#it hurts its so overwhelming thinking of how everyone's human too. n i understand myself. so i understand others more too n

[thefanficmonster]

Rumors

Corpse Husband x Bimbo!Reader (Female)

Warnings: Mentions of Slut Shaming, Swearing

Genre: Fluff, Tiniest bit of Angst, RPF (Real Person Fic)

Summary: When some rumors start floating around, every content creator does their best to either ignore them or defuse the situation. However, sometimes, the fans attempt to do the defusing themselves which only leads to a worse disaster. That’s the case for Corpse whose fans were quick to jump to his protection of some ‘false’ rumors.

Requested by Anon. Hi dear! Thank you so much for your request, it was a joy to write. I’m sorry for how long it has taken me to complete and post the fic but here it finally is and I hope you enjoy reading it at least half as much as I enjoyed writing it! Love, Vy ❤

Corpse cracks his knuckles, then his shoulders, then his collarbone, then the his neck. He clenches his jaw as he breathes steadily and rhythmically, trying to control an overwhelming wave of anger that he has never felt before. This is a situation he’s never had to deal with nor did he ever think he’d have to deal with and address on a fucking livestream on top of all, but here he is now, doing his best to count to ten and not go on a Twitter responding spree, calling people out on their bullshit. He wanted to do so, he still wants to, but he was stopped in his intentions and brought to a calm mindset where he was swayed into dealing with this the civil way and not by roasting the fuck out of any and every foul-mouthed person he’s seen on his Twitter timeline.

He can’t really guarantee and civility during the stream either, he’s aware his tolerance is as thin as a stretched out, old rubber band and is a slight tug away from snapping and allowing him to unleash hell on these people because of who he’s been seeing red these past few days. 

Let’s not risk a misunderstanding here - Corpse absolutely loves and adores his fans, but seeing this behavior from them is quite upsetting and disappointing. When he uses the terms like ‘assholes’, ‘jerks’ and ‘rude motherfuckers’ he isn’t referring to them. He knows they are good people, but are using the completely wrong tactic of defending him, not to mention he doesn’t even need defending. Even if he did, he’s more than capable of doing it on his own and not getting other people involved.

“Hello everyone, hope you’re doing well.“ He finally settles on saying, officially kicking off the stream. If there’s any indicator of the serious nature of this stream, it’s probably the lack of lo-fi and the lack of even attempted playfulness and cheeriness in his voice. That’s how you know shit isn’t to be messed around about. “I just realized I didn’t specify what I’ll be doing in the Tweet, but I’ll tell you now, so those who aren’t interested in the subject or want to steer clear of the drama can leave. However, I wouldn’t advise clicking off considering this will be an overall, how do I say this, rant, of sorts? It’s meant to knock some sense in the people who have been spreading hate for a specific person on all social media platforms she’s active on.“

The majority of the viewers are already familiar with the subject, some even guilty of spreading the hate Corpse mentioned, but there are a few that are completely clueless - the ones actually not interested in online drama, not just saying they ‘hate drama’. With those people in mind, Corpse takes to addressing the issue from its very beginning.

“So, for a month now, me and this streamer, who’s also a TikTok star, by the name of Y/N have been interacting a lot on social media. She’s an incredibly sweet girl that a lot of people have prejudice towards. She’s very misjudged and misunderstood because people see he solely as her content, if that makes sense. They only know she’s that streamer who wears revealing clothes on her streams and posts risqué pictures on her Instagram. Like, no.“ Corpse cannot even fully believe he has to address this and that slut-shaming people is still a thing in the twenty-first century. He closes his eyes for a moment, fist tightening and his knuckles turning white, “I don’t understand how so many people can be so shallow and just plain jerks towards her in general, but then again - this is especially for my fans, the members of my fandom - I don’t understand the need you guys feel to put Y/N down to defend me from some ridiculous rumors as if it’s the first time I’ve had to deal with people talking shit for attention or to get someone canceled.“ He sighs, reminding himself to slow his roll as to not confuse any viewers who still don’t know the full story, “Anyway, back to the timeline of events. So, considering we’ve never interacted before, all the replying to comments, retweeting, liking posts and whatever sparked some dating rumors. Isn’t that just fucking hilarious - you see two people interacting on social media and the first thing that comes to mind is that they’re in a romantic relationship. Where did the friendship go? Does no one value or consider friendships to be a valid type of human relation anymore?“ He runs a hand through his hair, making another pause to clear his mind and prevent his frustration from overflowing. He promised he wouldn’t lose his cool and would remain calm and collected, but the more he talks about it the tighter he clenches his fist and the faster his heartrate is. His neck and ears are red from the tension he feels all over, almost like he’s physically restraining a raging wild animal and not just his own thoughts and emotions.

There’s layers to his anger, the lower ones - aka the ones he’s yet to get to - will be a nightmarish test of his self-control, he already knows it. Judging by how much of a toll this rant has already taken on him, his patience and control growing thinner and thinner, he’s not sure how he’ll power through the last layers without his voice raising awfully high in volume and his fists searching for some object to punch. To an ignorant eye, his reaction would seem exaggerated and overboard, but little does that ignorant eye know...

“When some of my fans saw those rumors, they reacted very badly. It was quite disappointing to see. Guys, I appreciate you standing up for me even though you shouldn’t do that - I can defend myself, not that this was a matter I needed defending from to begin with. But just the way some of you went about it was horrifically wrong and quite upsetting, to me but especially to Y/N herself.“ He can feel it, the aggravation growing, bubbling up in his chest, “What I saw disgusted me, I’m not gonna sugarcoat it. The things some of you were saying...I couldn’t believe you are in fact the same people who are my fans, my lovely fans who I’ve always thought so highly of. Never did I think you could be able of slut-shaming so vulgarly and grossly, I couldn’t believe what I was reading.“

He has every right to be upset - the things being said about Y/N were truly awful and a lot of things being said were meant to defend Corpse and defuse the rumors, doing so while stomping all over Y/N and her content. Rightfully so, many of her fans were outraged and quick to jump to her defense but were unfortunately outnumbered, leading Corpse to believe not many of her fans are actually real or as dedicated as his which only fueled his fury further.

Anyway, let’s take a look at Y/N’s point of view. Being a content creator for as long as she has, refusing to change her style no matter how many people disagreed and insulted her about it, she’s grown quite used to people spitting insults at her on every social media possible. It’s sad how throughout the majority of her content creating career she’s only had haters, creeps and fake fans watching her videos and streams. Rare are those in her fandom who’d actually stick up for her and defend her in ‘scandals’ such as this one. However, no amount of experience with dealing with hate could have prepared her for this outpour of some of the meanest shit she’s ever heard and been called in her life.

Y/N likes the content she makes, she’s comfortable in her skin and loves her body. She loves showing it off too and nor she nor anyone who wants that deserves to be shamed for who they are and what they do, especially when they aren’t hurting anyone and their content is still appropriate. People have always bashed her for all elements of who she is: her appearance, her clothing style, her streams, her gaming skills, her voice on occasion. She can count the instances when she’s received positive feedback on the fingers of her hands which would depress anyone else but not her. She’s always created content for her own amusement and entertainment so people’s opinions never really bothered her. Until now, until this very drama that has hit a specific nerve, an insecurity of hers she’s never talked about. The comments such as:

(Vy Speaking: Comments containing slut-shaming ahead, go to ### if you want to skip)

“Corpse would never date a slut like her“

“Corpse dating this thot? Please internet stop being ridiculous“

“Corpse ain’t a pimp, y’all need to chill“

“Even if they datin they gon break up soon - whore stays a whore“

###

bothered her far more than she’d like to admit. She has no one to open up about it either, she knows what she’ll get in response if she does - she’ll be told it’s her fault. Her fault because of the way she dresses, the way she talks and acts, because she chose this career to begin with. All her fault. The only person she can turn to she refuses to because she doesn’t want to be a bother - not after so many people confirmed her worries that she’s not good enough for him already anyway, the least she can do is avoid bothering him the best she can.

And that is exactly why this has upset Corpse so much.

“Here’s a little message specifically meant for those who claimed I’d never date someone like Y/N or specifically Y/N. You better listen carefully: Don’t you ever, and I mean EVER slut-shame my girlfriend or any other person ever. I cannot believe I have to explicitly remind you that your behavior isn’t ok. You should fucking know that your behavior isn’t right and that you’re a massive piece of shit for saying those awful things about others you judge solely on appearance and clothing. Does it surprise you that I am, in fact, dating Y/N? If you say yes for the reason you think she’s not good enough for me or that I deserve better, please get the fuck out of my fandom. No one disrespects my girl and gets away with it. That’s final!“

Though still under the influence of a flurry of negative emotions, overhearing Corpse literally telling people to exclude themselves from his fandom for being mean to her, Y/N’s taking a step towards emotional recovery knowing her boyfriend will always have her back. He’ll always be there to prove people wrong, defend her and stand by her. He’ll be there to catch her when the hate knocks her off her feet.

But most importantly: he’ll never ask her to change. Not her style, not her clothes, not her personality, nothing. He fell for her the way she is and for who she is, and he will never allow anyone to try to change her either. For someone who’s never had much support all her life, a single speck of support overpowers all the hate within the blink of an eye. Corpse will always be her knight in shining armor, the knight who defeated all the hateful demons by just entering her life. And though she’s still struggling with the ‘Am I good enough for someone so wonderful?’ and ‘He deserves better, doesn’t he?’ questions, with his hand holding hers, she’ll never let those doubts and insecurities overpower her.

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[futuremrsreid]

Baby Steps

Request: @gubswh0re requested: "hi! could you do 20,25 & 48 from the promt list all in one? would be amazing, thank you!!"

Summary: A case gone wrong and Spencer blames himself. Reader tries to make him feel better.

Couple: Spencer Reid x reader

Category: hurt/comfort, angst, a bit of fluff if you never felt happiness before

CW: sad as fuck uhm I lowkey broke my own heart but its also really sweet

Word Count: 1,9k

If I had to describe Spencer Reid handling his emotions in two words, they would be “quiet suffering”. In the two years I have known him he only opened up a handful of times. Not in the sense of him never talking about his past or things that happened to him, but whenever he talked about these things, he tells them like one of his facts. He tells you that his mother has schizophrenia, but he doesn't tell you how he feels about it. It always reminds me of a medical anamnesis.

On rare occasions, he would break. Everything became too much, even for him. I remember the first time I witnessed it very clearly. It was after he visited his mom for a few days and, from what he told me, she was in such a bad condition that she didn’t even recognize him. He was devastated and when he was on his way back he drove straight to my apartment, not knowing how to deal with everything. Spencer didn’t call or text before he arrived there and saying I was surprised when I opened my door doesn't even come close. His eyes were bloodshot and it looked like he hadn’t slept for weeks. Truth be told, I was very overwhelmed so I did the only thing I could think of. I pulled him inside and hugged him as hard as humanly possible. 

In the office everyone always jokes about Dr Reid and his fear of human touch, but he hugged me back so hard that breathing became just a little difficult, and in that moment I realized the reason he doesn’t hug people isn’t because of his fear of bacteria. It’s because of the closeness of it. My heart cracked then.

The next discovery I made was that Spencer is a quiet cryer. I didn’t even notice it until his tears started seeping through my shirt and I could feel the wetness. I don’t know how long we stood there, but when I could feel him calming down a bit, I pulled away just enough to be able to look at him. He was extremely embarrassed and started to pull away completely to cover his face with his hands, but I’m too stubborn for that, so I grabbed his wrists and made him look at me. He started crying again then. 

It took an hour until he started telling me what got him so upset and after that we talked the whole night, about his mother, her sickness and everything related to it. I always hoped that he would open up about it eventually, but when he finally did, I couldn’t handle it very well. I tried not to cry myself, but that is hard when the person you love most breaks down in front of you like that. 

That night I held him close, let him lie on my chest, played with his hair - everything to try and make his pain go away. And after that day I thought things would have changed, that he would stop hiding and open up more to me,  but I was very wrong. When he woke up the next morning he apologized about a hundred times and no words or reassurance made him less ashamed. Afterwards he tried to act like nothing had ever happened.

So in conclusion: I had done a lot of difficult tasks in my life, but getting Spencer Reid to talk about his feelings was by far the most difficult. Nonetheless, today was one of those rare days.

We just came back from a really shitty case that resulted in more victims than it should have due to the police department holding back evidence. It was messy and frustrating and exhausting. Spencer was there when one of the victims was shot and he blamed himself for not preventing it, even though we all told them that there was no chance that he could have done it.

And as if the case itself wasn't bad enough, we were stuck for more time back in the office to do the paperwork. When the clock turned 8 pm Hotch came out of his office to tell us to go home. We all sighed in relief and started packing up our things. All of us except a particular dr. He was still sitting at his desk, typing away on his computer. I watched him for a while, contemplating what to do, and after everyone said their goodbyes, I walked over to him.

“Come on. I’ll take you home”, I said, leaning on his desk trying to catch his eyes with mine. No luck.

“I still have work to do, I’ll take the subway home later.” He continued typing like i wasn’t even there and I got frustrated. The case was already bad enough and I would not stand here watching him torture himself.

“That wasn’t a request, Spencer.” I didn’t intend to sound so harsh but hey, at least it made him look at me. “We are gonna leave. Now.” He opened his mouth to protest and closed it again, he knew better than to argue with me. My eyes said it all: If he would stay, I would stay. And since Spencer Reid cares about everyone but himself, he closed his computer and packed up his things.

The walk to my car was quiet, and so were the first 5 minutes of driving. I kept glancing at him from the driver's seat, but he was looking out of the window, lost in thought. The guy on the radio made a stupid comment and normally he would have immidiatly complained, but it seemed like he didn’t even hear it. His brain is a beautiful place with a million facts and ideas, yet I can imagine how scary it can be as well. When Spencer gets really lost in his thoughts he begins to spiral and I can just guess that that is what happened at that moment. Only then I came to the conclusion that he wanted to stay and work because that would distract him from anything going on inside. 

“Talk to me, Spence.” My tone was pleading, practically begging at this point.

“I’m fine, y/n.” I sighed. I was thinking about just letting it go, but then I thought about him alone in his apartment, stuck in this beautiful scary brain of his. I wanted to help, but I didn’t know how. I took a deep breath. If you're lost, stick to what you know.

“Do you trust me?”

“What?”, he turned to me with a quizzical expression on his face.

“Do you trust me?”, I asked again, looking him in the eyes this time.

“Of course I trust you. Why are you even asking me this?”

“We’re making a detour. I’m gonna show you something.” My words didn’t leave room for questions so we just fell silent again. He continued to watch me with a questioning look, but i tried to ignore him. I was too focused on taking the right turns anyway. It was hard to find my way in the dark, but 5 minutes later we were there. I got out of the car and waited for Spencer to do the same and after he did, he seemed more confused than ever. I walked over to the familiar building and fished for a key at the same moment. 

“What is this place?”

“It’s an art gallery. My mom used to work here.” I found what I was looking for and started to unlock the door.

“And you just have a key to this place?” If the circumstances were different, I would have laughed at his confusion, however, the circumstances weren’t different.

“Yep.” The door opened and I looked for the light switch. “Come on, just follow me.” 

I led us up the 5 flights of stairs and then, after 2 more doors we were finally there. The place that has been the only place I called home for the years before I joined the team.

“Are you sure we should be doing this? We’re not breaking in right now, are we?” At this I did laugh. I stepped further onto the rooftop. 

“Relax Spence, we are not breaking any laws.” He was still hesitant so I took his hand and pulled him to the edge. The railing was high, meaning there was no danger of falling down. I let go of his hand and leaned on it. The building was on a small hill and since it had a few stories, you were able to look over a big part of the city. It was always a beautiful view, but that night was extra special. It was a Friday in the late summer, which didn’t only mean the sky was clear, there were also a lot of traffic lights and buildings that shone bright. 

I just watched and after a few minutes Spencer stood beside me and did the same. Some time passed before I broke the silence.

“How many people are living in the US?” He didn’t hesitate before answering. It was like a reflex for him by now. I liked to ask random questions all the time and to this day, he always had an answer.

“331.002.651 people.” I paused for a few seconds.

“You can’t protect all of them, Spencer.”

“Y/n I-”

“I mean it, Spence. It is humanly impossible to protect everyone. You can protect some of them, maybe even a lot, but you won’t ever be able to do that if you keep beating yourself up over incidents like today.” He sighed and opened his mouth to speak, but I wasn’t done. “I know how you feel and I know it’s not easy. There was no chance for you to save that girl, Spencer. Zero. And if you can’t accept that, you will lose yourself. And then you won’t be able to save anyone anymore.” I know it was harsh, however, sometimes that's the only language he understands.

“You could have said all of that in the car.” He paused. “Why did you take me here?” I didn’t expect him to comment on what I said. He knew I was right, that’s all I needed.

“My mom sometimes took me with her on her shifts and after she was done we would go up here. After she died the owner gave me a key so that I could come here every time I needed it. Or needed her.”

“Do you come here often?”

“Not anymore. This place was the only thing making me feel at home for years and I came almost every day, but when I started working at the BAU I stopped going here more and more. And now I don’t really need it anymore, because my apartment finally started feeling like home. Especially when you are there.” I looked at him while saying that last sentence and I saw him smile for the first time in days. His eyes caught mine.

“Thank you, y/n.” Those words could have many different meanings. Thank you for taking me here. Thank you for staying. Thank you for making me feel better. But it didn’t matter what he meant, because I knew.

“Do you want to go home?”

“I think I’d like to stay for a bit longer.”

And that's what we did. We stayed there for hours. That night we talked through every possible way of how Spencer could have acted differently, yet every scenario ended with the death of that girl. After that he finally accepted that it wasn’t his fault. Baby steps.

[stylesberries]

Masterlist

Last Updated: 07/07/21

Thank you guys so much for all the love that you’re giving my writings. It makes me so happy to know that they’re people who enjoy reading things I write. I will be definitely adding to this masterlist, so this is not all you’ll get from me ;) - Hamida

♥ - indicates fluff

✪ - indicates smut

☹ - indicates angst

Bundle Of Love ♥

Harry reflecting upon his love for Y/N.

Despite the fact that you’ve only been dating for a couple of months, he still knew you better than he knew himself. Every stir and every little sound you made in your sleep. To everyone before him they were just stirs and sounds, but for him they had a meaning. He never lets them slip without noticing. He watches your every move carefully to make sure that he makes you the happiest he possibly can and even if that is the case, he still does everything possible to make sure you’re even happier.

Call Me H ✪ ♥

You both walk straight to Harry’s hotel room because you can’t keep hands off of each other anymore. (Is a logical continuation to Stay With Me, but can be read separately.)

“You’re very sweet, Harry. There is just one problem.”

Your eyes become a bottomless well and Harry feels himself drowning in its waters. The curiosity grows in him when he hears mystery in the way the words leave your mouth.

“What problem?” He whispers innocently, his eyes darting at you.

“I really want to fuck you.”

City Lights ♥

Harry asks you a very important question as you drive through the streets of Rome.

The hand wrapped around your side, carefully going in circles, the repeating motions slowly soothing your anxiety.

Harry lowered his head and his lips touched the top of your ears. The warm breath created vibrations against your skin and sent a charge of electricity through your body.

I really love you.

Daddy ✪

Harry wins a Grammy. You weren’t able to be there. Or were you?

“Aren’t you coming in?” Harry asked Jeff as he exited the car, his hand wrapped under his new Grammy.

“I’m not. Enjoy the night, man. You deserve it.” Jeff spoke weirdly as he closed the door behind Harry and waved at him with a suspicious smile on his face.

“Enjoy my night? Don’t you want to come in and drink with me a bit befo-” Harry spoke as he watched the car with Jeff in it drive off.

Egocentric ♥ ☹

Memories of a fight with Harry overflow you, as you wander around the house and end up playing Fine Line on vinyl.

As the first few seconds of the song echoed through the room, I found myself being dragged into a different atmosphere. The one my mental state wouldn’t let me go in without crying.

All of the insecurities and doubts, that I have been overflown with, came over me and dragged me down with them.

Fireflies ♥

Harry has been acting weird for a couple of weeks, but when y/n finally finds out the truth, it��s far from what she assumed.

“Harry, what’s behind your back?” You asked straightforwardly.

He looked uncomfortable and seemed to have been taken aback by your question.

“It’s um-” He brought his hands forward. They held a black folder visibly full of papers. “It’s m’folder with song ideas.” He seemed unsure of the statement himself, but you put the blame on the fact, that he was left dumbfounded by your actions. What was that about though?

Flower Field ♥

Harry accidentally breaks his favorite guitar, which makes it an obvious choice of a present for his upcoming birthday.

“Is it small enough for me to carry it around?” Harry tried his best to guess what exactly you were getting him. He’d been like this since the early morning when you wouldn’t tell him what you’ve gotten for him.

“It’s not small, but you can carry it around.” It was the first question, for which your answer wasn’t exactly a “no”, so Harry smiled, thinking he’s finally onto something. The party took place in a closed down restaurant that you all would go to once in a while. There weren’t many guests. Just the closest friends. “Knowing Harry, it’s probably hundreds of people.” You thought.

Full Of You ✪

It’s your birthday and Harry has an idea of a birthday present.

Your thoughts were interrupted by Harry’s hold tightening around your body and his face snuggling into the crook of your neck. You whined, fighting for a couple more well-earned minutes of sleep.

“Nopies, bunny. Don’t whine at me. We have a long day ahead of us.” Harry excitedly informs you and lets his hands snake over your sides. Your boyfriend moves his mouth over to your ear and whispers this time. “It’s my love’s birthday today.”

Gucci Jumpsuit ♥

Harry pampering Y/N despite her attempts to stop him.

“They have the heels you love. The black ones, you know? They have those in pastel colours. Wouldn’t y’love that?”

“Harr-” I tried to say something in between his Ted Talk on why exactly I have to try those shoes he is talking about.

“And we could look for jeans f’you. You wanted wide leg jeans, remember?” He continued, without pausing even for a second.

Heat ✪

Your boi’s too vanilla for your liking. He refuted that tho.

As he filled you, even more tears started flowing. Your vision turned blurry and your head felt light. All you could feel was the stretch you craved so badly.

“Daddy, please fuck me.” Words leaving your mouth without a single thought in your head. You didn’t care that you’ve never got to ask him if he was actually into such things before, acting purely on instinct. All you wanted was to be filled. All you needed was the sensation of being penetrated by the man you loved.

Love On Tour ♥ ✪

Your parents are coming to meet him but you chose to keep it a secret.

“He deserves to know.” You thought. He was going to meet them today anyways. “He won’t have time to get too nervous, right?” You kept debating on whether or not you should tell him the truth.

Your brows furrowed and your lips were pressed tight together. Harry took a look down at you, and his brows creased as well.

My Princess ✪

You tag along with Harry to his Vogue shoot. The dress is definitely a turn on.

“Ah, please,” Harry whined, letting you wrap your arm around his waist holding him from running away from your wet tongue.

“Please what, baby?” You teased him further, running your nails against the wet trace along his spine.

“Please, touch me.” He begged, pushing his back against your chest in hopes that your arm would move a little lower and touch his crotch even though he knew how much you hated it when he wasn’t patient.

Rainbow Cardigan ♥ ✪

Harry loses his favorite cardigan. You learn how to knit. (Based on the JW Anderson cardigan knitting trend.)

“I cannot lose it. I can’t. What if it’s lost forever? How could I let it out of my sight?” The sight of him so genuinely saddened by the situation made you let out a sigh. You were full of compassion and understanding, trying to remember the last time you saw the poor cardigan. Failing to do so, you turned to your crushed boyfriend and tried to get information out of him.

Right Choice ✪

Harry has a moustache now and you want to get it sticky.

“I’m all for it, so it’s up to you.” Harry nodded and started applying the shaving cream onto his cheeks.

“Just know that you have to eat me out whenever you’re done here because I’m dripping.”

Shattered Glass ☹

You feel overwhelmed by intrusive thoughts and memories of traumatic events. Glass is shattered.

“Hm?” You let your eyes fall on his gentle and almost all-knowing expression.

“I said I know what you’re doing. You’re letting things get to you. I know you can’t stop the flow of thoughts but at least let me know what’s bothering you so I can try to help.” He spoke softly and chose every next word with care as he knew that if he picked the wrong words you would close off even more.

Stay With Me ♥

You meet Harry and fall in love to the art and architecture of Rome.

“You looked very passionate and I would love it if we could sit and discuss it maybe? I know it sounds weird coming from a stranger-” He paused.

“You bet, crazy man.” You thought to yourself and giggled softly, realizing that the possibility that this ball of nerves is a human trafficker is close to zero.

Vegan Cupcakes ☹

You and Harry have been quarantined together and he needs space.

Spending most of the spring together didn’t feel as suffocating for Harry as summer did. Your classes were over and you didn’t take a summer semester, so your time fully revolved around him. Which he liked.

In the beginning.

Until you clung on him like a koala for days and made him cuddle you all the time, which he enjoyed a lot until it became a routine. Harry couldn’t even tell you how he felt because it would hurt your feelings, so he didn’t say anything at all, keeping it all to himself.

Wooden Floor ☹ ♥

Reuniting with Harry after being apart during the quarantine made you realize something.

When I met Harry, and we started dating, I promised myself to give him space and not suffocate him with my love, for I was scared, that he would leave me like everyone before him did.

I had never been loved so much. I had never experienced what I gave people myself. The endless love and loyalty. Harry gave me his all, and I started feeling bad for not showing all of the love I had for him, and yet I still feared losing him because of my obsessive nature.

I sat at the kitchen table and scrolled through our texts with Harry.

© all right belong to stylesberries. do not repost or modify.

[mrs-hollandstan]

hello! could you do an angsty fic based on the song yes to heaven by lana del rey where reader is pining after peter but he just doesn’t realize please?

This is actually really cute and I kinda dreaded writing it at first haha

If you dance, I'll dance

Peter was your best friend. Since kindergarten. You were there always, and you, like Ned (and now MJ) knew his deepest secret. And even though he knew you like the back of his hand, he didn't know your deepest secret. 

Tonight was Prom. The biggest night of your life, or what was supposed to be and maybe it would be, but you knew that you hadn't been asked to Prom by anyone which meant going "alone" even though you had a group of friends you'd be with, but you knew that he had asked her and that was somehow worse than not having a date yourself. 

You'd watched him go for Liz, and you supported him, and you were glad when she went away. You thought he'd remain your little, single, best friend, but then his attraction shifted to MJ and it was like a punch through your heart. You had been heart-eyes for him for so long and he never noticed and you knew that even if he did, it would never come to fruition because he was your best friend. You were his and that was a big no no. You could dream though right. 

And if you don't, I'll dance anyway

You had a beautiful dress and pretty heels and your hair and makeup were done to the best of your cousin's ability. You knew that you weren't ugly (you weren't the prettiest in school but who wants that, they're bitches anyways) and you knew that at least a few pairs of eyes would be on you. Even if those weren't Peter's, it'd be okay. You could fill that void with… Flash Thompson or something. 

You found the group near the back, Peter and MJ facing each other as they danced together, but not touching, and Ned makes a noise, drawing your eyes to him. Betty leans against him, 

"Wow Y/N, you look…"

"Killer." Betty finishes for him, admiring you just as much as her on-again, off-again boyfriend had. Damn, everyone really had someone huh?

"Oh yeah, you look nice Y/N." Peter speaks up in that overly innocent voice of his, eyes never leaving your face before he diverts his attention back to MJ who doesn't even give you a glance. When had he ever not called you by a nickname? Was that something he started doing when she showed up, calling you by your formal first name? 

Give peace a chance

You fall into the routine. Distracting yourself with the less obsessed with each other couples and the singles in your group, dancing and mingling, sipping punch and snacking on crackers and chips and dip. It was nice. For once you didn't feel like you had to distract yourself from them. It was natural. Grooving along as a few slow songs replace the upbeat ones you were grooving to and joining the loners on the benches brought back that overwhelming dull feeling you had whenever you watched Peter with his girlfriend. The way he swayed, arms wrapped around her waist, forehead pressed to hers. What it's like to be Ned and Betty, unphased by the fact that your best friend is so helplessly in love with someone else while all you can do is suffer in silence being in love with them. You swallow back the tears and the lump in your throat at the thought of Peter marrying her, having kids with her, and you being alone forever. You have to look away. Downing a few more glasses of punch, Betty and Ned strike up a conversation, letting you forget about the searing jealousy within you. And it's back to the dancing soon enough. 

Peter and MJ are comfortable enough that her back presses to his chest and he wraps his arms around her and they sway, singing together. Her smile is bright and so is his and it kills you. 

Let the fear you have fall away

She turns to him, a faint squeak sounding along the polished floor since she's worn tennis shoes and his smile widens when she says something to him. 

You've been in love with Peter since Kindergarten, you're pretty sure. He's always been adorable and of course you've always tried to chalk it down to him just being like a brother to you, but it's so much more. You've never realized how much you really do love him. He's been by your side, he's helped you through personal and work related issues, he's confided in you when it came down to Spider-Man and the emotional toll it was taking on him. He leaned on you and you let him, and you held back the tears until he couldn't hurt you or comfort you. He was oblivious and you seemed fine with it but if he knew, you knew he'd hate himself and he'd beg for your forgiveness, but he surely would never make you what she is to him. Their relationship is too powerful and he doesn't like you like that. It would never happen. Maybe it's because he's never had to save you. You've never put yourself in harm's way. 

I've got my eye on you

As you watch, with his strong arms wrapped around her, he leans in the same way she does and they kiss, so softly you can practically see how in love they are. You've never seen them kiss and you could really have gone without it. 

You glance away but the heartbreak is already setting in. Your breaths are short, chest tight, eyes stinging as you fight the tears. 

What hurts the most is that you'll never be her for him. He has someone he loves while you obsess over him. You have no one now, and he has everything he's ever wanted. Sure, you're happy for him, but it still kills you. 

Turning, Betty reaches out to hold your wrist, eyebrows knitting together at the look on your face, 

"Hey, what's the matter?" You shake your head,

"N-nothing. I need… I need fresh air." 

"I'll go with-"

"No!" The outburst draws all kinds of eyes to you including MJ's and Peter's, his eyebrows knitting together. Betty jumps as if she's been stung and her eyes widen just a little, Peter straightening up as a tear slides down the side of your nose, "I just… I need to be alone." 

I've got my eye on you

You dart away from the group, your heels clicking along the polished wood floor until you're pushing into the halls. The music is muffled behind the closed doors, allowing you to drop down to the floor and sob. The cracking in your chest is so damn painful. It feels like any moment, your heart will disconnect itself and leave your body to avoid the pain. 

The tears splash off the floor and you'd hate to see how your makeup looks but you don't think you're going back in there. You can't will yourself to convince people you're fine. Especially not your group of friends. As you're picking yourself up from the floor, the doors behind you burst open and Peter emerges, reaching out for your arm. He doesn't realize it when you pull it out of his reach, 

"What happened? Are you hurt?" You shake your head, brushing your tears from under your eyes, 

"I'm fine." 

"You don't really expect me to believe that do you? You're crying at prom, in the middle of the hallway." He states like its the most obvious thing. You swallow, 

"I just need air." 

"Okay… I'll go with you." 

"No, I need to be alone." 

"I've known you my whole life and I know you hate being alone." If he thinks he knows you so well, why doesn't he realize he's the one causing you so much pain? 

"There's a lot I don't like Peter." 

"What do you mean? Y/N, what's going on with you?" He asks. 

Say yes to heaven

Turning to him, you stare into those cool brown eyes, eyes that have always calmed you and you can't help it. Your lip quivers, 

"You don't always have to understand what's going on with Peter. I can handle myself." 

"You know I believe you, but you don't have to hide it. You can tell me anything. I'm your best friend and I would kill for you." If only that were true. I mean… you'd never wish death on her but… it'd be easier. It'd lessen your panic. You shake your head, 

"It's fine Peter. Just… go back inside." You turn to start away from him but he has so much that tells him your every move. Not only, as a normal human, can he read you like an open book, but with this new superhuman power thing, he senses when something is wrong. His face shows it, 

"I'm not leaving you. Especially with all that… suicide, drunk driving crazy crap going on that surrounds prom. You're storming out of there for no reason, crying and I… you shouldn't be alone." 

"Peter-" 

"No, talk to me! I'm your best friend and I am not going to let you die and have to tell your parents, your family, our friends that I didn't do anything to protect you." He yells. He really thinks this is a call for help, and it is, but not that way. You scoff, wondering how boys are so oblivious, glancing at him as you lean against the handrail behind you.

Say yes to me

"You really wanna know?" You ask him softly. He nods, moving in closer, 

"Of course. I hate seeing you in so much pain." He tells you. Your smile is sinister because he's so damn stupid. Closing your eyes and rubbing a hand across your face, you sigh, 

"I like you." Is all you state at first. He frowns, eyes glancing down at the floor. He's confused because he likes you too but he would never think you like him that way unless it was directly stated, "I've liked you since we were kids. And yeah, I'm so, so, so happy for you for having a girlfriend that loves you and you love her, but that doesn't mean it doesn't hurt for me. You'll never love me like that and that's fine but… I can't just watch you guys be in love. It fucking kills me." You explain to him. His mouth hangs open in shock and you cross your arms, 

"I can't pretend to be fine around you guys. You and Ned got girlfriends and all and yeah, maybe I could get a boyfriend and it would hurt less but you know I love your personality and I always have and I don't know that anyone will ever come close to that. So now I'm alone and I'm not going to take you from her to pity me so I don't really… have a best friend anymore. If I want to be around you I guess I can just come find you and be a third wheel." You tell him. 

Say yes to heaven

You watch his eyes change. He's panicking a little, 

"Are you saying… you don't wanna be friends anymore?" 

"It's not that we can't, it's that I… I don't know if I have it in me to put up this facade. I'm not telling you to give her up, I'm just saying… I think… now that we're about to split up for college… maybe it's time to start doing it now. I- it hurts too bad and I just… I can't." 

"Y/N, please don't do this. You've been my best friend for decades. Why can't we just… I mean… I can figure out how to split my time between the two of you." 

"No you can't. That's not fair to her and I'm not going to do that to you two. It's just better if I move on. I'll probably go to California for college anyways. It's for the best to separate ourselves now." You conclude. You don't know what will hurt worse, but after a while, you'll hurt less moving on without him. He takes another step forward, 

"Y/N, c'mon, you can't do this." 

"I won't ruin your life and I won't hurt myself because I have a selfish little crush on you I would've never acted on." You tell him. You stand and stare at each other before you stand and brush your tears from beneath your eyes, sighing,

"You're destined for greatness Peter Parker and it would've happened eventually. Now just gives me a reason to start." You tell him, voice shaky. His face softens, 

"I don't wanna lose you." He says, his voice just as shaky. You shrug, crossing your arms and preparing yourself to walk away from your best friend for the last time. You sigh, 

"I'm not going back in there. This is kinda… it. I have to go home."

"At least let me take you." 

Say yes to me

"No! You have a girlfriend in there and I'm not going to let you! Goddammit Peter, I have to get away from you, don't you get that? I can't be what I need to and it hurts too much. Just… fuck off." The look on his face is pure pain. He hates that you're abandoning him. And maybe you should be forced to settle as just his friend, but you can't. You can't sit back and watch them be happy together. The pain is unbearable. They're better off without you and your selfish jealousy. He's better off without you, 

"Y/N, don't do this. You're just as important as MJ, I can't go without talking to you. Please." You hold up a hand as he nears you again. You stare into each other's eyes, tears in both sets. You shake your head, 

"I'll never be more to you than her. Maybe when we were kids but… we're different now." 

"Y/N-" You shake your head again, swallowing the lump. You know he feels the same way you do. The pure dread of giving up your best friend because the love you feel for him is just too strong, "please." He whispers. It breaks your heart further as you meet his eyes again and sniffle, 

"Goodbye Peter." You say. And you turn your back, and walk away from your ex-best friend. And it stings. But hopefully it will keep your heart in your body staying away from him. God you hope so.

[wrctings]

enjoy some jean hurt/comfort <3 i have such strong feelings about supportive boyfriend jean, i believe he has self-esteem issues so he would always do his best to try and lift his partner’s spirits because he knows how painful it is to feel like you aren’t good enough

Your fingers gently ran upon the horse’s rough brown coat, lengthily stroking its muscular neck, then flank, petting your trusted companion with all the care you could snatch away from a whirlpool of unresting thoughts. Coming to the stables whenever you had a short break and needed to clear your head had become a habit of yours soon after you first joined the Cadet Corps, finding that caring for the troops’ horses was, of all jobs, the one that better succeeded at putting one’s mind at ease. Though you couldn’t sneak out food—Sasha’s joy being worth the risk!—, unlike when designated for mess duty, nor glimpse through slits in cupboards and doors to your curiosity’s content like whenever you were assigned to cleaning, visiting the horses always came with a sense of peace cast on you by the presence of the loyal stallions that would affectionately nudge your raised hand or acknowledge your presence by a quiver of the ear, watching you walk up to them with a profound and voiceless understanding in the depth of their dark pupil. You had jointed the military for the sake of humanity—but sometimes, the weight of what lay ahead for young Cadets such as yourself hunched over you so heavily that the urge to get out burned every sore muscle in your body. Your experience in the field amounted to a near-death mission with your fellow 104th soldiers; a mission during which you had barely been able to get a hold of your actions, let alone your fear, so how could you trust your abilities knowing that all you'd ever done was memorize information, practice hand-to-hand combat and learn to ride a horse, only to find yourself barely able to twitch a frightened limb when you confronted Titans for the first time? When tumbling down into the flames of hell, what could you do? What would you do when you’d have to go back?

“I guess today’s just not too good,” you murmured to your horse, your hand absentmindedly running over its nape; your gaze dropped, out of focus. “And look at me, taking care of you when I might send you to your death... I wish I could promise you that I’ll always protect you, but the truth is, I don’t have the faintest idea what it’s like out there,” you admitted so quietly, the horse’s audible breathing must’ve drowned out your sorrowful confession. “I guess today’s just not really good.”

You attempted to give the animal a reassuring smile, but it came out crooked, disheartened. Your hand slipped from its side, and your body gave in, sliding down into a sitting position. 

“Y/n.”

Just as your eyes had closed, your breath slow and shaky, out of tempo, you were called back into the picture you so desperately hoped to abscond; if only for a minute’s eternity, if only for an instant’s strike of oblivion...

But there, hope itself came to you.

There was the tranquil earthy path that wind up to the stables, the green crowns of leaves nodding off in the late afternoon breeze, shuddering lazily, and the horses shaking their mighty manes. And there was Jean, at the front of the picture, setting on you hazel eyes bright with concern and taking a seat beside you. 

“Jean? What are you doing here?”

Jean, whose sole name crushed your heart into a billion sharp pieces, leaving you trembling with terror in the middle of the night, when the story would repeat itself all over again in the dark, when you saw yourself coming face to face with Titans again, paralyzed with gut-wrenching fright... Because what if when the time came, you wouldn’t be able to save him?

“Hey, I could ask you the same,” his hand instantly rubbed your forearm, the young man pressing a worried kiss into your temple. “I... I don’t know, I felt a bit weird. I thought I’d come here and hang out with the horses for a bit.”

“Join the club,” a sad chuckle of yours brushed Jean’s jacket, your head falling upon his shoulder, which he made available to you by slouching his tall frame; his fingers still worked their way over your arm, circling comfort into your tired body. 

You wrapped your other arm around Jean’s torso, silently asking him to come closer, and he took you in his arms, pulling you toward him, his lips leaving an imprint on the top of your head. “I’m here.”

“I’m sorry. I... To tell you the truth, I have no idea what’s going on. Does any of this even make sense?”

Jean’s eyes widened, as if you had stricken a blow to his chest; he had never heard you—the luminous, hopeful, and kind you—talk with such blunt defeat breaking the usually inspiring melody of your voice. 

“Of course it makes sense, Y/n. You feel down, so you came here, it’s—”

“That’s not what I meant, Jean. I mean, what we do, does it even make sense? Lately, it seems we’re not going anywhere. We barely survived last time. Look at me, am I in any shape to fight Titans? I can barely hold myself together. Back there, when I saw them this close I... It’s like I forgot everything we were taught. I wanted to run and hide, hell, I didn’t even think about humanity. When I joined, I wanted to make my life meaningful. But what if the truth is, there’s no chance at winning, and everything, including this—our lives, this fight—is nothing but a waste of time?” 

The arms holding you tightened, as if you were threatening to slip away from them any instant, swept away by the wind, blown to pieces if Jean let you go...

“You know, Y/n, I was shitting myself back there. I had no control over the situation, and even less control over myself. For all that big talk... I was a coward,” Jean's smile arched in a sad curve, armor of pride crumbling down. “A coward, through and through. I wanted to save myself, and you guys too, but my fear was stronger than anything else. If Marco hadn’t been there to knock some sense into me, I don’t know what stupid thing I’d have done.”

“Hey, you’re far from being a coward,” your heart squeezed painfully at the thought of your boyfriend’s self-doubt, and you broke away from his grip to run your thumb over his cheek, tracing there the paths that guided your words straight to his tormented soul. “You overcame your fear, without you leading us, we wouldn’t be here today. You’re braver than you think, Jean.”

“But so are you. You may think you didn’t do much when we confronted those Titans, but that’s far from the truth. Remember how you helped Armin come up with a plan beforehand? And when you made sure to check up on everyone after we made it out alive, and how you chose the safest route to get us out? And you’re amazing in training. That time none of us knew what we were really in for, but now we do. Next time, you’re going to show these monsters how we do it in the 104th, yeah?” Jean’s kiss trailed on your forehead before leaving a soft prickle upon your lips, his hands resting on your back like the warm breath of an everlasting fire, thawing the icy swords of despair that pierced through you. “To me, you’re already everything I wish I could be.” 

Leaving a quivering thank you on the back of Jean’s hand, where you kissed it intensely, the whinny of a nearby horse suddenly took you both by surprise, bringing the stables back to life all around you.

“Look, the horses agree with me,” Jean’s fond smile met your gaze, the boy gesturing toward the talkative animal. 

“I love you.”

“Are you talking to me or them?” The boy grinned, playfully pushing your head with his.

“Although I’m very fond of these horses, I have to admit there’s one among them I love most of all. That would be you, horse-face,” you smiled back at your boyfriend, pulling him into another kiss; lighter and youthful, like you were meant to love at fifteen, in a world less cruel.

“I love you too. It’ll be dinnertime soon, do you want to go?” Jean offered kindly, taking your hand in his to help you get up.  

You followed the track leading you away from the stables, Jean’s arm securely put around your shoulders, keeping you by his side, and he took care of talking your affliction away with some funny thing he had noticed in the boy’s barracks, of course covering the subject of Bertholdt’s sleeping position thoroughly. 

Hope, some might say, is what one holds dearest to heart regarding the future—one’s dreams, one’s projected happiness, the ticklish and fizzy feeling one might encounter when trying to glimpse a distant good time in the fleeing fabric of time. Or maybe hope is that one overwhelming pang to the chest—the one pushing you forward when all seems lost, making you hold on for dear life with all broken set of nails because what if something you’d never heard of yet might be worth all the goddamn pain? Maybe hope doesn’t belong in a shape, or a dream, or something one might grasp; perhaps hope is, after all, just that one pang. A pang strong enough to keep you going for another day, and then another one. For you, it came from the boy who sat beside you and gave you something to look forward to; something as simple as the wish to see him the following day.  

[hutchhitched]

Don’t Talk To Me

Written by: @hutchhitched

Prompt 76: Modern a/u Katniss is getting over the loss of her sister (you decide how) when she meets Peeta. She’s closed off but he finds a way in. Maybe she works for him? Him for her? Maybe she cries herself to sleep on his bread scented shoulder? (Please yes I need that) [submitted by @endlessnightlock]

Ratings/Warnings: T

A/N: Y’all... It’s finally here. This is story number nine from the nine prompts I claimed for the 2020 @everlarkficexchange and then lost the will to write during the early months of the pandemic. I wasn’t sure I’d get here, but it’s happened. This is not the story I intended to write when I took the prompt, but sometimes the muse takes control, and I simply follow. Thanks for your patience, and I hope you enjoy. Huge thanks to @javistg for understanding the delays and @endlessnightlock for being supportive of my plot change.

Katniss Everdeen hates people. Well, that’s not exactly true, but she doesn’t exactly like them either. They’re too…human or whatever. Too many acquaintances. The last thing she wants to do is get close to any of them, especially after the events of the past few months. She’s barely holding it together as it is, and introducing people or, even worse, friends could tip her right over the edge. She values her sanity.

 That’s probably why the new, sweet, disgustingly optimistic, overly friendly hire at the coffee shop where Katniss works irritates her so much. He’s just so nauseatingly earnest. It makes her want to punch him in the face.

 “How’s my favorite barista today?” he asks when she joins him behind the counter while still tying her apron. She mumbles noncommittally, but he doesn’t seem at all deterred. “I like that sweater.”

 “Peeta,” she says as she attempts to maintain control of her temper. He looks at her with such eagerness, she wilts under his obvious enthusiasm. “I’m just… It’s not a good day. Can we not?”

 His face falls, and she almost relents. She doesn’t know what it is that’s convinced him she’s someone he needs to befriend, but she simply has no interest. She doesn’t want more entanglements. They hurt too much.

 “Sorry,” he whispers and turns away. She swallows a twinge of guilt for hurting his feelings, but she doesn’t yield. Instead, she pivots to the espresso machine and starts making coffee. They work together silently, their only conversation about drink orders. They move around each other easily with no uncomfortable bumping or banging elbows or shoulders. He’s a good worker, at least, and he knows how to take a hint.

 “See you tomorrow,” Peeta says softly as his shift ends, and she flashes a brief smile. She doesn’t want to be rude, but come on. He doesn’t have to be friends with everybody.

 It continues like that for months, him fruitlessly friendly and her taciturn and distant. He continues to pursue a friendship, never pushing or prodding, simply being there and consistently showing kind. It’s exhausting.

 “How do you manage to stay so sickeningly upbeat?” she asks finally after several days of wanting to scream. He wears her down. She’d tell him to stop, but she’s starting to think she might like his optimism a little bit.

 He pauses for a second to glance at her before returning his attention to slipping sleeves onto the cup he’s holding. He calls out the order and smiles at the customer before answering. “What’s the other option? Being miserable?”

 “Well, I’m pretty good at it.”

 “I don’t think that’s true,” he argues softly. “I think you’ve had a rough time, and you’re grieving and healing. No one begrudges you that.”

 She gapes at him for a few seconds before snapping back to attention. The last thing she needs is to break down in front of everyone. Somehow, she thought he didn’t know anything. It’s disconcerting to realize her grief is on public display when she’s worked so hard to tuck it away. She reels, and he presses his lips together in frustration.

 “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to overstep.”

 “It’s… You’re fine.” She swallows hard and shakes her head. “I’m taking my break.”

 His wounded expression slices through her as she flees.

 ****

 Another couple of weeks pass before Katniss finds herself alone with Peeta again. They’re scheduled to close on a slow night, and everyone else has gone home when he locks the door behind the last customer and she turns off the light and secures the window for the drive through window.

 “Alone at last,” she jokes and is struck by his wry grin.

 “You don’t have to do that.”

 “Lock up? I think I do.”

 He catches her gaze and refuses to let it drop. “Pretend to be happy you’re here with me.”

 “I—”

 “I’m sorry,” he insists. “I thought maybe if I could talk to you and stop being so, you know, wounded that maybe we could take a shot at being friends. I didn’t mean to upset you, Katniss. That’s the last thing I’d ever want to do.”

 She doesn’t answer for several beats. He squirms a little and drops his eyes to study twisting hands and twitching feet. She’s going to regret this. She knows she will. Still, there’s something sweet and shy and kind that she yearns for when the rest of the world is so hard and cold. Maybe it’s weakness or something else equally awful she should expunge from her personality, but she can’t let him spiral this way. Maybe it’ll stop hers, too.

 “We could, uh, try that.”

 It comes out garbled and stunted, but the change in his countenance makes her glad she took the step. A thousand emotions flit over his handsome face, but a grin splits his lips so wide that his teeth flash white. She holds up her hands to head him off, but he steadies himself. With eyes twinkling, he chuckles.

 “I saw the fear there for a second. I’ll control myself before I start asking the deep stuff.”

 “The deep stuff?” she asks, still gun-shy.

 “Yeah, like it’s crazy that I’d voluntarily cover a shift for you if you called in sick, but I don’t know your favorite color.”

 “It’s green.”

 “Mine’s orange.”

 “Like those chairs?” she laughs and nods at the overly bright upholstery on the furniture. Apparently someone in corporate thought pumpkin spice wasn’t just their most popular fall drink; it was also where customers could put their butts as they sipped caffeine-laden drinks.

 “Softer,” he answers, his voice a breathy whisper. “Like the sunset.”

 Her eyes drift shut. He’s put a spell on the space with his words, and she wants to stay there for a moment. When he’s not being overeager, Peeta Mellark is charming as hell. Lord, help her.

 “Can I tell you a secret? It’s really important.”

 She tenses, but when she opens her eyes, she finds that he’s moved closer to her and propped his hip against the counter. He looks so young and hopeful there’s no way she can be scared of him.

 “If you must,” she sniffs and smiles to soften her response.

 “Lean in close. It’s a big one.” She does so slowly, and he waits patiently until she’s close enough that he can whisper, “Don’t tell our boss, but I’m a tea guy. Two lumps of sugar. I don’t even like coffee.”

 Her eyes widen for a split second, and then she bursts into laughter. Tears gather in her eyes as she shakes. “That’s not a big one!”

 “Coffee is life, Katniss. A known tea drinker would be cast out among the wolves. I’ll just stay incognito. I’m trusting you with my life here.”

 “And what if I spill it?”

 “Spill the tea?” He winks as she gasps for air. Just as quickly, he wipes his expression from his face and assumes mock sobriety. Somberly, he picks up the broom and starts to sweep. “Well, then, I guess you’ll have one fewer opponent to beat out for employee of the month.”

 The whole idea that Katniss, surly and grumpy as she is, could ever win a customer service award is so preposterous she can’t keep from giggling. By the time the café is clean, she’s a million times lighter. When they head separate ways after locking up, she watches him as he strides down the street. Before he turns the corner, he tosses a look over his shoulder and waves. She doesn’t even have to think about it. She waves back.

 ****

 They become friends, and it upends her life. Katniss isn’t used to having people around. Not since her sister passed away and left her all alone in the world. Katniss had gotten used to being an orphan, but when her sister was killed in a car crash, the loneliness and despair overwhelmed her. With Peeta around, she doesn’t feel quite so isolated anymore.

 They take short walks on shared breaks, and he leans down to pick dandelions from between the sidewalk cracks before handing them to her with a bashful grin. He shields her from overly aggressive customers during busy periods at the café, and, after several weeks, he manages to convince her that spending time together outside of work isn’t necessarily a bad thing.

 “Friends do tend to see each other in social settings,” he teases, and Katniss finally relents.

 They go to movies and basketball games and art exhibits and archery competitions and all sorts of other things she had no idea she’d enjoy until Peeta suggested the activity. Sometimes, they do mundane things like grocery shopping together. She finds she likes trying new things as long as there’s someone with her and they can debrief about what was good and bad afterward. He convinces her to try one of those art classes with BYOB wine and a pre-chosen image to paint, and she gasps when his own creation takes on a life of its own while hers seems like a bad paint with water replica. He teaches her to cook bread and cookies and cinnamon rolls, and she shares her heirloom lamb stew recipe with him. They’re comfortable together. He never pushes, never makes her feel like he needs anything more than simple friendship.

 Until, that is, the anniversary of her sister’s death.

 She should have taken off work. She knows that, but the café is short-handed. Besides, she needs the money. It’s rainy and muggy and awful when she leaves the house, and the subway is packed much more than usual. She’s jostled and pushed and touched inappropriately (although, that was likely unintentional with how closely pressed together the passengers are in the train car), so that by the time she gets to work, she’s irritable, grumpy, and a ten seconds from losing it.

 It’s possible it’s the weather or the alignment of the stars or an almost full-moon or the changing of the seasons. It could be that other people are suffering from trauma and loss and depression, as well. Or it could be that Katniss just has really bad luck.

 “This drink is wrong.”

 The harsh complaint is snapped at her by an unpleasant looking man with white hair and a beard. He looks at her like she’s something rotten on the underside of his shoe when he shoves the cup toward her and sloshes some of the hot liquid on her outstretched hand. She hisses at the burn and immediately turns to the sink to run cold water over her skin before it blisters.

 “Don’t turn your back on me! Fix my coffee.”

 Katniss tenses, her guard up, but she refuses to move. His actions burned her, and she’s following not only methods of self-preservation but also the company’s safe work policies. Injuries are to be treated immediately on the job. She’s doing that.

 He continues yelling, attracting the attention of patrons and staff. Peeta finishes with the order he’s taking and quickly intervenes, coming to her rescue whether she wants him to or not. She’s not sure which is accurate.

 “Can I help you, sir? My name is Peeta, and I’m—”

 The man squints at Peeta and raises a shaking hand toward me. He’s livid, and Peeta takes a half-step back at the fury that’s suddenly directed his way. The situation escalates. It’s not pretty. The police are called, and customers are shaken. That’s nothing compared to the way Katniss quakes inside her own skin. She’s barely holding it together when their manager intercedes.

 “Get her out of here,” Haymitch barks at Peeta before turning to the customer. The coffee cup he’s thrown at her rolls on the floor in a puddle of liquid. The name scrawled on the outside is Snow. It’s ironic. Katniss has always hated winter.

 They make it to the back before she crumbles, and Peeta lets go of her hand to help her sit down on a stack of crates. He settles next to her and pulls her into a loose embrace—tight enough so that she knows he’s there but loose so she doesn’t feel trapped. It’s the perfect way to comfort her. He’s perfect, and she’s a mess.

 The tears flow, and she’s too broken to bother to wipe them away. Shoulders shake and sobs tear from her throat in gulping heaves. At one point, she moans her dead sister’s name. It’s a mournful wail that washes over her and makes her hurt even worse. He pats her back and toys with the tip of her braid. It’s an unlikely source of solace, and it causes her to turn into him and press her face to his shoulder.

 He smells like bread, she realizes in a random flash of clarity. She’s lamenting her sister, but that scent claws at her senses and registers in the olfactory section of her brain. How odd, she thinks before a fresh wave of grief shakes her torso.

 “It’s okay, sweetheart,” he whispers. “I’m so sorry. I’m here. Take as long as you need. It’s okay. You’re okay.”

 She’s not, though. She’s not all right, and she knows he understands that. He’s working with a limited vocabulary as he tries to help her. That’s what people say when they’re faced with a weeping friend. She’s done it herself. His tone of voice and gentle touch more than prove his compassion for her pain.

 She doesn’t know how long they sit there, but it’s long enough that her tears have soaked his shoulder. A sharp cough invades their little bubble, and they both glance up to see Haymitch in the doorway.

 “Clock out,” he orders in that gruff way of his. “We’ve got you both covered. Take her home, boy.” Peeta nods at the nickname without protest. It would be offensive if it meant anything other than their boss can’t remember anyone’s names, although that’s bad enough.

 Peeta hails a cab and gives her address. He escorts her to her door and unlocks it for her before guiding her inside and seating her on the couch. When he moves away, she grabs at his hand and pulls him down next to her. His arms envelop her again, and she presses her face into his neck and allows the tears to streak down her cheeks while she hiccups. She hates being vulnerable, but she trusts him. They’ve grown close over the past few months.

 Finally, she runs dry. Her sobs subside, and her body stills. He doesn’t shift, doesn’t attempt to pull away. Instead, he simply waits and gives her the space for what she needs. It’s a beautiful thing to grieve with someone who allows it to occur instead of hindering the process. She’s not okay. She won’t be for a long time, but she’s survived today. For now, that’s enough.

 “Thank you,” she mumbles against his shoulder. When he doesn’t answer, she glances up at him through wet lashes and finds him looking at her with compassion in his piercing blue eyes. She could fall into them if she’d let herself. When he lifts his hand to brush flyaway wisps of hair from her forehead, she thinks maybe she should.

 Time freezes. There’s a pulse between them that shakes the world. They’re drawn together, and she doesn’t second guess it or pull away from him. Instead, she closes her eyes and meets his mouth with hers. It’s gentle, just a sweet brush of lips, but it tastes like a reawakening, like the snow melting away and the earth coming back to life in spring.

 It’s scary. It’s terrifying. It’s also right. After the events of the past year, she deserves a new beginning.

[yugirl]

Day 18: “This Wasn’t in the Rule Book.”

Crossovers, coffee shops, and canon divergence collide today in the wonderful world of AU! Go nuts.

((Magical girl au? Magical girl au! @pridewhatpride my love?? This is for you!))

~~~~~~~~~

I gritted my teeth and looked up with fear and dread. It was no use… the Light of Destruction was so strong and so powerful.

Jaden was struggling to get up; Bastion was struggling to breathe; Jesse couldn’t move.

But… I couldn’t let it end like this…

“Yellow… Green… Black…” I whispered. My spirit partners appeared and looked in concern.

“What are you gonna do, boss…?!” Yellow squeaked.

“I’m going to keep fighting with everything I have… but I understand if you three don’t… if you want to run… now’s your chance….”

Jaden seemed to see what I was doing and summoned Winged Kuriboh.

“Chazz is right… just because we’re going to keep fighting doesn’t mean you guys have to… so if you want to get out of here, then go….”

Bastion grunted, “there’s no need for you to put yourself at risk if you don’t want to Pikeru… go….”

Jesse looked at the Crystal Beasts. “I’m with them… you’ve all been by my side from start to finish, but I want you to be safe….”

“YOU'RE INSANE!!” Yellow squawked.

“Huh?”

“Sure, I may be a scaredy-cat, but I’m not backing down when we’re this close to the finish line!!”

Green nodded in agreement. “Yeah!! If you’re gonna keep fighting, boss, then we are too!!”

“That’s right!! Brothers stick together!!” Black added.

I couldn’t help but smile “thanks, you guys….”

Winged Kuriboh seemed to mewl in protest as well, nuzzling against Jaden and assuring he was staying.

“Thanks, Pal…” Jaden smiled.

“Yeah! If you losers even think you’re fighting without us, think again!” Pikeru said smugly.

“Thanks, Pikeru…” Bastion chuckled and patted her head.

“Your friends are right, Jesse….” Topaz Tiger nodded.

“we’ve all come so far together, and as you said, we’ve been here from start to end. But it’s not the end yet….” Amythest Cat added.

Jesse teared up and nodded. “Thank you!!”

I used my lighting spear to help myself stand up before turning to help the others up one at a time…

“If this really is the end… I just want you to know…I… I love you guys….” I muttered.

Jaden teared up and nodded. “I love you too!”

Bastion wrapped an arm around Jaden to comfort him. “I love you all as well….”

Jesse teared up too and pulled us all into a hug. “I love you all too!! Thank you so much for staying with me and helping me complete my mission!!”

We hugged each other for the longest time, our hearts burning… no, they weren’t burning; they were glowing.

“What is this!?” I gasped

“Could this be… a new power?” Jesse wondered.

Suddenly four rainbow coloured crystals appeared, a star, a gem, a heart and a diamond.

“This isn’t anything like the rainbow dragon….” Bastion whispered

“That’s because it’s not!” Jaden explained, “I can feel it… this is our power!!”

I looked to my friends… the three boys I met on this journey, and the spirit partners who stuck with us. This indeed was the final battle.

“Everyone… LET’S GO!!”

“Right!!”

The rainbow crystals resonated with each of us. The power was overwhelming.

All of us ascended into the sky,

“SUMMON RAINBOW DUEL SPIRIT FUSION!!”

Thanks to the rainbow crystals, we transformed one last time into new, more powerful forms. It was time.

The light of destruction couldn’t believe that we were still fighting. It thought it had destroyed us once and for all.

“No matter what happens, we’ll always keep fighting to protect those we love!!” Jesse declared

“We want to live and pursue the future!!” Jaden added

“Destruction may always exist, but creation and life are needed to maintain balance!” Bastion stated

“And that’s why we can’t bow down to the likes of you!!” I pointed my spear at him. “We will defeat you once and for all!!”

Jaden charged in first, his new gauntlets glowing with power.

The light of destruction fired a laser towards us in response, but Jaden was having none of it.

“レインボー　コスミククラシ!!”

“RAINBOW COSMIC CRUSH!!”

He punched through it, blasting the light in different directions, leaving earth and us unharmed.

The light was baffled. It couldn’t comprehend this power.

“My turn!!”

Bastion flew towards the light and readied his throwing knives.

“レインボータイダルブラスト!!”

“RAINBOW TIDAL BLAST!!”

The knives surged through space, pinning the light to the spot and rendering it helpless as the power of the elements coursed through it. It had nowhere to run now.

Jesse went next, readying his sword. He was ready to avenge everyone and everything the light had ever hurt.

“レインボークリスタルストリーム!!”

“RAINBOW CRYSTAL STREAM!!”

The rainbow light burst from his sword and started to break the light up. It tried to escape, but it had me to deal with.

“THIS IS FOR EVERYONE YOU’VE MANIPULATED AND HURT!!”

I raised my spear high into the air, Channeling my lightning powers.

“レインボーデルタサンダー!!”

“RAINBOW DELTA THUNDER!!”

The light screamed in pain and agony. It wasn’t done. It conjured up his power for one final attack, but we knew it was on its last legs.

“EVERYONE WITH ME!!”

We gathered together, and with the power of our bond, our weapons fused together, creating a brand new weapon—the Miracle Rainbow Spear.

“Impossible!!” The light snapped, “don’t you know if you use all your power, the worlds will be separated!?”

“Even so… I have a sworn duty to protect both this world and the spirit world…” Jesse reflected “, my friends have shown me the true importance of being the crystal protector, and I will always treasure that… I will never forget that even if we are separated!!”

“People come and go… that’s an unfortunate part of life… but I will not cry when it’s over….” Bastion felt a grin grow on his face, “I will smile because I’ll remember every precious memory we’ve given each other!!”

“No matter what comes between us, we will always be together no matter where we are in one world or another….” Jaden added, holding back tears. “OUR FOUR HEARTS WILL ALWAYS BEAT AS ONE!!”

“It’s funny… when this journey began, I didn’t want anything to do with these guys… but now I don’t want this adventure to end….” I smiled “but I know they’re right!! No matter what happens, we’ll always be together!! I’ll never forget any of this and the friendships we made!!”

Our hearts beat as one as the spear resonated with us. It was time to end this.

“ミラクルレインボーレフラクション!!”

“MIRACLE RAINBOW REFRACTION!!”

The bright colour exploded from the spear charging towards the light, eliminating the white completely

“Stop it!! It’s too bright!! Stop it!!”

I screamed as I thrust the spear forward, charging with one last burst of energy.

“IMPOSSIBLE…. I AM THE LIGHT I AM ALL POWERFUUUUUL” piece by piece it was disintegrated

It was over…he was gone…

The four of us floated through space, relieved it was all over.

“Y’all… thank you so much for your help… I can’t believe it’s all over….” Jesse sighed

“Yeah…” I smiled. “I’m glad we were able to save everyone….”

“Now humans and duel spirits and live in peace….” Jaden nodded

“Indeed, a happy ending all round”, Bastion chuckled.

Suddenly Jesse and the duel spirits started glowing.

“Huh!? Jesse, what’s happening!?”

“It’s time, guys… I’m going back to the spirit world….”

“N-now!? But I thought we had more time!! I thought we’d at least spend more time together!!” Bastion gasped

“Sorry, y’all… I don’t make the rules, my missions over, and now it’s time to go home….”

“You can’t go, Jesse!! There’s still so much I wanted to do!!”

“Jesse, please!! We love you!!”

“I love y’all too!! But remember what we said… we’ll always be together… no matter what… we’ll see each other again… I know it!!”

Winged Kuriboh flew over to Jaden, who eagerly hugged him. “I’ll miss you too, Winged-Kuriboh!”

“I’m gonna miss you!!” Pikeru sobbed

“I’ll miss you too, Pikeru….” Bastion sighed and patted her head “don’t forget me, alright?”

“I don’t think I could ever forget a loser like you….” Pikeru giggled before flying in to hug him.

“BOOOOOOSS!!”

I pulled the Ojamas into a tight hug. I didn’t want to admit it, but I was going to miss them a lot.

“We love you, boss!!”

“I… I love you guys too… take care now, alright…?”

I slowly let go, and the Duel Spirits flew back to Jesse, all returning to their world while we returned to ours…

I don’t remember much after that… the months sort of flew by, and I graduated high school. Bastion left to work with Professor Eisenstein, Jaden disappeared after graduation… That was the last I saw of th-

“That can’t be the end!!”

“Huh?” I looked down to my oldest daughter “what do you mean, Aurora?”

“That can’t be how it ends!!” Aurora protested, “did you really get separated forever!?”

“That’s so sad!!” Rosalie, my second daughter, nodded.

“Uh-huh!” My son Damien agreed.

“Well, I said we got separated. I never said forever….” I mumbled

“S-so, did you get to see each other again?” Rosalie asked.

“I don’t know….” I pulled my kids onto my lap and hugged them “do you want us to see each other again?”

“I do, I do!”

I chuckled and hugged them all close. “Maybe we’ll see each other again….”

I heard the door open and the sound of tired shuffling.

“Oh, let’s see who’s home!!”

Aurora jumped up first and dashed out the door, seeing the three exhausted adults.

“DADDY! PAPA! MOM!”

“Hey, Aurora!” Jesse grinned and picked her up, giving her the biggest hug.

Rosalie ran over to Bastion and hugged him tightly. She was always a papa’s girl.

Damien and I chuckled and walked over to Jaden, both greeting him with a kiss on the cheek.

“How was work?”

“Oh, you know the usual!” Jaden smirked.

I walked over to Jesse and wrapped my arms around him, planting a firm kiss on his lips.

“Mmm, that’s nice! What was that for?” Jesse grinned

“I just missed you a lot today….” I smiled.

Well, it seemed to work. The kids wanted us to meet up again. And we did.

[aperrywilliams]

New blurbs-series: 10 days to my birthday!! (Day 8)

(Not my gif)

Author Masterlist - Series Masterlist

My birthday will be in 8 days from now. So I’m going to celebrate myself with 10 Spencer Reid’s blurbs. Enjoy!

Day 10 | Day 09 | Day 08 | Day 07 | Day 06 | Day 05 | Day 04 | Day 03 | Day 02 | Day 01

Day 08: Spencer Reid hold your hand for the first time.

When you made the decision to apply at the BAU, you knew so well what you were getting into. You knew you would see horrible things and meet despicable people. Moreover, you knew you'd have to get into the minds of serial killers in order to stop them. That was basically your job. But human behavior never ceased to amaze. Even after working on Aaron Hotchner's team for over a year, it seemed like a every week you will face an even more twisted case compared to the last one.

One of the first things they told you when you were accepted to the BAU is that you shouldn't take cases personally. They told you that it’s okay to empathize, but that once the case was over, you have to move on. You tried to do that as best you could, but like your co-workers, there were times when was too hard to do that. There were cases that affected you more than others. There were unsubs who managed to settle in your mind more persistently than others.

John Rogger was an example of that kind of cases for you. He was a murderer of young women in Alabama. When the BAU was called to investigate, Rogger already had more than 15 deaths in tow and at least 3 more women kidnapped. In addition to identifying and arresting him, the purpose was to be able to save the abducted women alive. That meant that once arrested, the team had to apply several and intense interviews to obtain information, but Rogger didn’t say a word. So far, only Hotch and Rossi had conducted the questionings. According to the profile the team built, they concluded if someone of the opposite sex and young questioned him, a better result could be obtained. Given the physical resemblance and closeness of age to the victims, Hotch decided that you were the best option to do that.

So you found yourself locked in a room with one of the most despicable murderers you had ever met, trying to obtain information. Hours and hours passed, where your patience, your temperance and your profiling skills were tested. To gain his trust, you said things about yourself that you wouldn’t have told anyone. You had to 'empathize' with a serial killer. You navigated his disturbed mind revealing details that you would have preferred not to know. Every time you took a break between questioning, Spencer made a point of checking how you were feeling and if you needed anything. He knew - or at least suspected - that this case was draining what little energy you had left so far. In each new interrogation, Rogger tried to find out more about you, your family, your private life. It was as if he wanted to get into your mind in the same way that you tried to get into his. You felt vulnerable, exposed. Even knowing that the one who was handcuffed and locked up for life was him and not you, every time his eyes fell on you, you couldn't help but feel fear. Even so, you didn’t waver and continued with the interrogations until after 2 intense days, Rogger broke and you managed to obtain the kidnapped women’s location.

The team quickly mobilized to the rescue. When you were about to put on your FBI vest to go with them, Hotch stopped you.

“You won’t go with us. You'll stay here at the station until we get back,” he told you immediately as he saw how you were getting ready, fastening your weapon in the holster attached to your belt.

“But sir, I have to go. I'm the one with the most details about the location and the things that can be found there…”, you tried to convince him. But Hotch wasn’t going to back down on his decision.

“I told you (Y/L/N). You will stay here. The extraction team is now ready. You've done enough, it's not safe for you to go with us”. Clearly Hotch was trying to prevent you from collapsing on the field, already knowing that Rogger had absorbed all your energy, but you didn't see it that way, and you interpreted it as punishment for some mysterious reason that you didn't know. According to you it was unfair, you wanted to save those women as much as everyone else, why deny you that option?

Reluctantly you nodded and watched as the whole team rushed out of the police station towards the location where they expected to find the women kidnapped by Rogger. With a lump in your throat and a defeating feeling you sat on one of the benches that were in the hall of the station. You felt useless, why you had to sit and wait while everyone was doing their job? The same job you could be doing.

You were deep in thought when Spencer sat next to you. You hadn't even noticed that he hadn't gone with the team.

“Spencer... I thought you would go with...,” you trailed off in confusion. Spencer looked at you and shook his head.

“I think this time it’s better I stay here. Just like you,” he replied. You let out a frustrated sigh.

“Do you too think I would be an obstacle in the field? Like Hotch?”. You asked sadly. Spencer frowned and rushed to reply.

“I don't think that (Y/N), and I’m sure Hotch doesn’t think that either,” Reid said, staring at you and trying to read your micro expressions.

“So why did he leave me here? I don't get it...,” your trembling voice revealed that you were about to cry overwhelmed by frustration.

“Because you've already done all the work you could do (Y/N), that's why,” Spencer replied simply. You looked at him with teary eyes trying to understand what his words were referring to.

“What does that mean? Does it mean that I have to wait and do nothing?...”

“Do you think it’s nothing you participating in Rogger's arrest and spent two whole days in and out of that interrogation room, doing everything in your power to break him… and finally achieve it? I think you did enough (Y/N),” Spencer pointed out, not losing eye contact with you.

“But... what if they are not found alive? If they can´t save them?...”. Just thinking about that scenario made your stomach clench.

“It would be a bad outcome, no doubt, but sadly it’s no longer in your hands (Y/N), nor in mine. I know waiting is excruciating, but there are times when it’s inevitable. We must wait and trust the team will do the right decisions on the field. That's as teamwork works”.

Thinking of Spencer's words you could only sigh again and come to the conclusion that he was right. You put your whole heart in for hours and days to get some clue to help the case. You just wanted it not to be too late.

Your mind tried to convince itself that you should wait for news. But your body told you otherwise, you couldn't stop bouncing your leg, you sighed uneasily every two minutes, with the fingers of one of your hands you squeezed the fingers of your other hand, you rocked back and forth on the bench. Your entire body expression screamed unease and disturbance. Spencer was silent to respect your own process, but seeing you like this hurt him deeply. He just wanted you could regain some serenity and peace of mind, but he also knew that the body was capable of betraying you over and over again, ignoring your own will.

Without saying a word, one of his hands that was resting on his knee reached for yours and gave it a gentle squeeze to remove it from its task of digging your nails into your own palm. The first contact startled you a little, but you gave in to the touch and let him guide your linked hands, making it rest in the space of the bench that was between you. After squeezing it slightly, with his thumb he began to trace soft patterns over your knuckles, looking for to relax your fingers. The warmth of his hand and the softness of his touch made you give in as the minutes passed and the tension in your body managed to dissipate in part. Your breathing also returned to a fairly normal rhythm. Both in silence. But it was not an awkward silence. It was the waiting you both had to face. It was fate that was no longer in your hands. And that was the first time Spencer Reid held your hand and taught you about there are times you just had to let it go. And that there are times when you don’t have to wait and face destiny alone.

[dalamjisung]

it’s an emergency! ❊ mark tuan

word count: 5147

genre: hospital!au, fluff

member: ER doctor!mark x clumsy!reader

description: what happens when a clumsy artist (literally) falls for the handsome ER doctor?

“We have three from a car crash coming in!” 

“Help! Someone help my husband please!”

“He’s crashing!”

The voices screaming around you mashed into one loud noise and you can’t help but flinch, holding your friend’s hand as tight as possible. You didn’t quite understand why you were at the Emergency Care Unit, but your friend insisted– you had taken quite a fall at your building’s stairs and although your felt fine, you hit your head hard enough to worry her. You also think this is her using you as an excuse to meet the people she refers to as her “future bosses.” As a med student, her dream was to work with the Emergency Surgical Team, and this might just be her chance to put her name out there.

“I don’t need to be here,” You whisper, flinching when someone else shouts. “Look at these people, Sora, they really need help! I’m fine! I can just sleep it off–”

“You’re not fine,” She says calmly, looking straight into your eyes, and you know she’s examining you. “You are dizzy and you vomited on your way over here. Chances are you have a concussion; and if I’m correct, which I always am, the last thing you can do is sleep.”

“Excuse me, ma’am,” Someone calls from behind you and you try to move fast enough to the nearest wall, but your body feels heavy and you are pretty sure you are sweating. You kind of walk, kind of fall on the wall and smile to the doctor that rushes past you, offering you a nod and nothing else.

“This is ridiculous,” Sora mutters. “We’ve been here for hours! Excuse me, my friend needs medical attention!”

“Everyone here needs medical attention, babes,” You chuckle and you start feeling sick with the atmosphere. The noise, the lights, the people; you just wanted to leave. You look at the old lady behind you, and she is oddly quiet for someone who looks like they’ve been crying. “Are you alright, ma’am?”

She shakes her head and points to her shoulder. “I fell.”

You nod, and you wait. It takes another thirty minutes until someone finally walks to you, clipboard and gauze in their arms.

“Hi, how can I help you?” The nurse asks, already pulling out her pen to start taking notes.

“Can I you check on that woman first?” You choke out. “I just heave a headache, but I think she’s in a lot of pain. I can wait.”

“Ma’am,” The nurse looks at you surprised. “I don’t–"

“I’m fine, really,” You mutter. “I can wait ten more minutes, it’s not a pro–“

Just as you are about to finish your sentence, a wave of nausea hits you and you have just enough time to lean over to the trash can, emptying anything you had left on you. 

“She hit her head,” You friend states firmly. “She needs help.”

“Nurse, go check on the other patient– I’ll take care of this one.”

You look up to see the same doctor as before. Blue scrubs, white coat, dark hair. He nods at you again, and proceeds to shine a light on your eyes. 

“What happened?” He asks, and as your vision returns to normal you look at the embroidery on his coat pocket. Mark Tuan. 

“She fell down the stairs,” Your friend says. “She seems to be okay besides the hit she took to the head.”

“How hard?”

“Hard enough that I could hear it.”

Dr. Tuan nods once again and you feel yourself getting anxious. Your breathing picks up and he notices it, but still no smile. No reassuring words. No nothing. 

“We’ll have to get a CT scan,” He says to a nurse passing by. “Prep her and send her to me after you’re done.”

It all happens a little too fast for you and the cold and dark imaging room freaks you out enough that you have a mild panic attack. You don’t know what is happening and no explained it to you, simply throwing you around as if you were nothing much, an object. The nurse can’t calm you down and when she offers you a sedative, you hold it in– the panic, the helplessness, the fear, everything. Scared that she’d refer you to the Psychiatric department, you comply silently to everything she says. You know you are not being rational; you know she’d never forcibly drug you unless you are a danger to yourself or others, but they have things to do and you feel incredibly intimidated and alone and you think that cooperating will make everything go faster. 

“It’s only a concussion, Y/N,” You whisper to yourself as you wait in another cold and dark room, your friend somewhere around the hospital looking for some food. “Stop being a goddamned coward.”

“Miss Y/L/N?” 

Your turn your head too fast and it hurts, but you push it down too. “Yes?”

“Follow me,” Dr. Tuan squints at you and, as he notices your struggle to get yourself moving, offers your his arm as support. You walk to a nearby office, where a nurse and another doctor wait inside. “This is Nurse Han and Dr. Park. He is from the Psychiatric department, and I called him here because there are some things I needed to clarify before proceeding with the diagnosis.”

“S-Sure,” You gulp. “What’s up?”

“It shows here,” Dr. Tuan says pointing to your file. “That this is the fourth time you’ve been here. This month.”

“That is correct,” You offer him a small smile. “Sorry about that– I know they are all minor injuries but–“

“No need to apologize,” And for the first time, you feel at ease, mainly because Dr. Tuan widens his eyes and something about it just makes him look soft. “No need to apologize at all. We just wanted to make sure that these injuries happened... naturally.”

“Uh, what do you mean?” You frown, confused. 

“What Dr. Tuan is trying to ask,” Dr. Park steps in, eyes piercing into your soul, looking for the slightest falter in your body language. “Is if you are having some trouble at home– with whomever you live with. We have resources at the hospital to help in cases of abuse and–“

“Abuse?!” You shriek. “No, no no no, not at all! I live by myself, I don’t even have a boyfriend! I’m just really clumsy.”

They all just stare at you, surprised with your outburst. 

“I swear I’m okay,” You smile. “I promise. It makes me really happy that the hospital cares for its patients like this, but I’m not suffering from any kind of abuse. I just can’t seem to be able to get the hang of basic human functions like walking down the stairs.”

“Well, in that case,” Dr. Park smiles and he looks relieved. “I’ll get back to my patients. See you later Mark. Miss.”

“Now that we got that cleared out,” Dr. Tuan coughs uncomfortably, his cheeks slightly blushed and you giggle a bit. “You’ll have to stay here for a few hours, Miss Y/L/N. We need to check on you from time to time just to be sure that your condition is stable. During that period, we’ll just ask that you stay awake and in case of pain we’ll give you some Ibuprofen. Thankfully, this is your first concussion and it was a mild hit, so you should be fine in a couple of hours. Nurse Han will take you to a a resting room, and we’ll let your friend know where you are. Any questions?”

“No, thank you,” You sound calmer and more relaxed now that you understand your situation. “Thank you Dr. Tuan.”

“Just doing my job,” He nods, and you nod too, understanding that you won’t get anything other than this. “I’ll check on you soon.”

                                                       —————————

The resting room has many beds and you feel slightly uncomfortable in there, trying your best to not make any noise so that you wouldn’t disturb other people. Your friend, on the other hand, chats the time away with some of the other patients, making them laugh their worries away. 

“You’ll be a great doctor one day,” You tell her once she’s done her round of jokes and is back by your side. “I am sure of it.”

“I hope so,” She smiles. 

“You calm people down,” You tell her. “I really wish someone would’ve calmed me down earlier.”

“I still can’t believe that nurse didn’t help you,” She grumbles. “She’d bad at her job.”

“Don’t say that,” You chastise. “She’s probably tired and overwhelmed with patients.”

“Everyone is, but that doesn’t mean you can slack on the job,” You find gives you a pointed look. “Dr. Tuan seems great though, even if he’s a bit too serious for my liking.”

“He is, isn’t her?” You giggle. “But that’s okay, he’s been really good to me.”

“Oh, I’m sure he has,” Sora wiggles her brows and you slap her shoulder playfully. “What? You can’t deny he’s handsome.”

“Never said he wasn’t,” Now you’re the one wiggling your brows. “But let’s all be professionals here. He is your future boss, after all.”

This leads Sora to talk about medial school and the hospital for a couple of hours, and she barely notices Dr. Tuan coming to check on you a few times. As time passed, you found yourself drawing on the back paper your found next to your bed. As an artist, this is a habit you developed during your college days, when you had to practice still life and movement for drawing class. Doodling makes the time pass faster and before you know it, you are being released. You’d be lying if you said you weren’t dying to get some sleep, but you were glad that you had proper medical attention, or else you’re not sure what would’ve happened. 

“Miss Y/L/N,” Dr. Tuan calls as you as putting your shoes. “Here; these for your headaches. You can’t take anything that contains Aspirin, but you should be good with just Ibuprofen. If you need anything, don’t hesitate to contact the hospital.”

“Thank you so much, Doctor,” You smile at him as your friend made sure to listen to every word carefully. 

“No problem,” He nods and looks at the bed you just got up from. “Wait, is that your chart?”

“My chart?!” You look back at the paper sheet you left on the bed, completely unaware of the similarities in between the man and the drawing. “Oh my god, I’m so sorry! I didn’t even realize it was something important!”

And you finally hear it– a laugh. Dr. Tuan’s eyes shine as he looks at the drawing, laughing in the process. 

“This is certainly something I want on file,” He smiles and you finally understand why he didn’t do it before. 

Mark Tuan just has one of those smiles that when it’s directed towards you, it makes you feel special. One smile from him and you already felt invincible. 

“Can I keep this?” He asks, giggling and oh my god you giggling too. You nod, smiling wide. “Can you sign it?”

You laugh at this and you feel as if the room stops, everyone looking at you guys’ interaction. Nurse Han has surprise written all over her face, and so does your friend. You give him the paper back and thank him once again. 

“Well, goodbye then,” You mumble. “I’ll make sure to contact the hospital in case I feel sick.”

“Please do,” He breathes out and is that a blush? “Goodbye.”

The drive home is ridiculously silent and it’s only after you enter your apartment, with your friend in tow, that she starts.

“What the fuck was that?!” She laughs out loud. “There was so much tension in that room, what the actual fuck?”

“You think so?” You ask nervously. 

“I know so!” Sora smiles, pointing at you. “You like that, huh? You have a crush on the doctor!”

“I mean…” You try to come up with an excuse but you know that there is no lying to her. “I mean, who doesn’t?! Have you seen him? He is so beautiful– and his smile! Oh my god, his smile, Sora–“

“Ha!” She exclaims. “I knew it! He is totally your type…”

“But am I his type?” You bite your lip, frowning over your childlike behavior. You just met him and you already have a crush on the cute doctor.

“Why don’t you call him and ask?” Sora winks and runs away before you can hit her with a pillow. 

Laughing, you go to your room to rest and finish some work. 

That wouldn’t be such a bad idea, though…

                                                      —————————

You call him three days later but not for the reason he thinks you are calling. Nurse Han runs around the Emergency Unit after him but what she doesn’t know is that Mark is running late because his alarm broke. So you sit in the waiting room, your friend panicking and it all feels weirdly familiar. 

“I am so sorry, but I think he’s not here yet,” She says looking around the empty room. Today is a very mellow day at the ER and it feels much better than the last time. “Ah, what should I do?”

“Uh, I am sure any doctor could help us,” You smile tightly, feeling your hands being crushed by your friend. “She’s in a lot of pain.”

“Where is the pain?” Nurse Han asks already testing for head injuries and finding none. “What happened?”

“Goddamned biker,” Sora says through gritted teeth. “Hit me.”

“She was crossing the road and a person riding a bicycle wasn’t paying attention and hit her,” You explain better. “I think she messed up her shoulder when she fell, so I brought her here.”

“Oh my,” Nurse Han inspects the bruises forming on Sora’s skin already and frowns. “Yeah, I think I can call our Physician if you’d like…”

“Nurse Han, what’s going on?” 

You turn around in time to see Doctor Tuan walking in the room and there is something about seeing him in casual clothing that made you want him even more. His blue sweater made his hair even darker and you don’t think you’ve ever been this attracted to someone before. 

“Y/N?” His shock is visible– and audible, since he doesn’t call you by your first name out of politeness. “Is everything okay? Are you experiencing any side effects? Headache? Dizziness? Let me take a look at you–“

“Wrong patient,” You smile, chuckling. “This time I’m here with my friend, she’s the one hurt.”

“Oh, thank god,” You hear him muttering before he’s composed again. He nods at her and you hold in your laughter. “I mean, not thank god, but I’m glad you’re not hurt... you get me. What’s wrong?”

“She had a collision with a biker and her shoulder seems to have been dislocated,” Nurse Han says and it takes him only some prodding and poking to nod in that familiar way. “Should I call Dr. Wang?”

“Please do,” Dr. Tuan says and then looks back at Sora. “I’ll pop your shoulder back, but you will need physical therapy after. Our attending physician is really good, so I’ll redirect you to him.”

“Oh my god this will hurt so fucki-“ Before she can finish her sentence, the shoulder is back in its place and you think she might have broken your hand. “Shit!”

“I’ll take you to Dr. Wang,” Nurse Han says and looks at you. “Would you like to accompany her?”

“Yes, please,” You smile and get up. Before leaving, you turn back to Dr. Tuan. “Excuse me, doctor?”

“Yes?” He asks eagerly. 

“Technically speaking,” You mutter, too embarrassed to look him in the face. “I’m not your patient anymore, right?”

“Uh, n-no,” He says, eyes wide. “Technically speaking, you’re not.”

“Oh, good,” You feel your palms starting to get sweaty and you rub them on your jeans. “Then–“

“GODDAMN IT!” You hear your friend screaming in pain and you jump from the scare, sighing in defeat. 

“Then I’ll see you later,” You smile tightly, knowing that you missed your chance. 

“Wait, Y/N,” He extends his hand, stopping you before you can turn around. “My lunch time is in a couple of hours, and I know that Jackson– I mean, Dr. Wang– takes his time examining his patients, so would you like to grab something to eat? I know the food here isn’t the best, but it’s better than not eating at all, y-you know? And as a recovering past patient, nutrition is very important so that you can maintain a healthy condition and have a smooth rest… and I could also check for any remaining side effects! I think–“

“I’ll see you then,” You laugh, winking at him as you leave to find your friend. “Dr. Tuan.”

Turns out Dr. Wang not only is best friends with Dr. Tuan, but he is also extremely attractive, and you wonder is it’s something about this hospital specifically– if you remember correctly, Dr. Park was also someone you’d call “attractive.”

“Okay, so this is not as good as it could be,” He smiles widely and you think you are blinded by his light. The contrasting personalities are crazy, considering how shy Mark’s smile is. Mark, you think, getting all giddy inside. I like calling him Mark. “But it’s also not as bad as it could be. We’ll have to work on it for about a month, twice a week, but you’ll be good as new once you’re done.”

“Sounds good, Doctor,” Sora smiles.

“Just to be sure, I’d like to get an X-Ray,” You nod, listening carefully. “It’s already lunch time, so I’m sure it’ll be quick. Nurse Kim can help you and bring you back.”

Then he looks at you. 

“Don’t you have somewhere to be?” Dr. Wang asks in a teasing tone, and smiles. “Dr. Tuan asked me take you to his office first, he wants to make sure you are well recovered.”

“Oh, you don’t have to, I’m sure I can find my way,” He nods and you wave goodbye. “I’ll be back to pick her up after.”

“I promise that I’ll take good care of your friend,” He laughs. “Now go.”

Finding Mark’s office was a little too easy and you blush a little as you enter, seeing him behind his desk, immersed on something on his computer. 

“Ah, Y/N,” He smiles that shy smile and you are so happy that he’s now comfortable enough to do that. “Come in, I’m just finishing some work.”

“I can come back if you want?” You hope you didn’t sound as disappointed as you feel. 

“Not at all, just give me a minute,” He motions to the chair and you sit in comfortable silence. “Okay, let’s take a look at that head.”

You recognize the procedures from before and he nods approvingly, tongue peeking out from his lips and you almost coo at how adorable he looked. 

“Everything looks great!” His eyes smile with him, this time, and you smile back. “You are officially recovered.”

You chatter animatedly in his office and lunch hour flies by. You feel a little guilty once you realize that you’ve taken all of his time to eat, knowing that hospital shifts are usually hectic and they don’t have much personal time, if any, so you insist you two walk to the vending machine where he can at least grab a snack.

“I’m really sorry, Mark,” You say for what feels like the millionth time. “I really don’t know what happened and–“

“Time flies by when you’re having a good time,” He says. “I’d say we were having a good time, Y/N.”

You are shocked with his boldness, but you nod, nonetheless. Just as you reach the machine, you see Sora and Dr. Wang talking and you wave them over. 

“Y/N,” Dr. Wang says excitedly. “Sora just told me about Saturday! You must be excited!”

“Uh,” You are taken aback with how friendly this man already was with you, but you smile anyways, enjoying the casualty of it all. “Yeah, I’m really excited…”

“What’s happening this Saturday?” Mark asks confused. 

“You guys talked all this time and you didn’t mention?” At that, you look at Sora with eyes that promised a lecture after. “It’s her art expo, dude. Sora invited us.”

“Did she, now, Dr. Wang?” You smile dangerously. 

“Oh, please, call me Jackson,” He laughs. “You’re not my patient.”

“You’re an artist?” Mark asks and you see the wheels turning in his head. “Actually, that makes a lot of sense… that drawing you made is really good.”

“The one on your desk?” Jackson asks with innocent eyes and mischievous smile.

“That one,” Mark deadpans. 

“I’m glad you like it,” You chuckle. “And yeah, I’m an artist. I hope you guys can make it to the exhibition, if you are not too busy with medical things…”

“We’ll be there!” Jackson promises and Mark nods. “Even if we’re late.”

“Promise?” You joke.

“Promise,” Mark says, and you know there and then, that he has no intention in breaking that promise.

                                                      —————————

The week passes without you seeing or even hearing from the handsome doctor. Sora, on the other hand, would see him every week, whenever he walked by to say hi during her therapy sessions or when Dr. Wang– Jackson– would talk about him. How those two think they are smooth goes beyond you, but with the exhibit coming up you couldn’t really accompany Sora to the hospital like she wanted you to, and you had to focus on the upcoming event.

“Are you nervous?” Sora asks as you two arrive at the gallery. This isn’t your first exhibit and she knows, having been there for all of them– you know what she’s talking about. 

“Yes,” You laugh, looking at around to see your work in every wall. It filled you with pride, to this day, every time you successfully finished a collection. “Oh my, I never felt this nervous before.”

“He’ll love it,” She whispers in your ear.

“How’d you know?” You ask, freaking out. “What if he’s not into art?”

“I doubt that,” Sora laughs and turns you around, to where Mark is standing with Jackson, pointing at the large painting. With them, two other men stand to the side, observing one of your few drawings. “Hey guys!”

You shush her as people start looking at you, them included. Their smiles could light up the room, and you think you might just tell your single friends to attend that hospital. 

“Y/N, congratulations!” Jackson shouts excitedly, hugging you tight. His friend, taller than the rest, face palms himself, pulling the doctor away from you.

“I’m sorry for him– sometimes he gets too excited and forgets about personal space,” His friend laughs. “Nice to meet you, I’m Yugyeom. I work with these idiots.”

“Oh, so both of you are doctors, too?” You ask impressed. 

“Yeah,” His friend nods. “I’m Jaebeom. I work in the Neurosurgery department, and this big baby here is with Pediatrics.”

“I’m Y/N, and this is Sora,” You shake their hands. “I hope you enjoy the exhibit!”

“Everything is beautiful, Y/N,” Mark finally speaks up. “Thank you for having us.”

“Thank you for coming,” You smile, inching closer. “It means a lot.”

Everything works out wonderfully; you sell a few paintings, the boys stay until the end, and you all end up in a bar nearby, celebrating a successful night. After a few drinks, you and Mark were flirting shamelessly. You both sat in front of each other and, ignoring everyone else, you two talked as if there wasn’t other four people in the table; and they also let you be, poking fun in between them, but never interrupting your chat. 

“You know,” Mark says taking a sip of his beer. “There was this one painting I saw tonight, and I was wondering if it had been sold.”

You laugh. “You want to buy my painting?”

“I do!” He defends himself, chuckling a bit. “It was colorful and peaceful at the same time; I loved it. Working in the Emergency Room can be, and usually is, a lot… you lose your faith in the world a bit. I think that if I have that painting in my office, it can help me relax and remember that there is a lot of good out there, too. You know which one I’m talking about? The one with light pink and dark blue and–”

“When’s your birthday?” You ask, suddenly. 

“In a couple of weeks, actually,” He squints at you. “Why?”

“Nothing,” You shrug, already texting the gallery’s manager to take that painting off the wall. She tells you she reserved it for you and you relax, knowing you can do something for this man that’s done a lot for you. 

“Did you just–“ 

“We gotta go,” Jaebeom calls. “There was a crash nearby and they need everyone on shift. Did everyone drink?”

They all nod, but get up anyways. 

“I drank a third of a beer, I’m good,” Mark says and his face is hard as stone. You sigh, knowing he’s back at doctor mode. “Were there kids involved?”

Jaebeom nods and Yugyeom pushes his cup away, putting his jacket in record time. 

“I’m really sorry,” Mark whispers to you as you all rush to pay the bill. “I wish I could drop you home but…”

“Hey, it’s okay,” You promise. “I completely understand; here, give me your phone.”

He does and you give him yours.

“Text me when you get home,” He begs, eyes sad.

“I will,” You smile, hoping to lighten the mood before he has to face more tragedies. “And you text me when you’re done, Doctor.”

“Will do,” He kisses your cheek and winks before running after his friends. 

Sora walks with you and promises to let you know once she’s home. Disappointed but overall happy, you change out of your fancy outfit in favor of your oversized sweatpants and sweatshirt. The TV is on but you can’t seem to focus on anything, always glancing at your phone in hopes of receiving a text. You understand that he’s probably really busy, being the head of the ER, so you try to not expect much, deciding that it’s better to not hope for anything then to get disappointed in the end. 

It’s around midnight that your phone shines, illuminating the dark room. Luckily, your insomnia kicked in and you were wide awake, replaying the events of the night over and over again, sometimes cringing at something you remember having said, or giggling at a face Mark made. Once the light of your phone washes the room, though, you forget all about the past hours and focus on the present, quickly unlocking your phone.

Mark: you promised you’d let me know once you were home >.<

He used an emoji. You couldn’t believe Mark Tuan, the stone faced doctor of the ER, used an emoji.

You: I’m sorry! I completely forgot!

You: Did you get off of work just now?

Mark: Yeah… I’m sorry if I woke you up

You: It’s okay, I wasn’t asleep

You: You must be really tired right now…

Mark: Not at all! We can talk more

Mark: If you’re not tired, that is!

You: Can you come over, then?

You: It’s an emergency!

And you are very aware that there are a thousand better words to use rather than “emergency,” especially with a doctor that spends his days performing surgery on emergency patients, but you couldn’t help but laugh at the irony.

Mark: Emergency??? What happened?

Mark: Are you feeling alright?

Mark: Send me your address, please!

Mark: Y/N!

You send him the address and for a second you almost feel guilty for setting him on a panic driven mission, but you console yourself with the hope that he’ll like the reward. It takes him exact seven minutes to make it to your house and you worry about him a little, knowing that on a good traffic day, it usually takes fifteen; however, you forget all about it when you see him at your door, hair messy and eyes wild. He is still wearing the clothes he had at the exhibit and you chastise yourself for changing into your sweats.

“Hey–“ You open the door a little bit but he gently pushes the rest of it open, walking in, and closing it with his feet. His hands are on your head instantly, searching for an injury. 

“What happened?” He asks and asks you to follow his finger with your eyes. “Do you feel sick? Did you get hurt again? How are you so clumsy, Y/N?”

Laughing, you hold both his hands and put them down, letting it go only when his arms are limp next to his body.

“I’m okay,” You say taking a step forward. It was now or never; you had to be brave. “It’s another kind of emergency.”

“W-what kind i-is it?” His stutter makes you smile, knowing you can break his stone face down. 

“Hm, the urgent kind,” Your lips graze his as you speak, and you think he stopped breathing. 

“If it’s that urgent why didn’t you call me before?” You can feel his confidence growing as one of his arms goes around your waist, and the other hand grabs the nape of your neck. 

“You were busy,” You know you sound lame but it’s true– you were afraid of messing up his work. 

“Never too busy for you,” And then he kisses you.

You think his kisses can be compared to his smiles; they are shy and gentle in the beginning, but once he gets comfortable, they are languid and familiar. They claim you in the most delicious of ways– your body, your mouth, your heart,– and all you can do is give; give everything he wants, even if that means giving your whole self. The things about Mark, though, is that although he takes it all, he gives his all, too; and you feel it, through the kiss, how much he wants to be yours. How much he wants you closer, and closer, and closer, until you’re pressed against your wall, trapped in his body.

You pull away first, laughing as he follows your mouth with his. 

“It’s late,” You whisper in between pecks. “Why don’t we go sleep?”

“Sleep?” He asks, blinking as if he never heard those words before.

“Or not,” You wink already walking to the bedroom. “Your choice, though you look like you have… an emergency.”

“You’re going to be the death of me,” He groans and runs after you. “Get back here!”

Safe to say, you trip on your way down the hall. But it’s okay; you have your stone faced doctor with you. 

------------------------

hello lovelies! This is the first story of the General Hospital Series I’m doing for GOT7! How’d you like it? I have been falling in love with Mark more and more each day ❤️ leave your thoughts in the comment section, it means the world to know what you thin of my story :P love you all and thanks for the support!

[t-lostinworlds]

Comfort (Shawn Mendes)

A/N: Wrote this on a whim. Also, this is something to think about or reflect in a sense. Hope you guys like it <3

Summary: In which you listen to Shawn as he unloads and vents what’s been on his mind in a long time, providing him the comfort that he very much needs.

Warnings: None and Typos

Word Count: 1.7k+

Masterlist in Bio

-:-:-:-:-

You can already tell he wasn't himself the moment he stepped foot in your shared home. The deep frown etched on his face was a dead giveaway and the sigh that echoed throughout the halls was so heavy that it made you stop what you were doing in an instant.

"Hey there rockstar." You called out with a soft smile, sitting up straighter on the couch as you opened both your arms to welcome him home. The corners of his mouth curved up as he met your gaze, but it wasn't one that reached his ears nor made his eyes crinkle and you can just see it clear in his face how tired he was, a sight that made your heart ache.

He walked closer to you with his shoulders slump, placing his guitar case on the floor before he dropped on his knees right in front of you, arms wrapping around your form as he buried his face on the crook of your neck, a frown making its way on your lips as he lets out a shaky breath.

"You okay bubba?" You whispered softly, fingers getting lost in the mesh of his curls, your lips softly pressed against his forehead as you held him close. He shook his head no, his grip around you tightening and this made you heart sink down to your stomach.

"Oh baby, come here." You cooed, slowly leaning back on the couch to get yourselves comfortable, Shawn quickly taking the hint as he gently pushed you back until he laid right on top of you, his hold around you not loosening even in the slightest as he found a much needed comfort in your warm embrace.

He's a big guy for sure, but you liked holding him like this, feet all tangled up together as he rests his head on your chest, your nails scratching his head in a way that he always loved, and in no time you can already feel his body slowly relaxing, slowly melting into yours.

"Want to talk about it?" You proposed in a calm tone, not wanting to push him if he doesn't want to but letting him know that you're there for him whenever he wants to spill his heart out, always have and always will.

Shawn blew out his cheeks, his hot breath tickling your neck as he snuggled even closer to you. "I'm just so drained." He mumbled and though you didn't see the sadness flash across his features, you can just hear it loud and clear in his voice, a shift in his tone that made your brows furrow. "From what baby?"

"Everything. People keep forgetting that I'm only human at the end of the day. I'm not some kind of robot that doesn't feel anything or just feel numb through everything. Just because I'm some celebrity doesn't mean I don't get tired or get hurt. All the mean things, all the hate, it hurts me." Shawn admitted defeatedly, his voice wavering once he reached the end of his sentence.

This left a sting in your heart, the hurt that coated his voice making the frown on your lips deepen. "Shawn, my love, I told you not to dwell on those anymore."

He nodded grimly, placing a soft kiss on your skin as he still refused to look up at you, to meet you in the eyes, his face still buried on the crook of your neck as if he was hiding. "I know, but sometimes I just see it even if I'm not looking for it. It just keeps popping up even if I try my best to avoid it."

You hummed, as you waited for him to continue as this was when he just spills everything out, a time when he just needs someone to listen, to be there as he unloads everything, that someone always being you for how many years now.

"I just don't get why people can say the meanest things online. Yes, I make mistakes. Yes, I fuck up a lot but who doesn't? Everyone on this earth makes mistakes but they make it seem like I'm the only one who does. They make it seem like I've done the cruelest thing ever and it's so tiring." Shawn admitted as he tightens his grip around you, scared that if it was any looser, he'd end up alone in the dark, scared that if he even tried to let go for a split second, he'll get lost and sink even deeper in the the darkest depths of his mind.

"I try my best. Fuck I try my hardest to be the best I can be but no matter what I do, no matter what I say, I still end up being the bad guy. And maybe I deserve some of this but I wish people would be a lot more sensitive you know? Their words hurt. They really hurt a lot and no matter how much I tell myself it doesn't matter, that I shouldn't let it get to me, it still hurts." Shawn's voice broke no matter how much he tried for it not to. The emotions inside him getting too overwhelming as this has been building up inside him for so long and now, he has reached his breaking point.

You quickly cupped his face as you pulled him up slightly, shaking your head with a frown, your eyes meeting his already glossy ones and this made your heart break. "You don't deserve this hate Shawn. No one does. Just because someone doesn't agree with you doesn't mean they can say this awful things about you. Don't you ever think for a second that you deserve this because you don't."

Shawn propped himself up on his elbows for him to get a better look at you, him leaning onto your touch as you caress his cheek softly with your thumb, the look in your eyes enough to make him feel warm inside, a comforting feeling spreading across his heart. You always do that to him, always quick to make him feel better, always making him feel so loved when needed be. You always bring him back down to earth, always saving him from his demons and he doesn't know what he's done to deserve someone as incredible as you but nonetheless, he was thankful, extremely thankful to have you in his life.

He nodded slowly as lets out a broken sigh. "I wish people would get some perspective first. They don't know me, they don't know what's going on inside my head, they don't understand what I'm going through because they are not in my shoes. They don't understand how much their words messes with my brain, or how much it affects me because they are not on the receiving end of it but still, they throw this hurtful things like it's nothing, thinking that it doesn't get to me but it does. I wish people would just be kinder. The world would be a much better place if only people were kind with one another."

You pushed the stray curl back and away from his forehead as you threaded your fingers in his hair, Shawn letting out a soft sigh of relief at the feeling. "Me too Shawn, but you know what matters? We have people like you in this world, sweet and kind people who spreads as much positivity as they can. What matters is that you aren't stooping down to their level and adding more to the negativity. That after everything that's happened in your life, you're still the kind hearted person I fell in love with years ago. What matters is that you learn from your mistakes and become a better person than you were yesterday. You are incredible, you inspire so many people and make them so happy. You make me happy. You are a kind person Shawn, me and all the people who knows you can guarantee that, that's true and that's what matters, not the words of the people who know nothing about you. Remember that."

Shawn's bottom lip got caught between his teeth as he stared at you in pure awe, his eyes quick to shut tight before a tear can even begin to escape as he pressed his forehead against yours. "You're amazing, you know that right?" He whispered softly, the tip of his nose nudging yours in a sweet and gentle manner, a feeling of pure gratitude coursing through his heart at the words of the love of his life.

You only hummed in response, planning on placing a quick peck on his lips but Shawn had other plans as he kissed you harder, a kiss full of passion and love as he captures your lips in his, making you feel just how thankful he is as words wouldn't do it justice.

"I'm sorry for laying this all on you angel." Shawn pouts as he pulled away, hovering above you just enough for him to get properly lost in your eyes. You only flashed him a smile, hands going to cup his face as you looked up at him adoringly. "Hey, what did I tell you from the very start?"

As soft chuckle escaped the boy's lips as he tilted his head to the side with a smile. "My burden is your burden, as yours is mine too."

"Hmm, it's going to be you and me against the world, always." Shawn hummed at your words as he dipped his head down, giving you a sweet and loving kiss before snuggling back into your hold with a satisfied sigh as if you were his real life teddy bear, which in this case, you were.

"Thank you for always being here for me honey. I don't know what I'd do without you. You keep me sane in the middle of all this chaos and I will forever be grateful for that." He whispered against your skin, a smile plastered on your lips as you held him in your arms.

"I love you Shawn."

"And I love you, with every fiber of my being Y/N."

No one said another word as the two of you laid there, in the comfort of your home and in the comfort of the arms of the person you love.

***

"Hate destroys the very structure of the personality of the hater.... when you start hating anybody, it destroys the very center of your creative response to life and the universe; so love everybody." - Martin Luther King

-:-:-:-:-

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[san-station]

A Quiet Place AU / ATEEZ (Post-apocalyptic)

Chapter 5

↝Word count: 1800  

Description: In a world full of silence and dangerous creatures seeking for blood, a group of friends have to survive for their own good and find the safe place they’ve heard about months ago.

Pairing: OC x San

WARNING: cursing, mention of death.

A/N: This chapter was pretty hard to write because I was in college and I really wanted it to be longer, but my mind was too overwhelmed lol... now that I have a break, I hope you enjoy what’s to come ;) 

・・・・・・・・

The beginning of the end.

My head was pounding and my eyes felt like two heavy doors locked down with a lost key. Suddenly, my chest was the cage of a dragon, and it was going crazy roaring loudly and flying as fast as it could just to find a way out of that prison. I had a sore throat, I could feel it when my breath collided with the walls of my dry mouth, I felt so dehydrated and weak as my body moved an inch.

I also was very aware of the little ants that danced inside my hands, making it very difficult to move them. And the pupils down my eyelids started to go from here to there as the images of Day #1 traveled on my mind over and over again as an old fashioned cinema with its old projector and the 35mm movie happening right in the white screen. Blood, screams, fire, none of us knew what the hell was going on but we did know it was terrifying. 

There it was, Kihwang's body lying on the front stairs of the Arts building when a creature ran right to us, I couldn’t even ask myself about what was that in the moment. The head of the animal had thin and strong teeth that grabbed Kihwang's flesh easily with just one bite… and from the noises, Haerin and two more people vomited next to us.

Lucas ordered all of us to run as fast as we could to the police station, however, it was already on fire when we arrived, panicked fulfilled the city as sharp screams and the heavy fire in the sky seemed the main show of the night. Baeyong, one of the girls of the dance class, guided us to the church while our surrenders were full of sorrow and despair.  That's when three other creatures appeared a few meters next to me, the boys and girls from my class were way headed away, so that's where I knew something was off, I remembered being next to Hongjoong that exact moment and the one left behind was… oh, shit. 

"Jiyeong!", I heard a scream, it sounded like an eco but I couldn't see anything besides the creatures approaching faster as they ran in their two feet/hands. My head clicked finally, I was reliving the moment when Haerin died, when we left her there due to her slow running. In our desperate marathon to the church, Haerin's agonizing screams made me turned around to face reality, we switched places and her right arm was extended to where I stood with wide and cristal eyes while her body rested on the ground. Two monsters were upon her, slaughtering her stomach and chest like a mother cutting her son’s birthday cake to the guesses.

Haerin's name came out of my mouth as a whisper, it was my fault, I left her aside for my own survival, I knew she ran too slow and, even so, I tried to catched the others, so selfish. Haerin...  

The third monster started to run my way as it realized my existence. Footsteps came behind me and grabbed my arm with such a strong grap that the mark of the fingers stood on my skin for three days. It was Mingi's; Seonghwa and San reached us and made us run faster than ever.  They came back for me as the others entered the church. Lucas was holding the big front door waiting for the rest to get in. He frowned when he saw the creature approaching. 

"RUN FUCKING FASTER, GOD DAMMIT", he screamed with his deep voice moving his long arms in support. San pushed me inside the structure as the guys finally got in the place. We were panting and sweating, the people around us watched us with fear in their eyes. Some families were together, hugging themselves to reassure they were "safe". San grabbed my face between his hands and cleaned the tears off my cheeks. I didn't know I was crying. 

"Everything's gonna be okay…", he murmured trying to make me forget what I just saw, what I just made. My best friend… I felt the dizziness knocking the walls of my cranium and my knees stumbled.

"Calm down, Jiyeong, breathe…", he motioned his chest as he took a deep breath and exhaled. I mimicked harshly, the air came out trembling as I was trying to not hyperventilate. 

"Everyone, get away from the doors!", Hongjoong imposed when a loud thump came from the wooden door and startled everyone. We walked a few steps back to the center of the church with scared eyes and running hearts. San's arms around my shoulders were something I didn't ask for, but also wanted. Mingi and Yunho tried to lock the door with a huge wooden piece of the church and some wooden benches around. Whimpers and anguish were everywhere, every single person inside the place was terrified. No one had a single clue of the current situation and the signal was surprisingly cut off, so we weren't able to contact the police or ask for help to the military.

"I need to go, I need to see my family…", my voice sounded raspy with a sore throat. I swallowed hard, that made it worst, the burning sensation almost made me puke but I holded it by breathing slowly. It’s the end, I realized, I’m going to die in this place with strange people and I don’t know shit about my parents…; Yunho and Mingi ran to us, getting away from the door. Mingi was panting harshly and I could see the fear in his eyes. He knows this is it... I was certain of it. It was the beginning of the end, for sure.

My body was shaking and my ears buzzed loudly, it resembled the day of my first presentations, I wasn't sure if people would like my art or my dance moves, o my body would immediately lose control. However, the attack made it a million percent worse.

 I turned to look to the dance class, Lucas was calming some boys and girls of the pizza team, I didn’t have Haerin around anymore and the last person I was looking for appeared so sudden... Misuk was on the floor of the church with blank eyes as a blood thread came out of her mouth, bubbling. She was mumbling something I couldn't understand. Over her were Jin, Hongjoong, Seonghwa and Jongho, their pupils were entirely red and their teeth were sharp and showered with Misuk's blood, all of them smiled at me with the creepiest gesture it could exist. 

"NO!", I scream as my sore throat started to hurt agonizing and tears streamed down my cheeks again, they felt cold this time. My head pounded more and more, everything felt like hell: hot and painful, if the Devil would whiplash my back, that would’ve felt better than how I was.

Strong arms hold me tight to a strong chest and I let myself cry for the first time in months. I embraced the feeling, I embraced the person holding me, it made me believe it'll never let me go, and that's what I needed, I needed to think that they didn't want me to go even though everything was my fault. Misuk's death, Haerin's death, Lucas disappearing, it'd be ironic if the meteor shower was my fault too… 

"Calm down, Ji… everything's fine now.", Seonghwa said caressing my back as my tears soaked his shirt, my shaky hands grabbed the front of his hoodie.  

"All of them died because of me, Hwa. It's all my fault", my voice broke, I was sobbing and mumbling that I was a fool to believe that it wasn't; if I wasn't there, they would probably be alive, I was the one that always incite people to do things just because I wanted to let them know what they were capable of… But at the end, the consequences felt so wrong, everything was so wrong every fucking time. The thoughts were haunting me constantly.

"Don't be so hard on yourself, Jiyeong, you know it's not true", he kissed the top of my head as he spoke. Seconds later, Hongjoong, Yunho and Mingi were hugging us tightly and my sobs calmed down progressively. Human warmth was calming in all ways, but it only was better if the people you love gave it to you; you could feel the love exude from their bodies, you could watch the love in their eyes once you separate from the hugs. You could stay there forever and never be tire of it. 

"It's so difficult sometimes…", my whispers made them look at each other with sad eyes. Hongjoong's mouth flashed a little smile and stood up the bed. 

"Life is difficult sometimes, you just have to take it and remember that, if everything was perfect, life would be very boring", he said. 

"Besides, our lives are pretty fucked since monsters came out of the sky and killed most of the people", Yunho spoke as he whirled around the small room. 

"Yeah, so is that", Hongjoong scoffed and grabbed my shoulders carefully, Mingi made his way next to us.

"Ji, we take care of each other, we're a family", the tall boy said and I nodded slowly, fully calmed on the outside, thunderstorm on the inside.

"And there are moment when we can't protect others because it's difficult... and we have to find the moment to forgive ourselves, not just throw us all inside the lion's mouth, okay?", the mullet boy let me go and walked to the door.  

"I'm not ready", I muttered as I got myself out of the bed as well, my feet felt so heavy I thought they could be glue to the floor. 

"Take your time", Seonghwa spoke now, I turned to my right to make eye contact, he was smiling. "We can help you, don't bottle up next time." The four men looked at me with smiles on their faces, not happy smiles, the sad ones when you messed up something and your friends try to reassure you that everything's fine and it was no one's fault even tho they all knew you were the reason it was a disaster. The kind of smile that tells you that you are not alone; a sad smile, yes, but with warm eyes that gave you the strength enough to keep climbing the mountain no matter how tired and sweaty you were, the smile that could speak for itself and said I'm not going anywhere without you, keep moving, I'm not leaving you behind. 

"Guys…", Yunho said, breaking the silence. "Can we please take this bonding moment to the kitchen? I'm starving", he groaned, winning giggles from the other men and a loud victory scream from Mingi.

They left the room while chatting and laughing, and once again I thought that if this was the end, I’m happy to be surrounded by this people. 

(...)

Masterlist

[for-bucks-sake]

Underwater.

Pairing: Stucky x Reader Word Count: 4.5K. I know, I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking. Warnings: Angst, Endgame Spoilers, general sadness? Characters death. That’s it probably. Summary: For the past five years, Y/n has been holding her breath.  A/N: Idk man, I want to thank everyone who read Missing Is a Recurring Theme. I was overwhelmed by the comments so just,,thank you! Currently working on part two (get ready for fluff!) But for now, this was requested by the lovely @fandomnerdxox. Hope you love angst, because that’s what this fic is all about. Hope you like it! 

Her lungs were filled with dust. She could tell. Unable to expend them enough to take a breath, ribcage staying painfully small. “Bucky?” She called, maybe yelled. Nothing was clear anymore. Not even the air.

The fighting stopped all at once, there was a shift in the atmosphere, like the universe itself sensed something has gone terribly wrong. She stopped running when a Wakandan soldier reached for her, hurt, looking distressed as he tried to come closer, his back bent.

She swallowed, the urged to find her partners almost overpowering her instincts to help the man. She took his hand nevertheless, holding it tight in hers and pulling him up. She glanced to the sides, forever searching with her eyes familiar figures, when she felt the man slipping from her touch; “Are you oka-“ y/n looked back just in time to witness him disintegrating in front of her eyes, warm human flash crumbling in her grip, nothing left but dirt.  

She gasped, nearly falling back. Her eyes widened in panic as she finally started to notice more and more people dissolving into thin air.

Y/n ran. “Steve!” Knowing it’s too late. But she ran. “Bucky!” The field was too big to cover on foot. But she ran.

There was a long leg clothed in navy blue uniforms, scattering into invisible particles. Wind spreading them all over two silver, Vibrenium made shields, That’s when she stopped.

“No.” She choked, vision clouded, not even registering the chaos she walked right into.

A single, large, sniper rifle abandoned on the grass, inches away from where the leg was no longer. “No.”

It can’t be. It can’t. Not them, it can’t be them.

She collapsed to the ground, the weight of her injuries finally hitting her fully;

“I can’t breathe.” She panted, holding her sore throat desperately, starving for oxygen,“I can’t breathe.”

-

Loneliness is a funny thing. You could be lonely for years, decades, even. And never once notice it. You could live content with what you have, not even wondering about what you might miss. That’s when life tricks you. It lures you into tasting it, like a pinch of salt you bake inside a cake, bringing the sweetness out. Life places it on your tongue, melting it away into your bloodstream, changing you forever so you will never be the same. And then, they wait.

Wait in the shadows, until they think you’re too used to it, until they decide you don’t deserve it anymore. So they take it. Snatch it from between your fingers with brutal force, leaving you alone, bare, unworthy.

Funny may not be the accurate word, no. But all the other words she thought of to describe her situation were too tragic. So she sticks with funny.

-

Nat asked her to move back to compound today.

Y/n said no, of course. Not even remotely considering this as an option, furious at Natasha that she did. It got heated quickly, on her part, mostly.

She was alone all her life. Both of them were before the universe was vicious enough to give a meager taste to the starved.  She thought maybe Nat, could understand.

Y/n didn’t want to move in. Waking up to the sound of Natasha trying to save a world that already lost. Listening to her secretly wiping about what Clint has become. She didn’t want to do that. Y/n had enough shit to deal with on her own.

She finally reached her front door, fumbling with her keys, groaning as the jingling continued because she couldn’t find the right one, hands still shaking from anger.

“Did you know how quickly smell fades away?” Nat’s hair was longer, red color vibrant than ever. It suited her.

“I’m sorry?” Confusion replaced Natasha’s fading smile,

“Smell.” Y/n stressed, “of people, I mean. When they’re not here to renew it, it just disappears. Dissolves into the air, like it was never there.” She refused to sit, not once stopping to chip on her nails.

“Are you okay? Y/n, I’m starting to w-“

“Especially with clothes.” She frowned, burring her hands inside the pocket of her oversized leather jacket, changing her mind right after, bringing right hand fingers to her lips instead,  “you know, I tried keeping their clothes in the closet, I thought maybe, it will help preserve the smell. But it was all bullshit. Turns out I just missed about a year of their scents. When I opened it, it was barely there.”

Natasha remained silent, too alarmed to speak. Y/n accepted it as an invitation to continue her ramble.

“I was so angry, you won’t believe.” She laughed bitterly, “At myself of course, like, I could’ve googled it or something, but I didn’t. So I don’t have much to go with now.” Y/n continued, either going through an aneurism, a fit, or finally losing her mind all together, doing so hysterically right in front of Nat.

Natasha left her chair, walking towards y/n as carefully as she would approach a wounded predator.

“Listen to me, it’s going to be fine.” She cringed at her own words, feeling terrible at making people feel better. Steve was great at it, he always knew what to say and when to say it. Surly if he returned to give an advice, it would’ve calmed down his grieving girlfriend.

Natasha was relieved to be her only audience, if anyone else was seeing her state she would get a fast pass to a psych ward. Nat knew she wasn’t crazy, just…hurting.

“Yeah. yeah,” y/n dismissed her, swinging her hand, “anyway, that’s my way of telling you I can’t move here.” She finally sat down, leaving Natasha facing the wall. She turned around.

“Why not?” She said carefully, crossing her arms, “the thought of you all alone is- .”

“I don’t mind being alone.” Y/n cut sharply the kind words directed to her,

“do you?”

She finally managed to find the right one, shoving the key to its lock and twisting. She pushed the door with her shoulder, dropping her small bag to the floor.

Five years had gone and she still wasn’t used to the unnatural silence.

The blinds were shut, the air didn’t move, and for a second she could believe that time actually stopped.

Y/n inhaled deeply, standing still in the middle of the room, not daring to make a sound - maybe time did stop. She jumped when a car honked outside. A loud, ear cutting sound that tore her ruthlessly from her bubble.

She blinked, as if waking up from a deep slumber, realizing her precious reality was nothing but a dream.

That’s how she felt everyday, if she was being honest. Sometimes their touch felt more like a delusion than a memory. Sometimes, metal hand and starred chest turning into dust were just a horrifying nightmare. Sometimes, two purple, ugly fingers snap themselves together was just a fucked up hallucination. Sometimes, the existence of two, perfect men, reciprocating the strong, burning love she felt was just too hard to believe.

Nothing was real anymore.

Y/n walked into the bedroom, grabbing the white bottle of aspirin from her bedside table and swallowing down two. It was an exhausting day.

Her head met the sagging pillow with a soft thud, unlike most days, sleep came quickly, and with a flutter of her eyelashes, she was already gone.

He was so handsome with that beard. It was really impacting her ability to focus.

“Hi, ms. Astronaut!” Steve called her, golden fragments of light dancing in his eyes, “your pretty dreamy looks won’t help you on the battlefield.”

“Really? So you’re just that good at punching people?” She smirked, adjusting the straps of her sports bra, “no staring at your enemies with those baby blues until they beg for mercy?”

He caught her off guard, using her shoulder to hoist himself up and tackle her ankles from the back. She hit the soft padding embarrassingly easily, Steve not even giving her the time to react.

He offered a strong hand, swinging her off the ground like she weighs nothing when she took it. He smiled at her, eyes a brilliant cerulean- “ready to beg for mercy yet?”

Y/n huffed and hit his shoulder, “not a chance.” She paused, tightening her ponytail, returning to starting position, “now explain to me how to block it.”

Suddenly, her scenario dusted away in a disgusting black ash, swirling around her body, ruthlessly throwing her into a field.

She started running. She didn’t know where she ran, but it felt like she’s been there before; sounds and smells familiar, recognizing the path to god-knows-where as her legs kept carrying her.

A more clear image started to form, the sky bore lightning but it was warm outside, faceless monsters with sharp teeth and slick skin tried to attack her but only went through. Y/n was starting to realize where she was; it was their last fight against Thanos, and she got another chance.

Running was a part of her by now. Unable to stop or slow down, one mission in mind. Looking for a reflection of the sun on metal, or just the eyes of two bearded men before they disappear for good.

She heard them calling for her, loud and clear, two voices she hasn’t encountered for a long time, yet will never be able to forget.

“Bucky?” She screamed, this time she has to find them, she has to, “Steve? Where are you? Steve, Bucky!”

The tears woke her up, cheeks stained and breaths that were no longer under her control, hasty gasps that choke her up instead of supplying oxygen.

She was so close this time.

Her body shook violently, trembling with fear and drenched in cold sweat. The headache she had when she fell asleep was worse now, an echoing sting compressing her brain every time her heart beat.

It wasn’t just her failed attempt to say goodbye. She dreamed this every other night, and every single time she finds herself inside an unknown territory, not knowing what she needs to do until the very last minute, when she fails miserably, only to awaken to the voices of her loved ones, calling her to come save them.

No, it wasn’t just that. Because this time- this time she had a good dream too.

They used to spar all the time together, it was a good energy outlet and an excuse to spend more time with each other. She had a lot to learn from two super soldiers, and to her surprise, she taught them some moves too.

Y/n remembered that day, Steve and she were having an early morning while Bucky was still soundly sleeping, so they decided not to wake him, leaving an orange sticky note on his metal arm that said, gone to kick steve’s ass, be back by 9:00. love you.

Steve drove them to the compound, crisp breeze hitting her freshly opened eyes as she clutched his firm chest tighter, leaning her body weight on his.

He asked if she was okay, loud noise of the engine and the wind free whistles in her ears, maybe he thought he drove too fast.

She nodded, smiling in reassurance when they bypassed traffic, Steve maniacally dodging cars and driving in between the small spaces vehicles leave. He was crazy. But he managed to bring them to the compound in under twenty minutes, which was a new record.

They entered the gym, Steve’s hand still on her lower back as they stopped walking, taking off their jackets, staying only in training clothes.

“I really like that jacket.” She said, feeling the worn leather of the large brown cloth under her fingertips.

“I know.” He smiled and bit his lips, taking her hand and guiding her to the large ring.

They took their positions, adjusting their stances, “Last night I remembered some old fight moves I didn’t use in a long time.” Steve scratched his beard then stretched his shoulders, “maybe we could start with them?”

She remembers nodding, not registering exactly what he said because she got distracted, thinking about his beard and his eyes and everything else.

It was a good day. Peaceful day. A day she would give anything to experience just once more.

Her eyes were tired, begging for an actual rest as she got up, still in her clothes from yesterday, blindly walking to the kitchen and hitting some buttons on the coffee machine- it was too old now. Needed to be replaced.

Nothing has really changed, since half of the world disappeared, since Steve and Bucky disappeared. She set next to the kitchen table, filling only one of four chairs, like every other day, holding the same bitter, black coffee in the same chipped mug.

Even killing Thanos didn’t mean anything, and she wasn’t even there. Too struck with grief to see the last light behind this monster’s eyes before they darkened forever.

Y/n felt like the world ceased to move, like maybe, in a way, they were caught in a lop, and time did stop.

-

“I’m sorry.” She went to visit Natasha again. Being sad was no excuse to treat her only friend spitefully. She leaned against the lintel, trying to find support, or hide behind it, she didn’t know.

Natasha’s eyes were swollen, eyes still threatening to tear up again any moment.

“It’s okay.” She took a bite from her sandwich, “Clint did it again.”

Y/n thought about yesterday, her own thoughts were so unfair to Nat, who did nothing but help her the past five years, how could she be so selfish, thinking she was the only one in suffering.

“I’m sorry, Nat. I really am.” Y/n approached her, taking the chair that was opposite of her, “did you try looking for him? Clint is a good guy. You know he is. He’s someone who lost everything at once. Something like that gotta mess up with your mind.”

“You’re still here.” Nat said quietly, already regretting it,

Y/n bit the inside of her cheek, reclining against the back of the chair, “If there’s someone in this world that could save him - it’s yo-“

“Hey, Hello, This is Scott Lang. We met a few years ago, at the airport, in Germany, I got really big-“

Both women were startled, slowly getting up from their chairs, looking at the small monitor.

“Is this an old message?” Y/n asked, her eyes burning, she inhaled sharply. Scott Lang is supposed to be missing, he dusted with all the others. And if that really is Scott it means…

-

Scott didn’t disappear because of Thanos’ snap like the others. So it didn’t mean shit. And hope crushed her chest once again, hating herself for letting it invade her thoughts repeatedly, not learning her lesson.

His incoherent ramble about a time machine sure didn’t help. Natasha insisted they would go visit Tony anyway, saying that if he recognized a real chance he would never hesitate to help-

But when she sees Tony with his daughter, her world nearly crumbles for the second time in two days. The odds he would cooperate were now down to zero.

Tony saw them approaching. She watched him letting the kid down, following her with her gaze as she ran all the way to the front door, swallowed by the wooden house.

“I’m happy for you Tony,” y/n heard herself saying, “I really am. But you can help so many people, you can help bring so many people back, and you won’t even…”

“No. I won’t even.” There was a finality in his voice, one that clearly states they are done.

“Steve? You remember Steve? He used to be your friend. Or have you already forgotten him. How easy.” She pierced the air with an ice cold tone , anger consuming her. “You live your happy life, and you got everything. Tony. Everything. What do I got? What do I have?” She heaved, breathless, and he looked like he was going to say something, when his daughter came jumping on his lap, securing her little arms around him in a firm hug, “mom told me to come save you.”

Y/n finally got a good look of the girl. She was sweet looking, a visible brain behind her eyes; And she didn’t know Tony Stark very well, but y/n could tell the kid shared a deep resembles to him. Who wouldn’t do anything for their child? Even if it means letting the other half of the world burn. -

She clearly didn’t know the man at all, because for some reason- Tony Stark came back.

Everything they did seemed to fail, and when Bruce couldn’t figure it out, almost making what’s left of the Avengers babysitters to baby Scott, Tony arrived to the rescue.

“He turned into a baby, didn’t he?” He snarked with a sly grin, revealing a weird looking metal bracelet and a proud attitude that said, I did it.

“Thank you.” Y/n took his hand, squeezing it hard, knowing that as of now, she owes this man her life. “Thank you so much.”

He offered a knowing smile, grief shifting his features, “I know what it’s like to lose someone.” - “See you in a minute.” She heard Nat, giddy with excitement, before all of them were pulled into a colorful vortex, a hurricane rearranging her guts, staying with her even when they landed in an unfamiliar ally in New York.

“Are we in the right place?” She asked Tony and Bruce, changing her white and red, Quantum traveling suit, into a more area fitting one with a single button.

Smashing sounds got closer by the second right after she asked, not long before they saw a much greener Hulk, destroying everything on his path.

“I’m pretty sure this answers my question. “ Y/n said to herself, amused, heart light inside her chest despite the heavy mission ahead of them.

Y/n wore a big SHIELD identification, saying she was incredibly high clearance, it’s supposed to get her what she needs quickly, no questions asked; but when she entered an elevator full of Hydra thugs, testosterone reeking the small space, she assumed there might be some questions.

“Gentlemen.” She said, too ceremonially, “I will need you to hand me the Scepters. Orders from high, I’m afraid.” She felt all of them tense around her,

“And who are you, if I may ask? I have never seen you here.” The bald man who looked less threatening than all of them asked,

Y/n held her ID high, pointing out her clearance level, “not ever seeing me here is a good sign, Mr…”

“Mr. Sitwell.”

“Very well, Mr. Sitwell. Now, if you will, the Scepter. I’m in a bit of a rush. Wouldn’t want to keep people on the higher floors waiting.” Y/n decided to do something bold, the outcome could either be a success, or one that she would have to punch her way out of. She leaned against Sitwell, bringing her mouth closer to his ear and whispered,  

“Hail Hydra.”

The man looked apprehensive at first, debating with himself for a long moment, until finally nodding to one of the other men, handing her the long suitcase reluctantly.

Y/n gladly accepted it , the elevator finally opening up as she turned her back to them, smirking in satisfaction, going towards the exit.

Her legs stopped in their tracks. She wasn’t supposed to see him. Not now, not like this.

Steve, wearing a very cheesy and outdated Captain America suit approached her, holding his earpiece, and before she could even registered what was going on, she heard him say he has eyes on Loki. Fucking Fantastic.

It wasn’t her Steve, she knew, but it was harder to accept than say, because as it seemed she is going to have to fight him, and she wasn’t ready.

In the months before the mission Natasha got her back into a very strict schedule of training, trying to beat her into shape again. It couldn’t repair years of damage and neglect, but it was better than anything. And as past Steve swung his shield to her direction, y/n held onto every bit of shape she head.

It wasn’t her Steve, her mind screamed as she dodged his punch, fighting the desire to take off his mask and kiss him.

He hasn’t met her yet, of course he won’t recognize her.  

“Hand back the Scepter, Loki.” He demanded, she was suddenly happy she couldn’t see his eyes.

Steve tried to use her shoulder to hoist himself up, but y/n hunched over, waiting for him to miss his jump, and placed two hands securely on his broad shoulders, lifting herself and using his support to flip over, forcing him down along with her, wrapping her body around his, trying to chock him long enough for him to lose consciousness.

“I can’t do that. “She panted, struggling to keep him in a tight enough grip, “and I am not Loki.”

Steve fought out of her hold, twisting his thighs around hers and kicking her kneecaps, rattling her entire body as they changed positions, now she was the one being strangled. She arced her back, hitting him in full force with it, but he didn’t budge. Not even when she jerked one ankle, jolting him right in the junk. She’ll apologize later.

Y/n couldn’t beat him in a hand to hand combat, poorly shaped and outmatched by him. Distraction was her only possible advantage, and she was running out of time, options, and air. What could baffle 2012 Steve Rogers? She thought frantically, just as the answer presented itself to her.

What would faze 2012 Steve Rogers? The same thing that would faze 2019 Steve Rogers, or any Steve Rogers for that matter.

“Bucky, is , alive.” She coughed out, and it was enough; the lock on her throat was released, giving her an opportunity to take the Scepter and run. She took it out of its case, pointing it at Steve general direction just as he gained composer again, hovering above her. She caught a glimpse of blue, cold and painful to watch without the warm undertones that appeared every time he looked at her.

“Sorry.” She squeaked as he dropped to the floor, head planted down. Only falling asleep, she hoped.

- The minute she saw Clint collapsing, an empty space to her left, she knew Natasha was not coming back.

They didn’t know exactly what happened, and it didn’t matter. Because everything else was clear. She gave her life to get that stone, to get everyone back. That only meant one thing; They could not fail.

- As time went by, y/n thought less and less about what would happen if they came back. There was no point to lead herself on, right? So she didn’t.

But now, as the possibility of them returning appeared more vivid, worry began to chew on her confidence.  Insecurity seemed the last thing she needed right now, so insignificant, superficial, in times like this, when the faith of the world was at stake. Yet, she was staring at the mirror, for the first time in five years, really looking. Examining carefully, with attention, how her body has changed. She didn’t like what she saw.

It’s not about you, she had to remind herself, it’s about them.

“Also", a very familiar voice, challenging her with the cheek in her tone; Nat. “Give those two dumbasses more credit, they will love you, no matter what.”

-

It was only them, and they were losing.

They managed the snap, and it almost cost Bruce’s life in the process. Nothing in the world seemed to scream about drastic changes so far, and then Thanos decided to pay a visit, depriving them of finding out if everything they have gone through was for nothing.

Slowly but surely, they were losing. Being wrecked by the purple alien that already destroyed once their lives as they knew and loved.

It wasn’t fair, Stark was the last one standing. She watched him from where she landed, after being brutally thrown. He could never face him by himself, he wouldn’t survive long enough. She remembered that day, it seemed like thousand years ago now; when she swore, she owed her life to that man.

No superpowers, no special suit, no weapon. Just her, and her fists. That’s all she had to offer. She owed it to too many people to not just surrender and die, leaving a world to burn behind her. She owed it to herself.

Y/n gritted her teeth and spit blood to the side, standing side by side with Iron Man, bringing two fists to the front of her body and fixing her stance.

She inhaled deeply and glanced at Stark, he nodded, letting her know he’s ready when she is.

“Y/n?” She heard her name, somehow loud, in her earpiece. Tony looked confused just as her, he heard it too, and it wasn’t him talking.

“Doll, it’s Steve. Do you copy?”

Her breath was knocked off her lungs, she searched around her for any sign of him, of Bucky, of anyone, when an orange portal was opened behind her. And then another one, and another one, and another ten.

“Holy shit.” Tony called from beside her, laughing, somehow, “holy fucking shit.”

Y/n was at a loss of words.

“Go.” He opened his helmet, motioning her to the sea of warriors behind them - he wasn’t standing alone anymore - “go!”

She shook her head, not moving an inch. “I’m staying right here.”

-

It was her dream again. Her eyes scanned the crowds, running amok between injured people, bodies. Vision too blurry and burning to see any face at all.

“Y/n!.” A deep voice called in her direction, and she nearly twisted her neck attempting to find its source.

Her eyes teared up instantly, knees threatening to buckle underneath her, a metal arm coming just in time to hold onto her, support her in place. Wiping tears was useless, she found out soon enough, giving up instantly to simply sobbing into Bucky’s shoulder.

“Bucky, Bucky, Bucky.” She kept crying out, he had a long cut on the side of his torso, he shushed her gently when she tried to bring it up.

There was a subtle movement behind her, and she tensed, head shooting up, “Steve?”

“I’m right here, sweetheart.” He said softly, another pair of strong arm enfolding themselves around her, his eyes radiated warmth, bright in the middle of a dirt stained face. She took one last look before burying her body deeper between them, surrounding herself with a scent that was a mix of salt and earth and blood, so humanly them.

“You were gone and I-“ Y/n kept glancing every other second at Bucky- even though she was still in his arms, hysteria got the best of her, gradually taking over any rationale left- the fear they’ll disappear, like last time, becomes too real.

“I didn’t say goodbye and-“ She gasped for air, they caressed her, talking sweet nothings in her ears, just to calm her down.

“It’s been five years and I…I couldn’t live without you.” She said finally, physically struggling to speak, clutching onto them harder,

“We’re so sorry.” Bucky muttered, choking down on tears of his own, weaving fingers through her knotted hair, “So fucking sorry.”

“It’s okay,” Steve reassured her one more time, kissing her temple, then her knuckles, then her lips. “we’re here now.”

[odissey061]

Motonari's route

Chapter(s) posted:

1. This freak won't have me

2. Kick him in the teeth

Please, teach me a better way to create link because I can't do it by myself

Chapter 3: This trick never worked at human's memory

Tag: @towa-no-yume @r-f-a-journalists

When I open my eyes the first thing I feel is an acute headache: the hands run through the hair until I discover a bump. I press it to see if I feel the pain and then I whimper like a baby: it hurts a lot. Why I'm so stupid? I take a look around me and I notice I'm in a cold and empty cell. The room is surrounded by three wooden walls and before me there's an iron grille. Here and there on the floor against the wall there are spooky chains that make me chill and smile nervously. At this moment I heard the rolling waves and I understand I'm on a ship.

Where I am? How many time has passed since my kidnap? I must return to the Oda right now! A lot of hours passed since I left Azuchi castle: I told to Hideyoshi I'd come back after lunch, so probably they have already noticed my absence.

I try open the door but, obviously, is locked and I look around to find something to force the look, but the room is empty, except the chain on the wall. Then I took a clip from my hair and, holding it tight in the hand, I pray:"At human memory this trick never worked, but, please, if there's even the littlest chance, make it happens". Great, now I pray to objects like they were gods!

I plug the clasp in the door lock but, as I expected, it doesn't work. Pushed by despair, I retry again and again, but after a large number of failed attempts and swears, finally I give up and I lean my back on the wall. A man appears in front of me: he's very tall and his body is made by tons of muscles, his eyes shining with malice. With a look I understand this man is a brute and he doesn't hesitate to use violence and if I had to fight against him, I'd probably die. "Who are you and why I'm here?" I demand, but he laughs dryly:"I'm the one who makes the questions here, little girl" and he opens the door. As he spoke, I recognize him as the man who kidnapped me. He enters in the cell and leaves open the door. I try to gain more time:"I understand why you kidnapped me: I'm very close to the Oda commanders and your boss wants information about them", Well, at least you are not stupid, that makes easier my work. So little girl, talk about your friends" he comments. "The problem is exactly about this: you see, I'm only their maid and I don't know anything about their future moves, so keep me here is useless" I lie and I walk towards the door. But the man grabs my hair, making me moan for the pain and yells at me:"You think I'm so stupid to believe you? I'm not a fool! In Azuchi people say Nobunaga brought you to battle on his horse  His voice becomes lower, still being threatening:"If you don't tell me spontaneously all you know about them, I'll make you confess with the bad manners". And when he shows a bag full of torture instruments and I'm terrified. I don't know very much about torture, but I can imagine how much they'd hurt my body. I want to scream for help, but I know nobody will save me. My face gets paler. I know already how this will finish: this man will torture me until I speak, but I don't know anything, so he'll kill me for nothing. I'll die for anything!!

"I'm not his lover: I'm his maid and I have been staying in Azuchi for a few days. I don't know anything about them and if I knew something, I surely won't talk to you" I repeat using a quiet voice to not make him angrier. "Bad answer" he smiles sadistically, almost happy about my resistance and slaps me so violently to turn my head. "Try again, little girl, but the next time I won't so merciful".

"And if I don't confess what are you going to?" I bravely provoke him. The Oda forces helped me a lot and I won't betray them for my own safety. "I'll break all of your bones and if you won't talk, then I'll cut the tendons of your hands and your feet. If you still won't confess I'll remove your eyes, then I'll tear your ears and finally I'll cut your tongue" his threats scare me a lot, but I won't give up my loyalty. He takes from the bag a strange object and he places it near to my nails.

No no no no. Please, somebody help me!

I close the eyes too scared to watch, but at that moment I hear a new voice:"Yoshitoko, what are you doing here? I'm sure the captain hasn't told you to torture this girl since he is out to collect information with a few men. So I wonder: whose order are you following?". I open my eyes and I see a young man who's throwing diggers with the glare at the man in front of me. The newcomer is younger than this man, but somehow the eldest has to obey him. "The captain is still a child, quartermaster: if all of us wait for his command, we'd have alredy died. He doesn't know what to do and he's not able to keep the promise he made" he growls, "He's the captain, not you: he knows what's the best for us better than you. You are only able to hurt people and torture them, for this reason you won't be a captain. Now leave, Yoshitoko" The man speaks with a rough voice and I can feel the subtle threat he silently implies. I except a Yoshitoko's reaction, but he obeys whispering something.

Left alone, the young man is more relaxed walks towards me and I step back, so he reassures me:"I don't want to hurt you. I want to check your wound". I let him check my arm. I groan for the pain when he tries to move it. He looks more friendly than his colleague, so I try to ask:"Can you tell me who are you and how many days passed since my kidnap? Will you torture me again to seek information I don't have?". He sighs: "The arm is broken, now I call a doctor so he can help you better. Now you are on a pirate ship and you were kidnapped by Yoshitoko yesterday, following captain's order. Now the captain is away, but in a short time he'll be back and will decide what to do about you". "Earlier I said the truth: I don't know anything about Nobunaga's future plans. Keep me here he's useless" I whisper, "Even if you don't know anything you'll probably stay here as a political hostage to be used against your friends" the man explains my situation. The sadness overwhelms me to the thought I'll be used against my friends: I can't do this to them. "But as I told you is the captain to decide, so he could even release you" he tries to reassure me, but I have no illusions: if I were in his position I'll do the same. I even realize probably I won't be able to go back to my time. No way this will happen! The man says they wait for their captain, so it means the ship is still in the port: that makes my escape more easily. The man is inside the cell and the grill is open: all I have to do is run and don't be caught. But the pirate in front of me is still vigil even if he's more relaxed, surely is ready to catch me and even I'd beat him he'll give the alarm. No, escape at this moment is too risky but if I don't do it right now later would be impossible.

The only thing I can do is talk with the captain: I'm even ready to beg for my release, it's necessary. "The captain will be here in a few hours, so be more patient" he ends the conversation. "What kind of man is your captain?" I wonder, "The captain? Is an edgy man. He treats with respect his subordinates, but he doesn't trust anyone except me on this ship. Is the type of person who can be your friend but he stabs you in the back some minutes after" he responds. So he's a bastard and the possibilities he'd let me go are very low.

* * *

It's almost evening and Hideyoshi is worried: y/n told him this morning she'd have gone in the city until lunchtime, but she didn't come back. He asked around but nobody was able to tell him where y/n was. He alerted Nobunaga who decided to hold a war council to find her. Hideyoshi expresses all of his worry and Mitsunari takes word with a stern look on his face:"I'm quite worried as well, Lord Hideyoshi. We should look after her". 

"Maybe she escaped after she went to war, after all, was her first time on a battlefield. I won't be surprised" Mitsuhide suggests with his cunning tone, but a more careful eye can see a glimpse of worry. In the past days, he went to some places with a very horrible reputation and in a red light district and he noticed a lot of Portuguese men who acted too much secretive for being simply merchant. They were really cautious: they gazed around before speaking with someone and once Mitsuhide risked revealing his true identity. Just today he succeeded to talk with a man after days of failures, but what he discovered was suspicious arms traffic. He didn't discover anything about y/n's missing. And the possibilities she's been kidnapped are not low. "My lucky charm is not a coward, Mitsuhide: she proved it during the war"       

Nobunaga scolds him, "Then I suppose we should look after her" snorts Ieyasu. "As if you hadn't done it before, before" teases Mitsuhide: Ieyasu's contrarian reactions are always a delight for him.

"Lord Ieyasu is always so kind" Mitsunari praises him. Ieyasu scolds him:"I told you I wasn't searchi-", "Enough! Each of you will send your own scouts in the city to collect information" Nobunaga stops the discussion. Once the council ends, all the warlord obey to Nobunaga orders, sending men in the city and its surroundings with the order to search for y/n and arrest everyone look suspicious. But as time passes, nobody finds y/n.

[prettywordsyouleft]

Becoming Human - Chapter 24

Previous Chapters:  1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 | 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 | 20 | 21 | 22 | 23

_________________________

“What are you doing?” I asked as Leo stood in the kitchen, midway through washing the dishes that he insisted he do to feel more at home after being away so long. He remained unmoving, holding a dishcloth in one hand and a plate in the other, his eyes unfocused.

It made me frown and I approached him, tapping his shoulder. “Leo?”

He moved all too quickly then, the plate dropping to the ground in a shatter and his body contorted as he attempted to understand where he was and what had happened. Leo’s eyes fell to my foot and he gasped, picking me up and carrying me quickly to the sofa. “You’re bleeding. I hurt you!”

“It was an accident, you zoned out, don’t stress.” I glanced at the small cut on the top of my foot where my slipper didn’t cover and smiled. “It’s so tiny, Leo.”

“Stay there,” he commanded all the same, rushing to the bathroom and returning with the first aid kit, sitting down on the coffee table and then expertly dressed my wound. He then stared at it for some time, sighing a little now and then. I wasn’t worried about my foot at all, but I was about him.

“Leo?”

“Huh?” He blinked several times, his eyes finally focusing on mine. He looked so exhausted.

“Maybe you need to take a break in your schedule, you’re really tired.”

“I’m tired?” he enquired, looking over himself and then shaking his head. “My battery is at ninety-seven percent.”

“Then why do you seem so exhausted?”

“I don’t know,” he answered slowly, sitting down on the couch and lifting my legs so they were now resting in his lap. Smiling as he gently ran his hands up and down them; he then rested his head on the back of the couch and stared at me. “I missed you.”

“It’s weird that you’re busier when you’re in the same city as me,” I admitted and he sighed.

“We’re launching a new aspect to all Kboys soon and it’s been keeping me rather preoccupied.”

I nodded. “Our call center has been pretty hectic of late too.”

“Business is good,” he mentioned as he closed his eyes, nodding once. And then he was out to it again. I smiled, leaning over to wave my hand in his face before getting up quietly.

“So much for a full battery, you little liar. Rest up well, you need it.”

  At first, I continued to believe it was exhaustion, as further shutdowns happened over the next week. Most were innocent but there were awkward ones too, like when he fell asleep on the elevator at work with a bunch of co-workers around us. Or when we were walking home from work and he just stopped moving. It had taken fifteen minutes to rouse him enough to get home. Even forcing him to stand on his charge station did nothing, because he kept saying his battery levels were reading at max power. It was odd, but nothing seemed more serious than being midway through sex and everything suddenly halting just as I was close to climaxing.

“You’re freaking kidding me!” I breathlessly cried out and slapped at his chest. The man beneath me did nothing in response and I groaned heavily, slumping down into the bed beside him and glared up at the roof. There had to be an answer for why this kept happening and if he wasn’t going to be bothered by it, I would make sure to address it myself.

The next day, I followed Gunhee and Leo up into their department, dragging Leo by his hand into Doctor Jung’s office. The older man was surprised by our visit, especially since I was hardly invited here for assessments anymore. Leo had grown some independence in exchange for his home being permanently at my apartment.

“This is a pleasant surprise,” the doctor mentioned, and Leo glowered at me. “To what do I owe such a visit?”

“There’s something wrong with him.”

“Honestly Yerin, you’re being dramatic,” Leo stated darkly and I ignored him, pleading the doctor with my eyes to take my concerns seriously.

He nodded at me to continue and directed Leo to silently sit up on the examination chair. The dark haired man huffed but did as he was told and started to unbutton his shirt a little for the access Doctor Jung would require. “He’s been freezing. Or glitching. Going offline. Whatever it is, it’s increasing in the amounts it’s been happening and I’m worried.”

“What are your battery levels, Leo?” Doctor Jung requested.

Leo kept his focus on mine, tilting his head in annoyance. “Ninety-nine percent.”

“He shouldn’t be going offline then Miss Choi. Are you sure he’s not in deep thought?”

Last night’s incident almost made me scoff as I shook my head. “He never remembers what has happened; he’s unresponsive, sometimes up to fifteen minutes.”

The flash of panic in the doctor’s eyes was immediate and my mood swiftly changed. I had expected it to be a small problem, but with how he was reacting, instructing Leo with haste to prepare for his examination and buzzing a button on the wall that brought in Gunhee and the rest of his team, I became dizzy and confused. Why was there such a fuss? Maybe his battery was broken? Was that such a big deal? I was certain I had ordered a new battery for a Choi Minho model in the past month. It was all too overwhelming and I backed up slowly as the team encircled the now offline Leo.

There was a flurry of action, and a lot of voices with terms I couldn’t understand. But their tone told me enough.

This was serious.

I started to regret letting this carry on for over a week. Could I have helped him earlier so it wouldn’t get to whatever point it was at? My body began to shake as I feared the worst. I stood there convincing myself that these were trained scientists who made and repaired robots every day. Like doctors who healed humans, they were equipped with the knowledge to fix Leo.

He would be fine. He had to be.

After what felt like forever, Doctor Jung emerged out of the bustle, his eyes bleak. I didn’t like that look and I was transported to the day where he told me he would be taking Leo from me. Was this another challenge? I was tired of fighting to keep the man I loved at my side through his little games.

“Yerin,” he called. I knew he only used my name when serious. It made my knees buckle and I grasped onto whatever was beside me for support. “You need to come over here.”

“Why, what’s wrong?” I heard myself say but it didn’t sound right. It sounded too broken, too weak. He guided me over to the side where he had been working.

Although I knew what was under the lifelike skin of a Kboy all too well, it was surreal to see the machinery of Leo up close. It was intricate and beautiful and for a moment I was mesmerised. I travelled over the side of his head and all its little details until I saw what was sticking out. I didn’t need to be a doctor to see the damage.

“Yerin that is Leo’s main motherboard. It’s where his memory chip sits, and where all of his thought process happens. Essentially this small circuit is what makes him from our point of view exceptional.” Doctor Jung picked up one of his tools to gently scrape at the blackened surface. “This damage I don’t know what caused it. I’m guessing the perfectionist in Leo has created a monster in his thought process. One that isn’t allowing him to shut off when he needs to. Essentially, he’s burned out this section of the motherboard by thinking too much.”

“It can be repaired, right? Put a new one in.”

“We can do that Yerin, but there’s a big risk,” Gunhee said, my gaze turning to my best friend. He looked as destroyed as I felt. “Where the damage has happened is right near his memory bank. If we so much as make an error in the repair, he could be wiped for good.”

“Wiped as in how?” I knew the answer, but I couldn’t listen to my own thoughts. I needed the reassurance they would do everything to make sure Leo was coming home.

“Thankfully we store all of his data in our backups. And Leo has a smaller chip that he requested be put in his brain when he felt like there was not enough room and he needed to expand his thought space. I don’t know what is on it, he keeps that area private. But I do know is that we run the risk of losing him the longer we wait to repair everything,” Doctor Jung mentioned, glancing at me and then his team. “I know he belongs to us but we’ve come to respect Leo as one of our own. I know he’d respect us further if we ask his uh, next of kin to allow us to proceed, knowing all the risks.”

I blinked several times; the information was all too much to bear. But knowing any delay could cause problems for Leo spurred me to nod my head as the tears began to fall. I grabbed at his hand tightly before being steered out of the room by Gunhee, Jinyoung waiting for me on the outside. When the door shut I collapsed to the ground, my emotions flooding out of me.

Leo couldn’t leave me now. 

_________________________

Next chapter

A/N: Did anyone guess this from the hint I left in the previous chapter? Leo would overwork himself into a state like this D: I just hope you’re all ready for what happens next. 

I cannot believe next week is the last week of this fiction. I’m not crying, I swear >__>

Want to be added to the notified list? Leave a comment or reblog letting me know that you wish to get tagged in the upcoming chapters! Thanks everyone for the continued support!

@cramelot @chanyeolol @annoyingtiger888 @reddragon2 @this-song-thats-only-for-you@tanithrea @pastelsweaters-and-bubble-t@babybee05@strwalight@chakkyeonie@chellolaa@tkwoonnie @squeallyeel22

Becoming Human Masterlist | Fiction Masterlist | Request Guidelines

[hypereactive]

1. Who was the last person you held hands with? my best friend

2. Are you outgoing or shy? shy

3. Who are you looking forward to seeing? my best friend

4. Are you easy to get along with? depends. i try to be, but im also REALLY picky/have strong opinions on a lot of stuff, and im autistic..

5. If you were drunk would the person you like take care of you? yeah

6. What kind of people are you attracted to? a caring one, who listens before judging

7. Do you think you’ll be in a relationship two months from now? yeah

8. Who from the opposite gender is on your mind? my best friend

9. Does talking about sex make you uncomfortable? sometimes

10. Who was the last person you had a deep conversation with? probably my best friend

11. What does the most recent text that you sent say? “o”

12. What are your 5 favorite songs right now? uhm. I like A LOT of songs.

billie ellish- bury a friend and you should see me in a crown

rag’n’bone man - human

rebel - black pearl (hes a pirate)

Aladdin soundtrack - Prince Ali and one jump ahead

arctic monkeys - Do I wanna know?

13. Do you like it when people play with your hair? rarely

14. Do you believe in luck and miracles? yea

15. What good thing happened this summer? new job, in my field of study

16. Would you kiss the last person you kissed again? yepp

17. Do you think there is life on other planets? probs at least simple life

18. Do you still talk to your first crush? only if I run into him getting coffee (he works there)

19. Do you like bubble baths? if im in the mood

20. Do you like your neighbors? one i do, one i absolutely dont, the rest i dont interact w

21. What are you bad habits? im REALLY picky, and can come off as ungrateful (if u can’t do it right id rather u just not do it. apparently its more common to think at least you got something/they tried.)

22. Where would you like to travel? Anywhere w the right people. Nowhere without.

23. Do you have trust issues? kinda. More like I understand people wont understand me or meet my needs adequately.

24. Favorite part of your daily routine? morning coffee

25. What part of your body are you most uncomfortable with? my chin/teeth

26. What do you do when you wake up? if I have ResponsibilitesTM i get up and get coffee and leave the house in less than 20 min, otherwise i lay in bed on tumblr until i have to get up due to responsibilities or hunger.

27. Do you wish your skin was lighter or darker? im good w where its at tbh

28. Who are you most comfortable around? my best friend

29. Have any of your ex’s told you they regret breaking up? yeah. 

30. Do you ever want to get married? yeah

31. Is your hair long enough for a pony tail? lol yesss

32. Which celebrities would you have a threesome with? none?

33. Spell your name with your chin. bdfuds

34. Do you play sports? What sports? not really. i like frisbee and longboarding if those count.

35. Would you rather live without TV or music? TV

36. Have you ever liked someone and never told them? no. I cant keep secrets.

37. What do you say during awkward silences? i usu dont. ill just go on my phone/leave/etc

38. Describe your dream girl/guy? my best friend. 

39. What are your favorite stores to shop in? hot topic

40. What do you want to do after high school? lol im not in high school

41. Do you believe everyone deserves a second chance? depends on what they did and why, and if they want to grow as a person/make it right

42. If your being extremely quiet what does it mean? im tired/overwhelmed/content/bored

43. Do you smile at strangers? if i lock eyes with them and they smiled, i might smile back, but im pretty good at Not Looking At People

44. Trip to outer space or bottom of the ocean? ocean

45. What makes you get out of bed in the morning? ResponsibilitiesTM

46. What are you paranoid about? having a heart attack and no one being around to help me/not noticing until its too late

47. Have you ever been high? yea

48. Have you ever been drunk? yea

49. Have you done anything recently that you hope nobody finds out about? no

50. What was the colour of the last hoodie you wore? black

51. Ever wished you were someone else? no, but i have wished my parents were

52. One thing you wish you could change about yourself? my chin probs. idk i like myself

53. Favourite makeup brand? i dont wear makeup

54. Favourite store? this is a duplicate question.

55. Favourite blog? uhm.

56. Favourite colour? black/grey/light pink/raspberry/celery green

57. Favourite food? cheese, cheddar brats, spinach, chocolate chip cookies, milkshakes

58. Last thing you ate? rice w beef, spinach, egg and soy sauce

59. First thing you ate this morning? coffee and nutella

60. Ever won a competition? For what? I think so but i cant remember. Oh i think I won an anti-bullying poster competition once.

61. Been suspended/expelled? For what? lol nopee

62. Been arrested? For what? no

63. Ever been in love? few times now

64. Tell us the story of your first kiss? uh. no. cuz i didnt even like the dude.

65. Are you hungry right now? no

66. Do you like your tumblr friends more than your real friends? i only have one real friend so I feel like thats unfair

67. Facebook or Twitter? tumblr.

68. Twitter or Tumblr? still tumblr

69. Are you watching tv right now? lol no

70. Names of your bestfriends? no, bc hed not appreciate it

71. Craving something? What? not rn

72. What colour are your towels? grey or floral w pinks and blacks and oranges

72. How many pillows do you sleep with? 3

73. Do you sleep with stuffed animals? yes, usu. 2

74. How many stuffed animals do you think you have? total? uh. 8?

75. Favourite animal? birbs prob.

76. What colour is your underwear? why?

77. Chocolate or Vanilla? chocolate, unless its ice cream. then vanilla

78. Favourite ice cream flavour? berry (any) or cheesecake (also any)

79. What colour shirt are you wearing? grey

80. What colour pants? a darker grey

81. Favourite tv show? uh. i like sherlock.

82. Favourite movie? deadpool probs. or pirates of the Caribbean. or Aladdin. or detective pikachu.

83. Mean Girls or Mean Girls 2? never seen either

84. Mean Girls or 21 Jump Street? never seen either

85. Favourite character from Mean Girls? n/a

86. Favourite character from Finding Nemo? uhm. I cant remember. Probs the black and white one w the scar, or the starfish, or the sea gull

87. First person you talked to today? my sister

88. Last person you talked to today? my best friend

89. Name a person you hate? my past roommate

90. Name a person you love? my best friend

91. Is there anyone you want to punch in the face right now? my past roommate and most recent ex

92. In a fight with someone? currently? no? ever? yes.

93. How many sweatpants do you have? 5

94. How many sweaters/hoodies do you have? 6

95. Last movie you watched? i dont know

96. Favourite actress? i dunno

97. Favourite actor? i dunno

98. Do you tan a lot? no

99. Have any pets? no

100. How are you feeling? i dont know

101. Do you type fast? yeah

102. Do you regret anything from your past? yeah, but not overly

103. Can you spell well? i think so 

104. Do you miss anyone from your past? no

105. Ever been to a bonfire party? i dont think so, but i want to (w the right people)

106. Ever broken someone’s heart? yeah, oops

107. Have you ever been on a horse? yep

108. What should you be doing? cleaning my house

109. Is something irritating you right now? no

110. Have you ever liked someone so much it hurt? yea

111. Do you have trust issues? yea

112. Who was the last person you cried in front of? my best friend

113. What was your childhood nickname? B. as in, just the letter

114. Have you ever been out of your province/state? yea

115. Do you play the Wii? no

116. Are you listening to music right now? yea

117. Do you like chicken noodle soup? not usually

118. Do you like Chinese food? i think so

119. Favourite book? uhm. sherlock (the whole series). the uglies series (scott westerfield). the secret garden. Fahrenheit 451. 1984. 

120. Are you afraid of the dark? no, but sometimes im afraid theres something in it

121. Are you mean? no

122. Is cheating ever okay? no

123. Can you keep white shoes clean? if i want to

124. Do you believe in love at first sight? no

125. Do you believe in true love? im not sure i know what this means

126. Are you currently bored? no

127. What makes you happy? i dont know

128. Would you change your name? no

129. What your zodiac sign? gemini

130. Do you like subway? i cant eat there

131. Your bestfriend of the opposite sex likes you, what do you do? lol weve been dating for a while now

132. Who’s the last person you had a deep conversation with? my best friend

133. Favourite lyrics right now? uh. I dont know.

134. Can you count to one million? that would take a month, so no.

135. Dumbest lie you ever told? i dont know. probably that i couldnt go to work bc i was “throwing up from a migraine” when i hadnt thrown up (yet).

136. Do you sleep with your doors open or closed? it varies

137. How tall are you? i think im like. 5′8″?

138. Curly or Straight hair? curly. but not consistent

139. Brunette or Blonde? i am a brunette

140. Summer or Winter? winter. i can always wear more clothes

141. Night or Day? night. its quiet and calm

142. Favourite month? august and october

143. Are you a vegetarian? no

144. Dark, milk or white chocolate? yes.

145. Tea or Coffee? yes. depends on time of day/year/mood/etc

146. Was today a good day? i dont know

147. Mars or Snickers? mars

148. What’s your favourite quote? “if you cant explain it simply, you dont understand it well enough” -einstien is one of them. but there are more

149. Do you believe in ghosts? i dont know

150. Get the closest book next to you, open it to page 42, what’s the first line on that page? “aunt lillian’s footsteps became more distant, became whispers, were gone.”

@ramblebrambleamble i got bored and answered all of them

[toomanyfandomsinonebrain]

Name: I did look into your future Series: That damn clothing (Part 2) Summary:  the reader is a part of the Avengers’ team, and, as she spends more time with Dr. Strange, his cape starts shipping them. At some point, the reader has to spend a couple of days at Sanctum Sanctorum, and the cape decides to make a move, pushing them into the most awkward situation (Part 1). The reader decides to figure out what is going on.  Author’s Note: long, plus I had no idea what I was doing. I AM VERY SORRY!

“Hey Strange,” you greet Stephen in the morning, as you are entering the kitchen to have your usual cup of coffee. For some reason, you always end up having meals together, so walking into Strange and being handed a cup of hot coffee is no longer surprising to you. He even learned what exactly you like to drink, so you don’t even check the cup before indulging in the contents every time he hands it to you - his fingertips always sliding across your wrist, as if making sure your heartbeat was as steady and healthy as always. 

“Morning, Y/N. And please, it’s Stephen,” you nod and accept the cup. “How are you doing?”

“Having fun, doing some work,” you shrug your shoulders and smile at the cape that keeps flapping its corners at you. It does not dare leave Strange’s shoulders though - the experience of getting yelled at is too fresh in its cotton memory, but you do give it a quick encouraging pat. “I hope you didn’t hurt the poor thing too much. It was just being...”

“Childish? Stupid? Moronic? Inappropriate?” Strange snaps his fingers, and the cape calms down with a miraculously sorrowful expression.

“You should have just told me not to go there, I would have stopped it,” you inform him, getting the sense of guilt off your shoulders - not that it is a stone on your soul, but it sure is an uncomfortably heavy blanket that keeps reminding you of the awkwardness of the entire situation. And the fact that you enjoyed it is not helping at all.

“Oh no, nothing is capable of stopping this dedicated piece of clothing. But is was not your fault, Y/N.”

“There is something you are hiding from me, isn’t there?” you ask quietly, knowing that you are asking for a good argument. Or learning something he would rather not tell. But you have to know - it has been days since that incident, and you keep feeling Strange’s glare on your back every time you are around him. Strange looks you straight in the eye and slowly nods. “Do you want to tell me?”

“I am not so sure about that.”

“Stephen, that is incredibly cryptic,” you inform Strange, and he smiles, blushing lightly, the collar of the cape joyfully trembling at his obvious embarrassment. “What? Did you look into my future and see me set your hair on fire? Or will I create the ultimate Skynet?” Stephen chuckles and shakes his head. “Well, then tell me! Those are literally the two worst options I could ever do. Other than shaving your goatee off, and I would not do that to you.”

“I did look into your future,” Strange admits, staring into the dark void of his coffee. “Accidentally, when we just met.”

“And?”

“No matter how the things go... One event is unavoidable,” he frowns, and you feel something hard in the air - like before the storm. “What I feel towards you.”

“Our friendship will bring the end of the world?” you chuckle, and Stephen sighs.

“There is a possible scenario where I am forced to choose between you and,” Strange twists his fingers, opening to your sight the stone full of green light. “And my life mission.”

“Yeah, you told me that you will always pick the stone. So I die in that scenario? Strange, I can die any second. I am pretty sure a mere possibility of you risking the stone is less probable than a stone falling on my face while I am asleep. We’re fine, man!”

“No, Y/N, that is the problem. Every time I look at that scenario, I give the stone up. In a second. Not hesitating. Just so that I can save your life,” all the air is suddenly punched out of your lungs.

“That is... very sweet of you?”

“The problem is that I don’t know why. I have placed everything behind my mission, my sole goal in life - protection of the stone of time. No matter what. And now... I just picked a single human life?”

“Maybe you saw the possibility of me hiding the stone first, so you need me to find it?” he shakes his head sadly. “I am pregnant with the future leader of the Resistance?”

“God, stop with the Terminator references! There is something about that future that makes me highly uncomfortable,” the cape sighs with the look of ultimate disappointment in both of you - sometimes you think that it has more personality than some real life people.

“What is it?” you ask him softly, feeling how overwhelmed Strange already is, if he is ignoring the actions of his cape.

“I know that the stone is real. I know that you will die if I don’t give it up. It is you against survival of millions. And I do not regret giving the stone up.”

“Stephen?” he turns to you, and you smile softly, nodding at his cup that he holds with enough strength to possibly break in a couple of seconds. “Relax, we’ll figure it out.”

“There is another part to that future,” Strange adds quietly. “That damn clothing saw that one with me, that’s why it’s so excited about seeing you.”

“Aaaand?” you push him into talking at least a little bit faster, as he stops moving all together and just stares at your shoulder.

“It’s the one where I give in to my feelings for you.”

“What feelings, Stephen? You are a monk. A weird type of monk, but that’s how Stark describes your dedication to your cause.”

“I feel... I feel like you make me happy, Y/N. Having you here, it has been an ultimate pleasure because just being next to you makes it easier to tolerate... well, everything,” he look you in the eye with painful desperation, longing for you to understand what he is saying before he actually says it.

“Stephen, if you are saying what I think you are saying...” the cape suddenly decides to ignore the dangers of misbehaving and starts flapping its collar, literally punching Strange in the face with the excitement of an ultimate puppy.

“I suppose, I am,” Strange sighs and literally rips the cape off his shoulders. “I cannot risk the survival of the planet for myself.”

“I know that.”

“I cannot give in to... my feelings for you,” Stephen explains more to himself than to you.

“I understand,” you walk up to him and leave the cup on the counter. “It’s alright.”

“Right,” he nods and stares into the abyss again, preferring its company to your questioning glance. You sigh.

“You just keep saving the world from everything and everyone. And have nothing for yourself. If that is what you want...”

“That is what I have to do,” Strange states quietly, as if it was beaten into his brain during his endless meetings with Dormammu.

“Then so be it. But... Tony would not approve,” you note more for yourself than to him. Stark has never been a role model for you, but right now you would rather see Strange use some of Stark’s arrogance. Just a bit.

“Stark would tell me about having both the world and you, I know. But there are things that cannot happen.”

“Then it is your choice, Stephen,” you turn around and leave the kitchen, feeling his eyes burning a hole in the middle of your back, as you walk away from him. Maybe, just maybe, he would ask you to come back? And stop playing around? But no, you leave the kitchen and end up in your room alone and beyond confused. You sigh and look at the endless line of books on one of the shelves - extending throughout the entire room in a calming, almost hypnotizing sequence of colors of covers.

It has been a week. A whole week since Strange suggested (avoiding open confession) that his feelings for you could effectively be the end of the world. You haven’t talked since then. You feel like you are being watched almost every second of the day, but you do not talk to Stephen any more, just see the shadow of his cape behind a corner, as he disappears.

“You know what?” Stephen suddenly walks into your room through a golden portal (tripping over your bag and almost collapsing on the floor, but dealing with the situation on time) and turns to you. He looks strange - almost like he went through something exhausting. “Screw all of that.”

“Screw all of what, Stephen?”

“All of that,” you notice that his cape is beyond excited, done with confronting Stephen, dedicated to reaching you in a heartbreaking hug. A strange thought reaches your mind.

“Stephen, did you... did you just see the future? Where you chose to randomly ignore me for a couple of decades until we both died, unhappy and looking like two old sponges?” you try to joke but fail. “Is that why you are here?”

“I did not enjoy that future, Y/N. And you know what’s funny?” he suddenly smiles with relief - like a toddler that is given a bag of candy. “No matter what I do, give in or not, I am still giving up the stone.”

“You are?”

“Oh yes. So I thought,” he walks up to you, and you see his fingers tremble, his scars especially bright, as if there is more of his human part present than his ‘magician’ side. His smile is soft and apologetic. “If something is unavoidable... Why don’t I pick the more pleasant option?”

“Stephen, I am extremely tired of your riddles. Say what you need to say,” yes, you do understand what he is trying to say without putting himself in the uncomfortable position - after all, being the smartest man in almost any room, he knows how to avoid possibility of opening up and being rejected. But after the week you spent wondering what the hell was going on in his brain, you feel like you deserve some fun. And seeing Strange confess his feelings for you will definitely count.

“Y/N. Would you date me?” he asks, looking you straight in the eye - not smiling, not frowning. Just a calm face, his eyes anxious though, jumping from thought to thought. “Y/N, you have to answer, I do not read minds.”

“I thought you do... But yes. Yes, I will date you. For the sake of your cape, I did fall for the thing,” Strange chuckles and nods, then his cape suddenly breaks free and wraps around your shoulders, almost strangling you in the friendly (and loving) knot.

“That thing?” he points at the cape with an innocent smile, then adds after a few seconds of silently laughing at your attempts to free yourself. “I suppose, you would want some help?”

“No shit, Sherlock,” you may be suffocating, but you won’t pass on the chance to mock Strange’s appearance (and its closeness to Sherlock Holmes’ face), as he shakes his head at your endless fandom references and carefully frees you from the cape’s grip, his fingers lightly touching your skin, slowly stroking your neck with his fingertips, like the touch of a feather, the trembling of his fingers hardly noticeable and definitely not irritating. Very far from irritating.

Tagged: @memyselfandmaddox, @one-big-dreamer, @whatisanniedoin, @quicksilverslover, @downtherabbithole-darlings, @harrymewmew, @clarakainda, @lucacangettathisass, @morningriseghost, @accio-zara