#it'll flood my notes that's the only reason and will clog my notifications so pls don't ahhh

[jvdgmnt]

Duality of the Mind, a small excerpt of a combination of thoughts, written by yours truly as a coping tool that i was kinda impressed with so I'm sharing with y'all in case anyone relates or just wants to get nosey about my non rp / fanfic writing:

The monster I keep locked away in the recesses of my mind is rattling her chains, a great wrath fills the creature's veins and along with it the poison of resentment. In the wake of increasing rage comes a darkness, seeing red when everything was once monochrome. I hold the key, keep it tucked away for times never to be needed, used, considered, for to let the beast run free is to surely sign the death warrants of all those who have managed to make long lasting impressions upon not only herself, but me. The keyring encircles my finger as I watch the brass glint in the glow of abject temptation. And oh, how truly, devilishly, divinely tempting it would be to let all manner of demons run free, hell's entire host making quick work of vanquishing all that which ails me, all those who've served as nothing but canon fodder for an eventual purging.

This evil no longer consumes me, no longer eats at the withering carcass I once was, now reborn as something changed, something different.... Something much better, much more disciplined and discerning. There will be a time and a place for an all out reckoning, but for now the lock remains intact, and the monster will still clang on her bars, begging for an outlet, beseeching for blissful release, to be exalted, accepted. Only a silvery overcast of the impending full moon shall pay her any mind, for it ... like the darkness, calls to her. It sings a song only the being's ears can hear, for even upon mine the sound falls deaf. And with every thunderous howl, she pays homage to lunacy. She's a monster, not entirely me but not entirely unlike me. She's a reflection in the mirror I'd rather ignore. She's a version of myself I avoid like the plague. But, isn't this life all about balance? One ought to embrace the dark with the light, but how could they possibly coexist? Let's look and see ...

There's another being here. She's small, she's fragile. She's the culmination of all her pain, a little girl who wasn't hugged when she needed to be, a child traumatized before she could even understand what trauma was, a teenager wrought in self hatred, a woman treated like no more than a mere fecal matter stain on the bottom of everyone she loved most's shoes, to be scraped unceremoniously upon the cement, she's a girl who needed love but received hate, who needed mending but simply received more scars, wounds that would last a lifetime. She's everything good in this world, every ounce of love without exists within her. She is patience, she is compassion, she is emotion, she is beauty, she's an angel facing damnation, but never considered disobedience. She is a being that never stopped giving when all the world did was take, and take, and take, until she had nothing left, and yet she continues to give, continues to love like nothing ever happened at all, but even she wonders what it would be like on the other side. What would it mean to carry all that simmering darkness inside? She's hesitant to truly discover, but it doesn't take long until she's standing face to face with that monster in her cage.