#it's 'yeah my father was an asshole and my feelings abt it were valid but he was also a complicated person who did love me in his own way'

[apocketfullofhobbits]

can't stop thinking abt how the fact that declan mattered so little to his father that the asshole couldn't even be bothered to keep the memories of the day his son was born was supposed to make up for declan's whole shitty childhood

like hey kid u know what u just weren't worth the pain. do u feel better abt it now.

[nothing-more-than-hot-leaf-juice]

I think my favorite thing abt Zuko is how hard it is to actually hate him once you get to know him. Like idk but he's just trying to hard and he's so soft and you look at him and think "baby 🥺" and that's that. Even when he was the enemy i never really hated him bc like, he never really did anything too bad like?? He didn't burn down the SWT village, and yeah he hit Sokka but not hard bc he got up right after. So idk but he's soft bby and hard to hate and i love that.

Okay I love Zuko as much as anyone but like .... he did some true asshole stuff in this series. Like homeboy burned Kyoshi village 

kidnapped Katara and held her hostage to kidnap Aang 

paralyzed Katara and Sokka with the shirshu 

kidnapped Aang in the North Pole when he was in the spirit world, leaving the oasis temporarily defenseless (indirectly allowing Zhao a window to get in and kill the moon spirit) 

while he was usually ethical with his Blue Spirit crimes, I’m gonna say stealing from these two was a dick move 

ya know....Ba Sing Se

and then the whole Sent An Assassin After Them thing.....explicitly hiring someone to murder a 12-year-old 

Zuko is a lot of things, but “baby” he is not. 

Deep down, yeah he is soft, but for the majority of the show he wasn’t. We saw that he cared, that he was hurting, and we understood that all his actions stemmed from just wanting to please the father that hurt him, but he wasn’t a soft baby by any means. His anger stemmed from an understandable place, but that doesn’t mean he didn’t take it out on everyone around him (especially Iroh in season 1). He was selfish. That doesn’t mean he was a bad person, but recognizing that he did awful things and understanding that he hurt people honestly makes his character better because it makes his redemption arc all the more powerful.  

The reason why we appreciate Zuko as a character so much is because how much he changes. It’s because he does break from the mentality he was stuck in thinking his value rested in Ozai’s approval, his recognition of the suffering of others not just under his nation’s actions, but because of his actions, and the lengths he went to earn forgiveness. 

That’s why his redemption arc works, though. He did do awful things. He did hurt people without caring. He was selfish. He was rude. Just because he was acting that way because of his trauma doesn’t negate the severity of the things he did. 

But he did make up for it. He came to regret all of his actions and did the work to make amends. Not only by internally recognizing that he was wrong and saying he was sorry, but actively making efforts to repair some of the damage at every step. 

And the reason we do sympathize and root for him is mostly because of his motivations in comparison to other characters, namely Zhao, Azula, and Ozai. (And because he loses, a lot.) There’s a post that explains it better, but Zuko’s motivations were completely rooted in his own self-interests, ultimately rooted in just wanting to appease Ozai. And that we can understand. We can’t really sympathize with Zhao, Long Feng, or Ozai because their motivations are political-- they want to exploit people and systems for their own glory and power. They aren’t seeking acceptance or validation like Zuko, they’re seeking control and domination over those who don’t have power. 

But it’s easier to root for Zuko, not because we want him to succeed, but because we want him to change sides. We don’t want him to capture Aang because doing so would validate Ozai, who is objectively awful. We don’t want him to win against the gaang because that’s who we’re rooting for. What we want for him is to change because unlike other villains on the show, he isn’t swept up by an ideology and hasn’t let power go to his head. 

And part of that is us wanting for him to change how he acts towards others. In season 1 he’s explicitly rude to Iroh multiple times. He was an asshole to everyone because he was taking out his hurt feelings on the people around him.

The reason we’re rooting for him to change isn’t that he was a sweet person or because he was “soft.” It was because he was the underdog. 

Those feelings of crushing failure, inadequacy...that’s relatable. It’s certainly more relatable than other villains doing selfish things and hurting people without caring to gain power or to perpetuate imperialism. Those are feelings people can relate to and that makes us want him to overcome those feelings. We want him to realize that his father was wrong and terrible to him and that capturing Aang isn’t the answer. 

We could relate to Zuko even in season 1 because his arc was about the realization of his own self-worth. It was about a kid learning that no one deserves cruelty, even him. That’s something he always knew, but didn’t internalize and apply to the world and himself until he witnessed how the Fire Nation affected the people of the Earth Kingdom. 

From season 1, we know that it was cruel and wrong and hope that maybe Zuko will realize it too. Because no one--  no one earns cruelty. 

And his actions stemming from his hurt doesn’t mean they didn’t hurt others. He did a lot of awful things in this show. His betrayal of Iroh, him putting his own goals in front of people who needed the Avatar to win the war for them, and putting others in danger for his own goals. Zuko hurt a lot of people but he arguably did the work to fix his mistakes. He helped restore the world his family destroyed and made personal amends with the specific people he hurt, Iroh most importantly. He put his life on the line several times, stood up to his father, and protected the gaang from the people he once stood alongside to hurt them (Combustion Man, Azula). We saw his remorse and it wasn’t rooted in being mad at his father, it was upon gaining perspective on the world and realizing how that also applied to him, both in the recognition of the harm he did and the steps he had to take to make amends and the fac that he didn’t deserve the abuse his father delt him. 

We wanted Zuko to break out of his mentality from season 1 not only because we wanted the gaang to succeed, but because we knew that his selfish actions stemmed from hurt and a lack of perspective on the world, both things he comes to understand throughout the series. He’s not Zhao, wanting glory or military ranking for capturing Aang. He’s not Long Feng, wanting control over others to keep his position of power. He’s not Azula, who was successful in a way he never was. And he’s not Ozai, perpetuating suffering because he believes himself to be that important. He’s a kid who was told he wasn’t good enough and was willing to do anything to appease the people who told him that, even if that meant hurting other people. 

We root for him because he really just a kid who wants to not feel like a failure and honestly? That’s one of the most relatable motivations I can think of. 

[reineyday]

some feelings abt touya and bnha 302 in general! (long post)

jesus this whooooole chapter makes me so so so sad for touya, like he's canonically a crier and i just have all these images now of him crying off to the side while enji looks at his other kids and gives them the time of day. knowing that he was/is a frustrated crier makes the fact that dabi cant cry cuz of his burned tear ducts that much sadder ohhman

one of the things i cant get over is how touya was SO shunned by his dad that when he went to go tell enji about his fire turning from red to blue, he says "i might be as awesome as shouto sooner or later!" like?? this boy is 13 and shouto is 5 yet he's talking like the brother that's eight years younger than him is better than him and thar it's just a fact. the sky is blue, enji wants to beat all might one day, and shouto is better than the rest of his siblings. nevermind that he's only five and just wants to play with his siblings (and dont even mention to me how shouto says he wants to play with "touya and them" cuz im gonna fucking cry abt it. like even though touya's accepted he's bottom of the ladder in this family, shouto clearly wants some sort of acknowledgement from his older siblings and especially his older brother. IM FVCKN SOBBN). enji has made it clear in this family that shouto was what he was looking for and everyone else is not as important, and i knew this from shouto's pov but it's kinda wild to see it implied so casually in touya's words.

"you'll be glad you created me! i just know it!" HOLY SHIT. god my heart. oh my fuck. literally all enji had to do was show up to the fucking mountain, and he couldnt even do that? what the hell?? your son asks you to go to the mountain, you tell your wife not to let him go traim but she said she couldnt stop him, and instead of going yourself to make sure he's okay and BECAUSE HE ASKED YOU TO COME (and with an actually valid reason, no less! fire changing colour is kind of a big fucking deal!!!) you just?? let him go and let him stay there??? my god the amount of times touya must have burned himself and the trees with tears in his eyes. ahhhHHH!!!

what kills me (and touya too soon?) was that we thought before the back story started that enji forced touya to train till he burned up. then when 290 came out--and definitely after 301--we thought maybe touya overtrained himself and burned up. and sure, he was definitely overtraining, but to find out that the burns that "killed" him started just bc he was crying so much he lost control and didnt know how to ease up on his flames? he was upset and literally trying to get himself to stop crying, and then he just set himself aflame and burned up cuz of all his emotions??? that HURTS. holy fuck.

i cant believe natsuo's feeling lowkey guilty for not socking enji in the face like he wasnt EIGHT???? and let's be real, enji woukdnt have fucking listened to natsuo telling him to talk to touya--he already wasnt listening when touya would straight up say "look at me" and when even rei said touya just wanted enji to look at him and notice him. listen, i know sometimes miscommunications happen in families and children are embarrassed to admit they want attention and so their parents remain unaware that theyre not giving their kid something they want, but touya was as clear as can be on MANY occasions, and even rei agreed touya needed the attention and enji just wasnt listening.

also i know there was discourse abt touya being sexist by telling natsu that "the women in this house are good for nothing" and mb it was partly diff translations cuz i feel like saying "this house" makes it specific to rei and yumi instead of all women everywhere, but even disregarding that--i think it's a valid thought for him to have when rei wasnt standing up for him (where he could see, at least) and yumi admitted herself that she was too scared to interfere and so just tried to fix things and keep appearances. i feel like based on what touya's seen from them, it makes sense that he has that opinion. (also gonna mention that i think rei's and yumi's choices also make sense and i think they were valid, seeing as how they were afraid as well.)

and poor natsu being woken up in the middle of the night (what was implied to be often enough, esp cuz it seemed they share a room and their futons are close) bc of touya's pain. that's a lot of emotional responsibility for an eight year old, and it is also so sad that at 13, touya didnt have anyone else to turn to but his kid brother. at 13, i remember being fully aware of the distinction in maturity between an 8 year old and myself, and it sucks that touya couldnt go to anyone but a younger child with all his pain. i bet yumi being too scared to interfere translated to touya as "she wouldnt help me" and thats another reason he didnt go to the 2nd oldest when he needed to vent. (also not related to this but how the FUCK was natsuo so tall at 8 years old? wh a t)

this chapter. this fucking chapter. my heart aches for touya, and it's just such a huge fucking shame he didnt get the attention and validation and support he needed. there must have been workarounds so that touya could safely use his quirk. there weere DEFINITELY better ways to support your son through a self-destructive quirk, ways that involved actually being there and seeing him. i feel like if someone showed him the attention he needed and talked him through how to better control his emotions (and by extension, his flames) and a positive and healthy way, he could have been someone so great. and if he ever learned how to set aside the way he felt infefior to shouto and saw that shouto just wanted to play with his cool older siblings, it might have been really beneficial to see that there was someone there who thinks he's cool and gave him attention just bc he was an older brother, who needed him when everyone else in the househild didnt seem to need him.

and lastly, the fact that the chapter ends with rei saying that shouto is the family hero and that shouto will have to face dabi?? and it makes me angry that shouto has to take on that responsibility. that he was five and suffering for things he wasnt even a part of, couldnt be properly aware of, bc he was so young. he just saw that he was separated from his siblings and that his dad bullied his mom, then grew up shouldering enji's heavy goals and high expectations and abusive training alongside the barely-there memories of his older brother who died (i say barely there bc if natsu didnt even know shouto liked cold soba, shouto was definitely not around enough to have solid memories of touya before he "died"), and now he has to do the emotional labour of fighting his villain brother (who i bet shouto lowkey empathizes with when he thinks abt it late at night) as well as suffer the physical consequences of that agni kai. and it makes me angry that he has to do that, bc he's a Good Guy and he probably feels he has some sort of filial and familial responsibility. he's only 16. he just wanted to play with touya and them, and now he has to deal with this horse shit dabi's causing cuz his dad's an emotionally neglecting asshat who couldnt see past his dumb fucking ego until he saw shouto play with a bunch of kids during shou's remedial exam a decade after his eldest son burned himself to death. what the fuckety fuck.

lastly, since we saw touya burn uo the way he did... did he really just like... burn so much his jaw fell off, and that's how they found the jawbone? cuz holy hot (BURNING too soon???) damn that must have been painful as all hell. i wonder if next chapter we get to see if someone found touya at the park and helped him out and sorted out the jaw bone thing, or if we finally get to see if deku wakes up lol.

anyways this chapter hurt my heart big time, and i kinda wanna draw kid touya crying while being overlooked by his family to let out some of those feelings but we'll see.

and i still stand by my idealistic and naively optimistic hope that dabi gets redeemed and they soend some actually time together as a family (without enji. or at least, with an enji that has apologized to touya in seiza. like, forehead-to-floor apologize.)

does this hope sort out how dabi redeems himself, seeing as how he's murdered people in cold blood and shouldnt be excused for that bc those actions are also inarguably terrible? no. not sure how he could redeem himself for that kinda stuff honestly, but it doesnt mean i dont still somehow want the todoroki sibs to get along, cuz im weak for mending families.

also id like to send a huge kudos out into the world to rei todoroki for being firm for once and for also not running away from her mistakes like her asshole husband has been. i really admire and respect that. she was afraid and being abused, but now that she's been away from enji and has had time to heal, now that her and shouto are in the mend and she's seen that her eldest son is alive and a villain, she's a place where she can acknowledge that even though she was a victim too, she played a part in touya's emotional neglect and she's taking responsibility and that speaks to some incredible fucking strength. damn.

i hope one day that dabi realizes the same in regards to his mother and natsuo, who shouldered a lot of his emotional pain and suffered the consequences of his outbursts (even though his emotions are valid and his outbursts understandable, he still hurt rei and put a lot of pressure on natsu), and i also hope he sees that for all that he hates his father, his whole existence revolves around enji and it's a shitty place to be (and then he'll have ANGST abt it and that shit will be!! so good!!!)

yeah i think those were all my feelings. i had so many lol. their family situation is so difficult, i hope they all turn out okay and alive and healing.

oh i guess i also wanted to say that i kept calling enji an asshat and asshole cuz he was for sure, but i still think his redemption is valid and im glad he's taking those steps to be a better person by being a better father. i dont know if id want his family to forgive him for all that horrible shit he put them through (im personally hoping that no matter what anyone else does, natsuo will choose to to cooperate in the healing of his family as a unit but will never forgive enji) but i think it's good of people to try to be better than they were yesterday regardless of whether or not they get forgiveness. i dont personally like enji, but i dont hate that he's getting a redemption. i just hope it's a redemption that makes sense and forces him to put in the work, and isnt something like a death sacrifice for shouto or dabi. i want him to be alive and i want his redemption process to hurt like a fucking bitch while he forces himself to make better choices and be a better person, cuz redemption isnt supposed to be easy in the slightest. i GUESS all the crying he did in 302 was a good start.

anyways, if for some reason you read all the way down to the bottom--hello! and thanks for reading haha. cheers! :)))

[reversecreek]

ziggy strutting up to me like this gif as i hold up a crucifix n say begone begone vile beast BEGONE from my vicinity i will NOT buy u a happy meal wretched little boy...... some live action rp to start this off..... and SCENE. takes my bow. his pinterest is here n his playlist is here.

* dylan minnette, cis male + he/him  | you know ziggy benson, right? they’re twenty-four, and they’ve lived in irving for, like, all of his life? well, their spotify wrapped says they listened to hand crushed by a mallet by 100 gecs like, a million times this year, which makes sense ‘cause they’ve got that whole glitching televisions impaled by remotes, nonchalantly texting the babes as a stove fire ravages your kitchen & cartoons turned up so loud it fries your eardrums thing going on. i just checked and their birthday is november 24th, so they’re a sagittarius, which is unsurprising, all things considered. ( nai, 24, gmt she/her  )

HISTORY;

from the second ziggy ws born he didnt stop screaming. within the first hours of his life he gave his father an ear splitting headache tht prompted him to say “that uncooked chicken’s fucking demonic” n joke abt popping “it” in the oven to roast. when this understandably received disgusted glances frm the nursing staff he ws all like “jeez alright alright i’m kiddin i’m kiddin can’t a guy have a joke around here?” n i feel like that sets up their dynamic so nice n sweetly <3 (sarcasm) (lips pursed)

frm day one he ws just honestly a rly hyperactive child. when he laughed he’d shriek it out at the absolute top of his lungs bc he’d just get this huge giddy surge of energy all the way to the very tips of his toes n it’d hit him like a shock from a fork in a plug socket. their parenting style ws rly just lazy tbh.... they didn’t have much time for disciplining him. ziggy’s mum wld halfheartedly be like “ziggy quiet now....” n then go bk to nuking whatever vegetables she’d defrosted until they tasted like dinosaur bones..... this wld not make any difference in ziggy’s behaviour

his father rly just took the stance that it ws ziggy’s mum’s job to discipline him or raise him in general which is. ���� please enter the 20th century sir.... get ur noggin sorted..... needless to say he wsn’t much involved in ziggy’s life n honestly generally jst didn’t like him. ziggy was a responsibility he didn’t want (accidental prregnancy) n in his literal words once said (blatantly while ziggy ws watching cartoons on the sofa) tht ziggy just “harshes my fucking vibe a lil bit”. 

he wound up leaving when ziggy was six ish.... ziggy watched thru a crack in the blinds as his mum tried to grab at his jacket to make him stay as he lugged out his suitcase..... she even tried to physically cling onto him so he cldn’t get in his ride bt the door wound up slamming n she sat on her knees watching the lights pull out the drive n even long after they were gone. ziggy didn’t rly kno what to do abt this (emotions hd never been smthn he particularly understood, his own or how to handle other people’s) so after watching her fr 5 minutes he went out n gently shook her shoulder n was like. mom come inside u look weird out here. FKGHSFHGSFHKGFHKSGSFGHK. this was him trying to show love <3

ziggy’s mum is like.... rly relationship dependent. she gets all her self worth n validation frm whtever man she’s dating.... so she went on this like.... wild rampage of jst. dating a very large string of men. they ranged frm dreadfully boring to downright awful n were always below her standards. ziggy quite literally hated. all of them. every last one. even one that tried to b nice to him by offering to help him do his math homework when he ws 13 (bc ziggy was struggling a lot w this) n in response ziggy loudly barked until the man gt scared n stumbled backwards into a dining chair on his way out of the room. KGHFHKSJHFJGSHKFG

while him n his mum hv a kind of strained situation (there’s a great deal of resentment from her end n kind of. blaming him fr “driving his father away” n it’s never spoken abt bt it’s very much Present in their relationship n honestly ziggy kind of resents her too fr bringing some of the men into their lives tht she did) there is. love there...... sometimes she’ll like. reach out to cup the back of his head n he’ll duck his head away n be like wtf are u doing checking me for lice? n she’ll jst smile like :)...... knowing that’s how he loves. KHSFGKJGHKSFGFHKGSHF. ugh we love men who know how to process their emotions yesssss king give us nothing <3

(abuse n violence tw) idk i won’t go into it too much bt even tho ziggy’s constantly like 🙄 when his mum shows him affection he wld quite literally. kill fr her n almost did one time.......... narrowly avoided getting charged w assault when one of her bfs was drunk n evil n he went into protective mode.... idk he. has gone thru a lot n seen a lot n so has his mum. they look after each other the best they kno how despite the negatives in their relationship.... it’s complex <3

literally got in trouble so. often. at school. he ws always hyperactive (undiagnosed adhd n also probably not helped by the fact he ws jst allowed to eat sm junk food w 459729457952 sugar percentage all hours of the day) bt when his dad left n like. dealing w acting out so severely at home where his mum’s bfs were concerned it rly escalated..... i jst think he ws like. literally a terror. probably got suspended so many times. maybe even was permanently expelled before he cld get his diploma honestly. set off a firework in school hallway. smthn absolutely reckless n stupid.

hs hd a bunch of jobs mostly in the service industry...... usually ends up getting fired.... worked at mcdonald’s fr a while n then one day he went in rly high n ate three cheeseburgers in front of a weeping child who hd ordered one.... promptly gt fired bt he ws like yo fuck this place i’m quitting n threw off his apron n was like who’s with me??? who’s joining the union??????? to the rest of the staff n they were all mostly like >_> <_< before security approached to forcibly remove him n he grabbed a cookie n crammed it into his mouth in rebellion mid frantic n frankly possessed escape.....

in terms of wht’s going on to this day w his living situation i honestly think he still lives w his mum. i can just see this. KHGFSKGHSFGKSFGH. in like. a ramshackle bungalow in delphinus heights.... having said tht she probably isn’t. there tht often nw she’s dating her latest man (jonas, somehow always sweaty no matter the weather, wears too many gold rings n smells like shoe cleaner) who owns a car dealership n thinks he’s a kingpin for it. still home sometimes tho.

PERSONALITY:

ziggy spends his days working shifts at an ice cream parlour (one he got fired from once bc he broke in high n ate sm ice cream he was lay on the floor in the bk pants unbuttoned stomach bulging sm calling himself garfield saying he had too much lasagna. they hired him bk tho bc he has a harem of middle aged women who lust after him n it brings customers....) or like. cruising parties...... setting off fireworks.... skateboarding...... breaking into abandoned buildings.... filming stupid jackass type tricks....... playing guitar hero...... getting drunk at the arcade..... sometimes busking fr cash in a tossed dwn hat (very badly) (thinks he’s sick at it however)........ or alternatively...... fucking chicks aha...... fuck.......... not exclusive to chicks tho just had to sound despicable bt :smirk: he’s bi Baby.... 

i won’t lie he’s kind of an asshole................ never rly was taught properly how to empathise with ppl so like he struggles w that....... sometimes he’ll say smthn tht’s genuinely just quite mean n doesn’t need to be said but he doesn’t rly realise it’s like bad. n he’s like. what’s the deal haha why are u mad...... 

fuckboy. genuinely jst. rly summarises it well. insatiable. sleeps around wildly. will say he’ll call u back n then will not call u back. lies like oh babe i’m moving to france tomorrow fuckkkkkkkkk sucks so bad that we can only have one night but let’s make it special yeah? tits? n then they’ll see him casually skating past them on the street a week later n be like well clearly he’s not in france. ziggy doesn’t care.

calls himself a “genius inventor” bc he once gutted a vintage analog television n made it into a fish tank. it literally leaked water a bit. still convinced he is a literal visionary never seen before never done again. he’s like i’m on the brink of greatness. i’m the next einstein.

has a bit of a god complex where he thinks he’s the sexiest person in any given room n it’s kind of funny bc like dylan minnette’s sexy to me bt tht isn’t a widespread opinion n ur being a bit bold ziggy...... regardless has confidence thru the roof tht isn’t rly deterred by anything or anyone.....

dyes his hair 49729572459752 colours every colour under the sun. sometimes all at once jst different patches. wears lots of tie dye tshirts n basketball shorts even tho he doesn’t play basketball. rly colourful sneakers. just lots of loud colours tbh. often wears a paper clip in his ear as an earring. pierced it himself. someone probably recorded him doing it fr his insta story. probably was drunk.

drives a vespa around tht is baby blue with pastel yellow polka dots. it has lots of tin cans attached to the back by string like on those cars when u just got married. he did not just get married. u can hear him arriving frm over a street away.

almost never pays fr anything bt is always like “yo it’s my treat” n then either dine n dashes or u have to pay

his idea of romance is nuking a hot pocket as breakfast in bed n then complaining he’s hungry n eating half

WANTED CONNECTIONS:

fuckboy antics: he’s insatiable. rabid. notorious. mayb they fkd n he didn’t call........ jst completely ghosted........ mayb they were genuinely into him n he honestly built up kind of false pretences abt them having a connection n then jst dipped..... cld  b good fr angst n drama <3 someone please egg his house he deserves it <3

high skl heathens: locals tht were equally chaotic in hs..... just picture him having this group of misfits tht were like so loud n always getting up to no good doing god knows what god knows where.... probably gt arrested together breaking into an old abandoned hospital one time........... rly just doing the absolute most at all times............. probably so loud........... drinking n smoking far too much.....

an attempted teenage relationship: i’m like. tentative to even put this one bc i just feel like ziggy wld be a shit bf. KJHGFSHGFHGSFHGFKGHFKSG. but. maybe it ended in drama.....i’d say this wld probably be a girl bc in hs he probably ws less open w his sexuality... maybe ziggy cheated on her or she cheated on him................ angst........ strife.... we love it we love it........ i crash my car into the bridge... i don’t care... i love it... sudden icona pop moment me stood on stage singing karaoke.... it’s just gone 7am as i write this so i apologise if this is losing any. coherency. smiles so sexy....

last adolescent plot i swear: i picture when ziggy was expelled he somehow amassed a large group to protest w signs outside the school fr him to be accepted back. it didn’t work. he threw a party when he received news he hadn’t got back in anyway. maybe ur muse was involved or helped organise this or was violently opposed.

enemies: ppl who just. don’t like ziggy bc like honestly that’s so fair n valid. KJHGFKGHKSFGHSGKHSFHG..... mayb he like. exploded their mailbox one time when they were younger. mayb he skated over their toes. mayb he fucked their bitch aha fuck................. (joking btw) (don’t condone misogyny) (hashtag feminism). cld be fun to play around w

fwb: probably hs a few of these......... mayb they’re cool w things being no strings attached n lax n at ease w ziggy being the mess tht he is in general..... mayb they want more bt ziggy cannot provide...... mayb they literally don’t get on at all n this is their only mutual ground n they keep coming bk to each other.... :smirk:..... whatever u Farncy....

maybe ziggy’s mum dated ur muse’s dad at one point???? we can discuss this if u think it fits..... cld be fun to play around w............

coworkers: past or present r fun..... mayb they were like WTFFF is this guy fking ONNN at a past job (he’s had a few in the food service industry so pretty open in tht area)... mayb they work w him at the ice cream parlour now..... cn discuss the dynamic probably wld be dependent on the muse involved fr like. how he’d act n stuff.... :yum:

[phynali]

hey! just saw your post on nb aesthetic esp your tags abt you having long "non-visibly-queer" hair & idk if you remember this or not but I do bc it was super helpful/positive for me to see it - I sent you an ask awhile ago abt you being queer&genderqueer and talking abt your husband/you guys being happy and see you say this is p much the same feeling - I'm p sure I’m nb?but also ppl have said I’m obvs not bc (among other things) I have long hair not a “queer” haircut so I must be fake & (1/2)

(2/2) sometimes I feel like I am fake but so seeing that post in general was nice but also seeing your comment was rly, rly, rly nice & I can’t really articulate how ! it was to see you say that you’ve got long hair too and are still nb & it feels weird to thank you for just talking about your existence? but. it really is incredibly helpful to see that so - thank you.

hey

thanks for sending this message. it was actually really affirming for me? just the reminder that i’m not alone with feelings like this.

i’m so sorry that people have tried to tell you that you’re not not nb because you don’t have the right ~aesthetic~. it’s honestly such bullshit. there is no one ‘right’ way to “look” nonbinary. you can dress in skirts and dresses and do your makeup up to the nines with long flowing hair and still identify as nonbinary, as a woman, or as a man. presentation =/= identity. same with the opposite. you can crop your hair short and wear men’s cut clothes and zero makeup and still identify as nonbinary, as a man, or as a woman. the clothes on our backs and the cuts of our hair don’t define who we are inside.

and heck, i admire the people with awesome haircuts that are protypically or aggressively queer. i love those styles, i really do. i even envy them sometimes, and part of me definitely has daydreamed about getting a cut like that more than once. but there’s a level of visibility that comes along with it (and i’m self-conscious to begin with) and because i am married (to a man), most people who’ve met me will probably not even pick up on the message about my identity anyway. so who am i getting the cut for? myself? or strangers on the internet to put the rubber stamp of approval next to my gender identity? 

and i struggle with the hair thing in part because i’ve tried to do the short hair and it looked like crap (i.e., it made me look younger and childish at a time when i was aiming for the opposite, and most stylists i went to for short haircuts weren’t giving me a queer look so much as giving me a short haircut that was ‘in’ at the time but distinctly for women?). i also hate the upkeep on short hair because it grows so fast and no way am i willing to go for a cut more often than i do now. kudos to all the people out there who can upkeep short hair. 

i also grew up with my father and older brother having long hair for most of my childhood, and my mother shaved all her hair off one year and then had short hair for about 5 years, so i don’t inherently associate short hair = masculine and long hair = feminine. i’m actually typically attracted to long hair on guys? and them having long hair doesn’t detract from their masculinity, so i try not to let myself get too worried about my own long hair. 

anyway, all this is to say that i recently realized i’ve got insecurities about the length of my hair with respect to my gender identity, maybe because the past few years have been the first time in my life where i actually like my hair and don’t want to change it, but that means accepting and dealing with any hang-ups i have about it as it is now. it fits how i want to see myself, even if the rest of the world makes their own misguided assumptions about me because of it.

but back to you.

if someone ever tries to tell you that you aren’t nonbinary (esp. over something as ridiculous as the length of your hair), they’re an asshole, full stop. they don’t know your gender identity better than you. and if they purport to tell you they know your gender and you don’t, they’re an asshole, and nbphobic (exorsexist? idk the right terms, honestly).

it’s happened to me. more than once. but this one time in particular, i came out as genderqueer to a friend (an ex) and the first words out of his mouth, honestly just an automatic knee-jerk reaction so fast, were “no. you’re not.” and i just. i was flabbergasted. because how dare this dude dare tell me what i am and am not? as if he knows my gender identity better than i do? so i said “yes. i am.” and he shifted uncomfortably in his seat and i said i always had been and finally found the word to describe it and he said “okay” and that was that. 

other people don’t know your experiences better than you. other people don’t get to pick your labels for you. i’ve had people try to tell me i should id has genderfluid instead of genderqueer and i just… rolled my eyes. like no, thanks for trying to fit me into a term that makes you more comfortable, but i’ll define my identity as i experience it.

you’re not fake. you don’t have to look or act a certain way to know that you’re nonbinary. 

i have days where i struggle with wondering if i’m faking it still, even though i’ve been defining my identity this way for over 6 years now, literally ever since the first time i discovered words for nonbinary identities and had that lightbulb moment of “oh. that’s it. that’s what i’ve been missing my entire life.” i struggle even though i look back and know my whole life till now, this is who i am. it fluctuates and varies a bit, yeah, but this is my truth. it’s always been my truth. even if the rest of the world has missed it (and honestly, not all of them did miss it, they just didn’t have language for it either, and a lot of people just want to put their heads in the sand when it comes to this stuff).

and i don’t bind and some days i wish i did. i’m a coward and i’m scared to buy a binder, but i secretly really want one. i don’t have a short or obviously queer haircut and i feel like the world will think i’m hiding and not queer enough when really i just happen to like my current style. i’m short as fuck and my voice is high like a chipmunk. so if anyone looks at or talks to me, they code me as a woman and there’s honestly nothing short of taking hormones i can ever do to change that, based on my body-type and characteristics. and that’s just part of my reality.

so i’m working on being satisfied with knowing my own self. with talking to friends and family when i feel comfortable enough to, and making sure they understand my identity and respect it. with living my gender identity and actualizing my masculinity in ways that feel affirming to me instead of ways that make me feel like i’m silly or trying too hard. 

and that’s my general advice here: do what makes you feel right and good. do the things that make you feel like you fit in your own skin, if you can. affirm yourself that your experiences are valid. that your truth is real. doubt is normal, and it’s okay, and i experience it too. but your truth is your own, and everyone else can get bent.