#it would've been the good kind bc
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a lil research notes re: this topic (can't believe i went to listen to actual episodes of podcasts for this lol. thank u i95 traffic there's no other way i could've endured a full episodes of pitstop)
basically i think michael is the kind of person who has very clear career goals he wants to achieve & needs to focus on. as a result, him not working with daniel this year feels like a natural/inevitable next step. it doesn't necessarily mean there was a falling out. and there likely hasn't been.
on the other hand. I don’t think michael and daniel are close friends close friends. it was mentioned many times that the reason they had been able to work together as friends was bc michael was good at switching between trainer mode and friend mode based on daniel’s needs. this trainer-client undertone precedes all their interactions. so imo between them it's more of a camaraderie and companionship than two good friends vibing. although the line can be blurry at times.
this is not to say their relationship is not as good as many believe. after all they are childhood-friends turned work partners who went through literally everything together (remember michael writing FEA on his hand before giving daniel the pre-race high five at his potential last race?). it's simply a kind of relationship that's different from a friendship imo <3
Give your 2 cents: will we ever get daniel&michael content again or did the friendship die?
#gonna put the more personal opinions in the tags:#there have been posts saying ppl took photos with them both (together) at ausgp#also been posts saying the two of them nodded hello but didn't interact much otherwise#i think they both make sense (if true)#daniel is there as rbr's third driver. he can't just go hangout with michael who's literally at work & actively involved in the actual race#and like. even if there is a lil awkwardness or iciness or whatever (we don't know that there is)#it would've been the good kind bc#there is no way daniel doesn't miss having michael by his side#and there is no way he doesn't take michael's departure at least a little personally. bc he takes everything at least a lil personally lol#*#research#michael italiano#daniel ricciardo
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i rmr when all the initial meta around endgame was coming out people were talking about steve being depressed and whatnot and it's like well yeah but he's BEEN depressed, like he woke up alone in this century and he kept going, now i can understand it being worse this time after finding a family and getting bucky back and losing them all except of course that's not why endgame steve was on about so like......the people writing meta were trying to connect these things that of course weren't really there on screen because that simply wasn't our steve
but i think it really could've been SO interesting to see this is the thing that finally makes steve stay down like he's lost so much and he just CAN'T keep fighting like i get some people think that's what they were going for but considering the ending......it's really not. and so i'm just thinking about a version after iw, maybe he gets some of the thor treatment except not turning his depression into a dumb fatphobic joke lol and maybe nat and others are trying to get through to him and it just doesn't work and then we get some flashbacks (which you could have done for all the original avengers actually which would be particularly important for bruce and nat and clint who did not have their own trilogies) including his mom telling him "you always stand up" and THAT being the thing to finally get him moving like it would've been such a perfect way to finally show sarah rogers some respect and ACTUALLY show steve really struggling instead of whatever they tried to do with him in that movie
#steve rogers#mcu#anti endgame#why am i still rewriting this movie five years later#really though i think i rmr just trying to work through it all#and a lot of the meta i was reblogging initially still wasn't really accurate to endgame or the rest of the mcu#like they were still making steggy more important than it canonically was while trying to explain why it was a bad ending#and it's kind of like you can say steve would respect that peggy had a life and wouldn't interfere with it but that's about it like#going on about how he DID love her so much and just wouldn't be selfish enough to do those things#or that she was soooo important to his moral compass (hence why so many fic writers had her telling him to go back to bucky lol insanity)#are just not accurate lmao i do think much as she may be rightfully disliked#while canonically he did not LOVE her he did respect her even if we think that's annoying bc she's an asshole to him in catfa#but yeah no he had a moral compass before her i understand what people were going for with the compass being symbolic but like....#any time she said anything did he listen? except for maybe when she told him he was meant for more? it really doesn't seem like it#nor did he need it! jesus! the whole point of catfa is he was chosen for a REASON he was already a good man#he did not need peggy 'sure i'll let nazis into shield' carter to teach him shit#but yeah it was bc i followed one stucky blog at the time who was reblogging a lot of good shit but a lot of that nonsensical shit too#and i was just reblogging it all bc everything sounded better than endgame#and i really did start seeing more of the discussions around peggy where her culpability in catws hadn't even occurred to me#bc i was so in fic from the beginning of joining fandom that not only was their relationship made as impt as stucky#it was also made out like what happened to shield was hurting her legacy and it's like...but she had to have at least SOME responsibility#and yeah eventually it's like okay no it's not just that steve wouldn't Do That it's also that they would've been a terrible couple#and not only would he not be so selfish but he wouldn't give up everything for HER lmao but he would've for bucky as was shown over and ove
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why is everyone pretending like cyberpunk edgerunners is good. the writing is so bad i hate it
#i'm rewatching it for the third time 😋#i remember seeing a post i think from demilypyro abt how 2077 was a shitty game that everyone forgot how bad it was because of the anime#and the anime is terrible#all of the reviews online call the ending sad but it's literally just 🧍♂️ okay so. big whoop.#which would've been great for like to explore the futility of doing jack shit in this world bc it can be taken from you like that#they did a good job of this in the first 6 episodes before the timeskip#but the timeskip ruins everything#and u have to balance how unsatisfying that kind of thing is w the reality of that's just how it is#but NO#it's SAD because EVERYONE DIED#we didn't get a chance to slow down with the characters and get an update post timeskip#and the timeskip negates everything interesting about lucy (my fave 4evr)#and it changes her from a strong independent character that's scary good at her job because she was a lab baby and trained since birth and#an archetype of character i like in cyberpunk (a character that looks sexy without sexualising themself or getting sexualized by others)#(and in context most people wear something similarly revealing regardless of gender or presentation and modesty is the outlier)#wait i take that back she does flirt with david in her introduction scene. but i think it was done tastefully to show that she's confident#in herself and her abilities. and not in like an i'm hot do what i want way. we see her in the same episode being genuine and vulnerable#on multiple occasions. and then it reveals she was just buying time for her group to ambush him#she's a really interesting and cool character guys i swear#but the timeskip takes that and turns her into a stay at home expecting mother damsel in distress wanting to settle down and start a family#and the domesticity is so disturbing bc its like. i guess she wants to leave the edgerunner life behind to live on the moon.#BUT THAT'S SO MUCH DIFFERENT THAN WHAT THEY DID HERE#she doesn't pass the bechdel test anymore suddenly. who is she#they mischaracterised my blorbo so bad#it's like their writing budget got slashed mid show.
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I hope one day we get a mainline sonic game focusing on a side character where sonic gets into trouble and need to be saved
#ramblings#put that boy in the damsel in distress role he's been badass for long enough#forces doesn't count bc he gets saved after like two or three levels and you get to play as him for most of the remainder of the game#tmosth doesn't count either bc it's a spinoff. also he gets better at the end to beat the final boss#i need a game fully focusing on another character where he is not playable at all#idk those titan!sonic doodles i did a really long time ago popped up in my notes again and got me thinking abt a game like that#where sonic is put through The Horrors and needs to fully rely on his friends despite his own status as Main Character and Hero#like shake up the formula a bit. it's a good chance to explore new gameplay styles or revisit older ones#and would make for an interesting narrative. exploring what kind of scenario sonic Can't get himself out of forcing him to rely on others#like titan!sonic. where the end conjures up a titan and traps him in it. basically using him as a puppet against his friends#but that was just a hypothetical ending for frontiers so the rest of the game would've had him be playable#what i want rn is a game where he Isn't the main character y'know#i should be sleeping rn lol
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Considering the. Ahem. Ways this year has gone, I've not been thinking about it all that much, but. I did start this year with the motto of Year Of Unfucking My Life. With a few goals involved in that.
I got an official adhd diagnosis, as well as a diagnosis for PCOS. Other diagnoses in progress. Gotten adhd meds and birth control to regulate periods. I've gone back to school and I'm keeping up with it better than ever before. I've even been working on practicing driving, something I've been largely neglecting since I first got my driving permit, um... 11 years ago...
I just need to actually Get my license. And I need to get it before the end of the year. If I can accomplish that, then I'll say the Year Of Unfucking My Life was successful.
#speculation nation#i had some pretty major negative And positive influences for this goal of mine.#primary negative influence of course being my dad abruptly dying.#but that also led to the primary positive influence of the life insurance payout that's letting me just focus on school for my final year.#it's like a monkey's paw curl kind of moment. i got a genuinely astounding amount of money#more than enough to live off for a year+ and pay off the rest of my schooling.#with this i have finally exited the purgatory of part time school full time work to pay my way through school#a setup that led to endless stress (both physically and mentally) and suffering grades.#failing some classes and taking longer bc part time Anyways. locking me into years and years of this perpetual fucking Hell.#ive escaped it. school is so so so much more manageable when i dont have to work a job. im actually keeping up with my assignments.#for once theres no uncertainty about passing any of my classes. i Will pass them all. and i expect As in most if not all of them.#it's been fucking Amazing. everything i couldve wanted. and it came with the low low cost of losing my father when i was only 26.#... 'low' being sarcastic here of course. he was the 2nd worst person i couldve lost in my life. second only to my sister.#the 2nd worst grief i will Ever experience. bc he was my Good parent. hes the very reason i have a future at All.#and losing him fucked me up Severely. im still working on recovering. i kind of figure i always Will be.#thank god id already been taking spring semester off bc that would've been Horrible to go thru while in school.#i honestly probably would've just withdrawn from the semester. theres no Way id have kept up with it#given how damned BUSY those first few weeks after were. between funeral prep and inventorying and packing up his house.#so fucking much involved in settling an estate. and im the lucky one in that my sister's been handling all the legal shit.#so i simultaneously was dealt one of the most severe blows i ever Will be dealt#while also being given probably the biggest boost i'll ever get in my life.#if everything goes well with graduating and getting an IT job then i'll never want for money again.#considering there was a time early last year when i got as low as literally $7 in my bank account. this is a pretty big deal.#it's just... strange. the ways things go in life. this has been a very strange year for me.#just doing my best to use this boost to the best of my ability. even if it feels like im taking advantage of his death.#it's what he wouldve wanted me to do.
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What if Wakasa was a reformed antagonist before he joined Black Dragons...
#pen rambles#wakasa imaushi#i don't believe there's a good or bad guy here bc they're all delinquents committing juvenile crimes#but here me out 😭#i'm really trying to figure how waka got to be leader even tho he doesn't seem like the kind of person to have that drive#(benkei def did knowing he's the 3rd gen leader of ragnarok prob climbing up their ranks)#waka comes off more to me as someone who aloofly got to have a gang and be the leader bc he's strong enough to beat ppl he didn't like#and he just did whatever he wanted bc he can#guys respected him for it and he didn't mind being followed anyway#until he met shinichiro and figured maybe he could do something sort of good in his life (maybe he should start caring more..)#the character arc would've just been so sweet yk?#not to mention his greatest rival/enemy becomes his best friend 🥹#also the tragedy in og tl where waka regresses and becomes a yakuza like how he started out in kodo rengo 🥲🥲🥲#ok that's it thanks for listening to my ted talk jdksks
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Not sure if I'm sabotaging my relationship or not but I feel like I'm in the right ? Perhaps ?
#personal#basically we're long distance but I couldn't see him on a weekend because of unavoidable circumstance#we were going to go to his friends wedding but I couldn't make it.#but hes been sending me photos of my empty seat next to his at the venue#and telling me constantly that I would've loved it#so I took issue with it bc i wasnt enjoying that#and he's gone into panic mode and thinks I'm accusing him of being a 4D chess manipulator#and low-key he kind of is. Unconsciously I think but still manipulative.#he uses the whole 'woe is me' and 'I'm just a terrible useless creature pls pity me' bit way too often.#if we have a slightly uncomfortable conversation he will stop engaging with me and try to distract by telling me he loves me.#like literally 'so what do you think?' ... '[laughs nervously] I love you :'')...' imagine that being the only response he gives for an hour#so I've called him out on his difficulty with sincerity and he's just doubling down on the 'pls pity me' stuff and frankly...#i really don't like it#the wedding thing was kind of nothing but his reaction to it was telling#pulling out the whole 'I am horrified you'd think that' guilt-tripping nonsense#followed immediately by 'you overestimate my intelligence if you think im capable of that :'')' pity party.#just. not promising. not good vibes.#to elaborate on the wedding bit: I made the decision that I couldn't make it bc of a busy work week.#he assured me several times that it was okay if I couldn't make it but he stopped messaging for a day after I told him I couldn't#then sent me a photo of my empty seat with a crying emoji and telling me that he wishes I was there and that i would've really loved it#that's not a message sent with the intent to make me feel good is it?#idk reading this back it sounds like an overreaction from me but with the context of my experience with him this is not an isolated thing#it's kind of perpetually like this. then when called out on it he pulls out the love-bombing but doesn't address the actual issue.#idk. idk.#if anyone wants to engage with this post feel free. Any outsider perspective would be welcome.
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🤍
#tw death#it's past midnight in india so happy birthday to my late cousin 💕 he would've been 27 today#i know we all say that about ppl that leave but i really do mean it when i say that#he was incredibly kind and would do things for you no questions asked when you asked for a favour#was just there for people in general and v loved and diligent and a hard worker#also very snarky and annoying and stoopid at times lmao but truly a good person who left wayyyy too early#but anyway#i'm not religious and don't believe in a lot of superstitious things but i do hope there's smth after death that gives you comfort#so hope he's alright !! for now let's wish him a happy birthday bc that dude loveeees the attention 😁💕#personal
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i remember once seeing an ad for scar reducing creams and ended up deciding no that's not reasonable to buy if it's literally self inflicted. but because of this now being in a visible place (can probably hide until summer, but after it's too warm to wear long sleeves... oh gosh. :< ) I feel like I probably should do research on how to minimise scarring at least for visible cuts for the sake of others.
and maybe invest in a nice light summer cardigan :) you know those pretty lacy ones, I bet I could pull that off, and I've wanted one for ages so this might be my motivation :)
....I should also do research on how to hide them before they've healed, because I've got a simulation next Tuesday. If necessary I talk to the person running the sim and get permission to be in long sleeves for that
oh gosh why did I forget. I'll have to be in short sleeves for placement. oh gosh oh gosh I am an idiot
#[editing to add that there is somewhat graphic description of self harm below. i'm no judge of how graphic or otherwise something is but i#kinda described it a bit ig]#I might invest in some good coverage makeup of some kind idk. if i can find something like that that will hide the scarring. but like. it's#stretching halfway along my forearm and it will all scar#tmi sorry#looks nasty already but at least it's stopped bleeding#shoutout to the knife sharpener i could Not use at the time so it wasn't as deep as it would've been#anyway#such is life#tw sh#puddleglum hours#personal#the first time i harmed was May last year. i only actually seriously started harming during february this year and all this time i have#worked SO HARD on making sure i DON'T harm in a visible place#and then! whaddaya know! it got too much!#honestly tho i'd nearly talked myself down it was rlly weird#bc it was like i just. blanked for a second and became aware of it having happened a second later it was weird#the muscles feel really weird now tho idk why#not damaged or i don't think so anyway and yknow. didn't need stitches or anything#don't know how deep they are
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saw a boy so pookie i started crying
#— ai rambles#was kind of curious what's going on in the bllk universe so decided to do a little catching up#and it was good that i did bc jin here is soooo !!!#it would've been such a waste if i missed this#i want to know more about him t-t
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Favourite anime of 2023
#my nonsense#anime#anime 2023#tsurune#tomo chan wa onnanoko#gridman universe#tengoku daimakyou#oshi no ko#gundam#suisei no majo#hibike! euphonium#hikikomari kyuuketsuki no monmon#sousou no frieren#ppl who keep up with my lore will know i usually post 12 anime for the 12 months of the year#which i stared simply bc the first year i did this was packed with amazing anime and it was difficult to chose my favourites from them#these past few years it's been difficult to chose which ones are good enough to make the cut#and this year i barely watched more than 12 so i can't in good conscience add more than these#i would've liked to see a bit more but i haven't had the time or i've chosen to spend it on other things instead#it's been kind of a lousy year outside of the spring season which gave me something to watch every single day#and anime i'm still thinking about like tengoku daimakyou and suisei no majo#more hibike was also good and tsurune days healed me when those episodes aired#gridman universe wasn't as good as the series themselves but damn if trigger doesn't know how to do fan service well#in the we'll bring back all the characters and music in an epic way#not the i can see rikka's ass in some shots no hs girl would go out like that#well#rikka isn't the kind of girl to do that anyway
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if i was an artist with budget i'd be able to draw the buildup and all. i am not an artist with budget tho. so 3 panels will do
Kinda suggestive/nsfw tags btw go there with caution
anyways i think i huave covid
#perceptive little crow#fettered paintbrushes#never thought i'd be able to make a kiss scene this good. it's not spectacular but yesssssssss it's exactly what i wanted#anyhow i'll die and go to hell#depending on how im feeling I'd give you two answers over how this went down#the first one is that peka just was struggling for his life to get the knot done (he's doing a hard one) so he went#'ok maybe if i make out with her I'll be able to hide the fact i can't do this at all'#the second one is that. man. tying someone's tie? having your hands close to their body in an attempt to do something for them?#SPECIALLY what might as well be the love of your life? the one person that you just can't stop looking up to?#man that's hot as fuck#snd he felt it#of course he couldn't describe it (nor that he knows the words anyways) but he felt it deep down#the way im wording this kinda seems like this would've been their first time. like both kissing/making out and#hell maybe even having sex together#which honestly? kinds fits#i guess one of the things about their relationship is the restrain they have#i don't even know why it'd happen yet. i just feel like they wouldn't really like...allow themselves to be intimate. at all#maybe some hugs here and there but never something actually like. deeper#it's just kind of a fun scenario if the bubble finally broke in such an innocuous moment#only because one of the parties felt a little bit more aroused than usual. and decided to act upon it#i guess that'd make it the more painful once they separate bc they literally wouldn't have time to enjoy each other anymore#anyways thoughts thoughts#sorry for being insane over teorija with a suit i think a sleeper agent just activated on me#anywayssss
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☀️
#a week ago i would've never thought that i'd arrive at this decision so soon#and so abruptly!!!!! and like. something about myself that i've always been proud about is my conviction n confidence. once i've made up my-#-mind it's almost impossible for anyone or anything to change it. and that's bc i know that i've already thought it through sooo thoroughly#i have so much conviction! my values my heart my logic brought me here! im sooo clear about what i want#n anyway back to the original point....... somehow everything was timed perfectly#it was a perfect storm. but the me from a week ago would've never thought that i'd decide so quickly#and now that i have. i feel so light and invincible. i have sooo much conviction that im doing the right thing#and if anyone's gonna try to change my mind they'd have to go through my values my heart and my head. not Easy!!! i'm so assured aha........#personal#i think i'm in a good place! i think there's nothing i cannot do!! i'll get through anything#im competent and capable and kind. im a decent person! flawed obviously but like. im alright#mayb this is what adulting is all about. learning to stand up for urself. learning that u don't have to put up with things at work bc-#-your values and heart are worth so much more than A Job. n you should protect everything that makes you You!!! oho
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sry but the worf pacifism line is honestly so funny when his first onscreen appearance this season was him utilizing the power of unfathomable violence. like it’s not really a contradiction; I’m still willing to believe that this version of worf prefers pacifism where it’s viable, but if the intent of that line is to invoke a sense of “oh shit worf doesn’t want to fight I bet that’s going to lead to some trouble (and worf having to break his new personal code to fight),” it absolutely doesn’t work because we already know he’s willing to deviate from that when necessary. it’s genuinely just such a Trailer Line.
#sometimes it genuinely feels like this season had to get turned around so fast there wasn’t time for a script edit#this would've been a really interesting moment if we hadn't already seen him. but like. it doesn't work under these circumstances#it's the kind of first draft line where you're like yeah this is good it's funny it says something about the character#but that you ultimately need to cut when it doesn't work anymore and that just. didn't happen.#(probably partially bc it was good for marketing)#san rant#pic#picard spoilers#ish
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we need more canonically autistic characters who stim in obvious ways. i feel like everyone goes "social issues and rigidity" and then stops there. i want to see canonically autistic characters who flap when they get excited and make noises and generally stim in non-allistic-approved ways. please i need role models
#autism tag#i've been thinking about this with moon knight#and setting aside the conversation someone needs to have with oscar isaac about how autism and DID work#how the show ended up panning out works really well as 'marc masks a lot and steven doesn't'#but like. where is steven's stimming 😭#we do see him stimming with the rubik's cube and kind of wiggling his fingers a little when he was conscious w/out fronting#but nothing Big really...it would've been good to see him stim more obviously#and then have the ONLY obvious stimming moment from marc be when he's overwhelmed and hurting himself#bc he can't mask anymore in that state#(side note. i also hit myself like that when i'm really upset and i felt that scene in my SOUL)#moon knight tag
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What is going on w roy and keeley this season like genuinely
#do they. not know what to do w keeley and roy now that they're separated ?#keeley bi reveal is fun but now jack's evil so like. thanks for ruining the one ted lasso wlw rls. thank u so much for that#u know what would've been fun? shandy/keeley as the bi reveal#them being ex fwbs who start their fling up again now that they're in close proximity again and working together#it would make the whole firing shandy arc so much more nasty/personal too w/ the added component to their rls#it would. imo. give the writers more of an opportunity to give shandy more depth too#plus i think. having Keeley be the boss and realising the kind of power she has in that situation#would be. very interesting to explore w her. bc she's a Fun boss shes Nice but she accidentally creates this#unbalanced relationship w shandy that ends up blowing up in her face in the end#and she realises there are lines u have to draw as a fun boss. and also that she has to be mindful#of the power she has over ppl as a boss. how even if she has good intentions she still has to be conscious#of the stuff she says/does towards her employees#like the opposite of rebecca's arc. rebecca's was abt opening herself up#keeley's would be abt knowing how to draw lines between what's appropriate and what isn't#i have no idea what i'd do w roy on the other hand lol idk if he has anything going on he can just continue being funny w the dogs#and being jamie's new bff i guess
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