#it'll break my heart

[thehusbandoden]

Just caught up with your poetry @vawilcox. You are an amazing poet my dearest friend, as your number one support in every and anything...

I'm gonna bite your toes off if you ever stop writing. You've been warned.

[casavanse]

NO

What if in S3 we get to see Crowley sitting in the rain because Aziraphale isn’t there to shelter him anymore?

[eastbluecrewed]

outfit swaps bc i think about straw hat laundry day all the time

[crownspeaksblog]

As much as i hate it because i just want vi to be cared for, picked up and have her tears wiped just like she constantly does for other people. It is important for her to be on her own to find her self. Losing her family, being stuck in prison for so many years, it stunted her growth, and when she got out, her sister was also essentially gone, she needs to find herself on her own without needing to feel like she has to be there for others.

Vi joined the enforcers because of caitlyn, because of her care for caitlyn, because the enforcers were going after jinx, because she feels reasonable over jinx, but most importantly because she has no where else to go. Two seconds after her and caitlyn had an argument, she left and spent the night drinking with a strange man, on the street, she literally has nothing. She has to make a choice to join the enforcers, not because of caitlyn or jinx and not because she has no where else to go.

[yashley]

I take such good care of them. They’re the only things I have of my parents.

[pushing500]

So i was looking into the canon romworld lore and, learning that spaceships cant do any warp speed travel bc they never developed it immediately had me thinking of mechi and his sister :(. Like, i'm just imagining the angst of mechi going home with kwahu, thinking its only been like 10 years and its actually been 100 or something bc cryosleep.... could definately be a reason why the two would go for the ideology or anomoly ending

Yeah, it would make for a very heartbreaking story if Yamka wasn't every bit as stubborn and reckless as her brother. She followed him all the way to the Rim and dragged their parents along as well. They're on the planet somewhere, but as Mechi and Kwahu aren't particularly inclined to build hotels for interaction with other factions, it may take us a long time to encounter them (if we ever do).

I'm sure Mechi imagines that their reunion will begin with a long-awaited hug, but Yamka is absolutely going to punch him first. She was not happy that he decided to go galavanting about the galaxy without her, and she'll probably be torn between yelling and crying when (if) they do meet again. Mechi will be suitably chastened, I'm sure. Maybe Kwahu, too, even though he technically never did anything wrong.

[buckingham-ashtray]

The Invisible Clubber........................ SMILING. CAN'T STOP SMILING. LIFE SO HAPPY. LOVE. LOVE LIFE. BEAT GETTING FASTER. CAN'T STOP SMILING. NOW JUST HARMONY. NO BEAT. MELODY. STOP MOVING. SMILE TO THE SKY. ALL STANDING STILL. BEAUTIFUL. NEVER BEEN SUCH HARMONY IN ALL HISTORY. WANT TO KISS EVERYONE. THEY WANT TO KISS ME. BREATHE IN. BREATHE OUT.................

Sebastian's Story.......... Sometimes I wonder what it'll be like to die. I'll find myself drifting off, staring at something, anything and I'll stop blinking. I feel my whole body slowing down... My heartbeat... And I wonder how long it'll be broken

*Sorry that I couldn't find the source where I got this from and have no idea when this was released. If anyone has the link I will be very glad to insert it!

[monabee-draws]

Thinking about Caitlyn again and I think the tension in the fandom really boils down to issues with 'moral trajectory' rather than some fixed level of 'goodness' each character has.

Caitlyn is a character who starts off positively - a go-getter, disillusioned cop willing to see past corruption who slowly learns about the reality of the people her peers oppress, trying desperately to gain peace and remove Silco from play for the sake of the Undercity people too. But then we watch her fall so fast and so hard its horrifying and jarring. The dehumanising language, the perversion of her family legacy, forgetting her issues with the fascist regime she's a component of as a cop and instead reinforcing and empowering that regime. It's the downward arc that makes her so difficult to chew on. We had hopes, we want better for and from her. And right now that isn't where we are. Those who defend her mostly do so by saying 'she will see the error of her ways and improve' (which I do think she will but we'll see to what extent.) Those who don't think she's sunk too far.

This is contrasted by Jinx - already pretty low to start with, falling further throughout season 1 and now poised to climb through her relationships with Sevika and Isha. Even if her 'fixed' morality is lower than Caitlyn's, as viewers we perceive her on an upwards trajectory. The hope lives.

Another character she's compared to is Ambessa. But let's be real, no one is expecting Ambessa to be 'good' so she's acting exactly within her prior characterisation with her manipulations. No one is analysing her or repudiating her because what can be said already has, and her arc is mostly flat. We knew she cared for her family before and was willing to do whatever it takes and hurt whoever is needed to save them. No change. Nothing to feel emotions about.

Vi is more tricky because I am personally disappointed in her for her lack of pushback regarding the Grey but her arc is evened out by her protection of Isha at the end of Act 1. So despite the wobbles, she still seems like the same Vi we've always known. Hence, less investment in analysing her.

Whether or not the trajectory of Caitlyn's arc changes and how remains to be seen. But right now? It's such an intense downward leap that its unsurprising so many people - including her former fans - are turned off by her behaviour. Once we've seen more and the slope of the change evens out I think the emotions towards her will feel less dire.

[natjennie]

I simply must inform you that seeing you post about it has inspired me and I am now seven-ish episodes into watching NRB playing Blood on the Clocktower. this is a delight.

YES YES YES YES YES YES YES MY POWER GROWS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[letterstosirsonic]

My dearest Sonic,

Oh, how I wish to speak with you, just one more time.

Though I acknowledge that these letters may never grace your sight again, I trust you would find comfort in this solace that grows within me as I pen the emotions weighing upon my heart.

This realm of ink and paper lets me safely release these feelings, allowing them to flutter and soar like wondrous butterflies.

It grants me that of closure, knowing that these words serve as a testament to the love and memories we once shared, tenderly preserved within these pages.

I am forever changed by the mark you left on my soul.

In this continued act of writing, I find myself ever more connected to the essence of your being, as though you were gently guiding my pen with the touch of a noble hand.

I cherish the memories we created, holding them close as if they threaten to slip away with the passage of time.

Slowly, I'm learning to draw strength from these memories we shared.

Despite the void you left seeming insurmountable, it is an endearing reminder that life can be as cruel as it is beautiful.

This loss is a shadow that clings to my every step, a constant reminder of the emptiness that haunts our once vibrant world, an ache that refuses to fade with time.

Still, even in the depths of my loss, your essence remains an ethereal beacon, guiding my path as I journey through this world without you.

Oh, Sonic, how I long for the sound of your laughter, the warmth of your embrace, and the unwavering courage that defined you.

In your absence, I find myself adrift in a restless sea of grief.

On these long nights, I whisper your name, praying that somehow, you can hear me across the realms that separate us.

I cling to the belief that love transcends time and space, and one day, our souls shall reunite in the embrace of eternity.

But for now, I'll allow the weight of losing you to envelop me for a while longer.

Forever missing you,

Lancelot.

[domi091]

Y'all ready for today's update of ( an unstoppable force between static starts ) from @skimmingmilk

I'm mentally unwell and I can't wait I'm literally feeling the adrenaline rush thru me from excitement y'all bbbvgvhknnnkjhhvgg I can't wait

If you're not reading this WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH YOUR LIFE go shed some tears fam

(Skimmingmilk please take your time tho)

[amethystina]

Hiiii🩷🩷 I have a question... does Yohan think that Gaon loves Soo Hyun in a romantic way😳? If so, oh boy thats a huge misunderstanding to clear. Also, thank you for the amazing update!!! I'm sure as hell sticking around on this journey to see these two work out their feelings!!

Hi there! 💜

Yes, he does. Because Yo Han's got no reason to believe otherwise, based on how Ga On is behaving. He can tell that Ga On is attracted to him, sure, but that's physical. And sexual and romantic attraction are two entirely different things. One doesn't guarantee the other and just because you feel one — or even both — you don't actually have to act on it.

I'm more or less writing Yo Han like a bisexual demiromantic, i.e. he's good at recognising sexual tension/attraction but he's not very experienced with love. He's never really been in love before because he's never allowed himself to get close enough to someone to actually fall in love. And when you combine this with his upbringing and lack of social interaction with other people? Love is probably pretty tricky for him.

Not in a "he doesn't feel it" way because he does — and he knows that he does — but he's not the best at reading it in other people. Not at all helped by how he just doesn't get the whole "love at first sight" thing (because, again, demiromantic), which has made him wonder if, just maybe, his concept of love is different from everyone else's. He knows what love means to him and he's seen other people be in love (like Isaac and his wife) but applying that to his and Ga On's relationship is very difficult for him, especially with Soo Hyun complicating things.

Like, if Yo Han tries to compare how Ga On behaved around/treated Soo Hyun (who he assumes Ga On was in love with) to how Ga On behaves around/treats Yo Han, he can see a lot of differences. And it's a problem when his method for figuring this whole situation out is: "That is how Kim Ga On behaves when he's in love and, if he doesn't, he's probably not in love with me." Because that misses the part where people don't always behave the exact same way when they're in love (because it can be influenced by who they're interested in) and, if anything, it should be the other way around.

At this point, it's probably better to look at how Ga On behaves around you, Yo Han, not Soo Hyun, if you want to figure out what he's like when he's in love x'D

... but he doesn't know that, of course.

So, in short: Yo Han knows that Ga On cares about him and he knows that Ga On is sexually attracted to him, but he has no way of knowing if Ga On is in love with him. Yo Han has too little experience with it to be able to gauge that.

But, at this point? He thinks that Ga On is just too in love with Soo Hyun to ever love him (which is what this post was about)

And, in a very heartbreaking way, he's kind of grateful that Ga On made it clear he's not going to act on what's between them because Yo Han assumes it's only sexual attraction and some confused fondness on Ga On's end anyway. And Yo Han would just... rather not if that's all Ga On can give him. Because, for once, he doesn't just want sex — he wants love, too.

... this man is, once again, a goddamn onion.

(and will make you cry just as much as one)

And, for my own sake, I'm going to have to make a detour and write Yo Han's POV of what happens after he's gone into his bedroom because I SWEAR THE FUCKING BASTARD WON'T LEAVE ME ALONE. There is SO MUCH GOING ON in his head and snippets keep inconveniently popping up at irregular intervals, distracting me. And as soon as I push one aside, the next one pops up.

It's like a never-ending game of angsty Whac-A-Mole.

Someone save me.

ANYWAY. I'm glad you liked the update! And thank you so much for wanting to stick around 💜 I was genuinely worried about how you all would react to this chapter. Like, who's insane enough to throw in a rejection 400k into a story? People have probably gotten chased down with pitchforks for less.

So thank you for the trust, support, and dedication — it means a lot to me 💜

[klysanderelias]

(part one here!)

Today's installment will be all about my absolute babygirl of the Beam Saber game, Briar Finlay. She's the character I've spent the most time thinking about, the one with the most characterization and planning, and the one that probably no one will actually interact with 😭

First we have a piece from @anaizzzen-ut, a stellar artist who did amazing work with this one.

Briar is the leader of the shipboard security forces, and the whole idea of her character is how much that job sucks when you have teams of mech pilots. She's a footsoldier with an EVA suit and a non-penetrative gun in space, where she's the last line of defense for the ship and also the line of defense most likely to die messy, painfully, and slowly. In a couple of these commissions, she's wearing a rebreather mask - in a boarding action long before the campaign starts, a fire started and her suit was breached by the fighting. Due to smoke inhalation, but more importantly the toxic chemicals released by sensitive electrical components and complicated sci-fi materials burning, she suffered extensive damage to her lungs. Luckily there's a certain amount of sufficiently-advanced-equals-magic medical technology, so she survived, but she still needs supplemental oxygen regularly and fights with a full life-support system in her armor to keep her from suffocating, having seizures, etc. I love the smoking aesthetic but in absolute reverse using medical oxygen.

Another gorgeous piece by @nanariemi - the colors in this one are just spectacular.

Briar is such a fun character to rotate in my head because there's so much strong characterization that comes so naturally out of her concept as a combat character who is completely helpless 90% of the time. She can't do anything to protect the ship from other ships, and there's basically nothing she can do about enemy mechs. And of course, there's the issue of survivability - a mech pilot can have their mech melt down around them or explode in a fiery cascade but still eject and make it back home without a single injury. I'm so compelled by having a ttrpg campaign where all the players are mech pilots, and they're having to deal with this angry, rude asshole who has an extremely valid point - they don't have the same skin in the game she does, but they're the vaunted heroes and she's in the trenches. And I think a lot of good mech fiction makes that distinction - making comparisons between the gods of the battlefield and the little people underfoot, but also challenging those roles. Mech pilots literally CAN'T do the job she does. All that armor and missile pods and whatnot aren't going to keep all the people on the bridge from being shot by a normal-sized guy with a gun.

And here's another piece by @dhurain, of Briar in a quiet moment,

I think ideally I'd like to have an arc for Briar where she grows to respect and care for the PCs, while they open up to her and show her respect as well. I think it would be such a good roleplaying experience and a great narrative to have the characters have to rely on each other and see each others' strengths when the first interaction would be something like her disdainfully calling them 'toy soldiers' or something in passing in the hallway. And I think Beam Saber has enough interplay between the in-robot and out-of-robot gameplay that you could have scenes where the pilots are out of their mechs and having to fight alongside her, or where she's providing some sort of ground support for one of their missions and suddenly the lethality of mech combat to everyone not in a mech comes to the forefront.

There's another commission of her I have in the works right now that I won't post the WIP for but trust me, I'll be blasting that thing around once it's done because it looks great so far.

Anyway I'm love her your honor, she's my babygirl and I'm trying to spread out the commissions so it's not just ten of her and one of everyone else. And I'm doing okay! I only have... four... so far...

Finally, another cute thank you sketch from @dhurain!

[ray935sworld]

The last time Valentino Rossi had raced in Sepang, was in 2019. He didn't know it'd be the last time. In 2020 and 2021 it wasn't on the calender due to COVID. He had the fastest lap and missed out on a podium with taking 4th place.

Too much explanation in the tags, sorry

[horrornvnfan]

To Need Another Person

I wrote yet another Restart Heart Fanfic! This is a sequel to The First Night, and takes place on the morning of Day 2 of the game. This is starring my MC, Maria Dust, and Ezra and Steph.

This fic is a re-write two scenes from the game put together, so canon lines/events/actions are used here or have been edited to fit the characterization of Maria Dust, but credit must go to the original. Please check out Restart Heart and support the dev here @restartheartvn, the game and the story are really amazing!

If you're interested in Maria in the context of this game, click here.

————————————————————————

You woke up to Ezra's limbs intertwined with yours. And the sound of vibration.

Reluctantly, you open your eyes. Your body felt so sore you thought you were going to crumble into pieces. You feel like that was an injustice, considering all the nonsense you were already going to have to go through from here on out, with cancelling an entire wedding and dealing with your family.

At least you got to experience some kindness yesterday. Ezra, Sammy, and Blaire's trip to the cafe and beach was more pleasant than you expected, considering your emotional state and your status of just being their acquaintance at the time. And then last night, with Ezra… he was so understanding. He even made you laugh.

You were grateful for it. But now that you were awake, there was no slipping back into a comfortable sleep with Ezra by your side.

You tried to move only to get a groan of displeasure from Ezra. He did not want you to leave and in the moment he reminded you of a cat. He grumbled, "Your phone has been going off for the past like, 10 minutes."

You blushed hard as you heard his voice in your ear, deep and mildly annoyed. His voice was normally pretty deep, but this was just insane. And you don't know why you didn't expect it to sound so close. You were cuddling.

Maybe you should stop cuddling. Act cool, for a change.

"How much has it been going off?" You ask as you carefully attempt to wriggle away.

Before he could respond, your phone started buzzing again. You let out a soft groan and reached over to grab the vibrating device. It was a text from Steph. Unusual. You opened the notification to see what the fuss was about.

Steph: [I'm outside, open the door in 10 seconds or I'm breaking it down.]

"Oh, it's just Steph," You yawned. "They're outside."

The gears in your head, previously turning painfully slow in your tiredness, sped up tenfold. Both you and Ezra jolt up and look at each other awkwardly. You couldn't help but stare at Ezra for a moment before quickly jumping out of bed, only for your legs to falter momentarily. What happened to your plan to act cool?

Before you could fall like a tragic baby deer, Ezra's arms shot out and caught you. An oddly tender moment passed as they looked at you a warm blush dusting their cheeks. However, the banging on your front door took precedence.

Embarrassed, you flung yourself from Ezra's hold, and shouted, "STEPH! Stop it! Give me a minute!"

You fumbled out of the bedroom, Ezra trailing behind, and as you swung the door open, still in pajamas and your hair a mess, you came face to face with Steph, who stared at you in disapproval.

"Why the fuck didn't you answer your phone??" They demanded, more cross than you expected.

"I just woke up!"

"And who is that?" Steph glared past you, somehow offended by Ezra's presence in your apartment.

Before you could turn around to introduce them, you felt Ezra gently place his hand on your shoulder. "I'm Ezra, I kept sugarsnap company last night."

You were about to turn to Ezra to nod in confirmation and continue the introductions, but Steph's reaction right in front of you kept you from looking back. They were shifting uncomfortably. And it was strange. Steph was practically never intimidated or made uncomfortable by someone else.

Feeling awkward, you gently nudged Ezra out of the way and stepped aside. "Come inside! I'm sorry for not waking up earlier, y'know how it is."

Steph nodded absentmindedly as they stepped into your apartment. For a moment you just stared at them, the fogginess of sleep and the sudden adrenaline of running out of bed starting to wear off. Steph was here. In your apartment. After what felt like ages of ignoring you or being too busy to even text. Your heart felt tight. And with Ezra here as well, already having comforted you last night over completely different emotional issues, you felt painfully awkward.

Steph wasn't looking at you when they said, "Yeah… did you mean to leave your window open?"

"Huh?" You followed Steph's gaze to your open living room window. "Oh! No, my roommate, Chris, usually leaves our windows open. No idea why, never got the chance to ask." You quickly moved to the window to slide it closed. "I wish he wouldn't, though. I know most bugs are dead or gone this time of year, but I really don't need to risk an infestation right now."

Steph turned back to you and smiled nervously. "Well, how are you feeling? You didn't text me much so I thought you might have… had a bad reaction to what happened."

You didn't like how they said that. You did text them yesterday. You called them multiple times the night of the party, when you were drunk and crying and Chris had to get you home. And now Steph was being vague?

Ezra spoke then. "No need to beat around the bush, I know what he did."

Oh. Right, Ezra being here was why Steph wasn't being direct. There wasn't another reason, like Steph not caring. You needed to stay calm. Steph was here.

And you could see Steph's growing discomfort. "Can I talk to you alone, Maria?"

"Yes," You said too quickly. Sheepish, you smiled at Ezra. "Ezra, Steph and I will be in my room for a bit. You can make yourself comfortable, or eat anything in the fridge."

Steph grabbed your hand and hurried you into your room as Ezra watched.

You felt tumultuous. Steph was here, and that was so important to you. You'd missed Steph so much for so long, and finally, they were here. You needed them. You had no idea how to say it. How to not burden them or make them want to distance themselves from you again. But this was a good first step, you could ask Steph to grab dinner with you, or watch a movie, just a time where you could talk, and--

Steph was scowling at you. You froze, surprised. You'd gotten into your head a bit for a second there, but why were they upset? Steph stared at you incredulously. "Are you serious, Maria?"

"I-- What? What do you mean?"

"While I get what happened really fucking sucked, what the hell was that?" They were pissed at you. "A fucking stranger? Really?"

Shit. You completely forgot about how this would look to Steph, having Ezra spend the night. Your body felt cold, and you gripped your arm tightly. "Ezra isn't a stranger. We're friends now. And we didn't have sex. They just sleptover."

You glare at the ground for a bit, resentment bubbling in your gut. Why did Steph accuse you of that? It's not like you, and they know it. And it wouldn't be fair of them to be angry if you did sleep with Ezra anyways. Your sex life was not their business. "What does it matter?" You continue. "It's not like you were here. You decided that work was more important than my wedding shower."

"Are you KIDDING me?!" Steph scoffed at you, causing your gaze to meet theirs. It was a bit of a low blow, and you knew it. Steph's schedule had always been a point of contention with them, but you were mad. And you were hurt.

They said, "You know I would've rather been there than at work, but I can't exactly quit my job for a fucking party, Maria!"

"It's not just a fucking party," You said through a clenched jaw. "It was one of the most important events in my life and you couldn't take off a single day."

"Well, I'm here now, aren't I?" Steph countered flippantly.

Your face was getting hot, and your impulse control was dropping. So you asked them something you'd wanted to know for months. "Steph, why did you never RSVP to my wedding?"

A deafening silence fell over the room. They were still displeased with you, but there was a new emotion there now. They hesitating. "Do you really want to know?"

"Yes."

Steph's unwavering gaze made you squirm a bit. "Alright. I didn't RSVP because… I didn't want you to marry Kenneth."

Your mind went blank, astonishment temporarily replacing your anger and pain.

They went on. "In fact, I hate Kenneth. Even before all of this shit came to light."

"What?" Your mind was racing. They hate Kenneth? Since when? College? High school? Not younger, couldn't be before then, not for all this time. How could they be saying such earth-shaterring things so blandly, like it was something casual?

They said, "I know that if I came to your wedding, I would not be able to stop myself. So I decided, for your sake and your happiness, to not go."

You rasped a question. "Why didn't you say anything?"

"I did."

"No." You said so harshly that Steph took a step back. "No, you really fucking didn't, Steph. You were always supportive. I can't think of a single time that you didn't support this marriage. You even helped him pay for an engagement ring!"

"Yeah, because he couldn't even remember your favorite fucking color, Maria!" Steph snapped defensively. "He didn't know what kind of jewelry you liked, and just assumed the gaudiest, most expensive thing would work! He thought you wanted all this extravagant, outlandish, and down right stupid stuff for the proposal."

Steph went on, unloading their feelings as if they'd been holding in a secret and were relieved to breathe again. "I helped him so much because I didn't want you to be sad. I didn't want him to fucking fail. Yet even with all that fucking help I gave him he still went and got your little sister pregnant."

Your heart was hammering. You couldn't hear much else besides the blood roaring in your ears. Steph showed up two days late after your life was ruined. Steph had scolded you for finding company in someone else when you were vulnerable. Steph had been avoiding you for months. Steph never even thought you should marry Kenneth to begin with. And now Steph was talking like that fact was their burden all this time.

Your voice came out strangely calm, teetering on the edge of fury, when you asked, "You know I was with someone who couldn't even remember my favorite color, and you just let me stay with them?"

It was like something clicked in Steph's head, and they faltered. "I just… I--"

The steadiness of your voice wavered only slightly, still holding back to bulk of your anger. "No, you knew how little he cared and you just let things stay that way? You let me stay with him?"

"Maria, I--"

Unable to hold back any longer, you shouted, "You didn't think to say, 'hey Maria! In case you were doubting the biggest decision of your life, here's proof that you're not crazy! You really ARE going to be miserable if you marry him because Kenneth doesn't give two shits about you!'"

Steph's eyes were wide, and they almost looked hurt. "You thought you were going to be miserable?"

"Of course I thought that!" You snapped. "I never asked for this marriage! I was doing it for my family!"

Steph definitely looked hurt now. You didn't know if they were guilty or if they pitied you, but it didn't matter. You were so, so angry. And you couldn't stop yourself from crying as you ranted on. "You are my best friend! I listen to you more than anyone! I would've heard you out of you just TALKED to me! Instead, what, you shut me out entirely because you thought I was an idiot for marrying a man like that?!"

"No, Maria--"

"Or maybe it IS all my fault!" You were hysterical. "Maybe I should've tried even harder to talk to you, and to stop the marriage sooner! But you're just pretending like you care when I called you the night it happened, and when I texted you yesterday morning and night, to no response."

A long silence went on after that. You weren't looking at Steph. You couldn't. You furiously rubbed at your face to force yourself to stop crying.

Distantly, almost monotonously, you heard Steph say, "It's my job to care about you. And I do. It's not pretending, Maria."

Bitterly, and uncaring if Steph heard you or not, you muttered, "You've done a poor job of it lately."

You heard a strained intake of air, and knew that you had hurt Steph saying that. Maybe it was deserved. Maybe it wasn't. Maybe you were both huge fuck-ups who needed each other, and maybe you needed to be apart. You couldn't entertain any possibility right now. You could already feel your overwhelming emotions starting to shut you down. With your face still covered by your hands and sleeves, you could vaguely see Steph's shadow on the floor, and that they were reaching out for you, but stopping just before contact.

"I'm sorry." They said quietly, and you saw their shadow move away. The floorboard creaked as they got close to your door. "You have my number if you need me."

You listened as they left your room. You listened as the front door clicked open and shut. And you crumpled onto the floor of your room.

You held yourself tightly as silent cries wracked you, willing the pressure to be enough to calm down already. You always hated crying, feeling so helplessly out of control. You didn't know why you yelled at Steph like that. You shouldn't have. You said way too much. You didn't say nearly enough. But you were so frustrated with everything, and so hurt, you couldn't stop yourself.

Hot tears streamed down your face as soft footsteps drew near. Deliriously, you thought it was Steph, but as warm arms enveloped you into a hug, you recognized instantly that you were wrong.

Fucking hell Maria, you actually forgot that Ezra was here. That's another tally for you being a rotten friend. Still, you let yourself settle into their embrace and let out a soft sob. Here they were, comforting you yet again, when you didn't really deserve it. Their body was warm, their hug gentle yet firm enough to help you feel a semblance of security. You needed to push down your shame for now, and focus on your breathing.

Ezra's voice was muffled against you as they said, "It'll be okay, sugarcube."

They let you cry for a while, before moving their hands to cup your face and look at you. You flinched at the sudden touch, and while they paused, they didn't move away, holding you so lovingly -- if you could even use such a word -- that it was almost cruel. With their thumbs, they wiped your tears, and your body relaxed further, very unused to such contact, but unwilling to reject how soothing it felt.

Once again, you had far too much you needed to say, and far too few words to do it. You let out a sad sigh. "Ezra…?"

"Yes, sweetness?"

"I'm sorry if this--"

"No. Don't apologize. I know what you're going to say. 'I'm sorry if this is a lot to handle since we hardly know each other.'" Ezra's hands moved down to your arms, rubbing softly, and they leaned foward to press a small kiss onto your forehead, making you jolt with surprise. Ezra leaned away again and stared into your eyes with a kind smile. "Please don't fret too much about them. You texted them and they never responded… What kind of friend does that?"

Your face fell and you looked away from their gaze. You didn't want to talk about Steph right now.

Ezra carried on. "I'll be here for you whenever you need me, okay?"

You nodded silently as Ezra helped you into a stand, before pulling you into another hug. Distantly, you wondered if maybe it would be fine to rely on Ezra a little more. They had been nothing but patient and genuine with you, supporting you through chaos despite not knowing you well at all. And their hugs were nice, so unlike physical touch with other people you don't know well. Maybe… Maybe it would be okay.

You suddenly felt a gentle bite on your shoulder, and you let out a surprised yelp, reeling back with a bewildered expression.

Ezra who gave you a playful smile. "Sorry, you're just really cute…"

Baffled, you said, "I'm cute enough to chomp??"

Ezra gave a short laugh and buried their face into your neck, squeezing you tighter. "Yeah. You are." Their face felt warm against your skin. Were they… blushing?

Before you could ponder this interaction further, you heard a phone buzz, and Ezra pulled away from you. You watched as Ezra pulled his phone out of his pocket and began reading the notification, then he re-read it. Their face fell, and he stood up suddenly. "Sugarsnap I am so sorry, but I really have to go. Eliana -- my little sister -- needs me."

Before you could say anything or even stand up, Ezra grabbed his stuff and was already halfway out your front door. However, he quickly gave you a tightlipped smile as he shut your apartment door behind him.

You sat on the floor in stunned silence, bizarrely calm again, with streaks of dried tears on your face, wild hair, and a terribly hoarse throat.

What on Earth were you going to do today?

[mer-se]

at golden/blue hour the other day 🌕🍂