#it wasn't healthy but... it's healthier than the alternative. and for that i am grateful
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... We must realize how the behavior that we are attempting to throw away once helped to sustain us, and how it might help to sustain others somewhere down the line. In moving beyond what we recognize as a harmful behavior, we need to ask: "What did I learn? How did this behavior serve me?"
Each quality, even those that seem bad, contributed somehow to our self-preservation. It had good life-affirming purpose at one point, even if that is no longer true. In order to let go of such a habit, I need to give it a "testimonial," to send it away with my thanks. "I needed you, and there you were, and I thank you for it. And now, with full appreciation, I know that I no longer need you and I can send you away." This is different from trying to stamp it out. We no longer say, "I'm sorry I did this. I'm throwing this behavior away." We say, "Thank you, God, for this gift. I needed it then; I no longer need it now. I am returning it to the universe in the hope that it can help generate life elsewhere as it did for me."
-Jewish with Feeling, Rabbi Zalman Schachter-Shalomi. 2005, p. 173-174
#jumblr#quotes#personal thoughts tag#you don't understand as someone who is mentally ill this mindset is vital to my survival#i have done so many regrettable things but... in their own ways they sustained me#it wasn't healthy but... it's healthier than the alternative. and for that i am grateful#i hope others are not solely sustained with the actions i have taken before but... i love them and i wish them only the best#i don't think this mindset woll be productive or fruitful for everyone but i personally found this vital#and it's still something i'm trying *so* hard to truly internalize#it's the idea of not attatching shame to your existence and what you need to do to survive which i resonate with#i have felt too much shame in my life and it's haunted me. so quotes like these shatter a piece of me (in a good way)
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