#it's 1am before i can be smart and not post I'm gonna post

[fadeawaywithyou]

im refusing to listen to the new taylor swift album. i gave midnights a chance, and was HEAVILY disappointed. everything I've heard in tiktok snippets and everyone's reactions have put me off, and i want to say that both adoration and annoyance, critics and applause, have put me off on both sides. so don't come at me with "oh don't listen to the HATERS" idgaf. i don't give a single fuck! I'm getting fucking TIRED of her brand being more and more obviously not who she really is, despite her being more and more insistent that it is. she's not a "tortured poet" she's a fucking billionaire pop artist. it's so weird seeing her try and capitalize on two very different personas: one where she's the queen of everything, a girlboss, god of pop, maker of the industry nobody can beat, haters can kiss her ass...but also so misunderstood and deep and introverted and please feel bad for her. Like, I'm sure she has problems, but i don't wanna listen about them after being subjected to her goddamn eras tour online and seeing her carbon footprint. go to a therapist, girl, I'm SURE you can afford it. what's her brand is now with the grey photography and shower thoughts feels so disingenuous when the first lyric i see (that's not a copypasta) from her long awaited "deep, tortured, you'll never understand how i grew up" album is about how your football boyfriend fingers you while on call with his video game buddies. i thought the line about wanting to live in slave times was a copypasta but it's real! girl shut the fuck up. the creek near by grandparent's house is deeper than you're entire 31 song album. the asylum that raised you gave you more power than GOD and you can make your fanbase sob with a london reference to a 4-month relationship TEN YEARS AGO. she has good music, but I'm hesitant to say she's still making good music. and even if she did every day i see her fans sob piss and shit themselves over a "thesaurus entry + middle school level philosophy" lyric i hate her more and more.

[cosmopolitan-thedrink]

I'd Run Away And Hide With You

Older Sam x Daddy Issues fem!reader

Warnings and tags:

SFW, tooth rotting fluff, dads best friend, neglectful dad, pure comfort, angst if you squint, age gap, reader has a crush, first person, no use of y/n, emotionally abusive ex boyfriend (past)

AN: aaaa my first time posting one of my bigger fics, i've been working on it for like two weeks lol. questions and comments are always appreciated

Word count: 3136

Waking up gasping for air and sweating like a damn pig isn’t exactly my favorite way to start the day, but recently it seems like that’s my only option. Except, this time it’s not day, it’s still dark outside my window and a bit cold in my room. Turning to the clock on my bedside table, I see it’s 1:28am. I only fell asleep an hour ago. Surely getting up and walking around a bit will help me clear my head, right? Cause that always works. 

I swing my legs over the side of the bed and shakily stand up. This nightmare had been worse than usual, but had ended abruptly. Maybe my brain was waking me up before it got too bad? But since when did my brain care about me? Who cares, I'm awake now. 

I trudge slowly to the kitchen to get some water and sit on the counter, trying to get my mind to be tired again, because that’ll solve all my problems. Going back to bed after having a nightmare, sounds smart to me. I'm just about to give up and go back to my room when I hear some shuffling and a lighter click from the living room. Oh right, Sam had stayed over because my dad was too drunk to drive him home and he didn’t have another ride. Since when the hell did he smoke? Or maybe he’s just lighting the house on fire. That'd be fun. 

I sigh to myself, debating on if I want to go make small talk like a normal person or awkwardly scurry past him up to my room and raise questions in the morning. Fuck it, he’s an interesting guy and I’ve been meaning to catch up with him.

I slowly walk up to the living room, he’s smoking a cigarette on the couch, the dim lighting of the tv and moonlight from the window illuminating his features perfectly and I can’t help but think how silly it is. Sam, the guy I've known all my life, the guy who I like more than my own dad sometimes, is sitting and smoking in my living room at 1am, and I'm here in the corner gushing over him. 

I knock quietly on the wall to get his attention, his head perks up and he greets me with a smile. The same smile he gives me whenever I do something funny or he’s proud of me. The one that makes his eyes squint and his cheeks jud out slightly. If I’m being honest, it makes my heart flutter. My dad never smiles at me like that, only at the beer bottle. 

“Hey kiddo, what’re you doing up this late?”

His voice is slightly hoarse and more gravely than usual. Maybe from the smoke?  Or maybe just because it’s late. I don’t care, he’s pretty. 

“I’m not a kiddo, I’m 19 years old”

I respond, crossing my arms and leaning against the wall.

“If you must know, I had a nightmare and wanted to walk around a bit to clear my head”

Sam nods sadly, taking another puff from his cigarette

“I’m gonna call you kiddo until you’re 85” he says with a cocky grin and I roll my eyes with a giggle.

“You get nightmares often?”

“Almost every night. Tonight’s was just worse than usual”

He looks at me apologetically 

“I'm sorry sweetheart. Do you want to talk about it?” He asks hesitantly and I huff a laugh and shake my head 

“Not in a million years, I'm fine.”

He scoffs and rolls his eyes.

“Worth a shot”

I uncross my arms and shake out my shoulders

“Mind if I sit with you?”

“Course not, cmere love”  He responds with that same smile that makes me feel so much and pats the couch next to him. 

I try to push the feeling down and plop down next to him. Even though we’re a reasonable distance away, I can still feel his warmth and smell his cologne and the cigarette smoke. I'd never say it out loud, especially not to him, but the combination of the two makes my head spin and my heart claw at my ribcage. After a while, he breaks the comfortable silence. 

“Seriously kid, what’s going on with you?”

“I said-“

“I know what you said darling, but I'm saying that’s bullshit. Something’s wrong, people don’t have nightmares every night because they’re “fine”. I’m not stupid. What's wrong?”

Those names. Sweetheart, love, darling. It’s almost too much. I feel myself start to break open and crack. I sigh and pull my knees to my chest. 

“You’re not gonna let it go until I talk about my feelings, are you?”

“Nope. now start talking” he puts out his cigarette and places his hand on my knee, rubbing small circles with his thumb. My breath hitches and heart aches. I look away.

“Fine. I was going out with this guy and he started to get kinda controlling. Getting annoyed at everything I do, not letting me hangout with other people without asking to come along, or just inviting himself anyway. And he would be mean sometimes. Like one time I showed him something I wrote after he begged to see it and called it ‘the cringiest thing he’s ever read’. I was really proud of it. He had just moved and his mom had literally just gotten arrested and sent to rehab. She had been two years sober, so he blamed everything on being ‘stressed’. And not to mention the damn jokes. If that’s what you want to call them. I just couldn’t take it anymore so I broke it off with him and now I just feel like shit. better shit, but still shit”

He’s silent for a while and I think I’ve said too much, that he’ll think it’s weird and I’m selfish, that I should've just sucked it up and dealt with it.

“Oh sweetheart…”

His voice seems far too soft and gentle to be his. I look up at him, only now realizing that my eyes are watering against my will.

“What do you mean by jokes? What’d he say?"

I shake my head and look away again

“Lots of weird sex jokes, about me specifically”

He frowns sternly

“Is it something I should be concerned about?”

“Kind of.. He never actually did anything um, physical that I didn’t want him to but he definitely made it clear just how upset he was that he wasn’t getting any action” 

I say in a small, scared voice that doesn’t sound like mine. I guess I didn’t realize how big a deal it was until I said it out loud.

“Oh baby…”

Is all he says. He slowly wraps his arm around my shoulder and tugs me closer to him. I let out a breath I didn’t realise I was holding and cling to him like it’s the last thing I’ll do and yell at my eyes to stop fucking watering for God’s sake. I didn't realize how bad I needed a hug. His hug. A father-like hug. He runs his fingers through my messy hair and places a soft kiss on my temple. 

The nicknames, the hug, the gentle tone of his voice, the damn kiss, it’s just too much for my daddy issues to handle. The cracks widen and I shatter. A pitiful, choked sob escapes my mouth, then another, and another and before I can stop myself, I’m bawling my damn eyes out and everything is happening too fast and he’s wrapping me in a tight hug and his arms feel like the softest blanket in the fucking world. He holds me close and coos at me with the most calming voice I've ever heard. 

“Shh sweetheart, you’re ok. You’re alright. Listen to me, you’re gonna be okay”

His words pierce right through me 

“How? He was struggling and he needed me and I left”

I choke out, barely coherent due to the sobs and hysterical breathing 

“Sunshine, he is not your responsibility, you were struggling too and he didn’t do anything either.”

He pulls back and holds my face in his hands, stroking my cheek softly with his thumb

“It is not your fault he was a shitty boyfriend.”

He says sternly yet gently and I desperately hold onto his arms, not wanting him to let go. I'm sure I look downright pathetic with my messy hair, puffy face, pitiful whimpering and hyperventilating but I don't care, all I care about is him. He's here and he’s holding me and he’s so damn warm. 

“Do you understand me, darling?”

The wave of emotion begins to settle, but the storm is far from over. I nod ever so slightly and he smiles softly, moving one hand to the back of my head to stroke my hair 

“Good. Good girl. I need you to breathe with me, think you do that?”

I nod shakily, pushing down the way the praise makes me feel, I can freak out about it later. 

I inhale deeply through my nose, interrupted by hiccups, and exhale slowly through my mouth. He smiles at me, the gentle, warm smile that makes my heart flutter. 

“Good, good” he coos, still stroking my cheek with his thumb.  “Another one”

I breathe again, my heartrate getting steadier and calmer by the second. 

Before I can stop myself, I slowly lean down to lay my head on his chest, wrapping my arms around his torso and curling my legs beneath me so I'm laying on his lap like a little kid. He doesn’t hesitate to wrap his arms around me, cradling me close to his heart- like a father should do. 

“Sleepy now, huh?” he asks with a soft chuckle, his hand resting perfectly on my back. I just nod tiredly, my breath slowly getting soft and calm again. 

“You can sleep sweetheart, I’ll be right here, yeah?”

"My dad’ll get mad-“ I mumble, my brain already turning to mush from exhaustion

“He’ll think-“

“I'll take care of it, don’t worry that pretty little head of yours, ok?” 

I nod with a yawn, far too tired to argue. He pulls a blanket over me, trapping me with that body heat and smell I love so much. He kisses the top of my head and whispers

“Sweet dreams princess”

As I slowly fade back into consciousness, the first thing I notice is the sound of arguing. I can't quite make out the words yet but I can tell the voices. Sam and my dad. I can panic about that later, right now, there’s strong arms wrapped around me and I smell something familiar and I'm so fucking warm. I feel like I'm melting into a puddle that’ll stain the carpet but I don't care, soap exists for a reason.

The events of last night come rushing back to me. The nightmare, the talk with Sam, crying in his arms and falling asleep on his lap. Huh, so that’s why I can smell cigarette smoke and hear a steady heartbeat. I had told him literally everything. Everything that I had tried so hard to bury. 

I’m shaken back from my thoughts by my dad’s voice 

“What the fuck is going on, Sam?! You’re literally cuddling with my daughter! What, are you sleeping with her too?”

I flinch involuntarily and hear Sam’s heart rate pick up. Of course that’s the first thing that my dad would think of. He sees someone being nice to me and immediately assumes I'm a whore. 

“It’s not like that and you know it. She had a nightmare and went to walk around. We started talking and she had a fucking breakdown. She was sobbing so hard I thought she was going to faint. She looked like she was going to faint.”

My dad is silent and I recall the dizziness and fog in my head last night. 

“But do you care? Or even notice? No, all you care about is the fucking bottle. If you won’t take care of her, if you don’t love her, I will.”

He spits out with anger in his voice and my heart sinks to my feet. He’s not wrong, Dad does seem to like a bottle of Tito’s more than me most days. 

I’ve never heard them fight like this before. They've argued over stupid stuff before. Sports, being late, who gets the pretty girl, but never like this. Hearts racing, pure anger in their voices, mean words they can’t take back. 

“You’re a real selfish prick, you know that? You think you know her better than me?”

My dad yells, his voice dripping with venom. Sam’s voice deepens

“Listen, we can argue or tear each other apart or whatever later. But right now, she needs this sleep.”

His arms tighten around me almost possessively, like he's shielding me from him, and starts to rub soft circles on my back

“I mean, Have you even looked at her? She’s fucking exhausted! The bags under her eyes are practically purple. I wouldn’t be surprised if this is the first good sleep she’s had in a while” 

I recognize the grumble and scoff in my dads voice as he talks

“Fine, whatever, you win. But the second she’s awake, you come find me and we talk.”

It’s the voice that says ‘I know I'm not gonna win this fight so I’m gonna raise you a living hell’. This should be fun. I flinch slightly against my will and Sam immediately tugs me closer. 

“Looking forward to it” 

I can practically hear the cocky grin on his face. My dad’s stomping footsteps slowly fade from the room and the back door slams. 

I let out a breath I didn't realize I was holding and he places a soft kiss on the top of my head. 

“You’re alright sunshine, don’t listen to him”

Wait, does he know I'm awake? I flutter my eyes slowly open and squint at the bright lights. Sam’s smile that makes my heart ache is the first thing I see. He runs a hand through my hair and coos at me 

“Hey kiddo, good morning”

I groan tiredly and bury my face in his chest. He chuckles and holds my back with his strong arms. 

“How’d you sleep?”

He asks casually, like he didn’t just get into a fight with his best friend, my dad. 

I mumble nothing in particular and hold onto him a bit tighter. 

“You were out cold. Slept like a damn rock”

He says with a soft chuckle as I pull my head up to look at him to see the glint in his eyes and the smile that makes things feel ok. 

“What time is it?”

My voice is sore and hoarse from crying so I clear my throat. 

“Just past 11am”

I nod and yawn. 

“How long have you been awake?” I ask hesitantly, hoping he got some sleep.

“I woke up around 9” I nod 

“So you just sat there for two hours while I slept?

“I sure as hell wasn’t gonna wake you up, you looked so cute and peaceful.” I smile warmly and bury my face again, a massive wave of gratitude and adoration flooding over me. 

“Thank you” I whisper 

“Anytime sweetheart.”

“So, my dad’s mad, huh?” I ask quietly after a few beats of silence 

“Did you hear that?” he asks apologetically and I nod. He sighs and kisses my head again. 

“He's mad, but he’ll get over it. I mean, someone’s gotta take care of his little girl if he won’t” my heart flutters and claws against my chest and I nod again, leaning my head back on his chest. He tugs me closer to him and rubs my back. 

“You’re gonna be ok sweetheart, we’ll figure this out, all of it. I promise” he whispers and I shutter softly 

“We fucking better” I mutter. 

“We will” he chuckles

“Oh, and by the way, you talk in your sleep” my cheeks go red and I bury my face back in his chest. 

“Oh god, did I say anything weird?”

“Nothing bad, it was mostly incoherent mumbling, but you did say something about a ‘pretty guy named Sam’. I wonder who you were talking about”

A wave of embarrassment crashes over me and I can feel how warm my cheeks are. 

“Oh my god…” I mumble. 

“Aww, is someone embarrassed?” he asks in a teasing voice. 

“Shut the fuck up” I say, still mumbling

“No, I don’t think I will” he says in that damn cocky tone. I swear, it’s like he’s trying to make me explode or something. He chuckles and rubs my back a bit

“Look at me sweetheart” I shake my head against his chest. 

“Absolutely not” he gently grabs my chin and pulls it up, making me look at him. My cheeks are an impossible shade of pink and I'm pouting.

“There we go, hi there, pretty girl” He coos

“Are you trying to kill me?” I say, my voice a bit whinier than I intended. 

“What, I can't look at pretty girls anymore?” 

“Not this one” I grumble

”So you admit you’re pretty?” he asks smugly

“That’s not what I meant-“

“Too late pretty girl, no take backs” 

“Oh my god” I mumble and let my face fall back in his chest, feeling the heat from my cheeks spread to my neck. He chuckles and we lay in comfortable silence until I yawn again. 

“Still sleepy?” he asks gently. I debate lying but he’s right. I’m fucking exhausted. I’ve gotten a taste of good sleep and I'm not going back now. I nod lazily against him and I can hear the smile in his voice. 

“You can go back to sleep sweetheart, I don’t have anywhere to be today” my heart pretty much melts and I mumble something to myself 

“But my dad-“ 

“I told you not to worry about it sweetheart, so don’t worry about it. You definitely need more good sleep. ” he says sternly but gently. He puts his hand on my head and gently runs his hands through my hair and over my back. I’m too fucking tired to argue so I shift so I'm more comfortable and snuggle closer to him. He tugs the blanket back over us and holds me somehow tighter.

“That’s a good girl” he coos

I hum comfortably and look up at him, silently freaking out about that damn sentence. I’ll lose my shit later.

“Thank you Sammy, for all of this.” 

“Of course, my love.” He places a gentle kiss on my forehead and rubs my back in the perfect spot that makes my eyes flutter closed and sends a shiver through my whole body as I drift back into a comfortable sleep, one without nightmares.