#it's administrative professionals day so. i was sent home with two baked potatoes

[flying-guinea-pig]

Season Finale (2/7)

What previously happened.

AO3 linky

Up in the sky

Rosemary, sage, wild lovage. She stirred the herbal tea and put it on the kitchen counter to cool. The smell reminded Elisabeth of baked potatoes, crisp and tasty. This concoction wasn't for consumption though. She needed to fill up her spray bottles. That herbal mixture was a somewhat effective - though very temporary - ward against low-level demons. It had come in handy a few times already.

Elisabeth lived by herself, if you didn't count Bubbles and Bob. They were Kuhli loach fish, small and eel-like with black and yellow colouring. Not that she got to see them often, because they were extremely shy and usually hid inside the gravel or between her aquarium plants.

Her mother had gotten them for her as a present when she went off to college, to keep her company. She meant well, but... they were fish. Shy and small fish. Not exactly known for being interesting conversationalists, and she couldn't cuddle them or take them for walks now, could she?

That was typically Mom. Well-meaning but, well... dumb.

Elisabeth finished up a second batch of her herbal tincture and washed her hands. The scent of rosemary really stuck to her skin, even after several rounds of soaping and washing. Great. She was going to smell like pizza the whole ride to the airport.

Well, it could be worse. After that thing with the plague sprites in the nursing home, her clothes had stunk of cleaning supplies and that odd, pervasive old-people-smell that for some reason lingered even through three washing cycles. Even Alcor had complained about it. His senses were a lot more sensitive than hers and he'd spend a lot of their hunt sneezing golden sparks.

She glanced at the clock. Two hours to go before the cab service would pick her up. Time to check her suitcases, make sure she hadn't forgotten anything.

She'd already called Mom to ask her if she wouldn't mind taking care of Bubbles and Bob for a while. Elisabeth had no clue how long she'd be gone for. At least a week or two, according to Hugh, her supervisor, but he'd warned it could end up being longer if the Xuerus bunker ended up being a tougher nut to crack than expected.

That wasn't the only warning he'd given her either. She'd had to endure a whole litany of 'well-meaning advice', which could be distilled into a basic "This is good PR for us. Don't ruin it."

She was not looking forward to this. At all. The Bunker itself seemed interesting, sure. But being filmed all the time? Ugh.

Well, she'd signed the release form and all the rest of that administrative nonsense, she couldn't back down now. And it was flattering, in a way. Her boss considered her good enough to represent his security company.

The first, smallest suitcase was packed with clothes - warm ones, which took up a lot of space unfortunately. She'd had to sit on it to get the suitcase to close. The other, considerably larger suitcase was chock full of her gear. Candles and chalk in all colours and sizes, a few ritual knives - the basic necessities for a professional demonologist, of course. The most space was taken up by books.

It was an annoying fact of life that the most useful books on demonology were a bit too risky to convert to digital. Some things were too dangerous to trust to a device with internet access. Some knowledge was best kept chained in paper instead of loosened upon the world.

Some were fine, of course - the ones without much summoning information, mostly - and she took those with her on her tablet. It was difficult to choose which books to bring though. There was nothing really known about Xuerus. He was a complete unknown - aside from that Cult, which had made the headlines all those years ago, there was no information at all.

She stuffed her bottles of herbal spray in the suitcase - they didn't all fit, damn it, she'd have to take one in her carry-on - and went back to her checklist, triple-checking if she'd forgotten something vital. Not that she ever did - she'd stocked her work bag so often she could probably pack it in her sleep. It wasn't the first time her boss sent her to an assignment abroad, though until now she'd only had to cross state lines and not actual land borders.

That reminded her... the laws regarding demonology were a bit different up there. She was only licenced to banish demons in Canada, not summon them.

It was probably a good idea to arrange something with Alcor before she left, so she didn't have to break Canadian law on national television. Some sort of standing deal to come when she needed him, perhaps... now, how to word that without leaving too many loopholes...

He wouldn't mind helping, she bet. An undersea adventure? He'd love it. And it would be useful to ask him about Xuerus. Maybe he had some advice, some knowledge about this unknown demon he could share.

She could draw his summoning circle from memory by now. She went through the motions, adding a quick binding circle around it just to be safe.

"Hey Adams!" Alcor chirped, showing up in a shower of golden sparks. Apparently he was in a good mood. He rubbed his hands. "What are we hunting today? Some more plague sprites? Maybe a school of Kappas or something?"

"You're awfully quick to appear," she said. Almost as if he had known she'd call on him. "I would almost think you're spying on me."

"Of course not. That would be creepy," he said. A shrug. "So I only do it when I'm bored. Come on, give me the details. What kind of job are we doing today?"

"The job is tomorrow, actually. I need to get to some fishers' town in Canada first." The flight took only a few hours, but it was in the middle of the night and she never managed to sleep well in those torture chairs.

"Poor you," he said. "Hey, if you want to spare yourself an uncomfortable flight, I can tesser you straight to your destination?"

She frowned at his offered hand. "That's not why I summoned you."

He shrugged, his smile wide and teasing. "I owe you a freebie for the Jamvention last week. That was the funniest thing I've seen in centuries."

Her cheeks flushed at the memory. "I hate gnomes."

"Ouch. That's speciest."

"I was hired to provide security for their stupid convention," she snapped. Something was niggling at the back of her mind but she pushed it away. "I was not hired to be tied up in front of an altar and I was definitely not hired to marry anyone. And the things they do with jam are frankly disgusting."

"Yeah, you don't want to get between a gnome and their jam," Alcor said, oddly fondly. "It was only a historical re-enactment though. They don't really kidnap their queens anymore. Alright, so they probably should have asked before they tied you up, but still I think you overreacted a tiny bit."

"You're the one who blew them into the walls."

"I got caught up in the moment," he said. "And I didn't set their beards on fire, that was all you."

"It was only one beard, don't exaggerate."

"Heh." Alcor casually broke through the binding circle to throw an arm around her shoulders. "We make a good team, you and I. So! How about that deal? I'll tesser you to that place you want to go for free, no problem. What else can I help you with?"

That little thing niggling at the back of her mind turned into full-blown alarm bells.

A freebie, he'd said.

A demon giving freebies?

He had become a lot cheaper in his deals, lately. Especially if she wrapped the assignment up as a sort of 'monster hunt', for some reason. Just the other day he'd taken a chocolate bar in exchange for helping with those devil dogs, and that thing with the murder elves had only cost her a christmas card from her grandmother. Emotional value, sure. But still very cheap.

Almost suspiciously cheap, actually. And there were all those other times she'd summoned him...

Had it become a habit? Had she let down her guard so much around him that her first, automatic reflex when faced with a mystery was to summon up the Dreambender?

He made her job easier, true - that's what demons did, didn't they? Offer shortcuts. Offer easy solutions. And it all seemed reasonable and fine until they came to collect their payment.

She had been relying a lot on him, lately.

His arm around her shoulders suddenly seemed less friendly and more possessive.

She shrugged it off and backed away slightly, forcing a smile. "I already bought my plane ticket and tessering gives me the creeps, so no, thank you. If you want to give me something for free, you can tell me all you know about the demon Xuerus."

He tapped his chin, his brow furrowing in thought. "Xuerus, Xuerus... Hm. Doesn't really ring a bell. You sure that's their common name and not some alias? Some demons try that trick, you know."

"You don't need to remind me, Tyrone," she said. "And I don't know. I've never heard of them either."

"Well, I could dig a little deeper. Maybe something will come up. That's not something I can do for free though, too much effort. We'll take a raincheck on the freebie. What's your offer?"

"Nevermind," she said. It would have been nice to know more about that cult, but not a necessity. Right now she just wanted Alcor to go away so she could think. Had she really let down her guard so much? Had she become less cautious when dealing with him? "It's probably not that important anyway. You better leave, I have a plane to catch."

"Are you sure? I can help -"

"No, thank you."

"So you called me, to send me away without a deal? That's bad summoning etiquette, you know." Alcor cocked his head, catlike. "Is something wrong? You seem more tense than usual."

"It's nothing." She forced the smile again. Just go already! "I'll give you one pint of icecream from my demon freezer, if you'll just leave me right now and don't come back until I explicitly summon you."

He could ignore her offer. It's not like she had a banishing circle readied to force him into making a deal, even if she could find one that worked on him for more than a second. But right now he was still pretending - was he pretending? - to be helpful and friendly.

"You're a weird one, Adams," he said, and offered his hand. "Alright then."

No matter how many demon deals she made, she never got used to the tingle of the fire as a deal was sealed. Since that eventful day at Twincon and her brief experience with possession, sealing a deal felt like something brushing against her very soul. Sort of unpleasant, but it was a good reminder. She had to keep up her guard. When making deals, it was more than just her life on stake.

"See you later Adams," Alcor said, tipping his floating hat. "Good luck with your hunt, I suppose. Don't hesitate to give me a call if you need help, alright?"

His glance at her, before he faded away, seemed a bit worried.

She stared at the scuffed chalk circle and felt a chill run down her back.

This.

This was exactly what high-level demons did. They would be all nice and helpful until you started to rely on them. Offering deals that were too good to be true, until you let down your guard and you stopped looking for loopholes.

He'd been such a help with her work assignments. So eager and enthusiastic for those 'monster hunts'.

Well, she wasn't going to summon him for this one. She could do this on her own.

It was just ghosts, after all.

Flying nights was actually kind of nice. The sky underneath was cloudless and clear, giving her a good view of the world below. Cities unfolded underneath, spiderwebs of light.

Eventually that became boring as well, especially when they got above the clouds and the only view out of the window was utter darkness. If only she could sleep... did they make these seats uncomfortable on purpose? The backs were too straight, with no option of moving them so she could lay back a bit. She could rest her head against the window, but it was slightly too low, so the edge of the window bit in her cheek. Ugh.

Sleepy and annoyed and not looking forward to the hours ahead, she took out her phone. No internet access, of course, but she had some e-books on it, maybe she could read up on binding circles or something... That was always useful.

Not that any would work against Alcor, if he really was playing the long con with her.

She didn't want to think about that. Not right now. Those 'monster hunts' had been fun, in a way. He was annoying and creepy and such a dork, but... he was easy to talk to, sometimes. Too easy, perhaps.

Damn it. She should have noticed sooner that something was wrong. Easy to talk to? Was she so desperate for company that she'd take a demon as a friend? How he must have laughed!

Or perhaps not. Maybe she was worrying about nothing, and the most powerful demon in the world just liked hanging out with her, hunting bodysnatchers and things like that.

Her sternum seemed to twitch at the memory of that awful Twincon. She could remember the fire when Alcor had dragged the bodysnatcher from her - she would never forget what being possessed felt like. If she ever did, her nightmares would remind her. Alcor had seemed so genuine then...

Argh. This was getting ridiculous. She needed to clear her head for a while. Stop thinking about this. Either he was playing her or he wasn't - the next few weeks she wasn't allowed to summon him anyway so the point was moot. She would worry about it when she was home again.

She doubted she could focus on dry text about binding circles right now. Might as well read a novel. Something light and relaxing.

She tapped the icon to open up the reading app and her screen went black. Damn! Did her battery die? Had she remembered to take her powerbank in her carry-on?

Before she could get up to take her carry-on from the overhead trunk, a fleck of yellow danced across her screen. And another.

No dead battery, then. No, this was much, much worse.

[Hello!] appeared on her screen, in yellow lettering. A little chibi Alcor head popped up, golden eyed and grinning.

"God no," she said without thinking. The vampire in the seat next to her gave her a weird look before turning back to his book.

The Alcor Virus, scourge of the digital world and bringer of chaos, had taken over her phone. How unfair was her life.

She turned back to the window, keeping her voice down as much as possible as she muttered: "I'm in airplane mode, I didn't download anything suspicious, how the hell did you get on there?"

[I have my ways.] the little demon said, its smile widening. [I'm going to keep you company! I'm much better entertainment than whatever you were trying to do.]

"Go away."

[Nope.] it said. It floated higher up on her screen, wings flapping, and pretended to brush some dust away from the icon of her reading app. [What did you want to read anyway? Something interesting?]

"Don't open that!"

Now even the people in the row in front of her were glancing behind them, wondering why she was arguing with her phone.

The Alcor Virus tapped the app and opened up her e-library.

[Oh stars. You've got to be kidding me.]

"Don't you dare delete them," she hissed.

[Sorry, I can't hear you.] it said, and pixelated flames devoured the icons for all six of the Shades of Gold books.

[This is for your own good.] it added, as she glared at the screen.

[I'll get you something better to read.] it said. New icons started popping up.

Conspiracy Theories For Dummies.

Why The Alcor Virus Is The Best Ever And You Should Totally Download It On Everything.

Turn Your Frown Upside Down In Nineteen Easy Steps!

Elisabeth turned her phone off. The screen went blank for a second, then yellow lettering crawled across.

[Okay, I see you're not in the mood to talk.]

[I'll just take a look around then.]

[We are in a plane, right?]

[Never been in a passenger plane before.]

[Flying isn't that difficult, is it?]

Alarmed, she turned her phone back on. The lettering faded away and revealed the smug pixelated face of the Alcor Virus, lounging on her wallpaper.

"Don't mess with the plane," she snapped. She could imagine the chaos that would erupt if it appeared on the pilots' screens. An airplane full of panicked people, who would likely blame the one demonologist on board for all of this? Not her idea of fun.

"I need to get to my destination in time, damn it. Without being detained anywhere for bringing you along."

[But I'm bored.] it said, then brightened. [Let's play a game!]

Elisabeth was tired as hell when she finally reached the hotel. The flight, the cab ride to this tiny little town on the Canadian coastline, her stupid possessed phone that kept bugging her to play Spot The Difference with pictures that were freaking identical... It was an artificial intelligence of demonic origin with the entire internet to browse! How did something like that even get bored, anyway?

She couldn't wait to get to her hotel room and sleep like the dead.

Sadly it was not to be. As she checked in, the receptionist kindly told her that Mr Tenney and his crew were expecting her in the upstairs meeting room for a short briefing.

"We'll bring your luggage to your room," the receptionist offered. Her pitying expression indicated that Elisabeth looked... well, pretty much exactly as awful and tired as she felt. Travel did not agree with her.

She nodded at the offer and took her room key. Now where was that meeting room? Ugh. Sleep. Need. So much.

There was one door, right at the top of the stairs, with a little plaque next to it. Meeting room. Great. She opened the door without much thought and the occupants of the room looked up.

"Ah, Miss Adams," Tenney said. She recognised him from tv, of course. Dark-skinned, with a mass of blindingly white hair styled in some ridiculous pompadour, and oozing charm. "So nice of you to finally join us. I'm afraid you've missed most of the briefing, but I'm sure Steve will fill you in. Please take a seat."

The room was rather full. Some faces seemed vaguely familiar. She'd only watched a few episodes, and Tenney usually took up the bulk of the screentime. He had a team, but hell if she could recognize them right now.

Elisabeth sank down in the nearest empty seat and turned her eyes to the screen, where Tenney was projecting some kind of blueprints.

"These are an approximation of the lay-out of the Bunker. We only have the recollections of surviving cultist as a source for these, therefore we should stay prepared for anything. We do know, however, that this side of the Bunker has some slight damage, it was visible on the underwater imaging. Possibly one or more of the lower levels are flooded. As Francesca mentioned, however, the magic arrays keeping the Bunker stable are still strong and of very high quality. They should have kept the flooding to a minimum as well."

The screen changed, showing different, more detailed blueprints. "This is the decommisioned oil rig. The entrance to the Bunker should be in this section of the map. The ship can moor at this side of the rig while the main team does our initial reconnaissance and get some footage of the abandoned building. You all know how to take it from there." Tenney shot them all a white, somewhat threathening smile. "Do not mess with the stabilisation magic, that is the main thing. Ghosts will not be a problem, but if one of you destabilises the whole thing and drowns us all I will personally make sure your afterlife is extremely unpleasant. Any questions?"

Elisabeth put up her hand. "Yes, actually. How likely are we to encounter demonic influences?" What exactly was she supposed to do down there?

"Extremely unlikely," Tenney answered. "It's just a regular haunting, demon cult or not. Can you imagine a demon hanging around for sixty-plus years, just in case someone should show up? Nevertheless, you are part of the main team. Do be a dear and let us know if anything demonic happens. If that is all... Go and get a good night's rest, crew. Our ship leaves at four in the morning, sharp."

Tenney left, and so did most of the other people inside the room. Everyone seemed very sure of their job and Elisabeth could only watch with tired eyes as they all trooped out of the door, chatting and planning and whatever.

The chair was pretty cosy, actually...

"Don't fall asleep here," a voice said, amused. It belonged to a woman, about her age, who apparently thought hot pink was a proper colour for lipstick for someone older than say, sixteen. She was smiling though, and offered Elisabeth a hand to shake. "I'm April, April Merrick. You haven't seen your room yet? The beds are amazing here. Much better to sleep on than a wooden chair, am I right?"

"Elisabeth Adams," Elisabeth introduced herself. She offered the other woman a nod, ignoring the offered hand. Working with demons so often had the tiny side-effect of making you really weary about giving a handshake to people you didn't know.

"You must be the demonologist," said April. "I presume? Since you asked that question about demons?"

"I am, yes. You are?"

"Oh, I'm not a usual part of Tenney's team, I'm sure you noticed! I'm just here to satisfy my own curiosity, really. And my grandmother used to be a cultist, you know. Before my mother was born, obviously. She was just a little girl herself, then, stuck on mainland on some errands with my great-grandmother when that mysterious thing happened and the entire cult was murdered."

"Uh-uh," Elisabeth said, holding back a yawn.

Her phone ding'ed. She took it out and glanced at the screen.

[You haven't texted your mom yet.] The Alcor Virus admonished her. [She'll be worrying.]

"I really don't need you nagging me," Elisabeth muttered.

The other woman - what was her name again? - seemed taken aback. "Excuse me?"

"Not you, I was talking to my phone."

"Ah," the woman said. June? It was something like that anyway. "Okay. I talk to my cat sometimes."

"Never really liked cats." Elisabeth didn't manage to hold back the yawn this time. She rooted through her purse to find the room key she'd been given. There'd be a number on it, right? "I'm going to bed. What time are we leaving again?"

"Four am," Possibly-June said. "But you missed a part of the presentation, I think Steve still wants to talk to you. He's our camera guy. Well, he's more than that, I suppose - we'll all be wearing bodycams in either case. He's real friendly. Oh! Would you like me to show you to your room? I think they put all of us on the same floor, maybe we're neighbours."

"Thank you but I can find it myself," Elisabeth said. "Where is this Steve guy?"

"Probably talking over some last-minute stuff with Tenney."

In that case she wasn't going to wait around for him. If he wanted to talk to her, he should have stayed near. It was going to be another hellishly long trip on that boat tomorrow... he could fill her in on the way, if it was so important.

Ding!

[Don't forget to text your mom!]

[Just a friendly reminder.]

[No need to glare at me like that.]

Ugh. She was nearly tempted to summon Alcor, just so she could make him remove that annoying thing from her phone. Nearly.

Summoning demons when she was this tired sounded like a horrible idea. First sleep.

[I'll set your alarm for 2:30, shall I?] The Alcor Virus said.

"What?" she snapped. "That's way too early."

[I'm just trying to be helpful.]

"Er, well, I'm going too," Possibly-June said, backing away with a bit of a weird look at Elisabeth. "See you tomorrow. It's going to be so exciting, isn't it? Sleep tight."

"Tomorrow," Elisabeth echoed. Her head felt like it was stuffed with wool. Right. She'd gotten a key.

It was an electronic key, apparently, and she probably would have worried more about the 'helpful' Alcor Virus getting loose in this hotel if she hadn't been so sleepy. As it was, she texted her mom a basic message (Arrived @ destination, everything okay, leaving for work tomorrow at 4 so won't be able to call much for a while. Don't worry.) and got ready for bed.

She was out like a light as soon as she got her pyjamas on.

Of course, in the morning all alarms - including but not limited to the fire alarm and the microwave one in the hotel kitchen - went off simultaneously, with the recognizable melody of that stupid, catchy pop song from Sauce & Swing that had been topping the charts lately.

[Good morning!] The Alcor Virus chirped, sipping a blob of pixels shaped like a cup of coffee. [Rise and shine, you're going on a boat trip!]

Boogy down and up and up and down, boogieman ballet! the fire alarm blasted, until someone mercifully turned it off.

She could hear confused voices out in the hallway. Some curses when they noticed the early hour.

Fine. She was awake. Slept surprisingly well, even.

Time to get up and get to work.