#it just hurts bcs there's so many ways this cld've been prevented but i guess i do deserve this
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#🌙.vent#i'll fix my account by the end of the week but. i feel so empty right now this hurts so much#i haven't been doing well at all lately yeah not getting proper sleep or not eating well n generally just yeah#it affected my academics a bit i submitted some things late or took so long on stuff. for this one course though in particular#unfortunately two of my grpmates seem to be unnecessarily serious in a way that. god i don't know how to explain but yeah#setting internal dls cldn't meet them but we still submitted on time n. i've. been rather anxious lately so it's been hard to yh in the gc#i can't even cry or really feel it anymore at this point it just feels so empty and hollow inside#regrets.. if i. if i didn't. if i didn't oversleep if i didn't procrastinate if i did better then.#me n my other grpmate who also had some problems w doing their part of the assignment r gna do it by pair. n the other two by pair too#it just hurts bcs there's so many ways this cld've been prevented but i guess i do deserve this#one cld always do better in the future but there's no changing anything that's already happened#i'm trying to. be kind to myself or i'll collapse but ....i want to just end this in a way#this is. i used to perform really well in academics it hurts how i'm like this now. even if it's been emotionally hard that's no excuse smh#from previous years i said i'd do much better this year. but i'm falling apart again n#thinking about how this may idk wld this affect on my grade as a whole or maybe even conduct?#if it does then i want to kms haha. i guess i wouldn't literally tho but. maybe this is the push i needed! i'll be back to normal i have to#be. 'perfect' enough in a way. it hurts i won't cry but it suffocates me n. i'm so tired & i always end up disappointing myself in the end.#it hurts thinking of how i'm letting down my past self n. my future self. i need to do much better but i can't erase my mistakes#it hurts so much that i want to give up i don't want this anymore i was starting to feel better but oh well i'm so fucking disappointed#i have to do my best this sy. this is so disappointing i just want to fucking give up#i can't bring myself to distract myself w games for comfort. i can't bring myself to talk w others at all bcs i don't want to bother them#i'm stuck here on my own just drowning in regrets. trying to swim back up is useless if i'm in the middle of the ocean#maybe years from now if. those exist. this wldn't burden me so much but. now in the present it's just too much#....it's the same feeling of emptiness from years back i know this well#it starts out first a bit destructive. feeling sad then better; then smth like this happens n. i'd change. empty for a while#then i'd go on about my life as i 'should'. just surviving day after day#i'm v disappointed now yes but i do know years from now older me wld be disappointed if i neglect myself#it hurts i'll just do what i need to do i don't know anything more right now other than being alone n in pain n it hurts i'm so stupid#rn mostly i just feel empty but i'd say i'm fine. my mind's clear. i'll push myself to be productive bcs i know i'm capable anyways#just need myself and surely i'll be fine. regardless of whatever problem comes my way. surely i can handle this as always
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