#it's a sticky little trap set out for shannon...

[hairtusk]

the new yorgos lanthimos film looks soooooo <333333 and yet ... i've been nothing but disappointed by YL films so far .........

[crispyninjadonut]

Hopelessly, Helplessly

Yo my peeps its detz dayyy in @kotlcpridemonth and my frien that made stuffs for kam and feefe wrote something for today and it is amazin and shes allowing me to share it with you all so here ya go my friens enjoy the angsttm

     Little teensy disclaimer from the author of this fic, I am using Neverseen as a strong reference and some of the events and dialogue are taken straight from the book. I don't own any of the series or characters or anything that relates slightly to Shannon Messenger's world besides the little plot that is my own. And I do a sort of book recounting but from Dex’s point of view, I'm sorry this is so long or if you don't like that I recounted Neverseen so much. I just had this brewing in my head for a while and got to writing it for Detz day. Anyway, hope you enjoy!

     The first time Dex met Fitz, when his innocent Level One eyes met the older Level Three's sparkling teal ones, he knew something was wrong. The way his heart sped up was unnatural, the way his hands got clammy an oddity for calm and collected Dex Dizznee, but he pretended all was fine. It didn't matter that the same tingling sensation filled his body whenever he was around the older male, Dex was sure that this was just jealousy, and acted accordingly. 

      He didn't know if Fitz actually knew he existed or not, but he liked to pretend he didn't so it gave the young boy yet another reason to 'resent' him. He finished Level One year without much incident, and over the summer, told himself that he didn't even remember the person called Fitz or Fotz or whatever, but the teal eyes and dark hair that lingered in his dreams suggested otherwise.      When Level Two year began, Dex found himself waving to the boy who's name he could not remember, (he had a notebook at home covered with his eyes and face, however) despite his mind's wishes. The tingling feeling was still there, but again, he ignored it. That was all, until Sophie Foster entered his life.      Finally, someone who liked Dex, who wanted to spend time with him, who wanted to be his friend. He threw himself headfirst into this relationship, wanting to get buried in the feelings of having a close friend and hoping that it would turn into attraction. It had to turn into attraction. So when Fitz turned out to be close to Sophie as well and their friendship developed too, Dex was the epitome of jealousy.      He knew he was being ridiculous, but he didn't know why, and he couldn't stop it. Everywhere he turned was the insufferable Wonderboy, talking to Sophie, being with Sophie, having intimate conversations with Sophie that Dex couldn't because he hadn't manifested as a Telepath, only a stupid Technopath. What was technology when Fitz was getting to talk to Sophie whenever they pleased? What was their encounters when Sophie and Fitz would spend time staring into each other's eyes like two star crossed lovers?      He sulked and moped around more and more, and began having nightmares. "Soon, everyone will forget about you." his mind taunted. "You don't matter to anyone, they're all going to leave you. What do you have that Sophie doesn't? You're worthless compared to her." The voices wouldn't stop and Dex stayed up night after night trying to brew a potion to quiet his mind. Nothing worked, nothing ever worked, not for long. "This is because Fitz is taking her away from me." Dex would growl to no one as he sat, alone, in his room. "This is because of him." There was truth to that statement, but not in the way Dex would've liked.      It was difficult. Dex felt like everything solid was being pulled out from under his feet and he didn't yet know how to fly. And when he did learn how, his fragile wings couldn't support his body of lead. He realized, eventually, after a long period of denial, "what the hell is wrong with me" thoughts, and days and nights alike filled with tears upon tears, that he didn't like Sophie, that he would probably never like Sophie, and instead he was head over heels for someone else in their unlikely group of friends.      The teal eyed, dark haired boy that seemed to be able to read his soul during the few times their eyes met for more than a second and had haunted his dreams since Level One. He was hopelessly, helplessly in love, and he knew it. But that didn't mean he was okay with it. No, he knew he didn't stand a chance. After all, he was inferior to everyone it seemed. So he buried those feelings away and instead focused on what was more important than meager feelings that would never be acted upon.      However, adventure after adventure, they all got closer over time. And it felt nice, because although Dex and Sophie were never quite as close as they were when they first met, he also had Biana, and Keefe on good days, and eventually, even Fitz (he still called him Wonderboy, though, it helped in some weird, unrealistic way). He felt better about himself, he felt useful, that was the important part.        And when Keefe wanted to dye Fitz's hair green, he didn't object, because he didn't want any suspicions and knew secretly that Fitz would still look good no matter what. It turned out Fitz wasn't even mad, so the small amount of worrying Dex had actually done proved to be for naught. (He was also right, Fitz did look good) And then, Dex was going to save Prentice, he was that important. He was proud, finally, completely proud of what he could do, and  was sure that despite all the danger, everything would turn out fine.      This didn't happen. They were caught, found out by the Councillors that wanted nothing but them subdued. His mind raced as the Arthropleura rained down from the ceiling, as the rest of the Collective and Biana, Della, and Keefe were brought in, and as Mr. Forkle yelled at them to leap away. Dex knew Sophie wouldn't. So he came up with a plan.        He readied his gadgets, and they were all going to make it out of this alive. But Fitz, beautiful, unknowing Fitz. He tried to be the hero. And it didn't work.      "No. No no no." Was the only thought Dex had as he watched the device explode and hurl Fitz backward, who crashed down on the antenna of a charging arthropleura. Dex screamed, but no sound came out, and he ran to stop the bleeding. He was barely aware of what was going on around him, all he could do was pray and pray and cry, but crying was for later.      Sophie came and dropped to the floor next to him a second later, but Dex was numb to everything but the cooling of Fitz's chest and the warmth of his sticky blood. "It was my fault," He mumbled, his entire brain overwhelmingly numb and coursing through a thousand thoughts at the same time.      He focused, he focused on whatever he could besides the thought of Fitz dying, he focused on saving him. Mr. Forkle's voice filled Dex's brain, quieting the lasts of the thoughts. "Mr. Forkle says to leap Fitz out of here." He whispered to Sophie much calmer than he actually felt. He felt like he was going to be sick, and the only reason his entire body wasn't trembling was because he had to be strong for Fitz.      Sophie seemed to nod her head, but Dex knew better. She wasn't going to leave everyone else. She was too brave, too caring for that. "I need to help him." He thought, staring at the beautiful pale face of the boy he so desperately loved. He set his jaw.      "I'll take care of him." He promised as he grabbed the limp form of Fitz and raised his escape crystal to the light and leaped away. In that single leap, Dex concentrated harder than he ever had on keeping Fitz together, he was not about to lose that boy. The cloaks they were wrapped in were supposed to protect them during the leap though the force field, but it was dangerous with Fitz bordering on or already falling into unconsciousness.      Finding Physic to heal Fitz was mostly a blur, but he slightly remembered a colorful mask, having a hard time believing this person could help, and screaming at first when she tried to pull him out of his arms. He quickly regained his composure and gave him away, reminding himself that she was his only hope. He tried to stay with them, but Physic shooed him away, warning that things were going to be messy and a little hard to watch, so he should stay out in the tree house.      He collapsed to the floor the minute he was alone, and everything was eerily quiet. He sobbed for a good ten minutes straight, before warily untangling himself and curling his legs into his chest and staring at the fire. He trembled, he could feel the guilt clouding his mind, and took whatever strength he had left not to completely break. A few tears still slipped down his cheeks, but he made no move to wipe them away.      When everyone appeared in the tree house, it was a welcome distraction, but he didn't move his head away from the fire. He just, couldn't. "Physic is treating Fitz right now." He told everyone.      "Can we see him?" Sophie asked. He shook his head slowly, turning his eyes to hers, not caring about his red rimmed eyes or tear stained cheeks.      "She said I should stay out here because it was going to get messy." She looked back at him in distress. He didn't say anything else, there was a huge knot in his throat that he couldn't swallow down.      Dex didn't listen too hard, but people cleared out of the room quickly, Della and Mr. Forkle to see Fitz, the rest of the collective off to their lives. Keefe and Biana paced back and forth anxiously, but Sophie eventually came to sit next to him.      "Hey. You okay?" She asked him, worry laced in her voice. Dex wiped his runny nose and a stray tear from his cheek.      "My invention caused all of this." He managed to croak out, the knot still stuck in his throat. His eyes brimmed with tears, but none fell over.      "No, that was the Council," Sophie corrected. "They set the trap. And Fitz's injury really was an accident." Dex shook his head again.      "Still, if I h-hadn't rushed to attack-"      "You were trying to help," Sophie told him. "No one blames you for that."      "I know my brother won't," Biana promised, chiming in to help Sophie help Dex. Dex wasn't convinced.      "So what's Physic like?" Keefe asked, sitting next to Sophie. "Did it seem like she knew what she was doing?" Dex took the slight distraction, and tried to keep the guilt at bay.      "I don't know," He mumbled. "Normally I'd think someone wearing a sparkly mask and calling themselves Physic was crazy. But it's the Black Swan, so..." He trailed off, looking at his arms and burying his face in them. He didn't have the strength to continue. He wondered if the pain he was feeling matched Fitz's.      "She better be as good as Elwin." Sophie sighed. Dex silently agreed.      "If she's not, we'll sneak into the Lost Cities and kidnap him," Keefe promised, nudging her arm. "Don't worry too much, Foster. Fitz didn't look half as bad as you did during your last few brushes with death, and you're still with us-" Whatever else Keefe was saying was lost on Dex's ears. All he could think about was Fitz dying. It sounded so surreal, and way too possible. And now that he thought about it, hadn't Mr. Forkle and Della been away for a long time? Was something wrong? His mind cut back into his surroundings and his head shot up when he heard Mr. Forkle's voice.      "I agree," He said, striding into the room. Dex didn't know what he was agreeing with, but he didn't look like he just saw a corpse, so that had to be a good sign. "Physic has things stabilized if you would like to see Mr. Vacker." Dex stood up so quickly he almost fell over. He trembled all the way to Fitz's rooms, and he thought he might start crying again.      When he walked in the room, his body froze. His mind took in his shirtless chest, the black spiderweb of veins, and Della beside him, pressing a silver compress against his forehead, but he could hardly breath. "I killed Wonderboy," He whispered, the lump returning to this throat.        "I looks worse than it is," Physic promised, adjusting her mask. "I've already sealed the wound," she added. "And I have the damaged tissue repairing. Now we just need to get the venom out of his system." As she fished through a golden trunk, Dex was able to breath a little more, he didn't sound like he was going to die.      "This will make for a pretty awful day," Physic warned as she emptied a vial of dried leaves into her palm. "But I'm guessing that's probably true already. Now, which one of you can help me?" Before Dex could even think about raising his hand to try to repay Fitz for almost killing him, Keefe had already volunteered Sophie and Dex watched unfocused as she helped create some elixirs and a pulpy leafy mush that was rubbed into Fitz's pale skin. When they were finished, every single part of the black spiderweb was covered.      "That will draw the venom out of his skin," she explained as she wrapped his chest with a roll of silver silk. "And this"-she poured a vial of thick yellow sludge under his tongue-"will get it out of his system. It will make him vomit. A lot." She turned a silver handkerchief into a bag big enough to hold a bowling ball. "Keep this sealed tight when he's done. I need an uncontaminated sample." Dex shuttered, the thought of it repulsive, but welcomed anything that would help Fitz. When he heard Biana ask if Physic was leaving, Dex snapped out of another one of his dazes.

    “Only briefly.” She replied. “I need to run to the apothecary to pick up one more supply to make sure none of this leaves a scar.”

    “Are you going to Slurps and Burps?” Dex asked, willing to do anything and everything to be even a little bit of help. “My dad will get us anything you need. I could even go with you to make sure.” He needed to make sure Fitz would be alright.

    “You're sweet to offer,” Physic told him, “but that would ruin my incognito thing.” Whatever else she said was drowned out by his embarrassment. He knew no one else cared, but at the moment he felt more like a burden than anything helpful or useful.

     “Someone needs to stay here with Fitz and make sure he doesn't choke on his own vomit.” Of course Dex would be staying, there was no question. He didn't even have to raise his hand. After warning them that Fitz looked ready for “Retching round number one,” Physic left, and shortly after Sophie, Keefe, and Mr. Forkle did too. That left Dex with Biana, Della, and the barely conscious form of Fitz.

    After a while Keefe came back in to check on his friend, but couldn't stay for long. Dex had to admit, watching Fitz barf was gross and hard enough, every time the black gunk sprayed out of his mouth, it felt like his insides were tearing up, but Biana would barf too, and then Della would lose it, what with everything happening. But he stayed, he stayed for hour upon hour because he just couldn't leave.

    More than once he wanted to reach out and grab Fitz’s hand, but he was regaining consciousness and color in his cheeks, and that would've been a weird thing to do when he wasn't his family. Instead, he comforted Biana, and talked when he felt he should. Only when he felt he should.

     After a while, Physic came back holding a palm-sized white jar and rubbed its contents into Fitz’s skin, effectively erasing the last of the spiderweb veins that decorated his chest. After an hour of dry heaving, and fifteen other medicines, Fitz was declared “cured.”

     “You're not healed,” she warned. “You're going to need another week of recovery for that. And you'll need to drink a vile tea every morning.”

     “Did you say ‘vile,?” Della asked.

     “Oh yeah-it's nasty stuff. But so is getting impaled by a giant bug. Steep one hollowthistle into a cup of boiling water and make him down the whole thing in one gulp. Try not to throw it up,” She told Fitz. “And no getting out of this bed except for essential things.” He was getting better, he was getting better, and that was what Dex focused on.

     “Fitz will look worse before he gets better. Just know that's part of the process. I promise he'll be his old self by the seventh cup.”

     “Can't I just down all seven cups right now?” Fitz asked.

     “Not unless you want your insides to liquefy.”

     “Am I the only one who thinks that would be kind of cool?” Keefe asked, and yes, he most certainly was the only one who thought that. Hearing him talk about it only made Dex get more queasy. He snapped out of it when Sophie told them that one of Mr. Forkel’s identities was Sir Astin, which surprised him, but he wasn't that impressed. It felt like they were only chipping the top of the iceberg. He listened to Della tell a story until Fitz yelped.

     Immediately, Dex’s entire body tensed, and he whipped his head around from where he was standing to make sure nothing else bad had happened to Fitz. “Sorry,” the older boy mumbled, “I was just trying to sit up.

     “Vertical is not your friend yet,” Physic told him. “Make horizontal your buddy for the next seven days.” Fitz sighed, but winced from the sigh.

     “Can I at least practice Telepathy?”

     “You might be up to it in a few days,” she told him. “But I doubt it. You need to rest. You came pretty close to dying.” Dex went pale.

     “I knew it,” He mumbled to himself from the corner. He knew it. “Can I...um...talk to you for a sec?” He asked Fitz, praying for him to say yes, but then remembered they should probably not have any others around. “Alone?” He added, nervously.

     “Uh...sure,” Fitz said slowly, and Dex felt his knees go a little weak. This was happening.

     “Come on,” Della said, herding everyone out. “Physic should check us too”

     “Thank you,” he thought silently, but Keefe wasn't having it.

     “But we're going to stand close enough so we can eavesdrop, right?” He asked. Dex was about to say something rude but Fitz flung a pillow and smacked Keefe in the head-and then yelped, clutching his shoulder, before he had the chance.

     “Don't make me restrain you!” Physic warned. “And don't you dare fling that pillow back!” she told Keefe. Finally everyone left the room, and Dex avoided everyone’s gazes, and then it was just them.

     “What's up?” Fitz asked him slowly, and Dex didn't know what to say. Well, obviously he had a thousand things to say, but that lump was forming in his throat again and the tears were brimming again and Fitz looked more concerned than he should have considering he was the one who almost died and Dex was the one who almost killed him.

     “I-I'm sorry,” Dex said, blubbering a little and he sniffled before rubbing his nose and wiping his eyes.

     “Dex…”

     “I'm sorry for today. You almost got killed! All because of me…” Fitz looked very confused, very concerned, and very sad, but before he could respond, Dex went on.

     “And I'm sorry for always acting like I hated you, I didn't, I couldn't, not really, but it was the easiest thing to do.” They were both silent for a moment, save for Dex’s few sniffles.

     “Why?” Fitz asked after a moment, and Dex’s face fell. His heart seized up and his hands grew clammy but he knew he had to tell him the truth. He deserved it.

     “Because...because you took Sophie away from me, it felt. She was the first person who cared but you were there, always one step ahead it seemed, keeping me from the only best friend I'd ever had. And you're so perfect, everything about you from your perfect eyes and hair and face and lips-” His breath caught in his throat. He didn't mean for that last word to escape, but he couldn't stop his emotions after they were finally able to spill out after a year (at least) of repression. Fitz noticed, he definitely noticed, but he pretended he didn't.

     “Go on,” He urged, he somehow knew Dex wasn't done. Dex took a deep breath before continuing.

     “How could I compete with you? But that wasn't the problem was it?” He said with a sad smile. “I wasn't jealous of you, I was jealous of Sophie, because she filled a spot in your life it seemed I didn't even know I wanted to fill until a few months ago. But you know what the worst part is?” He asked Fitz, his eyes glimmering and heart pounding.

     “What?” Fitz asked so quietly it was almost like just another one of his breaths. He was captivated by this small strawberry blonde boy with periwinkle eyes and dimples that one could get lost in.

     “You ignored me. You ignored me and it hurt so so bad, it was like everyone else was better than the bad match who wasn't popular and couldn't-” his last words were cut off by a choked up Fitz.

     “Stop! Please stop.” He said, tears welling up a little. Dex tensed. He made him cry. Well, sort of.

     “I-I'm sorry, I shouldn't have-”

     “No! No, you should have. I didn't mean to make you feel like that. I never ever meant to, I didn't know. I just thought that you wanted nothing to do with me.” Fitz told him, motioning for Dex to walk closer to him. Dex did what was motioned and sat gently on the bed, minding Fitz’s fragile body.

    “Well, I didn't exactly do a good job of making you think otherwise, did I?” He asked sadly, and Fitz shook his head, but he smiled a little. He grabbed one of Dex’s hands and Dex could hardly breathe. He could hardly think. What was going on?

     “No, you didn't.” He said with a slight laugh, but it was a sort of hollow one, there was no joy. “Is there...anything else?” Fitz asked, because he knew there was something Dex wasn't telling him and he thought he knew what it was, but he wanted to hear it from Dex’s own mouth. Dex stared at their intertwined fingers, and took a deep breath.

     “Actually...actually there is. I, um,” he cleared his throat, “Fitz Vacker, since I had met you I-I-” Fitz smiled at him his dazzling, heart-stopping smile and right then and there Dex knew if he died in the next few moments he would die happy. “I fell hopelessly and helplessly in love with you, and I didn't know what to do.” His heart was pounding so loud he could hear it in his ears, but with the confession out, everything stopped. The room was so silent Dex felt like his ears were going to pop. But he was happy. It was like admitting it to Fitz helped him come to terms with it. Maybe, one day, he would even get over it.

     “Dex Dizznee,” Fitz’s deep voice bounced around Dex’s head, hitting every corner of his brain and rendering him incapable of speech. “From the moment I saw your dimpled smile, and periwinkle eyes, I fell hopelessly and helplessly in love with you, and I didn't know what to do.” His lips were right next to Dex’s ear, he had pulled him down so their faces were only inches apart.

     Dex didn't know what to think. This couldn't be happening, Fitz Vacker couldn't possibly like him back, it was too far-fetched, too impossible, yet here he was, face now mere centimeters from the boy that clogged his brain. He stared into Fitz’s eyes, unsure of what to do, not wanting to overstep any boundaries, and Fitz seemed to notice, because he was the one who closed the gap between them and captured Dex’s lips with his own.

     It was the best thing Dex had ever experienced, it was hotter than the sun, hotter than anything, but burned so so right. It consumed him, warmth spread throughout his body like a fire consuming a forest, and it felt like sparks were coming off their skin. It ended suddenly, too soon, much too soon, but he opened his eyes nevertheless and looked at Fitz, breathless.

     “You didn't have to do that,” Dex said when he could find his voice, still panting slightly. Fitz laughed, just a little, and reached up to Dex’s face.

     “But I wanted to,” he whispered, and pulled the smaller boy in for a hug that wasn't as warm as their kiss but felt nearly as good.

     And if Dex had to come up with an excuse and had to put on a little show that deserved an oscar when Sophie followed him to his room, that was okay, (though he didn't lie about being her best friend) because she didn't notice his slightly red lips. And if Fitz had to blame his breathlessness on the pain when Keefe came to check on him, that was perfectly fine, because Keefe didn't notice his red face and slightly tousled hair. And if they both felt immense relief when Keefe found Fitz’s stuffed dragon that he didn't really miss because he was too busy recounting their conversation, well, neither of them were complaining, and used the time to think about each other in the light of the lingering moments of the fantasy world their kiss had left behind.

 (I'm really sorry. Dex is my precious cinnamon roll and I love him more than anything but I didn't know what to do besides angst cause that is the only thing that boy is made up of. But I'm not sorry for that kiss, Detz was my number one ship since their first encounter and lord knows we don't have enough Detz kisses in this community)(Also if you made it through this entire thing plus 100 friend and happiness points to you)