#it colors how i view her so strongly that I can't really imagine her NOT being autistic

[nyaagolor]

Something that really gets me about Nemona is that despite having the social awareness of a brick wall, there are a few cases where you can see her have a complete demeanor flip if you respond negatively to her questions and I am SO interested in those. Her eyebrows furrow, she brings her hand closer to her face like she's visibly curling up, and she looks genuinely concerned-- whether ur saying you want to rain check a battle or you don't want to be her friend. It's such an extreme reaction to ultimately trivial things, but in combination with her railroading you / being her overzealous self and the way she panics about coming off too strong, it just gives me pause

I'm probably overthinking this, but those strong reactions remind of kids who were told they're Too Much by the adults in their lives and then get stuck in a push-pull of doing what comes naturally to them but also trying to be cognizant of when they're being Too Much as they struggle to grapple with social cues. Nemona only ever seeming to realize when she's crossed a line after someone tells her that explicitly or responds badly to her just gives me such confused neurodivergent teenager vibes, it is driving me insane. She acknowledges her emotional distance from other students and worries out loud to the player about Coming Off Too Strong in their first meeting, but doesn't seem to connect those ideas with any specific behavior she's doing, and the entire thing is just setting "autistic high school sophomore" alarms off in my brain

It really feels to me like a case of someone who has internalized the understanding that they're too overwhelming for others after having been told it countless times, but doesn't understand WHY; just stuck in this loop of getting negative reactions and desperately trying to work backwards from there to figure out what about them and their behavior is scaring people off. She immediately goes from this boundless confidence to insecurity (shown via pose or dialogue) the literal second she's faced with a "no" and it really makes me think it's because she's terrified of losing you as a friend and sees ur negative reactions as a precursor to that. In the absence of an actual understanding of how her own actions drive people away she's stuck relying on your reactions, and something like a simple "no" reads as a red flag that she may have crossed some invisible line that everyone else but her seems to see. (slaps her forehead) u can fit so much autism in here

[lovelyladyabsinthewrites]

Hear me out (here comes more stuff hshsh):

I don’t think SB would actually verbalize his hurt and sadness for having lost so much time with his children (and not having been a good dad when they needed him, tbf) but maybe he’d write it down or blurt it out when he’s too vulnerable to actually care about who’s hearing what he’s saying; so imagine a moment where MC hears or reads his words about being terribly sorry for missing out on his children’s lifes, and how sorry he is for fucking them up

MC hearing him talk to Butcher about SB’s father, and then them talking about her; SB actually appreciates that MC has someone who cares for her like Billy does, and he laments that he wasn’t a good dad for his daughter - I also feel bad for HL for having grown up too early and too roughly, but that doesn’t excuse his behavior as an adult - so SB would probably still be disappointed in HL but glad (and surprised probably) that his little girl didn’t turn out so bad as her brother

And this is something I’ve also mentioned before, which I strongly believe: dads are different when it comes to their sons and their daughters. And I think Ben always had a softer spot for MC, and now when she’s an adult and he has actually missed years of her life, he actually regrets not having been as present as he could’ve while she was still really his little girl

sb and butcher find a common ground in their love for mc 😭😭♥️

and sb being one of those dads that has a weak spot for his little girl... 🥹 he's definitely one of those dads who also doesn't think any guy is worthy of their daughter, but he thinks butcher might be close to worthy. as much as butcher annoys soldier boy, sb also respects the love that butcher has for you. and hearing of butcher's own shitty dad really has soldier boy rethinking the earlier years with you and hl.

really it was a miracle that you weren't more of a monster like the rest of your family. you're possibly the one good thing that has ever come from soldier boy. you're the embodiment of a ray of hope.

mc stumbling upon one of those private conversations between butcher and soldier boy has you viewing your dad in a different light.

i can't remember if it was you or the anon who mentioned that soldier boy has a box filled with your old drawings you gifted to him. one of those drawings being in his pocket when the russians took him :( him keeping it all throughout his captivity by simply refusing to unclench his fist that securely held onto it. it's crumpled now. the color faded and splatters of blood staining it, but its something soldier boy still keeps with him. it just so happened to be a family portrait you made of the three of you, your dad being the largest figure in the drawing while you and hl appear so small next to him.

when doing laundry (yes you're forced to do your own father's laundry since he's now living with you and the Boys), you find it in the pocket of the pants he'd arrived to New York in. you don't know what's on it at first since the flimsy sheet of paper felt like it was going to disintegrate from your touch. your crudely written initials in crayon tipped you off though. needless to say kimiko found you in the laundry room crying and holding the drawing close to your chest. all this time your dad cared for you more than you thought he did.