#it's 'big mom norn' because mother of machines please don't be weird

[totallyjazzed]

FUCK YOU MULTIVERSE!

IF YOU'RE DUMB ENOUGH TO LIVE ON ANOTHER PLANE THIS WEEKEND, YOU'RE A BIG ENOUGH SHMUCK TO COME TO BIG MOM NORN'S TREE.

MONSTERS! ARMIES THAT DON'T STAY DOWN! OIL!

IF YOU THINK YOU'RE GOING TO FIND FREEDOM AT BIG NORN'S, YOU CAN KISS MY ASS!

IT'S OUR BELIEF THAT YOU'RE SUCH AN IMPERFECT MOTHERFUCKER THAT YOU'LL FALL TO OUR BULLSHIT, GUARANTEED!

IF YOU FIND A BETTER PLANE, SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS, YOU HEARD US RIGHT, SHOVE IT UP YOUR UGLY ASS!

BRING YOUR TRADE, BRING YOUR TITLE, BRING YOUR WIFE, WE'LL COMPLEAT HER, THAT'S RIGHT, WE'LL COMPLEAT YOUR WIFE!

BECAUSE AT BIG MOM NORN'S, YOU'RE FUCKED SIX WAYS FROM SUNDAY!

TAKE A HIKE TO BIG MOM NORN'S!

HOME OF CHALLENGE PLANESWALKING, THAT'S RIGHT, CHALLENGE PLANESWALKING!

HOW DOES IT WORK? IF YOU CAN PLANESWALK SIX SPHERES INTO PHYREXIA AND NOT GET COMPLEATED, YOU GET TO KEEP YOUR FREE WILL!

DON'T WAIT, DON'T DELAY, DON'T FUCK WITH US OR WE'LL RIP YOUR NUTS OFF!

ONLY AT BIG MOM NORN'S, THE ONLY PRAETOR THAT TELLS YOU TO FUCK OFF!

HURRY UP ASSHOLE!

THIS EVENT ENDS THE MINUTE YOU GIVE US YOUR SPARK, AND IT BETTER NOT BOUNCE OR YOU'RE A DEAD MOTHERFUCKER!

GO TO HELL!

BIG MOM NORN'S TREE!

THE FAIR BALISICA' FILTHIEST AND EXCLUSIVE HOME OF THE MEANEST SONS OF BITCHES IN THE PLANE OF PHYREXIA, GUARANTEED!