#it only takes One negative external force to break the facade and make me remember how bad it all is

[megroha]

tired tired

[old1ddude]

Fame’s Burning Flame

Harry Styles has always been a very sensitive sort - a kind, empathetic soul.  Apparently, he was born with this irresistible magnetism and charm.  It seems that his life goal has always been to entertain and make people happy.  At 16-17 he was, for the most part, an open book, emotionally.  He didn’t really have a shell - that self defense most of us develop before our teen years.  While emotionally open, he always kept his private business to himself - never really divulging any important facts about himself, his friends, or family (that may be one thing that saved him.)  All of these factors helped him to become a huge star - it was his destiny - his life ambition and dream - and it nearly destroyed him.

I was struck by Harry’s choice of words in his album documentary:   “It felt like a little secret. It’s fun to feel like no one knows where you are. It made such a difference, from being in a busy city.” (BTA 4:46) “I just, I really enjoy being private more. Starting the way that everything started. I get to kinda claw a little bit of that back. I don’t feel like people know everything about me, now. And there was definitely a time where I felt like people knew everything about me and I realized I didn’t like that.” (BTA 7:43) "I kind of also wanted to let the work do the talking a little bit. I mean, definitely, part of my ego wanted to see if I could write something that people liked without knowing everything about me.” (BTA 8:17)  (Special thanks to  @cuethetommo for providing these quotes and a sounding board.)

Harry had never been one to complain, but those who know him well could probably tell you the invasion of privacy tortured him.  If I’m right in my interpretation of Only Angel (that the angel, the “bad girl” and the singer are all pieces of Harry) crawling across the floor and breaking a finger from knocking fits the “claw a little bit of that back” image.  (Only Angel post here)  Harry has been fighting a war to keep hold of himself, both internally and externally.

The first time I saw the video of Harry crying on Twit-cam, I was amazed at his inner strength.  (He had run out of breath during What Makes You Beautiful and Googled, “Harry shit,” because he was so disappointed in himself.)    Crying over internet hate, on a public forum, may not be considered “manly” but hiding is always easier for fragile egos.  I believe this was Harry’s first epiphany on the true nature of fame - especially the type of fame he was headed for.  In the early days, all his band-mates talked about how sensitive he was.  I believe it was Niall who just recently said Harry is the one most likely to cry (then emphasized that real men are not afraid to cry - good for you Niall.)  Unlike many sensitive people, Harry did not hide behind a shell, or false front.  He had the inner resolve and character to be himself, but the burning heat of fame would force him to hide, soon enough.

The iron closet, along with Swifty for him and Eleanor for Louis was the beginning of the end for open Harry.  Harry (and Louis) were told they couldn’t be themselves any more.  What they were wasn’t “good enough” to make it in the boy-band business.  One Direction was a phenomenal success.  The boys were having a great time on stage, but the work load was highly burdensome.  Everything they did was under a microscope - the fans on one side, 1DHQ on the other.  They were all under enormous stress and pressure.  Front-man Harry was very often on duty (either being very dangerously mobbed by fans, or getting papped with his latest “love interest”) when the other boys had a much too short break.  All the boys did their best to shield sensitive Harry during interviews, etc, but it was his burden to carry.  Too often, the fans only wanted to devour him as if he were a piece of cake.  They would happily take, take, take until there was nothing left of him save a hollow, albeit pretty, shell.  (No wonder the lads so appreciate fans who only want to nurture and support them.)  Thanks to 1DHQ, the Harry they “loved” was little more than a pack of lies.  Take a very sensitive, gay, emotionally open, people pleasing, teenage boy.  Tell him that who he is isn’t good enough.  Hide his true form - wrap him up in a bunch of heterosexual bacon (strongly signaling his female fan base that he wants to have sex with them) and dangle him in front of a huge, starving wolf pack.  What you have is a perfect recipe to create a self-loathing, hollow, messy, emotionally stunted, self absorbed, distant, cynical, disillusioned jerk. 

Harry began to build a thick shell around his heart and emotions.  He compartmentalized his professional life from who he really was inside.  I believe he also began to have a battle within himself that remains to this day.  Harry loves to entertain - there is no drug capable of replacing the high he gets on stage.  In order to be on stage, however, he has to participate in fame and celebrity life - a life that was eating away his very soul.  He never really changed.  He never gave up his soul and there are several reasons why he was able to survive the ordeal as a pretty well adjusted person:

Inner strength, resolve, character and a powerful sense of self.

A loving, nurturing, supportive partner in Louis, his “Sweet Creature.”

He always kept a healthy sense of humor - ability to poke fun at himself - not taking himself too seriously.  (This applies to the other lads too.)

He always kept his personal life, business, and that of his loved ones, private - even when he was still very open, emotionally.

Supportive band-mates (brothers really) who understood exactly what he was going though.  I well remember Liam saying he would be. “Mr. Harry Styles” for a day to give him a break.

Niall, Liam, Louis and Harry all remained dedicated to each other.  They maintained a strong, unified purpose and identity, even after Zayn left.  They were working for the good of their brothers, not only themselves.

Harry poured much of his angst into his art and songwriting - he had a creative outlet to help him process everything.  Harry needs this in particular, because mere words fail him for getting to the very heart of a matter.  “Sometimes it’s easier to say something to an instrument.”

Harry has written a number of songs that are specifically about his negative experience with fame.  While many of his songs make allusions to fame, I think those listed below are quite pointed:

Don’t Let Me Go  (The demo is so early, his voice hadn’t even fully matured yet.)

Two Ghosts  (More grown up and better written version of Don’t Let Me Go.)

Stockholm Syndrome (The love interest is fame - love/hate, trapped, etc.)

Only Angel  (Crawling and clawing to get back to himself - to accept himself.)

Kiwi  (I just know the seductress is a metaphor for fame and Simon Cowell.)

Ever Since New York  (Empty, false, facades, etc.)

Woman  (Forced to watch his lover out with the beard - jealousy.) 

Of course I miss Harry’s wit on Twitter, his beautiful photography on Instagram - but I very much appreciate why he’s trying to have a much different experience with fame this time around.  He’s still in the closet (and he is welcome to stay there as long as he and Louis want or need to.)  He’d rather error on the side of revealing too little than too much right now.  Many of his music idols have cultivated mystery and it has helped them to maintain healthy ownership of their personal lives.  As far as connecting to fans:  I’ve never felt a stronger connection to him.  90% of his documentary is Harry as I’ve always seen and known him.  Just watching him perform is intimate and captivating - he pours himself out, body and soul.  If the first thing I ever knew of Harry Styles was watching him perform Two Ghosts on Corden - I would be hooked.  Oh yeah, that connected - hard.  

Whatever Harry needs to do, in order to stay true to himself (and avoid becoming a raging, messy, jerk) while he navigates a career in the public eye is okay with me.

[ascendingmatrix]

ENERGETIC SYNTHESIS

How many times may you recall when you are feeling safe within the narrow confines of your life, feeling comfortable in your current thoughts, beliefs and expectations? Then from out of nowhere, something shocking happens that completely destroys your day to day narrative and personal images of what you had thought your life would continue to be. All sense of security and structure that reinforced your identity, those people and circumstances that reflected a mirror image of what you thought was harmonious, reveals itself to be something else entirely.

Maybe we see something unpleasant about ourselves that we did not see before and its painful to recognize.

Maybe we trusted someone and thought they were our friend, only to realize that deception and selfish greed were actually behind the connection.

Maybe we wake up to one sided parasitic relationships, where we are constantly having demands put upon us and realize we have to end these relationships because they’re killing us inside.

Maybe we see a person we believed was loving, kind and self aware, suddenly erupt into a mean streak of cruel and harmful behaviors when they don’t get what they want.

Maybe we feel betrayed by love, cheated by another or taken gross advantage of in situations, and we feel foolish for not seeing it earlier.

Maybe we thought he or she was the one, and we would be together in love and enduring spiritual connection, and realize that relationship is ending or not what it appeared to be.

Many times when lightning strikes we are seeing the delusion or falsity that was present in those interactions that gave us a false sense of strength and security. We thought the person, situation or thing was something that it was actually not. Much of the time this is the sudden realization that our personal comfort was based on a house of cards, the inadequate foundation of false thoughts, and deceptive beliefs and actions. Then if we are willing to see the truth in the matter, we can see we based our life decisions on a foundation of deceptions and lies that was not actually going to happen.

This phase of spiritual growth can bring shocking inner and outer change and greater self-realization, it is a time of great personal turmoil when we go through the process of seeing our blind spots in situations. When we see our blind spots, the places we were naïve, had bad discernment or were just plain wrong, now, what will you do and how will you manage the changes happening while facing the shocking truth?

When we are exposed to the lightning strike which is the marker of a personal spiritual initiation that leads into another level of consciousness, experiences, and spiritual ascension, the next stage of emotional processing is generally shock. The central nervous system, brain and body can be pushed into an overloaded and overwhelmed state, subsequently there can be several cycles after the lighting strike that sends oceanic waves of frequency to move throughout the physical, emotional, mental and spiritual layers. These subsequent waves as they settle into a more coherent and integrated pattern within the lightbody layers, a person can move into feeling numb, apathetic, disorientated in time and in a void. This can be a major life upheaval, it is a psycho-spiritual crisis, bringing on normal reactions of grief, anger, sadness, confusion, sleepless nights and even having to prepare to face confrontations with others.

When we are undergoing a change in the foundation of our sense of security and identity, it penetrates to the deepest core of our being, reverberating shock waves that force us to get out of personal comfort zones and to emotionally and spiritually grow beyond the current level we have existed.

The sudden destruction of our falsely created world and identity structures usually represent the inner and outer barriers erected to hide from yourself and others that express how you really feel. These mental body structures are personal defenses, ego defense mechanisms, walls put up to disguise certain feelings, to cover up true inner thoughts and feelings. When a person is undergoing incredible stress and pressure, these inner walls can shatter, finally revealing your true inner self and feelings to those people around you.

When we suppress or hold back intense feelings and painful emotional processing, the internal pressure can be so great that we over-react, go paranoid, or play out victim-victimizer roles in our outward impulses or reactions. Our discernment is not good when we can only see through the lens of inner pain, and so it is critical we do not take things personally, because many times it’s not personal. Be very careful with how much of yourself that you attempt to hide, because you must know that one day, everything will be revealed that you tried to hide, over time the truth is revealed always.

Therefore, when lightning strikes and you are thrown into personal turmoil, feeling pain and confusion, the first thing to remember is this is an act of creation within the destruction, and that it is potentially leading you to higher consciousness states, so don’t over react and let fear totally paralyze you. In this stage, you are being asked to break down all the false and deceptive structures that have been artificially created or are no longer productive for your spiritual growth. As a part of walking in truth, we must come to see the world as it is, not what we want it to be. If you resist the walls coming down to reveal the greater truth of your own unproductive or unhealthy behaviors, and instead play the hot potato ego game of assigning blame this will increase the pain in the situation. This can lead to the risk of negative spirit attachments magnifying the pain in you and possibly others. We are all breaking through the façades, self-deceptions and pretense in our life, and by pretending, feigning, imagining and wishing things were different, this only puts up more pretense in order to constantly defend the rebuilding of your crumbling reality to maintain appearances for others, and this only makes things worse.

When people are totally overwhelmed and undergoing this stage of intense shock and pain, the ego may surface narcissistic wounding and superior attitudes in order to face others and to try to cope with what is happening. When the narcissistic wound shows up in people, the main theme is they are blind to what anyone else is really undergoing, it’s harder for them to consider or cooperate in a natural flow with other people.

The narcissistic wound means that person’s immediate issues and concerns become the central importance and all-consuming focus, it’s the only thing they can see when they are in pain or fear, and this produces the me, myself and I self-preservation consciousness.

The narcissistic wound in the three layers of ego is desperate to survive, and in its death throes will rise thought forms of sensing internal and external threats, sensations of severe discomfort with life’s situations, that lead to internal distractions of circular obsessions and prolonged anxiety.

Remember that the artificial façades, self-delusions and barriers are going to fall, whether you like it or not, because you have reached a limit in this area, and can no longer live with it. Although this phase of spiritual growth is very hard, we all have to undergo this process to gain clarity and deeper access to truth, so no person gets away from this critical piece of spiritual ascension. The factor of when is timing, for some people it happens in this cycle, for others it will happen in the future.

The mountain of ego, pain body, deceptions, facades, illusions, manipulations and emotional bait hooks must be destroyed so that you are free to face truth and gain an accurate sense of reality without false attachments.

Please remember you are undergoing the necessary changes required to accept the consciousness shift that will move you forward into more personal and spiritual freedom, clearing inner violence and more often attaining levels of inner peace. The caveat is that you cannot resist it, and you cannot hide from it, this will require unraveling the deeper truth so that you can rise out of Service to Self consciousness and into the macrocosm perception of the Service to Others group consciousness. Embrace the opportunity to expand your consciousness and see things in your life, and your place in the Universe in a totally new way.

There are some of us on the spiritual path that may be holding space for others,  loved ones around us that are undergoing this intense process of lighting strike and shocking realizations. Our loved ones, friends and acquaintances may be confused about what is occurring, they may be projecting assorted images, they may have faulty memory, they may be acting out past life archetypal dramas, they may feel threatened and terrorized with survival fears about the future. They are unable to deeply understand all that is happening because they are utterly overwhelmed with the combination of intense energies, which can surface deep emotional pain and grief.

When people are enduring intense pain and confusion while undergoing major life altering transformation and shocking changes, they may seek to pull you into their emotional entanglements and narratives.

To hold a clear and unconditionally loving space for such intense forms of spiritual alchemy, it is important to hold complete observer towards the process, even when it can be painful to watch people we care about endure such intense pain, confusion and grief. In spiritual community, this is a call for self-mastery in compassionate witnessing, and never taking on another person’s emotional process or disjointed perceptions when they are in the deep and heated battle of the inner Armageddon, while the ego construct is flailing about in its death throes. Everyone must walk through this process themselves, in order to learn how to master their own energies.

Practice Compassionate Witnessing

Compassionate Witnessing is a natural function of expanded Consciousness which occurs during the embodiment of the higher spiritual-energetic intelligent bodies when the person is dedicated to Christos Principles of Compassion. In the earlier stages of awakening, the goal is to clear the fear programs and survival terror that is programmed into the Negative Ego and the Pain Body. This can be accomplished by identifying the Negative Ego thought forms as fear based and refocusing these painful, destructive thoughts by shifting perspective into Neutral Association or Observer Point. When this skill of disciplining the mind from the Negative Ego reaches a certain threshold in spiritual ascension embodiment, the benefits lead one to experience mental and emotional freedom, completely free of personal suffering.

The Law of Compassion is the first basic truth of One Self-God Self. As One Self-God Self, to be “Compassion in Action” towards others is then to be in harmony and right relationship to Self, right relationship to God, right relationship to the Universe. This is a Law of One practice. (Love Yourself, Love Others, Love the Earth and all of her creatures, is an action of Compassion.)

While the earth and many people around us are enduring the challenges of the Dark Night, along with the Lightning Strike and subsequently going into shock and pain body processing, being of service also means we must be true to ourselves and set appropriate boundaries that keep us in alignment to our own natural rhythm and flows.  When people are processing personal pain, they will tend to pull you into sharing their perceptions of pain through subtle or not so subtle manipulations. Generally the desire for people in pain is to find others that can commiserate with them, and this may look like emotional bait hooks trying to reel you into their perceptions. The best service you can be to the earth, is to love yourself and others unconditionally, without taking on their personal lessons for spiritual growth.

Everyone has to walk the path of spiritual ascension and do their own emotional work, and it is unique for every person, you do not want to interfere or take another person’s lessons away from them.

This means you will need to maintain your natural flows and set the terms of staying in the natural rhythms of your life, those rhythms that you have created for self-care, and to be true to yourself.  

Our biggest struggles, challenges and problems in life can be generated when we are not in alignment with our own internal natural rhythms, which is defined through maintaining the alignment with our inner spirit.

We cannot stay present in the now moment when we are out of sync with ourselves. When we honor and allow our natural, authentic way of being in the world that is in harmony with the values we hold and align with our spiritual purpose and mission, we stay in the synchronicity of divine energetic flow.  When we are aligned with our inner self, we must honor the authentic rhythm and harmony in our life, so we can listen to our highest spiritual self, which keeps us in alignment with the harmony of the Universal Laws.

The most important relationships we have is with our higher power, God, and the inner relationship we have with ourselves.

During these tumultuous times, this is your priority to develop every day. Take care of these two most important relationships. And when something or someone is not happy because you take this space to connect into the natural rhythms of life, instead of fulfilling their personal needs and expectations of you, gently tell them that you follow your inner spirit without hesitation, and that you listen to nothing other than how your spirit guides you. We must find unconditional love and acceptance for ourselves, before we can truly allow people to be who they are without judgments and expectations. When we accept the responsibility to become a God-Sovereign-Free being, it means that we must protect our own rights to stay in higher alignment in so to achieve sovereignty,  as well as to protect the rights of others in so they are free to be who they are, having the right to their own personal experiences and perceptions.

Stay awake as we traverse the valleys of the shadow and death, on the other side of destruction is creation, which awaits the deeper illumination of higher consciousness that we have worked so hard to achieve. May the Spirits of Christ walk with you, in Purity, Generosity, Patience, Kindness, Discipline/Conservation, Diligence and Humility.

Much love and gratitude,

Lisa

(Source: Lightning Strikes Blog)