#it's awful the amount of aphobia in the general lgbtq+ community

[aro-and-ace-memes-thoughts]

I'm gonna copy/paste this to some other blogs too because I would like advice from people with different perspectives

Am I weird or inconsistant for wanting to marry a fellow aroace person?

Society today always ties mariage and love together but historically and legally (at least in my country) it was (is?) not the case. Mariage was a contract between two families to perpetuate the bloodline, to keep lands, goods and properties between them, to socially protect both parties and help them to enrich themself, and while love between the two individuals was always a nice addition it was not a viable reason to get married/divorced (that and the all "only hetero wedding" cause religion is always a party pooper, but it's an all other point).

At it's roots mariage is only a social and economic contract but today the only good reason to be married is romantic love? And I'm just 😐 about that.

Don't get me wrong, I find it fantastic that Love is now a primary variant when before a lot of couples where stuck together because the family didn't ask or care for for their consentement. But now it's the ONLY reason people will accept the mariage of others and when I try to explain myself that I want it as a partnership with a friend to live my life people tries to... Invalidate me?

Like I just want to meet a good friend (that could support living with me every day 😅) laugh with them, cry with them, support each other, and that we like it or not mariage is a way to do so cause the state loves families cause they are profitable💲💲

So the state offers (or is supposed to) socials advantages and economic safety to married couples that it doesn't to single people.

And while I kinda agree with the reasonning behind it, I'm also sad to be more subjected to instability because I don't feel romantic love.

I've asked it to different people (both lgbt and not) and I was called greedy because I only want to profite from the eco/social benefits of the mariage, and I was like Yes ??!! That's the reason why this contract exist ?? And it's a natural and beautiful thing when the two persons love each-other but it's bad, greedy, I'm a leech/a parasite that only want to suck the money out of the system for myself because it's for "helping to support the children of the family" But there is plenty of CisHet couples and LGBT couples that can't or doesn't want kids but are still allowed to marry, but I'm weird for wanting it?

Because I only love my friends and I'm not IN LOVE with them? Because I don't want to fuck them?

Why my platonic love towards my friends, peoples dear to my heart, is less valid than the Oh so beautiful, Oh so pure, Oh so sacro-saint romantique one ?!

I've also tried to convey my ideas through rough sketches of a little comic on another site and some told me they didn't see the point, others to "just found a roommate and stop being weird" and someone accused me of queerbaiting because I depicted myself (a girl) with another girl and I was told I wanted to profit from a queer audience without wanting to write a WlW story properly, and I don't know it hurted me to receive those replies, to not be able to tell what I wanted to do, what I was craving for, that I started crying on the spot it was the first time I felt so invalidate as an AroAce and it came from an other lgbt member, like shit lady I'm trying to express something difficult for me why did you felt the need to insult me like that !!!!??? I've also received creepy DMs from guys that wanted to help me discover thE ReAL DeAl fuck every one of them !!!!

I just want to find my soulmate in this stupid universe but I know mine will be a Friend, a sibling from a different family. We will eat as every other couples, we will arguing over the evening movie as every other couple, we will stress together over taxes and rent like every other couple, we will love each other but of a simple and serene love that only friendship can create, completely platonic but nonetheless true. BECAUSE WE WILL BE TWO RESPONSIBLES AND CONSENTENT ADULTS THAT KNOW WHAT THEY WANT

I just want an other idiot to be a couple of idiots that helps each other to live in a society that despise single people and exposed them as failure to enforce it's own nuclear family model

And if I want us to signed a stupid mariage contract together I dont understand why everyone else tries so hard to make it weird !!!!!!

I'm sorry if it appears rude, I'm still under the heat of the emotion and not an english speaker

I want comment ? advice ? answer ? acknowledgment ? I dont know am I actually the weirdo ? 😞

Hi anon,

I apologise for taking so long to respond to this. I hope your life is going well :)

No, I don't think you're weird, inconsistent or greedy for wanting to marry someone platonically for tax benefits. It's not wrong to want the same benefits as romantic couples without forcing yourself into a romantic relationship. As long as both you and your partner consent to it, it’s totally fine!

This is not the first time I hear about aspecs wanting to marry for tax benefits. The concept is quite present in examples of relationship dynamics in qprs (queer-platonic relationships, a type of relationship that isn't romantic but goes beyond the social norms for friendships). 

Aros already have a natural disadvantage to this system and because of that we won't ever be able to marry for romantic reasons. We're at a disadvantage for something we can't control and that's what many allo people don't understand. You want to marry because of (a different kind of) love, but even if it was exclusively for money benefits, it's none of other people's businesses.

I'm sorry you faced so much backlash. Those people were extremely rude. Real people can't "queerbait", that's a concept applied to fictional characters only; those people who told you to just find a roommate wouldn't certainly be happy to just be a roommate with a romantic partner. As I said, those people fail to understand that it's not a choice to not be romantically attracted to someone and probably fail to think outside of their allo experience and the amatonormative society. It's really unfortunate though that queer people, who should be supporting you, are the ones being hateful.

So basically, it's totally fine to want marriage for non-romantic reasons. Other people think they know what is best for you but they don't. Follow your own path and think of your and your partner's happiness before other's opinions. There's nothing wrong to benefiting from a societal contract like marriage. Honestly I think it's a smart choice.