#it felt good to do smth self indulgent but this is literally those who know: 😀 those who don't: 😐

[lingy910y]

I saw in my mind fairy lights through the mist / I kept calm and carried the weight of the rift / Pulling him in tighter each time he was drifting away

Can it be enough to just float in your orbit? / Can we watch our phantoms like watching wild horses? / Cooler in theory but not if you forced it to be

The devil that you know / Looks now more like an angel / I'm the life you chose / And all this terrible danger

Who's gonna stop us from waltzing back into rekindled flames if we know the steps anyway? / We embroided the memories of the time I was away, stitching "we were just kids, babe" / I said "I don't mind, it takes time" / I thought I was better safe than starry-eyed / I felt aglow like this / Never before and never since

fragile little fate: the portrait of a marriage x The Tortured Poets Department

↳ for @jademickian

[ky-yk]

2:28 am (hyj x f!reader)

genre: fluff || word count: 968 author's note: back from the dead with smth self indulgent and way farther from what i envisioned

in. out. deep breaths, y/n.

lying in a pool of your own sweat, you heaved while staring up at the ceiling. not even a blasting a/c could stop me from shedding my weight in sweat, huh. you learn something new every day, you thought to yourself.

you turned my head with what energy you had left and squinted your eyes to look at the time: 02:28 am, it read. you closed your eyes and sighed, turning to look back up at the ceiling.

"literally, why do i do this to myself. i had a whole day to work out and yet here i am," you muttered to know one in particular. maybe it was a way to distract from the baby hairs sticking onto your forehead and the ends of my locks feeling like you'd taken a shower that you'd suddenly become hyper-aware of.

"i wonder the exact same thing."

a husky voice broke you out of your reverie. you propped yourself up on your arms as you looked over to the door that you're surprised you didn't hear open and met the striking brown eyes of a certain songstress. your eyes grew wide as you tried to sputter out an answer.

"o-oh, hey yunjin!" such a charmer, y/n. nice going.

you then got up and ran over to the couch where your towel lay and tried to at least make myself look presentable. "what're you doing here? it's so late," you asked in english.

"i could ask you the same thing, y/n," she chuckled with a shake of her head. she turned her attention to the lone yoga mat near the end of the room.

"i-i'll clean that up, don't worry!" you sputtered out. you then scuffled over to the yoga mat and started rolling it up. "anyways, what're you doing here again?"

"leader's orders. she's been trying to contact you all night," she replied nonchalantly. you cringed at the thought of worrying your chaewon-unnie. yikes...

"um, tell her i'll be home soon," you replied.

the quiet hum of the air conditioners was the only thing filling the awkward silence between you and your same-aged friend. who you also happened to be crushing on. hard. i mean, it was hard not to. she was quite literally everyone's dream girl. insanely talented, creative, witty, and not to mention, absolutely gorgeous. when she came home from the salon after dyeing her hair black for unforgiven promotions, your soul quite literally left your body.

aside from those, though, she felt like home. the whole debut process -- from getting scouted at a school talent show to moving to korea barely speaking the language -- would've been even more hellish had she not been around. your first training session with the girls was nothing short of grueling, made even more so by your evident insecurity and shyness. you sat on the couch with the girls as they chattered away nonstop among each other, their conversations going in one ear and out the other as you stared off into the distance and just let everything sink in.

"hey, you good?" she asked you in english, and the familiarity in a strange land lifted a whole weight off your shoulders.

only for it to make it so easy for you to fall into the trenches that is huh yunjin.

"i'll wash up real quick and then head home," you told her after cleaning up after yourself. she hummed noncommittally as you picked up your belongings and made your way to the hybe showers. when you came back, she was sitting patiently with her legs crossed and her phone in her hands, looking at it intently. you finally got a good look at her: how her glasses hung on for dear life at the end of her nose, how her hoodie engulfed her and made her look oh so cuddly, and how she let her hair down and had it frame her face perfectly.

goddamn, get up, y/n.

"let's get going?"

"come here, first."

she put her phone down and opened her arms up for you to come into. you confusedly put your bag down and walked over to her, only for her to turn you around and pull you into her lap. your eyes widened as you felt your heart beat against your chest. you looked down at her arms tightening around your waist, hoping your hair would cover your reddening face. that was probably fruitless though because you were certain she could feel the heat radiating off of you with her chin resting on your shoulder.

"um...care to explain?"

"i'm just feeling affectionate," she mumbled.

"ah." she probably would've clung onto kkura-unnie if she was here. i just happened to be the only person around. get up, y/n.

"besides, i haven't seen you often. you're always disappearing after our schedules; my english is getting rusty, you know?" you could hear the pout in her voice. you turned to look at her and completely underestimated the distance when she turned to look at you too, noses barely touching.

"so when chaewon-unnie was going to ask zuha to look for you, i stepped up. i missed you."

"we see each other every day though."

"but we never get to hang out."

"valid, i guess."

you broke her gaze and turned to look at yourselves in the mirror. yunjin plucked her phone up and turned her camera on.

"look, y/n."

your idol instincts turned on and posed for the camera in front of the mirror: hand on your cheek, face scrunched up in a smile as yunjin shot away until...

you felt her nosing away at your neck and leaving a little peck on the spot. there was no way she couldn't feel your heart drumming against your chest.

"cute. let's get going?"

"yeah, sure..."

[nafeary]

Napoleon, Theo, Dazai, and Jean reacting to College Student!MC Stressed by Deadlines

Requested by @hqissodelicate:

hey toni boo, sara/delicateikemenmemes here ❤ i've been Going Through It with school 😔 so i was thinking of how my boos napoleon, theo, dazai & jean would react to MC who's a (stressed, exhausted) student who got yeeted to the mansion in the midst of a bunch of deadlines? thank you boo & i hope you're drinking your water 💙😤

✧✎ A/N: I’m sorry it took me this long to finish... but this was super fun to write and it helped me get back into writing after such a long break due to school bs. I’m not too satisfied with Dazai’a and the haphazard scenario/headcanons mush, but I still quite like this I think. Thank you for the request dear! Take care and drink water, everyone!

Warnings: Stress and mild mentions of anxiety, and like one mention of sexual intercourse

Napoleon Bonaparte

“You’re just a chore, after all.”

You whirled around. “Don’t act like your job is going to be that hard,” you could only scoff in annoyance, “I’m going to be inside my room all day, anyway.”

At first, Napoleon was slightly confused by your statement. Wouldn’t you want to explore this new world at all? But according to code, he’d just smirk and go (sleep) do smth

And true to your statement, you did stay inside your room for the most part

It’s not like your quadrillion essays would write themselves

It’s not like your college would just excuse your tardiness

It’s not like—

“Nunuche, you sure you don’t need a break from... whatever you’re doing?”

Napoleon was quite suddenly standing besides you, trying to read the mess that you’ve created.

“And who gave you permission to enter?”

“Me, obviously. I did have the impression that you were in danger, judging from the amount of curses I perceived.”

You could have died from embarrassment. Of course he had to hear your yells of frustration, stemming from the fact that your laptop was out of order, that you had no idea how to use ink properly, and—

“Have you realised that you regularly zone out?”

“I suppose? But if you wouldn’t mind, I really need to finish...” you trailed off, gesturing to the papers in front of you.

However, at his inquisitive gaze, you decided to explain that these were essays that could very well decide how you’d pass university, and, upon further inquiry, elaborated how a modern student’s life looked like

He never interrupted you unnecessarily, only to ask questions when a concept was too modern for him to comprehend

Your cursed assignments certainly made your life in the past harder to enjoy, but it also brought you and the emperor closer than ever

Unable to access the internet—or visit the college library—you had no proper sources for you references (considering that Comte’s library had no modern content, naturally)

You also didn’t want to bother Sebastian, especially since him and Comte had shown so much understanding for your peril that they practically forbid you from helping him out around the mansion

Their reasoning didn’t make you feel less bad though

Hence, you only had one option left that could complete your last essay

Which oh-so conveniently encompasses the Napoleonic Wars, something you truly did not want to burden him with

“Napoleon? Remember those essays that I have to finish for my university courses?”

“Of course.”

You were twiddling your thumbs, contemplating whether your grades are worth revisiting unpleasant memories, aka the taboo of the mansion

Abruptly, he grabbed your cheeks with just enough force to turn you away from looking at your feet, but not enough to inflict pain. “If there is anything I can help you with, I’d never shy away from it.”

Begrudgingly, you inquired him about his reign with as little focus on the gruesome details as possible your professor be damned

And holy shit, he’s amazing at writing? And Not just cringey love letters? Panty Sniffer Napoleon brrrrr

As you grew closer, he’s spoil you with vitamin-rich snacks (going as far as asking Arthur and Sebastian for medical advice)

He enjoys carving cute shapes out of fruits and eggs because he knows that their and his adorable presence will prompt the perfect amount of distraction to allow a small moment of rest

Says that it’s his duty as your guard and boyfriend to take care of your overworking habits

Expect frequent complaints from your beau, ranging from “how could they assign so many essays? Aren’t students just humans, too?” to “‘Reasons Why Edison Is Better Than Newton’? Do they even know what they’re talking about? Tch!”

Theodorus Van Gogh

You gleefully indulged in his charades for the first few days. They were a welcome distraction from your college work, after all

But the procrastination was accompanied by guilt, your anxiety building up every second you spent helping Sebastian with the chores, and gallivanting around town with Theo

A week passed before your sense of responsibility finally kicked in. So when Sebas came to wake you up just as the sun peaked past the horizon, you were already scribbling away on some sheets you’d found in your drawers

“Ah, good morning, Sebastian-san.”

“Good morning... what are you writing, if I may ask?”

“Just some essays for my college courses...” you said, glancing dejectedly at your notes.

Now that you didn’t have access to the internet, and your laptop’s battery was all used up, it made your work all the more tedious, but you had to set your teeth and do this.

“Give me 10 minutes, and I’ll join you in the kitchen.”

He had wanted to argue, but you didn’t let him. And when he saw you leaving the house with Theo later in the afternoon, he could only shake his head.

You felt like you owed the art dealer, especially since you blurted out his secret the literal next moment, so you committed to helping him while also keeping up with your work

Although, him calling you dog wasn’t nice either—even though, according to Sebas’ explanation, Hondje wasn’t exactly the equivalent to mutt

That cycle continued for days. Helping out around the mansion, getting pulled around by Theo, and writing your essays deep into the night

Not to mention all the worries that pressured your shoulders further and further into the ground

You were missing so many group project deadlines, disappointing people that relied on you... it was safe to say that sleep did not come easy, if barely

Just before you arrived at your room after a late night art exhibit did your body decide to fail you, tripping over nothing multiple times.

It prompted Theo to call you out before you could even think of rushing past the door, steadying you with a hand more gentle than you had ever experienced it to be.

“Sebas informed me that you’ve been working yourself to death.”

You silently cursed the butler. “I haven’t—“

“Give me your laptop.”

Perplexion ran across your mien, wondering how he could possibly have remembered such a modern detail from your countless rambles. “It’s batt— it doesn’t work right now, so it’s not like it would stop me from working.”

Arguing with the devil was a mistake.

He snaked his arms around you, holding the door handle in place with one hand while the other still kept you upright. “I don’t care whether you work or not, I’m not your mother. And regardless of its abilities, hand it over, knabbletje.”

What other choice did you have but to comply?

He ordered—yes, ordered—you to go to bed right that instant

If you hesistanly ask him to do the same (we all know what a hard worker he is), he’ll just press a guileless kiss to your forehand, telling you not to worry about him

The next morning, you were already worrying for your baby’s safety within the sadist’s hands when the devil invited himself into your room

“Ever heard of knocking?”

“Morning to you, too, Hondje.” He sent you an overly handsome smirk, handing you the laptop tucked underneath his arms. “You won’t be able to use that spider web Sebas told me about, but writing should work.”

You stared at Theo in disbelief, all the while internally laughing at him misinterpreting the World Wide Web. Deciding to trust in him, you clicked the power button. And sure enough, it sprang to life. “What... how in the world did you...”

Leo overheard you and Sebas talking about solar energy sometime… hush, just run with it

He fell into the seat next to you, propping his chin upon his fist. “I didn’t do anything. Just asked Sebas whether there was a way for you to use this. Leonardo took notice and tinkered around with it. Don’t ask—ah!”

You threw your arms around his shoulders, pressing your face into the crook of his neck. “Thank you for taking care of me, Theo.”

Would you have lifted your face, then you’d have caught a glimpse of the vermillion shading his cheeks. “I didn’t do it to help you. I simply can’t risk having you become a liability at work. That’s all.”

Anyway, tsundere tendencies aside, you know what another big factor of dating Theo is?

King if you’re not allergic, understandably, if so, he’ll change his clothes before even thinking of visiting you

On days that you decide to be especially stubborn, he pulls you outside, all the whilst whistling for the jolly golden retriever

And as soon as he comes running, your mind goes brrrrr cute dog

Although, he’ll try his best not to distract you from work. He knows from personal experience that it’s a much bigger annoyance than help

Thus, he’ll certainly use his connections and amiable rip Shakes relationships with the residents to help you out with the research process

Also, with his superior memory, he knows what generally makes you happy and relaxed, so he’ll be his usual observant self to decipher just what would help you perfectly relax/finish your work

Hardworking boi, please love him

Dazai Osamu

Dazai is the type of person that doesn’t mind upsetting people and risking someone’s disdain if it supports that person in the long run

And he’s able to read people like books, so it shouldn’t be surprising that he knows you’re overwhelmed before you even realize it

You’ve been going to sleep too late and waking up too early? He’ll gently force you (if you’re 100% against it, he won’t do it ofc) to sleep beside him, making sure that you won’t rise with the sun for once

You’ve been exposing your wrist to heavy sprain? He’ll teach you some handy-dandy 5 Min Crafts techniques that are guaranteed to send your hands on a vacation

You've been suffering from writer’s block? Time to go on a lovely stroll through nature with your boo

Your shoulders and neck are hurting beyond sanity? He swears by hot springs, so the thermae is his go-to for when you need to relive some muscle kinks

He never fails to procure the perfect amount of bubbles and temperature. And depending on how comfortable you are with it, he’ll offer to wash your hair.

And since dude got Disney princess hands, you most probably fall asleep, but our man is there to hold you above the water

His bare thighs are an added bonus, sending your mind into spirals faaaar away from college work

After you’re done bathing, he’ll ask you whether you’d like him to braid your hair (if it’s long enough), and his Disney princess hands will not disappoint

In the beginning, it was incredibly vexing to have a security cam in the form of a handsome man always on the qui vive

But at some point, you started embracing Dazai’s overwhelmingly passive—you knew exactly what he was doing whenever he’d do something random—protectiveness

Especially since it didn’t only help you complete your work; on the contrary, you were always excited to spend time with the Japanese writer

But that didn’t curb your confusion at the whole debacle. Why was he this focused on your well-being?

So, you decided to confront him

“Dazai?” Once again, you were relaxing in his arms, his fingers threading through your hair lulling you into a dreamlike state.

He ticked his head to the side, pulling your entwined hands closer towards his heart. The sun streamed into the run at just the right angle, yet the golden light was not as bright as his vivid citrine orbs.

You sighed, unable to look at his stupid handsome face for too long. ”Why is it that you insist on taking care of me?”

“Someone has to, Toshiko-san.”

You’d have blurted out your feelings if it wasn’t for the sudden embrace you found yourself in. As guileless as it appeared, you knew he was trying to stop you from acting on your thoughts.

Deciding that you didn’t want to pressure him further (after all, you knew that he had a hellish first life), you accepted the unclarity of his feelings—even though his actions spoke loud enough for you to understand.

It was that day that you decided to repay him for all he’s done for you

And you wouldn’t let him yeet himself through a window in an attempt to evade the love sent his way this time

Even if it took decades, you wanted him to feel just as safe and loved as you did in his company

You were glad to have such a caring man by your side who helps you with managing you self care

You could only hope that he’d allow himself to be treated the same way

Please just take our love, boo. We love you

Jean d’Arc

Well fuck, how could he possibly help someone who’s stressed when he himself is a 24/7 McDonalds that only sells Chicken McStress?

Anywho, I feel like he’d be the complete opposite of Dazai when confronted with a stressed MC

He’d care just as much, of course, but he thinks that it would be better to give her space, since he himself understands the desire for solitude well

So yeah, I can see him not going out of his way to check up on you if you weren’t super duper close friends/lovers IF it wasn’t for his friend Napoleon

After all, it was him who gave your boyfriend a lil talk, convincing him that, perhaps even if someone needs space, they probably still need someone to look after them

Living with Jean is basically Ted Talks everyday

Anyway, he embarked on his journey to hopefully help you and and to relieve some stress that was wearing you down (according to the statement of several residents)

And, finding himself halting abruptly, our pessimistic little bean realised that he’s got zero idea what did help you attain bliss

So he opted for the next best option—things he knew that made his friends relax

Plan A

Hearing a few oddly reluctant raps on your door, you went to open it. As soon as you did, the beautiful man who’d captured your heart entered your vision, your eyes finding his amethyst ones immediately.

You two stayed like that for a moments, only breaking eye contact when he sighed and simultaneously thrusted a mug into your hand, already in the process striding back to his own room.

“Uhm… Jean? I’m a bit busy right now, but would you like to come in?”

His eyebrows furrowed. “Don’t you find it inappropriate for a man to enter your room, mademoiselle?”

“Jean,” you giggled at his archaic mindset, gently rubbing your thumb between his brows to even out the crease. “We’ve had sex before, you know. Of course you ca—“

Wrong thing to say. He stormed past you, vermillion cheeks practically leaving a trail.

Chuckling to yourself, you turned to the mug’s contents. “Hm? Hot chocolate?”

Plan B:

“If this doesn’t harbor your discomfort…” Your boyfriend reluctantly stood in your room’s corner, standing straighter than a rod.

Frankly, your essays have kept you entirely too busy, and you longed for the warmth of the French man’s feather-like embrace.

“On the contrary, I enjoy your presence.” And you went right back to scribbling away.

Jean frowned. “Haven’t you been writing stories since this morning?”

“They’re not stories… and, yeah? I believe so.”

Stepping towards your seated form, he extended his hand; you grabbed it without thinking twice. “Is everything alrig—whoa!”

With the ease of a seasoned soldier, he picked you up before haphazardly tugging you into bed with bewilderment maring your features. “You should sleep.”

“—what?��

He stared at you blankly, as if expecting you to fall into the land of dreams right that instant.

“Did something prompt,” you slipped your arms out from underneath the duvets, gesturing wildly, “this?”

It was hard to be upset with Jean, his clueless but genuine persona the reason why you fell for him, yet you couldn’t disguise the irritation coursing through your veins—you had work to return to, after all.

“I think you need to rest, mademoiselle.”

Your blinking made him avert his eyes, explaining quietly, “I am uncertain what supports your release of tension, so I thought that perhaps sleeping could help since it certainly does show affect with Napoleon.”

“Ah, and you made me hot chocolate since that’s what calms Mozart.”

After internally simping for his soft and wholesome dumbass energy, you pulled him to bed beside you, claiming that it would help you relax (but only after telling him that it was okay for him to ask for your preferences)

And falling asleep to the heartbeat underneath his broad chest is definitely a 5-star-resort vacation

He’d eventually ask his relationship advisor Napoleon whether it is okay to have you help them out with his reading/writing lessons (you

You, alongside Napoleon, steadily agreed, despite knowing that it was a ploy to keep you away from overworking

Please also love this boy, thanks

Tag List of the most wonderful sweethearts (just message me if you’d like to be added <3): @juminly @kisara-16 @sweetlittlemouse @thesirenwashere @nad-zeta @delicateikemenmemes

[aizawa-needs-coffee]

Hi!! Could I have a matchup please? I'm 18, pronouns she/her, I'm fine w any gender though I have a preference for males

If its of any relevance, physically I'm about 5'8 tall and on the chubby side, green eyes, brown hair (with blonde streaks) and I wear glasses

If you're into astrology/ mbti, I am a Sagittarius w both moon and rising in Cancer and I'm INFP

So I'm quite emotional lol. Usually very in touch with my emotions and quite perceptive of other's feelings as well. I have a huge saviours complex especially when it comes to feelings (i love helping others figure out their feelings, being a shoulder to cry on or even offering comforting hugs) but I try my best to keep it control cause I don't wanna be suffocating

On the outside I'd say I'm fairly organized, I keep my room clean and all of that, I'm a lil bit of a perfectionist but mentally I'm all over the place. I tend to get carried away by thoughts and emotions and end up procrastinating a lot; anxiety makes it all worse. In short, I suck at time management

To most people I may seem quiet and reserved but I actually really enjoy talking to people; I'm really insecure about not being funny or interesting enough tho. Around my friends I'm more relaxed but still have moments of self doubt

I can also be quite obsessive. If something really catches my interest I won't stop until I search all there is to know about it. For example I watched bnha, read the manga, the spin offs etc all in less than a month and now I'm indulging in fanart and fanfics because I need m o r e c o n t e n t hsbsb. I'm also that kind of person that listens to a new song they like on repeat until they hate it. Speaking of music, I can't say I have a taste lol. My fave genres are rock, pop and indie but I hear smth I like, I listen to it, whether its "high quality" music, basic or weird. Lately I've been listening to a lot of epicore which is literally the type of music thats used in fantasy and sci fi movies askfkdk

I like expressing myself through writing, singing and dancing but I really can't say I'm talented at either of those, it's all in good fun. I also enjoy reading (fiction, non-fic books bore me like hell; my fave genres are fantasy, sci fi and crime) but I haaate literature in school. I'm actually a bit of a math nerd and this year I'm starting uni, studying computer science!! Oh! I've also taken drama classes for 2 years (despite the fear I loved being on stage and plan on starting again once I'm done w the baccalaureate), I love playing D&D and while I woulnd't quite call myself a gamer, I love role playing video games. I'm also almost always down for any kind of multiplayer video games w friends although I have no experience

I'm not a sportive person, I go on walks or do a few exercises every now and then at home but I'm willing to try stuff out like a new sport or going to the gym w an s/o. I do plan on starting self defense classes soon and maybe taking up sword fighting (I love swords hehe)

Tbh I've never been in a relationship so I'm not really sure how I would act w an s/o, nor what I'm exactly looking for. I best express my affection through physical touch tho and that includes my friends so I'd like someone who isn't bothered or can get used to that (s/o would still receive the most hugs/ cuddles etc). I'm not that comfortable w the other love languages for friends and family, but I think I'd be a lot more eager to express my love through them for s/o. If I'm on the receiving end, my weakness is still physical touch :)) but I also need words of affirmation every now and then cause insecurities 🌠 and while I wouldn't ask for anything, especially objects, I am a hoarder and I'd keep any kind of gift like its a national treasure simply bc its from someone I love.

In addition, it doesn't really matter if s/o is more on the emotional or rational side a long as they dont invalidate my feelings; it angers me a lot and makes me feel even more insecure. I tend to isolate when I'm really really upset about something so I need a lil bit of pushing to talk abt it; I'm open to talk abt my feelings but I need the verbal confirmation that they care and wanna help, its not just cause they're being nice

Wow that is a lot of rambling jeez ajsjsjs sorry. Thank you so much if you've read throught that all and ty for the match up!!

Me and my wife literally having a ten minute debate on who we’d pair you with before I made my choice. Thanks for all the details and I hope you enjoy the match up!

I match you with Sero

I feel he’s outgoing and extroverted enough to help you with your anxiety and always reassure you that you are good at things and he does love you, he’s also so chill and laid back that even if you were clingy he’d not mind, he’d embrace it, his chill nature would help balance you. He would help you feel grounded and have a ‘you don’t have to do it all now’ attitude but would happily help you out. You need help going to the store? He remembers the list you wrote, having trouble fitting in lunch while you study? He’ll come to your door with pizza.

He’s determined and outgoing but isn’t aggressively positive and loud either which I think is why I picked him over Kirishima for you.

+++

“Hey babe, whatcha reading?” Sero asked sitting next to you on the sofa, he handed you a soda which you gratefully took, not looking up from your laptop screen.

As soon as he was sat down comfortably your hand grabbed his, clasping your fingers together as you managed to tear your gaze away from the Wikipedia page which was still open. You blinked up at him and shook your head.

“Oh just something I learned about today and wanted to do some.. extra reading” you explained.

He nodded his head and drank his soda watching as your face lit up as you started to ramble about the topic, he didn’t really know much about it but the way you told him about everything, the way you happily expressed your interest towards the topic made him happy. He gave you his big grin when you finished.

“Sorry, I rambled..” You felt bad, you always felt nervous when you info dumped on people.

“Nah, it’s cool, I didn’t mind at all” he brought your hand up to his face and gave it a kiss, your face flushed at the gentle gesture which caused Sero to laugh playfully.

“Well, if your sure… I just wanted something to take my mind off chores”.

“It’s the weekend, you don’t have to rush anyway.. and if you don’t feel better by tomorrow I can help, you can wash the dishes and I’ll dry?” he suggested still peppering kisses on the back of your hand before you set your laptop down and crawled closer to him.

You nodded softly, that sounded a lot more manageable, you felt your anxiety settle down from a raging nagging feeling to something easier to tolerate. He was such a good influence on you. Sero set down his drink and wrapped his arm around you, pulling you closer to his chest.

“The guys want to come over and say hi later, maybe get pizza… but I can tell them not tonight if you aren’t feeling it… maybe you can play that new game you got? I liked watching you play the other night” He suggested as he nuzzled your head, enjoying how your hair felt on his face.

“Maybe… can I give you an answer later?”

“Yeah, no rush babe”

You smiled softly feeling the lanky boy kiss the side of your head and listened as you carried on talking about the trivia of your current interest.

[mariearmany]

Let me just start it.. Wednesday on my way home, sitting in a metro back to the other side of the city 10 miles away from home, decided to keep my phone shut, observe people clos enough and figure out what I would get of it, kept thinking about their stories.. what are they wondering about and so indulged in so much? Many ones with headphones.. what could be their favorite song? Ive seen a little boy by the station sitting on the floor with just a box by his side with a simple handbook full of drawings and pencil portraits making a living out of it so fragile I saw his eyes looking for help, with everyone passing by till someone stops and takes a look or give him smth in such cold weather with only a jacket that i am sure it makes him colder than warmer.. Ive seen a girl, prideful, selling some bracelets and accessories, she entered the car not spitting out a word, just holding her box and preparing her stuff till a woman asks her what is she doing? She seemed frustrated enough that her replies was like a broken arrow that never hits the point but hurts whenever you pick it up or try to fix it Yet; she answered her that she is selling her work for a living, the old lady told her she didnt get that at first because the girl didnt speak up, she replied " you couldve asked me and then I would speak.." Ive seen a man going to jail just to feed his 3 children so he steals.. Ive seen a producer, a director, weirdly a bunch of models Went from east to west *literal meaning* and not one experience worked fine till the end. Ive tried to throw myself better at new risks, try out new sides and I realized they don't fit.. i have learnt to keep my first impressions silent, my fear and anxiety silent too because it is okay to try new things.. yet I had to find oit quick enough it is not suitable. It is not me.. Ive through arguments, clashes, visited and spotted multiple side of me that I didn't know I could give power to, still learning how.. Ive had enough stress from my friendships that it is pushing me to stay silent and far away, should I take few steps back? Maybe.. I can't handle any damage or fallen expectation from them any soon again And i said it, all of the scenarios I think of are becoming true till this very same moment.. and not a single scenario came wrong till now which is scary.. I hop the rest of the scenarios are wrong, please :") I have been daydreeeammminggg like a kid in front of every street commercial billboards and GOD! I cant wait to see one of my design shown up there :") ! I literally and metaphorically dream about it and today i stood in front of one in the street i was way too small compared to how big the billboard is so is my dream... Ive cried my eyes out, ive tried to talk to myself, I cant see me but a loser.. Ive finally spoken to my best friend about the forrver hang on issues that she was part of and I tried as much as I can to handle it lightly, I did yet it still feels like a burden on my chest I told her how I knew that the last 3 years will turn against me in college, i told her how through the whole vacation I was telling myself that You will try her shoe She told me it didn't.. she told me "it is only your perspective and your mentality that did but your life didn't, she tried proving me i am not that of a failure, loser, second choice based, toxic, yes a hardworker, yes good enough.." But it is like i am trapped behind a mirror that I cant break through lately, i see everything but you can't see the other side I know she is right. Yesterday i finally felt alive again for a few moments! Yesterday Marie was present, the one I miss her adrenaline rushes, her impulsive moves and daring simple actions On my way back home on the opera's bridge, I saw from afar how beautiful the spotlights of the CIFF were shining in the night sky behind the square's statue I were jumping out of the car to catch just one or two frames! The view was too cinematic to be missed out!!!! I couldn't stand going home without catching this I knew this scene is not going to repeat, such mood, such enthusiasm, such spotlights and red lights, drapes and the statue was such a silhouette in the middle of the place, like history standing still observing modern days with revolutionary spirit I came out if the car in the middle of the street and even walked to the middle of the bridge, i stood right there watching everything just happening there! I had to capture the view, i stood there and photographed the moment. I seized it! I felt more alive than those last 3 months :") This moment gave me back a part of me.. a part i missed about marie so much! :") That spontaneous, impulsive, daring loving one! That side who loves to admire everything who sees the beauty around her and looks for the beauty in the details of the tiniest spots The sunrays lightin the place, the trees ..on the people's faces.. How people have little details that make the heart melt.. That side that makes me wonder about life about how a scared thing it is huge and sacred.. that you would fall in love with it.. Monday, Tuesday and wednesday were the downfall, when it all felt like my walls were collapsing.. rage, anger. All came to crumble like a solider in the middle of war and he suddenly realized that all his battles were nothing meaningful.. that all of his battles are lost with no importance for anything.. he thought he is fighting with his pride and strength then you realize you are fighting ashes.. it took you no where.. his sword besides him and full of dissapointment, fear that he accimplishrd nothing! And when u feel u accimplished nothing it shifts ane turn on you! It turns into rage.. you might end up hurting those around you and turn into someone flaw-full..and God i hope i am not this... I dont know where i am exactly I dont know if i am okay or not.. i dont know where am going.. but i think i am just letting things be I am going on my way and letting whatever happens happens I am trying to be balanced and stable i am trying to keep myself looking forward I am trying to be better to keep goin in the right path as much as i can To be righteous and to refine myself again and again To focus on my goals, attitude, wishes and behaviour I want to grow better and more mature more understanding.. to feel better I want to understand people better to know them better to be more sentimental to be more to contain people'a attitude...Feelings.. behaviours better and deeper Ive learnt that many times your emotions will contradict with 2hat you wish for or what you want or what you think of or even with who you are Your sentimentals will change your attitude violently or your spirit will be annoyed somehow Your emotions would be like a stubborn child hard to tame but you will have to learn how to tame her. Ive learnt that everything from time to time everything will contradict What you want will even contradict with people's lives.. what they want.. their actions or their flaws I am trying to take control and take hold of myself. Take a good grip on me in the right way as much as i can as much as i see right maybe.. i try to even see cleared and better Through everything In my friendships and bonds too.. With my self, my values, my standards, my dreams my decisions.. everything.. I cant deny i feel exhausted.. messed up.. strong and weak at once.. but i dont know what to do or what no to do exactly but i am going on my way...