#it was an anon so at least i'm not missing an important ping tag

[spockandawe]

Gdi. I went to go answer a second ask, and instead of hitting the reply button like a sensible human, I went through the extra clicks and confirmation to delete the message, and only paused to think ‘wait, what’ when it was already gone. So I think these were the questions marked, but let me know if I missed something :P

3. favorite line/scene you wrote this year

Picking favorites is hard :(

Wait you know what, no it isn’t. Shout out to the emilonni idiot sandwich scene, but I just remembered this existed, and this is ABSOLUTELY the winner. This is Tarn inviting Deadlock to join the DJD:

Finally he turns back to you and sighs. “It sounds amazing. Seriously. But— my real passion is killing Autobots, y’know?”

All of your offense evaporates in a moment. You blame the engex, but you have to reset your vocalizer before you can talk and your voice still sounds a bit choked as you tell him, “That’s beautiful.”

“Bro,” he says, reaching out to grip your shoulder.

Without even thinking about it, you grip his shoulder in return. “I respect that.”

14. a fic you didn’t expect to write

emilonni, lmao

Okay, so this. Was ridiculous. I didn’t even start out interested in emilonni. I was just interested in finding Onni the love he deserves, and I was running through the limited cast feeling out my options, and Emil was in the mix, but I mean. Emilalli is already a joy and a delight. But I said, ‘not that I necessarily ship emil/onni, but--’ and then one cold c. stars was like ‘ACTUALLY THO--’

Neither of us shipped it at first, and then we both tripped and fell (dragged each other) into this emilalli pit. You would not believe the amount of screaming that happened over the course of a few densely-packed days. Most of that screaming made it into the eventual fic, though some of it was differently shaped from how the initial plans laid it out. But I hadn’t honestly had any plans to write any ssss fic?? I don’t write for most fandoms I enjoy. And I sure don’t ever write big sweeping longfics. UNTIL NOW, I GUESS. I’m so delighted it happened and that I finished it, but christ, what a surprise.

23. fics you wanted to write but didn’t

OH NO. This is... such a dangerous question. I am going to try to limit myself.

Okay, transformers first. I’ve got the next installments planned out for the starbladejack and rodistar universes, but I just... never got around to it. I’m still getting over the death of idw1. I think I’m recovered enough to write again, but I need to find my way back to my zone, and things have been hectic enough that I’m only fandoming organically, not cultivating an interest like I would need to do for these. I also really wanted to make more progress on the whirlstorm functionist universe fic. Which... now that I’ve written the emilonni, this feels much more attainable. Like the emilonni, the whole thing is outlined, in pretty significant depth. The outline is much, much, MUCH older than the emilonni was, so it’s not as fresh in my memory and it’ll be harder to get back into it, but I don’t want to abandon that idea.

Then... I really do want to write a raksura moon/river ship fic. I needs it. I’ve been putting it off, because I knew that if I dove into the raksura books again, I would lose my tenuous grip on my focus and the emilonni would have been screwed. I still want to do a little more ssss content before I risk distraction, but this is still something I REALLY want. 

And then there’s that ssss content!! I still have at least one more emilonni fic (the candle fic), which Needs to be written, plus I’m considering some alternate pov fic in that universe. That’s not as important as the candle fic, but it would be nice to make it happen. And then, okay. Hear me out. Onni needs love. I’m not rrrreally a fan of reynir/onni. I’m fine with it. I’ve got no plans to write any. Emil, I’ve done. I’m not bringing his family into the picture. Which leaves.... Mikkel and Sigrun. Now, Mikkel he’s at least spoken to, and they share a language, and Mikkel is much more sedate and patient than Sigrun. But Mikkel and Sigrun are PERFECT together, and it would be such a shame to split them up??? So. Mikkel/Onni/Sigrun. It makes sense, I kinda sorta swear. At the very least, I have an interesting idea for a short (pls) smut fic that would have a REALLY cool premise, and I think I can make it work emotionally, and also it is Important to me that everyone love Onni to the max.

And one more. Emilalli in general is on my to-do list, but there’s one idea I have where they don’t have a fight exactly, but things are Not Great for reasons I’m not going to describe here, but neither of them is upset with the other, they’re both blaming themself. The only thing holding this one up is pov struggles. Maybe it needs to be two chapters??? Because characters only have partial information and that’s important, but sharing all the information makes for such a delicious picture for readers! I live a very hard life :( But that one is maybe next on the writing list, so it’s hopefully forthcoming soon! 

Oh, also, Emilalli and pillow princess things, because I’m pretty sure a fandom is also not a fandom until I drag pillow princesses into it for no good reason at all. I’m still not over pillow princess megatron. Pillow princess emil. Which sounds like it doesn’t work, but porn with weird feelings is my happy place, and this is a sense-making weird when i add the context. And. Holy shit. This has also just reminded me of a sexy raksura fic I want to write, featuring what I have just realized is... pillow princess moon. It’s not really the CLASSIC pillow princess type thing, but honestly, it’s close enough. 2020 will be the year of the pillow princesses

[elizabethrobertajones]

I'm a petty bitch but I don't like how Cas embraced Jack way more sweeter and gentler than Dean

Hey, don’t use such harsh words on yourself

I think we’re sort of meant to feel this way, for a couple of reasons. 

Firstly, the Cas is back reaction was mostly on Dean and then contrasting Dean to Sam’s reaction etc, so it was a very Winchester POV moment. Because Dean and Sam’s reaction to Cas drama has been tested and compared for years… I think the Cas possessed by Lucifer stuff was the first time it was specifically ABOUT their reactions rather than just taking it for granted there was a difference although 11x01 starts off the DeanCas thread we’re on now in the aftermath of the Mark and the resulting (spiralling) issues with Cas and Dean singled out in attention in that quick phone call, and it’s been getting worse from there, obviously cycling up into the Cas’s death stuff where the difference is inescapable. Dean was given the huge emotional lead in to the hug while Sam was already being treated differently in his reaction before they started hugging. 

I think in that context there had to be a balance of Sam and Dean’s hugs in that moment, and Cas’s reaction was more muted because he’s working on some different threads, including still thinking at that point the Winchesters brought him back but also aaall his issues from last season are at least hovering around still if not directly affecting him. I mean who knows, maybe he feels embarrassed Lucifer got him :P I’ve had some people explain now (check the notes here) they think Cas is potentially literally altered or they’re adjusting to having theorised he might be and obviously more critical of his behaviour in case it is betraying something, but I really don’t like taking just random actor behavioural cues to mean anything drastic has changed with their character without the story backing it up as more than just a thing happening in that moment with the portrayal… 

Since I never thought 12x23 broadcast anything strange happening to Cas with the AU and there’s been no reason broadcast this season to make us suspect Cas is anything other than himself - regardless of other issues it is our core main continuous Cas on screen when we’re meant to be seeing Cas - I’m continuing to just chillax and watch it as if Cas is Cas and nothing is WRONG wrong with him until proven otherwise. So if there’s anything about his reactions in that scene it’s probably down to the Empty unsettling him (he’s having memories of it which include the ghost-like fade out of himself which makes me feel like the complete cessation of his Self has shaken him, as it would anyone really, since we didn’t see him ghost-like fade out into darkness IN the Empty, so that’s his memory/impression/FEELING of what it was like) or there’s just the obvious ongoing issues with the Winchesters, which the Empty reminded us of very very loudly, and he’s obviously not telling them the contents of that discussion, because it went as far as warning him about who he loves, which is them, so, awkward, or to make a Destiel reading there, aaaaaawkwaaaaard. 

Secondly with Jack, again I think it is somewhat more about how Jack feels because we had the whole first half of 13x01 with him searching for Cas and the only thing he knew, the compulsion/idea he woke up with when he was born was that he had to find Cas so Cas would protect him. He was then thrown into an emotional grinder for 5 episodes, and now he’s juuust about settling in learning the Winchester way, but Sam and Dean are neither of them suitable guides in the way Cas accidentally signed himself up for in 12x19 with that rousing speech about looking after Jack properly. 

So it sort of marks the end of Jack’s search, and Jack reached out for Cas because he missed him, and, unknowingly, Cas dragged himself back to life because of Jack, and again unknowingly, FOR Jack, but now he’s here, and Jack needs him. I suspect this will all get more critical of the “angels are watching over you” bond because that’s NOT a good phrase and I’ve been using it as my Mary to the guys (in the 2x13/5x13 dramatic irony context) and Cas to the Winchesters tag in season 12, but now I think it is very much about Cas’s issues with being a guardian angel, which were laid bare in 12x19 when he explained his motivations. 

Jack is someone who genuinely *needs* Cas in a way Dean protests they don’t in 12x19. He (and Sam) want Cas to be an equal in their family, and for them to fight together and to share in their troubles. Cas perpetually takes on these burdens to protect them (like Lucifer in 11x10 as well) and it’s not healthy, to the degree that I think it’s being called out and deconstructed on the same level the codependency has been addressed in recent seasons. In season 12 there was a lot of build up to this and I think this is how it’s paying out - in Cas’s part of what Jack means, mirrors or represents is a bond which is separate from his original TFW bonds so it can be critiqued or stretched or even temporarily broken at some point, in order to be practically a case study… Or else at the very least to take the weight off of him having to guard the Winchesters as their pet angel, which is a terrible arrangement. 

Jack’s shaken up all their dynamics, but it’s fascinating to me just to have their reunion because of course it’s important - it’s been what Jack asked for in the opening word of the season, and Jack’s been the reason why everything has happened for a while, including both Cas’s death and resurrection. Cas as well has had the whole arc coming back to them, and he’s never MET Jack properly before and it’s the core relationship to all of this nonsense in the opening part of the season because it’s the strangest part of it all and has the most baggage before they even meet. 

Now Cas and Jack have met, things of course went wrong and now things are being tested for Cas… He’s still integral and core to the story so I’m not surprised there’s been a huge focus on him and Jack at all. Especially as because he was dead all the stuff so far about Cas in the main part of the story has been Dean intensely missing Cas, so it’s been one-sided for Dean, and Dean’s reaction to Cas being back is the flipside of that, while Cas didn’t get a whole huge thing about mourning Dean, so despite being back from death, he doesn’t have the same bundle of exposed nerves Dean has about the entire thing because he didn’t go through the same trauma but about Dean. 

Eurgh, I don’t know, there’s such a weird sense of rivalry about Jack being introduced to the dynamic, I don’t know if you and others and just pinging the idea subconsciously or if I’m missing wank about it because my dash is nice, but first people were worried he was replacing Cas, now you’re feeling jealous on Dean’s behalf… I think Jack can be integrated into the family and he’s got his OWN relationships with their own reasons and motivations that aren’t taking away or overriding anyone else. 

I was thinking about how Dean had a shoulder grab for Jack in 13x04 just to stop and warn him not to talk and blow their cover (and called him “spock” which may suit Cas more than him >.>) and then of course Cas and Jack had shoulder-holding moments. I think that in no way overrides Cas and Dean’s shoulder language, just like Dean or Lucifer using shoulder grabbing as power plays in various dynamics (5x04 and 11x11 for Lucifer, 12x16 against Mick for Dean for examples) changes what the shoulder grab  means between Dean and Cas, because their specific language of it has been erotically charged since 4x01 and all of season 4 really. It’s something that has its own particular meaning and feeling, but at the same time you can loop back around to it as a bond of trust, and that can’t be never used again by other characters on the show ever. I’m sure Sam or Dean have done it to each other, or Bobby to them or some random thing like that. Things can branch off, just like how the “crypt scene” parallels have turned into a fractal of meanings. 

I think we (as a general commentary, not you specifically anon) might just have too rigid readings of the show, that we can’t allow for things to mean different things than what we originally interpret. Some of that might be because it’s like… hostile interpretation, where it’s us against the show and against people who hate meta and think it’s bollocks for one reason or another. If we get a strong dictionary of  meanings going and then something contradicts it, the response is backlash rather than intellectual curiosity, and being accused of being wrong, instead of being able to ask why things are different, or to build elaborate pictures where we have room for things to stretch and for the stories to grow and change. 

Anyway it is just a knee jerk response you have so I don’t think you should blame yourself, but I hope you can have a more open mind and think about if the show WANTS you to knee-jerk react and just in a fandom context it feels way too important and overkill while general audience are still floundering around like “but there was no hello dean!” which is the real and only sentiment the writing may have been trying to leave a lasting impression over or something :P