#it’s for sure one of their favorite sounds

[pellucid-constellations]

I Have A Feeling You Got Everything You Wanted

Pairing: Azriel x Reader

Summary: Falling in love with Azriel had never been in the cards. Falling in love with anyone other than the husband your father appointed to you had always been a far-fetched notion. And that was a truth you had lived by. 10 years ago.

Word count: 5k

Warnings: Yearning, pining, all that is longing and angst and exes to lovers <3

a/n: Guys I adored writing this so I hope you love it!! Inspired by 'We Hug Now' by Sydney Rose. I so so appreciate hearing what you think. Thank you for reading!!

Read the continuation of Warren's story here

Main Masterlist ♡

~~

You fiddled with the ring on your finger, passing it over your knuckle and twisting it back down. 

Your stomach hurt, pain and nausea mingling with such severity you feared you would be sick. The thought was comical, in a way. The company at the table would be so concerned over their dresses and the obscenely expensive tablecloth that you could probably sneak away. But that would still be a feat considering the heavy palm resting on your thigh. 

Warren was a nice man. He fulfilled his duties as the man you were to marry with dutiful purpose. He learned your favorite foods, how you liked your tea in the morning, and the shops you frequented. He touched you kindly, respectfully, and he was always nice to your friends. He was nice. But you were not in love with him. 

In Warren’s defense, you were never going to be in love with him. Your father had decided that you should be, however, so you were promised to him from a young age. That was typical of the high fae with your family’s rank, and you had evaded that duty for some time now. Your father had given into your whims for several years, allowing you to “galavant around”, as he would say, acting as the Winter Court’s emissary until Warren’s family grew impatient. 

Your return to Winter had been met with immediate wedding planning. You had been called upon for floral arrangements and the menu and to finalize the color scheme. Warren had done his best to quell his incessant mother’s demands, but the wedding was a court affair and everyone was thrilled. 

Well, most were. 

Before you had stepped foot in the Night Court ten years ago, you had been indifferent about the wedding. Sure, it wasn’t optimal to have to marry a man you knew so little about, but it had been an expectation since your birth. Warren may not have been your choice, but he was certainly not the worst choice when compared to the other eligible bachelors in the pool. You had left to act as emissary with a gentle begrudging that cared little for the future. 

You had returned with so much indescribable longing that you had trouble speaking to others. 

Every decision you made was accompanied by an inundating weight that threatened to crush you. You chose daisies for the aisle and you thought of him. You wore that ridiculous wedding dress with the high neck and drapey sleeves and you remembered how he used to touch you. You sat at this dinner, celebrating the joining of two families, and you reminisced on how it felt to sit with him, with his family, and to feel that you belonged somewhere. 

The urge to be sick persisted as your future mother-in-law hoisted her glass in the air, bubbles losing weight and flying up to the rim. 

It was cruel—all the mundane things that reminded you of him. 

“To my son,” Warren’s mother toasted, white furs puffing around her cheeks. “And his new bride-to-be. We are overjoyed that the long-awaited day meets us!” 

You gritted through your smile, raising your glass to your lips. The edge hit your teeth and the sound of the impact vibrated your brain. 

“Oops,” you giggled, the splattering of fae wine against cobblestone suddenly hilarious. “Who did that?” 

“I believe you are the only one in this alleyway, my love.” Azriel’s smooth voice sent a pleasant warmth up your spine. 

You whirled around, night air kissing your bare shoulders. It felt electric when accompanied by Azriel’s adoring smile—addicting. 

“You followed me,” you mused, curling your glass into your chest and stepping closer to the Shadowsinger. 

Azriel met your steps without pause. “Of course I did.” You smiled at him, light and airy. He brought soft fingers up to brush along your face as he asked, “Are you alright?” 

“More than alright,” you were quick to reply. “Just needed some air. It gets so hot in there.” 

He hummed, eyes tracing over your features. “Want to go home?” 

“I feel that Mor would be angry with me.” 

“She would only be angry for a day. Buy her those shoes she was eyeing.” 

“And why should I choose to go home with you?” 

Azriel pressed his lips against yours in a tender kiss. He moved back, only an inch, and whispered, “Come with me and you’ll find out.” 

“That reminds me of when Warren climbed that icy tree in the courtyard. Oh, what a silly child he was!” A boisterous aunt clapped her hands as she shouted, snapping you out of the memory with a small jump. 

Your chest ached as you breathed out a laugh and rejoined the table. 

Beside you, Warren chuckled, his hand brushing lightly near your knee. “Please, do not bring up anything I’ve done before the age of twenty,” he pleaded. His eyes shone their pretty blues. His hair looked enticingly soft. “I don’t need y/n to have those images in her mind.” 

He turned slightly, flashing you a small smile that spelled marital secrets and private conversations through eyes. 

Where you should have felt the lightness of new love elating you, buzzing at your skin, you felt the increasing urge to cry. You couldn’t. You wouldn’t cry. You hadn’t cried since the night you left him. 

“I’m sure it would only make you that much more endearing,” you teased, swallowing hard when Warren took your words as an opening to dive into a tale of the past. 

He didn’t deserve this, in all honesty. 

Warren was a nice man. 

But Azriel— 

“You are so beautiful.” 

“You’re supposed to be watching, Az,” you admonished, tucking your face into his arm to hide the heat on your face.

“I am watching,” he argued. He leaned down, your back pressed to his chest, and kissed the skin above your ear.

“Not me. The stars,” you clarified. 

You tilted your head slightly, meeting the crook of his elbow where it rounded your shoulders. He kissed you again and again, mapping out the top of your head with the delicate pecks. You laughed and that only egged him on. He turned you and pressed you back until your spine met the railing of the balcony, and then he was kissing your cheeks and your temple—the bridge of your nose and your brow. 

“Azriel,” you tried again, but his smile was against your skin and he wasn’t listening. “You’re missing Starfall!” 

“I can see it next year,” he murmured against you.

“And you can kiss me whenever you want.” 

He paused, pulling back to catch your eyes. You smiled, confused at the serious moment in the otherwise light mood. He had no response to your confusion, only leaning back in to brush his nose against yours. 

Maybe he had known. 

You had foolishly thought this all to be avoidable, figuring your father would understand that you had found happiness. That he would have cared and given up on this unwanted marriage. 

He hadn’t.

“Isn’t that right?” 

You blinked, turning to your fiance with a haze in your eyes.

You hadn’t been listening. 

The cake on your plate was becoming stale, its untouched state starkly contrasted with the empty glass of champagne to the left. You pulled your lips into a line, searching Warren’s encouraging eyes as he tried to help you. It didn’t work; you had no idea where the conversation was left. 

“I’m sorry,” you bluntly stated, voice turned up into the posh tone your father had ingrained in you. You turned to address the table. “I seem to have been lost in my head. I didn’t sleep very well last night. Catch me up?” 

Warren gave your knee a fond squeeze before removing his hand to place it on the back of your chair. He leaned down slightly, his voice lowering as he offered a gentle excuse for you. She has been so incredibly busy, he offered warmly, she’ll be even busier when the wedding is over. 

You felt as if you were underwater. Your face lit up with another asinine smile and it was difficult to breathe. Not because you weren’t used to this setting—not because Warren was a bad man. This was supposed to be your life. This was what you were supposed to be doing. 

There had never been any indication of a different path.

“I love you.” 

You whipped your head to the side, abandoning the sketchbook in your lap as your charcoal rolled into the seat cushions. 

“What?” 

Azriel smiled. He leaned over the pillow separating you, tucking your knees further into your chest as he closed the space on the loveseat. “I said I love you,” he repeated, breath fanning over your lips. “I’ve told you before, but you haven’t heard me.” 

You let out an incredulous huff of laughter, your gaze bouncing between both of his eyes. “When? I don’t remember that.” 

“At the Sidra yesterday. Last week at the shops. Three days ago when you fell asleep on me.” 

“No, you didn’t! I would have remembered.” 

Azriel tucked your hair behind your ear and left his hand resting on your cheek. “You are often oblivious to your surroundings, my love. Especially when something is interesting in front of you like fish or jewels.” 

You scoffed. “Not true. My father made sure I was very observant. My tutor would smack the back of my neck any time I got distracted.” 

Azriel tutted, disapproval darkening his eyes as he brushed his scarred hand to cup the back of your neck. He shifted on the loveseat so you were sat on his lap, his other hand finding a home on the side of your thighs. 

“That is cruel,” Azriel remarked. “Being distracted is in your nature. I don’t know if there is a time you are not distracted.” 

“There are many interesting things to look at,” you mused, humming as his fingers inched up your scalp. 

“I’m sure.” A pause. Azriel had the gall to look unsure. “You do not have to love me back.” 

Your posture stiffened, the words leaving you before you could consider them. “I love you, Azriel. I love you, too.” 

He seemed to slump against you at that, tension you didn’t know was there leaving his body. He offered you a warm smile and then kissed you—and kissed you and kissed you. 

It had seemed like there was another path. 

“If you’ll excuse us,” Warren announced to the table. A musician had begun to play the harp in the corner of the restaurant. “My bride and I have much to discuss tonight so we must retire. Please, continue to enjoy the night.” 

Confused and disoriented, you took his gloved hand in yours and said goodbye to the correct people. You weren’t supposed to be the first to leave. This was your rehearsal dinner. 

Warren guided you into the winding hall, his grip soft and reassuring. You attempted not to trip on your dress as you went, your head throbbing with an invisible pain that seemed to linger these months back in Winter. 

It had been months without seeing him. 

You were getting married the next day.

It would be final then. 

The first step outside the restaurant was both invigorating and unpleasant, the cold air assaulting your senses. It did the job of snapping you out of your thoughts, but then you were left standing in the snow before Warren, and that was a similar form of torture. 

“Tell me what’s wrong,” he prompted, tugging your cloak over your shoulders. You had missed him grabbing it from the coat check. “You’ve been off since you returned but it’s worse tonight.” 

Warren had known you peripherally before you left for the Night Court. You were to be married, so he made it a point to at least meet you before you were gone. He had not known you would be gone for years, but neither had you. The last time you spoke to Warren before you had met Azriel, a wilted salad sat between him and your father, the pair discussing politics and import prices. 

Warren would not have known something was wrong, he hardly knew you, but he did anyway. Because he had made it a point to be a good husband. 

That’s what made this even more tortuous. 

Maybe, if he were terrible, it would be easy. 

Your chin wobbled for a moment of breath. You’d pass it off as a chill. 

“Nothing is wrong,” you smiled, cheeks already stiff from the cold. “I didn’t sleep well. That’s all.”

Warren closed his eyes, breath a white puff before him. “Don’t lie.” 

“Don’t lie.” 

“I’m not!”

Azriel tugged his hand through his hair. His face was flushed, feet taking him in a disorganized line around the room. “You are engaged.” 

“Not by choice. I don’t know him, not really. I could tell my father—” 

“You would be shunned—cut off. I know how noble families are, y/n.” 

The use of your name struck you, a stark contrast to the soft, endearing terms Azriel so loved to use around you. You flinched unconsciously, eyes darting around his room to find some sort of explanation for this. 

“I don’t care about any of that,” you urged. You remained rooted in the doorway, unable to move. “I’d stay here. I wouldn’t go back.” 

“You would leave your family? Your… fiancé?” Azriel spit out the last word. The crumbled missive crinkled in your hand as you clutched it tighter. 

“I would do anything to be with you.” 

“Don’t say that. Don’t make this my decision.” 

The paper fell from your fingers. You brought your palm to your chest, ignoring the harshness of his tone. “No, I know. This isn’t—this is my choice, Azriel. I want to stay here. To be with you.” 

“I can’t be the reason you abandon your family. Your responsibilities. You—You lied, y/n. You never told me about any of this,” Azriel bit out, hands curled into fists. 

“I’m sorry! I wanted to—I did—but I was so afraid you would be angry. And then I fell in love with you and—” 

Azriel held his hand up, abruptly stopping your teary explanation. His chest visibility heaved. “You should go.” 

“What?”

“Answer your father. Tell him you’ll comply with the date.” 

Tears wet your cheeks, the silence following his demand pressing them down in heavy streaks. He stared back at you and he looked so angry, his eyes a calculated cold. He had never looked at you like that. 

“You’re hurt,” you spoke, voice a mess of tears. “You don’t mean that.” 

He only shook his head slightly. “I do.” 

“Azriel, I love you. I was promised to marry him when I was born. I don’t—” 

The muscle in his jaw feathered, effectively silencing you. His shadows were going haywire, half of them wrapped around their master, protecting him, the other half twining around your chest. Did they know you were in pain? Did they know your chest wouldn’t move?

“Okay,” you relented. More tears fell when Azriel only gave you a hard stare. “Okay, I—I’m sorry, Azriel. I love you—” 

You choked on a sob when he turned around, apparently unable to watch as you broke down. 

And that's what made this the most torturous of all; you could leave Warren—maybe—and Azriel still wouldn’t want you back. 

You decided you wouldn’t lie to Warren just as you didn’t to Azriel.

“I fell in love.” 

Warren nodded, barely blinking at your admission. “In Night?” 

Your brow furrowed. “Yes, but—you aren’t angry?” 

“I couldn’t expect you to tie yourself to me. You didn’t know me when we were engaged and I didn’t do the best job at getting to know you when we came of age.” 

“I left.” 

“To meet your soulmate, it seems.” 

“We had no mating bond.” 

Warren’s mouth ticked up at the corner. He adjusted the collar of your cloak and dusted the snow from your shoulder. “A mating bond is not always the answer.” 

Faelight from the post beside the restaurant gleamed off the bronze hues in Warren’s hair. He leaned back, hands encasing your upper arms. “I’ve missed my chance then.”

Something soft fractured inside of you—because he was right. Warren could be all things kind and loving and he wouldn’t be Azriel. No one would be. 

“I’m sorry,” you softly spoke. “I never meant—” 

“Don’t apologize. Go to him.” 

Your lips parted. “Warren, I couldn’t. We’re to be married tomorrow. I wouldn’t do that to you. And our families would be enraged.” 

“I’m hardly concerned about our families. As much as I would have enjoyed marrying you—and I would have, please do not get that misconstrued—there are several noble ladies my mother has lined up and already ready, I’m sure. And as for your family… to be honest, y/n, you came back from Night brighter than I remember you. It seems you have another family waiting for you.” 

It all sounded wonderful—wonderful and so, so easy. You’d have Warren as an ally and you could return to the people you’d called home for so many years. You’d feel at home. The loss of your homeland would sting, but it was a worthy sacrifice. 

But then you remembered the anger and hurt in Azriel’s eyes, and this was no longer easy. 

The light extinguished from your eyes, shoulders deflating in Warren’s hold. “I can’t. He was so angry with me.” 

“When?” 

You met the blues of his eyes, chest hollow. “He found out about our engagement the night before I returned. He told me to go. He was—Warren, he wouldn’t want me back.”

Warren clicked his tongue. “I can guarantee that he’s kicking himself over that. He didn’t mean it. Imagine you learned he was engaged after so many years together. That can’t have been easy.” 

“I know,” you mumbled, ashamed. 

“But—” he continued “—if he loves you, he would have regretted that the moment you left. Go back to him. Speak with him. If he turns you away we can still be married in the morning.” 

“You would still marry me?” you deadpanned, brow raised in amusement. 

“It’s either you or the girl my mother surely has on standby.” 

You scoffed out a laugh and pushed at his chest. He grabbed his sweater in mock pain, a charming smile playing on his face. 

Despite the task that awaited you, you felt lighter. You let out a resolute sigh before saying, “You’re going to be a wonderful husband, Warren.” 

He looked up at you from where he had bent his neck, peeking out from below his lashes. “Just not to you?” he asked. 

“Not to me,” you affirmed. 

~~

The air in the Night Court felt different—shimmering, somehow, although that may have been chalked up to the anxiety coursing through your veins. The crystalline silk dress still adorning your frame stood out against the dark hues of the court. 

It had been a feat to get up to the house. After winnowing into the outskirts of Velaris, you had prayed Mor was home to the tune of several knocks on her door. She was—thankfully—and seemingly more than happy to see you. She had rushed through a tale of how terrible Azriel was doing without you that quickly morphed into a lecture about how pissed she was that you left without a proper farewell. 

You had apologized, and she had sent for someone with wings. 

Cassian appeared next, rattling off much of the same as Mor only with more shouting and less snapping. After several apologies, Cassian brought you up to the House and then promptly left to the opposite side of the House. 

And so, you were left alone with an insurmountable task. 

The halls of the House were painfully familiar, each step a reminder of the life you once thought to be forever. You passed your room—only used for the first few months before you made a home in Azriel’s—several sitting rooms, the kitchen; Azriel’s door was closed. 

You hadn’t knocked on it in years. 

You sucked in a breath, allowing it to fill your chest and then your stomach, and then you knocked. And knocked again. 

“I told you to leave it, Cassian,” came Azriel’s reply. “I don’t wish to talk about it.” 

His voice was rough and thick. You knocked again, listening close to the wood for the sound of footfall or movement. You only heard Azriel’s bed shift. 

You knocked again.

No answer. 

Well, if you were going to do this it wasn’t going to be halfway. 

You turned the knob, the metal cold and reassuring under your palm. You had done that before. 

Azriel’s room was much of the same. Some things were missing; paintings on the wall had been removed, the side of the bed you typically slept on looked all but bare, his curtains had been changed. 

Your gaze went out before it went in, and when it went in, you saw him. Hunched over on the side of his bed, Azriel sat with his elbows on his knees and his head in his hands. His fingers were threaded through his hair, his room almost unseeably dark. He didn’t look up when you entered. 

“I want to be left alone,” he grunted out. He sniffed. “Tell me after she’s married and only then.” 

He knew you were getting married tomorrow. He had kept track. 

Obviously, that had been a possibility, but you had expected more avoidance. He was angry with you—at you. He couldn’t even look at you when you left, hadn’t told you he loved you as you packed your things and vanished. It would have made sense if he resented you. If he stayed away from all things that involved you. 

“I am not getting married.” 

His head snapped up at a vicious speed, hands falling into his lap just as quickly. His shadows, once in a clump at his feet, exclaimed in the air before cautiously edging towards you. He took you in, eyes roving over your figure in a panic. You caught the reflection on his cheekbones in the small amount of light filtering past his curtains. His eyes were swollen, his face gaunt. 

His voice cracked as it formed the sounds of your name. 

Nerves caught up with you. You closed the door behind you and stayed rooted in the same spot you had left him in, feet creating an indent by the wall. You played with your fingers at your waist. 

“Um, hello,” you greeted, clearing your throat. It hurt to look at him, you realized. You tore your eyes from his ruined expression to gaze down at your hands. “I realize you told me to leave. And I did—I had every intention of following my father’s requests as you told me to do. But—um. Warren could tell something was off. I was trying my best, I swear I was, but it was hard to fall back into that role after spending so much time here. After being comfortable here. With you.”

You chewed at your cheek for a moment. A bad habit you had picked up in the months back in Winter. Azriel’s bed creaked. He’d stood up. 

He was going to leave. You needed to get this out, quickly. 

“I know you’re angry and I’m so sorry, Azriel. I had foolishly thought I could avoid the fate my father had set out if I just ignored it. If I just lived out my life here with you. I thought it would all go away so I never told you about Warren and—” 

“Please,” Azriel interrupted. “Stop saying his name.”

You could feel his presence. Now directly in front of you, his shadows became more comfortable and had taken to sliding along your skin. Azriel stepped forward until you could hear his breath, but you refused to look up. You couldn’t. 

You apologized instead. “I just came back because… I just wanted you to know that you have become my family. You had said that I was making a choice between you and my family, but that’s not true. I feel at home here. And you can tell me to leave again. You can and I’ll—” 

“Look at me.” 

You sucked in a breath, picking at the skin of your palm. 

Azriel placed his thumb and forefinger on your chin, tilting your face up to his. The first touch of his skin against yours had warmth blooming in your gut, but it was quickly replaced with a tight ball of anxiety when his eyes met yours. 

“Gods, I’ve missed your eyes,” he all but sighed. You backed up a step until your back met his door. He followed. “Is it my turn to talk?”

You pressed your lips together and nodded. 

“Letting you leave—speaking to you like that—has been my greatest regret,” he began, the gravelly nature of his voice conveying more than his words ever could. His lashes were damp as they fanned against his cheeks. 

“I didn’t tell you the truth. You had every right—” 

Azriel pressed his thumb to your bottom lip and trained his eyes on the skin he displaced. He winced with a slight shake of his head. “I’m talking, my love.” 

He continued. “I did not have the right. I was hurt, you were correct, but I wasn’t listening. It was unfair of me to react that way. I wanted you to come back the moment you left.” 

“Then why didn’t you come get me?” you whispered. 

“I thought you had everything you wanted. I figured—y/n, I have never been the best option. I’m a killer. I have hang-ups. I wanted you to have a way out.” 

“I didn’t want a way out,” you stressed, gripping Azriel’s wrist. He had moved his hand back to cup your jaw. “I wanted you. I didn’t care about any of that. I was willing to throw away my entire life in Winter to stay.” 

“I know.” 

“And then you told me to leave.”

“I know.” 

“It’s not fair.” 

Azriel let out a tortured breath. His shoulders sagged and his forehead met yours, even though he didn’t ask, even though you weren’t sure who was mad at who anymore. You kept your eyes open as his closed, watching his face twist. 

“Wanted?” 

You drew back. “What?” 

Azriel’s eyes opened. “You said wanted. That you wanted me. That you were willing to stay.” 

You could only stare at him. 

“Does that mean… is this irreparable?” 

“Why do you think I’m here, Azriel?” A broken, defeated smile donned your face. “I don’t think we could ever be irreparable. I don’t think I’d have the strength to keep that up.” 

He was kissing you, a hurried press of his lips against yours, and his sticky cheeks became wet once more as they brushed against yours. His hands found the back of your head, your waist, pulling you in closer. His wings came around to keep you in place—unnecessary. You weren’t going to leave. 

He pressed harder still, barely enough air between you to breathe. He took the small amount that was there, whispering apologies and declarations against your lips. 

“I’m so sorry.” 

“I know, Azriel.” 

“Please don’t marry him.” 

“I won’t.”

“I love you. So much.” 

You kissed him more, softer, and he let you set the pace. At some point, his feet had guided you to the plush surface of his bed, positioning you at the head without ever breaking from your lips. 

“I’m sorry,” he said again—a kiss to your jaw, one along your temple. “I will spend the rest of my life making this up to you. Showing you how much I love you.” 

“It’s okay, Azriel. I’m sorry too—” 

“Don’t. Please. I played out you returning to me so many times in my head. You never apologized in them. You have no reason to.” 

You threaded your fingers through the hair on his nape, eyes cast softly up as he hovered above you. “I could have been more open.” 

“I’ve thought about that. I—I was foolish to think you’d want that future. You are nothing like the woman they have forced you into the mold of.” 

A small smile. “So you’ve noticed?” 

Azriel only kissed you once more before a seriousness cast over his face. “Were you… treated well?” 

“Treated well?”

“I believe his name is Warren.” 

You fought back a laugh at the way he mumbled the words. “You’re worried he was cruel?” 

“Among other things. I know how noblemen can behave.” 

“And when did you begin to worry about that.” 

“From the moment you said his name was Warren.” 

You did laugh that time, shifting on the bed until Azriel laid on his back. You rested along his side, palm flat on his chest. Like a moth to a flame, Azriel’s wings captured you in their own hold. “Warren would have made a good husband. He is a kind man—doting, even.” Azriel tensed beneath you, but you only smoothed your fingers down the plane of his chest. “But I didn’t love him. Maybe I could have tried, before I met you. But not after.” 

Azriel rested his hand atop yours, squeezing your fingers. “I will thank him then. For caring for you when I did not.” 

You looked at him softly, removing your hand to brush stray hairs from his forehead. “He told me to go to you. I was at my rehearsal dinner. I think if I had opened my mouth I would have said your name.” 

He responded with a hand rubbing circles into your back. You laid your head on his chest. “Things will be different now. I can’t go home for a while.” 

“You are home,” he replied. “Things may be different, but I will never be different. Not when it comes to you.”

Read the continuation of Warren's story here

[gf2bellamy]

Hiii

I was wondering if you could do established post prison spencer and shy reader, where he unintentionally calls her a pet name (preferably angel but anything sweet is fine!) and she gets all flustered and her brain short circuits, but he doesn’t notice. And then he does it again, but notices this time and decides to tease her about it. Thankyouuuu <3 (No pressure at all btw!)

angel — spencer reid

pairing: spencer reid x fem!reader ( no use of y/n ) content warnings: established relationship , use of nickname "angel" a/n: hi hi hi !! hope you like this <3 also this gif makes me weak in the knees

“Spencer, I’m home,” you called out. The scent of fresh pastries clung to the air, warm and sweet, as you held a paper bag.

You had left early this morning, well before the sun had fully risen, slipping out of bed carefully so as not to wake the man still tangled in the sheets.

Even then, Spencer had stirred, his fingers instinctively tightening around your waist in half-conscious protest.

“Be careful,” he had mumbled against the pillow, voice heavy with sleep, before finally—reluctantly—letting go.

Now, you heard the familiar sound of shuffling footsteps, followed by the soft creak of the bathroom door opening.

Moments later, Spencer appeared in the living room, still slightly disheveled, his damp curls sticking up in odd directions from his shower.

“Hey,” he greeted, his voice still sounding slightly sleepy.

He stepped closer, taking the bag from your hands before pressing a gentle kiss to your temple.

“What did you get?” he asked, settling onto the couch and peeking inside the bag with curiosity.

You sat down beside him, tucking your legs underneath yourself as you watched him rifle through the contents. “Your favorites,” you answered simply, a small smile tugging at your lips.

Spencer hummed, pleased, but before he could reach inside, you beat him to it, pulling out the chocolate donut you had specifically gotten for him. You held it out to him with a teasing glint in your eyes. “Here. This was the last one, so you got lucky.”

His lips twitched in amusement as he took it from you, wasting no time before taking a bite. As he chewed, he leaned back against the couch, and with a familiarity that had long since become second nature, he reached for you—his fingers curling around your leg, pulling you closer.

Content, you leaned into him, resting your head against his shoulder as he continued eating.

Then, Spencer pressed a kiss to the top of your head, murmuring against your hair, “Thank you, angel.”

Your body froze.

Your brain short-circuited, replaying the word over and over again as if trying to make sure you had actually heard it.

Angel.

It was soft, affectionate, intimate in a way that made your heart stumble over itself.

Spencer, completely unaware of your inner turmoil, took another bite of his donut, his attention drifting elsewhere as if he hadn’t just turned your brain into static noise.

Meanwhile, you sat there, wide-eyed, practically vibrating with flustered energy.

You swallowed, forcing yourself to take a slow, deep breath. Your face was on fire.

Spencer still didn’t seem to notice.

You weren’t sure if you should say something—should acknowledge it—or if you should just sit there, pretending that your heart wasn’t currently attempting to break the sound barrier.

Instead, you squeezed your eyes shut, pressing your forehead against his shoulder in an attempt to steady yourself.

Spencer glanced down at you. “You okay?”

You nodded quickly, though you weren’t entirely sure if that was true.

He simply wrapped an arm around you, tucking you closer against his side, and went back to eating as if he hadn’t just shattered your entire world with one simple word.

And despite the lingering flustered feeling in your chest, you couldn’t help but think that maybe—just maybe—you wouldn’t mind hearing it again.

A week had passed since that morning, and Spencer had been away on a case for the past two days. You missed him terribly.

Lazily, you curled up on his couch, wrapped in your favorite sweater of his—the soft, oversized one that still smelled like him.

A book rested in your lap, though you had read the same sentence at least three times now, too distracted to focus. You absentmindedly popped a blueberry into your mouth, sighing.

Then, you heard the familiar jingle of keys at the door.

Your heart leaped into your throat, and before you could even process it, you were already up on your feet.

“Hi!” you blurted out the moment Spencer stepped inside.

He barely had time to shut the door before you were in front of him, eyes shining with excitement. He let out a surprised chuckle, dropping his bags carelessly to the floor before immediately wrapping his arms around you.

The hug was bone-crushing, his grip tight as if he was trying to mold you into him, make up for every second he had been away. His lips pressed into the top of your shoulder, his breath warm against your skin.

You melted.

“I missed you,” you murmured into his curls, rubbing slow circles against his back.

Spencer let out the softest sigh, like the tension of the last few days had completely unraveled just from having you in his arms.

His voice was muffled against your skin when he mumbled, “Missed you too, angel.”

Your entire body stiffened.

It was like your brain hit a glitch, your hands freezing mid-movement as your breath caught in your throat.

Angel.

Again.

For the second time, the simple endearment sent your mind into overdrive, your heartbeat stuttering as warmth spread through you like wildfire.

Spencer felt you tense and slowly pulled back, his brows furrowing slightly as he studied your face.

“What?” he asked, his expression shifting into one of confusion.

You opened your mouth, then closed it. Then opened it again, but nothing came out.

He tilted his head, clearly confused, before realization flickered across his face. His lips curled into the beginnings of a knowing smirk.

“Oh,” he said, drawing out the syllable.

Your face immediately burned.

Spencer’s smirk deepened. “Wait a second.” His voice took on a teasing lilt, and suddenly, you knew you were doomed.

You turned away, ready to escape the conversation entirely, but Spencer was faster. He caught your wrist with ease, gently tugging you back toward him. “Hold on, hold on,” he chuckled, eyes twinkling with amusement.

“Spencer,” you warned, refusing to meet his gaze.

“What is it about me calling you angel that makes you completely malfunction?” he mused aloud, his tone far too pleased with himself.

You huffed, attempting to wriggle free, but he only pulled you closer, his arms wrapping around your waist. His lips brushed the shell of your ear as he leaned in, his voice dropping to a murmur.

“Angel.”

You swore your brain turned to static.

Spencer laughed softly as you buried your face in his chest, too flustered to function properly. “That’s cute,” he said, resting his chin atop your head. “I’m definitely calling you that more often.”

You groaned in protest, but the warmth in your chest betrayed you.

Maybe you didn’t mind so much after all.

[heavyhitterheaux]

NSFW Alphabet

See Me Through You Series

Synopsis: It's pretty self explanatory lol 🤭

Pairing: Husband!Joe Burrow x Wife!Reader

Requested by: a gorgeous anon 😍

Series Masterlist

Please Do Not Repost My Content Anywhere

A (ftercare)- Joe has always been a gentleman in this regard from the first time you two slept together (which was also your first time ever and was very surprised when you told him). He always helps you to the bathroom, but not before turning on the shower first in order for the water to heat up. He usually gets in with you before going to change the sheets on your bed. He then helps put your hair up no matter what style its in, feeds you if you want something before you both settle into a deep sleep.

B (ody part)- Joe's favorite body part of yours is your eyes. As cliche and cheesy as it sounds, he could get lost in them for hours on end. The color reminds him of honey which is no surprise considering what a sweet person you are to everyone around you.

Now your favorite body part of his was his hands. You loved when he inserted his fingers in you of course, but you always found yourself wanting to hold his hand or having him touch you. Joe doesn't know this, but he always brings attention to them and he obviously doesn't mean to. A lot of times that would consist of him playing with his wedding band.

C (um)- You like to be covered in it and Joe likes to see you covered in it. His favorite place to release besides inside of you was your chest and your face. But ever since he got it in your hair that you had just gotten done hours before, he's been put on restriction.

That interaction ended in A LOT of yelling.

He paid for you to get it redone the next day as an apology.

D (irty Secret)- Joe loves to face fuck you and see you whimpering and moaning underneath of him. The two of you don't do it often, but when he does it takes no time for him to release in your mouth.

Besides that, he absolutely loves watching you sleep and this has been a thing ever since the first night you stayed with him in his apartment at LSU. He loves how peaceful you look and when you had been terrorizing him all day, he can finally be at peace too (But he'll never admit it out loud).

E (xperience)- Although Joe wasn't your first boyfriend, he is the first person that you have had sex with and you're definitely glad that you waited for him. He is always so thoughtful and takes his time with you.

Joe on the other hand had a few girlfriends in high school and when he was at OSU, so the experience is there. Because he knows you aren't as experienced as he is, he takes his time and introduces you to different things slowly and not all at once.

F (avorite position)- As simple as it is, missionary is his favorite simply because his eyes are on you the entire time. As mentioned before, he loves the sounds that you make as well as the faces to go along with it.

Bonus if he can get you in front of a mirror to take you from behind. He makes you keep eye contact with him the entire time. The moment you look away, he stops.

A close second is you riding him as he tightly holds onto your hips.

G (oofy)- Joe takes your pleasure as well as your well-being very seriously which is no surprise. But of course, he has a smile on his face just about the whole time because he has your full attention.

Especially when he knows that you're close.

H (air)- There is definitely a happy trail present and it's very neat and trimmed. You on the other hand hate having hair anywhere on your body except your head so to the wax lady you go.

I (ntimacy)- Joe always makes you feel loved and deeply cared for and you have never felt any differently. He takes his time exploring every inch of your body as if it was the first time.

He has always been possessive of you and makes sure to tell you that he knows that no one will ever be able to make you feel as good as he does.

Your eyes are trained to stay on him the entire time.

J (ackoff)- So does he do it? Not a lot since you officially moved to Cincinnati to be with him. However, the long distance took a toll and the two of you put facetime to good use.

Mutual masturbation.

You also remember getting a surprise in the middle of class which was a video of Joe jacking off. It definitely sent you over the edge and your vibrator got put to good use that night over and over again.

K(ink)- Joe loves to tease you every chance he gets which happens to be often. He'll bring you so close to the edge where you feel as if you couldn't take it anymore and immediately pull away, making you complain. But when he felt as if he had teased you enough, when he did bring you to an orgasm, you swore you could see stars.

Choking is another kink, but more so for you than for him. It's not the fact that he doesn't like it, but it's not his favorite. The only reason why he does it was so that you could reach your peak faster.

He does love tying you up and blindfolding you and you simply go along for the ride knowing that it's going to be worth it.

Spitting is something that you absolutely loved and that's all Joe needed to know in order to bring you as much pleasure as possible.

L(ocation)- Favorite place to pleasure you is of course your bedroom, but his car used to be a close second.

He had toned down a lot since having his NFL status and being in public was now usually a no go.

His most recent spot that was now considered a favorite was the balcony of your newest house in Louisiana.

M(otivation)- Seeing you in lingerie that he himself picked out for you was his number one motivation, but something that also turned him on was you doing the most simple everyday things.

You could be doing something as watching a movie and you would casually be sitting there on the couch in one of Joe’s t-shirts and nine times out of ten nothing else and he would literally walk up to you and throw you over his shoulder and you knew what was about to happen.

N(o)- Something that Joe would never do is cause you physical harm on purpose. One time he tied you up a bit too tight and once he took them off, all you could see was red and indentations on your skin where they had been. He beat himself up over it for a while despite you telling him that it was okay and that you were fine, and you knew that he didn't mean for it to happen.

He literally didn't do anything again with you until everything properly healed despite your obvious protests.

O(ral)- Joe could spend all day in between your thighs and it was his favorite place to be and you obviously had no complaints. He loved making you feel good with his tongue and your favorite thing was obviously when he sucked on your clit.

Now when it was time for you to switch roles, Joe absolutely loved when you deep throated him. As many things as he would do for you, you were more than willing to return the favor.

P(ace)- He loves to take his time with you and make sure that you knew that he loved and cared about you through his actions and him making you feel as if you were on cloud nine.

If he could have you underneath him all day he would.

Q(uckie)- Not normally his favorite since he liked to make you cum multiple times and not just once. But this would happen sometimes in the morning when he had just woken up and wanted to feel you near him.

Inside and out.

R(isk)- Joe is always down to experiment, but of course he has to hear what your thoughts about it are first before anything can happen. If it's another way to make you feel good, he'll do it.

S(tamina)- During the season is a little different than when it's the off season and for good reason.

Joe is so focused during the season so you might get two rounds out of him on a good day. But, once the season is over, Joe is attached to you every second of every day and if it was left up to him probably wouldn't let you go until the paint on the walls were peeling.

T(oys)- During your first semester when the two of you started dating, he bought you a vibrator as an early Christmas gift and he kept it at his apartment to use on you whenever he wanted.

However, over Christmas break, you took it home and put it to good use on a facetime call with Joe because you were missing him so much.

He also bought you a rose vibrator for your 19th birthday and that combined with him inside of you at the same time was a pleasure like no other.

U(nfair)- Joe will tease you to no end and as much as it might annoy you, you also knew that when that orgasm hit that it was going to be like a ton of bricks.

And you better not cum unless he tells you too.

V(olume)- You can never get over how Joe's moans sound and it was like music to your ears. You really loved it when you two were in missionary and you would have your legs wrapped around him as his head is buried on your shoulder and you can hear his soft moans directly in your ear.

W(ild Card)- You two definitely had sex in the locker room at LSU after hours and it's your little secret.

While you happened to be wearing his jersey.

X(-ray)- We've seen the dick print and we know that there isn't anything small about him.

He makes sure that you always feel every inch of him.

Y(earning)- It’s not the fact that Joe's sex drive is high, but if he knows that he wants you, there isn't a reason for him to hold back so he is of course going to tell you.

Z(zzz)- When everything is said and done, his usual position when he falls asleep is on top of you as his head lays on your (usually) bare chest.

Clothes are probably unnecessary at this point, so when he wakes up he has easy access to you.

[mariasont]

maria's fic recs

i have realized how most of these are smut & idk what that says about me but alas this are some super super amazing talented people who write crazy cool stories!!!! check them out!!!!! make sure to follow, reblog & comment on these fics if you like them!!! these incredible fic writers deserve it! i will also probably be adding more as i read follow my fic rec page for more @mariasficrecs if anyone mentioned in this post wants to be removed let me know <3

spencer reid

cedar - @parfaitblogs summary: in which compatible bodies does not always mean compatible minds, but spencer reid is all too kind when you're like this, so perhaps you're allowed to forget that for a night. 

this is the fic for the girlies who have loved someone more than they should, more than they loved you back and more than was every healthy. this is the kind of fic that makes you reread certain lines just to punch yourself in the chest a second time. masterpiece in pining, delusion, and tragic devotion. the most gorgeous piece of writing truthfully

in my dream im fixing your crutch - @notlongtolove summary: most nights, spencer wakes to the sound of your sniffles—unlike most nights, he doesn’t have to ask why. the reason is visceral, tangible—staining the sheets when the wound dressing wasn’t tight enough, seeping and pooling right between the both of you where an ocean of your guilt already lies.

this and everythingggg p writes is so incredibly SHATTERING in the best way possible. i truly need everyone to follow rn! and reader everything written by them! but this one specifically wasn't just a fic it was an experience. it's so painful and beautiful and so unfairly written. the duality of intimacy and violence is insaneeeeee like shakespearean level.

into the rose garden; for evermore - @notlongtolove summary: months of hope, weeks of ache. you’ve stayed. you’ve waited. you’ve stayed in the waiting. more pathetic than poetic if you’re being honest. but now, with him standing here with his heart in his hands, it doesn’t feel simple.

might be my favorite fic ive ever read if im being honest. everything about it had me sobbing like a baby. it's not even angst at this point it's a biblical reckoning. p has made heartbreak into a single character, personified pain and i felt every freaking piece of it actually! every single line was freaking perfection & you get to choose your ending!!!!!!! because user notlongtolove is so cool and so creative.

i can do a lot with fifteen minutes - @reidrum summary: in which you and spencer don't make it out the door on date night

i love a sabrina reference (clearly) and this was just the perfect smut fic literally like poetry disguised as desire. i have read a lot of smut (u got me). but nothing compares to a good intimate zipper scene. i will eat it up everytime!!!!!!! and a mirror scene!!!!! double whammy. fantastic 10000/10

hypothalamus - @reidrum summary: in which spencer gets creative on helping you study for your exam

godddddds to have spencer reid talk nerdy to me in bed. so in character. essentially the anatomy lesson of the gods actually. so amazing

sobriquet - @siriuslylantsov summary: spencer reacts to you calling him a nickname for the first time.

so sweet, so fluffy, a love letter to everything good in the world, essentially love seeping into mundane which is my favorite genre!!!! waking up with spencer!! being in love!! angel!!!! i love spencer calling the reader angel girl!!!!! <3

sweeter - @siriuslylantsov summary: in which, you and spencer try out foodplay, through use of whipped cream.

whipped cream!!!!!!!!! i dont have many words other than that! must read

white noise - @brattyspence summary: spencer x reader -- a situationship defined by white noise; a metaphor for how we pacify ourselves and make stupid decisions to experience comfort, even when it hurts

visceral, soul-shattering, gut wrenching agony. that's about it. slow burn destruction that will have you crying. no doubt. this fic literally lulls you into a false sense of security and then u realize that spencer is white noise and that you'd rather have whatever this is than nothing at all. LOL! definitely did not almost kill me while reading. most accurate portrayal of a situationship

chateau lobby #4 - @burymagdalene summary: Whilst trying to navigate romantic relationships after prison, Spencer finds himself in love and caught in an all-too-serious non-relationship with reader. Wanting to break this streak, he asks to spend Valentine's Day properly with a real date. Afterward, they find themselves desperate with trying to express their love for each other.

so as you might be able to tell i have a pattern of reading situationship spence! call me a masochist! but this one had a happy ending okay!!!!!!!! and a reference to father john misty? yes. immediately. i also just love post prison reid because he's so complicated and different but still him and he doesnt think he deserves soft things and soft love and it's so devastating. reading the date literally felt like falling in love in real time. so good.

a closed mouth doesn't get fed - @burymagdalene summary: When reader notices Spencers dark circles and glossy eyes, they store away their pressing need for him in bed. This desire locked away forms into a wet dream that escalates their prior expectations substantially.

one of the best portrayals of sleep-deprived, love-drunk, desperate sex. that's it. that's the tweet. also when he switches the reader's straw like why was that so sweet to me im crying

xoxo - @pathologicalreid summary: in which your daughter goes to the BAU to hand out her extra Valentines

peak domesticity. i love girl dad spence so much it's not even funny. it's everything he deserves. like i can only hope in some alternate au this is the ending reid got <3

to talk is to bare - @esote-rika summary: three times you've never felt enough for Spencer Reid—and the three times he rectified it immediately

one of the most painfully real depiction of navigating self worth in a relationship with spencer. like exactly what i feel like it would be like to be with someone so brilliant and like so unattainable-seeming, while feeling ordinary and yet spencer makes the reader feel so special ugh

in infinite universes - @nereidprinc3ss summary: in which spencer reid picks up uni!reader from a party. you're drunk, and he's in love with you

there is not a single thing (cannot emphasize this enough) that i won't read from nereidprinc3ss okay? everything she writes is actually literary gold. but this one was so beautiful it almost hurts to reid because it's literally a love letter to inevitability!!!!! and the dialogue is so funny and flirty and so spencer and ugh it's so raw and real.

spencer reid & aaron hotchner

unknown territory - @minswriting Spencer walks in on Aaron going down on you. So he watches the two of you have sex.

had to take multiple breathers after reading this! everyone knows i love hotch and reid and even more so i loveeeee a why choose. also everything min writes is so hot, 10/10 recommend checking out her account. "reid, if you're going to stand there and watch, you can at least come in and close the door" hello????????? immediately yes.

aaron hotchner

crazy - @kimstills summary: after one heated and spontaneous night together, aaron can’t seem to get his pretty subordinate (or her pussy) out of his head.

i did in fact read this bad boy like three times because it's that good. it perfectly mirrors hotch's mental state which i love love love. and i just love a smutty fic that has the best escalation of tension, like it builds until hotch physically cannot take it anymore and shewwwww so hot. exactly what i want in a hotch smut fic

savor - @kimstills summary: after being compromised to working a case the next day, aaron decides on savoring your current moment together for when he’s gone.

maddie is just always going to make the hottest aaron hotchner smut. the fact that this idea comes to aaron mid fuck is wild and i love it LOL.

morphine - @luveline summary: you get a good dose, confess your affections, and leave poor, oblivious hotch to fix things up neatly. 

so if you follow my fic rec blog you know i literally reblog absolutely everything jade writes because it is just that fantastic. and this one is just soooo tender and so perfectly in character with hotch. if you are looking for truly amazing characterizations of hotch and reid !!!!! right here besties !!!!

filthy flat-pack thoughts - @alinathinkstoomuch summary: you had taken the day off to get yourself settled into your new apartment, not expecting hotch to show up at your door and offer a hand.

hey so firstly im just obsessed with the title, idk why it scratches something in my brain. and i feel like this fic should be illegal because it's not just smut-adjacent, it's foreplay with no touching, sexual frustration in furniture assembly and poor decisions lolol and again everyone who knows me knows i eat upppppp sexual tension and this fic was just that. there is literally no kisses no sex nothing and it's still one of the hottest fics i've ever read (there is also a smutty part two so go check that out as well)

can't lose when i'm with you - @aureatelys summary: You work as a beverage cart girl at your local country club and your dad ropes you in to make him look good during a business meeting with his new best friend.

dbf hotch is my weakness. the slow burn!!!!!! possessive hotch!!! daddy hotch!!!! this is the gold standard for dbf hotch truly. felt like i needed a cigarette after and i don't even smoke

red light kiss - @aureatelys summary: You haven't had sex in a week, you're stuck in the car with your new boyfriend/boss, and he's wearing that damn Kevlar vest. How could you resist?

hey yeah so i was positively feral after reading this actually. that damn kevlar vest is right. idk how you managed to make a blowjob in a government vehicle feel romantic but you did so bravo

tyrant - @solardrop summary: Hotch lets you take some anger out on him after he disrespects you on a case.

my favorite genre !!!!!!! making hotch shut up by sitting on his face! mhm mhm mhm. absolutely amazing use of free will was you writing this because i've read it at least 5 times minimum. i was forever changed after this

salt & pepper - @dudeitiskarev summary: dad bod and insecure Hotch. That’s it.

everything cat writes is just so crazy good but everyone knows i have such a weakness for dad bod hotch & this is the absolute perfect fic for it.

we can't be friends (wait for your love) - @cerisereids summary: down on your luck after a huge betrayal, you return to live at your father's house with your tail between your legs. you're humiliated, thoroughly convinced nothing good could come from returning home. then you meet aaron hotchner.

there are three parts to this masterpiece and i need everyone to read them all okay? because it's just so good. hotch flustered is my roman empire and grrrrrr this man was literally on his knees for the reader internally through out the whole thing & once again dbf!hotch!!!!! arghhh obsessed

[wholoveseggs]

Hey lovely, re-reading through your works on my commute. :) I got another idea to put on your ever-growing pile of requests: reader and Elijah are having an affair. Sex is amazing (duh!), but reader is bothered that Elijah never climaxes. He always stops right after she had her pleasure, insisting he prefers to stay in control the entire time and that he doesn't like to be overwhelmed by any kind of strong emotion. Naturally, reader sets out to change that.

Dissolve

18+ ---- {Masterlist} {Tag-List}

{Elijah Mikaelson x f!reader} Elijah always puts your pleasure first, never letting himself fully let go. Until you push him over the edge and he falls completely.

♡♡ Ugh @originals23 what a delicious idea, he deserves to receive the same amount of affection he gives out~ ♡♡

4.6k words - Warnings: smuttt, lots of teasing, oral (m + f receiving), light restraint (wrist pinning), some steamy shower fun, riding, reader worshipping her man, Elijah struggling to be vulnerable, some vampire face, biting, blood-sharing, soft dom!Elijah vs. your mission to break him && the only Mozart song I know the name of...

Being in Elijah Mikaelson's bed was nothing new to you. You had been in it enough times to know exactly how soft his sheets were, the exact way his pillows smelled, the feeling of his skin under your fingertips, how his lips tasted when he kissed you.

It was all a routine. You would show up at his place after work. He would lead you to his room. The door would shut, and for the rest of the night he would make sure you thought only of him.

Tonight was no different. He invited you over. You had a few glasses of wine. Then his lips were on yours. He carried you to his bed. Clothes were shed. Your back pressed into the mattress as his mouth traveled down your neck. His kisses were always so slow. So methodical. Each one deliberate, with the intent to leave a mark.

You had noticed that this was his favorite part. The foreplay. Taking his time to drive you insane. He enjoyed watching your reactions. The way your eyes fluttered closed when he kissed your stomach, or the soft whimpers you would make when he ran his hands up your thighs.

And of course, he loved the sounds you made when his tongue explored your most intimate places. Your hand was in his hair, urging him closer, trying to get him deeper. He hummed against you, knowing it would send you over the edge.

"Elijah..."

Oh, how you said his name. No symphony could compare. He looked up at you with those eyes, so dark and hungry. They were telling you not to look away. He wanted to watch the pleasure roll through you, he wanted to feel the way your body tensed, he wanted to hear his name leave your lips over and over again as he made you come.

As your breathing calmed, he kissed his way back up your body, lingering on the places that made you whimper the most.

"You're so beautiful," he whispered in your ear, making your cheeks flush and your heart pound. He could do that to you. Turn you into a giddy teenager with just one compliment.

"Hush," you said softly, trying to hide your grin.

He didn't say anything else. He just pressed his lips to yours, his hand on your cheek, his thumb brushing against your skin. He was gentle and sweet, which was the perfect segway into the second round.

You tried to push him onto his back, to get him under you. He wouldn't budge. He knew what you wanted, but he would never let you do that to him.

"Let me," you said, running your hand down his chest.

He smiled and shook his head, his hands moving up your thighs, spreading them as he pulled you under him. His lips captured yours again, his hands pinning your wrists next to your head. You didn't fight it. Not tonight.

He needed to feel in control. That's how it had always been with him. Maybe he was scared of losing it. Of becoming too vulnerable. Maybe he just liked the thrill of power. Or maybe he was trying to protect himself. From what... you couldn't tell.

"Are you okay?"

You looked up at him, realizing you had been spacing out.

"Yes," you smiled, reaching up and pulling his lips back to yours.

He released your wrists and let his hands wander to your waist, his erection pressing against your stomach. He continued to kiss you, not wishing to rush things. But your hands were impatient. They moved to his shoulders, pulling him closer, trying to make him understand that you needed more.

Your impatience made him smile. You could feel his lips curling up against yours, he was enjoying your desperation.

"Do you want me?" He said, his words teasing.

He always had to ask, no matter how obvious the answer was. He liked hearing you say it. He liked the way your voice got needy and breathless.

"Yes," you said, kissing him again.

He eased inside you without breaking the kiss, and you let out a soft sigh. He enjoyed the feeling of you around him. The way you pulled him in. It was heaven.

You wrapped your legs around his waist, bringing him deeper, making him groan against your mouth. He started slow, making love to you the way he knew you liked. His forehead pressed to yours, his breath hot against your skin, his lips brushing yours between moans.

It wasn't enough for you, though. You wanted to see him lose control.

"Harder," you whispered, hoping that it would spark something.

You reached down, grabbing his ass, pulling him closer, trying to coax him into taking you harder. It worked. For a second. Then his pace slowed, his hands moved from your hair to your hips, holding them down.

He changed the angle, lifting your thighs to his sides. The new position made your toes curl, and you gripped the sheets.

"Fuck," you said, your eyes closing.

"Look at me."

The words were gentle, but commanding. He wanted you to look at him, and not stop looking.

You did as he asked. His gaze was intense, and it made your whole body flush. He smiled, leaning down and kissing you as one of his hands moved to where you were joined. His thumb circled your clit, and you whimpered.

You tried to break the kiss. He wouldn't let you. He held the back of your head, his mouth swallowing the moans he was eliciting.

His thumb was relentless, his hips moving faster, his thrusts growing sloppier. His breathing was getting ragged, and he groaned against your mouth.

You wrapped your arms around his neck, clinging to him, wanting to finally feel him come undone. He kissed you deeper, his tongue dancing with yours.

You were already sensitive from your first orgasm. Your nails digging into his skin as you tried to hold yourself together, but you were falling apart. You wanted to hold off, to have him go over the edge with you.

It was too late, he was too good at this, the coil inside you snapped. Your muscles tightened around him, a wave of pleasure washing over you, making you moan his name. He smiled against your lips continuing to move his hips, not wanting the moment to end.

But then he did what he always did.

Once you came down from your high, he pulled out, kissing you one more time before getting out of bed. You watched as he went to the bathroom, and heard him start the shower.

This is the part you hated. The part where you were left alone, feeling confused and empty. It happened every time. He would take you to his bed, fuck you senseless, then leave you with your thoughts. You didn't understand why he was the way he was.

You laid there, staring at the ceiling, wondering why he was so distant. Why he never let himself fall over the edge. Was it you? Did he not trust you?

You couldn't help but wonder, and you had been wondering for months. You knew Elijah was complicated, he had experienced many losses and he liked to keep his feelings private. Only letting certain people get close enough to see the real him.

You were in love with him. He was everything you wanted. And maybe he loved you too. But he wouldn't say it. He had never said it. Not even during the throes of passion. The words never passed his lips, but he showed you in everything else he did.

That's why you didn't understand him pulling away. Why didn't he allow himself to be vulnerable? You sat up and threw the covers off, heading into the bathroom, not caring about the cold air against your skin.

He was already in the shower. You opened the glass door, taking a moment to admire him. The muscles in his back were defined and tense. Water was streaming down his hair and the curve of his neck.

He turned, surprised to see you there. His eyes raked over your naked body, a small smirk playing on his lips.

"I thought you had fallen asleep,"

"I would rather be in here," you said, stepping into the steamy air.

"You should rest," he said, running his hands through your hair.

"I will, after I finish what we started."

"As I recall we did finish. Based on the sounds you were making and the way you were squeezing me," he teased, a hint of cockiness in his tone.

His hands went to your waist, slowly turning you around, switching places with you, letting you get warm under the water. You couldn't keep your hands to yourself. You pressed against his chest, kissing his lips. He smiled, his hand resting on the small of your back, keeping you close.

"I want to please you too," you said, trailing kisses down his neck.

"You do please me." He ran his hand up your back, his fingers tangling in your hair, gently tugging.

"You know what I mean."

He didn't respond. His grip on your hair tightened as he tilted your head back, forcing you to look at him.

"Not tonight," he said, his tone soft.

"Why not?"

"I just wanted to enjoy you. No distractions. Nothing to worry about, just make you feel good."

He sounded genuine. You could hear the sincerity in his voice. But it wasn't enough. You were tired of being the only one who got off.

"What if I want to give you that same feeling?"

He didn't have an answer. Instead he picked you up and pressed you into the cold tile, his lips claiming yours. He wasn't going to give you an answer, instead he was going to try and distract you.

And by the time he carried you back to his bed, it had worked.

But tomorrow would be a different story.

The next day you had a lot on your mind. Elijah was always distant, but he seemed especially detached today.

It didn't matter that you were having mind-blowing sex nearly every night. There was still a wall between you. Elijah was always trying to make you feel good, but he would never let you do the same for him.

And you were going to figure out why.

You were working late that night, and when your phone rang and you saw Elijah's name on the screen, a smile crossed your lips.

"Hello."

"Hello."

Just one word and his voice could make you blush. You missed him already, and you had seen him a few hours ago.

"Can I come over?"

"Of course," he said, his voice warm and gentle.

"Good. I'll be there soon."

When you arrived, his place was dark. There was music coming from somewhere upstairs. It was soft and melodic. A violin maybe.

"Elijah?"

"In here."

You followed his voice into his bedroom. He had a vinyl record playing, and he was sitting in an armchair in the corner of the room, a glass of bourbon in his hand.

He looked gorgeous. Dark blue button down, sleeves rolled up. His hair was perfect, and his gaze on you was so soft.

"Hello," he said, his eyes traveling up your body.

"Hi."

"How was your day?"

"Tiring. Yours?"

"Quite uneventful."

"Oh really?"

He smiled and put his glass down, standing and walking towards you. He put his hands on your waist, and pulled you closer.

"This is nice, what composer is this?" You asked, playing with the buttons on his shirt.

"Mozart."

"Oh, I know him," you chuckled, "What is the song called?"

"Lacrimosa,"

"Hmm. Pretty."

"Very."

He was looking at you with a small smile, his eyes filled with lust and adoration. His fingers hooked into your belt loops, and he led you to his bed, sitting down and pulling you into his lap.

"Have I ever told you how beautiful you are?"

"Only a hundred times."

"Well, it's worth saying a hundred more."

"Sweet talker," you said, leaning in and capturing his lips.

"You like it."

"Maybe a little," you grinned, kissing him again.

His hands moved down to squeeze your ass, making you giggle. You unbuttoned his shirt and tossed it aside, letting your eyes travel down his toned chest.

"I have a question," you said, running your hands up his torso.

"What is it?" He asked, kissing your neck.

"Why are you always so focused on my pleasure and not yours?"

"I get pleasure from pleasing you."

"You know what I'm asking."

"It's a complicated thing," he said, his voice muffled against your neck.

"I want to understand. Tell me," you said, running a hand through his hair, tugging gently, making him look at you.

He studied you for a moment. The expression on his face was hard to read. He was deep in thought, thinking of the right thing to say.

"I'm afraid," he said, his eyes locked on yours.

"Of what?" You asked, your voice soft, not wanting to push him too far.

"I... it's difficult." He swallowed hard, his gaze falling.

"You can tell me." You took his face in your hands, tilting his head up, forcing him to look at you again.

"If I lose control, if I let myself go, I'm worried I'll hurt you," he said, his tone quiet and almost ashamed. "I've hurt many, and I do not wish to do it again."

His dark eyes became glassy, and the words caught in his throat. You knew he had a lot of guilt over the things he had done, and the pain he had caused. You had known him long enough to know he carried the weight of the world on his shoulders.

"'lijah," you said softly, bringing his lips to yours, kissing him slow and tender.

You felt him relax under you. His hands moved from your waist to your thighs, gripping them tight.

"You won't hurt me," you whispered, your breath hot against his lips.

"You don't know that." His voice cracked as he spoke, and he rested his forehead on yours, his eyes closed.

"Trust yourself," you said, brushing a strand of hair out of his face.

"You have no idea the kind of monster I can become," his words were a whisper, his hands trembling.

"I know the man I'm in love with, and I trust him." You kissed him again, trying to show him that he could be vulnerable, that it was okay.

He didn't say anything. He kissed you back, his hands moving to the small of your back, holding you close. You could tell he needed a moment. This was a big step for him.

So you just kissed him.

His lips were gentle and slow. His hands moved from your back, to the hem of your shirt, and he lifted it over your head, tossing it aside.

He was quiet. So you took his face in your hands, pulling him closer, not wanting to break the kiss. You could feel the tension in his jaw, the slight shake in his hands, the way his breathing hitched.

"Hey," you said softly, leaning back.

He looked at you, his dark eyes searching yours. You could see the worry behind them. He was afraid. He was afraid that if he gave in, if he let himself lose control, something bad would happen.

You ran your thumb over his bottom lip, and his eyes fluttered shut. He looked so afraid. So unsure.

"Let me take care of you," you said, leaning in and placing a gentle kiss on his lips.

He let out a soft sigh and nodded, his eyes still closed. You smiled, trailing kisses down his jaw and to his neck, his skin warm and soft against your lips.

You slowly climbed off his lap, kneeling on the floor, between his legs. Your hands traveled up his thighs, and you unbuckled his belt, taking it off and tossing it to the side.

He opened his eyes, looking down at you. You bit your lip, smiling up at him as you unbuttoned his pants. His breathing hitched as you dragged the zipper down.

You pulled his pants off, leaving him only in his boxers, his erection straining against the fabric. You leaned in, kissing his length through the thin layer of material, and he groaned.

"Please," he said, his voice raspy.

You grinned, hooking your fingers into the waistband, and dragging them down, freeing his erection. You took him in your hand, stroking him slowly, enjoying the way his head fell back and his hips lifted.

"Fuck."

You loved it when he cursed. It was rare, and it always sent a rush through you. The way it rolled off his tongue, the way his accent thickened, and the way his voice dropped an octave.

"Does that feel good?"

"Yes," he hissed, his jaw clenched.

You moved your hand a little faster, loving the way his muscles tensed, and the way his breathing changed. He looked so sexy. His hair a mess, his skin flushed.

You lowered your head, taking him into your mouth, making him groan. You looked up at him through your lashes, and his eyes were shut, his head back. You could tell he was still trying to hold back, trying to keep control.

You swirled your tongue around his tip, making him curse again, slowly taking him deeper and deeper. You moaned and his eyes snapped open, looking down at you, watching his length disappear past your lovely lips.

His hands were in your hair, pushing it out of your face so he could watch. You felt his grip tighten as you relaxed your throat, taking all of him.

"Darling, if you keep doing that..."

You hummed, looking up at him. His eyes were blown wide, his breathing ragged. His hands were tugging and guiding, as his hips began to lift, thrusting up, pushing himself deeper. You tried not to gag, the sounds lewd, but the look on Elijah's face made it worth it.

He was falling apart, his self-control slipping away. Eyebrows arched, his muscles flexing, his lips parted in a silent moan. It was the most erotic thing you had ever seen.

You kept going, not wanting the moment to end. His grip on your hair was borderline painful. You moaned around his length, the vibration causing his hips to jerk.

"Shit," he growled, his hands tightening.

His jaw was clenched, his hips rocking, his eyes turned black, his vampire nature peeking through. Veins dancing under his eyes, his fangs extending, and a low growl rumbling through his chest.

You kept your eyes locked with his as you took him all the way, pressing your face into his pelvis, swallowing around him. The sound he made was feral and carnal, his hips lifting on their own, chasing the pleasure.

He was close, you could feel it. His movements were getting sloppier, his grip on your hair tighter, his breathing more labored. You hummed around him, sending a shockwave through his body.

"Y/n, please, fuck, I can't-"

His words came out broken and rushed. Then he came, a string of curses leaving his lips, his hands gripping your hair so tight you thought he might rip it out.

You kept your lips wrapped around him, swallowing everything he gave you, his cock pulsing against your tongue. He was panting, his chest heaving, his eyes squeezed shut, still holding on to your hair.

You hummed once more, making his hips twitch, his hands finally releasing your hair. You pulled away, letting his length slip from your mouth, before sitting back and looking up at him.

He was a mess. His hair was disheveled, his eyes were still pitch black, his fangs visible as his breathing evened out. He was a sight to behold. You had never seen him this unraveled.

You took advantage of his dazed state, and stood up, pulling your pants down and climbing into his lap, straddling him. He watched you through half-lidded eyes, his hands moving to your waist, gripping it tightly.

"I hope I didn't hurt you," he said, his voice hoarse.

"Not even a little, in fact, I rather enjoyed it," you grinned, running your hands through his hair.

"Really?"

"Uh-huh," you hummed, leaning in and capturing his lips.

He kissed you back, his hands traveling to your hips, holding them, his tongue sliding against yours. You could feel him starting to get hard again, and you pulled away, smirking.

You reached down and slowly took him in your hand, pumping him, loving the way his breathing changed. He was still sensitive and the sounds he was making were driving you wild.

"Elijah," you said, biting your lip.

"Hmm," he hummed, his eyes shut, his hands on your waist, squeezing, his hips lifting slightly.

"I love you," you whispered, leaning in and kissing him.

His hands moved from your waist, his thumbs rubbing circles on your hips. You could tell the words were affecting him. He didn't need to say it, you could tell by the look in his eyes, and the way his heart raced under your hands.

You lined yourself up and slowly sank onto him, taking him all the way. He groaned against your lips, his nails digging into your skin.

"I love you too," he whispered, his lips brushing yours.

His words made you melt. Hearing it for the first time, made your chest tighten. You kissed him again, a smile pulling at the corners of your mouth.

You started moving, your pace slow, taking your time. You wanted him to enjoy it. To make him feel everything. To remind him that he had nothing to worry about, and that giving himself completely was okay.

He broke the kiss, his head falling back, his eyes closing. You took the opportunity to quicken your pace, bouncing in his lap, making him groan.

You steadied yourself against his shoulders, rising from your knees on the bed to your feet, fully in control now. The new angle let you dictate the pace, lifting yourself almost completely off him before slamming back down, making him groan beneath you. Skin met skin in an intoxicating rhythm, the sound nearly as filthy as the way he gasped your name.

His eyes opened and he watched, his breathing uneven. The sight of you was incredible. You were flushed, your lips parted, breasts bouncing, and when he looked down at where your bodies met, it was almost enough to push him over the edge.

"Fuck," he rasped, his hips jerking.

Your thighs were beginning to burn, and you were getting tired, but you didn't stop, couldn't stop. The look on Elijah's face, plus the pressure building deep inside kept you going.

His hands guided you, his grip on your hips impossibly tight. His eyes were watching, his breathing growing ragged. You knew he was getting close, and by the way you felt your own orgasm beginning to crest, so were you.

"'lijah," you whimpered, moving as fast as your body allowed, chasing that sweet, sweet release.

He could hear it in the way your voice wavered, and the way your muscles tensed. And then he let himself feel it too, giving himself permission to let go, he held you tighter, your name falling from his lips.

The coil snapped, and pleasure washed over you. You moaned, and he pulled you close, his arms wrapping around your waist, holding you to him.

He suddenly flipped you over, laying you on your back, keeping your bodies connected. He thrusted hard, making your eyes roll back. You wrapped your legs around his waist, holding him, encouraging him.

He gripped your thighs tightly, his pace rough and sloppy, his head falling onto your shoulder. You could feel his fangs scraping against your neck, and you tilted your head, giving him better access.

He could sense it, the way your heart was racing, and the anticipation of what was about to happen.

He thrusted into you hard and then bit down, sinking his fangs into your neck. It was euphoric. His entire body was pressed against yours, his hands holding your thighs, his mouth sucking and drinking, his hips slamming into you. The combination of sensations was too much, and another orgasm crashed into you. You moaned his name, your nails dragging down his back, making him growl against your skin.

And just like that, he was falling.

His thrusts became erratic, his breath hot against your neck as he pressed himself deep inside, emptying himself. You could feel the heat, the way his body shook, the way he clung to you as if you were the only thing grounding him. For a moment, neither of you spoke, your bodies entwined, his weight warm and solid against you. He lingered there, and he slowly pulled his fangs out, reluctant to move, reluctant to let go of this fragile moment.

His grip on you loosened, his forehead resting against yours, his breath ghosting over your lips. His hand came up, brushing his fingers over the bite mark on your neck, his expression shifting.

"Are you alright?" he asked, his voice quiet, hesitant.

"Yes," you smiled, brushing his hair out of his face.

He frowned slightly, his thumb tracing over the bite. "I... didn't mean to lose myself like that."

You caught his hand, pressing a kiss to his palm. "I liked it," you whispered.

"Oh, did you?" he murmured, his lips curling into a soft smile.

"Uh-huh," you hummed, kissing him again, your lips moving slow and tender. "You are so fucking hot when you lose control."

His dimples showed, his dark eyes crinkling at the corners. You couldn't help but smile back. "I'll keep that in mind."

"Please do," you grinned, wrapping your arms around his neck, pulling him close.

He chuckled, burying his face in the crook of your shoulder, his lips finding the mark he left behind. He bit his own lip and you felt the sting fade, his blood healing the wound. His touch was reverent as if sealing something between you.

When he pulled away, there was something different in his expression. His dark eyes shone, his smile softer, more open. He had never looked at you quite like this before. Like he had let down some invisible barrier, like he had finally let himself dissolve into the feeling, let himself believe.

You leaned in, placing a gentle kiss on his lips. He sighed, his hands tangling in your hair, holding you there, savoring the closeness.

"Will you stay?" He asked, his voice barely a whisper.

"Of course."

"Good," he murmured, his hands settling on the small of your back, pulling you flush against him.

You hummed and kissed him again. Your lips moved slowly, enjoying the feel of his mouth against yours. The two of you slowly fell asleep, tangled together, warm and content.

And in the morning, he would still be there. He would kiss you awake, make you breakfast, and show you. Through touch, through words, through the way he looked at you. That you had changed something in him.

Because the night before had been different.

You had given him a piece of yourself, and in turn, he had given a piece of himself to you. And in a thousand years, that was a rarity.

In a thousand years, no one had ever loved him like this. And for the first time, he let himself believe he deserved it.

[ariaste]

So I was nodding along almost the whole way through, I was saying "Yeah!" and "Oof, I feel that, I can relate," until I got to:

"be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial" and "you must insist upon her [...] because she may still not yet know how".

And... yeah, no, kinda lost me there. Now, don't get me wrong! It is perfectly valid if you're doing those things essentially as kink (or not-really-kink-but-kinda-uses-the-same-tools-and-skillset) -- that is, you and your beloved have sat down and talked about her discomfort and her difficulties, and the difference between actual discomfort and cognitive dissonance at the concept of having nice things for herself, and how SHE wants you to recognize the distinction (and what signals SHE can give to provide cues in cases of ambiguity), and she's given you express permission to do the Being Forceful thing in pursuit of doing nice things for her and insisting or persuading her into accepting them -- AND y'all have talked about how she can communicate effectively when your insistence and persuasion isn't just not landing right for some reason or when it's actually starting to cross a line. If you've done all that: great, godspeed, I love your love. Make her accept all the compliments and adoration and the nice things she deserves! Your crusade to love her properly is righteous and just!

However. The vast majority of us across the spectrum of transness have experienced people crossing our boundaries, infantilizing and condescending to us, assuming that they know better than us about what we want, and ignoring our quiet, hesitant attempts to push back in small ways as we try to establish a foothold and figure out how much space we're allowed to take up. So... idk, putting "be forceful" and "insist because she may not yet know how" right next to solid, sound advice for all situations like "be patient, be generous" as if they are equivalent in meaning and impact and importance just... rubs me the wrong way. I think OP is absolutely speaking coming from a place of love and positivity, but... this needs caveats.

Because man-oh-man I have personally experienced this kind of thing from both sides: Just because you know that something is going to be good for someone doesn't mean they're going to appreciate having it forced on them. Just because you're absolutely sure that someone will be delighted by something doesn't mean that you're always going to be right.

Suppose the nice thing that someone (let's call them Tye) is doing for their partner (let's call her Mia) is... taking her out to her favorite Italian restaurant. Suppose Tye does this every week without fail, and they feel great about it because Mia loves this restaurant and she deserves to be treated like a princess. But what happens if one week she's bored of it, or not in the mood for Italian food? What happens if she says, "Hey, maybe we don't have to go today... I don't really need all this, what if we just eat toast and eggs--" and Tye says, "NO NO. NO, I LOVE YOU AND WE'RE GOING! YOU DESERVE IT!!!" Y'know what I'm saying??? That's not actually about loving Mia anymore, that's more about Tye getting off on their own heroism. And Mia is once again having to shut up and make herself small.

If the goal is to love your person and give her space to grow confident enough to accept and embrace all the love and wonderful things she deserves, the strategy of forcefulness and insistence COULD actually end up being counter-intuitively DISempowering if it is not explicitly consensual: It is removing opportunities for her to practice communicating her own needs, choosing happiness, and valuing herself where other people can see. It is reinforcing the lesson she has already learned from the rest of society, which is that her self-knowledge and boundaries are inferior to the wants and goals of the people around her.

Having a partner who is so passionate about loving us that they INSIST on giving us the things we secretly long for even when we're scared and shy of accepting them ourselves (and that they always telepathically know exactly what is going to be the perfect thing even before we know it ourselves, and they never once make a mistake in reading our mood when we come home tired from work, and they're always able to seamlessly adjust their plans to accommodate our whim)... It is a lovely fantasy. I will not deny that it is a very lovely fantasy and that I too would like to go to there. That sounds FANTASTIC.

But at the end of the day you are loving an adult human being and "no means no" must remain true even if you think you perceive a glint of longing in her eye (unless modified rules of consent have been established and ratified between you prior to this). Absolutely be patient, be generous, be loving, be attentive and proactive. But also you also gotta be okay with backing the hell off sometimes. You gotta be humble enough to acknowledge that sometimes you might be projecting your own past self's longings, rather than looking at the person in front of you with clear eyes. Create a space where it's safe for her to come out of her protective shell instead of dragging her out of it before she's ready. Encourage her to set her own boundaries, and express appreciation when she does so, especially when the boundaries are ones you disagree with or are personally inconvenienced by.

You cannot force a person to move faster along their journey of loving themself. Having someone insist on giving you love (and I'm once again speaking from experience here, as someone who has been on both sides) can sometimes end up making the beloved feel more guilty, more self-conscious, and more aware of their own "failures" and "deficiencies". To the person trying to do that style of love, it probably IS purely in good faith, but to the person receiving it, it can sometimes come across as a constant implicit reminder of, "I'm not doing it right, I'm still not doing it right, and everyone can tell. No matter how hard I try I still can't do it right, I hate myself even more now."

OP absolutely hit the nail on the head with everything about, "I had to stop [negative self-thoughts], I had to start [taking care of myself], I had to learn [those skills], but more than that I had to learn to ask[...]. it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train." 100% cosigned. That is exactly it -- training muscles. You can be someone's spotter and cheerleader, but you can't lift the weights for them, and forcing them to lift more than they're ready for often hurts more than it helps. Communicate! Establish a culture of consent even outside the bedroom! And continue to be patient even when it turns out that progress is not a straight line without any stumbles!

so many of the transfems i know spent their time pre-transition performing a kind of lifelong exercise in self-deprivation, the goal of which was to find out exactly how little a person needed to live. they starved themselves, dressed carelessly, shunned friends, and hollowed themselves out so as not to be burdens on anyone but themselves.

i see it now, too, in the girls around me. i'll ask if they want care – a home-cooked meal, relaxed company, sex without the expectation of reciprocation – and they say no, no, thank you, i don't need it; what would you like, what do you want, because in their head they're still doing that awful calculus, still training themselves to disappear in the eyes of the people around them.

i don't think i'd have died without transition – not in the conventional sense, at least – but to take that leap, i had to stop thinking of myself as a human experiment in fuel-efficient living and start nurturing the anemic, atrophied flame of desire in my heart. i had to learn to eat well, to exercise, to style myself beautiful, but harder than that, i had to learn to ask the people around me to work on my behalf in order to enrich my life and give me the things i wanted.

and i did it; i learned. and it was agony, but courage is a muscle you can train, and every day i get better at accepting gifts with the hungry gratitude i never learned in my years and years as a sad, scared, lonely boy.

so be patient with the trans girls in your life. better than that: be proactive, attentive, generous; be forceful, if you have to, and learn to distinguish real discomfort from the terrified reflex of self-denial that so many of us once learned to rely on.

and if you are so lucky as to love a trans girl, you must insist upon her. you must insist upon her happiness, her comfort, her pleasure, and her rest, because she may still not yet know how to make those demands for herself. if you can devote any amount of energy to becoming an engine that nurtures the flame of even a single tgirl then there is a place for you in trans heaven, which as far as i'm concerned is the only one worth going to

[edamameimei]

exactly what i need

"she's so beautiful, sometimes i stop to close my eyes."

pairing: sophia laforteza x singer!reader

synopsis: you're an up and coming artist who was lucky enough to be chosen as the opening act for katseye's tour. throughout your time traveling with the girls, you start becoming closer to their leader.

just a fluffy fic with some suggestive themes! some angst near the end, i couldn't help it. but it's a happy ending! lowk love the idea of oblivious!reader and jealous!sophia hehe. CW: kissing, swearing, and some suggestive themes like i mentioned before.

a/n: as someone who learned to play the ukulele just for this song, i HAD to write something based off of it. and it just had to be about sophia!!! as always, i want to put out there that this is not a REAL portrayal of the people mentioned in this fic. all events are fictional and are for entertainment purposes only.

wc: 3890 words

now playing: lemonade - jeremy passion

Lara: HEYYYYY BESITEEEE

Lara: do u wanna open up for us on our tour

Lara: ofc u do ill let our managers kno u said yes

You: bruh i just got out of the shower

And that’s how you find yourself backstage, preparing for yet another soundcheck. Although you’ve done concerts before, they were never quite like this. Before the Katseye tour, you’ve only ever performed in small venues, being a new up-and-coming artist. But as you stand backstage at yet another concert hall, you can’t help the nerves that slowly build in your body. You feel your hands shake as you struggle to put in your in-ear monitor, cursing every time the wire gets caught in your hair. You’re about to ask one of the sound technicians to help you, but you feel someone’s hand wrap around your wrist, tugging you gently. You look over to see Sophia smiling at you softly. 

“You need help?” You can’t help the shy smile that forms on your lips as you nod sheepishly. The leader of Katseye giggles, assisting you with the in-ear monitor. As she does so, she makes light conversation with you. “How are you feeling?” What you want to say is, ‘nervous as hell,’ but knowing Sophia’s tendencies to over-worry, you decide to keep that to yourself. You instead opt for a more positive response. “Great! I feel really good about tonight.” It’s what you’ve said in the last three cities you guys were in, but it’s not like it isn’t true. You do feel good about your performance, it’s the before that gets you feeling overwhelmed.

The Filipina smiles at you, her lipgloss shining in a way that makes your heart flutter. When she’s done assisting you, she pulls you into a tight hug, rubbing your back comfortingly. “You’re gonna kill it. Like always.” The way she says it makes you melt into the floor. You think it's silly, the way Sophia makes you feel. But it’s just another one of your infatuations, another girl you find attractive and will never tell to their face. 

Surely that’s all there is to it. 

Your part of soundcheck consists of you singing an acoustic version of your songs and the songs you have chosen to cover for that night. It’s also a chance for you to engage with your fans and Eyekons (whom you hope by the end of the night will also become your fans). You’re in the middle of finding another song to cover when you hear a random voice in the audience asking what your favorite color is. You couldn’t help but laugh loudly at the random question. You look into the audience, searching for the person who asked the question. Once you find them, you speak into your mic while raising an eyebrow, “Did you just ask me what my favorite color is?” Your incredulous tone causes everyone in the audience to laugh. 

The person nods their head excitedly, happy to be noticed by you. You smile back at them and begin to think about their question. You notice that the person’s nails are painted a very pretty shade of blue. You bring the mic back up to your lips. “I like the color of your nails. That’s my favorite color I think,” Quickly, you add, “I mean that genuinely. Like, I’m not trying to flirt with you… Unless?” You take the opportunity to wink at the person in the audience and the crowd begins to ‘ooo’ at your words. You laugh shyly, looking away. 

If there’s one thing about you that your fans know, it’s that you love to flirt with them. You find it hilarious and it’s a bit that you find yourself doing continuously. Also, your fans love it just as much so who are you to deny them the titillating banter? You stand up from the stool you’ve been sitting on, looking back at the person with a raised eyebrow while gesturing to yourself and then to them. You say into the mic, “What are we?” And you once again hear the audience laugh at your response. It brings you joy–  the attention. You can’t deny it. 

Although, someone backstage wishes you’d direct that attention somewhere else. 

Sophia had always been a big fan of your music. Lara was the one who introduced the girls to your music, telling them how talented you were. Since then, Sophia always had your songs on repeat, even playing one of them during a live. When one of your fans noticed, they immediately reported it to Twitter which caught your attention. 

In response, you tweeted, “Huge honor to hear that katseyeworld listens to my music! I'm a big fan myself :)” 

Your mention on Twitter was all Lara could talk about. At some point, you and the Indian girl exchanged numbers, talking constantly. And soon enough, you and Lara were hanging out often, quickly becoming best friends. Sophia was excited about Lara becoming your friend. However, seeing photos of you two together out and about in LA stirred jealous feelings within her. The feeling intensifies when Lara brings you over one day and the whole time, you are attached to the girl’s hip. Sophia found it quite endearing how shy you were at first with all of them but God,  she wanted to be that close to you. 

So, when the conversation about opening acts comes up while talking about their tour, Sophia quickly suggests you. She explains how you mesh well with the girls. She mentions how your vibes are very similar to Katseye’s concept. Of course, Lara lights up at the idea and quickly texts you about the opportunity. Sophia can’t contain her excitement when Lara announces you accepted the invite to tour with them. 

A chance to spend three months with you? That’s more than enough time. 

To do what? Only time could tell. 

Unfortunately, at one point on the tour, you end up feeling sicker than you ever did before. 

You lay in the bed of your hotel room, tissues stuck up your nose and constantly coughing up a lung every two minutes or so. You made the announcement just five minutes ago that you will not be performing tonight and you can’t help but feel even more terrible than you already do. You hate to think about letting people down, especially your fans. That’s why you’ve kept your phone on ‘Do Not Disturb’ so you won’t experience the chaos in real time. 

Also, the constant vibrations of your phone would increase the pain you’re experiencing in your head. 

You sadly continue watching whatever show you put on your laptop, covered in blankets with a pout on your face. Suddenly, you hear a knock on your door. It causes you to groan quietly, having no energy to open it. You then hear a familiar voice through the door. “Y/n? It’s Sophia!” It’s embarrassing how quickly you jump out of bed, nearly tripping all over your clothes and luggage as you get to the door. You open the door to reveal a very pretty Sophia Laforteza holding two full plastic bags. You tilt your head in curiosity. “Hey... What brings you here?” Sophia holds up the bags in her hands with a wide smile. She hands them to you as she speaks, “I wanted to stop by and give you these… It has cold medicine, cough drops, different teas– I wasn’t sure what kind you liked so I got a variety…” You look at her in disbelief, you couldn’t believe someone could be so kind. You smile at her with sincerity in your eyes. Your voice is slightly hoarse as you speak. “I… You didn’t have to do this.” 

Sophia shoves you lightly, a teasing smile on her face. “Of course I did. I gotta make sure our rising star gets better for the rest of the tour…” She winks at you, causing you to blush. You set the bags down on the counter and look back at her with an apologetic smile. “I’d hug you right now but I can’t get THE Sophia Laforteza, leader of Katseye, get sick in the middle of her tour. I’d have Eyekons banging on my door…” She laughs, her eyes turning into crescents. You mentally pat yourself on the back, feeling pride in making her laugh so hard. She shakes her head and waves you off. “Oh, I’m sure Eyekons would be banging on your door for a completely different reason…” Her comment makes you raise an eyebrow. You let out a nervous chuckle as you respond, “What’s that supposed to mean?” 

The smirk that forms on her glossy lips causes your knees to go weak. She tilts her head, responding in a low, teasing tone. “I’ve seen the tweets on Eyekonville… They can’t get enough of you.” She giggles at the way your eyes widen at her words. She crosses her arms, taking a step back. “Well I’ve gotta get back to my room but when you start feeling better,” she gives you a playful smile, “let me know so we can hang out.” You wordlessly nod your head in response. The Filipina sends you one last smile before walking away, leaving you speechless. You’re not quite sure if you feel hot because of the interaction or if your fever is getting worse. At this point, you’re not even sure which one would be worse. 

You’re in the East Coast part of the tour when Sophia’s words seem to make more sense. 

After a few long hours of practicing, writing new songs, and filming with the girls for their tour vlogs, you finally get a few moments of peace. You decide to stroll around the city to get some fresh air and explore before you get too busy again. As a new artist, you’ve never had issues with people coming up to you randomly. It’s somewhat of a privilege to keep your privacy like this. 

That’s why it catches you off guard when a group of girls find you on the street and ask for a picture with you. And how could you say no? 

PopBase: Y/n L/n, the opener for Katseye’s tour, was seen walking around Charlotte and talking with fans, per several X users.  

User01: met Y/n L/n in Charlotte! they were so sweet )): 

User02: SAW Y/N IN DOWNTOWN CHARLOTTE!!! They had me blushing and kicking my feet a lil im ngl 

User03: all these Y/n stans and Eyekons saying Y/n was flirting with them. When will it be me???? 

User04: Y/n said I looked hot today I stay winning in life methinks 

Back at the hotel, you find Sophia standing by your room, scrolling through her phone. She looks up when she hears your footsteps, beaming when she spots you walking closer. She waves with a wide smile on her face. “Hey! I was looking for you…” You can’t help but blush at her words, your heart doing flips at the thought of Sophia waiting specifically for you. You put your hands in your pockets, trying to seem as nonchalant as possible. “Yeah, I was just taking a walk around the city.” She nods in response, pointing at her phone. “I saw it on Twitter. You met some fans?” You let out a loud laugh and shake your head, feeling embarrassed by all the tweets floating around since you were discovered wandering around downtown. 

You look down at your feet as you respond. “I did. It’s the first time anybody has ever noticed me so it was… Cool.” You feel the Filipina place a hand on your arm, squeezing it. You look at her with a shy glance, your heart beating faster with every second that passes. She gives you a sincere smile. “You deserve the attention. You’re so talented.”  Her hand moves from your arm up to the collar of your shirt. She moves her other hand to your collar and begins to fix it. There’s a playful smile on her lips. “It looks like you were giving them a lot of attention too.” She tugs at your collar causing your breath to catch in your throat. You look at her, wondering if the building tension between you two was in your head. She lets go, stepping away from you. She bites her lip and your mind must be playing tricks on you because is she checking you out? Sophia grabs your hand, pulling you away from your room. You allow the Filipina to do what she pleases because you’d be stupid not to. “Where are we going?” She pulls you towards the elevators, pressing the ‘down’ button. She looks at you with a twinkle in her eyes. “Giving you my attention, come on.” 

You’re sitting on one of the couches in the lounge, waiting to be called for soundcheck when Sophia sits next to you, laying her head on your shoulder. 

The action causes you to freeze, your mouth becomes dry. You’re overwhelmed by the scent of her perfume and you are hyper-aware of her hand resting on your thigh. In the last few cities, you’ve noticed the Filipina becoming much more touchy with you and you’re trying your hardest to stop thinking about it. She’s naturally a touchy person, you’ve noticed that about her. With her members, she’s quite attentive, always making sure they’re doing well and supporting them when need be. You tell yourself that’s what she’s doing for you. 

It’s here in New York that you realize how much of a problem it is for you. What you initially thought was an infatuation has become much more, and you’re not really sure what to do with that information. 

You feel Sophia shift next to you, suddenly wrapping her arms around your torso, pulling you closer to her body. She nuzzles her head into your shoulder, letting out a content sigh. Your hands stay in your lap, feeling shy about the proximity. You can feel her take a glance at you and you hear her let out a small giggle. She pinches your cheeks, cooing, “Are you okay?” You nod in response, feeling your cheeks heat up at her words. Your voice shakes a bit when you talk. “Yeah. A little nervous.” She pulls away slightly, looking at you with concern written in her expression. “Nervous? About the show? You’re gonna do great.” She places a hand on your cheek, her thumb caressing it gently. You wonder if she can feel the heat radiating from your face–  if she notices how much redder you’ve become with her simple touch. She tilts her head, leaning in closer towards you. She whispers, “Relax…” But you can���t relax. Not when Sophia Laforteza exists. 

When they finally call your name, you immediately stand up, almost stumbling on your feet. You hear Sophia giggle and it makes you blush even more. You speed walk away, needing to be out of this situation as quickly as possible. 

It is now the last leg of the tour and you have accepted your fate. You like the Filipina a lot more than you anticipated. 

Through all the not-so-subtle touches, glances, and small flirtatious remarks, you also got to know Sophia on more of a personal level. She always ends up in your hotel room somehow, staying for long periods to talk about everything and nothing all at once. You find yourself listening for most of it, but you don’t care. You’re mesmerized by her voice and how animated she is when she talks about something she’s passionate about. At some point, you also begin divulging your details, telling her things you haven’t said out loud in years. You tell her about your life before becoming an artist, about your family, things you’d rather not speak in detail about. 

This night is no different. 

You exit the bathroom, drying your hair with a towel as Sophia lays on her stomach on your bed. She is looking for something to put on the TV for you two to watch for the night (or, more specifically, have it in the background while you two have yet another yap session). When you sit down next to her, she immediately scoots over, leaning her head against your leg. Even though you’ve gotten used to Sophia’s need for physical touch 24/7, you still can’t help the nervousness you get every single time. You hear her sigh dramatically, throwing the remote behind her. You giggle as you watch her roll onto her back, maneuvering herself so she can lay her head in your lap. You instinctively move your hand to her hair, playing with the soft strands. She closes her eyes, a soft smile forming on her lips. 

“Have you ever been in love?” You halt your movements, your eyes widening at the girl. You’re completely caught off guard by her question. She whines when she feels you’ve stopped playing with her hair and swats at your hand, telling you to continue. You clear your throat, obeying her command. “Umm… I don’t know… I’ve never really been in a relationship before…” Her eyes snap open at your sheepish confession. She gapes at you in surprise. “Really?” You shrug, suddenly feeling embarrassed by your lack of knowledge in the love department. “Yeah… I mean. I’ve talked to people but I’ve never… Gone farther than that.” The Filipina covers her mouth in shock causing you to look away. Your cheeks burn hotter than they ever have. You feel Sophia remove herself from your lap to sit up, grabbing your shoulders. She continues looking at you with a surprised expression. 

“But, you’re always flirting with your fans and Eyekons, you really never dated someone?” Her statement causes you to look back at her with a raised eyebrow. You chuckle, shaking your head. “That’s different. That’s just for fun. Sometimes I flirt with people as a joke.” The moment your words leave your mouth, Sophia immediately detaches herself from you, scooting away. You look at her with a confused look. Your confusion turns into panic when she stands up from the bed with an unreadable expression. You stand as well, worried. “You good?” She nods, looking towards the door. She speaks softly, “Yeah… I just remembered the girls and I planned to do something tomorrow morning so I should probably get back so I can go to bed.” Before you can respond, Sophia makes her way toward the door. Before leaving, she turns to look at you with what looks like a sad smile. “Goodnight, Y/n.” You feel frozen in place as you watch her leave the room without another word. You run your hands through your hair, wondering what went wrong. 

“Fuck.” 

Lara: bro whatd you do

You: IDK U TELL ME!!!!!

There are four cities left in the tour and Sophia still isn’t talking to you. 

After that night in the hotel, she has been avoiding you. The Filipina doesn’t even try to hide it. Every time you walk into the room, she immediately leaves. When you two are told to vlog together, she does as she is told, but once filming is over, she is gone before you can say a word to her. It sucks. And you still don’t know why. 

You think about your conversation with Sophia over and over again, trying to find at what point it went awry. But it only leaves you more confused than before. It wasn’t like you two were talking about anything that substantial. 

That is until you recount the events to the leader’s members. 

They all sit on your bed, looking at you with deadpanned expressions. You groan because you didn’t realize you’ve fucked up this badly. You wave your hands wildly, giving them a pleading look. “Well! Tell me what I did so I can fix it!” Daniela sighs, crossing her arms. She speaks as though her words were obvious. “You said you flirt with people as a joke, Y/n.” You look at her, still confused. “What does that have to do with anything?” Manon groans, throwing a pillow at your head that you unsuccessfully dodge. It hits you like her words. 

“You dumbass! You two have been flirting with each other for the last like three months! She must think it’s been a joke to you this whole time!” 

Another city, another sound check. 

Except this time, you feel more nervous than you usually do. 

Since the girls intervened with you, you’ve been trying to figure out how to win the Filipina girl back in your life. You can’t believe how oblivious you’ve been the last few months. You’ve been so busy overthinking your feelings that you didn’t even consider Sophia’s. There couldn’t have been a chance in hell that Sophia Laforteza would see you the same way you do. But, as you reflected on the past few months, you realize that all signs were there. 

And now you’re gonna try to make up for it. Try is the keyword. 

You are in the last few minutes of your soundcheck when you decide to finish with a cover that you’ve been shamelessly practicing for hours the night before. You run to the other side of the stage, grabbing your ukulele. Its appearance makes the audience cheer and you feel your cheeks heat up. For some reason, holding a ukulele embarrasses you. But you can’t back away, you’ve gotta see this one through. You place your mic on its stand, clearing your throat. You speak into it, your voice shaking slightly. “So. I think you guys and I have been getting pretty close the last few months…” You hear more cheers from the audience, agreeing with your statement. You chuckle nervously. “So, I’m gonna tell you guys a secret.” Once again, everyone cheers in response. You hear individual voices saying things such as, “What is it?” or, “Tell us!” 

You strum the ukulele, the random chords reverberating throughout the concert hall. “I really like someone… And I really fucked up– pardon my language,” Everyone laughs but quickly becomes silent, wanting you to continue. “And so, I dedicate this song to them. I hope they listen to it and I don’t know… Consider giving me another chance?” The audience screams a collective ‘Yes!’ When everyone finally quiets down, you begin playing the chords to the song, hoping a certain Filipina is standing backstage listening in. 

“She’s my sunshine in the rain…” 

After saying your goodbyes to the audience, you quickly run off stage, looking around frantically. Disappointment begins to settle in your chest when Sophia is nowhere to be seen. However, a familiar hand grabs onto yours, pulling you into an unknown direction. You can’t help the smile that forms on your face being pulled by Sophia. Once you two are alone, she wraps her arms around your neck, pulling you into a deep kiss. You respond immediately, wrapping your arms around her waist. After a few moments, she pulls away slightly, resting her forehead against yours. She whispers teasingly. “You’re only flirting with me from now on, okay?” 

You kiss her again, relishing the way her lipgloss tastes. When you pull away, you respond, breathlessly, “Got it. Totally noted.”

a/n: i hope you guys enjoyed, let me know what you think! this one was rlly fun to write and it helped w my sophia brainrot lately. my inbox is open for requests and any thoughts so send them if you wanna :)

[lynnieverse]

you are in love // drew starkey

oneshot

drew stakery x popstar!reader

part two to like real people do

2.3k words

Things were going great, amazing even. Drew was so sweet, and you two had been getting to know each other slowly but surely until he finally asked you to be his girlfriend. It was adorable; he decorated his entire house with dahlias––your favorite flower––and cooked you dinner. Of course you said yes, and you’d been spending as much time together as possible ever since. It’s been six months, and life is bliss; it’s safe to say you’re waiting for the other shoe to drop. 

But now, you’re nervous for a totally different reason. The first concert of a tour is always anxiety inducing. 

Will they like the setlist? 

Did we plan enough choreography? 

Is it flashy enough? 

Does the set look okay? 

Did we rehearse enough? 

What if I mess up?

All sorts of questions fly around your mind, assaulting your nerves and making you nauseous. You pace back and forth in your dressing room, fidgeting with the sequins on the bodice of your first outfit. You catch a glimpse of yourself in the large mirror on the wall; you’re perfectly put together––hair straightened, lips painted a deep red––but you feel anything but on the inside. You can feel the blood rush in your ears, vein on your neck thumping erratically to the rhythm of your heartbeat. Feeling the panic build in your chest, you fumble for your phone, quickly dialing the one person you know can help. 

“Hey baby,” Drew’s voice crackles through the speaker after two rings. You let out a shaky breath, closing your eyes in relief. 

“Hi,” you whisper softly. 

“What’s wrong?” he immediately asks. You let the smooth sound of his voice work its way into your psyche, calming you down immediately. 

“Nothing now, I was just nervous, first show and all.” You put him on speaker, setting your phone on the vanity so you can tug on your boots. You’d sent all the stylists, makeup artists, and assistants out of the room a while ago, wanting to have a moment of quiet before the storm. 

“You’re going to do amazing, Y/N. You’ve rehearsed until you bled, and everyone is going to love it.” You nod along to his words, trying to convince yourself.

“You promise?” 

“I swear.”

“I wish you could be here,” you know it’s selfish, but you pout anyway. He had agreed to his filming schedule before you’d even gotten together, and your tour dates have been planned for over a year, so him missing the first show was just how the cards played out. It sucks, but you understand; you’re both very busy, and he already moved things around to come to your show in L.A., even if it is months away. 

“I wish I could too, baby. I’m cheering you on from set, I’m even going to find a livestream to watch.” Your heart flutters, something that always happens when he does anything related to you, apparently. You’re about to reply when a sharp knock at the door interrupts you. 

“Come in!” you call, zipping up your boot. The door cracks open, Amara’s face popping in through the gap. You smile at her; she’s been the best assistant and friend today. 

“Hey, Y/N, they’re ready for you.” 

“Fuck, okay. Thank you, I’ll be right there.” Amara nods and softly closes the door behind her as she leaves. You pick up your phone and prepare your goodbye. 

“Hey sorry, they’re calling me to the stage.”

“Okay, baby. Knock ‘em dead, okay?” You laugh lightly, shaking your head. 

“You know most people say ‘break a leg’?” 

“Well I’m not most people.” You can practically feel his smirk through the screen. 

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. I have to go, but I’ll talk to you after the show?” 

“Of course.” You smile at that.

“Alright. Bye, have fun shooting.”

“Bye, baby, love you.” You freeze as the line goes dead, staring at your screen in shock. He just said ‘love you’. Drew just said he loves you! Holy shit. Do you call him back? That had to have been an accident, right? Neither of you have even broached that topic yet, and you certainly didn’t expect him to say that over the phone. As you’re debating a response, frantic knocks shake you out of your panic. Guess that’s it then.

With no time to demand an explanation, you tuck your phone in your purse and exit the dressing room. As soon as you step into the hallway you’re engulfed by the chaos. People are flying around, doing last minute touches, and everything just seems like a blur around you. Amara appears, and without speaking she grabs your arm and tugs you towards the side stage. 

“Okay, here’s your mic,” she rushes out, handing you the glittery pink microphone. “Ears,” she wraps the wires around the back of your neck, letting you put on the earpiece while clipping the matching microphone pack behind you discretely. “You know the setlist, everything is running perfectly. The only thing you need to do is calm down and sing, okay?” Amara’s eyes are wild, no doubt from the high energy environment they’d fallen victim to today. 

You smile at her brightly, squeezing her shoulders in thanks. “It’s going to be great, just relax.” She nods her head, messing with your hair for a moment before leaning back and admiring the look. 

“Alright, break a leg!” You snort at the irony, thinking of Drew. Amara pushes you into the little elevator under the stage and gives you one more reassuring smile before leaving you to your thoughts. You take in a few deep breaths, running through your pre-show affirmations quickly before the platform starts to rise. With the jerk of the machinery, you plaster a show stopping smile on your face and pose, hand on your hip and microphone by your lips. 

The farther you rise, the louder the screams sound in Nissan Stadium. You feel the joy bubble in your chest, the opening notes to your first hit song playing in your ear piece. The metronome clicking feels like home, guiding you on when to start. 

The screams get significantly louder when you stand, finally on stage, smoke surrounding you. They can only see your silhouette, but it’s enough. You hear the countdown in your ear and as it hits ‘one’, you start singing. 

I don’t mind

Letting you down easy, but just give it time

If it don't hurt now then just wait, just wait a while

You're not the big fish in the pond no more

You are what they're feeding on

The lights illuminate the pit, letting you make eye contact with countless fans, waving enthusiastically as your voice rings throughout the room. You catch a few silly signs, internally laughing at your fans’ creativity. 

So what are you gonna do

When the world don't orbit around you?

So what are you gonna do

When the world don't orbit around you?

Ain't it fun?

Living in the real world

Ain't it good?

Being all alone

Your eyes sweep over the crowd, watching as they eat up every move you make. Your background dancers twirl around you, perfectly in sync and effortlessly hitting every mark. You make your way down the stage, belting Ain’t It Fun as you do. You reminisce on the first time you sang this song live, in a small run down bar in Nashville, when you were only sixteen. Look how far you’d come. 

Don't go crying to your mama

'Cause you're on your own in the real world

Don't go crying to your mama

'Cause you're on your own in the real world

You clap your hands above your head, encouraging the crowd to do the same. They immediately mimic you, the sound penetrating your earplugs. You realize you’re tearing up, completely overcome by the love and support from your fans. 

You finish by striking a pose, the lights cutting off and leaving the entire stadium in almost complete darkness. You step back, standing on your mark as the crew hurriedly brings out a microphone stand and your guitar. You feel the strap being slipped around your shoulders, and grip the neck softly. When you’re alone on stage again, the lights gradually brighten, revealing your smiling face once again. You let the crowd cheer for a minute before stepping up to the microphone. 

“Well hello, Nashville!” You say loudly, placing your hands on your hips. The screams make you laugh, your eyes traveling up to the nosebleeds and all the way back down to the pit. The energy is electric, pride swelling in your chest. 

“I hope you’re ready for the fantastic show we have planned for you!” More screams sound before you continue. You go through your prepared speech, introducing and thanking all the dancers, back up singers, and members of your band that had toured with you since day one. Your eyes flick over to the VIP section briefly, looking for your parents. Your stomach drops as your eyes connect with the familiar blue ones you’ve come to adore. 

Drew is here, and Madelyn is smirking beside him. Your heart swells and you almost want to cry, completely filled with love for this man. You know you look ridiculous, mouth gaped open, but you don’t care. He’s here. Drew smiles at you, arms crossed loosely. You quickly try to recover, turning back to the crowd. 

“I have to be honest with you all,” a hush falls over the crowd. “Someone I care about very deeply is here tonight.” The yelling starts, and you start strumming your guitar while looking at Drew. 

“He surprised me, and so I hope you don’t mind if I change things up a bit.” More cheers, and a confused look from Drew puts a mischievous grin on your face. You glance back at your crew and nod once, hopefully sending the message to hold off on the next song. 

“This is a new song, one I wrote for this person specifically.” Drew stares at you in awe, Madelyn jabbing him in the ribs and laughing maniacally. You can see dozens of fans glancing back at him with their phones up, obviously recording his reaction to your words. You two hadn’t gone public by any official means, but there’d been talk, and this certainly confirmed things. 

“I guess the only thing left to say is…right back at you,” Drew scrunches his eyebrows before realization sets in and he’s right back to smiling. You step back and start playing the chords louder, starting the song. You keep eye contact between you, wanting him to really hear your words. 

One look, dark room

Meant just for you

Time moved too fast

You play it back

Buttons on a coat

Light-hearted joke

No proof, not much

But you saw enough

Small talk, he drives

Coffee at midnight

The light reflects

The chain on your neck

He says, "Look up"

And your shoulders brush

No proof, one touch

But you felt enough

You know he’s remembering every single moment you’ve mentioned, eyes sparkling as he sways to the sound of your voice. 

You can hear it in the silence, silence, you

You can feel it on the way home, way home, you

You can see it with the lights out, lights out

You are in love, true love

You are in love

His lips part, time standing still. Suddenly it’s only the two of you and no one else. The words ring true. You love him. You have for a while. 

Morning, his place

Burnt toast, Sunday

You keep his shirt

He keeps his word

And for once, you let go

Of your fears and your ghosts

One step, not much

But it said enough

You kiss on sidewalks

You fight and you talk

One night he wakes

Strange look on his face

Pauses, then says

You're my best friend

And you knew what it was

He is in love

Madelyn covers her mouth with her hands, jumping up and down excitedly. Drew is still locked in place, seemingly not able to take his eyes off of you. You wink at him and he laughs, shaking his head at you. 

And so it goes

You two are dancing in a snow globe, 'round and 'round

And he keeps the picture of you in his office downtown

And you understand now why they lost their minds and fought the wars

And why I've spent my whole life tryin' to put it into words

'Cause you can hear in the silence

You let the silence linger, letting the cheers wash over you, feeling all the love you have for Drew simmering beneath the surface. 

You can feel it on the way home

You can see it with the lights out

You are in love, true love

You are in love

You finish out the song, singing happily to the man of your dreams, and everyone knows it now too. You feel unstoppable, completely charged like you always are in his presence. Drew discretely wipes his eyes, causing your own eyes to prickle. ‘I love you too’ you mouth, blowing him a kiss. He beams, nudging Madelyn happily. 

With one last lingering look, you turn your attention back to your adoring fans, smiling cheekily. “Thank you, thank you! How about we get back to the show?” you ask, giggling slightly before immediately going into an acoustic version of gold rush. You love your fans, but all you can think about for the rest of the concert is throwing your arms around Drew and kissing him senseless. And after the encore and the bows, you do just that…going home with the man you love.

[nitadllyss]

Needy for Attention

Dom! Lee Felix x Sub! Reader

Warnings: Unprotected sex, breast play, cum inside, domination, praise, marks, etc.

Genre: Smut, NSFW.

Summary: Felix invites you over to his place, but he's too absorbed in his video game. You need to find a way to get his attention.

----------------------------

"Die you stupid!"

Video game sounds echoed around the room as Felix played his favorite game. He wasn't exactly the best at it and was now struggling with all his might to kill another player.

"HOW THE FUCK DID HE DO THAT?!" he yelled, frustrated, seeing that he had been eliminated.

"Lix, what's the point of playing so much if you're so bad?" You mocked from the other side of the bed.

He turned to look at you, frowning.

"What are we going to do after you're done playing?" you asked, bored. You and Felix were friends, and he had invited you over to his house supposedly because he missed you, but he didn't even pay attention to you because he was stuck in that stupid game.

"Mm, I don't know," he replied disinterestedly, starting another game. He probably didn't even consider the idea of stopping playing.

You couldn't understand how he could be such a loser. He had a girl madly in love with him in his bed, and yet he preferred to play video games. Was he joking?

You were one more game away from going home, so you started teasing him, hoping for at least a little bit of his attention.

You put one leg on his back and started pushing him lightly with your feet.

"Liiiix, I'm bored," you complained in a spoiled voice.

"I promise I'll play a few more games and we'll do something else. I can't stop right now when I'm getting better," he said, sticking his tongue out of the corner of his lip, focused on the screen.

You didn't want to wait. You sat on his back and started jumping slightly. Your skirt rode up a little, but you didn't pay it any mind.

"Lixieee," you insisted with a pout.

“Y/N, just wait a while,” he replied without taking his eyes off the game. His indifference was starting to bother you.

You approached his arm and rested your chest against it.

“Lixieee,” you repeated, waiting for some reaction.

As soon as he felt you, his cheeks turned red and a smile appeared on his lips.

“Aren’t you going to be patient?” He muttered before releasing the controller, letting it fall to the side. Then he looked at you seriously. “Do you have any idea how hard it is to play with a whiner rubbing her tits against my arm?”

You blushed instantly. You just wanted his attention, but not in that way… or at least not this time.

“Oh, I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to,” you said, jerking away for fear of making him uncomfortable.

“Of course, you didn’t mean to,” he replied wryly, not even looking you in the eyes. His attention was fixed on your chest.

“I thought of something so you wouldn’t be bored,” he said with a mischievous smile, biting his bottom lip.

Before you could react, he lunged at you and kissed you deeply. At first you froze, but then you tried to keep up with him. He dominated the kiss with ease. He placed one hand on your cheek and pulled you towards him, while the other rested on your waist.

When he pulled away, you were still confused. Where had all that come from?

Before you could speak, you felt his lips trail down to your jaw.

"Were you that needy for attention?" He whispered before running his tongue over the kiss he had just left on you, sending shivers down your spine. “You're so bratty,” he added, trailing wet kisses to your collarbones.

"I-I just wanted you to be with me," you stammered. The innocence in your words contrasted with the feeling of your neck wet from his saliva.

In response, he began to give you a hickey, biting and sucking on your soft skin. You let out a gasp.

His kisses reached the neckline of your shirt. The hand he had on your waist went inside your shirt slowly pulling it up, making sure you felt his warm fingers on your skin.

"You're going to be good and take off your shirt" his deep tone of voice made his words sound more authoritative.

Being the good girl you are, you obeyed and took off your shirt, leaving your breasts visible covered only by your bra.

"Whoa, you're amazing. You wore the cutest bra for me didn't you? All for me," his hands cupping your breasts over the lacy blue bra. He began to massage them, squeezing and moving them.

His dilated pupils and the way he ran his tongue over his lip showed how excited he was.

He began to kiss your breasts, licking long strips, biting gently and sucking, leaving some purple love mark.

You were fascinated by how amazed he was by your breasts, he couldn't keep his mouth away from you and it wasn't exactly a problem.

He ran a hand down your back, easily unhooking your bra. As he pulled it down he felt his mouth water and without waiting any longer he joined his lips to your nipples. Biting one and squeezing the other between his thumb and index finger.

You were starting to feel an discomfort between your legs that only grew with Felix's desperation for your breasts, starting to form a wetness in your underwear.

“Mmh,” you gasped loudly as Felix switched nipples, starting to lick it like it was ice cream. Your very hard nipples were literally irresistible for him.

"You like it that much?" He smiled with your nipple between his teeth, "You're happy now that you have my attention, aren't you?" His voice even huskier from the excitement made you clench your thighs.

Noticing this he left your chest and used his hands to separate your legs, "I want you to answer me when I talk to you" you wanted to close your legs and rub yourself, burying his head in your breasts again.

"I'm going to ask again. Are you happy now that you have my attention?" He looked at you expectantly.

“Y-yes, please continue” you begged whiningly, your eyebrows curled making your eyes more vulnerable.

"Good, what a good girl" he gave you a tender kiss on the cheek before continuing to suck on your tits. The hand that separated your legs now massaged your thigh, slowly entering your intimate area with ease through your skirt.

You were soaked, all wet staining your underwear, he had only played with your tits and you were already dripping. The sensitivity you had made him hallucinate.

He created friction with his hand, caressing you over your underwear. "You're really anxious," he said without letting go of your overstimulated nipples, beginning to caress your clit over the fabric. "Ahh Lix" you closed your eyes in pleasure, his skilled hands playing with your pussy making you feel wetter and wetter.

“Lix please,” moving your hips in circles, rubbing yourself against his hand, you bit your bottom lip hard in an attempt to stop yourself from sounding so pathetic.

"No, be patient or I'll go get the controller and keep playing" he continued torturing you with his hand slowly, very slowly caressing you.

You forced yourself to keep your hips still, trying to fix your gaze on something else so you wouldn't die trying to keep from rubbing yourself against Felix's hand. Then your eyes could see how Felix's member was starting to harden.

Felix pulled your panties down, delighted by the wet spot you left on them. He brought them to his nose and inhaled, feeling the scent of your arousal, causing him to gasp.

"You smell so good, I'm sure you taste even better" he smiled as he heard your pleading moan.

Determined to eat you, he buried his head between your legs, your skirt covering his head leaving him out of your vision, you could only feel him.

He started giving kitten licks to the inside of your thigh, he was torturing you and he loved it, the sounds you let out were music to his ears.

Once he found your center he inhaled, bringing his nose to your clit, somewhat eagerly running his tongue along your entrance, licking it like it was ice cream.

“Ahg Lix” you whimpered, still holding on to the urge to literally ride his face.

Your response fascinated him, he kept licking you, starting to penetrate you with his tongue. His nose lightly brushed against your clit but it wasn’t enough, he decided to make small, slow swirls on your clit, licking long strips along your entrance and focusing on your clit.

You were literally in heaven, it felt so good, the way he moved his tongue and you felt his warm saliva making you sigh.

“It feels s-so good” you moaned in pleasure, but it wasn’t enough. You could see his already formed erection and thinking about having him inside you was driving you crazy.

“Lix please” you threw your head back and begged not to lose your composure, avoiding wrapping your thighs around his head.

“What do you ask for?” He started eating you out sloppily, making your words unable to form properly.

“Ahh Lix please” he was eating you out so messily that saliva was running down his chin.

“Please fuck me please” tears stung your eyes, you were so needy for him, you needed him deep and hard in you.

Felix kissed your pussy before stepping out from between your thighs, the image of his reddened face highlighting his freckles, his swollen red lips, better yet his chin covered in saliva and your fluids. You could have cum just from his image.

Felix started kissing you, making you taste your own flavor, while his quick hands pulled down his pants along with his underwear, when he managed to do so he pulled your skirt down with one jerk.

During the kiss he took your hand and brought it to his crotch, making you feel how hard he was, he pulled away leaving you dumb.

"Look what you did, all for being a spoiled brat in need of attention" he squeezed your hand making you caress his cock.

"Since you're so needy, you're going to orgasm on your own," he smiled mischievously before grabbing you by the waist, leaving you floating over his lap. He grabbed his cock and lined it up at your entrance.

"You're so damn tight" he bit his lip as he felt you slowly go down.

The stretch hurt but you were so needy that you shrugged it off, after a few seconds you managed to join his pelvis, moaning throughout the process.

When he hit bottom he let out a grunt of satisfaction, you were very tight and doing it without a condom allowed him to feel your rubbery walls around him.

"A-ahh you fill me s-so good" you felt his hard cock inside you, stretching you deliciously, feeling you so full of him.

Then Felix tightened his grip on your hip, forcing you to move, you started to ride him slowly, totally controlled by him.

You both moaned from the pleasure the other's body gave you, you fit so well. Felix made you go up and down faster, accompanied by his hips rising to penetrate you.

Your tits were literally jumping, Felix was definitely not going to waste the opportunity. He attached his mouth to one of your tits, biting and sucking it, growling over it.

You couldn't stop moaning and panting, his cock hitting you right where it should, the sound of your fluids coming together was disgusting, every time you went up you looked at the ring of cream you left on Felix's cock.

"Are you close? We'll cum together or I won't let you cum" he began to masturbate your clit.

It was too much, his mouth on your tits, his hand on your clit and his cock drilling you inside. You were seconds away from cumming.

“Mhh Felix,” you started to squeeze him harder, “I need to cum please” your pleading moans made him want to explode inside you.

His hand picked up the pace and he started to penetrate you harder and faster.

“Felix!” You cum around him, bathing his cock in your juices, squeezing him deliciously, moaning loudly.

Felix started pounding into you hard, grunting as he felt how close he was. After a few more thrusts he cum inside you, filling you up with his cum. He kept penetrating you until the high passed, then he rested his head against your chest like a pillow.

“I love giving you attention” he laughed looking at you, still deep in the incredible orgasm he gave you.

"And I love your attention" you smiled and gave him a tender kiss. Felix withdrew slowly, watching his fluids mix in your center, he laid you down and gave you a kiss on the forehead.

"Let me clean you up" he looked for a wet towel and very gently began to clean you, showering you with praise.

"You were very good, you are a very pretty girl" he massaged your thigh trying to relax your muscles while he cleaned you, when he finished he changed the sheets and gave you one of his t-shirts.

----------------------------

English is not my first language, so if you see any mistakes, please let me know. 🙏🏻

Being honest, I’m a fan of Sub Felix🤭, but I think that for my first smut with him, I preferred to go with a Dom Lixie.

It should have been published earlier, my apologies.💞

[iturmom]

i do eat with abandon when i have access to the food i want. damn this is a complicated topic i'll address the other one later. so there's two parts to the problem: access and want. let's start with access. i survive mostly on food from food banks and churches. sometimes they have exactly what i want! but they always have edible food, it's just that i know i can't replace my favorite foods when they run out, so i ration them. i can't eat the foods i want with abandon because i can't afford to, because i don't want to exist every single day is a nightmare i have to suffer through and no one has ever wanted to take responsibility, even when i was a child, for forcing me to exist without my consent and now in adulthood i have to navigate all these problems by myself because the conservatives want more people but they don't want to take responsibility for the people they wanted so bad. so i am trapped in a world that is sick and twisted and cruel and fucked up and evil and horrific forced to take responsibility for this life i never wanted because i'm terrified of dying. ugh it's so hard to summarize concisely, you can glean information about my mental state from my blog if you're curious.

as for the food i want to eat, well my palette was formed by people who did not give a shit whether i lived or died, and were only taking care of me as much as they were required to by law, so i was fed mostly junk food especially in my youngest years before i had to move in with my grandma, and now we're discovering that the junk food is made to be addictive so we can't palette more natural food but the shit they add to it is poisoning our population that's why our society is so unhealthy. so yeah i also can't eat with reckless abandon because i've discovered that the food i actually want to eat is as addictive as heroin and would similarly but less dramatically rot my body from the inside out so. so i only enjoy junk food, if i want to eat with reckless abandon, i have to eat junk food, which will slowly kill me and also i can't afford it anyway.

on the other topic, it's really quite simple. this is my blog and i am allowed to post what i want. no one who follows me reblogged this post, so if you are seeing it you actively sought it out, or it came up on your dashboard from someone else who sought it out and if you don't like what that blog is posting then you can unfollow them. it kinda sounds like a you problem. i want to explain my thought process but you're not asking me what i meant with my words, you are telling me what i meant and you seem pretty sure of it so i don't want to waste my time to prove myself to you when it won't do any good anyway, you don't want to understand.

[thequeenofcurses]

Deadly Valentine

story inspired by the above & this art by @sweetlandspos (with permission to post here <3)

summary: ghostface!bf sukuna x f!reader. sukuna doesn't want to wait 'til halloween to try out the new mask kink you told him about tw: CNC, dubcon, mask kink, slight yandere?, dacryphilia, knife play, rough, ghostface, break-in, breeding, sry if I miss something, im so bad at tws. not really proofread words: 4500 (sorry)

masterlist | jjk masterlist

As soon as you got home from work, you knew something was up.

It was eerily quiet. The tv wasn't on and the living room looked as if nobody had touched it.

The house was often filled with some sort of noise and Sukuna always made sure that the tv was always on or he was gaming.

“Kuna, I'm home.”

Nothing.

“Sukuna?!”

Silence.

Maybe he wasn't home? But where would he go?

You checked the whole house and his car was still here, yet no sign of him. Perhaps he went to buy some beer?

You were about to head upstairs until you heard a knock at the door.

Your heart started to beat rapidly in your chest.

Who could that be? Was it Sukuna? No, he would've called you.

You hesitantly opened the door to see a white and black ghost shaped mask staring back at you.

“Er, hello?”

There was no response.

“Can I help you?”

The mask turned his head slowly, and in a raspy voice, he said, “you're so cute.” His voice was distorted by some kind of voice changer.

You scoff. “Thanks, but I have a boyfriend. Now, if you'll excuse me-” You try to close the door, but the masked person wedges their foot in between the door, preventing you from closing it.

“I just have one question.” He doesn't move his foot.

You sigh heavily. “What is it?”

“What's your favorite scary movie?” he asks.

You roll your eyes then put your finger on your chin and tilt your head up cutely while you ponder. “Saw.”

He finally removes his foot and steps away from the door.

“That's a good choice”, he says.

You give him a curt nod and go to shut the door, but before it completely closes, he sticks his head in and whispers, “I'll be seeing you real soon.”

The door slams on his head and he grunts. You hear a chuckle as he walks away and then the sound of his footsteps disappearing.

“What the fuck?”

You quickly lock the door and take off your shoes and jacket, running up the stairs.

“Sukuna!” you shout as you look for him. You check every room possible, making sure the doors and windows are locked, yet the house seems as empty as a church on a weekday.

You breathe steadily trying to calm yourself down. It was probably just one of the neighbors playing a prank. Sukuna should be home soon.

As if he could sense your weariness, your phone beeps with a text from Satoru Gojo.

Gojo: Woman, I'm at the store with this moron Gojo. He rushed me and I ended up forgetting my phone, so I'm borrowing his. Need anything? ~Sukuna

You: I just need you <3

Gojo: can you two not get all mushy on my phone... ~Toru

You shake your head, putting your phone away, and decide to make some popcorn and watch a movie while you wait for him to get home. The second you slide the bag into the microwave you hear another knock at the door that makes you freeze. The store was at least ten minutes away, so there's no way Sukuna could've gotten home so quickly...

You tiptoe to the front door, peeking through the peephole. Nothing. Maybe it was just the wind.

POP! A kernel from the microwave sounds off, jolting your attention back to the kitchen.

This is getting really annoying.

You plop back onto the couch, awaiting your buttery snack to finish it's creation. You surf through the Netflix screen until you find something you like. The screen blackens and the room is pitch black, silent. The only sound coming from the kitchen.

THUMP! You flinch once again, the sound catching you off guard. Okay, what the fuck is going on? It sounded like some thing or some one, had fallen upstairs.

POP! POP! POP! The popcorn cried out for you, signaling it's readiness. You hurriedly take it out and leave the bag on the stove. You quickly open the top kitchen drawer and grab a knife. If someone really is here, I'm going down fighting, you think.

Your phone rings.

UNKNOWN NUMBER

It would be dumb to answer the call. It's so obvious, yet something in your brain compels you to do so.

"H-hello?"

"I told you I would be seeing you again."

"Who the fuck is this?"

"Come upstairs and find out." The call ends, and you're left confused with a heart beating so quickly, you can hear it. You pull up Gojo's contact and hit call.

"We're sorry. The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service."

You dial 911.

"We're sorry. The number you have dialed has been disconnected or is no longer in service."

BEEP! Incoming text.

UNKNOWN NUMBER: Nice try, sweetie.

Fuck, fuck. FUCK! My phone service isn't working. You pace in the kitchen as your mind racks with a million thoughts. I can't call for help or Sukuna. I just might have to face this guy.

You're not going to go up there.

Don't.

It's a trap.

That's how every dumb bitch in every horror movie dies.

Yet, your feet have a mind of their own, and they softly take you up the stairs. You hold the knife pointed outward as you ascend the stairs to your shared bedroom. Worst case scenario, if that masked person really did break in, you can use those self-defense moves Sukuna taught you and restrain them until the police arrive.

Your heart beats rapidly with every step you take. An advantage you have that the ghost doesn't is you know this house like the back of your hand. There's a secret door in the back of your bedroom closet that also leads to the hallway. You drop to a crawl and quietly sneak through the secret passageway. The ghost will never see you coming. 

As you finally reach the door leading to your closet you inaudibly open it, firmly grasping the knob, as to not let its click make any noise. After you go through, you come face to feet with shoes you don’t own. Fuck.

CLAP CLAP CLAP. He’s clapping, he’s fucking clapping. 

“Impressive,” he laughs with that distorted voice. “I knew you would try to go this way.”

“Don’t hesitate,” you hear Sukuna’s training voice in your mind. “Strike first. Ask questions when they’re where you want them.”

You do a side kick, aiming for the ghost’s knee. He stumbles backward, out of your closet and you use your bought time to stand to your feet. You rise, kitchen knife in your right hand. You finally size him up and holy fuck, he’s so much bigger than you. He’s at least a whole foot taller. He stares at you, waiting for you to make your next move.

You blink back your thoughts. Focus. You rush at him, aiming to stab him in the shoulder. You swing downward, pump faking, as if you were going for his groin, then at the last second, change directions, slicing him in the shoulder. The slice cuts through the fabric, barely piercing his skin. The knife has the tiniest drop of blood on the tip.

Is this guy insane? You internally deliberate. He didn’t even attempt to move.

“W-why,” you stutter out. “Why didn’t you dodge!?”

He scoffs. “Why would I dodge a meaningless attack like that?” The ghost tilts his head, wagging two fingers at you. Asshole. “Come at me again.”

You don’t rush this time, but wait for an opening. The ghost waves at you, taunting, and that’s when you decide to slice again. When he looks like he’s vulnerable, you aim for his chest this time. You use your body weight to thrust forward and the knife looks like it’s going to connect. Until it doesn’t. The ghost grabs your weaponized arm, then uses his other hand to force you into an armbar. He hooks his left arm over your right one, shifting the weight. He twists your hand backward towards the ground until you’re forced to make a decision.

In this position, you have to either drop the knife or you’ll drop to the ground. Either way, you’re fucked. 

You try to hold on, but he’s too strong. He slightly presses down on your hand and it’s enough to make you wince in pain. You let the knife slip out of your fingers and he finally lets go of your hand. 

For only a second. 

The next moment, he turns you and puts you in a headlock, his left arm under your neck and his right one above your head.

“I told you,” he laughs. “Meaningless.”

“My boyfriend– ” you gasp out. “Is going to kill you.”

“Oh, really?” He lets you go and claps dramatically. The power in your room seems to suddenly go out and you’re both enveloped in darkness. Just outside of your room window you notice flashing lights coming through the crack in the curtains. The ghost pulls them back only for you to see Sukuna to be tied to a chair with strobe lights behind him. Your heart drops to your stomach.

“Please don’t,” your voice is shaky and raspy. You drop to your knees, not sure if the ghost can even see you in this darkness. “Please, please, don’t hurt him.”

As if on cue to torture you further, outside the window Sukuna is stabbed right in front of you. Your eyes well with tears and your breath gets stuck in your throat. Subsequently, the outside lights disappear and you're wrapped in darkness again. The lights in your room seemingly come back on and the ghost is walking back into your room. 

“Sorry about your boyfriend,” he laughs. “All those muscles didn't help much.”

“Fuck you!” you spit at him.

“Tch. Good idea.”

“What–” you're cut off by the ghost grabbing you and tossing you onto the bed like you weigh nothing. Your vision is still blurry from the tears that are now streaking down your face, but your legs still work. You kick and kick and kick at him, scratching and clawing into his arms, but to no avail, he tanks it and pushes forward. It isn’t until he straddles you and has your arms pinned above your head, that you start to accept your fate. 

The ghost lifts his mask up, ever so slightly, only to bend down and lick your tears. You twist your head away. 

“You’re sick,” you snap at him again.

“Your tears are making me so hard,” he admits. You internally wretch and avoid his gaze. Sukuna, I need you. Your thoughts go to the only thing that can ever ground you. Sukuna, please, save me. Although, it was pointless to think that after watching the horror show earlier.

He releases one of your hands, only to guide it to his hardening length under his black robes. He then glides his finger across your lips. 

“Open,” he commands.

“Make me,” you refuse, defiance all over your face.

“That can be arranged,” he laughs. Not letting his hold on you go, he grabs the knife off the bedside table. When the hell did he put that there? Was it when the lights went out? The knife slides against your cheek, then tantalizingly slowly down your neck. It hovers above your chest before it’s digging into your shirt. He pulls the knife down, slicing your top in two. But he doesn't stop there. The knife continues its venture, cutting open your bra, then your skirt and panties open.

The ghost tightens his grip on your chin, tilting your head up as the knife drags down your stomach, cold and teasing against your heated skin. Your breath hitches when the tip circles around your navel before trailing lower, stopping just above your pelvis.

“You’re so tense,” he murmurs through the voice changer, pressing the flat of the blade against your hip. “Is that fear? Or something else?”

You bite the inside of your cheek, refusing to respond. His weight pins you down, his body heavy against yours as his free hand slides up your ribs, fingers skimming over the shredded fabric of your shirt.

“Still not talking?” he chuckles, shifting his hips just enough for you to feel the hard outline of his cock pressing against your thigh. “No protests? No begging? Maybe you want this.”

“Fuck you,” you hiss, struggling against his grip.

The ghost tuts, clicking his tongue. “We’ll get there.”

He sets the knife aside, leaving it close enough for you to see its gleaming edge from the corner of your eye. His newly freed hand replaces the cold metal with the warmth of his fingers, ghosting over the curve of your waist, then lower—gripping, teasing, exploring. His touch is rough, calloused palms scraping over your soft skin, but calculated, like he’s memorized every inch of you.

It’s terrifying how well he seems to know your body.

You swallow hard, clenching your fists as his hands travel lower. 

“Oh?” he remarks as if he’s made some new discovery. “You’re wet.”

No. Impossible. You would never get wet for anyone aside from your boyfriend. Especially not this monster. He’s probably hideous under that mask.

He slaps you across the face, and you wince in pain. It stings, but you know that wasn’t at all his full strength. The ghost uses this opportunity to force his lips on yours, tilting his mask up once again. His kiss is hard, forceful, and his tongue slips through your parted lips, licking the roof.

You try to push him away with your free hand, but his hand finds its way to your throat, squeezing just hard enough to make it difficult for you to breathe. Your nails dig into his wrist, a futile attempt to make him let go.

He breaks the kiss, smirking. You can feel his breath against your lips, warm and shallow, and it makes your skin crawl.

“Now for the main event,” the ghost whispers. He reaches to remove his cloak, and as he pulls it off, his black undershirt rides up slightly, exposing a glimpse of inked skin beneath.

Your breath stutters.

Your eyes dart to his stomach, tracing the familiar dark lines curling over his abs, trailing up to his ribs– 

Tattoos.

Your stomach flips, shock crashing into you like a wave.

No. No, it can’t be.

But as he finally pulls his shirt off completely, standing over you in nothing but those dark pants and that haunting mask, the truth slams into you.

The tattoos. The scars. The physique you’ve memorized with your hands and lips a hundred times over. Your eyes go wide with surprise.

Sukuna.

Your entire body tenses beneath him as the realization hits, and the ghost tilts his head, amused by your sudden change in expression.

“What’s the matter, y/n?” he questions, rubbing his erection through his pants. “You look like you’ve seen a ghost.”

He chuckles, and your blood runs cold. You remain silent, still processing everything you’ve just seen.

“What’s wrong?” His voice is still distorted, still playful, but now you can hear it, the underlying smugness that’s so unmistakably him.

You don't reply.

You can't.

You just stare at him, unable to form any coherent thought, and he clicks his tongue in annoyance.

Sukuna removes the rest of his clothes, keeping nothing but that forsaken ghostface mask on. He then climbs on top of you, straddling your waist and pinning your hands above your head once more. His cock brushes against your stomach as he leans over you, the tip slick and glistening, and you realize how wet you are.

This is fucked.

He takes a moment to appreciate the view, his eyes raking over your body, admiring his handiwork. The remains of your clothes are scattered across the bed, barely covering you. Your hair is a mess, sticking to the sides of your face and neck, and your lips are red and swollen from his rough kisses.

Fuck, he loves seeing you like this.

He takes his cock in his hand, giving it a few lazy strokes before rubbing the head along your slit. He teases you, dragging his cock between your folds, coating himself in your slick.

With how wet you are, he doesn’t need any lube tonight.

Your breath catches in your throat as he nudges your entrance, the tip of his cock pressing against you. You squirm beneath him, trying to buck your hips away from him, but his weight pins you down, trapping you in place.

His grip on your wrists tightens, and his other hand finds its way to the knife. He raises the blade, pressing the cold metal against your throat.

"Don’t move."

You hold still, terrified of the blade.

Sukuna chuckles, and you shiver, the sound sending a chill down your spine.

He leans closer, the mask grazing your skin. “I'd hate to have to cut you.”

He presses the knife harder against your throat, enough to draw a thin line of blood. You wince, hissing through gritted teeth, and he laughs, a low, rumbling sound that reverberates through his chest.

“There's my girl.”

He eases his hold on your wrists, sliding his hand up your arm, over your shoulder, and to the base of your throat. His fingers wrap around your neck, applying gentle pressure as he guides himself inside.

His cock stretches you, filling you completely, and you cry out, arching your back.

Fuck, it hurts, but it hurts so good.

“So tight,” he groans, his voice muffled through the mask. “I'm gonna make you take it all, princess.”

Your breath comes in shallow gasps, the feeling of his cock filling you taking over your senses. You're so wet, yet his size makes you feel like you're going to rip.

His grip on your neck tightens, and he begins to thrust, fucking you with deep, deliberate strokes.

You cry out, tears streaming down your face, and he picks up the pace, the sound of his hips slapping against yours echoing throughout the room.

“So fucking good,” he growls, his voice strained. “You're such a good little slut for me.”

His words send a jolt of pleasure through you, and you bite your lip, trying to suppress the moan that's threatening to escape.

You hate how much you love this.

“Don't hold back,” he coos, his hand leaving your throat and finding its way to your clit. His fingers rub tight circles over your sensitive bud, and you let out a strangled moan, the pressure building inside you.

You can feel yourself getting close, your walls clenching around him, and his thrusts become erratic, losing their rhythm.

He leans down, his mask brushing against your cheek, and his voice is a low growl in your ear.

“I want you to come for me, princess.”

He presses the knife against your throat again, just enough to remind you of its presence, and that's all it takes to

You come hard, screaming his name, and he follows, emptying himself inside you with a grunt.

His cock pulses, filling you, and the sensation is almost enough to send you into another orgasm.

He pulls out of you slowly, a trail of his cum dripping down your thigh.

“Mm, perfect,” he sighs, running his fingers over your skin.

You lay still, trembling from the aftershocks, and he takes a moment to admire the sight before him. You're a complete mess, covered in sweat and his cum.

Your hair is tangled and your cheeks are stained with tears. Your lips are red and swollen, and the cuts on your throat are still bleeding, the crimson droplets streaking down your neck.

You're the most beautiful thing he's ever seen.

“I could fuck you all day,” he hums, stroking his cock, already half hard again.

He slides his fingers over your slit, collecting his cum on his fingertips.

“And I will,” he purrs, bringing his hand to his lips. He licks his fingers clean, savoring the taste of you mixed with him.

“Mm, sweet” he moans.

You shiver, and he laughs, leaning down to press a kiss to your forehead.

“You did so good for me, princess.”

He pulls his mask off and his pink hair cascades down, framing his handsome features. He tosses the mask aside, revealing his signature fanged smile.

“How'd you like my little surprise?”

“S-sukuna…”

He smirks. “Yes, baby?”

“I hate you,” you whisper. “You really scared me”

“Keheheh.” He laughs, shaking his head. “No, you don't.”

He pulls you into a sitting position, wrapping his arms around your waist and burying his face in the crook of your neck.

You can feel his breath against your skin, hot and heavy, and the sensation sends shivers down your spine.

“You did so good,” he murmurs, his voice low and raspy.

“Kuna, please...,” you beg.

“Shh, I know, baby,” he says, brushing your hair back and pressing a soft kiss to your temple. “I'll take care of you.”

“Should I show you some mercy,” he questions, whispering into your ear. Mercy. The safeword you and Sukuna had agreed upon when you first started dating. You gently shake your head and he nods. If you really wanted this to be over, you could say "mercy" or "red" and everything would stop.

His hands move to the back of your neck, and he gently massages your muscles, his fingers working their magic.

“So tense,” he teases. “Let's fix that.”

You groan, closing your eyes and letting the sensation of his touch wash over you.

You can feel his cock pressing against your thigh, already hard again.

“Such a whore,” he hums, his fingers digging into your skin. “Always ready for my cock.”

You squirm, trying to break free of his grip, but he holds you tight, his grip unrelenting.

“I'm going to fuck you again, princess,” he promises, his voice husky with desire. “I'm going to fuck you until you're screaming my name, begging me to stop.”

"Kuna!"

His fingers grip the back of your neck as he pins you down, his body heavy on top of yours.

You can feel his cock pressing against your ass, and his fingers dig into your hips, holding you in place.

“That's right,” he growls, his lips brushing against your ear. “Scream for me, baby.”

He rubs the tip of his cock up and down your wet slit. The mixture of both of your fluids being the perfect lube. He edges the angry, reddened head against your lower entrance. Once, twice, three times before he finally slams his cock into your ass, filling you completely, and you cry out, his name a broken prayer on your lips.

“Fuck, y/n,” he moans, his voice strained. “So. Fucking. Tight.” He thrusts with each word.

“It–  it hurts,” you whimper, tears stinging the corners of your eyes.

“Shh, I know, baby,” he soothes, his fingers tangling in your hair. He stops his movements in you, studying your face. “Just relax, let me take care of you.”

His grip on your neck loosens, his hand trailing down to your breast. He pinches your nipple, rolling the hardened nub between his fingers, and you moan, arching your back.

His lips brush against your cheek, feather-light kisses tracing along your jawline.

“That's it, baby,” he encourages, his voice husky with desire. “Just feel.”

He starts to move, pulling out slowly, then thrusting back in, burying himself deep inside you. You moan, your eyes rolling back, and he sets a slow, steady pace, his cock filling you completely with every stroke.

“Such a good little slut for me,” he coos, his fingers twisting in your hair. “Taking my cock like a champ.”

“K-kuna, please,” you gasp.

“Shh, I know,” he purrs, his thumb tracing your bottom lip. “Let me make you feel good, baby.”

You nod, biting back a sob. He presses his lips to yours, swallowing your cries, and his hands find their way to your breasts, his fingers squeezing and kneading the soft flesh.

You can feel the pressure building inside you, your body humming with anticipation, and you reach for him, your fingers gripping his hair as he pounds into you.

“S-sukuna, I'm–” you can barely get the words out, the feeling of his cock stretching you sending waves of pleasure through you.

“I know, princess,” he groans, his voice a low growl.

With one of his hands, he starts to vigorously rub your clit while his cock still pounds into your ass.

The feeling of his fingers on your clit and his cock filling you is too much, and you scream out, your body trembling as you come undone.

“Sukuna!” you exclaim, your legs shaking.

“Fuck, baby,” he grunts, his thrusts becoming erratic.

He leans down, his lips ghosting over yours, and he whispers, “Come for me, y/n.”

With those words, he sends you over the edge, your orgasm ripping through you. You cry out, your nails digging into his back.

“Oh, f-fuck,” he moans, his cock throbbing as he comes, filling you with his hot release.

He collapses on top of you, his body spent, and he nuzzles his face into the crook of your neck, pressing soft kisses along your collarbone. The tips of his pink hair tickling your face.

“Fuck, baby,” he pants, his breath ragged. “That was incredible.”

“Yeah,” you sigh, your voice hoarse. “It was.”

You both lay there, catching your breath, and enjoying the afterglow of your orgasms.

After a few minutes, he slowly pulls out, and you whimper at the loss, his cum dripping out of your ass and onto the sheets.

“I'm still mad that you scared me,” you pout into his chest. “I really thought someone had hurt you.”

“Keheheh,” he gives you his infamous laugh as a response. “Sorry, princess. It was the only way.”

You look at him, confusion written on your face, urging him to explain.

“I had Yuji throw on my clothes and sit out there,” he explains. “The brat owed me a favor, and since we’re twins, it was the perfect opportunity to trick you.”

“But, the tattoos…” you tilt your head skeptically. “How did you guys?”

“Sharpie,” he simply responds. “That’s why Gojo and I were at the store.”

You think about the plan, how intricate and well executed it was. He must have had this planned for weeks.

It was so perfectly Sukuna.

You sigh. You can't stay mad at him. Besides, it was originally your idea for him to surprise you with your mask and CNC kink. You just never imagined it would happen at the same time.

“Next time,” you warn him, pointing a finger in his face. “I'll be the one surprising you.”

“Keheheh,” his signature laugh reverberates. “I'll be looking forward to it.”

He presses his lips to yours, his kiss gentle and tender. “I love you, y/n,” he whispers. “Happy Valentine's Day.”

"I love you too, Kuna," you murmur back, closing your eyes and letting sleep claim you.

Sukuna smiles, content with his work.

“Sweet dreams, my little princess,” he kisses the top of your head

It was definitely the perfect Valentine's day.

A/N y'all really should check @/sweetlandspos art out! I love her style and everything she draws is soo delicious! 🤤😫

A/N P.S. Sorry I'm late. I wanted to post this TWO WEEKS AGO for Valentine's, but I had bad writer's block and alot of irl stuff interfere. I'm gonna try to post more consistently though <3

dividers by @omi-resources & @cafekitsune

<- masterlist

[babsworlds]

WE HUG NOW.

pairing. dbf! Joel Miller x younger! fem! reader.

synopsis. “I have a feeling you got everything you wanted and you’re not wasting time stuck here like me.” — You come back to your hometown and you meet your old one night stand.

warnings. angst, no outbreak, age gap (early 30s/ late 40s), cheating (kiss), based on song We Hug Now by Sydney Rose (obsessed rn).

YOU HATED GROWING UP.

But it was a part of life you couldn’t change. Time seemed to have a way of slipping through your fingers. You blinked, and suddenly, you were in your early thirties, moved out from your parents’ house, and engaged.

Engaged.

As you spent the weekend alone at your parents’ house, nostalgia washed over you. The neighborhood you grew up in remained unchanged. The driveways still had the same cracks, the flowers in the gardens bloomed just as they always had, and it seemed like the cars hadn’t moved since you left ten years ago.

When you walked down the familiar streets, memories flooding your mind with each step. You could almost hear the laughter of your childhood friends, the sound of bicycles whizzing by, and the echo of your parents calling you home for dinner. It was as if the past was still alive, woven into the very fabric of the neighborhood.

You and your parents were in the backyard, sharing a tranquil evening together. You and your mom were chatting with a glass of wine in hand, keeping an eye on your dad as he stood by the grill, preparing your favorite food. The delicious aroma filled the air, blending with the warmth of the setting sun.

The sun slowly set, casting a beautiful yellow glow over the backyard. It felt like nothing had changed. The swing you spent your childhood on still hung from the tree, gently swaying in the breeze. The strawberries you and your mom had sown together still grew in the garden, thriving despite the passage of time.

You couldn't help but glance over the fence to your neighbor's yard, searching for a familiar face. Joel Miller, your dad's best friend. The Joel Miller who had seen you grow up, the one who had caught you smoking and given you a stern talking-to, and the same Joel Miller with whom you had shared a deep secret— hook up right before you moved out.

The backyard that was once a hub of activity, filled with neighbors, loud music, and the smell of grilled meat, was now quiet. The silence felt almost eerie, a contrast to the vibrant memories you held dear. You couldn't help but wonder if Joel still lived there. You didn't know for sure; the last time you saw him was when he waved at you from his front porch as you drove away, beginning a new chapter of your life.

Your curiosity bubbled over, and you couldn't help but ask, "What about Joel? Does he still live here?" You nodded toward the fence that separated your backyard from his.

Your mom raised an eyebrow, a knowing smile playing on her lips. "Of course he does," she replied, slightly rolling her eyes as if it were the most obvious thing in the world.

Just then, your dad appeared with plates of your favorite childhood dish, the aroma bringing back fond memories. "You act like he's the type that would never settle down," he said as he sat opposite you, a teasing tone in his voice.

"He actually asked about you a few days ago," your dad added casually, not realizing the weight of his words. Joel still thinks of you? The revelation caught you off guard, and your mind raced back to the memories of that one night. You tried to remind yourself that you were engaged now, but the thought of Joel lingered in your mind.

"You should go over there and tell him the big news," your dad chuckled, clearly amused by the situation. You were surprised that your dad hadn't already told him. After all, he was known as the biggest gossiper ever. The fact that he had refrained from sharing the news of your engagement was almost shocking.

The familiarity of your surroundings, coupled with the unexpected mention of Joel, made your emotions swirl. You glanced over at the fence again, wondering if Joel was still the same man you once knew, the man who had seen you grow up and shared a significant, albeit brief, moment with you.

As you sat there with your parents, enjoying the meal and reminiscing about the past, you couldn't shake the curiosity. The urge to reconnect with Joel, to see how life had treated him, and perhaps to find closure, grew stronger.

Taking a deep breath, you made a decision. "I think I will go over and say hi," you said, your voice steady despite the fluttering in your chest.

Your mom smiled encouragingly, while your dad nodded in approval. "Go on, sweetheart. He’ll be happy to see you. You know how much he loves reconnecting with old friends,” he said, giving you a reassuring nod.

Yeah, friends.

Your heart beat faster with every step that brought you closer to Joel’s house. What would you say to him? "Hi Joel, I’m engaged!"

Well, definitely not that.

You walked up to his porch and rang the bell, nervously waiting as you tried to figure out what to say. The seconds felt like an eternity, your mind racing with various scenarios. The anticipation grew with each passing moment, your palms becoming slightly sweaty as you prepared for the encounter.

Finally, the door opened, revealing Joel. You froze the second you saw him. Your eyes wandered over his familiar features, realizing he looked much the same. He had a few more wrinkles on his face and some grey in his hair, but he still looked extremely fit.

“Y/n,” he breathed out in surprise, and you couldn’t really read his emotions. You didn’t know if he was happy or angry that you had shown up after years of no contact.

“Hi Joel,” you said, pressing your lips together in slight embarrassment. “I’m back for the weekend, so I decided to show up,” you explained your presence, hoping it would ease the awkwardness. You felt a knot in your stomach, unsure of how he would react to your sudden appearance.

His unreadable expression transformed into a wide smile. “Oh, yeah, of course,” he trailed off. You noticed him biting his lip slightly as he scanned you, his eyes lingering for a moment longer than necessary. “Come in,” he said, moving aside to let you in.

The house was still much the same as him. You started to wonder why nothing had changed over the long years. The scent of old books lingered in the air, mingling with the faint aroma of memories past. The framed pictures of him with your family and his nieces still occupied the same spots, just like ten years ago. It felt as though time had stood still within these walls, preserving the essence of days gone by.

You followed him into the kitchen, which also looked just as you remembered. The only noticeable difference was the modern fridge that stood in place of the old one, gleaming with a sleek, contemporary design. He handed you a beer, thoughtfully opening it for you first. “Thanks,” you smiled at him as you took a seat at the table, feeling a sense of nostalgia wash over you. Joel sat across from you, his presence both comforting and familiar.

“Why do you still look the same?” you asked jokingly, your curiosity piqued by his seemingly ageless appearance.

Joel laughed, the sound warm and inviting. “Well, you look old,” he teased, his eyes twinkling with mischief. The playful banter between you two felt like a natural continuation of the past, bridging the gap of the years that had passed.

You just rolled your eyes at his joke. He was the one here who was old, not you. “So how’ve you been? Something new?” you asked with a smile, trying to keep the conversation light. You rethought whether you should tell him the news, because there was still something about him that drew you in.

“Darlin’,” he said softly, and your heart skipped two beats at that nickname. “I’ve been still the same after you left,” he shrugged casually, taking a sip of his beer. His relaxed demeanor contrasted with the fluttering nerves you felt inside.

“I should ask you that,” he said, putting the beer down and looking at you expectantly. You gulped, glancing down at the ring on your finger. The words seemed to catch in your throat as you tried to find the right way to share your news.

“I newly bought an apartment in New York,” you said, opting to avoid the mention of the engagement for now. It felt safer, less complicated. You wanted to ease into the conversation, to gauge his reaction before dropping the bombshell.

Joel raised an eyebrow, a hint of curiosity in his eyes. “New York, huh? That’s quite a move. Must be exciting,” he remarked, his tone genuine. He leaned back in his chair, the familiar creak of the wood adding to the ambiance of the old kitchen.

“Yeah, it is,” you nodded, feeling a mix of relief and anxiety. The conversation felt like a tightrope walk, balancing between the past and the present, between old feelings and new realities.

“What about you? Any ladies?” This question slipped from your mouth before you could stop yourself. But of course, you were curious—you hadn’t seen him in a decade.

“Pfff,” he laughed, shaking his head. “What do you think?” Joel smiled, a touch of amusement in his eyes. As you thought about it, you couldn't recall a time when you had seen him with a woman.

“I’m just saying you need some change,” you teased playfully, trying to lighten the mood.

Joel’s smile widened, but there was a flicker of something deeper in his eyes. “Change, huh?” he said, his tone light but thoughtful.

The silence fell heavy between you, an unspoken tension hanging in the air. Joel finally broke it. "And some boys?" he asked, his tone casual but his eyes searching. Of course, he had to ask you that. It felt like he wanted to know if you were still available, but sadly, you weren’t.

You raised your hand, showing the ring on your finger. "Whoa," you could hear him say quietly as you nodded. You didn’t even smile; something didn’t allow you to.

Joel felt the bitterness seep into his heart. Even though he should be happy for you, he wasn’t—not even a little bit. All these years, he secretly hoped you would come back, appear in front of his door to say that the one night stand wasn’t just a one night stand, to say that you loved him.

“You okay?” you managed to ask him, noticing the change in his expression. It made you sick; it made you regret that you had left him.

“Yeah, I mean—congratulations.” He cleared his throat, his voice lacking the usual warmth. You recognized that the congratulations wasn’t genuine.

Joel's eyes lingered on the ring for a moment before he looked away, the weight of unspoken emotions pressing down on him. He tried to muster a smile, but it felt forced, a mere shadow of the genuine smiles you had shared in the past.

You took a sip of your beer, trying to calm your racing thoughts. The air between you was thick with the remnants of what could have been, and it was hard to ignore the sense of loss that hung over both of you.

“C’mon Joel, you’re not okay, I can see it in your eyes,” you said, practically demanding an answer. Regret welled up inside you. You had just broken his heart, and you hated yourself for it.

“No, I just-,” he trailed off, searching for the right words. “I regret letting you go that night.” It was obvious that it had meant more than just a hook-up to him.

You exhaled sharply, feeling the sting of tears threatening to spill. You wanted to cry, to release the pent-up emotions of how stupid you had been to leave him. The fact was you really loved him, but the thought of dating your dad’s best friend, someone who had known your whole life, felt unacceptably wrong.

“And I regret leaving, not saying how I truly felt.” The words hung heavy in the air. You knew it was too late now, and the silence that followed was suffocating. You were afraid of what you might say or do next.

Slowly, you stood up, feeling the weight of your emotions pressing down on you. “I’m sorry, Joel,” you said, your voice breaking as a sob escaped your lips.

You began to walk towards the door, each step feeling like a mile. Ten years ago, you hadn’t needed to walk away, but this time, you needed to, you should. The guilt and regret were too much to bear.

A tight grip on your wrist stopped you in your tracks. Joel turned you around, and you searched for something in his brown eyes. His gaze was intense, filled with a mix of pain and longing.

“Don’t go,” he said softly, his voice trembling slightly. “Please, don’t leave like this.”

You looked into his eyes, seeing the raw vulnerability there. It was a look you hadn’t seen in years, a look that made your heart ache even more.

“Joel, I...” you started, but words failed you. The emotions swirling inside you were too overwhelming, too complex to articulate.

He gently pulled you closer, his grip on your wrist firm yet tender. “I never stopped thinking about you, Y/n. Not for a single day,” he confessed, his voice barely above a whisper.

The tears you had been holding back finally spilled over, and you felt the hot trails down your cheeks. “I never stopped thinking about you either,” you admitted, your voice choked with emotion. “But it’s too late now. I’m engaged.”

The last thing you couldn’t bring yourself to do was pull your lips to his, kissing him. The kiss felt needed, almost inevitable, as if it were the final piece of an unfinished puzzle.

When you finally did it, your lips met his in a soft, lingering kiss. The world seemed to stand still around you, the only sensation the warmth and tenderness of his lips against yours. It was a kiss filled with all the unspoken words, the regrets, and the longing that had built up over the time.

Joel stood there, his heart pounding in his chest, feeling a whirlwind of emotions as you kissed him. The unexpected softness of your lips on his sent a shockwave through his system, stirring up feelings he had tried to bury for years.

When you pulled away, his grip on your wrist loosened in surprise. His eyes searched yours, a mix of emotions swirling within them—surprise, desire, and a hint of sorrow. The kiss had caught him off guard, but it had also conveyed everything you couldn’t put into words.

You looked at him for the last time, taking in the familiar lines of his face, the depth of his eyes, and the way he looked at you with a mixture of longing and resignation. It was a moment etched into your memory, one that you knew would stay with you forever.

Joel searched your eyes, trying to read your emotions, to understand what the kiss meant to you. His heart ached with a mixture of longing and sorrow, knowing that despite the powerful connection, you were engaged to someone else. The realization hit him hard, a bitter reminder of the reality that stood between you.

With a heavy heart, you turned and stepped out of the house. Each step away from him felt like a weight pressing down on you, but you knew it was what you had to do. The door closed behind you, and the cool night air hit your face, bringing a sense of reality back.

As you walked away, you couldn't help but feel a profound sense of loss. The kiss had been a brief moment of connection, a fleeting touch of what could have been. But now, it was time to move forward, to embrace the future, even if it meant leaving a part of your heart behind.

Joel stood there frozen, his mind raced with thoughts of the past, the one night you had shared, the unspoken feelings that had lingered ever since. He regretted letting you go that night, regretted not fighting harder to keep you in his life. The kiss brought all those regrets to the surface, making him acutely aware of what he had lost.

[yara0546]

Nct dream reaction when leave voicemails for you while they’re away

Anonymous asked : hi can i request what types of voicemail, 7dream would send to you while they're away?

୨୧ Pairing : nct dream x reader

୨୧ Genre : Fluff,Romance,Humor,Slight Angst

୨୧ Word Count : 600–700 words.

୨୧ Disclaimer : This is a work of fiction from our imagination. It is not intended that the plot, theme, original characters, idols, etc. portray any real-life events/people. Plagiarism is NOT tolerated on this blog. If you believe we have copied an existing authors’ work, please message us privately. thank you and enjoy :)

Masterlist

Mark

"Hey, it's me... Mark. Uh, I know you’re probably busy, but I just wanted to call and check in. I miss you. Like... a lot. Tour is great and all, but it’s not the same without you, you know? Anyway, I hope you're eating well, sleeping enough... and not staying up too late watching those dramas without me. Save the good ones for when I get back, okay? Call me when you get this. Or text me. Or just... yeah, you get it. Bye."

Renjun

"Jagiya, why aren’t you picking up? Are you ignoring me? I know you saw my message. Sigh. I just wanted to hear your voice. I miss you. It’s been a long day, and I could really use some of your energy right now. Also, please tell me you’re not skipping meals. You always do that when I’m not around. If you don’t take care of yourself, I’ll be really mad. …Okay, maybe not mad mad, but still. Call me back, alright? I love you."

Jeno

"Hey... just checking in. I know it’s late over there, so you’re probably asleep. I just wanted to say I miss you. Today was kinda hectic, but thinking about you made everything feel easier. Ah, that sounds cheesy, doesn’t it? Don’t tease me about it later. Just... take care, alright? I’ll call again soon. Sleep well."

Haechan

"Yah, why aren’t you answering? You know you should always pick up when I call. I’m the highlight of your day, aren’t I? Laughs. But seriously, I miss you. A lot. Don’t go falling for any other handsome guys while I’m gone, alright? I know I’m irreplaceable, but still. Anyway, I’ll bring you something cool when I get back. But only if you answer my next call! Love you, dummy. Byeee."

Jaemin

"Baby, are you asleep? I bet you are. You always doze off early when I’m not there to keep you entertained. Chuckles. I just wanted to hear your voice, even if it’s just your voicemail. I miss you so much. You have no idea. Everything reminds me of you here, and it just makes me wish I could teleport back to you. But soon, okay? I’ll be home soon. Until then, keep dreaming of me. I love you."

Chenle

"Ayo, my favorite person! I’m calling because I know you miss me. Don’t even deny it. I bet you’ve been pouting all day because I’m not there to annoy you. Laughs. But really, I miss you too. It’s kinda boring without you around to tease. Make sure you’re staying safe and not doing anything reckless without me. I need you in one piece when I get back. Okay? Okay. Now call me back before I leave another voicemail."

Jisung

"Um... hey. It’s me. I, uh, don’t really know what to say, but I just wanted to hear your voice. Even if it’s just your voicemail. Nervous chuckle. Today was kind of tiring, but I kept thinking about you, and it made things better. I hope you’re doing okay. And... yeah. I miss you. A lot. Call me when you can? No pressure though! Uh... okay. Bye."

[nightingale-prompts]

Danny had promised the movie was kid-friendly but also said the previous movie "Her Melody" was technically kid-friendly too. So the better question was if it was emotion-friendly because this family was full of sensitive people.

"It's based on my puppy Cujo." Danny said holding up the movie case called "Echo & Ash"

It was hard to say no to Danny. He looked hopeful and sad. So movie night would happen.

Damian was not giving a proper memo. Last time Danny brought a movie Damian slept in Dick's room and everyone was super clingy. It was....new. Not a bad feeling but it was pathetic how a single film did this. It was actually Alfred's favorite as well.

***

Movie: "It's your new friend Eddy. She's a girl so give her a good name." "She barks everytime I talk so her names going to be Echo." "That's a wonderful name"

The movie started with a feel-good story of a boy named Everest and his first pet. A puppy named Echo. Echo followed him everywhere and loved running in the woods with Everest. The family sighed collectively that nothing sad had happened.

But this was a Danny movie so emotional trauma will be had.

One clear day the two were playing when the camera suddenly shifted to the woods. Nothing could be seen other than trees. The camera shifted like it was being held by someone and you realize. The threat isn't out there...there was someone there and they are currently holding a camera as they watch the boy.

Uncertainty builds as Echo suddenly stops. Her ears stand at attention as she zeros in on the camera, her eyes laser-focused.

Then she begins pulling Everest away. She makes him chase her out of the woods. But the camera stays stationary and not moving to follow.

The scene lingers a little too long before the view shifts upwards and in another direction as heavy footsteps follow.

Stephanie: Oh god, I hated that.

Barbara: I don't think I remembered to breathe.

Movie: One afternoon as Everest walks home alone after running from a group of bullies a car races down the road. As the car rears closer a series of barks rang out. Echo chased the car like a mad dog. Everest felt a shove on his side as the dog's body pushed him aside.

There was sharp bark, a thud, and a whimper.

Then the scene shifts to a vet office. There is no sound other than a soft piano. Everest cries with Echo in his arms as a vet kneels next to him, probably explaining what's going to happen. Echo pants heavily before she slowly stops and closes his eyes. Then she is gone.

Damian: *bitting his lip and trying to hold back emotions* Nightingale...What. Is. This.

Danny:*smiles gently and shrugs*

Damian: Daniel! No!

Danny: It'll be okay.

Bruce: It's okay Damian. Come sit next to me.

Movie: Echo wondered around the endless woods for what felt like forever until a voice called put.

"Hey, puppy! What are you doing here?" The boy asked.

Echo sniffed around searching.

"You looking for someone?"

Echo whimpered as she turned in every direction searching for her family.

Duke: Ah, nooo. She's so cute.

Movie: "Well, I'm Ash."

Echo sniffs the boy briefly before turning to keep looking elsewhere.

Echo wondered for a long time. Night and day passed but she wasn't getting tired or hungry.

"Only other spirits pass through here. No one stays like you do. Did you come to keep me company?"

The boy was very talkative but Echo didn't seem to mind. Slowly she warmed up to him and spent time playing with him. Her ghost friend was happy to have her.

But she would still think about her family.

In the real world, Everest couldn't stop thinking about Echo. He was all alone now.

"She probably hated me."

But he didn't feel like she was gone. Sometimes he felt a brush against his leg or strangely a push on the swing. A ball rolling on the ground towards them alerted him one afternoon. He had been hiding in the backyard again from the neighborhood boys when he felt it.

"Echo?"

The wind blew against his face and somehow he knew for sure she wasn't alone.

Damian: Daniel, tell me now that they see each other.

Dick: Damian, be nice. Just watch the movie.

Movie: "Is that your friend doggy? That human?" *bark* "Why is he crying like that?"

Ash hovered near the boy making a cold wind brush past.

"Hey, you shouldn't cry. Your dog is right here. She's been badgering me to help her visit so the least you can do I put on a smile." Ash said. "Come on! Get up!"

Evening he couldn't see Everest heard something in the back of his mind. He knew he wasn't alone.

Dick: He kind of reminds me of Jason.

Jason: What's that supposed to mean?

Dick: nothing bad...not good either.

Movie: Over time Everest learned to see and not just hear the spirits. Playing with them after school. He was able to run with Echo again and have a friend like Ash. Ash also played tricks on his bullies.

However, Ash would always look over his shoulder, and when it got late Ash said it was time to go.

"Can't you just stay a little longer? The sun still up." Everest complained.

"But it's still winter. It'll be gone in minutes. Besides we can't stay on this side for long. We have to go." Ash's eyes didn't leave the horizon as he scanned it.

Duke: Calling it now. Ash died after the sun went down.

Stephanie: No shit, Sherlock.

Bruce: Language.

Movie: "Ash? I've been wondering. How did you die?"

Echo whined pawing at Ash.

"Don't worry Echo it's fine. I don't remember. Most ghost I've met do but I don't really know."

"The other ghosts?"

"Yeah, they come over from the other side sometimes to visit but they have to go back. They are all older so they take care of me. I can't go there with them though."

"Why not?"

"I don't know. They said that I couldn't move on until I get what I needed and let go. But I don't know what that is. I'm scared though, of leaving the woods."

"Oh...is these something you want now?"

"I wanted a friend and then Echo showed up and now I can visit you. So I think I'm happy now."

Barbara: Am I insane or does Ash look like a slightly younger Phantom.

Cassie: (in sign) I thought so too. But I'm not sure. That guy rarely shows up.

Movie: "It's dark! You need to leave! Hurry!"

"Not until you tell me the truth! You're hiding something! You've been hanging around looking for something! You won't tell me anything! Then when I found that burnt-up shack you yelled at me to leave and not come back! I thought you were my friend!" Everest screamed at the ghost.

"Ever, please! Go home! It's not safe here." Ash pleaded with tears in his eyes.

But it was too late. That monster came. The same one from Everest's nightmares. The visions he had gotten after seeing Ash. Instead of just a black shadow, it was a man.

Bruce: *takes a sharp breath*

Jason: No. God damn it. Don't do this.

Tim: Danny. Tell me this isn't-

Danny: *holds Tim's hand* It'll be okay.

Movie: The man who lurked in the shadows had waited look enough. He had always been there in those woods just out of frame watching and hidden in the tree line. You couldn't see him but you felt him every time the camera panned around the woods. The barren leafless trees giving the illusion of safety since you could see more than in the summer and the noisy leaf litter on the ground would warn you. But not when it was dark and certainly not now that the noisy dog wasn't around.

Everest had forgotten that even with ghosts he was still alone.

Everest was taken to that shack deep in the woods as Ash screamed unheard to the ears of the living and knowing very well what would happen next.

But spirits like Ash can't say after nightfall. Not when they feared the dark. But Ash persisted, fading but still hanging on. His ghost form flickering like a flame. Echo was dead but her mission and life were the same in death. She would protect her boy.

The ghost dog sprinted into the night back to her old home. She bumped into anything she could to cause a ruckus and catch the adults' attention. Knocking over family photos until they noticed Everest wasn't home. Making the worry enough to look for him.

All the while a pyre was built for another soul.

Damian: Come on...

Movie: The climax rushed by as the fire burnt and a search party was launched. But when it was over all the sound stopped and a body was zipped into a bag. A family held eachother and cried. A serial child killer was put in handcuffs.

The worst part was how believable it was. Even Ina story of talking to ghosts and pranks the reality of these cases still exist.

But there are small blessings. As Ash cried in the dark a pair of arms wrapped around him and a wet nose pressed against his cheek. His two best friends were here and they all felt ready. It was time to see the other side now that they were together and not alone.

Dick: I am..not okay.

Barbra: I hate that I actually enjoyed that.

Bruce: *brooding*

Damian: I'm going to bed.(he didn't and went to check on his pets)

Jason: ...

Tim: I trusted you.

Danny: But it's a beautiful ending.

Tim: Okay yes but...still sad. They died!

Danny: But they are together. That's a happy ended. Not the happiest but it's not the end for them. Death is just a new chapter not a bad one.

Tim: You optimism scares me and it is unneeded in this family.

Danny: I'm family now~

Tim: You're mine at least.

A continuation of this

Danny: I got another movie for us!

Tim: Danny, I love you so much...but I can't take another sad movie.

Danny: But it's really good and it has a good ending.

Tim: Really?

Danny: It's about a boy and his dog. You see his dog dies-

Tim: Danny no.

Danny: Let me finish! The dog dies but meets another boy who's a ghost on the other side. It beautiful story about a dog who goes back and forth to keep his friend safe. The two boys become friends and unravel the truth behind the ghost boy's death. Come on Tim...I worked hard on this one.

Tim: Fine, but only if I can sucker everyone else to watch it with us.

(Danny doesn't consider death to be a sad part of a movie or a bad ending.)

[ryoshiwaah]

⸝ ⸝The Love List ୭ ˚.

ʚ🌷Warnings: swear words, slight angst, spelling mistakes bc I wrote this in different days, misunderstandings, making out? idk what i wrote, established relationship.

ʚ💌Genre: fluff, childhood friends to lovers!

ʚ Pairing: non-idol!Haerin x fem!reader

ʚ Synopsis: Haerin made a list of dates ideas after thinking you were bored of her.

ʚ🎀Starring: Bbangsaz as your gay friends & Banggeul (Haerin's dog)

ʚ w.c: 6.4k

ʚ tags: @chokili, @jaikoyaki

ʚ🧺a/n: This was supposed to be a Valentine's special but I got too caught up in the idea and didn't make it in time, plus, I made it for choki (and jai). It's rushed at the end so pretend to be blind!!

Haerin didn’t like going out, unlike you, her day was peacefully spent studying, watching a movie or eating junk food. Since she started dating you her life changed for the better – you were a breath of fresh air: spontaneous, energetic and determined to try something new at least once a month.

Keeping up with your life was not easy for her, but Haerin put a lot of effort into being a good and supportive girlfriend. Though, she still felt like something was off, especially during your dates.

Even a blind person could see that lounging on the couch wasn’t your favorite thing in the world – Haerin noticed your sighs or how your eyes would slowly close during a movie night. if at first she thought you were just tired, the constant yawning and silence from your part didn’t sit right with her.

The situation had to end, so she spent a whole day to fulfill one of your biggest dreams.

You mentioned it a few months prior while taking a walk with her and Banggeul (her dog), it was something along the lines of – “I want to write a bucket list about dates ideas, but in alphabetical order.”

Sure, your suggestion was just… well, a suggestion. A little test to get a reaction out of your girlfriend – “If you want to…”

Which resulted in failure.

To you, because your girlfriend’s cat brain started running and after hours of thinking and screaming internally and regretting every life decision, she finally made the list.

“Here.” Weeks later she offered you a little envelope, it was pink and had some heart stickers on it. You furrowed your eyebrows in confusion, firstly looking at your girlfriend, who was avoiding eye contact, her ears red, and then at the piece of paper.

Careful not to rip it, you opened the letter and found a folded piece of striped paper, it looked like a bucket list from what you could see; your doubts became a happy reality when you unfolded the paper to reveal the list Haerin wrote.

“Babe, this is…” 

Your voice died in your throat from the surprise. She remembered? – You felt your cheeks growing hotter, a red tint spreading across your entire face. 

“You don’t like it?” – “I used the glitter pen you like for the hearts, I tho-”

To interrupt her worried rant was your hug, that she quickly returned, a somewhat pleased smile making its way on her lips “I take this as a yes then.”

“I love it!” You exclaimed with an enthusiastic expression – “But did you write… where is it- Oh! here.”

You turned the paper towards her, pointing to the letter W, in response she tilted her head. 

“Whalemart?” She asked in confusion as if you were the one who wrote the letter.

“Did you misspell Walmart?” You laughed, quickly taking a picture of the mistake, Haerin, noticing your action, tried to snatch your phone but you pulled away just in time.

“Ha! You wished you could be as fast as me, Kang Haerin.”

She gave you a glare that she kept for 5 seconds before bursting into laughter — “You’re so childish.”

◻ A - Arcade

It was a Sunday afternoon when your girlfriend dragged you out of the house and into the car, she didn’t give you a chance to go back inside and change so your fate was sealed: you got out of the house with the most childish shoes you’ve ever worn, a pair of bright yellow crocs that made a cartoon-like sound after every step.

Begging didn’t work, Haerin was firm on taking you out – “You look cute.” She said, eyes on the road as she drove to the nearest arcade.

“I look like a duck.” You retorted with a grumble, crossing your arms while staring at the reason for your shame. “Why are they so bright!!” You whined, hitting your feet on the car mat, making your girlfriend giggle.

“A cute duck throwing a tantrum, that’s new.”

“You’re lucky we’ve arrived–” 

“It’s going to be fine, nobody will notice your adorable shoes, ducky.”

Your head snapped to the side as you gave Haerin a death glare, daring her to repeat what she just said.

“Is there something on my face?” She asked innocently, almost too much. You felt mocked but before you could speak, your girlfriend gave you a peck on the lips; soon enough, the anger died down while you melted into a puddle.

“Idiot.” You muttered before getting out of the car and basically running towards the arcade.

——👾 

The bright neon colours made your eyes squint for a few seconds, you interlocked your fingers with Haerin’s after she finally caught up to you.

“You’re fast.” she panted, already feeling tired after the small run — “And you’re not athletic at all.”

“We’re not here for that, come on.” she ignored the comment, tugging on your hand to lead you inside.

The atmosphere of the arcade was something you’ve never seen before, for example, hanging from the ceilings were little ghosts from the Pac-Man game making you smile as you pointed at a green and pink near each other.

“Babe look! That’s us as pixel ghosts!” 

Your infectious smile and overall your joyous tone, made a few head turns. 

“I’m the green one?” She asked now looking up at the silly decorations too.

“Of course, you love green.” 

“Yeah but-” She started, a mischievous glint making its way in her eyes — “today you look more like Pac-Man.” Haerin smirked, pointing to your bright yellow shoes.

You stood there for a moment, conflicted, as you considered two things: laughing at your girlfriend’s mean joke or wiping away that stupid and adorable expression with a punch.

You opted for none of the two because Haerin kissed your cheek, mumbling an apology — she also bought you a pack of candy shortly after.

——👾

“Please please please!” 

You were currently clinging to Haerin’s arm, pulling her towards one of the claw machines she refused to play to since they were a “money stealing technique”.

All your attempts at convincing her weren’t working, bringing her food, kisses, compliments – Nothing. So you decided to use your last ace up your sleeve: attention.

“Don’t raise your voice, people will look.” Her tone was serious, an underlying hint of worry in it.

Bingo. 

“Then win me something at the claw machine.”

She stared at you, watching as your puppy eyes grew more and more adorable, it was infuriating how she could be weakened by them.

After she exhaled a deep sigh, you knew you won her acceptance and basically sprinted towards the machine, your shoes making funny sounds in the process.

Did Haerin regret bringing you to the arcade? Absolutely not. 

She was loving every second of it, not missing for a second the way your eyes lit up after she won you that cat plushie you were eyeing moments before, or how you went silent the moment you started focusing on the pac-man game, sticking out your tongue and then groaning as you lost after the second round.

That day you tried every game at the arcade, winning tickets over tickets just to take home a little fish tank that seemed empty. You like the aesthetic and Haerin like seeing you happy with it.

A win is a win.

You discovered hours later that the tank was actually not so empty, a little goldfish lived there. He was named Ducky, the same nickname your girlfriend had given you earlier.

◻  B - Breakfast in bed

Since the last date went smoother than oil, Haerin decided to keep following the list and bring you breakfast in bed.

First thing first, to complete her mission she had to silently wake up. Easy. She was naturally quiet. Though, her dog wasn’t. 

Haerin was more worried about waking up Banggeul than you, but once she reached the safe zone, also known as the kitchen, she finally breathed a sigh of relief.

She leaned against the counter to search for breakfast inspiration on the internet, but when it was clear that all the dishes were too complicated, she opted for a classic: pancakes.

She took out the few ingredients needed and started to do the batter, careful not to make too much noise – Her heart almost stopped when she knocked over a cup, but thank god it fell on the carpet that silenced any further sound.

Haerin hummed a tune while waiting for the food to cook, she looked at you from outside the bedroom, sprawled on the bed, snoring and mumbling something under your breath. 

‘I love her…’ Haerin thought, smiling to herself.

The oven turning off brought her back to reality and she forced herself to look away.

——🥞

Twenty minutes later, you opened your eyes to the smell of pancakes and the sound of your girlfriend’s soft voice. “Sleepyhead wake up, I brought you breakfast.”

You rubbed your eyes, groggily sitting up – “Hm… What?” your voice was low as you recovered from your sleepy state. 

“I said I brought you breakfast in bed.” 

A small sigh left your lips as you looked at your girlfriend with a fond, thankful smile.

“Rinnie… I love you so much, thank you.”

The trail was placed on your lap, while Haerin kissed your forehead, mumbling something about you being cute. When you saw her walking out of the room, you called her – “Babe! Are you leaving me to eat these all alone?”

Okay, she didn't think about herself at all. Shit.

“Those are your pancakes.” She muttered, fidgeting with the strings of her hoodie.

“And you’re my girlfriend, so get your ass over here and eat with me.”

Haerin did, she practically jumped on the bed and snuggled up to your side demanding to be fed, which you did. 

Nonetheless, the next day you cooked breakfast for her and almost burned down the apartment.

◻  C - (Cat) Café date☕️

Having two pets wasn’t enough, you wanted a cat, a real one. Despite Haerin being against it (for obvious reasons), she followed you to the cat café you had chosen to adopt a kitty.

As you entered, the smell of cookies and fluffiness became noticeable in your nostrils, making you feel cozy and more excited to see your future son or daughter.

Haerin’s eyes wandered around the place catching a glimpse of the kitties that roamed around the little café: they looked so tiny, almost like little balls of fur. She would be lying if she said she didn’t want to adopt them all.

One of the cuties went near Haerin’s foot, trying to climb on her shoe — she noticed him once the little guy meowed, it was more like a soft sound than anything but yeah, he was complaining.

His yellow eyes and black fur weren’t what captivated the girl’s and other customer’s eyes, but a small patch of white hair that made him look like an adorable work of art. It was like a painter dragged his brush on the kitten’s back, drawing what looked like a heart.

The girl crouched down gently lifting him up, holding the fur ball in her hands. At that very moment, you finished ordering your coffee and cookies so the cashier turned to Haerin, smiling when she saw your girlfriend holding the kitten.

“And for you miss?” The worker, a lady in her twenties, asked with a soothing tone.

Haerin stared at the woman for a few seconds, then looked down at the kitty and then back at her. 

“I want this one.” 

——☕️

Meow, that’s how your girlfriend decided to name the kitty, spent the rest of the date with the two of you, mostly on Haerin’s lap, purring and getting cuddles.

He was the total opposite of the puppy waiting for you at home.

Concentrating was hard mostly because you couldn’t stop admiring the beauty in front of you — often, Haerin would look up to find your gaze already on her.

“Focus.” She then proceeded to mutter, writing in her notebook numbers that didn’t make sense anymore.

“I’m focused.” Your eyes were still on her.

“I mean on the homework, dummy.”

Again with the nicknames, this girl called you anything except Y/n. She seemed to have grown bolder day by day.

You took a sip of your coffee, which by the way was delicious, and returned to write in your own notebook. “Hey, what’s the answer for number six?” — “x= 5/3.”

A huff left your lips as you slouched back on the chair, head tilting back to look as dramatic as possible; Haerin remained unfazed by the familiar display.

“I got it wrong again.” 

Your girlfriend finally looked up at you and suddenly had an idea: she took Meow in her arms and stood up to place the kitten on your lap.

“He can help you focus.”

She sat back down with a proud smirk playing on her face. Haerin got like that every time she felt like a great partner — how she loved knowing her actions made you feel better or simplified your situation.

“Thanks, I can already feel the motivation coming back.”

You joked, letting the kitten for the first time that day. “He’s really soft.” Your eyes were wide in surprise, your voice a little too loud for the poor Meow who let out another complaining noise.

“Ah- sorry buddy…” You patted his head “…go back to sleep.”

——☕️

Once the three of you came back home, Banggeul started sniffing your legs like crazy, sometimes barking as if demanding explanations.

Like, why would you two go to a place full of cats? Millions of animals in the world and you chose cats. Traitors.

Haerin had to calm him down while you reassured her, as best as you could, that Meow would be safe if she just gave both cat and dog time to get used to living with each other.

In fact, you were right.

During the first week Banggeul and Meow slept in the same spot at the end of your bed and played together without any problems — except when they knocked over a vase, or when the doggo stole the kitten’s food or again, when Meow tripped in Ducky’s tank.

Those were hard times.

“I never imagined we’d be having a family like this.” You whispered one night while being snuggled up against your girlfriend, one of her hands playing with your hair — “I did, many times.” She admitted, burying her face into your soft locks. “That’s how much I love you…and maybe even more.”

◻  D - Double dates 

“Hanni and Minji are already there, hurry up!”

Haerin’s voice rang in the bedroom from the depths of the other side of your apartment startling not only you, but also the puppy, who started to bark and run around uncontrollably.

He was way too energetic, even at times, when he got 5 minutes of sleep — unlike Haerin, his social battery was constantly full and needed little to no recharges.

“Here we go again…” You muttered, returning to fix your smudged lipstick, mentally smirking at the sight you would be soon witnessing.

“Ugh! Please Banggeul stop-” 

Of course Haerin didn’t want to deal with yet another noise complaint so she gave up in trying to calm him down and gave the puppy a dog treat — they made his breath smell like he had just eaten a corpse, but at least they did the job she was failing at: making him quiet down.

“Are you ready?”

Your girlfriend’s head popped out from the doorframe, her right hand covering her eyes just in case you were naked or something — it was adorable how she was still so shy even after being together for almost a year.

“Yes, yes love.”

She stayed there, her hand glued to her eyes until you moved it away, causing a squeal to escape from Haerin’s lips. “You can look, I’m all dressed up.” — her eyes briefly looked at you before she completely turned red.

“Hm hm I know.” An awkward laugh resonating in the small space left between the two of you — “Pretty…” You muttered, towering over her, heels were indeed a good choice.

With the height by your side it was easy to steal a kiss from Haerin, but if one wasn’t enough, two were too much from you to keep your lips away from hers — You were already late, so who cares?

Minji and Hanni, they cared. So much that your phone started buzzing a few moments after your third? maybe fourth kiss — Annoyed, you grabbed the device, backed up from Haerin and answered the call.

“What?” Your tone reflected your annoyance, but at that moment it wasn’t important — “Yah don’t get all pissy with me, Y/n. Hurry up or we’re ordering.”

Hanni’s naturally high voice made you roll your eyes, but to calm you down was your girlfriend, who took the phone and talked.

“We’re going to be there in five, Han.” She quickly retorted before hanging up.

Her face was a mix of embarrassment and frustration. Being interrupted was the last thing she desired that night, the first one you can imagine.

——🔗

In the end you managed to arrive at the fancy restaurant and eat the food the other couple had previously ordered since they were starving, Hanni blamed you and your detailed make-up, while Minji just winked at Haerin, making her want to sink to the floor and never get out.

The date was going smoothly, raising Haerin’s initial mood about the hangout: being the shy girl she is made it difficult for her to enter in the conversation without resulting awkward or weird — even with her own friends.

But your presence made it all better. 

Haerin held your hand under the wooden table, her thumb caressing the back of your hand; she gently squeezed your fingers in her palm from time to time, making sure you were still there, by her side.

Whenever it was your turn to talk she would stare at you through her lashes, her eyes trying to memorise every little movement your facial muscles did — ‘She’s so gorgeous.’ Her brain could only process compliments that she silently concentrated into her love struck gaze.

‘She’s whipped.’

Minji mentally said, looking at Haerin with a teasing but fond smile. It was rare seeing Haerin so invested in a conversation, so she kept silent and rested her head on Hanni’s shoulder, listening to whatever you two were ranting about.

——🔗

Coming back to a dark apartment were you and Haerin right after the double date. 

When you finished eating, Minji suggested grabbing a drink or two at a bar near the restaurant. The place opened 3 weeks before and many said customer service was great, so why not?

If only Haerin knew she’d be carrying your drunk ass into the house, the heels you previously wore, in her hands, she would’ve refused. 

“Haerinnie! You’re so strong~” 

The slurred, flirty words, brought a strong feeling of embarrassment to your girlfriend; she ignored them and you, switching the lights on with her elbow, almost dropping you in the process.

Scared, your arms wrapped around her, eyes shutting instantly – “Am I alive?!”

“Yes, scaredy cat. The drinks are really messing with your brain if you thought I’d let you fall.”

You giggled, tilting your head up to kiss her soft cheek – Your thumb caressed the spot you had just kissed, or better, marked with your red lipstick. The movement only smudged it more, but instead of stopping, you made sure Haerin’s cheek became more red.

“You’re impossible.” 

Half exhausted and half amused by your childish behaviour, she managed to get you to bed. Her plan was to change into something more comfortable and then cuddle you to sleep, but alcohol blurred your train of thoughts — next thing she knew, you pulled Haerin down on the bed.

“Goodnight!” 

Haerin squirms in your arms, trying to free herself, but your grip is too tight – it gets worse when your legs wrap around her body like a snake that had caught its prey.

Your girlfriend eventually gives up at the first snore that comes out of your mouth, her body finally relaxing and basking in the comfort and warmth of your embrace.

“Goodnight, love.” She whispered, eyes closed as she drifted off to sleep.

◻  E - Escape Room

“I found it!” 

“Finally–” 

“Shut up, I told you it was under the damned rug.”

You held a blue key, the one you had searched for during the past 10 minutes, in your hand like it was the most expensive treasure ever. You suddenly raised the object in the air, causing a ‘swoosh’ sound to add coolness to your action.

“This key will give me the power to open that door!” 

Your voice was loud and your tone demonstrated how determined you were about this whole thing, a finger pointing dramatically at the white, wooden door in the middle of one of the four walls.

Haerin could only do a side eye, laughing softly when you cringed at yourself.

“Cool, open the door then.”

“Don’t look at me like that! I’m trying to be cool.”

“You’re as cool as a duck with sunglasses, darling.”

“Weirdo. But thank you, I appreciate the compliment. Ducks with sunglasses are dope.”

The funny banter between you and your girlfriend was making each member of the staff laugh like an idiot. If you thought of something, Haerin did the opposite – If you were right, she was also right. 

Confusing, yes, just like the puzzle that presented itself to you two once you managed to open the door and find yet another one of those walls with nothing on it.

“Again?!”

You yelled in frustration while Haerin cursed under her breath, sitting down on one of the chairs in the room.

You looked around trying to find a combination, an alleged missing piece or a gear— anything that would be useful.

“Last time it was a lever, remember? You pulled it down and the wall lowered.”

“I don’t see a lever anywhere.” The seated girl answered, her gaze focusing on nothing in particular.

She sneaked a peak or two at you, only to look back when she remembered she had to help too. 

The escape room was lasting way too long for her liking, she was hungry and her brain was way too tired to let her be smart. Then, like a surge of intelligence, she squinted her eyes while looking at a painting on top of the geared door.

Getting up, she walked to it, staring at the red, blinking dot. She glanced at you, who was moving furniture around, searching for a clue to unlock the door — Turning back to the painting, she decided to move it away from the wall.

Haerin eyes locked with the camera hidden behind the framed art, she remained indifferent at the sight since the staff made it clear: surveillance cameras would be scattered across the rooms to make sure no one got hurt or forgotten.

Bored, she decided to mess with the staff who were probably watching. Her face got so close to the lens that her lashes touched the curved glass. She blinked before intensely stare at it — “Hello…” Haerin whispered.

“My girlfriend wants to go to the other room. Lower the wall.”

No response came from the other side, she glanced at the concrete blocking the way but it didn’t budge, not even a little bit.

“Hmm.” 

her gaze shifted back to the camera but this time she stayed like that for more than just a few seconds – Her eyes were almost unblinking like a demon or something outworldly, enough to put pressure on the staff watching.

“We should comply, this girl might curse us.” One said, not daring to even glance at the monitor where Haerin’s face was the main topic.

“The point of an escape room is to escape, Dylan. Don’t be a pussy, she’ll go away.” The other replied, not admitting that the sight on the top left monitor was disturbing – Haerin remained there, making you wonder if she had gone crazy or if she was trying to help.

“She’s not moving, bro.”

“...”

“What if she’s actually going to curse us?”

“Dylan, we’re in a fucking surveillance room, and it’s not like the camera has our names on it. She can’t hear or see us either so calm do–”

“I lowered the wall.”

“Oh for fuck’s sake!”

—— 🗝️

The wall lowering and letting you pass wasn’t part of the game and you were aware of it. Haerin did something for sure, and it had to do with whatever she was looking at moments prior.

You followed her on the other side of the opened door, clutching her sleeve when the bright lights turned off due to the lightbulb falling to the ground right in front of you.

“Huh? Is this part of the game?”

The question hung in the air, Haerin reached for her phone and turned on the flashlight – “I think so, the terms talked about falling objects, but I didn’t think they were referring to glass ob–”

She interrupted herself, pointing the bright light firstly to your face, then down to your body. “The glass didn’t reach you, right?” A protective hand caressed your face before moving it left and right, Haerin was still making sure you weren’t hurt – “Haerin I’m fine, the glass was two kilometers away.” Even though she didn’t appreciate the sarcastic tone, your girlfriend nodded and muttered a small “Alright.”

For the next 23 minutes you searched for clues in the dimly lit room, bumping into each other so many times that you lost count. 

To snap you back from your little world made of keys and clues, was Haerin and her hand on your shoulder, which also scared you and caused you to hit her hand with your phone.

“Ow! It’s me-” – “Get the fuck away!!” You screamed in terror at the alleged monster.

Your right arm, the one with the phone, swung in front of you like crazy – “Y/n it’s me.”

And just like they started, the screaming stopped and you finally looked up, pointing the flashlight to none other than your girlfriend.

“Yeah, I- I know…” You stood up from your crouched position, sweeping the dust away from your shoulder.

“I found a button.” Haerin explained, leading you there by taking your hand. “I think it’s the last room, so let’s press it together.”

God, this girl was so sweet you might get cavities, she thought about everything, even the smallest thing. Haerin made you feel seen and taken care of — that reminded you of why you were here.

The list she had made for you to make sure you were having fun while hanging out with her.

That was the moment you realised how much Haerin really changed from the first time you two met: a casual encounter at the park, you were in kindergarten and yet she was the only one to do everything alone.

Each one of your classmates were either freaked out or forgot about her presence, and since the teacher was too occupied with her work to deal with the situation, she ignored it.

After being left out by every person she encountered, Haerin was skeptical when you asked her to be friends. In fact, her first words she ever said to you were, “No. Leave me alone.”

You didn’t give up! 

Thanks to your bribing techniques you were able to conquer Haerin’s trust and love — buying her avocado ice cream for 2 weeks straight paid off.

Since then, you swore to never leave her side and this far, you two stuck together like glue.

But how did Haerin change? Well, she started trying. The thing is, she was scared of doing many things, even asking you out on a date, that’s why she opted to stay in and binge watch a series on Netflix.

Her shyness and social anxiety, in other people’s eyes, often resulted in lack of trying, but deep down she wanted to try, so hard. And then you understood the real meaning behind the list: Haerin didn’t want to lose you.

—— 🗝️

In the end, she pressed the button making one of the libraries in the room move to the side, revealing an open passage. The lights turned on again, they were artificial ones and had a white aura, like the ones at hospitals.

Without a second thought, both you and your girlfriend made your way there, ending the escape room once and for all.

Of course you were polite enough to wave and thank all the staff members, even though two of them were looking at Haerin as if she was crazy – The usual.

After you were out of the building, walking down the busy streets of Seoul, you guys decided on two things: first, never go back to an escape room, second, go get some ice cream.

“I want…” Haerin begun – “Avocado ice cream?” You continued, like you’ve already heard it before which you did.

“Yeah, avocado ice cream.”

◻  F - Flower crown

In a field of flowers colored in every shade of pink, white and red were two girls laying next to each other. Those girls were you and Haerin.

You have to admit that the possibility of coming across a bee or two scared you, but your girlfriend swore to protect you at all costs and so you accepted.

The place was silent except for the birds that randomly flew by, the flapping of their wings made some feathers slowly fall to the ground – same with the tree you guys were under, its green leaves following a path down the branches to the grass.

Haerin was leaning against the tree enjoying the activity of today’s date: making flower crowns for each other.

Before arriving at the secluded spot you took a walk in the colorful field, taking pictures and smelling the beautiful plants grown over the past years – or decades.

Your love for nature was one of the few things you and your girlfriend had in common, it was able to fuse calmness and wildness. That’s why you’d always opted for a picnic whenever you had the chance to choose.

Technology was the last thing you cared about, in fact, your phones were previously confiscated by the owner of the field, Haerin’s grandpa, and stored inside a box. You trusted him not to lose them.

Without the devices, your walk had begun, sometimes you would hold hands, while others, staying next to each other was enough. 

You felt the grass under your shoes as you walked by, the soft texture made it all better – your girlfriend walked on the path made of those big dark grey rocks, the smooth surface was stable and perfect for Haerin’s liking.

You were always so different but so similar.

During the walk, you came across a low brick wall so you glanced at her, catching her eyes already looking at you.

Haerin held your hand while you climbed on the new plaything you had found; she didn’t let go until you had your feet back down on the grass, hopping off the ‘obstacle’ with a huff.

“I can’t wait to put flowers in your hair.” 

You happily announced, making your intentions clear in case Haerin wanted to back down. Of course that wasn’t happening, she wouldn’t purposely choose to stay away from you. Her girlfriend. Her lover. Her everything.

“Which ones?” 

Her fingers interlocked with yours, now sure you won’t climb on anything else – “I was thinking about daisies, but there are some pink flowers that would suit you too.”

“You can always do the flower crown with the pink ones and put daisies in my hair.”

The words were spoken with so much nonchalance you had to double check if that was really your Haerin.

“Really?” – “What if your hair gets tangled?” 

“Then I’ll use a brush.” 

A gentle, reassuring squeeze of her hand and your ‘what ifs’ stopped overwhelming you, leaving your mind at peace. 

Since when was she so compliant? Usually she would make a fuss about her hair, not wanting them to be touched by anyone or anything. 

But there she was, telling you that you can put flowers in it. 

Your heart swelled with affection… no, it was different. 

You were quite sure the intense feeling that was making your heart beat faster, was in fact, the L word. 

Lesbianism? Nope, love. 

——🌺

Back to the present, your hands were picking pink flowers from the basket next to you, sorting them by color, or better, shade. 

The petals leave a pinkish hue on the end of your fingers, almost as if you had dipped them in paint. 

Haerin was doing the same thing but with multiple flowers, some were pink, others yellow and red. 

You pointed out how she had chosen only primary colors, she smiled, saying it was because you were the primary reason for her happiness. 

Smooth bastard. 

The lack of words spoken, made the activity continue in silence. A comfortable one that none of you dared to break. 

Minutes passed with the two of you sitting together, weaving stems of flowers on top of each other and enjoying the peaceful date.

It wasn’t until minutes later, maybe an hour, that something was placed on your head, it was delicate, you barely felt the weight of it – “I’m done, love.” Haerin said in a soft tone, adjusting the flower crown on your head. 

“Let me see-” You took out your phone, opening the front camera and staring at yourself. 

One, then two minutes passed with your wide eyes and surprised expression. Your girlfriend smiled and rested her chin on your shoulder while her arms wrapped around your waist, gently stroking your sides – “You look like a goddess.”

The phone nearly fell from your hand at the words, so you just lowered your arms and let out an embarrassed whine, hiding yourself against Haerin’s body – She let you have your exaggerated reaction, holding the flower crown just in case: if it fell apart, it meant she wouldn’t be able to see you like that again.

She soothed you, leaving kisses at the top of your head until you calmed down – “Too much?” Her tone was teasing – she knew it was too much, the praise, the moment and her gentleness oh God- 

“No, no… I’m okay.” 

You took a deep breath through your nose and then exhaled from your mouth. 

The flower crown was placed back on your head, Haerin smiled again. “Where’s mine?” She inquired, looking down at the scattered petals next to your legs. 

“About that…” Your expression became apologetic – “I kind of messed up the flowers.”

As your body moved to the side, letting her see the display, she widened her eyes: the red and white polka blanket looked more like a cemetery of flowers; the petals she saw before seemed to have duplicated, laying on the fabric, some were still attached to the almost naked stems.

“They fell apart in my hand, I’m sorry–”

Sadness and shame was obvious in the way you talked and lowered your head, but Haerin didn’t mind the mess at all. If anything, she found it cute and on theme with the whole earthy atmosphere.

“It’s alright, they’re flowers. You still have the daisies to put in my hair.”

Her words brightened the mood and you quickly reached for the basket where you stored flowers. Your head was still adorned by the crown so it was fair to have hers decorated too.

——🌺

Your walk back to the house began once the sun started to set, the lights from the little lanterns placed on the path made it easy not to get lost – As if you and your girlfriend didn’t know the place like the back of your hand already.

Haerin stopped all of a sudden, scribbling something on a piece of paper: the list.

And right then and there, while she had the pen cap in her mouth, you took your chance and snatched the notebook from her hands causing the pen to ruin the paper a little, a long red line drew in the center of the page – “Y/N!”

The loud voice of the usually quiet girl echoed in the woods before silence fell.

“Why– What the-”

She was actually speechless, words didn’t come out even if she wanted to yell, she just couldn’t.

“Sorry, but if you want to follow a list to make me happy, then I won’t let you. Hae, I love you and I love spending time with you, even if it’s a movie night on your couch.” 

Her eyes softened at the words, but her gaze was still upset, guilty. She was feeling stupid for trying too hard.

“I–”

“Wait, let me finish.” – “I know you think I don’t have fun with you, that we’re different and all that – but that’s the reason why this relationship is so important to me, romantically and–”

“I don’t want to lose you. I- Every sigh, every huff you made during our hangouts, they felt like a dagger to my heart. We used to have fun together, I love hearing you laugh and… I… I just– Sorry.”

During her rant, Haerin didn’t realize how closer you got so she actually jumped once your hands touched her cheeks.

“Hae, I liked our stationary and ‘boring’ dates. I feel so relaxed around you that I can’t help but fall asleep. At the same time, we can choose to do something else… baking cookies, playing games. It doesn’t have to do with going out, I don’t want to force you to do things just because you want to make me happy.”

“Okay, I get it… I’ll try, I promise.”

Still feeling the tension between the two of you, and the guilt in Haerin’s tone, you smiled and leaned in to kiss her on the lips. it was soft and pure, but when you pulled back, your girlfriend had a visible red tint on her cheeks.

“I know, but the bare minimum is enough. You’re enough for me, so don’t stress too much.”

After another gentle and loving kiss, you two started to walk back towards the house. Haerin’s head was lost in your previous words – She was enough. 

A new sensation started to flood her heart. For the first time in her life Haerin knew she was free, free to be herself without any expectations; free to be uncomfortable about going out without fearing any judgment; free to love you at her own pace, because you would stay there, waiting.

the two versions of the list (before and after)

🗂️NJZ masterlist

[miyaz6ki]

girl dad mydei, who you find sleeping safe and sound in the confines of what they call the living room. all three of his girls in the crooks of his biceps, as well as the youngest sitting on his lap.

Small and big snores erupt the silence as you simply smile at the charming little scenario before your eyes. Your terrifying husband, CEO of one of the biggest business tycoons, boss of the biggest franchises. Yet there he was, nothing more tiring than one, two, three little sheep for the big boss to count...

The TV was still loud, and running a cartoon show all your girls loved. and now, so was their father. You could see visibly from how he held all his girls, that he wouldn't want to wake them.

You know when a cat, or an animal in general, sleeps on you and you don't want to move so they don't wake up? That's exactly how he felt as he clutched all three of them

You could only hum with delight, and take a seat right next to him. You could feel the sofa sink in your weight the more you all rested. Expensive furniture from all his hard work of doing paperwork, exploring collaborations with other companies, all just for you four.

girl dad mydei who you wake up to find him missing from the warmth of your bed. only to find him cooking in the kitchen. his shirtless torso that showed off all his tattoos, covered by a simple apron (saying kiss the cook)

for as much as his appearance can make many cower in fear, and on their knees... he made just as scary...! eggs.. and bacon?

"yay! look what papa made!!" one of your daughters proudly showed the plate of food off to you as you entered the room. "ooh, calm down there, baby. i was supposed to surprise you.." the blonde who quietly snuck an arm around your waist and helped you to a place at the table.

"we made all of this for you." each child put a plate of food onto the dining table, as well as your husband's being your favorite of favorite of meals.

"this.. is for me? what's the occasion, sweetheart?" you gazed up in shock at them, you never felt so loved before. not more than now of course. "papa and us want to thank you!" "yeah, you do so much around the house!" "so.. we made this to make sure you know.."

oh you could cry. right absolutely now.