#it's also soo annoying when watching videos on my phone bc i keep pausing the video and skipping around accidentally | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

pickapea · 5 months ago

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i have rough, calloused fingers but not because i've been working the earth or have learned to play the guitar but bc i have very strong compulsions to hit really hard at random places on my phone screen or computer keyboard when the vibes under the surface of them feel off

#shady websites are my greatest enemy bc i have to slam down on the mouse very hard many many times per minute to find peace #and that's where the evil ads wait for me #i also can't stalk people on instagram and so on bc i WILL have to hit the screen vv hard many times at random and that's how you get caugh #my fingers hurt really bad if i've spent a whole day on the computer bc i have banged on it many many times every minute very very hard #this started months ago #it's also soo annoying when watching videos on my phone bc i keep pausing the video and skipping around accidentally #i once tried to not do it i watched a music video and the Feeling came over me that there is something wrong and imbalanced under the scree #and i said No. i will not slam hard at the screen. i am strong. i will simply watch the video and the feeling will go away. it doesnt matte #the feeling did not go away and i did not simply watch the video and i was not strong. i did slam hard at the screen #it felt HORRIBLE! i couldn't live like that. my whole body was goddamn screaming until i gave in. i couldn't even focus on the video #anyway. my fingers hurt and the pads of them are harder than they should be all things considered #i can't even describe the Feeling. it waits just under the surface of the phyical object. and i have to hit it #the only way to not his it. for example the computer keyboard. is to simply press on the button instead of slamming it #press on it for a really long time and in the exact right place so the energies become balanced again #lowkey it takes me longer to write anything bc i have to rub at my fingertips with my other fingers bc the vibes feel off inside the finger #bc they touch the evil keyboard with strange energies hiding under the keys #RRRRAAAAAAAAAHHHH #i don't even have ocd. it's not like i have obsessive thoughts that i try to control by doing compulsions #there's no ''my parents will die and i will get a disease and i'll burn the house down''. it just feels. Bad. and Wrong. and i can't let it #can't let it be #AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA #pickapost

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