#it will not recognize ANY ipod it broke my old one and i really hope it doesnt break the new one cause i just got it today. i need to be

[gelarshiesprofruitboarder]

i fucking hate my computer oh my god

[petchricor-creates]

Those Nights - Ch. 2

Tony hadn't intended for it to be love, but there were a long of things he never intended that became a reality regardless

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That night, when Tony awoke with a start from one of his nightmares, he felt something was different about tonight somehow. Not the same different that had lead him and Steve to talking about what kept them up at night, but still different. He sat up in bed and pulled the strap of his tank top back over his right shoulder. He looked around a moment, as if expecting some sign of what made this night different, but there was nothing. He stood up, turning when his door opened with a hiss.

“Get dressed and meet me in the garage,” Steve ordered before walking back out. Tony raised a brow but said nothing as he pulled on some jeans and tossed a random leather jacket over his shirt. He pulled on socks and shoes before walking out of his room. He headed to the elevator, requesting the ground level. He waited for awhile as it silently traveled downward, leaning against the back wall while tapping his foot impatiently. Once it finally made its way down he walked down the hall that would lead him to the garage.

“What’s this all about, Cap?” he questioned upon entering, looking around until he spotted the man he’d addressed. Steve looked over. Tony saw the motorcycle behind Steve and tilted his head. “You mind answering my question?” Steve chuckled and got onto the motorcycle, starting it up.

“We’re going for a ride. Get on,” Steve said, nodding behind him for Tony to board. Tony walked over upon command.

“Without helmets? Gee, Cap, I’m shocked,” Tony joked as he got on behind him, hanging on as Steve laughed.

“Haha, very funny,” he shouted over the engine. “JARVIS?” The door opened and Steve took off and out onto the New York streets. Tony grunted in surprise at the jerk and his grip tightened a little, getting a laugh from Steve. Tony huffed in irritation and resisted to urge to knee him. That was a bad idea since he was driving at the moment. But when they came to a red light he indulged and Steve only laughed louder than before.

“Jackass,” Tony hissed into Steve’s ear as they started off down the road again. The rest of the trip was spent in silence aside from a comment here and there about a stupid driver. No talk was really needed, silence between them was comfortable, with few exceptions. The loud city noises made it hard to hear each other anyway.

The bright lights and crowded streets all seemed to drown out the aching thoughts in Tony’s brain. He felt himself relax against Steve’s back, who also seemed to have lost tension during the drive. Tony rested his chin on his shoulder as he looked around them as they sped passed everything. All the different neon signs melded together in a blur of bright colors. It was mesmerizing.

They drove and drove for what turned out to be hours, since Tony noticed the east horizon starting to turn a brighter blue than the rest of the sky. Just as Tony started to see a tinge of orange start to appear they had returned to the tower. Steve parked the motorcycle and they hopped off. Tony yawned widely as they did, feeling himself grow tired without the wind in his face and the bright and noisy New York streets.

As they made their way to the elevator they remained silent, only speaking when Steve asked for the main floor they lived on. When they reached it Tony stretched his arms over his head with a yawn as he headed for his room. Steve broke off and the two mumbled some sort of farewell. Tony didn’t order the lights off, since they already were off. He undressed, removing everything but his tank top and boxers, and tossed everything in the general direction of where it was supposed to go.

Tony backed up until his legs bumped the bed then let himself fall onto it, letting out a happy sigh as he did. He couldn’t remember a time when his bed had felt so comfortable, it made him smile as he turned onto his side. He grabbed a pillow to hug to his chest as he watched the sun rise over the city through his window. Just as the sun had blocked out almost every star Tony had fallen fast asleep.

A few nights passed with no interaction, though Tony had had one nightmare without Steve showing up. But when the fifth night rolled around Tony walked down the hall to find Steve sitting on the couch, looking at an iPod in confusion. Tony chuckled and walked towards him, leaning over the back of the couch.

“What are you doing?” he asked. Steve looked up at him and smiled.

“Trying to figure out how to use this,” he replied. Tony lept over the back of the couch and held out his hand, Steve handing him the iPod. The next few minutes were spent with Tony explaining how to work the iPod. After that he put it into a speaker system and put on Shut up and Dance with Me. “Huh, interesting.” Tony nodded in agreement, then grinned and got to his feet.

“Hey, Steve,” he held out his hand. “Wanna dance?” Steve stared at his hand a long moment in thought. Tony knew that because of what he promised Peggy it wasn’t an easy decision, so he gave him his time to decide. In the end Steve smiled and took Tony’s hand, getting to his feet. “Awesome.”

They stepped away from the furniture and started to dance to the music, each learning here and there along the way. Tony was shown some old style dances and Steve laughed at the more modern dances Tony showed him. Tony laughed when Steve spun him in a circle and yanked him close, causing Tony to lose his breath a little at the impact. They danced to quite a few more songs after that and they seemed to lose track of time, enjoying themselves. Lots of songs later Tony was panting and Steve laughing at him, damn that stupid serum.

“Oh shut up, we can’t all have the stamina you’ve got, Steve,” Tony jokingly snapped, getting a hearty laugh in return. He grinned, feeling his heart skip a beat at the joy on Steve’s face. He stared at the other man a moment, who was still chuckling a little to himself, and wondered exactly when this had started to become love. When he had started hoping to see Steve every night, when had the smiles on his face were more than enough to keep him going, and when had Steve become a thought that made him giddy?

“Tony?” Steve asked, sounding a bit concerned. Tony was snapped out of his thoughts and looked Steve in the eye, raising a brow to try to look calm. He didn’t feel calm. His heart was beating way too fast and his mind was reeling at the idea he had been staring at Steve. Tony looked over at the iPod, which had started to play a slow song he didn’t recognize and heard four steps come towards him. Tony turned his head to look, not taking in anything before two strong hands grabbed his face and a pair of warm lips overtook his own.

Tony hadn’t had any time to react to the sudden kiss before Steve was gone, down the hall and probably in his room before Tony could even call after him. He stood there, staring blankly at the hall Steve had run down with a dazed look on his face. He pressed a hand against his mouth in disbelief, the slow song still playing in the background. Steve had just kissed him...and then ran away. Tony sighed and removed the hand from his mouth.

He removed the iPod from the speaker and stopped the song, turning the device off. He took a glance around the dimly lit room before heading down the hall and to his room. He tossed the iPod onto a small table and threw himself onto the bed, staring out at the city through his window as usual. Sleep didn’t find Tony, it seemed to evade him no matter what he tried. In the end, he just lay there, a pillow between his arms, staring up at the ceiling and singing ‘99 bottles of beer on the wall’ in his head. A knock at the door startled Tony and he sat up in bed, turning to look at the door.

“It’s open,” he spoke up, trying not to sound hasty, though he was sure he had. After a moment of hesitation the door opened and in stepped Steve. Tony felt his heart stop and he shifted to face the door, holding the pillow tighter in his arms. He swallowed. “Yes?” Steve shifted where he stood, hands behind his back in an at ease position.

“I, uh, wanted to apologize for earlier,” he said timidly. Tony felt his heart clench, that was the last thing he wanted to hear. “That wasn’t right of me, and I apologize for that. I hope you can forgive me and that we can remain friends, I didn’t mean to...I mean, I didn’t want...” Steve fell silent after that, obviously not trusting himself to properly speak. Tony stood up, dropping the pillow back onto the bed behind him.

“Steve,” he said carefully, taking tender steps towards him. “Why did you kiss me?” At that Steve tensed, eyes moving away from Tony as he cleared his throat nervously, trying to find a proper answer. Tony stopped about a foot in front of him, waiting patiently.

“I...I don’t know, i-it felt right, I wanted to, um...” Steve stopped talking again, visibly swallowing. Tony took two steps to close the gap and placed a gentle hand on Steve’s chest, feeling and hearing him intake a sharp breath. Thinking about it a moment Tony stood up on tip toe, tilting his head to line their mouths up. Steve met him in the middle, their eyes slipping closed as their lips pressed together gently.

It was so much better than the kiss in the living room.

[imagining-supernatural]

You’re Not There

Based on the song: You’re Not There by Lukas Graham

Word Count: 2080

Warnings: Angst. Death.

A/N: I had a weird day and was feeling super angsty/depressed. Then that song came on my iPod and I just... I just had to write.

Version en Español: Tú No Estás Allí

Her gratitude was etched into every worry line and wrinkle on her face as she hugged her little boy close. Over his shoulder, the woman stared up at Dean with watery eyes. “Thank you so much!”

With a little wave and smile, Dean turned and walked away. Another hunt and another win. Everyone made it out alive except for the monster. A year ago he would have celebrated with you. A year ago, he would have let your excitement at seeing a family reunited wash over him. A year ago, you would have wrapped your arm around his waist and guided him to the Impala with a beautiful smile painted on your lips.

A year ago, everything was different.

*****

When Dean first met you, he had been lost. He’d been an utter disaster ever since Sam jumped into the Cage at Stull Cemetery. Eight months had passed, and some days he couldn’t even manage to get out of bed to head to the bar down the street. But one night, he found himself trudging out of the old motel room and slipping into the sea of bodies at the grimy bar. Everyone gave him a wide berth, not willing to mess with him.

Then you slid onto the bar stool next to him and ordered whiskey. For the first ten minutes, both of you drank in silence. Something about you stirred Dean’s senses again. He couldn’t help but glance over at you every few minutes.

It was after your second drink that you turned to him. “Who’d you lose?”

“What?” His voice cracked with disuse, and his vocal chords struggled against the unfamiliar feeling of being used.

“You have that same look I see every time I look in the mirror.” There was soft regret dancing along your syllables. “Someone close to you died recently, didn’t they?”

Dean grunted and turned back to his drink. Not even a pretty face was going to get him to talk about Sam.

“My sister,” you kept talking, despite Dean’s obvious brush off. “She was only twelve and she was the strongest person I knew. But the leukemia was stronger.”

Despite his strongest effort, Dean felt his heartstrings tug. Twelve years old. Still though, he didn’t say anything.

“It’s hard to talk about. I get that.” Out of the corner of his eyes, Dean saw you drag your finger around the rim of your glass. “It doesn’t get easier either. You just grow more numb.”

“Hey, Y/N,” the bartender said, leaning against the counter. “Anna just called. Janice is at the station again.”

Y/N. Your name rang through Dean’s mind as you pulled out a few dollars and handed it to the bartender. “Thanks. Guess I’ll go bail her out again.” You stood up and curled your hand on Dean’s shoulder. His muscles jumped at the unexpected contact and he automatically raised his eyes to yours. There was a deep understanding in your expression, making Dean uncomfortable. “Take it easy, okay?”

And that was that. You walked away.

Something about that one conversation where he’d only said one word changed something within Dean. The next night, it was easier to leave the motel room. He told himself that he wasn’t looking forward to seeing you again. Y/N, the stranger with the comforting touch. No, he just wanted a drink.

Still though, he had been disappointed when you didn’t show up.

*****

“There have been a few complaints around the neighborhood about the electricity and heating. Have you had any problems with flickering lights or cold spots?”

Dean listened intently while the old couple explained a few of their woes with their old house. Once he managed to extract himself from their house and incessant offers of lemonade, he headed back to his hotel room for some research. All the signs pointed to a ghost, but he wanted to be sure.

You taught him to always double check.

*****

“Ghosts? Those are real?”

“Yeah,” Dean nodded, lightly trailing his fingers over your bare shoulder. Two months had passed since that first night in the bar. Since then, you’d managed to worm your way into Dean’s life. It started with a few more one sided conversations, then he started replying. You hadn’t reacted the first time he said something.

Maybe that was what made it easier. You didn’t treat him like he was project. You didn’t celebrate any of those bullshit milestones about overcoming grief. There wasn’t a moment of triumph the first time he spoke. And when he finally said Sam’s name, you hadn’t treated that like a big deal.

And somehow, here you two were, just two months later. Dean was telling you about his real story in the lowlight of his hotel room. Cool light from the dim lamp highlighted the muscles of your bare back as you lay on your stomach, hugging a pillow to your chest.

“Do vampires really sparkle?” Your lips were twisted into a small smile

“Definitely not.” Dean rolled his eyes and chuckled.

He’s been doing that a few times recently. Laughing. There was something about you that seemed to lower his walls.

You shifted until you were on your side facing Dean. His eyelids fluttered closed when you reached up and traced your fingers over the planes of his face. Everywhere your skin touched his awakened his nerves. Then your lips covered his and his whole body was on fire again.

The kiss ended all too soon and he slowly opened his eyes to see you watching him soberly. “Thank you, Dean. For saving the world.”

“I didn’t do anything.” Sharp pain replaced the comforting fire that your touch elicited. This pain was familiar. It showed up every time he thought of that day in the cemetery. Every time he replayed those final moments before Sam jumped.

“You let him go.” The shock of your whisper and hand on his chest broke him out of those memories. “You agreed to be left behind. That’s… that’s harder than being the one to jump.”

He squeezed his eyes closed against the pain and memories.

You slid your hand from his chest to his back and pulled your body tight to his. “Anyway. That’s enough of that.”

Tilting your head up, you peppered kisses along Dean’s jaw. It was as if you knew that he needed a few minutes to get over this conversation, because you kept each touch light. Your fingers massaged into his tight muscles and slowly, Dean relaxed. Then he wrapped his arms around you, rolling over until his body covered yours and he buried himself in your comfort.

*****

The ink dried on the page, its shine disappearing. Dean stared at the words and wished that you would walk through the door. He wished that he could hear your voice one more time. He wished that you would respond to the words he’d written.

He’d never been one to keep a hunting journal. Sure, John and Bobby’s journals helped on plenty of hunts, but he just never had time to write about each hunt.

But the past year, he wrote every single night. Each entry started out with Dear Y/N and ended with Love, Dean. It hurt to write these stories. You weren’t in them, and he had so many stories that featured you. You made him a better man, and Dean was forever grateful to you for that. Just as he would forever miss you.

*****

“I still don’t like this,” Dean grumbled. Next to him, you just laughed.

“C’mon, babe! I rocked it. I mean, I’m completely covered in blood, but none of it is mine. That’s pretty good for a hunter, right?”

“Hunting is…”

“Exactly what we need. You lost your whole family and I lost both of my sisters within a year of each other. Saving those people today… it helped. And I know that you felt that too. We can stop other people from losing people like we have.”

Looking over at you, Dean couldn’t bring himself to ruin your bright views of what hunting was. The wind from the open window of the Impala was teasing your hair, and you had such a hopeful look on your face.

“We had this saying, me and Sam. Saving people. Hunting things. The family business.” He looked out at the expanse of road in front of him. “I guess that’s what this has always been about.”

“Saving people. We can do that, Dean. We can save people for our families.”

*****

A couple of kids ran past Dean, giggling and chasing each other. He recognized one as a child he had saved a year ago with you. If you hadn’t pulled him out of his depression after Sam died, that kid might have been dead right now.

It was because of you that Dean had a purpose again. You stayed with him for months, weathering the mood swings and anger. You’d made Dean into the man he was today. Because of you, Dean could live again. He followed your light out of his darkness.

A year ago, he finally admitted that he could become better, because of you.

*****

“Quick in, get the heads rolling, quick out,” Dean whispered harshly, eyeing the run-down, abandoned house in the middle of the woods. “I have a bad feeling about this one.”

“We got this,” you reassured him. “Just a few vamps. Like you said, quick in, quick out. We’ll be back in town in an hour—two tops.”

Your words did nothing to soothe his worries, which put him even more on edge. You always knew the right things to say. Normally, your very presence was enough to calm his nerves, but not right now.

But he didn’t say anything else.

Instead, Dean motioned for you to follow him into the vamp nest. It didn’t take long before the bloodsuckers jumped out and the fight started. You got separated, but Dean could hear you fighting, so he didn’t worry too badly. Once the last vamp was down, Dean looked around.

“Y/N?” he called out, voice echoing through the carnage.

You didn’t reply.

Dean’s blood pressure skyrocketed and he tore through all of the rooms, searching for you. “Y/N! C’mon, sweetheart. Where are you?”

It wasn’t until he got to the kitchen that he found you laying on the floor, unmoving. “No, no, no. Y/N!”

There was too much blood and no heartbeat. Dean’s hands skipped over your body, searching for a wound to heal. His fingers came back slick with your blood when he inspected your side, and his entire world fell away when he pulled up your shirt and saw the giant, gory hole.

“Don’t leave me, Y/N.” Dean gathered you into his arms and sobbed into your shoulder, begging and hoping for a shred of life.

But you weren’t there.

*****

“Sometimes I see someone who looks like you. I know it’s stupid, but I always think it really is you.”

Just like with the journal, Dean knew that your gravestone wasn’t going to respond. But he still came to visit every month. Every damn month since you died, Dean found himself sitting over your grave. He knew that you’re not there. Not really. Just your body. Your soul was in Heaven. That was the only thing he was sure of.

“You would be proud of me. That man you thought I could always become—I’m getting there. I just wish you were here. Everything was better when you were with me.”

When you met, the two of you had been two broken souls. But you’d seen a way out, and took Dean along for the ride. It wasn’t fair that you were the one who died. The world still needed you.

“You once told me that it never gets easier, you just keep getting more numb. Everyone else says that time heals all wounds, but we both know it doesn’t. I’ll never forget you, Y/N. And I don’t want to be numb. I want to feel you. I want to feel this pain and know that you were real. Because without this pain, I might forget. I don’t want to forget. I want to remember all of it. All of the good times and the bad… I get it now. Letting go and being left behind is harder than being the one to jump. But you showed me that I can keep moving. And I’m going to keep moving for you.”

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[jaxxonpollux]

notes for vivien during her leave of absence

i’m writing this mostly to talk myself down from going crazy. i don’t know what my problem is. you’d think i’d be able to handle a girl being gone for a week; and i mean, i definitely COULD, if you had said something like “hey, i’m going on a yoga retreat for a month, toodles,” not just disappeared. it’s the unknown that makes me feel nuts, like the possibilities that just bore into my head. i’ve written a mental list like a million times wondering what could have happened, trying to figure out the most likely possibility. we talked about trump. you went to do laundry. then nothing. and i definitely have a void, and i keep feeling like i should do something. write a letter. hop on a plane. call you at various times of the day (maybe you dropped your phone into the couch and just can’t find it?). 

at the same time, i do recognize how pathetic it is. it’s like, symptoms of a guy just after being dumped. sending constant affectionate support messages and all that, whiny messages. “miss you, sending my prayers! sending good energy! hope all is well” i honestly hate being that way, even if the feeling is genuine. i want to be more stoic, aloof, nonchalant, casual, not fretting and biting my nails and whining and moping and all that. maybe they’re just thoughts i should keep to myself. maybe there are a lot of things i do and say i should just keep inside. i don’t think they’re very flattering. they’re all things i wish people would do and say for me, i think, which is why i do them, kind of like a “treat others the way you’d like to be treated” mentality. it really is sorta gross. i just need to be affectionate in more subtle ways. here i am again, stuck in my own head.

i do hope you’re okay. and i hope you realize i’ll understand no matter what’s going on. even if it’s a situation that like, sucks for me, like you got back together with b or something. which is something i half expect a lot of the time anyway, even though i really don’t quite know how the two of you get along, what the story really is. i’m just always ready for it. in any case, i’m still fine with being a platonic friend, i mean, we do really get along, you have to admit that. even if we’re not meant to be together. “meant to be.” another strange term for a strange thought. i know i was thinking about stuff like that a lot before you were gone, whether or not you liked me the way i liked you. always this fear of my affection being reciprocated. or like it rapidly started to wane after i came back from miami. i don’t know.

the same thing happened with ainsley, my disney channel girlfriend? i went to see her in plano, we were stuck in bed with each other all day every day. we’d go to the museum and she’d just want to go back home and lie in bed together again. we’d go to a movie, i’d feel a little sick, and we’d leave early, go back home and lie in bed (i think the movie was the grudge 2. didn’t miss it). and we’d be in bed all day under her parents watchful eyes, it was a little embarrassing really! but i remember she had her head in my lap in the backseat when her mom was driving me back to the airport, when i was leaving. i had her listen to mad rush, by philip glass on my ipod, she nearly fell asleep. it was appropriately sad, and sweet. it was a real Boyfriend and Girlfriend thing to do. it felt like the type of scene that belonged in a normal long distance relationship, the longing creeping in just as the good part came to end. always in contact with each other, feeling as much of each other as possible while we could, so we could save the feeling until the next time.

she broke up with me about a week or two after i got back to ohio. and it makes you really reflect back on everything with like, extreme paranoia. like if she was thinking about it the entire time you were together, or if she was just putting it off and ignoring it. was she thinking about it when we had sex in the shower? was she thinking about it when she was showing me old acting videos she did as a younger teenager? at the movies? at the museum? maybe staying in bed all that time, spending all the time together that we did, the closeness, maybe it was just her saying goodbye. and that’s the kind of thing that drags around behind you for years, not the breakup. all the wonderings and questions without answers. it’s probably why i still think about her, even ten years later. just in reflection, not in a pining tortured way. but wondering what it meant for me, how it shaped me, what it really meant. another one of those “mysteries of life,” or something.

i felt like coming to miami was the beginning of something. but maybe it was the end. shows how intuitive i actually am, huh? pisces boy, head in the clouds. sweaterboy, always trying to please, never thinking of himself. at the very least, that memory of staying with you in that hotel room is gonna be with me for a long time, no matter if it was the beginning or the end. even if you decided you’re done with me, even if you’re with b again, even if you’re locked up in an insane asylum, even if your head got lopped off, even if you’re an alien and had to go back to your home planet, that weekend meant a lot to me. i don’t know how many weekends you’ve had like that with other people, probably loads, but it was special for me. and i’m gonna be in my deathbed looking at my palms, trying to remember what you told me about my lifeline being so long, or my love line disappearing into nothing.

anyway, what else should i write for you? i had to go to work in about an hour, so i have at least another hour of writing, huh. we’re getting all that focaccia ready for trump tomorrow. we also have a small plate up for about 370 people, and i have to make my “famous” giant lavash crackers for the trump thing too. apparently they split up the culinary folks into two different teams for the trump thing, since we’re all gonna be trapped in the battelle ballroom all day to prepare for it. i’m on the team headed by “chef frank,” who has been described to me as our “corporate chef,” i.e. the boss of my boss. visiting to be in the presence of the president. he’s a very judgmental, pig-headed italian man, but luckily i have an agreeable personality and kiss his ass enough that he doesn’t bother me. my coworker, however, ambyr, goes ballistic whenever she hears he’s in the building. ambyr is like one of those millenial names we were making fun of, isn’t it? jaxxon. madeighsonne. anyway, it’ll be a hell of a day on friday.

--

i finished all of mad men too. i was SO happy pete and trudy got back together, honestly just happy for trudy. i have a crush on trudy, especially late-game trudy. don’t judge me. and pete was honestly still pretty weird and pathetic, i wouldn’t have gone for it if i was her but EH. pete was doing ok with that real estate girl but he kinda botched it by being a workaholic, she had a short attention span it seemed.

what else? glen and betty was creepy and semi-sweet at the same time, as usual, with him all like “YOU’VE ALWAYS BEEN MY BITCH >:)” and betty like “:) no no :)” like not really that aggressive and probably totally down for it under different circumstances. anyway, i’m sure glen died at war, and poor sally! just got dumpstered on, that was the real shame. betty just fading off into cancer town. bobby never got to grow up. harry never got to have any character development either, just stayed terrible. ken kind of turned bitter? with his eyepatch, that reminded me of you too.

and then ol’ don. kind of upset that stephanie didn’t stick around and have a whole litter of his babies or whatever, and i was half expecting don to be swept back into that traveling bohemian millionaire genius group again. instead he ended up at a hippie retreat. was the implication that don wrote that hippie coke ad? for crummy mcann? i was kind of expecting him to die tbh. shrug, well good for him, i guess. bert ghost was sorta odd, i didn’t realize don even gave a shit about bert.

and joan had a sad ending too!! oh UGH i was SOOO upset when they introduced her old man “boyfriend” like in the last few episodes, i knew it as soon as i saw him. like oh great, here comes the last minute savior for joan right at the very end of the show, what a stupid cop out. glad he was muscled out at the last second by joan’s massive business dong. she has bigger fish to fry! and then she goes and asks preggy to be a partner with her, and preggy goes and says NAH at the very end. i was like, so what the hell happened to joan then? hopefully she just got to be a millionaire the rest of her life and moved to paris or something.

preggy and what’s his face romance was sort of contrived. and a long time coming. like good for you guys, eye roll, you young idiots. who else? i guess that was everyone important. oh, yeah, roger shacked up with megan’s mom, i don’t blame him, she was pretty hot. i love a bitchy woman. roger’s daughter kinda depressed me, on that stupid hedonism hippie commune. whatever. and yeah, megan became washed up just like you said. she basically like never even acted at all when she moved out the california, that whole thing was a huge mistake.

i guess that’s all for now! mad men wise. i’m at a loss for what to watch next. i think there was some show i told myself i was gonna have YOU watch, but i can’t remember what it was now. it might’ve been something you’ve already seen.

--

i do hope i hear from you again soon, and i’m not still writing stupid posts like this a month from now. but we’ll see. i really miss talking to you. if i don’t hear from you before the weekend, i think i might just keep your birthday present here with me, for fear of it getting lost out in the world. i don’t even know if you’re in miami right now. but there’s a lot of sentimental stuff in this box, and i’m putting a lot of effort into it, because like, the plan was for you to have an ENJOYABLE birthday for a change, right? like, i thought maybe i’d order you some wine and we could watch a move over the phone and just have a regular date night, not even think about birthday stuff. and you’d just have this big box of random little surprises that i’d have spoiled you with. and it would just be nice and not a headache.

i think you’ll be 31? sorry if the number makes you cringe. honestly the attitude you have towards aging really makes no sense to me. it must be a woman thing. like, i understand feeling like you’re not fulfilling your goals on a healthy timeline, but i feel that like, every ducking day, and i don’t think that’s what bothers you. i think you just don’t wanna feel and look old right?

i’ve said it a million times, but you’re so beautiful to me, and you will still be beautiful at 31. or 35, or 45, or 99. you have all these wonderful features right now that are so attractive, your big blue eyes, your tiny blushing nose, your incredible nefertiti neck, your scrappy scarecrow straw hair. your legs and thighs are so soft and luscious and warm, your butt is full and round and really cute, you’ve got bones that point and poke out at the shoulders and elbows and things that remind me how small your upper body is. your voice is still my favorite ever. and when you get older, you’re gonna still have a lot of these things, you know? they might be different, but they’ll still be beautiful and wonderful and You, and you’ll have brand NEW features too that’ll be just as endearing. i always think of like, creepy old men staring at old women licking their lips like “mm-mm she’s a looker,” and wondering, wow, i guess an old man’s tastes really change as he grows older too. or like, they just appreciate things more, or they know what beauty looks like even when it gets kinda wrinkly and gray.

plus, knowing you, you’re gonna keep things up as high as possible for a very long time. you’re not just gonna attract older men, you’ll have like, college guys trying to climb up and mount you when you’re 60 years old. you’re gonna have the air of like, a whorehouse madam, no longer in the game but still incredibly sexy and intelligent, with every single trick still up her sleeve and too much dignity to ever use them except in extreme circumstances. smarter than any man you’ve ever encountered, and always ready to swing the dagger. you’re going to be different flavors of beautiful every decade that passes by, and i never want you to feel like getting older is a detriment. biological clock bothering you? uh i’ll come knock you up right now if that’s an issue, i’m down for it

maybe things get out of hand at 6am, i’ve been up all night. gotta get ready for work in about 20-25 minutes. please be safe, please come back. i promise not to wait forever, but you’ll always be a part of me now.

[bornconfused444]

Would you like to have twins? I don’t even want one kid let alone 2.

How old is your most recent ex? 23.

How does your hair look right now? Up and blah because I haven’t actually brushed it this morning so it’s all falling out of the ponytail.

What color were the last shoes you wore? Black.

Are you currently listening to any music? Nope.

You’re trapped in a room with your last ex for one day, what do you do? I don’t know we don’t hate each other but we also don’t actually want to talk to each other so I guess just sit there and not talk to each other.

Who was the last person you got into an argument with? Boyfriend.

Do you think you can last in a relationship for 3 months? Yeah.

What are you listening to right now? Nothing.

Are you expecting a child? No.

Are you waiting for anything in particular? No.

Last person to really piss you off? Boyfriend’s friends.

What time did you go to sleep last night? Like midnight because it was too fucking hot to sleep last night.

Do you think you’ll be a good mother/father? Nope that’s why I don’t want to have kids.

Marriage in your future? Nope.

If your best friend liked your last ex, what would you do? Nothing because I wouldn’t care if she liked him.

Want to have kids before you’re 30? No.

Have you kissed more than 10 people this year? No.

Do you like meeting new people? Sometimes.

What are you doing right now? This.

How many piercings do you have? 1 but I hope to have a new one soon.

Does anybody have a tattoo with your name on it? No.

Would you go out with someone right now if they asked? Nope because I’m already going out with someone.

Do you think somebody’s in love with you? Yes.

Who do you spend the most time with? Boyfriend. I literally spend more time with him than the roommate that I live with lmao.

Can you recall the last time you liked someone a lot? Now.

Last person you rode in a car with? Roommate.

Do you mind sleeping on the floor? I don’t mind it but it was a lot more comfortable when I was like 10 than it is now.

Do you enjoy summer? Yep!

Do you have a phone? Yes.

Is there anything you wanted to do today that you didn’t? Nope mind you the day’s just started so I’ve got lots of time to do shit.

Is it hard leaving people behind? Yep. Well actually I guess it really depends on the person.

Will you kiss someone within the next week or two? Yes.

What kind of outfit are you wearing right now? shorts and a t shirt. <-- saaaaameeeee.

In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a guy? Yeah.

Did you do something mean to someone today? No.

What is your favorite night to go out? Friday or Saturday.

Has someone ever made a promise to you and broke it? Yea.

Have you ever tripped over something in public? Yup.

Do you think you and your best friend will be friends in ten years? Probably not because we’re both testy and I feel like we’ll just have one massive fight and it’ll fuck everything up.

Do you wish someone would turn up at your front door right now? Yeah.

Are you addicted to cigarettes? No.

Is any part of you happy at all? Yep.

How was your day today? So far not too bad but I’m gonna be bored later.

Do you have more friends that are girls or boys? Right now it’s equal because I’m only talking to Ashley and my boyfriend.

Have you ever been caught skipping class? Yes.

Do you hate anyone? Yes.

How often do you listen to music? Usually at least once a day but it really depends lately.

Who were the last people to hang out at your house? Roommate’s friends.

What did you do yesterday? Chilled with the boyfriend and visited my aunt.

Are you going on vacation soon? Nope. I don’t have the money for that.

Do you ever watch the Disney Channel? Nope we don’t have cable anymore.

What’s on your mind right now? How warm it is outside and how I’m actually excited to go outside and run errands today.

Who do you call more than anyone else? I don’t call anyone.

Do you bite your nails? When I’m nervous.

Do you have a job? Nope.

Have you done anything bad in the last week? Depends on what you consider bad.

Do you like someone right now? Yeah.

Are you jealous of anyone right now? No.

Does anyone like you? Yeah.

Have you ever mooned anyone? No.

Where is somewhere you travel every summer? I don’t.

When was the last date you went on? Springbank Park.

Do you own an iPod? Yeah.

What person on your Facebook do you talk to the most? I don’t really talk to anyone on Facebook.

Do you want to fall in love? I already have.

Do you wear flip-flops when it’s cold? Nope.

Do any of your friends have children? Yes.

Do you ever take medication to help you fall asleep? Yep.

When was the last time you had Starbucks? Like a month ago.

Can you whistle? Sometimes.

Favorite TV show? Yes.

What is your favorite salad dressing? Thousand Island.

Are you on a desktop or laptop? Laptop.

Are you currently wanting any piercings or tattoos? Yes.

Would you ever date anyone covered in tattoos? Yes one of my massive celebrity crushes is Machine Gun Kelly and he’s completely covered in tattoos (aside from his face but I’m sure that’ll change at some point knowing him).

When was the last time you slept on the floor? I don’t remember.

Do you eat breakfast daily? Nope.

Do you feel more comfortable with a male or female doctor/nurse? Female.

You’ve locked yourself outside and no one will be home for a few hours, you? Just chill out or go somewhere.

In the past 48 hours have you hung out with a guy? Yes.

Have you ever walked on the beach at night? Yes.

What were you doing at 2AM this morning? Sleeping.

How many kids do you want? 0.

Are you interested in more than one person at the moment? Nope.

Last night, did you talk to anyone until you fell asleep? No we talked until HE fell asleep.

Who are your last 3 missed calls from? I don’t know they’re all numbers I don’t recognize though because I clearly missed them because I didn’t recognize the numbers,

What’s the best thing about summer? The hot weather!

Should you be doing something else instead of this? Nope.

Do you ever wonder what your life looks in someone else’s eyes? Yep.

Who was the last person of the opposite sex to text you? Boyfriend.

Do you think you would make a good boyfriend/girlfriend? I think I do.

Whose bedroom were you in last? Mine.

Why do you feel the way you feel? Because nothing’s going wrong right now and it’s weird for me but I’m gonna enjoy it while it lasts.