#it's 22nd here already but pretty sure it's still 21st somewhere

[karlydraws]

❤️✨Birthday boys🎉🎂

[a-froger-epic]

Get out your glitter leotards and pour some champagne in your cat mugs! 🥂 🍾 It’s time to celebrate Freddie! 🎉😸

🎊 Freddie Mercury Weekend 2021 🎊

❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

ABOUT THE EVENT

This weekend is a content creation event in honour of the man himself, the legend we all love, Freddie Mercury! Once more, everyone who is inspired by Freddie is invited to share their creativity with the fandom. You can write, draw, edit, record, even cross-stitch 😉 content for absolutely anything related to Freddie, any ship, any genre, any way you like. This is an indiscriminately inclusive, positive event. Everyone is welcome, there is no wrong way to be a fan of Freddie! (Except convincing yourself you're dating his ghost maybe. That's pretty wrong. And weird. Don't do that.)

WHEN? On the 21st, 22nd and 23rd of May.

HOW? On the above dates (or after!), post your contributions to the AO3 collection or alternatively on Tumblr, tagged ‘#fmw2021’ or/and ‘#freddie mercury weekend 2021’. If you post on Tumblr, please also tag @a-froger-epic to make sure you get a reblog from me!

❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

THE PROMPTS

You can be as free with the prompts as you like. They are here to inspire, there is no wrong way to write them! Change them around, mix them up, make them fem!Freddie, A/B/O, add your favourite ship. Anything goes! 😊

21st of May - 500-1000 word challenge!

We’re kicking off the event with ficlets and drabbles. First time writer just testing the waters? No need for an epic, just write a scene! No time to write but you want to participate? Surely you’ll find time for 500 words! 😉 Interpret these mini-prompts however you like (every one is a separate prompt, but you can combine them!):

Make-Up 💄   |   Pain/Pleasure 👀

Strip 👕   |   Ring 💍

Forbidden 🤫   |   Delilah 🐈

Piano 🎹   |   Dormitory 🛏 

Outrageous 🎉   |   Contentment 😌

Come Together 🎇   |   Ballet 🩰

Piece of Art 🎨   |   Leather 🧥

Cockring 🐔   |   Kimono 👘

Petals 🌸   |   Leotard 🕺🏻

Mustache 🧔   |   Last Time 😔

22nd of May - Is This The Real Life? 

A list of real event/canon timeline prompts from Freddie’s life. How real you want to keep them, however, is entirely up to you!

Down in flames

Freddie is 16 years old when he leaves boarding school. Does it have something to do with the school gardener, Sanjay? Did he flunk his exams or did he not even sit them? Is one thing connected to the other? Does he really find a boyfriend when he goes to stay with his aunt in Mumbai (then Bombay)? Either way, there’s the small matter of his parents finding out about all of it... (Sources: x x )

When Freddie met Kenny

Freddie is a guest on Kenny Everett's radio show in spring 1974. Freddie is living with Mary, Kenny is married. Two gay men, deep in the closet. To no one's surprise, they hit it off immediately. (Source: x )

But when did he? 

At some point during his relationship with Mary, prior to his relationship with David, Freddie had already begun sleeping with men. But how and when did that first happen? Cottaging in London? On tour somewhere in the world? Your guess is as good as ours… 

Flying High

Sex, Drugs and Rock n' Roll. Like all rock bands of their time, Queen doesn’t escape the copious amounts of cocaine in the entertainment industry for long. Somewhere on tour in America, perhaps, Freddie is first introduced to it. Where? How? 

Hide your tears

Jim said that he tried to be strong for Freddie and only cried in private, so as not to burden Freddie with his feelings. But this time, he is found. 

One-liners:

In 1969, Freddie doesn’t know how to cook an egg and neither does Roger (Source: x )

In 1977, Freddie meets Joe while on tour in Boston and starts dating him behind David's back

In 1990, Brian and Freddie work on 'The Show Must Go On' (Source: x )

In a year of your choice, Jim reminisces about his fondest moment(s) with Freddie

In 1976, Freddie and Mary end their relationship 

In 1984, Winnie gives Freddie a wedding ring (middle of the post: x )

In the late 60s, Freddie agrees to model for an Ealing Art School fashion show, but panics and flees the runway (Source: x )

In 1974, Freddie is strip-searched upon arrival in Australia (Source: x )

In 1982, Freddie and Roger go shopping in Amsterdam (Source: x )

In 1978, Freddie swings from a chandelier - naked (Source: x )

23rd of May - Is It Just Fantasy?

A list of AU prompts to spark your imagination. Take them and run with them or change them up, just have fun!

Make your dreams come true

Freddie hasn't been very fortunate in his life, until he finds a very special oil lamp, and rubs it just the right way. 

Beautiful stranger

Freddie meets an alluring stranger at a masquerade ball, who has more secrets than he can hide behind a mask. But Freddie has some of his own. 

Thicker than water 

Freddie agrees to a dreadful fate in order to save his little sister from the very same. Fortunately, he has friends who are more than willing to help him, but can they? Or are they, too, in danger?

Diamonds are a boy's best friend

Freddie is the prized jewel of the court, a skilled belly-dancer and entertainer, but he may also be plotting murder and getting away with it. 

Almost Real

In a distant future, humans have all but done away with face to face interaction. Humanity largely lives online. Children grow up isolated and live with only their families well into young adulthood. Cybersex is the new normal, although some families take a puritanical approach for fear of addiction. One day, impossibly, a real life young man falls through the containment field in Freddie’s back garden. 

One-liners:

This plane is going to crash (Freddie knew there was a reason he hated flying) 

Shipwrecked on an island (Freddie could never bear to be alone, but luckily/unfortunately for him…) 

Hunger Games AU (Freddie is so dead) 

A terrible road accident (Everyone is so dead, or are they?) 

Blind Date AU (Freddie's best friend is so dead for setting him up with this person… or are they…) 

Bank robbery (but who are the robbers and who are the hostages?) 

Magic AU ("Yer a wizard, Freddie!")

Film Noir AU (Secrets and cigarette holders) 

Interior Design AU (Does the carpet match the drapes?)

The Bodyguard AU (“And I will always love yooouuuu…”)

❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

RULES & FAQ

⛔ Strictly No Hate ⛔

This is the NUMBER ONE RULE of the event, to ensure that everybody feels safe. No rudeness, provocations or hate aimed at creators or other commenters will be permitted, not on AO3 nor Tumblr.

Follow these steps if you receive a comment or ask that distresses you:

Do not engage. (You can take a screenshot as proof.)

Delete it. No ifs, no buts. Just delete it. (Don’t hesitate to block anon hate on Tumblr.)

Alert me ( @a-froger-epic ) or @aboutnothingness, who is lending me a hand to make sure all needs are attended, all questions are answered and everything runs smoothly. We are here to actively support you. We’ve got your back, and we will gladly talk to you and help you feel better.

If you choose to ignore this rule, your work may be removed from the event. We would hate to resort to that.

But what if one of the works has upset me?

Can the thing that upset you be tagged, but it wasn’t? Then please inform @a-froger-epic or @aboutnothingness, and we will bring it to the creator’s attention. (Remember to use the appropriate tags, everybody!)

Was the thing that upset you already tagged? Or is it perhaps simply the characterisation you find disagreeable? Then we suggest you click on the ‘back’ button, take a deep breath and remind yourself it's just fanfic.

Who can participate?

Anyone who is inspired by Freddie Mercury in any way shape or form. This event is open to all.

Can I combine prompts from different days?

By all means! We look forward to your futuristic Freddie-gets-kicked-out-of-boarding-school Maycury Film Noir AU. With leotards. Go crazy.

I'm not sure where my creation fits in, what day do I post it? 

The days, like the prompts, are only suggestions. We don't mind when you post it, as long as you post it! Even if it's two weeks late! 

Help, I've never posted fic before! 

Don't worry, we've got you! (And more importantly, we've got AO3 invites!) @aboutnothingness is more than happy to walk you through the process of setting up an account and is also offering her services as a beta.

I’m still too nervous to participate!

You can post anonymously to the collection. You can disable anon comments on your work. You can disable comments entirely and just collect the kudos. You can close anon asks on Tumblr temporarily. But most importantly, we are here for you and we want you here!

❤️ 🧡 💛 💚 💙 💜

“I love the fact that I make people happy, in any form. Even if it’s just half an hour of their lives, in any way that I can make them feel lucky or make them feel good, or bring a smile to a sour face, that to me is worthwhile.”

- Freddie Mercury

[fromcrossroadstoking]

Grant and the Paper Shortage

Part 4 of Welcome to the 5061st

In which Grant needs paper and Liebgott needs something else. (And maybe Grant wants something else too)

Tags: @gottapenny @itisjustmethistime @indigosandviolets @scarecrowmax 

---------------------------------

June 19th, 1015

Liebgott was pulling on his boots as Grant stood just a couple feet away tucking in his shirt. The supply room was empty save for the two of them. Hardly anyone else ever wandered to this particular supply room as it was filled with mechanical bits and pieces for the ambulances and other vehicles, which made it the perfect meeting spot.

Grant tugged his jacket back on his he finished filling Liebgott in on his upcoming date with the new nurse on Saturday.

"And she`s got legs for miles Lieb," Grant let out a low whistle.

"Fuck. I cant find my belt. Why the fuck did you have to throw it?" Liebgott was kicking around boxes, searching for his belt, and looking deeply annoyed.

"Calm down, alright? It`s here somewhere. And besides weren't you listening? The legs Lieb! You should see them!"

"The fuck do I care for?"

"What`s your problem?"

"Nothin'." Liebgott huffed as he finally found his belt and looped it back on. 

Grant laughed, "Jesus, you're not jealous are you Lieb? Thought we were just having some fun."

"Fuck you. I`m not jealous of shit." Liebgott started to leave before swinging back around to face Grant and adding, "And if this is what you call fun, I feel sorry for nurse whats-her-face." With that, Liebgott stormed out leaving a stunned Grant alone in the dark supply room.

June 19th, 1400

Grant wasn't sure what Liebgott`s problem was but he didn't have time right now to figure it out. (Besides it was Liebgott. He`d get over it, whatever it was.) He had been meaning to write to his mother for weeks now and he had just received yet another letter from her. He knew he better respond soon or she would start assuming the worst.

Unfortunately, he couldn't find any paper.

He tore through the entirety of the tent he shared with Sisk, Talbert, and Babe. No paper.

Casting one more look around the ransacked tent, he turned and headed out the door. The company clerk was bound to have some paper.

June 19th, 1405

Grant walked in to the front office area of the 5061st`s HQ, prepared to barter Luz for some paper (he had a Hershey bar he had been saving for just such an occasion). He was not prepared for Liebgott to be there, perched on the desk, trading friendly jabs with Luz.

Liebgott gave him one helluva death glare as he walked in.

Grant ignored him and directed his attention towards Luz.

"Hey, let me get some paper. Just a piece or two," Grant held out his hand in anticipation of Luz`s cooperation.

"No."

"The hell do you mean, no?"

"I mean no. N - O. I`m out of paper. I`ve been going nuts writing in the damn margins of the announcement sheet!"

"Dammit." Grant sighed and glanced towards Liebgott, "Don`t suppose you have any paper?"

"Nope."

June 20th, 1500

Grant had failed to find any paper the day before and had failed so far today as well. Nobody had paper. He had checked with everyone, even Winters himself.

Still nothing. It seemed the entire damn Army was out of paper. Typical.

Grant rubbed his eyes and headed back towards his tent, stopping in his tracks when he looked up and saw Liebgott perched on a crate outside of the tent across from Grant`s. Writing. On a stack of papers.

Son of a bitch.

"I thought you didn't have any paper?!"

Liebgott didn't even look up, "I don`t have any paper for you."

"Jesus, Liebgott. What`s your problem?"

"Nothin'. Just havin' some fun. That`s what we do, right?"

Liebgott winked as he got up and walked away, purposely bumping Grant`s shoulder as he left.

June 20th, 1530

Grant sat on his bunk, stewing. He was upset about not having any paper sure, but he was suddenly even more upset that Liebgott`s attitude wasn't going to blow over quite as quickly as Grant thought it would.

Grant knew he shouldn't be as bothered as he was by that. It was just Liebgott. He would come around eventually.

So why was he so annoyed that it was taking so long?

June 21st, 1900

What did a man have to do around here to get some paper?!

Do they not make paper in all of Korea?

Was the Army turning its paper supply into food rations? (Actually, that would explain a lot about the food... )

June 21st, 1915

Babe Heffron was Grant`s new personal hero. Babe`s family had sent him a package with some paper in it for letter writing and Babe had been kind enough to share. Although, apparently, Babe`s kid sister thought that Babe needed  "pretty" paper for letter writing and had decorated the edges of the pages with flowers. A lot of flowers. Not that Grant minded at this point, he was just grateful he could finally write to his mom. And hell, his mom would probably get a kick out of the "pretty paper".

And now that one problem was solved, he could finally concentrate on his other problem.

Liebgott.

June 22nd, 0600

Liebgott hadn't talked to him in days. Grant tried to pretend like it didn't bother him. But it did. A lot.

"Hey! Grant! Yoo-hoo! You still with us? Should I call a doc?"

Grant blinked and looked over at Talbert, "What?"

Talbert gave him an irritated sigh, "For the fiftieth time, do you want to prep carrots or corn for lunch today?"

"Doesn't matter, does it? They taste the same."

Talbert frowned at him and raised an eyebrow, "Is the happy couple still quarreling?"

"Jesus Christ, Tab, we aren`t a couple!"

"Uh-huh. If that`s what you tell yourself."

"We sleep with other people! All the time!"

Talbert grinned, "Maybe you do but I`ve never seen Lieb messing around with anyone but a very handsome, cranky as hell, head cook."

June 23rd, 0300

Grant spent the entire night tossing and turning, trying to puzzle out his own feelings towards a certain ambulance driver. He finally gave up on sleep, rolled out of bed, and begged Babe for another piece of paper.

This one was bordered by vibrant red and orange flowers.

He thought about it for a long time before finally deciding on what to write.

Lieb,

If you want to do more than just have fun, I think I do too.

- Grant

Grant sneaked in to Liebgott`s tent and placed the note in the pocket of his jacket.

June 23rd, 1900

Grant returned to his tent at the end of the day, exhausted. He and Talbert had received a new shipment of supplies and spent damn near the whole day organizing them and tossing out what had already managed to rot (which was, unsurprisingly, a lot).

As he climbed up on to his bunk, he froze. Waiting for him was a stack of clean, non-flowered, paper. On top of the stack was a note.

Yeah, I do.

- Lieb

June 24th, 2030

Grant couldn't help but delight a little in the surprise on Liebgott`s face when he walked in to the tent.

The usual group of Liebgott, Roe, Spina, Sisk, Luz, and Tab had already started their traditional Saturday night poker game. Grant pulled up a chair and squished himself in at the already crowded table. Right next to Liebgott.

Liebgott smiled, "What, no date with Nurse Legs?"

Grant smirked and shook his head, "Nah. Deal me in, yeah?"

They shared a knowing look and suddenly Grant felt better than he had in days.

[sophieyouneedtogetbetter]

Journal entries

December 11th 2018

I see no point in anything anymore, i am so lonely and sad. No one likes me and no one cares for me. I get myself into situations that i can't get out out of. I act out on the ones who love me, they shouldn't forgive me, but they do anyways.. 

I am just a big problem and i am misunderstood. No one knows how i feel half the time, it's so hard to describe. I feel like I couldn't be fixed even if i tired. 

I am so unmotivated and lazy, i try to get things done but i get to distracted and pulled into a cold spiral of depression or anxiety. It's hard to do anything now, i am so scared that i will never be good enough or i wont get into college or even get through this year alone.

I need to stop going to others for my own happiness and find it myself. I need to stop getting into relationships just to not feel lonely.  

My grades are dropping and i will never get anywhere, all my teachers and friends are disappointed in me and they also think i wont get anywhere either. 

Everyone is always worried about me because they think i will cut myself again or try and kill myself. I don't want to die i just want to be happy and be normal. 

I’m sick and tired of being so problematic and always sad or tired. But i am always sad and tired and i don't know what to do about it. 

I am always so paranoid and it's scary because sometimes i dont know whats real and whats not, sometimes i feel like i'm almost lucid dreaming or in a movie or something. I feel like i'm drifting and something is pulling me back and they won't let go. My mind gets all blurry and i can't focus, i feel like still things are moving on their own. 

I feel exhausted on days where i've had a good night's rest, i just dont want to feel like this anymore, it's a living hell. I want to be free from this feeling.. 

February 27th 2019

it’s a new year.. i thought things would get better but they have gotten worse. i’ve got a new therapist and she’s not helping. i’ve been cutting a lot lately and i’m very scared. sunday i cut very deep, there was a lot of blood. i felt nauseous and sick and the thing that scares me the most is that i thought i was done, i thought that i was gonna bleed out and hours later when it was about dinner time my parents would find me dead. but that didn’t happen i’m here and i’m alive. something that makes me terrified is that the one thing that i go to for release isn’t giving me that adrenaline and satisfaction that i’ve felt before and now i sit here and ask myself what am i gonna go to next, and i’m gonna go to hard drugs or even worse.. suicide.. i don’t want to die but the thing is that i black out when i cut and what if i was to cut to deep and actually bleed out and die. i don’t want that to happen.

while i type this i’m very scared and anxious, i’ve never thought that it would get like this. i would never think i would find myself in my room scared and out of control of my actions with harming myself. just one little accident and it would be all over. i could do it now but i don’t want to. i don’t want to ever die. i need to get my shit together, i know what i need to do to feel happy again but i don’t want to. saddens has consumed me and it’s so damn comfortable. i need to get my shit together, maybe tomorrow maybe in five years but i guess for now i will fake it.

2021 January 13th

I don't wanna do this anymore. I'm in such a deep depression I'm so tired and so exhausted and miserable. The only good thing I have going is my relationship and friends which I good but I want my home life to be okay. I could give a fuck less about school or anything really just so I can feel at home again so I can be happy. Its sucks because I  Rely so much on other people's emotions for my own. I can't be happy if everyone else isn't and i wanna fix it I wanna fix the way I feel but how do I do that when no body is listening. I'm 17, I don't have my license or a job, how am I suppose to find tools without having other tools. I need a therapist but they are so backed up even if I do put in an application for one ill be at the bottom of the list and it'll be probably a good month before I get one. I don't know what to do anymore.

February 22 2021 

I get it not everything is resolved around me, but what's it going to take for someone to notice I am so fucking alone, that I am constantly fighting with myself constantly fighting to stay alive, always wondering what I'm doing wrong always thinking everyone hates me. It fuckinh exhausting I am so fucking tired I let everyone walk all over me always taking advantage of my empathy. What is wrong with me what am I doing wrong for people to not like me, I hate the fake excuses to not talk to me, I hate the snarky comments and all the glares. I feel like im sinking and everyone else around me is swimming everyone else is floating along while I'm drowning I'm trying to hard to stay up above the water what I know how easy it would be to sink, I want to sink. But what's going to happen if I do sink, will I swim with the fish or will I be eaten up by the sharks. Will this ever end, will I ever stay afloat. Will I ever find the confidence or the strength or the tools to stay alive. 

April 11th 2021 

Yesterday you expressed to me that your not sure if you want to be with me and how I am pretty to much for you and your not sure if you want a relationship, we laid down and after a couple minutes I told you that 2 years ago today you first told me you loved me which was kinda ironic considering the circumstances. We then had sex, which I insisted only because I knew it would make everything better. You wanted me to go to a party that I really didn't wanna go to but I went because I knew if I didn't I had really lost you. You said so many different things that night how you know  you love me and how you care about me but how your mindset tells you otherwise and how you're not attached to me as much as I am to you. You left this morning and I texted you and asked how your day was and ypu ignored me. You said you are going to take me out to eat tonight but I just have this gut feeling that either 1 it's not going to happen or 2 it will and it'll be the last time I see you. I don't know if I can get past this, it hurts way to much. You're my best friend my person love I don't want to lose you I don't want to be alone I don't want to see you with other people. It's Hurts so much and I try and say it's my fault that it hurts so much because I overthink so much and that I just can't except love but I can but I say it's my fault so you won't leave. What else am I going to justify so you won't leave. I can't keep doing this. Maybe its just right person wrong timing, or maybe im just too fucked up to be loved by anyone. And the sad thing is If thinking about you and replaying our memories in my head is the closest thing to having you then I’ll do it no matter what . I’d drop everything to spend time with you but you wouldn’t do the same for me.

June 21st 2021 

God what has happened. I've repressed to my old feelings, old playlist, old memories etc.. suicide has been heavy on my brain the past few days, same with self harm and just leaving everything behind and leaving. I feel so lost and helpless and confused into why I am feeling like this again. I cried the other day, the same kind of cry a baby cries when it misses its mother. I have this thought in my head running back and forth of wether I'm okay or I'm not. I'm constantly catching myself spacing off into old memories, like 8th grade. The feeling of being so numb and so tired that nothing could ever fix this feeling like I am so comfortable and so certain that I'm going to feel like this forever. I feel like a zombie. I feel bored. I feel useless. I feel tired, not the sleep tired. Just tired. Tired of pushing and pulling. My brain feels like mush. My body feels heavy and weightless at the same time. My chest feels tight and my eyes feel heavy. I feel comfortably miserable. I miss when I never had to give a shit about anything like school and work and dissipating people. I've done so good lately and held my shit together so well and it's so surprising because deep down I am screaming and begging for a break for someone to say it's okay to feel like shit and have them not be disappointed in me for falling apart. I think about the day I'll let someone read these entries, I think about the day that I'm completely giving up and I release these all over social media. I know that sounds desperate but maybe someone would read these and think maybe there not alone. I feel like I would scare everyone if they knew how I felt. I wonder what I'm feeling is valid of bullshit or maybe its just my hormones or seasonal depression. Or maybe it's just my day to day life. Something I'm going to have to deal with for the rest of my life. (Keyword maybe means yes it's your everyday life) 

June 22nd 2021 

We're on a "break". I don't even know how to feel, I should be crying right now begging you to not leave and to love me and to just change. But I'm not, I'm so calm and unbothered and just numb. I'm so fucking numb. It's like I don't even care it's like im already over it. I guess I wasn't surprised. I don't really have much to say. But I can say this is going to hit me like a train. One little thing, and I think I'm going to snap. 

September 8th 2021

I don't think I can keep doing this anymore, I don't think I can keep fighting. I don't want to, I don't want to deal with these feelings. I can't remember the last time I actually felt okay. I want to feel normal again. I am losing myself. I am losing my mind and I am trying so fucking hard to hold on. I feel like a prop in some shitty movie. I feel like I'm just a background character, if that makes any sense. I am constantly scared, I am constantly having these thoughts of hurting myself. I keep dreaming of better days but everyday is just a nightmare. I  think of admitting myself somewhere, like sending myself away. Somewhere where I don't have to worry about this shit. Somewhere safe, somewhere there are people like me and understand me.

September 15 2021

I  find myself thinking about sending myself away, not because i need to just because i want to. I guess you could say “ need in one hand and want in the other and see which one fills up faster” but i honestly have come to the point where nothing feels real anymore, nothing feels good anymore. Everything hurts everything is scary and everything is unfair. Life is so unfair. Its even worse that i continuously have shitty things happen to me. I have so much untreated trauma that i think im coming to the point where i dont care anymore. I dont care about anything. I don't feel like existing, trying, dealing or fuckinh anything. I can't feel anything, I am so numb. Numb to my core. I am so desperate to feel better. I am going to feel like this forever, I am always going to be a broken person with a broken heart with a broken mindset. 

[chvrchesrp]

Welcome to CHVRCHES’ eleventh event!

This event is our fourth missive event, which means a little bit of what happens will be assigned to your muse. Since we’re fresh off the heels of a heavy, location-based event, this one actually isn’t in a centralized location at a certain time all together... it’s “normal play,” but things aren’t as your muse left them when they entered Hotel California. You will be given 2 ‘tasks’ to accomplish as you see fit. This event has only this one part.

The date stamp for the dream portion is the overnight between Friday, July 21st and Saturday, July 22nd. (You don’t have to stop writing established HC threads.) Please do not make timeline threads dated after August 26th, which will be the next event.

Exhausted from what feels like only 8 hours, everyone, finally out of the hotel, makes their way home. Their tech is still acting up, not yet giving updated information, and folks wind up in bed around three in the morning. While they believe they are going to bed during the small hours of June 25th, in truth, it’s the wee hours of July 21st. As they sleep, everyone has the same strange dream—

In your dream, you see a tree; it bears 12 different types of fruit, but each time you try to focus on one, it shifts colour, like light through a prism. The tree itself seems to glow with its own light, but that doesn’t make the tree feel like a good omen; instead, there is something about the tree that invokes the feeling of vertigo. Like, if given half the chance, you would fall toward it on your knees. It’s a feeling between awe and confusion. The bark of the tree, if you look closely enough, isn’t inlaid with gold nor silver: instead, it’s as if all the words ever spoken are written upon the wood, making its curves and shadows where the words grow denser: all the wisdom of the ages.

The leaves shine as if to heal, the air is sweet and fragrant, the roots grow strong and thick into the ground where a river meets it on either side. Perhaps you are in a plain; perhaps you are in a garden; where the tree is doesn’t matter. Everything in the dream pales in comparison to this tree. Giving in to the vertigo, you fall into the tree itself, becoming a part of its trunk, another word on its bark, and you can see out into the world. It’s as if you are on an altar, privvy to things unseeable otherwise—is this how energy senses? is this how the universe sees?—and looking out, you see 3 bright spots. The longer you focus on a bright spot, the clearer it becomes. Each, a grail. 

Slowly, the brightness fades. The grails have seemed to—disappear off the face of the earth. You are spat out from the tree, back to whatever setting, the sense of vertigo gone, and as you are whooshed backward, you can see 3 pinpricks of light emerging—but not a sense of where, on a map, they might be. As you re-orient yourself in the dream, the tree seems to no longer be a tree, but instead just a plain bush, the same sort of bush you might see on your way to work, of little to no consequence at all—until it bursts into flame. Suddenly, and very surely, you have the sense of not being alone. You turn to one side, only to see another version of yourself. 

The other you seems curious at first, with the wayward innocence of a puppy, going to touch your face—only, it reaches through your face and into your skull. It tries to know what you know, but you push it out; in that moment, you also got to see a glimpse inside of the other-you’s head. It feels like one of Famine’s manifestations, the sort you encountered in the Hotel rooms, and it wants to take over your life. It already has. It’s running your life for you. All it needs to do now is remove you from the life its stolen to stay seamlessly in it. A dark version of you, a minion of something far worse than you. 

You scream. You shake yourself awake, unsure what to make of all of this, perhaps, looking to those you know, those around you, to discuss it with.

When they wake, it is July 22nd. Their phones are working again. They realize they spent far longer in Hotel California than they’d ever imagined. What felt like 8 hours in the Hotel turned out to be about a month in the real world. But how do they still have apartments? How do they still have jobs to attend? How is their life running without them in it for a month?

Feel free (we encourage) to make threads trying to determine the meaning of the shared dream. It might take awhile to sort out, but yes, all of the Grails are gone from where ever they might have been—so if your muse had one, feel free to make a thread to check on it, only to find that it’s gone.

You are also free to make “normal” threads from here on out and continue plotting in your usual way. What has changed in the world around them, as they rejoin it, is that each muse now has an “evil double” version of themselves that Famine manifested. That “ED” has assumed your muse’s life. Your muse shows up to work? ED is already there. (For example.)

The only muse not affected with an ED is Pestilence, who will get to fuck with all of these folks as she sees fit, get her kicks perhaps deliberately “killing” (more on that later) the wrong people, and perhaps a head-start on Grail finding.

MUN TASK ONE:

Encounter your muse’s double.

It’s up to you where and how your muse encounters their double. The extra fun piece of this is, as writers, you also get to write your evil double. So you can have threads as your muse, and then also as your ED muse interacting with others. Please put, in the Subject of your threads, [ED] to mark that it’s an ED for clarity. 

Feel free to explore what the ‘evil’ version of your muse would be like! Yes, even you, Satan, should be able to find parts of you to make worse. (And remember, evil can present as a number of personality traits; the thing is the ED has evil motives, but many methods, to allow you creative spectrum.) The ED knows some, but not all, of the facts about your muse. (That’s why we had you do Challenge 23 to help brainstorm some of that!) It’s also important to keep in mind that the ED is trying to both:

Pass as close as possible to your muse while having evil motives

And trying to kill your muse so it can assume your muse’s life

Your ED does have all the abilities of your original muse, except 1) ED angels/demons cannot hear prayers and 2) ED angels/demons can be killed like a human; it doesn’t require a Grail.

How the ED is trying to kill your muse is also up to you. It doesn’t have to be stabby-stab; maybe they’re trying to poison your muse, or trying to stage a series of unfortunate events to take the suspicions off themselves. You do not have to write [ED] threads if you don’t wish to. You do have to still have your main muse meet and/or engage with their ED, however.

MUN TASK TWO:

Kill your muse’s double.

Doubles can’t be killed by the original muse. In order to stop the ED from taking over your muse’s life and killing your muse, your muse will need to enlist help from someone to take out their double. Since all muses have EDs, they’ll be pretty familiar with the predicament, having to do the same thing for themselves. 

Your task is to create a scenario in which another muse has to decide whether to kill OM (Original Muse) or the ED. (Another reason we had you do Challenge 23, of course!) This does not have to happen the moment your muse wakes up, but can happen at some point over the course of the month. You’ll be carrying on other normal-style threads at the same time as your OM or ED.

The “kill scene” scenario can be a thread with someone your muse knows well, or it can be with someone they don’t know well—after all, while we are planning the scenarios, it might be quite sudden or abrupt for them! We want you guys to have fun with this and get as creative as possible.

A few muses will be incorrectly “killed”—that is, the OM “dies” instead of the ED.

Those muses are:

Dom, Paul, Zack, and Noah.

As such, those listed above might want to create scenarios in which their muse is being judged by someone who doesn’t know them as well as they’d hoped. Or, perhaps their ED succeeds in killing them. Or, a situation where an amused or cruel other party might intentionally choose to let the ED live as opposed to the original muse, as a point of humour or contention—especially if under the understanding that the “death” might not be a true death, as follows:

When an ED or and OM dies, it’s not actually a realistic death. No matter how the ED is killed, it should just turn into ash and dust once it “dies.” When an OM dies, it looks like they just become dust particles and ‘flicker’ out of existence, insinuating they’re not actually dead, just somewhere else. If you are the player of one of the dead original muses listed above (thanks for volunteering as tribute!) you will get to continue to thread as your ED until the August event.

When an OM flickers out of existence, a business card from Delirium will be left behind in their place for the muses left to read:

8/26. COME MEET YOUR DOOM OR IT WILL COME TO YOU.

[rueur]

Morning Pages #47 (16.04.2017) (26.04.2017)

Sunday 16th April - 10:57 a.m.

It’s quiet and my love is fast asleep. He had a hard night last night, found himself in an expectedly troubled state of mind, triggered by reminders of a turbulent past. I saw that it was tough on him, and worried about him in his red-eyed silence, but thankfully the night was salvaged by good music and quite a bit of alcohol. Perhaps a burger and some chips also played a role here, though it was not as meaty a role as was held by the drinks.

I wasn’t entirely myself last night either, because our company consisted of people that he had history with, and that I had only ever heard of in passing. Meeting them was a big deal for me, even though it wasn’t a night of much significance for him.

Wednesday 26th April - 3:03 p.m.

Ten days exactly has passed and I’m right back here at Evan’s, well most of me is. We had a cycling accident on the 21st, last Friday. I was the only one who got hurt, thankfully, because it was really mostly my fault. There was a roadworks sign in the bike lane somewhere in Reservoir, and Evan saw it and started to slow down. He was in front of me. I saw it too, checked behind myself to see if there were cars coming, saw there was one, and tried slowing down too, but not fast enough. It was raining a lot as well, and so when I inevitably hit the back of him, I fell and skidded on my face. I busted my lip and chin, chipped my two front teeth, and grazed my knee quite badly. Living has been a bit of a struggle since, but hopefully it’ll all be clearing up soon. My teeth are incredibly sensitive right now, and eating is a bit of a struggle. I just had pancakes for breakfast with Evan and it took twice as long for me to get through them than it otherwise would’ve. And my face is still badly scabbed, on my upper lip and on my chin. It’s getting less painful by the day but it’s still rather torturous. I had a nasty fever on Sunday morning, after getting all my dental work done on Saturday. I was nauseous for three or so hours, from 7 a.m. till about 10 a.m., and Evan stayed with me the entire time. He watched me puke. He made sure that I kept eating, because I was half-starving myself since the accident happened. It’s been an ordeal, and I’ve been fighting back a depression, I think. It seems easier when he’s around. He stayed with me from Friday till Monday afternoon. I was then alone from Monday night till Tuesday night, and most of Tuesday was difficult. I barely slept on Monday night.

I am mourning my perfect teeth, because I did have perfect teeth. And I never took them for granted either. I brushed vigorously twice a day or so, and I regarded anything happening to my teeth as one of my worst fears. And now it’s happened. Mundell asked if maybe that was a good thing, that I experienced one of my worst fears. I can understand how facing one of my worst fears can make me a better person, a stronger person through the experience. I also feel like maybe I bring this all upon myself. I ask the world to deal me a hard hand so that I can see what it’s all like: so that I can experience everything and say that I’ve lived a life well-lived, well-full of it all.

Last night, Evan was talking to me about the future, but in very bleak terms. He was talking about the ends of our lives, in relation to the ends of our past lives. He’s convinced that we might’ve died four days apart, because we were born four days apart in this one. But he also said that he believed we were able to fall in love so quickly because we were simply continuing from where we had left off, when our souls were connected to other bodies. We found each other again and said to ourselves that it was time to get right back to it, time to get right back to being with one another. I thought that was an interesting idea, the fact that the energy between us could be strong enough to transcend the physical form, but it definitely explains how we were so in sync from the get-go.

I know it’s been a while since I’ve written here, and I feel a little iffy about writing again today knowing that I probably won’t be maintaining this as a daily thing. Uni’s just been so demanding, and I’m too tired, especially now. I just felt like this would be a little therapeutic too, and lord knows I need that right now. Thankfully, I haven’t lost the entire ‘stream of consciousness’ side of this, because I have been typing rather quickly, I’ve noticed. It’s 3:17 p.m., and I’m already maybe halfway through my second page. Granted, I did have a little entry from ten days ago that I haven’t the heart to delete, because I still remember that moment. It was so quiet and still, and dark. I was behind Evan’s couch, just kneeling on the floor, typing and being very aware of the sound of my typing. I didn’t want to wake him. I love him quite a lot, it seems.

I let him read my entries from the 14th and the 22nd of January, after the night we met and our first date respectively. I couldn’t believe I’d let him do that. He also knows the URL of this blog, which I feel may or may not influence the way I write from here on out, but he promised me that he wouldn’t abuse that knowledge and that he wouldn’t read any entries I didn’t want him reading. I believe that he won’t. I really do. So I don’t think I’ll change the  URL. But there are things that I haven’t told him about Ikaros, and these are things that I don’t think he has any interest in knowing anyway. I just feel like if he were to read them, he may feel hurt I didn’t tell him, even though they are of no relevance. Ikaros is entirely in the past. He messaged me yesterday, mostly because I’d made a post on Facebook about my cycling accident, but he also said something unnecessarily cryptic that pissed me off. He wants me to be thinking about him, I think. He said that a while back, I asked him a question which he happily answered, but he’d recently been thinking about that question again and feels like the question I asked had a second hidden question whose answer was given through the answer he had given me for the first question: an implied answer, in the subtext of that conversation. He said it was the kind of thing we’d need to talk about in person, but I don’t really care about it enough to be curious. I’m just a little mad that he even attempted to make me curious about it. I’m mad that he wants me to be wasting my time thinking about dead scenarios, ghosts of conversations that we’ve had, like I have the mental energy to waste on that.

I’m going to take a break, return to this when I feel the time is right, which will be very soon I think. And if not, then I’ll just wrap it up here. I want to be writing creatively, but my mind is too full and I’m too plagued with all the bullshit that’s been happening lately. I’m worrying about too much and I know I shouldn’t be, but I am. And as soon as I can write away all those inhibitions, I’m not going to attempt any more poignant, elegant works. I just want to be raw and unrefined for a while, because I feel like I’ve earned that right with all this focus on propriety that school inspires within me. It’s exhausting.

I’m back. Evan is cutting Daniel’s hair right now, and we were just playing Uncharted 2 before he turned up. I’m very self-conscious about my face right now, because I know it’s still looking rather hideous, because of the injuries. My scabs in particular are giving me a lot of grief, not just because it’s gotten insanely difficult washing my face, alongside the rest of my body too because of this bloody knee. My graze was healing up pretty well until I had a shower last night and now it’s gone back to feeling pretty stiff. It’s very hard, and I’m hesitant to wash it again because of what happened last time. Thankfully, because of the ANZAC Day Holiday on Tuesday, I haven’t had to go to school this week either. I feel like I’ll have to go in tomorrow though, for my journalism class only hopefully. I could easily skip it though, and back it up with a medical certificate, but I just don’t want to waste my last sick day for that subject in Week 8 knowing that I’ll have to make that 9 a.m. start four times over until the end of the semester. Goodness, a month left of this semester and then exams. And I’ll have one more semester till my graduation, if I don’t go for my honours. Should I go for my honours? I’ve been on the fence about it since January, really. I don’t know if I should bother with that last year of my a bachelor’s degree with honours, when I can just get my bachelor’s degree and have it over with. I still don’t know if my bachelor’s degree is going to be worth anything anyway, I mean it’s currently worth -$30,000 or so, just because of my bloody student fees. Lord knows if I’ll ever break even on that in my field. But honestly, I couldn’t see myself studying anything else, even though I’ve gotten so into my geography/environmental studies subjects. I wouldn’t ever see myself as a landscape management major in the environments degree, but I could potentially see myself double-majoring in creative writing and geography. I don’t know if I have the credit points to apply for a double major now, in the final year of my degree. I have done a surprising amount of geography subjects, so maybe? The School of Geography have been sending me a whole bunch of emails but I feel like they’ve all been automatically sent to students who achieved high marks in subjects regardless of their course structure. I feel like I can definitely do a few more geography subjects around my creative writing subjects. My creative writing subjects don’t even feel vital enough to form a major, if I can be candid. It all feels like such a bludge. Add the disappointment and limitations of Writing Journalism to all of that, and I feel like all my interests have been failed to be taught at this university. Nobody learns how to write creatively. You just do it. I’ve attempted to learn how to write creatively and it’s resulted in me feeling alienated from even my own writing. It’s been an intense process, having to consider my passion as a discipline. Sometimes I feel like this may not even be worthwhile by the end of it. Sometimes I feel like I’ll have more luck and more job satisfaction if I were to pursue the opportunities presented to me by my geography subjects. Who knows at this point. But I think I’ll regret it if I don’t at least see if I can apply for a double major. I just don’t know how I’d go about it.

These pages have already worked their magic on me, it seems, even after I’ve failed to do them for so long. Here I am, writing about something that’s unknowingly been plaguing me for quite some time. I have to get this sorted. I just don’t know how. But that shouldn’t stop me, I know it shouldn’t. I have to get this sorted.

[daveywankenobie]

Today is a big day for me from a diabetes perspective. It’s now exactly one month since I stopped taking any medication for my condition and started trying to control my blood sugar with diet and exercise alone.

As you might expect I’ve been a little OCD about this – and rather paranoid about making sure I’m not just being an idiot who just stops taking medication without evidence that it’s the right choice.

The blood sugar range I need to be in is around 4-7 mmol/L (according to my diabetic nurse). For the last month I’ve been making a note of my pre prandial levels (the fasting test type suggested by my GP when I discussed this)

10th Jan – no test/no meds

11th Jan – 5.5 (12.30pm)

12th Jan – 4.9 (7.30pm)

13th Jan – no test

14th Jan – 6.3 (9.30am)

15th Jan – no test

16th Jan – 5.6 (11am)

17th Jan – 5.1 (10am)

18th Jan – 5.3 (9.20am)

19th Jan – 5.5 (10.10am)

20th Jan – no test

21st Jan – 4.9 (10.15am)

22nd Jan – 4.8 (2.30pm)

23rd Jan – 5.1 (11am)

24th Jan – 4.2 (3.30pm)

25th Jan – 5.3 (11am)

26th Jan – 4.3 (3pm)

27th Jan – no test

28th Jan – 4.1 (10am)

29th Jan – 5.1 (11am)

30th Jan – 4.2 (4.30pm)

31st Jan – no test

1st Feb – 5.2 (11am)

2nd – no test

3rd – 5.3 (11am)

4th – no test

5th – 6.1 (10.30am)

6th – no test

7th – 5.3 (10am)

8th – no test

9th – 5.1 (12.15pm)

As you can see according to the above table (found here) there are two instances  on the 14th January and the 5th February where my levels have been on the edge of what is considered a type two diabetic.

I have a full official assessment due in March which will hopefully confirm my findings – but this suggests that what I’ve previously discussed with my (rather knowledgeable and friendly) local pharmacist appears to be true.

I still have type two diabetes. It’s not cured. My pancreas remains damaged but I’ve made significant enough changes in my lifestyle to (at the very least) delay the onset of further symptoms. The more I do in this respect the better I hope the long term prognosis will be.

Currently though I’m cautiously optimistic and will not test myself again or take any medication until my scheduled NHS review. I’m just going to keep doing everything I’m doing and trying to become a little bit healthier every day.

In other news – yesterday saw me punching the air for another reason entirely.

It had totally passed me by (as I tend to ignore shops that I consider it’s pointless going into) that the closure of a nearby B&Q last year had resulted in the opening of a Debenhams store in the same spot. I happened to stroll past it whilst on my way to somewhere else and when I realised what it was decided to pop in to see if they had the plus sizes on the rack that I’d mentioned in a previous blog.

To my great disappointment there were only two random (and horrid) 4XL items on display. I almost walked straight back out at that point – until (whilst staring at their-store cafe and thinking about coffee) I spotted a nice looking coat in a 3XL.

Since I knew it wouldn’t fit I thought I’d try it on anyway to compare it with the Tesco 3XL’s that don’t fit. I grabbed it off the rail, walked over to the extremely flattering concave fairground mirror that makes my head look like an egg and put it on.

It fits me!!!

This is the first time in around TWO DECADES that I have been able to go into a high street store, pick an item off the shelf and wear it – and that’s not all. I tried on four jackets in total, and only one wouldn’t do up! How damn awesome is THAT?!

(Hint – it’s pretty damn awesome!)

Anyway, enough of all the great news. It’s time to further bore you – my beleaguered readership – with this week’s obsessions, which (unless you’ve been under a rock for the last few days) you will already know are calories, exercise, and crushing my weight loss goals on Saturday. 

As part of ‘project salad‘ and after yesterday’s exhaustive exploration of past eating habits I’m trying harder than ever to confront my portion sizes.

My last post had something of an unexpected effect on me and because of the lingering thoughts it left behind yesterday’s lunch took on a slightly different format to the usual kind that I make.

Normally when I make a salad the constituent vegetables are finely chopped before being mixed together and I usually eat it with a dessert spoon. This tends to means I eat quite quickly. The preparation of my food therefore is almost certainly is a factor in how much I consume.

The easier it is to eat, the faster it goes down, and the more I can eat before my brain realises I’m full.

So today I made the salad on the plate rather than in a mixing bowl (so I wouldn’t overdo the amount) and chopped it up really chunky so it would take longer to eat (which I did with a frustratingly slender fork to slow me down).

I also only had one potato instead of my usual two.

Lunch (423kcal)

Baking potato (free) (75kcal)

Can of mackerel in tomato sauce (free) 181kcal

Two large carrots (60kcal)

Three tomatoes (47kcal)

Green pepper (30kcal)

4 Chinese leaf lettuce leaves (10kcal)

Heaped teaspoon of wholegrain mustard (1 syn) with cider vinegar, salt (20kcal)

My evening meal was one of my staples – a hearty beef soup – but this time with a little added Chorizo and chilli to put a warming twist on my usual recipe.

Dinner (1514kcal in total – which I split in half – so 757kcal)

400g stewing steak (488kcal)

35g Chorizo (4.5 syns/240 168kcal)

50g red split lentils (160kcal)

Mixed beans (250kcal)

3x small potatoes (75kcal)

Four large carrots (120kcal)

Swede (approx 40kcal)

1x red onion (40kcal)

Mushrooms (15 kcal)

Can of chopped tomatoes (80kcal)

Passata (60kcal)

2x cloves of garlic (8 kcal)

1 fresh chilli (10kcal approx)

1 beef stock cube + 200ml water

3x bay leaves

Total calories for the day – 1180kcal.

Exercise wise it was another good one – with what appears to once more be more calories burned than consumed.

So – all in all it’s fair to say I’m in a good mood! There’s less than a day to go and then it’s time for my weigh in – which for once I’m really looking forward to.

To put this statement into perspective internet – I wasn’t this enthusiastic about Christmas when I was ten years old and unwrapped a Millennium Falcon! 

For that reason alone it better be a good result – and if it’s not then at the very least I want a really great Star Wars toy and several oranges in a sock pinned to a mantelpiece waiting for me at Slimming World.

Davey

Diabetes and Debenhams Today is a big day for me from a diabetes perspective. It's now exactly one month since I stopped taking any medication for my condition and started trying to control my blood sugar with diet and exercise alone.