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#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold
moonkhao
·
1 month
Text
hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone
#but man…
#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3
#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere
#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july
#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault
#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?
#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY
#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like
#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation
#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D
#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen
#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold
#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)
#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)
#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )
#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all
#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love
#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place
#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls
#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE
#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual
#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now
#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(
#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3
#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(
#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;
#sabrina talks
#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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