#it actually genuinely hurts my heart that i think they're setting up max for a world of pain tbh

[brinedpickle]

i keep thinking about vaultknight and why i think it is highly unlikely to be endgame. and dgmw, i love vaultknight. i also love ghoulcy/vaultghoul. i love all three of them together tbh so i'm not doing to debate the merits of any of those ships or pit them against one another. i don't think one of them is better than the other. do i have a preference? sure.

but while i do personally feel they are certainly setting something up w/vaultghoul and that could very well end up being shippy (but just as easily could not be), i think they show has done one specific thing that makes me feel like they will not be going the vaultknight route, and that's the fact that they already had them kiss.

i'll never forget having listened to this podcast re: tv writing and specifically about writing romance/love stories in tv. and that sydney pollack had told the writers of will and grace essentially that "a love story is over after the boy and the girl kiss" and that "if you can figure out a way to tell a love story where they don't kiss, you can have a show that could run for a very long time" (i'm paraphrasing...the folks recounting the story are paraphrasing). anyway, this idea stuck w/me bc it's very often right. i can think of examples off the top of my head where this is true (huddy!!) that once they kiss...it's kinda over.

in will and grace specifically, they do in fact have them kiss in the pilot, but that's a very different story obvs bc that show is about how a gay man and a straight woman can have a different kind of love story together. they did this to subvert this idea that a love story is over when they kiss bc they're telling a different love story. i think in fallout, they've had max and lucy kiss in the first season not to subvert this plot trope/concept but to be an example of it.

now, the rest of sydney's advice was that a love story needs obstacles as well. and i think vaultknight in any context, whether shippy or not, their relationship will have buckets of obstacles. but i do think that the writers have deliberately done that one thing (have them kiss) not to set them up for obstacles to overcome to get together but to establish that they won't get together. their story, their relationship is about something else entirely.

i think their story is a tragedy. i think that brief moment they have with each other is a sort of 'what if' scenario. a 'what could be' if the world were different. if her vault was the safe place she thought it was where they could be together. if his brotherhood were the good guys he thought they were. but they're not. neither of those things are true in the ways that they believed them to be. and as long as max remains with the brotherhood (despite knowing/discovering harsh realities) and lucy continues on a path that takes her away from vault living (because of the harsh realities she's discovered), they'll be driven further and further apart.

and again, i don't necessarily think they're doing this specifically to set up vaultghoul instead. i think that's the story they're setting up for max regardless of whatever goes on w/the ghoul and lucy.

[safetycar-restart]

hiii!! i come to you with a logan and oscar idea, poly or separate, idc. so it’s established that what leads to oscar joining logan and his dom is logan finding him in subspace but alternatively going with the past d/s au, what if logan knew that oscar had this horrible dom and it shattered his heart everytime he thought about it like “i have a good dom, why can’t oscar? oscars good too, why can’t he have good things?”

so this leads to Logan talking to his dom about oscar and his dom saying yes because well all oscar and Logan really want is to be good, at their cores they are good boys. so logan finds oscar and that time and brings him with him back to his dom and at this point they are both sobbing, oscar from his bad drop with his (team assigned) dom and logan because once again he can’t really rationalize in this headspace that oscar can’t have as good a dom as he does. so you end up talking with both of them when they are out of subspace and coming to an agreement that oscar is now your sub. i think that with logan being collared it might cause some issues like internally for oscar, especially when he enters subspace like “am i not good enough to be collared too?” :(. which of course he is and you end up having to have a long conversation with oscar about how you love him just as much as you love logan. and thought number 2 which is far less developed: what do you think logan is like as a little? cause i personally see him as being more laidback, kind of like max but with less trauma. but he still has his moments unlike when he’s not little, little!logan is wayyyyyyyy more hurt by you (his mommy/daddy) talking to other littles. ESPECIALLY ones he feels like are better than him. he’s always afraid you’re going to leave him for a “better” little. feel free to add any of your thoughts (also sorry for any mistakes, english is my third language) -love 🎾anon

Firstly, please know that you guys can always send ideas that don't merge with the 'canon' of our verses! Nothing is set in stone and I love exploring different ideas. Anyway, I love this so much.

I love how pure Logan is about it? He's really just there like 'I good boy, I have good dom. But Oscar good boy? Why no good dom for Oscar? MUST FIX" and that's it. That's far as the plan goes.

He's long since decided that when it comes to anything to do with scening and dynamics, it is your problem. Ever since you collared him, he kinda just tells you his vague thoughts and lets you do the rest cause you're his dom and he trusts you.

So with this, he thought no further than the fact that Oscar deserves a better dom and you are a better dom therefore you must dom Oscar and him together.

Of course you say yes when Logan brought it up to you. Not only because you would do anything to make Logan never look so sad again, but also because you genuinely love Oscar and it breaks your heart to know he's not getting what he needs.

You except Oscar to be upset when he comes to you, but you don't Logan to also be in a breakdown. Logan is just crying and hugging Oscar, mumbling that it isnt fair! Oscar should be with you and him, not some terrible mclaren dom!

Of course hearing this makes Oscar cry even more, because he wants what you and Logan have so bad.

You don't actually scene with them properly, because you havent been able to talk to Oscar about his limits yet and because they're both far too upset. Maybe you let them kneel for you? They get to kneel right next to each other, their legs pressed against each other and they can even hold hands. Within ten minutes they've formed a cuddle pile at your feet and honestly it's just the cutest?

You've got two good boys cuddling at your feet, looking up at you for praise and reassurance.

Oscar spends the night, cuddles between you and Logan and has the best sleep he's had in a long time. You discuss everything in the morning and all of three you realise that Oscar needs to also be your sub.

So that's what happens.

But yeah Oscar definitely has a problem with Logan having a collar, and it's actually so difficult for him to workout what his problem even is? Because he's not upset that Logan is collared, he's happy! He loves watching you and Logan together, and his heart would break if you took Logan's collar away.

But at the same time, his heart just aches sometimes? Cause he... he wants a collar too. He wants to really feel like he belongs to you.

And I think Logan feels really guilty about that? He can see that it's upsetting Oscar and he doesn't know what to do. Oscar just joined, so he knows it's too early for Oscar to be collared, but he also knows that there's no way in hell he's going to take his collar off around Oscar. He hasn't been without a collar for over three years and he's not about to start now, it would break him.

Maybe you get Oscar a play collar? A collar that he only wears during scenes and that he can request to wear around the house too. He can't put his own play collar on, it has to be you that does it and if you aren't there, then it can be Logan but you must order Logan to do it.

Oscar ADORES his play collar, and pretty soon he's always wearing it around the house.

Within two months he's gotten his own day collar, because once he knows what it's like to wear your collar, he doesn't ever want to stop.

Maybe Oscar and Logan get each other bracelets? So it's like they've kinda collared each other too.

LITTLE!LOGAN:

I'm not gonna spend too much time on this because of how long the d/s au idea was, but I do want to say this: I love the idea that he's jealous?

He's actually a pretty independent little, happy to watch cartoons and drink from his sippy cup while you work or chat to another caregiver but the moment you even look at another little, he's pouting and whining and fussing. HE'S your baby boy, no one else!

(Except... except he doesn't mind when you look after Oscar.)

[kingandfireheart]

Cassian's Love: words from a guy who speaks through actions

Something I love about Cassian is that he doesn't really hide the ball when it comes to his feelings for Nesta. He's most definitely an actions speak louder than words person (physical touch is his love language), but he does use words in ACOSF. I read someone say that Cassian didn't show his love for Nesta, and I completely disagree. Even though SJM never showed us Cassian saying the actual words, we see it so often through the small touches like flicking her cheek, the way that he never makes fun of her (many) questions, or the way he's always there, but he never pushes her too far.

In ACOWAR he confesses his love

" I have no regrets in my life, but this. That we did not have time. That I did not have time with you, Nesta. I will find you again in the next world -- the next life. And we will have that time. I promise. "

Yes, there is a lot he doesn't say - that they are mates, that he wants more than just sex, that he loves her. He even goes far enough to attack Lanthys to prevent him from revealing the truth. (I can write a whole post on why he wouldn't tell her about being mates, but I think Nesta's reaction to Lucien's declaration at the end of ACOMAF can suffice as explanation).

After his heartbreaking confession in ACOWAR, it makes sense that he's more reserved with Nesta. When thinking about his almost confession on solstice, he even says, "He hardly managed to walk away with some semblance of pride. Over his cold, dead body would she do that to him again." He is protecting himself by ignoring the mating bond too ("Some small quiet part of his brain whispered otherwise. He ignored it. Had ignored it for a long time now.")

Still throughout the book, he owns up to his feelings for Nesta when given the opportunity -- he just doesn't say the words "I love you" or "You're my mate". This post goes through some scenes in chronological order, since they show how Cassian does care.

(I could write another whole post on how I feel cheated of two months of happy Nessian between Solstice and Starfall, but that's what fanfiction is for, right?).

When Mor asks if it pains him to see Nesta like this, he says:

"All of it pains me... It pains me that Nesta has become... this. It pains me that she and Feyre are always at each other's throats. It pains me that Feyre hurts over it, and I know Nesta does, too. It pains me that ..."

When he's pleading her to train, she asks him why he isn't negotiating harder, he says.

"For you, I have no strategies."

Then there's the confrontation before, "I'm always thinking of that look on your face". (Yes, he's goading her here, but I don't think he's lying)

"Why so many questions tonight?" // "Because we're talking like normal people, and I want to know. About all of it." // "Let's nor retread old territory, Nes." // "It never mattered to me whether you took half the Cauldron's power or a drop. It still doesn't matter. // "Why?" "Why do you even bother?" // "Why did you stay at my side when we went up against the King of Hybern during the last battle?"

Answer: because they're mates.

After Nesta fights with Elain, he tells her he'll be there for her.

"Whatever you need to throw at me, I can take it. I won't break." No challenge laced the words. Only a plea. // "You don't understand," she said, voice rasping. "I am not like you and the others." // "That's never bothered me one bit." (emphasis added)

When Rhys gives Nesta a mental warning about Gwyn:

"I'm pissed off that you can't seem to believe one good thing about her. That you refuse to fucking believe one good thing about her."

When they are discussing the Dread Trove and pushing Nesta to scry: Yes Cassian for arguing against only protecting Elain

" There is an innate darkness to the Dread Trove that should not be exposed to." // "But Nesta should?" Cassian growled.

"It's not right to wield Elain as a threat to manipulate Nesta into scrying." "There are harsher ways to convince Nesta, boy" "You're a fool if you think threats will make her obey you." ... "If we manipulate Nesta into scrying, even by using Elain against her, then we'll do what is necessary." "I don't like it."

After Nesta's nightmare:

"Hey." "Hello" "Are you all right?" "Yes." "Good" "You want to talk about it?" "No" "That's fine." "You want breakfast?" "I like your priorities, General." (italics added)

When Rhys and Feyre mention bringing in Helion:

"He'll help...If only for another shot at her." // Nesta rolled her eyes, and and the gesture was so normal that Cassian's smile became more genuine, edged with relief // You wear your heart for all to see, brother. Rhys said without turning Cassian's way. // Cassian only shrugged. He was past caring.

When they finally have sex , we have this short back-and-forth:

"I'll hurt you." // "I don't care" // "I do."

and my personal favorite

"I'm beyond lies right now, Nesta."

When Nesta asks whether Cassian enjoyed their previous encounter, he tells her:

I enjoyed myself too much. I've thought about it for days and days.

"Whatever you want. Whatever you need from me." He knew those were a fool's words, knew he offered up too much.

And when Nesta asks "How can I need you again so soon?" Answer: because they're mates.

"I've needed you from the moment I first met you. And now that I get to have you, I don't what to stop

When they find out about the new Dread Trove, he's quick to defend Nesta to others:

This scene isn't really dialogue, but I'm including it because I love Cass.

They moved on to far merrier subjects, but Cassian mulled it over throughout the evening. The fighting was only part of it. The Training would sustain her, funnel her rage, but there had to be more. There had to be joy. There had to be music. (emphasis added)

When Nesta breaks down at the end of the hike, we see that Cassian doesn't just love Nesta, but he likes her, he may even admire her.

"I don't know how to get there. I don't think I'm capable of it" // "You are. I've seen it -- I've seen what you can do when you are willing to fight for the people you love. Why not apply that same bravery and loyalty to yourself?"

"You don't need to become some impossible ideal. You don't need to become sweet and simpering. You can give everyone that I Will Slay My Enemies look - which is my favorite look, by the way. You can keep that sharpness I like so much, that boldness and fearlessness. I don't want you to ever lose those things, to cage yourself."

"I'll be with you every step of the way... Just don't lock me out. You want to walk in silence for a week, I'm fine with that. So long as you talk to me at the end of it." (emphasis added)

When Cassian and Nesta go to the prison, there are some more telling moments:

"What if my presence would go unnoticed, but yours sets off a trap? We can't risk that." // His throat bobbed. "I can't risk you." // The words slammed into her heart. (emphasis added)

and later,

"I have always been your friend Nesta. Always"

When Nesta and Cassian return from the Prison:

Nesta brushed her fingers against Cassian's in silent understanding. His own curled against hers, meeting her stare as if to say, See? We're the same after all.

But when Rhys suggests having Nesta dance with Eris, Cassian is territorial to the max

"You're not going to use her."

"Over my dead fucking body," Cassian exploded.

"Nesta hasn't agreed to anything," Cassian snapped. "Even one dance with that prick is too much --"

"I don't like it."

He also agrees to go with her to the cottage in the human lands, and is so damn supportive and kind to her there. Action not words here but I love this himbo so much

Cassian stood beside her through all of it. Not speaking, not touching. Just there, should she need him. Her friend -- whom she'd asked to come her with her not because he was sharing her bed, but because she wanted him here. His steadiness and kindness and understanding.

And of course, the amazing and wonderful solstice scene:

"I'm sorry for how I behaved last Solstice. For how awful I was."// "I know. I forgave you a long time ago."

"Because I was fucking jealous!" He roared, wings splaying. "You looked like a queen, and it was painfully obvious you should be with a princeling like Eris and not a low born nothing like me! Because I couldn't stand the sight of it, right down to my gods-damned bones."(emphasis added)

"You're not going to marry Eris." "No" "There will be no one else. For either of us." "Yes" "Ever."

The big ole fight

"Say what I've guess from the moment we met. What I knew the first time I kissed you. What became unbreakable between us on Solstice night"

"I am your mate, for fuck's sake!" "You are my mate! Why are you still fighting it?

"You promised me forever on Solstice," he said, voice breaking. "Why is one word somehow throwing you off that?" (emphasis added)

And the conclusion that just wasn't satisfying enough:

"What do you want? // "You" // "You've had me from the moment you met me."

[interestsofabookwormbitch]

Season 1 Episode 4

Starting another episode in my free time today I've got an hour and half, but I'm in a somewhat analysing mood, well see how this goes

Oh yeah, the blackout.

Ooh flashback.

Liz just doesn't feel it with Kyle. And wow someone hurt Rosa bad. That was kinda harsh.

Well, I wonder how they're gonna deal with this. Also, I just thought of this while writing, but I guess technically confirmation Max didn't tell Liz everything, but tbh, we knew that so it doesn't matter.

Isobel you tried that. It didn't work. Also, I really don't thing confessing will work tbh. Like even if he does the circumstances would point to him lying right? I just don't see Liz buying that completely. She wants answers, that'd be too easy.

Oh, Rosa's ex. He doesn't seem so bad tbh.

Lmao, protective father.

Ugh, this guy again. He's really tries to manipulate people. I hate him

Jenna don't fraternizte with the enemy. I hope this doesn't progress in anyway. I kinda like Jenna, so associating with that guy would be disappointing.

How has it taken this long for them to discuss each other's powers?

This is awkward... like "She feels like I'm a murderer" that's not what Isobel meant. Lmao

I feel bad for him though. Like this man is really going through it.

Oh shit. Actual consequences to the blackout. Tbh I didn't think there would be. Idk why, but I just didn't. Poor kid. Like genuinely.

Just casually rolling into to town to manipulate peoples minds. You know, as you do.

Also like, duh she didn't tell him.

Ooh. Calling the old man out. This low-key resonates though. Parents don't trust you, you lie. And don't get me wrong, her dad seems good, and I'm hearing what he's saying too, I just can't relate to his side (yet)

Fuck! What happened? Heart attack?

Ok, that was cool of Kyle ngl. I like him. Sometimes he makes me nervous (still does) but he's a good guy at heart

I like this dynamic. Michael and Maria I mean. Like it seems fun to watch. Also I'm assuming that man's order means Isobel did her thing right.

I forgot about the date tbh. That's awkward, and it's gonna end awkward if they continue with this since Liz is staying...

What is up with Maria and Isobel? Oof. I like this too though. Lmao. Maria is a obviously a good character cause I've found she's played off of everyone well.

I don't know how I feel about getting in Maria's head though. Idk idk. The set up feels like something will go wrong. It's always the set up with these shows.

(Uninportant tangent) Here's the thing. I'm a really anxious person, and I think of literally everything that could go wrong always. So I get really nervous reading or watching stuff. It's fun, tbh, but makes me feel dumb sharing if I turn out to be wrong.

Freak. Kinda rude and backhanded. Definitely isn't gonna help make nice. Nor are the comments during the reading. But also lmao Maria is like spot on and idk how but I love it.

Oh entering her head now and a flashback. I'm getting distracted by the background music though lmao. I love to dance to Shake It. Honestly bobbing my head along as I watch.

Why did Rosa hate Isobel though? Just cause she was the mean girl?

Oh no, this confrontation again. Everytime Max and Kyle are together I get worried Kyle's gonna reveal that Liz told him. It makes me nervous, and had I not been liveblogging I would look it up.

"We're just men" he says where both of them know it's not true. Obviously he isn't aware they both know, but still.

Rosa was gonna run away? The plot thickens.

Max is gonna have to do something. Like quickly.

😬😬 Jenna's about to find out if he keeps speaking like that.

What did Liz just find? I shouldn't ask that because it'll be answered soon.

Max that was not at all subtle... Jenna will be suspecting things now

Wow. Ok. Hmm. That's not great if she's right. Gonna be honest, I see no purpose in this being false, so I'll believe this reveal for now. My one question though, how is Liz an expert in handwriting? Like to the point of matching it? Like isn't that something that takes years of work, and she's in a more sciencey path. Idk. Just nitpicky.

Yeah, this would send someone spiraling. This back and forth on whether it's true or not right now is weird. Anyways. The fact that they're saying it's not true, to pointing how it could be, makes me believe it more.

Don't kiss. And they did. I'm not into this as a ship ngl.

Oh is Isobel still not okay? I thought that was just sort of a general, over did it, drink some nail polish remover and move on kinda deal. (On that note, how did they figure out to drink that stuff?)

This deal about that night is really blowing up in their faces seeing how it keeps getting brought up. Honestly, they probably thought they were in the clear from addressing it ever again as it's been a decade and then BAM! Liz come crashing into their lives threatening everything they've built, what with her knowing they're aliens, and also digging into her sisters past. I do get why these two don't like her. It just kinda sucks that we can't all get along yet. I feel things would be resolved so quickly if we all trusted each other. But that wouldn't be good stoy telling, and then I wouldn't watch the show. Probably.

Look, I know if I look logically, Liz and Kyle make sense and should be a good pair, they communicate well, they're obviously attracted to each other, they care about each other yada yada. But shipping isn't logical. So, imma pass.

Also this thing with his dad was kinda dealt with quicker than I expected. Like obviously they're looking into it, but I expected more conflict over it. Not sad to see a lack of it though

Ugh encounter. Oh this isn't as bad as I was expecting this to go.

Oh shit this confrontation is happening. See this is what I wanted to avoid. I knew it was coming, but why did it come? The betrayal of trust. Thought it is on both sides since he's still keeping secrets about Rosa. So you know, evens out... I don't really want to hit play. I hate moments like this.

This is hurting me. I'll leave it at that.

Agajdbks I'm analysing as I'm watching but I didn't want to hit pause so I kept going back and deleting.

So cage imagery brought up again, taken from Rosa of course. Being burned and needing to hide away in your armor. She's gotta break that cage and leave the safety of course that's coming later. Like this is a story, things like this get brought up to be broken. Same thing with how she only relies on facts. That rarely lasts in storied when it's brought up.

She's terrified is how she sums it up, but that's obviously more than just, "ooh alien may have killed my sister" and also relates to her feelings I'd say, I mean it makes sense. She's scared of opening up, of how she feels, and how he's involved with Rosa.

I honestly forgot more of what I was gonna say but oh well.

Jenna, don't you dare talk to him. Oh, he's fucking manipulating again. I hate him

Aw father daughter bonding. I like her dad

Ok, there lives are sad. Like idk, Michael hits the most just cause he's literally looking for some other alien to save him. It might as well be a child's fairytale tbh. Isobel's is sad too don't get me wrong, but something feels worse looking for someone not there.

And now they know about Kyle. Their lives are falling apart

Oh I'm running out of time I pause too much, I need to go, so commentary is short.

Gah! And of course it's right at the end with a reveal. Fuck me. I basically running to my practice and have no time to process and reflect anymore. I over thought things earlier. Damn. I'm watching the next episode tonight idc that I have to get up early.