#it has made me reflect on situations I could've handled better

[kelsonius]

I've been listening to the smosh reads reddit stories podcast a lot recently and it's weirdly good for my emotional intelligence?

[luminousdryad]

to make things brief cause I suck at organizing what I have to say, the live action was definitely Something™.

Cast: 10/10 kinda biased personally but yall can't take this from me

Gordon as Aang and Dallas as Zuko were the standouts imo. Gordon needs some direction on line delivery and the angstier scenes but overall he's very charming and I'm so proud of him for getting so much exposure!

Ian as Sokka was great, I just wish he was allowed to be more...messy? like Sokka pretends to be chill and all that but he's actually dramatic so I hope that gets improved in the next season if there is one

speaking of improvement, Kiawentiio as Katara brought out a softer side to the character but sadly diminished her spark and passion. I like that Katara now actually feels like a younger sister, it makes sense within the context of the story that Sokka and Gran Gran would shelter her after what happened, but as someone said, her anger is so central to her character and I just wish that got shown more. It's more of a script and direction problem tbh, if you look at Kia's interviews she has the sass and feistiness Katara needs

Lizzy as Azula is great, the writing is a bit clunky though so she did the best she could with it. Can't really comment on Mai and Ty Lee yet because they're kinda just there but it's a nice setup

Maria as Suki? perfection show stopping never the same she is a queen and I love the tidbit of Suki backstory which she never really had in the og show. I love her being such a loser around her crush we love to see girlfailures girlfailing. I wish the writers didn't make them KISS though 😭 slowburn ftw

the adults were great

Writing: 6.5/10

There were genuinely good moments and I love the concept of mixing up certain plot points to condense the story

But they just suffered from too much Telling instead of Showing WRITERS PLEASE LISTEN TO THE CRITICISM YOU HAVE TIME TO IMPROVE PLEASE

Omashu, mechanist, and Jet plot mixing as a concept was fine, but it dragged on and my friends and I got bored of it. I like it in theory but if it was going to take THAT long couldn't they have just separated one of those storylines for a different episode?

I appreciate that they tried to develop the water siblings' relationship by making them the stars of the Secret Tunnels, but I would've changed the way they "conquered" the problem (really? badgermoles respond to love? cute in theory but like why). If anyone's watched Barbie: A Fairy Secret there's a part where Barbie and her frenemy accuse each other of why their friendship failed, and it helps them make up and breaks the curse put on them. So that's what I would've done, force them in a life or death situation in which they have to say the unsaid things, maybe hug it out and boom

The way they handled Koh and the Spirit World was a Mess™ but the effects were decent

Zhao meeting horrible ends in every incarnation is so deserved

Yue having more agency was a welcome change AND I LOVE THAT SHE WATERBENDS. Then waterbends even when the moon is gone. It's such a nice visual nod to the fact that she has the moon spirit within her

That said, the show could definitely use more visual storytelling, less weird dialogue. Like it's so strangely common for shows or adaptations these days to exposition dump. Like they did not have to make Yue say that the ocean spirit was angry, literally just show me the dead moon fish and I'll get the idea. Then Iroh says "That's Wrath" that's just redundant now isn't it

I like that they saved Katara bringing Aang out of the Avatar State until last even if it could've been done better

HOW DARE THEY MAKE ME LIKE HAHN HE WAS A JERK IN THE SHOW BUT THEY MADE HIM A GENUINELY GOOD CHARACTER. Yes to brown men not being portrayed as jerks but also in the original it was a nice contrast to how far Sokka had come because Hahn reflected who he used to be. But live action Hahn </3

I like that they showed the deaths and blood. I wanted a live action that was both lighthearted but more realistic when it came to the injuries and death, and that'd kind of what I got

Other thoughts + overall

You can tell they put so much heart into this show, watching the bts, the bending boot camp with the correct martial arts, the easter eggs, the nods to the comics, the beautiful adaptations of Cabbage Merchant and Secret Tunnel nomads, there's so much passion behind the show it's a shame it suffered in its writing

which is why if they read reviews and criticism from the bigger name fans (TheAvatarist, HelloFutureMe, etc.) it would really help them improve for future seasons! The cast is stunning already and they have great chemistry (hopefully gets improved too!)

The live action is just a different angle to the show. And I'm saying this as an Avatar fan–the original wasn't perfect, either. I had some problems w it but the overall show was genuinely so good and heartfelt, those problems weren't glaring enough to put me off (unlike The Dragon Prince, sorry). The live action definitely wasn't perfect, but it tried to give us a new look into Avatar. Again, no adaptation will ever be a 1:1 remake and none should be. Where's the fun in that? But while the show is so full of heart and with actual fans working behind the scenes, I doubt if they listen to any criticism that they can't pull this off better next season.

[co-mixed]

Doctor Doom - The Loveable Autocrat 

Fantastic Four #247 is quite an issue. It impressed me so much, I decided to dedicate a whole post to a single issue. If you’ve been around for a while, you know I almost never do that. There’s usually not enough to say about just one single. And yet, this one forced me to reflect on real-world history and very controversial ideas presented in the book. 

What’s Up

In this issue, the Fantastic Four are forced to help Doom reclaim his place as the monarch of Latveria. Since he was defeated by, well, also the Fantastic Four, his rightful (according to him, obviously) place has been taken by Zorba. Doom can’t think of anything better than taking FF on a tour of the new and improved Latveria in order to show them how much worse life without Doom actually is. 

Now right off the bat, I have plenty of issues with this whole premise. First of all, Doom is a dictator. A nasty, unapologetically evil dictator, whose country is messed up no matter which way you look. We know that from the issues #84-87 in which the FF with Crystal on their team, end up traveling to Latveria to witness the beauty of Doom state. It’s not a pretty picture either: it looks like the land of the free, dressing like it’s the 1910s instead of 1960s, and fachwerk. 

It’s impossible to hide the fact that the people are brainwashed and afraid of their own shadows.

You are free to call me out on imagining too much, but we all know exactly how these states function. 

The Background

In Latveria, the people are forced to love and praise Doom. As long as they keep their head low, do their job, don’t ask for anything, and don’t cross Doom directly- they can live a normal life. This illusion of normalcy comes from everyone knowing their place and the rules to follow. And on paper, it even sounds like a textbook Utopia. It's anything but.

In one issue, for instance, Doom is exercising a favored trick among his peers: a peasant bumps into him, and Doom pretends to forgive him.

But we as readers aren't that easily fooled. He's obviously terrified because he knows the rules, and the main one is to love and obey the "leader". Already sounds culty if you ask me. But what this does in terms of narrative is it establishes the condition of Doomism — his state is built on fear, not on respect. 

When the FF approach the border, they are immediately informed that neither side (neither the soviet bloc nor the democratic countries) can protect their people within Latverian borders. Latveria does not recognize any international agreements or laws which means absolute, unlimited, uncontrolled power in one set of metal hands. If you underestimate the severity of it, imagine that your absolute authority on all matters including basic freedoms is one man who may or may not be insane. 

Like any self-respecting dictator, Doom has a private guard. The one that shoots people if they try to escape his land (which hey, is one of the basic freedoms, shocking.) Doom is clever enough to know what he’s doing, and not nearly naive enough to imagine that if he had allowed his people to move about freely, they would move outside the border and never come back. You can trust me on that. 

When Doom is once again consumed by his desire to destroy the accursed Fantastic Four, he doesn’t think twice about sacrificing a whole village of his “beloved subjects”. And even before that, when his private bot guard gets out of hand, he even informs the populace that anyone who dies would be considered a hero. Sounds vaguely familiar, doesn’t it? If it doesn’t, consider yourself lucky. But keep in mind that the whole situation is solely Doom’s fault. And he handles it in the worst possible way with little regard for his people. 

None of this screams “a leader who truly cares.”

After reading this issue I figured it would've been better and made Doom more sympathetic if his subjects were actually happy. He could've been established as a just and respected leader, especially considering how his predecessor mistreated the people. 

Even with all that, It's hard to imagine such a scenario since power corrupts indiscriminately. Sure, that could've given a complex twist to his character as well as added conflict to the decision the FF ultimately had to make. It could have been a commentary on cultural and historical differences since:

a: monarchies are not that rare in Europe. 

b: Latveria was surrounded by communist states, so it had enough struggles as is. 

That, of course, didn't happen and we got a plain and simple dictator, who follows every other page from the dictators' handbook. A very black-and-white view that was not uncommon for comic books in the '60s and the '70s. 

Changing Spots

In issue #247, John Byrne takes it upon himself to retcon the essence of Doom. This makes sense, the ‘80s have elevated comic book narratives and gave depth to many characters. 

Doom was not an exception. With the FF walking the streets of Doomstadt, we see the devastation that his successor brings to the land. And to top it off, we hear the tragic story of the last few months since Doom has been ousted.

Zorba Fortunov is the heir apparent to the Latverian throne. His father and brother were both murdered by Doom but you shouldn’t feel too bad because they were terrible people and even worse rulers. So is Doom, but we know Doom and we don’t know those guys. 

Doom also tortured Zorba (because, and I don’t want there to be any confusion, torturing your political opponents is exactly what Dooms do.)

Now initially Zorba was portrayed as a member of the resistance who was looking to restore democracy in Latveria. Well, restore would be a loud word. Long story short, with the help of American superheroes (who shamelessly collaborate with the government) Zorba comes to power. 

But democracy is apparently too hard to handle for the state. Because turns out (according to Doom and his loyalists), the repressive laws were actually for the good of the people. They were too afraid to commit crimes. For some reason, they also immediately stopped working which may or may not indicate forced labor. And the ‘prosperous nation of Latveria’ fell into complete disarray. That’s confirmed by a few destroyed streets and fearful citizens but other than that, there is only Doom’s word to prove that. 

This is a great time to note that any major economic transformations are risky and may result in poverty and a rise in crime. Especially in a society that’s not prepared to said changes in stages. We have actually seen that with post-soviet states. 

Either way, Zorba revoked Doom’s cruel laws and punishments (from what we have seen so far, they include murder if “the master” is in a bad mood and you are in his proximity). People were promised an election (which it seems like Zorba really planned to have.) But some happy and liberated citizens of Latveria chose violence and it became so bad, Zorba declared martial law. Which naturally gave him all the power… that he was supposed to already have as an absolute monarch. But who cares? 

Zorba reprogrammed Doom’s personal guard to police the streets and they are referred to as ruthless (as opposed to Doom’s tender and caring ones?)  

So slowly, learning this story, the Fantastic Four figure that the devil they know is actually pretty good compared to the devil they helped install. Despite there being little difference except the fact that Doom was planning to rule till the day he dies (and possibly after). 

And then we see that he cares so much, his main priority is restoring Latveria to its former glory. 

But… why?

Of course, my main question is the idea behind this whole narrative. Are we supposed to believe that a shaky democratic state is much worse than the iron rule of one leader with order? Or is it something very specific to the people of Latveria? If Doom is so great, why does the Fantastic Four fight him relentlessly when he tries to take over the world? And why do they feel entitled to repeatedly make decisions and instigate conflict on behalf of the people of the country? 

I don’t have the answer, I see the story and the attempt to rewrite Doom’s history into something that can justify keeping him around. But if he’s a dictator, if he’s a tyrant, we probably shouldn’t romanticize him that much. Because once again, I want to look at the Latverians here - we rarely really do. They went with a democratic choice, with a possibility of change. And there must have been reasons for that, I mean they were NOT happy. In one of the issues, Doom murders the Ambassador of his own country (ok it was a doombot but if you ask me, same difference). So how exactly does that align with the just leader narrative?

If the idea was to not interfere and let things flow naturally as they are supposed to, why does the FF help reinstall Doom?

Let’s be honest, Zorba doesn’t care much for the people. He proves it in that same arc. But neither does Doom, that’s no secret. And neither do Reed, Sue, Johnny, or Ben. Everyone is this story has their own interests and not one of them is the prosperity of the country. 

They might be able to rewrite Doom and turn him into a good leader, I wouldn’t be surprised because I’ve seen heroes shake hands with him later on. But it still will always feel like a hypocritical joke. 

The suggestion that Doom might be better for the country is one I have a hard time with, on so many levels. We can’t trust the collective amnesia of the populace, caused by the trauma of drastic changes.

At the end of the day, either option is bad for Latveria. Doom is vengeful and bloodthirsty and so is Zorba. Both occasionally had good intentions. In both cases, they didn't matter. Zorba was the rightful monarch, while Doom was an usurper yet both revolutions happened with the participation of the FF. And it doesn't seem like free Latveria is this team's priority.

[critical-thinking-is-mandatory]

"You know, that Adrien from Chat Blanc was totally a d*ck. Glad I'm not him and am completely perfect. Oh, when did I change? Just now." (Season 5 Adrien)

LITERALLY. like it is one thing to have a character change suddenly and drastically, perhaps even by surprise, but it's another thing entirely for that character to state how much they've changed because of personal reflection...and that personal reflection just...doesn't exist.

like i haven't actually watched season 5 (not subjecting myself to that lol) but going off of every other "brilliant" writing move the creators have pulled in the past, i'm certain they've pulled this "pivotal character moment" out of their asses. in fact, i am willing to bet my brand new pet baby chickens on it. Not once in the 4 seasons prior has Adrien shown a shred of guilt, regret or remorse for the way he mistreats people, especially Maribug.

now, i'm not saying characters can't change from bullies/harassers/Nice Guys (TM) to legitimately good people, it's been done plenty. but this kind of thing doesn't just happen. there's gotta be some kind of...prompt, a build up. something that sets the change in motion.

it can be over the long-haul, such as with Zuko in the Last Airbender. His change had been set in motion when he was branded a traitor, a whole season and a half before he made his final decision.

or it can be much shorter, less serious, such as with Jaune, in RWBY. Actually, Jaune is a pretty handy case because his issues were quite similar to Adrien's.

Jaune was also harassing a girl he liked. and, while it could have been handled better, he did stop and at least attempt to make amends. in a way. my memory of the scenario is a bit fuzzy after all this time, but i'm pretty sure he realised the girl he liked was interested in a different guy, and after a small kerfuffle between said girl and her fella, Jaune more or less shook some sense into the guy and moved on.

obviously, the whole thing could've been done a bit better, but for what it's worth, it's an effective character moment.

From what I've gathered? Adrien didn't really have a moment. he's just like: "damn, that was crazy. Anyway." it's so soo frustrating because they literally had all the material they needed!

Adrien has spent the whole show being fawned over and pawed at by the likes of Chloe and Lila. Adrien has also spent most of the show pawing at and fawning over Ladybug. This right here! That is all you needed! Just one single moment of "hang on, I don't like it when Chloe does this to me. Maybe Ladybug doesn't like it either". Just ONCE! One single tiny itty bitty thought comparing his feelings to Maribug's. That is all we needed!

Just a teensy weensy bit of introspection and compassion. But no! That's too hard for a team of professional writers to manage *rolls eyes so hard i fall over* I am honestly blown away by how pathetic this whole situation is.

[missinconsistent]

Man, I have so many mixed feelings about the "statement" that was made by Elira, Vox, and Ike.

There's a lot of debate if the three were forced to speak on the situation, and I really don't know what's true. But they've burned their bridges with Selen, and it's just really shitty seeing friends have such an awful fallout, and it all being aired to the public of bad actors to jump in and send hate.

I feel disappointed because I do believe the livers should be allowed to speak their side, defend themselves from the harassment and accusations made towards them, and they're allowed to be upset. I think it's understandable they'd feel scared their personal information and jobs are at stake. But there is no proof that the legal documents would ever go public to dox them. They only incriminated themselves further by mentioning they thoroughly went over the legal document shared with them, which was meant to be private.

Vox particularly had a certain attitude that really rubbed me the wrong way. I could understand where Elira and Ike were coming from, regardless if you agree with them, but Vox just sounded so fed up and too combative.

He spends too much time defending management about The Last Cup of Coffee video but the issue of Selen's termination was NOT that she had failed getting all the permissions because, other than some bad actors, a lot of us already understood she broke that rule. But it was literally everything else about the termination and the culmination of events that people are mad about.

Even though Vox said they don't take Selen's "attempt" lightly, it isn't proven with how they spoke about her and the whole situation. It really did feel like they were more focused on trying to paint Selen as a bad person than showing any bit of understanding for her mental health. Imho, they are allowed to be mad at her AND also show her some sympathy. But Vox, only saying they aren't taking her attempt lightly, is basically all we get. Everyone had reached out to Selen after hearing of her attempt, and getting updates through her emergency contact isn't proof that they handled the situation with care. It almost comes off as they were worried about how it would reflect on the company more than Selen's wellbeing.

It is morally grey that Selen had recorded Vox without his permission to get some kind of dirt out of him (even if it is legal in Canada), but using a very specific instance of when Selen broke Vox's trust still doesn't amount to what she went through that drove her to commit an attempt. Vox going to that moment just felt petty because it made HIM hurt that something like that happened to HIM, and HE was willing to graduate with Selen even though HE would never feel that way if it wasn't for Selen pulling his strings..?

With Ike and Elira, they, too, are both guilty of painting a bad picture of Selen in an attempt to save face for the company and their own careers within Niji. I don't like how they did that, but I understand how Elira would be worried about herself and her two close friends in Niji being doxxed. And Ike, as someone who was considered a friend of Selen, would just feel generally hurt and confused about the situation going on. It's not a black and white situation. But I wish they would have been able to express their negative emotions without feeling the need to speak badly of Selen's character.

Even though this is clearly a tough time for them and everyone in EN, I think that video would've come out a little better if they weren't so focused on trying to paint Selen as the bad guy. As a Niji fan, I wish the company- and the livers- knew how to speak neutrally. They could've just been ambiguous and say they felt upset and betrayed, but they are going to keep working with the company bc that's the choice they stand by, without pointing fingers or especially talking about confidential legal documents.

As angry as everyone is, neither of the livers deserves to be harassed. There has been incredibly dehumanizing shit said and done, and if anyone is sending hate or doxxing them, then you are no better than Anycolor. Selen is not the only person to have mental health struggles, and, she's already asked people not to bully or harrass anyone because she knows how shitty it feels. We don't need to push another liver to their breaking point and act like that is any favor to Doki, to Nijisanji, or any community.

Me venting my frustration isn't meant to be harassment towards Elira, Ike, or Vox. I think they're also victims of their management's incompetence. As a fan, it's just disappointing they blamed Selen for all the problems. And even if they never meant to harrass her, shutting down her frustrations and pressuring her to do what's told of her or else she'd been hurting everyone else while no one looked out for her, is probably what led her to feel the way she did. It shows the company hasn't been doing any introspection and are continously having their livers stick their neck out to avoid doing so.

Nijisanji is lucky that a lot of people are giving the three the benefit of the doubt that they are sharing their true feelings and are only forced to have made the video by management. And it would be nice if, for once, management would take the bullet for their livers other than the other way around and just take some responsibility for their actions without throwing their talent under the bus or using them as a shield. Then, if Elira, Ike, and Vox do choose to leave the company, they'd still have a reputation after Niji after everything they've been put through.

[just-another-frender-blog]

Do you think that the Hulu revival is going to correct any of the issues that the other seasons had, like the queerbaiting and "Haha Leela and Amy secretly hate each other because they're women!"? I have a liiiittle hope because the cultural landscape has changed so much. Unfortunately, I feel like the writers are a little set in their ways, and some of the fans definitely are. Can you imagine the meltdown if the show outed Bender? (Which would make it even better.)

I personally don't believe that Futurama had any queerbaiting. Like most other Western cartoons in general, I believe it has queer coding with many of its characters. Queerbaiting has a more negative connotation, while queer coding is much more neutral. And it's possible a lot of what I would consider queer coding is on accident, or me reading into things as a queer woman. The main reason I don't think Futurama has any queerbaiting is that it wouldn't make any sense at all. An adult cartoon that came out in 1999 for the more conservative Fox network would not try to market itself toward queer audiences at all. Hell, I would argue that one of the reasons Futurama got canceled back in the early 2000s was because it was too liberal for the network.

I would also like to consider Matt Groening's history as an artist. Before he did The Simpsons, he wrote a comic called Life in Hell. This comic was about funny-looking rabbit creatures, and I believe two of the characters lived as a gay couple (the rabbits cameo a few times in Futurama). Not to mention Smithers in The Simpsons who was clearly meant to be gay back when characters like these weren't portrayed in mainstream media. I just can't believe that they would put queerbaiting into the show with malicious intentions. I have to wonder if he wanted to put more LGBTQ characters into his projects like The Simpsons and Futurama, and was held back by Fox. However, there are a lot of people who worked on both shows, so I can't say for sure.

I don't even think that queer coding has any malicious intentions (for the most part). For example, when Fry acts as though Bender is cheating on him in The Honking, I don't think that the joke is that they are acting like a gay couple. I believe the joke is that Fry's reaction is so out of the left field for the situation at hand, to the point where it circles back as charming. I see this goofy, playful type of queer coding in a lot of cartoons, such as Wander Over Yonder or Looney Tunes Show. It doesn't bother me, but I also respect that it might bother others. The fanservice with Amy and Leela bothers me, but it would bother me less if they had a closer relationship like Fry and Bender. 

I'm not sure if I would say the writers of Futurama are "set in their ways" as much as I would say that aspects of Futurama have aged very poorly due to the time it came out. That's not to say that these aspects shouldn't be criticized at all. I think that it's important to warn people when recommending the show, and it's important to discuss negative portrayals of minorities in fiction. I don't know much about the writers of Futurama so I have no idea what their beliefs are and I also have no clue how much freedom they were given with the show. It's possible that they had the best intentions and they fumbled with certain aspects.

Futurama is over 20 years old and it ended nearly 10 years ago. I think that this is a lot of time for the people who created the show to reflect and grow as writers. And I think every good writer wants to improve their flaws and listen to feedback. I've seen incredibly famous writers state that they could've done better. And then they take strides to improve on their older mistakes. I could definitely see the writers for this show reflecting on the way Amy and Leela's relationship was handled or the trans jokes made in very poor taste. Not to mention, it's very possible that they may bring new writers on board to get a more diverse writing room and a fresh perspective.

I admit that I have a great deal of respect for the writers of Futurama as an aspiring writer myself. Comedy is considered to be one of the most difficult genres to write, and Futurama has some of the tightest writing I've seen on TV. I think that can only be achieved by a great deal of effort and a strong writing team. The dialogue is fantastic; each character has a very distinct voice. I was impressed by the continuity in an episodic format, as well as the complex concepts they executed so well.

I adore how this show is "smart" but it never talks down to its viewers. I like how it can take jabs at itself from time to time without being too overt about it. I've always felt that even through all the dark humor, the heart of this show is kind, and you don't often get to see that with adult cartoons. There were so many instances when I finished an episode of Futurama and thought "I hope I can write like that one day." Maybe this is naïve of me, but I really do think the writers can fix some of the older issues that the show had now that time has passed. And maybe they will want to push for queer representation this time.

As for Bender being portrayed as queer; I definitely would like it if some of the more bigoted fans were pushed away from this show. I have to admit, seeing bigots get something they enjoy taken away from them always fills me with this vengeful glee. I would love it if Bender was confirmed queer; I fully welcome an unhinged and morally dubious queer character. However, the idea of backlash makes me incredibly nervous. This is mainly due to the way I've seen people talk about the LGBTQ community online and in real life, especially recently. I always want more representation in media, but I'm starting to feel worn down and depressed by the constant backlash anything remotely queer (or anything with minorities at all) receives.

[willyoucomemydear]

Bullets and Lotuses. (Ch.2)

Note: I hope you enjoy reading this as much as i enjoyed writing it. It might be dissapointing, that this chapter was not really centered around Namjoon, but the next chapters are mostly about him so, better give my sweeties here some attention! And please forgive me if it's a bit too short!

Haneul had just found her escape out of the meeting room, and strolled down the mansion's hallways toward the garden. She asked her father if she could leave, to have a breath of fresh air, since the rest of the discussions could be done without her. When he accepted, a concerned frown already replacing his firm exterior, worried that his daughter regreted her decision and was now throwed into an aimless mariage, she excused herself, sending a reassuring smile his way before disappearing.

Another pair of footsteps followed hers, she was aware, one hast and the other hesitant. A very familiar voice called for her attention:

-"Older Sister!"

She turned to face her seething brother and whimpering sister. Oh, how she wanted to hug them both.

-"What were you thinking back there?" Anyone could've mistaken Jimin's harsh tone for an enraged scolding, but she knew how far more desperate he was than he let on. He always was a kind boy, soft for his sisters, and has only grown fierce to protect them.

If someday, for any reason, they needed a man, they would have him, standing by their side, ready to fight off whoever or whatever bothered them.

This is why, when he saw Haneul offer herself for a person he only knew bad about, just for the benefit of her family, he was upset. Very upset.

-"I wasn't thinking." She grinned, unbothered. She wasn't lying, really.

-"I just felt like it was something i wanted to do." She finished, eyes closing as she chuckled at her siblings' bewildred looks.

Jimin sighed, not relaxed but less perturbed, after hearing her self-assurance about the situation.

His sister had forever been someone he looked up to. She was an imaginative spirit, always lighthearted, but her wit was unquestionable. It was as if she found every problem's solution in some dream she had. His frame slowly drooped when he realized that his sister wasn't as frail as he made her seem. They might have been part of a dangerous world, but she had handled herself, and her family, fairly well. All those past years.

His brief haze gave the girls time to share a look, mutely communicating.

He then suddenly recalled Haneul talking about promising Chaeyoung's hand in marriage to someone.

As if she read his mind, Haneul gently pulled her little sister by the arm, stepping away in a fast rythm, graciously avoiding his question as he shook his head in disbelief, slightly amused.

Both girls have been engulfed in a pregnant silence in the large garden's bench, no sounds heard other than the nervous tapping of Chaeyoung's foot. The flowery lake was reflecting their beautiful features, and Haneul mindlessly stared at her sister's nervous image through it. She knew her sister wanted to speak about something, and she also knew what that something was. She had been waiting for her to talk, but when she didn't, she covered the youngest's fingers with hers, willing to indirecly start the conversation for her:

-"Would you be my Maid of Honor, Chaeyoung?" She asked, knowing this would be her sister's breaking point. She scanned her face in the water, before locking eyes with her, pairs of hazel meeting.

-"Are you really doing this because of me?" Chaeyoung choked, fighting tears.

-"You gave yourself instead of me.." She mumbled.

-"Oh, my Rose." Haneul openned her arms, and her younger sister immediatly found refuge in her embrace. She felt wetness on her neck, sobs on her chest, so she stayed still, granting her sister the comfort she needed. She had suddenly remembered when they were still little, when Chaeyoung cried over her kitten that was crushed by a car or when she fell off while running around with her twin. She had always been the one who felt most and hid least, and this led to her two siblings growing a natural protectiveness over her.

-"I did it for myself. I will be fine. I always am." She stroked her sister's head, passing her fingers through her tangless tresses. She felt her sister crambling in her hold.

-"You always are.." Chaeyoung repeated.

-"Now, will you be there for my wedding?" Haneul said as she cupped her face, tenderly encouraging her to meet her gaze.

-"This is a loveless marriage.." She whispered, scared that this was her sister's denial speaking and not her conviction.

-"No, it's not loveless." She smiled, eyes traveling to every perfect imperfectness in her little Rose. Her adorable sensitivity and appealing cheeks.

-"I'm not be in love with my spouse, but the thrill and fun to come!" She revealed.

-"And something is telling me, he isn't as bad as you assume.."

The wedding was a simple one. It was, actually, only agreed upon because Haneul demanded it takes place. No one understood what she was intending to do, but her family trusted her so much, they didn't attempt on opposing her further than some meek, half hearted, one sided bickering. It took place on their big yard, with a few chairs here and there and a red carpet in between. The guests were dressed in formal, expensive costumes, and they were only consisted of the five family members, Taehyung as Chaeyoung's date, and Jungkook, since they were the siblings' childhood friends, children of their father's men. In the groom's side, only his bestman, Seokjin, as Yoongi had stayed in their base to deal with whatever business there was. Hoseok was there, too; an associate with both sides and a family friend. He was going to spread the news of this marriage, since it was a private one.

The already noiseless space hushed down as Mr. Park walked his veiled daughter down the aisle. Her dress flowed behind her steps as she graciously toed over the colored petals. Reaching her groom, he sealed eyes with her father, who gave him a nod, before moving to stand a few meters away.

Namjoon delicately removed her veil, unfolding her bright expressions and otherworldly hazels staring right back at him, before reluctantly clasping her hand.

The priest's prolonged speech fell into deaf ears, as the two of them caught on small details about eachother. She saw how anxious he was, how he tried to hide it by firming his stature and hardening his gaze. She felt his hesitating fingers, used to blow heads but strangers to soft touches.

-"I do." His stable voice answered the priest's when time came. She stared back at his flickering orbs, recomfirming her sure decision.

-"Park Haneul, do you take Kim Namjoon for your lawful husband, to have and to hold, from this day forward, for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, until death do you part?”

Her hands squeezed his as she charmed him once again with her alluring grin. A quiet breeze trodded in the garden, caressing skins and wiping tears.

-"I do." She recited.

And the agitated water displayed their first kiss.

[toujoursmiraculous]

Thoughts and Reaction to Guiltrip!

Alright, so this one is a bit more of a serious one for me. But I'll be going in order of the episode so the more serious talk will be a bit further down! First thing we get is this lovely moment:

I've already addressed it in a post, but I'll say it again here. Guiltrip is episode 11, several episodes take place before Guiltrip that we haven't seen yet, so this is awhile after Marinette and Luka broke up. We also know that Marinette has always had feelings for Adrien, even when she was with Luka. Luka always knew that fact too. None of this is new and is to be expected, obviously, when Love Square is endgame. But! I also want to point out here that this is just a soft look. Very gentle, very common. I see people looking at each other both in real life and in other shows all the time. A look that says "I adore you". And I think it's sweet! Very subtle, but enough. Something's wrong with Rose. We never get told (in this episode anyway) what it is, but it's a chronic illness that's a worry in Rose's life, ever since she was young. I feel really bad for Juleka, knowing that her friend's been struggling with an illness, and whenever something happens she has to worry about it alone. Also that really sucks when you try to cheer somebody up and make a joke, that because you were mislead about a situation you end up making things worse. Poor Marinette. :c Adrien when he realizes he's bumped into someone (and the pink bubbles to remind us of Marinette's feelings for him):

Adrien when he realizes just who it was he bumped into!:

Scroll up now and look at how Marinette was looking at Adrien earlier that day. It's the exact same look. Yet, something feels different from usual to me, idk. But continuing on. Marinette gets slightly jumbled with her words, but manages to give herself a kick and says nope not now! Good for her! You can't expect to change overnight, but she's working on it.

She looks to the side, gathering her surroundings for a split second and she misses the top step. I'd like to say that this is just a joke for the show but well, this kind of thing has happened to me a lot because I'm that much of a klutz so I feel for her here. (On Halloween I forgot that there was another step as I was walking down as I wasn't paying attention. I couldn't walk on my foot for 2 weeks. It's a serious problem, guys. Really. xDD) Marinette had told Adrien she's concerned it was something she said that upset Juleka and Adrien tells her while sometimes she doesn't make sense, what she says is never mean. This scene reminds me of when Ladybug's worried about something and Chat Noir's there to keep her grounded and remind her of how things really are. I very much appreciate seeing such a scene with Adrienette! Makes the Love Square much more rounded. Also the way he stops her and says let him go talk to her to try to help the situation and any possible misunderstandings from taking place. ;-;

Can I just say... oh my gosh. He went from determined, to hearing Marinette trying to comfort her, to looking with confidence "This girl is amazing." and the whole Ladynoir vibe I'm getting from this scene makes me happy. The thing that's unrealistic about this scene though is you expect to tell me that 8 kids went down those stairs and came up behind them and Marinette, Adrien, and Juleka didn't hear? XD Now here's where the serious comes in. Rose is hospitalized with an illness we don't know about, but has been a long-term thing that has Juleka really worried a lot. That must be so stressful :c I'm going to be honest and say I never really saw Julerose romantically. Like I can see how people do, but to me, I could see that their bond was really unique. It didn't really fit completely in the "BFF" category either. But if felt like there was more to them that I didn't really understand. I think the best example off the top of my head was during Zombizou, when Rose was going to help Chloe after she slid down Chat's stick and she went too fast for him to catch her. Juleka seemed especially worried and concerned for her. Rose never seemed to get concerned about Juleka in the same way Juleka was about Rose. Juleka's always been more protective and worried and it was always one of those things that made me go "hmm, interesting". Now this episode finally explains why and I'm honestly super glad for it. Because this kind of a relationship is not a common one in media, especially kids media. Partially because having such serious illnesses in young people is not particularly common, and having someone who's so caring and protective of that person is even less common. And most people probably don't realize how amazing it is to have health problems and then have someone in their life who acts like Juleka does for Rose. I had a life-threatening illness as a kid, one that still affects me greatly today. When in school, my friends knew about it without me having to say anything unfortunately, and while they didn't usually treat me differently, sometimes they were pretty ignorant and didn't understand why I wasn't "normal" like them. They asked questions that were harder ones to answer, and tended to forget my answers. I got a lot of "I know you have X problem but I still don't see why you can't..." as well as thinking I was lying if I said I wasn't well and couldn't go to a party, and that was hard to deal with, being limited in what you can do which makes you different and being judged for things out of your control. So seeing these kids who only know something's wrong with her, but are willing to do so much to make her life better and happier, not judging her at all, wanting to take care of her no questions asked was really heart-warming for me. I only had one friend during that time that was anything close to this. I never had to explain anything to him if I didn't want to. He never asked me personal questions I didn't want to answer. And he seemed to know what he could do to make things for me easier if I was having a hard time without me ever saying so. And this is another reminder to me that this show is aimed at kids. To show kids that they'll likely encounter someone around their age that's going through something serious like a health problem, and what that kid needs most is kindness and not to be made to feel like they're even more different from the other kids than they already feel. The way they handled that aspect of it for such a short, limited intro to it, I think they did good. I discussed this next bit with a friend. She mentioned it first, the trope where those with chronic or serious illnesses are usually an "inspiration". With this episode, you kind of get the feeling that because Rose's been through so much, she's therefore a really positive and bubbly person and it kind of gives off the vibe that if you don't view things the way she does, then you're not doing it right. "What matters isn't the problem, but how you handle it." While I agree with this, and that when you come out of or regularly deal with

such hard times, automatically trying to see the world better and brighter can easily happen, but it's not exactly realistic either, at least not to the extent Rose and other people the media has portrayed. For one, I think you have to have always been more of that kind of person from the start to realistically be so positive. As my friend said and I agree, positivity is just who Rose is, she's not who she is just for the sake of a trope. But honestly, when you've gone through something so difficult, and if life continues to throw you more difficulties on top of it, being positive so much can sometimes turn into a negative and be harmful too. When you've been through a lot, it's important to allow yourself to feel the negative too because it's part of dealing with such problems. And if you've been through a lot in life and you haven't come out of it being all sunshine and rainbows, always looking on the brighter side of things, that's perfectly okay. Life's hard and tends not to work out how we'd like, or even for the better sometimes. If being positive and hopeful after struggling is hard to do, you're not bad or wrong for feeling that way, everybody handles things differently. c: ANYWAY, moving on to the rest of the episode! Juleka being all irritated and worried that the class was going to expose her spilling Rose's secret xD While the situation isn't ideal, it's nice that this is the most involved she's seemed with everyone in the entire duration of the show. But Rose knows something's up, and I love that she talks to her about it and realizes that she should've told everyone herself instead of Juleka being the only one who knew. Which has been such a burden on her. (Oh no, what if this is a reflection of Alya knowing Marinette's Ladybug later on? I'm hoping not.) Ugh these children and how much they care about Rose! These kids are the absolute best. But then they kind of ruin it a little with going overboard. Which, frankly, I think is just ignorance of her situation really. I mean, we don't know what exactly is wrong with Rose. Just that she ends up in the hospital. If they knew about her condition, what causes her to get sick, what to look out for, etc, they'd be much more informed and much less likely to be frantic whenever something's not perfectly "normal" with her. All of these kids are going to be overprotective parents someday, aren't they?

Okay so like... are Adrien and Marinette going to question at all how Ladybug and Chat Noir showed up immediately after Juleka was akumatized, and no damage had happened outside of the school for it to be known to the public? Literally the only ones that could've possibly known were the class to have shown up that fast. ??? I am confusion. "I can't help my best friend face his father." "No, Nino..." Two things: The fact that THIS is what he's feeling guilty about? My poor Nino! Dx I just love him, he really doesn't get enough love and appreciation imo. Also, um, isn't Ladybug like right by Chat? Didn't she hear that? What? Idk but I feel like we're really missing something here. Usually we get things that are kind of hints, that make us wonder if they know right, but this? This is a bit too blaring-in-your-face, and there's two major things so close together. Really strange. Chat about to use Cataclysm on himself. Good grief that was not expected. Chat Blanc threatened to destroy himself along with everything else. Now Chat Noir while affected with negative emotions from an akuma almost Cataclysmed himself. This show really is getting deep and dark isn't it. o.o Also is there something Adrien needs to work out with someone...? Daizzi and Rose saying the other's so cute, ugh they're both so cute! And Pigella's costume and transformation is so adorable omg. Okay so Pigella's power allows people to see their biggest wish, the thing that'd make them the most happy and feel positive emotions. I know some people probably think "That's it?" Considering that Shadow Moth preys on people's negative emotions, such a power is actually extremely useful facing Shadow Moth. (And let's not forget, that while that's her power, she has the ability to fight and make a difference just from being transformed too) BUT AWWW Juleka's wish! And her face when Pigella said it aloud. ;-; Am I the only one wondering if Pigella may someday use her power on Shadow Moth and that's how they learn his motive? I'm so impressed with how Rose knew how to handle everything. She knew she can't slip up with Juleka. She knew to sneak away to detransform and come back as Rose. She knew to subtly give the Miraculous back so nobody would ever know she had it. Even Chat Noir had no idea! I don't know why, I'm just so very proud of that. "She doesn't need a Miraculous to be a superhero." She really has the characteristics of one, and I can't wait to see more of Pigella. Also I'm really wondering. This scene here:

All the kids that are part of that friend group are there...except Marinette and Adrien, of course. Alya knows why Marinette isn't there. But is she wondering about why Adrien isn't there too? LOL Marinette being like "I'm taking your pillow back, sorry! Gotta wait for it like everyone else." and the boys being like LE GASP. Marinette's right, she's not fragile! The fact Rose jokes with her and makes everyone laugh, and Chloe saying "Hey, why doesn't everyone laugh when I say something like that?!" Adrien: Because in your case, it's never a joke. Chloe: Hm, that's true. Which is super funny, especially how he just so casually says it. But also it really shows again how Chloe wants to be liked. She wishes the kids would laugh when she makes comments, but it's because they're said in a serious/obnoxious way, instead of making light of something like in Rose's case here, that they don't. I know she talked about it with Ladybug in an episode, but it again shows that that's what she'd like. All that needs to happen is someone helping her get there. Maybe Zoe and Luka will somehow help with that later on. Anyway, this was a really great episode! I feel like some things might not make quite as much sense as they should if we got it in order, but what can you do when Gloob has to air them? Even a friend of mine who's been doing what she can to avoid spoilers, still got spoiled. She's having to delete tumblr to avoid future spoilers because people can't help themselves and tag things properly. So thanks Gloob. :P All we wanted was the episodes in order. We've waited this long for S4, we can wait a bit longer. But they gotta make money I guess. I'm glad other countries are trying their best to keep it in order anyway. c: Guiltrip also has some really great Adrienette moments, and covered a more serious topic which was really interesting and shows how much the show's changing. Especially with some of the choice of camera angles and movements! Like the zoom-in on the door with Adrien and Marinette, the boys LE GASP scene. Very cool artistic choices! Looking forward to the episodes that come before this one to try to help fill in some of the gaps! And apologies to those that frequently read these posts from me, I started writing it up late and couldn't finish so you get it the day after instead. xD

[mrsgreenworld]

Hello! I just finished son yaz (bec at the time it was being aired I was hooked on to other shows) and I truly feel like I’ve lost a piece of me.

I’ve always been hyper aware of the fact that I’m watching other dizis and stuff; and I don’t know if it has to do with the fact that I haven’t seen any bloopers or what, but it genuinely felt like spending time with family. I think it might also have to do with the cinematography and how the angles made it feel like we were part of conversations especially in scenes with Selim and Akgun.

I personally don’t know how short notice ending the dizi was and can’t judge the second season fairly. However a few points that just… don’t really make sense to me and I think should’ve been a priority to expand on a bit more

Why are Sare and Akgun friendly at the end? Like I get the premise of Selim turning himself in settling the personal problems with Sare but Akgun?

It was made a point to show that Ahmet was taking care of the restaurant even though Eray didn’t ask him to (swoon), and the whole knowing how Emel’s mood was based on what she was drinking. AND? I assumed she’d like him romantically bec the interaction seemed very soft but it wasn’t reflected during their interaction at Semih’s birthday. Not to mention I don’t really get what happened with Metin? They seemed flirty then 3 years later, oh yea forgot to tell you they got divorced?? And remained civil but let’s not talk to him about Naz marrying Soner or him not being at his grandson’s birthday 3 years later lol. (Maybe the actor left idk but they could’ve mentioned the guy)

I would’ve liked to see how Soner dealt with Mert’s men without a gun because it felt like was such a big deal. I liked how they implied he wasn’t at the birthday and then he was like surprise bitches I was at work, but it feels a bit like a loose end. :/

Speaking of Soner, I feel like sometimes stuff was added as fillers into the episodes instead of giving us more Naz and Soner content. I realize they’re not the main couple but I think they had just the right amount of angst and would’ve liked to see more of them.

Back to the whole “I don’t know how long before they last episode they knew”, Cihan’s mother and Selcuk felt like such a loose end. I know it was meant to bring the car into the situation but I don’t know how I feel about it. AND what happened to Selcuk? Did I miss something?

I don’t think we ever got to know what happened to the Sancaktars, I feel like Cihan could’ve cleared his families name as he claimed and been at the party but I guess not lmao.

Weirdly enough, I really like how Canan’s killer situation was handled at the end. It showed how Akgun grew as a person (6 years ago he would have definitely checked that file and acted on what he read).

Overall, it’s a lovely show. I understand that the writers had a vision and weren’t able to fully see it happen. I guess the stuff I mentioned isn’t stuff I full on hate but stuff I would’ve liked to see. And maybe stuff that I know would’ve given me more content to check again every once in a while 😭

Hello, dear friend! Well, I understand all the unanswered questions. But the cancellation was very sudden so it was inevitable really that there were so many loose ends. Some things were left open on purpose, I think. Since there was hope that maybe the show would be saved, picked up by another channel or whatever.

As for Metin, I think it was the actor's decision not to return for the second season. Of course, they could've handled his absence better, maybe mention him a bit more but he wasn't a lead character, like Canan, so I understand why they never really brought him up.

I never cared about any of the Sancaktars, apart from Soner, obviously, and maybe Cihan. Too bad that his storyline with Yağmur remained unresolved.

But in the end, I think everyone involved did a wonderful job with the finale, given the circumstances.

[midnxghtsunwrites]

GROUNDED

PAIRING —

william miller x black reader

SUMMARY —

You and Will have been through too much for you to abandon him at his darkest hour.

WARNINGS —

angst, fluff

"Baby, I'm sorry." Your voice was quiet as you rubbed the back of William's hand. His skin is rough and scarred against the pad of your thumb — a symbol of the hardships he's endured both during his service and after.

You'd stuck by his side all those years ago when he was in the brigade commandeered by Tom "Redfly" Davis. They were close — damn, you were all close. You were practically Tess's aunt, showing up at every birthday party and barbecue before Tom's divorce made way.

The years you've been with Will gave you clarity — into his struggle with PTSD and the emotional impact serving as a Special Force Operative had on him. He even taught you a thing or two, defense-wise, before he was caught in a situation in your local Publix — his arm wrapped around another man's throat because he hadn't moved his cart. That lead you to jump on his back and wrangle him back to reality.

He's a soldier in every sense of the word.

He'd gotten better after that incident — attending therapy sessions and doing more public speaking at military bases. It was better to keep his mind off of the terror and trauma from his years of fighting in a war.

He was doing better. And then Santiago just had to come along and convince him to join him for one last ride. Of course, you couldn't do much but support him — that's all he ever asked for. Your love and support. And you were hesitant to give it to him.

But, you did.

And he left for two weeks and returned with a bullet wound — another scar added to his shelf of souvenirs — and a dead captain.

The first night he came back was spent on the beachfront of your home, unable to hide the tears any longer. That night, he slept with his head over your heart, almost as if to make sure it was still beating.

You gave him his space for three days — to get his bearings and a handle on life.

You weren't surprised when he gathered you up one day and drove you to your spot. It was where you had your first date however many years ago — he'd paid for the meal and was a proper gentleman. Of course, you just had to give him your number and hope for the best. Immediately, you knew he was drawn back.

He'd just finished his first tour and the trauma was as strong as it was present — you didn't expect to get a call back after he dropped you home. You were at work when he did, though.

From then on, you and Will had been connected in a way no one really understood. But, it wasn't for them to understand. It's like a well-kept secret between two lovers.

Will's eyes are trained on your dainty fingers as you trace jagged waves along his tainted skin. Your touch could calm a storm, he always tells you. His back presses against the wall of the restaurant, a tattooed arm resting atop the back of his seat, and his other arm stretched across the cold metal table towards you.

Your fingers run up the inside of his wrist and trails the ink in his skin. It's his Force tattoo, faded against his fair skin from years of wearing it as a badge of honor. This isn't his only tattoo.

Just on his other arm is a tribute to a fallen soldier from his first tour. They were the closest friends each other had before Benny decided to join the army as well. It was by a miracle that he was put into the same regiment as his brother.

It didn't seem like much of a miracle when William's friend was blown to pieces on the field.

William lazily tips the neck of his beer bottle to his mouth as he shifts his gaze to the crease between your eyebrows — one that only appears when you're concentrated.

You're so taken with his marred skin littered with healed wounds that you jump slightly when he lifts his hand to take a hold of your own, removing your fingers from his forearm.

He raises your connected fingers and presses it to his lips. Your lips form a pout when you see the tears gathering in his eyes. As he draws your hand away, his gaze transfers to the bare ring finger on your left hand.

"I love you." He proclaims, as he rubs your ring metacarpal, "And I want to thank you for being patient with me. I know..." He sighs as he tries to find the right words to say. Finally, "I know it hasn't been easy being with someone so broken."

You want to stop him. You want to tell him that relationships aren't always easy. You want to tell him that he's not broken, just in pain. You want to tell him that you love him too. So much that it hurts.

But you don't. You wait for him to express his feelings. As long as you have to.

"You've been there for me, Y/N — even when no one else has. You've been helping me for so long that I feel..." He can't continue, instead choosing to look down at your connected hands.

Your finger rubs against his as you realize this, "It's okay, Will. You know you can talk to me."

Your words give him that gentle push — "I feel like I'm keeping you from your life, Y/N. You've had to deal with my trauma and I've been ignoring you and your feelings. I don't want to do that to you, baby. Not anymore. I wanna take care of you instead of it being the other way around."

Y/C/E meet blue as you lean back in interest. Your boyfriend couldn't be more wrong about how he thinks you feel. He's held you back from nothing — when you asked him to move to a new neighborhood, he packed up your bags and boxes and loaded the moving truck; when you asked him to stick by you when you went back to school, he helped you study and ace all off your exams to receive your degree; when you asked him to be there for you, he was. And you know he always will be.

With this in mind, you slide out of your side of the booth, your hand still intertwined with his. He watches you, carefully as you step off the platform on your side before stepping up on his. His legs are stretched along the seat, prompting you to plop yourself right down on his lap. His beautiful blue eyes stare up at you.

Instinctively, he plants his beer on the table and snakes his arms around your waist, keeping you in place. You can feel the bulge of his crotch on the right side of your thigh but restrain yourself — now isn't the time.

"You see that?" Your right hand presses against his chest while your left hand finds its place on his strong arm, right above his military tattoo. You refer to his instinct to hold you. "That is you taking care of me. That is you loving me more than I deserve. Baby," You search his eyes, his pupils dilating as he's overtaken with love, "You're my life. Don't think you've been ignoring me, Will. We just had to reduce that pain you've been living with. Because I'm not happy if you're not happy."

Reaching an arm around, you take his hand into yours and pulls it from your waist. His hand falls limp as he watches you draw him towards you. You rest the palm of his hand on your chest, right above your beating heart.

At the feeling of the organ beating against your chest, Will is brought back to earth. You keep him grounded and that's all he could ever ask of you.

"This is yours, Will. You own it. We've been through too much for you not to."

As you watch the thoughts swirl behind his expressive eyes, you're confused when he pulls his hand away from you. He reaches into his jeans pocket and emerges with a clasped fist. Hovering over the table palm down, he opens his hand and brings your attention to the rose gold ring — a significant contrast from the wooden surface it rests on.

Your breath catches in your throat and your heart is pounding against your ribcage.

He looks at it for a moment before tilting his head towards you, "Marry me."

"Will..."

"It’s been a long time coming, Y/N. We've been together for eight years — which I'm sure is seven years longer than what you wanted.”

He loves you, ardently, and now he finds the strength he was searching desperately for just the other day. "I love you, Y/N Y/L/N. With every fragmented piece of me that you've managed to put back together. And I'm forever grateful that you came into my life when I least expected you, but most needed you."

Now it's your turn for your heart to melt — you're growing weak at his words, eyes filling slowly with tears.

His eyes remain on you as you crane your neck to ogle the engagement band on the table. The center is oval shaped and sparkling under the dim lighting of the restaurant. It's beautiful, perfect even — more than you could've asked for.

He is more than you could've asked for.

"I'm done with this shit, babe." Will says as he sees an indecipherable look in your eye. Overthinking leads him to believe that you have doubts about his minimalistic proposal, "I'm completely retired. It's just us — no Pope, no Fish, no Benny, no —" He stops himself before he can say the name.

It's too soon.

The silence between you two is deafening as you're frozen in your spot.

All you can seem to release is his name — it's the only word on your tongue. The only sound you could muster.

He brushes a kinky curl from your forehead and stares up at you, awaiting an answer. Everything in you tells you to speak. To do something — anything.

It's only when Will's grip loosens around your waist that you're snapped back into reality. You'd only dreamed for this moment and now that it's here, your brain seemed to be malfunctioning. Instead of opening your mouth, you reach forward and with your index finger and thumb, you lift the beautiful ring from the table.

"Yes." The word is so quiet that you didn't even realize you said it. Speak up. "Yes, I'll marry you, Will. Christ, you didn't even have to ask."

This has to be the first time he's smiled since he came home. It's bright and amazing and nostalgic. White teeth wink at you as he wastes no time taking the ring from your fingers and sliding it on your digit, his eyes seeming to reflect the sparkle of the engagement band.

The kiss you two share is nothing grandiose. Your kisses rarely are — but they still hold a level of sensuality and passion that many can just wish for. Will runs his tongue along your bottom lip before capturing it in his warm beer-flavored mouth. You don't mind — he has good taste in alcohol.

For a moment, you two forget that you're in a public space. One where patrons are making their exit, but public nonetheless. You pull away when you feel the tears gather in your eyes. You love this man with your heart, mind, and soul — every part of you is overwhelmed with a wave of fervent endearment.

"Damn, I love you." Will exhales as he draws you into a homely embrace.

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[astro-rain]

delicate; b.barnes

chapter three - “penny for your thoughts”

delicate masterlist

word count: 1.5k

synopsis: reader runs into a familiar face at the lake near her quarters in wakanda and they get to know each other a bit (kinda meet cute)

pairings: bucky barnes x fem!reader

[A/N]: not my photo

The sunrise in Wakanda was one of the most marvelous things (Y/N) had ever seen. It was truly divine. Magnificent shades of burnt orange and gold bled through the boundless canvas of clouds. The sun, rich and saturated, was the epicenter of these vivacious gradients. It was almost as though Odin himself was painting the sky.

Her windows, encompassing the space of an entire wall, opened her room effortlessly. They led directly to the outskirts of a small lake that perfectly reflected the sunrise. It almost felt like a vacation. Or a dream, whichever came first.

She had slept wonderfully, but woke up early all the same. The beginning of her morning consisted entirely of sitting right outside her room staring at the ascending sun. She supposed she could've stayed there all day as Shuri told her they wouldn't start working until tomorrow; something about settling in and adjusting. Although she thoroughly enjoyed her quiet, warm morning, wasting the whole day cramped up near and inside her room would be a very poor choice.

There's so much here, I might as well enjoy my mini vacation.

She slipped on her shoes, closed the glass door, and made her way to the very lake she was admiring so dearly. She sat at the edge of the lake, letting the smooth sound of the flowing water fill the air around her. It was so quiet, secluded. She was alone; it was lovely. Tranquile even. Being by herself brought a strange sort of comfort, like she was safe and-

"Hello."

She turned around, still sitting. "Oh. Hi Jame- I mean... Bucky."

He smiled, and gave a ghost of a laugh. "Thanks."

"Did you need something? Is everything okay?"

"Everything's fine, it's good. I was just looking around. This place is beautiful."

"Tell me about it," she returned his smile. "I keep thinking like I'm on a vacation or something. It doesn't feel like I'm supposed to work tomorrow."

Bucky nodded his head in agreement. "If I was gonna be... fixed somewhere, I'm glad it's here."

"Yeah, no one's gonna bother us here. Except maybe Shuri when she shows you how much smarter she is than you."

"Kid's a genius," he chuckled. "I've only talked to her a bit and she's smarter than I'll ever be."

At this point he was still standing, his hands clasped politely in front of him. He was just standing next to (Y/N)’s sitting figure. It wasn't a problem until an awkward silence settled over them. She wasn't quite sure what to say.

She wasn't the best with people. She knew exactly how the brain worked and she knew how to analyze behavior, and when it came to her job she knew the right things to say at the right times. But her job has rules; if she's talking with someone, she's treating them. When doing so, there are specific sets of clinical terminology. There were guidelines to follow, scripts to recite. Talking to patients in a work setting was analytical and made sense. Talking to regular people was a bit difficult. There was so much grey area. Bucky was going to be a patient, but right then, in that moment, he was just another person.

"You can sit if you want," she offered, patting the spot next to her. "I feel weird, it seems like I'm making you stand."

He gingerly accepted such an offer. He sat next to her, but not too close. The respectful distance gave her comfort.

We both have our own space.

"Hey, can I say something?" he asked.

"Mhm."

"I just wanted to thank you, ya know, for coming all the way here. Steve told me about the whole situation - you and Sharon and everything. I'm just really grateful. You probably have a whole life of your own back home, but it means a lot that you came here to help out. I know it's not exactly easy."

Heartfelt. If she had to describe it in one word that's what it would be. It almost surprised her.

"Oh you don't have to thank me!" she sounded deflective. "It's my job. I'm just glad we have a chance to provide you with treatment after all the pain you've been through."

Was that too personal?

"I mean, after all this time, I think you're pretty deserving of a reprieve."

"Have you read my file?" he asked, a little quieter than before. He was staring intently at the lake in front of him.

(Y/N) rubbed the back of her neck. "Yeah, I did."

"Sorry."

"Why are you sorry?"

"That you had to read it. I know it's a lot."

He sounded guilty, like somehow what happened to him was his fault.

"That's alright," she said almost too quickly. "I've gone through plenty of abuse and trauma cases. To be fair, none of them are quite like yours, but I'm not in completely foreign waters here."

"Oh, I don't doubt it. I've heard you're more than highly qualified. It's just a lot of bad stuff."

"I can handle bad stuff," she replied, reassuringly. To her, it sounded more factual than reassuring. Unbeknownst to her, it gave Bucky some sort of comfort. Like he was in good hands.

Another awkward silence settled over them. Her eyes remained on the body of water in front of her; she wasn't sure what to say. Casual conversation was not her forte, and Bucky seemed rather shy himself. She felt responsible for any conversation that should take place, but to be fair, he wasn't talking either.

It was then when she subtly aimed her gaze towards him, getting a thorough impression of his features. He was, in all honesty, quite handsome. Objectively speaking of course. He was sharp features and soft edges at once, if you could consider that possible. And the bluest blue eyes she'd ever seen were luminescent in the direct sunlight. She reminded herself not to stare, and tore her line of vision away from the man next to her.

In lieu of this, she closed her eyes, leaned back on the palms of her hands, and relished in the warmth of the Wakandan sun. This lasted a few moments before she once again realized that not a word had been passed between them. She wondered what he was thinking about.

"Penny for your thoughts?" she asked softly.

"Hm?"

"You look pensive."

"'M just thinkin'"

"Well, that much I could tell," she snickered.

He flashed a bashful smile. "I'm just tryin' to grasp the fact that I'm actually here. Y'know, safe. Ready to be helped. It's been a while. I keep having to remind myself that it's real."

Makes sense. He probably thinks that any minute, this seemingly secure safe haven is going to be ripped out from under him. Like it was all a rouze and he'll have to return to pain and anguish.

"It's definitely real...well, last time I checked anyway. But who knows? Maybe we're in an alternate reality and any moment we'll see a woman in a red dress," she joked, trying to lighten his mood and simultaneously referencing The Matrix.

It worked. He laughed; a soft gentle chuckle, but a laugh all the same.

"Woman in a red dress?" he asked through a grin.

"Oh, you probably haven't seen The Matrix, have you?"

His face scrunched up in endearing confusion. "No...?"

She adamantly ignored when the word adorable entered her mind when she saw his expression. "It's a movie, a classic really. You'll have to see it at some point or I'll feel like an idiot for referencing it."

"Oh God," he shook his head, "I haven't seen a movie in... ages."

"I think that's a crime in and of itself. They've gotten infintely better than they were in the forties, I can promise you that."

"I got a lot to catch up on, don't I?"

"Maybe a little. But don't worry about it. I'll make you a list!"

"Man, didn't think I'd have homework," he quipped, a meek attempt at a joke.

It made her smile. There's some personality! She showed some of her own in return.

"Man, I didn't think I'd ever meet someone who doesn't like movies of all things. One of the best things ever created by mankind!"

He laughed and threw his hands up in mock surrender. "I never said that! I don't know if I deserve such slander."

What a wonderful laugh.

"Watch every movie on my list and I'll clear your name," she beamed.

He feigned annoyance. "Fine. You drive a hard bargain, Ms. (Y/L/N)."

"That's Dr. (Y/L/N), actually."

Before he could question whether or not he made a mistake, she continued. "I'm totally messing with you. (Y/N) is more than just fine. Dr. (Y/L/N) sounds too much like someone's pretending that I'm my dad anyway."

"Okay then," he smiled, "(Y/N).”

[dsmamedits]

LETTER-TO-C

June 10, 2020

Dear C,

I stopped calling you sweetie because I felt that things were lacking between us that we were growing apart. Doubt grew between us. I know when someone is lying to me or at least doesn't tell me the whole truth. I just know. It's just like how we both have a feeling when we'll message each other. It's an instinct instilled in us. I know you hide things for my sake because you did say that white lies are okay as long as it won't hurt the other person but for me lies are lies even if you say they are white lies because white lies are lies that hide things from someone but nothing can stay hidden, the truth will be set free. And once it is free and it's been proven that one wasn't transparent it will hurt more to the person who was kept in the dark. People are not weak, you don't need to lie to them to protect their feelings. Especially me, I'm stronger than you think. I can face anything. I'm stronger knowing there are people who have my back and love me. Isnt that how it's supposed to be?

There are things I can't let go of. I dont want a relationship built on Lies, doubt, dishonesty and no transparency. I may say things that hurt. I may have a cold heart. But it was all to protect you from more trauma and hurt and to protect myself. I know I too have things I still have left unsaid, I want to tell you but there's always something stopping me.

My reaction is a reflection of anothers treatment to me. I've seen relationships and I've experienced my own set of tribulations and I'm sure you have too. Im not insensitive, quite the opposite, You started to not care as much. The doubt grew when you didn't want to open up to me, you would usually tell me about your day the first few weeks of getting to know each other and then you didn't open up as much. I know you're usually detailed when talking about something you're passionate about but that stopped. I had to ask instead of you naturally telling me... That's alright because that helped me be more inquisitive and curious about others. But that was one change. When I told you about it you tried opening up more but I dont like telling people what they should know already. What should have come naturally if you really respected me and my feelings.

I don't like how you made a big deal about my virginity and blamed me for it how I could have prevented it and called me naive and simply didn't understand why it happened and insisted it was my fault. You should have let me go then when I was asking for it. For you to question my situation when you've slept around with other women was an unfair way of taking it out on me. I didn't bring that up anymore because you said you didn't want to say things that I could hold against you. But I'm bringing it up here so I can finally let it go and show you how unfair your way of thinking was.

I know my reactions could have been more lax but when you care about someone when you feel pain you may react the way I did. This is the first time I ever cared about somone to the point I would get mad because I was hurt. I know I could've dealt with this more calmly. This was my first time experiencing this much pain and hurt. I didn't know what to do. If I knew I would've known how to deal with it. With you. You made me fall in love with you and you decide to get sick of me after everything I've shared with you. Way to show me I'm not worth it. Not worth the trouble especially knowing my background. Thanks a lot.

You shut down in front of me. Didn't come after me. Didn't hug me and tell me everything is alright. And you didn't let me see anything. You deleted everything instead of showing me. You hid something from me. I'm not stupid but you kept making me feel stupid and I wanted to ignore everything and accept what you said but if you think about it.... Why would she call you just because you had that sickness before. You're not a doctor. And why would she call you several times. I know you wanted to protect all the women you dated. But I wouldn't care about them if you showed me you cared about me more. You protected them. You hid things from me. When I asked you again why you didn't add me on fb, do you remember what you said? You said, why do I need to add you on fb. In an irritated voice. I got scared and embarrassed. So I shut up and didn't insist on it. But I've always wanted to tell you. I can take care of myself. If anybody tries to bully me I have you. If you can't save me from your exes I have me. And if they try to ruin my reputation so what it's not the truth because the truth was that you and I were dating and you were no longer with them. So tell me, what was I supposed to be afraid of? Could you not have protected me? Why were you so adamant about keeping me out of your fb if it was just something you used. Why did you hide things from me. Did you not trust me?

I need a strong man to be beside me through thick and thin to prove to me that I'm worth loving no matter how imperfect I am and to help me get through it by offering something more tangible and helpful instead of telling me to handle my emotions more. Making me feel like I'm to blame for everything being ruined because I overthink about the things I can't make sense of because YOU wouldn't give me details when YOU used to be so detailed about everything!

I'd rather have someone be honest with me with the truth instead of hurt me with lies out of kindness. That is not kindness that is something that will eventually cause pain. Nobody's perfect and I understand that, that's why I gave you chances and you gave me chances but time and time again you made me doubt you. And all I could do was blame myself because I knew things could have been better.

Remember when we didn't go out for valentines? I didn't mind until you said you went out to dinner with your ex during valentine's before. I felt less important... then you said you needed to be with hero that day....I understood that but I felt you were defensive because I already knew that and you said it in a way like "dont be unreasonable", I kept quiet because I didn't want to make a big deal out if it but if you really wanted to spend it with me even just a few hours you would have. There are times when you pick hero up late. But that day I wondered why were you acting that way. We were just starting and I wanted to let it go because I didn't want to sound petty and it didn't help when you said you felt guilty and couldnt explain why, as if you were hiding something. If you really wanted too you would have put an effort. But you didn't. And now that time is gone forever.

I didn't want to keep silent because this might help you understand women more. If you think loving and showing a girl effort is just by feeding them, picking them up and saying words of I love you and making love with them, anybody could do that. If our roles were switched I'd be happy to do all that for you knowing it would make life easier for you. I bet thats how you felt too when you picked me up. Like you said that's what I deserved. But effort is more then that. Time is the most important factor for me. And you were willing to give it to me. You were gonna spare two days to be able to see me while juggling your work and life. I appreciated that...

I always came back when you asked me too and that was because I liked, loved, and cared about you. It annoyed me when you could see through me, when you took my seperation fits as jokes and said I just missed you. That was truer than true. I missed you so much and I was going crazy without you and surrounded by the negativity of everything. I started becoming obsessed with you because I had nothing better to do. You were my whole world. But you were becoming busier and I felt like I was neglected. I knew you were busy and you were trying to find time for me amidst your busy schedule. This is where I lack, communication, being honest about what I want to say. Instead of just telling you what I want from you I just become quiet and keep it inside because I dont want to be insufferable and a bother. But I ended up becoming one... I guess it ended up that way in the end. I remember the time we first met, how you accepted me for my messy past and got mad for me. I see things through rose coloured glasses. Everyone is kind, everyone has a reason for what they do. There is a story on how that person became the way they were. I didn't want to accept the grey and dark parts of the world.

I remember you telling me not to meet the guy in rockwell, I remember we watched the joker and we ate at the burger place, I remember watching in festival cell number 7 filipino version and we walked a lot, I remember going to your roof top and how beautiful and peaceful it was. I remember staying at your place and eating out at different places. I remember the first time we took edsa going to your place and how there were so many busses and I thought to myself, if we could get to your place faster by using this route so I could spend more time hugging you I don't mind taking this route all the time, I remember eating at that vintage burger place. I remember the wings and burger and raspberry juice. I remember that other burger wings place with a huge garage and how a truck passed by and you introduced me as your girlfriend, I was surprised coz you didn't ask me yet but it made me happy but also confused, was this how relationships worked? I remember walking by the river near your place and how I wanted to walk more but I was so tired and I wanted to go to the place you wanted to show me but fatigue got to me. I remember when we were at cloud 9 and I pretended to be not scared of how high up we were while on the bridge and you were acting cute behind me and I just wanted to bite and pinch you. And also punch you because I was getting more scared coz you kept making kulit. I remember how fun it was going home.

I also remember how the next time we rode the motorbike together you were a bit cold. You didn't like me hugging you and said you were having a hard time but usually you would laugh and say you liked it. Also you said you didn't like it when I was putting your shirt up and I thought you did because when we were going from cloud 9 you were laughing it off.

I remember how you got so red when you drank and fell asleep. I remember there was the one time where we did it and it was the most ecstacy I've ever felt, but when I found out the sad things, like how you were still talking to your ex and how you felt like you were distancing yourself from me, making love and loving you started to hurt.

I remember how you changed to letting me bite you when I told you that you got mad when I bit you. I remember taking lots of pictures of us together and of you when we went to the national museum and how paranoid i was about COVID19. I liked seeing you so serious looking around and hiding from you every now and then. One of my fave memories was when we went to celebrate my bday and how much fun it was to watch you sing for me. How we both could just let loose in each other's company. I remember eating at an open ventilated space in Makati with beautiful lighting and how you couldn't eat properly becasue you were having a stomach ache. I remember the time we were in jolibee and you told me about your mom and what she went through and the reason why you came back and how weak she became and how you teared up. You were beautiful.

I'm sorry I let my overthinking cloud the beautiful memories we made. I'm sorry I couldn't show you how much I loved you. I'm sorry I was mean and hurtful to you. I'm sorry that I wasnt enough. I'm sorry for being toxic. I'm sorry I couldn't love you the way you wanted to be loved. I hope you find someone who can love you the way I know you deserve to be loved. We're both too hurt to mend things. Sometimes something broken can't be put together and it's best to carry the broken pieces, glue it together with someone else to create something even better and unique. This is the closure I can offer. I know you've chosen a better path and i can only hope we both find the happiness we deserve. I can't help but blame myself because I know I pushed you to the limit. You got tired of trying because you thought that I was mean and confusing. Because I was toxic and I knew that, that's why I chose this path.

I wanted to let you know how I felt not for you but for my peace of mind.

#bittersweetmemories #loveletter #painfulmemories #youth #confused #distraught #sadness #ending&partings #THEEND

[aotopmha]

Attack on Titan Chapter 122 Thoughts

This chapter is pretty straight-forward in comparison to the previous ones, but in a deceptive way, where a lot of moments have a bunch of nuance, when they at first glance don't seem to.

Most of the chapter is very thoroughly "show, don't tell", which I can see getting people confused and leave them asking questions, but the key to this is context.

When taking this chapter as more stand-alonish, I feel like it would 100% feel much more obtuse and confusing, but almost every panel calls back to something and the story simply asks you to put the story together based on this. I feel it still definitely leaves some stuff up for potentially varying interpretation, but much less so.

Here's my take on it.

Firstly, the only voice in the whole Ymir flashback is that of King Fritz. Everyone else is silent.

There is much talk about how AoT is this morally gray series and there are certainly many morally gray elements here, but in truth, I'd phrase this idea more in the sense of the story having really well fleshed out antagonists.

It emphasizes humanizing every character, including all those that are presented as shitty people, in a specific way of giving them at least one quality that's if not sympathetic, then at least understandable from the characters' perspectives (this is something Isayama has actually straight-up mentioned to aim to do in interview material).  

Karina is a horrible mother to Reiner, but she is a product of her environment and has never gotten to see outside of the world she lives in.

Alma treats Historia horribly, but her life is in danger because of a powerful man and the society she lives in.

Floch started out as a tactless asshole and has only grown worse, but there are understandable points in what he is saying during various moments in the story.

Gross is straight-up a candidate for the most hateable character in the series, but there is a spelled out, concrete perspective to his evil you kind of understand in a twisted way that also stems from the system he's living under, which often makes for my favorite type of antagonist.

I point this out because I think the first King Fritz is the most straight-forwardly villainous character in the series so far and I think that's fine.

The truth is, sometimes there isn't a "both sides". Sometimes there is a good and evil and in this case, Isayama opted for a powerful man that exploits the weak to further gain power for the evil, which is still a very real evil, but, as said, also pretty straight-forward.

He doesn't develop in any way - he's an abuser to begin with and in a position of power to begin with.

The only sliver of nuance to him is that he's a smart opportunist: he's a powerful man who knows to take advantage of the position he's in to gain even more power.  

You could argue this also comments on power abuse and how a priviledged position and availability of the means to take advantage of others encourages to do so and gain even more power. People are more likely to use a gun when they are given access to it than when not.

But even then, as he says to keep passing down the spines of the Titans, due it being at the cost of the daughters he had with Ymir, whom he already saw as a tool to be used, he most likely doesn't even do it for the good of his people, but his own self-serving desire to preserve his position of power and influence and that way remain important and influental even after his death.

He's more interesting as a vehicle for exploring the social situation he creates than as a individual character.

Him being the only one to talk is thus another neat example of the story making a narrative point through meta elements. Abusers silence and take away people's voices through fear and conditioning and this is exactly what he does and therefore is the only one talking.

In this case, it's even literal, as we see a slave having their tongue cut out. We don't ever see this happen to Ymir, but it's an easy assumption to make that she might've had her tongue cut out, as well, based on what we see done with the other slave.

Regardless of any physical element, though, Ymir simply doesn't go against King Fritz because she doesn't understand she can do so. Her chains are entirely emotional. She seems to have been a slave for most of her life, never getting to see any other perspective regarding herself, so because of the conditioning and indoctrination stemmed from her position as a slave, she believes serving him is her purpose in life:

It's how she is lead to percieve herself that keeps her a slave.

This is interesting to me because this seems to reflect Armin's initial character resolve. The only reason he didn't believe in himself was because of his own, negative, perception of himself. It's through an alternative perspective given through Eren and Mikasa he grew to see himself in a different light. His arc is one of the first arcs in the story that involves a character gaining nuance in their perspective (technically Mikasa has a moment like this before him, but I think Armin's arc fits the comparison better because it very specifically relates to his self-image):

(Chapter 11)

This later also evolves into the Marleyan Eldians' single-mindedness and unawareness of playing into a corrupt system. Neither Ymir nor them simply never get an opportunity to see the world differently/in a more complex light.

In the case of a more typical damsel, the rescue would have had a much more straight-forward and simplistic explanation and through that in my eyes would have been much less interesting and I really appreciate whenever a story understands abuse like this.

Related to this, Eren's speech in this chapter probably makes it one of my favorites.

There are some uncertain connotations to it, as Ymir truly probably is in no good emotional position to make her own decision and Eren ultimately gives her two very specific options to choose from, but I think his words are genuine and the point of the speech still stands.

It's a powerful speech that says everyone is an autonomous person and is not obligated to be bound to anyone:

As said, the elements of a typical damsel in distress story are here, but I think it's more human than just a standard crying girl asking for help situation and on a meta level, the story says that whoever is in a similar situation also has a choice.

As also said, you could tear this into pieces when you focus on a bunch of the technicalities surrounding it, but I think as a general sentiment I really do think it’s incredibly powerful.

I mentioned how this chapter commented on how powerful men exploit women, but I think it's more gender neutral than it might initially seem. I think the general feelings here would work just as well if were Ymir a boy, with the only difference probably being another woman being involved to force him to have children. The story has gendered aspects, but it handles them with not only taste, but also in a way where the general point isn’t gendered, similarly to Mikasa's backstory.

Related to this, I think the final element to look at in relation to Ymir's story specifically is Historia’s pregnancy. I think it made it directly much more harder to make natural.

It felt artificial to begin with, but before this, I was much more open-minded about it.

Okay, since Historia genuinely seems to care for everyone, maybe this could've been somehow spun around her sacrifice being genuine and of her own choosing, but now it's as literal of a representation of history repeating itself as it possiblt could get and whether Historia chose the pregnancy or not, subtextually it will always represent history repeating itself.

The pregnancy has a bunch of potential problems: erasing the gay part of a character (since Historia is the most overtly gay character in the series and this happens after her love interest is killed, it will come across this way even if it's not the intention), contradicting a character's arc, but more than that, at this point, I just don't see anything interesting and unique said through it specifically. All other options where the pregnancy is fake sound much more interesting to me.

If the story finds a way to somehow make the pregnancy work in a interesting way, I'll applaud it, but right now I don't see all that many possibilities in terms of how it could.

This chapter literally calls back to the image of the kind girl Historia saw in the book Frieda showed her that she went against and while this contradiction in her arc already existed just with the reveal of the apparent pregnancy, this now puts a big red exclamation mark on it:

It's so obvious that the story missing this contradiction and not even addressing it would be extremely puzzling (which I do think it will).

More than anything, as if it hadn’t done this as strongly as possible already, this also even further (as it possibly could at this point), fortified the idea that something definitely, most certainly, without a doubt, is up. 

Moving on, though, in the same vein as I said there are points in the real world where good and evil exists, there is actually a truth in history. History is a series of facts interpreted by people and with showing the "real truth" here I think the story dodged a dangerous potential implication about history not being factual.

I think it also fixed some of the potential implications with the historical imagery the story has been using.

Firstly, the Eldian empire was born through the exploitation of the weak. We don't even know if Ymir and all the other slaves were all actually Eldians, so depending how you interpret this, it takes away the potentially historically revisionist perspective of the Jewish analogue race ever being the oppressor. There is no place for "both sides" when it comes to the Jewish parallels because it's one of the most black and white situations in all of history. If nothing else, this element at least makes it clear that the story simply wishes to explore the thematic element of the dynamics between the oppressor and the oppressed the idea of power abuse.

Then, through making the encounter with the parasite creature happenstance and the Titan power not biologically inherent to Eldians, it removes the potential implication of the Jewish analogue being biologically different, therefore being "special" compared to other races, which is not the case with any race.

The element that has been there for the longest in my eyes and I think didn’t even need to be elaborated on because it’s been there and explored so much already and that always removed the possibility of the story (at the very least intentionally) being racist to me, though, is that the story treats all characters from all races the same without ever resorting to using caricatures or excessive stereotyping. The Eldians specifically are the main characters of the story, with there being equally good and evil characters among them.

The key element to racism has always been othering and dehumanization and the story for the most part makes sure that even the characters that are awful people have fleshed out perspectives.

I think what also helps in this chapter specifically is having more of a history-inspired than strictly historical situation, showing it all through a fantasy veil compared to the more direct usage of imagery with Marley and the Marleyan Eldians.

Finally, I really liked the potential Titan lore this chapter presented us.

I think it's really neat how it might potentially connect mythology and biology with the possible inspiration being, both, the prehistoric creature Hallucigenia and the mythological dragon under the roots of the world tree Ygdrassil, Nidhoggr, more than that, though, I really like the potential "nature you scary" element of the Titan origins.

The creature driving a horror story usually either isn't explained or is explained through something like aliens, lovecraftian horror, a human-made catastrophe or an experminent.

In this case there are elements of all of these in here and I think any of these could still be revealed to be the direct origin of the Titan parasite, but I really like the potential "nature you scary" element here because we usually always look outside of our world to find horror because we fear what we don't know, but Earth's own nature has plenty of that, too.

Nature can be really unsettling and horrifying at points and I’d like to see that being taken advantage of more.

Overall, though, I really liked this chapter. I think it might be one of my favorites because of Eren's speech, but I also really enjoyed it for it's "show, don't tell" aspect. Sometimes one image can say much more than a thousand words and I think this chapter did a really solid job with that.

[tamiddyinyourcity]

9:46pm.

Brain hurty. No thoughts, renegade renegade.

Friday, May 1st of 2020.

Time to vent, before I overwork myself with things.

Alright, thoughts:

I feel bad for not handling the initial breakup better. He was acting an ass that night, though, to keep it 100% real. I probably could've held off on cursing out the Stupid Stalker Bush Bitch. Or not dumped him right away.

Actually nah, dumping him right away was smart. I just should've gave him time to simmer down and reflect, and same for myself before going online and saying what I said about it. (He still is an asshole though, so like....)

And well, long story short, Azalea did end up being a weird bitch. A normal friend minds their business, a weird one is the type to get easily sus over their good friends gf finding their insta.... (I literally get recommended people all the time, hoe, why assume the worst-)

She could've made it soooo easy by just agreeing to vibe with all four of us, or even just one on one! (Since I dislike non-female solidarity, and also wanted to prove to myself that not every situation with a close girl best friend would end up a homewrecker situation.... but nah, she instead found a way to get mad at Patrick for talking to me about shit, and avoided my messages.)

And Patrick? God, my open book ass wouldn't have been TOO weirded out at her online stalking me for months. (I'd be the normal amount of weirded out, and a little flattered.) Then all the more reason to meet up! To subside whatever worries were there, or suspicions, or thoughts! Easy peasy.

But long story short, the skank had a chance twice and sabotaged both, so that's why she looks the way she does and still went into the NEW DECADE tripping off of me. If you wanted to ride my clit this hard, just ask politely.

Agh! Now I'm horny. Not since she's attractive, shes very the opposite, but I thought of-- anyway, that's not important. Focus on the bigger things.

Clit tribbing

Pornhub premium Darcy Dolce

Anyway.

Not a lot could have changed.

I couldn't contain my pain, he couldn't contain any common sense, and Azalea couldn't contain her will to sabotage things, nor the smell of her stank ass life and ego, but life goes on.

I just suuuuuure wish things went easier, man.

......

I'm sleepy.

And not gonna lie, I could use a hug.

When quarantine ends.... God, either I'm gonna come out celibate as hell and unimpressed by people constantly, or ovulating like a motherfucker, going through a 100 pack of condoms in only two weeks. (Probably the former, honestly.)

The former seems more doable, since I have a lot less respect for others the longer that I'm in quarantine.

Patrick #2 was great, till his lies and maladaptive stubbornness and lack of emotional tact lead to the downfall.

Patrick #1 was perfect, up until he completely distanced himself from me as if nothing he said before was true. (You're either hurt at not being able to see me, or happily plowing other hoes and dodging my texts. Being both just is a waste of my damn energy.)

Rowan was a Hoe-wan. (HA, why did I actually laugh at this easy pun???? Lmfaoooo, sorry. But its true, hes a thot thot thot.) Could've been honest, aaaand he tried to just sugarcoat things and tiptoe. Boohoo, i left to avoid getting my feelings hurt or repeating the same question just to never get an answer.)

Matt is a man who I wouldn't sympathize for if I saw him slit his throat.

Jesus, reflecting on this bullshit makes Marco seem almost like a saint. (But he's not, since he cheated on his girlfriend for two years straight, and also kept leading me on, either romantically or to assume that I was actually seen as a friend he could respect...)

Zack #2 was also human garbage, and I'd like to trip his feet with an electrical cord into a bathtub, throw in a toaster, and watch that nigga fry like a fish. (Sorry, I'm very irritable due to a very stressful..... year, really. Past several years, really. And I'm super exhausted from cleaning all fucking day, jesus christ...)

Zack #1 is someone that to this day, I understand why I had so many morbid thoughts about. It was like every day in high school for two to three years straight were, "break his FUCKING LEGS man". Whew, I wanted to snap him like a twig, the same way he made me mentally snap and unable to go back to the cheery person I was before.

And the handfuls of passive flings, that I'd rather not think about. (Devon disgusts me for the sheer amount of laziness and perversion he displayed that I for some reason I was clinging onto, Tavy was proof that a girl could buy her boyfriend a promise ring and would still get someone else off, with the same finger.... just, yikes.)

Maxwell, the British fucker that LITERALLY INSTIGATED EVERY SINGLE PART OF ME FALLING FOR HIM, doing the absolute most, just to abandon me at random, and come back.... until one day, he just never showed up on Christmas Eve, broke his promise to me, and completely left me wondering why he'd bother trying to woo me or act so head over heels just to betray me like that. (Cause he was a hoe, but whatever. He had no top lip and shitty teeth, so I dont expect much success in his future with what the universe has dealt him with. Geez, this was also the relationship that totally broke me as a fucking person. He could've just hooked up and left it at that! He got on my nerves so fucking bad.)

....

I see why people worry for me, not gonna lie.

I forgot a huge chunk of these memories until now. (I try not to count the people I've been with before losing my v card, since well, who cares how Lopsided Foreskin Devon treated me? Nigga is unloved by his family and can't hold a meaningful relationship with anybody, outside of discussing High School DXD titties, talking completely about himself before immediately rushing out the room without even a goodbye, or lolis every single fucking day, so, no need to curse his name past the age of 17 when the universe already has his shit ruined.)

Devon can still perish, though, seriously. Ugh. Never deserved to be near me at all. Pussy. Gross.

10:20pm.

This was cathartic, until I thought about D*v*n. Gross. Eugh.

I wonder if his tactic to avoid me wanting to see him was just to instantly approach me, talk only about himself and completely run over me every single time without letting me have a word in edgewise, then running out the door without so much as a goodbye when the bell had rang.

He was the type that when called on it, just went, "Well, that's how I talk! So just deal with it!" So I never feel too bad about the time the next school year where I demanded he leave my special ed class and threatened him with a plastic PVC pipe.

Sure, plastic doesn't hurt too badly. But it will, if wielded by the girl you used for sex and treated as undeserving of the absolute bare fucking minimum relationship expectations! He skedaddled out and never came back. Serves him right. If he stayed, I wouldn't have hesitated to make his face swell more than when that fucker got his wisdom teeth yanked out. (Also, I made him aligot potatoes with what little food I had as a gift to him to eat even with swollen gums... Fucker let it expire. I doubt his exit from this world would affect too many people in a negative way, from how much of an asshole he was, you know?)

Anyway.

I think I'm just gonna disrespect men, it just seems fitting.

I even tried to message a dude "I'm doing well! How are you?", and my phone autocorrected the exclamation mark to a comma, just to remind my ass to not be TOO excited over some dusty dude bothering to say hi to me.

Life goes on.

Now that my room is nearly clean, I can also try to get back into making actual video recordings of me discussing possible topics.

Like Josh, the one manlet guy I hooked up with, who I should call King Coercion, since with that gross little shit, a no was not a no until he grossly grinded and whined on you enough time. He's like a sad dog in heat that you'd have to kick off of you to make it stop tryna hump your leg. (I wish I kicked him, really, in his smug little face and that crappy moustache of his.)

....

Its crazy, knowing how young I was to even be experiencing the shit I have.

19 years old, and I advise anyone older and younger than me on a daily basis to do better in terms of their standards and expectations, since I know that shit is intense. I'd rather have girls cursing niggas out, or making twitter threads about their creepy behaviors or potential crimes to warn other girls, sooner rather than later.

If anyone is reading this and is struggling in a relationship right now.... this is your sign, whatever you feel like this sign may be. Just act carefully on it please.

And yeah, even witnessing family members cheat has definitely fucked me up.

In high school, I didn't have to worry about any competition. All my crushes were on nerdy dudes that were terrible at emotional processing, (yes, call me Captain Save A Hoe, it was all at my detriment and niggas never learned jack shit from me,) and I only had to worry about D*von trying to convince me to dress or dye my hair like that flat chested redhead chick in Persona 5. (You see why I cancelled him out of all my memories, dont you?????)

And now that its college season, its everyone acting up. I still have the same type, but its still of course an even bigger chance of potential infidelity.

When everyone's over 18, has a place of their own, and more free time? Then yeah, anything can go down.

I was hopeful in the past, up until the Matty situation. Since oh look, even what I was told and believed was a 100% thing! With someone I pictured in my life positively whether or not we dated. Ended with me tremendously hurt. Almost dead over a shitty acne covered dweeb.

God, he sucks cock. (Well, technically he rides cock, but lmfaoooo, i dont need to mention his dragon dildos yet again.)

10:45pm.

And witnessing my older brother's ex girlfriend having a breakdown, from him cheating on her and ignoring her nonstop while she wrote essays or took exams for him. (That's dumb as fuck, jesus..... they ended up dating another few years of course. Lots of memories of him mocking her and her screaming at him, often so loud that the walls would shake. And violence, of course.)

Why are people..... so fucking dumb.... just..... ugh.

I'm just gonna focus on being the happiest and most content version of myself, and pissing on douchebags, like always.

Feels good.

Peace out.