#it always felt like such a big fun social event for a new movie to come out and all the art & fic that would come from it

[kayvsworld]

unfortunately i miss the mcu so much </3

[starcrossedxwriter]

Wicked Fantasies Part 4 (MBJ x Black OC)

Warnings: mentions of grief and death… NSFW, public sex, name calling, BDSM themes

A/N: lol remember when I said this was gonna be two parts? Well I finished both so I said why not lol long chapter ahead but I hope you enjoy!

***

“It’s really insane when you think about it,” she laughed. “I mean God, these people are saying shit I wouldn’t dare breathe out loud… to a complete stranger. Do your DMs always look like this?” 

Michael nodded, causing Raven to shake her head in complete disbelief. “I don’t see most of ‘em but my team likes to share the wildest ones sometimes. The people are mad creative.”

“You don’t ever feel objectified by it?” Raven asked, her nails tapping quietly against her screen as she deleted DM after DM. 

“Sometimes but it’s par the course in my world. And they do it to all celebrities. It’s also not like me and my team don’t play into that shit. So it’s kinda hard to get mad. When you get branded as a sex symbol, people treat you like one. And generally, people don’t mean any harm by it. As long as people, you know, keep that shit on social, I don’t get bothered.”

“Fair. People need to like get offline and touch grass. The amount of women in my DMs insulting me for ‘stealing you?’ You’d think I wrecked their fantasy home. It’s kinda disturbing, not gonna lie.” 

Despite the rise in explicit DMs, Raven was pleasantly surprised at how little her life had changed since she became the public girlfriend of a mega movie star. She had never seen so many follow requests in her life and the cameras swarmed the library for the first few days. However, other than that and one or two articles detailing the sparse details of her life that were available, things were pretty much exactly the same. It also helped that there was a major celebrity scandal each week so their relationship had quickly become old news. But they were the new “it couple” on the block. The world bought their act hook, line, and sinker. A few more months of this and the debacle of their first date would be a funny passing joke on SNL or Late Night tv and nothing more. 

“I feel bad dragging you to this shit on your birthday,” Michael mumbled apologetically. 

Raven scoffed. “It’s a dinner party at Ryan Coogler’s with the cast of my favorite superhero movie of all time,” she exclaimed, a bit of her fan girl side slipping out. “Hardly a punishment. We got our photo so you can post something cute and sappy for the gram and I get to do something fun completely unrelated to my birthday. Win, win.” She assured him with a smile. 

Michael still did not understand her aversion to her birthday, it was one of the many things about her that were a big question mark. He thought she was just being modest when she told him so when Ryan invited the couple to dinner at his spot, he felt bad for even asking her to give up her special day for a work event. However, she said yes immediately, clearly thankful for a work obligation to fill up her evening. 

Her phone rang, interrupting Michael’s response. She rolled her eyes when she saw her sister’s name pop up. She had been dodging her and her dad’s calls left and right since she and Michael’s first date weeks ago. She knew her sister would find out from social media and would tell their dad, and she knew they both were just calling with their hands outstretched. She could tolerate them asking for her money and the money she did not have yet, she always found it and, even if she complained, she would give it. But she would not entertain requests for money that was not hers to give away, nor would she give Michael the impression she was a gold digger trying to bleed him dry. He was upholding his end of the bargain, she would not milk him for anymore than that. She let it go to voicemail, however, soon the car filled with the constant dings of her texts.

“You gotta take that?” 

“Umm… yea,” Michael could feel her entire mood sour at the idea. “It’s just my sister. She’ll never stop calling if I don’t. You mind? Sorry,” her tone was apologetic, knowing how frustrating it would be to listen to half a conversation in a car you can’t escape from. 

She held the phone to her ear and waited for her to pick up, making sure to turn the volume down as low as possible in hopes Michael would hear as little of whatever insanity her sister would spew. She knew she was not calling to merely offer happy birthday wishes, if she even acknowledged the day at all.

“Raven! I’ve been calling you for days. What the fuck?” Kiara’s voice filled her ears. 

“Hi Kiara. Sorry, I’ve been a little busy. How are you?” 

“I’m fine.” She responded shortly without asking Raven the same. “And yea, a little busy all over the fuckin’ ShadeRoom. You know how fuckin’ embarrassing it is to find out you’re dating MY celebrity crush on Insta?? You didn’t even like that nigga or his movies.” 

Not true, Raven wanted to yell into the phone. She and her sister were not close enough to know each other’s favorite movies or actors, hell even favorite colors, let alone gossip about their relationships together. So she was not sure why Kiara even expected to know about her relationship, even if it hadn’t been a complete farce. 

“You have me out here lookin’ stupid as shit to my friends.”

“I’m sorry I didn’t realize how it would impact you.” There was a hint of sarcasm in her voice, which she could tell Michael picked up on as he choked back a laugh. However, she knew Kiara was too self absorbed to notice.

“When are you gonna bring him here for us to meet him? The girls want to meet him too.”  

“You and dad are always welcome to come to LA and meet him. O-Or just, you know, visit me?” she threw him an apologetic shrug that just made him laugh. She wished she could laugh at how quickly her family’s tune had changed about seeing her. She had invited them to LA countless times before everything fell apart but they couldn’t have cared less about her life and how she was doing. And when she tried to visit them, they made excuse after excuse about why it was not a “good time.” But now that she had a famous boyfriend, it was “when are you coming to visit?” As if the invitation had always been open. She had not seen her family in two years. “Don’t think either of us have time to come to y’all with his schedule. He’s going out of town soon for his new movie.”

“Maybe I can convince dad if you can get us tickets to the premiere of that movie…. What’s the name? I don’t remember. The girls would love that shit. Or… oh! He has to be invited to the new Black Panther premiere next month too. Maybe we can go to that? I don’t know what that shit’s about but it’s Black Panther so you know hella celebs will be there. He’s gotta be a brand ambassador for some fancy shit. Can you get us some Birkins or something?”

Raven clenched her eyes shut as her sister outlined her laundry list of impossible wants from her “boyfriend.” She knew she could never and would never ask Michael for a fraction of these things. And if she was going to ask him for something out of their contractual obligations, she doubted whether it would be to benefit Kiara of all people. She would do it on behalf of someone who would actually appreciate it.

“I’ll ask him. But maybe for now, you can settle for an autograph? Look, we are actually headed out on a date. Did you or dad need something?��

“Oh yea… I need money for a lawyer for that charge from a couple weeks ago. You know that fuck ass bar is suing us for damages? But that shit wasn’t even our fault.” 

Raven’s head lazily fell to the side as she half-listened to her sister complain for several minutes, drowning on with details from the fight  that made Raven think the bar was well within their rights to demand payment. But accountability was not Kiara’s strong suit. She offered lame “ohs” and “wows” to give the impression that she was truly paying attention. She was just waiting for the ask, there always was one and everything before it was pointless. She finally tuned back in when her sister demanded cash. 

“I gave dad the rest of my savings to bail you and your boyfriend out of jail. And I already sent money for the mortgage and dad’s car. I’m tapped out this month.” 

“Fuck you mean tapped out? You’re living like a fuckin’ big shot in LA with a millionaire for a boyfriend and you can’t slide me money for a lawyer? That’s fuckin’ foul, Raven.” 

Raven clenched her eyes shut. It had already been hard enough to keep up the appearances that she had a thriving career in LA. Adding a fake relationship to the house of lies she existed in did not help matters. Her family had no idea how much she was struggling now and while she knew she could tell them, she did not want to deal with their reactions, which she knew would likely be to blame her. She felt enough guilt and blame for her situation as it was. 

“I can’t just make money I don’t have materialize, Kiara.” She lowered her voice though she knew there was no way Michael was not listening. “You know just because I let you and dad treat me like an ATM, doesn’t mean I do that to other people. I don’t have the money right now but I can pay the bar in installments when I come into more in a couple weeks and just pay off the damages for you.” 

“No, we aren’t payin’ the fuckin’ bar cause we didn’t do shit. And wow… God. You’re so fuckin’ selfish, running off to LA and abandoning us here to make all that money with your fancy degrees and shit.” 

“Did I run off and abandon you or did you make it impossible to stay?” Raven asked, her exhaustion at constantly being the villain of her family’s story getting the better of her. 

“Poor Raven. Always the fuckin’ victim as if everything that’s wrong in this family isn’t your fault. And to pull that card today of all days when you know it’s the anniversary of mom’s death. If it weren’t for you…” Kiara started to say before Raven cut her off, tears welling up in her eyes as she already could hear her sister and father’s voice finishing that sentence. 

“I’ll figure it out and send the money, ok?” She called out, cutting her sister’s words off completely. “I’m getting an advance from my next book in a couple weeks. Find a couple lawyers, meet with them and get their rates and I’ll pay for it. No one crazy expensive, Ki.” 

She knew lying was wrong but she did not have any other option. She couldn’t tell her family where the money would be really coming from. Michael had a whole list of things for her for the next two weeks before he went on his press tour, which meant she would easily make enough to pay her sister’s legal fees and pass it off as an advance. 

“This is me and Jay’s lives, Raven. It’s not like you don’t have the money or access to itto pay for the best.” 

Raven focused her eyes on the ceiling of the car, a sorry attempt to stop tears of guilt and frustration from falling. She felt a tidal wave of shame hit her knowing Michael was seeing her like this. “Whatever you need. But once my advance money is gone, I’m tapped out for a while. Seriously, Kiara.” 

“Yea yea yea. I gotta go. I’ll call you in two weeks about the lawyer. Bye.”

Raven clenched her phone in her hand with a fist, her entire body turning away from Michael as a small frustrated sob escaped her that she couldn’t quite keep in. She tossed her phone down on the seat and wiped her eyes. 

She had hoped to make it through today, the annual reminder of the worst day of her life, without thinking too much about it. But there her sister was, picking at the threads of her composure, forcing her to unravel. 

The worst part of all of it was she could not even be mad at her sister or her father and how they treated her. She deserved it and she knew it. She had ruined their lives and this was her atonement. So she endured it, every slight, every barb, every wound because she - perhaps foolishly - hoped that if she kept reaching out her hand and kept giving, one day they would reach back and not expect something in it. They would forgive her and she would have a real family again. 

It did not matter how they spoke to her or treated her, she just repeated the same mantra over and over and over again.  

Keep reaching out your hand, she reminded herself as she took a few deep breaths. 

“You good? We can drive around for a bit longer if you need a minute.” 

“Yea, yea.” She sniffled and cleared her throat. “Just stupid family shit. One day we’ll have a date without me crying o-or having a panic attack,” she let out a watery laugh as she forced a smile onto her lips. 

The smile was wide, and Michael knew, to a stranger, it would likely seem authentic and bright. It would certainly be enough to fool everyone at dinner tonight. But he could see its inauthenticity in her eyes, that’s where all of her emotions shown through. And her eyes? They were void of even the minuscule amounts of light and joy he typically saw and that were present moments before that phone rang. Now, she just looked torn down. And this version of her did not have enough energy to do more than put on that facade and pray no one looked too closely. But when it came to Raven, Michael always looked too closely… and he knew that was the problem. 

Michael slumped back in his seat for a few moments, the wheels turning in his mind as he studied her. He knew he could continue with their plan for the night, that she would play her part and play it well. However, he could not, in good faith, allow that. All their dates thus far had been about him. She deserved for the one day to celebrate her to be all about her. He pulled out his phone and went to Google. After a few minutes of searching, he closed that and opened his call log. 

“Hey Coog.” His voice filled the car, Raven glancing over to him as she continued trying to reign in her emotions so she could play her part.  “My bad, man but we ain’t gon’ make it tonight. Send my apologies to the rest of the team and your wife.”

Raven’s head whipped to the side as she listened to his words. She could hear the faint accent of Ryan Coogler asking if everything was ok. She immediately turned to him and threw an expression at Michael before mouthing, “What are you doing??” 

Michael merely winked at her before answering Ryan. “Yea yea. Just somethin��� came up I gotta take care of.” Michael chuckled. “Aight, ‘preciate you, brah. I’ll make it up to you. Talk to you later.” 

As soon as he hung up the phone, Raven immediately spoke up. “What was that? Why aren’t we going to dinner?” 

Michael ignored her and directed his next statement to Allen. “New plan, Allen. Just sent you the address.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

He continued to avoid her confused and wide eyes. He could not sit at a dinner party, regardless of how fun it was going to be to see the entire cast, knowing Raven was in pain. And even if he did not know or understand the extent of it, he could empathize and recognize she needed a night of someone caring for her, not the other way around. 

“Where are we going?” 

“You’ll see.” 

When Allen finally stopped, Michael helped Raven out and handed one of the cards out of his wallet to Allen, whispering something in his ear that Raven could not hear. With that, Allen sped off, leaving the two behind. Michael placed his hand on the small of Raven’s back and directed her down the block. 

“What about your dinner party?” 

“That nigga hosts a dinner party for everythin’. My role in the movie ain’t that big. Just settin’ up future shit so they won’t miss me. He’ll host another after the premiere next month and at the end of the award season if it gets nominated. Trust me, we ain’t missing shit.” 

“But you’re paying me to go to work events with you?” Raven hated that once again, he felt the need to cater to her and her emotions. “I don’t need to be coddled. O-or for you to rearrange shit to celebrate a day I don’t even want to celebrate. You’re paying me to do a job, let me do it.” 

“Yea and now I’m paying you to have a relaxin’ evening with me. This’ll be more fun anyway. We can still pretend it ain’t your birthday if you want.” 

“Relaxing… at a rage room?” She glanced up and gestured toward the sign outside of the building they were standing in front of. It was quiet, no one but a front desk attendant gawking at them. But she was not surprised it was quiet for a Wednesday night. 

“You tellin’ me you don’t have some rage you wanna exercise a bit, ma?”

She chewed on her lip, she had more than enough rage to get out, but she needed to fix that on her own time, not his. “I do… we all do, I’m sure but… then you shouldn’t pay me for the night. This isn’t work. You’re just doing this to make me feel better and I’m good. We really should go to that party. You can’t just blow off work obligations because your fake girlfriend’s having a bad day.”

Michael closed the distance between them and used his fingers to pry her lip out from between her teeth. He wanted to smile at how she rolled her eyes and pouted a bit, clearly resisting the urge to draw her lip back where it was.  

“You aren’t ‘good.’ I don’t know you that well but I do know that much. Just because this ain’t real doesn’t mean I want to watch you suffer on the one day of the year that’s supposed to be about you. A dinner party isn’t what you need. You need fun, seems like you get little of that shit anyway. So since I’m payin’ for your time, I’m tellin’ you not to worry about my shit. And I’m tellin’ you that your only job today is to have fun. And I don’t like having my money wasted, baby girl.” His voice dropped to his commanding tone, a tone that let her know he’d pull out the flogger again if she did waste his time. 

She rolled her eyes and scoffed. “Fine. But this really isn’t necessary.” 

“It’s my money. Let me decide what’s necessary and what’s not. Now come on.” He pulled her in the door, using his award winning smile to get them into the largest room that was clearly meant for more than two people. 

The attendant got them set up in their protective gear and closed the door behind them, locking them in the room for an hour. 

“So what do we do?” Raven muttered as she glanced around, quietly giggling at their absurd bee-keeper style gear. The room was filled with breakable items, bats and golf clubs and other makeshift weapons. There were holes in the walls and punching bags and dummies and stacks of plates. 

He picked up a vase and chucked it at the wall, the glass shattering against the wall. Then he picked up another one and handed it to her. 

His hand pressed into her chest, right above her heart. “Every negative thing you feel in here? Destroy everythin’ in this room til it doesn’t feel like you’re drownin’ in it.” 

She grabbed the vase from his hand and held it for a moment before she threw it as hard as she could at the same spot on the wall. Lacking his strength, it did not make it to the wall but she did enjoy the rush of adrenaline and satisfying crash it made as it shattered to the ground.  She did not even need further prompting as she picked up the discarded baseball bat near her and started using it to break everything she could see that was breakable. 

Michael spent most of the hour cheering her on as she released every bit of pent up frustration and anger and pain and shame she felt. She was so tightly wound all of the time, never letting any of it show so she could never let any of it go. But this was a cathartic release that she did not even know she needed. She knew she would feel it all again tomorrow but every crash, every piece of glass shattered, every dent she made into the walls of that room felt like a small bit of everything she kept in started to vanish piece by piece.

By the time the buzzer rang, signaling the end of their session, she was exhausted, her arms tired but she had never felt lighter. 

“That was…” she breathed heavily as they walked out toward Michael’s SUV. “Amazing. I didn’t know I needed that. Thank you.” 

“See? You gotta trust me more, baby girl. I know more than just what your body needs.” He winked at her as he closed the door behind him. “And now, we have one more stop.” 

They spent the entire drive recapping their favorite things to break in the rage room, which “weapons” caused the most damage. 

“Remind me never to piss you off,” Michael joked as Allen pulled off onto an overlook. 

“What do you mean??” 

“You were downright terrifyin’ with that damn bat. Can’t have you goin’ all Jazmine Sullivan or Carrie Underwood on my car.” 

“Whatchu know about Before He Cheats?” 

He let out a barking laugh. “Enough to know niggas go up for that song, me included.” He admitted. “But if you try to sell that to a gossip site, I’ll deny it.” 

“Wow, learning something new about you every day. And please, I’m sure there are more effective ways to hurt you if you pissed me off,” she teased. “You’d have a new car before I even finished taking a bat to the old one.”

“You might be right about that.”

“Where are we?” She asked as Michael helped her out of the car and she followed him around to the back of the SUV. He opened the trunk and laid out a picnic blanket and soft pillows that Allen had purchased while they were raging and jogged up to the front to grab the box of Prince St. Pizza that had made Raven’s stomach growl the entire ride and a bottle of white wine. 

“Overlook by the Hollywood sign. Perfect view of the city with my favorite white wine and favorite pizza.”

Raven smiled as he helped her climb into the back of the SUV, both of them leaning on the back as they looked out over the city. The silence was comforting, both of them eating their way through the giant pepperoni pizza and several glasses of wine. When they finished one bottle, Allen just produced another from the front seat and handed it back to them. 

“Thank you… for tonight,” Raven smiled as he poured her another glass of wine. “I… did really need this. And you didn’t have to.” 

“Don’t mention it. Seemed like you needed this more than I needed a dinner party.” He paused. “So your sister… did she even say happy birthday to you?” 

Raven let out a cold laugh as she took a long sip from her glass. “Nope. But I didn’t expect her to. Told you,” she whispered as her fingers played with the strings on the edge of their blanket. “Just another day. 

“So that’s why you don’t celebrate your birthday? Your mom?” At her startled expression, he shrugged apologetically. “I didn’t hear everythin’ but your sister was talkin’ loud as fuck toward the end. When’d she die?”

Raven sighed. “She died in labor. Had some condition, doctors told her no more kids… she got pregnant by accident. My dad wanted her to have an abortion, she refused. She gave birth and died a couple hours later.”  

“I’m sorry,” he offered quietly, his hand rubbing her thigh. He had tuned out most of their conversation, not wanting to eavesdrop. But the moment he heard frustration and pain in Raven’s voice, he could no longer block it out. He heard every word her sister hurled at her and he hated that they treated her so callously. “And they blame you?” 

She wiped her tears for a moment before muttering. “I blame me.” 

“You were a baby, didn’t ask to be born. How is her choice your fault?” Michael reasoned, hating that she blamed herself for something so out of her control. But he also knew grief was not the most logical of emotions, particularly grief as deep seeded as this.

“My dad could barely look at me as a kid, wanted nothing to do with me beyond keeping me clothed and fed. The only person who didn’t blame me was my grandma, she basically raised me until she passed when I was in middle school. And I get it,” her voice broke slightly with her grief. “If it weren’t for me, my dad would still have his wife and my sister would have a mom. So yea… I was born and she died for that… not much worth celebrating in my book… or anyone’s really.” Her voice trailed off to a soft whisper before she shook her head and rolled her shoulders back as if she could shake out the negative emotions. “But you didn’t bring me to this gorgeous spot to trade childhood trauma. Thank you for helping me take my mind off all that for a bit.” He could tell by her tone that she did not want to discuss it anymore. “I don’t know why you’re so nice to me,” she mumbled as she took another bite of pizza. 

He wrinkled his nose. “Am I not supposed to be?”

“No, no. I just… still waiting for you to be what I’d thought you’d be, I guess. What Tasha warned me you’d be.” 

“And what was that?” 

“An asshole,” she answered bluntly, Michael chuckling as he bowed his head. 

“I am… an asshole,” he admitted. “I’ll never deny that. Couple bad decisions after a bad break up and Hollywood bad boy became the image so I leaned into it. Self-centered, arrogant, cold… Aside from my family, that’s the version of me people see.” 

“But that’s not you.” 

He raised an eyebrow. “How you know? We just met a month ago.” 

She examined him with a soft smile before sitting up a bit straighter. “Because a self centered, arrogant asshole doesn’t do half the things you’ve done for me. You don’t treat me like a body or a business transaction. You treat me like… a friend? Even when you have no reason to. You may be a jerk but hell, plenty of niggas are jerks. You may even be a little selfish, not shocking when the world caters to you. But I think the real you is kind and thoughtful. I don’t know why you don’t want to show the world the side of you I see.” 

“Cause that nigga gets taken advantage of, gets heartbroken.” 

She nodded, she knew more than a thing or two about being taken advantage of. 

“Who was it then?” 

“Hm?” 

“The girl that broke your heart and created this version of you?” 

He let out a humorless chuckle and placed his hand on her knee. “One day, I’ll tell you.” He paused, glancing at her. “I treat you like a friend because I think we are… friends?”

He wanted to be so much more than friends. Every date, every moment with her he realized that more and more. However, if friends was as intimate as their relationship could ever truly be, he would settle for it. Anything, just to have her nearby. 

The small smile on her face turned brighter. “I think we’re friends too.” 

With the declaration of their friendship, both of them laid back against the pillows on their backs so they could stare out of the sunroof at the midnight sky. The sky was so perfectly clear, she could see endless stretches of stars. 

“What made you decide to be a writer?” Michael asked as they laid there. 

“I used to dream of being anywhere but where I was,” she admitted. “Still do most of the time. And when I was a kid, books, particularly fantasy books, were just the one place I could always escape to. Other worlds and lives so vivid so I could leave this one behind for a short while. And they always gave me hope that things could get better, maybe. I wouldn’t get saved by a dazzling prince or whatever. But they made me think things could turn around somehow. But when I was young, so few books had characters who looked like me or were written by women who looked like me.” 

“‘If there’s a book you wanna read, but it hasn’t been written, then you have to write it,’” he quoted the quote she had above her desk in her room. 

“Exactly.” 

“Why’d you stop after one book?” 

She clenched her eyes shut. “Didn’t have much of a choice. A… misunderstanding,” she muttered the word bitterly, “with my editor at my publishing house… and they dropped me, wasn’t able to find another. So I got the job at the library to tide me over till I figured shit out.  That was… about a year and a half ago? Haven’t been able to write much since.”

“A misunderstanding?” He repeated, glancing over at her, his question clear even though he did not explicitly ask it. However, when he felt her body shift uncomfortably next to him, he quickly backtracked. She had already rehashed so much that she did not need to tonight, there was no need to unearth anything else. She kept giving him more puzzle pieces but the picture remained a mystery. However, he could tell that it was one that held as much darkness as it did beauty. 

His hand grasped hers and squeezed. “You ain’t gotta tell me. Add it to the one day list?” 

Her eyes were still closed but he felt her squeeze back. “Thanks.” 

Silence fell over them as they laid there. Michael rarely just laid and did nothing like this. It was contemplative and nice, to simply exist beside her. He spent so much time being on, playing a part or an image. But he liked that he did not have to do that with Raven when they were alone. She let him be Bakari… the version of him that was only safe with his family and closest friends. 

“Tonight… I needed it too,” he offered, ending the silent reprieve. “So thank you for indulgin’ me.”

Raven turned and propped her head up on her hand, turning her body to face his profile. He looked different bathed in the moonlight. He was gorgeous, anyone with eyes could see that. But he seemed more youthful to her, his features more relaxed than they typically were when they were on dates. His jaw was relaxed, his lips settled into a smile that was effortless… not his movie star smile, which she had seen enough times to recognize the nuances that signaled its inauthenticity. This one though, his real smile,… it made him heartbreakingly gorgeous.  

“Thank you for caring about me a-and for today. Haven’t had anyone do that in a long time,” she admitted before settling back on her pillows.

He knew she had that void in her life but hearing her admit it out loud broke his heart in places he was not expecting.

“What about right now?” 

“What about right now?” She asked, her tone filled with confusion. 

“Do you wish you were anywhere else but here right now?” He asked.

She tilted her head to glance at him, finding his eyes trained on her and not on the sky above. She let out a deep breath as she studied him. 

“No, there’s nowhere else I’d rather be.” 

He smiled. “Good.”  

They turned back toward the sunroof, content smiles on both of their faces. They did not talk much beyond that, both of them enjoying the silence and each other’s company. 

She did not even know how much time had passed when something finally broke that precious silence, the buzzing of Michael’s phone. Instinctively, she glanced over and caught a glimpse of his bright screen. Tasha’s name scrolled across, Michael sighing a bit as he sent the call to voicemail. 

Suddenly, Raven felt overwhelmed with discomfort. He was still seeing Tasha… why did that upset her so much? He had never promised not to, at least not to her. So she knew she had no reason to be mad. But she could stop the claws of jealousy from sinking their talons into her heart and soul. And when that subsided, all she felt was inadequacy. Another moment where she was not enough for someone. 

She cleared her throat. “It’s… um kinda late?” she glanced down at her watch before sitting up and sliding out of the back of the car. “L-Looks like you’ve got plans?” She tried to hide the bitterness in her voice but she knew she failed, knew Michael could see all of it.  

Michael shook his head. “Nah, it’s not wh-” 

Raven cut him off. “I have an early shift tomorrow… would hate to oversleep. Mind taking me home?” She did not know why she lied, her shift was not until noon. However, she knew it was an excuse he could not argue with. 

Raven started to walk around to the car door when she felt Michael’s grip around her arm, halting her movements. Michael hated that she saw that. Similar to her, but for entirely different reasons, he had been dodging Tasha’s calls like they were the plague. Usually he reached out to her to set up dates but when two weeks passed with radio silence from her best and most frequent customer, she started calling more often. He met up with her once, an act he regretted the morning after when he woke up. But she had promised discretion, if anyone knew how much of a farce he and Raven’s relationship was, it was Tasha. But he did not even enjoy it in the same way, he felt like he was just going through the motions. So when she reached back out earlier that week to set up another date, he ignored it. And ignored all the subsequent messages. He could not avoid her forever, but he knew he needed to put her on pause until Raven was out of his life and out of his system. While he was drugged up on her, no other fix was as worthy or quite as right. 

But he did not know how to explain that to Raven. He had not promised her exclusivity but it had most certainly been implied. He would not be pleased if he found out another man she had fucked was calling her.

“Tasha and I aren’t…” he started to say but Raven pressed her hand to his chest to stop him. 

“You don’t gotta lie to me. You’re allowed to sleep with other women, Michael. This isn’t real, we’re just friends at the end of the day. All good. I’m really tired though and need to get up early.” 

With that, she gently maneuvered her arm out of his grasp and slid into her seat in the car. She was thankful with every passing mile that took her closer to her apartment and out of his presence. She did not have a right to be upset but she could not change the fact that she was. She enjoyed being his only and she wasn’t, and she was wholly unprepared for how that would make her feel. But that’s what she got, for thinking his feelings for her extended past their business relationship. He was kind but she had signed up to be used and he was getting what he wanted. She had to accept that. 

“Thanks for the ride, Allen,” she said as she opened the door. She fixed her face and offered him a smile that was a bit forced but, despite the end to the night, still was partially genuine. “Thanks for tonight, seriously. I had fun.” His phone buzzed again, causing her to grimace. “And have fun with Tasha. Night, Michael.” She did not let him respond before she let the car door slam shut and she raced inside as fast her legs in her heels could carry her. 

Michael groaned, his head thudding back against the headrest as he looked at his phone screen. 

“I fucked that up, didn’t I?” 

“Wasn’t your shining moment with her, sir.” 

He clenched his hand into a fist before answering the phone. He never wanted to see that look on Raven’s face again and truthfully, he did not care to frequent Tasha anymore. He knew Raven and he had a shelf life that would expire but even when it did, he was not sure he could go back to fucking Tasha like Raven never existed. She had infiltrated every aspect of his being in the last two week and tonight had only made him fall deeper for her, made him want to give her everything she did not have. It was strange to feel this emotion again, to long for someone like he did her. Even if it could not be something long term, he wanted to savor it while he had her. 

But that was not something he was truly ready to admit to himself, let alone to Tasha. So he decided to take the easy road out and blame it on something else: the image and his manager. Tasha would have to respect that, right? And he would spin some lie about seeing her after Raven and he broke up, even though he was not sure if he had the desire for dispassionate, unattached sex in him anymore. 

“Hey Tash,” he muttered coldly into the phone. 

“Hey baby… wanted to see if you wanted to meet up tonight? I miss you,” her voice was sultry and inviting, a voice that, once upon a time, would have had him racing through LA to get to a hotel with her. But today, it did nothing. “And a little birdie told me you were headed to Paris in two weeks for press. Should I pack a bag?” 

Michael rolled his eyes. That was his own fault. He flew her out once last year to Cannes Film Festival and now she thought she was invited on every trip. There was only one person he wanted to take on this trip with him and after tonight, he was not even sure she’d say yes. 

“Yea… listen Tash. You know how I feel about you. But I can’t see you anymore… just for a few months.” 

“What?? Why?” 

He rolled his eyes, she knew why. “Well, you know… I got this relationship with Raven that is really important for my career and I can’t be seen with other women. We’re gonna have an amicable split in a few months and then I’m all yours again. But until then, we gotta keep our distance.” 

He could hear the frustration and bitterness in her voice, though she tried and failed to hide it. “You’re my best customer, Michael. You can’t just… drop me outta nowhere.” 

“It’s just temporary. Just a couple months. And I’ll send you some money to tide you over till you get a new client. Also means no Paris. Sorry, I just really gotta focus on cleaning up the image over the next few months. You understand, don’t you? You know you’ll always be my favorite girl.”

There was a long pause that made Michael check to ensure the call had not been disconnected. 

“Yea I understand. Just a few months though, right? Then you’re droppin’ the new girl?” 

Michael rolled his eyes before nodding, though she could not see him. “Of course, baby. Just a couple months and then she’s gone. Promise.” 

They shared a few pleasantries before Michael hung up and prayed she did not call him again for a while. His fingers itched to text or call Raven and explain. But something stopped him, the part of him that still adamantly rejected his feelings toward her roaring. He did not owe her an explanation, he did not owe her anything but the money he paid for her dates. She did not ask for an explanation either so why would he volunteer one? Those two parts of him battled until he threw his phone to the side in frustration. 

He sighed and took a deep breath as Allen pulled up in front of his family home in the hills, his oasis, Raven’s perfume still lingering in the car… that hint of lavender danced on his nose. He fell asleep with that phantom smell haunting him, Raven finding ways to pop up in every dream he had that night, leaving him no escape from her or his feelings for her. 

***

“Here you go.” Michael handed her an envelope filled with cash. “I’ll be gone by the time you wake up.” 

Raven nodded and stored it in her overnight bag before grabbing her clutch. They were finally alone after being poked and prodded all afternoon by his stylist and glam teams to get ready for the premiere. They had ten minutes before the car would be there to take them. And then Michael would be jetting off at an ungodly hour to New York and then Paris for press. Raven was actually a bit sad to see him go. 

Though they never discussed the Tasha debacle from her birthday two weeks prior, she and Michael were slowly but surely getting closer and closer each day. They had had an event or something to go to almost every night, Raven was shocked at the amount of money she had been able to make in such a short window of time. Even helping her sister with her lawyer, she felt as if she could actually breathe easy for the first time in a while. And on the nights they were not together, they generally texted or talked on the phone at some point. They hadn’t had sex again, Raven finding any and all excuses to avoid that since he was still seeing Tasha. He never pushed or seemed angry, albeit a bit disappointed when every date ended with her asking Allen to take her home. It was petty she knew it but she did not care. She had no interest in competing with Tasha, she knew who would win every time. 

“Thanks.” 

“You sure you’re gonna be good while I’m gone?” 

Raven glanced at him and rolled her eyes as she threw her lipstick in her clutch. She did not quite understand how the small bag was even functional, it did not even fit her ID. But Michael’s stylist said it fit the look so she did not question it. “Don’t flatter yourself, Mr. Jordan. I’ll be just fine without you for a few weeks.” 

Michael came up behind her and laughed. “You ain’t gotta pretend like you ain’t gon’ miss me, baby girl. I mean… you know, financially. I’m in New York for a week then Paris for a week. That’s a while without dates. I can slide you some extra if you need it.” 

Raven bristled at the idea, she did not want him to view her as a charity case. 

“No,” she responded shortly, immediately regretting the sharp edge in her tone as his face fell. “S-Sorry. No, thank you but I’m good.” 

“Even after your sister’s legal shit or whatever?” 

She let out a small huff. “Yea… she managed to pick the most expensive lawyer below the damn Mason Dixon line but I got it covered, I think. And with this,” she gestured toward her bag. “I’m good on the other stuff too. Seriously, you shouldn’t worry yourself about my finances. I always figure it out.”  

He grabbed her wrist to stop her from walking away from him.

“It ain't charity or worry. Don’t want you stressin’ and shit while I’m gone. And I like to know my friends and everyone on my team are good. You’re both… why would I treat you any differently?” 

“I just don’t want you to feel like you have to take care of me. Or fix my problems.”

“You’re here fixin’ my problems. I can’t  return the favor?”

“Because… that’s not what we agreed to. This is a job, you pay me… we go out. That’s it. My family shit has no part in this and isn’t your concern. I’ll deal with them.” 

“Why do you?” At her raised eyebrow, he added, “Deal with that?” 

“You don’t give up on your family. You reach out your hand even when they swat it away. And one day, they’ll see all I’ve done for them and how much I love them and they’ll come around.” 

“Seems to me that you let them bleed you dry as if it’ll pay whatever debt you think you owe them. And they seem content with lettin’ you bleed out in the street.” 

She chuckled mirthlessly. “They’re all I got… so I don’t have much of a choice. It’ll pay off. All of it,” she forced more conviction in her voice. “One day.” 

“You really believe that?” 

She turned to look at him. He could tell there was genuine hope in her eyes, true belief that things would get better. A dreamer, indeed. 

“Yea… I have to.” 

“I dunno... There’s gotta be better out there for you… you certainly deserve better.” There was a not-so-small part of him, a part that grew with every moment he spent with her, that desperately wanted to be that more for her. 

“This world is filled with people who deserve better, Michael. But we’re stuck with the hand we’re dealt until better comes along. And I don’t see any better hands coming my way. Just a long game of this shitty hand,” she whispered the last part under her breath as she checked herself in the mirror once more. She grabbed her clutch and started toward the door. “You ready? Car should be here, right?” 

He hated how resigned she was to her fate and treatment. He had more than enough money to give his family and friends, more than enough for them to take advantage of if they chose and none of them did. Raven had none of that and still gave her last to people that clearly did not appreciate it. And to know, she had every intention of doing it under some misguided belief they would thank her for it later broke his heart. It reminded him of how pure and kind-hearted she was but he knew her efforts would likely be wasted. But he would have loved to be proven wrong. 

He did not know her family so he knew it was wrong to judge them but all he felt was red hot anger. Quite frankly, the only benefit he saw to the reality that this arrangement was fake was that he would not have to meet her family himself. He did not know if he could even sit in the same room with them. 

“Before we go… got somethin’ for you.”

Raven raised an eyebrow, “I don’t need a gift. It’s your special night.” 

“Yea but wanted to give you somethin’ to remember me by. It benefits both of us, don’t worry.” His face was a sly smirk that told her the gift was not a normal one. “But first, Tasha and I aren’t hookin’ up anymore.” 

“Michael… you don’t have to…” 

He shook his head and interrupted her. “Nope. You didn’t let me finish that night and you’ve been weird about it ever since. So now, I’m talkin’ and you’re gonna listen. It’s ok to be annoyed. We should be exclusive. I called her and put that shit on pause until our arrangement is done. We’ve only hooked up once since we started dating and it was early on. But either way, you don’t gotta worry about her callin’ or me seein’ her while I’m with you. I got my hands full with you anyway,” he winked at her. 

Raven tried to limit the smile that wanted to blossom at his words. She was happy to hear she was not “competing” with Tasha as she thought. It was a narrative her own insecurities and anxieties created and fueled, a narrative that now seemed foolish. She still did not know why it mattered so much to her. Or rather, she knew, but she would never admit it out loud. 

“So we’re good?” 

“Y-Yea we’re good. Wasn’t worried,” she lied, trying to make her voice sound aloof and unbothered. She did not know why she bothered, she supposed she did not want her pride to be anymore damaged than it already was. 

Michael merely pursed his lips and chuckled before nodding toward the bed. “So you ready to be my slut again or am I still on pause?” 

Raven smiled. “I’m all yours.” 

“Good. Lay down for me, panties to the side.” 

Raven laid back on the bed, hiking up her dress to her waist so she could part her legs. She pulled her thong to the side, Michael licking his lips as he took in the mess between her thighs. 

“Already so wet for me. You missed me too, huh? This is gonna be fun,” he muttered to himself as he pulled a gold vibrator out of his pocket before sitting on the bed beside her, careful not to ruffle his perfectly-tailored tuxedo. 

He wasted no time sliding the vibrator inside her, Raven moaning lightly at the intrusion, the way his finger brushed against her clit. She wanted more, desperately. Her hips rolled to find his touch, his hand, her body begging for more action. But he denied her. His other hand fiddled with something small that looked like a remote control. 

“Know what this is?” 

“No, sir.” 

“It’s the controller. Tonight, you’re gonna keep that in you and I’m gonna have a little fun with this.” 

Raven let out a shaky breath. “Y-You expect me to keep this in… while we’re at a movie premiere? No way.” 

He nodded, a mischievous grin in his eye. “I recall you wanting to explore some fantasies. You tellin’ me sex in public ain’t one you’ve had?” 

She bit her lip as she contemplated it. The idea was certainly an intriguing one… but the risks?? 

“When would you use that?” 

“Whenever I want. That’s the fun part… for me anyway. And you’re gonna spend the night making sure that sexy ass face when you cum isn’t plastered across TMZ tomorrow.” 

Raven shook her head. “I dunno, Michael. I’m all for risk but this seems insane.” 

He let out an exaggerated sigh, his voice playful and teasing. “I thought you’d be up for it, thought you wanted to have fun but I understand if you’re too scared.” 

She heard the challenge in his voice. He was testing her, trying to see if she was really up for anything. She could not deny that the idea was intriguing. Having her orgasms at his mercy in public? Per usual with him, she knew she could say no. But as she ran over the risks, all she could think of was the thrill of it. She wanted it. She hated that she wanted it and hated that he knew she wanted it. But she did. 

She sat up and swung her legs off the bed. She clenched her muscles to ensure the new addition to her ensemble stayed tucked where it needed to be and she shimmied the delicate fabric of her gown back down to its proper place. 

“Car’s waiting,” she offered with a smirk as she grabbed her purse and walked out of his bedroom, deciding then and there that she would win whatever game he was playing tonight, and would show him that she was indeed up for any and everything. 

Michael watched her ass sway as she exited and smiled. 

“Gonna have a lot of fun with this.” 

***

Raven was so overwhelmed by the screaming fans and reporters and flashing lights that she almost forgot about the “gift” nestled in her core. She kept her smile bright as she and Michael started down the red carpet, his arm tightly wrapped around her waist. 

He looked down at her like the perfect image of a doting boyfriend, with love and protection in his eyes. He played the role so well, Raven almost caught herself falling for the act. But she supposed that was a good thing because it made her glances back at him more genuine. She knew they looked like the picture perfect couple, every gossip site raved about them after every date. She knew tonight would be no different. 

She was so focused on keeping her smile intact and her eyes from blinking too much as they stood on the red carpet that she failed to notice Michael slip his hand into his pocket. Her smile faltered for just a second as she felt the device come alive, sending shock waves directly against her g-spot. It was a steady soft buzz, just enough to make her feel it, causing the heat to rise throughout her body. But it was not enough to overwhelm her.  

Once she got over the initial surprise of the vibration, she was able to recompose herself with ease. She played off the change in her expression by adjusting something on her dress and continued posing with him.

Minutes passed and the vibration continued at its low pace, Raven enjoying the small jolts of pleasure. This was what she was supposed to be worried about? This was a piece of cake.

She leaned in and kissed him softly on the cheek before turning her head from the cameras and whispering in his ear, “This is easier than I thought it’d be.”

Michael let out a deep laugh as if she had told a funny joke and pecked her sweetly on the nose, continuing their slow march down the carpet. 

Raven genuinely felt like she could deal with that all night as she listened to Michael give an interview. She remained tucked at his side with a smile on her face. The interviewer did not really ask her any questions, thank God. So she just smiled and concentrated on keeping her thighs together. 

“So Raven, I have to say, you look gorgeous. Who are you wearing?” 

“Th-” her words were cut short as the vibration pattern changed, this time a long vibration that steady increased before pulsing against her g-spot and starting over again. She coughed awkwardly, pretending as if she had swallowed wrong before saying. “T-thanks. V-versace.” 

Her answer was clipped and short, afraid her words would betray her if she opened her mouth. This was far different, this was ecstasy. Each vibration felt like the slowest, most tantalizing march up a mountain before someone pushed her back toward the bottom to do it all over again. And that pulse at the top? It sent a shockwave through her that made her see stars. Each time, she felt her fingers grip the fabric of Michael’s tuxedo jacket harder. The longer it droned on, the more her legs started to shake. 

“You ok, baby?” he asked sweetly, kissing her on the cheek innocently. 

“Y-Yea, of course.” 

“You two are so cute. Thanks for chatting with me and I can’t wait to see the film.” 

Michael said his goodbyes to the interviewer before guiding Raven away. 

“What’s harder?” he whispered in her ear as they walked inside the venue. He stopped her in the corner of the giant atrium before they walked into the screening room and tucked her against a wall in a corner. Only official photographers were allowed at this point. To anyone passing by, they just looked like a couple having a sweet moment.

“W-what?” She found even such a simple word laborious to get out and it sounded more like a moan than a word. With him mostly covering her body from view, she could not stop the way her hips rolled as the setting changed again. The pattern was the same but the cycle was faster, the intensity overwhelming as he  increased it to the next setting. 

“What’s harder?” he leaned in and whispered in her ear so lowly she almost could not hear her. “Keepin’ that pretty smile on your face when all you wanna do is close your eyes and bite your lip while you cum? Hidin’ your moans so no one here knows you’re a loud filthy slut? Or stoppin’ yourself from beggin’ me to fuck you in the bathroom over there?” 

She felt as if her entire body was in a frenzy. It was not just the vibrator, it was his hands gently pressing her to the wall innocently, it was the courses of people walking by them having no clue that she was on the cusp of the greatest pleasure of her life, it was that she could not stop it or him if he decided he wanted her to cum right then and there in front of everyone. 

“A-all… of it,” she whispered, her face burying itself in the nook of his neck, which helped hide the pleasure swimming in her eyes but only increased it as she took in his scent. His signature cologne had become intoxicating to her. 

“You wanna cum for daddy, baby?” His words were a light whisper that they knew could not be heard over the conversations and music playing throughout the hallway. 

It was taking everything in her not to collapse in front of him, his arm around her waist was the only thing keeping her standing. Her legs were pure jello, every inch of her body was on fire, boiling with pleasure and humiliation at being brought to orgasm at the nicest event she’d ever been to in her life. All she wanted to do was cum but she did not trust herself to hide it. 

“P-Please…” she whispered. She did not know if that please was to stop or to keep going. 

Michael smirked as he felt her hips buck against his again. She was so close, he could see it in her eyes, feel it in the way her hips ground against nothing but air. It was subtle, not obvious to anyone else from the angle they stood at but he could feel it. 

“Beg.” He demanded. 

She clenched her eyes closed. All she wanted was to fall over this particular edge, right then and right now. She was so close, so close, it was almost agonizing to hold it in until he gave her permission. She glanced down as his finger hovered over the button to increase the setting again, knowing that she could not will him to hit that button. She would have to give him exactly what he wanted, what he always wanted. Submission. 

“P-Please… m-make me cum,” she muttered in his ear. “I-I need… it… p-please.” Tears stung in her eyes as she struggled to fight the urge to let go right then and there, hearing her own needy voice in the space. 

“Hm.” he offered quietly. “I don’t think you deserve it.” And with that, the vibration stopped completely. 

Raven could not stop the groan that escaped her lips as he stole her orgasm, her body screaming and protesting at her in pain at the sudden loss of pleasure. 

She let out a soft gasp as she glanced up at him. “You mother-” 

He leaned forward and kissed her deeply, completely silencing her. Raven’s entire body fell into his as they kissed, she could hear the soft snapping of a camera nearby on her right side. 

He offered her the sweetest smile before leaning to her left so the camera could not catch what he was saying.

“If you wanna cum at all tonight, I wouldn’t finish that sentence.” He straightened up and pressed his lips to her forehead, his arm still around her waist. His voice returned to a normal volume as he fixed her hair and ran his hand over the front of her dress. He looked like he was helping her adjust herself but he also wanted to make sure there was no evidence of their crimes. “It’s time for us to go to our seats. You ready?” 

Raven felt like she had whiplash from the last 5 minutes. He was good, far better than she gave him credit for at these games. She thought this was just going to be a fun experiment. But Michael never did anything small. And she was foolish to underestimate him. 24 hours ago, she would have never thought she would enjoy something like this. But now? She could play this game all night long, even though she was losing miserably. 

She peeled herself off the wall, her own hands running against the bodice of her dress. Her legs still felt a bit wobbly so she wrapped her arm in Michael’s to steady herself. She nodded and allowed him to lead her into the theater. 

She barely paid attention to the movie as she spent the entire two hours watching Michael like a hawk. Every time he shifted in his seat or moved one of his hands, she wondered if he was going to turn the vibrator back on. Halfway through the film, she realized it was not because she was dreading it. She wanted him to. She was internally willing him to turn the stupid thing back on, even if it was only at its lowest setting. Because even at the lowest setting, she knew she was sensitive enough to get where she wanted to be. She wanted to feel the tidal wave of pleasure, she wanted to drown in and bask in it and feel the adrenaline of doing so in public. Besides, the dark theater seemed like the perfect time if he truly wanted to push her completely over the edge. When she wasn’t praying to God that he would turn it on, she was wishing it was his fingers or his dick filling her and not a toy. 

She needed him so bad and truth be told, would have begged him to fuck her right then and there if they weren’t surrounded by hundreds of people. 

However, nothing happened. He paid her no attention throughout the entire film except for the hand that rested on her thigh. The minutes ticked on and on and on as the cast went up on stage to say a few words when the film ended. By the time they finally finished and were in the car to the afterparty, she was a horny, disgruntled mess. 

She kept her eyes trained on the window, even though it was tinted, when she felt Michael slide into the seat next to her. Two could play the ignoring game, she decided. 

His hand slid into the slit of her dress, pushing the expensive material to the side so he could have full access. When she did not part her legs for him immediately, he let out a disgruntled growl that was meant to be a command. She pretended she did not hear him and ignored it. 

He merely shook his head and laughed. “Aight, baby girl.” He pushed her knees apart with his hands, it took everything in her not to moan and keep her face stoic. 

His fingers immediately slid into her panties, the heat of her arousal hiting his skin before he even made contact with her body. He caressed soft circles into her clit. She gave him nothing, no moans, no humping into his hand. Nothing. So he upped the ante and turned the device on to the highest setting it had available. 

“Fuck!” She cried out, unable to keep it in as her body was assaulted with pleasure. The vibrator was more than enough to make her cum but adding his thumb against her clit was just simply unfair in her opinion. 

His free hand grasped her chin, firmly but loose enough that it was not painful and forced her eyes on him. Her breathing was heavy as she felt pleasure building fast in her core. Tears pricked her eyes, not from pain, but overwhelming, soul shattering pleasure, “You wanted me to make you cum in that theater, didn't you? In front of all those people like the filthy whore you are? Didn’t you? Upset that I ignored you? But guess what, baby girl?” he switched the setting to a lower one to keep her on the cusp of pleasure without sending her over. 

She let out a soft sob of agony as he held her there, suspended right at the cusp of her orgasm. This was more tortuous than him stopping cold turkey because she was so close she could taste it. And he kept it just out of reach. Every pulse, every caress of his finger was so much and overwhelming but still was not enough. And there was nothing she could do to force him to give her more. 

“Your body is mine, your pleasure is mine. And I decide when to fuck you, when you cum, when you suck my dick… I decide when you’ve been good… when you’ve been bad and what to do about it. It’s all mine. You can ignore me all you want but see how quickly you fell apart? You can’t win against me, baby girl. Daddy always wins. You understand?” 

She nodded rapidly, her body shaking lightly as she teetered on the edge, pleasure was consuming her every cell. She could barely think of anything but the raging inferno in her core.  “I-I understand. P-Please…” her voice broke. She felt as if she would quite literally perish if she did not come soon. He had never kept her on edge this long, a few seconds sure. But time was stretching into minutes. 

“You think you deserve it?” 

She didn’t deserve it, she knew the answer he wanted. “N-No, no… I’ve b-been bad, a bad girl. I d-deserve to be punished b-but I’m begging you… l-let me cum. I c-can’t… P-please,” her voice begged him for mercy. 

Deciding that she would pass out if he continued this game any farther, he pressed the button to return it to its highest setting. Her scream was nearly inaudible as she came on his fingers, her body shook as she gripped the door handle, shuddering through an intense orgasm. 

“That’s it, cum for me,” he whispered in her ear. “That’s a good girl…” 

“Thank you, t-thank you,” she babbled back to him as he talked her through her orgasm. He turned the vibrator off completely, finally giving her a break. 

“Allen, circle the block a few times.” 

“Yes, sir.” 

At the sound of Allen’s voice, Raven’s eyes flew open and shock and humiliation set in. She had just cum… with another person in the car. And she had completely forgotten he was there. Once Michael had started going, the presence of another human being in their vicinity had completely vanished. She glanced up, surprised to find the limo divider up. She didn't even know when that happened. However, she knew that that barrier was not sound proof. However, instead of being utterly turned off by that idea, it just turned her on more. 

“You like knowing Allen heard you?” Michael whispered in her ear. 

“No,” she shot back as she fixed her dress and used the compact mirror she had stored in the limo before the premiere to fix her makeup. Thankfully she still looked pristine, despite feeling physically depleted. She did not know how she and Michael went round after round when one orgasm made her want to cuddle up under the covers and fall asleep. 

“I keep tellin’ you how much I hate lies. But you never listen. Might think because we have a long night and I got an early mornin’ that you’ll escape punishment. But you won’t. Means I have a couple weeks to think of the perfect punishment for such… insubordination.” 

“Don't threaten me with a good time,” she offered with a sweet smile and a wink that made him laugh. 

He did not get a chance to retort when Allen pulled up at the venue of the after party. He gave Raven a once over before getting out of the limo and grasping her hand. He longed to bury himself inside her but he knew he did not have time, at least not enough time to satisfy the urges he had. And while he would toy with public sex, this was not the venue or event to be caught fucking in the bathroom, as much as he wanted to. 

No, he supposed he would just deal with cold showers for two weeks until he could fuck her again, and spank her until she begged for mercy. Her pleas had done something to him, sweet music to his ears. The perfect orchestra. And he would use every free moment of the next few weeks to think of ways to get that sound again. 

***

Michael rubbed his eyes as he scrolled through his email. He knew he would sleep well on the plane. He hated the first thing in the morning flights but he knew they were the only way to keep up with his crazy press schedule. 

“We’ve arrived, Mr. Jordan,” Allen called from the front seat, Michael immediately hopping out. Allen grabbed his sea of bags as he waved at his castmates who were also just arriving to the tarmac. 

“Thanks, man. See you when I get back. Make sure Rae gets home ok today, aight? Then enjoy your time off.” 

“Thank you, sir,” Allen responded as he handed off his bags to the baggage attendants who would ensure they made it onto the plane. 

Michael started to walk away and head to the flight when he heard his name behind him. 

“Mr. Jordan!” Allen called after him, causing Michael to turn around. The older man jogged up to him. “A word of advice? If I am not overstepping my bounds?” 

Michael nodded, allowing the man to continue. Allen rarely spoke, he was the type who liked to do his job quietly and fade into the background.  And he preferred to keep it professional with Michael though there were a few topics they could shoot the shit over while in the car like basketball and the like. But Michael knew that meant Allen likely knew more about him than anyone else on this planet, which meant he would have been a fool not to hear him out. 

“Avoiding love and companionship, even when it is right there waiting for you to take it, will never bring you happiness. And some would say such an ill-guided venture was foolish and selfish, particularly when the world is filled with people like Ms. Turner who love and seek out love with their whole souls and it's denied to them at every turn. And you may be a bit selfish, Mr. Jordan,” Allen admitted. “But I never pegged you as foolish.” 

“What’re you sayin’?” 

“I’m saying that it does not matter how this whole thing between the two of you started. It only matters how you end it. And whether you are brave enough to admit to her and yourself that perhaps you don’t want it to end at all.” Allen patted him on the arm before taking a step back. “There’s no reward for loneliness, Mr. Jordan… no Oscar to win for denying yourself more when you know you want it. The only prize those actions will give you is a lifetime of regret. And I believe you’re living a life too bright to have it dimmed by regrets.” he paused. “I hope I have not overstepped too much. But… well, there was a time a decade or two ago when I would’ve liked someone to overstep and tell me that.” 

Michael stared at him for a few moments before he nodded. After his last very public and embarrassing breakup, he vowed never to fall in love again. Years of women warming his bed before he kicked them out before sunrise. He got what he wanted and gave nothing of himself… to any of them. But Raven… from the moment he watched her staring out that window, he gave without even realizing how much he had given. And now, he felt things for her that he had not felt for a woman in so long. Hell, he wondered if he had ever felt this strongly for another person in his entire life. He wanted more… not a contract or a business dealing. He wanted her. Was he being utterly foolish by pretending that was not the case? 

 “You did… overstep.” His tone was a bit cold but he was unsurprised at how Allen did not backtrack or shrink. He said his piece, called him out and was willing to accept whatever the consequences of that were. “But maybe I need more people to do that. Will you do me a couple favors when you go back to the penthouse to pick up Raven?” 

“Anything, sir.” 

***

Raven groaned as she turned over in Michael’s soft bed. She had fallen asleep in his master bedroom alone, as she always did when they slept here. He always took the guest room. She wondered if she should be more sad that they slept separately but she agreed that that was not intimacy either one of them truly needed. She groped around the bed for her phone, groaning when she realized it was already 11 a.m. Thankfully, she had another two hours before her shift but she knew she needed to hurry up so she could get home and change into her real clothes, not the fancy designer ones she kept there. 

She pulled herself out of bed and stretched, part of her sad that Michael opted to go to sleep instead of fucking her. She understood he had an early day but she could not deny that all she wanted was for him to bend her into a pretzel after that orgasm in the car. But last night was, for the most part, strictly work. They did not get home and go to bed until 3 am and he had to get up shortly thereafter to catch his flight. And now she was left with nothing but a vibrator and fantasies of him to occupy her until he returned. But he had succeeded in giving her something to remember him by. She walked into the kitchen to grab a glass of water, rubbing her eyes as she dragged her feet across the hardwood floors.

Michael gave her free reign of his penthouse, even when he was not there. She did not spend the night there often but she had started to learn her way around, figure out where the sparse things he kept there were. A few dishes, a couple glasses, a fridge filled with coconut water and little food. When she slept there, so did he. But she had never really stopped to wonder where he spent the rest of his time. She guessed he had some giant mansion in the hills like every other star. But she wondered if that one was just as cold as this one, just as void of comfort and love, just as sterile. 

She guessed it was not. Otherwise, he would have her come there. No, that one was the sanctuary for the real him, she imagined it was warm and overflowing with his favorite things. Japanese anime artifacts and art and memorabilia and his awards and family photos and all the things that meant something to him. And this one was merely for his image, sterile and artificial. 

She blinked a couple of times, shocked to find a neat and perfectly packaged gift bag waiting on the counter with a long envelope sitting up against it. 

She sucked her teeth and chuckled, “This nigga. I thought I said no gifts,” she muttered to herself as she grabbed a glass of water and sat at the barstool. Part of her contemplated not opening it. What had he even given her a gift for? Her birthday was weeks ago. But her desire to know what he got her won out. 

She went to the envelope first, her name written in handwriting far too nice to be Michael’s on the front. She flipped it over and smiled as the person had written on the back: Open me last :) 

“On the other side of the damn country and still giving commands.” 

And you’re still following them, she imagined his voice shooting back at her as she placed the thick envelope to the side and reached into the bag. She made quick work of discarding the multi-colored gift bag paper to reveal two books. She pulled the first one out. 

“Whoa,” she muttered as she took in a first edition copy of I Know Why the Caged Bird Sings. She turned it over in her hands, mouth agape as she studied it. It was beautiful and she knew it cost a pretty penny.  

Her hand reached into the bag and pulled out a book she knew all too well. Her own. An odd gift, she thought, though she supposed it was sweet that he went looking for it in the first place. She wondered how he found it as she published under a pseudonym but she imagined a man with his resources could find out almost anything he wanted with time. 

She flipped it open as she sat back down on her bed, a smaller envelope the size of a card falling out of it. He had stuck it in on the acknowledgements page, which read: From one dreamer to another. 

She opened Michael’s card and took in his handwriting. 

Thank you for sharing what you did with me on your birthday. I know the day isn’t easy. And apologies that this gift was so late - but I figured this was a loophole in the no gifts rule if you got it weeks later? And it took some time to track down your book. You didn’t make it easy. I’m looking forward to reading it on my flight. I generally agree with everything you say but I would disagree with one thing you said that night. The first time we met, you said Maya Angelou’s book saved you and gave you hope. I’m sure somewhere in this world, a young girl is reading your book and it’s doing the same for her. That’s something good that came out of October 15: the world got you. And that’s worth celebrating in my opinion. 

I hope, one day, you see that too.

Happy Birthday

Michael 

Raven let the tears that streamed down her face fall, one of them splashing against the glossy cover of her book. She wiped it away before rereading his card over and over again. She hated how he seemed to see her, really see her, and everything she truly needed. There he was again, caring more than anyone else, more than he should have, even when she was mad at him.  It just made her want him for every reason she shouldn’t. She should want to fuck him… she should want his money… That was all she signed up to get. A few months of cash and to let him dick her down better than she ever had been before. All her problems and loneliness solved, at least temporarily.

Instead, her heart and soul were slipping deep into dangerous territory, he was dangerous territory. She still tried to force herself to resist it, her body hanging by a rope that was fraying at the middle as if an invisible force was taking an ax to it. And she did not know if she wanted to scramble back onto the ledge or let herself fall.

After a few minutes, she picked up the other envelope and slid the folded up pieces of paper out of it. The first one made her gasp… a flight confirmation for a first class ticket to Paris dated for one week from today. The second page was a short list of the things she should pack.  And the third was her hotel confirmation, a suite at a hotel she could not even pronounce but one quick google search let her know it was one of the nicest and most expensive hotels the city had to offer. 

The last page only contained two sentences in Michael’s handwriting. 

I hope you have a passport. See you in one week.

Raven spread the pages out on the counter, her face paralyzed in shock. 

“What the actual fuck?” She examined all of them, rereading as if the information on them would vanish or change right before her eyes. But the flight confirmation had her name on it, the hotel room… her name. It was all there in black and white. He was inviting her to Paris. 

“I should say no…” she spoke to herself, a false ring of conviction in her voice. “I can’t accept this.” Her internal debate raged as she paced up and down by the kitchen island, her eyes studying the papers with each pass. 

You know you want to, the devil on her shoulder reasoned. And fuck, did she want to. It’s fun… when’s the last time we took a trip or did anything fun? 

She had never wanted to accept anything as badly as she wanted to accept this. She chewed on her lip so hard she was surprised she did not draw blood as she debated and debated. Until her phone buzzed with a text from Mr. Surprises himself.

Michael: damn you sleep late as hell. 

Michael: Am I gonna see you in Paris in a week?

Raven: This was a huge gamble… What if I didn’t have a passport? 🤔

Michael: It was a huge gamble but not because of the passport. Consider it PTO… Come live a little. 

Michael: So did my gamble pay off or nah? 

She read through the papers one more time, deciding then and there that she was 100% going to Paris. Even her pride could not allow her to deny herself this experience. However, she decided to make him sweat a little, though she doubted he actually would. 

Raven: I guess you’ll find out in seven days. Thanks for the gift.  

Raven locked her phone before chuckling to herself. She grabbed her phone and the itinerary page and let out an excited squeal and did a happy dance before she raced off to her closet. She had a trip to pack for. 

Tag list: @readinghere2023 @blackerthings @prettyisasprettydoes1306 @physicxal @purplehairgawdess @miyuhpapayuh @rueruesclues @geemamii @certifiedlesbianbaddie @pipsqueak-98 @nyifly22 @destinio1 @twocentaur @gopaperless @musicisme333@roguekiki @majesticbrownjawn @taurusqueen83 @mysteryuz @miamormilan @itsknor-thedeep @naj-ay444 @mads-grace4 @nayaesworld @kholdkill @msniaimani @nccu-rnc

***

A/N: Wellllllllll… a lot happened! A little angst, a little fluff, a little smut lol just gave y'all the full spectrum of things. And it wouldn't be one of my fics if I didn't give you a character or two to despise along the way lol

Next chapter, we go to Paris, which not gonna lie… that wasn't in the OG outline of this haha but inspiration struck and now I'm very excited lol Drop a comment and let me know all your thoughts lol Thanks for reading!

[thepenguinweeb]

Hello!! I was wondering if I could please get a JJBA match up for your Valentine’s Day event??

I’m an ENFJ personality type. I am pretty extroverted and can make new friends anywhere I go but I also like my quiet time at home! I’m told I’m really kindhearted and funny and I like to make jokes, especially sarcastic/witty ones. I’m super emotional and I feel everything REALLY deeply, I’m not afraid to cry over little things lol. I’m a total bookworm too! I’m definitely not adventurous and I love a good routine. My type in men is just anyone who has a big heart and is overall a good person.

I hope that’s enough info!! I LOVE your writing and I can’t wait to see what you come up with!! Happy early Valentine’s Day!!🫶🩷 thank you so much for this fun event!!

💌 Your Valentine Matchup is..

[ Mohammed Avdol !! ]

[ A/N : me when a writer I've liked for a while gives me a request. Me when said writer compliments my writing. Me when I realize we're MUTUALS ??? ]

[ Anyway don't mind my fangirling, always happy to write literally anything related to jjba !! Happy early Valentine's Day to you too and tysm !! Love your work aswell <33 ]

Dividers by @/cafekitsune !!

I feel like Avdol was a pretty obvious choice.. in my head at least! You want a man with a big heart? He's right there!

Avdol is a very social person. He's not exactly shy when it comes to strangers, he treats everyone with the same respect. And he's glad that you're the same!

Everywhere the two of you go, you're able to have fun and make friends. Avdol loves that, since it saves him the trouble of worrying about where to take you on dates.

That doesn't mean he does not care, though. He always makes sure to ask you where you want to go, what you want to do, etc. He never takes you anywhere he knows you won't be comfortable.

While Avdol likes to travel, he knows that sometimes all you need is a nice, quiet day at home. If you don't feel like going anywhere, he'll be more than happy to stay in with you.

The man appreciates good humour - it's something he'd look for in a partner. Therefore, he loves your witty jokes and sarcastic remarks. Even if none of the crusaders laugh at your joke, he's by your side, chuckling. If he feels like it, he makes a few good-natured remarks in return as well.

On that note, another thing he values in a relationship is a strong emotional connection. He doesn't mind that you're emotional - he likes that you're not afraid to show how you feel. He found that out quite quickly, when the crusaders decided to have a movie night and you cried over the death of one of the characters. He was the closest and most willing to comfort you, so that job was left to him. And since then, he'd never failed to comfort you whenever you felt bad about something.

Avdol is more than happy to make accommodations for your routine. He'll be quick to memorize it, and the first to scold the crusaders (or, anyone, really) if they somehow try to get in the way.

─ "Where's Y/N? I'm hungryyy.. we should be heading out to eat by now!"

─ "Have some patience, Polnareff. They're showering."

Uses the fact he's a fortune teller to his advantage for sure. Mostly for corny lines like "our love is written in the stars" or "I see my future more clearly when I look at you". But! If you want genuine fortune telling or tarot readings, he'll be more than happy to provide.

He's not the most touchy person. However, he does enjoy having an arm on your shoulder, or holding your hand every once in a while. He's a surprisingly good cuddler, though! Do what you will with that info.

The stars hung high above your head as you stumbled your way through the dirt path that led to you and Avdol's shared home.

Today was.. exhausting, to say the least. You worked hard all day and had to deal with Polnareff's usual antics on top of that.

You clumsily opened the door as soon as it was within reach and kicked your shoes off. You didn't even think much about how all the lights were off, or the eerie silence. You figured Avdol went to sleep earlier tonight.

But then you made your way to the dining room. Your favourite flowers' petals spread across the table, with some of your favourite food served on an intricate plate. The only sources of light were the small, but beautiful candles decorating the middle of the table.

And opposite to you sat the man you loved so dearly. And god, did he look magnificent, the candlelight lighting up his face in the most gorgeous way possible.

"Avdol.." your voice, even in this tired state, was soft as you looked over the sight. "This is.. amazing. Absolutely amazing."

His smile at your words warmed your heart more than anything.

"But.. what gives?"

The previous smile is quickly replaced by a confused expression and a raised eyebrow. But then, he looked you up and down to take in your disheveled appearance and seemed to understand.

"You must've forgotten." He spoke calmly. "It's the 14th."

That's when it clicks.

Goodness.. in the chaos of today and your current exhausted state, you'd completely forgotten it was Valentine's Day.

"Oh my god. Avdol, I'm sorry-"

"Don't." He quickly cut you off. "No need to apologize. I understand. Please, just sit down."

You nodded and did as he said. You felt a little more calm, now in the presence of your lover.

You eyed your food, and once you got a nod of acknowledgement from Avdol, you began to eat.

During your relationship, you'd learned quite a few new things about him.. and one of them happened to be the fact that he's a great cook!

Even so, the dish he made for tonight seemed to be curated extra carefully for this special occasion, and it showed.

After you'd finished, he took your hand in his, gently stroking your knuckles. "I couldn't plan anything extravagant, but.. happy Valentine's Day, my love."

"Avdol, this is perfect," you reassured him. "I don't want anything else. Trust me." You squeezed his hand. "Happy Valentine's Day to you too."

If you're wondering.. some of the runner-ups were Polnareff and Gappy !! But I thought Avdol would fit the most. Happy Valentine's, again :)

[poured-my-past-down-the-drain]

Character study — Tommy McCraft

My adaption of Tommy for this blog, at least <3

So, obviously. Like with any character, there are base elements that are hard to separate before the character becomes… entirely different, right.

The baseline Tommy qualities that I always see in dsmp Tommy’s character is that he is loud and abrasive — usually just as a personality quirk, but also, as a defense mechanism later on. We’ll get back to that. His mouth moves faster than his brain, he wants to have fun, and he wants to be loved.

BACKGROUND

I touch on his childhood here, and it’s still how my Tommy was raised. Phil was distant but loving. He was a caring father but the immortality just made him not always take more ‘temporary’ problems seem important.

Tommy being sick, though, wasn’t a temporary problem.

He was a very ill child, often staying home. Spending his days watching movies, playing on a little handheld game system, and reading about animals. He’d always loved animals.

He’d get clingy and fussy with his brothers once they’d get home, and latched hard onto Tubbo as his best friend from the very beginning. He and Wilbur were especially close. Wilbur would be the one who most often cuddled him to sleep, who he showed off his projects to, who enabled his trinket-collecting. Wilbur was his person. He didn’t really know life without the promise that if Wilbur wasn’t around, he would be around soon.

It led to some separation anxiety when Wilbur inevitably did, as teenagers do, began drifting away slightly. Never far. The separation anxiety went both ways. But it was enough to notice, especially once Tommy got well enough he could start going to school on a regular basis.

Tommy enjoyed being social, of course. He liked getting to see Tubbo outside of just their homes. But he struggled with his classes and he constantly missed Wilbur. It would feel like ants under his skin if he was too far away for too long. Even up into middle school, he would insist on cuddling with his brother in the evenings.

Which made summer camp hard. Well, summer camp was hard for… multiple reasons, but one big one was being so far away from Wilbur. Phil had said it would do them some good, and that the people watching Tommy would be very nice. Maybe he’d meet some new friends!

(Phil hadn’t known that it was a conversion camp. Just wanted somewhere for Tommy to stay for a month and a half. And Tommy surely did make some… friends… at camp.)

When Tommy hit high school, though — is when we hit the events of the SMP. Tommy would follow Wilbur to the ends of the earth, after all.

Tommy was thrilled at first, of course. Getting to spend his days with his brother, his person, surrounded by a forest full of animals. But as we know that isn’t how it stayed.

How I imagine it, the events of dsmp take place over, give or take, three years. Tommy celebrated his sixteenth as part of the L’manburg soldiers during war. His seventeenth in exile. And, as we see on the blog — his eighteenth in Las Nevadas.

EXILE

In Logsteadshire, Tommy was the most alone he’s ever been.

His best friend had sentenced him to exile. He was without his brother, whose absence felt like the loss of a lung. The only guest he ever got was the what lingered of Wilbur McCraft’s spirit; and the ghost lacked the awareness of what Tommy was going through at that time.

Dream.

Exile was equal parts too much and not enough of Dream’s company.

Tommy needed Dream around. He wanted the presence of another living, breathing person so bad. Ghostbur visited but Ghostbur was cold. Dream was flesh and warm blood, and Tommy had never lived alone before, always surrounded by those who loved him.

And maybe Dream did love him. Maybe he did care about him, in some twisted way. But if he did, his love hurt Tommy.

Dream had so many rules, and Tommy was not allowed to take notes. He couldn’t leave, of course. If he even wandered too far from his home he would be hunted like a deer through the woods. He couldn’t keep items a secret, because secrets led to more secrets, and Dream hated secrets.

Dream wanted Tommy reliant on him. In the birthday post, a bit of the abuse tactics are detailed. Most notably, Dream would feed him wither roses. Withholding things Tommy wanted (food, affection, gifts, shiny things) unless he finished his ‘meal’ that would drain him of any energy that could be used to leave.

Tommy, once, still tried to run away. With his brain full of fuzz and muscles working against him from the roses, he still tried to run, beg for Tubbo to let him back into his life.

If you have been following, you may be aware that Tommy has a prosthetic. This mistake was how he lost that leg. He never made it to L’manburg that night.

Now, I have also touched a little on Tommy’s religious trauma in posts. It certainly didn’t help to be stuck in exile with somebody with a god complex, who demanded to be prayed to, who put it into Tommy’s head that everything he has, had, and will have — Dream allowed him to have. Who broke Tommy’s Prime talisman and called so many mistakes ‘sins’.

This is also why, when referred to, Tommy refers to Dream with capitalized “Him.”

WILBUR’S REVIVAL

When Wilbur was revived, Tommy was no longer in exile.

Tommy himself had been revived, too, now. He’d died at the hands of someone who he believed as a friend, and brought back as a power play.

He was broken and hurt and sad and wanted to get better, he wanted so badly.

Then Wilbur was allowed back.

Dream allowed Wilbur to come back. Just as he had allowed Tommy to come back.

The two became very, very codependent — more than they had been before. Tommy hiccuped and clawed at the walls if he was in a different room. Wilbur would get fussy if Tommy wandered a few feet too far, even if he was still in his line of sight. (Think the ‘by my side, by my side’ from the vod where Tommy and Wilbur take their first tour of Las Nevadas)

Just as they started, they were inseparable. But Wilbur was… different now.

Tommy had learned to make himself smaller and Wilbur was full of fissures and cracks, now. If it meant keeping each other close, nearby, safe, even if it meant they weren’t always happy — it was not a healthy dynamic, but they were willing to make those sacrifices.

Anything to not be alone again. Anything, anything.

USEFUL TAGS

Now, as much as I would like to delve into every single detail — this is… already taking much, much longer than I intended :(

So!! Some useful tags for more information that may not have made the cut <3 I do intend to start, or maybe even go back? And tag certain ‘arcs’ or asks that involve certain backstory, so they’re easier to find. Please note that these can change, and I may add or remove tags, depending on what the future of the blog may fill the custom-tags with. For example, if we got a Phil or a Techno blog, their tags would get full much faster! So they’d need a new tag for that background information.

#mentions dream

#mentions phil

#mentions techno

#mentions kristin

#mentions glatt

#tw: christianity

#long form responses

DETAILS

Again, please note that these may be added to over time <3 this post will be linked on my intro post, so I promise it’ll be easy to find again :)

- “How does Tommy feel about Ossium?”

Oh, he LOVES that horse!! He loves so many animals, of course, but Ossium is especially very important to Tommy. He loves Quackity dearly. He loves any of Quackity’s pets, but Ossium is tied to so much of Quackity’s past — many of which, both Q and Tom were suffering in their own ways.

The fact that Quackity loves Ossium already means Tommy treats it like royalty. But Ossium also was a familiar sight in many stages of Tommy’s life during the DSMP story. A pillar, something to remind Tommy to stay in his own skin. Because if Ossium was around, so was Quackity. And Quackity had shown time and time again how survival and recovery is not always linear.

Quackity with a heart too big for his chest, and Tommy who had been taught to take up minimal space.

And a big fuckoff horse made of bones, just as alive as they were.

- “If Tommy WERE a hybrid of some kind, what would he be?”

I have been thinking about this for a WHILE actually!!!

There is the obvious avian, similar to that of Origins. If Tommy were an avian, my go-to is a hummingbird. Lots of energy, pollinators, fond of sweet and fruity things. Usually with red and bronze and copper wings — it’s actually why his intro post has copper wire and all those orangey colors 🥰 I had intended to have Hummingbird Tom when I started, but got distracted and never implemented it.

One of my recent thoughts bouncing around my head, though, is a shapeshifter :) I’ve been liking it a lot. Something about change symbolism, something about wanting to be just like his heroes.

Plus, it has a lot of potential for both pranks on his end — and angst on ours. Like if at his loneliest, he would shift to sound or look like someone he loved and missed, and pretend to hold a conversation with them to be less “alone.” Chattering to himself in Wilbur’s voice, running his hands along horns that weren’t his own, or hiding under big wings of shadow to block out the world, pretend he was back at his childhood home.

Or, you know. On a happier note, little elementary-age Tom trying to give himself a raccoon tail to look like Tom Nook.

This is one I am considering implementing into the blog — but I’m not sure yet 🤔 it is a shared universe after all, and would be a big decision to make without communication. Oh well. We’ll see <3

- “What are Tommy's three favorite things about Wilbur (can be physical, personality, things Tom associates with him, etc) and Tommy's three least favorite things about Wilbur?”

Well, Tommy the thing is. The same things that he loves can become what he hates about Wilbur and vice versa. Just depends on how they’re feeling or if they’ve had a fight.

In general, though, he loves how guitars always make him think of Wilbur now. He loves how heavy Wilbur’s coat is, and the few times he gets to wear it, he can pretend to be stronger than he feels. Most of all though, he loves how for better or worse, hugging Wilbur feels like coming home.

On the other side, he hates how stifling and how hard it is to get Wilbur to treat him like a person when Wilbur gets too in his head. He hates how he feels like he has to scream to be heard sometimes, and even then — still gets treated like a baby.

And he hates how much he misses him when he’s gone. How he knows how awful they are for each other, and still, he feels like he’s drowning without him.

- “What is Tommy’s least favorite thing about Quackity?”

Quackity can get tunnel vision when he has a goal. It isn’t always a bad thing, of course, especially when it means such amazing results as Las Nevadas. But it does get Tom to worry, and as a result, a bit more clingy.

- “Does Tommy have secrets he hasn’t told Wilbur?”

Oh, a lot. There’s so much he hasn’t divulged about Logsteadshire to Wilbur, of course, but also. A lot of L’manburg, Tom wasn’t exactly in it for the country. He was in it so that Wilbur could have something that was his, not Phil’s. That Wilbur could live for.

Tommy learned to love L’manburg over time, but it started just because he wanted his sister to be happy. Once he started seeing how obsessive Wilbur was over it, though, he began to regret that decision.

And felt awful about it, thinking that he was being selfish.

And, also, he is the one who keeps reverse-pickpocketing buttons and acorns and paper stars into Wilbur’s pockets. Have a sad secret and a wholesome one <3

[claire321r]

First Experiences

Big social events weren’t really my thing. They only stressed me out and made me more awkward than I already was.

Prom was something that a lot of girls seemed to be excited about. I was quite the opposite.

From what I understood, there was a lot that went into it. Besides all planning, it also took a good amount of money. The time comment for prom itself was also not insignificant. It could, and likely would, end up occupying a full day of a precious weekend away from school.

Not having a date didn’t help either.

I know I could have gone with a group of friends, and I knew a couple of other girls going that route, but to me something felt just slightly off about it.

All in all, it didn’t feel like missing out was going to be that big of a deal. It was only junior prom so there was always one more year to get the prom experience if I wanted.

Without any plan for the big day, I readied myself to enjoy a night in with some mindless movies and snacks. I could always get all the details of things that happened through Snapchat or Instagram, and if not from that the stories would be flowing on Monday.

With my parents out of the house for the evening too I had free reign of the place. The sun was still relatively high in the sky, but there wasn't any reason to delay my loafing.

I microwaved myself a bag of popcorn before emptying it into a large plastic bowl and making my way to my nest for the evening.

My family did have a nice TV set up on the main floor of the house, but I wasn't a fan of the couch they had there. It was too new and firm. Plus with all the windows around it, the reflections on the screen could get distracting. So Instead I settled for the basement.  

My dad had kept all the old equipment from when they updated the main area upstairs and just moved the old setup down a floor. I was much more comfortable on the nice, old, worn in couch. 

I placed my popcorn on the well worn coffee table and let myself sink in the couch. I set about trying to pick something to watch on Netflix but nothing really grabbed my interest that I hadn’t already watched.

I sat there scrolling around and browsing the previews for a good while before I was interrupted by the sound of the doorbell ringing.

I wasn't expecting anyone, but I kicked my way out of the blanket I had made myself cozy under and dragged myself up the stairs to the door. I threw the door open without bothering to check who it could have been.

I was greeted by a messy head of electric blue hair blowing past me and into the entryway.

"You know, it's not very polite to barge into someone's house without being invited," I said as I closed the door behind her.

"You're mom said I was welcome to come any time," Noelle huffed. She turned on her heel to look me in the eyes.  "And Is that anyway to talk to your friend, Allie? Especially when she's coming to check on you?"

"What for? I was just sitting around."

"Exactly! Prom is tonight and you're here alone," Noelle said, grabbing my shoulders. "I can't have my best friend alone on a night like this."

"It's fine," I said. "It's not that big of a deal. Just another Saturday."

"It's not fine! There's only so many chances to go to prom, and you're at home in an oversized hoodie instead of out there having fun!"

"You're not much better," I scoffed. "Shouldn't you be getting ready by now? But here you are at my house."

"I came to get you."

"Thanks, but I'm good," I said "I've already got plans here."

She let out a hum of disapproval. "Fine, then I'm staying here too." She took my hand and led me back to the basement.

"But what about Prom? Weren't you going?"

"Like you can say anything."

"But you already got a dress and everything."

"I can just use it next year." Noelle dropped herself onto the couch, and stuffed her mouth with a handful of popcorn. She grabbed the remote and began flipping through the menu still on screen. "So what are we watching?"

"Are you really okay with that?" I asked, still standing in front of the couch.

"Yeah, it's not a big deal. I'll text the group and tell them something came up," she responded nonchalantly. "So what's it going to be?"

I let out a sigh before settling into the opposite end of the couch. "Whatever looks good to you," I replied.

Noelle scrolled around a little bit before landing on an older animated movie. It was one I had seen before as a kid so I remembered a lot of it. We sat and watched in relative silence through the whole thing, occasionally taking popcorn from the bowl placed between us.

When the credits rolled Noelle stood from the couch with a big stretch. "All that popcorn made me thirsty. I'm going to go grab something."

"Sure. Okay. Help yourself," I said. "Bring me a soda too."

"Can do," She called, disappearing up the stairs.

I flicked around my phone a bit before Noelle came back with more than I expected. She had two glasses in one hand, three cans in the other with more tucked under her arm, and a mostly full bottle of vodka. She set them all down carefully on the coffee table before shooting me a smug look.

She knocked our glasses together lightly before taking a large swig. I followed suit but couldn't help but shudder as I swallowed. It wasn't bad, but the vodka did change the drink's flavor. It was the first time I had an alcoholic drink. My parents weren't likely to know if the bottle went back into its spot before they returned as their drinks of choice were mostly beers from what I saw.

Noelle poured a bit of vodka into one of the glasses before cracking open a soda and dumping it on top. "Even if we're not going to prom, we can have our own fun," she said, passing the drink to me before making a second.

Noelle found another movie to watch and set it to play. It was more of an action one, with lots of explosions and fast cars and guns. With how loud it all was, there wasn't much talking that could be done over it.

About half way through our second movie, and our drinks, I caught the ring of the doorbell through the noise coming from the TV for a second time that evening. Noelle shot me a questioning look as I stood, paused the movie, and left to answer the door.

My return was greeted with sparkling eyes from her. Likely because she could smell what I had before I even reached the bottom of the stairs.

I placed the pizza box on the coffee table and Noelle shifted over to be right in front of it. I dropped myself right beside her, close enough that we had to fight for elbow space, and started the movie back up before diving into the pizza.

We ate and drank through the rest of the movie. Noelle made us each another drink as the credits rolled.

At that point we weren't invested in what was going on the screen, Noelle just scrolled around at random and selected a movie blindly.

With our stomachs full of pizza and soda, we let ourselves sink further into the couch and each other. It seemed like Noelle had landed us on a generic romance movie. We watched for a little bit, but the slow pace and the corny acting couldn't hold my attention.

It seemed Noelle was in the same boat, because she was the first to break the silence. "So why didn't you go to prom?"

"No date," I said bluntly.

"You know you don't need a date to go to prom, right? I was going to go with a group of friends. You could have joined us."

"I know, but there's something about it that just... feels like it's the palace for it," I said. "Like, if I'm going to go I want to do it 'right', ya' know? Like, if I'm going I want it to be more like a date."

"I think I get it. Did anyone ask you to go, or did you ask anyone?"

"Na... No one asked me, and most everyone I know either already had dates or I know they wouldn't accept," I said. "I'm not anything special anyway."

"That's not true," Noelle said, throwing her head back into my arm. "You're great, and anyone would be lucky to date you."

"If you say so," I responded wistfully. I let my attention drift back to the TV and the corny romance playing out.

It was getting to the point where the blandest guy ever was finally getting the girl. There was a slow build to the point where they kiss, and I couldn't help but let out a sigh.

"What's up?" Noelle asked.

"Nothing," I lied.

"That wasn't a 'nothing' sigh," She said shifting around. "What's wrong?"

"It's just..." I could have kept it to myself, but something wouldn't let me. "Sort of regretting not going now."

"I'm sorry," Noelle responded. "Maybe I should have dragged you to it anyway."

"It's not so much the dance itself but like..." I didn't quite know how to phrase the feelings in my head without it seeming goofy. "Having a special night with someone... Making a whole thing about it..." Another sigh escaped me as the movie on screen continued to play. "Having a first kiss might have been nice too."

Noelle let out a little hum of understanding.

We sat in silence for a bit more as the movie started to roll towards its end.

"Would... You want to try?" Noelle asked.

"Try what?'

"Well, it's not at prom or any place special, but..." Noelle fidgeted with her fingers as she continued. "If you'd want to like... try kissing..."

I didn't really know how to respond to her proposal.  "I... I suppose it would be nice to know what it's like," I said after some thought.

Noelle moved around a bit until she was facing me.  "It's not like I have any experience myself," she said.

"I... guess it'd be a first for both of us then," I said, straightening myself as much as I could on the couch.

"Are you sure you're okay with me?" she asked, as she shifted to straddling my thighs.

"Y-yeah." I didn't have any reason not to be. She was my best friend, and I trusted her. Maybe the bit of alcohol had something to do with it, but I also couldn't say kissing her hadn't crossed my mind before.

She placed her hands on my shoulders and began closing the already limited space between us.

"Ready?" she whispered as our foreheads touched.

"Yeah." I closed my eyes and moments later I could feel a soft pressure on my lips. It was the softest feeling in the world, and the warmth of it spread through me too.

Noelle pulled back slightly, breaking the contact we had. "Well?" she asked, still close enough that I could feel the question on my lips.

"Maybe another," I responded.

My hands had somehow found their way under Noelle's top and landed on her waist. From there they had pulled her closer so that our bodies connected in tandem with the second meeting of our lips. But with her whole weight pressed into me, I couldn't help but slide down the back of  the couch until she was laying fully on top of me.

With no experience beyond what was happening in that moment, I relied on my limited memory of romantic scenes in movies for how to proceed.

Noelle and I kissed back and forth with little moans escaping from us both. At some point I felt her tongue rub against mine and I could feel myself being overwhelmed with the sensation of it all. I was so focused on the softness of her lips and the wrangling of our tongues that I lost track of what the rest of my body was doing.

Luckily, Noelle pulled back for a breath before I got lost in her entirely. She sat above me, looking me over with a fully flushed face and a smug smirk. She reached over and pushed a bit of my hair out of my face. I could feel my own cheeks burning, and a slight bit of drool running from the corner of my mouth. My hands were further up her back, and I finally registered the arches in my fingers as if trying to claw their way through it.

"Well? Did you like it?" She asked, already knowing the answer.

Still too breathless, the only way I could respond was a nod.

Noelle giggled before shifting herself around and laying her head on my chest. "Same," she said, putting her attention back to the TV. She selected a random nature documentary before letting one of her fingers aimlessly trace around my shoulder.

Eventually our breathing slowed as we settled back into watching.

"I'm glad we skipped prom," Noelle said sleepily.

I was pretty happy about it too.

[austinsgirl]

Rather Die | Chapter 1

word count: 1829

rating: pg

————————————————————

"Eliana! We're going to be late!" Victoria called out for her best friend.

"I'm coming!" she responds.

Victoria & Eliana have been best friends since they were kids. They met in Victoria's homeland of New Zealand. Eliana happened to be on vacation, going to Victoria's local beach. They bonded over the fact that they both had the on same Little Mermaid bathing suit on. They've been inseparable ever since, even though up until a couple years ago, they had a long distance friendship, only seeing each other every couple years.

When Victoria was 23, now 25, she decided to move out to Los Angeles to further her acting career. She made quite a name for herself back home, starring in local TV shows & movies. She was ready to really make it big, and the only way to do that was to go to Hollywood.

Eliana was already living in Los Angeles, her home town. Coming from a rich family, her dad was a huge Major League Baseball player back in the 90s & early 2000s. As for her mom, she's been a very successful lawyer.

The girls decided they were going to officially break the distance between them and get their own place together.

With Victoria's success from her gigs at home & small parts she's gotten the past couple years in LA, along with Eliana's heritage money plus whatever she has made being a social star & modeling, they were able to get a really nice penthouse apartment.

Eliana ran down the stairs of said apartment, as they're running late for a red carpet event once again. It's one of the things that has always annoyed Victoria. They're constantly running late because Eliana gets too distracted & takes a million years to get ready.

"How do I look?" Eliana asks.

"Hot as always, now let's go! The car has been waiting like ten minutes already." Victoria says, rushing themselves out the door.

They both made it into their car & headed to The Chinese Theater for the premiere of the new movie 'Elvis'.

Once there, the girls stepped out onto the carpet posing together & separately.

An interviewer had stopped Victoria to ask her some questions.

"So, what are you most excited to see the movie for?" the interviewer asks.

"Well, I listened to Elvis back home growing up. My grandma absolutely adored him, so Im excited to hear all the songs from my childhood & to learn more about the man my grandma loved as a teen. I also am a bit excited to see Austin Butler on the big screen. I remember seeing him on Disney Channel growing up, so that's exciting to see a familiar face play such a big role."

Victoria answered another question.

"Any projects coming up from you?"

"You can catch me as a guest star on the iCarly reboot, which was super fun, getting to work with Miranda, Nathan, and Jerry. I loved the show as a kid, so it was a really cool experience. Other than that, I don't have anything at the moment. Hopefully soon though!"

After stopping at the couple more interviewers, Victoria & Eliana made their way inside the theater. As soon as they sat down the movie started. Just in time.

About 15 minutes into the movie, was the first full performance scene. As soon as Victoria saw Austin's face she was interested. His bright blue eyes, & his dark hair falling into face. She was definitely attracted.

The girls in this scene, screaming over Elvis's moves, getting all hot & bothered. Victoria quickly found herself relating to those girls, minus the screaming. Although if she could, she probably would be.

As the movie kept rolling, the more intrigued Victoria became.

"Damn, he's hot." Eliana leaned over to whisper to Victoria, as the Beale Street scene played, 'Vegas' by Doja Cat blasting through the speakers.

"Mhm." Victoria responded, very distracted by Austin's good looks in this movie.

Just a few minutes later, Victoria felt herself shift in her seat a bit seeing the very mild sex scene.

Thoughts of all sorts kept running through her mind.

During the 'Trouble' performance, she felt like she was grasping for air. Going into this, she knew she was going to find him attractive, but not like this. She's crushing, crushing hard.

Jealousy came over her, seeing Elvis kiss Priscilla for the first time, just wanting to be in that position.

An hour and half goes by & the film has ended. After the credits roll, everyone stands up & applauds.

Victoria sets her sight on Austin in the front, inhaling a sharp breath from seeing him in person. Looking even more attractive as himself.

"Whew, girl. That Austin guy is so fucking hot." Eliana says to her.

"I know. I've always found him attractive, but damn. I wasn't expecting this."

They both made their way out of the theater & back to the apartment.

"Just a heads up, I call dibs on Austin if it ever comes to it." Eliana says as they walk through the door of their apartment.

"Why? You have a boyfriend, remember?" Victoria reminds her.

"Oh, yeah. I guess you can have him then."

"Thanks. I do want him. Like really bad."

"You should go for it."

"Isn't he dating Vanessa Hudgens though?"

"They broke up I think. I wanna say she's with a new guy."

"Hm. I'll have to see if he's with anyone. I won't go for it if he's in a relationship."

"I mean, still go for it if you don't know for sure. The worst he'll do is say no."

"Yeah, I guess. What I need to do is get some auditions."

"I heard talks that Austin's going to be in a new romance movie. Now that, you need to audition for."

"If I can get an audition, I will. He's so fucking fine, like, I could honestly not sit still during those early scenes."

"Oh, I know. I don't blame those girls for like orgasming over him."

"Truly. I felt that".

The next day Victoria set herself up at the kitchen counter with a fresh cup of coffee & her laptop, so she can apply for some auditions.

"Eli, is that movie Austin's going to be in called "The Last Time"?"

"Yeah. I think it's inspired by that Taylor Swift song with the same title." Eliana responds coming downstairs, still getting herself ready for her day.

"Oh, yeah. That song had me crying when Stephen & I were going through our breakup."

"I remember that. Taylor's whole 'Red' album was on repeat."

"You know it."

"So are you applying for it then?"

"Yep. Uploading my resume & headshot right now. I really hope I get this. It's about this couple who keeps finding each other in different places, being on & off, some toxicity. Yeah sounds about right."

"Honestly. But yeah, you better get this. It would be so good for you. Austin's a hot topic right now. You getting casted as his leading lady would really put you out there."

"Exactly. But also, hello, I get to work the hottest guy I have ever seen."

"True. Well, I'm outtie."

"You have your Nike promo shoot today, right?"

"Yes, ma'am. I'll be home later."

"Okay, I'll be here."

"Love you!" Eliana says out the door.

"Love you too!"

A couple hours later Victoria received an email back about her audition.

"Oh god, oh god, oh god." she said to herself as the email loaded up.

"Dear Victoria,

We'd love to have you in for an audition. Please respond to this email as soon as possible with the time slot you would like & for what day. Please have these scenes that are attached to this email prepared.

Hope to hear from you soon."

"Holy shit! Oh my god."

As soon as Victoria was talking to herself out loud, Eliana came home.

"What? Did you get the audition?" Eliana asks.

"Yes!! I'm going in this upcoming Monday at noon."

"Congrats babe! You have all weekend to prep."

"Yeah, you won't be seeing much of me tomorrow & Sunday. I have to nail this audition. I applied just in time too. Didn't know it'd be so soon."

"I know you'll nail this, babe."

Monday comes along, it's the day of the audition. Victoria has never been so nervous in her whole entire life, and has never wanted anything more.

"Victoria Williams?" a producer calls out in the waiting room.

"Hi, yes, that's me." she stands up from her seat.

"Hi, I'm Sarah, one of the producers. Nice to meet you." Sarah holds out her hand to shake.

"Nice to meet you too." Victoria shakes her hand before following Sarah into the audition room.

"This is the director, Anna." Sarah says.

"Hi, nice to meet you. Im Victoria. Victoria Williams." she reaches her hand out to her.

"Yes, I watched a few of your things after I saw your application. Nice to meet you too. Do you have those scenes prepared?"

"Yes, yes I do."

"Alright. Let's go over the one where Jake shows up to Allison's door." Anna says. "I'll read Jake's lines to you, along with the parentheticals, you respond back with Allison's."

"Got it."

Anna starts off the scene, "Allison opens up the door to her townhouse."

"What are you doing here?" Victoria says, delivering her line.

"I don't know, honestly." Anna say's, reading the lines for 'Jake'.

"You don't know? What do you mean you don't know?"

"I don't know. I was just - I was just walking around town and something just lead me here."

"You're always coming back for something. What is it now? The last time, it was to get back together & you know how that played out."

"I know, I know. I just-

"Jake, I think you need to go."

"Can't we just talk?"

"Why? So we can end up falling into our old ways again & just get heartbroken again?"

"No-

"Then what?

Anna reads off the next part of the script, "Jake suddenly kisses Allison, taking her by surprise."

"Jake, if you want this, -

"I know. I need to be better."

"This is the last time, I swear."

"I swear to god. Cross my heart. The two continue to kiss before going to the bedroom. And that would be the end of our reading." Anna says. "That was really good. I think I can say right now that I would love to have you back later on for a chemistry read."

"Really? That would be great." Victoria says with sparkles in her eyes.

"Yes, really. Just stick around the area, we'll give you a call when you can come back."

"Thank you so much! I will definitely be back."

Victoria leaves the audition room & makes her way outside.

She pulls out her phone to text Eliana the good news. As she's texting, she bumps into someone not paying attention.

"Oh, I'm so sorry...."

It wasn't until her eyes met with a pair of ocean blue eyes, when she knew who she had bumped into.

"....Austin."

—————————————————————

Chapter 2

[bts-weverse-trans]

210104 Weverse Magazine ‘Be’ Comeback Interview - Suga

SUGA “I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music” BTS BE comeback interview 2021.01.04

SUGA has this way of talking passionately with a deadpan look on his face. Full of passion about his life and music.

How is your shoulder? SUGA: Good. I think it’ll get even better once I take off this brace. Apparently, it takes several months for a full recovery, but I'm trying to get better as fast as possible.

How does it feel like to have resolved a problem that has distressed you for long? SUGA: First of all, I'm glad. The pain is one thing, but when my shoulders got worse, I couldn't even raise my arms. But when I heard that this might recur when getting the surgery at a young age, I waited for the right time and had decided to get it done early next year regardless of the COVID-19 situation. I had planned to get the surgery after the year-end stages, but I got it done this year (2020) because my doctors advised me to start preparing early for next year’s promotions and activities.

How does it feel like watching the other members doing promotions? SUGA: I can't say it feels great. I could see the emptiness because we've been together as a group of seven for so long. Not necessarily because I'm not there but because something that should be there is missing?

Is that what made you join the promotion as much as possible? You shot lots of video footage in advance and you even appeared in the Mnet “2020 MAMA” through VR. SUGA: Fake SUGA (Laughs). There’s this 3D studio where we shot it. I shot, scanned, and acted there, but couldn't see the actual result at the studio. I thought a sense of displacement was unavoidable, and that was exactly the case. (Laughs) I acted normal because it would have been aired anyway even if I hadn’t had the surgery, but it seems a lot because it’s aired after the surgery.

You must feel restricted not being able to go on stage. SUGA: The thing is, it's only been a month after I got surgery, but my absence on stage is so apparent. But my doctors keep telling me that I shouldn't be impatient and in fact, many athletes get a resurgery when they return to the field without proper rehabilitation. So I'm working on trying to care less. For the first two weeks after surgery, I felt so frustrated that I tried out new things. I even watched movies I didn't watch.

What movies did you watch? SUGA: I watched ‘Samjin Company English Class’ as it happened to be on IPTV, and now I have ‘Tenet’ on my list. ‘Parasite’ was the last movie I saw at a cinema. As the social distancing measures became stricter, I haven’t been going outside, except going to the hospital. I even eat at home. I'm also watching a lot of TV nowadays. Watching music shows like ‘Sing Again’, ‘Folk Us’, and ‘Show Me The Money 9’ made me think of what I should do in the upcoming days.

Could you elaborate on that? SUGA: A lot of candidates on ‘Sing Again’ are very talented but hadn't had the opportunity, and on ‘Folk Us’, I noticed that many took their own guitars on stage. I started playing the guitar lately and I'm having this urge to broaden my scope of music. And since my interest in the music industry in the U.S. grew, I'm getting prepared, studying English and all.

What fueled your interest? SUGA: In some ways it’s the most commercially developed market. You could lose the industry attention in a flash if it's not feasible. So in this system, you would try everything and that would be an efficient way. I want to do music for a long time, and to this end, I always want to learn more about the global music industry because I want to do music that’s loved not only in Korea, but also in the U.S., Japan and Europe.

Speaking of which, it seems BE was influenced from music of the past rather than today's trends. SUGA: I especially like impromptu music. I love the songs that were made in one take instead of being recorded several times. In this era of crossover genres, the desire to do better in music is growing inside me.

As the genres become more blended, the melody you use must be more important. Does starting to play the guitar affect your composing in any way? SUGA: I always liked using guitar sounds. And I have always liked the Eagles. If you play the guitar, it’s way easier to write songs because you can carry it along wherever you go, pluck on the strings to create melody lines. Keyboards are difficult to carry around. (Laughs) I usually work on my laptop but I had this thought that I definitely needed an instrument. It accelerates my work and improves my understanding of chords.

It makes me think you could intuitively make melodies. SUGA: It’s easier to write a song because you can intuitively make a progression and try many different things. During my work on ‘Eight’, IU had recorded and sent me a song from her phone. At the time I couldn’t play the guitar, so we tried to make sure we’re working on the same page when keeping track of each other's progress. That made me feel the need to learn an instrument.

This is actually before you started playing the guitar, but I found ‘Telepathy’ in BE very interesting. The varying melodic progressions between hooks for each member made me wonder if you wrote the melody intuitively for each part. SUGA: I tried writing a melody for the first time this year (2020), and as I started knowing the fun of music, it opened a lot of new doors for me. So it was kind of easy working on it. I just played a beat and wrote from the beginning until the end. Done. I wrote it in just 30 minutes. The song almost wrote itself. The trends of pop and hip-hop these days cross boundaries between vocals and rap. I like this trend.

When I listen to your singing, it feels like you’re hitting the beats rather than singing along the notes. So I thought perhaps you're singing as if you're rapping. SUGA: When you're rapping, you just think of the rhythm, so it’s like simply putting on a melody to a rhythm. To define which comes first, I think melody adds to it while writing the rap.

In ‘Life Goes On’, the lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me, nothing’s changed’ are somewhere in between. It's not rap but it’d be mundane to say it's a mere melody. SUGA: There are obviously songs where the rap needs to be highlighted. For example, in ‘Dis-ease’ or ‘Ugh!’, you have to be good at rap. But in songs that should be easy to listen to, impressive raps are not always the way to go. Sometimes, you want smooth transitions without obstacles.

In that sense, the rap flow of ‘Blue & Grey’ was impressive. Rather than a dramatic effect that emphasizes each part, you extended the rap just as much as the slowing beat. SUGA: To be honest, this beat is difficult to rap to. The beginning of the song only has a guitar line, which made it even more difficult. I participated when we wrote lyrics for ‘Blue & Grey’ and I've always wanted to work on a song like this. It was because verse 1 talks about the theme of the song.

It seems you achieved almost everything that you wanted in BE. SUGA: I think it took less than a week to make my part in the album. After having written one or two melodies for ‘Life Goes On’, I wrote a version complete with rap, and liked it that I even worked on a separate arrangement and lyrics. Rather than pondering over the ways that might work, I choose to simply play the music and write.

Many creators are unsure even after they’ve produced good work. How do you get the conviction to release your work? SUGA: Many musicians are unsure whether they should release their music or not. It was the same for me, but the thing is, you’ll never release anything if you nitpick everything. For example, if we release 10 songs, we have a chance to unveil them in concerts or fan events. And sometimes, as we listen to the song, we think, ‘Why does this part that had bothered me no longer bother me?’ Some things might feel awkward at some point, but in time, it no longer feels awkward. Even I forget about it. So it's more efficient to fine tune, looking at the big picture, rather than thinking too much about the details. On top of that, during promotions, I don’t have the time to pick tracks that others have sent for 10 hours. It would be a success for all of us if each of us play and write a melody in their own time and collaborate with others on the details. So the way of songwriting has evolved in many aspects.

What motivated such evolution? SUGA: I think it evolved naturally. I've changed in personality this year (2020), as well as in terms of my interpretation and attitude toward life to the extent that I almost thought I've been rehearsing. How would it feel like if there were no stage to go to or anyone looking out for me? This thought made me realize the value of these things.

In ‘Dis-ease’, you sing ‘I don’t know if it’s the world that's sick’. Was it this lifestyle that changed your thoughts about your work? SUGA: Yes. When I was young, I had embraced the belief that ‘It must be my fault’, but as I got older, I realized that this is not always true. Most of what I had thought was my fault was in fact, not my fault. On the other hand, there are things that I did well and times I had been lucky.

‘I NEED U’ came out during a time when you were still thinking, “It must be me”. After the members put on a stage with ‘I NEED U’ in KBS' ‘Song Festival’, you wrote on Weverse, “It’s the same as five years ago.” How would you compare with back then? (This interview was held on December 19, 2020.) SUGA: We've matured quite a bit. And our stage performances have become more natural. I still like ‘I NEED U’. Just listening to the beat makes me sentimental, and above all, the song came out nicely. So as I was watching this and that when I stumbled across old videos. Watching them made me think that we haven’t changed much.

In what aspect haven't you changed much? SUGA: Before the social distancing measures got stricter, I talked with the photographer for BE, whom I had met four years ago. The photographer was surprised that we hadn’t changed much after all the success, even though he had assumed we’d be very different.

I'm amazed personally. I’ve had the chance to meet the members before your debut, but from your way of talking with members or others, it seems you haven't changed. SUGA: I think it's because we don’t give it a big deal about success. For example, it's incredible to be ranked first on the Billboards, but there’s also this sense of, “Okay, and?”

Even the Grammys? (Laughs) SUGA: When we got nominated for the Grammy Awards, we thought, ‘Is this real?’ (Laughs) Of course we were delighted, but it didn’t make us think, ‘We're singers nominated for the Grammy.’ If you're nominated, you're nominated, and if you get the award, you get the award. You don't get shaken by that. I know it's a great award and would be so grateful if we receive it, but we know that nothing is possible without the tremendous support of our fans. What’s more important is that the fans are more flattered than us when we receive a great award. So everyone's rejoicing, but it’s like, ‘Let's do what we have to do.’ We've been training ourselves to keep finding our places, so no one remains overexcited.

In ‘Fly To My Room’, there are lyrics that say, ‘This room is too small to contain my dream’, and ‘Sometimes this room becomes an emotional trash can, but it embraces me.’ I had this feeling that the room had been such a place and that you were accepting that you have changed. Then the essence must have remained the same. SUGA: It wasn’t easy to accept that we eventually change. But I think it's a good thing that we changed. What we did back then was possible only at that time, and we could change because of the things we had accomplished.

Then, what new things are you dreaming about? SUGA: I'm eager to continue doing music. Since all performances were canceled due to COVID-19, I had a chance to talk to so many musicians in Korea. I talked with legendary singers as well as people who are my contemporaries. Talking with them once again made me realize that I love music so much. Because music is my profession, I can’t imagine myself not doing it. I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music.

What kind of music do you think you’ll be engaged in in the future? SUGA: I was greatly motivated when I saw the concert of Na Hoon-a last Chuseok . I wondered how many musicians would actually be able perform and write music for so long like he has. At that moment, it occurred to be that ‘I want to be like him’. He has passion and desire, and most of all, he is a superstar. A few years ago, I took my parents to a Na Hoon-a concert, and when they watched the performance last Chuseok, they said it was way less impressive to see him perform through the TV. (Laughs)

That must explain your interest in a broader spectrum of music from instruments to composing and musical genres. Because you want to be doing this for a long time. SUGA: My goal is to continue doing music in any shape or form. In that sense, I have this great respect toward Cho Yong-pil. He takes the best sound there is and reinterprets it into his own. I think that’s something I want to emulate and keep changing and evolving so that I can continue doing music for decades to come.

The lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me nothing’s changed’ must sound more meaningful for the fans because they will be listening to your music for a long time. SUGA: A month and a half in the current times must seem like a lifetime for the fans when we're far apart. I feel the same. But I think that's proof that we worked hard for the past seven years and that the fans have been passionately reaching out to us. I'm striving to get to them as fast as I can, and I'm eager to go on stage. I'm going through this because I want to be better on stage in a better condition, so don't be sad, and please hang in there a little longer.

Trans © Weverse

[ptergwen]

from one kid to another

w/c: 6.0k

warnings: mentions of drinking, lots of swearing, implied smut, and angst at times

summary: it was a mistake, a beautiful one that you didn’t make on your own

a/n: this genuinely is my favorite thing i’ve ever written :,) i say that a lot but this time i mean it, it’s really special i think and i so so so hope y’all do too <3 enjoy my loves

-

there’s only one thing in life that testing positive for is actually positive.

depending on the situation, obviously. yours isn’t ideal, or planned or a blessing or whatever people say. it’s a gigantic mistake that you didn’t realize you made until a minute ago.

you’d noticed something was wrong when your time of the month came and all you experienced was the symptoms. cramps, cravings, everything except your actual period. as everyone is pretty much taught to do, you ran to the closest drug store for a pregnancy test. what the hell else could it be? you messed around a few weeks ago, so there’s a possibility.

your heart felt like it was going to explode out of your chest the whole time you waited for the results. you’d thought of calling tom over for support, but there are a couple of reasons why you couldn’t do that. you realized you made the right decision when your timer for the test went off.

two red lines. you’re pregnant. you’re pregnant, and your best fucking friend is the father.

where do you go from here?

the test falls from your hand and hits the floor with a mocking clank. you slide down until your back is against the bathtub. well, you’re fucked. what an ironic word choice.

the fact that you aren’t ready in the slightest to be a parent when you’re still growing up yourself is one thing. it’s another that this could ruin the most important relationship you’ve ever had.

no, tom won’t be mad. he’s never once fought with or even raised his voice at you. in your times of need, he’s been the one to uplift you and kiss your puffy cheeks dry. no matter how he takes this, you know it won’t be out on you. he is half responsible.

but, with how you left things the last time you spoke, you’re not sure you’ll be able to get past it.

tom is alarmingly good at hiding how he truly feels. you always tease him that it’s because he’s a gemini. he’ll come back with shut up, i’m an actor and stick his nose in the air to give you the full image. in all seriousness, it does take a toll on how well he can communicate.

you’ve seen it in small ways, like when he brings you along for press days and uses unenthusiastic smiles to cover up his yawns. how he’ll be polite in a conversation with people he’d rather not speak to, then mumble about it once you’re home. he tries to put forward the “appealing” parts of himself even though he’s more than them.

tom’s biggest communication issue is that he’s been in love with you since year nine and hasn’t said a word about it. you’ve yet to figure that one out.

you two became friends while tom was starring in billy elliot. his schedule was so scattered between shows and school, so he struggled to balance both. he often had to stay late for extra help on the lessons. you’d also been there a few times. you worked better in the classroom, and he was grateful he didn’t have to be alone with the teacher.

most kids made fun of tom for his interest in theater, to his face and behind his back. not you. you thought it was just incredible that someone in your own classes worked at the west end. you’d told him on your way home one night.

he’d heard you before he saw you. “you’re tom, right?” you asked from behind him, the two of you making your way through the hall. the question sounded friendly, and it wasn’t every day kids were nice to him. tom stopped walking so you could catch up. “yes, and you are?” you gave him a small smile, books clutched to your chest. he instantly returned it.

“y/n. i heard you’re in billy elliot?” you laughed at your understatement, then corrected yourself. “that you are billy elliot, i mean. that’s so cool.” “oh, i am. thank you,” he chuckled back, a full grin taking over his face. you were both walking again, you by tom’s side. “i was hoping to come see you soon.” your voice got quieter as you told him, like you were nervous.

tom never had much luck with girls, not at this point in his life. this was an opportunity to change that. at the very least, to make a new friend. he offered something you said yes to without a beat of hesitation. “what if i got you the tickets?”

from then on, you began talking during class and not only when it ended. tom really knew how to keep the conversation going, telling story after story that left you laughing so much your teacher would shush you. you’d eventually moved to hangouts at either of your houses. harrison came into the mix at some point, the three of you forming your own group.

the difference between tom and harrison was that while harrison linked with other girls, tom was only interested in you. he’d gotten a crush on you pretty fast, if he was being honest. it might have been your shared sense of humor or the way you said his name.

thomas, when he was being cheeky. tommy, which took the place of a pet name. even regular tom. that might have been his favorite. he loved how it rolled off your tongue. he loved, and still loves, you.

you’d gone to all of tom’s performances you possibly could, the ones for school theater included. you also gave him the push to take his talents to hollywood. tom was afraid he wasn’t cut out for the big screen, that he needed more practice and experience first. you told him that if this was what he wanted to do, he had to start somewhere. why wait?

tom then landed his first movie role in the impossible at the age of fifteen. he’d received tons of praise and almost gotten nominated for an academy award, all because you convinced him to audition. you played a huge part in keeping him grounded when he was between films, and caught him up on whatever schoolwork he’d missed.

you practically zoomed to tom’s house when he was announced as the next spider-man. you’d been constantly refreshing every social media platform marvel was on since tom became a finalist for the part. that process was probably the most difficult experience he’s ever gone through. you’d know, having heard all about it from tom.

the two of you celebrated along with the rest of tom’s family that night. you kept giving him little proud of you squeezes on his shoulder or knee. tom is eternally indebted to you for being the most supportive of everything he does.

he of course sends the support right back. although he went down the movie star path, acting wasn’t for you. you’d gone off to university and studied hard as hell and aced all your shit. tom quizzed you on material whenever you needed. he wanted to help you somehow, and this was all you’d let him do.

he’d offered to pay off your loans and any other expenses necessary because he had the money to do that now. you refused every single time, not trying to become dependent on him. he admired your drive, yet hated it at the same time. everything you’d done for him, it was his turn to be the caretaker. it should’ve been.

whenever tom wrapped filming for the holidays and came back home, you were always preparing for final exams. he kept you company, content with simply being in your presence. you typed away on your keyboard and read over notes until your eyes burned. tom occasionally brought you snacks, tea, asked how you were and what he could do.

sometimes, he would have to cut your study time short. he’d say it wasn’t healthy or you were overdoing it and to come relax with him for a bit. other times, tom let you be. he didn’t want to get in the way of your already stressful assignments. those were the nights you’d fall asleep in front of your laptop. drool on your chin, hunched over at your desk.

tom made sure to tuck you in, press a light kiss to whatever part of your face wasn’t covered in spit, then let himself out. he knew where your spare key was, so he used that. you’d wake up to a “Fell asleep studying again. Rest today x” text the next morning.

when it came time for you to graduate, tom was on the first flight there. it was during another round of reshoots for chaos walking. he respectfully told doug that he’d have to work around his schedule or replace him, which couldn’t be done so late into filming. tom didn’t care that it made him seem like a prick. he was getting to you no matter what he had to do.

he’d earned plenty of stares and whispers from people as he took his seat in the crowd. he was a proper celebrity now, so he expected it. his solution was to ignore everything and chat with your family about how proud they were of you, tom the most. he saw you go from a kid attempting algebra equations to an adult at her uni graduation. you’ve really grown up together.

it was why he teared up hearing them call your name, seeing you beam as you walked across the stage. your mom grabbed his hand and nodded at him, like she could tell exactly what was going through his head.

you ran right up to tom after the ceremony was over, leaping into his arms. he let out a couple of chuckles as he spun you around. “i didn’t think you’d make it,” you’d admitted, happy yet sad tears in your eyes. tom put you down so he could pull you in for a real hug. “i’ll always be wherever you are, y/n,” he said into your ear, rocking you while you gripped at his suit collar.

flash forward to a year later, your career is finally taking off, tom’s is flourishing like it has been for years, and you’re pregnant with his child. you’re trying to recall the series of events that led you to this moment.

you were both drunk, blackout drunk because the only reason you remember sleeping together is that you woke up naked in the same bed. harrison’s bed.

he threw a housewarming party for himself, having recently moved out of tom’s and the other boys’ place. the three of them, sam, and you were all in attendance, along with a lot of others you hadn’t met.

neither you nor tom could figure out where he knew all those people from. he’d clinged to you two for the most part, more so you now with tom usually away. they could have been from work. harrison is breaking into the business himself, small roles here and there. tom actually met him in your school’s theater program, then he introduced him to you, ten years ago already.

sam entertained himself by making concoctions with the snacks harrison set out. harry got together a playlist for the party. harrison and tuwaine struck up a conversation with some of harrison’s actor friends. that left you and tom alone, out of stuff to do, and with one way to fix it.

“drink?” tom had asked you, a smirk playing on his lips. “love one,” you hummed back and set off for the kitchen. the two of you raided harrison’s liquor cabinet, grabbing his biggest bottle of wine. he’d dumbly pointed it out during the house tour he gave you before the other guests arrived.

you were about to search for glasses, but tom’s fingers threaded through yours. he gently tugged you away and nodded behind him. “let’s bring this upstairs. seems much more fun there,” he’d murmured over the music, a grin breaking across your face.

tom is big on clubbing and socializing, however, you aren’t. he comes up with ways to get you out of these events, just in case.

“we can break in harrison’s bed for him,” you said as a completely harmless joke, no intentions of that becoming your reality later on. spoiler alert: it did. “and how are we gonna do that?” tom quirked a suggestive eyebrow and breathed out a laugh as you dragged him towards the stairs. despite yourself, you’d giggled at his words.

not one drink in either of you yet, and you were stumbling and cracking up as you ran upstairs. you’d pulled tom by your still attached hands into what you remembered as harrison’s room. tom shut the door, locked it, saying under his breath that would be a “convenient investment” for him to make as well.

he took out a bottle opener that he must have put in his pocket at some point and got to work on your wine, you getting comfortable on the new mattress. the two of you passed it to the other after every sip, tom licking the taste of your lip gloss off his own lips every so often.

the equivalent of three drinks in, you were making out. both of you were just tipsy at this point, tom holding you by your hips as you lied down, your legs around his waist. god, he could’ve done this sober. he’d dreamed about kissing you, really kissing you since he was fourteen. you’d always felt like you two had something more. ah, there it was.

halfway through the bottle got you past the next two bases, and you were ready for the fourth and ultimate one by the time you shook the last few drops onto the tip of your tongue. tom groaned at the sight of that, drawing your half naked body in closer to his.

you two had forgotten to use protection in each of your drunken states. without a doubt, you both would’ve agreed to a condom had your minds not been everywhere but where they should have.

you’d woken up first the morning after, panic immediately coursing through your veins thicker than blood. a fully nude and sleeping tom had you in his embrace, arms secured around your middle, facing you. you gasped when you made the connection, loudly enough to wake tom up. his long eyelashes tickled your face, a confused pout on his lips. uh... um...

“did we fucking...” you trailed off, no words to describe whatever unfolded. “fuck?” tom finished for you. a very blunt explanation, but true nevertheless. “looks like it,” he rasped, pout changing into a smile. your face fell at the vague memories of how you spent your night.

you definitely wanted to do it. just, he’s your best friend, who’s seen you at your least sexy moments over the years. when you were sick, had breakdowns from stress, you name literally anything, tom was there. it took one bottle of cheap wine for him to forget that?

the real answer was no. tom is entirely in love with you, for a decade at that. you were beginning to discover you feel the same, only you had no idea he already loves you. you’d assumed this was meant to be merely a hookup. from the frown your face held, he’d thought you were regretting it. oh, were you both so wrong.

“um... we don’t have to talk about it,” tom told you halfheartedly, under the impression that’s what you preferred. you physically felt yourself get weaker in tom’s strong arms. he’s not interested. “yeah, that’s probably for the best. i...” you were lying. his heart shrunk, shriveled up inside his chest. she doesn’t love me like that.

“you have to go. aren’t you behind on some emails?” tom hoped you didn’t hear his voice strain from the tears pushing at his eyes. “right. almost forgot, thanks.” you’d plastered on a smile, slipping out of his grasp. a tear rolled down his cheek, so he wiped it away before you noticed. you’d already gotten out of the bed and begun picking your clothes up off the floor.

“i’ll drive you home, then.” he rolled on to his other side, you thought so he could give you privacy to change. it was that, and also because he was crying. he couldn’t hold it in. tom is naturally an emotional person. imagine finding out the love you’ve had almost half your life is unreciprocated. it’s soul crushing.

you two found harrison snoring and on top of tuwaine as you left the house. no silly remarks or shared glances for the first time in ten years. tom couldn’t muster anything up, and you felt numb.

the drive was painful. you’d said your goodbyes after tom pulled up to the curb, which held an odd weight to them. once you were out of the car, a sob wracked through him, banging on the steering wheel and not giving a shit about the loud horn going off. you collapsed face first onto your bed. hours passed by while you stared at nothing and contemplated everything.

since it happened, you haven’t spoken much. small talk over text every few days or so, both of you pretending things are normal for the other’s sake. about a month later, today, is when you found out you’re pregnant.

there’s no use wallowing in any of this. you need to figure out your next move, one that should probably involve tom. first, you want to talk to someone else. you want other opinions and a voice in your head that isn’t your own. harrison gets a text from you saying to come over now, the now in all caps. he does.

you let him in after the second knock, his eyebrows furrowing in concern. however torn you are, you must look it. shirt balled in your fists, lip quivering. he keeps his eyes on yours as he steps inside, pushing the door shut behind him. this is all becoming too real. “y/n, are you okay?”

you’re about to cry in three, two...

“haz, i fucked up,” you choke out, tears unable to stay at bay. he takes you into his arms for a hug. half your face is hidden in his shoulder, hands clutching at his back. he lets you cry it out, holding you until your heavy breathing steadies. “what’s happened?” harrison asks quietly, both of you leaving the hug.

“if- if i tell you, you can’t freak out. you can’t tell anyone else, either,” you instruct, searching his eyes for certainty that he won’t under any circumstances. “i won’t, y/n/n,” he assures you and puts an encouraging hand on your arm. your heart pounding abnormally fast, you spit it out. your first time saying it aloud. “i’m pregnant.”

harrison flinches and doesn’t even try to conceal it. he takes his hand off of you, worry swimming across his features. he blinks at you, unsure of what to say. you’d react the same way, maybe worse, so you don’t blame him. a discussion you, him, and tom had a couple years back replays in his mind.

the three of you were talking about your futures, seeing as you were close to living them. when tom asked you two where you stood on having your own families, you didn’t hesitate to answer. “nope, the factory is closed for a long ass time.” until you were in your thirties, you aimed to focus on yourself. harrison distinctly remembered because of how you phrased it.

“you’re... you... wow,” is all he replies with. you head over to the couch, more tears welling up in your eyes. do the pregnancy hormones act up this early? harrison follows you over and sits down next to you with an awkward clearing of his throat. “do you want to be pregnant?” he has to ask because he’s not sure if he should congratulate you or what.

“i don’t know,” you answer honestly, voice airy. your eyes are fixed on the wall in front of you. you haven’t given yourself time to think about it. there are so many reasons you don’t, and a single one you do. “do you, um, know who the dad is?” harrison glances over at you. “yeah.” your voice cracks. you’re both afraid for him to ask what he does next.

he shifts so he’s sitting up. “can i know?” a sniffle passing through you, you finally look at him. “it’s tom,” you say it before you lose the nerve to. harrison’s face doesn’t change this time. he isn’t surprised you and tom went there. he’d seen your friendship growing into more the older you all got. what he can’t believe is where it took you.

his best friend pregnant, and his other best friend responsible for it.

“when did you...” “at your party,” you explain, bringing your legs up so they’re criss cross on the couch. “i thought you were gone a little too long.” he says that to try cheering you up. you appreciate the effort, but it doesn’t work. you’re not in a joking mood. he’ll stick to the main issue. “so, have you told him?”

“clearly not,” you scoff, not at him but at what you two have gotten yourselves into. “y/n... i think you should tell him,” harrison sighs out, then adds, “whether you keep it or not.” “why? that would ruin everything, it already has.” you’re getting angry now, which plunges you into angry crying, voice unsteady as you go on.

“the last time i saw tom was that night, and i guess it meant more to me than it did to him because we haven’t talked about it at all. he didn’t want to.” you swipe the back of your hand across your eyes, gaze stern compared to harrison’s soft one.

he drapes an arm around your shoulders, you curling into him with another sniffle. he doesn’t say anything for a minute, then he tries again. “i know you, y/n, and i know tom. you’ll kill yourselves not talking about this.” he’s right, no shit he is. avoiding telling tom how you feel, and your pregnancy on top of that, it’s eating you up inside. it’s swallowing you whole.

“what if he doesn’t want to be a dad? or- or i’m a shit mum?” you croak out, your doubts getting the best of you. “i can barely take care of myself. what am i supposed to do with a baby?” you’re leaning forward with your hands pressing into your temples. harrison’s hand moves to your upper back. “i- i don’t think i should have them. i... we can’t,” you conclude.

“tom loves kids,” he gives you a gentle reminder. “why would his own be the exception?” another good point, yet you still have rebuttles. “right, he’s a godfather and he’s really good with them and all that, but i’m not the right person, and it’s a terrible time,” you tell him all at once, in a rush to get your words out before harrison’s sway you.

“he’s never around, i’m doing my own stuff. we’re not meant for this.” you lift your head out of your hands and sit back on the couch. harrison returns his hands to his lap. he’s frowning at you, which you see from the corner of your eye. “i’m not going to force you to have the baby. just saying you have options.”

yeah, really shitty ones.

“either way, talk to tom.” harrison says this more like a demand so you’ll take his advice into actual consideration. “at least about the hookup.” your teeth sink into your lower lip, eyes watering for the nth time already.

you have no choice because he’s right again. you’ll never move on from what happened unless you and tom address it.

the next morning, you do what harrison told you to and invite tom over. he replied saying he was on his way maybe a minute later. he’s nervous to see you because yeah, but more so looking forward since it’s been so long. you’re so nauseous you barely have room for nerves. it’s morning sickness with a hint anxiety.

it feels almost normal when he first gets here, no how’ve you been and what are you up to these days? being as close as you and tom are, you’re not capable of such a dry conversation. personally, you still feel uneasy while he recounts a golfing incident him and harry got into the other day. you know something he doesn’t.

“when i tell you we flew, we flew,” tom makes a pushing forward motion with both hands. “right into the tree. i think harry, like, dented part of his face.” he lets out a breathy laugh, you forcing out one of your own. you’d be more interested without the fact that you’re expecting a child, his child, at the back of your mind.

tom exhales, shifting to face you on your couch. it’s funny how different things were when you and harrison sat in these same spots yesterday. so much has and is about to change.

“they had to send another golf cart to come get us. it was wild.” “it sounds wild,” you hollowly agree. he can tell you’re not too invested in hearing about harry’s terrible driving skills, so he changes the subject. “anyway, harrison told me he came over last night?” your stomach drops, heat coming over your whole body.

“did... did he say why?” you murmur with a look of urgency in your eyes. tom shrugs a shoulder, and casually. there’s no way he knows. “no, was he supposed to?” his tone stays playful, which you can thankfully tell. that puts you more at ease. “no. no, never mind. i would’ve asked you to come, but...” you’re searching through your catalog of excuses.

thank god tom says something else because you can’t find a good one. “it’s alright. i actually, um, had a work call.” a small smile spreads across his face, a proud one. intrigued, you raise both eyebrows. “what’d you talk about?” tom twiddles with his fingers in his lap. “i’ve been offered an audition for this really amazing film. everything works out, it’ll be huge for me.”

you’re smiling back this time, putting a hand over one of his. “woah, that’s incredible. i’m so happy for you, tom.” you lock your fingers with his from the back of his hand. he looks down at them, humbly shaking his head. “when is it?” “a few weeks from today. it films in brazil...”

oh. you can’t tell him now. it’s not worth him missing out on a milestone in his career for a baby you’re not sure you should have. that would be so unfair of you to ask. what are you going to do, not support his dreams for the first time in a literal decade? and, you’d call yourself his best friend through it all?

you guess this also means the way you feel about tom is one sided. he’s okay with leaving you after the most intimate moment you two have ever shared. you’ll dance around it the rest of your lives. better yet, act like the night never even happened. that’s not so easy to do when you’ve got a permanent reminder of it.

the thought makes you sick to your stomach. so sick, you could...

while tom is talking more about what the audition entails, you suddenly bolt up from the couch. you run for the bathroom, a hand cupped over your mouth. his face twists up in confusion from your disappearance. tom calls, “y/n/n?” out to you, but you can’t respond because your head is in the toilet. he rushes in when he hears you retching.

he gets onto the floor with you. you’re bent over, puking your guts out, back in another place where your life changed forever less than twenty four hours ago. tom pulls your hair out of your face and into a makeshift ponytail with one hand, his other on your back. that’s all you have in you. you stay over the toilet just to be sure.

saliva drips from your mouth, making you cough roughly, the sound echoing. tom moves so he’s next to you, keeping his hand in your hair and not caring one bit about the smell because he loves you and he’s utterly concerned about what he witnessed.

“love, are you sick?” he coos, searching for your eyes. they water from the intensity of everything. “morning sickness,” you answer without thinking first. shit. shit, shit, shit. it came out of you like more vomit, word vomit. there’s no going back now.

tom lets go of your hair with his eyes still on yours. his hand on your back then leaves you, fingers trailing down your body as they go. “morning sickness,” he repeats, putting it together. “you’re pregnant?” guilt taking over your features, you sit across from tom. you’re once again leaning against the bathtub, him against the counter.

“this isn’t how i wanted you to find out,” you admit and bring your knees up to your chest. “i took a test yesterday. it was positive.” your arms wrap around your legs, you now tearing up because tom figured it out. a shaky breath passes his lips. “i haven’t gone to my doctor or anything yet, but i-“

“are you keeping the baby?” tom cuts in. not to judge you for your choice, to find out what the fuck is going on before he travels across the world. you tighten your arms around yourself, grabbing your wrist. “i haven’t decided.” he gives you an understanding nod and reaches out for you. you dodge him. he might not want to do that after what you say next.

“tom, i... there’s more,” you whimper out. “yeah. i’m... i’m listening,” tom croaks, unable to hold in his infinite amount of emotions for a multitude of reasons. he’s losing you a second time. more tears spill from your eyes as you break the news, the news that will destroy what he’s been working towards his entire life.

“the baby is yours.” his face relaxes, looking almost relieved when you confess it. “when we slept together, uh,” you’re sure it’s obvious enough that you don’t have to go over the details. he’s tearing up himself. you reluctantly continue. “if you still want to audition, i get it. we don’t have to do this.”

“fuck the audition. fuck the whole movie. all of my movies, really,” tom surprises you by blurting out. he moves in until your legs are touching. “i’m staying. even if you don’t have the baby, i have to be here.” you watch in disbelief as he wipes away what are actually happy tears. “really? i was scared you’d resent me for it, or hate me even,” you mumble to him.

“y/n, what? why would i ever do that?” tom places a hand on your cheek, touch gentle and filled with love. you part your legs so he can be closer to you. he takes the space between them, thumb brushing over your skin. “i didn’t think you’d want to deal with all of this. i thought that night was only a hookup for you.” your voice wobbles under his gaze.

“no, are you kidding? i thought that’s what you thought.” he’s smiling now, eyes twinkling along with it. what he’s been meaning to tell you since you were only kids finally comes out. “i’ve loved you as long as i’ve known you, y/n. i always imagined myself doing this with you.” his words draw a quiet laugh from you, a happy one. “i know we were drunk, but i meant it all.”

the sincerity in his voice, the warmth in his eyes, they make you cry all over again. you’re getting used to it.

“i love you, tom,” you lean into him with a sniffle and a grin, his forehead now resting on yours, using his thumb to catch one of your tears. “i really do.” “i love you forever. i always have,” tom speaks lowly, breath fanning across your face. your hands grab at his shoulders. “so, you’ll stay? you’ll do this with me?” he reminds you of what he said before, this time a promise.

“forever.”

-

you ended up having the baby, and tom held your hand through the entire labor. nikki was holding his other hand, your mom holding your other hand. harrison had originally been in the room as well. when you started to push, he got freaked out and had to leave. your support system remained strong either way.

despite his repulsion of your daughter’s birth, you and tom decided to make harrison her godfather. he eventually became the godfather of your other two children also, which you had a few years later.

tom took a paternity leave from the industry so he could be with you and jamie. he’d also used his time off to propose to you, something else he fantasized about since year eleven in school. it wasn’t anything too grand because the whole world was already buzzing about you two, and a big gesture felt too impersonal with everything you’d been through together.

he did it in the form of passing a note, something you often did in class to avoid being scolded by your teacher for talking. the note came with a pencil to check off either the yes or no box, “will you marry me?” written above them. anyone else would have found it so unromantic, but you giggled as you checked off yes before your lips crashed into his smiling ones.

you were married shortly after the proposal, jamie as your flower girl and all your friends and family in attendance.

to do what he loved and stay with the people he loved, tom created his own version of hollywood in london. he took it upon himself to assemble a team and make a production company. harry behind the camera, harrison and tuwaine in the films, and tom either starring alongside them or directing. they give so many young actors tons of opportunities.

you eventually went back to work, too. it was like you’d never left, coworkers offering endless hugs and going over what you missed, not that you struggled getting into it. tom was there to celebrate every promotion, every compliment from your boss, every part of your life. jamie was also there, then liam and lucy.

all three of them are running around the house right now, putting on shoes and collecting their supplies for school. you take a sip of the orange juice liam didn’t finish with a lighthearted eye roll. tom chuckles as he passes you in the kitchen, getting the kids’ lunchboxes for them to minimize the chaos.

“you have that pitch meeting today, right?” he slips his hands through the lunchbox handles and walks over to you. “mhm,” you hum, mouth full with juice. his lips press to your temple, giving your waist a one handed squeeze. “you’ll smash it. always do.” “thanks, tommy.” putting down the cup, you reach up to button whatever parts of his shirt he didn’t have time to.

“aren’t you doing a casting? for the new script they sent?” you wonder aloud and smooth down the cotton material. “me and harry. should be interesting,” he remarks, you giving him a quick kiss back on his chin. they tend to have their artistic differences. “good luck with that. you do drop off, i’ll do pick up?” you pat one of the lunchboxes around his arms.

“deal.” tom goes in for a kiss on your lips, then a chorus of dad, we have to go led by jamie rings through the house. with a knowing smile, you push at his chest. “see you later. love you.” “love you, holland,” he bites back a grin of his own. his last name, now yours, suits you perfectly.

[awanderingdeal]

Hi! I hope you're doing well. I would love to read a fluffy sort of companion piece to the unfair race, where perhaps Finn feels the itch to keep running and working out endlessly after practice but then stops himself and does something healthier instead with his boys, and they're proud of him. If you want to, of course

Hi Anon! Thanks for the request. I'm not 100% happy with this one, but here goes!

You can read 'An Unfair Race' here and it's other companion piece 'Endless Nights' here

Rating: T

CW: insinuations of poor mental health, an implied sexual joke and food.

Let me know if you feel I need to change the rating or missed any content warnings!

All credit for these characters and the sweater weather universe goes to @lumosinlove

Finn tugged his sneakers on, pulling the laces a little too tight at first, then flexing his foot to let the material push out to something more comfortable. Even as he shrugged on his windbreaker, a bright shiny thing he thought made him look like he belonged in a cutlery draw, Finn knew he was too wired for this run.

He'd never really settled down from his session with Heather this afternoon, a fate partially of his own doing. Finn knew better than the schedule social events straight afterwards, needing time to process the half explored ideas which would fester into angry beasts if he tried to ignore them. Still, he was human; what he knew was good for him, and what he actually did, were not always one and the same. An afternoon with Olli had been too appealing: shopping, cocktails, darts, and conversation dripping in sarcasm. Now, standing here at 10.30pm with his head full of too many thoughts, Finn was resentful of his earlier self.

Leaning over the bed to grab his phone, he caught his reflection in the mirror. The jacket was not something he ever would have brought himself, a present from his mom during his first year of Harvard. 'So I know you're safe in the dark' the note that came with the parcel had read. It was old and tattered, but Finn couldn't bring himself to part ways with it. The small declaration of love never failed to make him smile.

He'd reached for the phone to set an alarm, the tinny sound his reminder to return home before he pushed too far. He paused, looking at his background, a pilfered Snapchat of Leo and Logan with their arms slung around one another's shoulders. Leo's head was tipped back in a hearty laugh whilst Logan's smirked. His boys. His boys who were right there in this apartment.

Finn gave a long breath, stripped the phone pouch from his arm and changed into a warmer pair of pants than his running leggings. The windbreaker stayed. He found Leo first, sat on the couch with his legs crossed beneath him. He was yelling into his headset, accent dripping heavily through his words as he jabbed repeatedly at the controller. Finn faltered in the doorway, not wanting to disturb Leo's fun with his cousins

Leo turned anyway, setting a bright smile on Finn. "Hey fishcake, heading out?" He looked at Finn properly then, his smile mellowing into something more concerned. Lifting a hand to mute his microphone, he titled his head slightly. "What's the matter?"

"I was just going to see if you wanted to come for a walk with me," Finn said, hoping the reply didn't sound as desperate to Leo's ears as it had his own. "Don't worry though, you're busy. I'll check in with Lo."

"He's decorating cakes for Katie. We can ask if he wants to come with us though, it's nothing that can't wait. Give me one second." Before Finn could protest, Leo had switched his microphone back on and informed his cousins he needed to leave - just like that - which even Finn knew was not the done thing.

"Logan's baking?"

"I baked," Leo laughed lightly, hopping over the back of the couch. "Logan's decorating. I tried to offer help, but he insisted on doing them himself."

The cupcakes themselves were not bad at all. The kitchen, however, was a disaster. Logan stood amongst a chaos of icing, dyes and cake toppers, his forehead scrunched adorably into a frown as his fingers worked with a surprising gentle dexterity.

"I'm taking Finn for a walk," Leo proclaimed, dodging the soft punch Finn attempted to land on his shoulder. "Do you want to come, Lolo?"

"Ouais, but..." Logan spread his hands, gesturing to the counter in front of him.

"You can put the buttercream in the fridge, the rest'll wait until we're back."

Logan looked down at the cakes, then back up at his Finn. "If you're sure," he hummed, already twisting a closure around the bag of buttercream.

"They'll be fine, I promise," Leo reassured, offering and hand for Logan to take and tangling their fingers together. "They'll be perfect for her."

"You have something..." Finn chuckled, dragging a finger through a patch of pink buttercream on Logan's cheek and popped his finger into his mouth. "...everywhere." Finn tugged at the grey t-shirt speckled in edible glitter. "Go and wash up, we'll wait."

Logan fixed his eyes on Finn, a tension held between them, before he turned to head down the hallway. Leo propped his chin on Finn's head, the two of them swaying slightly to their own private rhythm.

"I-" Finn startled slightly. He hadn't heard Logan's approach. He lifted his head from Leo's chest, waiting patiently for Logan to finish his sentence. "- feel like I'm missing something."

"You're not missing anything, Lo. Running just didn't feel like it'd be fun today."

Logan pursed his lips, eyes inspecting Finn again. "Okay," he finally conceded, stepping into place beside Finn.

***

"Oh!" Logan pointed enthusiastically at the building they had just past. It had been empty for a long time, but recently the 'For Sale' sign had been taken down and the three of them had taken to a new game of guessing what the new business would be.

"A shoe shop, but you don't get to pick. The owner decides what the perfect pair of shoes for you is," Finn mused.

"The dream," Leo laughed. "Do you know how much of a struggle it is to get shoes for these feet."

"I'm a big fan of those feet," Finn waggled his eyebrows.

"Wh-"

"I actually know what it is, " Logan interrupted. "The lady was coming out of there when I was getting coffee yesterday, so I asked."

"That's cheating, Logan," Finn deadpanned, keeping his tone as serious as he could manage.

"Fine, I won't tell you then."

Finn lasted approximately three seconds before he groaned. "Tell me! Tell me!"

"I'm not sure, it was cheating, non?"

"It's a fabric and crafts store," Leo said casually, although he increased his pace to put a few steps between himself and Logan.

Logan halted, his face contorting comically into a bemused expression. "Leo!"

"Quoi?" Leo teased. "You two were having fun, I didn't want to ruin it. I bumped into them unloading a delivery a few weeks back."

"Excuse me, was nobody going to tell me?"

"I was just about to," Logan pointed out.

"Perhaps you should finish your 10,000 other projects first before you buy more yarn?" Leo raised an eyebrow. "I'm still waiting on my sweater."

"I'm feeling very judged right now, and besides I finished Lo's," Finn defended. "Yours is too big."

"Hey!" The protest came at him from both directions and Finn laughed.

***

"Thank you for coming with me." Finn pressed a kiss first to Leo's lips and then Logan's. "I know you were both busy."

Leo tugged him back, knocking their foreheads together lightly. "Thank you for asking us."

"Ouias," Logan breathed, joining their hug. "I know it's not always easy."

"You two make it easier," Finn smiled softly. "Alright, alright, I'm going to get a shower before I start crying.

Almost two hours later, Finn flopped onto the couch, his wrist throbbing slightly from the long entry he'd poured into his journal. Still, he felt lighter now and his normal wind-down routine had left him relaxed. Logan joined him, folding himself into Finn's lap, all remnants of his decorating having been scrubbed away in his own shower.

"Where's Knutty?" Finn hummed.

"He was doing a zoom yoga session with Natalie," Logan answered, tapping at his phone. "I think they're just gossiping now though, so I guess he won't be long?"

"Can we watch Lady and the Tramp tonight?"

Logan gave a long suffering sigh. "Okay."

"Le! We're watching Lady and the Tramp!" Finn yelled, snuggling Logan against him as he pulled up the movie onto the TV screen and paused it to wait for Leo. "Show me your cakes then, I know you took 10,000 photos," he nudged Logan lightly.

[sluttynaughtyjock]

SLUTTY NAUGHTY JOCK - Halloween

Hey guys! Here is a very delayed Halloween themed chapter. I tried to do something a little diferent in this one, so I hope you like it. Enjoy!

***

This year’s Halloween was coming and for the first time ever I’d be hitting the bombshell party my big brother Jason’s fraternity threw annually. Jason had always filled me with stories about it being the biggest social event of the year at his university but had never actually let me tag along with him, saying I had to be 18 to go, being the kind, goofy and protective big brother he was. I checked hungrily on his Instagram and Facebook for photos of frat hunks wearing the skimpiest and sexiest costumes, and have been lusting for my big bro’s frat brothers for a while now. They looked exactly like him, big, muscular and handsome boys with not much else in their heads other than sports, parties and sex, so I knew I’d have a field day if I ever got the chance to manipulate any of those clueless straight jocks. They were young, dumb, and full of cum, so when Jason let me know that he would take me to the party in two weeks time if I wanted to, I jumped at the chance.

I thought it was kinda cute that my big bro was so overprotective and innocent to think that I needed to be 18 to go to his frat party, thinking I still was the naive, good little bro he always saw me as, someone who shouldn’t be anywhere near the kind of debauchery that went on during frat parties. Little did my big bro know that I was used to going to forbidden high school parties overloading with booze, sex and drugs, and that at this point I had already seduced and manipulated my fair share of straight, hot jocks into fucking my brains out. But as it always is with my big bro, I saw the coming Halloween party as another great opportunity to manipulate Jason further into doing what he was getting really good at: nailing my jock ass.

I had already bought a fantastic Peter Pan costume, one that was relatively tame but also just a little bit slutty, so I could get away with showing my sexy body but still look innocent. What I did was lose the classic green trousers Peter Pan wears so I only had the vest, held tightly at my waist with a belt and ending a little bit over my mid-thighs. I would only wear a white jockstrap underneath it, and in that way my little “skirt” would ride up my thighs and show off my plump ass anytime I moved brusquely or raised my hands high over my head. The idea was that any ass shown this way would look absolutely accidental as if I didn’t have any clue I had my whole bum out around a bunch of horny frat boys. I was incredibly excited at my prospects and just couldn’t wait to see what the night festivities might bring.

Jason, on the other hand, looked absolutely confused and desperate about selecting a costume, as if the number of possibilities had scrambled his dumb jock brain and made it impossible for him to decide. It was the week before the party and he still hadn’t made a decision, and I frequently found him walking around in circles in our house, biting his nails and frowning like he was contemplating the origins of the universe. I had just come back from school one day to find my handsome big bro in that situation, looking delicious in only white Calvins that did nothing to hide his monster bulge.

“What’s wrong, stud?” I said to him as I put both hands on his muscular pecs, comforting him.

“Pauly, I just can’t seem to find a good costume, bro. Every time I find one I think I like, some new ad pops up on my socials and I get crazy thinking about it, thinking this one is it. I just don’t want to go to the party this year in some random, boring costume, you know? The guys at the frat look up to me. I have to kill it this year!” He was exasperated.

“Bro, don’t worry about this. You’re so good looking you’ll be fine even if you went to the party as a garbage can. You’re not one to lose sleep over something this simple” at this point I had lost all control and was already giving little kisses all over my bro’s pecs and collarbones, mapping his tanned, perfect skin with my lips. I moved a little lower and took one of his big brown nipples into my mouth, and munched at it like I was starving.

“You only say that because you already have your costume, bro... oh, fuck” he said as I bit lightly on his nipple and moved on to the other, trailing his pecs with kisses as I went along. My right hand slid slower on his body until I found his hard dick. It got so big it had escaped the leg of his Calvin’s, and it throbbed in my hand as I squeezed it.

“Oh yeah, I don’t think I showed you my costume, did I? Come on bro, let’s go up to my room so I can put it on for you” I said sultrily, like I was going to put on lingerie for him.

“Sure, Pauly, sounds fun” he smiled sweetly at me.

I quickly stripped as we went inside my room, going on all fours once I got naked so I could get the beige box underneath the bed where my costume was neatly folded, clothes, shoes, hat and all. I obviously chose this opportunity to spread my legs as wide as I could so my ample booty would be all exposed to my big bro, smooth, round and muscular, but still with a sexy jiggle. I knew my big bro’s eyes were glued to my ass crack and tiny, pink pucker, which I made sure was winking at him. I heard him gulp behind me, the sight of my most intimate place awakening the ass-hungry sexual beast inside my hunk of a brother.

I shook my ass at him one more time before coming up and opening the box, and then I asked him to turn around so I could put on the costume, saying he should only see it when I was done. He politely obeyed me as he did with anything else I told him to do; such a good jock boy. If a stranger observed our relationship it would surely think I was the big brother and he was the younger one. That power dynamic never failed to give me a thrill so high that made me yearn for getting fucked even more.

When I was finished, I told him to turn around, and when he saw me, his eyes almost popped out of his head with admiration, as I now embodied Peter Pan right in front of him. A sexier, twink version of Peter Pan, I’m sure, but that was the look I was going for. I bet I wouldn’t look out of place on the set of a gay porn parody of the movie.

He hugged me excitedly and beamed at me for my cleverness, like a young child, smashing his still hard cock against me at all times, and I feigned modesty as he went around me to check every detail of the costume. I felt his huge, steel hard cock hitting my thighs and ass a few times as he walked, and I almost moaned at the feeling.

“Bro, remember you told me about the talent show that happens every year during the Halloween party? The one where anyone can present their costume and role play their character to win the frat’s “Best Costume” award?” I turned down the volume of my voice as to look vulnerable, an act that I had already perfected now with my dumb big bro and gullible father whenever I wanted anything from them. They never resisted it.

“Sure bro, what about it? Are you thinking of competing this year?”

“Well, you know, this is my first frat party, and I want it to be memorable. Doesn’t hurt to try, yeah? So maybe you could... hum, maybe you could role play it a little with me? Be the Captain Hook to my Peter Pan?

He was immediately amused with the idea, grinning from ear to ear:

“Of course I can, big bro! I’ll be the fearsome, loathsome Captain Hook, greatest pirate of Neverland! Ready to destroy my biggest foe, the insufferable Peter Pan and his sorry band of lost boys!” He came into character immediately.

“Hush now bro, there’s a secret I need to tell you before we start!” I whispered to him, again putting my hands on his chest and moving my head towards his ears.

“What is it, Pauly?”

“We need to role play like the real Captain Hook and the real Peter Pan, big bro, not like the one in the children’s stories! The actual story is way darker and terrible!”

“What do you mean by that?”

“Well Jason, the truth is that the actual reason Captain Hook hates Peter Pan is not because he is always foiling his plans, no, no! Hook has always had a crush on the mischievous boy but Peter Pan has used this to tease and provoke the older pirate, never putting out for him! And Peter is secretly a big slut who is always getting fucked on the side by the lost jock boys, who all have muscular bodies and big cocks, just like Peter like’s em!” I said all of this to him in such a serious tone one would think I was telling him the location of the lost ark.

“Are you fucking with me, Pauly?”

“No way, bro! It’s the truth! Listen, there’s a movie about it that shows everything I’m telling you. I’ll show you after. But all you need to know is that Peter Pan is a big fucking slut that loves to get fucked and Captain Hook is desperate to sink his cock into him, but the flying boy is always evading him!”

“But, bro, how come? I thought this was a children’s story!”

“It is bro, but that is the toned down version of the story. There’s a real version of the events shown in a movie that you can watch on the “Cockslutbois” site online, and you know this site is pretty reliable! I was amazed when I saw it too. It was really... hum, how can I say it, interesting. So, what do you say? Ready to play?”

“I think so, little bro... so, I’m Captain Hook and my goal is to... hum, like, to fuck you?”

“Yes, bro! Exactly. Hook is burning with lust for Peter Pan’s ass and he knows the twink is eager for him, too, but Peter Pan is just too sassy to stop teasing Captain Hook and having a laugh at his expense. He likes to play games, you see? He made a bet with Hook that, if the pirate could get his hands on him, he could do whatever he wanted with Peter. So your job as Captain Hook is to try to catch me and fuck me like you always wanted to, and my job is to get away from you, understand?”

“Yeah, bro, this all sounds like a little too much for me to understand, but I think I can do that!” He said, still looking confused.

“And remember: Peter Pan is a slut who loves cock and getting fucked, okay? Repeat it for me Jason, show me you got it!”

“Peter Pan is a fucking slut who loves big cocks and getting fucked hard in the ass” he said, proving to me again why I loved him so fucking much.

“Alright bro, let’s do this! Count to ten and then come look for me around the house!” I said excitedly.

“Ok, little bro! 1, 2,3...” I heard him as I fled down the stairs.

I ran quickly around the house looking for a place to hide, knowing how good Jason was at anything that was as physical as a good hide and seek game, but decided to not do a very good job at it since I wanted him to catch me and wreck me soon. I quickly hid behind the drapes of the huge glass windows facing the pool, and waited until I saw my big bro’s steps coming closer.

“You can’t hide from me, slut! Today is the day I, the fearsome Captain Hook, will finally conquer Peter Pan’s ass!” I heard Jason growl, his horned up tone making me shiver.

Wanting to get this ruse over with and get my hunky big bro on top of me, I waited until he entered the living room and jumped out of the curtains, taking a petulant and proud stance as I looked him over, naked and half-hard, his body sculpted like a statue. “You’re a fool if you think I’m a coward, Captain Hook! I bet no man in the merry band of assholes you call a crew can take as much cock as I can! Here I am, you brute!” I told him firmly, still role playing.

Just as I finished saying it, Jason put his football skills to use and tackled me to the ground, big, muscled body enveloping me completely, and he held both of my wrists against the floor as he looked down at me. His fat cock slapped my flat belly, leaving a trail of juicy pre-cum there. He was already so wet.

“You’re finally mine, Peter Pan! Did you think you could’ve eluded me forever? Always teasing me like the little whore you are, flying around with no pants and flashing your pink hole to me and my whole crew! You think I haven’t heard of the stories of you getting your brains fucked out everyday by your sorry group of lost jock boys? Shutting me out, as if you were too good to sit on my cock? Now we will see who will win this battle, slut!” He growled at me like a beast, eyes fixed on mine and filled with lust.

“I will never surrender to your big, thick cock, Captain Hook! No matter how many times you make me take it, how much cum you pump inside my tight little ass, I will never be yours! Fuck me as you wish, you big dicked oaf!” I shouted.

Those words must have turned something inside Jason’s brain, cause he turned into a man absolutely crazy with pent up lust and desire, the kind of hunger that would only be quenched by the hardest of fucks. He took me by my shoulders and quickly turned me around on all fours, his body immediately covering my own, his huge right arm circling my pecs and hand clenching my neck tightly.

I heard it before I felt it, Jason collecting as much spit as he could in his mouth before spitting directly on my tight, clenching hole, left arm spreading my legs as much as possible, exposing all of my jock strapped ass to him. “Such a fucking tiny hole, so fucking hot” I heard him say quietly, “Don’t know how a big slut like you can get fucked so much and still be so tight, you little whore” he said as he spread as much spit as he could on my hole, his long, strong fingers playing with my pink puck.

“A good slut never shares his secrets, Captain Hook-ah, AH!” I screamed just as Jason stretched me open on his huge, meaty cock, thrusting it inside me until I could feel his balls slapping my thighs and his pubes grazing my plump cheeks.

“Captain Hook, your cock is so big! It’s stretching me so good, oh fuck! You’re inside me, I can’t believe it! You’re... you’re finally fucking me, oh God!” I moaned, still determined to stay in character.

“This is the finest ass in all the seven seas, boy! I’ve never plunged my thick pirate spear in such a juicy booty. It’s tight and warm, holding all of me inside! Such a good fucking hole” Jason grunted, as he started banging his hips against my ass and fucking me the way we both liked it: fast and hard.

“You nasty, dirty pirate! You’re plundering my booty! No matter how hard you fuck me with this huge cock of yours, I will never surrender to your will, brute!”

“Are you sure about that, slut? Do your lost jock boys fuck you as good as I do, huh?” Jason punctuated each word with a hard shove of his big dick against my hole, fucking me full of his jock meat and reaching my prostate every time. He had fucked me so much ever since our relationship turned carnal that he knew automatically how to bring me as much pleasure as possible, the memory in his muscles still strong after railing me so frequently. I started shoving my ass back against his cock and slapping my ass against his crotch, feeling his hard stomach against my slicked back, the frequency of his thrusts increasing by the second. Soon enough, he was piston fucking me, and the loud clap of our bodies could be heard all over the house.

“You’ll never fuck me as good as my lost jock boys, ah, AH, AH, you dirty bastard! You have nothing on, on, ah oh, geez, so good, nothing on then! They are all muscular, big dicked boys I picked myself to satisfy my slutty needs, and no one fucks me as good as them!”

SLAP!

I whimpered as Jason brought his left hand down on my ass, so hard I knew the red mark of his fingers would linger for days.

“I guess I’ll have to keep fucking you then, you cock slut! I’ll fuck you so much and so hard you’ll never whore yourself around Neverland for cock again in your life! TAKE MY COCK!” He yelled madly, pushing my head down on the floor and going to town on my ass like a madman.

“Bastard! Ah, this feels so good Hook, you have such a meaty, big dick! I can’t believe you’re hitting my g-spot every time you shove it inside my hungry boy pussy, fuck! You’re such an ass fucker, aren’t you? Bet you never fucked a cunt as tight and juicy as this one, huh? Fucker, ah, AH!”

SLAP! SLAP! SLAP! SLAP!

Jason was fucking me so hard at this point that I almost felt like my hunky big bro was dismantling me, taking my whole body apart with his huge cock and putting me back together, hand still possessively holding my face against the ground, hammering me like a dog to a bitch. My eyes were rolling behind my head so much with how good it felt that I thought I would get to see my brain anytime.

“Tell me Hook, do you like this fucking pussy? Huh? Do you? Tiny, pink hole, all smooth and fluttering just for you, hungry for your big cock to just fill it all up with cum, squeezing your cock dry! You’re fucking me so well I might, AH, I shouldn’t say this, I might even cum! Fuck!” I moaned.

“Best fucking cunt ever, little bro. Loving fucking this slutty hole of yours. Gonna fucking empty my balls in your pussy, breed you with my cum!” Jason pushed his head against my face, saying it sultry over my ear. Then, he fucking bit my right shoulder just as he shoved his cock deep inside, and that was just too much for me. I felt my body trembling all over as I rocked with the electric feeling of an orgasm, and I started spurting my load all over the floor, knees sore and red from my position on all fours.

I immediately started to clench and squeeze Jason’s big dick with my hole, milking him, making him fulfill his promise of emptying his horse balls inside of me. I groaned when I felt the first jet of stud cum splurging out of his sensitive cock head, quickly followed by what felt like a full bottle of his baby batter inside my love canal. I could feel his tasty cum starting to drip out of my hole as he kept coming inside me, fighting to squeeze out of my hole, that was still clenched tight on his still hard cock.

After we came down from our high, Jason took me in his arms right there on the floor, taking my lean torso and placing my head on his perfect chest, and I sighed happily as I placed kisses and small licks on his right nipple. He let out little moans at that, holding me tighter every time I took his entire nub inside my mouth and flipped the tip of my tongue against it.

“So, what did you think, big bro? Is Captain Hook a good costume for you?” I asked him, now feeling up his abs.

“Well, Pauly, that was really fun, bro, I didn’t realize how horny I was... I guess I really needed that. But I still don’t know about the costume, isn’t it a little silly? I want something more badass, if you know what I mean”.

Suddenly the sparkle of an idea exploded in my skull, and I turned my head up to look inside Jason’s eyes. “In that case, I think I have the perfect costume for you, bro. But that means we’ll have to role play a little more so you can get used to it and really stand out during the Halloween party. Are you up for it?” I asked with a devilish grin spreading on my face.

“Hell yeah, bro! What do you have in mind?”

***

“Come on in”, I said calmly, trying to hold down my excitement and appear as professional as possible.

Jason entered our dad’s office, wearing skin tight jeans that showed off his deliciously big bulge and a white tank top that did nothing to hide his perfectly sculpted torso. He gulped as he looked at me sitting on our dad’s leather chair, a mahogany table in between us, and I held a blank notebook and a pen in my hands. I looked at him sharply and waited until he came closer to the desk, and I stood up to shake his hand.

“Good morning, Mr. Bottom. Thank you for agreeing to see me today” Jason said politely, and I just knew he had a slight fear of the polished version of me sitting right in front of him. He was really getting into this role playing thing.

“Good morning, Mr. Huges, please take a sit. I have plenty of desperate young men waiting in the room outside for an audition, so let’s get this started, shall we?” I told him sternly as I pointed to the chair in front of me.

He sat down slowly, trying to calculate his movements so as to not look clumsy, and once he was seated he immediately spread his legs wide, like the young stud he was, proudly giving me a privileged view of his meaty bulge. I salivated at the sight.

“So tell, me, Mr. Huges, what made you seek out this job?” I asked him, putting my pen down and fixing my gaze on his flawless face.

“Well, hum, you can call me Jason, sir. I ah, well, I just finished school and I’ve been looking for a job, and I was never one with a talent for academics, so I knew college wasn’t for me. You see, I’ve always been a sports guy, sir, and I just like to lift weights, play football, wrestle, that kind of stuff. I don’t think I ever read a book in my life… for pleasure, I mean. And the job market has been pretty shitty lately, oh, sorry sir, I mean, pretty bad, and I can’t find a job anywhere. I saw an ad for, huh, hum… this position when I was watching a video of your company online and jerkin… I mean, when I was having some alone time sir, so I just thought I maybe should check it out” he finished, blushing.

“Interesting. I don’t know if you’ve realized it, Jason, but the position we’re looking for you to fill is actually a little bit different than what you might be thinking about. I mean, when you say you were watching one of our company’s videos, I bet that was a straight video, wasn’t it? You are straight, isn’t that right, Jason?” I arched one of my brows at him.

“Oh yes sir, I’m straight, one hundred percent! I like pussy” he blurted out, a little too excitedly.

“Well, young man, if you end up working here, you’ll actually be dealing with a different kind of pussy, but let’s leave this out for later. So you’re saying you just graduated high school, isn’t going to college and is looking for a job, right? A way to make some easy, good money?”

“Exactly, sir. I just need a job, any job, really, the bills won’t pay themselves! And since I’m not going to college, I might as well just start working as soon as possible”.

“I see. I think we can work with that, Jason. You’re a diamond in the rough, boy, and there’s a particular niche we can fit you in here in our company that I think you’ll be perfect at: the dumb jock trope. We will market the hell out of your jock body and handsome face in that niche and soon enough you’ll be banking a lot of cash, young man. From all you’ve told me so far, that wouldn’t be too far out from the truth, would it, boy? You’re pretty much a dumb jock in real life too, aren’t you?”

“Well, there’s no need for me to deny it, sir, I’m not that bright, no, and I really do love sports. So I guess you could say I’m a dumb jock, hell, everyone I know have told me the exact same thing!” He chuckled, as if remembering an inside joke.

“Absolutely Jason, you’re a dumb, hot jock. I bet there are only two things you’re good for” I said, grinning.

“Oh, and what are those things, sir?”

“Sports and fucking, boy” I flat out said it.

“Oh!” He blushed. “Hum, yeah, you could say that, sir. I mean, that’s what made me check this job out, sir” he said, lowering his head down to his lap, where I saw his bulge was clearly growing.

“And what makes you think you’re the man for the job, Jason?” I asked him the million dollar question.

Without saying anything, my big bro just stood up from his chair and ripped his white tank top from his torso, shredding the small piece of fabric with both of his largehands, and such a display of masculine power was enough to make my cock as hard as a rock in the pants I was wearing. Jason’s ripped abs and muscular chest came into view gloriously, the stud slowly feeling himself up, brushing his hard, pointy nippes with his fingers.

Then, if that wasn’t enough to just make me crazy for him, I looked down to his crotch to see a huge tent on his old, washed out jeans, and it was clear from that point on that my hunky bro wasn’t wearing any underwear. Still not muttering a word, Jason fixed his gaze sutrily on me as he slowly opened up the button of his jeans and pushed down his zipper, and immediately his throbbing, huge cock jumped out of his confines and slapped hard against the wooden table in front of him, his cock head looking hungry and thirsty for a tight hole to squeeze into, drops of pre-cum wetting the table.

Jason took his enormous piece of jock meat in his right hand and started slapping the table with it, making a loud “thud” sound with each slap, as if to prove me the power of his manly, big cock, to show me just how hard he was. He looked at me expectantly, as if his little show was answer enough to my previous question. Of course it was.

“Well, well, Jason, aren’t you a hung, horny dumb jock, huh boy? That’s a fine piece of meat you have there. I must tell you, I see a lot of big young dicks all day from horned up jocks just like yourself, but your dick has a special quality about it, boy. It’s long, thick, meaty and perfectly proportionate! I bet that big dick will look really good on camera” I said, by now having stood up and walked around the table to meet Jason, not wasting any time before wrapping my hand around his juicy cock and starting to jerk him off in my hands.

“Do you like my cock, sir?” He panted, mouth slightly open and breath ragged, as he looked at me. Fuck, my big bro is so fucking handsome. I wanted to kiss the hell out of him right there, but I had to stay in character. “Do you think I can do a good job?”

“Fuck, son, of course I like this huge cock of yours. It 's perfect, boy. And, like I said, you are a diamond in the rough, so although you have an incredible physique and an actual porn star cock, I can’t put you in front of a camera without knowing if you have what it takes first, boy” I replied, now jerking his cock faster, wrapping my fingers around his thick jock dick, feeling him up all the way from the base to squeezing his large cock head, my hand wet with his cock juices.

“And what can I do to prove to you I have what it takes, sir?” He leaned forward towards me, fucking his dick against my hand.

“Well son, you have to prove to me that you can fuck”, and just as I finished saying it, Jason couldn’t resist anymore, so he just pushed my shoulders down so I was on my knees, and without any notice, shoved his entire fat shaft inside my hungry, slutty mouth.

“Here sir, please, have a taste of my big jock cock! Please take it all the way down your throath, suck me, blow me, let me fuck your mouth for you, sir, let me prove you I can fuck, let me prove I can fuck you good and be a good model for your company!” He said deliriously, as he shoved inch after inch of his large member all the way inside my mouth. I wrapped my lips closely around his shaft and put my tongue into action, licking as much of him as I could, as I grabbed his muscular ass cheeks with both hands and helped him fuck my mouth.

He put one of his hands on my hair and steered me down on his shaft, pushing my head down and shoving his cock up, effectively bobbing my head up and down on his dick, the sounds of expert cocksucking filling our dad’s office. I took my mouth out of his cock so I could lick all around his shaft and down to his balls, and as I slurped them inside with my rosy lips Jason started slapping his huge cock against my face, over and over again.

“What do you say, sir? Am I doing okay? Are you liking the way I fuck your mouth?” He asked hesitantly.

“Oh yeah son, just give more of your big cock, come on! You might be one the best studs that ever walked inside my office!” I replied, going back to slurping all of thr thick dick inside, swallowing it all the way down to his pubes.

“Fuck yeah sir, take my big cock! Take this dumb, huge jock cock all the way inside your faggot throat!” He yelled.

Loud gagging sounds could be heard inside the office as I licked and sucked and blew his cock, now shiny with spit, and now and again I took it out of my mouth to spit all over his cock head, making him even wetter, then going down on him again and patting on his tight to tell him it was time for him to fuck my mouth himself.

He did it like a champ, holding my face tightly with both hands and just slamming his huge dick inside my lips with such force I thought I might black out. I was so incredibly high with lust, love and adoration for my big bro that I actually feared I would pass out anytime now. He was just using me so well, so perfectly dirty and nasty, just the way I wanted. I took his dick out of my mouth and pushed my trousers down, exposing my smooth and plump bubble butt to my big bro, and then bent down on the office table, spreading my cheeks wide and flashing him my tiny little hole.

“It’s time for some real fucking, son. Time for you to fuck my slutty corporate ass hard, like I know a stud like you can do, and maybe you’ll leave this office today with a new job title: gay pornstar. Come on, son, put that big teen cock inside me! Fuck me hard!” I commanded.

Even as I begged for my big bro’s dick, the mere sight of my hungry cunt was too much for him, so he had to shove his whole face inside my ass crack first and fuck my hole with his tongue until I was dripping with his spit. He ate me out thoroughly, tongue spreading all over my hole, lips munching on my tiny puck. He kept licking all the way from my balls to the top of my asscrack, tongue stopping longer once reaching my little hole, stabbing at it just like his cock was bound to do later.

Then, with pure brute force, Jason took me by my hips and sat down on our daddy’s leather chair, pulling me over on his lap and spreading my legs, fat cockhead poiting straight at my tight hole, and started to shove me down all the way on his cock. I was pretty used to his cock so far, so he squeezed inside smoothly, until I was impaled fully on his huge jock meat, asscheeks resting on his thighs. He held me by my hips and started to bounce me on his cock, up and down, up and down.

“Come on sir, please use my straight, dumb jock cock for your pleasure, I’m all yours! I really want this job, sir, and I’m not afraid to fuck my way to get it. I can fuck you as many times and as hard as you like, don’t worry, I have a pretty good stamina! Just ride my big jock dick sir, ride it good! Fuck yeah, just like that!” As he said it, Jason lifted my big bubble butt up just to then push it down hard all the way on his cock, which he shoved up inside my hole just as my ass was coming down, getting into a fast rhythm with me moaning and bouncing on his lap, the sounds of our fucking dominating the room.

“You big, dumb, hung jock, you’re just as horny as I pegged you to be, aren’t you? I was right, so right, sports and fucking are the only things you’re good for, boy! Shit, you’re fucking me so good, come on, just keep nailing me and hammering me with your huge cock! I’m going to make you a fucking star, boy!” I moaned, high whimpers leaving my mouth with each hard pump of my big bro’s cock.

“You have such a tight little hole sir, I love fucking your ass! So hot! Ride my dick!” He said as he started pile driving his meaty cock all the way up inside my ass, slamming me so hard I thought I was going to fly out of the chair.

“Don’t worry boy, you’ll have a lot of time to practice with me after we finish your hire. There will be a lot of boy pussy for you to fuck here at our company once you start shooting, so I’ll have to keep teaching you a few tricks until you’re the best ass fucker inside the building!”

“Ah, ah, so tight, fuck sir, does this mean I get the job? You’re going to hire me?” He panted, fucking me harder than ever before.

“Fuck yeah you dumb stud, if you keep fucking me like this every day, you’re hired!” I screamed, reaching my limit and painting my bro’s abs with my cum.

“FUCK YEAH, thank you sir, you won’t be disappointed! I’ll fuck your ass whenever you want! Fuck, I’m cumming sir, cumming inside your hole, is too much, I can’t take it!” He screamed, resting his face against my shoulder as he dumped load after load of his sweet and thick stud cum inside of me.

Later, as I clicked “Stop” on the camera strategically placed on a tripod at the office, I turned around to my still panting big bro and said “Fuck, Jason, I think we really hit the nail with this idea, big bro, you were so great! Played your part perfectly. I think you’re going to be a huge hit at the Halloween party with your pornstar costume!” I grinned.

“Thanks, little bro! I’m so happy, man. You really are a genius. I never saw anyone dressed as a Pornstar for a Halloween party before, so I bet people will go crazy when they see me! But say, Pauly, what about my actual outfit?” He asked dumbly.

“Don’t be silly, big bro, pornstars don’t wear any clothes! That’s the whole reason this is such a genius costume! You will just take some Viagra beforehand so your big dick is hard the whole night, slip on a cock ring and go naked to the frat house! I’m sure you’ll be the life of the party!”

[my-writings-and-musings]

Firstly, I've just been dying to tell you I love your writting x3 it's absolutely fantastic! My favorite is the young liason ones. I think they're just the cutest! Would it be alright if I requested Fortress Maximus and Brainstorm for that? Please take all the time you need, and I hope you have an awesome day! You rock :D

Awww thanks a million!! I do strive to provide the cuteness, and I shall do so here! I'll also link the past Liaison posts for those who haven't read them yet!

Part One: Here!

Part Two: Here!

Part Three: Here!

Part Four: Here!

Part Five: You're Here!

(I've already done Fort Max in part four but I just couldn't help doing him again with a different setup.)

Fortress Maximus

·Stuck in his cell after his "incident", he's unaware of the liaison program when it initially begins, and is thus clueless of what goes on beyond his tiny space in the dark. Amongst the crew, the young humans quickly learn of the ship's considerable history in its short run, including the hostage situation that nearly cost them their beloved psychiatrist. The humans are shocked by the details, but none more so than the news the bot responsible is jailed up in the depths of the ship. All at once, they begin to question such a practice; wasn't this poor bot just acting out of pain? Hasn't his victim recovered and forgiven him? Being told that Fort Max is too dangerous to risk does nothing to dissuade them, and thanks to their youth, the gathered group soon hatches a plan to see something for themselves.

·As one might expect, Fort Max is beyond surprised when he's awoken at night by a number of very tiny visitors to his cell, and is shocked to see that they're all human! Autobot training kicking in, he's immediately concerned for their safety and gets on his knees to encourage them to leave. Lots of these prisoners are dangerous! To top off his shock, the humans say they're not lost and are there for him. They explain the new program with the Lost Light, how they heard his story, and how they're all here now to see him. For an instant Fort Max is speechless, because these tiny humans have just done more for him than the entire Autobot cause ever did. It takes more willpower than he cares to admit not to let his voice crack.

·Despite all of his assurance to the liaisons that what he did was wrong, and that he deserves to face punishment, they hear none of it. Even urging them to leave and stay on the safe parts of the ship go unheeded. They've decided that they like him and don't want him to be lonely. It's incredibly selfish, but he can't bring himself to deny the comfort their company brings him. Every night, with stealth granted by their tiny size, they visit him for as long as they can. Some bring games and entertainment from earth to share with him, and in time he gives up trying to convince them to stop, finding each one of them to be a treasure he just can't give up.

·It's mostly by bad luck they're eventually caught. Ultra Magnus just so happened to be conducting a late night inspection when he came across all the liaisons gathered about the supposedly deadly Fortress Maximus in what appeared to be a slumber party. The former Enforcer had immediately called for back up and demanded the children be released, not backing down when they all made the baffling move to clamor between the cell bars and shield the gigantic Autobot with their tiny frames. No amount of explaining the big bots potential danger could make them leave. Eventually Rung himself had to be summoned to mediate, and at the sight of Fort Max so carefully cradling his friends and begging that any punishment only come to him so they would be spared... The psychiatrist happily declared there was no need for such caution.

·Put on the spot, Ultra Magnus had decided to allow a partial commutation of the bots sentence. Though he's under watch and isn't permitted to have weapons, he's allowed to have his own room and far greater range of the ship, but under supervision. The liaisons accept only after Max does. In no time they're helping him settle into his room, bringing him housewarming gifts, and coming over as often as possible to visit. It almost doesn't feel real to the poor bot. In an almost comical turn of events he's been freed and has gone from loneliness to being surrounded by tiny, loving friends. Even Rung visits from time to time, joining in on the fun and making it clear he holds no ill will towards the big bot for anything that happened. As they all gather for another movie night together, it occurs to him that his painful past has never felt so far away, and for the first time in so long he feels ready for the future.

Brainstorm

·Ever the on the move genius, his curiosity had been piqued the instant he heard humans were going to be on the ship, as a new species is always a fascinating opportunity. He's not all dissapointed by the gaggle of bright eyed youngsters when he finally meets them. Their tour of the ship is quickly guided to his workshop, and in no time he's showing them all the fun ways he's breaking physics or on the cusp of doing so. Pretty soon the rest of the tour is delayed so they can see absolutely everything he's working on. Brainstorm finds their attitude of "science just because" to be monumentally refreshing in the wake of his occasionally stiff crewmembers. Why does he need a reason to experiment on certain things? Sometimes it's fun and invigorating to just invent something because you can!

·As he finds them incredibly motivating and they love helping however he can, he quickly gives each human permission to accompany him as his assistants. With their unique human perspective, he finds himself seeking out ideas that could benefit them directly, whether it's purely for their entertainment or for more practical purposes. Their need for "food" in particular offers a great deal of potential. He's not foolish about it, of course! These little guys are delicate! But if he can make delicious meals that can be stored easily and prepared instantly, why not? Humans need to eat multiple times every single day, why not make it easier and more fun! The hardest part proves to be getting them not to explode...

·The liaisons come to love the incredible energy he brings to every single experiment, and the feeling is mutual. Even if he doesn't understand the references to "Bill Nye" or other such things, he happily allows the humans to take selfies as he works. Spreading the word to their fellows on earth can only help their species catch up, after all. In time though, he starts to socialize with the group outside of his workshop, even bringing them to Swerve's with him to introduce them to all his friends. They stick to him the entire time even though their enthusiasm proves popular with every bot on the ship. Having often struggled to fit in, he finds the feeling of belongings refreshing in ways he never could have anticipated it might be. He'd protect each and every liaison with his life.

·It's quite unexpected when somebot brings up his... stunt, with the briefcase. He'd been so happy for once that his failures had simply... not registered. Thus, he's caught off guard when the humans start asking baffled questions. It's all he can do to mumble an excuse and leave, the confusion in their bright eyes burning into the core of his spark. So many instances of them looking up at him with respect and excitement now seem far more precious, because there's no way they'll ever want to be around him again. Now they know he isn't just the ship's eccentric scientist, and that at his most desperate he tore time and space apart... In hindsight, how could he have allowed himself to forget? He's dangerous, and the liaisons should have been kept distant to begin with... Humans are far too delicate to risk anything happening, and he never would have forgiven himself for allowing harm to come to them.

·Unbeknownst to Brainstorm, the entire group was far from aghast at his actions. If anything, they were heartbroken for his sake. To have been so desperate he'd happily tried to erase himself from existence, in part to save a bot he loved... They want at least to talk to him. Using skills he taught them, they hack past the gridlock on his workshop, and the scientist is shocked by their effort. Before he can say a word they're surrounding him and offering the most effusive of reasurances, particularly regarding how they never want to lose their beloved science bot, and he takes it upon himself to comfort the crying group with a promise he's not going anywhere. In an instant, something becomes incredibly clear to him; these little beings care about him. They don't want him to leave. Trying not to cry himself, he assures the group that he's long since learned his lesson. There's plenty of wonderful things in the present to stick around for.

[sugadaily]

SUGA has this way of talking passionately with a deadpan look on his face. Full of passion about his life and music. How is your shoulder? SUGA: Good. I think it’ll get even better once I take off this brace. Apparently, it takes several months for a full recovery, but I'm trying to get better as fast as possible. How does it feel like to have resolved a problem that has distressed you for long? SUGA: First of all, I'm glad. The pain is one thing, but when my shoulders got worse, I couldn't even raise my arms. But when I heard that this might recur when getting the surgery at a young age, I waited for the right time and had decided to get it done early next year regardless of the COVID-19 situation. I had planned to get the surgery after the year-end stages, but I got it done this year (2020) because my doctors advised me to start preparing early for next year’s promotions and activities. How does it feel like watching the other members doing promotions? SUGA: I can't say it feels great. I could see the emptiness because we've been together as a group of seven for so long. Not necessarily because I'm not there but because something that should be there is missing? Is that what made you join the promotion as much as possible? You shot lots of video footage in advance and you even appeared in the Mnet “2020 MAMA” through VR. SUGA: Fake SUGA (Laughs). There’s this 3D studio where we shot it. I shot, scanned, and acted there, but couldn't see the actual result at the studio. I thought a sense of displacement was unavoidable, and that was exactly the case. (Laughs) I acted normal because it would have been aired anyway even if I hadn’t had the surgery, but it seems a lot because it’s aired after the surgery. You must feel restricted not being able to go on stage. SUGA: The thing is, it's only been a month after I got surgery, but my absence on stage is so apparent. But my doctors keep telling me that I shouldn't be impatient and in fact, many athletes get a resurgery when they return to the field without proper rehabilitation. So I'm working on trying to care less. For the first two weeks after surgery, I felt so frustrated that I tried out new things. I even watched movies I didn't watch.

What movies did you watch? SUGA: I watched ‘Samjin Company English Class’ as it happened to be on IPTV, and now I have ‘Tenet’ on my list. ‘Parasite’ was the last movie I saw at a cinema. As the social distancing measures became stricter, I haven’t been going outside, except going to the hospital. I even eat at home. I'm also watching a lot of TV nowadays. Watching music shows like ‘Sing Again’, ‘Folk Us’, and ‘Show Me The Money 9’ made me think of what I should do in the upcoming days. Could you elaborate on that? SUGA: A lot of candidates on ‘Sing Again’ are very talented but hadn't had the opportunity, and on ‘Folk Us’, I noticed that many took their own guitars on stage. I started playing the guitar lately and I'm having this urge to broaden my scope of music. And since my interest in the music industry in the U.S. grew, I'm getting prepared, studying English and all. What fueled your interest? SUGA: In some ways it’s the most commercially developed market. You could lose the industry attention in a flash if it's not feasible. So in this system, you would try everything and that would be an efficient way. I want to do music for a long time, and to this end, I always want to learn more about the global music industry because I want to do music that’s loved not only in Korea, but also in the U.S., Japan and Europe. Speaking of which, it seems BE was influenced from music of the past rather than today's trends. SUGA: I especially like impromptu music. I love the songs that were made in one take instead of being recorded several times. In this era of crossover genres, the desire to do better in music is growing inside me. As the genres become more blended, the melody you use must be more important. Does starting to play the guitar affect your composing in any way? SUGA: I always liked using guitar sounds. And I have always liked the Eagles. If you play the guitar, it’s way easier to write songs because you can carry it along wherever you go, pluck on the strings to create melody lines. Keyboards are difficult to carry around. (Laughs) I usually work on my laptop but I had this thought that I definitely needed an instrument. It accelerates my work and improves my understanding of chords. It makes me think you could intuitively make melodies. SUGA: It’s easier to write a song because you can intuitively make a progression and try many different things. During my work on ‘Eight’, IU had recorded and sent me a song from her phone. At the time I couldn’t play the guitar, so we tried to make sure we’re working on the same page when keeping track of each other's progress. That made me feel the need to learn an instrument.

This is actually before you started playing the guitar, but I found ‘Telepathy’ in BE very interesting. The varying melodic progressions between hooks for each member made me wonder if you wrote the melody intuitively for each part. SUGA: I tried a melody for the first time this year (2020), and as I started knowing the fun of music, it opened a lot of new doors for me. So it was kind of easy working on it. I just played a beat and wrote from the beginning until the end. Done. I wrote it in just 30 minutes. The song almost wrote itself. The trends of pop and hip-hop these days cross boundaries between vocals and rap. I like this trend. When I listen to your singing, it feels like you’re hitting the beats rather than singing along the notes. So I thought perhaps you're singing as if you're rapping. SUGA: When you're rapping, you just think of the rhythm, so it’s like simply putting on a melody to a rhythm. To define which comes first, I think melody adds to it while writing the rap. In ‘Life Goes On’, the lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me, nothing’s changed’ are somewhere in between. It's not rap but it’d be mundane to say it's a mere melody. SUGA: There are obviously songs where the rap needs to be highlighted. For example, in ‘Dis-ease’ or ‘Ugh!’, you have to be good at rap. But in songs that should be easy to listen to, impressive raps are not always the way to go. Sometimes, you want smooth transitions without obstacles. In that sense, the rap flow of ‘Blue & Grey’ was impressive. Rather than a dramatic effect that emphasizes each part, you extended the rap just as much as the slowing beat. SUGA: To be honest, this beat is difficult to rap to. The beginning of the song only has a guitar line, which made it even more difficult. I participated when we wrote lyrics for ‘Blue & Grey’ and I've always wanted to work on a song like this. It was because verse 1 talks about the theme of the song.

It seems you achieved almost everything that you wanted in BE. SUGA: I think it took less than a week to make my part in the album. After having written one or two melodies for ‘Life Goes On’, I wrote a version complete with rap, and liked it that I even worked on a separate arrangement and lyrics. Rather than pondering over the ways that might work, I choose to simply play the music and write. Many creators are unsure even after they’ve produced good work. How do you get the conviction to release your work? SUGA: Many musicians are unsure whether they should release their music or not. It was the same for me, but the thing is, you’ll never release anything if you nitpick everything. For example, if we release 10 songs, we have a chance to unveil them in concerts or fan events. And sometimes, as we listen to the song, we think, ‘Why does this part that had bothered me no longer bother me?’ Some things might feel awkward at some point, but in time, it no longer feels awkward. Even I forget about it. So it's more efficient to fine tune, looking at the big picture, rather than thinking too much about the details. On top of that, during promotions, I don’t have the time to pick tracks that others have sent for 10 hours. It would be a success for all of us if each of us play and write a melody in their own time and collaborate with others on the details. So the way of songwriting has evolved in many aspects. What motivated such evolution? SUGA: I think it evolved naturally. I've changed in personality this year (2020), as well as in terms of my interpretation and attitude toward life to the extent that I almost thought I've been rehearsing. How would it feel like if there were no stage to go to or anyone looking out for me? This thought made me realize the value of these things. In ‘Dis-ease’, you sing ‘I don’t know if it’s the world that's sick’. Was it this lifestyle that changed your thoughts about your work? SUGA: Yes. When I was young, I had embraced the belief that ‘It must be my fault’, but as I got older, I realized that this is not always true. Most of what I had thought was my fault was in fact, not my fault. On the other hand, there are things that I did well and times I had been lucky. ‘I NEED U’ came out during a time when you were still thinking, “It must be me”. After the members put on a stage with ‘I NEED U’ in KBS' ‘Song Festival’, you wrote on Weverse, “It’s the same as five years ago.” How would you compare with back then? (This interview was held on December 19, 2020.) SUGA: We've matured quite a bit. And our stage performances have become more natural. I still like ‘I NEED U’. Just listening to the beat makes me sentimental, and above all, the song came out nicely. So as I was watching this and that when I stumbled across old videos. Watching them made me think that we haven’t changed much.

In what aspect haven't you changed much? SUGA: Before the social distancing measures got stricter, I talked with the photographer for BE, whom I had met four years ago. The photographer was surprised that we hadn’t changed much after all the success, even though he had assumed we’d be very different. I'm amazed personally. I’ve had the chance to meet the members before your debut, but from your way of talking with members or others, it seems you haven't changed. SUGA: I think it's because we don’t give it a big deal about success. For example, it's incredible to be ranked first on the Billboards, but there’s also this sense of, “Okay, and?” Even the Grammys? (Laughs) SUGA: When we got nominated for the Grammy Awards, we thought, ‘Is this real?’ (Laughs) Of course we were delighted, but it didn’t make us think, ‘We're singers nominated for the Grammy.’ If you're nominated, you're nominated, and if you get the award, you get the award. You don't get shaken by that. I know it's a great award and would be so grateful if we receive it, but we know that nothing is possible without the tremendous support of our fans. What’s more important is that the fans are more flattered than us when we receive a great award. So everyone's rejoicing, but it’s like, ‘Let's do what we have to do.’ We've been training ourselves to keep finding our places, so no one remains overexcited. In ‘Fly To My Room’, there are lyrics that say, ‘This room is too small to contain my dream’, and ‘Sometimes this room becomes an emotional trash can, but it embraces me.’ I had this feeling that the room had been such a place and that you were accepting that you have changed. Then the essence must have remained the same. SUGA: It wasn’t easy to accept that we eventually change. But I think it's a good thing that we changed. What we did back then was possible only at that time, and we could change because of the things we had accomplished. Then, what new things are you dreaming about? SUGA: I'm eager to continue doing music. Since all performances were canceled due to COVID-19, I had a chance to talk to so many musicians in Korea. I talked with legendary singers as well as people who are my contemporaries. Talking with them once again made me realize that I love music so much. Because music is my profession, I can’t imagine myself not doing it. I'm grateful that there are still unvisited areas in the world of music.

What kind of music do you think you’ll be engaged in in the future? SUGA: I was greatly motivated when I saw the concert of Na Hoon-a last Chuseok . I wondered how many musicians would actually be able perform and write music for so long like he has. At that moment, it occurred to be that ‘I want to be like him’. He has passion and desire, and most of all, he is a superstar. A few years ago, I took my parents to a Na Hoon-a concert, and when they watched the performance last Chuseok, they said it was way less impressive to see him perform through the TV. (Laughs) That must explain your interest in a broader spectrum of music from instruments to composing and musical genres. Because you want to be doing this for a long time. SUGA: My goal is to continue doing music in any shape or form. In that sense, I have this great respect toward Cho Yong-pil. He takes the best sound there is and reinterprets it into his own. I think that’s something I want to emulate and keep changing and evolving so that I can continue doing music for decades to come. The lyrics ‘Thankfully between you and me nothing’s changed’ must sound more meaningful for the fans because they will be listening to your music for a long time. SUGA: A month and a half in the current times must seem like a lifetime for the fans when we're far apart. I feel the same. But I think that's proof that we worked hard for the past seven years and that the fans have been passionately reaching out to us. I'm striving to get to them as fast as I can, and I'm eager to go on stage. I'm going through this because I want to be better on stage in a better condition, so don't be sad, and please hang in there a little longer.

[waywardwrestlewritingwaif]

Whisky Secrets (sequel)

Here's something different. Before I ever thought about posting fanfic here, I used to write things inspired by fanfic I found by some of the incredible writers I found on tumblr. I've never posted any of them but I've really felt like writing something for Aleister Black/ Tommy End lately.

So I reached out to one of my original favourites on this site, @ghostofviperwrites and asked her if she'd mind if I published this sequel I wrote to her story Whisky Secrets. She gave me the ok (for which I thank her very much).

You absolutely have to read her piece first or this won't make any sense. It picks up literally at the point where hers leaves off and the entire premise is based on what she wrote. I think this goes in a very different direction than what she had in mind, though.

Since this is an old story, some of the characters are very different than they are now. It was set at around the time I wrote it. Based on events in the story, it's pretty clear when that was.

It's a bit dated but I hope you enjoy.

Pairing: Aleister Black x OFC (hints of Roman Reigns x OFC)

Word count: 7,031

Content advisory: graphic sexual content, language, incidental roughness that some might find stressful

You rested on the sofa for too long, knowing that you had to get to work, that you were already behind on an assignment that was due that afternoon. As much as you desperately wanted to cling to the scent and the feeling of him being there with you and the idea that he might someday want to be there with you for longer, you knew that you were only wasting time by indulging in a fantasy. Once again, you reminded yourself, he saw you as a friend, a landing pad after he was finished his adventures. And so you dragged yourself to the computer and tried to focus.

It was a fluff piece you’d been hired to write: places for new residents of Orlando to meet people. You’d accepted it because the pay was good and it had seemed easy. But what the hell did you know about meeting people? You’d barely met anyone and the only ones that you’d call friends were the ones you met when you’d done an in-depth profile on the WWE and their development territory NXT. Of those, only Aleister had remained close and even then, you couldn’t say that the two of you had ever properly opened up to each other. Nevertheless, you’d stayed in touch with a number of them, occasionally meeting for coffee or drinks. None of this was in any way useful when it came to recommending locations to connect with strangers.

You’d tried to start the article the day before but now when you opened the file, you discovered that you’d only come up with a half a dozen corny titles and one word of text:

When?

The word was too painfully appropriate.

When were you going to run out of luck and be unable to find further work as a journalist?

When were you going to admit that what kept you here, rather than moving to another state and pursuing more secure work, was the fact that you were in love with a man who was only interested in your capacity as a friend and caregiver?

When was your hopeless love going to break you beyond repair?

Annoyed with yourself, you deleted the word and tried to start again. You could meet people at the gym classes that were ubiquitous in this city. You could meet people at get-togethers for shared hobbies like hiking or pottery or basically anything. No one had to meet people by getting thrown into their orbit and being unable to extricate themselves.

About half an hour into your resentful hammering on the keyboard, you were startled by your doorbell. For one sweet instant, you imagined that it was Aleister dropping by to pass some time with you. Then you realized that he never came to you without an invitation unless it was dead drunk in the middle of the night. Even when you invited him, it was only every fourth or fifth time that you asked that he agreed to come over and watch a movie or go for a walk in the nearby park. There was no way it was him at your door at eleven o’clock in the morning.

In fact, the person at your door was Bayley, chipper and warm as always, returning the spare laptop you’d lent her a few weeks before.

“Thank you so much,” she beamed, thrusting the computer into your hands. “You are a lifesaver. I’d have lost my goddamn mind if I hadn’t had this while mine was in the shop.”

“It was nothing,” you insist, smiling at her unconstrained warmth even though you didn’t feel very positive about your life at that moment. “Do you want to come in for a minute?”

She nodded cheerily and stepped across the foyer. You never really knew how you fit in with the women of WWE, even though you’d spoken to many of them in depth. Bayley stood out because she was determined to be your friend despite your introvert’s reluctance. And, indeed, she was irresistible. Much like her in-ring character, she cast sunshine wherever she went and her glow was contagious, even in your darkest and lowest moments.

You motioned her into the kitchen, offering her a choice of lemonade, iced tea or water. Her eyes immediately fell on the empty whiskey bottle you’d left on the counter, her expression growing more serious as she focused on it.

“Getting started early?” she cajoled.

“A friend left that here,” you replied guiltily.

She narrowed her dark eyes as she looked at you. Sweet and optimistic as she was, Bayley was not naïve. She knew exactly what friend had left the bottle behind and she knew how you felt about him.

“I’ll have a glass of lemonade,” she said, the smile slowly returning to her face.

You joined her and the two of you jokingly touched glasses before drinking.

“So, a few of us are getting together tonight,” she said hesitantly. “I thought you might like to join us.”

Your first instinct was to ask if Aleister would be there, but you thought better of it. Instead, you responded, “Well, I have an article I need to finish.”

Of course, your article was due by the end of the afternoon, which meant that your evening was free regardless, but part of you wanted to be at home in case Aleister came staggering over again.

Bayley’s jaw set in a determined expression you’d only seen from her in the ring. “We’re having a party for Roman, to celebrate him going into remission.”

Well now you felt like a bit of a bitch for making excuses and didn’t know what to say.

“It won’t just be wrestlers there. Some other journalists are even coming. And I know that it would mean a lot to him if you were there.”

When you’d done your article on the WWE, you’d interviewed Roman Reigns and he’d been incredibly generous with his time. He’d even contacted you after your interviews to confirm that you had all the detail you needed. He was the face of the company and had done everything possible to make sure that the company had provided what you required. He’d clearly wanted to make sure they’d left a good impression and you couldn’t help but be impressed by his PR skills. Although you knew it wasn’t true that it “would mean a lot to him”, you were touched by the idea that he remembered you and might like you to be there to celebrate his great news. At the same time… you needed to be there for Aleister.

“Look,” Bayley insisted, “I’m going to text you the details for the bar where we’ll be. It’s not a big deal, just a bunch of us getting together to be happy for our friend.”

There was no way that you could refuse that, so you shyly thanked her as she gulped the rest of her lemonade and made for the door.

“I’m serious,” she said as she departed. “You work so damn hard you deserve a night off. Finish what you’re doing and come have fun with us.”

As soon as she’d left, you once again sat down at your computer. Before you could return your attention to your work, however, you couldn’t resist checking Instagram.

Someone had tagged Aleister in a photo on Instagram.

Yes, you were that pathetic that you always checked.

With trepidation, you clicked the link to look at what was there. As it too often did, the notification came from an airbrushed-looking woman, her collagen-enhanced lips pressed against his. She looked arrogant and proud, while he looked smug and inebriated.

“Guess who I got to hang with last night?” the caption gloated.

You knew damn well what “hang” was a euphemism for. He never cared that the Barbie dolls he hooked up with advertised their conquest on social media. He was single and hot. Why should he care if people knew that he always scored with the sort of women other men lusted after? Why should he care that it ripped your heart to shreds every time you saw him with another woman so unlike you in every way?

The woman had posted a few other photos of the two of them together, embracing. Every part of her magazine-ready body was on display, save those parts that would have gotten her in trouble. Her artificially perfect breasts were spilling out of a tiny tube top while her endless legs were shown in their full glory between the edge of a skirt that likely required her to trim her pubic hair and the sky high heels that raised her enough to press her lips to his without having to stretch herself awkwardly. She was nothing like you, with your unkempt hair and loose, bohemian dresses, your comfortable ballet flats and blandly natural face. She had all the glamour that you lacked and he ate it up.

The images of the two of them cut into you like a laser and, for once, all you desired was to break free from the pain of feeling. A few minutes later, when Bayley sent the text she’d promised with the details of where you could find the party tonight, you immediately responded.

“I’ll be there. I promise.”

To hell with Aleister and the designer women he adored, you told yourself as you returned to your article with a vengeance. Tonight you were going to do whatever it took to break the spell he had cast over you.

*

It was just after nine when you found yourself teetering to the entrance of the bar where the party was taking place. It was marked only by a subtle sign, no words, just a stylized anchor, and it was hidden away on a tiny street that was hardly more than an alley. In your fit of pique, you’d finished your article two hours before your deadline and then, having examined the options in your closet and found them wanting, headed out and spent entirely too much money on a new dress that clung perfectly to your breasts before flaring out to highlight the movements of your body, while covering just the bare minimum to maintain decency. You’d also picked up a stylish pair of ankle boots with heels higher than you were used to and that posed a legitimate threat as you made your way down the roughly paved road to the speakeasy-style bar.

A little further down the alley, you see a couple leaning against a car, taking turns swigging from a liquor bottle. The woman is one of those glamorous animals that makes you so insecure, laughing in drunken delight in a way that only confident people can. In one quick movement the man spins her around and bends her over the hood of the car. He immediately takes out his cock, stroking it a couple of times before he thrusts into her, one hand on her back while the other holds the bottle that he continues drinking from. And it’s a moment before you realize that it’s Aleister, fucking away at a woman whose name he won’t remember in a few hours.

The sight makes you want to curl up and die, makes you want to say that you’ve made a mistake and run along home so you can bawl your eyes out while you wait for his inevitable drunken arrival. But, if nothing else, the damage that you’ve done to your credit card in order to make yourself look just a bit more sexy and edgy than usual, as well as the glasses of wine you had already consumed to fortify your courage, push you forward. This is a test. In order to pass, you need to be able to ignore the man whose indifference is killing you and enter the world of others, where someone who wasn’t up to the standards of the rarified model girls might be willing to give you a second look.

Aleister doesn’t even glance up as you enter the bar a few feet away from him, can’t feel the dark weight of your eyes on him or the force with which you tear them away as you step through the door.

As soon as you do, you are once again frozen with the idea that you’ve made a mistake. When Bayley characterized this as a “get-together”, you’d assumed it meant a group of people spread out around a few tables chatting away and toasting Roman’s health. Instead, what greets you is a basement club full of people with a dance floor alive with writhing bodies. You recognize a few journalists but for the most part, the space is taken up with every WWE and NXT star you’ve ever heard of. It’s a convention of beautiful people and you can’t help but feel dowdy even in your overpriced finery.

You slowly descend the stairs, fully intending to look around, say hello to a few familiar faces and then bolt for the exit, but you’re immediately greeted by a familiar voice that fairly shrieks. “Oh my god woman, just look at you!”

It’s Sasha Banks, standing at the edge of the stairs with Bayley, who gives you an exaggerated round of applause.

“Miranda, you look amazing,” Sasha continues breathlessly. “Seriously, you’re putting everyone to shame.”

You don’t feel like you’re putting anyone to shame, least of all Sasha in her body suit that hugs every curve of her perfect little hourglass, but you blush at the compliment.

“Come on,” Bayley gushes, “we need shots to celebrate your hotness!”

She pulls both of you through the crowd to the bar and somehow is able to get the bartender’s attention almost immediately, ordering two rounds of tequila shots because, she tells you and Sasha, there’s no point in getting just one round when you know you’re going back for seconds. The three of you toast and toss down the shots and then immediately do so again and you have to admit that you’re feeling the warm glow already. Sasha, apparently feeling something herself, wraps her arms around you and once again reassures you that you are devastatingly beautiful.

Another shot is thrust into your hand, this time by Dash Wilder, who’s arrived with his Revival partner Scott Dawson. Wilder has always been attractive to you, so you give him as radiant a smile as you can manage and you swear he blushes a little just before he downs his shot. Dawson is hugging Sasha and Bayley close to him, allowing Dash to edge a little closer to you and you’re feeling a little high on yourself when another voice cuts through your circle.

“Miranda? Holy fuck I can’t believe you’re here!”

Roman Reigns pushes right through the bodies close to the bar and grabs you firmly by the shoulders, his eyes gradually focusing on yours. He’s grinning with an intensity that clearly comes from his being a little past feeling no pain but it doesn’t hamper the thrill it gives you when he wraps his arms around you and nearly crushes you in a hug.

“I mean, shit, I don’t think I’ve even talked to you since you did that interview,” he pouts. “Thank you so much for coming.”

You smile as another shot is pushed into your hand, biting your lip self-consciously. You down about half the shot before Roman grabs it from you and finishes it, breaking up with laughter. He signals the bartender for another round, keeping an arm around your back until the tray of shots arrives. You’re all toasting each other and you wonder why you ever questioned yourself for coming here because this is exactly what you needed.

“Come dance with me,” Roman chuckles, grabbing your wrist and pulling you towards the dance floor. He’s clearly floating on a sea of drunken bliss, goofing around and happy to have someone to have fun with, someone he didn’t expect to be there. Even if you wanted to resist his offer, you couldn’t because, while he isn’t doing anything that might hurt you, his grip is strong enough and the rest of him powerful enough to compel you forward.

The two of you deliberately dance like complete nerds in high school, awkward movements and ironic posturing until you’re both laughing so hard you can barely stand. It’s then that you realize that you’ve become the focus of some attention; Roman goddamn Reigns, the face of the company, the locker room leader, the man who everyone has come to celebrate, is dancing with you. Most of the people here have no idea who you are but because you’re with Roman, you are somebody. Basking in the subtle attention and envy, you close your eyes and allow yourself to get lost in the music, swaying to the beat until you feel a large pair of hands on your hips.

You open your eyes to see Roman pulling you closer to him with a devilish grin before spinning you around and pulling your back against his massive chest. You continue to move but at a slower pace, your movements limited by how close he’s holding you and the sensual way in which his body moves against yours. Keeping one arm loosely around you, he lets his other hand fall against your thigh, lightly playing with the hem of your dress. It makes you gasp.

“You never responded to any of my texts,” he murmurs gruffly in your ear.

You remember at least half a dozen messages asking if he could clarify anything or if you needed any additional material for your article. You hadn’t needed anything else but you suddenly feel terribly rude for not answering.

“I’m sorry,” you whisper, “you were very professional and I should have at least told you that I had what I needed.”

His voice drops even lower as he speaks. “I didn’t mean to be professional about them. And I was hoping that you didn’t have everything you needed.”

He pulls you up and firmly against him and for the first time you can feel his hardening cock through his pants. You can’t help but thrust your hips into him, barely able to process what’s happening to you. The two of you are still ostensibly dancing, although it’s more like a rhythmic grinding to the music as he reaches down and pulls the hem of your dress up, rubbing your thigh and then your ass as he presses his lips into your neck. His hands are everywhere on you and you’re aware that your entire lower body is basically on display for anyone who cares to look but you don’t care because it feels like you’ve won the lottery. You moan at the feeling of his growing excitement against your flesh, both his large hands grazing up the front of your thighs and for a moment you think that you’re ready to beg him to take you right there when you’re violently spun away from your dance partner, a bruising grip on your arm.

It’s Aleister, eyes incandescent with rage as he tells Roman, “I need to speak to her for a minute.”

Roman looks confused and tries to speak to you but Aleister drags you away and a gaggle of women immediately descend on Roman, desperate to take your place.

Aleister flings you against the wall, glaring at you with an intensity that you’ve never seen outside the ring.

“What the hell do you think you’re doing?” he growls.

“I was dancing before you interfered,” you snap back at him, rubbing your arm.

“Dancing?” he repeats with derision. “That’s what you call that?”

“I was having fun.”

“What the hell are you wearing?”

For the first time since you saw him with his woman of choice outside, you feel ridiculous, like a girl trying to look glamorous by donning her mother’s clothes.

“I wanted something a little different.”

“A little?” he hisses back. “Do you realize what you look like? You’re all tarted up and letting some guy grab at you and get you half naked in front of a bar full of people.”

“What I look like?”

“Everyone could see practically your whole goddamned body. They could see what you were letting him do to you.”

“You mean to say I look like a whore.”

Aleister crosses his arms and glances away, refusing to confirm what you’ve said.

“So what, Aleister? So what if I’m letting a man touch me and show me that he wants me? Who cares who else sees? Maybe that’s what I want!”

“Are you so stupid that you think he wants you for anything other than a one night stand?”

The accusation stabs at your heart and your confidence but you’re determined not to let him see that.

“Again, so what? Maybe I’m happy to have this big, gorgeous man want me. Maybe I’m fine bringing him back to my place for a few hours of fun because at least it means someone is thinking of me as a sexual being for a change.” You pause, knowing the danger of what you’re about to say but unable to stop yourself. “Maybe I’d be fine if he just took me outside and fucked me over the hood of a car.”

For a second, you think that Aleister is going to strangle you. The look on his face is like the moment before the sky erupts in thunder and lightning. Truthfully, you expect that he’ll turn on his heel and walk away from you and never come back, and perhaps that’s what you need him to do so that you can get over him.

Instead, he grabs you, pinning you to the side of his body and pulling you towards the door. His movements make you stumble, and the more you try to resist him, the more ungainly you look.

“She’s dead drunk,” you hear him assure a few people, “I’m going to make sure she gets home.”

And while it’s true that you are drunk, you’re not nearly as drunk as he’s making you out to be. The second he has you outside, you try to twist away from him and go back, only for him to wind you closer, pulling you off balance so that you look even more inebriated.

You hear him whisper to Seth Rollins, who’s observing the spectacle through the corner of his eyes. “Look, tell Roman that she’s falling down drunk and I just had to get her home. No disrespect meant.”

Seth has a confused expression on his face but nods and tells him, “Sure thing.”

Realizing what Aleister is doing, you once again try to rush past him, but he blocks you, gripping your arm and pulling you after him so that you really do appear pathetically unable to take care of yourself.

“Why the fuck are you doing this to me?” you shout at him, figuring that there’s no reason to worry about who might hear you, there being no further you can sink in their estimation. “Why can’t you just let me enjoy myself?”

“Jesus, Miranda, you’re loaded. You can barely stand up.” He emphasizes this by jerking your arm forward, which almost causes you to keel over onto your face. “You’re just embarrassing yourself.”

“No,” you insist, pulling yourself to a halt. “I knew what I was doing. I knew what I wanted. Sure I’m a bit tipsy but-“

“You don’t want that,” Alesiter snaps, threading his arm through yours and continuing down the street. “You don’t just want to whore yourself out for a night because you think it might help your self-esteem.”

“You don’t get to decide what I want, Aleister.” You’re crushed against his side and he’s moving so quickly that your feet only graze the ground every third or fourth step. “Let me go. I’m sick of playing the surrogate mother for someone who’s incapable of seeing me as a real woman. I want to go back there. I want to have someone make a show of wanting me. I want to get fucked so hard I can’t walk tomorrow.”

Aleister shakes his head like a parent frustrated with a misbehaving child. “Stop it. You’re being ridiculous.”

“So let me be ridiculous!” you yell back, trying unsuccessfully to extricate yourself from his grip. “What the hell is it to you? Are you worried that for once I’m not going to be there when you need a place to collapse at four in the morning?”

The two of you reach the corner where the alley meets the street and he swings you to face him, glowering at you with a terrifying expression, gripping your biceps so hard you know you’ll be bruised in the morning. He says nothing but stares at you until he whips his arm out and hails a taxi seemingly out of nowhere.

He launches you, there’s no other word for it, into the back seat of the car and snarls your address to the driver as your tears start to fall. The cabbie is noticeably uncomfortable with your quiet whimpering and seems confused by the fact that Aleister does nothing to comfort or engage you. He sits with his arms folded, scowling, until you arrive at your building. Reflexively, you reach for your purse only to have Aleister swat your hand away and pay the driver himself. You try to keep pace as he yanks you towards the door, but stumble because of your unsure footing in these strange heels and because your vision is glazed by the tears you’re fighting to hold in.

When Aleister pins you against the door and rummages through your purse to find your keys, it somehow feels more invasive than Roman gripping your ass for an entire bar full of people to see. You feel, for a moment, that he is looking at you with tenderness. But when the door opens, he simply guides you through it. As you hear it click shut, the last of your strength, physical and emotional, gives out and you drop to your knees, finally allowing the tears to fall. It’s a full-on ugly cry, punctuated by guttural, anguished sounds you’d never allow anyone else to hear. Despite everything, you desperately want to hear the door open again behind you and to hear him say that he’s realized he loves you.

But no, in the end, he’s just found it gross that the woman he sees as his caregiver might have another side. He found you pathetic in your overpriced dress and shoes. He knew that you were desperately trying to act like something you could never be: like someone who could compete with the perfected Instagram beauties he fucks every night. You could never be that. He knew that you were just a sad little woman decked out in a gaudy outfit. You’d never be that sexy, desirable person who stopped men dead in their tracks, no matter what your dance with Roman had temporarily led you to believe.

You’re on your knees for what seems like hours, choking on tears and snot and trying to restrain yourself from howling. Just as the sound overpowers you and a low wail escapes your lips, you’re startled by a pair of arms, familiar, tattooed arms wrapping around your waist from behind.

“Shh. There’s no need for any of that,” he grunts into your hair.

And while you’re shocked and thrilled that he actually stayed behind to make sure that you were ok, it’s also even more humiliating that he’s seen you fall apart so spectacularly. Your body feels limp with defeat and unable to react at all as he gathers you up and carries you into your bedroom, setting you gently on the edge of the bed. He rests his hand on yours for a moment and you’re able to stem the flow of tears until he stands up and heads back towards the door. This time, you’re determined to hold in the worst of your misery until you’re sure he’s gone, even though you can’t stop the tears from running down your face.

But after a few minutes of straining to hear the door close, you see Aleister return, a damp washcloth in hand, and he sits once again beside you on the edge of the bed. He presses the cloth, cool and soothing, against your cheeks and then holds your chin as he delicately wipes it across your face. It takes you some minutes to realize that he’s removing your smeared makeup, cleaning you off so that you look good as new, so that you look more like the plain girl who lets him into her home in the middle of the night, his touch filled with a tenderness that you never imagined him capable of. When he’s satisfied with his work, he tosses the cloth aside and wraps an arm around you, pulling you close against him. The sweetness of his friendly gesture makes you want to cry all over again but you choke it back, knowing that you’ll have plenty of time for that when he’s gone.

“Can I stay here tonight?” he whispers, the sound of his voice making you feel weak.

You nod and roughly pull back from him, unsure of your ability to stop yourself from throwing yourself at him and begging him to wreck you. You fumble with the zipper of your boots until Aleister slides off the bed and onto his knees and removes it for you. He glides his hand along your calf, up to your thigh and then moves to your other boot. As he slides it off, he presses his head against the side of your knee, giving the skin a light kiss before rocking back on his haunches. You know he’s being gentle with you because he feels sorry for you. He finds you pitiful, which is even worse than finding you asexual.

The feelings are too much for you to take and all you can think of is that you want to get into bed where you’ll be safe and where you can sleep off the nightmare your evening out has become. You clumsily shed your dress, stockings, bra and panties without thinking much of the fact that you have an audience. Why should it bother him seeing you naked, after all? Normally, you put on some nightclothes but you don’t even have the strength to bother. Out of the corner of your eye, you can see that Aleister has turned his head towards the door. He’s embarrassed for you, the way you would be if a parent or sibling was undressing around you.

You crawl under the covers with a grumbled “good night” and immediately start to feel yourself drift off. You’re jolted back to wakefulness when Aleister climbs in beside you. In all the time you’ve known him, as many nights as he’s come and collapsed on your sofa, you don’t think he’s ever seen your bedroom. Now, having seen it, he’s apparently happy not to leave it, indulging in the comfort of your bed without even asking permission. It makes you a little self-conscious that you’re nude but it’s hardly the most humiliating thing to happen to you tonight, so you let yourself ignore it. If you can just fall asleep, this night will be over and you can begin the process of trying to forget it.

It’s only a matter of seconds, though, until you feel his body pressed against yours from behind, one hand coming to rest flat on your stomach and pushing you back against him so that you are acutely aware that you are not the only person naked in the bed. The hand on your stomach flutters downward until his fingers are moving lightly over your pussy, like he’s plucking the strings of a harp. His other arm wraps around your shoulders and keeps you flush against him, close enough that you can’t mistake the feeling of his erection against your back.

He presses his lips and tongue against your neck, making you whimper as you try to keep your heart rate stable. Your little noises seem to motivate him further, his touch becoming more insistent and one of his legs snaking over yours, pulling it back to give his hand greater access.

“Such a little fool,” he murmurs, his fingers stroking insistently along your fleshy folds. “Thinking I don’t see you as a sexual being.”

He sinks his teeth into your shoulder, making you cry out- more from the shock than the pain. His mouth continues to move around your neck and shoulders, nipping and sucking on the skin there, his grip on you tightening until it’s nearly painful.

“What are you doing?” you manage to ask.

“Leaving marks,” he says matter-of-factly.

You’re at a loss for what to say, but are saved from having to answer as he pushes two fingers inside you, his thumb rubbing slow circles over your clit. You’re embarrassed that he must have felt how wet you were just from being in his presence but he says nothing, quickening his pace and giving satisfied little growls when his touch elicits gasps and cries of pleasure from you.

It’s pity, you remind yourself; what he’s doing to you, he’s doing it because he feels sorry for you and because he’s drunk and horny despite his encounter earlier in the evening. But the thought gets whisked away as he brings you closer and closer to what you’ve desperately needed from him for so long. You let out a little shriek when he removes his hand, unable to believe he’s so cruel as to bring you to the precipice and then deny you. But he simply flips you onto your back before pressing his fingers inside you once more, watching your reactions to be sure he’s hitting just the right spot before burying his face between your legs. His tongue, lips and fingers work together like an orchestra. Your knuckles are white from the force of clenching on the sheets and you’re biting down so hard on your lip to muffle the sounds you’re making that you’re worried your teeth will end up permanently embedded. He unexpectedly raises his head and stills the movement of his hand inside you and the shock is almost enough to make you start crying again. You look down at him, his eyes sparkling in the low light with an expression you can’t read.

“Why won’t you let me hear you?”

Because you don’t want him to know how good his merciful little gesture is making you feel. Because you don’t want to admit to yourself that it’s better than you’d imagined. Truthfully, whenever you’ve thought about the mechanics of sex with Aleister, you imagined that it would be fast and rough and hedonistic, much like his other sexual encounters seem to be. But he’s chosen this moment to take his time, to focus on his partner, rather than go for a quick, dirty fuck in a darkened corner.

You don’t tell him any of this, instead croaking out, “I’m shy.”

He raises himself up and over your body with the effortless grace of a serpent, pressing his head close to yours and kissing along your jawline.

“What do I have to do to make you not be shy?”

“I don’t know… I just… am.” You wriggle a little under him, turning your face away when he looks directly into your eyes.

He cups your face in one hand and runs the other, still wet with your juices, over your breast, teasing the nipple and making you shudder involuntarily.

“Am I moving too fast?”

You shake your head, not quite trusting your voice.

“Is there something that you’d enjoy more? Something you want me to do for you?”

You give him another little shake of the head.

“You don’t have to be shy with me. Whatever you want, I want you to tell me so I can give it to you. Anything.”

For the first time, he kisses you on the lips, his tongue, that still tastes of you, slides against yours and the hand at the side of your face slides to hold your neck, cradling your head so that you don’t have to tense any muscles to stay in that position. Your body has nothing it needs to do but experience the sensations he’s creating. Of course, you still answer his kiss, hungrily flashing your tongue against his, reveling in the light scrape of his lip ring against your lips. His hand glides back down between your legs, and even the proximity is enough to draw a couple of little mewls of pleasure. You feel him smile a little against your lips at the noises and he pulls away from the kiss.

“Am I making you feel good?”

You nod as he starts to work his fingers around your entrance once again.

“Do you want my mouth down there again?”

You nod even more vigorously than the first time but he shakes his head.

“Tell me. Say it out loud.”

You open your mouth to do so and he immediately thrusts his long fingers into your g-spot and your clit at once, making you yelp in pleasure. It’s almost enough to make you cum on its own but he eases the pressure before you reach that peak.

“Yes?” he asks again.

“Yes, fuck, yes!”

“Then let me hear you. Please.”

He returns his attention to your core and has you making all manner of unholy noises in short order. He expertly teases you and then holds back, so many times that when he does finally take you over the edge, you feel like you might pass out from the intensity of it. Your gasps for breath sound cavernous in the quiet room.

He keeps the palm of his hand firmly against you as he leans forward and presses his lips into your neck, letting out a satisfied purr every time an aftershock rolls through your body.

When he’s satisfied that you’ve fully come down, he raises himself up on his arms, giving just the hint of a smile when you grab onto his biceps to steady yourself.

He’s so rigid that he doesn’t even need a hand to guide himself into you. He simply presses forward in one slow but sure moment, his eyes closed as if it’s a kind of religious experience, not opening them until he’s fully seated inside you. It’s been long enough since you’ve been with anyone that the feeling of being stretched draws a little whimper from your throat. He remains still, his eyes open and bearing down on you with a delirious kind of excitement, aching prick twitching inside you, desperate to proceed but waiting for a signal that he can.

And it’s at that moment that you allow yourself to think that this isn’t pity or a drunken mistake, that he’s as hungry for you as you have been for him and that what’s happened tonight has just served to connect a circuit. The fiercely possessive look in his eyes as he watches you, the fury when he thought someone else was claiming you, the need to mark you to make you his, the flush of pure lust on his face and chest… it is just a little frightening, something you suspected was in him but never that it was focused on you. But you’ve always known you could handle his darkness if he let you in. So you thrust your hips a little and wrap your legs loosely around his waist to show him that he can continue. Just as he starts to move, he cups your face and presses his mouth to your ear.

“You deserve so much better.”

“Stop trying to make those decisions for me,” you moan, feeling your insides flutter with his movements.

“I’ve never felt anything like that jealousy.” He’s staring into your eyes as he confesses. He lifts one of your legs over his shoulder pressing deeper inside you and gasping at the feeling. “Knowing that everyone could see how sexy and beautiful you are… And I’m an idiot for waiting for that to happen before I did anything, I just…”

He grimaces and slows his pace a little, obviously trying to prolong the sensation.

“You mean it?” You have to ask because you still can’t quite believe that this has been on his mind for all this time when he’s shown no sign of it to you.

“God yes,” he answers through gritted teeth, once again allowing himself to move faster and more urgently.

You can’t completely banish your fears that he’s going to regret this in the morning and just shut you out again but every second with him is pushing them further away. You lace your fingers through his hair, nipping at the shell of his ear as he lets out his own stream of desperate, lusty noises, running your nails gently down his back as he approaches his crescendo.

His head drops to your chest and he cries out as he releases inside you.

“Fuck I love you, fuck I love you, fuck I love you.” He repeats it like a mantra that brings him back down from his high, saying it a final time as he looks into your eyes.

Slowly, he rolls onto his side, gathering you close to him like he thinks an errant breeze might carry you away.

“I have…” he begins quietly, “… there’s a lot that goes on in my head… Bad things, I guess. I thought you’d run away. Or that I’d pull you down with me. I still don’t know that won’t happen.”

He looks so vulnerable that it makes your heart hurt but at the same time you have to stifle a smile.

“Well I’d rather you let me try to deal with it. I’m a lot tougher than you give me credit for being.”

His expression grows a little guilty and he nods. He wraps his arms tighter around you and you do the same until the two of you are lying in your bed, wound around each other.

[spookybias]

pairing: park sunghoon x gender neutral! reader

genre: slice of life ─ fluff

synopsis: coming up with halloween costumes is harder than you and sunghoon thought.

warning: a very brief description of dolls hanging by their throats.

word count: 1.5k

note: for @enhypenwriters 7 days of fright. i don’t think there’s trick or treating in south korea, but this is just for kicks. also, i kind of cringed while writing this LMAO.

THE SHOP SMELLED LIKE PUMPKIN SPICE AND COLD LEAVES, CANDY CORN AND BLACK CATS IN GARDENS; both the scents of four days till Halloween. Fake skeletons climbed the store walls, and creepy dolls -blood stains and scratches spotted on their porcelain bodies- hung from the ceiling by the string wrapped around their necks. Much cuter and playful knick-knacks littered the display tables throughout the store.

“Do you two already know what kind of costume you’re looking for?” Sunoo asked. It had been his idea to visit the shop on a hunt for last minute costumes, for a last minute planned trick or treat outing.

“Something unique. I don’t want us to be dressed like any of you guys or have a common option,” You responded.

“Something simple,” Sunghoon stated. He had been particularly cranky about last minute shopping, as he was one who preferred to get things out of the way before a big event. Sunghoon would do anything for you, though, and that included suffering through something he despised the most.

“Ni-Ki, let’s go as scarecrows,” Jungwon suggested. He tossed a straw hat Ni-Ki’s way.

Sunoo snatched the hat before Ni-Ki could grab hold of it. “No, Ni-Ki is going as a vampire with me.”

“You always hog Ni-Ki,” Jungwon complained.

“That’s because I’m a good hyung who helps him flat iron his hair” Sunoo replied, rolling his eyes. “What do you have to offer?”

“Just pick something all three of you can go as together.” You grabbed Sunghoon’s wrist and dragged him passed a display table with smiling jack-o-lanterns and fake tombstones, and into an aisle of capes and robes.

The lanky boy leaned against a clothing wrack of animal printed tops, trying his best not to sigh in irritation. “Any specific idea on what you want to dress as? I’m down for whatever you want.”

“So if I said let’s dress up as fairytale princesses, you’d be okay with that?” You joked.

Sunghoon chuckled. He thought to himself. If you oh so desperately wanted to go as princesses, he might just do it. Your happiness was his top priority, which proved just how whipped Sunghoon was for you. But you didn’t need to know that. “Okay, maybe I wouldn’t dress up as just anything you choose.”

“That’s better.” You gave him a mischievous smile, rubbing your hands together as if you had just come up with a devious plan. “I can’t be trusted with that much power.” You headed off further into the aisle.

Sunghoon gazed from behind. He loved your playful attitude. It never failed at making his heart flutter, and there was never a dull moment. Although he found last minute shopping to be quite frustrating, he knew that with your pure heart and gold soul, he would at least be entertained.

And maybe a bit flustered.

Your sudden interest in the trick or treat outing did leave him puzzled, though. When he asked you if you had plans, you had simply stated that you didn’t, and wanted to have a movie night with him.

You sauntered through the shop, bags of chocolate candies and witch hats being the most apparent items, before a red cloak caught your eye.

“Sunghoon, do you wanna-” You turned around to find that your boyfriend was no longer behind you. “Sunghoon, where are you?” You had been so absorbed in the store’s decorative contents that you had lost your boyfriend in the sea of costumes and collectibles.

“Can’t we just go as ghosts?” Sunghoon groaned, appearing in front of you with a white sheet over his tall body. He had hoped to pop out and scare you, but he didn’t seem to have the energy to put it in the effort. The boy flailed his arms under the blanket in what was supposed to mimic a ghost’s eerie floating. “Boo. Spooky." Sunghoon reached out to you.

You snorted, looking him up and down. "This is the lamest costume I've ever seen. We should put a little more effort, don't ya think?" With an playful smile and an eye roll, you continued through the aisle.

“It’s not like we’re going to a costume contest, doll,” Sunghoon said as he pulled the blanket off and rolled it up in a ball. He tossed it over his shoulder unaware of the maknae that had been tailing him since the two of you parted ways.

Sunoo scoffed. “Hyung!”

“I know it’s just a little Halloween party, but I want this year’s Halloween to be really, really fun.” You sighed in annoyance. You weren’t feeling irritated by Sunghoon, but instead by the idea that you might have been getting too far ahead of yourself.

This was the first Halloween you would be spending as Sunghoon’s significant other, and it would be your first time hanging out with your boyfriend and his brothers as a whole group.

Earlier in the day while hanging out at the boys’ dorm, the maknaes had questioned what you and Sunghoon would be doing for Halloween, and when you had replied with, “Nothing, just watching some scary movies” they invited you to come along with them trick or treating, announcing that staying in would be dull. You were instantly reminded that you were kind of lazy when it came to socializing. A small thought creeped out from the back of your mind. What if Sunghoon thought that movie night was a lame idea? You just wanted to prove to everyone that you were fun and free-spirited. You feared that Sunghoon’s friends would deem you as Sunghoon’s boring lover, or just as someone who never wanted to do anything.

Sunghoon grabbed your hand and gently pulled you back. “It will be fun. I promise the others and I aren’t as boring as you might think.”

“It’s not you guys who I’m worried about is boring.” You rolled your eyes again.

“Then who?” Sunghoon was inexperienced in relationships, so there was no doubt that he wouldn’t get what was bothering you unless you told him yourself.

“I don’t want the other guys to think that I’m boring.” You felt your face get hot. The two of you were still new at being a couple, and so telling Sunghoon this made you feel embarrassed.

“Ah, you’re not.” Sunghoon turned you so that you could face each other. “Why would you think that?”

“I guess ‘cause my idea of fun is staying indoors all the time.” You lowered your head. Your boyfriend was quite close, and your face just kept getting warmer.

“You’re not boring, ____.” Sunoo stepped in. “Sunghoon-hyung is the boring one. Look at his shoes.”

Sunghoon awkwardly coughed. “Sunoo, can you at least pretend to be doing something other than tuning into our private conversation?”

Sunoo rolled his eyes dramatically and sauntered off.

Sunghoon cupped your face. “Look, we’re both still new at this relationship thing, so I actually don’t mind when you choose to hang out at the dorm or at your house. We should take things slowly and move out of our comfort zone at a steady pace. We don’t have to go trick or treating with those clowns if you don’t want to.”

“No, I want to.” You nodded your head, determined. I do prefer to stay home and watch scary movies with just us. But like you said, we’re both still new at this relationship thing. I think this is the push that we need.” Your mood eased up, and you smiled brightly at your boyfriend. “Plus, I think it’s too late to back out now since we’re already in a shop filled with Halloween stuff, and that ghost costume is calling my name.”

Sunghoon looked at you with a faint blush on his cheeks, while you looked around in amusement. He turned you to face him once again, and leaned down, pecking your lips. It was only a second long, but the notion didn’t go unnoticed.

“Why are you guys kissing in the store?” Ni-Ki’s eyebrows furrowed at having witnessed the short kiss shared between you and his hyung.

“You’re too young to understand.” You stuck your tongue out at the youngster and ruffled his blonde hair.

“So I guess we’re all going as ghosts then.” Ni-Ki looked around.

“I thought you were matching with Jungwon and Sunoo?”

“Well-” Ni-Ki said began to say, turning to face the other end of the aisle where two familiar voices could be heard.

At that moment, Sunoo came around the corner of the aisle, Jungwon in tow.

“Jungwon, you are insufferable!”

“I’m not putting a unicorn horn on my forehead!”

Sunoo instantly turned around to the other maknae and snapped, “It’s called an alicorn.”

“Doesn’t matter what it’s called, I’m not wearing it!”

“Well I’m not wearing a straw hat. Scarecrows aren’t cute or attractive.”

“So, we’re all going as ghosts then?” You turned around to see Sunghoon once again covered by the white sheet, arms raised to mimic a ghost’s spooky stance.

“I guess there wasn’t any point coming here,” Ni-Ki spoke up. “We already have white sheets at home.”

[darkmagic-sweetheart]

Sanders Sides Secret Santa Gift

Surprise @canadiantardis​!!! I’m you’re secret Santa for @sanderssides-secretsanta​ event! I’m very happy I was able to complete this gift for you as it was a very fun time. I will say it was a bit rushed, hehehe, but I still hope you like them. :3 First is the Soulmate AU you wished for. Ship is Moxiety since I also like that one as well. I’ve never written a fanfic on this kind of topic, but I had a few friends help me brainstorm. 

A Promise to Love You In this world you can always tell when someone has found their soulmate because their hair has changed to the color of an anime protagonist. Like straight up neon green for some people. Virgil just shivered at the thought of being stuck with such a bright color for the rest of his life. No thanks!

He was chilling on the sofa as he scrolled through his social medias’ waiting still on his new roommate to show up. The other guy had finally graduated from university and was moving back home to be with family. So now Virgil had a spare room to rent out to hopefully someone that could remember to clean the dishes at least three times a week. Virgil gave a huff leaning backwards over the sofa arm to check out the clock in the kitchen behind him. 1:34 PM...whoever this new guy was he was not the punctual type. Which wasn't the worst thing since sometimes this Stormcloud needed a big gust of wind to even get himself out of bed.

Usually, in the form of one of his peppier friends not knowing how to knock or his Nightmare Before Christmas alarm clock blaring at him. Whatever, he thought as he continued scrolling. There were a few articles trending about how soulmate encounters were increasing this holiday season. People finding that special someone and pressing their pinkies together to form their symbol. He looked at his and frowned. “Cute...yeah right. Not like I’m ever going to find my soulmate.”

For as long as Virgil could remember strangers would gush over his symbol. It was half of a purple colored heart. They’d say things like, “Wow, I wish I had a heart as my symbol” or “You’re so lucky! I heard a heart means your love will be really special.” Crap like that really made Virgil uncomfortable. He barely went outside as it is, how in the world was he supposed to find someone who’d like a recluse like him? For the time being he avoided those tags related to soulmates and went to listening to music as he waited.

--------- Patton, poor, poor Patton had been stuck in a taxi for the past hour and a half; squeezing the life out of his small bag of essentials, while the rest of his items shuffled in the back trunk. Now he never considered himself an impatient person, but the trip here had been riddled with flight delays, lost luggage, and helping a little girl with her cat being stuck in a tree. So this situation was just the tip of the iceberg. If anything he was probably one of the most considerate people on the planet as he got ready to jump ship. “Here, please take what I owe you. I’m already running late and I don’t have time to wait anymore. Sorry.”

The taxi driver, luckily, understood as he took his payment and let Patton out. Now he was a lone man with a bag strapped over his shoulder and an additional three to each side of him. All those days he skipped exercising came flooding in from his memories and regret was setting in as he trudged his way to his newly rented room a couple blocks away.

--------- Now staring at a clock resting at 2:15 PM, Virgil finally heard a knock at the door. “Finally!” He huffed exasperated. A million thoughts about chewing this guy out or acting cocky with him swirled in his mind, only to instantly vanish as he opened the door to an exhausted man gasping for breath on his front porch. First thought was, what? Second thought was, is he okay? Third thought, oh he’s pretty cute!

Patton was a little shorter than Virgil. His hair had curled ends and looked soft to the touch. Freckles painted his reddened face from the hiking trip he just took to get here as he worked on putting a smile on his face. “H-hi there. If y-you give me a minute I can...introduce myself.”

Virgil froze, his social anxiety crawling up his back as he debated with himself whether to let Patton in first, just grab his things, say hi back, get him some water, ask him out, etc. He was staring at the ground feeling anxious when suddenly a hand appeared right before his eyes. A hand? Oh shoot this was the guys hand right?

Patton was now smiling softly at Virgil with his hand extended out towards him in a friendly gesture. He had picked up on Virgil’s indecisiveness and decided for himself to initiate the greeting to keep things simple. Also so neither of them were awkwardly stuck on the porch all day. Now all Virgil needed to do was shake Patton’s hand like regular people do when meeting others face-to-face. Gingerly, he raised and took the hand in front of him to shake when a spark made him retract instantly. “W-what was that?!”

Both of their eyes were wide as they examined their hands. Nothing seemed weird, just static electricity? That’s when Virgil could hear a tiny gasp escape the other man’s mouth. “What? What is it?” “Y-your hair! It’s turned kind of purple at the tips.” “It’s done what now?!”

Virgil quickly pulled out the pocket mirror he always had on him in case his eyeliner messed up as he tilted it upwards to the tip of his bangs. The strands really had turned purple, a really nice deep purple too. He was kind of mesmerized by it until the reality of the situation set in. His hair had just changed colors...did that mean that him and this guy?

Immediately, Virgil glanced at the strangers hair and there it was; Pink! Pink strands of slightly curled hair bouncing along with the slight breeze outside. “No way.” He whispered as he took his new roommate's hand and examined it. Patton didn’t move a muscle. He knew what was going on after seeing the color appear in Virgil’s hair. Although, it was all still sinking in for him as well. Was this cutie really his soulmate, was this really happening now when he’s covered in sweat and looking disheveled? Patton blushed feeling embarrassed as his new roommate kept touching his hand. Finally the silence was cut between them as Virgil found what he was looking for.

“You...you’re my...wow...um, sorry...I.” This was so unreal, like a freaking movie or something! Virgil was lost for words as he blushed. “I-It’s okay...I’m also really surprised. My name’s Patton by the way. I’m so sorry for being late to move in today. It’s been...crazy.” Patton gave a chuckle at his choice of words. This was indeed crazy.

Virgil laughed along, feeling more at ease as he finally let go of Patton’s hand and started carrying in his things. “Understatement of the year.” He teased carrying them up into the vacant room. Though, quickly coming back down to sit with Patton on the sofa.

“I’m Virgil and I guess...your soulmate too? Damn, sorry this is really new and strange to me. It doesn’t even feel real honestly.” He was mumbling to himself until he felt that familiar soft hand touch his. “Like you see in the movies right?” “Right.” “Then, like in the movies, we should finish the connection between us.” Patton then held up his pinkie, in the same manner one does a pinkie promise. But, Virgil was hesitant. “A-are you sure you want someone like me? I mean we’ve just met and…” “And?” “It’s just really fast is all. I’m not the most confident guy.” He curled up into his hoodie trying to hide his expression. Patton found this cute though. In his eyes Virgil was like a big cat that hadn’t gotten enough love in its life. “I’m not going to force you Virgil, but that first moment we shared at the door. That feeling when our hands touched for the first time. It was special. You’re special, I could tell that in an instant.” “I’m special? You really think that?” “I do. I also felt like I may never find my soulmate because I’ve always given a lot of my own love away to others who needed it, but never really had any luck in finding someone who could return what I gave. With you Virgil, I feel like you have a lot of love to give and receive.” “T-then are you saying you like me?” Patton smiled and gave Virgil a slight peck on the cheek and giggled. “Yeah I do. I like you Virgil. I’m your soulmate after-all.”

Virgil blushed bright red, but relief swept over him as he got his pinkie out and smiled. “Okay then.” Feeling more secure from Patton’s words, Virgil pressed the side of his pinkie into Patton’s to form a heart shaped symbol that turned the rest of Virgil’s hair purple and Patton’s pink. Both now had a full heart, matching their colors on their pinkies. “Guess I’ve upgraded from roommate to boyfriend huh?” Patton smirked, hugging into Virgil’s chest. He nodded feeling shy; this was going to take some getting used to.

The End

Second, please also enjoy some art I did for the ending scene: 

Happy Holidays! 

[aal-archaeology]

Summary of my first term of my Ph.D. at Stanford during a global pandemic and an extremely controversial election year (Anthropology, yr. 1, she/they, 25y/o) with some toggl data analysis

Well this year was a doozy if I don’t say so myself. But we survived it, and its okay if that’s all you were able to do this year because that’s enough.  As an offical 18th grader, I feel like I can speak pretty well to the toxicity of the academic environment. There is always a pressure to be working all of the time, people compete with each other with how few hours of sleep they got, every conversation with fellow students is just listing off all of the different assignemnts you have to do by the end of the week. On top of all of this, this is 2020. So, I decided that this year I’m going to give myself some mental slack. 

I decided that this is the year that I’m not going to try to impress anyone. I’m just going to survive and do what I have to do to move onto the next term. I think I did a pretty good job at that for the first term, so I’ll share a bit about what I observed in myself and those in my cohort. Coming into term one having to choose classes, many of my peers were packing their schedules full of 5 Unit seminars. For those who don’t know, theoretically, a 5 Unit course is supposed to take about 5-6 hours of work outside of class hours. For Stanford Anthropology, most PhD students take as close as they can to 18 credits, and anything over that you have to pay extra for the courses. Taking more courses doesn’t really put you any further ahead in terms of completing your degree, and you’re expected to complete about 45 Units each year for the first two years of the program. 

I decided to take 2 seminars (typical), a language course, and a couple filler credits that we are given the option to use if we need 1-3 units to hit 18 total. I,  fortunately, tracked every hour spent outside of the classroom working on each course using toggl (i highly reccomend): 

In a typical week, I spent about 5-6 hours/week outside of class on my Anthro seminars, and about 6-7 hours on Japanese. Japanese was a “for-fun” class so I would usually study more of that when I didn’t feel like reading dense archaeological theory. 

Toggl was a really cool way to see where I was spending too much, or not enough, time on my classwork. If it was taking me more than 1.5 hours to get through a single article, I knew I was probably spending too much time on it and should move on to the next thing. My goal for the term was to stay true to the 5 Unit idea of 5-6 hours, and not over-work myself. 

Toggl was also useful in tracking my mental health throughout the term, as it is very obvious to see when I just was not physically capable of ingesting 400 pages of reading. For example, election week:

Election week was really hard for me, and everyone else in the world honestly. I had various family things I was dealing with, typical existential dread, plus it was week 8-ish of the term when everything was already on fire in terms of workload. For one of my seminars (purple), we had to read a book for the following week which I was able to do the sundar after election day. However, for the days leading up to and surrounding the 4th, the only thing I could mentally handle was mindless Japanese vocab studying. One of my seminars really sufferend this week, and I straight up just didnt show up to the smaller Anth 310G class because I had only read the title of the pdf. Fortunately, I emailed my professor of my Theory class and was like “yo dude I cannot” and he replied that he understood and wouldnt call on me during that day of class. 

I didn’t do a whole lot of journalling at all this term, but for this week I just wrote “pain” on most days and then YAY BIDEN at the end of it. 

Weekly Schedule

Above is what a typical week looked like, some were a lot lot lot more dense, others not so much, but this was pretty average. Not all things on the calendar are work related, some are extra lectures from visiting professors that sounded interesting, or “Free Boba & Snacks Pick Up” put on by my residence. Monday, Wednesday, and Sunday were my big work days last term, where I didn’t have a whole lot of classes so I would do most of my reading then. On Tues and Thurs I had one 3-hour seminar, and M-F I had a 50 min Japanese class. 

I woke up every day around 7am-ish, made a green tea, and sat at the computer to work, filter through emails, etc. On particularily open days I would go grocery shopping, go for bike rides/walks around campus, go buy food/boba. 

On class-heavy days, I wouldn’t leave my computer for 8-12 hours, which is extremely ridiculous but that’s the new norm in school in 2020. This kind of stunk because all of the socializing was also on the computer, so even if I wasn’t working I was doing screen related things. 

EVERY day I stopped working at 6pm. Rarely did I do readings past 6pm unless I was really slacking somewhere. From 6pm onwards I would do things like play Among Us or League of Legends with my discord friends, eat, watch movies with my partner, etc. And then most nights I would try to be in bed by 12am at the latest. 

Social Life

Despite the online nature of things this term, I was suprisingly able to meet a lot of great people on campus. We were all being tested at least once a week, which made in person gatherings with 1-4 people a little less scary, especially when half of the people lived together in one household. 

In the first week of school, some of the grad programs put on a “speed friending” zoom event, where I was able to connect with two people really well. We ended up doing a “slow-friending” zoom event afterwards and then created a FB group chat and added all of the people we had met into it. The group ended up being about 15 people, and we would message the group for park hangouts, going to get food, or going on walks on campus. We also had a huge get together in a park for Mid-Autumn Festival, where we sat in a socially distanced circle, chatted, and ate mooncakes. 

Most of my socializing came from my online friends, and amongus was a huge savior to my mental health this term wher emy group would play literally every night. I also made a really good friend off of Bumble BFF this term, who I’ve hung out with a good amount for plant shopping and board games. 

I’m very fortunate to be in a situation where I can get tested for COVID on a days notice, and very grateful that I could use that to stay a little sane.  My Biggest Accomplishment this term, was not school related. but instead I hit my 365 DAY STREAK on duolingo. This was celebrated with cake. This streak has lived through literal hell and for that I am very proud. 

Overall reflection:

This term was super rough, there were a lot of days where I just napped through it and a lot of days where I couldn’t bring myself to do any work. However, I think the courseload that I took was very manageable and I’m going to continue to go light on myself in that regard. 

I really liked the boundaries that I set for myself this term, not working after 6pm and making time to do some fun things in the midst of chaos. I never felt like I was too far behind on work, or that I wasn’t doing enough, because I had a literal reminder in front of me that I had already put x amount of hours into something with toggl. 

Sometimes in class I would feel like I didn’t know how to productively contribute to conversation, but I think thats a skill that will get better over time and not being so great at it should especially be expected in the first term of a program.

Socially I met a lot of wonderful people who also made me feel more comfortable will myself. I started using She/They pronouns which feel really comforting to me. I made a lot of little origami cranes every time I was feeling sad. I drank a lot of boba. Watched a lot of She Ra. Played a lot of games. It all ended up being okay despite the weight of everything around me. 

I’m proud of all of you for making it through this year, I know it was really difficult for a lot of people in more ways than it was for me, but we’re still here! Sometimes all you can do it make it to the next day and thats such a big accomplishment on its own.  Please feel free to reach out with any questions about time-management, toggl, phd stuff in general, archaeology, etc! Always happy to help out. :’) Thanks for reading! Lyss