#it's 7am so gonna just rant a little bit before work

[voodoodaaddy]

[chokemeanakin]

Okay. This is going to be a little bit of a rant but it's kinda crazy. Also doing this on my laptop instead of my phone cause it gonna be a lot.

So I work for a company that does point of sale software for restaurants (i.e. the computer that servers use to input orders). I'm technical support and so that comes with the 8-5 shift of answering calls and doing web maintenance (updating websites and online ordering). On top of this, we have an "On Call" after hours shift that is either Mon- Thurs from 6pm - 7am the next day on top of said 8-5 shift. The other is the weekend after hours. Basically being on call from Friday at 6pm until Monday at 7am.

This may seem SUPER crazy but I have 5 other teammates I share this schedule with and we get rotated around. We finally got another coworker hired but he's still in the training process and barely taking calls. Though when one of us goes on vacation, the rest have to pick up the slack. Not last weekend, but the weekend before I was on call. Basically feels like working for 2 weeks straight cause I didn't really get a break until last Friday for the weekend. I'm on call again THIS WEEKEND. I had 3 days off of work and now I'm at work nonstop until NEXT FRIDAY. >.< I'm just so tired and not looking forward to this weekends craziness. BTW, there's only ever one person on call after hours. So as you can imagine, Saturdays during lunch hour can be pretty hectic.

During all of this, I see you posting and just being your natural silly you and it just makes my day so much better, especially during these kinds of shifts. Thank you for being you because you are literally keeping me from going insane these past couple months.

I’m sorry for ignoring everyone else’s messages for the past 2 days but I’m a lil tipsy rn and I just saw this and it was so sweet I had to answer....

Bestie— I’m just a 19 year old girl saying fuckshit whatever on tumblr and wattpad 🥺

I’m crying 🤧

Well same goes for you, you keep me from going insane bc you interact so much with my work and my blog, it’s so fun to talk to you. I appreciate all of your support fr fr 😔🙏🏻

and I’m sorry you’ve been working so hard, u should go treat yourself with a massage or something u deserve it bae 💖

[ppaltagon]

#4 from the angst category with changgu please? love your writing!

Yeo One - 4. (angst) “Why are you lying to me?”

It seems just like any other normal day. You wake up a little earlier than your boyfriend and place a gentle kiss on his forehead before getting out of bed, followed by a painful groan from his side.

“You were out long for practice again, hm?” you whisper sleepily and see him nodding, while pulling the warm blanket over half his face. You chuckle at the sight. “I’ll make us breakfast. Come out when you’re ready to face the day,” you laugh softly and silently exit the bedroom to get to the kitchen. As soon as you’re out of there, you let out a big sigh and start rubbing your shoulders that still hurt from being at work all day and only sitting in front of the computer.

Changgu shows his sleepy face a few minutes later, immediately going for the cup of coffee you placed on the table for him. With a fond smile he takes a sip and visibly enjoys the feeling of the hot liquid going down his throat.

“You really make the best coffee,” he compliments you and you smile back at him. It really is just like any other day.

Work too is stressful as ever. You do your best to get your own load done, so you can help out your coworkers and hope for that promotion you’ve been aiming for ever since it was announced that your boss’ secretary would leave her position in a few weeks. As always, you make sure to stay after hours and get home exhausted, only to crash right into bed. You can feel that the stress and the fact that you keep forgetting about your meals is weighing you down, but what can you do? You really need the extra money, so you can’t afford to slack off.

The weekend arrives and finally you and Changgu both have a day off that you can spend together - if it wasn’t for you boss calling you to prepare a series of presentations over the weekend that he needs by 7am Monday morning. Changgu asked you what was the matter when you hung up in distress, but you ensured that nothing would get in the way of your planned movie night together. Still, you have to finish those presentations, and you know you won’t be able to do that in one day, so here you are, leaning against his shoulder, the movie playing in front of you, and in your lap your laptop that you’re focused on. You try to ignore the background noises of the movie and just concentrate on the screen right in front of you. That’s when Changgu reaches over to the remote and pauses the movie.

“Y/N, why are you lying to me?” he calls you out and you lift your face to look over at him.

“I’m not-”

“Lately whenever we want to finally do something together, you’re always focused on something else. When I ask you if you’re doing okay, you say yes, even though I can see how stressed you are.” You try to stop his rant during which you can clearly feel his impatience, but he just keeps going. “We set an evening for just ourselves, and still you keep working on something else. An evening, Y/N! That’s a few hours at most.” You can feel your own anger starting to arise and slam shut your laptop.

“Well, I’m sorry that I have to earn money too! I don’t have the luxury to just freely choose my working hours, unlike someone else living in this place!” you scoff back, resulting in him getting up and walking away a few steps.

“Look, I can see your current work isn’t doing you any good and that you clearly need a break, but-” you cut him off.

“I don’t need no break! I just need a few hours to myself to finish this damn presentation and then we can continue our movie night!” He looks at you in disbelief.

“But you know exactly that by the time you’re done here it’s most likely way past midnight, and the only thing we’re gonna do then is go to sleep?” Changgu shakes his head. “I’m sorry, I can’t do this…” With that, he leaves for the door. “I’m taking a walk to cool off a little.”

As soon as you’re alone, you can hear your thoughts racing even more clearly. Trying to shove away your boiling fury, you open up your laptop and try to finish your presentation. But you just can’t seem to concentrate on it anymore. Were you being too harsh with him? You said some mean things to him that you secretly regret, and with that regret the feelings of guilt come too and soon, instead of feeling angry at him, you just feel sorry. He deserves someone better than me… You catch yourself having such thoughts, and the screen in front of you starts getting blurry with the tears welling up.

Later that night, Changgu comes back from his walk, seeming just as emotionally exhausted as you are. When he turns on the lights in the living room, he still finds you sitting there on the sofa to his surprise. This time without your laptop.

“What are you still doing up?” he asks you. From the tone of his voice you can tell he calmed down a bit.

“We need to talk.” Upon your statement, he walks over to you and sits down beside you. “I’m sorry,” you say. “I shouldn’t have been so rude to you. It’s just… it’s true that I’m super stressed because of work. But I need this promotion, so I can’t just slack off…!” You feel his hand under your chin, turning your head to face him.

“Y/N, you’re not slacking off. You’re doing more than necessary.”

“But then why don’t I have the promotion yet?” you argue back.

“Why do you care so much about the promotion when all it does is make you fall apart and harm your relationships with others. Like, when have you last seen any of your friends?”

“Um…” you can’t say anything. Because deep down you know he’s right. You know you’re not doing yourself any good. But still, you don’t want to step down so easily…

“See? I hate to see you like this, taking on double the amount of work you can handle.” Now you see genuine worry in his eyes, and for the first time in forever you let yourself feel just how much he really cares about you while he caresses your cheek with the back of his hand. “Will you try to tone it down a little if I help you?” You look at him with wide eyes, close to crying, and wonder what you should answer for a while, before you slowly nod.

“I will try…” you finally give in and see a faint smile light up his face. How you love that expression of his.

“Then let’s go to sleep for today. And tomorrow we’ll finish that presentation together and think about how you tell your boss that you need to take a few steps back, okay?” The thought alone gives you anxiety, but seeing Changgu this worried in front of you, you realize he’s probably right.

“Okay. Thank you… for caring about me,” you say, eyes cast down on the rug in front of you and he places a lingering kiss on your forehead.

“Let’s go to sleep.”

- Admin Salty

[nebulous-frog]

The Prince and His Helper Ch. 3 (Finale)

Summary: Dan and Phil work together at Disney World. Dan is Prince Eric’s handler, and, well, let’s just say you never see Phil and Prince Eric in the same place at the same time. Dan really likes Phil. He’s been known to get a little jealous at the most idiotic of times, but his heart’s in the right place.

Part One Part Two

Word count: 11,382 (this chapter- 17,212 overall)

Rating: G

Warnings: Some swearing, food mentions

Genre: Fluff, Getting Together, First Date

Author’s Note: It's finally here! Thank you so much for your patience :) Massive thank-you to @imnotinclinedtomaturity​, without whom this fic probably wouldn't exist and it certainly wouldn't be this good. 

Link to AO3 Fics Masterlist

Dan was really excited.

He was on his way to Phil’s actual house to pick Phil up for an actual date.

Dan was about to go on a date with a Disney prince and real-life angel named Phil. How his heart hadn’t yet fallen out of his ass from the sheer power of emotion, Dan wasn’t sure. Phil was literally Dan’s ideal man. And Phil had agreed to go on a date with him. As excited as Dan was, he was equally filled with anxiety at everything that could go wrong.

Don’t fuck it up, Dan.

On the drive over to Phil’s house, Dan worried that he had somehow gotten the wrong address, or that his phone’s GPS had sent him the wrong way, or that he’d be late to pick Phil up, or that Phil would have already left his house and moved back to England.

It was ridiculous, honestly, but Dan couldn’t help it. He really wanted this date to work out.

Every red light added to his stress. He kept glancing at the little clock in his car, watching the minutes pass. He was supposed to pick Phil up at 7am sharp, but the time ticked closer and closer, and Dan felt like he wasn’t getting anywhere closer to Phil’s house anytime soon. His nerves grew with every second that passed, and he found himself chewing on his lip in anticipation. He had done his best to leave his house with time to spare, but now that he was actually en route, he wasn’t sure he’d made it out the door in time.

He’ll be so disappointed if I’m late. Dan the Fuck-Up, as usual, can’t even be bothered to make it to a date on time. Classic-

“Arrived,” said the mechanical voice on Dan’s phone, interrupting Dan’s spiral of thoughts.

Dan pulled over in front of a small house. It looked like it might have been white, but Dan couldn’t be sure in the faint early morning light.

He anxiously checked the clock again. It was 7:06.

Bloody typical.

Phil had told Dan to text when he arrived, saying it would be easier than knocking on the door and waking up Phil’s housemates and suffering their persistent teasing. Dan didn’t waste any time grabbing his phone from the passenger’s seat and texting Phil. He didn’t want Phil to have to wait any longer than he already had.

Dan: im here

Phil’s response came within seconds, startling Dan.

He responded so fast, he must have been waiting. Dammit, Dan, why are you always late?! He’s probably mad about it.

He took a deep breath and opened the message.

Phil: gr8 gimme 2 secs i’ll b right there

Dan let out the breath he had been holding. Phil wasn’t mad. At least, Dan assumed so, since Phil said he was coming.

Nervously, Dan’s hands began dancing and tapping randomly on the steering wheel of his car.

He’s coming. Oh my god, the date is about to start. Oh my god.

He looked outside the window, anxiously watching the door of the house- but then he looked away to look at the road because watching the door meant actively waiting for Phil to exit his house, which was stressful in itself because it made him think about how much time was passing and how much time Phil had to change his mind and decide not to come on the date after all.

This date has to be perfect. If it’s not perfect, he won’t want to go on another date and you’ll end up alone and sad.

Dan noticed his leg was bouncing erratically from the nerves and forced himself to take a breath.

It’ll be okay. He wanted to go with you this time, so he clearly must like something about you. Just chill out.

Suddenly, the door to the house opened and Phil stepped out, turning and locking it behind him.

The nerves struck Dan again as Phil approached, manifesting in even more intense finger tapping. Phil’s hair was quiffed up off his forehead, and Dan ached to run his fingers through it. He wore a red plaid shirt, well-fitted to his broad shoulders and making his biceps pop. His black skinny jeans had rips in the knees, giving him a bit of an edgy aesthetic that Dan knew didn’t reflect Phil’s true nerdy, kind personality. Dan was intimidated as hell by Phil’s appearance. How could he look so put-together this early in the morning?? It literally was not fair, and Dan felt inadequate in his own ripped black skinny jeans and cherry blossom button-up. His leg started to vibrate again, and he rolled his eyes at himself.

Get it together, Dan.

They made eye contact through the windscreen, and Phil flashed Dan one of his absolutely adorable smiles. Dan’s heartbeat picked up even more at the sight, and he managed a small smile in return.

He’s so perfect.

Phil arrived at the passenger door and pulled the handle. The door didn’t open. Phil shot Dan a confused look through the window. His brows were furrowed, and there was a cute little wrinkle in the middle of his forehead. Phil pulled the handle again, then pouted up at Dan. His bottom lip was sticking out, and his eyebrows were lifting.

What? Why isn’t it ope- Oh.

Dan sheepishly flipped the “unlock” switch on the control panel next to his arm, then motioned for Phil to try again. This time, it worked, and Phil slid into the seat with a cheeky smile.

“And here I thought you were excited for this date,” Phil teased lightheartedly.

Shit! Now he thinks I don’t want this!

“No!” Dan exclaimed loudly, eyes wide and hands reaching out as if to grab Phil’s arm and keep him in the car.

Phil blinked, tilting his head to the side and furrowing his brow. Clearly, Dan had confused him again.

Dan winced at his own unending awkwardness, then backpedaled to try to salvage the conversation that had barely even begun, god, get it together, Dan.

“I am really excited for this date, Phil, you have no idea,” he began, refusing to look at Phil. “I’m just also really nervous-”

Phil’s giggle interrupted the beginnings of a rant that surely would make Dan feel much worse. “I’m kidding! I know you’re excited,” Phil laughed.

The fondness in Phil’s voice caused Dan to cautiously look at Phil out of the corner of his eye.

Sure enough, the fondest of smiles graced Phil’s lips. Dan could feel himself blushing, and he hoped Phil wouldn’t notice (but he was sure the color on his cheeks was glaringly obvious).

Slowly, Phil reached a tentative hand out to one of Dan’s, gently prying his white-knuckled grasp off the steering wheel to intertwine their fingers. Dan stared at their linked hands in wonder. Phil’s hand was a little smaller and a lot paler, but it looked perfect in Dan’s. Dan felt a clammy warmth coming from Phil’s palm, and he relaxed a little when he realized that must mean that Phil wasn’t feeling as confident as he seemed- at least Dan wasn’t alone in his nerves.

“And it’s okay that you’re nervous. I’m nervous, too.” Phil leaned in closer to Dan to whisper conspiratorially, “Plus, you’re really cute when you blush.”

Dan figured that Phil would probably think Dan was “really cute” most of the date, then, because he couldn’t seem to get his cheeks to calm down. If anything, he was pretty sure his cheeks were getting even more red.

Flustered, Dan didn’t know what to say in response, so he just looked back at the road, shaking his head in slight disbelief.

I don’t know how he could think I’m cute when he’s obviously the cutest person in the universe.

Dan swallowed nervously. “We should- uh- get going. The whole point of getting up before daylight was to get there early, right?” Dan said, deciding to ignore Phil’s comment entirely.

Phil shrugged and leaned back in his seat, releasing Dan’s hand so he could drive.

He carefully checked that the road was clear before pulling into the lane.

Although his eyes were trained on the street, Dan could practically feel Phil’s self-satisfied grin. He couldn’t help the blush that just wouldn’t go away, not when he knew Phil was smiling because of him.

That cute bitch. God, I’m a mess.

Phil must have sensed Dan’s current inability to converse like a proper human being, and decided to take pity on him because he took charge of the conversation.

“I’ve always loved Disney.” Phil said thoughtfully. “I was definitely that kid who sat inside all day rewatching The Lion King until my parents couldn’t stand it anymore.” He chuckled at himself, then continued. “I think they eventually broke the tape on purpose.”

Dan pictured it - a tiny Phil sat in front of a shitty ‘90s television, dressed in absolutely horrendous ‘90s fashion, and singing along at the top of his lungs. He was probably dreadfully off-key even then.

He laughed at the mental image, glancing over at Phil as if trying to picture this adult man in the same situation. “That sounds cute as fuck, Phil,” he said through the laugh.

“Does it really?” Phil asked, sounding surprised. ”Seems a bit annoying, if you ask me. My parents certainly thought so,” Phil mused.

Dan shook his head, and snuck another glance at Phil.

“Definitely cute as fuck,” Dan adamantly assured Phil. He was almost offended that anyone could be annoyed with Phil. “And you know what, The Lion King is amazing, so we are gonna sing it right now, on the way to Disney, because we are adults and no one can stop us,” he declared.

Shit, what if he doesn’t want to, though?

Dan quickly side-eyed Phil, saying, “You know, if you want, that is. We don’t have to.”

But Dan’s concern was unnecessary, as Phil was already grinning and pulling out his phone to find the soundtrack.

“You’ve done it now, Howell. The offer has been made and there’s no going back,” Phil said just as “The Circle of Life” began to play from his phone.

“Naaaaaaans lasagna baby itsy baby!” Phil sang along loudly. He was extremely pitchy, but he didn’t seem to care.

“What the fuck, Phil!” Dan yelled through a hyena laugh. “Those so aren’t the lyrics, oh my god!”

Phil ignored him and continued to sing, moving to the background chorus “lyrics”: “It’s a llama, penguin and a llama. It’s a llama, penguin and a llama.”

Dan laughed harder, doing his best to keep his attention primarily focused on the road.

He’s having so much fun with this. I bet it’d make him happy if I sing like that, too.

Dan would do pretty much anything to make Phil smile, so he joined in, singing, “It’s a llama, penguin and a llama” just as loudly and carelessly as Phil.

Out of the corner of his eye, Dan could see Phil turn his head to look at him. Dan felt himself absolutely melting under the fond giddiness in Phil’s gaze.

Today’s gonna be such a good day.

They spent a majority of the drive singing along to various Disney songs, sticking to The Lion King at first but expanding to some of their other Disney favorites like Mulan (Dan loved singing his dramatic rendition of “Reflection”) and The Little Mermaid (they couldn’t not. Phil was Prince Eric, after all).

“So, I told you what my favorite Disney movie growing up was, now it’s your turn,” Phil began as the last note of “Under the Sea” faded away. “What did your poor parents have to put up with?”

Dan blushed, his eyes darting over to glance at Phil. “It’s kind of embarrassing.”

Phil scoffed. “Impossible. I’m sure it’s perfectly endearing.” Dan shook his head but Phil continued, sounding almost petulant. “Either way, you have to tell me because I already told you mine.”

Dan rolled his eyes, but gave in. Phil could probably make him give into anything. “Okay, fine. My favorite Disney cartoon was Winnie the Pooh. It’s lit-tra-ly why I have such a posh accent.”

“Awwwwww, I love Winnie the Pooh!” Phil cooed. “He wasn’t my favorite, but he was so wonderful.”

Dan glanced over, surprised by Phil’s enthusiastic reaction. Phil was already staring back at him with a small, fond smile.

Just as Dan was about to speak up, maybe change the subject because he still felt a bit embarrassed, Phil spoke again. “You know, I’m not all that surprised your favorite was Winnie the Pooh. You kind of remind me of him, in a way,” he said thoughtfully.

Dan smiled, but couldn’t keep the confusion out of his expression, his head tilting to the side slightly and his eyebrows furrowing.

“I really remind you of Winnie the Pooh?” Dan asked, baffled.

In his peripheral vision, Dan caught a glimpse of Phil. Phil was staring out the window like he was deep in thought, scrunching up his eyebrows slightly.

“Yeah,” Phil answered. “You’ve got this kind of calm chillness about you, but I still know you’ll work hard to get what you want. Like, you work for what you care about but still take it easy every now and then, if that makes sense. And you seem to care a lot about your friends, which is very Pooh.”

There was a thoughtfulness and sincerity to his voice that caught Dan off guard. How does he know that about me already? Does he really pay that much attention? Warmth filled Dan as he considered that maybe Phil liked him as much as he liked Phil.

But then Phil grinned, continuing cheekily, “But I’m pretty sure what you want usually isn’t a pot of honey.”

Dan let out a snort. “Most of that was actually very perceptive of you,” he replied fondly, glancing over at Phil with a soft smile.

Phil shrugged. “No, not really. It’s not that hard to recognize that you’ve never taken a pot of honey to work,” he tried to say casually, but he couldn’t quite keep the amusement from his voice.

Dan groaned and rolled his eyes, but he laughed affectionately. “You’re such a dork!”

“Your mum’s a dork!” Phil retorted in a faux-defensive tone.

“Oi, you leave my mum out of this!” Dan laughed, reaching over to poke Phil’s leg.

The conversation dissolved into laughter and more meaningless, but fun, banter. Dan lost track of the time, his brain in autopilot as he drove them the rest of the way to Disney, and he found himself almost sad when they arrived. The drive had gone so well, what if things got awkward when they were wandering around?

Dan’s worry didn’t last long, however, as Phil continued to talk just as he had in the car. As they walked into the park, they made a quick list of rides they had to go on, and then they were off.

Creepy dolls sang “It’s a Small World” to them (Phil regretted that suggestion; he told Dan he definitely gave himself nightmare material for weeks), they journeyed through the Caribbean with cunning pirates to find Spanish gold, and they took a tour through Neverland. Each ride had a long enough line that they could talk for a short while, but they didn’t feel like they were wasting the day just waiting around.

Big Thunder Mountain Railroad was definitely Phil’s favorite. He made Dan go on it three times in a row. And because Phil just looked too adorable when he was excited (his eyes lit up as he smiled and bounced on the balls of his feet, insisting they had to go go go again right now, it’s so fun!), Dan couldn’t say no. Plus, it was kind of a small cart and they were rather tall. Dan wasn’t about to give up the chance to be squished into Phil’s side.

They wandered into Liberty Square for lunch. Dan had timed it perfectly, because it was just before a parade was supposed to begin. He thought Phil might enjoy seeing the characters and hearing the music as a guest rather than an employee for once, since he was always so excited about the magic of Disney. Dan loved it when the magic would excite Phil; Phil’s inner child would shine through, lighting up his face and making him giggle in wonder.

“We have to go to Sleepy Hollow,” Dan insisted as he pointed to the restaurant with one hand, excitedly tapping Phil’s arm with his other. “They have the best damn chicken and waffles you will ever have in your life, and there’s a little picnic area so we can watch the parade go by.”

“I’m more of a pancakes man, to be honest,” Phil said dubiously. “But I’ll trust you.” He flashed Dan a wide smile.

“These are so much more than a breakfast food, Phil, they are art. They make sandwiches out of the waffle and put this spicy chicken inside and-” Dan moaned theatrically- “I can’t explain it, it’s just so good.”

“Okay, okay, lead the way!” Phil conceded, and gestured for Dan to go ahead of him. Dan reached behind him and pulled Phil after him by the forearm as he hurriedly made his way into the restaurant.

Phil let Dan pick his waffle for him, and then took out his wallet to pay.

“Hey, no, put that away!” Dan insisted, pushing Phil’s arm down. “I asked you out, so I’m paying.”

“But-” Phil started, his hand still reaching into his wallet.

“Nope.” Dan lightly hip-checked Phil out of the way and handed his card over to the cashier. “I’ve got this, okay?” He turned to look at Phil again to see him rolling his eyes, which worried him until he noticed Phil’s small smile.

“You’re ridiculous, but okay.” Phil gave Dan’s shoulder a mini shove to retaliate for the hip-check.

A few minutes later, they retrieved the waffles and sat down at a table near the edge of the patio so they could see the parade when it came.

“Are you ready for your life to change dramatically?” Dan asked seriously as they each picked up their waffle sandwiches.

“Well, now I’m a little scared. That’s a lot of pressure riding on this one sandwich,” Phil teased. He eyed the sandwich skeptically, eyes narrowed in distrust.

“It’s deserved, believe me,” Dan said. “Come on, then. I’m waiting for your reaction.” Dan leaned in closer and stared at Phil eagerly, holding his breath.

Phil eyed his sandwich with a curious expression - part wary and part excited - before he leaned in, opened his mouth wide, and took a big bite.

He seemed to consider for a moment, and then his eyes widened comically. He looked at Dan with pure wonder on his face. His lips were tilting up into a smile, even though his mouth was full of food.

“I know,” Dan said, nodding seriously.

“How - it’s - oh my god,” Phil groaned around his bite of food.

“I know,” Dan laughed. He leaned back in his seat, relieved at Phil’s reaction. “You like it, then?”

Phil nodded vigorously, already going in for another bite.

Dan laughed again, then took a bite of his own sandwich and moaned at the flavor.

“It’s really spicy but it’s so good,” Phil managed when he finally swallowed. He chugged a few gulps of water, then dove back into the sandwich.

Dan felt a strange sense of pride well up in him. Phil had trusted Dan’s suggestion and it paid off brilliantly.

Just then, the front of the parade passed by their seating area. The magic of seeing the characters wasn’t as strong for Dan or Phil now that they’ve done parades and meet and greets before, but that didn’t stop them from enjoying it. Mickey Mouse waved at them, and Phil squealed in delight.

“Hi, Mickey!” he called excitedly, bouncing in his seat a bit and waving his arm wildly.

He’s so precious, oh my god.

“Mickey Mouse waved at me, Dan! I feel special,” Phil exclaimed, looking at Dan with the gleeful excitement of a child.

“You are,” Dan said softly. His body was frozen, his hands half-raised to his mouth with the last few bites of his waffle sandwich, but his eyes wandered Phil’s face, taking in the joy and giddiness. Phil’s happiness was infectious, and Dan found himself smiling affectionately at this excitable man who had somehow agreed to go on a date with Dan, of all people.

Phil’s face flushed, and he broke eye contact for a moment to look down at his food tray, then cautiously looked back up at Dan through his lashes. Dan felt a fresh surge of affection as he saw how bashful Phil got at the compliment.

They stared at each other silently for a moment, faces turning redder by the second, until Dan cleared his throat.

“So, uh, you liked the waffle, then?” He pointed at the sticky mess left on the tray where Phil’s sandwich used to be.

Phil nodded. “Life-changing, as advertised. Thanks for the suggestion.”

“I’m glad you liked it,” Dan replied. He cleared his throat again. “So, after the parade crowd clears out a bit, do you wanna go to the Haunted Mansion?”

“Definitely,” Phil agreed.

It didn’t take long for the crowd to disperse once the parade ended, and then Dan and Phil were off to find the Haunted Mansion.

On the way, they encountered a traffic jam where some families were apparently meeting a character. A huge crowd of people stood in the way, blocking the whole path. Dan felt a twinge of sympathy for the handler, knowing how hard it could be to keep a crowd under control, especially in walkways. As a handler, he hated when people tried to force their way through, but he was a man on a mission. He’d just try not to be too aggressive.

“I’m gonna go for it,” Dan decided, already sending mental apologies to the handler. “Stay close?”

Phil nodded, and Dan pushed himself into the small gaps between people with Phil on his heels.

Except Phil wasn’t quite as on-his-heels as he expected. Dan had moved a little too fast for Phil to keep up in such a cramped space. A hand grasped onto Dan’s wrist, and he jumped, glancing back quickly to see Phil’s arm outstretched.

Phil’s basically holding my hand. It’s fine, nothing to worry about. Totally cool over here. It’s all good.

They finally broke free of the crowd and could stand next to each other again. Dan expected Phil to drop his wrist now that they had room to maneuver, but he didn’t. Instead, Phil’s hand slid down to lace their fingers together.

Dan’s heart beat faster, and he stared down at their clasped hands. Be cool, Dan, he’s just holding your hand.

“Is this okay?” Phil asked tentatively.

Dan’s head snapped up to make eye contact. Phil was blushing and looked like he was making a concerted effort not to hide his face.

“Hm? The hands? Yes, that’s fine. It’s - it’s great. Perfect, really.” Dan fumbled, flustered.

I said be cool, that is not being cool.

Phil’s free hand rose up to cover his mouth slightly, trying to hide a giggle, but the crows feet around his eyes gave him away.

“Nooooo, don’t laugh at me!” Dan whined.

“I’m sorry,” Phil said through his laughter. “You’re just too adorable.”

Dan’s cheeks were definitely bright red by now. “Shut up,” he grumbled. He stuck out his bottom lip in an exaggerated pout.

“Awwww,” Phil cooed. “You’re really not making me think you’re less adorable, if that was the goal.”

Dan let out an exaggerated huff and walked slightly ahead of Phil - just far enough ahead to keep up his dramatic charade, but close enough that they could still hold hands.

They arrived at the Haunted Mansion line and worked their way to the front. Along the way, Dan and Phil took turns reading out all of the silly tombstones of the dead residents. Every so often, Phil would laugh at one of the funny ways of dying and say, “That’s you.”

On the ride itself, Dan cozied up to Phil as much as he dare. The seats were much bigger than Big Thunder Railroad and he - unfortunately - didn’t have to squish into Phil’s side in order to fit. He didn’t want to drape himself all over Phil, but he wanted to be as close as was reasonably possible, so he settled for sitting close enough that their sides touched from shoulder to knee.

Is this too much? Is he uncomfortable? Oh, god, this was a mistake, wasn’t it.

But then Phil’s foot bumped Dan’s, nudging it gently before hooking his ankle around Dan’s.

Dan looked at Phil, happy to know that apparently Phil wanted to be close just as much as Dan, but Phil was steadfastly observing the other side of their cart. Dan rolled his eyes fondly and relaxed into the chair.

Their cart turned a corner, and the ride properly began.

Some of the spooks startled Phil throughout the ride, and Dan laughed at him for it.

“Really, Phil? How didn’t you expect that to pop up?” Dan would tease, squeezing Phil’s hand briefly.

“Shhhh, I just wasn’t paying enough attention!” Phil would reply, squeezing right back.

About halfway through the ride, the cart spun around and began descending a sharp hill backwards. Gravity squished Dan and Phil to the middle of the seat, right up against each other.

Dan breathed in sharply as their bodies pressed together even more than they already had been, and he quickly looked over at Phil’s face. Phil was already looking at him, blushing heavily.

“Hi,” Phil whispered shyly. He flexed his fingers around Dan’s before squeezing gently.

Equally shyly, Dan squeezed Phil’s hand and whispered, “Hi.”

When the cart straightened out, neither of them made any effort to readjust to sit farther away from the other. Dan felt his heart soar when he realized that meant Phil wanted to be close to him, too.

Not long after, the ride came to an end. Phil let go of Dan’s hand to climb out of the cart, then reached back to offer his hand as a support as Dan followed.

“How gentlemanly,” Dan commented with a slight quirk of his lips. Inside, he was gushing about how sweet Phil was and how much he loved the feeling of the soft skin of Phil’s hand against his own. He worried Phil would let go of his hand as soon as he got off the ride, but Phil only adjusted his grip to interlock their fingers again. He brushed his thumb over Dan’s knuckles, and butterflies erupted in Dan’s stomach.

As they left the Haunted Mansion set, they debated where to go next.

Phil’s vote was the Winnie the Pooh ride.

“Come on, it’s such a cute one! Besides, you said you loved Pooh!” Phil eagerly suggested.

Dan laughed and let Phil pull him across the park to the ride.

He wants to make me happy so much. I’m supposed to be making sure we go on rides he likes but he’s over here pushing me to do something for personal nostalgia’s sake. He’s so sweet.

Fortunately, the line wasn’t too long, so they passed through the interactive buttons and animatronics until they made it to the carts.

They had to drop their hands to climb into the carts, much to Dan’s annoyance, but he relaxed when Phil sat down probably closer than was strictly necessary.

Phil leaned in to whisper in Dan’s ear, “Will you hold my hand if I get scared?”

Dan let out a loud laugh, turning his head to look at Phil.

“It’s just Winnie the Pooh, so I doubt that’ll be a problem.” His hand found Phil’s anyway as the ride began to move, already desperate for the comforting warmth and the accompanying rush of giddy excitement that Dan was beginning to associate with holding Phil’s hand. Dan felt a grin breaking out on his face, playing it off as excitement for Winnie the Pooh. He looked around at the walls, quickly reading the giant storybook page that set up the story for the ride.

Just before they entered the ride, Dan looked back at Phil with a soft smile and quietly admitted, “I like holding your hand, even if you aren’t scared.”

Phil bit his lip around a giddy smile, and Dan’s heart just about melted at the sight.

“Oi, you’ll miss the ride if you keep looking at me,” Phil complained, nudging Dan’s elbow with his own.

“Mmm, but I really like looking at you. Especially when I get you to blush like that,” Dan teased, nudging Phil’s shoulder playfully. He relented, though, deciding to enjoy the ride as Phil insisted.

It wasn’t a particularly thrilling ride, by any means. There were a few jerky turns and wobbles, but no dips or spins, and the pace was fairly slow. They both giggled as the ride bounced up and down, mimicking Tigger’s bouncing.

Dan loved it anyway, partly because of the nostalgia of Winnie the Pooh and partly because of how into it Phil was. He never was actually scared, but he pretended to be when they came to the section of Heffalumps and Woozles, squeezing Dan’s hand harder and bringing his other arm to hug Dan’s. Phil’s head came to rest on Dan’s shoulder, and Dan went perfectly still.

Oh my god. He’s so precious. Don’t move, Dan, or he’ll move.

Luckily, it seemed that Phil had no intention of moving away from Dan for the rest of the ride. He stayed snuggled up to Dan’s arm for the last few minutes of the story, then reluctantly detached himself as their cart came to the end.

“That was a great idea, Phil. I’m glad you dragged me over here,” Dan said happily as they exited the track area. He couldn’t get the dopey smile off his face.

Phil gasped, ignoring Dan entirely in favor of pointing to the alcove next to the ride and tugging on their still-clasped hands.

“Look! Tigger and Pooh are there for photos!” He turned to Dan, expression extremely serious. “We have to go get pictures with them.”

Dan was on the verge of saying no. They most likely knew whoever it was in the costumes, so some of the magic was already missing from the experience. Besides, it would definitely be weird if two awkwardly tall adult men got in line to meet Winnie the Pooh.

But Phil looked so excited and happy, Dan couldn’t find it in himself to decline. Instead, he sighed in mock exasperation and gestured for Phil to lead the way.

Phil’s face lit up even more, making Dan smile and shake his head fondly.

He’s such a dork. I love that he’s so willing to let himself be a kid at Disney. He really makes the magic come to life.

The line to meet Pooh and Tigger was significantly longer than the line for the ride had been, so they occupied their time by sharing anecdotes about their childhood experiences. Phil had several stories about the crazy things he did or believed as a kid, like how he thought the “D” in the Disney logo was actually a “G” or how crowds cheering at football matches scared him to the point of tears.

(Dan, of course, found this very endearing and jokingly promised he would never cheer at a football match in front of Phil.)

In exchange, Dan told Phil a few stories about some of his more embarrassing failures and awkward moments growing up, like how he got fired from his last job for selling an axe to a twelve-year-old.

Finally, they made it to the front of the line and got to meet Tigger and Pooh. They each got to hug both characters, much to Phil’s delight. Before they took the picture, they also got to “talk” with the animals. Neither character could actually say anything, but Tigger had some very articulate gestures.

He looked at Dan, then pointed back and forth between Dan and Phil, who was having an animated conversation with Pooh and completely unaware of the attention. Dan wasn’t entirely sure, but he thought maybe Tigger had caught on to their affection. Sure enough, Tigger placed both hands over his heart and tilted his head.

Blushing, Dan laughed. “Yeah, we’re here on a date,” he confirmed in a low voice, trying not to attract Phil’s attention away from where he talked with Pooh. It wasn’t that the date was a secret, Dan just felt a little self-conscious that he was talking to one of his childhood idols - and probably coworkers, honestly - about a date.

Tigger gave him an enthusiastic thumbs up - or at least the closest thing he could get to a thumbs up in his costume. He took Dan’s hand to guide him to Phil, made them hold hands, then moved to stand on the other side of Phil. Pooh stood next to Dan, and they were ready for pictures.

Dan and Phil both blushed profusely at Tigger’s antics, even though they’d already been holding hands all day. It was just a different experience when someone else noticed their feelings and nudged them together, showing Dan that maybe they did work well together. Plus, Dan realized that he was about to actually take a picture while holding hands with Phil, which would immortalize this perfect moment.

They took a few nice pictures with Pooh and Tigger, then bade them goodbye and left the meeting spot, still hand-in-hand.

“That was amazing! Tigger saw right through us, didn’t he?” Phil chuckled.

“He definitely did,” Dan agreed. He swung their clasped hands around slightly, enjoying the sensation of the contact. Casually, he added, “I wonder if it’s anybody we know today… We’ll definitely be hearing about this at work later.”

“Shhhh!” Phil clapped a hand over Dan’s mouth. “That’s Tigger, not somebody we know!” he scolded, shaking his head in mock disappointment.

Dan rolled his eyes and smiled under Phil’s hand. “Of course, how could I ever forget,” he deadpanned, though it came out warbled and muffled.

Phil narrowed his eyes at Dan suspiciously, then nodded once. “I don’t know what you said, but I’ll take it as an apology. No more ruining the magic, right?”

Dan sighed dramatically, then nodded.

Letting out a satisfied hum, Phil dropped his hand from Dan’s mouth and looking around at their surroundings. His eyes landed on the gift shop for Winnie the Pooh, and he immediately started pulling Dan towards it. “I just had the best idea!”

“I’m not sure I like where you’re going with this, love, the look on your face screams mischief,” Dan said warily.

Did I just call him “love”? Oh shit, it is definitely too soon for pet names like that. Shit, that was too much.

But Phil didn’t comment on it. If anything, his smile got wider as he mercilessly tugged Dan along.

“Shh, trust me! This will be amazing, I promise.” Phil sounded particularly excited about this idea of his.

When they entered the shop, Phil made straight for the back wall. He let go of Dan’s hand to pick up two Mickey Mouse ear hats, one Tigger and one Pooh.

“I’m buying these and we’ll match for the rest of the day,” Phil declared adamantly, sounding like he’d already made up his mind.

Dan blinked in shock, glancing quickly from Phil to the hats and back again. “Um, what? Phil, those are, like, $30 each. I can’t let you get them for both of us on a date I asked you to, that would be ungentlemanly!” he exclaimed.

Phil giggled. “You think I care about that? You’ve already been such a gentleman so far. You bought lunch and everything! Besides, I want to get them. It was my idea, anyway, it’s only right I pay for them. Plus, you’re forgetting that we get a cast member discount, silly. Come on, please?” Phil stuck out his bottom lip and opened his eyes wider in a puppy pout.

Dan hesitated, momentarily distracted by how endearing that expression was, before contemplating the issue at hand. He didn’t want to push it too much and make it seem like he thought Phil couldn’t afford the hats or something, but he also didn’t want to make Phil pay for them.

Although, he’s right - it was his idea. Surely he wouldn’t have suggested it if he wasn’t willing and expecting to pay for them…

“Alright, fine,” Dan relented. “You can buy us the hats, but I’m buying dinner.”

“You already paid for lunch, though!” Phil exclaimed with a tone. “It’s really not necessary-”

“But I want to treat you,” Dan mumbled sheepishly, tugging gently on Phil’s hand. He looked up at Phil through his lashes as he continued, “I want you to feel special today, you know? This should all be about you.”

Dan’s free hand reached up and brushed some of Phil’s drooping quiff off his forehead, eventually resting his hand on Phil’s cheek.

Phil nuzzled into Dan’s hand slightly, looking a little conflicted for a moment.

“Oh, alright then, if you insist. You can pay for dinner later. But right now, I’m going to get these hats and make everyone jealous of our relationship,” Phil announced with a flare.

Relationship? Does that mean he wants to be boyfriends? Is it too early for that? I mean… I think I want that, but does he? I know we’re still only on the first date, but this feels so natural that it would just make sense to make it official, wouldn’t it?

Dan decided to tuck the questions away for now, swallowing around the sudden lump in his throat as he followed closely behind Phil to the registers.

Phil quickly paid and picked up the hats from the counter, turning to face Dan.

“Alright, then, let’s see it on you. May I?” Phil asked, gesturing towards Dan’s head with the Pooh hat and smiling.

My hair is going to hate this…

Dan leaned forward in answer, presenting his head for Phil. Phil slowly fixed the hat over Dan’s head, placing the chin strap under his chin to secure it in place. He reached up and messed with his hair, carefully pulling out a few strands from under the hat. Usually, Dan wouldn’t let anyone fix his hair for him because he alone knew how to make it look good, but he didn’t complain as Phil fluffed the exposed ends. Somehow, he felt like he could trust Phil to do it right. After a lingering moment, Phil pulled his hands away, and Dan tilted his head back up so Phil could inspect the results.

He inhaled sharply and stared at Dan with an unreadable expression.

“What? Does it look weird?” Dan asked, suddenly nervous. He took out his phone to use the camera as a mirror.

It actually wasn’t too bad; his hair was definitely more of a mess now, but he actually looked fairly good with the hat.

Dan looked back up to see Phil still staring at him, now with a beaming smile.

Dan blushed at the attention, and Phil cooed.

“I knew this would be a good idea. You look fantastic,” Phil assured Dan, reaching up a hand again and gently brushing his fingers through the visible floof of hair poking out from under the hat.

“Thank you,” Dan mumbled, feeling the blush continue to burn on his cheeks.

Phil smiled brightly at him, then dropped his hand from Dan’s hair.

“My turn!” Phil thrust the Tigger hat towards Dan’s hand, then tilted his head down so Dan could put the hat on him.

Dan stretched the elastic over Phil’s chin and pushed the hat back onto Phil’s head. He brushed his fingers through Phil’s quiff to make sure his hair wouldn’t look weird, marvelling at the softness for a moment, then removed his hands.

Phil’s head tilted back up, and he was grinning, and his face was so close to Dan’s that, for a moment, Dan’s brain short-circuited.

“Thank you,” Phil giggled.

The giggle was enough to pull Dan’s brain back together in a flurry of thoughts.

Great, my cheeks are going to be permanently pink around Phil, apparently. It doesn’t help that he looks unfairly pretty in that Tigger hat with his stupid gorgeous quiff poking out just a little and he looks so excited and happy and wait what did he say again? Was I supposed to respond? Oh yeah -

“You’re welcome,” Dan awkwardly said a few beats too late.

Phil giggled again, not seeming to care about Dan’s awkwardness, then reached into his pocket for his phone.

“Let’s take a selfie, immortalize the moment,” Phil suggested.

Oh my god, yes. We are too cute, and I need a picture of Phil looking like this so I can look back on this moment and absolutely melt. He looks so happy.

“I’ll take it, if you want. I’ve mastered the perfect selfie angle with my noodle arms,” Dan joked, stepping closer to Phil.

Dan expected Phil to just stand next to him, but apparently Phil was in the mood to murder Dan because he stood closer than he really had to for the picture and then reached out an arm to wrap it around Dan’s waist.

Dan’s selfie arm faltered briefly at the sensation of Phil’s warm arm on his body. He barely bit back a surprised squeak, since he knew that would make Phil think he was uncomfortable and he’d move his arm. That was the last thing Dan wanted. Phil’s half-embrace felt so strong and comforting and safe, Dan wasn’t sure he’d ever be able to survive when Phil eventually moved.

“Ready?” Dan asked, voice a little shaky.

“Yee!” Phil replied.

Dan snapped a few photos, changing the angle slightly to try to capture the perfect shot. Normally, for a picture like this, he would give a half-smile, or maybe a smirk, but right now? There was no way he could keep the ridiculous grin from his face.

And then Phil turned his head and kissed Dan right on the cheek as Dan snapped a picture. Dan’s eyes widened and his mouth dropped open in shock.

Did he just - he’s still - oh my god. Oh my GOD. Okay, okay, okay, shhhhh, calm down before he gets weird about it, come on, get it together, Dan.

A flaming red blush spread across Dan’s cheeks and his mouth spread in a face-splitting grin for the last few pictures Dan took. Butterflies zoomed around his stomach like they were trying to escape, and a few seemed to find their way out as giggles. A few of the giggles erupted from Dan’s throat, and he covered his mouth with his hand to prevent any more from escaping

Dan wasn’t sure what to say as Phil pulled away from his cheek. He wasn’t even sure where to look. He could still feel Phil’s strong arm around his waist, and it made thinking difficult. His thoughts swirled wildly as he tried to figure out what to do. Should he look at Phil and let him see how Dan was still reeling? Should he run away? Should he act like nothing happened and look at the pictures? And would he ever stop grinning like a madman?

He opted for sending Phil a shy, happy glance, then pretending like nothing had happened (which was a little hard to do around his grin, but he tried to ignore that detail). He cleared his throat and looked at his phone, opening the photos app and scrolling through the selfies he took.

“There’s probably at least one good one in here,” Dan said to distract himself. He looked through the pictures, quickly skimming past the ones where Phil was kissing him to find the first photos.

“Wait - Phil! You’re not even looking at the phone in any of these!” Dan exclaimed, looking over at his date in mock irritation.

Phil was already looking at him with a fond smile. “Of course I’m not looking at the phone. How could I, when you’re here in front of me?” he asked softly. His face was open and honest, and the fond smile twitched until it grew into a full grin.

Dan’s cheeks darkened again. He opened his mouth to respond, but all that came out was a sort of strangled, “Oh.”

Phil giggled, his tongue poking through his teeth.

How does he keep getting more and more adorable, oh my god. This man will be the death of me.

Phil’s arm dropped from around Dan’s waist, much to Dan’s disappointment.

“Come on! We’ve got more rides to go on!” Phil reminded him gleefully.

He quickly re-discovered Dan’s hand (making butterflies zoom around in his stomach again) and began pulling him out of the shop again, already going on about how he wanted to go on Big Thunder Mountain Railroad again.

Dan shook his head fondly, but followed Phil anyway.

A few hours later, they had ridden all Phil’s favorites another time as well as the Winnie the Pooh ride, this time with their Pooh and Tigger ear hats, and they realized they were both starving.

They meandered over to Pinocchio’s Village Haus for a quick dinner (Phil got chicken nuggets, which Dan found endearing as hell), and then headed back out for a few more roller coasters before they had to find a spot for the fireworks.

“Phil, I know you love the roller coasters, but we really have to go pick our place to watch the fireworks!” Dan laughed, tugging Phil’s arm to get him to stay out of the line for the Pirates of the Caribbean ride. “Besides, we’ve already been on this one three times. Haven’t you had enough?”

“You can never have too many pirates, Pooh!” Phil exclaimed excitedly. He tugged right back on Dan’s arm in a desperate attempt to return to the Pirates ride.

Dan rolled his eyes in exasperation. “But the whole point of coming here was to show you the fireworks!” He stuck out his bottom lip in a pout and batted his eyes at Phil. “Pwease, Phiw?”

“Awwww, now that’s just cheating,” Phil whined. He pouted in return, but Dan wasn’t having it.

Dan jutted his bottom lip out even further, and Phil cracked.

“Oh, alright then,” Phil sighed. “Lead the way.”

A smug grin made its way onto Dan’s lips. “That’s what I thought. Follow me, my liege,” Dan said with a mock bow. He took a great deal of joy in the soft giggle he heard Phil make.

When Phil had agreed to the date, Dan had immediately made sure to reserve them a spot in front of Cinderella’s Castle, where the view would be best. They headed to that area now, waiting for an attendant to allow them into the reserved section directly in front of the castle.

Even though it was still light out, there was a long line of people waiting to get into the reserved area, so Dan and Phil took their place at the back and hunkered down to wait.

“So, where do the fireworks come from, again? Like, which way should I be looking?” Phil asked, inspecting the area around them as if he expected a firework to go off any moment.

“There’s a whole song and show and everything that’ll be around the Castle,” Dan told him.

Phil nodded absentmindedly, still looking around the park.

Dan took the quiet moment to appreciate the memories of the day. He thought about how excited Phil had been that morning, and how happy Phil had been when he learned that Dan loved Winnie the Pooh, and how insistent Phil was about the Winnie the Pooh-themed hats they were both still wearing. Dan thought about how good and right the whole day had felt, with the never-ending conversation and playful flirting and hand-holding. God, the handholding. He couldn’t get enough of the feeling of his hand gently clutched by Phil’s. Sometimes, Phil would run his thumb over Dan’s knuckles, sending all coherent thought flying desperately from his brain and attracting all the blood to his cheeks, making it painfully obvious how much he adored Phil’s actions.

As they waited for the fireworks, Dan tentatively moved his own thumb over Phil’s hand, wondering if Phil would have a similar reaction to Dan. The blinding smile Phil sent Dan told him that yes, Phil liked that just as much as Dan.

Phil took a small step in so their sides were entirely pressed up against each other, then leaned in to be even closer.

“Thank you,” Phil whispered with a light smile. “Today’s been great.”

Dan beamed. The whole goal of the day had been to make Phil as happy as possible. He was proud to say that he firmly believed he had accomplished that goal, and they hadn’t even seen the fireworks yet.

“But you haven’t seen the fireworks yet. That was supposed to be the great part of the day,” Dan reminded him.

Phil laughed gently, reaching up his free hand to carefully cup Dan’s cheek. Dan’s heartbeat quickened as he subconsciously leaned into the touch.

“Oh, Dan,” Phil sighed happily. “The great part was spending time with you, no matter what we did.”

Phil’s thumb caressed Dan’s cheek, and Dan’s brain shorted out.

He- I- Great? My face? His hand? My god.

Not for the first time, and certainly not for the last, all Dan could think to say was a breathy, “Oh.”

Phil’s responding laugh brushed delicately against Dan’s face.

“Speechless, Howell? That’s surprising,” he teased. “I like seeing you all flustered. I’ll have to keep making it happen.” He winked at Dan in his special Phil way, where it’s more of a blink than a wink, then let go of Dan entirely and turned towards the line, which had finally moved forward to allow people into the reserved section.

Dan blinked in surprise.

What just happened? I didn’t even notice the line move. What is this boy doing to me?

He shook himself slightly, quickly catching up to Phil and re-clasping their hands.

Should I address what just happened? What would I even say? I’m not sure I know what happened, anyway.

Dan chanced a glance at Phil and saw a smirk playing at his lips.

That’s a dangerous smirk. He looks mischievous - he’s way too pleased with himself. It’s probably best if I just move on, before I make more of a fool of myself.

“Phil!” he began, louder than he expected. He winced internally, begging himself to be less awkward. Clearing his throat, he tried again, lowering his voice to a normal volume this time. “So, are you ready to see the most beautiful, captivating thing you will ever see?”

A full smirk formed on Phil’s face.

“I’ve already seen him. He’s actually somehow letting me hold his hand,” he said teasingly, swinging their hands pointedly.

Dan groaned, looking towards the heavens as if asking for God to come save him from this dork, but he couldn’t disguise his smile, nor his accompanying blush. “Oh, that was cheesy as hell. I walked right into it, too, didn’t I?” He looked back at Phil with a shake of his head.

“You certainly did.” Phil grinned, bumping Dan’s shoulder with his own. “And now you’re all blushy again, how adorable!”

“You’re a menace. A danger to society. Too pure for this world,” Dan deadpanned.

Phil snorted. “One of these things is not like the other.”

In a sing-song voice, Dan replied, “But all of them describe you perfectly.”

Phil bumped Dan’s shoulder again, harder this time. “Your mum’s a description.”

“What?!” Dan shrieked out in a hyena laugh. “That- that doesn’t even make sense!”

“Your mum doesn’t even-”

“Don’t you dare finish that sentence,” Dan warned teasingly. “Leave my poor mum alone.” To make sure Phil didn’t take him too seriously, Dan squeezed his hand lightly. If his heart raced a little faster when Phil squeezed back, well, no one had to know.

“So, where are we going to watch the fireworks from?” Phil asked.

Dan hummed in thought, looking around the open area for a good spot. “How about right there?” He pointed to a place near the front of the section, but far enough back that they wouldn’t block everyone’s line of sight with their tallness.

“Perfect,” Phil agreed with a content nod.

Phil followed Dan to their spot. Once they got there, Dan hugged Phil’s arm with his own free arm and rested his head on Phil’s shoulder.

Dan looked up at Phil from his shoulder. “Is this okay?” Dan asked. He felt Phil nod.

“It’s perfect,” came Phil’s fond reply. Phil squeezed Dan’s hand once, then brushed his thumb over Dan’s knuckles again.

If he hadn’t been leaning on Phil already, Dan was sure he would’ve fallen over completely in a swoon. Phil somehow knew exactly what to do to make Dan unbelievably happy, and Dan was living for it.

For a few minutes, they stood in silence, just enjoying each other’s presence and the feeling of their bodies pressed together as they waited for the fireworks.

The lights around the crowd went out, and Cinderella’s Castle lit up.

“Is it starting?” Phil asked.

Dan resisted the urge to sass Phil, because honestly, what else could be happening? Disney shut down the park with everyone still in it?

Instead, he hummed quietly in affirmation and snuggled closer into Phil’s shoulder.

Music began, and the crowd was entranced. Oohs and Ahhs rang out in the plaza with every new animation and special effect. The lights and the music, combined with the magical experience that is spending a day at Disney World, always delivered a spectacular performance.

But Dan wasn’t really paying attention.

Dan was looking at Phil. Well, some would call it staring, but Dan couldn’t bring himself to care.

Phil’s expression was so relaxed, so happy. Every new piece to the show had him gasping in delight, a childlike wonder in his eyes. Dan couldn’t get enough of it.

And then Phil seemed to notice that Dan wasn’t watching the fireworks. He turned his head slightly, looking at Dan, who was still carefully resting on his shoulder despite the Pooh ears.

Normally, Dan would’ve been embarrassed to be caught staring, but all he could feel was an overwhelming affection for the man who had spent the whole day trying to make sure Dan had a good time, even though Dan was meant to be treating Phil.

A fond smile grew on Phil’s face as he and Dan got lost in each other’s gaze.

“Hi,” Phil whispered just loud enough to be heard over the fireworks and music. His free hand moved up and carded through Dan’s exposed fringe slowly, then came to rest on his cheek. His thumb delicately traced Dan’s cheekbone.

If he could, Dan would have purred at the gentle motion of Phil’s thumb. Instead, he sighed through his nose and leaned into the touch with a smile. He trailed his fingers along Phil’s forearm, appreciating how Phil shivered at the sensation. “Hi.”

Phil’s eyes quickly flickered over Dan’s face, and his smile grew. “You’re pretty,” he stated simply, as if it were just a fact that the whole world should know.

Dan turned to hide his face in Phil’s shoulder in embarrassment.

“You can’t just say things like that,” he whined. “They do weird things to me and make me feel all soft.”

Phil’s hand moved from caressing Dan’s face to rest comfortingly on Dan’s waist. “But it’s true! And I love seeing you blush when I tell you so.” Phil wiggled his elbow. “Come on, let me see your pretty face.”

Grumbling false complaints, Dan slowly lifted his head to look Phil in the eye.

“There it is,” Phil whispered adoringly. He shifted his hand up from Dan’s waist to gently cup his face, stroking his cheekbone with his thumb.

Dan felt his blush intensify and looked away for a moment to try to regain his composure. When he finally felt ready to look at Phil again, he found that Phil’s gaze moving slowly over his face, taking in every detail.

It was a whole new feeling. Dan had realized throughout the day that, yes, Phil did actually kind of like him, but the way Phil looked at him now was so much more - more even than just moments before. This was an intense gaze, which intimidated Dan a little, but mostly he was just overwhelmed with happiness at the brilliant realization that Phil liked him. Dan felt wanted in a way that stretched beyond just the physical, and he was overcome with emotion.

His eyes could no longer stay still on Phil’s. They trailed over his features, just as Phil’s were doing to him, and took in the sharp cheekbones, the beaked nose, the freckles and spots, the way his pink lips contrasted his pale skin. And then all he could look at were Phil’s lips. Their soft curve into Phil’s small half-smile, the way they pouted out slightly. They looked soft. Kissable.

Are they as soft as they look? Would he kiss me if I asked?

Dan somehow managed to pull his eyes up from Phil’s mouth to see his eyes instead. He wanted to know what Phil was thinking and know if he had any chance.

Phil was still looking at Dan’s face, but it seemed his sights were stuck on Dan’s mouth. Dan felt a shiver course through him when he thought of what Phil might be thinking. His shiver seemed to jolt Phil out of his thoughts, as his eyes snapped up to meet Dan’s.

They stood still. Dan’s thoughts were caught in a constant loop of kiss me, kiss me, kiss me as he tried to work up the courage to ask, but he wasn’t sure he could bring himself to say the words.

Come on, just ask! You want to, and he seems like he wants to, and you just have to go for it. Just say it. He won’t say no. But what if he does? What if I’ve been reading the whole situation wrong?

As Dan’s internal crisis continued, Phil took a small step forward, eliminating the last traces of space between their bodies. Phil’s lips remained ever so slightly apart, like he wasn’t sure he had Dan’s permission.

Emboldened by Phil’s move, Dan made a decision. Slowly, his eyelids fluttered closed, and he leaned in the smallest bit so their lips brushed.

Phil’s hand on Dan’s cheek slid back into his hair, just below the edge of the Pooh hat, and brushed his fingers through the curls. Dan sighed into the kiss, and Phil’s lips moved softly against Dan’s.

It was a little tentative, and their noses bumped together awkwardly at first, but it felt right. They kept it slow and purposeful, just exploring the feeling of each other. Dan wasn’t sure he’d ever had such a perfect first kiss, and he drowned in the sensation.

They pulled apart not too long after the kiss began. Bashful smiles grew on their faces as their eyes opened, and Dan bit his lip in an attempt to keep from grinning too much. Phil’s tongue poked between his teeth a little, and Dan’s heart melted.

Phil’s fingers disentangled from Dan’s, and Dan panicked.

He doesn’t want to hold my hand anymore? What did I do wrong? Did he hate the kiss? But then why did he smile? What no-

Dan’s thoughts were cut off by the feeling of Phil’s now-free arm wrapping around Dan’s shoulder and pulling him in to cuddle into Phil’s side. Phil’s other hand found Dan’s again, and he clasped them in front of their bodies.

Oh. Dan giggled. That’s better, then.

He rested his head on Phil’s shoulder, careful to tip his head far enough backwards that he wouldn’t dig his Pooh ears into Phil’s neck.

This is the best first date ever.

They had missed most of the fireworks just staring at each other and kissing, but they caught the grand finale. Phil periodically made small noises of wonder and amazement that Dan wished he could bottle up and keep forever.

Too soon, the fireworks ended. Phil turned to Dan with a tired, but happy, smile, which Dan returned.

They made their way back through the crowd and to the parking lot, still hand-in-hand. It was a bit of a long walk, given the number of people trying to leave and the crazy distance from the park to the parking lot, but they were content to walk it in silence. The silence was comfortable, like a warm hug or a soft kiss. Dan wished the moment never had to end.

They eventually made it to Dan’s car. Dan held the door open for Phil and shut it behind him, then went to open his own door and sit down behind the wheel.

Phil let out a deep, happy sigh. “That was really fun.”

“Yeah, I had a really good time,” Dan sighed happily as he started the car. He didn’t move the car yet, though. Instead, he sat back in his seat and looked over at Phil with a small smile.

Phil’s hand crept forward and caught Dan’s over the middle console, squeezing gently.

“I’m sorry you missed some of the fireworks, though. That was kind of the whole reason we came,” Dan said plainly, like he felt like it had to be said. He wasn’t sorry at all, actually, as what made Phil miss the fireworks was infinitely better than the fireworks themselves. He was also fairly certain Phil wasn’t too bothered by it, but he felt like it had to be said, anyway.

“Hmm, I’m not. But, hey, that gives us something to do next time,” Phil said casually, looking over at Dan, the ghost of a smile playing at his lips.

It took Dan’s brain a moment to process Phil’s words

“Next time?” he asked hopefully, a wide grin spreading across his face. Please, this was amazing.

“Yep. Maybe we’ll go to Epcot to see those fireworks, instead.” Phil smirked. “Or maybe we’ll miss those, too.”

Dan’s heart skipped a bit and red flooded his cheeks.

Fuck. He wants to kiss me more? He wants to do this again. Oh my god.

Laughter outside the car jolted Dan out of his thoughts. A family walked past, and Dan watched them find their car.

“Well,” he began. “I guess we’d better start driving home.”

He put the car in gear and moved them towards the line of cars trying to leave the park. Phil started talking about his favorite funny moments of the day, and Dan chimed in with a few Phil missed. Phil also insisted that Dan tell him he was right about the Pooh hats.

“They were the most important thing. They completed the whole picture. You’re the one always going on and on about aesthetics! There’s no way you think they weren’t the best idea ever,” Phil argued playfully. He had a smug grin on his face and he poked Dan’s arm a few times to drive his point home.

God, he’s cute. He so wants me to agree with him, but I can’t give up that easily, Dan thought mischievously. A smirk formed on his face as he started to rile Phil up about it.

“Well…” he drawled. “Winnie the Pooh doesn’t fit my aesthetic, especially not right now. Yellow ears with this pink and blue shirt? Major clashing goin’ on here. I definitely look ridiculous.” Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Phil’s jaw drop in mock outrage. Dan’s smirk grew as his plan succeeded.

“Winnie the Pooh fits everyone’s aesthetic! There’s never a wrong time to wear Pooh ears, and looking ridiculous is the best part of it! Plus, we looked so cute together that it had to have been worth it,” Phil declared indignantly.

“Hmmmm…” Dan hummed thoughtfully. “I suppose we were a little cute, maybe.”

Phil squawked. “A little? Only a little? I’ll have you know we were definitely the cutest people anyone saw at the Magic Kingdom all day,” he insisted. “Everyone was jealous of us.” He crossed his arms with a huff, shooting Dan a sour glare. “It was the best idea.”

Dan finally couldn’t hold back his laughter anymore, letting it out in a loud burst absolutely drenched in fondness. He reached a hand out and pried Phil’s arms apart so he could hold Phil’s hand.

“I’m just messing with you, Phil! I loved the hats and the cute couple aesthetic and how jealous we made everyone else. They were the best idea.” He chanced a glance over at Phil, who had finally relaxed back into his seat after tensely arguing his points. Dan sent him an affectionate smile. “Thank you. They made my day. Well,” he added after a beat, “maybe not quite. The fireworks would be hard to beat.”

Phil blushed heavily, biting his lip to hide a grin. “Good. Great. The hats and the… fireworks.”

Dan pulled their clasped hands to his face and pressed a delicate kiss to the back of Phil’s hand, delighting in the quiet giggle it tugged from Phil, then let go of Phil’s hand to put his hand back on the steering wheel.

After a few minutes of companionable silence, they moved on to talking about their jobs and why they worked at Disney, describing the incomparable feeling of bringing the magical joy to everyone who visited. Somehow, these conversations led them all the way back to Phil’s house. Dan wasn’t sure where the time went, but he wished it would come back.

He pulled over in front of Phil’s house and put the car in park, resting his hand on the middle console.

I really don’t want this to end.

Apparently Phil didn’t want it to end either, as he made no move to get up. He just sat, staring at his house for a moment, then he turned to Dan.

“I really did have a great time,” he said quietly, reaching out to play with Dan’s fingers.

Dan smiled softly, meeting Phil’s gaze. “Me too,” he whispered fondly. He moved his hand slightly so it was holding Phil’s, and he squeezed gently.

“Thanks for treating me. It was sweet of you.”

Dan’s cheeks flushed, and he looked down. “You deserve to feel special,” he mumbled.

Soft fingers brushed against Dan’s jaw, carefully raising his face so he would look at Phil.

Phil’s so beautiful. How did I even get here?

“So do you,” Phil whispered. “So, if it’s okay with you, I’ll take you out next time.”

Dan nodded slowly. He was completely speechless with happiness. Phil had just confirmed that this would happen again, and Dan was thrilled and just a bit overwhelmed, especially with how Phil’s hand caressed his cheek and how close Phil’s face was to his.

And then Phil’s face came even closer, and Dan’s eyes closed as their lips touched.

It was a soft and sweet kiss, shorter than the ones earlier that night, and it left Dan wanting more as Phil pulled away.

“Goodnight,” Phil whispered, his breath fanning across Dan’s face.

“Goodnight,” Dan replied softly, his eyes locked on Phil’s. He wished the night didn’t have to end, that he could spend more time with Phil, but he didn’t push it. Maybe a different night, but not right now. The rest of their day had already been perfect, anyway.

Phil smiled, then turned and got out of the car, quickly walking up the walkway to his house.

Dan stared after him in a daze, reaching up and touching his lips with his fingers. He let out a lovestruck sigh, then smiled wide as he started to drive back home.

A memory came to him as he drove, and he smiled, then laughed.

He definitely didn’t need to worry about some six-year-old coming and stealing his Phil away.

[suga-ssi]

52 of the prompt with sugakookie please! Ily!! 💛

52) THINGS YOU SAID IWTH YOUR LIPS ON MY NECK - SUGAKOOKIE

ALL FOR HYUNG

Note: a little drunken Kookie in a canon AU with a Sugakookie twist… :) was so tempted to go PG on this… but my 2am brain can’t lol 

“What the fuck, Jimin? Why the hell did you let the kid drink this much?” Yoongi asked, as they carried Kookie between them to his car. Their home was a mere walking distance from the bar, but they can’t risk being seen. Especially with Jungkook’s current state.

“This is why we always call Jin hyung instead. You nag too much,” Jimin groaned with Kookie’s full weight on his shoulders, as Yoongi tried to open his car door.

“Good idea. Why didn’t you call your favorite hyung then?” Yoongi snapped as they pushed Kookie to lie on the back seat.

“We did!” Jimin said brightly, opening the passenger side door.

“Nice try, Jiminie,” the older man answered back, riding the car before the younger.

“Worth the shot,” Jimin said with a pout, as he strapped his seatbelt on.

“Anyway, Jin hyung went home. Some Jjangu emergency. And I knew you’d still be up so I just -“

“I wasn’t up!” Yoongi cut him off.

“Oh. Well, you were the only one left with a car. Jungkook had a shit day and so did I so we decided to have a night cap… or two… or four…”

“We have a schedule at 7am, Jimin.”

“Honestly, hyung. This is all your fault.”

“How?! Enlighten me, Park Jimin!” Yoongi demanded as he pulled up to park his car on their shared home’s driveway.

“Kookie said you snapped at him earlier, hyung. He said you called him a brat in front of the PD and he felt shitty the whole day cause even the crew heard you,” Jimin explained, not going down the car that was already parked.

“Damn kid had his earphones on while the PD was explaining the order for the day! He was being rude. I had to snap him out of it,” Yoongi defended.

“He was nervous, hyung. It was our first stage and he felt under prepared, which is crazy considering how long we all practiced and shit. But still, I get it. You were on the edge too. Just saying, he felt like shit cause of you,” Jimin started unbuckling his seat belt, prepared to alight the car to carry the maknae sleeping at the back.

Yoongi sat silent, replaying the scenes of the previous day, thinking that maybe he did go to far. He’s usually the more subdued one. Just watching patiently while the younger members played around back stage. He started thinking that maybe Jimin was right. He was on edge. He did feel under prepared too, spending too many nights in the studio and not enough in the practice room. But what’s done is done. He’ll just have to talk to the maknae in the morning to iron things out.

“Jungkook-ah. Jeon Jungkookie,” Jimin whispered, trying to rouse the passed out dongsaeng at the back seat to no avail.

“We’re gonna have to carry him up,” Yoongi sighed, as he went down his car to open the back seat.

“Shit. He can’t climb his bed at this state. My room?”, Jimin offered.

“If you guys make anymore noise and wake up Hobi, you’re in for another shit storm of nagging,” Yoongi said, hoisting up Jungkook between their shoulders.

“Shit. You’re right,” Jimin agreed. “Your room then.”

Yoongi groaned in response. “That’s on the second floor.”

“We can’t leave him on the sofa. Hobeom will throw a fit in the morning.”

“No choice then.”

“Yep.”

They climbed up the flight of stairs in silence, Kookie’s dead weight between them kept them pre-occupied.

“Here, on Jin hyung’s bed,” Yoongi ordered.

They gently placed Jungkook down on matress, over Jin’s blanket, both sighing in relief as they accomplished their mission.

Then suddenly, Jimin giggled. “You know, he prefers the smell of your bed, hyung.”

“I think having the kid wake up in my bed after today’s events would give him too much of a shock in the morning. We don’t need to add that to the hangover he’d be carrying the whole day.”

“Sure, sure. And I’m off! I need to shower. I smell like all sorts of bad.”

“You should be thankful I let you ride my car.”

“You’d never say no to us, hyung. You’re too soft for that,” Jimin remarked with a cocky laugh, as he left the room.

Yoongi took out two over sized hoodies from his closet. He did consider just leaving Jungkook as he was but Jin would not be very happy if he came back home to sheets smelling like sweat and alcohol.

He took off his shirt first, putting on the grey hoodie he loved to sleep in before moving closer to the sleeping boy. He looked peaceful, Yoongi thought, as he sat on the egde of the bed.

“We need to take this off you, Kook-ah,” he whispered, more to himself than to the younger. He lifted Jungkook’s shoulders, forcing him to slouch forward. Yoongi pulled the white shirt the maknae was wearing and took a moment to look at the younger’s body. He lost a lot of weight. Yoongi blamed himself slightly for the decision Jungkook made to diet. He teased him too much in Hawaii, he knew it. He even offered to diet with him as a form of unspoken apology, but he thinks Jungkook took it a bit too seriously.

Jungkook shivered slightly under Yoongi’s touch. Yoongi moved quickly to place the black Thrasher hoodie on the younger which he often borrowed from his hyung anyway. Jungkook fell right back down as soon as he was dressed and Yoongi stood up to remove the younger’s shoes and socks, covering him with Jin’s extra blacket before he stood up to walk to his side of the room.

“Hyung? Hyung?”

Yoongi was about to lie down when heard the maknae. He had half the mind to ignore him, but the younger’s voice sounded hoarse and came out in soft whimpers. Curious and concerned, Yoongi walked back towards Jungkook.

“Yah. Kook-ah. We need to rest, kid. Just sleep, okay?”, Yoongi said, as he sat down beside Jungkook. His right hand caressing the younger’s shoulders in an attempt to calm him down.

Jungkook’s eyes were still closed, but his breathing sounded like he was crying without tears. Mouth in that adorable pout that Yoongi always found cute. Sometimes they forget that he is still a young boy. He may have gotten older, but he has relied on his hyungs since he strated working towards his dreams early. They always felt like it was their responsibility to watch over him, especially Yoongi.

“Yoongi hyung,” the younger whispered again, as he placed his arm on Yoongi’s waist, pulling him down to lie beside him.

Jungkook held Yoongi down, forcing the older to lie on his back as the younger lodged himself on the crook of his neck.

“I’m not a brat,” Jungkook whispered. Yoongi barely caught what the other breathed out.

“No you’re not, Kook-ah. Hyung was wrong. Hyung is sorry. Just rest now please,” Yoongi said, running his hand through the younger’s hair.

“I’m not a child, hyung. I’m not,” the words sounding like sobs even though he wasn’t crying.

“I know you’re not. I know. I’m sorry,” Yoongi held his dongsaeng tighter. A memory of how they used to sleep beside each other when they were younger crossed his mind. Way back when Jungkook was shorter than him, sobbing until he fell asleep, crying about missing home.

“You need to know, hyung. You need to,” the younger continued to slur. Yoongi looked down to check if he was at least conscious, he wasn’t.

Yoongi lay quiet, hoping Jungkook would just fall asleep. He was tired too and they have a long day ahead.

“But you don’t know, hyung. You don’t. I’m not a child,” Jungkook’s hold on Yoongi’s waist tightened. His face burried deeper into the older’s neck.

Yoongi could feel the younger’s breath on his skin sending goosebumps through out his nape.

“You’re not a child. I know,” Yoongi repeated. If only the younger knew how hard it has been for Yoongi to keep seeing him as a child. He forced it on himself everyday. Keeping whatever possible affections beyond brotherly love at bay. But he beamed with pride each time the younger accomplished even the simplest things. Seeing him grow and being passionate about the things he was passionate in too made everything even more complicated. He started catching himself from staring too long. Stopping himself mid lip bite with every powerful movement the younger made.

It was a daily struggle and the younger never made it easy for him. The early morning studio visits, the sleep-over cuddles. Yoongi knew the younger looked up to him and it was nothing more than that. It should be nothing more than that.

“Don’t look at me as a child, hyung. I need… to… you… need to…”

“Kook-ah. shhhh… shhhh…”

“Hyung… I need… you need to know… I…”

“I know. I know.”

“No. You don’t,” Jungkook’s lips were now pressed on Yoongi’s neck. He felt the younger trying to form words even before any coherent sound was made.

“Everything, hyung. All I do… is you…”

“Kook-ah?”, Yoongi wanted to ask what he meant, but he knew that the younger was in no state to give any further explanation. Please just sleep, Yoongi kept thinking, before I completely lose it too.

“You. I do all you do, hyung…. because you need to know.”

“Know what, Kook-ah?”, Yoongi asked, hoping that the final response would end the younger’s sub-conscious rant.

Then Yoongi felt a kiss on his neck, but he knew it couldn’t have been a kiss. Maybe the younger was just trying to form words and his lips pecked his skin. But then it happened again. He felt the younger’s lips part and leave a wetness on his skin which brought all of Yoongi’s attention to that one small spot of dampness on his neck. His hands in the younger’s hair stilled, unsure of what to do next.

“Hyung… I love you,” Jungkook sighed. As his breathing stilled, Yoongi knew that he was finally asleep.

“Shit,” Yoongi breathed out, staring at Jin’s ceiling.

Now what, he thought, as he lay still with the younger man finally sleeping soundly in his arms.

[jessiewre]

Day 38

Tues 11th Feb

From Masia Mara to Lake Naivasha

Got up and ready for the ‪7am‬ pick up. But by 7:30am there was still no sign of it, so we made ourselves breakfast while we waited and then played darts with the family.

The vehicle arrived ‪at 9:10am‬. OVER 2 HOURS LATE HOW DO PEOPLE LIVE LIKE THIS.

But yeah, its fine, we didn’t actually need to rush as we don’t have jobs or ought LOL.

Despite the rather funky music playing, and the fact they’d crammed two people in the front passenger seat, it was a comfortable vehicle to travel in as we sat in the back seat with just one other person (a luxury in East Africa). Within 5 minutes of leaving, we stopped off for a load of deliveries which always makes me laugh (cry). It’s either that or petrol, but there’s ALWAYS a stop to be made as soon as you think you’re on your way.  

Got to Narok town 1.5 hours later to look for our bus to Naivasha and managed to find it really easily! Wow we were becoming PROS at this (its only taken 5 years) but for once, they were fairly honest about things and told us it wouldn’t leave for about half an hour. I sat in the shade and educated some people about the fact that you don’t have to get married just cos everyone else is and it definitely blew their minds.

I decided to have a wander to look for veggie snacks and a baseball cap as the sun was really quite hot in Africa, but when I returned (empty handed) the bus was not there! My attempt at independence may have backfired. Oh god. A bloke ran up to me like ‘Your friend is looking for you!’ and I spotted the bus a few metres away with Phil walking around nearby clearly looking around for me. Oops.

We got on the bus and Phil managed to pretend he wasn’t annoyed with me (him doing a similar thing multiple times worked to my favour phew). The drama of it had made us both sweat so we decided to sit separately to both have our own window (and have a moment space init) and it was a smart move as they crammed the bus with people as usual.

The journey took about 3 hours and we decided to get off at a junction before the bus went into the town centre, as our hotel was off in a different direction. As we got our bags off the bus, the ticket man whistled down another bus straight away for us - a super smooth transition. God we really were so so good at this!

As we approached the bus, we started to see how many people were in it and Phil was like ‘Jess we ain’t gonna fit in there’.

Yes we will, I said confidently. I wasn’t quite sure if we would but I thought we could give it a go.

We poked our heads into the bus and the only physical space inside the bus was the aisle between the left double seats and the right single seats. So there were no seats available and there was absolutely no room to stand as the inside was 4ft tall.

‘I don’t understand, where do we go’ I said.

The locals looked at us like we were blind, and then a woman ushered me in and pointed to the gap between her arse and the woman’s arse in the seat across from her. She was pointing to the gap in the aisle with no seat.

‘Position yourself there and you’ll be fine’

I mean, she must be crazy I thought, there is no seat. Like, she was telling me to sit on AIR.

She pointed again and everyone was staring at me, so I turned around and closed my eyes for the leap, or fall should I say, of faith, as I sat into nothing.

True to her word, my bum fell in between the two women’s arses and somehow I wedged my bum into a kind of seat position. I had around 5% of the left seat under my bum and 2% of the right one. I do believe that I defied the laws of gravity.

Turned out Phil was having the same issue right in front of me. Then the ticket man squeezed in and it’s hard to explain but he wedged himself in at a total right angle, his top half laying on top of the masses of food boxes on the front row and his legs in the small gap by the sliding door. His face rested in a large box of mangos.

It was madness.

It was INSANELY crammed and we were both sat on NOTHING.

‘One ticket for a Mr David Blaine please’

I had been right, we had managed to fit in. Though I’m not sure I was glad to be proved right.

Someone got off after 10 minutes so Phil got a seat (OMG BUZZING) but then I was on his lap and the ticket man was lying across us so Phil pointed out that he was actually worse off now with the weight of us on him.

He needn’t have worried though, cos 3 minutes later someone else got in and we were demoted back to the air seats.

I asked Phil for some water and said ‘I can’t reach that right now, but can I offer you a spring onion’.

After another 10 minutes of balancing crouched down legs bent, I realised one of my legs had gone numb and I had pins and needles in my foot so started to shake it around as much as possible to avoid amputation. The thing was, my foot was stretched in the space under Phil’s arse, so I was just kicking his feet while he tried to balance in his Yoga chair seated pose.

5 minutes later, someone got off (YESSSSS) and we got a seat a row behind, so naturally I took it and Phil did the air seat next to me (the one I’d been in). Turns out this one was even more difficult to balance in than the one in front and Phil hovered there in a state of shock, clinging on to the seat headrests with white knuckles in a desperate attempt to stay up.

ANOTHER PERSON then squeezed into the front, I have no idea how, and the ticket man was hanging out the door.

Police stopped the vehicle and I thought this is it - I was sure they’d say there were too many people.

Nah, he just wanted a little pay off didn’t he.

After a total of 40 minutes we FINALLY arrived and checked into Camp Carnelleys. Bloody hell what a relief.

Phil had it in his head that we should get dorms to save money but when I pointed out that he could drink less beer to save money, he agreed that we should just get whatever room I wanted. So we got a nice little private room, cos I’m 33 and can’t really be arsed listening to the snoring of a group of strangers unless I really have to.

Phil showered immediately but I had a one way ticket on the food train, so went straight to Lazy Bones restaurant. I really wanted to have a nice cold beer but after ranting at Phil about beer, I had to get a juice to prove a point. Turned out the juice was the same price as the beer. And the food was way more expensive that I expected, but needs must - ordered the cauliflower soup and feta & coriander samosas.

Well it was bloody fantastic. The soup came with a sprinkling of Parmesan and a warm bread roll with real butter on the side, and there was a tasty chutney with the samosas. Unfortunately Phil arrived as the food did (how does he always do that) and I had to share DAMMIT.

We noticed mosquitoes were a bit lively so after Phil had gone off to get water (I would say he’s a good lad, but he uses it as his cover when he’s mainly excited to go buy beer), we went to Fisherman’s camp next door to check out the food prices and look at bike hire for the next day.

At Fisherman’s Camp, we had a drink and enjoyed the lovely view, then Phil started chatting to the boss. She was like ‘Hey why aren’t you staying here, I have a lovely place you could stay’. So Philly Tours did some negotiating and we agreed to move to this new cottage the next morning. We booked bikes to hire too (I was excited but I think Phil was ever so slightly more excited) and Phil gave them a test cycle round the grass, nearly scoobying completely on the hay as he tried to look like a Professional Bike Checker (Phil’s dream job).

It was dark by the time we got back to our camp and we saw some kids running around with torches playing a game - so Phil decided to have some fun. He went off to the toilets and on his way back, he hid in the bushes and started making weird monster noises. The kids went wild with laughter and screams and had no idea where it was coming from. He managed to get back to our room and with the light off, he wrapped Froggie round his head and put a torch under his face. A ridiculous game of monsters and knock-down ginger began and the kids were absolutely loving it. I watched through the curtain in the dark and as they sneaked towards our door, I would bang on the door as soon as they were close, making them go crazy with screams and giggles. The finale was when Phil went out to scare them but one of the boys had hidden himself under the seat in front of our room and he scared the absolute dungers out of Phil 😂. Phil laughed and congratulated them on their scare and the kids politely said goodnight to us as they ran off back to their tents. I thought abut when people asked them about their holiday to Kenya and what the highlights had been, how disappointed their parents would be to hear if it had been when a random man pretended to be a monster in the dark 😂.

We ended up going for dinner in the same Lazy Bones restaurant and massively over ordered...sort of on purpose though...

Broccoli & cashew salad (oops had bacon in)

Cauliflower soup

Dahl, rice, raita & chapati

Patatas bravas (it said it was a starter but the portion was the size of Phil’s head)

We happily took the leftovers away, a nice packed lunch ready for our cycle the next day ready, and went off to bed with one of the bikes in our room just so Phil could stare at it before he went to sleep.

[lovelettersyouwroteme-blog]

hey i just have a few things that i need to get off my chest. i wanted to reply earlier but i’ve just got a lot on my hands these days and wanted this to be heartfelt and not rushed. so here it goes. if this is it, if this is the end then there are some things you should know. you changed my life. in unimaginable ways. and that i love you so much. for being this person in my life. someone i could always count on. im sorry for every time I’ve caused you pain. for every time I’ve hurt you in any way. im so sorry for every time i messed up. i want you to know how much you really mean to me. so here it goes. thank you for always asking me for that french homework on december 15, 2015. thank you for making me laugh. thank you for always texting me back. thank you for spending your december holiday talking to me. thank you for being honest about my glasses, you were right. thank you for being as interesting as you are. thank you for letting me become your friend. thank you for being as insightful and thoughtful as you are. thank you for giving me new things to learn every day from you. thank you for being so kind and for helping me through whatever problems i was facing regardless of how stupid (glasses) or how important (weekly nervous breakdowns). thank you for always being there for me when i was down. thank you for being a friend that i could always talk to. thank you for putting zero boundaries on our friendship and always being so open and honest - i respect that so much about you. its an incredible quality you have. thank you for always being the intellectual one between us. thank you for telling me things as they were. thank you for watching movies with me when you wanted to watch something. thank you for staying up with me till 7am your time to analyze them. thank you for sending analyses of movies you’ve watched and loved. thank you for creating the goodnight spam trend. I’ve never seen anything like it. thank you for creating the plane spam trend. no boring plane rides took place after that. thank you for trusting me with your thoughts and your ideas. thank you for trusting me with things you’ve never told anyone. thank you for letting me in to your life. thank you for trusting me with being that kind of person in your life. you were always that kind of person in my own life. thank you for showing me your art. thank you for trusting me with the videos you make no matter how much you thought you could improve them. thank you for drawing countless pictures of me, they’ve made me cry - in the best way possible. thank you for telling me about dantom. thank you for never really getting mad at me no matter how annoying i could get. thank you for caring so much about this random girl you met and for changing her life. thank you for helping her become a better person. (thank you for helping her become funnier too.) thank you for always always always being so honest with me. thank you for letting me in on how your days went. thank you for letting me into your past life and your current. thank you for planning how were gonna travel the world together. thank you for that intricate and detailed map. it was incredible. thank you for explaining crazy theories to me. thank you for always analyzing every situation so well. thank you for always helping me double guess, it always helped. thank you for somewhat helping me make decisions. two indecisive people working together ! thank you for always being there for moral support. thank you for being one in a million. thank you for for not giving up in the three days i got mad. im so sorry about that. thank you for bearing with my four month long sc spam. thank you for being someone i could send voice notes or videos of me crying about two very special kittens. thank you for being such a wholesome person in my very crazy life. thank you for making my life more wholesome. transitive property. thank you for being my best friend. three years, every day. thank you for loving emo saleha. for period saleha. every other saleha. thank you for bearing with me crying about how crazy and unfair and artificial this world is. thank you for always helping me come up with escape plans on my down days. norway here i come. (and NOT iceland). thank you for loving the same music as i do - its something we cant control but i just had to thank you for it. thank you for moving to doha. thank you for every second, minute and hour you put into this friendship, into us. thank you for every time you’ve complimented me. thank you for every time you’ve put forth kind words into an appreciation spam and sent it my way. thank you for being so genuine. so so so genuine. thank you for all the stories you’ve told me. thank you for every single good morning. and every single good night. thank you for accepting me for who i am. for being crazy enough to accept me. thank you for our WhatsApp chats, iM chats, facebook and twitter. wild times. thank you for giving me the most comforting friendship. thank you for letting me become a real part of your life. thank you for sticking through these timezones. thank you for making me watch how i met your mother. and letting me become part of that part of you. thank you for sending me those crazy voice notes. all of them. including this one where you’re making goat (or sheep?????) sounds i don’t even know what happened there. thank you for being so understanding. thank you for calling me. checking up on me before my accounting test. thank you for listening to me rant about things. thank you for making me that song you once made me. thank you for every single little thing. thank you thank you thank you. thank you for helping me get more comfortable in my own skin. thank you for showing me new music. you have the better taste in music anyway. thank you for being this incredible person in my life. for giving me reasons to get up every day. thank you for for the cafeteria conversations. thank you for teaching me so much more about Apple, the SAT, and universities. thank you for understanding my hatred for the world. thank you for not understanding that memes were unnecessary. they’re not. instagram and twitter prove it every day. THANK YOU FOR THE SNAPS ON HOW TO MAKE A SANDWICH. cracked me up. thank you for taking a chance on me and not running away when you saw the ugliest parts of me. when you saw the side of me that no one has seen. thank you for not leaving. your four months got excused. i’m sorry again. thank you for making me so happy. thank you for letting me mean something. for telling me the things you’ve told me. thank you for allowing me to listen to you. thank you for talking to me about them. thank you for every time you’ve been there for me. morning evening night you were always there. even when i wasn’t always there for you. thank you for every beautiful message you sent me when i was down. i can only hope i came even a tiny bit close to doing that for you. thank you for lifting my mood up by just texting back. thank you for making this world a better place to be in. thank you for always being yourself around me. thank you for putting in the time. thank you for the cake box, for the spams ill always hold near and dear to my heart, for the songs, the voice notes, the videos. thank you for just giving me a safe space, allowing me to be myself around you. i never had to think twice about what you thought about me because you’ve always been so understanding. thank you for being my everything. thank you for loving me even though i don’t believe i deserve it. thank you for making my life and mind easier place to navigate through. thank you for showing me that unconditional love can and does exist in this world. thank you for letting me be your travel companion. whether it worked out or not. thank you for giving me a chance. thank you for giving me an endless list of memories and conversations to hold on to. no matter what. thank you for giving me the best three years of my life, ever. for being the best person in my life. for showing me that someone so wholesome even exists in our world. you mean so much to me. 100. thank you for writing me 100 reasons why you loved me. heres my turn giving you 100 ways you changed my life.

my last text to you

[ashwank-blog-blog]

Wonder how long this will last

Welp, it’s been 6 years or more since I’ve been on this website. I’m pretty sure my idea of it being porn, feminist rants and cats isn’t as accurate as my judgemental mind believes it to be but we’ll see. I don’t really understand tumblr, but from what I gather I’ve unfollowed the 1 person I was following and I’ve blocked some weirdo who was posting dicks everywhere, so if anyone I know is reading this whilst you’re welcome to do so, just know I have made an effort to scrub this blog from any previous attachments.  I’m going through some shit, many people have told me to write down how I feel but one of the curses of working in an IT field is... Well, my hand writing isn’t readable. I have this issue where excluding typing or petting cats, my hands just don’t do what I tell them and writing is included in that. So, here I am. Life is 50 shades of shit right now, let’s break it down. The girl I thought was my soul mate doesn’t love me, and it scares me to think of how long she hasn’t. I mean, in retrospect I don’t blame her. She’s a fantastic human being and I’m a bit of a cunt. If it took me as long as I think it did to realise something wrong, what right do I have to ask for another chance? I’ve said a lot of things since I knew how she felt and some of them were hurtful, to her and coming from my own mouth. I just don’t understand how you can fall out of love with someone, nothing ‘big’ or typically ‘relationship killer’ has happened. Neither of us cheated, neither of us are abusive, neither of us have a reason to get out as soon as possible... To me, whilst I know it’s not true, she just woke up one day at some point in the last 6 or 7 years and realised I wasn’t the person she wanted to spend her life with. It hurts, more than my vocabulary can even begin to describe. It hurts to breath, it hurts to eat and it hurts to think. It hurts to wake up, it hurts to sleep and it hurts everywhere in between.

I’ve slept something like 4 hours since she gave me the final decision on Wednesday. I tried so hard not to speak in anger, but I do this thing where I say I’m trying not to do something and within 5 minutes I’m doing exactly that. I was, and still am, so angry. I wanted to be a dad, I wanted to be a husband and I wanted a family. I’m a simple guy, I wanted a job, a house, pets and a wife. The kid(s) were a pipe-dream that would’ve come further down the line, there was no immediate plan. But all that is dead. I don’t even know what I could’ve done to stop it from dying in all honesty. I mean, I know from what we talked about how I could’ve been a better person and I know it sounds so childish but I’ve taken it on board and I’ve changed. It wasn’t the type of change you’re forced into, I just lost my way in life and I needed someone to tell me to wake the fuck up. I needed someone to tell me that when my mum said “treat others how you wish to be treated” she was wrong. You treat others how they deserve to be treated and even then, sometimes you just treat people nice, it’s simple shit and for whatever reason I think my lack of understanding this simple human trait, is one of the big reasons we’ve broken up. She said on Wednesday night that she didn’t think we could even come back from this and in the ‘heat’ of the moment I said I agreed. I think it’s incredibly hypocritical of me to call her a liar and telling her I feel betrayed by her giving up because when the chips are down I basically did the same thing. This girl, I live for. I know it’s cheesy, but I really do. You see people describe their love by saying stupidass shit like they’d die for one-another or they’d do something ‘til the end of time but man, I’d attempt the impossible if it meant being given a chance to right all the wrongs going on right now.  I gave her nan the Christmas presents I bought last week, this morning. It was like 7:40 and since she’s a war child she’d already had her 7am lie-in, so thankfully I didn’t wake her. I wanted to go the night before after work but she didn’t come home til late and the last thing I want her to think is I’m following her or being a creepy stalker. So I turned up in the freezing cold and gave her nan the little bag of shitty presents that my shitty hands wrapped with shitty sellotape and you know what she says to me? “Things not going so well?” shortly followed by “Well I hope we see you at Christmas”. I wanted the world to swallow me right there, I just numbly said “I don’t think I’ll be there” and excused myself to go to work. She then sent me a message on Facebook a few minutes later just to say thank you and repeating the seeing me at Christmas thing which... Whilst nice, I didn’t have a reply to. I wish it stopped here, but the next bit is what killed me. I wrote a little note in the bag, it started off as just a way of telling whoever gives them out whose presents are whose, but I ended up writing something stupid like “Merry Christmas and thank you for everything”... It wasn’t meant to be some over-dramatic teen bullshit but I guess it comes across that way. Anyway her nan sent me another message about an hour later saying she didn’t realise it was good bye and... “You were like an adopted grandson”. Had to take a moment to blink back tears even writing that, so we won’t speak of the little cry I had in the office toilet. This family did things for me my own family couldn’t do, so when I said to her in a reply “You were more family than my real family a lot of the time” I really meant it. I was gonna type more about that but... It hurts too much.  We’ve got to sell the flat. All that stuff, from 2 years of building a life, has to be moved, binned, stored, sold... Then there’s the fish, I’ve killed so many fish I don’t think I can even look at them without feeling like the worst kind of person. The reasons behind killing them were genuine most of the time, they were either sick and dying anyway or we had no option but I mean this time... I really got into it. I really enjoyed setting up the tank and learning how it all worked, learning their names and their ‘breeds’ personalities and just learning to get involved with something that she liked. Not to impress her or for any stupid reason, just because dismissing something you don’t like before you’ve really tried it is a terribly ignorant thing to do.  I’m also gonna miss the cats. I get daily cuddles. Dodger was on my lap for hours last night, I wasn’t doing anything and had no reason to get up so he just slept on me. I never had indoor pets growing up. The closest we had was one time we let the rabbit in the kitchen, or when we found frogs in the garden. I never had this ‘need’ for living company. I sat alone in my room with the tv and a laptop and smoked, drank and ate. When I went to bed, whilst I was crippled with loneliness I never knew what it was like to have a living thing to keep me company. Now I do, but I also know I’m going to lose them. Sure, I could get another cat or maybe even a dog. But, and as dumb as this sounds, these cats are the closest thing I’ll ever get to having children with her. They’re the closest thing to a family and to a future I could make an effort to live for. Whilst they’re not gone yet, they may as well be. As hurtful as it sounds, I wish they hated me just to make it easier to walk away and never see them again. On top of the breakup, I’ve been down for a very long time. I was diagnosed with ‘manic depression’ when I was 16. They gave me pills that I refused to take and I dragged my ass through college as best I could. I’ve not quite had suicidal tendencies, but I’ve not exactly looked at life as anything other than a happy coincidence. I was the winning sperm, congratulations to me, fuck the rest. I’m trying to get help for this... Talking and being honest with people is difficult, albeit the amount of talking I’ve done compared to 16 year old me you’d probably not even believe we were the same people. I have a meeting at the hospital on Monday in which I’m not exactly far off just asking to have some meds thrown at me. Just enough to make me numb. I’ve not been happy in a very long time, so long in fact I don’t even remember so I doubt I’d miss it. I just can’t take these low points, I have no real escape. Everywhere I go reminds me of something I no longer have or a mistake or a thing I failed at and it crushes me a little more every day. I’m not brave/stupid/selfish enough to take my own life, though it has crossed my mind more times than I would like to admit. I don’t think it’s fair to hurt the people that do care for me, or even just the colleagues that I’ve confided in. But I also don’t think I would move from a derailed train or a swerving vehicle, in fact my one concern would be whether or not it would be enough to kill me, or just cripple me. I think that scares me a lot less than it should. I might make more posts. I might not, I wanted to make a point of finishing posts with something meaningful just in case it is my last one, but realistically nothing I can think of would sum up how I feel now, so I guess I’ll just try “I’m sorry.” A