#it'd be my 7th one since july 2020
Explore tagged Tumblr posts
Visit Tumblr Blog
Explore Tumblr blogs with no restrictions, modern design and the best experience.
Last Seen Tumblr Blogs
Fun Fact
There were a total of 171.5 billion posts on Tumblr in 2019.
Text
Ok it's decided. I'll do the right thing and skip bastille in dublin and won't go to korea.
#i don't think anyone understands#and i have to hide it from my mother#so the only thing i can think of is another appointment with the counselor which is just out of question#what if i just end it here#I'm looking for jobs (all terrible. all i want to do is stay#i just looked through my email correspondence with the psych counselor i saw a few times over the#last 2.5 years. i had my last appt in april last year but it seems excessive to ask for another one#it'd be my 7th one since july 2020#it's embarrassing#and i don't wanna seem needy or attention seeking or whatever#i just don't know who else to ask. I shouldn't ask anyone. I should do this alone. but#i don't think my future has looked that dark for a while now#and I wouldn't do anything but also this underlying deathwish is a bit annoying.#thing is i know she'll recommend therapy again (because the consultations aren't meant to replace that. fair enough)#but I'm not gonna do that so idk what i expect. i have to fix this myself but maybe I lost some perspective#because rn it seems like I have ruined my life and i can't see a way to fix it. and i understand why she's suggesting t****py#but if there's no other way i guess I'll have to accept the fact my life is ruined.#i have no future in academia but also not outside of it. I'd be miserable in both#but for now the best i can do is not add any additional financial losses to my life and to not 'enjoy' things#(I'm fine btw. i know it sounds all depressing (and tbh it is) but I just need somewhere to ramble#and the tumblr void seems the only place to do it. otherwise I'll go insane.)#shut up amy
0 notes