#it's a good friend of mine who def deserves to at least been heard

[lovingmyselfcore]

Protect You Chapter IV

Oh my god I did it. I wrote a thing for this thing!! You guys are def getting other writing things from me this week but idk what it'll be bc apparently my brain is god and works in mysterious ways (is that offensive?)

Significant lack of Cardan today and I apologize for that but he will deffo be in the next part (if you've read the end of this then you know)

Chapter IV; Some Attempted Breaking and Entering ft. Nicasia being Nicasia and I hate her :)

“Ow,” I deadpanned.

Oriana looked up at me, mouth pinched at the edges, “Jude.” She had the way of saying my name (always has) that perfectly conveyed her distaste at my existence and scolding me for whatever I had done.

We were in Vivi and I’s apartment, Oriana had me propped on the counter while she adjusted my sling and bandages. Every time she saw the injury she grimaced in disgust, which meant that was her only current expression.

“When Vivi does this it’s much quicker,” I muttered, crossing my ankles and swinging my legs against the counter.

“Well, Vivi has had weeks of doing this for you.” Oriana pulled the bandage tighter and my ‘ow’ wasn’t deadpan anymore.

I didn’t think she was going to speak again but she did, “Training,” She scoffed. “I can’t believe you injured yourself so severely.” She looked up at me, “But at least it wasn’t a gunshot wound. At least your life isn’t as dangerous as that.”

“Yeah,” I agreed. Lying always has been my specialty.

Oriana pressed her lower body into my legs to keep me still against the counter. “Stop banging, you’re going to dent or chip it.”

I rolled my eyes and her grip tightened on my arm before she released me entirely.

“All done.”

I rolled my shoulder as best I could, “Great.”

Oriana stepped back and I hopped off the counter. Grabbing my jacket and slinging it over my available shoulder I called back to Oriana, “I’m going to work, Dain needs me.”

I was two steps from the front door when Oriana caught me by the shoulder. “Tayrn’s engagement party is tomorrow night,” She said it like I hadn’t been thinking about it since it was announced.

“Don’t worry,” I grinned at her, “I’ll be there to make everyone’s life hell.”

~~~~~~~~

“Jude,” Lilliver waved her hand in front of my face. “You’re spacing. Everything good?”

“What? Oh, yeah. It’s just…”

“The party.” Garrett said, matter of factly.

I gave him a look. “Yeah, I guess so.”

“Well lucky for you, you’ll be spending the whole time on a job,” Garrett said. Van and Lilliver winced.

“What?” I asked, meeting Garrett’s eyes. He didn’t flinch away from the harsh edge to my voice, the undoubtedly even harsher look in my eyes.

“Dain wanted us to tell you,” Van said, raising his voice as the music caught a crescendo.

We were in some day club that was clearly only for rich people. Sitting at a table tucked in a dark corner, watching as Dain mingled amongst the crowd. Shadows in the shadows, I mused. Weirdly appropriate.

I wasn’t sure who it was, but someone had rented the place and filled it with the highly respected, feared, higher-ups. Dain had heard about the event and invited himself, using the situation to make connections, and further the ones he already had.

He’d dragged us with him, of course. It was 11 at night, I was supposed to be curled on the couch with Vivi, eating ice cream out of the tub and watching Criminal Minds or beating up the punching bag in my room until my knuckles had split, even through the bandages and I couldn’t feel my arms. It depended on my mood.

But Lilliver had called me, said Dain needed his shadows, and that Garrett was waiting outside my apartment building. He had been. I have no idea how he got my address, but I’d refused to let him be my ride. He was too unpredictable, I couldn’t give him that blind faith. So I’d yelled to Vivi that my bike was out of gas and I needed hers and I’d pay her back for the miles, took her keys, and trailed behind Garrett’s car. And now, here we were.

I was nursing a glass of whiskey, mostly to calm my nerves as I followed Dain with my eyes, watching everyone who got too close to him.

“You don’t think anybody would try anything?” I’d asked when I got here, sliding in next to Lilliver in the booth.

“Someone’s done it before.” Van had muttered grimly.

I arched a brow, “What happened to them?”

Van just looked at Garrett, who was eyeing everyone and everything like they all had guns and were about to start shooting people.

I got the message and hadn’t inquired further.

“What does he want me to do?” I asked now.

“Locke’s a friend of Cardan’s.”

“I’m aware.”

Garrett rolled his eyes and I glared at him.

Resting my forearms on the table and leaning forward until I was closer to Van I said, “But Dain isn’t worried about Cardan taking the power, is he?”

“No.”

“But,” Lilliver cut in. “Locke has been seen with Madoc and Balekin. Being with Madoc isn’t that weird-”

“Yes, it is.” I interrupted.

“But Locke is going to be Madoc’s son-in-law. How is that weird?” Garrett asked, tearing his gaze from Dain.

“Madoc hates Locke, he isn’t very happy about Taryn marrying him.”

“For what he did to you?” Van asked.

I snorted, “You’re overestimating him. Nah, he just thinks Locke is a stuck-up prick who doesn’t deserve everything he has.”

“Fair,” Lilliver murmured and I nodded my agreement.

“But Balekin?”

I shook my head, “You don’t know Madoc like I do. If he’s talking to Balekin and it’s not about just security stuff? It can’t be good. Throw Locke into the equation and anything could happen.”

“Great,” Van drawled with an exasperated eye roll.

“So, Jude,” Lilliver asked after a moment of silence. “You have a good outfit, right?”

~~~ A few hours later, I was sitting on my couch, crossing and uncrossing my legs, waiting for Vivi to be finished getting ready.

“Viv!” I yelled.

“Patience is a virtue!” She screeched back from the bathroom.

“Anybody that has time for patience is wasting their life,” I muttered to myself, trying to relax back into the couch unsuccessfully.

I was too stiff all over, shoulders tight, leg muscles straining as I dug the soles of my heels into the carpet as if trying to keep myself on the ground. I curled my fingers into the plush cushion of the couch.

I was wearing a gold dress and matching heels, a small handgun strapped to one thigh, a knife on the other. The slits up the legs of my dress would allow me to retrieve them but kept them hidden enough from prying eyes.

Vivi was taking too long. I rose slowly from my place on the couch and walked to the bathroom. Some Taylor Swift was playing from the Bluetooth speaker perched precariously on the windowsill and Vivi swayed to the beat, slivers of dying sunlight curling in through the window to wind around her gold curls. She was touching up her mascara so she didn’t look at me when I entered.

“I know I’m taking forever, but you should be thanking me for not making you go too early.” I rolled my eyes and leaned against the doorway, not saying anything in response.

Suddenly Taylor’s voice cut off as Vivi’s phone rang. “Can you get that?” She asked me, but I was already reaching for it. I had to twist my arm half under her upper body to get to the other side of the countertop but I eventually reached it and glanced at the caller ID.

“Heather,” I said.

Vivi looked away from the mirror to blink at me and I took that as my cue to answer.

“Hey, Heather,” I said.

“Jude?”

“Yeah. Vivi’s busy being narcissistic so you get to talk to me instead.”

Heather’s laugh sounded like a fairy. “That’s alright, you’re not bad to talk to.”

“Thanks for lying to me,” I replied, leaning against the doorway again. “Is everything okay?”

“Oh, yeah. I just knew the engagement party was soon and figured I’d talk to Vi now before she gets too drunk to do anything.” I snorted, “That’s a very fair assessment. We would’ve been at the party already but Vivi is taking forever.” The last word was louder and Vivi stuck her middle finger up at me without even turning to face me.

Vivi finally set down the mascara wand and turned to me with her hands on her hips before making a toddler-esque grabbing motion.

“Well Vivi’s finally done getting ready, but she wants to talk to you.”

Heather snorted, “Nice. Well, have fun at the party, Jude.”

It was my turn to snort.

Heather’s voice got softer, “It’ll all be fine. You don’t have to stay for very long, and maybe you can find something to distract yourself with.” Oh, I have something to do, alright.

“Thanks,” I muttered before handing Vivi the phone. “Hey, baby,” Vivi said immediately and I shook my head. She stuck her tongue out at me before turning away and I took that as my cue to leave the bathroom.

~~~~

I was physically unable to stay still.

Vivi and I didn’t own a real car, so we’d called an Uber, and sitting in the backseat, I was doing everything but stay still. Vivi kept side-eyeing me when she glanced away from her phone, but she hadn’t said anything.

I was bouncing my leg, tapping a rhythm on the door of the car, the seatbelt, the seat below me, my arms.

Vivi paused in her texting, probably to Heather, to clamp a hand on my knee. It didn’t do much to actually stop my movements but it got me to look at her. “Why are you so nervous?”

“I’m not,” I said stiffly and turned away.

Vivi sighed and took her hand off my knee. “You can talk to me, Jude.” She whispered.

I didn’t respond.

~~~

Locke lived in a mansion. I’d been there before but it was still impressive. What took away a bit of that was that I knew he hadn’t worked for it. He was just a rich kid, born and raised. Like all the others that had looked down on me my entire life.

He fit in with Cardan.

Vivi thanked our Uber driver as we stepped out of the car onto the winding stone pathway leading up to the front door.

As the car sped off Vivi linked her arm through mine and yanked me forward to start walking to the door.

“Stop looking at the house like it murdered your cat,” Vivi muttered, her arm tightening briefly around mine.

I tried to school my scowl into something more neutral. It wasn’t easy.

“We’re here for Taryn,” Vivi continued, “You might not even have to see him, or them together at all.”

I nodded mechanically as my eyes drifted to the window on the second floor that I knew belonged to Locke’s bedroom. Would he keep his secrets locked in there? Taryn could get in there, so maybe not, but it was worth a shot.

Some servants pushed open the door to let us inside and Vivi and I froze in the doorway. It looked like some kind of fancy 1800s ball, but with smaller dresses.

“Is that Elowyn?” Vivi whispered. I followed her gaze. It was, indeed, Elowyn Greenbriar in all her glory, perched near a huge window as if preparing to leap out and make a run for it soon. She was eyeing everyone with that look of judgment that seemed to be a Greenbriar birthright, looking more expensive than Locke’s mansion itself.

“I didn’t think she and Locke were that close.”

“It’s not just her,” I realized, as my eyes fell on Cealia, who was worming her way through the crowd of people to reach her sister.

But Vivi had noticed something else. “Nicasia’s here,” She hissed. “And she’s headed this way.”

Vivi and I’s arms were still linked so I tugged lightly and dragged us deeper into the house and crowd of people, effectively disappearing from Nicasia’s line of sight.

I wasn’t ready to deal with her quite yet.

I breathed deeply through my nose and snatched a glass of champagne off a tray nearby, scanning the room.

How could I slip away and snoop without being detected?

“Hey, Jude.” I tightened my grip on my flute of champagne and turned to face Nicasia. Her expression wasn’t pleasant, so I didn’t bother trying to act pleased to see her, either.

“Nicasia,” God. Why did she have to be so pretty, a long, flowing dress that was so many different shades of blue, I couldn’t even count them. It looked like it was tailored to fit her-it probably was, actually. It rippled as she moved, like ocean waves on the shore. Her hair was loose for the most part, aside from a few intricate braids woven in that she had curled around a single finger.

She plucked the champagne from my hand and sipped leisurely. It made my blood boil.

“I figured you’re one of the few people who hates being here as much as I do.”

I grudgingly nodded and her answering grin was sharp.

“Why are the Greenbriars here?” I blurted before I could think better of it.

Nicasia blinked at me before responding. “Because they’re Greenbriars. They do whatever they want when they want.”

It wasn’t a real answer and I had a feeling that she wasn’t just being difficult; she didn’t know, and hated that she didn’t know.

Well, Nicasia and I had something in common.

“Are they all here?” I asked.

She shook her head, “Balekin was here for a total of fifteen minutes before he vanished somewhere,” She gestured vaguely, lips turned down in disgust. “I haven’t seen Dain anywhere, but the girls are here. And Cardan,” She added, pretending like it was an afterthought.

My gaze automatically shot into the crowd, taking note of every face. But none of them were Cardan.

“Do you love Locke?” She asked scornfully.

“Do you?” I shot back, like we were third graders.

She rolled her eyes, “I’d rather crawl naked over glass.”

“Then you have my answer.”

She just looked at me for a beat

Nicasia drained the glass and thrust it back into my hand. She gave me a final judging once over before strutting off in the other direction.

~~~~~~ The next half hour was nothing but mingling; I had to make it clear I was here, that I supported this. After Nicasia had left me alone, I gritted my teeth and dove into the cage of hungry sharks.

I slipped back into the darkness, listened to aristocrats talk to each other, pretending they were all above each other and felt the weight of the gun shifting under my dress; the cold metal pulsed like it was branding me.

I pretended I was one of them; the lies felt warm and comforting on my tongue, honey on a warm summer afternoon.

The realization hit me like a truck: I couldn't entirely blame this on the Shadows' crash course training these past few weeks. I had always had the capacity for this; lying and manipulating and scheming came as effortlessly to me as breathing. I had been born for this. The thought should've been terrifying, but it settled beneath my heart, caged in my ribs with a comforting weight that couldn't be ignored.

“Excuse me,” I murmured and slipped away from the group I’d been attempting to charm.

Balekin hadn’t resurfaced and I wasn’t stupid enough to think he’d left the party entirely so as I slid along the walls of the second floor of Locke’s mansion, I kept my ears and eyes tuned to catch any and all movements.

Locke’s office.

Yes!

I glanced around, feeling like I was in some kind of cliche mafia movie before attempting to turn the door handle. Locked. Okay. Not great. I could work with it though.

Being Madoc’s daughter and Vivienne Duarte’s sister gave me access to an arsenal of weird abilities to use in a pinch.

I reached up to my hair before remembering I didn’t pull it up, so I turned my attention to my clutch, hoping there was a bobby pin or paper clip or something in there.

I’d let my guard down.

I heard his uneven steps coming towards me too late.

“My sweet nemesis,” Cardan slurred. “What do you think you’re doing?” ~~~

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@ladyofbloodandroses @cultofvamps @itsmentalbreakdownhours

[redfoxwritesstuff]

Coffee and a Wedding (Chapter 12- The End)

Here we are Loves, we've reached the end. I'd like to just take a moment to say Thank You to everyone. Thank You to the long time readers who have jumped with be between characters. Thank You to the new readers who I've watched discover my older works while waiting on updates. Thank You to the new readers whom I may never see again.

This series has been a adventure and I want to thank everyone for going on it with me. It was a adventure in playing with a new writing style, playing with a new type of story. And to think, it all started with the idea of a trope filled on shot for two friends’ birthdays.

There is always something bitter sweet to me about a series ending and with the end of the year near, I find myself looking back at how far I've come. I've finished Silent Song this year. I started and finished Clover and Lace. I finished The Things You Find (In The Rain). And now, I've finished Coffee and a Wedding as well.

I want to thank everyone who donated to the Kofi or cheered me on while I raised funds to go to NYC for my birthday. I want to thank @winterisakiller and @tnystrk-exe who supplied so very many tropes to this tropefest.

Here it is- a special Monday night treat. Chapter 12, about nine hours early. 

Masterlist

Chapter 12:

Morning came with a pounding headache and too bright sun. I couldn’t think and I wanted to drink the whole of the ocean, salt be damned. But that would mean moving and moving was something I didn’t want to do. Moving was going to hurt in so many different ways. I swear to God, I am never going to drink again. Not a drop. But that’s what everyone says when confronted with a hangover, right?

Speaking of hurting, everything ached. I fought to right my brain through the fog of the hangover and sleep. I was beyond comfortable, at least I had that much going for me. I was naked, I realized, and pressed against Clint. He was also naked.  

His arms were draped around me. My head rested on his chest and shifted slightly with every deep breath he took. The room smelled of stale air and sex. I could feel the dried evidence of the night before on my thighs but my mind couldn’t wrap around what that meant at the moment. Though I knew it was something.

My leg was hooked over his, bent and riding up his thigh. I could feel him resting against it. My hand rested on his chest and even though I was still foggy at best, I couldn’t resist the urge to run my hand over the muscles. One of Clint’s hands rested low on my hip and the other wrapped around my rib cage. His thumb rested under the swell of my breast.  

I didn’t want to move. I wanted to stay here forever and never face reality again. But that wasn’t an option. The game was coming to a close. Once we got on the plane today, it was all over. He would go back to only being my boss. I would go back to only being an employee. And I’d be okay with that, somehow. I had to be okay with that, somehow.  

This shouldn’t have happened. I shouldn’t have let this happen. It was a mistake. I untangled myself from the sheets and Clint’s arms. He groaned and shifted, throwing his arm over his eyes.  

“It’s not morning yet.” He whined. “Come back.”  

“Need to shower.” I grumbled, “Go back to sleep.”

I looked passively around the room after slipping on Clint’s shirt. Something to cover myself was better than nothing. The bottle of wine was never even opened. The dress Clint had spent so much money on was in a crumpled heap on the floor along with his suit. His blazer was wet, having soaked up the ice from the bucket as it melted overnight.

After grabbing a change of clothes, I slipped into the bathroom. I’d not seen anything in the trashcan in the lobby and the trashcan in here was empty too. It dawned on me how stupid we were. That’s what I felt dried on my thighs.  

Did we talk about it? I couldn’t remember but that didn’t mean we didn’t. It also didn’t mean that we did. Would it be rude to ask now? Was it too late? I mean, let’s be real- Clint’s too responsible to have anything?

I cranked the shower on and used the hot water to wash away as much of my worries as I could. I wasn’t worried about a pregnancy- I had gotten a IUD a few years prior but still. By the time I was out of the shower, I had decided not to worry about things. I felt pretty sure that Clint wouldn’t have given me anything, he was generally responsible, right? I mean, sure this was his mistake as much as mine but still.  

By the time I finished washing and dried, Clint had pulled himself out of the bed. He was making coffee in nothing but a pair of shorts when I came out. I had all my things from the bathroom balanced on a towel.  

“Coffee’s hot.”  

“Thanks. Shower’s free.” I said as if it wasn’t obvious.  

“Thanks, Babe.” I ignored him and shoved my few toiletries into the clear travel bag. Of course, Clint noticed and asked, “You okay?”

“Fine. Just tired. Not looking forward to the flight.” I lied.  

“Yeah- I could sleep for a year.” Clint nodded only to groan and rub his head. “Here.” He handed me a cup of coffee, doctored to my liking and smiled at me with warmth in his eyes. “I’ll jump in the shower. Check out is in almost two hours.”

“Right. I’ll get packing.”  

~~~~~<3

With a hangover between us, there was a blessed silence while we rode in the taxi. He listened as I talked, worked my way through idea after idea as to how I would tell my family that our fake relationship ended.  

“I could just tell them that everyone put too much pressure on us.” I decided. “Too much judgment. Too many snide comments. Questions.” I decided. Sometimes simple was better and honestly, if we had a real relationship during this trip it would be a fair reason for it to end. It was hard to ignore all the wonderful things Clint had said when he defended me.

“Okay.” He said.  

After a few minutes of silently chewing at my lip, I gave up. “Thank you.” I said. “For putting up with it. For all the drama, trouble. For Matt. You’re almost off the hook and I promise I won’t put you in this position again.”

“I could,” He softly spoke. “put up with it. I mean, for longer.”

“But you don’t have to.” I laughed though I wanted to cry. “Lucky you.”

“And if I wanted too?” I wasn’t sure if I heard him right. I mean, what did that even mean?

“We need to go.” I said instead when the taxi came to a stop. I could see mom getting out of the taxi a few cars in front of us. I didn’t want to talk to her. I didn’t want to see her. I didn’t want to pretend anymore. I wanted to get home and cry.  

There was a crack of thunder as Clint opened the taxi door. As I put my foot on the asphalt, the sky opened up. Torrential rains fell from the sky. Yep, that was how my day was going to go.

Clint wrestled the bags out of the trunk and made quick work of checking them in at the curbside baggage drop. I hardly made it out of the cab before he was offering me his hand with a bright smile. In the distance behind him, I could see more and Kurt making their way inside the airport. They looked as tired as I felt. I didn’t think they were paying us any attention.  

Still, Clint wasn’t one to take a chance. He pulled me to him and we danced, spinning in the rain. My clothes and hair were quickly soaking up the water, as was his but he didn’t seem to care.  

It took a bit for me to give in. But after a few dips, twists and turns he had be smiling at him. I couldn’t help laughing as people watched him pull me into a kiss.  

“Get a room.” Someone shouted and I realized it was Kurt.  

I had no idea when he and Mom made their way back outside the airport but at some point they did. I rolled my eyes and stepped away from Clint. He didn’t let go of my hand though. I guess the act was back on.  

“I’ll call when we get back to the city.” I promised though I knew already that I was more likely going to text them and call it good enough.

“You better.” Mom demanded.

~~~~~<3

I was beyond glad to get off the airplane. The moment we took off, I focused on trying to sleep. Clint seemed to do the same and both of us dozed most of the long flight. Now that we had our bags and my legs were moving, I felt much better. My head was clearer and my heart heavier.

“About last night.” Clint blurted out as we walked by a Starbucks in the airport. I didn’t want to talk about this. I didn’t want to acknowledge this. I didn’t want to give voice to the demon for fear I’d make it real. But he had to go and bring it up.  

“It’s fine.” I said, putting on the bravest face I had. “I’m going to go grab a taxi and get home. I’ll see you Monday?”  

“Wait a second?” Clint looked between the cafe and me. I smiled and shook my head. “We should talk about it- I mean we-”

“No, it’s fine. We were drunk. It’s whatever. And… I think I want to be alone for a little bit. I haven’t been since we left for the trip, you know?” I didn’t wait for him to answer. “I’ll see you Monday.” I smiled as bright as I could and walked away with a wave.  

When Clint didn’t follow me, I breathed a heavy breath. It took everything I had to hold myself together. I could close my eyes and still see the weight of everything as it settled on his shoulders. He didn’t deserve that. He didn’t deserve to carry with him knowing that he got drunk and had sex with his college age employee. He deserved better than that. He was a good man and a good boss.  

“Wait!” Clint’s voice had the amazing ability to carry over distances.  

I hadn’t thought anything of the sound of running feet- people run in airports. His voice was what made me turn and look. He skidded to a stop in front of me, no coffee in his hands.  

“What, Clint?”

“I like you.” He blurted out. “Maybe could even love you.”  

“Stop.” It was hard to keep from yelling. His mouth snapped shut. “I am tired. You’re tired. We just spent a whole trip pretending to be in love. We got drunk and had sex. It’s fine. Yeah, I’m young but I’m a big girl. I can handle it. Don’t worry. Just- go home and rest before you feel pressured into making promises or say things you don’t mean.”

“What?” He looked deflated. I told myself it was just that he was tired. He was wound up, thinking he had to do something- to be something for me because the night before.  

I said, “I’ll see you Monday.” and turned.  

The heels of my boots echoed against the tiles. It felt like the airport was empty and that I was alone yet people moved all around us as I walked away. I didn’t dare to look back, not directly. Instead I used a window as I walked by. It was just reflective enough to see Clint standing where I left him, rooted in place and my heart broke. That was the instant I decided that I wouldn’t see him on Monday. I couldn’t do this. I thought I could but I cant.  

~~~~~<3

Somehow, I managed to make it home before breaking down. Even as tears dripped from my chin, I texted mom that we made it home just fine. I told her we had a blast on the trip. She told me of how Sarah had made a scene at the wedding not long after we left. She was wine drunk and screamed at the groomsmen. Matt had to take her back to the hotel room early.  

It turned out, Sarah had changed her flight and left not long after we were in the air. She was on a single ticket, leaving Matt behind on the island. What that meant for them or their future was anyone’s guess. While Mom held onto hope that they would work things out. She had hope that Sarah could still accomplish her dreams of going back to school with financial security, I had other ideas. I hoped that it meant that Sarah would file for an annulment and move far away from Matt.  

I spent the weekend unpacking. The dress Clint purchased was hung with care in my closet, still needing a trip to the dry cleaners. I hardly left the apartment except for running to the corner store for more wine, more chips and most importantly- ice cream. By the time classes resumed, I planned to not even fit into the cursed dress from the wedding. It wasn’t exactly a healthy coping method but it tasted good at least.

Monday morning came with much dread. I hadn’t heard from Clint all weekend but I hadn’t expected to… But I wanted to. I wanted him to blow up my phone. I wanted him to prove to me he cared. I wanted him to show me I was wrong. I wanted my fairy tale.  

But I’m not a child anymore. I don’t get fairy tales. I don’t get fairy tale endings. I get to get wine drunk before four in the afternoon. I get to ignore my phone all morning. I get to block the cafe’s number. I get to block the other supervisors.

By Wednesday morning and my third missed shift, Mr. Barton started calling. Then he texts, wanting to know if everything was alright. Did he do anything wrong? Was I sick? Did I need anything? Finally, he asked for me to just talk to him. I had to answer, somehow. I had to tell him something.  

“Mr. Barton, I quit.”  

I sent the text with my breath held. I watched with baited breath as the read receipt changed from ‘unread’ to ‘read’. The screen changed to reflect an incoming call from the last person I wanted to talk to. After rejecting the call, I made quick work of blocking the last connecting to Arrowhead cafe.

~~~~~<3

Somehow, I managed to survive until Saturday. I busied myself during my last free week before classes with looking for a new job. Nothing seemed right but I applied with as many positions as I could. I needed something.  

Outside, rain poured down in sheets and thunder cracked. Wind whistled down the street and between the buildings. Part of me wondered if power would hold out for the rest of the night. It wouldn’t be the first time this shitty apartment lost power due to a storm and it wouldn’t be the last.  

When the pounding started at my door, I almost jumped out of my skin. At first, I wasn’t going to answer. I was riding a nice buzz from the wine and had worked myself a nice sized crater into the tub of Chocolate ice cream I had been nibbling. When the pounding didn’t stop, I had no choice but to slip off the windowsill I had curled up in.  

I didn’t think about it what I was wearing as I walked to the door but god, I wish I did. All I knew was the pounding wasn’t stopping and it was almost one in the morning. I didn’t want to open the door without looking through the peep hole but then the last voice I ever wanted to hear came bellowing through the door.  

“Alexis!” No. No, not home. Go away. Maybe if I pretended to be asleep? “I just want to talk. To make sure you’re alright.”  

“I’m fine, Mr. Barton.” I tried so hard to sound fine too.  

“So I’m ‘Mr. Barton’ now?” He sounded tired and I wondered if it was my fault. Maybe he was having to work extra to pick up my slack. Maybe no one could pick up my shifts. It didn’t matter, though. “Let me in. Let’s talk.”

“Go home. There’s nothing to talk about.” I yelled through the door.

“I’ll stay out here all damn night then! Yelling. You’re neighbors are sure to notice. Maybe someone will call the cops. Want to see what happens?” Oh man, that was a low move. I scrunched my eyes closed and swallowed the urge to scream.  

Instead I yanked open the door and reached out, grabbing him by the arm and yanking him inside. The door slammed shut behind him. “That’s not fucking fair.”

“Do you ever wear pants at home?” Clint asked, looking at me than running his hand through his hair and looking away. Right. Boyshorts and a large tee. Why can’t I just be allowed to die. “Doesn’t matter.” He decided as I crossed my arms over my chest.  

“What do you want?” I snapped.  

“To know why you just up and quit!” He snapped back. “Everything was great and then we got back and you’re just-” He flung his hands out when he couldn’t find the word he wanted.  

“Fuck you.” I snarled.

“You did. Or rather. I fucked you and you just-”

“Yes. You fucked me! How could I go back to the cafe after that? Pretending like none of this happened?!”

“I asked if you were sure!” He snapped back before taking a calming breath and running his hands down his too pale face. “Look. We were drunk. I was drunk. But if you didn’t want to- you could have said ‘no’ and I would have stopped in a heartbeat. I’m not- I don’t want to be that kind of man. I never wanted to take advantage of you.”

“You didn’t. I wanted it.” I grumbled the words. This wasn’t a conversation I wanted to have but dammit I couldn’t let him think even for a moment that I hadn’t been on board with what was happening that night.  

“Then what’s the problem?!” Clint’s voice was climbing again.

“I didn’t plan on you going to the wedding. I didn’t plan on spending so much time with you. I didn’t plan to fall in love with you. I didn’t plan any of this, so leave. Just go so I can get over you in peace. Alright? I don’t need-”

“Look- I know you’re pissed off at me right now. I know I showed up unannounced and made a scene. But I think you just said ‘I didn’t plan to fall in love with you’ and I really need you to rewind.”

“I… wait- what?” I didn’t say that. I couldn’t have. Did I? Fucking wine and ice cream.

“Alexis- are you in love with me?” Clint stepped closer.  

“What? No. Why would I-?” I couldn’t find the words to properly dig myself out of this. “Look- I just didn’t want to make things hard for you, to put your reputation at risk or anything. It’s bad enough what you had to go through last week.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” At least he wasn’t yelling anymore.

“Because I didn’t- You don’t feel the same way, you couldn’t- I’m me and you’re you. So why get hurt?”

“I don’t feel the same way?” Clint’s face was blank and I nodded. “Jesus Christ- I told you, I tried to tell you- what do I have to do to make you see?!” He snapped. So much for the yelling being done.  

“See what?!” I stomped my foot. How very adult of me.  

Clint reached out and snagged a hand around my waist. There was nothing I could do to stop myself from crashing into him. A hand tangled in my hair as he pushed his lips against mine. I was tense at first, unsure of what was happening.  

Maybe it was the wine, maybe it was the fact that this is what I’ve been wanting from the moment I got home but I eventually relaxed. The kiss turned soft and sweet as I ran my hands along his arms, up his chest and rested a hand against the side of his neck. Stubble scratched at my face and his breath fanned over me.  

��I love you too.” He whispered.

~~~~~<3

It’s been a few years now, and I still work at Arrowhead Coffee for a few hours on the weekends. The mornings where we opened the cafe together were some of my favorite times, even if he still occasionally flirted with the espresso machine. A girl can’t win every fight.  

The sun wasn’t even up yet but in an hour, it would start coloring the sky a little at a time. I still wasn’t really a morning person but this- this was worth it. I was surprised to see the cafe windows still dark. Clint normally at least had some lights on by now.  

As I got closer, I realized it wasn’t as dark as I thought. Inside the windows I could see little candles perched on each table. Firelight flickered and danced. Flowers were everywhere.  

When I slipped inside, I called for Clint. Soft music played over the speakers. I couldn’t help but laugh when he stepped out of the back. He was far overdressed with his smart suit for working in a cafe.  

“May I have this dance?” He asked as he drew closer.  

I realized, as I let myself be pulled along the flower petal covered floor that he was wearing the same suit he had worn that night, so long ago. I also realized that the flower petals were getting crushed, squished into the wood floor and that it wasn’t going to be fun to clean this up. Romantic gestures tended to be messy- they don’t show you that in the Lifetime Romcoms.  

The song came to an end and for a moment, Clint held me. There wasn’t anywhere else I’d rather be. I couldn’t imagine being in the arms of anyone else. This was paradise. This was heaven.  

Clint stepped back and smiled, it was that soft smile that hinted at his lips but danced in his eyes- that smile he so rarely used for anyone or anything but me. I could imagine someday, Clint giving a baby that same smile as he rocked a tiny bundle in his arms.  

He sank down to one knee, completely ignoring how flower petals would be worked into his slacks. Reaching into his blazer pocket, he pulled out a box. It wasn’t black but it was velvet- a deep royal purple that matched the colors of the cafe. My breath stuck in my throat as I covered my mouth with my hand. It was a gesture I had made fun of countless times in movies and yet here I was, standing in the candle light doing that exact thing.  

“Alexis.” His voice was thick and heavy. It reminded me of how he sounded when he woke in the morning. “I can’t begin to say how much you mean to me. I thought it fitting, since everything started here that this should hopefully start here too. I first saw you here and I was captivated by your smile. This is where our fake relationship started. This is where I fell in love with you- far before you knew it. Will you do me the honor of marrying me?”

I couldn’t speak. Couldn’t think. I could only nod, before he even got the box open. I was nodding so much that I probably looked like a bobble head. It didn’t matter because I launched myself in his arms, knocking us both to the ground and the box sliding along the floor.  

I didn’t care about rings. He could marry me with a string. “Yes.” I finally choked out, “I’ll marry you.”

~~~~~<3

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[ghostmeep]

Random things from chapter 370 that I don’t want people to miss about Haikyuu!! because Furudate is a GeINuS

Some important moments, but also a lot of not so important moments loll

(warning: excessive use of exclamation points and improper capitalization)

First up is the title of the chapter

Challenger — I think this sets up nicely the tone of what is to come.

The challenger in question is Hinata — as the main character, but also based off what Coach Ukai senior said

Hinata is basically a challenger against life — he’s short, and he hasn’t had as much opportunities to learn and develop in volleyball as other people — but he’s not letting go of his volleyball dream.

I’m too lazy to get the screencap of it, but before during the imitation youth camp at Shiratorizawa — they said how Hinata being an ‘uninvited party’ may be how he will be for the rest of his life — that is exactly what happened. Hinata didn’t get offers straight out of high school like Kageyama did — so he found his own path to be able to play volleyball. I can’t wait to see how much better Hinata got.

Okay, I’m sure many people are super psyched about Captain Yamaguchi — and I am too!!!!!!! Because Yamaguchi deserves the wOrlD and I can just imagine how much more confident our little baby grew up to be!!! How he is not afraid to call people out on their shit but he’s also the softest captain ev e r

But also can we talk about Vice Captain Kageyama??????????

Like, it’s always been a headcanon of mine to have Captain Yamaguchi and Vice Kageyama, but I didn’t think it would actually become canon??????? I knew that Yamaguchi was basically certain as captain, but I thought Tsukishima would end up his vice since they are so close and work well together. BUT IT’S KAGEYAMA AND I’M SO PROUD

Because also remember what number he wore in middle school third year

#2 — now, not all schools make their Vice Captain the #2 — but it is highly likely Kageyama was vice during his middle school years as well.

SOO I can just imagine Kageyama getting this number and thinking of his middle school days and how he is going to do so much bETTeR this time around.

How, well maybe the first years would be afraid of him at first, but they’ll quickly come to see his dorky side that just loves volleyball so very much. And how now Kageyama can actually communicate and see his spikers, instead of being reduced to saying ‘faster!’ ‘higher!’ on repeat. How little baby first years will come up to him, ask him if he could teach them out to do something, and Kageyama aGrEEInG (and not rejecting in childish manner coughOikawacough) and Kageyama just stumbling with his explanations and onomatopoeias aoweiaoiwenawe

hhhhhhhhh i wished we were shown Good Senpai Kageyama awoienawieawe

!!! Also, Hinata has #5 (#4 is probably the libero) — can you imagine him taking a pic and sending it to Tanaka all proud like saying that he’ll do the number 5 jersey proud like his senpais before him awoeinawoienawien

Yeah, just please appreciate this page pls aoweinaowieNAOWEIn

But also! Kageyama is wearing Karasuno jersey on top and then Japan one on the bottom — nice juxtaposition Furudate-sensei!

Hinata!!!!!!!!

People have pointed out how this is a recall of the beginning of the series where Hinata saw the little giant on TV — and y ES — but also!!!! Look at the size of his bag aoweinawoien look at him traveling everywhere by bike still.

This isn’t little baby Hinata who is just running around with his friends playing random sports — this is in the making volleyball player Hinata. He must have build some serious muscle aaaaaaaa

Just wanted to make clear!!! Hinata agreeing to go to Rio wasn’t just because of the coach being there — even before he heard about the possible coach in Rio, he learned that Brazil is strong in beach volleyball. So not only is there a coach willing to take him on, it’s at a place full of strong players.

Hinata agreeing to go to Roi just seemed kinda sudden to me, but I do think he gave it serious thought. 

Hinata seems like he mostly grew out of his brash, unthinking self from the beginning of the series and I wanted to point that out in case others missed it.

I don’t think anyone missed HInata’s Karasuno jersey hanging — but I don’t think it is there just for sentimental reasons (though I’m sure that is def a part of it)

But Hinata probably uses it as a reminder and for motivation. Karasuno was where he truly began to develop as a volleyball player. It’s where he realized that just because he can jump high doesn’t mean he can play volleyball. He needs to learn to be able to do everything (which is why he’s in Rio)

It’s also where he got to know Kageyama, ofc. Kageyama his ultimate rival that he is still aiming to beat (again, Hinata as a challenger) So I think seeing this jacket just motivates Hinata more than it being there just for memories

aowienaowine just wanted to say I approve of all the one piece mangas Hinata has as a fellow one piece fan aoweinaoiwen

!!! It snowed recently before their graduation

Now, I’m sure absolutely no one is surprised that these two dorks are playing volleyball rIGHT after their ceremony

BuT can we talk about how Kageyama’s serve is strong enough to make Hinata tumble like that oawienaoiwneae

Sure, Hinata used to tumble all the time when receiving — but that was because he couldn’t get proper footing and didn’t know how to receive. This HInata is not like that (look at his concentrated face!!) plus his tumble is exactly like Noya’s tumble whenever he received strong serves/spikes.

Really, both of them grew up so much aaaaaaaaaa

,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,IgnoRinG the HAiR

Lol no, in all seriousness, I don’t mind Kageyama’s hair too much. It seemed awful when I first saw it, but honestly the more I look at it the more (exasperatedly) fond of it I get.

It’s like, please don’t let Kageyama ever make life decisions (outside of volleyball) on his own. But when he does, you can’t help but accept whatever horrible decision it was and just want to pat him on the head and tell him he still did good awoeinaweoinawoein

BUT moST iMpoRtaNTLY!!! Look at that smile!!!!!!!!!!!! Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa

Now, I know that this doesn’t mean that Kageyama can smile on command, but his unconscious smile at the very least are a loT SofTer

Honestly, smiling is just about muscle memory. So!!! The fact that his smiles are so much softer and less awkward and sharp means he did a lot of smiling over the past two years awoienaowieanw i’m glad Kageyama has had reason to smile!!!!!!!!! pls we need more soft smiling Kageyama

Hinata having such a cheesy sign in his room is honestly kinda funny to me, but it suits him

The ‘single step’ was mentioned before in Haikyuu as well, at least twice in fact.

First was with Kageyama doing serves to Hinata that first time. And how Hinata was very obviously tired but he kept receiving again and again.

And again the ‘single step’ was brought up when Karasuno made the conscious decision to have someone from the backline back up so that they can catch the volleyballs that are knocked back after hitting the blockers. ( I thinkkkk in the Shiratorizawa game??? not sure ) I don’t feel like searching for the screencap, but yeah.

It was basically how they weren’t going to rely on just the fast reflexes of Nishinoya and Hinata saving those flyaway balls anymore, and how they will take that extra ‘single step’ to make those ‘miracle plays’ into a regular thing.

So since the ‘single step’ motif has been used a lot, I do think the quote suits Hinata more and appreciate it being there.

aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand that is really it??

It seems some people aren’t really happy about this timeskip and are saying how it all seemed rushed, but I don’t really think that way.

If anyone, it seems like the readers are the ones in a rush. Since everyone wants to just see how all the characters are like after five years, or just wants to know if Fukuroudani won nationals — people are just kinda glazing over Furudate’s actual pacing.

So far we got a pretty nice understanding of what happened, and I’m sure there are more details that will be given later. But for now we have enough to not be confused, and we are given many hints about the developments that Hinata and the other original first years went through.

So yeah, I dunno. I still love Haikyuu!! and I love Furudate and trust that we’ll be given the same great content that we have been getting for the past years.

[marvel-mega]

True Love (Bucky x Reader) (3)

part three

previous chapters (1) (2) 

authors note: here's part three it def a filler chapter just for previous things I wanted to establish hope its not too short! <3

word count: 1.2K

warnings: none? swearing

Barnes POV

My heart may have fallen out of my ass when I heard her name again. I didn’t think I hear her name again. “James, please explain to me what happened.” Y/N had woken up from her small nap she’d taken, she sounded broken and James couldn’t help but think it was his fault so he told her, he told her everything that happened between the three of them.

A few years ago:

“Hello boys.” Her ruby red lips smirked as she looked at the two men that she knew she had wrapped around her perfectly manicured finger, Peggy. Well she had Steve that’s for sure the poor guy couldn’t not do what she asked of him at all times. “Peggy!” Steve said excitedly, “Where’ve you been, doll I missed you.” Peggy’s smile switched to more of a snarl when she didn’t get the attention she wanted. “God Steve could you be more desperate.” Steve’s face fell at that. “Hi James,” she moved her predatory gaze onto him. ‘Here we go’ Bucky thought to himself. “Hey Peggy. Hows your father?” Bucky knew that Peggy’s dad the highest ranking mobster of the time was sick, and it wasn’t looking too good for the poor guy. “He’s not any better from the last time you asked me about him” she said completely unbeknownst with any emotion towards the person that was her father. But what did Bucky expect she was as cold hearted as her father. Bucky blamed It on the fact that Peggy’s dad most definitely wanted a boy, so when he grew up he could take over the ‘family business�� as he did from his father but he refused to give it to Peggy so the company was doomed to die with the man that was as misogynistic as they came. So when Peggy’s mother, her fathers play-toy, said she was pregnant and with a girl Peggy’s father lost it and his play-toy ran away but not before leaving him Peggy. He was so cruel to her, Peggy never (and to this day) knew why her father hated her so much so it caused her to have lots of rebellious outburst and that’s where Steve and Bucky come in. Steve was one of Peggy’s conquests. Bucky met Peggy after Steve spoke about her non-stop for months. Bucky was broken out of his thought when Peggy began to feel his muscles, “Peggy stop. You know damn well Steve is head-over-heels for you. Don’t play your immature games with him.” Bucky whispered harshly at the girl who had everything but wanted more. Steve had gone to get her a drink after Peggy just wistfully said aloud she was thirsty. “You know I don’t care about the kid. It’s just a game when play. Oh come on, Buck lets play.” He hated when she called him Bucky that name was reserved for friends, she winked at him. “Lets just have some fun no harm, no foul.” She batted her mascara coated lashes at him. “No because I’m not like you I don’t hurt others because I’m bored and need a new game to play.” Bucky saw a glimmer of what her father had implemented in her from the moment she was born, ruthlessness. “Fine.” She spat at him, before putting eye drops in her eyes. Bucky was beyond confused at the odd time to refresh her eyes. Then she turned just as Steve was returning from the bar, fake crying. “Oh thank goodness Steve! B-bucky tried to raise his hand at me and t-tried to take advantage of me because I told him I didn’t want to be with him because I am in l-love with you.” She fake hiccuped and of course Steve beloved every word. “Steve! It wasn’t like that at all. Man you know I know how you feel about her why would I try to get at her.” Peggy almost dropped her act at Buckys' words. “H-he said that he would take my virginity then take my daddys’ company, Steve!” Steve was ragging, the poor soul was in love with her for Christs’ sake he’d believe her if she said the world was flat. But Bucky never thought Peggys’ word would mean more than his, though. It felt like a punch to the stomach, knowing he could never win against her, her name felt like venom coursing through his veins he couldn’t control the rage he felt over her lies. “Fine! Take her word over mine, but don’t you dare come back to me when she leaves you high and dry pal.” Bucky finally snapped, he wasn’t sure if he meant the words or not but he knew she would end up hurting Steve. 

Present time: 

And that was the last time Bucky had spoken to either Steve or Peggy. God the even mention of her name made him want to scream. “Y/N,” James said as they pulled into the driveway of her home. “You don’t have to believe me but please jus remember how blinded by love and rage Steve can get. You saw that tonight with everything he did to you, and I promise he will not get away with that unpunished, you are a diamond never forget that you did not deserve what he did to you. But please I can’t lose you.” Y/N looked determined to not break, James knew she wasn’t the type to play damsel in distress. Y/N coughed a bit before speaking, “So do I get to call you Bucky?” Bucky’s head tilted to the right in confusion, “Yea princess of course whatever you want, but maybe not in front of my colleagues? Can’t ruin this bad boy image I’ve got going here.” This made Y/N laugh a little. Bucky thought his whole world lit up because of that smile when in reality it was Stark running out here like a maniac in plaid pajama pants and a grey metallic shirt, shouting his daughters’ name. She got out as quickly as she could with her injuries but manage to shout, ‘Dad’ back to him. Bucky never sees mob bosses as big as Stark at least so, vulnerable. Bucky saw stark hug his daughter with such fierceness that could only come from a scared father. Stark said “My baby, oh god my baby is okay.” The moment felt so intimate Bucky tried to leave but he didn’t not before hearing stark say, “Barnes.” ‘Oh no here come the arguing. At least Y/N got a nice reunion beforehand.’ “Thank you. For sticking to your word and keeping my world safe.” “Of course Stark you should expect no less from me now on.” Y/N was the next to speak, “Well we can really only go up from here.” She joked. And Bucky knew he was falling hard for this girl. And he didn’t want to stop. 

tags: @white-wolf-buckaroo @queen-of-elves @mapreza1

[bxcketbarnes]

Awkward First Date

Pairing: Luke Hemmings x Reader

Author: @cxddlyash

Words: 3629

Author’s Note: This was requested by anon stating,  Oh, hello! I was wondeing could you do first date imagine with Luke? In a really fancy restaurant, you wear a pink dress, and he wears white coat with a black leather jacket. And, you both being shy during dinner, in the end of the night he walks you with home and you say good night and he kisses yor cheek? Just something like that, I really need kind of things about Luke. And I’m like hell yes. Awkward Luke is like my favorite Luke.

It’s been almost over a year since I last went on a date. My stupid dick of an ex ruined almost any chance of me going out again. He managed to break my heart into tiny little pieces then decided to stomp on it some more before stepping out of my life.

Even though it was for the better it didn’t mean I wasn’t upset… because I was. I barely left my best friend’s house, barely left the room I was staying in. Cat, my best friend, finally managed to get me to leave the house, going out to a small cafe downtown.

“So,” she spoke up after our food was brought out, “have you thought about putting yourself out there again?”

I sighed, shaking my head as she began to eat the salad she got. “No, not exactly. I don’t think I’m ready,” I mumbled, picking at the pastry I got as my eyes were on the people of LA who were going on with their day, walking down the semi-busy streets.

“You do know there are guys out there that aren’t like him?” Cat asked, mixing her salad around as she kept her eyes on me. I nodded, taking a bite of the cinnamon roll. “Well, will you at least go to this small party with me tonight? The guy I like is hosting it and he told me to bring you along.”

I furrowed my brows a bit, wondering why Ashton would want me there since we haven’t really talked. “I-,”

“Please, please, please! It won’t be the same without you there. You’re my wing woman,” Cat begged and I chuckled a bit, shaking my head at how she cut me off before I could even say anything.

A smile came to my lips as I tossed another piece of pastry into my mouth. “Alright, alright. I’ll go,” I told her, giving her a small grin.

-

I slipped on a pair of dark blue skinny jeans, combing my fingers through my wet hair as I searched for a shirt in my closet. I picked one of my Def Leppard shirts, throwing it over my head as I pulled it onto my body. I analyzed myself in the mirror, actually pleased with how I looked.

Cat burst into my room, flipping herself onto my bed as I grabbed a pair of black converse. “Yes, of course, make yourself at home,” I laughed, sitting in the chair in front of the vanity as I laced my shoes.

“Well, this is my home,” she smirked and I rolled my eyes.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah. You want me to stay home?” I asked her, a smirk on my lips as the one on hers dropped.

Cat scoffed playfully, crossing her arms over her chest as she stood up from the bed. “Of course I do. You deserve to have a bit of fun. Are you ready?” She asked and I nodded, grabbing my wallet from the table in front of me. “Great! Let’s head out!”

-

On the drive to Ashton’s house, I couldn’t stop my leg from bouncing. Nerves were coursing through my veins as I looked out the window, trying to calm myself down a bit. It only took us about ten minutes to get to his place, admiring the beautiful house as Cat pulled into the driveway.

“Wow,” I mumbled to myself, unbuckling my seatbelt before the two of us got out of the vehicle. My fingers fumbled together, Cat and I walking up to the front door before she knocks.

A couple yells could be heard inside as I rocked on the balls of my feet. The door opened a few seconds later, Ashton’s face coming into view as a large grin appeared on his face. “Cat! You made it and you brought, Y/N! It’s finally nice to meet you,” he spoke, holding out his hand to me.

“It’s nice to meet you as well,” I smiled softly, chuckling a bit. He invited us inside as his hand rested on Cat’s lower back and I smiled at the two. I hope he’s good to her…

I followed the two towards the kitchen, already feeling a bit out of place as my best friend was laughing at something he said. I shoved my hands into my back pockets, continuing on when a body collided into mine. A low grunt left my lips as I almost fell backward, a large hand wrapping around my forearm and the other grabbing my waist.

“Woah there,” a slightly accented voice spoke and I glanced up. Oh wow, he’s tall… I gulped slightly as a tall blonde stood in front of me, heat spreading across the arm his hand is holding. “Sorry ‘bout that. You alright?” He asked and I nodded my head quickly.

“Y-Yeah… yeah… I’m fine,” I mumbled shyly, becoming a bit flustered. His hands continued to stay on my body as I cleared my throat a bit. “Y-You can let go now.”

His blue eyes widened, quickly releasing me from his hold as he mumbles an apology. “So-Sorry. I’m, uh, Luke,” he introduced giving me a small smile.

“Hi, Luke. I’m Y/N, Cat’s friend,” I told him, rubbing my hands together nervously.

Luke looked towards the living room where everyone was at before his eyes glanced to the kitchen. “Do you… do you want a drink?” He asked and I nodded slightly. The tall blonde led me towards the kitchen, my eyes connecting with Cat’s as she wiggles her eyebrows at me.

I roll my eyes, leaning against the island as Luke grabbed two glasses. I watched as he made two vodka sodas, placing the bottle of liquor back on top of the fridge and the bottle of soda into the fridge.

“Thanks, Luke,” I softly spoke while giving him a small smile, taking a sip of your drink as you looked into his eyes.

-

It’s been about a month since I first met Luke and the boys, not having any regrets about joining Cat that night. My phone buzzed as I picked it up immediately already feeling the smile on my lips.

From: Cute Giraffe -

Hey! Uhm, are you doing anything atm?

I bit my lip, tapping my nails against the screen.

To: Cute Giraffe -

Nope! Cat’s gone out with Ash so it’s just me here. Why? What’s up?

The three dots bounced on my screen, signaling he was typing as I patiently waited. They suddenly disappeared as FaceTime popped up, Cute Giraffe stared at the top. I answered almost immediately, fixing my hair a bit as his face came onto the screen.

“Hey, you,” he smiled, his head resting against one of his pillows.

“Hi,” I grinned, leaning my chin on my knees, holding my phone out in front of me. “Did you wanna talk to me about something?”

Luke nodded his head, clearing his throat a bit as he shuffled on his bed. “Y-Yeah. Uh, just uh, a-are you doing anything tonight?” He asked, his bright blue eyes darting everywhere.

I shook my head as I analyzed him curiously, wondering what he was so jittery about. “No, I’m basically free every night,” I laughed awkwardly, biting my bottom lip.

His curls fell into his face a bit as he nodded, pushing them out of his eyes. “W-Would you wanna… um, go out with me?” Luke asked and my heart felt like it stopped.

The words kept replaying in my head, having an internal debate with myself on if it’s a good idea or not. Luke’s nothing like my ex… He’ll treat me like a princess. This is the happiest you’ve been… just go for it. “I-uh-I, yeah. I’d love to,” I muttered, blushing a bit as a large smile came to his pink lips.

“Great! Great, I’ll uh, pick you up at 7?” He asked and I nodded my head, smiling at him as Luke nodded his head as well. “Great! Good! I’ll see you later, love.”

I blushed at the pet name as the two of us muttered our goodbyes before hanging up the phone. I set the phone on the edge of the couch, my mind racing with everything that just happened. The front door opened signaling that Cat was home, hearing her talking to Ashton.

“I had a great time, Ash! Can we do it again sometime?” She asked and I smiled, combing my fingers through my hair.

“Yeah, definitely. I’ll call you,” he mentioned and then it was silence, a small sound of a smooch bouncing off the walls and a smirk settled onto my lips.

Cat walked into the living room with a large grin on her face, her eyes meeting mine and they widen a bit. “You heard everything didn’t you?” She asked and I nodded my head, laughing slightly.

“Yeah, you guys are cute together. W-Would you help me pick out an outfit for tonight?” I asked her and her eyebrows rose in curiosity. “I uh, I have a date with Luke tonight.”

A loud squeal left her lips as she ran to the couch, sitting down beside me. “Holy shit, what?! When did he ask you?” She asked, a large grin on her lips.

“We just finished FaceTiming before you came in. He’s picking me up at 7,” I told her, feeling a bit nervous but also excited. “I-I haven’t been on a date in over a year and my ex ruined a lot.”

Cat took my hands into hers, patting it lightly. “Honey, I’ve known Luke for almost four months and he has to be one of the sweetest people ever, other than Ash of course,” she laughed and I chuckled, shaking my head, “and I know that he will treat you very well. Just… be yourself and don’t worry about that asshole.” I nodded, chewing on my bottom lip as Cat stood up, grabbing my hand before taking me to her room. “Now, I think I have the perfect dress for you to wear!”

-

“Are you sure this looks okay?” I asked my best friend, looking at her through the mirror and she nodded her head.

“Of course! You look gorgeous. Luke’s gonna be blown away,” she grinned and I pressed my lips together, looking over the pale pink dress in the mirror. It stopped a bit above my knees, a simple skirt and halter top bodice with spaghetti straps going over my shoulders, but with an open back. I smoothed out the dress, letting out a huff of breath as there was a knock on the front door.

“Oh, god. He’s here,” I mumbled, feeling my hands shake a bit with nervousness.

Cat pushed me towards the front door, holding a thumbs up while mouthing, “you got this.” I took a deep breath, nodding a bit as I silently reassured myself before opening the door. My breath hitched at how gorgeous Luke looked. He was sporting a pair of black skinny jeans, a white t-shirt, and a black leather jacket.

My hands became a little sweaty as I wiped them on the dress, smiling up at the tall blonde. “Hey, Luke,” I breathed, stepping out of the house, quietly closing the door.

“W-Wow, you look beautiful,” he mumbled, his blue eyes raking down my body and I blushed. The two of us began walking down the streets of LA, taking in the scenery of the city’s nightlife. Luke hand brushed mine every couple minutes and he took the big step of taking my hand into his, our fingers lacing together. I looked up at him, my cheeks blushing as he gave me a cute grin.

“So, where are we going?” I asked, shuffling a bit closer to him.

Luke’s thumb rubbed my knuckles as he looked down at me. “Well, I heard you talking about this restaurant you wanted to go to since it opened…” he trailed off and my lips parted, glancing up at him.

“L-Luke! That’s a really expensive restaurant. Y-You don’t need to take me there,” I told him and he squeezed my hand.

He shook his head as we walked up to the building. “It’s fine, okay? Don’t worry about the money. I want you to have a good time,” he informed me as we came to a stop in front of the doors. Luke brought his hand up to my face, gently stroking my cheekbone with the back of his index finger. “Come on,” he whispered, opening the door for me.

I stepped inside, Luke’s hand resting on my lower back as he led me towards the hostess stand. “Hi! Welcome to Patina! Name?” She asked, smiling at the two of us.

“Uh, Hemmings,” Luke answered, giving the young girl a small smile. ‘Madi,’ her name tag read nodded her head as she grabbed two menus.

“Alright. If you can just follow me,” she told us, motioning us to follow her. I grabbed Luke’s hand as I led him along, my eyes glancing around the gorgeous restaurant. Madi brought us to a booth and the two of us sat down on opposite sides. “Someone should serve you in just a minute. Have a lovely evening,” Madi grinned after handing out the menus, walking away from us.

My eyes widened at the menu, silently cursing myself for saying that I wanted to come here. This is confusing… Why is this so confusing? I thought to myself and glanced towards Luke who also sported a confused look.

A middle aged woman came up to our table, a pen and paper in hand as she smiled down at us. “Hi, I’m Casey I’ll be your waitress for the evening. Can I start you two with something to drink?” She asked and I moved my lips a bit, looking back down at the menu.

“Can I get a Bitburger?” Luke asked, his eyebrows furrowed together as he glanced up. She nodded her head, writing it down before looking to me.

I cleared my throat a bit, stuttering. “C-Can I get the Lillet? Blanc?” I asked and she nodded her head. She told us that she’d be right back with our drinks before heading towards the bar area. “L-Luke, are you sure about this place? We can leave,” I mumbled to him, biting my bottom lip.

“Hey, if you’re worried about the money don’t be. I told you that it’s fine, but honestly, do you think they’d let us skip to dessert?” He asked and a chuckle left my lips, shrugging my shoulders. Casey came back with our drinks and I grabbed the wine glass, taking a sip of it. I hummed in response, not entirely hating the taste.

“Have you guys decided what to get?” She asked and Luke and I glanced towards each other.

I was about to speak up when Luke did. “I-Is it bad to ask a person who works here if we could just get a dessert to share?” He asked a little shyly, feeling his long legs brush mine under the table. Casey laughed, shaking her head.

“No, of course not. What would you like?”

“Can we get the Summer Fruit Pavlova?” Luke asked, giving our waitress a small smile as she nodded, writing it down on the pad before taking our menus.

“Of course. It’ll be out soon. Enjoy your date,” she grinned.

-

Our dessert was sat in front of us after about fifteen minutes. During the fifteen minutes of waiting Luke and I talked a little bit about ourselves… stuff that we don’t actually know about each other since we know quite a bit. I fiddled with my fork as Luke dug into the dessert first, shoving the good looking food into his mouth.

“So,” he mumbled quietly, looking towards me as I cut a small piece with my fork. “W-When was the last time you’ve been on a date?” He asked and my heart dropped a bit, gulping. I set the fork down on the plate, suddenly losing my appetite as Luke noticed. A look of panic settled in on his face, moving his lips like a fish. “I-I mean you don’t have to tell me if you are uncomfortable about it. I-I just…” he stuttered, trailing off as I shook my head.

“No, no. It’s okay. It’s probably best if you know about it if things… go further,” I whispered the last bit, my skin becoming warm as I avoided his blue eyes. “Uhm, around two years ago I had landed myself a boyfriend and at first he was great, loving, all that shit. But, as time went on he became angrier… at everything I did and I did nothing by love him unconditionally. He managed to break my heart into tiny pieces, break me down until I became insecure about everything I did. You have no idea how low my self-esteem is. Being here with you tonight is a little nerve racking, honestly. I-I haven’t been on a date in over a year. I barely left Cat’s house in over a year… until that night I met you,” I mumbled shyly, my hands shaking as Luke’s eyes were on me the entire time. Did I just ruin the date?

His hand reached out for mine, reassuring me that everything was fine as if he could read my thoughts. I chewed on my bottom lip, lacing our fingers together. “First of all, he’s an asshole for doing that to you. I may have only known you for a month, but you are literally the sweetest girl I’ve met. Secondly, I hope this date was good enough for being your first date in a long while. Sorry, I’m a little awkward I just… I kinda like you a lot and wanted things to go well,” Luke confessed and my heart leaped, beating quicker.

“Luke, for not being on a date in over a year, my last date being so bad because of an awful guy, this date ranks to be number one. Even though we’re both a bit awkward, I’m having an amazing time,” I smiled and he did the same, tucking a curl behind his ear.

-

Luke and I were on our way back to Cat’s house, hand in hand as I was laughing at some stupid joke he said. We managed to finish the desert before the bill came and no matter how many times I asked him how much it was, he wouldn’t tell me.

I frowned a little as her house came into view, not really wanting the night to end. Luke’s jacket was tightly wrapped around my body as the LA air was a bit cold. Lights were on in Cat’s house signaling she was awake and hoped that she hasn’t heard us come up onto the porch. I turned to face Luke as he shoved his large hands into his pockets, rocking on the balls of his feet.

“Thank you for walking me home and giving me your jacket,” I softly smiled, beginning to take it off and he just grabbed mine, shaking his head.

“Keep it. Gives me another reason to come back and see you,” he mumbled, smiling down at me as my cheeks flushed, nodding my head. I licked my lips a bit, debating whether or not to do what I’m thinking of doing. Luke seemed to have the same idea as he dipped his head down, pressing his lips to my warm, pinkish, cheek. My heart fluttered and he pulled away, grinning ear to ear at my reaction. “Have a good night, Y/N.”

Luke stepped off the porch, beginning to walk back to his place when I called out for him to stop. He stopped in his tracks, turning around as I ran over to him. His eyebrows were furrowed together in confusion as I leaned on my toes, pressing a kiss to the corner of his lips. “Thanks again for tonight. I’ll call you tomorrow,” I smiled shyly, pressing my lips together as he nodded.

I walked back to the house, giving the cute blonde one last smile before heading inside. I rested my head against the wooden door, smiling to myself before heading towards the living room to see Cat sitting on her couch, trying to hide the smirk on her face. “You saw everything didn’t you,” I stated, chuckling as she nodded.

“Yeah, sorry but that was cute as fuck. Please tell me you’re seeing him again?” She asked and I sat down on the couch beside her, playing with the sleeves of his jacket.

“Do you think I’d be wearing his jacket if I wasn’t?” I asked, grinning as she began to squeal, jumping up from the couch to run around the living room of her place, yelling “OTP OTP.” My phone buzzed as I shook my head, laughing at my weird ass best friend, seeing a text from Luke.

From: Cute Giraffe -

Again, I had a fantastic time with you and I can’t wait for more. Sweet dreams, gorgeous x

-

Taglist: @honeymoonmuke @gotta-try-something-new @thebookamongmen @kinglyhood @ashs-cheergirl @dashlilymark @lukeskisses @shower-me-with-roses 

[thewonderlandtay]

Some of my thoughts on each song off Rep

1. ...ready for it? : honestly what. an. opener. the beat hit me like a truck and i was definitely not ready for it. i love the concept of the song, and this is the perfect introduction to the album - fave lyrics: “Baby, let the games begin.”

2. end game (feat. future and ed sheeran) : BIG REPUTATION BIG REPUTATION OHHH, YOU AND ME, WE GOT BIG REPUTATIONS - i fucking love this beat, it’s so much fun and easily one of faves off rep. Ed fit perfect and his rap was everything. Future was great too, but let’s be real it was all about tay and ed. And also this on tour ?!!!! gonna be so lit fave lyrics : “I swear I don’t love the drama, IT LOVES ME.” i died at this part

3. i did something bad : okay, so this song scared the crap out of me but in a good way. taylor is so smart to play this narrative of a crazy ass bitch, and i respect her so much for it. she is taking her negative reputation and making a badass track that shook us to the core, and bravo taylor the beat hit me hard at 7am fave lyrics: “If a man talks shit, then I owe him nothing.” 

4. don’t blame me : YES TAYLOR. i never imagined we would get such a soulful, almost gospel like song from her. her vocals fit perfectly over the beat, and hER LOWER REGISTER Y’ALL. Again the vibes and lyrics are a bit creepy, but hey love makes you crazy (which is so true) ALSO THE ACAPELLA GOSPEL LITTLE PART HAD ME ON THE FLOOR fave lyrics : “Your love made me crazy, if it doesn’t you ain’t doin’ it right.” 

5. delicate : track 5 did not disappoint. i love how she captured the feeling of meeting someone and worrying about moving too fast, because love is really delicate, it’s precious and i know i’m always careful with it. this song is so beautiful, and she’s singing it so softly and carefully that i was mesmerized at first listen. def in my top 3 (if it’s possible to have a top 3) fave lyrics : “We can’t make any promises now, can we, babe? But you can make me a drink.”  

6. look what you made me do : alright, the first track we ever heard off rep. after hearing the album, i really think this was the perfect first single. it is one of the more interesting ones sonically, and by releasing it first, taylor made it clear that this album would be different. it’s a unapologetic anthem and A BOP, anyone who disagrees is not having enough fun. also CAN’T WAIT TO HEAR IT LIVE. fave lyrics : “and then the world moves on, but one thing’s for sure. maybe i got mine, but you’ll all get yours.”

7. so it goes... : i was SO excited for this song and i love it so much because of the transition it makes for the album. all the previous tracks had been all dark (except for delicate) and this is the point where taylor shifts the focus to love and light (and joe hehe) fave lyrics : “and all our pieces fall right into place.”

8. gorgeous : this is perhaps my least fave on the album but still so relatable tho. it’s cute and fun and how i feel everytime i have a crush basically. also imagine taylor actually being like this with joe when they first met ADORABLE. fave lyrics : “you make me so happy, it turns back to sad.” this lyric describes ME 

9. getaway car : first of all, hello metaphors. this song is interesting and a subject taylor hasn’t really touched upon before: the rebound relationship. she knew it was never going to last, but the idea was good while it lasted. sonically it’s stunning, and reminds me of bleachers a bit which makes sense bc of jack fave lyrics: “well, he was runnin’ after us, i was screaming ‘go, go, go!’” the way she says go, go, go is the reason it’s my fave haha

10. king of my heart : oh joe alwyn... the production on this song is everything, i love the synths and lyrics. she’s so damn in love with her man and she’s producing quality love songs at the same time WINNING. i hope they stay together forever fave lyrics : “and all at once, you are the one i have been waiting for.”

11. dancing with our hands tied : again production is just on point. it’s one of those songs that just hits you and taylor sounds beautiful on it. vocals HELLO. i feel like this might be about joe and how worred she was about him not wanting to be a part of her life, it’s a lot to ask of someone BUT HE STAYED AND THAT’S ALL THAT MATTERS. also about how they kept their relationship secret fave lyrics : “i loved you in spite of deep fears that the world would divide us.”

12. dress : stunning, stunning song. this song is so emotionally intimate. being willing to buy a dress for someone to just take it off, is so beautiful tbh like you want this person to see everything of you and share it with him. i love this song so much bc this is the type of love song taylor has never released before : the daring side you develop when falling in love, the feeling of wanting to try everything with your partner. also the bridge... that’s enough said. fave lyrics: “even in my worst lies, you saw the truth in me.”

13. this is why we can’t have nice things : my jaw was on the floor during the whole song. i don’t care about some people saying this song is petty and immature, because guess what SOME PEOPLE DON’T DESERVE FORGIVENESS. some people you just need to move the fuck on from, and this song is exactly that. this is a big fuck you, and thanks taylor for putting it on the album it’s a bop fave things : “here’s a toast to my real friends, they don’t care about that he said, she said.” the way she sings he said, she said 

14. call it what you want : this is one of my favourite love songs taylor has ever written. it shows how much she has grown in love and being with someone is a beautiful thing that shouldn’t be influenced by anyone else. people can call it what they want to, but all that matters is her loving him and him loving her. I CRIED FIRST LISTENING TO IT AND I WISH TO EXPERIENCE LOVE LIKE THIS SOMEDAY. fave lyrics : “my baby’s fit like a daydream, walking with his head down, i’m the one he’s walking to.”

15. new year’s day : last track on the album. and it’s perfect. i remember taylor saying once that she wasn’t able to write love songs the way ed did, but this sure felt like one. this song isn’t just about loving someone; it’s about new starts, remembering memories and letting go. i cried a lot because it made me think about everything that is going to happen next year, and i just really appreciate this song. thank you writing it, taylor. fave lyrics : “hold onto the memories, they will hold onto you.”

i’ve listening to the album about 20 times now, and these are my thoughts on the songs so far. this album is so creative and inspring, @taylorswift - congratulations on all the success so far! i love, love, love you. 

[survivormuxloe]

Episode #10: "This is why people hate the gays” - Michael

Oh my fucking god did y’all see that tribal I was like butch it’s me I’m going like bye bye omg but NO it was simply a vote reveal and the idol WILL be mine

So a few things to go over...

One, the plan to get rid of Felix was successful and bought me and Michael another day...HOWEVER, it would appear that I was not the first person to make it to the end of the bridge, which is a shame cuz I REALLY needed this idol, but it's okay.

Because Michael is still gonna be considered a bigger threat than me, and the most likely to go home if we both don't win immunity. That being said, I'm REALLY hoping I can pull this immunity off cuz it'd just be nice to not have to worry about it being me at tribal.

i'm on highkey alert starting now.... this round (and honestly for the rest of the game) is prime time for blindsides and the waters are ripe for it... i really wouldn't be shocked if i'm targeted and have to play my idol hmph. i really really really just want to be able to use it successfully and i will feel content af with my game no matter what happens...

my plan to take out jones is slowly unfolding, i worked on ryan earlier, and got him to see jones as a ringleader.. and he wants her out soon.. which is perfect for me hehe.. i just dropped some hints here and there that she has a lot of connections.. and now he's paranoid that she's gonna bring together a group of michael/david/mo/ahrre... which is perfect for me since i can use him to take her out... funny enough im not sure when i should take out ryan, he's definitely a threat going forward... but if i play my cards right i can take both of them out because i'm also painting ryan as a big target to some of the others hehe.. im trying not to overplay rn bc my ass is not on the line for votes currently, one misstep and I'm gone

im so mad.. rn LMAOAOAOAO like. jones is overplaying as hell n i want michael gone SOOOOOO BAD but i gotta be fake af.. almsldndg

me n ryan r the best duo tho like.. i think ive convinced everyone thet we arent as together as they think umu

So Felix went home. Which I knew about despite voting for Michael. I thought it was gonna be like 5-5 and tobi was considering to flip to avoid rocks. I didnt want Felix gone personally so I sent in a vote for Michael knowing it wouldnt change the outcome.

Jones is really overplaying wanting this next vote to be a split vote. Like no its 3-3-3 that way. THATS NOT SAFE. ITS ASKING for someone to flip. NO. Jones is going home this round or next round. Thats the T.

extra shit.. me tobi rhys ryan are all mad susp of miss jones and i think im tryna convince all of them to stick wth her plans until f7 and us 4 can cut her ass out of the equation :) yayayaya im excited. girl deserves it after her overplaying last week as much as i love her

Wiggling my way out of danger was a huge success, now i'm just hoping to lay low and not cause much drama and basically let the larger players; David, Rhys, Jones take one another out which will allow me to hopefully slip through the cracks and make it far.

nvm idk how to feel ab my position anymore ignore all previous confessionals that i praise myself LMAOAOAOAOA

It’s critical that I try my best to win immunities since my name and David’s is on the line and I’d rather he’d go than me. My best plan is to use Jones to my advantage she has a lot of sway with the other side and by playing off her need to be the leader and to have power to keep me in this game. Everybody wants power and everyone wants control and if Jones thinks that she has control over both sides of the tribe then she’s not gonna get suspicious and take me out.

So I’m a little disheartened by the touchy subjects results. I won “the biggest goat” and “who doesn’t deserve to be here” and it sucks because these people are my friends and I guess most of them think this. But water off a ducks back, I’m going to smile and keep moving forward. I wanna win.

Another day another update. So from were we left off Felix did end up going home good shit he didn't have an idol. He did play the vote reveal thing but I doubt that changed anything in the slightlest lel. That attempt from Scott to save face by also voting Felix is cute tho hehe.

Anyhow so after that we went to touchy subjects which tbh I was waiting because that would be an opening in my game. So Ryan and Rhys think I'm a goat which it's not suprising considering they're the ones I talk to the least. However most importantly Mo was picked as the goat by the most people.

Now this is a tough game and everyone is putting a lot of effort into it so imo it's not easy to point out a goat and Mo is understandably feeling down because he's as much into this game as everyone else. So I knew this was my opportunity to make a move because Mo will be wanting to prove himself to others so if I'm gonna try something this is my best oportunity to get his vote.

Now I grab Michael and David as well who are in a desperate spot and BAM we have the underground boys. So now the plan is simple. Tobi told me they want to split the votes between Mo and Michael in case Michael has an idol, so we get them to split then Mo and me flip and hopefully get someone.

That someone should be Ryan IMO because he's def a duo with rhys and even a stronger duo with Scott. So birds one stone. Plus he called me a goat so hey thre's that :)

lmfao i'm getting dead silence from half the tribe and totally awkward conversation from Jones... definitely getting the vibe that i'm the target. I know Scott got tea from Tobi that Jones has concocted some scheme to split the vote on me and/or rhys or something to that extent? idek i need the full picture tomorrow but lol. should be a fun show no matter what happens

Ok so Michael, David, Fabricio and I formed an alliance because were kind of on the outs. I know this is weird because I had rough pasts with all of them but I really like this alliance. Now, do I trust Michael? Absolutely fucking not, he already lowkey threw me under the bus after the alliance was made. By telling Jones I told him. So I want him gone soon.

bih.. i aint in the mood today at all..

first of all last night touchy subjects. david wins lol x. i get most trusted n least trusted bc thats a thing ig. werk mama.

then to make matters worse... miss jones wants to split on either me or ryan incase michael idols ...

n now ive told tobi abou  t my idol n idk why im just feelin quirky n cool lol

I have to laugh... this game gets wilder by the minute... my position right now is really fragile but its good if i play it right... right now i have a lot of influence over what happens hehe... like i swear to god i feel cocky but lets review some things. 1. Jones is wrapped around my finger... i've been playing this whole super supportive ally and she even gave us the name "kermit and miss piggy" for our duo (me being miss piggy obv) and i've been working hard on her.. i got her to realize michael was actually super manipulating and was using her for a lot of things.. which is funny because that's exactly what im doing to her... she even showed me some stuff he wrote to her and i was consistently telling her that im trying to protect her from being manipulated by him... i swear to god im evil HAHA and like i love her and all but she's a huge social threat and if i see a clear shot im gonna take her out 2. scott scott scott... we were sharing idol guesses a few days ago and he went ghost on me on the guesses... i had suspicions that he was close to getting/had the idol... AND HE LITERALLY TOLD ME HE HAD IT I WAS LIKE OMGGG like this made me SO relieved because that means that i don't have to worry about the merge idol popping up without me knowing, but after i leaked his idol in Saint Vincent i have NO idea why he told me again... like this obv makes me wanna take him out and do stuff but im not gonna leak it again... i think. But like im not here to play fiddle to him... im here to win and if i have to take him out later i will... but the thing is that i don't know when a good time to take him out is, if im in f6 with a bunch of goats, the target is gonna be on me... so i have to think more about what im gonna do about him 3. ryan... i haven't been working hard on him, but he did come up to me with a plan to get me, him, rhys, and scott to the f4 like omg thats pretty iconic but going to f4 with a challenge beast like ryan? i have to laugh... im not stupid... challenge beasts have been the bane of my org career and im not about to let it happen again here... i have a lot on my plate right now, and im playing hard, but what's lovely is that i dont think im a threat to anyone? at least in comparison to the scott/ryan/jones clusterfuck that im gonna try to orchestrate, im lowkey... i swear to god if i actually pull this shit off.... my mind... but then again i might just flop again like usual so who knows hehe

now that ik my name has been thrown out im so nerv ALMFNHFg like i dnt wanna be blindsided 5-4 o.o but uhm i hope for the best n hopefully im smart enuff to play idol ?

i just want jones gone is that so much to ask

idk How to make confessionals apparently Bc I KEEP FORGETTING AHHH Michael comes to me right after the Felix vote and says “hey David crossed the bridge the idol’s gone” and I’m like MOTHERFUCKER. I WAS THIS FUCKING CLOSE. And it obviously scared me because either of them could be lying and one of them could have the idol. And I OF COURSE PANICKED. The next day I went to try and cross the bridge (Bc I was on 90) and I ACTUALLY DID IT!!! but guess what,,,,, THERE WAS NOTHING!!!!! HORRAY!! Idk what I’d do with myself if I got an idol tbh,, that shits scary. But yeah knowing that the idol is gone AND THAT I heard it from Michael first is hella scary and that could mean 3 things - A) theyre felling the truth and it’s gone, B) Michael’s a liar and Has it, or C) David lied to Michael and David has the idol. So right now this information is fucking with my head. And it’s deeeefinitely going to in the next vote.

So David wins immunity and I’m not THAT bothered by it? Of course it just makes things harder for everyone else Bc the original plan was to split between Michael and David, BUT NOW WE CANT. Either way Michael has to go home. He has a really terrible way of getting into everyone’s head and it’s not good for anyone. Plus if he makes it to the end he has such a good chance at winning with an underdog story it’s not even funny ajddjkf. BUT Theres still the possibility that one of those two has an idol, and we really have to think wisely on who would go in case that happens. Tobi thinks Mo is the safer move, but I really don’t think there’s a point in getting rid of someone that everyone thinks of as a sheep. Plus I’d like to sit with him in the end soooooo yeah. My personal preference on who the “blindside target” would be is Ryan. I love him to DEATH and Sweyn to the end, but he’s a challenge threat, and we have to pick off Sweyn eventually if the Muppet alliance wants to be victorious. Michael and david are already on board with getting him out anyway Bc they think he and Rhys are “tight” lol. But right now the vote split should be 7-2 on Michael as far as I know, there’s a solid chance that Mo will get a vote and if he does I’ll actually DIE. Also /according to Michael/, he said that Mo came to him and told him was voting for Michael. AND LIKE THATS THE THING MICHAEL IS PLANTING SEEDS IN MY HEAD THAT MO ISnt some I can trust and that /scares me/ which is why he has to go. If the tribal goes right, Michael goes, if Michael plays an idol, Ryan goes. If it’s a tie between Ryan and Mo, Ryan goes.,,, hopefully.

So, Touchy Subjects, Im almost irrelevant, atleast im honest.

Anyway, The vote plan is Michael. However Jones is scared of an idol. I dont really want to split a vote but Jones is persistant on it. Ive been talking with people and apprently the split vote is on Mo.

However I talk to Ahrre and he knows this information too? Im on the bottom of whatever this is. Like I NEVER hear stuff first. I NEVER feel like I acctually know whats going on.

So to be honest. I dont feel like im going to win. Atleast not on this path. So I need to take a peck at the leader. Jones. Mo and Ahrre are said to be in her pocket. This is bad for 2 reasons. Jones has more power, and they arent doing much thus will be dragged to the end. So removing power, and increasing my odds of getting to the end will be great.

So the split vote is set to be 5-2-2. However, I can safely tell Michael that its 2 on Mo. So Michael & David both vote Mo. This is 5-4. We just need 1 flip to make this happen. So that could either be me, changing my vote to Mo. Perhaps someone else could flip beside me. Fingers crossed.

So it seems like once again I am getting voted and with the amount of idols and such out there it’s getting more and more scary being this bitch who’s constantly getting voted because at any point I’m either getting the majority or I’m getting idolled out. I’m just hoping and praying that everything goes well and I need to start winning immunity

i like don't know what's happening fahsdfhas. i kinda snapped and messaged michael for some reason, i think to see if he was gonna vote me.. and i kinda told him/he asked and i confirmed that there's a split plan in motion and he told me him/david are voting Mo and i was like well if you don't want me out i don't want you out... and Scott tells me he heard throuoght the grapevine (from tobi who heard from ahrre who was told by michael fjasld) that Michael said it was RHYS that let him know??? i'm. so idk faksdjf but i'm floundering a bit tbh. there's like less than 3 hrs until tribal so i hope i figure out concretely whats gonna happen

Alright so let's go through a couple of things.

I WON IMMUNITYYYY. Omg, it felt so good to get redemption after losing this same challenge in my first org. (I got the tiebreaker there too and was WAY off, LOL fuck me) And anyways, it feels good to not have to worry about it being me tonight and to have a spot in the final 8. Hopefully this shows people that I've BEEN here to friggin play.

So now as it stands for tribal tonight...myself, Michael, Mo and Ahrre are gonna vote Ryan out. The other side are planning to split their votes 3 for Michael and 2 for Mo cuz they think Ahrre and Mo are voting for Michael. If all goes well and no idols get played, then we're in for the biggest power shift this season has seen and I cannot wait to be a part of that shift, cuz it's FUCKING GO TIME BABY

ugh the idol paranoia i'm having rn........ i can't if i go home w the idol im gonna hate myself n if i misplay the idol im gonna hate myself jlskhfd like this vote is so uncertain to me.. i could be overthinking but i just dk... so like i almost want to just be messy and get the other 5's votes on me and idol myself…

ok so messy ryan jumped out and acted on his idolinpocket paranoia flaksdhf. i talked to both mo and michael and threw jones under the bus pretty bluntly.. mo seemed to already knoow that jones created the split plan w him as the vote, and is just acting like he thinks he's going home so idk if thats genuine or not. michael on the other hand, seems genuinely thinking it was between him or mo and now wants to get ahrre and me to vote mo with him and david and rhys who already voted mo. fladfjas so i've realized i was highkey overthinking but. this is interesting

Right so idek where I left off but I think it was right after the underground boys were formed. Anyhow so Jones was weary of ryan so she thought about voting him, thing is he only wanted him as a backup plan in case Michael played an idol because everyone and their mums want him dead at the end of the day I guess.

So I'm like ok let's get michael and david to vote ryan with us and then while one of us still votes michael to make it a 4-3-2, (without letting her know Mo was with us and that I would vote ryan anyways lel) but then she freaked out and so did everyone really and they suddenly didn't want to split anymore and everyone was voting Michael.

However I managed to convince Tobi (and by proxy the rest of sweyn cause let's face it tobi is on top of this game that's another guy I've got to get rid of) to split the vote anyways, so as it stands Tobi and Rhys are voting Mo and Ryan Scott and Jones are voting Michael. But the thing is that they think Mo and me are also voting Michael but in reality we're gonna vote Ryan so it SHOULD be 4 votes Ryan 3 Michael and 2 Mo.

Now my worry is that if Ryan plays an idol it all goes to shit but I'm trying my hardest to make sure he doesn't know. Anyhow let's see how this plays out.

It doesn’t feel good to be facing elimination especially now that jones is voting me. Any slight deviation from the plan for anyone could lead to my elimination but I hope that now ryan is voting mo that I might just scrape by once again and with jones’ Transparent game she shouldn’t be Long behind Ryan.

lmao so they (michael, david, ahrre, mo) tried to pull off a rly good move flipping their votes onto me. and if only rhys hadn't had to sleep early and didnt vote Mo, I'd be sitting pretty but they did that.... unfortunately for them, apparently Jones fucked up heavily and immediately voted Michael in the revote? did i hear that correctly? KLFSJLDFHS WIG. i kinda feel bad bc... i really should be leaving here but.... wig. I had done some campaigning to Mo before I found this out and think i was making some good groundwork to get him to keep me and he was at least oon the fence, so i might have had a shot even if jones were gonna vote me. but wig.. if she really did that, then that means me and scott have made the final 8 and we still have 2 idols in our pockets WHEW. big moves is coming ladies

This is why people hate the gays smh. Please be ryan please be ryan please be ryan go home Ry ry

ugh can't believe my best friend michael is leaving tonight ): LMSHNBG am i fuck..

legit im sooooo happy ryan is staying altho a little peeved as well tbh.. i coulda had 2 idols :flushed: but i wont complain.............

anyway. i still think jones is crazy n her idea of trying to get me to flip on ryan is absolutely absurd ALMJFNFG like bitch.. i know im on the bottom if i flip im not dumb why do u think i didnt vote mo like u told me to lAMNFHBFG IJS!!

i just gotta win immunity next week n im confirmed at least f5? hopefully? LAMNHFBFG like. i dont wanna. be tied on. and i wanna keep this idol for the l0ong haul. which is why i told ryan and tobi. oooop. LAMNJHBFG.

PROB NOT A GOOD IDEA TELLING TOBI but i rly do trust him this time around... he gives me legit all the tea n i do the same back :flushed:

lolll i lvoe having the worst jury management :))) love sticking to sides :)))) like i aint gunna clear that perception up by voting ryan suck my dick he trusts me and thats all i care about..

like. im gunna be hounded on for not flipping to a side who wants me out n thats so annoying!! i rly cant win aLMFHFG. these cunts can fuck off idc ill argue with every single one of them

michael... he's a cockroach... he wont just DIE like there have been so many times where there was something stopping him from leaving... last round jones wanted felix so we obliged and now its this stupid tie revote kjflkjdf like this is exactly why i wanted him out earlier... getting numbers against him is gonna be hard and i really hope his ass leaves in the revote... he should anyway hehe.. i have a few options going forward and i feel like i could possibly do a lot but the question is do i want to be doing a lot??? if people start thinking that im a threat then shit LMAO but the thing is there are so many goats and pawns (mo, ahrre, david) that if you do anything significant, your threat level is obvious and like i want to take out some of the threats but im worried if i take out too many,,, the goats will become sentient and take my ass out... i just need to take this one vote at a time while planning for the future its simple :^)

ITS BEEN A MESSY 24 HOURS AND HERES THE FUCKING TEA so the vote ended up being a tie. NOT THE ONE I PREDICTED. It ended up being a Michael/Ryan tie. AND IMMEDIATELY AFTER AJ EXPLAINS THE RULES MICHAEL BLOWS UP MY WHOLE FUCKING GAME (almost.) he says “Jones you orchestrated this vote follow through with it” AND IM???? LITERALLY??? Ryan was never a target of mine,,, never the main target I mean BUT NEVER A TARGET. David Mo and Michael all told me that Ryan was gunning for me though,, but that was AFTEr I revoted for Michael sooooooooo that’s the tea. But like,, Michael is,, kind of being an asshole. Very much so. I feel like he’s taking advantage of my emotions to try and manipulate me into Saving him, but I really wouldn’t mind if either him or Ryan went?? Preferably Michael obviously lol. He was never someone I wanted to take to the end anyway, so it’s better to get rid of him while we can lol. Also!!? That dumbass shit that Michael said on hangouts??? Rhys and Ryan made a whole ass 180 in our relationship Bc THEY THOUGHT I VOTED FOR RYAN BC OF WHAT MICHAEL SAID AKDJKDFNJF. Thank god I was actually able to work it out with them, but like,,, fuck that scared me. This is why Michael needs to go Bc he’s a loose cannon and will DESTROY MY GAME. OFF WITH HIS FUCKING HEAD

i finally understand why no one respects Mo as a player lol, he really has no back bone of his own at all..

The vote ties 4-4-1, and Michael is sent home 4-3 after a revote.