#it’s very tiny because i cannot write a full fic or even a full paragraph so here you go

[space-apples]

“I don’t want to kill Jimmy,” he said, the confession spilling out before he could stop.

And just like that, the coal miner accepted his sacrifice without even knowing of his inevitable fate.

And just like that, the coal miner stepped into his caverns, not even bothering to read the warnings — the warnings that were no longer there.

Because just like that, the coal miner released the canary out of its cage, finally letting it fly.

[theharrowing]

Revisit Thoughts:

more lore! more lore! more lore!

like...................finally, some of the answers we have been waiting for, spelled out as plain as day. and some more of Yoongi's tragic backstory. big big oof.

let's get into it!

this chapter note is so real:

this chapter is a mess. whew! you may get frustrated with how i decide mc feels throughout this one, but she's my character, and i want her to be a little broken. 

like................................man, after dealing with readers hating my Boy Blue mc, i became very protective of this one. there seems to be this strange need for reader characters to be strong always and perfect and super emotionally intelligent about all situations and omnisciently wise, i just cannot stress enough how much that is not how i present my characters. they are flawed as fuck and sometimes they are learning and growing and doing their best, but sometimes they just get worse.

anyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyywayyyyyyyyyy hehe enough of that tangent.

omg foreshadowing in paragraph THREE LMAOOOO. woof. i was really like "here we are kids, no sugarcoating this shit HAVE FUN!!!"

(how do we feel after learning about Jimin and the bees? and Yoongi's parents? and how deep all of this goes???)

this is absolutely going to be tmi, but the "show me how his highness fucks you" bit came from a dream i once had (?!?!?!!?!?) basically...........i was fully clothed, straddling a very naked man whose name rhymes with hamboon and he kept saying "show me how oppa (?!?!?!?) fucks you" referring to someone whose name rhymes with boongi and i literally woke up in that moment like UMMMMM WHAT THE FUCK. so yeah. uhhhhhhhh hahahaha 😅😅😅 thanks brain for helping me write Collateral. (i feel like this might seem creepy to confess but tbh my dreams are extremely vivid and include all number of people whose content i ingest daily, not just them. usually they are more nightmarish and less sexy. see: the hooksborough demon, which is a fic born of my fucked up dreams. also i have literally never genuinely called a Korean man oppa before...and, if anything, i'm his noona lmaooooo.)

ooohhhhhh i found what might be considered a teeeensy tiny inconsistency with a later chapter (18, to be exact.) i wonder if i will remember to bring it up when the time comes. i personally think it is fine, but it depends on interpretation, perhaps.

even tho i am aware at how well i weave together certain pov scenes with the main fic, it is still nice to see glimpses of it. like here, with this little bit:

You tip your head and Yoongi stands, holding up a finger to excuse himself as he says, "Jiminah, I could never be mad at you. Tell me what is happening. What do you need?"

this chapter is so messy hahaha. i adore it very much.

ALSO THIS:

Instead, you let go of Yoongi's hands and sit back against the cold leather as your eyes trail around to the window. There is a voice at the back of your mind telling you that Yoongi is lying, that he could not possibly love you, that nobody could possibly love you. It nags and nags, threatening to tear your heart asunder and leave you to bleed out, pathetic and empty, for all the world to see.  But you know, deep down, that he means it. At least, to some small extent. Perhaps not the full-blown love that causes men to wage war and pen sonnets, but a smaller, gentler love that feels like sunshine breaking through the clouds on a cool autumn morning. That love, you can come to accept, you think. 

actually made me emotional. woof. i genuinely teared up at my own writing what the fuck.

this is the song Namjoon is humming when they return to the mansion. it's not on the playlist because i wasn't sure it really fit on there.

man. that smut scene is fun. i never really see mmf threesome scenes written out that include both men also having sex with each other, and have been trying to make that more of a thing here. there will be a good one in 21. (i'm sure there are others throughout later chapters but tbh smut scenes aren't the most memorable for me, when i think of the events of each of the chapters.)

i added Maddox's "But Maybe" to this chapter!!! thanks for reading along with meeee!!!

Collateral 🗡️ 11: Something you will have in abundance

Your ex-boyfriend gets in over his head working for the local mafia, and Boss Min has come to collect his payment: You.

But was it simply a matter of being in the wrong place at the wrong time? Or has he always had his sights on you?

PREVIOUS | INDEX | NEXT

🗡️ Yoongi x Female Reader x Namjoon 🗡️ word count: 13.9k 🗡️ mafia au, strangers to lovers, graphic violence, major character injury, poly, smut, angst, fluff, nsfw, explicit, 21+ 🗡️ warnings: difficult conversations and heavy feelings, threesome (oral sex, vaginal & anal sex, a train-like position? you’ll see.)

🗡️ note: this chapter is a mess. whew! you may get frustrated with how i decide mc feels throughout this one, but she’s my character, and i want her to be a little broken. 

🗡️ beta read by @neoneunnajimin​ 

🗡️ posted nov. 2022 | read on ao3

The restaurant Yoongi brings you and Namjoon to is a dinky sushi spot in some back alley downtown. You always enjoy these places the most—the unassuming-on-the-outside, amazing-on-the-inside restaurants that Yoongi seems to prefer. 

The three of you are led to a private room, and before you have a chance to sit on the thick, red velvet cushions which line the back wall, servers are coming to fill glasses with rice wine and water, and inform you that dinner will be ready shortly. Yoongi must have called ahead. The servers exit, and anxiety settles in.

There is probably no need to feel nervous since it makes sense that Yoongi would already know everything about your past. But what if he was directly involved in what happened to you back then? What if Yoongi’s family was in charge of the honey bees who sent you to kill Seungri? You are not sure you can handle the ramifications of everything being a setup from the start, knowing just how little control you have had this entire time. 

You have also compartmentalized the entire event to the extent that telling truth from fabrication is difficult, and you are unsure how much of the dream you can actually trust. It has been years since you dreamt so vividly about the penthouse, and you have not thought much about the honey bees or the queen in so long. 

Once the three of you are settled down and the serving staff leaves, Namjoon busies himself with putting slices of sashimi onto your and Yoongi’s bowls of rice and pushing side dishes in front of the two of you. It feels oddly domestic, being squished between the two of them while one of them dotes on you, but it helps calm your nerves. 

Keep reading

[sugarcomatosed]

i love your stories so much!! and was wondering if you can give some writing tips perhaps? 🥺👉🏻👈🏻

Breaking this up into sections for you + putting it under a cut cause I went overboard. 😅

General Writing Tips

These work for both academic and creative writing.

Make an outline.

It doesn't have to be a formal one, but having at least a general idea of the scenes you want to include is helpful. If I know my fic is going to be a longer one (like Don't Hesitate was and my current WIP is), I break down the larger story beats i want to hit on a piece of paper or my iPad.

It's good to know what you're planning to do, in a any piece I usually have a single specific scene I want to do and depending on what it is, I might either just do the scene I want to or turn into something longer.

Draft, draft, draft.

I cannot stress the importance of going through and reviewing your work. This is a big part of any sort of writing.

Your first idea isn't always your best idea. As you work on a piece you might find your original idea is holding you back, focus shifts! Don't be afraid to let your work change as you go. It's not always easy to let go of your original idea but if you find it's not working, you have to let it change. Sections will need to be rewritten, things have to be readjusted to fit with later sections. Reread for clarity while you're drafting and look to see if this makes sense to you, or reads well to you. If you can't follow it and you wrote it, chances are your reader can't either. Did you use the same phrase again and again? Find and search it on your doc to double check.

Sometimes you have to cut things you really like because they just don't contribute to the fic anymore. Save those bits and use them somewhere else!In a lot of my longer pieces I will write a paragraph, realize that's not where it should go and cut/paste it into another part of the doc because the pacing/scene doesn't make sense where I had it originally, but it works somewhere else.

If you're stuck, skip around, come back and then stitch the bits you have written together.

Don't Focus on a Word Count

This might be controversial, but I'm of the opinion just because something is longer does not make it better. Some works are short, and that's okay! I very rarely try to aim for a specific count of words unless it's for a prompt exchange or a personal challenge. I write till I feel the piece is done. Some stories require more words, some require less.

Don't Hesitate is a great example of this again, because all I wanted to do was a bittersweet first kiss fic, but jumping write into the kiss wouldn't get the full effect I wanted. Meanwhile, with Old Habits all I wanted to do was write dumb comedic kisses, we didn't need a 2k preamble.

Get Someone You Trust to Edit

My go to editor for the past six years or so is one of my good friends. She has edited everything from college papers to my fics for me before I post them to read for clarity, find any funky phrases or misspelled words I missed, and I do the same for her when she asks! A fresh set of eyes makes a world of a difference. Find someone to trade fics with or ask a friend! They might have good suggestions you never thought of, or be able to tell what you were going for when you don't even know yourself.

I also rely on my friends a lot to brainstorm and talk my ideas out before I start because it helps me think and figure out what I need. It's super common for me to text someone and say "im gonna spitball at you, that okay?" and then spend twenty minutes chatting through my ideas.

Have Reference Material

For my 13sar fics, I regularly go back and review/screenshot videos of the dialogue to make sure I am staying consistent with story events, character nuance and small details. You don't have to go crazy, but it is really helpful to have your source material to go back to and check yourself against. In non creative writing I always had a pile of papers highlighted with my own notes on the margins.

Take Breaks/Pace Yourself

Know your own limits, and if you are working and working on something and it's not coming out leave it alone and come back to it. I'm really bad at this personally because when I get an idea in my head I want to see it through but sometimes you gotta step back! It's not healthy to keep working on things and overwork yourself. Stretch, get up go for a walk.

Write What You Want to Write

Don't focus on what people want to read. Focus on what you like. Find a topic, a scene, anything that you are passionate about and the rest will follow. The only time I write fic for other people is when I am writing for a friend. Even prompt requests I only take open ended ones, if I am not interested in writing it it's not gonna happen. I know it's super hard and I get really anxious sometimes about letting people down now, or worrying people won't like something but then I step back and remind myself this is a hobby and I'm doing it for fun.

Play to Your Strengths

You shouldn't try to write like me, you should try to write like yourself. Find what skills you have and use them to your advantage!

I can't give you a step by step list to write like me, because nobody in the world has my background! We're all unique. Everything I've listed so far I know because I'm not a beginner anymore! I'm in my twenties and have come from a strong academic writing background.

I took on an intensive course load in high school, and then went onto college for a sociology degree. I very rarely had test based finals and at the end of each semester would have five 10-15 page papers to submit. Straight up some of my skills come from having read and studied the works of anthropologist Clifford Geertz. I am not saying you should read anthropology/sociology texts. Unless you like that sort of thing lol

I also have 6+ years of theater experience (acting & directing), I use this all the time for my writing. When I think about a scene, I think about how I would work through it as an actor, how the character would move, and how would things read to an audience. The GOTE ("Goal, Obstacle, Tactics, and Expectation") method of acting by Robert Cohen is really useful hear if you want a more technical breakdown of what I mean by that.

This leads to a lot of what we called "business" in acting, doing small tiny things while you talk or move around on stage to give the sense you're a real human. I don't have to think or try on these sort of things because they're in my skill set already!

Things I do Personally

As in, these are not transferable skills this is just the stuff I do while working on projects.

Find a Vibe™️

I come into any fic with usually a goal I want to hit, a line of dialogue or something I want to capture. Just like, the general idea of a feeling a song even if the lyrics don't match up. Make a mood-board, a playlist, just find something you wanna do. It's less about the actual words on the page and what you're aiming to do.

Look to things that inspire you

Don't Hesitate got written because I wanted to write a fic that captured the same vibe as a scene in Macross Frontier, where two characters have a bittersweet kiss before the final battle and that scene still has me fucked up six years after watching it.

My current WIP is doing the same thing but with the song All I've Ever Known from Hadestown. Two characters working through loneliness, the sudden feeling of falling in love and the frustration that feeling can bring on sometime.

I don't plagiarize them word for word, but these are scenes that inspire me! I also patchwork quilt ideas together. Using Don't Hesitate again, I also ended up pulling from a bunch of shoujo anime, Toradora, Sailor Moon, Yona of the Dawn, Princess Tutu...specific scenes I enjoy to blend and create something new.

Goof Off While You Write

I name my documents stupid things, I write dumb placeholder dialogue or vague sentiments like "insert better word here", I make memes when I'm struggling and roast myself and my predictable tastes.

I spent twenty minutes texting a friend Juro's name with different letters spelt out and then the "fuck your chickenstrips" vine saying it was Juro during destruction. Just have fun with it!

Listen to J-POP On Loop for Hours at a Time

i am not kidding I do this all the time. Perfume, AKB48, anime idol osts, Sailor Moon's OPs/ED, vocaloid songs. I like technopop and Japanese is good because it usually doesn't distract my brain since I only know random phrases, but still know what the meaning og the song is.

I love music, it helps me vibe out.

Thank you so much for enjoying my work ;o;

I hope this is useful to you in some way! I'm so sorry it's so long winded but I am overly thorough and love to teach people ;w;

[rex101111]

2, 3, 7, 11, 15, and 19 for meta fanfiction asks!

2.  Tell us about what you’re most looking forward to writing – in your current project, or a future project

Once I have more time on my hands, I really wanna get back to writing the second chapter of “She is the moonlight”, like there’s so many fun scenes in my head I wanna write down (as you should know becc;D) and I really wanna get back to it.

Also I had a few Eri ideas and it has been ages since I wrote for my daughter, which is a travesty, and I need to get back on that XD

3.  What is that one scene that you’ve always wanted to write but can’t be arsed to write all of the set-up and context it would need? (consider this permission to write it and/or share it anyway)

gaaaah which one??? Like, there’s one where Bakugou grows a moral center and gets on his hands and knees for deku to forgive him for telling him to kill himself (but that would take an entire fic’s worth of set up to properly build up and fuuu-).

Or I would really like to write this like short inbetween scene with Inko. Just after they get the news from UA that the students will move to the dorms but the night before All Might comes to visit to convince Inko it’s a good idea, but I wanna write a bunch about Inko’s life before that, maybe expand on her own personal experience with heroes? Maybe give her some prior reason to doubt Izuku would be safe with UA? Nana cameo to explain her earlier hairstyle like maybe Inko was a hero fan but grew out of it and saw a bunch of heroes get hurt and-...fuck it:

“Are you sure it’s okay?”

It isn’t. It isn’t even slightly okay, but Izuku has that smile on his face. That fragile one, the kind she’s broken before. She remembers that night, as clear as if it were yesterday; her little boy crying and shaking in front of a computer screen after being told all his dreams were worthless.

There’s a pit in the bottom of her stomach, and as it grows the urge to tell him no grows with it. She felt Kamino from her kitchen, her TV screen a peak into the apocalypse. 

Not even a week before he son was on a hospital bed with his arms broken in two dozen places, and then his teachers, and even some of his friends, were neck deep in something even worse.

She should say no.

She has every right to tell him no.

But he has that smile on his face.

“Of course dear.” Her mouth is full of lead, her smile feels heavy and fetid on her face. “Go see what you need to pack.”

He hugs her, kisses her cheek, rushes off to his room while calling her the best, and she can barely register any of it. She finds her way, somehow, to her couch, and puts her face in her hands.

Heroes die Inko, her mother’s voice echoes out, cold but afraid, they help and they save and they win, but at the end they die.

She was young before All Might showed up, very young, be she had memories of before; of early heroes crashing against overwhelming odds, of mass funerals and of hero agencies closing down not from lack of funding but lack of personal.

She thinks back to the summer camp (do you really need to come back?), to the shopping mall (he’s smiling put keeps putting a hand to his neck), to the sports festival (his fingers are a shade of purple so vivid she can see it even when they zoom out), to that last week before middle school graduation (Where did all that confidence come from, she thought she broke it all...). She remembers her little boy, covered in bruises and wiping away his tears (Mitsuki asking what her “brat” did this time, Inko doesn’t know what to say).

She thinks of him smiling and crying as he showed her his acceptance letter, of him pouring over his homework every morning, of unwrapping bandages from his broken fingers as he promises her (again) that he’ll be more careful.

She sees, as clear as day, her son, her baby, her Izuku, motionless and bleeding as the world burned around him and some monster without a face and without a heart laughs at him.

(All Might barely made it out alive. Kamino is a warzone. Her son, with broken arms and a broken smile and broken-and broken-and broken-)

She gets up from the couch in a rush, races for the faucet in her kitchen, and vomits so powerfully she starts coughing and tearing up.

She breathes heavily for a few moments, silently wiping her mouth as she waits for Izuku to rush down the stairs to check on her. He doesn’t, mercifully he didn’t hear her. She rinses the taste from her mouth, cleans her face, sobs, cleans her face again, and then goes to her computer with a stomp in her step and her lips in a thin line.

With a heavy heart but a steady, determined hand she types in “Hero School admittance and transfer” into the search engine and spends the next two hours reading about Shiketsu, and Ketsubutsu, and Isamu, and a hundred other names she only heard about in vague news snippets.

She’ll break his heart, that smile, like ten years didn’t pass and nothing changed, but she forges onward. He’ll feel betrayed, he’ll feel lied to, but she is done with UA, she is done with her son coming home with broken bones.

She is done and she afraid and she will not let her son be chewed up and spat out like he means nothing, like he’s just another sacrifice for the system that promises All Might but only fills out graves.

She won’t take his dream, he needs to know she still believes in him, but Inko Midoriya is done trusting her child’s safety to someone else who doesn’t know him, doesn’t know his wounds and scars like she does, doesn’t know his hopes and his heart and all the tiny little things that makes Izuku who he is like she does.

She doesn’t know who will come in a few days to convince her, but they will be wasting their time. She feels guilty for that, but only for a moment. She made a list, it has a dozen or so names on it. Options, choices, for Izuku to decide and not her.

She raises from her computer chair with a groan and a pain in her lower back and the bottom of her chest. She climbs the stairs to her bedroom, stopping briefly to look at Izuku’s door. The same childish All Might sticker proudly staring back at her. There’s no noise behind the door, he’s asleep, and after everything the last few days had thrown at him, she doesn’t have the heart to take even a minute of sleep away from him.

She lays down on top of the covers without changing out of her day clothes, exhaustion in her bones. She looks at her bedside table, sees the one picture she still has of her husband. A hand on her shoulder and a baby with grass green hair in her hands.

He’s smiling widely at the camera, reaching for it with his hands.

She buries her face in her pillow and waits for sleep to take her.

(FUCK DONE HERE HAVE IT BLAH)

7.  What do you think are the characteristics of your personal writing style? Would others agree?

Personally I think my style is descriptive. Like most of the time I describe what’s going on in like a “third person narrator” sort of way and dialog is actually relatively short and to the point. Like, there’s a lead up to what a person says, their expression and body language plus an action, the line, and then a follow through on that and then repeating with the next person and so on.

Also I can go on tangents if a story is character-centric, like focuses on a single character then I go ham on introspection...as demonstrated by the above ^^;

11. What do you envy in other writers?

The ability to write down and rely on an outline. Like, I just cannot for the life of me really stick to a plan for too long, like I have the general idea and just add to it as I go. Writing by the seat of my pants is the only way I know how and it either gets me something I like the look of or it doesn’t get me anything at all.

15. Which is harder: titles or summaries (or tags)?

Titles are the last thing I think of, so I guess that XD I usually try not to stress out about summaries too much, usually I just either pick an interesting line from the fic, say something vaguely deep, or depend on a template. Like with my Eri shorts I always use that Two Lines for the summary, “character does something, the result of that action in as vague wording as possible”

Tags are also kinda confusing, like, do I tag everything about it XDD that’d take me longer than it took to write the damn thing!

19.  s there something you always find yourself repeating in your writing? (favourite verb, something you describe ‘too often’, trope you can’t get enough of?)

Adding shit (like this) is so much fun, though I try not to over indulge XD Also a smile either “crawls” or “forms” on someone’s face, that’s the only way. Also long sentences. Also lots of “,”

Lots of short sentences describing something vaguely.

(Long paragraphs in parenthesis describing something that happened in the past or a character having deep thoughts because that shit can’t just be a fluid part of the text nooo it needs to be it’s own separate things it needs to break up the flow for a second that’s the whole point-)

and that’s what I can think of XD Call me out on other stuff I’m sure I’m blind to plenty of my bullshit XD

Thanks a lot Becc! 

[deborahdeshoftim5779]

The Marvel of Trelsi (Part XIII)

Man, I’m beat at the end of THIS week. So much stuff to do, and so little of it based on writing. A rich husband would be much appreciated. 

Anyway, let’s return to Trelsi. In the last instalment, I did an analysis of three Kelsi Nielsen songs in order to demonstrate the kind of person that would interest Kelsi romantically in an ideal situation. I alluded to the fact that Kelsi’s expectations are idealistic, because the reality of her situation doesn’t bear much resemblance to those poetic lyrics and catchy melodies. Like I’ve said, I’m adding questions as they occur to me; I’m not just interested in examining Trelsi, but understanding Troy Bolton and Kelsi Nielsen as people, and that means discussing their interactions with others. My next question is as follows:

Question-- What can we learn about Kelsi Nielsen from her canonical relationships?

Disclaimer: No “Ryelsi” will be discussed.

This is fascinating to me. First of all, let’s get to the bottom of Kelsi’s canonical relationship with Jason Cross and the implications thereof. 

I’ve just been rewatching some of HSM I in Google Play, just to see whether there is any avenue for Jason Cross to have known about Kelsi prior to meeting her in the gym. I’ve scrolled as slowly as I can, but was unable to find such a place. It might have made sense for Jason to notice her during the performance of “Breaking Free”, but that would be impossible, given that Kelsi’s back was to the audience, and she only seemed interested in either the music or in Troy blossoming onstage. I’ve rewatched the scene where Jason formally and silently introduces himself, and it looks, for all intents and purposes, to be a spur on the moment decision to help her sink a shot. I like this scene. Even before shipping Trelsi, I considered it sweet, even though heavily in line with every other character being paired off for pairing’s sake. Even at this stage, Kelsi is still so often overlooked in favour of other girls (the gym is full of cheerleaders) that the decision to get to know her better often comes on a whim. I still can’t decide whether Troy intended to make friends with Kelsi earlier in HSM I, but if he only did so after she tripped over, then that would be a mirror to how Jason is later introduced to Kelsi. And once again, Kelsi’s surprise is a sign of how she is not yet used to being noticed by others, let alone boys (and a jock like Jason!). However, since being introduced to Troy, she has grown in confidence and thus she most notably does not react with the dumbfounded astonishment of before. In fact, her smile is more confident as Jason helps her shoot a hoop, which she appears to enjoy. 

Contrary to what the movie wishes for us to believe, I do not think that Jason and Kelsi instantly hit it off after this encounter. I am making assumptions here, but given what we know of Kelsi’s serious attitude towards love and relationships, I cannot see her deciding to put her trust in Jason before they had spent more time together. Fortunately, they had the rest of the school year to do so, and by the summer (HSM II), they are established as an item. By the beginning of HSM III, however, we are to infer that they have broken up and this raises a number of important questions and issues. First of all, what made Jason choose Kelsi out of all the other girls he could have easily had? Remember that Jason is a jock, and therefore from the Supreme Class, according to the Philosophy of Danforth. I assume that he saw something in her that other people didn’t, or maybe he was intrigued by her shyly and awkwardly clutching a basketball, and decided to help her out. I don’t pretend to know the answers here, because we’re just not given that information. What does seem apparent is that Kelsi was still shy around boys-- notice her somewhat hunched shoulders when the basketball team cheered around her. Of course, we didn’t see that kind of shyness around the boys of the Drama Club, so I’m assuming that this was caused by 1)- the social status of the basketballers, 2)- possibly their physical stature, 3)- the shyness possibly being provoked when close to people she was attracted to. Either way, it appears that Jason knows what to do in order to lower Kelsi’s walls. She doesn’t seem to mind as he tosses her hat side and allows her hair to flow free, as is the clichéd method in romantic comedies. From around HSM III, Kelsi wears fewer hats (and even then, only as an accessory, rather than to hide her face) and wears her hair longer, perhaps a testament to Jason’s influence on her. What’s interesting about this is that Jason is pretty awkward himself, so perhaps he saw a kindred spirit and decided to work up the courage to introduce himself. 

Kelsi and Jason scenes are so tiny as to be almost invisible, but we can get some idea of what their relationship might have been like. I think the key thing to note is an easy affection between the two of them. I would not describe either of them as being in love, but just having the typical teenage feelings associated with one’s first relationship. I am almost certain that this is Kelsi’s first relationship; there is no way you can be that shy and have a boyfriend prior), and I think the same might be true for Jason, but not necessarily. Why is this significant? Because it’s nothing like what Kelsi either really expects or wants in a relationship. I have mentioned the danger of lofty expectations here and here, stating that this might lead to dissatisfaction on Kelsi’s part when she inevitably did not receive what she wanted. However, given this contrast, I do not think that Kelsi was intending to “settle” for Jason at all; it takes a lot for her to break down her walls, and I think that she would only invest in a relationship that she considered worthwhile. Like I’ve said in my song analysis, Kelsi does not half-step when it comes to relationships. Unlike Sharpay, she doesn’t view boys as sport, and unlike Gabriella, she does not take the business of being in a relationship for granted. Once inside the relationship, Kelsi would have committed completely. 

What does Kelsi see in Jason? Well, he seems kind, often fumbles and bumbles around, but in a well-meaning way. He seems thoughtful and doesn’t need her to impress him with sports skill before he notices her. Without even asking, he helps her sink a shot through the hoops and smiles at her as though this was her victory. 

So why, by the beginning of HSM III have they not only broken up, but Jason has jumped ship immediately to the popular head cheerleader Martha? Well, the seeds were sown during HSM II where, on at least two or three occasions, you can see Jason either hugging or putting his arm around Martha. In fact, after the kids have finished dancing outside of East High to mark the summer, Jason turns and hugs Martha first before Kelsi. Later on, he has his arm around Martha as he comes into the practice room to sing “You Are The Music In Me”. Because the film narrative pays little attention to Kelsi when she isn’t either composing music or with Troy and Gabriella, we don’t know anything about these little scenes beyond their mere existence, and thus we know very little about Kelsi’s reaction. Fortunately for you guys, we can rely on my musings in Google Docs to fill in the gaps. There are two ways that Kelsi could have reacted to this: either by confrontation or in silence. I base the confrontation theory on her ability to confront people when sufficiently agitated, like during HSM I, when she angrily told Troy why the callbacks had been rescheduled, and when she stood up to Sharpay before said callbacks. I base the silence theory on how Kelsi hides more of herself than she shows to other people (except perhaps Troy) and how, given that she is in her first relationship, she is most probably besieged by doubts on how she should behave. 

Out of the two theories, I think the silence theory is more likely, because the signs that Jason is becoming more attached to Martha are subtle. In which case, Kelsi would most probably be lingering and doubting whether she was simply imagining things, or whether she had reason to be worried. Her low self-esteem, which she has had most probably since childhood, would flare UP again. In my notes for my mega Trelsi fic, I speculated that Kelsi might be the kind of girl to compare herself negatively to other girls, particularly when one is competing with her over the same guy. She is nothing like Gabriella, who, confident in her own looks, would stare down the rival and then punish the guy if he dared look too interested in someone else.

In fact, Kelsi can’t have confronted him, because later on in the movie, you can see Jason leaning at the breakfast table next to Kelsi (shortly before the infamous Silent Treatment scene), which wouldn’t have happened were things frosty between them. At the end of the movie, during the quieter version of “You Are The Music In Me”, she seems happy hugging him and running around the hills. This appears genuine to me (I was rewatching it before writing this paragraph). So this may suggest that Kelsi was more likely playing it silent, perhaps believing that either Jason would not take Martha seriously (if so, a massive miscalculation on her part), and/or that she could/should focus on the positives in her relationship. It’s not like Jason was completely cold and unfeeling towards her; they obviously shared happy moments together. Clearly, she had strong feelings for Jason, or else none of this would make sense. Another reason that I don’t see Kelsi being confrontational is that Martha is/was her friend. Not only this, but Kelsi continues being either friendly or at least civil with Martha AFTER she broke up with Jason, even sitting at the same lunch table in HSM III (shortly before Chad asked Taylor to prom). This adds an astonishing twist to the tale. Why does Kelsi continue to maintain some semblance of friendship with someone who 1)- appears quite flirtatious, 2)- shows no canonical interest in Kelsi’s relationship with Jason and 3)- shows no embarrassment about dating her friend’s ex right in front of her? 

I have puzzled about this in my current Trelsi one-shot. Up til now, I don’t yet have a concrete answer. Does Kelsi, once again feeling that other girls are more attractive then her, feel that it’s all for the best, whilst trying to quash her own hurt? Does she politely pretend not to notice? (It does seem that way in some of the scenes; when Jason hugs Martha before her in early HSM II, she simply nudges him and waits for her turn!) Or is Kelsi merely displaying a show of civility, whilst hiding her bitterness? As we know, Kelsi is capable of deeply-rooted bitterness, and of holding grudges against other people. We are shown her grudge against Sharpay (understandable, but later heavily exaggerated), and her former grudge against Ryan, which she overcame. The movie narrative would never have us see any inkling that things weren’t always sugary and nice between the Wildcats, but perhaps Kelsi’s relationship with Martha became increasingly strained. After all, it’s not like Martha ever played it cool with Jason out of respect for her friend’s relationship. No, even by the beginning of the summer, they were on regular hugging terms, if there’s such a thing. The seamless way in which Jason runs straight into Martha’s arms (literally as well as figuratively) by the beginning of HSM III suggests a closeness that has to have been nurtured over time. And that time was when Kelsi and Jason were dating. 

Judging from that scene in HSM III, where the Cool Girls are sharing a table (Taylor, Gabriella, Martha and Kelsi), we can see Martha giggling over something. Taylor and Gabriella are laughing, and Kelsi is smiling, but focused on her manuscripts. Her reactions appear somewhat reserved here. We know that Kelsi and Martha at least were close, because at the beginning of HSM II, she gives Martha a hug (perhaps they were introduced after the Winter Musical?), and later on, she is happily pretending to scratch turntables whilst Martha breaks it down on the kitchen floor. I can’t help noticing that Kelsi and Martha are on opposite sides of the same table in HSM III, although this is not necessarily significant. Personally, I think that her reservation here is thanks to a tireless devotion to her work, but if Kelsi really did feel resentment towards Martha, then her smiling, whilst focusing on her work might be a plausible demonstration of this. That’s a possible headcanon assumption and not necessarily one that I hold.

I suppose the next question is whether Jason cheated on Kelsi with Martha? I think not. The fact that Kelsi continues to maintain communication with Martha and even Jason to some extent seems sufficient proof that that wasn’t the case. Remember that at the beginning of HSM III, Kelsi signed up “almost the entire home room!” (Ms. Darbus) for the next musical, and we can see that Jason objects to this. In other words, she signed him up. Given the “almost” part, I assume some members were left out, therefore Kelsi had every opportunity to leave out Jason were she angry with him. Kelsi signed up the people she could most easily persuade to participate. Later on, she begs everyone that she presumptuously signed up to participate, and again, this includes Jason. These are not the actions of someone wishing to put as much distance between her and her ex-boyfriend. It’s worth noting that Jason doesn’t speak to her with any reluctance or embarrassment, which is both astounding, given him jumping straight to Martha, but also indicative perhaps of a (somewhat) amicable breakup. And by amicable, I mean they both decided to part ways, not that Kelsi was patting him on the back for being chummy with her friend whilst they were dating! So, what I think what happened was that Kelsi couldn’t deal with Jason’s emotional infidelity any longer, and either she broke up with him to maintain the upper hand, or he broke up with her when he could no longer conceal those feelings. 

The implications and consequences of this breakup are not pretty. I am going to make a lot of assumptions here to fill in the gaps, but it strikes me that Kelsi would feel inadequate if her boyfriend (a jock, no less) left her for a confident and bubbly cheerleader. Bear in mind that not long after splitting up with Kelsi for Martha, Jason goes to the trouble of getting a T-shirt painted with a proposition for Martha. You can see this T-Shirt shortly before “Night to Remember”. Jason never did such a thing for Kelsi. Furthermore, he isn’t at all embarrassed to be wearing this in front of Kelsi whilst he performs HER song for the Spring Musical! Would this make Kelsi feel as though Jason was never as invested in their relationship as she was? In my last post, I alluded to a possible period of unhappiness for Kelsi prior to writing “I Just Wanna Be With You”: “You know how life can be/It changes overnight/Sunny then raining/But it’s alright.” Could the “rainy” period in Kelsi’s life be an allusion to Jason? Again, I do not present this as canonical fact, but it is definitely plausible. And I would go even further than that; could Kelsi’s appearance during “Night to Remember”, in which the guys say “Who’s that Girl?” be her response to Jason and Martha? During this scene, Kelsi appears as the “mystery girl” whom the guys (including, ironically, Jason) has to admire during the song. I don’t think this was Kelsi’s idea, but perhaps Ryan’s. He is the choreographer, and Kelsi was previously awkward and clumsy in HSM I, didn’t appear to be very fond of water in HSM II. But presenting herself as confident and carrying off the ballet steps without a hitch would be a great way for Kelsi to re-assert her confidence. We then see her invest her energy into writing one hell of a love song “I Just Wanna Be With You”, which I discussed in the last post. 

All in all, the trajectory of Kelsi’s relationship with Jason is quite sad-- for Kelsi. She most probably had such high hopes, and definitely put more into her relationship than Jason did. Perhaps she felt somewhat betrayed. However, I don’t think that even this quashes her sense of optimism, her hope for a better future. If there’s one reason why Kelsi is such a compelling story hero, it’s her ability to try, try again. I think that there would be a down period, but perhaps by the time it came to preparing the third musical, she threw herself into her composition work in order to keep the pain at bay. Her music is not only her sole passion, but also her escape from real life. Hence why she can be present in the moment and yet lost in pages of notes. 

This brings me onto my next question:

Question-- Did Kelsi have a crush on Troy? As a supporter of Trelsi, should this not be part of the default headcanon?

When I first watched the High School Musical series (a couple of years ago), it never crossed my mind that Kelsi could have had a crush on Troy. Only when I became more interested in the movies at the end of last year did I start seeing this proposed by a couple of fans. Again, I was sceptical, because at that point, I was more interested in the friendship, until that moment when I watched the Trelsi introductory scene and something clicked in my head. This could be a couple. But even THEN I wasn’t thinking about the potential of Kelsi’s astonishment being based on a crush, and I didn’t begin shipping Trelsi for real until HSM III. I think I gradually began accepting this interpretation simply by virtue of having read several meta’s where the author said so. Fast forward to now, when I ship Trelsi romantic and platonic fashion, and I’m actually ambivalent towards this theory. I will explain why, and how this relates to Kelsi and Jason as follows. 

Now the Crush Theory appears to take hold from the moment where Kelsi is introduced to Troy, and we see her astonishment that the King of East High is actually speaking with her. Along with other evidence, mostly centred around Kelsi’s stronger affection and attachment to Troy than to Gabriella, the belief is that this proves she had more than platonic feelings towards him. I may have oversimplified this somewhat, but I think that you get the gist. Now don’t get me wrong; the Crush Theory does serve one particular angle of the Trelsi ship that I will discuss in future instalments-- that of unrequited love. I’ve read some great Trelsi fics with this angle, and it starts from Kelsi having this secret crush. And for the purposes of the movie canon, it would be far more interesting for the central narrative, as well as giving Kelsi some depth, because since she shows a great capacity for self-sacrifice, she is unlikely to ever act on such feelings. This would be far more interesting for the viewer than Troy’s trite and unhealthy relationship with Gabriella. 

However, there are several problems with this theory.

Firstly, throughout the movies, Kelsi becomes more comfortable with Troy, something that surely could not happen if she had a persistent crush on him. By the summer, she thinks nothing of holding his hand, and does this again in HSM III. She gives him a hug when he’s feeling down, which suggests a level of familiarity not possible for a shy girl who has this all-encompassing crush on East High’s Primo Boy. I see Kelsi as becoming more open and more mature throughout the movies, not forever repressed by her feelings. Her song lyrics in HSM III are a reflection of this positive change. I struggle to reconcile this with the Crush Theory. 

Secondly, the Crush Theory undermines the importance of Kelsi’s introduction to Troy. There’s far more to that scene than physical attraction; it’s about finding a kindred spirit, acceptance, about Troy building up her confidence and revealing the girl within who always wanted to shine but never could do so. I find the Crush Theory problematic in that it would imply that Kelsi’s feelings of friendship towards Troy were at least partially motivated by attraction. This demeans the friendship to me. This introduction definitely leads to friendship first. A common understanding and chemistry in the sense that they communicate so effectively with little to no words, and are always by each other’s side no matter what. 

Thirdly, the Crush theory is short-lived. Kelsi is one of the first to see that Troy at least, is heavily invested in Gabriella. If Kelsi did have this crush, then she would have had to shelve it pretty fast once she saw that it was completely pointless. Troy Bolton is King of East High and unattainable for 98% of the female population. Kelsi may be an idealist, but her persistence shows that she has a realistic side. I can’t, especially in light of Kelsi’s increasing comfort around Troy, see her continuing to hold a flame for someone who is resolutely unavailable, knowing full well that such feelings are unlikely to be returned. That would put a whole depressing aspect to the Crush. If it happened, perhaps it ended quickly. Furthermore, I have already stated that Kelsi has a strong investment in people: a crush is not a strong investment. It is fleeting, and changes like the wind. Kelsi is deeply emotional and would need to feel as though the object of her affections was as deeply connected to her in return; canonically speaking, Troy is not. So why would she suffer in silence? Given her ability to find another path when one isn’t working for her, I can’t see Kelsi in a constant state of Purgatory here. 

The most important reason why the Crush Theory is lacking is that Kelsi dated Jason for a significant period of time and seemed perfectly happy doing so. I have already explained why it is not in Kelsi’s nature to “settle” for anything. Her interaction with Jason was affectionate, and for the period where he was actually invested in her, he reciprocated that affection. It would be easy to see why Kelsi might have a crush on Troy; he is gorgeous, charming, lovely, smart, dorky, sweet and romantic. Jason on the other hand, is awkward, handsome in a boyish kind of way and definitely not the brightest spark at all. And even though Kelsi looks incredulous when Jason fails to respond to Mr. Fulton’s prepping on how to treat “Miss Evans”, she appears not to take issue with Jason’s penchant for saying the wrong thing at the wrong time. Jason doesn’t seem to care much about his style, pairing shirts and t-shirts and baggy jeans. (Not unlike Kelsi’s sense of fashion throughout HSM I and II! :D) His hair is always wild, and he chews gum, has the co-ordination of a toddler learning to walk and is no way near as mature as his composer girlfriend. Still, Kelsi chooses to be with him. If she preferred Troy with his effortless romantic gestures, smooth-talking, intelligent conversation and so on, then she had every opportunity to seek out such a romantic partner. She is often shown in HSM III with some other members of the school band, and we are to assume that she was keeping them in order for the musical. There were plenty of other boys she could have dated. However, she maintained a relationship with Jason despite him not being Greek God material. And Martha’s flirtatiousness with Jason is testament to his own appeal to girls. The length of time that Kelsi dated Jason would be sufficient for her to shelve any such crush feelings, should they have existed. From Kelsi’s song lyrics, she seems to value honesty and genuine commitment in a relationship, thus making it unlikely that she would knowingly date someone with whom she had little to no connection, let alone whilst thinking about someone else. 

So no, I don’t consider it mandatory in the Trelsi ship to believe that Kelsi had a crush on him. Unorthodox? Yes. But hey, I love that. 

That being said, did Kelsi write her songs for Jason? I don’t think so. Their relationship did not strike me as having the quality that she longed for in her songs. Those songs express an ideal state. Will Kelsi attain it? That is entirely for her to decide, and I don’t know whether she feels her songs are truly representative of romance or maybe just part of her escapism. 

In the next instalment, I will discuss the superior potential of Trelsi romance, particularly where it might have worked in place of the canonical narrative. 

TO BE CONTINUED

[chocolatequeennk]

Three sentence meme

Rules: List the first lines of your last 20 stories (or however many you have altogether). See if there are any patterns. Then, tag your favorite authors. 

I was tagged by @sequencefairy​, @crythewolf, and @pellaaearien​

More Than Words Can Say (Ten x Rose, pregnancy fic)

The Doctor found Rose on the couch in the library, surrounded by a pile of books about pregnancy. He leaned against the door and watched her for a moment, still trying to take in the fantastic notion that they were having a baby.

Anywhere You Are (Ten x Rose, established relationship)

Rose looked at the Doctor after Ida waved awkwardly and closed the door to their tiny quarters. “Another night, another strange bed.”

The Same Old Story (Ten x Rose, post Doomsday)

The Doctor tapped his fingers against his leg as the lift took them from the top of Torchwood Tower to the lower levels. He just wanted to be at home with Rose, preferably in bed as they celebrated their unlikely victory. It was easy to imagine how differently the day could have gone, and he was desperate to hold his wife until it sank in that she hadn’t fallen into the Void.

No Matter What the Future Brings (Ten x Rose, sequel to The Same Old Story)

An hour after leaving the Powell Estate behind, the Doctor and Rose were spooned together in bed as the sweat from their lovemaking cooled their skin. When he closed his eyes, the Doctor could still picture Rose falling to the Void, as had almost been her fate. But now he could also picture the way her eyes had fluttered shut as she’d fallen over the edge into ecstasy, and he focused on that image instead.

The Ghost of Kisses Yet to Come (Ten x Rose Doomsday angst)

The worst part of losing Rose was the memory of all the things they hadn’t shared. In the few short months they’d been lovers before Torchwood had stolen her from him, he’d managed to cross off many dreamed-of kisses, but there were still hundreds on his list.

Death Cannot Stop True Love (Ten x Rose, Doomsday fix)

Online and locked.

The suction of the Void, which had dwindled to not much more than a strong gust of wind, returned to full strength immediately. Daleks and Cybermen soared through the air into the open breach, but the Doctor ignored them all. Every atom of his existence was focused the woman clinging to the lever on the other side of the room.

Bound By Time: Being a Tale of Hearts Entwined by the Hands of Fate (Ten x Rose, purple prose, last chapter adult

Her name was Rose.

The words, which had been torn from his as painfully as his beloved, echoed in the console room. The Doctor tried not to look at the empty space, as empty as his hearts now that she was gone, but it seemed the fates were determined to hammer him with the waves of agony, and his gaze landed unerringly on her favourite purple shirt.

Better With Two? (Ten x Rose, post GITF conversation)

The Doctor hoisted himself up from underneath the console, groaning a bit when he rolled his shoulders. There was more he could do, but six hours was too long to stay hunched over like that.

On the Same Page (Ten x Rose, pre Idiot’s Lantern conversation)

Voices drifted through the flat door, reaching the Doctor’s ears as he returned from the shops with the groceries.

“Are you sure you want to keep travelling?”

The Doctor had his sonic screwdriver in hand, ready to unlock the door, but at Jackie’s question, he froze.

All I Need (Tentoo x Rose, on Bad Wolf Bay)

The Doctor needed Rose Tyler. It was one of the basic facts of the universe—of every universe. Water is wet, bananas are good, and the Doctor needs Rose Tyler.

Kiss and Tell (Ten x Rose, pre-relationship

The day after the Coronation, Rose disappeared back to her room as soon as breakfast was done. “I want to talk to Mum, and take a bath, and do my nails… I just need a day for myself,” she explained to the Doctor.

Old Friends, New Promises (Ten x Rose, established relationship, School Reunion rewrite)

The Doctor groaned softly when Rose’s fingers combed through his hair, massaging the sensitive skin at the nape of his neck. He dropped his lips to her neck and laved his tongue over her clavicle, grinning when her head tilted back to give him more access.

Memories and Promises (Tentoo x Rose, proposal fic)

Rose sighed and pushed her plate away, dinner only half-eaten.

“Are you feeling all right, love?” the Doctor asked as he cleared the table.

Just the Bits In Between (Ten x Rose, established relationship, GITF rewrite without the squicky bits)

When Rose woke up the next morning, naked and wrapped in the Doctor’s arms, she thought she was dreaming for a few seconds. He soon proved, very thoroughly, that her memories of the previous night were absolutely not the product of an overactive imagination, and she happily accepted the change in their relationship.

At Last (Ten x Rose, Idiot’s Lantern first kiss)

Rose knew she was being rude. She knew she was ignoring the person talking to her because she couldn’t stop glancing down the street, wondering when the Doctor would arrive.

Just One Word (Nine x Rose soulmates au that is finished)

Soul marks. Not everyone got them; they only came if you were so inextricably connected to your partner that you’d never be able to be with anyone else, not even if they died. To a young Rose Tyler, the idea had seemed hopelessly romantic.

In the Shadow of a Ghost (Ten x Rose, Martha POV)

Martha pursed her lips as she listened to the Doctor explain what his precious Rose had done to save Jack’s life. The reverence in his voice was obvious—a Time Lord might have become a vengeful god with that much power, but he clearly worshipped this girl like she was his goddess.

Holding Onto Forever (Ten x Rose, post reunion)

Consciousness stole over Rose softly, like a warm glow slowly getting brighter behind her eyelids. The novelty of easing into wakefulness was enough to wake her up; she hadn’t had a lazy morning in bed in years. Her life was a series of alarms and appointments, all designed to get herself home.

Projected Longing (Nine x Rose, Ten x Rose, telepathy and Bad Wolf)

The Doctor watched Rose out of the corner of his eye while he set the coordinates for their next trip. She was dressed in jeans and a white vest today, somehow looking both confident and vulnerable.

Forever and Never Apart (Ten x Rose, established relationship, telepathic bond)

At first, Rose thought the Christmas carols were part of her dream. She and the Doctor were dancing again, just like they had on the Titanic a year ago—only this time, without the threat of a nuclear apocalypse getting in the way.

And a sneak peek for @lastbluetardis

There was one thing Rose hadn’t considered when she’d accepted the Doctor’s proposal, she reflected six weeks later.

Jackie’s strident voice filled the small chapel. “No, this isn’t nearly big enough for the number of guests we’ll have.”

-----

So. Patterns. I have a slight preference for Doctor POV--12/21 versus 8/21 for Rose. I write a lot of established relationship fics--15/21. I apparently like to start with at least one of them in bed, or with them snogging--5/21.

The biggest pattern hasn’t changed in all the times I’ve done this meme. I start with character. I try to give some clue about setting in the opening paragraph, but the most important thing to me is that you know where the characters are emotionally at the beginning of the story. That’s very indicative of the kind of stories I write, I think.

Tagging: @asmilelikestarlight @tenroseforeverandever @chiaroscuroverse @jem-scribbles 

[deadgwen]

IT IS A HAPPY 17TH BIRTHDAY TO THE BEST GOAT

@fucshias  @jiilys  MY LOVE GOATY. MY MOST BEAUTIFUL GOAT. MY SUN. MY STARS. MY BEAUTIFUL HOOVED CREATURE OF GOD. I HAVE ARRIVED TO SAY SOME IMPORTANT THINGS BUT FIRSTLY I LOVE YOU I LOVE I LOVE YOU U R READING THIS POST RIGHT NOW DUE TO A VERY IMPORTANT REASON AND THIS IMPORTANT REASON IS THAT

*CHOKES BACK TEARS*

IT IS UR BIRTHDAY.

*SCREAMING*

OK OKI DOKI BEFORE I START: I AM NOT ACTUALLY HERE BUT DO NOT BE D I S E N H E AR T E N E D BC I JUST DONT HAVE WIFI BUT I PROMISE U SOMEWHERE OUT THERE I AM SULKING AND FIGHTING A WALL AND ALSO SETTING OFF FIREWORKS BC !!!!!!!!!!!!! ITS UR FUCKING DAY AND IM SORRY I COULD NOT WISH U BUT I LOVE U SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH I AM HERE W/ U IN SPIRIT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT TURN THE FUCK UP HAPPY FUCKING BIRTHDAY TO MY LOVE HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO U UR EXCELLENT AND I LOVE YOU AND ALSO WHAT THE FUCK BINCH HOW ARE U SEVENTEEN TODAY U ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT U KNOW WHO) WHO ALLOWED U TO BE LIKE THIS AND ALSO I LOVE YOU. AND ALSO I CANT BELIEVE UVE DONE THIS. UR LITERALLY SEVENTEEN TODAY I AM NOT ALRIGHT AND I NEED U TO HOLD ME BECAUSE I AM GOING TO COME OVER AND FOR THE SOLE PURPOSE OF BEING A DRAMATIC BITCH I WILL FAINT IN UR ARMS I AM 100% NOT ALRIGHT

like,,,, HONESTLY u are so. fucking. great. WHERE DO I EVEN START. 

FIRST AND FOREMOST I WANNA SAY I AM SO FUCKING EXCITED FOR THIS FOR UR BDAY I LOVE YOU GOATY I AM SO PUMPED THAT UR SO OLD ITS RIDICULOUS @ ME FUCK OFF ALRIGHT BUT. JUST. I LOVE I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY U GOAT UR BEYOND INCREDIBLE

UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN UR YOUNG AND SWEET. ONLY. *SMASHES OPEN MY WINDOW AT 12 MIDNIGHT* SEVENTEEEEEEEEEEEEEN

SO OH MY GOD. I AM CURRENTLY YELLING BECAUSE??????????? LIKE???????????????? YOU'RE SEVENTEEN??????? HOW DID WE EVEN COME TO THIS POINT ITS INSANE LIKE HOW THE FUCK ARE YOU SEVENTEEN WE'RE ALL JUST STILL TINY SMOLS WHERE ARE U GOING WHY ARE U GROWING OLDER STOP IT PLS ALRITE I DO NOT LIKE. MY PRECIOUS GOAT SUNSHINE WHO IS A PROFESSIONAL PAJAMA CONSULTANT A REAL SOLID BUSINESSWOMAN WHO DRIVES AND SHIT AND COULD PROBABLY RUN ME OVER AND IS 6'3 SO IF U WOULD SIT ON ME I WOULD MOST CERTAINLY DIE UR OFFICIALLY A DANCING QUEEN AND I AM CRYING

but in all seriousness I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU i am FOREVER AND EVER glad that i met u LIKE I FUCKIN HATE U GODMDAN FUCKIBG GOAT MAKING ME REBLOG THIGNS FUCK YUO FUCK O FF but like????? apart from that UR FUCKING BEYOND FABULOUS and i have decided to compile a list of reasons why u are unbelievably great and have earned ur title of being a dancing queen/brilliant goat/actual love of my life. bc u are excellent. AND IT MUST BE WRITTEN OUT HERE SOMEWHERE THAT I LOVE YOU. 

OK OK OK SO HERE WE GO BINCHES. PREPARE URSELF. THIS IS GONNA BE SUPER LENGTHY BECAUSE I LOVE YOU A LOT AND I AM GONNA DO A 'ON THE JELLICOE ROAD' WORTHY REVIEW OF U BUT LIKE A SHITTIER VERSION SO U BETTER FUNKIN BUCKLE UP BITCH

LEZGO:

IS OBVIOSULY FABULOUS

IS A REAL LIFE GIRAFFE 

WE ARE BLESSED TO HAVE ONE ROAM OUT OF CAPTIVITY LIKE............. WE ARE STRONGLY BLESSED

I CANNOT STRESS ENOUGH

CLAIMS TO HAVE 'barely any leg but a huge torso' and interpret this how u want bUT i just wanna say u r the most fucked up giraffe ever ok what the fuck WHO HURT YOU

apparently dis binch owns a bunny AND NEVER TOLD ME SHE DID

owns a problematic rabbit bc it pees everywhere

said problematic rabbit likes to pee everywhere so much its ridiculous it has no respect for the value of items of modern society and thus in my opinion should be sent to COURT

@ rabbit U NASTY OK PLS GET UR PRIORITIES SORTED???? THIS HAS BEEN A MOTHERFUCKING PSA THANK U (CAROLINE I AM TRUSTING YOU TO SHOW THIS ON UR PHONE TO THE GODDAMN BUNNY I NEED IT TO KNOW)

is 100% excellent at looking after drunk people ALRITE literally THIS WOMAN IS A SAINT who has saved REAL LIVES tbh where would that poor child from your old intermediate be if u hadn't SAVED HIS ENTIRE LIFE from all that tequila he would DEAD thats fuKCIN RIGHT U DESERVE ALL THE MEDALS A TRUE HERO AMONG NEW ZEALANDERS. A NATIONAL ICON. SO BRAVE I AM SO PROUD I LOVE YOU ALWAYS

AND ALSO PULLING DRUNK MAKING OUT PEOPLE OFF EACH OTHER I JUST WANT U TO KNOW THAT UR EFFORTS ARE SO VERY RECOGNIZED BECAUSE ONE TIME I DID THAT AND I GOT PUNCHED IN THE THROAT I THOUGHT I DIED BECAUSE I SAW JESUS BUT IT WASNT ACTUALLY JESUS IT WAS JUST A POSTER TAPED TO A FRIDGE I WAS SCAMMED

her own mum has called the police on her and was 100% ready for some quality fun family jailtime

ALSO ONE TIME GOATY ACCIDENTALLY FUCKED UP SOMEONES REAR MIRROR AND THE VICTIMS OF THE INCIDENT DID NOT GIVE HALF A FUCK HOWEVER, HER MOTHER GOATY REPORTED SEVERAL FUCKS TO THE POLICE AND FILED AN ACCIDENT REPORT AND THAT WAS THE DAY MY GOATY BECAME A DARK CRIMINAL

*OMINOUS MUSIC*

I AM STILL WAITING FOR THE DAY I WALK MY BUTT INTO COURT AGAINST UR MUM COVERED HEAD TO ASS IN $3 PLASTIC BRACELETS BACKED BY UR UNEXPECTEDLY KLEPTOMANIAC SISTER AND A BASKET OF STOLEN WOMANS DAYS AND ALONG WITH BLING BLING JIMMY WE WILL RESTORE THE RIGHTEOUSNESS AND LACK OF CONSCIENCE ON THIS LOVELY EARTH

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ENOUGHT ABOUT UR MUM LIKE ACTUALLY ALL UR FAMILY MEMBERS ARE DIFFERENT LEVELS OF WILD AND..... I AM AFRAID

OK OK IT MUST BE SAID CAROLINE HAS THE MOST AMAIZNG VOICE ????? EVER

like i love her voice sm SO FUCKING MUCH I TELL U i have never heard anything like it and i want caroline to like read me books for hours AND HOURS AND NARRATE MY WHOLE ENTIRE LIFE because i love how unusually deep and shadowy her voice sounds like deep flowing river water or smth like i LOVE IT SO MUCH it. Is.So. Strange BUT I LOVE IT IT IS THE COOLEST GODDAMN THING THROW A BUCKET AT ME I LOVE YOU

HAS A VIDEO OF HERSELF DOING THE ICE BUCKET CHALLENGE AND I KNOW I HAVE PRAISED IT FOR TWO YEARS IN A ROW ALREADY LIKE @ ME PLZ CHILL BUT i will not i will NEVER it is solid entertainment a+++ QUALITY I AM LAUGHIGN IM LAUGHING I AM LAUGHING FOREVER those beautiful hops of pain across ur backyard ARE THE LAST THINGS I WANT TO SEE BEFORE GOD TAKES ME FROM THIS EARTH

WRONGFULLY FRAMED ME FOR HAVING SHIT DICK TENDENCIES AND THEN YELLED AT ME AND CALLED ME A GARAGE WHAT A BINCH I AM IN LOVE

loves yellow flowers AND ALL THE FLOWERS AND HEAVY ROSES AND IS A FULL OUT FLOWER HOE

IS DESPICABLE TEEN WOLF GARBAGE LIKE.... ive been scrolling through our fanmails AND MY HEART HUR T S G O A T Y hOld mE we were sO Y O U N  G and like no lie i shit u not 80% oF THE FUCKING MESSAGES ARE U YELLING 'STYDIA IS GONNA HAPPEN THIS SEASON' AND 'OH MY GOD DID U SEE THAT STYDIA SCENE' AND DECLARATIONS OF LOVE FOR LYDIA MARTIN AND THE OTHER 20% IS U ASKIN ME IF IVE SEEN THE NEW TEEN WOLF I LOVE IT I LOVE YOU I AM SORRY TEEN WOLF KEEPS DISAPPOINTING US BOTH BUT STDYIA IS. DEFINIETELY. GONNA. HAPPEN. THIS. SEASON. IT HAS TO OR I WILL FUKIN FITE ALRIGHT GIVE US STYDIA OR GIVE US DEATH I LOVE UR TEEN WOLF LOVIBG ASS

anyway caroline is an utterly excellent person

if u were an ncea paper i would grade u with excellence

*FINGER GUNS*

like ?????deals with my stupid yelling ALL THE TIME

whenever i had a problem and went to my goaty she was so very understanding and patient AND DID NOT CALL ME A DUMBASS WHEN I DESERVED TO BE DECKED

TOLD ME THE TRU DEFINTION OF THE PHRASE 'SHOT'

TWO YEARS OF UTTER CONFUSION. ERASED FROM MY LIFE. PERMANENTLY.

MY SKIN?? CLEARED . MY FUTURE BILLS ??? PAID MY HUSBAND MARRIED MY STATUE FOR CAROLINE FULLY ERECTED

ok but like i can never say this enough goaty IS SO NICE TO TALK TO PLETAHE TALK TO ME FORVER SHE IS FABULOUS??? it blows my mind constantly that someone this incredible and special walks along this earth NONE OF US DESERVE THE GOAT

also ???? WHAT IN THE FUCK HOW HAVE I NOT MENTIONED THIS YET CAROLINE IS THE BEST WRITER I HAVE EVER SEEN IN MY LIFE SHE IS SO TALENTED EVERY TIME I READ ONE OF HER FICS I END UP THINKING ABOUT IT AFTERWARDS FOR 958495894 YEARS ALRIGHT THEY FUCK ME UP THEY WAY SHE HANDLES WORDS FUCKS ME UP HOW CAN YOUT TAKE FUCKING LETTERS AND THEN SHOVE THEM UP MY ASS LIKE THIS I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I AM NOT ALRIGHT I am Not Strong Enough For This

i am not even kidding ok THE WAY U HANDLE WORDS IS IN.FUCKING.CREDIBLE whenever u use them its like?? u turned them into something precious and all your writing have this feel to it like as if im holding a delicate bouqet of a thousand yellow flowers like im holding a butterfly in my hands like im holding a box of eggs and i am scared shitless to drop it bC MY DAD WILL PERSONALLY CRUCIFY ME

I AM AWFUL AT DESCRIPTIONS BUT I HOPE U SEE WHAT I MEAN. LIKE. IT IS SO *SCREAMS* MINBLOWING DECK ME WITH ALL UR WORDS EVER

I AM ONE HUNDRED FUCKING PERCENT NEVER OKAY WITH ANYTHING YOU WRITE IT HURTS SO GOOD AND I LOVE IT

ok ok this hoe right here has written THREE fics with a dedication for me at the beginning and like.............. ..... do u ever just cri

i have 'the glorious everywhere' printed out and FUCKING PINNED TO MY WALL WHERE I CAN SEE IT FROM ALL CORNERS OF MY ROOM ALWAYS back in my apartment in russia like it is legitimately the best thing. i love everything about this piece it should be adapted into a novel or a short film like PULL SOME FIFTY SHADES OF GREY SHIT W/ IT OK the imagery and REALNESS of this fic gets to me all the time and im crying im crying im crying I ABSOLUTELY ADORE IT PLS @ CAROLINE WHY ARE U SO TALENT

ALRIGHT ALRIGHT ALRIGHT LOOK AT THIS BULLSHIT FUCKIG I THINK ABOUT THIS FIC EVERY SINGLE DAY WHEN I WAKE UP FUCKING LOOK ' You see her hair dripping down her head and spinning out over the seats in the back and lighting them on fire. You see her pale skin and electric veins as she puts her hand out the window and tries to catch the sky and stuff it up her sleeve. You hear her voice, “Just drive James, you’ll know where we’re going when we get there.”  

REALLY I AM NOT FUCKIGN Okay CALL AN AMBULANCE CALL IT NOW I AM UNWELL I AM SICK I AM DYING FUK ME RITE UP

i am fully convinced this is the greatest thing thats ever been written.like. How. the. FUCK. tbh i want this paragraph ENTIRELY TATTOOED ON MY ASS I AM ZCRYING @ CAROLINE YOU HAVE THE MOST BEAUTIFUL BRAIN AND I AM SO VERY GLAD THAT IT EXISTS

i will not go into depth abt yelling about ur fics bc tbh i think u Know but I JUST WANNA SAY 'oh darling i have coloured blood (that i stole from you)' is the most iconic piece of literature to this day ever the and i zcri all the time because you are a goddamn bloody genius and you shine in colours beyond my comprehension and i love you so so so incredibly much

MY LOVE IS SO FUCKING TALENTED I AM YELLING I AM YELLING I AM YELLING

DOESN'T EAT FRIED SPERM

writes the BEST emails in history

UR SO LOVELY U GIVE ME SO MANY BEAUTIFUL SPELLING ERRORS FOR ME TO WHOLEHEARTEDLY ENJOY I AM GIGGLING *GIGGLES* IT BRINGS ME SO MUCH JOY WHEN U FUCK THINGS UP

tbh it is how fried chair came to life like it was actually in one of your first fanmails to me u said that two years ago and to this day it remains the Most Iconic Thing Ever

STRONG SUPPORTER OF WEETBIX

LOVES WEETBIX

FOUGHT TIGERS AND LIONS FOR HER FAMILY AND WAS SAVED BY WEETBIX AND WEETBIX ALONE 

ACTUALLY HAD A THING CALLED ‘WEETBIX DISCOURSE’ ON HER BLOG LIKE IT WAS ACTUALLY A THING THAT HAPPENED A REAL THING THAT OCCURED AND WAS PASSIONATELY ARGUED ABOUT AND I HAVE SEEN THINGS THAT CANNOT BE UNSEEN

RIGHTFULLY SO BC WEETBIX >>>>> JONAH GRIGGS I AM SORRY IT IS THE RULES

FUCK THE H8RS

like ??? is hilarious af QUEEN OF HUMOUR AND MAKING ME SNORT MY GODDAMN CHOCLATE MILK LIKE CAN U NOT BE SO EXCEPTIONAL U HO HAVE SOME CONSIDERATION U LIL BITCH but YES a++ top notch QUALITY storytelling skills in both fic writing and tequila struggles I APPRECIATE IT TO DEATH

ok ok ok also the most beautiful person ever??? LIKE ???????????????? BITCH WHAT THE FUCK ??????????????????????????????????????????????? WHO ALLOWED U

THE MOST PERFECT HAIR. ur hair is like waves of a golden ocean cascading from ur hEAD AND IT IS SO MAGICALLY FITTING B/C U R AN ETHEREAL BEING AND THE FACT THAT U HAVE AN ENTIRE WILD SEA RAGING ON UR HEAD JUST PROVES TO ME THAT U ARE A GOD AMONG MORTALS. UR HAIR IS SO PRETTY OK OK OKAY FUCK ME UP. STRAIGHT UP GORGEOUS. SO SOFT TOO AND SO SHINY AND IT FITS U SO WELL I AM FOREVER SCREAMING

THE MOST ANGEL FACE. GOATYS FACE LOOKS LIKE GOD OR WHOEVER THE FUCK WAS RESPONSIBLE CARVED IT OUT OF ROSE PETALS AND MARBLE LIKE. IT. IS. TRULY. THE MOST GORGEOUS THING ur face is softer than clouds tbh AND UR SMILE SAVES MY LIFE ITS BRIGHTER THAN THE ENTIRE UNIVERSE CONDENSED AND SOMETIMES WHEN I SEE UR SELFIES I HAVE TO GO GET LASER EYE SURGERY BECAUSE I HAVE BEEN B L I N D E D

U R SO UNCONSIDERATE TO MY FRAGILE HEALTH HOW DARE YOU

SO. GODDAMN GORGEOUS SLAY MY ENTIRE LIFE I BEG U ID PAY U TO SIT ON ME WITH UR HUGE BONES AND SLOWLY CRUSH ME INTO AN ENDLESS DEATH I HAVE $4 LEFT OVER FROM MY LIFE SAVINGS DO IT BAE

has the best taste in music omg WHAT A BLESSING WE LIKE THE SAME SONGS AND IT ACTUALLY KIND OF SCARES ME B/C IT FEELS LIKE WE ARE THE SAME PERSON AND THIS DOES NOT HELP MY CONSTANT STATE OF EXISTENTIAL CRISIS

HAS THE BEST TASTE IN BOOKS and adores skam as much as i do AND LOVES CHRIS/EVA AS MUCH AS IDO AND WROTE A FIC FOR THEM AND THE SNIPPET FROM IT ????? MY SOUL. GONE.

so tol and will never stop accusing me of being smol but listen up aight. imma FUCK YOU UP. REAL GOOD. ONE DAY. WHEN I CAN AFFORD TO BUY A LADDER. UNTIL THEN SLEEP WITH ONE EYE OPEN BINCH BC I AM COMING TO GET U

and is also the smartiest smart to ever smart LOOK AT MY U GO WITH UR EXCELLENCE ENDORSEMENT when i buy that ladder I WILL CLIMB IT AND HOVER AROUND UR HEAD LOTS SO I CAN ABSORB UR POWERS AND ALSO BREATHE THE FRESH AIR UP THERE WHICH IS NOT AVAILABLE TO GROUNDED PEASANTS SUCH AS ME

AND IS THE BEST COOKIE THE LOVE OF MY LIFE LIKE IF THIS ISNT ENOUGH TO CONVINCE ANYONE THAT CAROLINE IS BEYOND EXCEPTIONAL FOR OUR GALAXY THEN THEY CAN FUCK OFF PLS OK

like honestly,,, MY LOVE I COULD GO ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS AND CENTURIES UNTIL MY TEETH FALL OUT AND I GROW SENILE WITH MY LOVE BUT THE POINT OF THIS HOT STEAMING LAME MESS IS THAT I LOVE YOU TO BLOODY PIECES UR SO F U C K I N G INCREDIBLE I AM SO GLAD I MET YOU AND THAT YOU TAlk TO ME AND WE EMAIL EACH OTHER AND I AM BLESSED THAT YOU EVEN THINK OF ME AND THAT FREID CHAIR LOVES ME AND THAT U R MY GOAT BC UR MY ONLY GOAT AND UR THE BEST ONE THERE IS NO SHADE @ ALL OTHER GOATS BUT LIKE. IM SORRY I CANNOT TELL A LIE

IT IS THE COLD HARD TRUTH. 

and like??? i did a /search/deadgwen ON @jiilys BC I WANTED TO LOOK AT ALL OUR OLD STUFFS FROM 2015 and I Regret it I Regret it So Much theres a selfie from like when i was 14 and an idiot still on Ur blog and I look like an actual tragedy I Want to Die  we have known each other for so long its RIDICULOUS UR STILL AS AMAZING AS U WERE BACK THEN AND I AM MORE OR LESS CURED OF MY CONDITION OF BEING AN EMBARASSING DIPSHIT AND ITS CRAZY HOW MUCH YOUNGER WE WERE THEN LIKE UM WTF BUT UR STILL AS BEAUTIFUL AND 9384930X TIMES MORE AND I STILL LOVE U BC UR PERFECT AS EVER AND THAT IS WHAT MATTERS

NOW. I WAS GONNA MAKE YOU A PRESENT LIKE I REALLY DID BAE I TRIED SO MUCH SHIT ITS HORRIBLE BC LIKE ??? I WANTED TO MAKE YOU A PRESENTATION ON UR GOAT SUPERIORTY LIKE I DID LAST YEAR EXCEPT Like i am a fucking asshole™(COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE MAN TEH MYTH THE LEGEND) who cannot do shit FOR SHIT it turned out so Awful and i cANNOT GRAPHIC BABE I TRIED TO MAKE YOU THIS EDIT AND THEN I REALIZED IT WAS Bad AND FOUGHT MYSELF FOR SIX HOURS AND I CANNOT WRITE AND YOU DESERVE ALL THE GIFTS EVER BUT I AM TRULY AWFUL

*ZCRIES*

I KNOW IM  LAME AND MY ONLY TALENT IS YELLING FOR HOURS ON END I WISH I COULD HAVE MADE YOU SOMETHING REALLY COOL BC ITS UR SEVENTEETH AND 17 IS THE BEST NUMBER AND UR LOVELY AND I LOVE YOU SO PLEASE FORGIVE ME BAE FOR BEING AN ACTUAL GARAGE ASSHOLE (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS THE EXPERIENCE) SHIT DICK 100% TERRIBLE DICKFLUTE OKAY I LOVE YOU AND I CAN NEVER IMAGINE WHAT I WOULD BE WITHOUT YOU IN MY LIFE AND I HOPE YOU HAVE A REALLY REALLY REALLY GOOD YEAR LIKE FUCK SHIT UP BAE UR GONNA BE IN YEAR 13 ITS ALL GONNA BE SO AWFUL AND WE WILL ALL DIE aND WERE SO O L D JESUS CHRIST IF HEART ATTACKS DONT TAKE US OUT NCEA LEVEL 3 WILL BUT I HOPE THIS WILL BE A SUPER GOOD YEAR FOR U IN REGARDS OF EVERYTHING BECAUSE U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT U DESERVE IT I HOPE THINGS WILL LEAD UP TO U GETTING THAT APARTMENT IN NEW YORK AND ALL THE HIGH HEELS THAT U WILL WEAR AND ALL THE YELLOW FLOWERS THAT U WILL BUY AND UR CAREER AS A LIFECHANGING LITERARY GENIUS OK OK I LOVE YOU HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABE

ok ok ok but. 

ONE MORE THING.

LISTEN.

THE FUCKING

*CLECNHES JAW*

REBLOG FIASCO

*FLINGS MY ASS INTO THE SUN*

WHEN IT IS GOOD AND DAYLIGHT. U HAVE UNTIL THEN. LIKE I KNOW THIS IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH AND I LOVE YOU BUT FUCK OFF HWO COULD YOU DO THIS TO ME I FUCKING TRUSTED YOU I FUCKING FUCK JUST FUCK YOU FUCKING DICK i will RIOT 

OKAY BABE ITS MIDNIGHT AND ILL BE UP IN ABOUT SIX HOURS AND LIKE. ANYTHING. ANYTHING ELSE FOR UR BIRTHDAY WISH OK BABE IM GONNA FUCKING DIE THIS IS IT THIS THE END I WILL GO DOWN SWEARING PROFUSELY WITH A HIGH BLOOD PRESSURE AND U WILL BE WATCHING AND LAUGHI G ANF @OFFICALTALL FUCK YU FUCKDUCKUD CUDCKUD DNUSJNDJF FUCK U @GOATY FUCK. UFCN WHERE IS UR HOOF WHY ARE U NOT FEELIN THE TEMPERATURE ITS EBOLA ITS GOATBOLA I WONT MAKE IT UNTIL DAWN I WONT SEE THE SUNLIGHT GOATY I CANT *FAKE CRYING SOUNDS* I WILL DIE. IT WILL HAPPEN. AND I WANT IT TO BE KNOWN THAT U ARE THE BITCH THAT KILLED ME. *MORE FAKE ZCRYING SOUNDS* I MUST SEND MESSAGES TO ALL MY DEAREST KIND FRIENDS WHO HAVE NEVER FUCKED ME LIKE THIS ALRIGHT *FAKE COUGHING* TELL THEM THAT I *MORE FAKE COUGHOGN* LOVE THEM *THROWS KETCHUP PACKET EVERYWHERE WHILE UR NOT LOOKING AND BUSY BEING WORRIED ABOUT MY HEALTH* AND I WILL REMEMBER THEM EVEN IN DEATH

ANYWAY HERE IS MY WILL:

WHAT U GET:

nothing

u get nothing

bINCH

zero. zip. nada

0 potato 4 u

U CAN HAVE THE SALT FROM MY KITCHEN SO U WILL BE PERPETUALLY REMINDED OF MY LAST EMOTIONS TOWARDS THIS LIFE

maybe like the one half a potato that was randomly in my drIVEWAY THAT ONE TIME 

M A Y B E

WHAT GOOD KIND LOVING FRIENDS, SUCH AS MILS AND FRIED CHAIR AND ELLIE AND OTHER ASSORTED PEOPLES WHICH I SHALL ADDRESS IN CLAUSE 4.20 OF THE TERMS AND CONDITIONS OF MY WILL, GET:

actually mils is a hoe and can choke but u r the evil here rn aND FOR THE PURPOSES OF THIS ARGUMENT WE WILL PRETEND THAT I LIKE MILS

ANYWAY. REALLY GOOD THINGS I OWN

I HAVE SOME SOCKS I DONT WANT U GUYS CAN HAVE THEM

AND LIKE

MY DUVET

SEE GOATY THESE ARE THE KIND OF HEART TOUCHING POST DEATH GIFTS U MISS OUT ON WHEN U MURDER ME IN COLD BLOOD

ALSO NO TOUCHING MY MANGOES THAT I BOUGHT TWO DAYS AGO BECAUSE I STILL WANT TO EAT THEM AND IF ANYONE EVEN BREATHES IN THEIR GENERAL DIRECTION I WILL BEAT THEM UNCONSCIOUS WITH A TELEPHONE THIS IS A T H R E A T

I HOPE UR TAKING NOTES AND I HOPE U FEEL GOOD ABOUT BEING A 6′3 KILLER BECAUSE UR AN ASSHOLE ™LIKE UR ASSHOLIER™ THAN THE REAL ASSHOLE THAT IS JONAH GRIGGS™ THE LABEL™ (COPYRIGHT JONAH GRIGGS™ THE ANT MURDERING HOT PIECE OF ASS™) BUT I WILL DIE FOR U MY GOAT *strokes ur pretty face* BC IT IS UR BIRTHDAY WISH FOR ME TO SUFFER AND I LOVE YOU AND I WOULD DO ANYTHING FOR U THEREFORE . DESPITE THIS SICKNESS *FLAILS* I. WILL. BE. BRAVE. I WILL REBLOG THOSE TWENTY POSTS I WILL FLATLINE BY THE THIRD POST AND MY BLOOD WILL BE ON UR HANDS *CAREFULLY ARRANGES MY STUNT GOAT IN POSITION* AND I WILL BE YELLING CURSES AT YOU IN THE TAGS BUT I WILL DIE IN THE NAME OF HONOUR I WILL GO DOWN AS A GOAT NEVER HAS BEFORE 

BUT LIKE !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I LOVE YOU AND I I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU AND I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU I LOVE YOU SO SO SO SO SO SO SO MUCH YOU ARE ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC I AM SO HAPPY U EXIST. HAVE THE BOMBEST ASS 17TH BIRTHDAY BABE I HOPE UR PARTY IS LIT AND HAVE FUN GETTING DRUNK AND HAVING ALL THE BANTS AND LAFFS AND ALSO I WILL SEND U THE AWAITED EMAIL IN A FEW HOURS WHEN MY INTERENT IS BACK ON  BECAUSE IT IS A CONTINUATION OF THIS BULLSHIT WITH SOME STRUCTURED DISCUSSION AKA WHAT THE FUCK DO U HAVE AGAINST SMIRNOFF ICE how is it not HARDCORE enough for u IT IS LITERALLY FLAVOURED VODKA DOES IT NOT KNOCK OUT UR 6′3 ASS OR WHAT EXCUSE ME 

ANYWAY IN CONCLUSION.

HAPPY. SEVENTEENTH. BIRTHDAY. MY. CHUM.

*BLOWS U A KISS*

*PUTS ON TWO FÜR COATS TO REMAIN UNDETECTED* 

*STEALS ALL UR WEETBIX AND RUNS AWAY TO ALASKA NEVER TO BE SEEN AGAIN*

*still replies ur emails tho cuz i love u bitch y u do dis to me*