#it's also a double standard because she literally lets my siblings watch whatever on her account and now it's algorithm is a hellscape.

[giratina-and-the-skys-bouquet]

I am about to commit incredible violence (mother wants my password so she can monitor me)

[facelessdreamer]

Fuck

I hate my mum so fucking much. I shouldn't but I feel it. I’m just so fucking mad because she’s she. I fucking fuck o my god I just arghhhhhgggggfhshgskwwj fucking ARGHHGGGGGGGGHHHHHH the fuck she make me do things? Why the fuck does whatever she say to me piss me off this much. I don’t give a shit about her words and constant nonsense about the same shit okay! And why the fuck does she drag something on for so long?! You can always always always fucking see I’m in the middle of some shit. Whether it’s tv or fucking all set to leave the house. Yet you’ll fucking talk and keep me from it. And I always try so fucking hard to just stand or sit there and hear your fucking shit I don't wanna hear. I don’t listen. I just hear bc that’s all I can naturally do. Seriously the shit she talks about with me doesn’t ever interest me and Ive no energy or will for it. I just wanna go on about my life and never be stopped for a minute. I have my own wars beefing me in here already. I barely fucking watch tv either. Today’s my day off in like absolute fucking ages. I hadn’t spent a day at home for weeks and she's out here talking on the phone needing the tv volume low and being her usual loud on the phone and I can’t hear shit on the tv? but when she watches tv were not allowed to make a fucking sound? only double standards from this woman aggravate me on a level as high as this. Later she even hoovers in the same room for 15 fucking minutes, are you dumb? It’s not a fucking mile long mate why take that long I'm building all this shit load of adrenaline and already fuming after 5 minutes of her presence with this clutter. I watched her the whole time instead bc she was blocking the fucking tv and sound with the bloody Hoover noise so I was forced to see all this instead. All I wanted was to watch this single programme man. that's all. it may not matter in 2 days or 5 years but I wanted this, for now, for the moment I desired this. So tell my why tf does it take that long to Hoover this small space in our living room? I swear the longer she took outside of 5 minutes pissed me the fucck offf and I was just there sitting, building samosas and fuming. I really couldn't help it. this part of my life everything made my blood boil. my mother was sitting at top throne of that fucking trigger mate. Fucking hell the way I always hold shit in with her just takes me soo mad I can’t even explain. All my nerves will explode and I could die. 

My fucking 7 year old shit of a little cunt sister pissed me off as well too. Several times today. I was watching tv during the time my mum made me come down and make somosas while she was also talking on the phone like I said. I wanted her to just leave bc I couldn’t hear the tv and she also made us minimise the volume. The fucking nerve. Anyway I make her leave when there’s not much left to do with the somosas now. I switch to the plus one channel bc I wanna watch the whole royal programme again hearing every word of it and I can get what I wanted out of today finally. But noooooo now this little cunt who refused to leave the room now too kept making a million loud and unnecessary fucking noises and I was just so astonished at how she was so capable at making so many annoying sounds with her presence. How can she make that much noise in front of my eyes and why were they so heightened. They were bangs and shuffles and paper crunch and jar closing noises. Like I told her several times nicely to stop! I can’t hear the tv. And already bc I have to speak out to her underdeveloped brain I was again missing the programme. 

Mums in my room now calmly, like usual utters make sure you put it blah blah so they don’t end up somehow back in the dirty laundry and omdssss it was like bitch why the fuck are you even talking since you came up. I’m mad rn and you’re bursting my fucking bubble again. I was hanging on by a fucking thread and could have gone to bed mad with all that shit I was feeling about her but noooo she came up talking in such a calm manner while I'm so mad and dying the fuck inside. And calm talk when I’m fucking mad coming from the person I’m mad at and especially from my mother again pisses me of like a knife to the gut. My anger and level of resentment it ain’t normal so don’t tp me over the fucking edge but ya did didn't ya! these days breathing even pisses me off so imagine my mother fs. Anyways she now says to me in a subtle manner don’t be angry and just like that, I’ve lost it. I just said something automatically back. I said WHY YOU ALWAYS IN MY STUFF she goes.. who? I say YOUUUU, DONT EVER TOUCH MY SHIT AND STAY OUT IF IT WHY YOU ALWAYS TOUCHING IT AND DONT EVER TOUCH WHATVER IS MINE IN MY ROOM AGAIN Like I’m so mad man bc wtf when I entered my room beforehand I knew instantly shit was touched. My resentment mingled with emotions of anger is mega mega heavy when my shits touched by anyone. Especially this little shit and my mum bc that’s when shit goes missing, things are mistaken for rubbish and then things are misplaced. I don’t like that shit. I don’t. I don’t like it. It pisses me off in a different way. Do not touch my shit. Like noooo I don’t carrrreeee, if you think it’s rubbish I don’t caaaree leavveeeeee it motherfuckering alooooneeee. I don’t care if there’s a dead rat laying in the centre of my room. Do. not. fucking. move. it. My mum yeah comes in and does what she likes. I noticed some things that were different from last I saw it and something that didn’t mean much that I kept she threw away the other day and I picked it up again bc I could have added it to a rubbish collection of mine and today it’s gone again. Are you dumbbbbbb when I noticed that amongst a couple other things like earlier she had my sibling bring down a handful of my Nike socks to put in the wash FUCK SAKE what? Fuckk off now, no! Do nooot dooo that! OMDS fs I was so mad and agitated I don’t like it man like I don’t I could cry. I can’t tell you why it deeply bothers me but it does so please do not touch my shit fucking hell! I don’t care if it’s dirty. I’ll handle it bc I literally decide when to take it down for a wash and until I make that decision and you done it for me? no that's not okay. idk why I get this deep angered feeling man but just fuck off. Then a mention from her the other day saying why do I keep my room so junked with condiments shoved with shit inside, like keep less. And that came about in my head during all this madness so that added to today’s events and why in a burst of anger I said why do you touch my stuff etcetera. She never said nothing and just went down because she knew I was mad now. To her over nothing but to me over fucking everything. It’s a whole days worth of built up anger man and I don’t have the will to go on telling you everything on why I’m mad toward you bc I’ll breakdown form it all and I really don’t want to bc you happen to be my fucking mother and I don’t like later regretting the very true shit I’d say in this state. But it kills not to as I  bottle it up and feel the pain of these unsaid things. better me than you though. 

I balled my eyes out just before writing all this bc I was angry I could not. Got that fucking pain in my neck from holding back the cry. Like reading through it sounds like why did I get so mad and cry about it all. But it was a whole days worth of built up anger and other little things through out so I stood there then in my room for a moment then with all the anger and mean words inside me that I wanted to say out loud that I couldn’t therefore didn’t. I was just feeling it all. Then my dad came up saying whats up, am I mad and stuff like tell me. I kept saying nothing and that each time he said something to me. Bc obviously he heard my tantrum thrown at my mum. Heck the whole house heard. I didn’t scream or yell thaaat loud but it was me in the house who was being angry and throwing a fit today. So yeah after dad left my room door almost closed I sat and I cried silently. I just hate so many things about my mum man. I don’t even think hate is the right word. I just don't wanna be her anything. She is what makes me tick most. The things she says to me about all things and even about me. Like I don’t care. I don’t want to hear it. If I hear it I just get mad I don’t get hurt. or maybe I do get hurt and subliminal ignore the hurt and instantaneously replace it with emotion of severe anger with a lot of resentment. Like it just bothers me I can’t be myself bc she’ll throw the biggest fit and occasionally cry bc you’ll feel so shameful of your daughter being anyway that you don’t want or approve of. Like that’s why i hide so much of me already and have to leave the house before she catches a glimpse of me and come home making sure the same thing. I tread carefully around my mum bc she will throw the ugliest and meanest fits that I cannot allow her to feel or cause vibes in the house bc of. Like it’s too much. So if there’s anything I can do to help that than I will hide and be who I am. It’s all so complicated man. last thing I did was get up before getting in bed and slam my door shut so she can hear know I'm maaaad. it felt good. Hope it have her a shock. 

Like idek why I run to my blog. I just had to let it all out somewhere and I hadn’t cried in forever so that was something.

I’m fucking hungry too. I barely ever eat and there’s nothing to eat. Nothing appetises me at all

Fuck I still feel shit

[gcncsxs]

Stay With Me

Where: Kael’s room Who: Kael Ryker & Abigail Willburgh What: Kael asks Abi to stay the night.

tagging @ofpersephone​, thread taken from discord

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

Abigail didn't want to leave the bed; she was finally getting comfortable, and it was warm. But she had to; the girl had to keep up appearances and this was the perfect time to. Even Kael's hand wasn't going to distract her. Hopefully.

KAEL RYKER

It was the early hours of the morning, the morning after the night before and the night before had been a rager. Yet another frat party, yet another night of drinking too much and ending up in bed with the tiny brunette who was making moves to leave. That was the norm, that's what usually happened. Morning would come and she would leave, and they'd pretend like nothing had happened. This time she moved, and he watched her like he often did, but a thought crossed his mind. "Abi."

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

Abi sat up, gathering her hair up into a messy bun before letting it go because she couldn't a hairpin. This was the part where she'd get up and put on her clothes. But his voice...she just had to respond to it. "Yeah, Kael?" His sheets were gathered at her lap, an arm around her breasts, modestly covering up before turning to face him.

KAEL RYKER

"Stay." The word had tumbled from his lips before he could stop it, maybe it was the lingering remnants of whatever he'd drank the night before, but they say you speak what you mean when under the influence; so maybe he meant it.

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

Her eyebrows furrowed; was he drunk? This wasn't how they worked. Abi didn't stay the night, she left as soon as she could. She had the perfect cover story for her roommate too, and it was under control. But of course, Kael just had to go on ask her to stay. Abi was weak, she would nor could say no to him. And right then, he looked so...innocent, the girl didn't have that much resolve in her to leave. Swinging her legs onto the bed, she got under the sheets. Reaching out for him, Abi's legs tangled with his. "One good reason why I should."

KAEL RYKER

It didn't take as much as he thought to convince her to stay, and soon enough she was tangled back up under the sheets with him. Kael had never been known for being affectionate, he was renowned for his hit and run tactic when it came to women, but he had craved the feeling of her flesh pressed against his for a little longer. He wrapped his arm around her, pulling her in closer, hand on her bare thigh. "Is this not a good enough reason?" He muttered into her hair.

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

There was something about him; Abi found herself gravitating towards him. It wasn't the normal attraction that almost every girl felt for him. It wasn't even lust, although their close proximity was changing her mind. His breath tickled and she tried to stifle a giggle. "Try harder, Ryker." Her own fingers traced shapes on his skin, the desire to just hold onto him for a little longer.

KAEL RYKER

He pulled her thigh higher, tucking his between her legs. He could feel her warmth resting against his skin, but that wasn't what he was after right now. Kael just longed to hold her, to be close to her. To feel her skin against his and feel her fingers sketch invisible patterns along his skin. He buried his face in her hair, breathing her in. "One good reason. You don't want to leave."

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

"Nuh uh, you cannot pin this on me." Abi felt so content though, in the moment. She liked this moment; the silence in the room was comfortable, their breathing being the only noises. The warmth was comforting and Kael was reassuring. Abi absently played with his hair now, loving how they felt under palm. She didn't want to talk, just wanted to hold him close and not let go for the night.

KAEL RYKER

He nuzzled into her, as if he was trying to burrow into her neck. Like he was trying to melt into her, and make them one whole. His palm swept up her thigh, resting on her bared ass cheek. "Okay, how about I don't want you to leave." It wasn't a drunken confession, but it'd be one he might not have said outloud if it weren't for the influence of the drink. Sometimes even Kael craved the touch of someone else in more than just a sexual manner. Sometimes he wanted to be held, to feel the gentle brushing of someone's fingers against his skin. That was human nature, right?

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

"See? You look cute when you're not hiding the truth." Abi was more than happy to accomodate. She had her arm around him, kissing the top of his head.  He looked so...there was no idea how to describe him, except she just wanted to keep him close, just stroke his hair and feel his warmth against  her skin. There was a sense of calm, as she held onto Kael, the warmth and everything it stood for. Abigail never wanted to leave, definitely not now. Or ever. The girl snuggled tight against him, smiling. "Hey..." She whispered. God help her, he looked so peaceful.

KAEL RYKER

He chuckled against her skin, letting his hand trail up her waist. To think a couple of weeks ago they had been nothing more than friends, the kind that knew each other from that one class they shared and the occasional party they'd attend. And now here they were, wrapped up in each other like lovers. He still barely knew anything about her, they didn't usually leave much time for talking, but he felt like he knew her. He looked up as she spoke, "Yeah?"

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

Maybe there was more to him than just a pretty face, Abi reckoned with herself as they stayed in an embrace. Maybe Kael had an interesting story to tell, something that would make him real. Not just some guy she got into bed with because he was good at what he did. And then there was also an ever-remaining curiosity to know more about him. "Tell me about yourself. I'll take anything..." She asked him casually, fingers stroking down his forearm, "...or do you want me to go first?"

KAEL RYKER

He pulled back even further, looking at her. It had almost been like she had read his mind - but then in that moment his went blank. He couldn't remember who he was, or what he liked, or where he'd been. He could remember anything. "Uh - you go first..."

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

Abi giggled at his surprise, which she found a little funny. "Okay...where do I begin? Well, I was adopted by these two absolutely wonderful women who loved me like I was their own." After a beat, "That is literally the most interesting thing about me, my two mothers." There were fond memories, that Abi smiled at it, in her head. "I grew up in the North side. Washington, mostly. We used to move around because of my mom's job." She then decided to stop, before she bored Kael with her childhood stories. "Your turn."

KAEL RYKER

He listen to her talk, actually listened. Took on ever word and found it genuinely fascinating. Kael wasn't one for paying much attention to anyone or anything, unless it benefited him directly, yet he hung on every word. Eyes drifted down to her lips, watching them as they formed the words - rosy pink and slightly swollen thanks to his hungry kisses from earlier. "Two moms, I can't imagine - one mom was suffocating enough!" He laughed, thinking about his own mom, "I grew up in Arizona. Desert state. One mom, one no good dad replaced by a try hard step-dad, and an annoying older sister." He listed, skipping right over the fact his dad had left when he was little and only called once a year for his birthday, usually a couple of days late.

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

"Oh yeah, it was definitely an adventure. One mom taught me to be fashionable and love myself. The other one taught me to...well, let's just say she mothered me. She actually cried when she dropped me at the airport on freshman year. It would make sense, I have never been this far from home." Abi realised that she liked seeing him laugh, and that she loved the sound from his mouth. She was transfixed by his laughter, her own smile growing bigger. "Describe annoying and sister. I never had one, growing up. I'm simply fascinated by the idea of siblings." Abi was quick to skip the parts about his parents; her own real parents were pieces of work anyway.

KAEL RYKER

He could have listened to her talk for hours, his eyes drifted as she spoke and he fought to keep them open. He didn't want to miss a thing, not a word. "My mom cried almost the entire drive. On and off, like they were driving me to my death or something." He replied, chuckling again. "I have to call her at least twice a week or I'm sure she'd call the police and report me missing or something." He ran his fingers through her hair, playing with the dark strands, letting them fall through his fingertips. "Don't be. They're more hassle than they're worth! Carly always had to be better than me, and like to rub it in my face when she was. Still does; she's getting married in the summer, and she even acts like that was a competition."

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

By this time, Abi had repositioned herself, half propped by an elbow so she could see Kael better. "You know moms, they just care so much. And I love them for it, I really do. But like...maybe for once, a little distance would probably make the heart grow fonder. Twice a week? Try nightly Skype calls, except for the weekends, because that is when mummy has friends over for dinner. The double standard is unreal." It wasn't that Abi was complaining, most night she really didn't have anything to do but talk to them, but still. She smiled at the description of his sister, eyebrows furrowing just the littlest bit. "Wow, she sounds like me around my best friends. I was always way too competitive about stuff too. Aww, congratulations to her! Who's the lucky guy? Summer weddings are beautiful, if I'm being honest. How is being married a competition? But if you want to win, count me in." She hadn't realised how much she had to say to him, like kind of barrier had been broken and she was talking to a friend. Except, Abi didn't feel about him that way; a deeper feeling, one she couldn't put her finger on.

KAEL RYKER

"If my mom had it her way, she'd probably call me every night. She tried when I first moved out here, but she's let go of the reigns a little now - so to speak. Think she realised that now I was gone she could have her own life too - she's out as much as I am from the sound of things. Always doing something with her girlfriends" Kael rolled onto his back, tucking both hands behind his head. Just from the sound of things his upbringing and family life was completely different from Abi's - they'd probably never have even met if it hadn't of been for college. "Some jerk she met at college, he's the son of a millionaire or something. Owns a fancy car - that's all he's really got going for him." Karl's face blushed red as he turned to look at Abi with a look of surprise on his face. She'd probably not meant it the way it sounded - she's probably misunderstood - but a slight panic settled in his stomach that things were moving too fast! "Oh uh - I meant in that she got married first! There's only a year between us - she see's it as a triumph. I'm not ready to get married - unless you meant, oh wait ... you meant count you in as my date?"

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

"Please, tell me your secrets. Only if my mom and mummy will listen to me having my own life. It's nice though, knowing that they care and everything." God, he was ridiculously good looking, laying down like that. There was a moment where she wanted to straddle him, her legs rubbing against his. His surprise had her rethinking her original statement and even her cheeks had turned red. "God no, that was so not what I meant! I'm so sorry, jeez nope, not at all what I meant." She was flustered, sitting up in a panic, and then a nervous giggle escaped her lips. "Sorry, sorry. I just got carried away in the sense of competition. I mean, I love helping people win, if I am not the one competing. Otherwise, I don't spare anyone." She shrugged, leaning back against the headboard. "I thought you might have...uhh, I mean, I just assumed you already...you know, had a date or whatever. I dunno." Abi answered meekly, going red all over again. This was foreign to her; she liked him, sure. But this wasn't about having a relationship. "Getting married is more fuss than it's actually worth."

KAEL RYKER

"I mean, it started by not answering the phone." He answered with a shrug, it really had been as simple as that. Mostly because most nights when she called he was drunk, and if she tried again in the morning he was usually hungover. "Yeah, I guess. But I knew that before I left, I don't need her reminding me everyday." Kael relaxed a little as she seemed as mortified at what she'd said as he had been. He even laughed, full belly laughed, at the ridiculousness of the whole misunderstanding. He sat up as she did, leaning in to kiss her shoulder. "If I ever need back up in a competition, I know who to call." He said, leaning back himself as she scooted back to lean against the headboard. "I hadn't really thought about taking a date. You probably wouldn't want to go anyway. It'll be totally obnoxious and over kill."

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

Abigail laughed, shaking her head. Jeez, if she didn't answer to her mother's texts, it would be followed by a barrage of calls that she couldn't field. Like tonight. What would she even tell them? Hey mom, I was busy having great sex with a boy. Yeah no, maybe she'd just let them know she was out making friends. Abi liked the little gesture, the red in her cheeks not fading as she looked at him. "You know it. It's usually my default setting. And if you went to a magnet school like I did, it becomes second nature to want to be the best." Then she realised that wasn't really a bragworthy statement, with a shake of her head. "Aren't all weddings like that? I'm not a big fan of the whole institution that marriage is based upon. The construct of monogamy that the law has a say in feels invasive and spending forever with just one person is a scary thought. What if I never find someone like that? The stigma around divorce is another bone I'd pick with society, thank you." She wasn't quite sure where the vitriol stemmed from, her aversion to commitment and really connecting with people.

KAEL RYKER

"Try going to an Ivy League prep school, everyone had more money than sense - or should I say their daddies did." His mother had married into wealth when she'd married her second husband, Kael had never really fit in with the kids he'd gone to school with despite being among the more popular of the social standing. He'd always found them a bit snobby, hated the superiority complex they all carried around with them. "You don't wanna get married?" Kael asked, genuinely curious. He'd only ever known and dated girls that dreamed of getting married, having huge weddings and living out the rest of their lives as trophy wives.

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

"Eww, that's awful. But there is a difference in being snobbish and not knowing any different, ya know? But yeah, I totally get how awful it must have been. But you, being Ivy League and all? That's so refreshing to see. All the Ivy people I know are boring pencil pushers and not the friendliest people I have known." Abi came from a higher middle class family, and money wasn't something she worried about. She rubbed shoulders with her moms' friends and their children, and somehow Abi always felt like she still had something to prove to them. She could never win with them, so she sought her own little circle of friends. Turning to face him, why was he so surprised? "No, I don't want to marry. Unless I have truly fallen in love and mentally commited myself to loving them forever. A friend taught me that love is a fleeting feeling. And well, love didn't land my birthgiver in a good place either. Just don't want to go down the same route as her." She shrugged simply, pursing her lips. This was the only thing Abigail ever found about her real mother, and since then, she really hadn't wanted to know more. "Do you ever wanna get married? I know guys who cannot wait to start their own football family, and it's so weird. Like, have you imagined what your wife is going to go through?"

KAEL RYKER

"Yeah, they were both in a lot of ways. Some more than others. It wasn't always bad, it had its perks. My friends always through wicked parties because their parents were just never around, or didn't care. It was fun. I wasn't raised in the same way they were, we didn't have money for a long time - guess that's what makes the difference, gotta understand the squaller to  appreciate the wealth." Kael rolled onto his side, trailing fingers in patterns up her thigh. "Yeah, I mean one day. Maybe. I hadn't really thought about it much. But that's almost the next step after college and career. Right? I don't want a whole football team of kids, but a couple would be nice - but yknow, as many she'd want." It was weird talking to Abi about all this, almost as if they were a couple trying to figure out what each other wanted from life. It seemed like they were completely incompatible, seemed like they wanted different things, but it wasn't as if they were really giving this a shot - so why should it matter to him? It shouldn't.

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

Abi listened to him talk, and it was like she was talking to another Kael. Not the guy she saw around the hallways, not the boy she just slept with; a different Kael who was more than what she had assumed. It felt like she was connecting, it made her like him even more. "Oh, yeah." Abi couldn't relate to that; her mothers made sure she was well taken care of, always. Maybe that was all the difference, but it sure as hell didn't feel like they were not getting along. "Parties! I miss high school parties. The drinking, the antics and of course the pictures on Saturday night. Of course, I only vicariously lived through the pictures and went to one party, maybe? It was a weird time." Why did she sound like such a loser? He was definitely gonna call her a loser after this; her college life wasn't any different. "I know that I probably don't want children till I'm settled in life. Financially and mentally. But it's nice, to have this idea in your mind about having a family. It is a nice thing to look forward to, too." Kael was starting to become akin to a sounding board to her, where she bounced her ideas for the future and he said something back. This was nice.

KAEL RYKER

Kael laughed, the way she spoke about her high school years made sense - it was clear that she'd never been the overly popular kid, but that was endearing. It's what he liked about her now. In the beginning he'd been attracted to her pretty face, beautiful and classic, not like the other girls that surrounded him. "Bet you were a right nerd in high school." He teased, squeezing her thigh slightly before return to drawing patterns. "I won't say you missed out on much, honestly it was all a little dramatic now I think about it. There was always someone throwing up in the corner, or passed out in a bath, girls were always crying... so not all that different to college parties!" They'd met in class, but they'd actually got to know each other at one of those parties, slept together that same night for the first time and though he hadn't intended it to go much further than that - here they were again, several months later. "Yeah, I guess. It's nice."

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

Abi turned red when he laughed; it wasn't the most bragworthy statement about herself, but it was true. Being a nerd kept her safe, kept her happy. But here, with Kael, she began to wonder if she had felt any different in that moment, in bed with a boy she was interested in, whom she met at a party he invited her to. "I guess I was. I still am, and it's turning into a lucrative college career." She couldn't quite picture how dramatic parties sounded; hearing Kael talk was more than enough for her though. Just listening to him talk, watching him be animated, it filled her with a naive sense of happiness. "I mean, you remember how scared I was at that party? It's like looking at humanity's worst moment, no offence. I just feel much more at home in some sort of study group. Less people, less anxiety I guess? I dunno, it's strange." She faltered, unable to explain herself. Abi found herself unable to say anything else after that, at all. Like her brain had slowed down, and words were a task. She yawned, shaking her head. "Ugh, pesky sleep schedule. Sorry, I was saying..."

KAEL RYKER

After that first party Kael hadn't invited her to anymore, well - he had, but he didn't kick up as much fuss when she said no anymore. The night usually ended the same way the first had anyway. He's either call her and she'd meet him at his dorm, or he'd make his way over to hers and stealthily sneak in. "I mean from a sober, outsiders perspective I could probably see what you mean, it's definitely not our finest of moments." He chuckled, scratching his temple. He was a frat boy, and frat boys went all out. They were out to impress and sometimes that made them do the stupidest of things. "I don't know what that feels like... I actually hate being alone, and believe it or not -- I don't like being the centre of attention. People notice you more in smaller groups, it's kinda easy to blend in to a crowd." That was probably something he hadn't told anyone before, probably something he'd never really admitted to himself either - yet here he was baring his soul to this girl at god knows what time in the morning, and all they were doing was sleeping together. "Don't worry about it... sleep. You can stay in you want... you can sneak out when everyone's gone to the game."

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

"I've never gotten straight up drunk in public, so yeah..." Abi had her rebellious phase; she had stolen from her mom's liquor cabinet, and gotten shit faced in the privacy of her room with Eliza and Mellie before. But there was just something about losing control in a public setting that Abigail was not okay with, hence her reluctance to drink, or just go to parties. Going big or going home though, it seemed to be a college thing in general, and she really couldn't blame the frat boys for wanting to live it up. It was almost endearing, the drunken memories they would make. "No way. You, and not like being the center of attention? That's so hard to picture, because everyone knows your name. I'm sure I'd tell Lizz---Dutch, or even Mellie about you and they would know who I was talking about." Maybe an exaggeration, but that was partly the reason why Abi kept their...whatever this was, on the down low. A virgin when they first met, and several months later, the girl liked the privacy and the lack of questions that followed later on. "Isn't it scary though? Blending in? I mean, when I think of crowds, I think of drowning in words and bodies that are not mine and it scares me. Genuinely terrified of losing. Myself or anything, really." She moved in closer, trying to suppress the shudder that followed her confession; fear wasn't something one wore on their sleeve, and Abigail wasn't any different. Wanting to win, that was a facade. She was scared of doing anything but winning; just as simple as that. Losing him, this thing they had...that was a fear too. So the sensations of his hands on her body relaxed her and she rested her head on his chest, closing her eyes. "Okay...are you sure about that?" She didn't want to hear anything different, but if that was how it would be, then that would be it.

KAEL RYKER

"What seriously? I mean - god for you, least you've never embarrassed yourself." Kael chuckled, he has many a horror story from drunken nights, things he wished he could undo, some that made for great stories and some that would haunt him for the rest of his life. "No. It's easier. When you stand out people notice you more, take note of things - scrutinize you more. When you're part of a group, they just see the whole. Not the individual. In a group you can stay quiet and nobody will notice you're silent. But at the same time you're never lonely." Kael was starting to feel a little uncomfortable, things were getting a little deep and it was more that he'd expected from this. When she leaned into him he wrapped an arm around her, leaning back into the pillows making himself comfortable. "Yeah, course." He mumbled, eyes suddenly starting to feel heavy. Tiredness slowly seeping in.

ABIGAIL WILLBURGH

Abigail laughed softly, now quiet and pondering on his statements. She wasn't quite able to string words together in head, and talking was becoming a chore. Snuggling up next to him, everything blended into a weight of comfort as she closed her eyes and took in the scent of him. An arm around his stomach, she mumbled something akin to liking something or someone. "Good night, Kael." Was her last clear sentence before she dozed off in his arms.