#it'll find the right people
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At some point in life you have to choose between being warm and being worm.
Some of you have already chosen. But others?
You're running out of time.
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crazy how I've been wanting to draw something for 3 days now but I never got to it cause every single fucking time I chose the bed instead of the desk
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★ JUDE.
personal + for authors. free or donation. preview + download.
jude is a simple carrd template made for fanfiction, povs, au's and whatever else your heart desires. navigation based. easy to use and edit, utilizes container and text styles. both desktop and mobile responsive. requires pro-lite or higher due to element count. please read my terms of use in my pinned post!
#carrd template#free carrd template#rp carrd#fanfic carrd#idk what to tag this maybe it'll find its way into the hands of the right people LMFAO#TEMPLATES.#CATEGORY: PERSONAL.
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kageyama tobio | haikyuu
reference photo: link to the japanese website
model: Ran Takahashi, photo shot by 矢島康弘 (Yasuhiro Yajima i think)
#my art#kageyama tobio#haikyuu#to continue my thoughts from the previous post#look. i used to ship kagehina HARD. i still find them cute. i still find a lot of other haikyuu ships cute#but when i see people *seriously* saying that “everyone in this anime is incredibly gay” i feel so damn confused#the main reason i love haikyuu is precisely because it doesn't have any ambiguous male-on-male fanservice like “free” cough cough#and i feel uncomfortable when i see a huge amount of people scream GAY at every nice interaction between men#but obviously everyone is free to interpret a work of art the way they want#it'll be a cold day in hell when i tell someone they have no right to interpret a work of art a certain way because it's “unethical”#this was just some food for thought#thanks for coming to my ted talk#traditional illustration#pencil illustration#hq
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(Idk if someone asked this already) since we’re on the topic of gender
sci what is gender to you and how do you see it in you and how you express it in your art?? (Just a young queer artist who wants some light shined upon them 🥺)
i 'unno ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
#gender is soup#sci speaks#i'm so sorry i know you might hope for something profound but... i think when i'm put on the spot like this i can't say anything really#i think whatever i am is definitely pervasive in everything i write#but like.. gender means something different to wade than it does for peter.#just like it'll be different for everybody. we make different associations based on our experiences and our trauma.#like.. wade associates femininity with love. because of his mother. associates masculinity with violence. because of his father.#peter associates masculinity with responsibility. because of uncle ben. associates femininity with confidence. because of aunt may.#i think there's all kinds of reasons why we choose to present the way we do. and what gender means to us.#just like we'll associate a colour with something. or a smell with a memory. it's complicated.#i don't think i'm some kind of expert on gender things but... i just find it interesting to explore. the psychology of it.#i don't think it's supernatural. it doesn't come from nowhere. but it should be a playground.#i don't think anyone in this world should be restricted to a certain role to play. i want to try all the roles and see how it fits.#see how well i can play them.#maybe because i haven't found one that quite fits. so i want the opportunity to try whatever i can. see what feels right.#i think it would be fun to be a wife. i think it would be fun to be a husband. i think it would be fun to be a firefighter. i think it wo#shrugs. different outfits for every day. different roles to play.#today i'd like to try...#i think it's like kids learning how to be adults by playing pretend. by playing roles.#i'm learning more about myself and other people and fitting into the world by trying on different roles.#kids playing house. you be the mom. i'll be the dad. yadda yadda.#i still feel like a bit of a kid who hasn't figured out how to be an adult yet. so i'm still trying out roles to see what fits.
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for@katheryna727
#If it weren't right from the start it'll end up wrong#Audrey Hall#James Herriot#Siegfried Farnon#Helen Alderson Herriot#Anne Chapman#Bert Chapman#ACGAS 2020#All creatures great and small#the people that belong together will always find a way to be together#even if it takes them a while to get there#siegfried x audrey#helen x james#acgas
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I heard this put so well, but hearing somebody say that conversion to judaism isn't just about the good - torah, being part of a peoplehood, the fulfilling parts - it's also about joining the tragic. You join the people who went through the shoah, pogroms, displacement, and all of this throughout history. It's a really scary thought, and I don't imagine it's any easier for jews post-conversion or born jews.
Learning to balance the sense of scale of jewish history with the joy of torah and peoplehood is something that's difficult. The joy must outweigh the horror though, I think. But knowing all of this has made me confident that I am making an informed decision, which makes me even more confident
#jumblr#jewish conversion#jew by choice#personal thoughts tag#antisemitism tw#shoah tw#i find myself frozen in fear when i think too hard about it... but then i read and learn about judaism and suddenly that melts away a bit#yes one must find joy in the people and the religion i think. but you have to be fully informed about this#the convert is in a very special condition that i think is unique and it's the choice to undergo all of this#it's learning about the good and the tragic and then deciding that you will still join the people#and seeing jews who are fulfilled and who are joyous has made me realize that... history will happen but that doesn't mean it's for nothing#i talk about this a lot but it's on my mind all the time#and i hope that as i go through learning with a(n irl) community that i will stop feeling as scared#because there is a sense of courage you find when you are with others and unfortunately i don't have that right now#my learning is very solitary right now in that i am doing it on my own#i am being taught by a VARIETY of people and i will always remember that kindness but it'll be different when there's actually others around
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Endeavor is almost a perfect allegory for what the society in the mha universe does to people who can't be heroes or use their quirks in a way to benefit society, which is cast them aside or pass them over without over giving them a second glance until uh-oh! Suddenly they're worth being noticed because they're a threat.
He apologizes to his family, which is good! If you're a bad person and did terrible things, the first step in your own transformation and atonement should be to acknowledge what you've done and to apologize to those you've wronged. Great!
Thing is, Endeavor set off a chain reaction with his abusive, neglectful and downright irresponsible choices that it damaged everyone in his family for life.
I don't think someone who causes one of their own children to literally go up in flames, crying because they're finally getting attention from their father and family in the very end, ever deserves to be forgiven.
#mha#my hero academia#endevour#mha dabi#mha endeavor#im sure im gonna get some flack for this because for some reason lots of people think that he should be redeemed but no???#im sorry guys i like villain redemption arcs as much as the next person and i understand being confused over#why so many people forgive other villains vs endeavor#but theres something about being in a place of power and influence and using that to harm and neglect your family and having EVERYONE#EVERYONE IN THE WHOLE WORLD PRETTY MUCH JUST LOOK AWAY AND SAY OH ITS NOT MY FAMILY THATS HIS BUISNESS#BETTER NOT GET INVOLVED IT'LL SORT ITSELF OUT#that just doesnt sit right with me whatsoever#ive liked plenty of villains who do horrible things but i can still see their good side because they have their henchman or their own family#or that one person who they care for and will protect because thats their heart#im saying that even though endeavor FEELS BAD he really just didnt have a heart or care for anyone but himself until hmm#oh! after he became the number one hero#and after he got a scar that humbled him#theres a reddit post where the op talks about how people soften him and are willing to forgive him but i think thats coming from people who#very very thankfully no shade did jot have to deal with anyone like that irl in any way#OR people who are less into stories and allegories again no shade and take characters at a more surface level#its just another read on the character which of course is obviously fine but please please understand why people will never forgive him#mha spoilers#its like especially hard to not hate him when you find out that dabi had his mothers power all along#meaning he WAS that perfect child that endeavor had been looking for but he cast him aside too soon to even let that power bloom early on#god i hate Endeavor so much#love the way hes written story and character wise like he IS really well written#but fuck him all the same lol
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Wait you guys......
Mike and Will are in love
No because like they're just...they're just a wholesome childhood friends to lovers slowburn I'm gonna rewatch like "aww you don't know yet".
Like....
Mike and Will are in love.
They fell in love from ages 12-16(?). That's so cute. What the hell. I just randomly starting thinking about it like it's just some show I just heard about or something and I'm like "aw cute trope". What a cute trope wtf. That's adorable. Two twelve year old boys in the 80s and they fall in love over the course of many years as they grapple with internalized homophobia and homophobia in their small town? That sounds like a GREAT show where can I watch it? That's adorable.
Mike and Will are in love. And...that's just the premise. That's just the premise of their plot. If you came up to me after you watched episode 1 for spoilers and you were like "What happens to Lucas? Dustin? Mike? That girl they found? The kid who went missing?" I could just be like "Dustin gains confidence and becomes besties with Mike's sister's boyfriend after they break up, Lucas meets this girl who's introduced next season and they're really good for each other, the girl gets adopted by the police chief and then into the Byers and has a great found family and independence arc, and the boy who went missing survives and he and Mike fall in love!"
And that'd just be like...right. I'd just be telling you what happens.
#byler#byler endgame#stranger things#i'm processing in the simplest way of like#the knowledge that#not in a bad way but#once it's canon it won't be as big a deal#nothing to prove i'll just be like 'omg that's my favorite show bc it was such a wholesome romance. they fell in love from 12-16?? cmon ado#able!' and not need to elaborate#sometimes i think about it not even as an immediate reaction canon but like#when there isn't memory of it being this huge pop culture moment and you just pass by it on netflix#or when you've heard about it because it was on your youtube homepage one day#and you were like aw that sounds like a really sweet premise#i feel like i'm observing myself right now#like it's so surreal i'm just like#that'd just be true#that'll just be true#i am genuinely post-season 5 gonna find as many people as i can who haven't seen it and make them watch it#and keep me posted on their reactions#it'll be my main source of entertainment#motivation to make new friends also#i work a gig job so i'll keep getting great turnover too
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Tinker Tailor Soldier Spy + Kingsman Haydeaux + Merlahad
Too Much Love Will Kill You (Queen)
inspired by this lovely GIF-set
#kingsman#harry x merlin#merlahad#tinker tailor soldier spy#haydeaux#the inseparables#mark strong#colin firth#ollie's log#second attempt at posting this#maybe this time it'll find some people who'll like it#unlike last time when I was still shadowbanned#ttss being on tv right now is a good occasion
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odd thing to bring up after i talked about how i'm finally trying to write for myself and not other people, but because i start and don't finish so many projects...i'm honestly not even sure where to go? i'm feeling a bit stumped atm, so if anyone has something in particular that they're interested in seeing from me, please lmk.
obviously i'm trying to only travel down paths that i want to, but as i look at my pinterest boards and all the projects i've started, all the styles and respective universes i'm cobbling together, i'm finding i am very interested in exploring all of them, so my stomach hurts, my head feels funny and my heart is a little confused. i'm feeling lost and as you are all my sunshines my only sunshines, the very same way i appreciate the warmth you provide me, i'd also love a guiding light.
thank you for all your support.
it is extremely precious to me.
-uncle nina
#nina speaks#it's an odd thing to go from wanting to do nothing#to wanting to do everything#but bc i have so many asks many of which date months ago#i am honestly not sure what at present to explore#again i am trying only to do what feels right so i may cherry pick and choose what to invest my creative energies in#depending on what inspiration sparks#but if you find my stuff on your mind at any point#if you could possibly please let me know what you would like to see i'm extremely curious as to what thrills you#you also might not be presently interested in anything regarding me and my work it's been a long time#i wish i had tried to covert and hone this kind of discipline and structure when people were super excited about stuff#either way it's all good i'm not looking for reassurance just if anything is burning the back of ur mind it'll help me#like i really actually am interested in all of my stuff haha i just started so much complex stuff i should really start#sticking to one thing and try not to dizzy myself#does that...make sense? i feel a little crazy
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Tag drop: Dorian Pavus
#dorian pavus. [ he says we're alike. too much pride. once i would have been overjoyed to hear him say that. now I'm not certain. ]#dorian pavus: ic. [ you find joy in it not shame. it shows. / why be ashamed? power should be respected. not swept under the carpet. ]#dorian pavus: inquiries. [ stop talking like you're waiting for applause. / what? there's no applause? ]#dorian pavus: countenance. [ i'm here to set things right. also? to look dashing. that part's less difficult. ]#dorian pavus: introspection. [ selfish i suppose. not to want to spend my entire life screaming on the inside. ]#dorian pavus: meta. [ you inspired me with your marvelous antics. you’re shaping the world. how could i aspire to do any less? ]#dorian pavus: little notes. [ living a lie. it festers inside you like poison. you have to fight for what’s in your heart. ]#dorian pavus: etc. [ you can't call me pampered. nobody's peeled a grape for me in weeks. ]#dorian pavus: magic. [ don't your spells whisper things to you? what is and could be? music in the mind of strange faraway places? ]#dorian pavus: inquisition. [ we're going to get lost and starve to death. aren't we? a glorious end for the inquisition. ]#dorian pavus: tevinter. [ despite appearances. we care deeply. about everything. we have no reserve. not in war and not in love. ]#dorian pavus: felix. [ even in illness he was the best of us. with him around you knew things could be better. ]#dorian pavus: gereon. [ we used to talk about how we could make real change in the imperium. then he gave up. he stopped trying. ]#dorian pavus: halward. [ i only wanted what was best for you. / no. you wanted the best for you. your fucking legacy. ]#dorian pavus: aquinea. [ her blame was cold and smothering. never spoken but always present. he couldn't face that. not yet. ]#dorian pavus: inquisitor. [ you have too many people asking you for everything under the sun. i won't be one of them. ]#dorian pavus: solas. [ you startled me. you're always so... nondescript. / please speak up. i cannot hear you over your outfit. ]#dorian pavus: varric. [ what do you think sparkler? ten royals says the next thing we run into farts fire. / taken i win either way. ]#dorian pavus: cullen. [ gloat all you like. i have this one. / are you sassing me commander? i didn't know you had it in you. ]#dorian pavus: cassandra. [ blue scarf? why would i be wearing such a thing? / It's a painting. work with me. it'll be fantastic. ]#dorian pavus: cole. [ you say you're handsome all the time. am i? i can't tell. / you're all right. might want to rethink the hats. ]#dorian pavus: vivienne. [ i received a letter the other day dorian. / truly? it's nice to know you have friends. ]#dorian pavus: blackwall. [ point is. you should let yourself off the hook. i know bad men and you're not one. ]#dorian pavus: sera. [ you magic me: i'll put three arrows in your eye. / now we can live together in peace and harmony. ]#dorian pavus: bull. [ no qunari would accept a tevinter mage unless it was a ruse. when should i expect a knife in the back? ]#dorian pavus: corypheus. [ one of yours? / one of mine? like a pet? a giant darkspawn hamster with aspirations of godhood? ]
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hm
I wonder if I'm getting a bit sick of star wars
like there are the things that make me happy about it, especially obi-wan and the prequels and tcw but also like
I'm frustrated about what they did with ahsoka, and then I'm also just not finding fic that I can vibe with and the fandom just feels so…empty?
which is wild because it's definitely got bigger since I joined, but idk, it just feels like in the obi-wan fandom circles, it just feels like it's shrinking. and I think part of it is everyone being really busy with irl things (myself included) and then whatever is left in the sw fandom in general is just stuff i don't vibe with
but then I keep seeing it over and over and over again so now it's just irritating to me
like. yeah there are ships/tropes that I don't vibe with at all and I usually try to steer clear of them when looking for fic to read, but these days it feels like that's all I can find. so now I'm frustrated and tired and not really getting the fic fix that I want
and normally my solution to this is to just write what I want to read, but I don't have the mental space to do it, so I'm just. stuck.
a part of me feels bad to complain about this, but idk I'm gonna put it out there anyways. it's just like the fandom feels completely different than it did when I first joined, or even like 2-3 years ago, and I'm not sure if I'm happy about it.
#i think a lot of this also has to do with being firmly in the post kenobi show era and trying to figure out how to move on from that#like i don't feel much excitement for any upcoming sw content now#that might change depending on what they announce yet but. idk the ahsoka series really put me off#like idk if i'll continue watching mandoverse stuff. kinda feel like i'm done with that stuff#i'll definitely watch andor s2 and i'll definitely play the third jedi game#and then when it comes to fic i think it'll help once i have the brainspace to write#but i feel like i'm right about finding fic to read#which to be clear is no one's fault exactly#people are gonna write what they wanna write and they SHOULD#but as a reader i'm also gonna read what i feel would appeal to me most#and right now it's very difficult to find anything that does#even when it doesn't feel like i have a lot of things that i'm looking for maybe i am? without realizing it at least#idk#anyways#i have a weird relationship with sw. moral of the story#pandora's ramblings
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as I'm going back over my past history and items and journals and years, I come across all sorts of things, like the pencil I saved from that so-precious memory from second grade, and a pair of flip flops I've been missing for two years, and [checks notes] the modern-high-school-AU-kidnapped-by-a-serial-killer story I wrote in late high school jdfsjdfsjkjlksfd
#i can't wait to find out what red flags I didn't see in my own self back when I last read this thing in 2015 hfdhfdhjsfd#also. there's gonna be like a good sentence here and there and then CRINGE. the whole rest of everything is just me still trying to copy th#breathing pace (essentially) and ways-of-describing-things of mainstream authors like I thought I was supposed to#so this'll be somewhat painful but also god what a joy and a gift and an honor and a delight to get to hold this close to my heart#and witness it with understanding and empathy and slow reflection and care like my past younger self deserves#i'm so lucky i'm alive to be here and do this#i'm so grateful i'm headed towards welcoming back and embracing the last little girl i was that still felt a lot of things#so excited for her focus and precision and tenacity and constant curious joy and movement to be back someday#i'm afraid people won't like the me i was before rule after rule and then dangers#but my god it'll feel so good to be the fully-flowing energy machine and dance and conduit again how will I have enough bother to care?#people who are good to each others' nervous systems cumulatively feel better and better#if i'm not good for you and yours then you really truly SHOULD go elsewhere and find someone who makes YOUR self feel right and light + war#anyway now that i wrote an essay in the tags as usual [nervous laughter]#personal#add to journal#words n rhythm#WHY DID I FEEL CAPABLE OF UNDERTAKING A STORY LIKE THIS#cradling my past self gently but also BANGING my HEAD against the WALL lmao#i'm proud of myself for writing and sharing this and its creative ideas. even if i don't like it now or feel ashamed or see mistakes.#anything. it mattered that it came to me and it mattered that i explored it and it mattered that i poured myself through it to help shape i#and it mattered that I left it on the internet so that now it still exists. i'm going to honor this story no matter what current me would#objectively think about it if it was written by anyone else.#this is a gift i give myself now.#this is a lot of what I learn and learn to do#trauma evolution#mosswrites
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and why?
reblog after voting!!
#like i don't understand do people really see a person they like/sort of like and immediately want to jump into a relationship? do you not#consider or rethink that decision do you wait till the other person confesses or do you confess first like there is so much to it#i wouldn't mind a situationship at all if i knew i wasn't in the right headspace to date then or vise versa for the other person ofc people#are allowed to move on and find someone to settle for but what's the hurry#or maybe i have never truly liked someone to the madness of imagining wedding and whole lifetime together#i am always aware whenever i start a situationship/relationship with someone that it'll end some day that there will come a time when#we'll have to leave & move on with life because well. we're still only 20 smth and life is unpredictable so#anyways would appreciate actual input from other people#v.polls
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when it comes down to it, however much i think about eiffel's memory, whatever my reasoning might be, i think there's a much simpler core explanation for why i feel the way i do. i've said before that, if eiffel did regain his memory, i would want it to happen through 'an eiffel version of change of mind' i.e. a personal inner journey where the narrative he tells himself amounts to some greater reminder, self-confrontation, and self-realization. and that's just it:
eiffel regaining his memory wouldn't be a cop out to me for the same reason that lovelace not actually dying isn't a cop out: it's not just a story beat, it's a catalyst for character development & a better understanding of lovelace as a person. eiffel has spent his whole life trying not to be the person he is, and i just don't feel wolf 359 is the type of story to let him off the hook for that, when the ending is as much about accountability (to ourselves and to others and all the ways those responsibilities overlap) as it is about hope. i think there are ways you could argue that eiffel can still be eiffel without regaining his memory, but i think i've convinced myself that the symbolic resurrection / self-confrontation and acceptance of all the people he's been in the past, in order to move forward, is the more compelling option, especially for what it parallels, and the "eiffel is still eiffel" part is non-negotiable. it doesn't even feel like a question to me.
(and it makes the most sense to me in the context of eiffel's survivor's guilt - "of course i was fine. the driver's always fine." - and tendency towards a type of self-sacrifice and self-punishment that the show ultimately denies him / that doesn't address his real problem. he thinks sacrificing himself for the people he cares about will make up for something, but it won't. having him make that sacrifice and then keep living and keep being doug eiffel, with everything that means, feels like the natural extension of constructive criticism.)
in another story, or in a more theoretical context, there are all kinds of questions you could ask about whether eiffel's memory loss means he's a different person now, but in this case... i think it's better understood in narrative terms and what it represents for him as a character than any broader philosophical conclusion about the nature of the self and human consciousness. (and it is in no way as absolute as people sometimes behave like it is, considering he still has a concept of, like... everything. but that's a whole other topic of discussion.) most importantly, i just don't believe wolf 359 is a story about ideas as much as it is a story about people, these people, and in order to (hypothetically) continue to tell a story about doug eiffel, well. he has to still be doug eiffel. one way or another.
#wolf 359#w359#doug eiffel#this was supposed to be a short post just to get some thoughts out#i don't know if it'll even make sense to other people like it makes sense to me.#obviously i have plenty of other thoughts about this. which belong in more structured posts#but i will say i still believe the question 'am i still doug eiffel?' is answered by its context -#that he's already asked 'am i still that same person?' - a different question. the answer to which would be 'no' even before#and that 'am i still doug eiffel?' is the set up for 'wanna find out together?'#that's the actual question being asked. it's the answer to the previous question and what the show leaves you with#when asked about the show the writers talk a lot about their fondness for 'earned happy endings' in those words#so i can only see the finale and any post-canon hypothetical through that lens#it's not a tragedy so any option that would make it feel like one just doesn't resonate#and i will say it feels important to me that he regains his memory but equally important that it doesn't happen right away#like i'm sure of this from a narrative perspective but from an in-universe one it has to be something he grapples with#the fact that eiffel almost certainly doesn't want to still be eiffel is the exact reason why he has to be.#it's the same 'earned happy endings' principle in my mind
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