#it'll be in december when I get more paycheck

[angstigone]

what I spent my paycheck of this month on 'meds and school expenses'

what I was trying to spend my money on 's*x toys'

[dogfags]

ramble/complaining time bc I haven't rambled on here in a sec

bro my boss is so fucking obnoxious I hate him I want him to get mauled by a bear or something. he pisses me off so bad. I fuckin hate when I have to work with him he's insufferable. I hate my job so fucking much it's impossible to be here without having violent fantasies about my death. I think food service is hell actually. like fr hell on earth. every time I'm in this building I hear demons whispering in my ears telling me to kill myself.

anyway

I get paid this Friday and in theory I should be able to afford a couple things I need. Chris bought my groceries bc he's a sweetheart. I want to start paying off my credit card but I can't rly afford to yet. I only make like $700 per paycheck now that I have 1 day off per week. ugh. but my surgery is in December and I'm starting my leave of absence from school on November 20 bc Chris and I are going to Florida to visit his family. it's hard for me to feel optimistic about my life when I'm at this job. it's so draining and makes me want to die. but I can't quit bc nowhere else is going to let me pick my own hours and pay me $21 an hour. and I can't afford to live if I make any less. I won't be able to quit until I can work full time in a salon and it's looking like I won't be able to graduate until mid March. god. I feel like bashing my head into a wall.

school isn't even what's hard. I can be at school for 12 hours a day taking clients the whole time and feel fine. it's this fucking job. my boss is a fucking doofus playing pretend like he knows how to run a business but he's actually just a monkey playing cymbals. the schedule is bullshit. I don't get any breaks. we're not even technically allowed to eat the food here without buying it but I do constantly anyway lol.

anyway. vacation on November 21. will be flying for the first time since I was 18 (6 years ago). I think it'll be fun. Chris is out to his dad now which is cool. I knew his dad would be chill about it bc he's a chill guy. and then after that I have like a week and a half of just working and then I go in for surgery on December 10. then I have 3 weeks off for recovery. I really hope this time off helps me be able to focus back on grinding when I come back to school. I want to finish this shit out and graduate so I can get out of here (my job). I haven't had an actual vacation since.... 2021? when I went to new york? idk if this counts as a "real" vacation bc we're just going to visit his family but surely we'll do a few touristy things while we're there. it'll be a whole week there so there will be plenty of time. I'm excited to not have to work. but I'm going to be very very broke. might sell more shit on depop. idk. I hate being so fucking broke. my credit card is almost maxed out. raaahhh I'm so stressed. realistically this is a horrible time to take a vacation but :( I want a break and to relax for once. might try to figure out a way to make extra money. idk. I'm tired

[apprenticestanheight]

All is Well That Ends Well - Lawrence Gordon x gn! afab! reader - part III

all right!! Here we are with part three of the sugar daddy AU! To compensate for the delay with the last chapter, both parts three and four are coming out this week, and part four will be released in about an hour and a bit from now, should the queue work properly.

This part is one of the few without smut in it bc this fic is porn with plot rather than without and it'll get a bit more plot-focused as chapters go on. I haven't written too much into the middle right yet but I know that, bc of the way that I want to write it, there'll be more of a balance.

Fic type - this chapter is fluffy, however, the fic generally is for audiences of 18 and over, so minors, still don't interact pls and thanks

Warnings - lawrence makes a footloose joke about himself, plus the trap and jigsaw are mentioned

When you explained everything to Aurelie the following morning, she offered to help you pack shortly after a high-five and verification that you trusted the handsome acquaintance that Lawrence had turned into, which you did. It was very easy to trust him, and the phone call you'd had after you'd been at your apartment for a whopping thirty minutes only made your trust in him increase.

When you met Lawrence at the bar that night, you gave him a copy of your schedule so that he could figure out when it was best to reach out to you for sex and he gave you the primary key to the condo, promised you the schedule would see no eyes other than his own, and the two of you got to know each other more so that the foundations of trust were built further.

You moved into the condo mostly by yourself that Saturday, carrying boxes up the elevator two at a time. Unpacking was relatively easy as you didn’t have too much, and when Lawrence graced your door with your favorite take out and a grin, saying no to him was impossible.

You ate the takeout on the living room floor—Aurelie had bought the couch and most of the other furniture you had in the apartment you’d shared and so you didn’t really have much in the way of furniture, but your bed was in the room you’d declared your own and you had mugs, cups, cutlery and dishware so you counted that, at least, as a relative win.

“And it’s not—it’s not that I’m hyper independent,” you say. “It’s just that Aurelie has a lot of stuff on her plate and asking her to help me move in felt like I would’ve been making myself into an inconvenience, so I didn’t.”

“You could’ve asked me,” Lawrence says. “I gave you my number for reasons other than booty call style meet ups. I would’ve helped.”

“It wasn’t too difficult,” you shrug. “Two boxes at a time, it took me around two hours. Plus, Aurelie helped load up the car. You’ve also helped me enough—you bought me dinner, and that’s on top of the four thousand dollars a month thing we’ve got going for us?”

“Well—hyper independence is a little unhealthy,” Lawrence says, shrugging. “Just—you’re allowed to reach out to others for help. I’m a phone call away and I imagine Aurelie shares the same sentiment.”

You grin. “Thank you for this,” you say. “Both the advice and the food. I need to get a couch, evidently, so if you wouldn’t mind helping me get one through the front door, I’m probably going to go to a furniture store tomorrow.”

Lawrence laughs. “You need a couch, and a coffee table, and curtains for a place other than your bedroom—you need plenty. Can you cover all of it? Your first two thousand doesn’t come in until next week.”

You nod. “I have twenty thousand set aside from odds and ends while working in case my life ever goes up in flames. Plus—my bosses are two people in their sixties who can afford quite the hefty Christmas bonus. That is the primary foundation of the savings account, actually.”

“How hefty a bonus can two sixty year olds afford?”

“Five thousand dollars tacked onto my paychecks for December,” you grin. “I get a bonus in spring, too, totaling to $1000, and a bonus in autumn totaling to the same amount. I’ve worked there for twelve years now and because they have no interest in turning their bookstore into a branch of bookstores, the money they make from getting frequent customers and having eight additional employees outside of themselves is quite a lot. They’re busy all year round, and Monday and Tuesday are typically their busiest days because that’s when new releases hit the shelves.”

Understanding flashes across Lawrences face. “That’s why you can’t meet on Mondays,” he says. “New releases means more people. More people means a longer shift.”

You nod. “I wake up at four thirty on Monday mornings. Classes are from six in the morning to 11:15. I drive to work because it’s five minutes out from the uni campus, spend ten minutes eating an early lunch and then work from eleven thirty until ten. My classes don’t start until ten AM on Tuesdays so I eat a late take out dinner, come home, conk out at eleven and sleep until nine.”

“I’m a doctor and I don’t understand how that’s possible,” he says. “I did a bachelors and then medical school, followed by an internship where I slept maybe three hours in the course of 24 and still, how you manage that makes no sense to me. When I was thirty I was working as a doctor already and still, my entire day was about as chaotic as your Monday morning sounds.”

“Mondays are days where I run on four or five hours—I always wake up before my alarms and going to bed at around half past midnight kind of sets you up for failure anyway—and I manage by drinking either two or three energy drinks or at least a liter of coffee.”

“That is the opposite of healthy for your heart and liver function.” Lawrence says, taking a bite of his takeout. You laugh, shrugging a little.

“I know,” you nod. “I also know that one day it’ll come back to bite me in the ass, but I’m just fine with that so long as it waits until I’ve got gray hair and am in my eighties.”

Lawrence laughs, shakes his head.

The two of you finish your meal in relatively light chitter chatter—you ask Lawrence about his day at work and listen to his responses, then tell him about the time you’d had working a six hour shift the day before.

Talking to him, so it seems, is an incredibly easy feat. He’s exactly the kind of person you can open up to without even really noticing that you’ve done as much, and you’re fine to tell him whatever he wants to know either way as you’re a fairly open book.

Once you’re done with the food, you rinse out the containers it came in—they’re multiple use and decent for storage—while Lawrence notes he’s never seen it done before. At that, you shrug and laugh a little, reaching up to lightly poke his nose.

“In the house of the broke, we rinse and reuse what we can,” you say. “My parents taught it to me—we’ve been getting food from this place since I was a kid, and they market the fact that their takeout containers can be rinsed and reused on their website, menus, and in person—and they’re good containers!”

“I just don’t see the point,” Lawrence says, shrugging.

“Well, they’re good for meal prep,” you say. “I use them for that a lot of the time, given that I only allocate $20 a week to coffee and random treats for myself. They’re also really good for leftovers or when you’re bringing food to a family event—think Easter, Christmas, birthday parties—and for potlucks. Aurelie was like you, too. She still is, and now that I’ve moved out, I think my opportunity to show her the light was missed.”

Lawrence snorts. “I’m sorry that my wanting this place to go to good use means that she’ll never understand the joy of keeping containers from spontaneous takeaway.”

“It’s a nice place, and I think she was starting to get a bit fed up with me as her roommate anyway—we both have to study a lot for the degrees we’re getting, but I like reading anyway so I study a lot more, and she’s probably thriving off the knowledge that she’ll never walk past the living room for a glass of water at three in the morning and find me pouring over art history textbooks again, which only happened once but still. Once, for both of us, was more than enough.”

Lawrence nods. You finish rinsing off the last container and set it to the drying wrack to the left of the sink, flicking water at Lawrences chest before you dry your hands with a dry washcloth.

Lawrence laughs at your action, shaking his head. “You’re a very interesting person,” he says.

“Well, even at the ripe old age of thirty and two degrees out of three done with, I still feel like I’m 25 a lot of the time,” you say. “I’m not the partier I was during my Masters, though. You will not find me drunk when you come in one of these days. Now, I have taste in terms of my liquor, and will only drink Smirnoff vodka when I’m nine drinks deep because it will forever remind me of being in my first years of uni and drinking at frat parties.”

“I didn’t do much drinking in my college days,” Lawrence says as you grab your electric kettle. “I was too busy with studying—I was Type A.”

You nod, laughing slightly as you dump out the water you’d poured into it that morning to replace it with new water that’s not several hours old.

“You seem Type A. The college, then medical school, then wife and kid and house and presumably a number of dinner parties with your colleagues. All of it reeks of Type A,” you say. “No offense, of course.”

“You’re missing the parts that make me fun,” Lawrence says, eyes narrowing both playfully and accusatorily. “The Jigsaw trap, the footloose bit—" at that remark, Lawrence uses his cane to gesture to the prosthetic foot that exists in place of the real thing, smirking at his own humor just slightly "—The divorce, the loss of said child, the weeks spent in recovery, and now you.”

You fill the kettle to your liking and place it back onto its port, pressing down on the small lever and watching for the blue light that ticks up on the lower half once it gets started.

“I make you fun?” You ask, grinning a bit as the blue light takes hold of the bottom half of your kettle. “Oh, that is the sweetest thing you’ve ever said to me. Didn’t know you had sweetness in you.”

“You’ve met me a grand total of, what, four times now?” Lawrence asks. “Of course, we’ve established I am not some glorified serial killer, so that puts trust in you, but you’ll find as we get to know each other more that I can be both fun and sweet. Sometimes both at once.”

You nod. “I can’t wait to witness that, then.” You turn around to grab a mug and a tea bag, offering one to Lawrence, which he accepts.

Once the tea is made, you drink it in relative silence, occasionally teasing one another and making each other laugh. Lawrence goes home thereafter, and you find yourself in a half empty condo, completely alone.

[softhairedhotch]

I hate how people just don’t seem to understand that humans aren’t supposed to constantly be working like this. Life isn’t supposed to be about work constantly, ur supposed to have fun and enjoy life. I work in a warehouse too and December is always our peak season bc holidays and people buy stuff online, all of November and December I worked 6 days a week (meaning I had only 1 day off) they only made us work 5 days but I always picked up an extra shift. Like yes the paychecks were wonderful and I would have kept doing it in January too but they didn’t have any shifts for me to pick up. But afterwards I realized I worked so much and barely tended to myself and it made me really depressed and burned out. I worked so much I forgot what days of the week it was, I forgot about holidays, I basically lived at work. And I stg if I hear that “pull yourself by the bootstraps” bullshit again im gonna loose my shit. Everyone tells me “work hard for a higher position” but that’s not true, you basically have to know someone or fuck someone for a higher position (Btw I work for a popular company that’s named after the largest rainforest in the world).

But I say all this to say, your brothers should have more compassion towards you instead of constantly badgering you about getting a job. If they wanna you to get a job so bad then it would be helpful if they put in a good work for you at their jobs. Life isn’t just about work, it’s about enjoying the time you have. You’ve already got a lot on your mind and it would be better if they just let you get better. Your doing good bubs, and I hope you feel better soon🫶🏽

oops i ended up deleting that lil rant right as you sent this i think but thank you sm, i really appreciate you coming to say all this <3

working at a warehouse SUCKS. i almost ended up at the place you just mentioned but absolutely no thanks, would hate that. i used to be a line leader at my old job and it wasn't bad! i could do it, i just hated it. the boss and the people (aside from my friends) were awful and mean and the thought of going back sucks ass. even tho i can't even go back rn bc it's a seasonal job and shuts down for a few months at a time :/ so if i go back to work anytime soon then it'll probably be another warehouse job bc it's all i can really do, i have 2+ years experience, and it pays pretty well... but i really just don't want to.

thank you though, i really appreciate it. i think i am getting better and i'm finally able to go back out in the real world but to them that means i'm able to go back to being worked until i have another breakdown 💀 like c'mon i hardly speak to them at all n then when i do, it's all about me getting a job. i went shopping with my brother on sunday and i was just talking about my upcoming week and he immediately goes "that includes job searching, yeah?" dude shut up you are NOT my dad 😭 let me actually get better before i force myself to work goddamn 💀 anyways thank you again n i hope you're doing better now <3

[ares--athena]

Poly- Johnny Cade x Ponyboy Curtis x Fem! Soc Reader

Summary- It's Christmas Time and You Are Out of Town for Christmas Day. But That Doesn't Stop You From Getting Your Boys Christmas Gifts, Including the Gang

Disclaimer- Using the time where the movie came out and Dally not Johnny died. Reader is given the names Cleo

CHRISTMAS DAY- 1983 8:32 am

Ponyboy Curtis POV

"WAKE UP EVERYONE ITS CHRISTMAS!" I woke up next to Johnny and to Soda's and Steve's shouting. "What is that?" Johnny mumbled. "Soda acting 9 and Steve encouraging it." Trying to go back to sleep was not an option given the fact that if Steve and Soda woke up Dally everyone was being woken up. "How long do you think we got till Dally comes in?" Johnny mumbled voice filled with sleep. "Not long since he's in the living room." Then came Dally in the flesh. "Get up, If I have to deal with them so do you." He said annoyed and tired before leaving. "Jesus what time is it?" Johnny asked. "Too damn early." "Come on get up before Dally comes to drag us out." I told him. "Yeah yeah, When's Cleo back from her trip?" He asked sitting up rubbing sleep from his eyes. "The 28 or 27 I don't remember." Christmas was never a big thing at our house, we never had much money but now we had even less so I never expected much but sitting in the living room with the gang. Me and Johnny were last to get up and sat on the floor next to Two. Darry was in the kitchen making everyone breakfast while Dally was complaining about being woken up early. Yeah this is all I needed.

December 27-1983 11:57 am

Cleo Rodgers Point of View

As rich as it might sound I hated leaving town. Most people would be grateful to get out of a town like Tulsa but I loved the people; two in particular. I would rather stay with Pony than be judged and talked about by my family. "When are you getting a boyfriend?" , "Why don't you have a boyfriend" , "You'd have a boyfriend if you wore more dresses." , "If you acted more ladylike boys would flock to you" yada yada yada god it's sickening. Can't exactly tell my grandmother I have two boyfriends I love more than anything in the world or she's have a stroke;which might not be the worst thing. When my family arrived home the show had really piled up here. I went inside to grab my bag so I could stay at the Curtis's along with my hat and due to how cold it was. I tried to get the whole gang five gifts it took the last four months of my paychecks but it's gonna be so worth it. "Bye Mom going over to a friends be back tomorrow!" I called out but I should have known it wasn't going to be so easy. "What friend Cleo?" She asked me. "Ponyboy mom you know him the one in my English class that skipped a grade." I told her thinking she'd remember. "Not ringing any bells." "The one that liked your peach cobbler mom." "Oh that sweet boy oh. Ok go on now before you let my hot air out." It took a while to get all thirty five gifts in my car but it'll be worth seeing their faces. My friends deserve these gifts more than any people in the world. I even convinced my parents not to stay another night like they wanted so I could see my boys asap. I pulled up to Darry's car in the driveway so I knew they were here. I grabbed a few gifts and made my way to the door. Before I even had a chance to open it; Pony was at the door with a big ass smile on his face. "Hi" was all I got out before he gave me a hug making me almost drop the gifts. "Baby I have gifts please don't break them." "You brought gifts." "Of course I did." "There are more in my car I have to get the" before he cut me off. "I'll get them don't worry about it." "You sure? theres a lot." "Im sure put those under the tree." He told me. I took my shoes that were covered in snow off along with my coat and hat. "Pony who was at the door!" I heard Soda shout. Coming into the kitchen, "Just me." Several voices called back "Welcome back." "Come on I brought gifts for everyone." When I came back into the living room Pony was closing the door and taking his shoes off setting down last group of gifts. He didn't say anything just brought me in for a hug. I heard him whisper, "You didn't have to do all this, but thank you." I didn't think a reply was necessary. Hearing the rest of the gang come in we pulled apart. "You got all this?" Darry asked. "Yeah, left over money here and there from the past couple of months. What are you waiting for open them." I sat on the floor next to Pony and Johnny came to sit by us. He tested his head on my shoulder. "Thank you." He said and kissed my cheek. "Your welcome babe." I don't think I've seen the gang happier than now. This time with my friends is all I need for Christmas even if it is a few days late.

[sockeye-run]

Up early on a Saturday (it's my Friday) again. Usually I get to work early to open the cafe for breakfast service so that our bee pick up customers have a coffee and hot food option on site; a lot of them drive for hours to pick up their nucs and packages, even from out of state. Just coming from north Texas is basically out of state by sheer distance alone lol.

But today is BuzzFest, our annual summer festival about all things bees. We have the American Honey Princess visiting from Iowa, multiple other apiaries and honey producers vending and doing demonstrations, honey tastings and trivia, educational demonstrations, food trucks and arts and crafts and games (including a bouncy castle and a water slide!)... It's expected to be a big event, hopefully nearing 1,000+ customers between 11-3 today.

I'm assigned to retail, so I'm lucky enough to get to stay in the shade and AC. I've been told that when in retail, you just stand behind the register all day, no time or space to do anything else. You have to force bathroom and food breaks for each other. I'm not too worried, I've worked many a high volume, high chaos event before. This is just my first experience with it at the farm. We've spent all week as a team prepping for it, and it should be great. I wanted to make kolaches for my coworkers for a morning treat, but I stayed at work so late yesterday and was exhausted when I got home last night and decided not to stay up late baking lol. I'll grab some from the bakery down the street and try to make everyone a latte or something at work instead.

Because of the absolute disaster that has been this years bee pick up season, everything has been pushed back at least two weeks. Usually BuzzFest, which is the same weekend every year, signals the end of the crazy bee season, but we still have orders going into June. I was kind of looking forward to the break, but it seems we're not quite there yet.

The kids have some family events planned for the beginning of June, so we're getting them a week or so later this year for summer break than usual. We want them to have fun with their free time, so we're cool with it... Plus honestly, I'm hoping it will show good faith for December when I have to ask to keep them longer for an event with my side of the family 😁 my grandma is slowly deteriorating from rheumatoid arthritis and parkinson's, and my mom wants all the generations to be able to spend another holiday with her while we can. I want the kids to be able to participate in my family too. And, it'll let me get through the late bee season with relative ease, I suppose. I'm not gonna lie, I take on a lot of the caretaking responsibility when the kids are around usually, but now my husband has to step up for once lol bc I'm busting my ass full time and won't have the mental or physical energy left over most days to do all I normally do for everyone. He's already suffering the experience of doing regular weekly chores alone and taking care of the dogs all day lolol.

We're also anxiously and concernedly waiting for word on the debt ceiling crisis. They've extended the decision date to June 5, but we won't know if my husband will stop receiving paychecks soon or not, and it's crushing everything with stress pressure. He makes more than me in his military retirement and we depend on his income for survival; I can't support us alone. If they cut military support and punish the average voter for no goddamn reason, per usual, we'll suffer significantly. He's even warned his ex wife that if things go south, we may not be able to afford having the kids visit for summer. We won't be able to feed them. We've already unsubscribed from any extra services like entertainment and delivery and such which we deemed not absolutely necessary, just in preparation. We've re-budgeted and cut out any possible extra spending and reduced allowances for gas and food. I'm hoping it's all a stupid pissing contest like it was about a decade ago, and things will somehow turn out okay. Hope beyond hope.

Time to go work for those pennies baby lol

[eddiediaaz]

you know what? i think being unemployed/on EI benefits for a few months during winter (starting in early december), while things go back to normal in the vfx world, is not the end of the world. in fact, i think i'm gonna try to see it as a break that i need and i'll try to make the most of it.

just some rambling incoming lol i feel like writing in a journal. used to do that more on my previous account but here i think it's a first

i am frustrated that i have no control over my career, as it currently hangs in the hands of a few millionnaires in the states (mine and thousands of people, i know). i'm frustrated that i had only started finally putting money aside for projects after cclearing my credit debt. i'm frustrated i've "lost/wasted" my summer doing overtime.

but. but i've also never had a work or school break for longer than 3 weeks since i've been like 15. half my entire life i've spent going to school full time and working part time and during the school breaks, and then to working full time without any kind of break. i never had a long nice vacation. the only break i've had was in 2021 i went 3 weeks on medical leave due to my depression and i couldn't afford to take more time off, so i went back to work against the doctor's recommendations. i know it's like that for a lot of people lol, it's a regular thing to work all the time, especially in north america's tiring work culture, but still. so it's... nice? to think about being unemployed for a few months. i'm trying to see it in a positive light.

i think it'll be nice to have a few months to myself and not having to work. i'm incredibly privileged and grateful that my current salary is good enough to give me comfortableish benefits while on EI. which is another insane thing to even think about?? and rather new too, i've only had this salary for less than 2 years and it's the only reason i was able to clear my credit debt quicker than expected. it's not even that much money but as someone who grew up pretty poor and has always been living paycheck to paycheck, it feels insane that i can be on EI and still be able to pay my bills comfortably, you know?

anyway. i think i'm okay with it. frustrated that i have to press pause on my life projects, again, but thankful that at least i won't have to, like, get the first minimum wage job that comes just to pay my bills (not sure minimum wage could cover that lol). i've been there before, having to get whatever job to make it one month to the other, multiple times, and i'm thankful that, at least, it's happening while i'm in a better financial position. and by better financial position i just mean that i only have a portion of my college debt to pay back, no other kind of debt. i don't have any kind of savings or placements or whatever "regular adults" have tho.

one thing i am scared of is boredom. what the fuck am i gonna do for 3 to 5 months without working full time lol??? like. i've never been there!!! and i don't even have a car to like, go places! i'm already thinking of where i could go volunteer in the city, of cheap projects i could do in my apartments and stuff like that. i'll stir crazy after the first month i think, not gonna lie. or maybe i'll just play the sims a lot

ultimately, i need to keep in mind this will most likely only be temporary. my employer said they wanna keep in touch with me for when things go back to normal, so i am hopeful that, at least, i may have a job to go back to? of course i definitely am losing this job in december, but there is hope i can get hired again at that place. because i do love this company and i was proud to have made it there.

[peacehopeandrats]

TMI Tuesday question from Santa - Are you looking forward to it being December in a few days? And if so, what do you like most about it?

Hello! Yes, I am totally looking forward to it being December. Though I don't celebrate Christmas, I do put up a winter tree and tons of outdoor (solar powered) lights and I will begin a few advent activities as well. I enjoy counting down and counting down to the last day of teaching for 2023 is always a bonus. I love the chill and sparkle of the winter season. I love the chance of having snow and more days off from school. There is a beauty about the countryside covered in snow and making everything silent, especially first thing in the morning when the sun really makes the snow glitter. I love coming inside and having hot wassail cider of hot cherry cocoa, some cookies, a nice fire, and a good book. I used to love having a week or so off of work, but then I started a pet sitting business because teachers can't live off their paychecks and now I don't have time to do the things I would normally do, like playing Lord Of The Rings online (just to collect the winter horses) or Minecraft or any number of awesome boardgames with my wife. I love the traditions of Christmas. My parents and their parents celebrated, so though the meaning wasn't for me personally, I have a LOT of holiday things that stick in my brain, like...

getting an orange in the toe of my stocking every year

decorating the tree with glow in the dark icecicles on Christmas Eve (so Santa wouldn't bump into the tree when going to the stockings, the other lights and decorations were up already)

stained glass images taped to home windows (probably a 50s or 60s thing?)

everyone sitting around the living room, opening one gift at a time so we can all see who got what

(before Christmas) decorating the tree while drinking egg nog and listening to Christmas music

driving around the city looking at lights (when I was a kid this meant only candles in windows and what parts of a tree you could see through those windows)

The big family breakfast (at dad's parents' house), then late lunch/early dinner (at mom's parents' house)

I'm sure I'm leaving stuff out trying to get this done before work, when I've got free time. I'm sorry that it took me a while. Life has been hectic this week.

Keep asking questions. I talk a lot, so I'm sure it'll help you out in some way. Lol.

[queerlymasculine]

I have decided I will be upset about Certain Neurological Diseases that exist in my brain and how they fucking Nancy Kerrigan me in the metaphorical knees

for the majority of the day today, I had all lights except my string lights turned off and I had earplugs in. I haven't been in as much pain for the past couple days, but it feels like I'm a thousand times more sensitive to the things that will cause pain, such as light and sound. I had the volume off when watching YouTube videos as I did household chores and just had captions on.

it's just....... maddening.

I mean, fuck, the overwatch devs released an experimental patch which has some really cool changes that I want to try out, but my brain is way way wayyyy too delicate for that, I would be putting myself on bedrest, essentially, for about a week if I chose to play.

so I'm not going to. which fucking sucks.

I hate this. I hate that I can't do anything.

i bought a medical device (thankfully my dad agreed to pay half of it when I asked him to as my Christmas present this year) that should be arriving tomorrow and hopefully it'll help. it sends electric currents into a nerve in the face. but it could help immediately or it could take weeks. at the very least, it's unlikely to hurt.

I hate everything. I hate that my fucking insurance wouldn't cover what would basically be a miracle drug. I hate that my insurance next year probably won't be any better. I hate that a work project got delayed for two weeks and then got canceled, meaning I'm not getting a paycheck mid December. thankfully I paid all my bills for the month and some for January too, just to be safe, but it still makes me mad.

[nemesis-nexus]

Darkest Greetings and Salutations my Family how is everyone? I am doing well, it’s the first day of Autumn yet it’s in the upper 80’s with crazy humidity, go figure! It’s supposed to be like this for a couple more days and then Autumn (should) start to wander across the threshold! I hope everyone is enjoying their Mabon/Autumn Equinox, I am about to go take a walk in the early night Air myself but before I do, I will leave this here. Fair warning, this one is about 8 pages long so be pace yourselves!

Mabon/Autumn Equinox 2019

Not only is today the beginning of Autumn, it is a day to take some time to reflect on all the things that we have been blessed with this year; from the new friends we've made to the old friendships we've maintained, new jobs to new members of the Family!

There is so much going on in the world that we need to be thankful for the things that we have no matter how minor we may think they are; remember what is minor to us could be quite a big deal to another! Things such as clean water which we take for granted - turn on the faucet and there it is - is a major deal for those who don't have that luxury! Food to eat is another huge deal for those who are not privileged to have access to their own! A roof over our heads doesn't seem like it yields a whole lot to be grateful for until you meet someone who doesn't have even THAT much!

This Mabon while you are giving thanks for all these things, don't forget that there are others who don't have much and not for lack of want or trying but because they have simply fallen on hard times! Take a moment to take stock of your own life and realize how good you really have it even if you are going through tough times yourself! There are many things we can do to help out, donating to a charity in good standing, volunteering in a soup kitchen, handing out supplies to those who are living on the streets to help them get through the harsh Winter months are a few examples!

When you are gathering supplies for your Mabon feast consider picking up a few items to donate to your local food bank and donate some items that you no longer use such as: clothing, blankets, toys and books to your local shelter where they will be put to good use once again by those who need them! Remember that NOT all those who fall on hard times or are taking up residence in a shelter are adults and they too need a helping hand! Compassion for our fellow humans and the natural world should always be the norm, NEVER the exception and it should not require a holiday for it to take place, everyday someone out there is struggling to get by and while things may not be easy for us, we have it better than some!

On Mabon we light the Fires and we take some of what we acquired from the Harvest and we share with our own families and friends, we express our gratitude for all we have and we look to the future to see what we need to do to keep things moving forward! With all that is happening it is important that we do our part to improve our communities - keeping in mind that we live here too - so whatever we can do whether it's joining the school board, coaching a team, running for office or taking part in a protest - ALL of these things can help bring to the forefront the issues that are currently plaguing this country so that they can be addressed and resolved instead of left to fester and become even worse as time goes on!

Also while you are enjoying the company and festivities, take a moment to acknowledge all those who are not able to do the same because they are on active duty Stateside and around the world and give thanks for their service as they are the frontline of our defense no matter where they are stationed! It’s not easy for anyone to be away from their family especially during the holidays but they chose to shoulder this burden not for their benefit, but for OURS! RESPECT! I mentioned donating to food banks and homeless shelters, what is REALLY needed for our homeless Vets is access to psychiatric care ESPECIALLY those who are dealing with very real and very debilitating issues such as PTSD, depression, rage and suicide! Our Vets need to be taken care of by getting the medical attention they need and being given employment so they can bring in a paycheck and afford to buy basic essentials - it is the VERY least we can do for them for everything they were willing to sacrifice for the rest of us!

More than anything we should express our gratitude for everything we have that Nature provides from the Air in our lungs, to the Earth under our feet, to the Water of Life to the Fire that warms us and the planet itself because without these things we as a species would cease to exist - as would the rest of the natural world - which is why we need to start taking better care of our ecosystem!

Now is the time when the world begins to prepare itself for the Season of Death, when the leaves begin to change color and fall to the ground and the trees go into a state of suspended animation; when bears go into hibernation and the birds fly south; when the squirrels begin to gather nuts; when all those who live off the land Harvest their crops and hunt their meat to store it for the long Winter ahead! Mother Earth provides everyone, human and animal alike, everything they need to survive in any climate which is why we need to remember ourselves and treat her with the respect she deserves instead of taking for granted everything that is readily available! The more we waste things, the more we pollute things, the less there will be for future generations and what we do have will be completely useless because it'll be so toxic that consuming it or being anywhere near it would be deadly!

This Mabon I would like to wish everyone in my Family both Blood and Spiritual as well as their families, to my friends and their friends a very blessed holiday! May your tables never be barren, your cups never be empty! May you know prosperity as well as generosity! May your health always be on the uptick, may anything that is a source of stress be resolved! May your loved ones know peace and tranquility and may they never go without!

I would like to thank everyone for being a part of my life especially those of you who were around between 2012 - 2015 and are still here, your loyalty means more than you know because it reminds me that there are still people out there that won't just cut and run when times get tough! There have been those who I thought were loyal who turned out to be acting as double agents which I find to be pointless especially if the ones they keep running back to are only manipulating them and casting them aside when they are no longer useful until the next time they are, but better to know who the weeds in my Garden are so that they can be pulled rather than live in denial because I don’t want to accept that those I called Brother or Sister not only betrayed me but also tried their damndest to damage my reputation from behind closed doors because they for whatever reason thought I wouldn’t find out! I’m not worried, let’s just say that Karma has a way of sorting these things out…

I would like to thank all the members of the Temple of the Eternal Dragon, the Temple of the Ancient Dragon, the House of the Warrior Phenex and the Ancient Church of God, your presence is appreciated as without you neither my Temple nor House nor the ACoG would exist! While there have been some rough patches we have shown by example that so long as we stand together that nothing and no one can drive us apart! Loyalty in the face of adversity demonstrates the true strength of ANY bond whether it’s between two people, a group of people or an organization of any kind. This holds true especially if the group of people is all striving for a common goal in a sea of drama that constantly threatens to wash over anyone who isn’t paying attention!

The fact is that not everyone who smiles at us is our friend and a listening ear/reading eye can and oftentimes is also a running mouth especially when it comes to those who can’t hold a candle to you and yours and are so vindictively hateful that they will make up any story and tell anyone willing to listen in an effort to ruin your reputation and stop anyone else from having anything to do with you! We never need to concern ourselves with those who believe whatever they are told without question, however, if one (or more) of those people is in OUR House then it must be addressed and dealt with quickly lest this person become a liability by dispensing information revealed in private meetings or sharing personal information of other members with those outside the group! It’s a hard thing to accept to be sure but it makes ALL those who would never consider such actions shine that much brighter!

Most of all I would like to thank the Ancient Family who years ago reached out to me and never left my side even when I became an atheist in my teens and then back in December 2012 - go figure - reached out to me yet again when I began Walking the Gates of the Simon Necronomicon and showed themselves to me in various ways! We all start somewhere and even though the Necronomicon was overall a work of fiction, there are MANY seeds of truth sewn all throughout the pages! What I have learned since then is that no matter how lost we may get on our Path that the Ancient Family will always shine their Light to help us find our way, all we have to do is trust in ourselves and our Faith in them and let the Path reveal itself to us!

While there are always those who will read the stories and use that knowledge to present themselves as being superior, we know that no one who holds any real wisdom or power would use it to keep the rest of the people oppressed! We know this because for the last 2018 years those same stories were stolen and hidden away, their contents deliberately mistranslated and oftentimes outright misrepresented because those who chose the low road knew they were nothing special which is why they had to use violence and genocide to force their agenda on the rest of the people! Many of these people are the lowly decedents of Abraham, a reprehensible human being who embodies and represents the very worst of human nature! Through his thievery and deception he sought to make a name for himself by stealing and rewriting the stories of Sumer and other Cultures, casting down the ‘Pagan’ Gods until people were too afraid to remember them! I have news for that wretch and ALL his followers who demonstrate the same level of hatred and malfeasance towards the rest of us - YOUR DAYS ARE NUMBERED!

One of the things that enrages me about Abraham is the absolute DEMAND of SUBSERVIENCE towards women, in the Ancient World it was NOT like this! In fact in Ancient Sumer men and women spoke two separate languages and the men ONLY learned the language of the women - the keepers of all things Spiritual, whose wisdom and assistance was sought out by everyone including soldiers and politicians - if the women deemed them worthy enough to be granted such an honor! I absolutely exalt NINHURSAG on the HIGHEST of THRONES and thank her and the rest of the Grand Council PROFUSELY for making me the way I am no matter how difficult and isolating it has made my Path at times because at the end of the day I can honestly say that I would never harm a child and I would be the first in line to take down any person or institution that would! I will NEVER tell people they need to hate anyone for something as trite as sexual identity or preference, same sex marriage has been legal in many places for a while now and I don’t recall the world coming to an end because of it, go figure!

The fact is all one has to do is look at the track record of ALL THREE of the Abrahamic Religions and then at the track record of legitimately practicing Satanists and you will see where the true “evil” is not only cradled but nurtured and unleashed! Then go back even further to the Ancient World and realize that for all their theft, lies and violence that the ONLY hold they have over anyone is PSYCHOlogical! Once a person realizes the truth about what REALLY happened and HOW things came to be as they are, they no longer feel obligated to feed that delusion! The second they stop feeding the delusion and they claim their independence of such debauchery is the second they are no longer a slave to Abraham and they are able to find the Path back to the REAL Mother and Father and the rest of the Family!

This Mabon I give thanks to the Ancient Family who lets me know that I am NO ONE’S SLAVE! That being said I would like to share on this Mabon/Autumnal Equinox all that for which I am grateful:

1) First and foremost I am grateful to the Ancient Family for helping me to find my Path, I admit it took a while to figure it out and there were many obstacles I had to overcome, but at the end of the day I understand why it was necessary.

It needed to happen this way so that not only would I have an actual appreciation for everything I gained through my personal trials, including wisdom and insight, but so that I would see the world with eyes unclouded, meaning that I would accept the truth no matter how much it might hurt. Part of this is accepting any situation – especially personal situations – for what they are and to not deny it out of a misguided sense of loyalty or duty to anything or anyone. One of the harshest lessons that lead to being able to do this was seeing people for who they are and to stop helping those who don’t deserve it! Unfortunately this can apply to family as much as friends and co-workers. One thing a person needs to keep in mind is that there is a huge difference between trying to help someone who is being resistant because they might have issues in their past that makes it hard for them to trust anyone and someone who takes both you and EVERTHING you do for them for granted!

The first may be dismissive because they aren't used to ANYONE giving a damn, the second has become so accustomed to others doing things FOR them that they don't bother doing anything for themselves or they continuously ask you for favors and get mad if you say no! There are those that will never accept your help no matter how sincere you are and then there are those that will not only accept your help but will milk it for all they can until such time as you cut them off, in both cases you have to let them go and move on!

2) I am grateful for my Family both Blood and Spiritual.

There are two forms of Family, our Blood Family whom we are connected to through biology and our Spiritual Family with whom we share a common Path and Belief. We may not always agree with our either one on everything especially religion, but we will go through the fire for them! Our Spiritual Family are the ones who offer us the kind of support that repairs most past damage that has been inflicted by those we have met all along the road called life and as such we in turn are able to help others through their difficult times. I am grateful for both because I know who I am and where I came from due to my Blood and Spirit; that is a privilege that many people are denied! I am grateful for my Spiritual Family because not only do we share a common bond through our beliefs but we also stand together regardless of where we come from or where we are going!

3) I am grateful for my Friends online and offline.

There are people that we meet in life who stay with us no matter what happens and these people may be physically present or they may be communicated with via the internet. While we may be able to hang out with our offline friends, go to the movies, have private conversations that can’t be hacked and go through the motions of life, our online friends are also a source of support especially in a social media forum where it can get so bad that it’s literally a free for all where it’s no holds barred. Online friends are also in many cases the only people that some have to talk to either because a person is deathly shy or because they need to talk to someone about something they feel they can’t speak to anyone in their immediate area about out of fear something may be overheard or that they might be betrayed by that person.

In essence online friends are something of a safe harbor because when we are in dire straits and there is no one else around to talk to, we can go online and talk to them. We must ALWAYS however be very careful who we trust because online friends CAN be a double edge sword, because unlike offline friends we can never be certain who we are talking to at first, however as time goes on and we become more and more familiar we can usually tell who is legit and who isn’t. Sad to say but people we know offline can be even shadier than those we meet online. It’s all a matter of paying attention and never taking anything at face value.

I am grateful to my offline friends because I have people I am able to physically be with and confide in and I am grateful to my online friends because no matter where I am (for example on a train for 24+ hours) I always have people to talk to! I am MOST grateful for those who start out as online friends and eventually become offline friends and in some cases Spiritual Family! Nobody crosses our paths for no reason, they are either there to become someone of importance to us personally or they are there to be a lesson to remind us that not everyone who enters our lives should be trusted and as such are not meant to stay.

4) I am grateful for my Temple as well as each and every member in it.

When I formed the Temple of the Eternal Dragon, it came on the heels of a VERY stressful time where I had to make a choice; either continue to be used by an ungrateful man child who felt he was entitled to have other people do his work for him while he took the credit and simultaneously disrespected me behind closed doors every chance he got, or lead by example and show the congregation that I had told many times to never be afraid to walk away from a bad situation and an equally toxic person.

I chose the latter and when I did that bad situation got even worse because not only was I accused of ruining the church while I was still running it, after I left I was accused of being a member of a terrorist group that exploited children and people were told to not trust me. There was so much more vitriolic and hateful things said but you get the idea. When I formed the TotED I vowed to not bring the drama into it and to also NEVER “recruit” members or otherwise bribe people into joining by offering automatic ordainments just for joining. In my opinion ANY rank or titled NOT EARNED is not only superficial, it is completely meaningless!

Ordainments should ONLY be offered if a person has demonstrated knowledge of the Path itself, the ability to think for themselves and not be lead by the nose and also has been a member of the Path long enough to prove their loyalty and that they are NOT just getting ordained because they can! There are too many people who claim all sorts of ranks and titles yet they have NO background in the Path and they don’t know anything other than what was dictated to them AFTER they joined the organization!

Mind you we all start somewhere and there is nothing wrong with learning about the Path after you join an organization, the problem is when the ONLY knowledge you possess is what is dictated to you and you demonstrate absolutely NO desire to learn anything else. This is dangerous because ALL cult leaders rely on their members to rely SOLELY on what they are told and to NEVER look things up for themselves. This shows a clear lack of personal application and NO ONE who lacks the desire to take part in their education or Spiritual awareness should ever be ordained because they have no more to offer someone else than the one who dictated copy and paste garbage had to offer them. In fact a person in that position stands to be more of a hindrance to someone else’s Spiritual growth and personal evolution than anything else. Not only this, but a person who cannot think for themselves or do their own research is someone who stands to MISREPRESENT the Deities rather than uphold his/her honor! This is an insult to the Deities primarily but also to the individual themselves as it insinuates that they are unable to stand on their own without the man behind the curtain feeding them their lines!

Enki, Ninhursag and Ningizheda created us to be able to stand together or alone, whichever the situation calls for, neither they nor the rest of the Ancient Family intended for us to ever become so dependent on another human - or THEM for that matter - that we are unable to function without them or to ever be so easily won over with empty titles and meaningless ranks that we would be willing to claim belief in something ONLY to hold said meaningless rank and titles!

There are few things I have and will ever ask from those looking to join or are currently in my Temple; one is that you join of your own accord as you will not be given anything except respect and support by myself as well as resources to begin your own personal journey on the Path. Your connection to the Family is your own, I cannot make it for you and despite what you may hear from other groups NO AMOUNT of contract writing in blood or any other medium will establish this connection. You need to approach the Family with respect and humbleness.

Two is that you are respectful of the other members keeping in mind that while you may possess advanced knowledge or at the very least MORE knowledge than some, that there are others who are just starting out and therefore there is no such thing as a stupid question. I would rather have someone ask me a question that has been asked 10,000 times before so that THEY know the answer than EVER have a member who is to afraid of retaliation in the form of harassment or flaming to even pose it in the first place! A person who is denied access to the same knowledge everyone else possesses is a person who will never know more than they previously did and that doesn’t help ANYONE trying to advance on their Path! Remember we ALL had our “first day” and we knew just as much then as the newbies know now, so for all intents and purposes we are not above them when it comes to following the Path!

Three is that you do NOT mindlessly attack ANYONE else regardless of their faith. If a person wants to be a Christian, Buddhist or Pastafarian that is entirely at THEIR discretion NOT YOURS and you have no more right or business to mock them than they do to mock us! If you emulate the behavior of your so called enemy then you are really no better than your so called enemy! Keep in mind if you want Satanism/Aasarism to be respected as a religion or Path then you need to ACT like you do! Also whenever you are out and about keep in mind that it is NOT just you or this Temple that you are representing when you talk to people, it is the entire Ancient Family and if you behave in a manner that reflects THEIR preconceived notions as to what Satanism/Aasarism is about or how Satanists/Aasarists behave then all you are doing is proving THEM right!

Words can never express fully how grateful I am to those who joined in the beginning - especially those who followed me from my old church - and stayed no matter how much drama was going on at the time! I am grateful that this Temple is 4.75 years strong with no signs of slowing down! I am grateful that people continue to join every day and while not everyone sticks around I take pride in the fact that they came in the first place! It shows that they were curious enough to want to know more and even though they decided this wasn’t for them, they could have just dismissed me completely as someone not worth their time!

There is so much more I am grateful for but at the end of the day but I think the thing I am most grateful for, aside from the afore mentioned, is that no matter how arduous the road that led me here has been, I kept moving forward and because I did I found my way back Home and even though new challenges arise every day in various forms, I know we will NEVER back up, we will NEVER back down! We will NEVER give up! We will NEVER give in! That so long as the Ancient Family is by our side, we can handle anything! It is my fervent hope that I convey all the lessons I have learned through my own experiences to every member of the Temple of the Eternal Dragon so that they may glean a little something from them and even avoid certain situations altogether so as to not have to go through what I did!

I would like to take this opportunity to say a resounding THANK YOU to the members of the Temple of the Eternal Dragon, to my Sister Cindy who has helped me and continues to help me with various aspects of my Path, to my Blood Family for putting up with me, to my Spiritual Family for their continued support, to my Friends online and off for not abandoning me and especially to my Blessed and Most Exalted Father and Mother for showing me the way and for helping me to remain strong during the very worst of times - THANK YOU ALL! HAVE A MAGICKAL MABON AND A VERY BLESSED AUTUMN EQUINOX!

“O now is the time of the Harvest,

As we draw near to the years end

Now is the time of Mabon

Autumn is the time to descend

Old Woman waits patiently for us

At the threshold of the labyrinth within

She offers her hand that we may understand

The treasures that await at journeys end

O Great Mother has given of Her body,

We give thanks for Her fruit and Her grain

We then clear the fields so that next harvests yields

Will be full and abundant again.

Old Woman leads us through the darkness

Our most ancient and trusted of friends

She carries the light of spiritual insight

And leads us to our wisdom once again

And as we journey through the darkness

And as we continue to descend

We learn to let go of what obscures our soul

And re-discover our true being in the end

- Lisa Thiel (“Mabon/Autumn Equinox”)

---

“In the Darkness we ignite the fire

And we dance in the light,

We feast, we drink, we laugh

We enjoy the company this Mabon night!

We work the Web that connects us all

Our focus we shall maintain,

We gather up all the energy

And send it into the Astral Plane!

We are thankful for everyone

All those who decorate our life,

We stand together in full support

No matter how severe the strife!

No matter where we are

No matter what we do,

We know we can count on Family

To always come shining through!

To the Ancient Family who stands tall

Their Honor tried and true,

You are the reason why we are still here

And tonight we revere you with endless gratitude!

-HPS Meg ”Nemesis Nexus” Prentiss”

ZI ANA KANPA! ZI KIA KANPA!

MAY THE DEAD RISE AND SMELL THE INCENSE!

Etiamsi MULTA Et Nos UNUM Sumus Nos Sto Validus Ut Nos Sto Una!

Semper Veritas, Semper Fideles, In NINHURSAG'S Nomen Nos Fides! AVE NINHURSAG!

(We Are ONE Even Though We Are MANY And We Stand STRONGEST When We Stand TOGETHER!

Always TRUTHFUL, Always FAITHFUL, In NINHURSAG'S Name We Trust! HAIL NINHURSAG!)

AVÉ IGIGGI!

AVÉ ANUNNA!

AVÉ DRACONIS!

HAIL THE GREAT SERPENT!

HAIL THE ANCIENT FAMILY!

HPS Meg "Nemesis Nexus" Prentiss