only a few months later. Jill was still around, but she was doing similar work that Leon was, only she was in a completely different department which was states away.

Of course Leon still talked with them all as regularly as possible, he'd go insane if he didn't, especially with Claire having a couple kids now. He wasn't the greatest with children, but it was refreshing seeing his friends achieve such normalcy. He wanted them to have the best life they could away from everything.

Having turned 40 a few some months ago, Leon was having a bit of a mid-life crisis. The mission to San Francisco a couple years ago had made him realize just how much toll the job itself had taken on his body. After being assessed and allowed home a few nights after returning from the mission, his body ached; joints creaking, back nearly thrown, just... tired.

Don't get him wrong, he was always tired after missions, but this was different. This wasn't just the regular aches and pains he dealt with after being tossed around like a rag doll, this was age.

Deep in his mind, Leon was still that 21 year old boy in Raccoon City. He never got the chance to properly grieve and move on, his mind forever changed by that event. Mentally, he was stuck there and had been this entire time.

It had taken the man this long to truly recognize the fact that he's older now. He's not that boy from Raccoon City anymore. He hadn't been in a long time.

What was he do to now? Leon had wanted so badly to serve and protect the people, but not like this. Not like he has for the past 29 years.

He spent his most formative years fighting unimaginable horrors, watching people suffer, watching people die. You don't just come back from something like that.

And unlike the friends he's managed to keep close, Leon didn't have someone he trusted. Hell, he barely trusted himself most days.

So now here he was, sitting drunk in his shower with his legs pulled up to his chest, his arms resting atop his knees while the water pelted down on him, silently mulling over everything he's ever seen and done during his time as an agent.

The water had grown cold at this point, Leon having quickly lost track of how long he was sitting spaced out like that for. Thankfully, he'd already cleaned himself before he ended up sitting down, so the hardest part now was just standing back up to get himself back out.

It took him a couple more minutes before he finally hoisted himself up with a tired groan, both his knees popping from being stuck in position for such a lengthy amount of time.

Once out of the shower, towel loosely wrapped around his waist, Leon stared at himself in the mirror; busy studying the crow's feet on both outer corners of his eyes as well as the prominent bags sitting under them, the smile line around his mouth, his now brown hair, the stubble on his face and neck that's he's neglected to shave, and just how exhausted he looked.

How has he never noticed any of this before? Why's he look so different now?

Settling into bed after this brutal realization was a tough task. The man followed his nightly routine of taking four Tylenol and two of his prescription sleep meds before setting his a/c 65 degrees Fahrenheit. He learned quickly many years ago that tossing and turning at night would make him overheat and sweat.

But tonight, nothing Leon did could ease that sinking feeling in his chest, that feeling of unfulfillmemt and shame weighing on him more than ever before.

The poor man barely slept at all last night, hangover evident by the way he was still slightly uneven on his feet as he leaned over the center island in his kitchen, head between his forearms while his hands sat clasped together.

Leon knew what he had to do. He's been feeling it ever since Chris and Claire made their departure, but it was so easy to deny. How was he suppose to give up the one thing that made him important? Sure the stress of his work was heavily tasking on the mind and body, but it's what gave him purpose. He felt useful doing what he did.

The man showed up for work late that day, barely having managed to dress himself. He didn't know exactly who to go to in this scenario, but everyone seemed surprised that the Leon Kennedy would show up for work in some ratty t-shirt and grey sweatpants. The stares were making him incredibly uncomfortable and he was quickly regretting showing up at all.

After sitting in his own office for awhile to avoid the looks and whispers, Leon eventually sauntered over to his superior's office, an almost solemn look on his face as he let himself in after knocking.

Needless to say, Leon was relieved his superior knew this was coming. Slightly offended, but relieved nonetheless.

It had been a long time coming, and it was only a matter of time before Leon threw in the towel, especially since he was now just working behind the scenes instead of on the frontline.

He was allowed to return home for the rest of the day if he wanted to, which Leon quickly took. He really didn't want to be in that building for much longer.

As soon as he returned home he went right back to drinking. And as ashamed as he is to admit, he even cried a little, half empty whiskey bottle in one hand while the other was clenched tightly into a fist as he gripped the pant leg of his sweats.

There wasn't anyone Leon could talk to about this. Chris and Claire had their own respective partners to come home to after retirement, but Leon? Leon had nothing besides a dingy and cold two bedroom house with only the basics inside, including his alcohol cabinet.

The man didn't even give himself time to date, only the occasional one night stand with randoms from the bar. He was too afraid that he would endanger anyone he allowed into his life like that, not to mention he'd been betrayed one too many times to trust in someone that way again. It was his way of keeping himself and everyone else safe.

The therapists he was assigned throughout the years all had the same concern regarding his love life, and deep down Leon was just as concerned, but he rationalized it with that hero complex he developed.

But he just couldn't rationalize it anymore. Leon was alone. He was alone, sad, and afraid.

About a month after Leon's retirement was processed and announced, word spread quickly throughout numerous government branches. There was a celebration set up at the White House to honor his service as a field agent.

The President had separated him and Leon from the party to slowly walk through the many hallways in the building. The old man could tell just how bothered the now ex-agent was by his retirement, so he figured now would be the best time to talk to him about his final task.

"You know," The President spoke up after a couple minutes of the two walking in silence, prompting Leon to slowly turn his head to listen. "I'm sure you've heard it so many times tonight, but you truly were one of the best agents I've ever seen."

Leon chuckled quietly, shaking his head a bit at the compliment. He had heard it a lot tonight, but obviously it was different coming from him.

"I'm serious. This county, probably the entire world, would've been in shambles if not for your hours spent." The President continued, slowing his walking to a stop.

"It means more than you know." Leon responded simply, voice a bit gravelly from the few drinks he's had. He took a couple steps more before stopping as well, turning around to face the prominent old man.

The President sighed, giving him a sympathetic smile while nodding. They stood in silence for a brief moment before the old man spoke up again, pointing lazily down the hall. "Follow me, I've got something I want to show you."

From there, the two wandered further down the halls until eventually reaching one hall that had lights more centered towards the walls, highlighting the picture frames that sat evenly spaced out amongst them.

Leon seemed a tad confused until he was able to focus on the first painting they walked by. He knew each president got a portrait painted after their full term was served, but the man in this painting wasn't a past president.

He stopped walking to stand in front of the painting, admiring the details it had before glancing down at the bottom of the elegant frame, a placard reading a name he didn't recognize. What he did recognize, though, was the word Agent that sat in front of the man's name.

While zoned into the placard, Leon didn't register the gentle hand that had been clasped on his shoulder, the President's voice breaking through his trance. "For as long as there's been bioweapons, we've had agents fighting to stop them. But only a few agents have truly outdone themselves. Agents like you."

Leon blinked a couple times before turning his head to look at the hand on his shoulder, eyebrows furrowed. He wasn't quite understanding what he was saying.

The President took his silence as a cue to continue, his sympathetic smile turning into a happier one as he gently tugged Leon's shoulder to get him to start walking again. "The D.S.O. has produced some of the greatest agents since Benford created it back in 2011. You were amazing before, but you've outdone yourself time and time again."

Leon still wasn't quite understanding, really only half listening as he kept his eyes trained to the numerous portraits of agents as he slowly passed them.

The two stopped in front of the last painting in the hallway, only a few spots away from leading into another hallway. It was Chris and Claire in this painting. Chris was sitting down in a chair while Claire stood next to him, hand resting on back of it, both of them smiling.

He studied the painting for a minute longer before whipping his head around to face the President, who was still smiling, as the realization slowly settling in.

"I-" Leon struggling to speak, glancing back at the painting before quickly looking back at the old man standing next to him.

The President simply nodded his head, smile widening with a gentle laugh. "Right. The painting process takes a bit of time, but I think you've more than earned this."

The ex-agent had so many questions. Firstly, why hadn't Chris or Claire mentioned this? But more importantly, he gets to have his own portrait painted?

"The painter knows all about you. She's excited to meet you." The President started down the hall again, Leon not far behind, still stuttering out nonsense as he attempted to form even a sentence. "I'll give you the information you need to get started with her. I have it written down back in my office."

A painting?

A painting. A painting for him. A painting to honor him. What?

Leon was once again sat on his couch, blankly staring at the small business card with a date and time written on it in pen. He'd read the info on the card so many times already, wanting to make sure he got absolutely nothing wrong.

Apparently he didn't have to call and confirm, all he had to do was show up to this random address at a specific date and time, which was soon. In a couple days kind of soon. Also, he thought he was reading the time wrong, but no, it was four in the morning, not four in the afternoon. What an odd and rather inconvenient time.

Even after memorizing the business card front to back, Leon would be lying if he said he didn't forget about meeting up with this mystery painter. He'd been rather aloof the past couple months, it was hard to pull himself out of that funk. He'd been staying up late and sleeping in even later, so hitting snooze on his alarm a good few times was just muscle memory at this point.

It was almost 5am when he realized where he was suppose to be, eyes shooting open as he yanked himself out of bed, desperately trying to clean himself up enough to be at least presentable.

The man was mentally chastising himself the entire drive. It was a short drive, which he was surprised by, and the building seemed quaint; red brick with large windows that sat on what looked like either a second or third floor.

He parked his bike right near what he assumed was the main door, pulling off his motorcycle helmet before knocking and waiting.

The last thing Leon was expecting was you to unlock and open that door; young and pretty, so pretty...

"Mr. Kennedy?" You asked, eyebrows raised slightly with a small smile. He nodded, just barely noticeable, reaching a gloved hand up to wipe at his eyes as he caught himself staring.

Your smile only widened at his nod, stepping aside to allow him into walk in. It took him a minute to realize you were still talking, shaking his head out to refocus himself.

"-again, really, no need to worry about being late. I was trying to work with your schedule but I should've known it's changed up a bit by now, right?" You lead him up a set of narrow stairs, though he was mostly following the smell of your perfume. It was such a light smell but he definitely picked up on it.

You opened a door immediately to the left of the stairs, letting Leon follow you inside. The sun was just starting to rise, shining through the large windows in the open room.

The place was cluttered, yet organized. Crowded, but that just made it all the cozier to Leon. His house was bare and lacked any sort of personality, but this... this place was covered in you.

"I'm glad you like it in here." You said in a quiet voice, looking up at him as he took in your workspace. He was smiling ever so slightly, which you mimicked with a smile of your own. "I try to make it welcoming in here, my apartment is the same way.."

Your voice trailed off as you walked over to a mostly put together set up near the back of the room where the only wall without windows sat. There was a chair sitting close to the wall, the same chair Chris was sitting in for his portrait with Claire, along with your easel sitting empty a few feet away.

Leon stood frozen, only moving his head around as he took everything in. He followed you with his eyes as you fumbled around with something, eventually producing a blank 24" x 36" canvas that was still wrapped in thin plastic.

His mouth made an 'o' shape as he pulled himself from his small trance once again, beginning to slowly make his way over to the set up you've made. He placed his helmet down on the floor beside the chair.

After placing the canvas on the easel, you walked back over to where you'd gotten the canvas from before grabbing a heavily used sketchbook. It was a large one, the paper a light brown instead of white.

Leon had only just realized that there was a faint sound of some form of classical music playing from somewhere in the room, glancing around for speakers before looking back over at you.

"I'm not getting started today, we're a couple steps away from that, so don't worry about appearance just yet." You said softly with a breathy laugh, quickly making your way back over to where he stood next to the plush chair in your setup, his hand feeling over the worn maroon fabric.

Leon nodded silently, moving to sit down once you requested he did, furrowing his eyebrows as he watched you drag over a small table. You worked fast, that's for sure.

Eventually, you'd set up a little tabletop easel to sit on the table you'd dragged in front of him, grabbing your swivel chair to sit in as you placed your sketchbook on the easel, open to a blank page.

"I just need to get some basic ideas of your facial structure since that's most important when it comes to these kinds of paintings. You're gonna be wearing a nice tuxedo when I do the second- no, third sketch for the final painting, but this is just for me to get a feel for you and vise versa." You rambled quickly, pulling out a pencil from one of your pockets before fully sitting down on the chair, bringing your legs up to sit criss cross.

"Uh.. Alright..." Leon responded, clearing his throat a bit. He didn't really understand what you'd said, you spoke a little too fast for his tired brain to keep up, but it seemed like whatever you were doing was necessary so he just rolled with it.

He was left a little speechless again at how you just began sketching, glancing up to his face and down to the page you were working on over and over. "...do you need me to, I don't know, pose or something?"

The way you kept looking at him was making feel a little uneasy. Granted he's never been in this sort of situation before, this whole process was very unfamiliar to him.

"No, no. You can move your head around and stuff. Get comfortable." You waved off, eyes wrinkling as you smiled at him. Leon nodded again, deciding to take the opportunity to look around your workspace again.

It really was a cozy space. Full of color and life, even the curtains you had lining the windows offered so much pattern and detail to the room. The back of the room where the two of you sat was more cluttered with less decor, but the front of the room was a whole different story with those massive floor pillows, blankets of all sorts strewn about, that big fluffy looking area rug, it was all so... homey. It was even inspiring him to decorate his own house a bit.

The sound of your pencil scribbling on paper and the faint sound of the classical music playing was all Leon could hear for awhile, eventually letting out an anxious sigh before beginning to talk. "So... a painter, huh..?"

"Oh yeah, I've been doing this since I was little. Obviously I wasn't that good back then, but I really improved after high school." You immediately responded, voice a little louder than his. Clearly the topic excites you. "If you want, I can hand you one of my other sketchbooks to look at while I do my thing over here?"

Leon patted his hands against the arms of the chair before nodding to the side, pursing his lips slightly. "Mm, sure. Let's see what ya got.."

As soon as he agreed, you stood up and shuffled over to the corner of the room where some desks sat arranged in a makeshift cubicle. You opened a drawer and pulled out a couple sketchbooks, still as raggedy as the one you were using now.

Walking back over, you carefully handed them to him, which he slowly took after meeting your eyes for a brief moment.

Once you made your way back to your chair, he placed both sketchbooks into his lap, opening up the one on top first. The man flipped through them silently as you began to sketch him out again.

You'd zoned into your work, adding just a bit of shading to your sketches to help emphasis some features when Leon cleared his throat again. You leaned to the side to look at him, your smile quickly returning when you saw his baffled expression.

"These are... wow, okay, how old are you?" Leon asked, head jerking upwards to meet your gaze once more. You just giggled in response, using the pencil as a fidget before returning to sketching.

"Sorry-uh, I don't mean to come off as rude or anything, but to be honest, I was expecting you to be some old lady when I saw the portraits you've done." Leon was quick to try and explain, probably misinterpreting your lack of response for unease.

Your giggle turned to a small laugh, leaning to the side once more to look at the man. "Well, I'm glad I could surprise you a bit. Hopefully I don't look old."

Leon groaned and wiped his hand down his face. "Again, sorry. Didn't mean to imply." He shook his head and looked back down at the two sketchbooks sitting in his lap, continuing to flip through them.

It was only a couple hours until you decided you got a good enough feel for drawing his face. Grabbing the sketchbook, you stood up, pencil still in hand, looking down at the sketches you made as you slowly walked over to him.

The man noticed you standing up, quickly moving to close the sketchbooks you'd given him in favor of seeing your new sketches.

"I... I think this'll be enough today. I don't want to keep you too long." You said, handing him the sketchbook. Leon took it from you, careful not to smudge anything as he finally got to see what you've been doing for the past two hours.

He furrowed his eyebrows as he studied the sketches you'd made of his face, seeing all the different angles, even the smile, how'd you get his smile?

You seemed to grow nervous the longer he stared at your sketchbook in silence, his intense look making it seem as if he didn't really like them. "Are they... Are they okay?"

Leon jostled the sketchbook a bit in his hands before standing up, now towering over you as he kept his eyes on the paper. "Just okay? These are beyond amazing."

You let out a small breath you didn't notice you were holding, heat rushing to your cheeks as you smiled at his compliment. "Oh, thank you.. I'm sorry, normally sketches don't take this long but it was stressed to me that your portrait was very important so I wanted to get everything as perfect as I could.."

"Seriously, you're a mad woman if you think these wouldn't be good." Leon chuckled, handing the sketchbook back to you. He kept his eyes trained on you, even after you turned to look down and close the sketchbook. Only a fool would miss that blush on your cheeks, it looked good on you.

"Anyways, when should I come back for the next.. uh..." Leon paused, crossing his arms loosely as he struggled to think of the word.

Luckily, you finished the sentence for him. "Session. Again, this painting's importance was stressed to me a lot, so probably the next time you're available?" You talked while you shifted the small table back to where it had originally sat under one of the numerous windows, tossing the sketchbook down on the chair cushion.

"Alright, since it's importance has now been stressed to me as well, I can probably clear up some stuff in my schedule. How's tomorrow sound?" Obviously, Leon had a completely free schedule, but you didn't need to know that.

"Tomorrow works great! The sooner the better!" You laughed, placing a gentle hand on his bicep as you walked past him to grab a sticky note. "I'll give you my personal number, just let me know when you're thinking of coming over and I'll meet you here, okay?"

Leon looked at your number before pocketing the note, nodding his head with a smile of his own. "Sounds good. Same way out?" He pointed to the door that you brought him in through, bending down to pick up his motorcycle helmet right after.

You confirmed with a thumbs up, now drinking water from your water bottle as you'd forgotten too while focused on drawing. You felt bad for not offering him any water while he was here, but you won't forget next time.

The man gave you a curt wave before leaving the room, quietly shutting the door behind himself.

You had to admit, you've worked with a very small handful of agents since it takes a lot for them to earn their own portrait, but Leon Kennedy had to be the one of the most handsome men you've ever worked with. Maybe even one of the most handsome men you've ever seen.

Lucky you pay attention to detail, cause you definitely didn't see a ring on his finger.

[igotanidea]

Icarus: Jason Todd x reader

A/N: been a while since the last angst,right? ;)

***

When he came back to the apartment, seeing her fully awake, eyes puffy, red and almost closing sitting in front of the computer and cursing her coworker, he didn't think the night would end up like this.

This, being her patching him up.

And ending up in bed together.

Not to sleep of course.

But the way her fingers danced on his bare, freshly patched and sensitive skin, the way her body got so responsive to all his kisses and licks, the way his name rolled of her tongue in that breathy moan.

"Do you want me...? Tell me..." she begged in a pathetic need to confirm he felt the same for her. That she wasn't just his roomate/ friend-ish, who happened to be around in his moment of vulnerability turning into horniness. That she wasn't just being used as a fleshlight.

"I want you. Fuck, I want you." Jason groaned, intensifing his movements wanting to make her scream, to fullfll that desire and lust flooding his brain. To have her nails rake down his back in some sort of masochistic tendency. He was used to pain. It was familiar.

And he got what he wanted, breaking her for good, her moans and cries of pleasure filling his ears and making him twitch inside her, his eyes falling closed from the intensity of the release.

"I love you...." he whispered.

For a moment he was a king of the world. Flying close to the sun and basking in its warmth.

And then fell back to Earth like a mythological Icarus, realising that he lost control.

Took her to bed.

Said some words he didn't mean.

Lied to her.

The only person who stood by him despite all the bullshit, violence, emotional break-downs.

The only person who actually cared.

And it made him freeze. Then roll off her. And lay on the side, his back to her.

Neglecting all the cuddles and kisses and aftercare she deserved and needed after the rough session he just put her through.

"Jason? " her confused voice echoed in his head. This was too much. He didn't want this. Didn't mean it. Didn't need it. "Baby?" Y/N put a hand on his shoulder in what seemed a comforting gesture. And it made him furious.

"Don't call me that!" he hissed rolling to face her with daggers in his eyes, grabbing her wrist in a iron grip "I'm not your baby!"

"I'm sorry!" she squealed in fear "I'm sorry, but you said-- I thought--"

"Then you though wrong! You get some stupid idea in your head?! A little scenario of me and you being happy toghether!?"

"I didn't --"

"Well you'd better get it out now! Cause this? us?" he almost spit that word "is not happening."

"But you said--" she was now sobbing, unsure of how they got into this screaming and crying.

"Just shut up! Shut up, don't say another word!" he yelled

Poor Jason.

He didn't mean to be violent. Never to her. Never.

But the anger issues mixed with guilt got the best of him. And once he started it was impossible to stop. Even though he hated himself for every word. For every action. For every flash of pain, sadness, confusion and rejection reflected in her vulnerable eyes.

And then it was gone. He got it all out.

And instead of screams the room was filled with silence.

"I should go." she said with shaking voice, wiping her tears away

"No, wait, Y/N, I--"

"No, you were right." her shirt and jeans were finding way back to her body as she hid herself from him and the embarassment that started to creep in. "I got too carried away in my fantasy--"

"you know I'm not the relationship kind of man. Never was."

"You said you wanted me... Why? Was it just the heat of the moment? Cause it's not a game to me. "

"I didn't want to be alone..." he whispered,

"Right." she scoffed "Meanwhile, I was the stupid girl who fell for you. Getting used like a sillly teenager. One and done."

"Y/N...."

He refused to admit and show that her unexpected confession got him spinning and his heart beating faster. She fell for him. She loved him. Y/N. Y/N. Y/N. He lo--

NO! FUCK! HELL NO!

He just destroyed both their friendship and any potential chance of being toghther.

Which he obviously didn't care about.

And was just about to loose her for good, cause she wasn;t going to take any more of his shit. Not after being treated like a one night stand. It was impossible for her to go back to what was before and act casual.

Which he obviously didn't care about either.

"Don;t go..." Jason hated how that sound like a desperate begging. He was never pleading. NEVER.

And that tightening grip on her meant absolutely nothing. Not like he refused to let go or something.

She could go if that was what she wanted.

Clear way.

That grip was not, in any way, a method to prevent the inevitable repercussions of what was coming for them him.

Almost as if he believed that the scraps of affection and attention could make up for both his selfishness and the fuck up that was his fault.

No one else's.

His.

"We can't be friends anymore, can we?" he whispered into space.

"No. No we can't." But you also don't want to be with me..." she sobbed and he couldn't fake it, as much as he wanted to. She didn't deserve to be treated likem this, deceived and lied to.

And he shook his head, raising to the top of his honesty with her.

"We know what we have to do, Jason..."

Yes. They both knew.

Before she could get up and get out of his life, he leaned forward captuing her lips in his. For the last time.

So good. Having those sweet, warm lips that he felt so many times before move against his. So good remembering feeling them on his neck, chest, abs and lower....

One last memory....

Don't go.

"Goodbye Jason..."

It was over.

[herbatalover]

Javier just being very in love with his very tall bf

please and thank you

A/N: I'M BACK. Because I'm sad, I have COVID and I'm miserable, thank you very much. Also my dog is snoring next to my ear so I'm sorry if I make any mistakes, she's distracting me. Anyway, enjoy

(English and Spanish are not my first languages, please forgive me for any grammatical errors)

Mi Amor

Javier x male reader

It was a chilly night in Colter. You were hovering over a fire, staring at it silently. It's been tough lately, the gang lost many people. But you kept your hope for a better tomorrow.

However stress was eating you out. Your boyfriend, Javier went out with Arthur to look for John. It's been a while since they were gone, and seeing how the snow kept coming, you couldn't help but feel scared that they got stuck in it. If not, some hungry wild animal got to them.

It wouldn't get much from Javier, you tried to cheer yourself up. He's thin and short, not much meat. Well, short compared to you. But thinking about it, he was shorter than some members of the gang. Non of them could compete with you, of course.

You were... Well, tall is an understatement. You were almost a head taller than Charles, who was the tallest from the whole gang. But even you outgrew him. You used to be slightly insecure about it, seeing your background, but Javier loved it ever since he met you. He always made you feel loved, he had a gift in that. Whenever you were at your lowest, or overthinking, he came to cheer you up.

But he wasn't here now. In fact, you didn't know where he was. You weren't even sure if you'll see him again. Out of all people in the camo, why was he the one that decided to go? Why couldn't it be Bill or Lenny? They would've done better. This fool isn't even made for a weather like that, he's Mexican after all!

But before you could go any further down the road of worry, you heard horses outside. Not long after, the familiar voices of your beloved. Oh, yes, and Arthur's too.

You jumped up, excited. Delighted even. You ran to the source of the sounds, seeing as others were helping John down from the horse, Abigail immediately going to scold him. You rolled your eyes. She could give him a break at least now.

Before you could observe what was happening after, you felt arms wrap around you, pulling you into a hug.

"oh, mi amor! I was so worried will you manage without me!" The short Mexican cried out, hiding his face in your chest. You immediately slapped the back of his head.

"you worried?" You frowned, sending down a glare. But upon seeing him rubbing the back of his head, your gaze softened. You hugged him, picking him up a bit. A gesture he loved. "I thought I lost you... What took you so long?"

Javier chuckled nervously, nuzzling to you, the exhaustion washing over him.

"got some company on our way back..." He muttered, sighing softly. You smiled a bit, rubbing his back, watching him.

"I hope nothing serious?"

"wolves"

"then it wasn't anything serious" You laugh at his offended gasp before getting a light punch on your stomach.

"I could've been eaten!"

"noo, they wouldn't go after you. Look at you. You're a cute type. Not a meal you'd want to eat"

"oh you said something different that one night-" you covered his mouth before he could finish, a slight blush appearing on your cheeks. Yes, it was a nice night, but not the type you'd want the whole gang to hear about.

"oh shut your mouth pendejo..."

"esto es por que te amo" he chuckled softly, taking your hand off of his mouth, taking your collar and pulling you down into a soft kiss. You blink few times, surprised before smiling slightly, kissing back.

Javier was a fool. You knew that. But he was your fool. And you'd be damned if you didn't merry that fool sooner or later. He always found ways to throw you off your feet.

And it was easy, considering the height difference.

^^^^^^

!! Any mistakes in the Spanish parts are fully my fault, I'm still learning it but Google Translate showed that I wrote the sentence correctly, so it's partly it's fault as well. !!

[kokofromwattpad]

Savior

Plot: A half-blooded siren had been caught by pirates and had been put on auction for the rich and affluent to get a chance to buy. Luckily, a kind-hearted noble saves the poor girl from the auction and takes them into their care. Once she had been healed up, the noble tried to release her back into the water, only for the half-siren to beg her buyer to never let her go.

Cw: Kidnapping, live trafficking, yandere half-siren x reader, yandere oc x reader, light gore.

A/N: YAYAAYA I FINALLY FINSIHED MY THIRD YANDERE

Word count : 3.6k

The ocean was much more violent than usual. The waves and currents swayed much more aggressively than a couple hours ago. The sky above the water-line was dark and shadowy, with raindrops the size of bullets falling from the thick and sad looking cloud.

The pods of ocean dwelling creatures scurried away from the layer of water that separated them from the aggressive current.

However, there was a singular exception.

Hali Mortimer.

Hali was what others called 'half-bred.' She couldn't belong to any pod since she wasn't fully bred like her younger siblings. She was the result of inter-spiecies relationship between a lustful human male and a deceived siren who fell in love with him. When the poor siren found out about his decietfulness, she cried and cried while tearing apart his body in the depths of the ocean. Hali was the embodiment of the poor siren's first love and betrayal.

So for almost her entire life, she had been neglected and forgotten by her mother and step-father in favor of loving and doting on her younger half siblings.

The lovechild was almost identical to her human parent. Same dark skin, same patch of lighter skin under her left eye, same emerald sky blue eyes. It infuriated her mother. The only thing that strayed her from her father was the large blue fish tail and her hair, that seemed to be made of condensed water.

Hali swam nearer and nearer the surface of the ocean. She had just been berated by her mother once again that day for reasons that she can't even remember. Tears were streaming down her face and floating around her, almost as if trying to mock her.

When her head came to the surface of the ocean, she was immediately beat down by the rain, almost trying to push her down back into the water. Hali resisted and quickly began to a small island she had spotted in the perfible of her left eye.

She used all of her upper arm strength to pull her heavy fishtail onto the sand of the small island. She began panting heavily from the ache in her arms from all of the strength she had just used. Hali was able to pull her heavy body away from the water and was now able to lay down on the sopping wet sand while she caught her breath. The end of her fail flicked water inconsistently as she was able to finally be left alone with her thoughts.

After what seemed to be a couple of minutes, a loudly rustling sound made Hali sit up in fright. She whipped her head around, trying to see who was watching her, but before she could get a good look, a thick, meaty hand had wrapped around her mouth, covering up her screams.

"Damn, we caught a pretty one didn't we fellas?" loudly grumbled the man. A few softer more scrawnier sounding voices agreed with the first man.

"Let's get ya to the boss lady before we do somethin' we ain't loud to do..." he continued on. Two other men came and picked Hali up underneath her armpits and her tail. Try as she might, but Hali was trapped.

Someone had come behind her with a sweat-soaked sock and stuffed it into her razor sharp teeth lined mouth.

The men carried her to a flat area of land with blue and white striped tents. There were other gruff looking men running around from tent-to-tent, doing whatever Hali didn't care enough about.

They carried her to larger than average tent. In there stood a middle-aged woman wearing a traveller-esque outfit.

"Boss lady, we found somethin' real good!" announced Garil as he dropped Hali on the hard ground.

The woman turned around to see what the gruff man was talking about. She looks down and locks eyes with the half-siren.

"She is pretty indeed. Good job Garil." Said the female leader. She had strands of sliver sliding through her black hair and deep set circles under eyes. She grabbed the girl's cheeks and pushed it side-to-side, inspecting her. "But she does have that ugly patch under eye. Hopefully she'll still sell well." She mutters softly to supposedly herself, but Hali still caught her words.

Her veins felt as if ice was flowing through it almost instantly. 'Sell'? What the hell do they mean by 'sell'?

"Let her stay under the docks until we reach the harbour. Two meals a day to keep her alive." she ordered before walking off to a different tent on the island.

Garil and the two other men came back and began hauling Hali to a large, pirate looking ship. They then threw her into the large area underneath the ship. They threw her so hard that her fin got stabbed by a stray piece of metal from the rim of a barrel.

As Hali screamed from the spike of pain through her body, blood sprayed out and had already began to pool on the wooden floor.

Shakingly, she tries bring her hands to the wound to try and stop the bleeding. She groans from the pain and achingly throws her head out and screams in pain. Tears begin to brim the edge of her eyes and start to stream down her flushed face. It felt as if she was beginning hyperventilate, as she began to huff and puff. Soon enough, her body slumped to her side and she passed out from the sheer pain.

The trapdoor that lead to the underside of the dock slammed open. Light cleared in harshly, blinding the half-siren. She covered her eyes with her tanned arm as she squinted, trying to see who was approaching her.

It was Garil.

He approached her steadily, with a thick piece of cloth in his hand. When Hali spotted it, she began flailing, but stopped once pain shot though her entire body, making her hiss loudly from the sensation. Garil ignored her and took the opportunity to stick the fabric into her razor lined mouth and hauled her, including the iron lining that was still pierced through her tail, over his shoulder, making her hiss from the pressure placed onto the wound.

She was carried out from under the dock and onto the large harbor. Sailors from who-knows-where were running from place-to-place. Hali would have found it a fascinating sight if she wasn't in the predicament she was currently in. Hali was then thrown into a wooden crate, with no food or water, and was then nailed shut, effectively trapping her in the dark.

At this point, Hali was so weak and tired, she didn't even try to escape. She couldn't even try to heal herself from the serious injury she was experiencing. She knew that if she was to pull the metal lining out, she would effectively die from either blood loss or shock.

After what felt like hours, the lid to her crate was opened, dim light flooded her eyes and a mask face greeted her. "What a beaut'. Too bad she's gonna die soon." The person said to second person in the room.

"Then fix her. We can't auction off damaged goods." Said the second voice.

Soon, two different people picked her up under her armpits and the bent side of her fishtail. Her skin had become paler than before, looking sickly. Large pieces of her skin had begun to flake off her shoulders and upper chest area.

"Bring a large water tank for her." Ordered the second voice, making their croonies run out the room to fulfill their order.

The second voice lifted Hali up on a large medical table and turned too-bright lights. She squeezed her eyes shut to protect the already damaged irises.

"This'll knock you out for a bit sweetie." Said the second voice.

They dabbed a thick piece of cloth with some kind of liquid and then placed the cloth over Hali's mouth and nose. Soon after, the half-siren fell asleep.

When she awoke, Hali found herself in a large tank of water. She whipped her head left and right, trying to quickly assess where she was, but everything was dark, making Hali begin to feel claustrophobic. Suddenly, she remembered her injury and quickly reached out to where it was supposed to be. But when she touched her tail, there was nothing but a thin scar left behind. There was no pain. Hali was understandably terrified as to what was going on. All she could remember was falling asleep with bright lights flooding her eyes and a soft, almost gentle voice coaxing her to accept them. That's all.

Abruptly, a loud voice of a man punched into her webbed ears.

"And for the last item of the night, I present to all, ladies and gentlemen, a half person from the depths of the ocean! A creature who sings melodies on the ocean rocks and lures Sailors to their inevitable doom! A half-siren!" The voice announces.

The darkness is taken away from Hali and stage lights flashed through her water tank making her spin around to see the where the source came from, only to be met with the gasping faces of thousands of oddly dressed humans, all wearing masquerade masks covering the top half of their faces.

An instant scared expression spread onto her face as she whipped her head again, from left to right.

"We shall begin her bid at 10 000 krillins!" Continued the male voice.

Instantly, screams of numbers going higher and higher slammed into Hali's ears. This was an auction. Hali used to atrend small auctions in her home, but all they sould was differently coloured shells and items found in ship wrecks.

Soon enough, a loud voice echoed through the area, screaming, "ONE MILLION!" This made everyone in the audience gasp. They turned their head to the source of the voice. It was an old fat man, who was loosing hair from the top of his head. Hali was irked and made a disgusted face, with earned a couple of giggles from the audience.

Then the auctioner's voice echoes in the now whispering audience, " We have just received a silent bet of 2 billion. Do we have anymore bets?" Immediately, the audience goes completely silent.

"Going once. Going twice. Sold to the 2 billion bet." and with that, a gavel was slammed at Hali was wheeled off the stage and was placed in a brightly lit corner.

After a few minutes, someone with a hare mask walked up to Hali's tank and pulled their mask off to get a better look at her.

"Hello there sweetie. Pleasure to see you again." greeted the person. Wait. It was the same voice as the person who healed her.

Hali sputtered, "You-" and she immediately began coughing aggressively from how unused her voice was.

"Don't worry. I'll be letting you stay with me until you're all better. Then I'm gonna let you go free." they explained.

Hali was absolutely stunned to silence. A soft flutter in her heart began. She was being let free? Really? Is this an actual dream? Holy shit!

Quickly, a wide smile spread on the girl's face from happiness. A soft grin was on her buyer's face from the sight of the happy half-siren.

"We'll be leaving soon, so try to get as much sleep as you can sweetie. It's gonna be while until you'll be able to swim freely." they explain.

Hali took in their words and nodded at their words. As soon as they walked off, Hali floated in the small water tank and closed her eyes to fall asleep as quick as she can.

When Hali finally awoke from her quickened sleep, she found herself in a large, aquarium sized tank of water. She was laying comfortably against the sand covered floor of the tank, obviously trying to replicate the ocean floor.

Hali looked up to see a large fluorescent light shining down on her tank.

"Good morning sweetie. Did you know that you sleep like a rock?" said the voice of her buyer.

Hali quickly swam towards the direction of the voice, only to be met with a nicely dressed human. They were wearing a white poet blouse and black pants and knee high black boots. The human smiled at the approaching half-siren.

"When will I be going home? I really wanna go ho-" the girl stopped when the human placed their hand up. Even Hali, who had spent her entire life in the ocean, knew that it meant to quiet down.

"I will return you home once you have fully healed from your injury." explains the human.

Hali immediately deflates from their words. But the human continues to speak, "But I will be here to continuously apply medicine to your wound. So you'll be able to leave in about two weeks."

Alright, she definitely felt better from their words. The human walked to the side of the tank and climbed up the set of stairs thst was set next to the tank.

"Come here, I'm going to take you to a more open area for you too swim." explains the human as they spread their arms out for Hali to hold on to.

The half-siren swam to the edge of the tank and stuck her head out, looking suspiciously at the human. She then reached her webbed hands out and dug her long nails into the human's shoulders. Apparently they didn't mind as they wrapped their arms around her waist and pulled her out of the tank, making water spill all over the marble flooring.

The human cautiously carried the half-siren down the set of stairs, making sure not to slip and fall. "I'm curious sweetie, what is your real name?" asked the human as they looked up at the half-siren.

She looked suspiciously at the human as the end of her fishtail flicked up in annoyance, similar to a cat's tail.

"You tell me yours first." She retorts

"[Name] [Lastname]."

"Sounds stupid."

"Alright then."

The two were silent for a while as [Name] carried them through the long, winding hallways.

Hali layed her head on the human's shoulder, starting to become a bit tired

She nuzzles her face into the crook of [Name]'s neck and shoulder.

Hali mumbled out, "I'm Hali Mortimer."

"'Scuse me?"

"Hali, it's my name."

"Pretty..." muttered the human, making Hali's face begin to feel hot to the touch. She grumbled something before placing her face back into it's original spot.

Soon enough, the pair came to open aired area, where a large pool of water sat. It had beautiful decorations lining the edges, such as boulders, greenery and rubble.

The human squat down with the half-siren in their arms and then proceeded to let her flop out of their arms and into the fresh water. Hali immediately began to swim laps around the pool, stretching out the muscles and tail she could barely use for the past several days.

The human looked fondly at the half-siren and took off their shoes to lightly splash their feet in the water. Hali noticed and quickly swam over towards [Name]'s legs. She then propped herself up on the human's thighs and rested her head on her crossed arms. The human looked down at her with a gentle smile of their face.

"Why don't you join me?" questions Hali while she dug up some old food that was stuck in between her sharp teeth.

"I don't know how to swim sweetie. Sorry..." they explained.

Hali's face morphed into something that looked like mortification. "How the hell do you not know how to swim? Shouldn't it be, like, a necessary thing to know?!" She yelled out in shock.

[Name] mearly smiled at the half-siren's enthusiasm. "Well, there was no need nor want to. I've been sickly for most of my childhood, so most of my days were spent inside my bedroom all by myself, while my parents would take my younger siblings out to balls and galas galore." They explained with a hint of nostalgia in their voice.

Hali's eyes widened. Holy shit. That sounded kinda similar to what she was going through!

"That sounds kinda similar to me. My mama doesn't really like me because my dad had lied to her about 'truly' loving her."

"But why would she blame that on you?"

"Because I look like him..."

"That's absolute bullshit sweetie. You had no choice on whether or not you wanted to be born from a liar. You're mother is most likely emotionally immature to not realise that she can't pin the blame on a person who is not to blame."

Hali was stunned. No one had ever really had a take on what her situation was. Every one of her relatives would put the blame in her whenever the topic of her mother's ex came up, as if she was to blame for her father being a liar.

Hali nuzzled her face into the human's stomach, and creating extremely loud purrs. The human smiled as they softly pet her wet hair.

Two weeks went by in a sort of haze. Everyday consisted of [Name] applying Hali's medicine on her wound, Hali talking about life under the sea, Hali swimming, [Name] giving Hali different types of human food, and Hali absolutely loving the human food.

[Name] was sitting at the pool without their shoes and socks off, which Hali found odd. They called Hali to come closer to them, and once she did, the human grabbed under Hali's armpits and hoisted her out of the water.

"Where are you taking me [Name]? Aree we going somewhere?" asked Hali as she wrapped her arms around the human's neck.

[Name] nodded with their usual smile.

"Did you forget? It's time for you to go home Hali." the human explained.

Oh.

So that's what this was about? Alright....

Hali muttered, "Oh, okay then..."

The human looked up at her in surprise. "Aren't you excited to be able to go home?"

"Not really..."

"Why not?"

"I dunno."

"..."

The pair where plunged into silence as the two exited the building where they were staying and onto the beach that right outside their doorstep.

[Name] [Lastname] was definitely rich.

The sand clung onto the human's shoes as they got closer and closer to the waterline.

There was a head sticking out of the water, obviously staring down on the pair, which Hali had noticed.

"Who is that?" whispered Hali.

"I'm not sure..."

Abruptly, the head began to scream, making the human drop Hali on the ground to try and cover their ears. Hali scrambled to go to their side and try and comfort them. The head that was in the water was definitely a siren.

Hali looked back at the water to see who was the screaming siren, when her face paled.

It was her mother.

Her mother was screaming at the top of her lungs at Hali, trying to get Hali back in the water.

Suddnely, Hali yelled at the top of her voice, "STOP FUCKING SCREAMING YOU BITCH!"

The screaming stopped immediately. Soon enough, [Name] was back on their feet and carrying Hali back into the water.

"[Namenamenamename], pleasepleaseplease don't leave me with her. I don't want to leave not after what she did to you, please let me stay with you." The half-siren begged, grappling onto the human's neck to try and slow them down.

"I can't keep you with me forever. If you don't want to live with your mother, then just live as a rogue away from her." reasoned [Name].

"No I can't, I can't fucking stand being in the water. Not when you're not with me. Please, fuck, just let me stay with you [Name]."

"I can't sweetie, it's best you stay where you are for your best chance of survival.."

The human was able to place Hali into the water before beginning to walk away from the shore line. Hali began crying, reaching out for the human, trying to grab onto their fleeting image.

"Hali, I know we haven't gotten along this whole time. But trust me when I say thet humans are no good. You shouldn't fall in love with a human Hali." explained Hali's mother with an almost gentle tone. It was almost as if she was trying to sympathise with her. With just mad the half siren even more angry.

Hali ignored her mother's words and used her arms to crawl onto the sand into the direction that the human was taking.

"Hai don't!" screamed her mother, but the half-siren persisted, she kept crawling.

A loud ripping sound echoed throughout the beach, making [Name] turn their head around into the direction of the sound. The sight that met their eyes were astonishing.

Hali's large, blue fishtail had been ripped in two. Long skinny legs emerged from the loose carcas of the now flimsy fishtail. Hali tried standing on her newly acquired legs but fell to her knees from how weak they were.

The human quickly rushed towards Hali's side, holding their arms out for the half-siren to latch on to. Hali dug her sharpened nails into the human's forearm.

"You can't leave me alone [Name]! You can't leave me! Please don't leave me [Name]!" cried Hali as large crocodile tears ran down her dark face.

She began to hiccup and shoved her head into the human's chest, making their shirt stained from her tears.

"You saved me! You can't leave me alone [Name]! You just can't! You're my savior!" she screamed.

[Name] had a concerned look on their face. "Hali.... please...." they pleaded.

Hali let out a loud sob. "No! Stop it! You can't leave me!" Hali wrapped her arms around the human's neck.

As she sobbed her heart out in the human's chest, [Name] looked down at the half-siren with a dazed look on their face.

Looks like there was almost nothing they could do.

Posted on: 20 / 09 / 2024

[correctproseka]

Been thinking about absolutely strong An has been through this event.

- Finds out her aunt died from her uncle after he said her team would never beat RAD Weekend in their lifetime

- Watched her colleagues (EVER, Arata, Kotaru) get decimated in a singing battle SECONDS AFTER by the same uncle who broke the sad news to them (Arata especially getting Shredded from Taiga’s remarks about carrying dreams since he carries Soma’s dream of becoming the best singer ever)

- Later performing against said uncle with her team WHILE STILL PROCESSING NAGI’S DEATH, WHAT TAIGA IS DOING, and other thoughts racing in her head, only to get eviscerated by him sINCE SHES GOING THROUGH A LOT AT THE MOMENT MENTALLY (“Your Aunt’s dead, your team wont ever beat me, lets have a rap battle now!!” - Taiga)

- Seeing said colleagues leave seemingly forever because their dreams have been shattered, only having her own team

- Her father finding them and telling her the whole truth, which included the reason why until now everyone had been LYING TO HER FOR YEARS about Nagi’s condition

AND THIS HAPPENS ALL IN ONE DAY

AND SHE GETS RIGHT BACK UP AFTER A FEW MOMENTS OF GRIEVING NAGI’S DEATH

She gets back up, thats true, but lets make a few things clear.

She only gets back up because she has her team and her dad. If anyone in her team had given up, i dont think she could've handled. And as much as she is rightfully angry at her dad, he is also a good reason she can stay as confident as she is.

Plus, we know that whatever happened was NOT acceptance, well, it kind of was, but also not. You know the stages of grief are.. weird. An skipped denial (or we can count those three years as denial), right into anger- and she unleashed that anger while singing, and is angry at her town and at her dad- and in between anger she has depression, i would say they're both so intertwined you can barely see which is which. She can't bargain, or maybe she's bargaining at herself, she cant fully break down in front of Taiga, or until she learns of everything.

And once she does, more at side cards than in the actual story. Here comes the acceptance, alongside again more depression. You just know she possibly cried herself to sleep that night- if she slept at all. But also, yes, An is strong, but we cant just ignore the fact that she set her feelings to the side enough to cry at a safe place- and that she has her team to lift her up.

Because for one. Nagi is right. If An knew about it before she met Kohane, and before they formed Vivid Bad Squad, An would have given up on music all together, not that she wasn't strong then, she would have gotten over with that situation, probably EASIER without yknow. Knowing it three years later. But also the main reason she was into music would be gone, so what was the point? Now she has more people- and more reasons- to be into music.

Just adding salt to the wound yknow.

Also my headcanon is that after An was. Like yknow, not fighting tears just because of Nagi's name (which took like a full week), Ken took her to the cemetery where Nagi is, which made An cry all over again but helped her mourn since she never had the chance to, he walked away to give them a bit of privacy while An talks to the grave to give Nagi updates about her life and in the end, she feels more determined than ever, she leaves a little drawing of the vbs logo on top of it and goes back more at peace than when she came in.

[skyj80]

what happened to Carmen? Why did she die? What was her illness? How did Dahlia react? Did their parents know about them dating?? Is there a song that reminds you of them?

Sorrryyy i just love sapphics lol

DONT BE SORRY THIS MAKES ME REALLY HAPPY TO ANSWER HFJDKSJFYR

So carmen has been sick since she was young. Not the type of sickness that she needs to spend her life in the hospital, but does need extra care. Over the course of the story she coughs a bit and trips to show her body starting to weaken. She passed because it just kinda caught up to her. She spent a week in the hospital before dying.

Dahlia was heartbroken. She knew Carmen was sick since they started dating. She was also the only one carmen was honest about her fears with at first. Carmen never cried with Ángel or her parents for a while cause she wanted to be brave for them. She only ever cried with Dahlia. When she died Dahlia was inconsolable. She did, however, try to stay strong for Ángel. They hugged and cried together a lot. Carmen told Dahlia she wanted her to move on after her passing and be happy with a different person, but Dahlia only smiled and responded "as long as my heart is beating it's yours." This is in reference to a song (it's a musical) that carmen sang to Dahlia where that line is part of the chorus

The parents did know. To preface: Ángel sr. is catholic and Alma was catholic at one point but now is not. Carmen came out to her mother first. Alma is a pretty old fashioned woman. She wished Carmen would date a man and said so point blank. She said some pretty hurtful things (she didn't mean to hurt carmen but still she thinks younger generations are just sensitive.) It wasn't until Alma had a heart to heart with Dahlia, that she started to grow on her (I just finished writing the heart to heart in case anyone wants more details on that) Carmen was kinda scared to tell her dad after what happened with her mom (especially since Ángel sr is religious) she tearfully went to her father and her dad was like ???? cause he has no idea how to connect with his kids. She said "I like girls." and her dad just smiled and said "I know, baby." She started like fully crying and after that they had an introspective deep conversation about religion. Carmen is also religious, but never felt guilt in the gay regard. "How could something so natural be wrong?" Her dad is pretty much on the same page. (if y'all want the details on that convo lmk hehehe)

Dahlia and Ángel jr are not religious. There was a stick cross near the outside their home and they when she passed both coped differently. Dahlia, for the first time since she was young, said a prayer by the cross. Ángel spits on it and said "Fuck you, man." I like this scene cause at the end of the day, they both think they're talking to nothing, but the symbol of the cross changes to them after Carmen's death

As for songs that remind me of them...here are two playlists :D (still updating as I find more songs)

Happy one

Sad one

[xiaosmanthus]

"Apocalypse" (Xiao x Reader)

It's been two weeks since you and Xiao broke up. After six months of relationship, everything came to an end. You had not seen the adeptus since then.

You missed his sweet fragrance of Chingxin flowers and almond tofu. You missed his long fingers wrapping around your hand. You missed his strong arms holding you. You missed his soft lips. You missed his voice calling your name.

You missed everything about him.

You were looking at the beautiful view from the terrace of the Wangshu Inn. Sometimes you liked to go there after finishing your commissions.

A breath of air reminded you of that amber-eyed boy.

"Xiao..."

Your name unconsciously slipped across your lips. Perhaps it was by pure chance, or because of fate, but the dream-eater guardian appeared in front of you.

All you could see was your ex partner wearing his usual mask holding his Jade spear. His mask did not remain for long. And he let you contemplate his beautiful face with such pretty features.

His hair moving through the air, while his eyes looked at you with a mixture of sadness and disappointment.

"You called" Muttered.

You were going to open your mouth, but you reminded of the reason why you broke up.

"Do you remember that afternoon?" You thought "How he cried, and how he begged you not to leave."

As Xiao heard you talk about him. All those things you said that day. The reason why he made him disappear and break all the plans you had.

You came back to reality.

His expression totally changed, now he seemed annoyed.

"I'm going to repeat it one more time, do you need something from me? You called me."

Your hands were shaking and your voice wouldn't come out even though you tried to say words.

"Uh, I…"

Xiao apparently wasn't around to waste time.

"Incomprehensible."

He turned around ready to disappear. But a sudden impulse caused you to grab hold of his wrist. Xiao was never used to physical contact, but for some reason he didn't refuse this time. You sighed deeply. Trying to form words this time.

"I never meant to make you cry…" You said.

A laugh came from his lips.

"Oh, please." He took a breath "Still when I got down on my knees? When I begged you to stay with me?"

His smile disappeared.

You had no intention of going back into a relationship with him, it would be selfish, but you wanted to apologize. You rested your head on his shoulder and fully took his hand.

"Can we go somewhere to talk?"

He teleported you to a place where you always went. Your favorite place

You both sat down. He was hugging his legs as he stared ahead. You looked at his diamond. The one that was on his forehead, where you had deposited so many kisses. It was one of the things you found most cute about him.

Before you could say anything, Xiao sobbed something.

"Why? I love you so much…"

His words hurt. It hurt the tone he used.

"You're the first person I've ever felt like this with. The first one that has made me understand what love is." A tear began to slide down his cheek.

"I tried to give you everything I had. I tried to be everything for you. I tried to change so many things in me to like you."

Your heart broke in two.

"That's the problem Xiao, you don't need to change anything about yourself" You sighed. "I don't know why you don't see it, but there is something very special about you. There are so many beautiful things about you, you are an amazing person."

As you continued speaking, the adeptus covered his face with his hands.

"I'm sure you could date whoever you wanted. And that there are secretly a lot of girls in love with you. So why are you still looking for me?"

When you turned to look at him, he was already shaking.

"Hey, Xiao stop..."

You approached and sat a little more in front of him. Taking his hands with one and taking his cheek with the other.

"I crumble when you cry, so please stop."

His sad eyes and his tears made you wonder if ending him was the best.

"You know Xiao, I still like you" You said. "Maybe we just aren't meant to be together. I don't want to hurt you."

With his broken voice he said "I didn't care about that, I wanted you and only you."

Your destiny was cruel. In any case, you would have to separate at some point. You hated everything you were causing to Xiao. All for a simple nonsense.

A human and a non-mortal. Two lovers in the moonlight. Maybe everything wasn't so bad after all.

Impulsively you took his hand and kissed his sweet lips. For a moment everything around you disappeared. Just you and your dear Yaksha. A love that was condemned. The ray of light that came to save him in the middle of a storm.

"Xiao, when you're all alone, I'll reach for you. Even when you're feeling low. I'll be there too"

You hugged each other, and you let time pass.

"I will always love you..."

[sparklingmusicofstars]

Hamefura fanfic : A twist of fate

Chapter 1 : The return part 1

After 7 years recovering from her bad health in another country, a letter was sent to Catarina Claes; according to one of the law of the kingdom of Sorcier all magic users coming from the kingdom have to go at the Academy of magic at the age of 15 years. Fortunately her health has gotten better anyway, at least enough to be able to leave the bed and walking alone on her own. Even though she still has fevers from time to time. She is currently riding a luxurious ship from the kingdom of Queed to Sorcier.

"Wow...! It has been so long since I last been there ! It's so nostalgic !"

I couldn't help to blurt out at the second I saw the harbor, it's been so long...

"My lady, I think you should calm yourself or else you'll fall into the sea"

My personnal maid, Mia, said calmy with a serious look.

Mia is one of my most dilligent maids, we are close in age so we have always gotten along very well and she has pratically acted as my big sister during the last 7 years. She comes from a commoner family but she is very smart, kind and well-educated.

"Don't worry Mia ! I'm almost 15 years old after all, in Sorcier I'm a fully mature adult !"

I cried out, a bit vexed of being still treated like a child

"You may be one in Sorcier but remember that in Queed you are still a child until your 18th birthday." She answered with the same serious gaze.

That's....true but still !

"And I already told you to drop the formalities when there aren't much people around, didn't I ?"

Mia told me that until we reach the manor of the Claes family she will still use them. Honestly I was a bit sad.

Anyway I was so excited and quite nervous to come back after so many years.

You see, my current name is Catarina Claes, I'm...or rather I was the unique daughter of duke Claes, one of the most powerful noble of the country of Sorcier. My father has always been very doting towards me so I lived a life where it was normal to both want and have things. Of course I grew up very spoiled and became very selfish, I was the very image of a wealthy young lady. But of course my life wasn't as perfect as it seemed, when I was 5 years old I started having fevers almost every weeks, it's at that time my family found out that I was born with a really weak body, I still remember clearly how much I cried at that time but I stood strong, though I still don't if it was for my or anyone else's sake.

One day, when I was 8 years old, my father took me to the royal castle to meet the third prince of the country, Geordo Stuart. He was a stunning young boy with blonde hair and blue eyes, he was like a typical fairy- tales prince. He was also the same age as me but he has an aura of maturity about him, you wouldn't guess he was only 8 years old. Of course that young lady fell head over heels for him at the first sight but strangely when I was next to him I felt a little chill I didn't really know why...At that time I thought it was only because I was very thrilled to meet him.

He guided me to the garden of the castle while I couldn't let go of his arm that I was holding very tightly...Now that I think of it I should have really restrain from doing that. He was also telling me something but it was like I couldn't hear him, at least I was happy enough to not notice the slighly annoyed and embarassed face he was trying to hide.

Suddenly (maybe because I wasn't looking around me) I tripped over something and fell face down on the ground. While the impact in itself wasn't that strong I guess that for a frail little girl of 8 years old it was enough to make it hurts a lot, If I had to say, quite a lot of blood was gushing from a wound on my forehead, at least enough to make the prince and all the servants panicking and my father rushing towards me with an incredibly worried look on his face. They were telling me something but I couldn't hear it ...My head and eyes were completely blank because I remembered something very important.

I was a reincarnated.

In my previous life I was a high school girl of 17 years old. During my last year in middle school I became completely otaku. I was reading manga, watching animes and above all I was playing otome games. I loved playing the most an otome game my otaku best friend lent me but I couldn't remember its name, maybe because of the pain in my forehead. I wasn't really proud of my story but I was quite the mischievous child in my previous life, I was climbing trees and fishing in the mountains with my two older brothers and playing games all night so I was often late at school. It's also because of that that I died at the age of 17. I was caught up in a traffic accident because I stayed awake all night to conquired the black hearted prince in my favorite otome game, I woke up late for school, rushed on my bike and was hit by a car on a busy road.

I barely remember being carried to the infirmary of the royal castle and at home by the servants and my father.

After that I suffered from a fever and a headache for the next days, but unlike usual that one wasnt getting better with the time, I only got the impression it was getting worse. So much that it worried my parents and I don't really know the details but it was decided that I would go to another country to recover, where the medecine and the doctors were better. I thought about it for a minute...it's just like the scenario of an otome game ! My otaku thoughts were running completely wild. My father told me with tears in his eyes that we have relatives in this country and that they will take care of me and my mother was just avoiding my gaze.

Of course I was very sad to leave and not see my parents and the servants I loved so much for so much time, I really wanted to bring my personnal maid, Anne, with me but she couldn't handle the long trip between the two countries and I didn't want to force her.

Fortunately this country was almost as wealthy as Sorcier and our relatives there were also powerful nobles and they were very happy to take care of me, they already have a son a bit older than me. He is smart, handsome and very gentle so growing with him was a really good thing and of course Mia whom I became friends with some time after my arrival.

Now, when I think about the little girl I was it feels like it was a completely different person.

My father insisted that I would celebrate my 15th birthday at home before entering the Academy of Magic because it was a very important event in Sorcier. I think that's because in Sorcier you are considered an adult at 15 years old...Humm...Very different from Queed and Japan where you are considered an adult at 18 years old.

While I was lost in thoughts I noticed the ship has stopped, we were arrived.

While I was gotten off the ship I couldn't help but notice that people were staring at me, especially men.

"Hum...Mia, do I have something on my face ?" I couldn't help but whisper to Mia who was standing next to me

"No, I just think you kinda stand out my lady" she replied

"Eh ?!! Stand out ?!! Do I look like that much different from others ?!" I blurted out, I hadn't be in Sorcier for a long while so maybe I was acting strangely or in a suspicious way.... How embarassing...

"No...I don't think you stand out "that" way " she replied in a ambiguous way

Ah...it's maybe it was because of my clothes, there were obviously not made here so of course people would looked at them curiously.

I guess it can't be helped ! I was convinced of that and nodded to myself while Mia just let out a exaspered sigh and, with a far off gaze, also said something I didn't really understand

"As dense as always..."

Okay...let's go home ! I thought eargerly before riding a carriage with Mia towards the Claes manor.

To be continued : Meeting my adoptive little brother

[aimbutmiss]

Saw this post of yours: https://www.tumblr.com/aimbutmiss/740229617026220032/maybe-this-is-just-me-projecting-on-buggy-because

and I have to say I love it sm?? yk what it makes me think of? The song I can’t help but wonder from epic the musical, where Telemachus and Odysseus (a father/son duo who haven’t seen each other in TWENTY years) finally meet again. And it’s like, giving Buggy and the ghost of Roger or smth.

https://youtu.be/gUAQvlCFm-g?si=4UJpB9jABhOMLMAI

First of all, thank you so much!! I'm glad you enjoyed it 😁 and oh boy this one's got a kick... You shouldn't have brought up greek mythology AND buggy like I won't shut up ever after this.

I actually cried listening to the song while thinking about Buggy and Roger. It just fits too well. I want to point out a few lyrics that I thought fit like a glove:

"for twenty years, I never could outgrow you" I think its safe to say that Roger's death in Loguetown affected Buggy on a fundamental level. No one could handle watching their father's neck get sliced live. Something like that could never not change you. From the 20+ years that have passed since then, at least part of Buggy is still that 16 year old standing in that crowd, crying. He never fully outgrew Loguetown, and for the record I don't think Shanks did either (I couldn't not bring him up I'm sorry) The main difference is that they experienced very different Loguetowns... Buggy still had hope that Roger would somehow dodge death like he always had, because unlike Shanks he didn't understand why Roger would willingly go to his own death. However, as the one who left, Buggy suffered a lot less after their fight. That's not to say it wasn't hard to leave, or he wasn't sad about it (he cried a lot as he ran away from Shanks) But Shanks suffered a different way, from the whiplash he had from seeing Roger die AND losing his best friend on top of each other. He only expected one of those, and we know which one that was.

"i can't help but wonder (...) if I have your strength in me." Buggy has always been a character with deep self esteem issues. A part of that certainly comes from having Roger's legacy behind him. Roger was strong and smart beyond words, and Buggy definitely felt insufficient, like he couldn't reach that ideal. That's why there's a deep rooted jealousy in him towards Shanks, because he sees so much of Roger in him. This also mirrors Odysseus and Telemachus perfectly, because the son never reached his father's level of intelligence and strength by the end of the Odyssey. However, it is implied that he is on his way there, getting better and better as the story progressed. We see this with Buggy too, with his amazing talent of failing upwards. (I have to say, I don't think all of it can be accidental. Buggy is actually quite clever in his own way) Roger's soul must be watching with pride, but not surprise. I have no doubt in my mind that Roger truly believed Buggy would make it big one day. The kind of trust only a parent could have in their children.

"used to say I'd capture wind and sky for you" Not much to say here but Roger would definitely say something like this. There's not a single thing that man wouldn't have done for his boys. I'm so normal about them haha 😅 ...Also more on the Roger and Odysseus parallels, there's just something so beautiful about a man who chooses his family over and over again, no matter how many good options keep presenting themselves. Like, nothing in the world could get in the way of him and his child no matter what. The similarity just hurts. And even though Roger couldn't live to do that for Ace, at least he experienced fatherhood with Shanks and Buggy.

[accidentally-in-fictional-love]

Hi sorry to ask this I hope it isn’t rude or anything but I was wondering when will u post the requests

Btw take as much time as u need ❤️

Not rude at all! I'm actually pupsitting right now so I fully intended to wrote nonstop the entire week, since I haven't been able to do much after my last one. The next one is for Johnson, but I've been having to write such angsty and heavy stuff with him for my fic that I wasn't able to get in the smut mood for him for the request, he was that sad TwT so I was ready to do it now that I'm off work and with the pup since I can write on my phone while I watch him. He's very very clingy, if I go on my computer he sits there and cries even when I'm talking to him and petting him, very sad pup ;w;

That was my intention, so I could work on Christmas gifts for friends next month like I did in October, but things have been heavy for me too lately, so I've kinda been just relaxing and drawing for myself /)///(\ Addy's outfits are finally all done so I can't resist some holiday cheer!

Requests will be finished, I'm just taking a bit of me time for a little while before I get back to working on things for my lovelies 💗

[mattsdollie]

How could you ?

WARNINGS; angst, cheating trope 😞 fluff (?) at the end !!!!!

"mattt" you groan as you feel him leaving your shared bed. "Sorry, baby. i have to get ready, we're going on tour, " Matt whines. you lazily pull yourself out of bed and give him a peck on his nose as he goes to shower and you go to pack your stuff to go back to your college dorm room. you totally forgot that you had exams the next week, so you hysterically brush your clothes back into your backpack and grab your keys as you left, shutting the door to the triplets' house behind you.

It's currently 2.47 AM. You checked your phone because it has been blowing up for at least 3 hours whilst you were studying. "What's this all about?" you thought to yourself. you see your bestfriends message "y/n, honey are you okay? i fucking told you it wasn't a good idea to be dating someone who' famous" you stared at your phone, not understanding what was going on until you got a text from your sister "y/n, what the fuck is this ?" she said as she sent a photo. the photo was of Matt and a short, skinny blonde, matts arm wrapped around her waist as he led her to a car at what seemed to be a party. He looked slightly drunk. "what the actual fuck ?" you replied, feeling yourself fill with a burst of rage and sadness. your eyes filled with tears. Your phone vibrated as matt called you, you decline. "y/n baby please answer my calls." matt pleaded in his text message with a sense of urgency. "what the fuck, matt ? we've been dating since you were 16, me 15. and you fucking cheat on me ?" you sent the message with tears filling your eyes and rolling down your face. "baby, please. i was just helping the girl get a ride. nothing we did was meaningful." he replied. *bzz*, your phone started vibrating again, matt was calling you. this time you picked up. "y/n, please. you're the love of my life. i fully regret what i did. i love you so much please don't leave me over a stupid mistake i made while i was drunk." he said, shakily though tears. "i'm studying for my exams and this is what you do while you're on tour? you go fuck a tiny texas blondie? how could you, Matthew." you said, feeling your lips quiver. "n–no, y/n please. please let me fix this. im coming home right now, i'll see you in the morning. just please, let me fix this." he said, breathing heavier, struggling to breathe as he cried. "whatever." you said hanging up the phone to soon burst into tears. how could my own boyfriend do this to me? after 6 whole years of dating? you think to yourself, as you curl up on your bed, knees against your chest, tears rolling out of your eyes.

The next morning, you find yourself in your bed with the same clothes as last night, your eyes sore, lips plump from crying all night. you pick your phone up, feeling heavy hearted and empty as you remember what happened the night before. you see matt texted you " y/n, i'll be there at 2pm. please love. lets talk it out. im so sorry." tears start filling your eyes, threatening to fall out as you think about what happened all over again. you look to the upper right of your phone to check the time and see its already 1.58 P.M. "fuck." you whispered out as you hopped in the shower. 10 minutes into the shower you hear the doorbell to your apartment ring followed with matt calling out for you. you text him from the shower " theres keys in the shoe rack. just come in and wait, im in the shower, im almost done. " you type as you step out of the shower, pausing the music to do your skincare and brush your teeth. you wrap your towel around yourself as you step out, seeing matt sat on your bed, eyes puffed, nose and ears red. he gets up to hug you, nuzzling his nose in the crevice of your neck "i'm so sorry. i dont know why i did it. i promise there was nothing intimate. i was just deprived to feel love but she didnt love me like you did. i love you so much please, dont leave me." he said, sniffling and you felt his tears hit your shoulder. your arms wrap around him, your fingers entangled in his brown locks. "it's okay. you should've just called me. i felt so hurt, seeing the photos. please, never do that again ?" you say, voice shaky trying your best not to burst into tears again. "i promise." he said under his breath, not having the energy to saying with his chest"

THE ENDD ☺️☺️

this is my first EVER time writing a fanfic or story outside of school. if there is anything i could work on, please let me know 🥹🫶

[karkkidoeswriting]

leaves, ghost, and rain for the October asks!

Thank you for the very fun questions!!

🍂 leaves: what does your editing process look like? how does your wip typically change as you work on it?

It looks like pure chaos :'D I have a bad habit of editing and rewriting before I'm done with drafting and it has let to me restarting BCC (my oldest wip) for too many times to count. I have so many half finished drafts. And it has changed a lot. My writing process in general is very chaotic. I tend to outline and draft at the same time because I can't write without any outline, but I can't fully outline without writing. So as I continue to outline while writing, the story changes and I start to edit the draft also at the same time :'D

👻 ghost: can you tease some wip ideas that have been haunting you/something you want to write in the future?

It's been a while since I had this idea, but it's been on the back-burner and it's very much vague vibes mostly. But the pitch in the shortest form is: assassin nuns. The setting I had in mind was post-apocalyptic ancient Mediterranean, especially ancient Eqypt, inspired world, with some futuristic solar punk elements. The nuns are retired from being assassins (they were like assassins for the theocratic religious order) and are trying to atone for their past by helping people. And it would be kind of an anthology, or episodic in structure, with each part telling the story of one nun.

🌧️ rain: share a sad or emotional scene from your wip!

I will put this under the cut, it's fairly long. I've shared a small part of this in a last line tag game :D

Faerathos knocked the door and waited for a moment before entering, dreading what he might find. He was not sure what exactly he had expected but he was relieved to see Marcus relatively intact, sitting against a wall, wrapping a cigarette. His hands were shaking too much. He cursed under his breath as tobacco leaves fell out of the paper.

“Allow me”, Faerathos said quietly and squatted before him.

He didn’t protest as Faerathos took them out of his hands. He just turned his face away and wiped it on his sleeve. After Faerathos gave back the now wrapped cigarette, he took the gas lamp from the dresser and offered its burning heart for lighting. Fingers shaking Marcus placed the cigarette on his lips and leaned to the burning lamp heart. There were heavier shadows than usual under his red and puffy eyes. A little knot twisted in Faerathos’ insides. Marcus took a first breath from the cigarette and leaned on his knees.

“I didn’t have the pipe with me…” he muttered as if it needed some explanation.

Faerathos shifted uncomfortably. He was not sure if he should get up or sit down.

“Are you… okay?” What a stupid question. Of course he was not okay. He was a mess. “We were getting a bit worried since it’s been two hours.”

It somehow felt a little wrong to see Marcus like this. It didn’t feel the same as the many times he had cried in front of Marcus. Marcus was his uncle. Or stepfather by his own logic. He suppressed the amused chuckle. He wasn't supposed to see this.

Marcus turned his face away again. His lips trembled before he took another puff of tobacco. “No need to worry…” he said, voice coarse.

It was not very convincing.

After a silence, he rubbed his face with his palm. “I was not expecting that after fourteen years I would miss him this much”, he muttered. “It feels like I can’t live without him. But I have. For fourteen years.” A strain in his voice stretched until it broke. His hands were shaking again as he placed the cigarette on his lips.

Faerathos understood then. It had seemed like he hadn’t grieved for dad like someone who was his lover - not just a lover, the love of his life - because he hadn’t done that. He wasn’t afforded that, not even the acknowledgement of his grief. There was a heavy weight on Faerathos' chest as he took a deep breath.

“I truly am so sorry for your loss”, he said quietly.

Marcus raised his wet eye to Faerathos for the first time, but quickly turned away again and wiped his cheeks. “Why – I don’t – He was your father.”

“He was yours to lose too.”

Marcus covered his face and didn't answer. His shoulders trembled. He was sobbing quietly. Faerathos couldn't swallow the lump in his throat. He wanted to hug Marcus, but repressed the urge. Marcus wouldn't like it. Instead he leaned forward and placed his forehead on Marcus’ shoulder. A wave of grief for Marcus and for himself washed over him. Marcus sighted and wrapped his arms around Faerathos. His body shook with each sob. Slowly his sobs died down. He let go of Faerathos and wiped his face before smoking his almost done cigarette. Faerathos wiped his eyes too.

Great. Now he was also crying.

Once Marcus was done with his cigarette, he slowly got up, leaning on the wall. “Sorry…” he muttered as he placed his eyepatch back on his cut eye.

Faerathos shook his head, not really finding words anymore.

Marcus turned to look at him and made a weary chuckle. “You’re a good kid.”

“I’m neither”, Faerathos said, amused.

“You are.” He turned to look away. “To me, you are.”

A weight, Faerathos had forgot after so long, lifted from his chest. He tried to fight back tears, but they were already flowing down his cheeks. He wiped them quickly.

“You remind me of him more every day. He was quite like you at your age.” The corners of his lips curved to a small smile. “Though a little less messed up.”

As he looked at Faerathos again, there was something unusually soft and warm in his piercing gaze.

“Thanks a lot…” Faerathos said dryly and chuckled as he wiped his eyes.

"Only a little though."

[arwenlalaith]

Between the Blues and the Pinks (Ch. 12)

Ship: Alex Blake/Emily Prentiss

Summary: The Baby Blues: The temporary feelings of sadness following having a baby. Also known as Postpartum Depression. The Baby Pinks: The mild mania experienced following having a baby. Also known as Postpartum Euphoria.

Warnings: Mental health issues, postpartum mood disorders.

Word Count: 1063

"Thank you for being flexible and meeting me here," Emily said with a polite smile as the other woman took a seat across from her in the coffee shop. Between taking care of Lindy and shuttling Alex between appointments, Emily had been struggling to carve out time in her schedule to interview potential nannies. She'd finally found a few spare minutes while Alex was seeing her OB/GYN and the only candidate who'd been able to make the last minute interview was, fortunately, the candidate Emily was most hopeful about.

The woman waved away her apologies with a good-natured smile. "Believe me, I understand how difficult the first few months can be," she said.

Emily couldn't help but laugh a little because difficult may have been the understatement of the century... Rather than get into that can of worms, though, she turned her attention to the woman's resume. "So, Jennifer, why did you leave your last job?"

"First of all, call me JJ," she said. "And in the interest of complete transparency, I left my last position because I had a miscarriage and I needed some time to work through the emotional fallout. It worked out okay because the boy I was caring for was going into first grade that fall, so the need for constant help wasn't as prevalent."

Emily felt her heart go out to the other woman. "I'm sorry," she murmured, reaching across the table to rest a hand on top of hers.

JJ's smile was soft and appreciative. "But I want you to rest assured that I've been through counselling and I'm fully capable and prepared to give your daughter the care and attention she needs," she insisted. "And I'm still on excellent terms with the family and they've assured me they'll give me a glowing recommendation. You're more than welcome to call them."

She nodded slowly, thoughtfully, but remained silent for several long moments.

JJ must've mistaken her silence for doubt because she was quick to try and keep the interview going. "Your ad said your situation was a little unconventional?" she prompted. She smiled reassuringly, trying to convey that she wasn't about to judge or condemn. In her years working as a nanny, she'd encountered just about every kind of family situation imaginable, so it was extremely hard to shock her.

"Yeah, umm..." Emily paused, tongue flicking out over her lip as she debated how best to explain things. She'd purposely left the job posting rather sparse on details, not wanting to air too much of their dirty laundry for all to see. But something about JJ made her feel like she could trust her... "My wife is struggling with some postpartum mood concerns," she explained, remaining vague even now. "I'm getting her the help she needs, but it requires a significant amount of time and effort and I didn't want either her or Lindy to suffer for my being spread too thin, which is why we're looking for a nanny." A beat. "Well, I haven't actually told my wife yet, but that's neither here nor there."

Several long moments of silence followed.

Immediately, Emily was giving her an out, "I'd completely understand if, knowing that, you'd like to withdraw your application."

Anything further she might've said on the subject was cut off by Lindy waking up and squalling. Emily moved to tend to her cries, but JJ was quick to interrupt the movement with a gentle, "Let me."

Emily watched, stunned, as JJ was able to soothe Lindy's cries with practiced ease – as if she'd been looking after her since birth. "Wow..." she said on an exhale. She was Lindy's mother and she couldn't even soothe her quite so easily. "You're a miracle worker."

JJ just laughed, shook her head. "Years of practice," she said modestly.

Emily laughed as well, though hers was borne more of relief than any actual amusement. "How soon can you start?"

________

Alex had initially been, shall we say, rather irate about Emily's decision to hire a nanny for Lindy. Irate, in this case, meaning she'd said flown into a rage and said horrible hurtful things to her wife. Emily had done her best not to take them to heart, knowing that Alex never would have said them if she were in her right mind...but it was hard because Alex knew exactly how to push her buttons.

Once Alex had had some time to warm to the idea, though, and after actually meeting JJ and seeing how wonderful she was with Lindy, she seemed to begrudgingly accept the situation. (That didn't mean she couldn't hold a grudge against Emily, though...of course, that may have just been because Emily continued watching her like a hawk in spite of the many many times she'd insisted she was fine.)

Their definitions of fine, however, seemed to be drastically different.

Alex's version of fine seemed to mean gradually slipping into a depressive episode. She spent more and more time in bed and less time doing the things she used to love. Emily could see the light fading from her eyes little by little, though she knew it was still inside her somewhere...

Alex also remained convinced that someone or something was out to get Lindy and continued to be hyper-vigilant over her. She refused to allow formula to remain in the house and, as such, spent as much time as humanly possible pumping breastmilk.

(When Emily had asked her why she didn't just breastfeed – seeing as she'd been extremely insistent before the birth that she wanted to breastfeed as much as possible – she'd been unable to articulate a reason. Unable or, perhaps, unwilling...)

It wasn't just the breastfeeding, though...it was also that Alex seemed reticent to so much as hold Lindy where she'd previously been reluctant to set her down for even a second. It seemed to Emily that JJ's presence had created a vacuum wherein Alex either felt unneeded or unwanted as Lindy's parent.

She'd tried bringing it up on more than one occasion, but was only ever met with unyielding refusal to talk about it.

[hyperfocusfox]

This is literally not done. LOL. I was meaning to write soemthing that started sad and then was indulgently cozy and comforting...and then I ONLY WROTE THE SAD. Oh no LOL. Tbh not sure if i will get around to the indulgent comfort so here we are LOL.

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Moisture welled up and trembled against the lashes of my lower lashes. The moisture collected until the surface tension finally broke and spilled off the ledge of my lid and onto my cheek. Now that the dam had broken there was nothing stopping a steady stream of tears from following the first, carving a path along my downturned face and onto my chin where they began to slowly and silently fall upon the kitchen counter I leaned on. First one small drop on the smooth surface then another but soon below my face became a mess of scattered and reformed droplets collecting and springing apart with new additions. 

I remember being told once by a friend that the most miserable thing isn't just seeing someone cry. It's seeing someone cry quietly. Because someone who is crying quietly is someone who has given up on anyone caring to listen. Why cry out when no one will come to comfort you? That's why babies cry. They cry because something is wrong and they need someone else to help them fix it. So someone who cries silently… they know that no one is coming to fix it. 

I sniffled as silently as I could. My shuttered heaving  breaths were closer to whispers. The tears fell quietly from my jawline in the dim kitchen. It hadn't been dark when I started crying but the light of day had faded into the dark night while I tried to collect myself. And I never managed it so I never managed to get up to turn on a light. 

In the silence I heard the soft sound of keys turning in the front lock. Fear surged through me. I was practically choking on my need to flee, to not be caught here crying in the kitchen by one of my roommates. But oh. I heard the keys finish turning and the doorknob begun turning instead and it was too late. Even if I bolted right then I didn't think I could make it to my room without leaving some sound or trace or suspicion in my wake that would have them potentially asking me about it anyways. The only thing I could do was-

The door fully opened and I heard the shuffling steps and discordant noises of someone trying to make it through a door while juggling lots of things. Then a  quiet curse and something small hit the floor. I would guess a set of keys from the discordant metallic sound. A second quiet curse and more stuff was shuffled about in their hands so they could bend down to retrieve the keys. Ah. I recognized the voice. It was Bell. Bell was home. 

I wasn't particularly close to either of my two roommates. We lived together simply for financial convenience. Losing alone simply wasn't usually an option, thanks late-stage capitalism. However, between my two roommates Bell and Tuft I spoke to Bell much less. We simply had opposing schedules and I simply didn't need to be outside my room at the times he was home. The thought of this basically stranger while I definitely had to keep a good rapport with seeing that I had been crying alone in the dark kitchen was possibly the worst thing I could imagine. 

So I tried my very best to keep my face turned down and away while I tried to dry the tears and snot from my face. I tried to soothe my breathing into something more normal. I couldn't do anything about the fact that I was sitting in the dark though. I only had a few seconds before… 

I heard Bell stand back up with the retrieved keys and flip on the light switch by the door. Since the front room and the kitchen had no walls or doors separating the two spaces the light illuminated both rooms. As Bell fully turned to enter the main space he saw me immediately and froze. I could see him from my peripheral vision but even so it was obvious. What I couldn't see was the look on his face, the motivation. Was it surprise? Fear? Confusion? Disdain? I couldn't turn to get a better look without exposing my puffy red eyes. 

(THIS IS WHERE IT WAS SUPPOSED TO TONE SHIFT TO INDULGENT COMFORT FLUFF LOLOLOLOL)