#it's DEFINITELY doable but it's gonna be fuckin hard

[wp100]

i watched a video of a world of warcraft clicker (a player who clicks on their abilities, ZERO keybinds) killing Tier 2 ("??" difficulty) Zekvir.

Absolutely insane.

[radiation]

How is RPGmaker compared to Unity? Would you recommend it?

I think its difficult to compare RPGMaker to a lot of other game engines. Unity is pretty open ended in what you can make but you gotta know programming, whereas RPGMaker is kinda hard coded to make a very specific type of game very easily and without programming knowledge — the game in question being extremely generic retro JRPGs. If you wanna make something that extends beyond that you are gonna have to mess around a lot with plugins which alter and augment the preexisting structure the engine has in place.

The crazy thing is, RPGMaker (at least MV) is lacking MANY features that it by all means should have. My game doesn’t have a lot of mechanics and was designed around scope in a lot of ways, yet I am legitimately using 70 or so plugins that other people made to make it feel good. Some of those plugins’ functions include -Adding name plates over the characters’ text boxes -Making it so sprites don’t flash in and out when switching -Allowing for ANY kind of complexity in character animations -Giving you any sort of camera control -Hiding combat related UI in the menus. All of this being shit the engine SHOULD support by all means but for whatever reason it just doesn’t

I think if you’re someone who knows a lot about programming, the engine is probably gonna feel kinda bad and itd probably just be easier and less frustrating to build a lot of functionality from the ground up in an engine like Unity, GameMaker, or Godot. If you lack some experience and feel pretty confident that your game can reasonably fit within what the engine is capable of then RPGMaker is probably a good choice. And personally despite the lack of features being frustrating at times, I find myself having a lot of fun with the goofy wraparound method of problem solving you have to use and have found myself making some really cool creative decisions by working within the engine’s limits

It definitely helps a lot to know programming fundamentals either way (I’m not great but I have some experience with Java and C# and I feel like it’s been very helpful with managing project structure) so that’s something I’d recommend looking into either way if you’re not too acquainted

And I’ve mentioned it but again. Since RPGMaker is so limited you definitely DEFINITELY want to plan your project very heavily around scope especially if you don’t have much confidence that you can really delve into JavaScript programming. For example I wouldn’t recommend planning for complex UI - you will fuckin hate yourself for that. And if you’re adding combat you’re gonna wanna be super realistic about it. What I did to plan around scope was play ~10 different RPGMaker games sorta like what I wanted like to be before I started getting too many concrete ideas about what my game would look like so I could get a pretty solid idea of what was doable and mold my plans around that

Also I wanna point out - most tedious, large scope thing about my game is by far the character animations. Once I figured out just how itd work it wasn’t too bad but is still a bit annoying - but know I worked in a very very wraparound way that is way way way more involved than most — or hell, ANY RPGMaker games I’ve seen. It’s doable, can be really worth it if you’re willing to put in the time and effort, and is something I’d be happy to explain if anyone was interested. BUT i feel the need to make it clear that complex animation is very much not at all a baseline functionality of the engine since it might be easy to assume otherwise with how much it’s used in my own game

Apologies if that was long but I love talking about this stuff, and if anyone is interested I am always happy to talk about and answer any questions about my process especially with RPGMaker in mind :D

[erythristicbones]

✍️ and 💪?

I'm gonna add commentary to this for funsies. Thank you for the ask!!

✍: Top 5 Hardest to Draw/Write OCs

1. The Grimm

While she isn't the hardest to write, oh my GOD is she hard for me to draw. I went through so many different concepts for her and even now, I'm not 100% happy with her current look. I've just accepted it's the closest I can get to what I imagine with my current skill level. And hoo boy did it take me ages to fuckin forever to draw her the 2 times I've done so so far 🤣

2. Novlayne

The opposite of the Grimm- Nova isn't supremely difficult to draw, but to write? I'm gonna have to do half of IOTA's chapters from her POV and it's already proving immensely difficult in the bare bones outline currently. How am I supposed to write from the POV of a serial killer trying very hard to convince everyone she's not a serial killer?? Trying to nail down her writing voice is decidedly Not Fun At All

3. Bronwyn

Bronnie is only mildly difficult to write, cause she's a lot more suave and confident than I am. Doable, but I second-guess her dialogue more than anything. Also, I will openly admit that I struggle heavily with drawing more feminine characters and especially so with chests/boobs. Bronnie is definitely a project in learning how to overcome those hang-ups- given her two designs are "very femme with visible cleavage" and "very masc, still with visible cleavage". Ma'am you're so attractive and I like your looks, but I cannot do you justice at this point in time

4. Astrid (and/or Ambrose)

Astrid has the above problems (more feminine appearance) paired with having a lot of little details to said outfit. Dresses are hard to draw 😔 While I adore the themes I've got going with her outfit, goddamn does any art with her have half a billion layers to make it all come together nicely. Also, I forget which brushes I use for certain features on top of that lmao

Ambrose has the same difficulty problems as his sister, but to a lesser extent cause I'm a pro at drawing pants. All of my ocs would wear pants if I stayed within my comfort zone

5. Declan

Now this asshole.....she's a very weird case. Cause, yeah, I created her as her own separate character once upon a time before her debut as TOTLR's villain. The problem is that TOTLR is very heavily based upon the abuse I went through as a child and Declan became...a LOT like my abusive mother to fit that narrative. I love Declan as a character, but sometimes writing her can send me spiraling down emotionally bc she triggers my PTSD still

💪: Top 5 Easiest to Draw/Write OCs

1. Kirsen

KIRS MY BELOVED <3 Kirsen is, quite literally, the easiest OC I've ever had to write for. She's a lot like both myself and the person I want to be. Writing her comes as naturally to me as breathing.

2. Cassandra

While Cass' personality isn't actually all that similar to mine, she does have the exact same trauma I do. That's my best guess as to why writing her just flows from me like water? Idk man, some of my favorite things I've ever written have been about Cass and she's very near and dear to me

3. Josephine

My most traumatized kiddo gets the gift of being both easy for me to draw AND write!! Very simple designs that I can usually manage w/o using any of her references at all. She's also so damn interesting to write for that I just can't seem to stop, despite her not even being the main villain of Momentum

4. Tyreen

No long explanation here, Ty just has a simple design. Only difficulty is that I keep forgetting her glasses 🤟😔

5. Natalie

Same as above, Nat's super easy to draw!

[original ask meme here]

[akuji-shipper-in-awe]

Basically how Alana found out about Striker's feelings for Mox, god I love her so much 😌

---

"Moxxie, your fuckin' drunk." Striker commented, pushing the drunkened fiend out of his lap.

Moxxie would have landed hard on the rocky ground if Striker hadn't caught him with his tail, instead gently setting him a few feet away from him.

Moxxie weakly stood up, "I am nnnnnOT drunk! I am mmmeeeerly tipssssy." He said with squinted eyes and crossed arms.

Striker had noticed the little guy a few days back, right after getting back from a job in another town. Seemed like his friend had gotten quite stressed while he was away so he offered to go out drinking. Well, just to their hideout behind a thick patch of thorn bushes, but they were definitely drinking. Would've helped a lot if he knew that Mox got drunk easily and was clingy as fuck, not to mention touchy.

"You are darlin'." Striker said, setting his drink down on the ground next to the log he was sitting on.

Moxxie blew raspberries, "I ammm NOT drunk."

Striker sighed looking directly at the imp with a small scowl. Now he really didn't mind Moxxie trying to get on him. Wasn't that big a deal, not like either of them would try to do anything more, but he did know that Moxxie would get highly embarrassed afterwards, start spouting apologies over and over again while Striker had to pretend not to like the attention he was getting while the small thespian was drunk.

Really pissed him off.

"Mox yer gonna regret doin' that in the mornin'." Striker spouted, angrily picking his drink back up and taking a sip. Watching intently as Mox, a little wobbly, stumbled over to him again. Sitting down next to the larger, snake-like imp.

"No I woon't." He placed his head on Striker's shoulder, "I jjjjust wanna cuddllle." He yawned a little bit, making Striker's heart skip a beat for a second.

Striker placed his drink down again, turning towards the drunk imp, he started to feel the effects of his own drink catch up to him, still more level headed then Mox but a bit tipsy, "Ugh, Mox, we both know that's not all you'll do."

Moxxie leaned off him, crossing his arms in defiance, "Maybe, but I wwwanna cuddle right nnnooow."

Striker locked onto the small hand going towards his tail, quickly moving the sensetuve appendage to the side, out of the graby things reach, "No."

Moxxie pouted at the lack of touch, turning his whole body in a mean of defiance, again.

Striker groaned, "Yer such a baby- fine! Fine, but nothing too touchy. Don't need to be told sorry twice a second the whole day tomorrow…"

Moxxie smiled proudly as a cute, innocent expression came across his face. He stood up again before walking Infront of Striker's hunched over posture. Making the tall imp sit up straight again.

"I said you could- CUDDLE." Striker couldn't help raising his voice as Moxxie sat on his lap, wrapping his arms around the bigger imps neck to secure this position while his legs stayed on the outside of Striker's legs. The cowboy demon staring wide eyed at the little imp pushing his face into the more sober imp's neck.

"What the fuck are ya doin'?" Striker wasn't complaining, just genuinely confused.

Moxxie didn't respond, at least not with words, he just chirped a bit while rubbing his face against Striker's neck.

Striker stared at the smaller imp in a few confusing emotions. Confusion being obvious, embarrassment, and… love?

He decided to think about that last one later and simply placed his own arms around the smaller imp's waist. Moxxie, feeling delighted by the action, placed his lips on Striker's neck.

That's when Striker shivered in pure delight. But it was soon pushed down as he remembered the little imp was drunk, not in the right state of mind.

He grabbed the smaller imp by the hips, pushing him back a bit, "Okay, that's enough."

Moxxie pulled himself back towards Striker, "Whyyyy? You sssseem to like it, jjusst look at your tail…"

Striker just noticed his tail was wagging, quite a bit, Satan he could barely control his tail when it came to happiness. He groaned in annoyance, placing the appendage under his foot to stop the wagging, "Yes! I do like the fact that a cute idiot is pushing up on me, but not when you're drunk!" He stopped for a few seconds. Face palming himself mentally, finally realizing he should stop drinking with Moxxie if he would make him spurt out the truth, please don't remember that bit…

"Now just get off me…" Striker finally said after a moment of the two staying completely still. Moxxie didn't move, he actually didn't even try to continue his advances in Striker.

Striker stared at the imp on him for a second, slightly shaking him after a while, "You awake Mox?"

Just a small movement, changing to planting his face into Striker's chest, slightly snoring.

Of fucking course your asleep! Striker thought with an agitated groan slipping past his lips.

He stared at the small thespian for a few more seconds, contemplating what to do next, finally he remembered what time it must be. It was pretty dark out, definitely past at least 8, Wrath's sun didn't set until eight so it was definitely past that time. Didn't Mox say he goes to bed around 9?

"Ah shit, yer dads gonna kill me Mox." Striker let out another agitated groan.

He set his drink down again, making the now empty bottle clink against a small pebble on the ground. Then slowly turned Moxxie's sleeping body to the right. Picking him up bridal style after placing an arm underneath what seemed to be his knees and behind his back, right were his arms connected to his torso.

Striker stood up as he walked towards a small clearing, where the thorny bushes split to form a concealed path leading out of the I closed space behind the bushes. Striker made sure to avoid getting Moxxie pricked by any when they got to a narrow area, only to get pricked himself.

"Huh, it's not that bad but you would really hate it if it woke you up though." Striker mumbled, finally out of the bushes.

Moxxie, unconsciously, grabbed at Striker's shirt, pushing his face into the awake imp's chest, mumbling a small phrase Striker couldn't clearly make out. It was something about guns, or something of that sort, but the little guy was smiling so he wasn't too worried about it.

It didn't take long to get to the window of Moxxie's room. The house wasn't too far away, about a five minute walk form the previous area, but with carrying Moxxie it was a little bit tiring to do.

He adjusted Moxxie to where the small thespian was being held with one of his hands while he went to open the window of Moxxie's room. Thankfully, it was unlocked so he wouldn't need to worry about an earload from Moxxie's dad.

As he opened the window he felt Moxxie snuggle into his chest again, his heart started to beat a little faster as he raised the window up enough for him to sneak into the bedroom. It was a tedious task with the job of holding the small imp and keeping him awake but it was doable even with how small the window was.

Striker moved Moxxie into the bridal style of carrying him again before placing him onto his bed, grabbing a blanket off the chair in the other corner of the room and laying it over the sleeping form of Moxxie's body once it was in his hands.

Striker sighed as he removed his hand from Moxxie's body and was about to go back to the window when he felt a hand grab his wrist.

He looked down to find a half awake Moxxie trying to pull him close again, "Nooo, give me a kiss before leeeaaving me."

Before he could even start to protest against the idea, he felt his long tail start to wag again. After staring at the small body again, he leaned downward, "Fine, just don't get on my case about it in the morning." He took a small breath, contemplating if he should actually do it when he felt Moxxie's grip loosen.

Only for it to tighten again and tug on his arm, "Kiss meeeee!"

"Okay okay! Fine, just stop yellin', yer gonna get me in trouble with ya dad." Striker sighed, shaking the hand off of his forearm and leaning further down inches away from the body infront of him.

The whole time Moxxie didn't open his eyes, making him wonder if he was just talking in his sleep again. Hopefully he was still asleep when he did this.

He placed his lips on top of Moxxie's forehead, his tail wagging as he removed the contact and stared down at the imp before him.

Before he realized the importance of what he just did, he heard shuffling outside the door, a shadow moving in front of it.

Without thinking, he ran up to the window and hopped through it, only to fall flat on his face with a bit of dirt going into his mouth.

"Good job dork." A voice from above called out.

Striker flipped over onto his back, sitting up and rubbed his face, coughing up the dirt that got into his mouth. He stopped once he realized he was being spoken to, "Heeey Alana… Y-you didn't see anything, right?"

Alana chuckled, "I only heard my brother ask for a kiss and you say that you'd be happy to comply." She looked up for a second before looking down again, "Oh, but I did watch you make an utter fool of yourself in front of anyone outside."

Striker groaned, "Yeah, yeah, very funny… Is- is yer-"

Alana smiled, "My parents are asleep, told 'em Mox was just finishing helpin' my own friend move something for the night. So now you owe me."

Striker sighed before an agitated expression crawled across his face, "What exactly do you want?…"

"Thought you'd never ask~ Can ya get me into the ranch where you work? Need to practice me horse autonomy." Alana said as she smiled smugly.

Striker just stared at the woman for a second, "Why do I have to? You know you can just walk in there, right?"

"So I can get close while you do your daily jobs with them."

"Fine."

---

Hope it was good enough, did this while on the road with a friend of mine :)

[tigerdrop]

i have a lot of trouble writing benrey in my fics— how did you experiment with his characterization until you were satisfied with it, and what other benny interpretations do u enjoy from other fic writers? i love the way you write him, his dialogue feels so authentic and believable.

AW thank u......it always makes my day to hear something nice about the way i characterize ppl......there were a lot of things i did to try to nail how he talks and thinks. thank u for asking this b/c i have a Lot to say about this subject

the first thing is, obv, watching the series. i have to include this one b/c i feel like quite a few ppl in this fandom.....like.....havent. there is a certain way of characterizing him as an Epic Mischievous Gamer that is, uhhh, very much a fanon thing that ppl see on tumblr and imitate and flanderize all to hell. but, like, im an obsessive little weirdo who will rewatch things over and over again to take notes on characters’ behavior and dialogue and i really gotta recommend just sitting back and listening to how benrey talks.

hes not dropping gamer references constantly. hes not making every single sentence out of his mouth some obnoxious quip. hes slow on the uptake and drops conversations entirely if he doesnt care about them. he has never once said “cringe” before and whenever i see a fic that has him doing it multiple times i feel minutes shaved off of my lifespan. the #1 tip i can give here is to not have benrey talking in fucking 2010s gamer lingo every time he opens his mouth. please

(i feel partially responsible for the spread of this kind of characterization. my first 2 fics have him doing stuff like that every once in awhile. sometimes i debate going back and changing them, but like, benrey saying “poggers” one time aside, i think they hold up pretty good. so i havent. something something historical accuracy)

the more i wrote about him, the more i tried digging into the aspects of his character that i found the most appealing. some people are really into his polite side. i am really into his bullying side. so i would watch the bits where benrey really has his “gordon bullying” mode cranked up to 11 and make note of how he acts, how he talks. trying to replicate it. “benrey saying epic random shit to piss gordon off” is much less his vibe than, like, demeaning gordon, and i feel like the bathroom skit is the ultimate manifestation of this. it is genuinely my favorite bit in the whole series b/c its so ideally representative of their weird-ass dynamic. this fuckin high school bullying LARP in the middle of a public restroom. god in heaven

the less you lean on the crutches of “gamer lingo” and “wacky non-sequitur”, the more it forces you to think about how he behaves. what motivates him. and generally, like, he operates on his own wavelength. he doesnt fully understand everything thats going on around him and selectively chooses what he tunes into. and, most importantly, he just wants to play games, man. benrey likes goofing off with the science crew and playing mind games with gordon. he fails to understand the gravity of his actions a lot of the time b/c hes not human, and hes not operating under the same social guidelines.

(this is the part where people like to speculate exactly what kind of non-human he is, and i think this can be helpful for setting up his motivations! me, personally, i am of the opinion that hes just a video game guy made real. kind of like a live-action cartoon character. so hes operating on video game logic a lot of the time, and doesnt grasp that consequences for actions are different for normal people who cant noclip or respawn. a kind of lack of empathy that manifests in him being capricious, indifferent, detached......purely oriented around “getting his job done” and “chilling” and, naturally, “fucking with gordon freeman“.)

ultimately it boils down to distilling just what i like out of their interactions and trying to Manifest it repeatedly. i go crazy about their actual canon interactions and i want to write things that hit the notes i like: two guys who are mutually kind of obsessed with one another, for better or worse, and engage in a lot of play fighting (and, you know, genuine fighting, too) as a sublimation of it. best frenemies, if you will.

i think that a lot of the problems people have in writing benrey is that they kinda just project whatever attributes they want in a lover onto him. like, man, i like cute shit as much as the next guy, but do you really think that the dude who bullies gordon freeman while hes having a panic attack is gonna tenderly stroke gordons hair and wipe his tears and tell him that everythings gonna be okay? no, dude. even when benrey expresses any kind of concern, he does it in a way that communicates that he doesnt understand the gravity of whats going on and he doesnt “get” why gordons lying on the ground yelling, or why gordons howling in pain after getting his arm cut off. he is not an empathetic guy. hes actually kind of a creep!!! a lil freakjob! the weirdness and the lack of humanity are what make him hot!!!!

and this is what makes it own so hard on the rare occasions he does show empathy! its the same reason why its so cute when gordon stops bitching for 0.5 seconds and tries to be nice! theyre earned moments, not character defaults. and cutesy/lovey-dovey shit with these two is definitely doable, but i would love to see more of it take into account the fact that these are two dudes who fucking suck and who especially suck at being emotionally open with each other.

as far as characterizations that i really like........okay. full disclosure. the biggest reason ive been losing my shit over the catmaid freemind fic is b/c the author is one of the few people who really taps in to what i like about benrey, and what i like about his relationship with gordon. hes teasing. he likes to use his perceived authority to bully people. hes weirdly protective of gordon. but hes also just, like, a chill dude who wants to play video games. and he legit likes gordon and expresses affection for him in some of the most in-character ways ive ever seen

like. deliberately spilling milk on the couch and flatly going like “oops.” b/c he wants gordon to sleep in his room......playing nurse by doing fuck-all apart from giving gordon powerade while hes sick and keeping the volume on his video games low......kicking barmey under the table for making fun of gordon being dogboyed.......it is all exceptionally cute shit and its delightfully in-character. i feel so bad for the author b/c im a frenrey head and i am primarily reading it for those two. but god they do it so well.......im hooked. im obsessed

thank u again for asking this and for the lovely compliment ^q^ i hope this answered your question......i have spent entirely too much of my life thinking about my favorite half life funny guy

[sir-silly]

TWDG S3 First Playthrough

So, here’s my main problem with season 3. I like the story and I like a lot of the characters, but what I don’t like is how it makes me feel. I’m not inclined to make the choices that I actually want to make. I want to defend Clementine to the death and shoot Conrad (i love his character, i just hate how he treated Clem there) and stay behind to fight with her, but as Javier, it just doesn’t make sense.

He just met this girl and has no idea who she is, rather than us who have known her for so much longer. And personally, I don’t ship him with Kate. But it feels so forced that I feel like I have to go along with it. It’s so ugh. So, this first playthrough, I’m going to be acting as Javier, not as me, and I’m going to hate it and be salty so be prepared for that.

wE WERE SUPPOSED TO GET A FLASHBACK WITH SANDRA??? AND WE DIDN'T??!?!?!!! WHAT THE FUCK??????? I'M LOOKING THROUGH THE CONCEPT GALLERY AND WHAT THE HELL?!??!?! I'M SO MADDDD!!!!

I'm already angry and we haven't even started yet. Kate was going to have a katana???? And Gabe was gonna get a fucking AXE??????? WHY DID WE NOT GET THESE THINGS??!?!?!?!! Also, JAVIER IS SO FUCKING SLOW. I also played all of season 3 in one day lmao.

E1 - I’ll never not find the opening amazing. It’s so well done and just that, “No, Yaya. Pipo’s awake.” with the cut is so damn good. They did a really good job with that. However, I do have to complain when we get to present day because Mariana looks just as old as Clem and Gabe. She’s supposed to be 10 while they’re 13 and 14, which I don’t buy just from looking at her. Like, I thought she and Gabe were twins the first time I saw them. ALSO Mariana has an eyebrow slit and cuffs her pants. Bisexual confirmed.

I love the reintroduction to Clementine. She’s such a badass and her, “How about I shoot you and take the van anyway?” is just YASS QUEEN. She’s such a baddie and I love it. I think it’s kind of dumb that you get locked up if you tell a believable lie, but you’re allowed to roam free if you tell the questionable truth. It just doesn’t make sense. As Tripp, I would have done it the other way around.

I’ll always be so mad about Mari’s death. I wish they would have kept her alive because it would have been totally doable. Have that moment of shock come from Kate getting shot in the stomach and make us question if she’s alive until we run over to her. That way, we still get the anger and the reason to go to Richmond, but this sweet little child gets to come along. I would have loved to see her reaction with seeing David again because she would see how bad he was immediately, unlike Gabe.

E2 - I didn't get into Kate and David's fight because I don't care and it has no impact. The only time we see Gabe with his axe is him just using it on an already dead walker, which is bull. Calling him pudding boy makes the game much more enjoyable, 10/10 would recommend (I’m literally Louis, I had to use spellcheck for that word). Thanks CallMeKevin.

Conrad annoys the hell out of me this episode just because of how pissy he is with Clem. I know he just lost his wife or girlfriend or something, but no one shall mess with Clemmy without feeling the full force of my anger. I hate giving her up to Richmond. This episode is pretty boring, tbh. I wish they would have just combined 1 and 2 (I know it was originally all one episode) and just given us 4 because not a whole lot interesting happened. Definitely ranked last out of my favorite episodes for season 3.

E3 - The flashbacks from Javi just annoy me after the first one. They just have no impact and don't add anything since we know how it ends up anyway. The blowing out the candle and closing the door transitions were beautiful though. Tripp is all like "I didn't even know you had a brother" like bruh you met Javi two days ago and you've hardly talked to each other about anything other than what's been going on.

I think episode 3 is one of my favorites because it has a lot of good moments and hard choices in it. I'm really surprised that only 56% of people chose to bring Max back to Richmond, like, I thought a lot of people would go for that. I really don't understand Clint still backing Joan after they all learn she was behind the raids. From the little bit we get from his character, he seems to prefer peace and negotiation rather than violence so I don't understand how he lets this all happen. Lingard makes sense because how else would his addiction get fed, but Clint siding with her, I just don't understand. However, the cliffhanger if you don't bring Max is like a million times better.

E4 - Clem getting her period is always such a thing for me. Like, this girl has never had a constant in her life, so here she is asking a total stranger what periods are because she doesn't understand. I always have Javi explain to her because he totally realizes that she has no parental figure and thus never learned anything or that menstrual cycles used to be a "taboo" subject for a lot of people.

David is so GRRRR. Like, bruh, I just took a good ass deal and you have the aUDACITY TO SHOOT THE MAN???!?!!? THEN YOU BLAME ME?!?!!?!?! WTF!?!!! Also, I love how Javi is literally like “let me just hide behind these civilians” while he’s getting shot at lmao.

I did such a bad, y'all. When Kate was driving to the square, I was jokingly saying "what if I just let her hit me" because I thought it would be funny because I have such a hard time playing season 3 seriously just because it's my least favorite. But I was like "nah I don't wanna have to replay a section" so I pushed the dodge button bUT APPARENTLY I WASN'T FAST ENOUGH AND CONRAD PUSHED ME OUT OF THE WAY AND GOT HIT!!?!?!?!! I DIDN'T KNOW THAT COULD HAPPEN!!! I THOUGHT HE LIVED FOR GOOD IF YOU GOT HIM THROUGH EPISODE 3?!?!?!! I'M SO UPSET ASDFGHJKL

E5 - I’m so fuckingn mad about Conrad. I’d rather Kate have died than him lol. I’m so angry. I told her that she killed him because I’m still so damn salty about it. I’m never getting over that shit. Fucking BULL.

I have such mixed feelings about David during this episode. Like, he loses his shit a lot during episode 5 with the whole Fern/Rufus thing then again when Kate fuckin outs y’all at the worst possible time. But the reason I get so conflicted about him is because of that scene on the roof. I think he’s a shitty person for thinking a soldier can’t also be a husband or a father because that’s wrong on so many levels.

But I also really feel sympathy for him when he talks about if he hasn’t changed because he doesn’t know how or if it’s impossible to change who you really are. Because, in my opinion, people can change - but he brings up a really interesting point here. People can change, but to what extent? Are they happy about the change or do they miss the way things were? Did they change because it was something they wanted or was it for someone else? He just really makes me think here and the way he questions himself like that makes me feel very connected with him in a strange way, simply because I ask myself a lot of the same things.

I was so freaking worried when it came to everyone splitting up, you have no damn idea lmao. Even though I don’t like Kate, I still wanted to get the “happy ending” so I was so fucking thankful when Clem said she’d go with whoever I didn’t since that’s the only way to get both her and Gabe. Speaking of which, he’s fucking adorable. I know a lot of people find him annoying, and I did too at first, but he’s just a really sweet kid.

I’m excited to go back through the game and actually make the choices I want to make lol.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #233

lalala song lyrics i’m about to go home so copy/pasting time.

What subject do you seem to struggle with the most? Various forms of mathematics. Have you ever solved a Rubik’s Cube? Noooo. I don't have that dedication. What’s the worst feeling in the world? Specifically? Giving someone everything you have physically and emotionally with full force and finding out you weren't enough. Who do you think is the easiest to talk to? Sara, probably. What is your favorite genre of movie? Horror, probably. What’s the best thing that happened to you today? Being told I don't have strep throat. Do you have a favorite metal band or do you not like metal? Metal is my favorite genre. I claim a lot as "favorites," but the reigning king will always be Ozzy Osbourne. What’s your favorite kind of science? Genetics. What’s your homeroom? We don't have those in college. If you had to move, where would you move to? Well, my only choice would be to move in with my dad, his wife, and her son. I'm not financially independent. Who did you last go to the movies with? Dad. I think. Have you ever read anything written by Shakespeare? I'm not going to include things assigned in schools because everyone had to read like, Beowulf or something similar at some point. I once started to read the full Macbeth (we read a condensed version in school) during a hospital stay, but I didn't finish it. Who’s the cutest person you know? Have you fuckin SEEN Sara when she's excited because- How about the funniest? Girt's funny as fuck. What is your current desktop picture? An adorable meerkat pup looking at the camera al;sdjfal;kjwerads If you could be reincarnated into anything you wanted, what would it be? I don't know if I'd even want that, but let's just say I was. Maybe... I was gonna say a lioness, because they're high on the food chain, beautiful, and social animals, but yeah I'd prefer to not be poached. Perhaps a house cat. What talent would you like to have? I wish I could draw hyperrealistically. What New Year’s resolutions did you make? I don't make those. What are three songs that mean the most to you? "Pretty Woman" by Van Halen, "The Only Exception" by Paramore, and probably "It's Alright" by Mother Mother. What do you think of your parents? I love them. What is one thing you would do to make the world better? I wish with a snap of my fingers I could just make all litter disappear or something like that. If you could be invisible for a day, what would you do? ... Wow. I actually thought about it, and the first thing my mind drifted to was "go to Jason's just to see he's okay," and I don't like that. We pass his house every day to go to school and come back, and I think it's only natural that I get curious, particularly when his car is there, but I don't want to care. How much cash do you have on you right now? Just a few dollars from Mom to get something from the snack or drink machine from school if I need to. What’s the hardest thing you’ve ever had to do in your life? Move on. Let go of people. Forgive. How do you measure intelligence? I dunno, how do you? Define the *type* of intelligence. What cartoons do you watch? None actively. Have you ever used drugs? Not illicit ones. Are you into tattoos? *blinks* Do you like photography? I fucking read this as "pornography" first aslkjweoaider. But yeah, I love love love photography. What’s the biggest celebrity you’ve ever seen in real life? The only celebrity I think I've ever seen is Alice Cooper, and it was at a concert. What person in history do you admire most? I don't know enough about any historical figure to really answer this with passion. What is the most daring thing that you have done in public? I don't know considering I'm not that daring. Probably a kiss momentarily going too far or something. Are you afraid of anything that most people are not afraid of? Whale sharks lmao. But pregnancy is the biggie. Well, maybe most are to a mild degree at least, idk. Have you ever watched someone struggle with addiction? Yeah. Who do you look up to for your style? I don't look up to a certain person. If you were to invent something, what would it be? I don't know off the top of my head and I don't feel like sitting here- OH NO WAIT! Remember that one year deviantART's April Fools prank was that it produced some sort of technology where you could visualize a drawing, and by scanning your finger or some weird shit while you envisioned it, it could produce it on the screen? Yeah, something like that. I'd pay big bucks for something that could put my ideas on paper. Who would you like to get to know better? One of my RP partners that I've known since childhood. She's just extremely private online. What’s your favorite thing to order at a Chinese food restaurant? Pork fried rice is my jam. In your opinion, what is the greatest challenge the world faces today? Greed, probably. What have you achieved that you once thought was impossible? Getting over Jason. What have you tried to quit, but weren’t able to? Meat. Not for lack of motivation, but health needs. What was the last rumor that you heard? I don't know. What country star would you most like to meet and why? I'm not interested in meeting any. Have you ever been in a car accident? Yeah. What is the most dangerous thing you have ever done? Overdose. What is the meaning of life? I don't pretend to know anymore. I think everyone gives their life its own meaning based on values, goals, beliefs, etc. Do you prefer cupcakes or muffins? That's hard, man. Depends on the kind, I guess. What is the funniest movie you’ve seen in your whole entire lifetime? White Chicks never fails to get me. What’s the worst nightmare you’ve ever had? My dad about to molest me. What’s your favorite amusement park ride? Merry-go-rounds lmao. Who are your musical influences? This seems like a question for an aspiring musician, which I'm not. What’s the best pick-up line that’s ever been tried on you? I don't know if anyone's ever tried one on me. How many drinks can you handle? I wouldn't really know as I've never reached the point of being drunk, but seemingly quite a few. Weak ones, anyway. If it has a high alcohol concentration, I'm not drinking that shit. What was the longest phone conversation you’ve ever had? Idk, most of the afternoon or evening. I think one occasion with an old best friend went past five hours. Do you know where you want to go to college? I'm happy at my current college. They care a lot about their students. Are you satisfied with the picture on your ID card? Permit, fuck no. School ID, it's alright. What fruit did you last eat? An apple. Aside from yourself, who was the last person to see you naked? My mom. How many classes are you taking? Four, currently. Jumping up to six next semester... though not really by choice. My adviser wants me to have like a safety net by having two classes I CAN drop if I need to, but she's realistic in pointing out that the school path I visualize doable for me will be a VERY slow one and ultimately cost so, so much more money, so she wants to nudge me along as best she can while keeping my limitations in mind. I'm definitely going to try the best I can to do this in four years, but yeah... unlikely. But that's okay to me, so long I get there in not TOO long of a time. Have you ever lost anything down a toilet? I don't think so... but I do recall when my older sister was tiny she flushed a little toy truck down the toilet. We had to get a plumber to save it lmao. I think my mom has kept the truck. Are you someone’s best friend? One of hers. Do you have any goldfishes? No. Have you ever had a pet that you disliked? I absolutely hate my sister's dog that for whatever fucking reason lives with Mom and me. Why we keep a dog that does nothing but annoy us and piss us off is a subject of more than frequent arguing. When was the last time you saw hail? I don't know, a long time ago. What color eyes do you prefer: Green or Brown? Green. Have you ever given a nickname to your pet(s)? Oh yeah. Of my living ones, I call Venus "Miss Venus" and "pretty girl" a whole lot, while Teddy has a whole lot, but mostly "booga," "bub(by)," "boogie," and "Teddy-boo." I just call Roman "butt" a lot, lmao. I don't really have a common one for Mitsu, but I sometimes use "baby girl," I think. Ever been on a boat before? Like, fishing boats. Which is better: Skiing or Snowboarding? I wouldn't know, never tried either. Can you change the oil on a car? I have no clue how. Ever ran out of gas? Not while I myself was driving. I don't even know if I've ever been in the car while that's happened. Favorite kind of sandwich? Most of the time just an 'ole pb&j. Best thing to eat for breakfast? mmmmmmm cinnamon rolls are the GOOD SHIT. Are you horny? Nah. Do you have any magazine subscriptions? Nope. Which are better legos or lincoln logs? Lincoln logs or GET OUT. Are you stubborn? Yeah, most of the time. Are you afraid of heights? YEAH. Ever used a gun? Nooooo and I don't want to. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? Idk if the guy who did my school ID card was an actual photographer? I dunno? Ever eat a pierogi? I hate those goddamn pockets of disgust. Favorite type of fruit pie? I dun like pie. I used to be okay with apple, though. Do you believe in ghosts? 110%. Ever have a deja-vu feeling? Yes because our world is just a simulation and it's a glitch- (I'm only semi-kidding btw idk I kinda believe it) Why do you think others get deja-vu? Because our world is just a simulation and it's a glitch- Take a vitamin daily? No. I need to, though. Wear a bath robe? No, I get dressed right after the shower. What do you wear to bed? Pajama pants and a tank top. First concert? Alice Cooper. Outside. During a thunderstorm. Shit was badass. Peanuts or sunflower seeds? Both are ew. I can handle a little bit of peanut better, though. Ever take dance lessons? I grew up taking a lot through middle school and some of high school. I tooook... clogging (I was embarrassingly good at that omg), jazz, modern (my fave), lyrical very briefly 'cuz I am NOT graceful, and hip hop. I always hated the music, but the dancing itself is fun. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? No. They can do whatever they aspire to. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yeah. Own any record albums? Not anymore, Mom sold them. I wish I had them now, ahhhh. I love 'em. Own a record player? No. Who would you like to see in concert? I am seeing Ozzy next year or I will fucking riot, Metallica, and Rammstein. Many others would be cool, but those are the biggies. I'd love to see Manson and Otep, but their shows are... yeah. They do gross and/or really disrespectful shit. Hot tea or cold tea? THERE ARE SO MANY TEA OR COFFEE QUESTIONS IN SURVEYS but they tend to be different so I just keep them in alsdjf;awe. The usual: I hate tea. Can you swim well? I guess I swim fine? DJ or band, at a wedding? DJ. I want a variety of music. Ever won a contest? A few, don't feel like trying to remember 'em. Ever have plastic surgery? No. Which are better black or green olives? Olives are fucking gross. Best room for a fireplace? Living room. Who was your high school crush? My first was either Sebastian or Kyle. Or Girt. Then Juan, though that crush was questionable if it was serious or not. He really flattered me a lot, but I've told the story before plenty. Idk if the emotion was romantically reciprocated, though honestly I think it was mostly because of his reputation? I only knew him as extremely sweet. BUT ANYWAY, after that, do I even need to say "Jason?" When he came along, whether or not I really liked Juan was totally forgotten. What do you believe happens to us after death? Hell if I know. Have you ever cheated on someone? No. Does the thought of growing old frighten you? More like the thought of my body deteriorating does. Have you ever hurt someone for your own entertainment? um the fuck. I've done it out of heartbreak and pain, but never for my entertainment. What is your favorite song of all time? Of all time, probably "False Flags" by Massive Attack. Has anyone you’ve known died on a holiday? Possibly, idk. If you could write a book, what would it be about? Sometimes I wish I could make a series out of the meerkat RP I engage in, but I don't have the motivation or dedication for that. And I wouldn't be comfortable revising our "tribute" characters for the sake of legality and just respect in general. What are some lyrics that speak to your soul? "For such a little thing, you sure are in your own way" from a Mother Mother song. I'm not exactly small for a human ha ha, but in the scope of the universe perspective, we're all less than microscopic. Have you ever been in love with more than one person at the same time? Not in love, not. Attracted to, yeah. What is the sweetest thing anyone has ever said to you? I remember, though it's a tad blurry, the occasion I was having a serious "grieving session" for Jason at Colleen's house, and her sister was there alone with me. She was talking me through it and grabbed my shoulders at one point, looked me dead in the eye, and told me so firmly yet gently how beautiful a person I was and that I deserved the world and more. I won't forget that, like ever. Do you have any taboo fetishes or preferences? No. What is the thing you are most ashamed of? I've talked about this enough. Well, that or just being a general "this is all your goddamn fault and I am the only victim here" cunt to Jason following the breakup. Actually, yeah, I'm probably more ashamed of that. What is the emotion you seem to feel most strongly? Hm. Embarrassment? Heartbreak? Love? Idk. Do you think of yourself as a unique person? Yeah, honestly. I mean not incredibly, but unique, yeah. What is a movie from childhood that you loved? I've talked about TLK and Finding Nemo and that kinda stuff a lot, so here's a STUPIDLY underrated one: Spirit: Stallion of the Cimmaron. That movie is fuckin beautiful wtf. Are you afraid of death? Aren't we all at least to a small degree? What are your top three biggest fears, actually? Losing my mom, being raped, and all those I love just abandoning me. Do you have an accent of any kind? You can detect a Southern one sometimes. What do you want to be remembered for? Sending a message of love, especially to animals. Are you currently sad about anything? I am literally permanently sad about my weight, though it's not like, an *active* sadness at this very moment? Have you ever changed your spiritual beliefs? Three times now. Catholic to Christian to theist. What is your favorite alcoholic drink? MARGARITAS gotDAMN Do you ever talk to yourself? Sure. Have you ever cried yourself to sleep in your adult life? Oh yeah. What do you think is the meanest thing you’ve ever said to someone? "Thanks for sending me to the ER again." Fucking bitch. Do you have a favorite book? If so, how many times have you read it? Johnny Got His Gun and The Outsiders. Only read both once. I almost never read a book more than that. Have you ever wished you were from another country? Half the time, especially as an adult, I wish I lived in Canada. What are you thinking about currently? My throat is absolutely killing me and I'm ready to leave school. What is a subject that makes you uncomfortable to speak about? I'm more uncomfortable talking about sex than I used to think. Do you have anything you are extremely particular about? When I'm in the passenger seat controlling the music? Oh my god, Mom, DON'T turn the volume down manually. I can do that on my iPod myself, but can only turn it back UP but so loud as it gets lower by the car itself. She knows I turn it down when we're talking, she is, or we slow down, but she does it anyway sometimes and I get unreasonably annoyed by it. Have you ever seen the ocean? Only the Atlantic. What is your most fond memory of your current S.O, if applicable? THE FIRST KISS Y'ALL it was fuckin CHEESY but I LOVE IT Do you find yourself confused often? Oh hell yeah. What was the best time of your life? It's so funny to me how I can answer "2017," the very same year I OD'd. That's rapid growth, my friend. Have you ever been on a cruise? No. Do you miss any of your exes? I only miss the memories of him. Are you religious? I mean I believe in some ultimate creator, but I don't really like calling myself "religious" anymore. I don't worship it, I don't pray to it. I'm thankful to exist, but that's. It, I guess. ANY entity I would respect wouldn't demand me to kiss its feet. Do you think you are attractive? HELL NO. How many people have you slept with? Do you mean like, as in having sex? One. Slightly fooled around with, two, including the previously-mentioned guy. Do you consider yourself a catch? Besides my looks, I do think I'm a good girlfriend. What kind of sauce do you eat your chicken nuggets with? Honey mustard, actual mustard... that kinda stuff. What do you think you could do to improve your life? Get a goddamn job, I'm just really not capable right now. What song is playing right now? "Hag" by Otep. What is your LJ name? I don't have a LiveJournal. I don't even want to EXIST on the same site with a particular fat-headed, bigoted fuck of a bitch. Holy shit I've nearly made an account multiple times JUST to talk that cunt back to Earth. What was the most recent movie you watched? UHHHHHHHH I don't remember actually. How many times have you got stitches? UHHHH twice or thrice? What are your pets’ species and names? I'm excluding the dog I hate because he's not even "mine." Teddy is a beagle/cocker spaniel/probably something else mix. Roman is a cat mix; he seems to have Siamese or something similar in 'im. Mitsu is a fancy rat. Venus is a champagne ball python. What is your most recent musical crush? Mark is a fucking singer, DON'T EVEN @ ME ABOUT IT. Which is better; immense heat or extreme coldness? God, the latter. I literally can't handle like anything above 70 for even like 10 minutes. It's not just that I find heat uncomfortable, but I sweat to a disgusting degree and get extremely weak, dizzy, and sometimes nauseous. Do you have a disease? Just mental ones. I have at least one physical disorder, but not a disease. Do you like gore? BITCH yes. Especially in art. It's the smell irl I can't really handle, as well as seeing like, human gore, but also exclusively in the real world. It feels too personal and close to home, y'know? Do you stutter? YEP. Name a cool person you have lost touch with? Megan, particularly. Who was the friendliest person you have met on the internet? MAN, I don't know if I could pick!! Maybe uhhhh... Megan again? She was nice to like... everyone. Or Connie for the same reason, and she's also chill as hell. I really don't know, I've met a load of great people. Name a song that is overplayed. I don't listen to the radio, so. What websites do you visit frequently? Kalahari Manor, deviantART, YouTube, Facebook, the Silent Hill wiki to make sure it's not exploding from mental cases again to not make it to fucking video game and horror sites/blogs again, and especially lately, Tumblr. There's more, but those are the regularly frequent ones. Does counting sheep help you fall asleep? Never tried. What is the biggest mystery? Where the universe came from and why.

[flippinoptimist]

sgrub thing: im awake on my moon (derse? its purple) and doing research, doesnt look like the game happens until we're 6 or smthn, so that gives like a sweep to prepare, hopefully. ive done a headcount on the dreamers here; including me, there are 8 of us. 2 questions; isnt there usually an equalish number of players on each moon? if there is going to be more than 12 of us, how will aspect work? or secondlike, if we have no prospit dreamers, will that be a problem? im page of mind if it matters

sorry for leavin you waitin dude!  the game is probably gonna wait till youre six, thats the normal age, but ive heard of it waitin as long as nine sometides.  dont count on that, but, also maybe dont be surprised if it decides to get a little crazy w/ the timing in the other direction.  it likes startin on peoples hatchdays though, so thatll help.

generally you’re gonna be split 50/50, so 8 total players oughta be 4 on each moon – and 8 on one moon means that if your game is normal thatll probably mean 8 on the other.  yikes!  but since that takes you above 12, i see a few main possibilities:

1) extra players might have some of the weird hybrid aspects.  i heard of a Thane of Pain once, and a Page of Dreams.  dreams ended up havin a lot to do with dreamselves and bubbles and shit, and i never found out what the deal with pain was.  i checked with the guy who programmed my session, and he said he had some halfbaked code in our session that technically allows for the game to mashup or edit classpects for scenarios like this, and make brand new custom ones as needed, but that he wasn’t all done programming that part yet at the point where our timeline crashed.  if i had to take a guess, Dreams is kind of like Hope, but with about half the shit traded out for stuff from mind and void.  or maybe its its own whole new thing?

anyway, the way to test for this one : try to connect each player to an aspect, and especially look for pictures where their aspect symbol ought to be.  if you see weird extra symbols that You Don’t Know, outside the normal 12?  you gotta research those yourself, and theres probably 8 players on the other moon.  im going to guess that the game will try to fill at least Time and Space normally, but after that its a grab bag whether it’ll go for custom or normal ones.

also, if you can figure out who programs your copy of the game, definitely ask them to look into whether there are custom aspects or not.

2) extra players might have the same aspects but different classes than another player.  they might have their own separate lands, or they might share a Land with their other dude with the same aspect.  if this is the thing, youll see pictures of visibly different people with the same aspect symbol on their chest in the frescos and shit.  if this goes down, fuckin tell me about it because i am curious as shit how thatd play out.  if players share lands, they might be expected to do so cooperatively (”the two heroes band together to …”), or competetively (”the two heroes fought for dominance over..”).  even if they tell you to fight, you can probably get better results from cooperating.

one scenario to be worried about here : what if prospit has 8 players, all with the same aspects as you guys, and tries to pit them against you by telling them youre the bad guys just because you got assigned to derse?  if you meet an unfamiliar player, try real hard to make sure this isn’t the case, and to let them know you want the universe thing to germinate successfully, if that is your goal.

3) prospit might have No players, and be uniquely fucked.  convincing them that you want to go to their side will be hard as shit, but might be doable.  you might have to sabotage derse all on your own w/ no help from them – or maybe the war in your session is nonstandard enough that the sides dont mean what they usually mean?

if prospit has no players at all, research the entire moon war from scratch.  figure out Why each side is doin what it does, and what their plans for skaia are, and which side you like the best.  because your session is off the rails in an interestin way, an you’ll have to make educated decisions as best you can.

you might need to ask sprites to verify this one, whether prospit has any princes/princesses.

good luck guy