#it's 2023 don't tell me there's NOTHING available that you wanted to watch but never got around to

[thelovers-thedreamers-and-me]

and hell, even if we do only care about our favourite lil showsies, what if my favourite show ends up being worse because given the current deal it's easier to exploit writers than it is to give them the tools they need to make their best work? like, a lot of the things the WGA is asking to stop are things that not only fuck over the people making the shows, but just produce worse results since everyone making them is viewed as a disposable commodity instead of being compensated well enough that they can put their best effort in. when workers are denied rights everyone loses.

"What if my favourite show is delayed due to writers strike?"

With respect, no one cares about your favourite tv shows.

This is about real people fighting for their real livelihoods, for their futures.

I cannot articulate sufficiently how unimportant the production of some tv show or other is.

[vitzi9]

Headcanon: Yandere!Ethan Landry

Reader is gn, enjoy.

Masterlist if you want to read my other things.

Content warning: uhhhh gore description? Sex allusions; obsessive and shit. I mean, that's yandere you have to be used to it by now. OOC Ethan ? Manipulative, stalking blah blah blah nothing too crazy for a yandere.

~2000 words (8/05/2023)

💠Yan!Ethan Landry who 'accidentally' run into you at school. He's been following you in the hallways since you arrived to be honest but there is so much students here, you can't notice him in the crowd.

➛"I'm so sorry ! I wasn't looking !" He was, he was staring right at your face when he practically jumped on you. "It's okay, don't worry. I wasn't looking either." And when you two leave each other, what a crazy coincidence that you seem to have forgotten your book ! Wait, you didn't have it in your bag ? Of course silly ! Why would Ethan have it either way ? You're so clumsy ! He'll have to come give it back to you.

➛And suddenly, you see him everywhere. In the library at the same time as you and, oh no ! There is no seat for him ! Wait, is that a free seat ext to you? Maybe you won't mind if he seats here, he gave you back your book after all. He's so nice. Suddenly, he's at the same parties as you. Laughing with you and rating the costumes of people around you. He's in your building to 'drop someone off' and so on. What a coincidence, right ?

💠Yan!Ethan Landry who, to keep you all to himself, always say things like 'No, i'm mostly alone in my free time' to make you pity him into staying by his side. If it don't work, at least you got the idea that he's single and available for you.

➛ Pretty simple things, really. He'll tell you that his last partner left him without warning, that they were manipulating him. That he has difficulty in giving his trust to someone because of them. And now he's scared to love. That it hurt him really bad and of course you're sad for him ! So you're trying to be as nice as possible. You don't need to know that he never had any partner ! He'll eventually tell you that later.

➛Like "You're going to the party tomorrow ?" "I was planning on just staying at home" He didn't. Chad harassed him to come, and he would have if he didn't have the better option of staying with you. "I never really catch people's attention anyway..." He didn't care, it was yours that he wanted. But right now, his goal was to make you sad. For you to have pity of him so you'd stay with him.

So most of the time you try to make him smile by asking him to come to the party with you. Happy, he'll be stuck to your side all night, chasing everyone who'd dare approach. He's tall, he'll stand behind you and glare blankly at everyone without you noticing. He doesn't even need to try to be scary, he's a serial killer, his simple being emits a threatening energy.

➛Or when you ask him what's his plan for the week end and he just goes "Nothing, I don't really have much friends. I'll probably watch movies." with a small, almost ashamed voice. And you don't want to leave your new friend alone. And you think that he's too nice to be left alone so you offer to stay with him and he's on cloud nine !

➛Like "Don't you want a boyfriend sometimes ?" he'd ask. And you're a little surprised but you answer as honestly as possible. And he answer just after you, ignoring a little your answer. He just wanted to say what he needed to. "I'd like a partner. I've never had anyone loving me, that look so nice." He sighs. And while you look somewhere else, he'd give you a longing look. He probably already told Chad you two were together to be honest.

💠Yan!Ethan Landry who plays innocent when he litteraly jump on you when you two are watching a scary movie. He's a fucking liar, don't trust him. He litteraly kills people babe... This guy absolutly LOVE horror movie and even the gorest of them all couldn't make him twitch. But with you, he plays the innocent and easily scared nerd.

➛When the murderer suddenly appear on the screen in a loud scream, the boy plunge his head in your neck, putting his hands before his eyes to hide the TV from him. You laugh. "It wasn't that scary, you know ?" He laughs nervously, moving away from you but still sticking to your side. The side of his thigh flat against yours and your arms touching each other's. His cheeks are red and you probably think it's because of his embarassment in jumping of fear but he's just happy to be near you. "If you're so scared we can change." But he dismisses you. Saying that it's okay. After that, he'll hide himself in your body at each loud noises. Smiling when you can't see him, happy with his trickery.

And that little monster takes advantage of the situation until the end. He'll call/text you when you're at home. He'll keep you awake all night, pretending to be scared to sleep, needing to talk to you even if you're in two differents places just to be reassured.

💠Yan!Ethan Landry who guilt trap you by crying if you dare be angry at him or accuse him of something. It can be anything but he'll try and gaslight you. He'll cry harder, like a kid, to prevent you to continue talking.

➛After he came to your flat one day, one of your shirt disappeared. You had lend one to him since he got stained. (even if you're not the same size at him, i'm sure you have oversized clothes so it fit him) Without thinking much of it, you asked him about it when you saw him in class. And suddenly, he's looking at you with his big and shiny doe eyes, as if you had insulted him. Because in his head, you did ! "I gave it back to you litteraly two days ago..?" And he seems so sure of himself that you start to question yourself. "Are you sure ?" you ask, though. And Ethan laugh lightly. You doubt, trying to remember the past few days and thinking that, yeah, maybe he gave it back and it just didnt really stuck to you. "Yeah, I'm sure. Why would I steal your shirt anyway ?" But you swear you haven't seen your clothes in a while now.

➛Like, Ethan, your new friend, comes to your flat one day. You're used to it by now. He's sad, terribly sad. Or at least that's what he shows. "You know that person I was talking to ?" Another lie, he never talked to anyone beside you. And he plans on staying like that. But he told you he was slowly trying to forget about 'his ex', that he was trying to come out of his shell. And also he wanted to make you jealous by telling you he was talking to someone. (it didnt work, he was devastated) "They kind of called me a creep" and he laughs nervously, like he's ashamed to tell you that. (he's not) "They didn't like that I was clingy." And you try to be objective. "You know, people except different things in a relation. Maybe you were indeed too much for them but..." And then his eyes water and you feel bad. "Shit. I'm... Are you okay ? I wasn't insulting..." He doesn't want you to finish that. Because he doesn't want to hear you contradict him. So, thinking you said something stupid, you try to comfort him but now that he got you feeling guilty, he'll lock himself in the bathroom while this time, you're the one following him. He'll act like he's embarrassed to cry before you while in reality that shit is his most powerful technique. He'll cry before you every fucking day if he needed to.

💠Yan!Ethan Landry who calls you when he's ghostface, playing with you to see your reactions. He's the type to talk about himself (Ethan) to you to see what do you think about him. Yeah, he's fucked up.

➛"Do you like scary movies ?" ask a changed voice. You frown your brow, taking the phone away from your ear to look at it. As if the face of the caller would appear. "Who are you ?" "Answer the question, pretty." "Don't call me that." A silence pass. Ethan didnt know how to contain his feelings. He was so happy to talk to you ! And in his costume, he was so much more confident ! He was able to tell you things he never did ! "I like scary movie. And you ?" you finally respond in a sigh. Ethan decides to skip this part, rushing to what's interest him. "Do you have a boyfriend ?" "Will my answer change the way you act with me ?" "Maybe" "I don't have a boyfriend, or any kind of partner for that matter." The boy on the other side of the phone was trembling in joy. His cheeks were crimson red. "Good".

➛For the umpteenth time this week, the phone ring. "Please leave me alone." you said, still scared by the call; you answered the phone, again, because he once threatened to come get you if you didn't. You wouldn't have been so terrified if he hadn't told you your exact adress, proving you that he was indeed watching. No way you were going to try him. "I was thinking about your little boyfriend recently. Ethan, right ?" "He's not my boyfriend, leave him alone. He did nothing." As much as he despised the way you dismissed your relation with him, Ethan was euphoric to think you were trying to protect him. "He's not, hm ?" He was shaking from joy thanks to this call. "How would you react seeing his dismembered head in your mailbox, hm ? You'd cry ? I bet you'd cry all your pretty tears for him. I'd like that." "Stop..." "Do you think he'd cry seeing your cute little head in his mailbox ?" And he couldn't stop himself. "I'm sure he'd be devastated. He's so fucking pitiful. I'm sure he wants to fuck you but he's too much of a coward to do so, huh ? Would you like being fucked by him ? To fuck that whore ? Tell me, pretty. Should I send you his head ?"

Plus, the best part was when you'd run to him crying and telling him how much you're scared. Then, Ethan could be your knight in shining armor, promising you he'd protect you from your stalker. And it worked ! Strangely, each time you were stuck to him, Ghostface didn't call.

If only you knew.

[sirikyu]

See you later, Ash and Pikachu.

I'm going to feel so silly if Ash cameos in the new anime during the next few months. Or it's announced he's continuing in the movie format. But I'd be SO happy to see them too, so it's alright, I can be a little silly sometimes.

So, Ash and Pikachu's last episode aired on friday 24th mar 2023, and I saw it around the evening of the same day, ~23 years after I saw the first episode for the first time. This duo shaped my entire worldview as a kid, and growing up, even got me to mourn the fact I would never have an adventure as grand and a connection as touching as Ash and Pikachu's. A boy and his little creature friend who understand each other perfectly. It was magical, and it always felt magical revisiting the show. It's so special.

Being an adult and watching the series again, getting introduced to the games and whatever else I missed (like some specials and movies I never fully saw as a kid because they weren't available), I grew to appreciate that I could come back to it anytime and have more adventures to watch. The overall quality of writing, or animation, or personal preferences when it came to stories weren't an issue, because there would always be a ton of stuff to see and to watch. In fact, I started to take it for granted that my favourite guys would always be having an adventure and I'd be able to see it. That was almost one of the core features of Pokemon for me: the constant presence.

So now that the final episode has come and gone, I'm experiencing some real aimlessness about this. I want to have something around to remember them by, I want to save and cherish all the fan art, gifs, theories, music and videos that I can find about them and the anime overall, because I also want to do something to keep them alive in other people's consciousness - and mine. I want to come online and see people discussing them, making stories of them, extending their stay until there's nothing more to say, to think, or celebrate.

I want to remember the good times and rewatch, but I don't know where to even start. Maybe my favourite, Sun&Moon? I'd love to read fanfiction, but I don't know what I want to read.

What is it I'm missing from this ending, or the journey here? I'm sure a lot of people would say "a lot of things", but just personally if I were to write fic, I would dive into Ash's character a whole lot more. Have him have a big adventure that is tied into a revelation about himself and having to deal with unccharted, emotional territory. But I'm also sure that wouldn't be enough even if I could write. I think I just want them to be around, and a lot longer.

They couldn't go on forever, and seeing how many people were unenthused with the last seasons outside major events, and how little I personally had to say about them even though I enjoyed Journeys era a lot, I can kind of see why it didn't continue anymore. I get the feeling the writers just didn't have anything more to tell. However, and this is really important to me, I can tell from how beautiful the last episode is, that they cared. They kept true to the characters, made an effort with the animation, and I was in tune with and touched by the episode's melacholy. It was a beautiful send-off.

I still would have loved to have more involved stories with Ash, shake things up a bit more, see what Ash and Pikachu had to give, as characters, especially in their final stretch... a bit more. Take risks a bit more.

But it's time to go, and I can't help but feel thankful that I feel so deeply about them. This sadness is real and comes from a real caring, as silly as it can feel sometimes. It's a testament to how long-lasting Ash/Satoshi and Pikachu's history and impact is on me.

Goodbye, friends. Thanks for everything.

[edrel-whitlock]

In light of the dumbfuck wizard game being released, today I'm gonna take some time to tell y'all about a game you should play instead. Now, fair heads up the game i will be talking about has absolutely nothing in common with antisemitism simulator 2023, so if you're looking for a different and better wizard game, not made by terrible people (as far as i know) I'll get to that in a different post when i feel like it.

Also, quick heads up I've never written something like this before, so it's probably just gonna feel like me saying "Dude go play this game!!!" Repeatedly, and basically be one long tangent. It's less of a review and more just a plea to your emotions.

Anyway, I'm gonna talk about Hi-Fi Rush by Tango Gameworks.

So Hi-Fi Rush came out January 25th of this year (2023), and you probably heard of it. If you have, go play it cause it's worth it.

If you haven't heard of it, the best way i can sell this game to you is to tell you to give this trailer a watch. If you're the target audience, you'll certainly know.

Ok, so beyond the trailer, what is this game? Well, it's an entirely single-player 3d platformer with Devil May Cry or Metal Gear Rising: Revengence style character action combat that's full of collectibles to find and challanges to complete. The kicker is that all the combat is synced to the beat of the game's soundtrack. Hell, the entire world of the game is synced to the beat. If you're the kinda person who, when you're listening to music, tends to tap your foot or bop your head along to the beat, this game is made for you. The combat is exceptionally fun, and once you get in the rhythm of each level's soundtrack, you'll be vibing hard.

Beyond the combat, this game is unabashedly, unironically, 100% sincerely joyful in its characters, its story, and its world. In my current 14 hours of playtime (which is how long 1 completion of the story took me), i could not stop smiling. It feels like a game made by people who truly love what they created and had fun creating it! I won't get into the story of this game as, if my rambling has somehow convinced you to give it a crack, i don't want to ruin the experience for you. All I will say is that it feels like you're playing an old Saturday morning cartoon in the best possible way!

As for performance, for me, this game is polished to the 9s. Absolutely no crashes, graphical hiccups, or bugs of any sort. Which, for a modern game, is genuinely surprising (as it seems that most modern games are just thrown out the door once they're relatively playable, but that's a rant for another time)

Alright, brass tacks. Where can you play this, and how is it monetized. Hi-Fi Rush is available on Xbox and Steam and for a well worth it $30 USD for the base game, or $40 USD for the deluxe edition (or your regional equivalent) which includes a handful of in game cosmetics and a bunch of the games upgrade currency called gears. Now, it should be noted that the amount of gears you get is the equivalent to about the amount of gears you would collect in the playing of one of the games levels. It's a drop in the bucket for the amount of gears you'd collect overall from playing the game, and there are no other ways to buy gears with real money. Buying the deluxe edition feels very much like the devs saying,

"Hey! Thanks for the extra bit of support! Here's some fun cosmetics and a small head start to really get you into the meat of our combat system!"

The "base game" is very much you just buying the game on offer, and none of said game is locked behind the deluxe edition.

I realize how defensive i sound about this games monetization. I just know that a lot of people are rightfully wary about companies being shitty so I'm just trying to provide as much information to you as i can.

There are no micro-transactions, no season pass, and no corporate bullshit with Hi-Fi Rush.

To steal a line I liked from one of the steam reviews,

"They made a Video Game in 2023. They don't make Video Games anymore."

And that's what Hi-Fi Rush is. An honest to god video game made to be enjoyed for as long as someone wants and to be put down once you are no longer having fun. It tries to keep you having legitimate fun for as long as it can, through its music or through perfecting its combat system, or through searching out collectibles or challenging yourself in it's, well, challenge mode. But once you put it down and let it sit for a while, if you eventually come back to it (and it seems to me the game does hope you will come back) everything will be right where you left it, and ready to play again!

I love this game. I love this game in a way where it's gonna stick with me for a good long while, and i want others to play it and hopefully love it too. Don't get me wrong, this isn't some little hidden gem indie game that no one has heard of. It was shown off during xbox's own big showcase for christ sake and is published by Bethesda! Hi-Fi Rush has done well as far as I'm aware, especially for a game with basically no marketing budget that was announced and released in the same afternoon!

So why am i shilling for a goddamn Microsoft backed game?

Because this game loves the fact that it's a video game. It loves the fact that it's cheesy as hell; one might even say cringy; but it knows that, and it leans into that and says

"Yeah we're cheesy as fuck! But who cares! Get in here a pretend to be a Rockstar!"

It's just a fun game with a surprisingly sincere story.

Also, for those of you who would care and attribute any meaning to this name, Shinji Mikami is an executive producer.

To cut myself off from any more repetitive rambling, I'll finish off by saying if you have any questions, feel free to ask!

TL:DR of main points:

Play Hi-Fi Rush instead of dumbfuck wizard game

it's a single-player 3d platformer with character action combat that synced to the beat of the soundtrack and feels like you're playing a Saturday morning cartoon

the story is very cheesy, and very sincere, and very fun!

it's on xbox or steam for base $30 USD, or $40 USD for deluxe edition (or regional equivalent)

deluxe edition is basically a thanks from the devs for your extra support.

Shinji Mikami is involved.

I hope you enjoy it as much as i have!

[enneamage]

do you think wilbr is going to be the reason the band breaks? i don’t really mean disbanding necessarily but just like not working out lmao

i also kinda wanna know ur thought in lovejoy in general, their dynamic (as little or much we have seen), how they approach their projects and their music in general. bc i used to be a big big fan of wlbrs and everything he did was awesome for me, but as time passed and he started streaming less and stuff i kinda just saw as “meh” and now i listen to lovejoy and it’s like 🧐 “hmm, it’s not as good as i thought”

he mentions a lot of alex turner and julian casablancas as inspirations but idk, in their debut albums they were so good and well thought and idk i’m rambling i’m sorry

Wilbur is the dude I know the most about, and also the one that I relate to the most as the major potential liability, but that also comes from a place of not knowing the others very well. I'm naturally most concerned with him because his flaws come to mind easily but that's just from availability of information. An anon once made a point that he does better under situations where he’s being held to a structure so his flake tendencies might get curbed by circumstance, so it’s in the air.

Ash has done a very good job at making himself known as loveable mime. He’s an interesting one, he seems very creative. He helped dream up Tommy’s faux life bits, which makes more sense in retrospect since Ash’s whole public persona is a bit about him never speaking. Ash might not be the face of lovejoy but when I think about what is exclusive to Lovejoy I think of him, while Wilbur has been all over the place. He's what has me kind of rooting for Lovejoy in spite of my caution around them.  

Mark and joe are total wildcards for me. Squarely out of my depth with them and don't have much info to go off, so they could turn out to be anything. I’m not actively following any of them so if info washes up somewhere I can find it I can take a look, but for now they’re thing one and thing two in my brain.

The genre that Lovejoy plays in isn’t my usual go-to so I can’t be as 'objective' as I would want to be assessing their sound. I know I'm in an echo chamber when it comes to criticism, but just about everyone in this conversation is in at least some form of one (the natural mcyt fandom marbling based on who watches who) so it comes with the territory.

When I talk about them with people irl I have found an unexpected consensus: for a band that took off in the context of minecraft youtube they bang, but if you stand them shoulder to shoulder with their genre peers it doesn't come out as well right now. It's almost not fair to compare them, but you have to if you want to switch from one pool to the other. Already liking the people involved seems to help a lot with how much you like their music, as you've experienced, but taste is always subjective.

Overall they're being flung at the wall at high speeds under the right conditions, a lot of attention and a lot of streams from a lot of people, so it's likely that they're going to stick at least somewhat. The grand decontextualizing machine, Spotify, is sneaking them into other peoples orbits every day. How much is enough will depend on what the intended outcome is.

Is it possible to be too big to fail? Because they're already in the public consciousness there's enough of them to drift around, but predictions in 2023 in general are the thing everyone wants and nobody knows enough to be able to make. Divination is going to skyrocket, mark my words.

Nothing is guaranteed and I think that's the cazy-making thing of watching someone with issues wander off into the sunset, not knowing if or when things will explode and wipe out the happy ever after. It may wind up being adaptive for Wilbur to lean more into the music scene because he wouldn't be the first questionable character that thrived there by a long shot. Ultimately it's out of my depth and I can't tell, because there's something to doubt about both the happy ever after rockstar narrative of main and the straight-up-flop counter-narrative too. I think it makes most sense to aim for the middle and brace for the unexpected, because that seems to be the formula for handling any of these people whose careers were supercharged on the back of something that could never have been predicted to begin with.  

[flydotnet]

All Will Be Fine (If You Say So)

WHUMPTOBER 2023, DAY 19: “I’ll take one final step, all you have to do is make me.” Floral Bouquet | Psychological | “I’m not as stupid as you think I am.”

This story won't make sense if you've never read The End of Kamoshida, at least until like chapter 8 or so. This story isn't meant to be read by people who don't have the context for it; so if you don't plan on reading TEOK ever (and I'd feel you, since that alone requires a bunch of HSAU knowledge the average JunYayo enjoyer doesn't have), then it's perhaps not in your best interest to read this one! I still appreciate you taking the time to read those notes.

This is a bit silly because, well… this is one of my best works for Whumptober 2023 lmao, since I managed to make it focused on whump affairs, kept it on track and made it snappy on top of it. So, uh… woops!

This fic is set between chapters 7 and 8 of TEOK, since Jun's lucid in this and not speaking in such broken Japanese I could've come up with it (albeit I wouldn't have shattered on purpose). It's an add-on about my ship of the moment because idk, I'm in the JunYayo mood lately, that's how it is sometimes. HSAU JunYayo is one of my fav dynamics to write to begin with, so it's never too hard for me to come up with ideas to write for them haha.

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All Will Be Fine (If You Say So)

Summary: Yayoi confronts her boyfriend about what the hell happened. It turns out not all is fine, at all.

Fandom: Your friendly neighbourhood high school AU (it's Captain Wing again)

Word Count: 1.2K words

AO3 version available here.

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The room is silent, aside from the regular beeps of the medical machinery. Jun has most certainly tried to explain to her what those doodads do, multiple times in fact, but she can never quite remember which does which. Well, she can read a heart monitor, that’s the one thing she’s had to learn to use on the fly over and over until it finally registered into her brain and never came out the other way.

She has a conflicted relationship with the heart monitor in his bedroom. On one hand, the fact it’s beeping regularly, without fault, is the sign he’s still alive and has come on top of what must’ve been one of the worst ways to almost go; but on the other, it’s a constant reminder that things have gone wrong, every beep is a kick back into her stomach, and nothing tells her it’s not going to flatline the next moment.

At least, today’s Jun is awake: even better, he’s lucid again, and watching her put flowers inside a vase.

“These are… white lilies, right?”

His voice is horribly hoarse, as if he had screamed and screamed for hours on hand; but it’s his voice, his words, a sign he’s still alive. She’s missed it so much.

“Yes, they are,” she replies as she adjusts the flowers.

“They mean… purity, if I’m not wrong.”

“In Hanakotoba, they do, yes.”

She goes to sit by his side once more, her hands a couple centimetres shy from holding his left. The pipe still going inside his arm makes it somewhat intimidating.

“Is something wrong, Yayoi?”

The question sounds like utter mockery. How couldn’t it? Even knowing this is a candid, caring question from the man she wants to build a life with even more so than ever, it hurts. She was so worried, almost sickeningly so, that the question being so nonchalant gives her whiplash.

Still, it’s no fault of Jun, she knows that. He did what he thought was best, even if it was reckless, despite how aware he was aware of the danger of what he was doing. He didn’t ask her about it, because he knew she’d have said no; why wouldn’t she? He was going off, on his own, against a man who would harm him in all sorts of ways she couldn’t fathom.

“I’m… I’ve been so worried for you, Jun,” she ends up responding after taking way too long not to seem suspicious.

“I imagine so. Things have been… hard on you, lately.”

“You could say that, yes.”

Her own words are filled with pain she doesn’t dare unleash, just because he’s the one who needs support at the moment. Who’d even put them ahead of someone who, even now, has a persistent, soaking cough. She’s never seen him so fragile before – so much closer to a porcelain statue than he’s ever been.

“I’ve not been awake for long,” he says, slowly, quietly, “so I’m still… finding my footing, so to speak.” He looks at her and even his gaze is a mussed blade. “But I can tell you’re hurt.”

“Of course I am, you almost got killed.”

Her fingers intermingle with his – his touch is hot, trembles in her hands.

“Ah… That’s true, yes.”

Frustration builds like mercury in a thermometer.

“Why do you sound so nonchalant about it?”

“It’ll be fine. You shouldn’t worry so much.” He clears his throat again. “I’m still alive, so you are. I’d rather see you smile.”

“But you almost died, Jun! That’s not something to take with a light heart!”

“Ha, light heart,” he chuckles in the middle of a cough. “It’s happened before, it’ll probably happen again. Nothing to worry about, I’m used to flirting with death.”

“It’s not a reason. Don’t you realize how bad this could’ve been…?”

She has the urge to cry. He doesn’t get it, he doesn’t get it!

“I assure, things will be fine by the end. When have they not?”

Without any fanfare, let alone a warning, ears now flow down from her eyes, blurring her view, tainting her voice; yet the words are clear as they leave her chest,

“I’m not as stupid as you think I am!”

She can’t quite see through the water veil, not to mention the sobs wracking her body in waves, but she can somehow guess – no, tell – Jun is staring back at her, perhaps with doe eyes, maybe unable to understand all of the sorrow he inflicted on her without realizing it, blissfully unaware of how badly he’s undermined it.

After all, he could understand it, he’d have already found a way to answer.

“I know what you’re trying to do, but this won’t work! I don’t think you realize how awful things have been for all of us, but especially for you. When I learned Kamoshida almost drowned you to death, I… I could barely register it. I thought that was it, that finally, someone got you. He could’ve taken your life, Jun! How do you think this has affected all of us?! You can tell me things you’ll be fine all you want, but you can’t believe in that either! Not after what happened!”

She takes a deep breath to both recover her voice and take some time to calm down – brush her tears away, tie back her hair. When the veil lets up and the waves of sorrow finally slow down, she’s greeted with soft eyes and a stronger press on her hand.

“You don’t look or sound fine,” she continues. “You’re still ill, you’re exhausted, and you’re shaken; an of course you’d be, you almost died in a horrible way! You must still be scared! You don’t need to pretend in front of me that you’re fine!”

Jun remains stunned, his heavy, congested breathing the only thing to come out of him for a long moment. Another urge swells inside her, this time to comfort him, cajole him until all is actually fine – which is naïve, so very naïve of her, for them, because they both know nothing’s fine at the moment.

So she settles for a good medium: carefully, she gets up from the chair and cups his face, taking in the heat of his skin, oh so bittersweet because it’s neither a dead man’s nor one of a healthy one. He doesn’t stop her, lets her kiss him on the forehead, leaving a slight trace of gloss behind it.

“You’re right, I’m not fine,” he tells her with a slightly more relaxed posture and tears in the corners of his eyes as well. “I’ve had nightmares about this pool and this… monster of a man…”

It’s his turn to divulge vulnerability, his body shaking and his already fickle breath trembling.

“Don’t hesitate to tell me, then.” His available hand lands on her wrist, telling her to stay. “We’re here for each other, aren’t we?”

“We are, yes.”

“Things will be fine, I’m sure, but let’s not pretend like we’re not going through hard times.”

He nods.

“I do have one question…”

“Hmm?”

He looks up at her, the tears still there but drying up.

“The lilies… You were trying to make a pun?”

She replies with a smile and another kiss, still on his forehead.

“Maybe.”

[i-jxta]

March 3, 2023 | Friday | 11:53PM

I had a great birthday this year. I got to have dinner with my favorite person in the whole universe. I can never be in a bad mood around her. I got so many sweet gifts from the people I care about and they were all so thoughtful. The best birthday I've had in a long while :)

My birthday was sweet, but there was a bitter undertone. Some of my "closest friends" forgot it was my birthday. Them forgetting didn't hurt my feelings, it was the fact that for the past 3 months, they've been making it seem like I'm a bad friend and they didn't even know it was my birthday until I mentioned it in my IG story.

For a long time, this situation has bothered me. I think about it so often and the way I feel about it comes in waves. Sometimes it depresses me, other times it enrages me, and occasionally I feel nothing about it at all. For the past year (almost two), the people around me have constantly commented on the friendship I have with the girl I went to dinner with. You would think they were commenting on it so much because we're doing something wrong, but it's a simple fact that we're friends that bothers everyone. I can't think of a valid reason why somebody would be bothered by our friendship. At first, their comments were funny, but then as time passed these people seriously started to be bothered by our friendship. It has never made me want to stop being friends with her, if anything their constant commenting has made me want to be even closer to her. It has frustrated me a lot because I know I am not doing anything wrong. It's almost like these people have never seen close friends before.

Recently, this whole thing happened where a friend group I had felt like I was ignoring all of them for the girl I am close to. It was weird. They ignored me for a month. Never said anything, never told me what was wrong, and pretended like nothing was wrong. Behind the scenes, they were most definitely talking about me. They all suddenly turned their backs on me without saying a word. Then had the audacity to claim that I was the one who was at fault. But I didn't do anything wrong. My only crime was getting closer to this girl.

They all call each other friends and talk bad about each other behind the scenes. They make separate group chats and they hang out without inviting others. They're all "friends" and they rarely ever confide in each other. They all lack the ability to be intimate in a platonic way. I can't stand surface-level friendships for too long. I was friends with all of them for almost two years and I have never told them anything about my personal life. I know details about theirs because I ask, or they just tell me. I'm sure they don't mind me being around in their own ways, but sometimes I know they'd rather not talk to me.

I would've shown up for all of them if they needed me. Especially for this one girl in the friend group. I cared about her the most. I felt like we were alike in a lot of ways and I could hang out with her alone, without feeling awkward or like there was nothing to say. I wanted to be there for her so badly. I would've listened to her talk all day if she needed me to, I would've dropped everything to see her if she needed me to. I would've done anything for her if she needed me to. I was always excited to see her and our friendship brought me a lot of joy in different ways. And I can't talk about it without crying,. I cared about her so much. Now we don't talk at all. Every day I come into work I hope she isn't there because I can't hear her laughing or watch her talking to and with everyone else besides me. I feel out of place and like suddenly I never mattered to her. She described feeling similarly, whenever I spoke to my friend but I never stopped hanging out with her, texting her, or talking to her. I was still available and around.

I don't think what she is doing to me is justified. All of my "friends" tell me to "just talk to her". Why can't she talk to me? I have approached her several times and every time I did it was for no reason. She is afraid of confrontation and would rather pretend I don't exist.

I don't know how to explain it. I've told one of those girls in the group that I missed her, not her, but the girl I care so much about. And she replied, "she still hasn't talked to you?!". But she knows she hasn't, she talks to her about it all the time. Then to be in my face and pretend like she doesn't know what's going on when I know they talk about it. I was never that important to any of them lol. They don't care that she is even doing this to me. "it's not really my business" yea ok.

At the end of the day, I have a friend that shows up for me and cares about me. Who's interested in what happens in my life, who's thoughtful, funny, and overall an amazing human being. Everyone hates our friendship! but it's because they wish they had one like ours

[flydotnet]

WHUMPTOBER 2023, DAY 6: “Do or die, you’ll never make me; Because the world will never take my heart.” Recording | Made to Watch | “It should have been me.”

It's not a monthly collection of unrelated oneshots if I don't get experimental and #deep on AO3 at least once! There's just something about "it should have been me" as a sentence that resonates with my younger self and the fact my cardinal sin is Envy (surprisingly, it's not Sloth), so I wanted to interpret that in a way I don't see often. I guess the "normal" interpretation of this prompt is also present here, somehow. I do think my idea was good, but the execution is wonky. Funky football manga brainrot has made things harder in my day-to-day life, I'm certain of that unfortunate fact of life. Life is not daijobou.

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It Gets Worse Before It Gets Better

Summary: You didn't think your life was fair; until it then was. (But now, someone else thinks you should've gotten better things).

Fandom: Pokémon Black & White

Relationship: DualRivalShipping/ChereBeru

Word Count:

AO3 version available here.

Content warnings for implied serious injuries and depictions of gender dysphoria.

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Your parents have another child and she gets all of their attention. She gets all of the compliments, the words of reassurance, and all you get is being told be patient, she’s just a baby, and you’re a big kid.

Big kid or not, you never wanted the sister, and you just want your parents to pay attention to you again. For her not to be the talking point of everyone around you.

When she’s in the same room as you, it’s like you don’t exist. When you’re not in the same room as her, it’s also like you don’t exist, because there’s nobody else in the room with you. You’ve been relegated to scolds and crumbles of compliments.

You do quickly understand you’re not meant to be a kid anymore. When the grown-ups scold you, they use words like bratty, impolite or childish. They tell you, you should be better, you should know better. If you cry, you’re bad, because you shouldn’t cry in front of your sister.

But when they do praise you, they call you quiet, mature, responsible. They never say you’re cute, they never watch you draw with greasy crayons and say it’s wonderful when it doesn’t look like anything good.

No. You’re supposed to be quiet, reliable, and mature now. You’re met to set an example, and example can’t be bad, so you have to be a grown-up too.

Despite that, and all the pride you should have in being such a good boy, when you see how loved and pampered she is, you have nothing but jealousy. Because you don’t want to be quiet, reliable and mature. You want your parents’ attention, but you just don’t get it anymore; and she does, always, because she’s a baby and you’re not.

It should’ve been me, you tell yourself as you walk away and sulk off.

(It was never Melina’s fault).

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There’s a new neighbour in town and she gets all of the attention.

This time, however, you don’t feel mad. At least, not at first: she’s kind, she’s outgoing and you’d even go as far as to say she’s pretty. She’s blonde, and she has green eyes, and unlike you, she doesn’t wear glasses.

She’s a bit shy, at first, yet you end up hanging out together because there isn’t much else to do in the village. You don’t dare touch the tall grass right outside the borders in fear of the adults, but you do get lost in the woods once and it’s a big adventure. You hold her hand and guide her through what you know of the trees and treacherous paths.

You both scolded your heads off when you do manage to get out of there, of course. It’s not a surprise, you’ve dreaded it, Bianca was crying about it before you were even safe; yet it still stings, because Dad has a loud voice and Mom only pours salt into the wound by reminding you this would set a bad example for Melina, not to mention, you put yourself in harm’s way.

Despite this, Bianca is congratulated for her courage, for not panicking when she was lost. All merits stem from her parents, and yours don’t say anything of the calibre.

It should’ve been me, you spit out in frustration, to nobody but yourself.

(You’d decide, a couple years later, that courage is overcoming your fears; and Bianca did that a lot more than you did, that day).

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There are twins, now, in your village; and the loop repeats.

You’ve way past the point of being jealous of anyone existing. You’re at peace with Melina receiving more attention and Bianca being considered a lot more approachable than you are. After all, you’ve more intelligent, and stronger at strategy games, and also, you know a lot more than everyone else about Pokémon.

They’re not identical twins: Hilbert is a boy, Hilda is a girl, and they physically can’t be mistaken for the other. However, there’s a similar flame that pulses through their body, the passion for Pokémon battling even on TV and a never-ending thirst for adventure and thrills.

You all grow up together, enjoy each other’s presence, dream of big journeys throughout Unova, or at least to the next city or two. Hilda talks about mastering all sorts of types and hitting hard, Hilbert prefers cold-blood strategizing and planning the next move ahead. Bianca would rather pet the local wildlife. You? Oh, you’re a future Master. You’re the future Champion of the Unova League.

You want to be strong. You’ll be the strongest. That’s the one way you’ll prove you’re worth something to the world. That’s how the great in the world have defined their identity and you intend to follow in their stead, even if it alienates your friends.

You’ll never admit it to anyone except yourself, but seeing Hilbert grow up has sent you through another spiral of envy that’s gotten out of your control. Bianca tries telling you it’s fine, you’re just a little different from the other boys; but she doesn’t get it, neither does Hilbert. You don’t grow up fine when your body is a girl and your brain is a boy, because you’re your brain and your body is only half yours.

But they don’t get that frustration. They don’t get that you can’t be loved like a normal boy. No girl will never love you back the way you love her as soon as she knows you’re weird, even now, even through your adventures. Even if you don’t look too different from normal boys.

(You’re still occasionally mistaken for a girl).

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So you look at Hilbert more and more in envy, rather than genuine friendship. Hilda notices it, tells you to can it, or at least to spit out your problem. Bianca isn’t clumsy enough to spill the beans out, for once, and it’s your sole relief; but it’s become clear that you can’t let it out at any cost. You’re not the strongest yet. You need to get stronger, manlier. You need to become Champion and prove Alder wrong.

And so you look at Hilbert in envy, because his sister and he are the strongest people Unova has ever seen, the ever-so-enigmatic N only sees worth in them and nobody else, Bianca admires them and not you; and also, Hilbert has a normal body. He has no fight against the mirror and it’s just not fair!

It’s not… it’s never been fair to you!

And so, once more,

It should have been me,

But it sounds different,

that was should have been normal!

(Hilbert didn’t choose your chromosomes, neither did you).

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Hilbert and Hilda compete for the title of Champion in Unova among themselves and nobody else. They’ve both beaten N and Alder. The only logical course of action, for them, for the entire region in fact, is to see who’s the strongest of the mighty twins that have reminded so many of the legends of the Twin Dragons.

And you’re out of the run, but it still hasn’t registered as a new normal. You’re still full of frustration, envy and self-hatred. It’s not going anywhere soon, unfortunately, and so you lash out. That’s what you did before growing up did a number on you, but no matter how much it spills, it never feels good, and you don’t know why.

Bianca has been trying to console you, with clumsy, somewhat flat reassurances. She tries her best, as usual, even as she too goes through her own personal grief with how this isn’t what she wants, coming to terms with her shortcomings. Deep down, perhaps you have similar issues, both of you, and if you were any sort of fair, you’d be able to relate.

But no, as the terrible friend you’ve been, you can’t hear her. Her words never reach your heart, too stubborn to accept anything but what you want to hear, that things aren’t fair and you deserve so much better than to be the Champions’ loner, weirdo friend.

“It should’ve been me!” You finally spit out to someone else.

Bianca steps back, startled, and the way she looks at you is heartbreaking. She’s either scared or pitying you, and at the moment, neither is good.

You run off before she can reply, guilt and a startling realization dawning on you.

(You’d soon fall ill and discover why, this day, her tear-stained face hurt so bad).

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You’re at peace.

You’re a bit cold, your already pale skin now looking more like porcelain that it has ever done before.

But you’re at peace.

It’s a bit of a freak accident too, the sort of things you don’t see often: a feral Pokémon that isn’t from this region, trying to attack Bianca in some sort of messed-up self-defence reflex. If you hadn’t stepped in and taken the hit for her, you’re sure she’d have gotten more seriously hurt than you are right now, possibly even dead.

But that didn’t come to pass, fortunately. You did the right thing, for once: you thought about someone other than yourself, your dearest person in fact, and gave them the chance to live a longer, better life. Isn’t that beautiful?

You don’t really worry about everything flashing by, surprisingly. Perhaps you’re too numbed to your own pain, you own demise, to truly realize how horrifying it should be to leave this Earth with so much unfinished.

On the other end, unfortunately, it’s not the same sense of frigid serenity. Bianca’s voice is shattered. Her face is stained with ugly, ugly tears that keep on coming, like the untiring wave.

“… It should’ve been me…”

You grab her wrist, and despite how weak your pulse has gone, she notices.

“Hey… Don’t say that…”

You spit a bit of blood out. Damn perforated lungs.

“But you’re hurt! It wasn’t you that this Scolipede was attacking, it was me!”

Your hand is trembling. It’s so weak it can’t reach her face to dry her tears like you’d used to, when you were kids.

“It’s fine,” you say. “Even if I die today… It’ll be for the right reasons.”

“N-no! You… You’re not dying today! Nor anytime soon, in fact!” She loudly sniffles. “In fact, I called for help, so… Don’t die on me, dummy!”

You try smiling wider. It’s harder than it has to be, with frozen lips.

“I won’t,” you reply.

Well, come to think of it, you don’t really want to die. You’re just… not upset about it. Yes, sure, you’re freezing in your own pooling blood, your broken ribs wish harm on you, and you just wish you could fall asleep right here and there; but knowing why you’re here to begin with makes it fine.

Or does it? Is it still unfair? Have you just gotten numb to the pain of it all? Who knows… Who knows. Life is a bunch of mysteries and, even if you got to live a hundred years more, you still wouldn’t solve all of them.

Hearing her weep does hurt – almost as much as your ribs; but you find you can’t quite speak anymore. Your throat is parched and blood bubbles inside. Well, that means you must make the most of your last words – for now or forever, who knows – and she deserves them, just as much as you deserve to tell them.

The sound of nearby sirens does alleviate your heart, like it alleviates her expression. It’s time to come clean, at long last, and finally free yourself of your biggest secret. (It’s strange, how for no amount of time, you ever doubt her response could hurt).

“Sorry, this is… a bit of a terrible timing, but can I confess something to you?”

“Yes…?”

“I love you,” you tell her as everything finishes to melt around you.

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You didn’t plan on waking up again, but when you do, it’s to Bianca’s tears – they’re distinctly more relieved, this time.

She kisses your forehead and, for a moment of blissful delusion, it’s better than any painkiller you could’ve ever been administrated.