#is what happens when i dont think about color til it's way too late.. and i also dont plan right (or at all) and paint the whole fn thing

[criminal-sen]

Ough my fucking god, pretty sure I'm finally done with this ridiculous nsfw... fine art painting I've been sinking all my spare time into lately (and also time I should be spending doing chores and sleeping smh). Basically was the result of me being creatively bankrupt recently, and getting Very Excited that I actually wanted to finish something. And I've also uhhhh been dealing with The Horrors, as one does, and it's been a very effective distraction:D

Anyway I'm trying to get my ass outside rn but if all goes as planned, I'll post it on cohost this evening, with thumbnail and link here ofc. I uh. I gave Mayuri different equipment downstairs than I usually do, partially in an attempt to do a gender affirmation thing and partially bc I wanted to draw him wearing a strap on. So that's uhhhh.. well it's something:/ I also realized, coincidentally, that I'm totally inexperienced at drawing said equipment, so apologies in advance. It looks.. fine? I think? I didn't really make it the focus of the thing, so as long as it's vaguely recognizable, I suppose I did alright. Omfg I'm going to stop typing now

[tobesolonely]

jealousy

a/n: hello! this is a little one shot that’s apart of my dad!harry universe! you dont have to read the original one to understand this one shot but if you’d like to, ill link it here . i hope everyone enjoys! please reblog and leave feedback if you do<33

summary: y/n and harry have another child, and their first born is a little skeptical on the idea of being a big sister.

warnings: none

word count: ~1.7k

my ko-fi! thank you :)

After hours of excruciating contractions, a backache like nothing you’ve ever felt in your life, and the horrid discomfort that came with pushing, you forgot all about your displeasure when Harry grabbed your hand, eyes sparkling, and said: “He’s beautiful, Y/N. Oliver’s here.”

When you found out you were having a baby boy, you were ecstatic. You and Harry already had a daughter, a fiery six-year-old named Allison, or Ally, as she preferred, and wanted to try for a boy. Girls run on both sides of your family, so you were pleasantly surprised when you found out you were expecting a baby boy. However, your daughter was not so happy about this news.

At first, you and Harry thought that the farther along you got in your pregnancy, the more your daughter would warm up to the idea of being a big sister. Unfortunately, the opposite happened. She became withdrawn and had outbursts that you would describe as “unpredictable and unprovoked.” You tried using your own experience as an older sibling to help your daughter know what to expect. You let her pick the color for the nursery. Harry got a t-shirt made that said, “Best big sister ever!” but she never wanted to wear it. Despite your greatest efforts, nothing changed your daughter’s attitude. She was much like you in that aspect— once she had an opinion on something, it was difficult to get her to see things from a different perspective. Still, you were looking forward to your eldest meeting the newest addition to the family.

After a few hours of skin to skin, feeding, and napping (because everyone knows you sleep when the baby sleeps), Harry breaks the silence. “Told my mum she can come over with Ally and Gem, now. Are yeh okay with visitors?” His voice is scratchy from not speaking for so long, and he’s whispering in an effort to not wake up your son.

“That’s fine,” you respond, rubbing sleep out of your eyes. “Just exhausted. Maybe a short visit?” Harry nods, telling you he already suggested they don’t stay for long. You look over at your son, starting to feel a little anxious. Ally had six months to adjust to the idea of having a sibling, and she was upset about it right up until the very end. When you went into labor, as Harry frantically got the car packed, she stood off to the side and said nothing. When Harry’s mom arrived as you were getting set to leave, the two of you told your daughter to be good, gave her hugs and kisses, and reminded her how loved she was. Still, Ally said nothing. When Anne waved as Harry backed the car out of the driveway, Ally had a look on her face that she didn’t often wear— a look that could best be described as pure hurt.

“What’s on your mind?” While you were lost in your thoughts, Harry moved from the chair near the window to the one next to your bed.

“I’m just worried about how Ally’s gonna react to him,” you gesture toward your son, who was still fast asleep in his bassinet. “Did you see how she looked at us when we left? Hardly said a word to either one of us.”

Harry hums thoughtfully, thinking back on the earlier day's events. “Guess you’re right, now that ‘m thinkin’ about it. She didn’t seem excited at all, did she?”

You shake your head, tears starting to form in your eyes. Harry’s expression softens, and he reaches to gently cup your face. “Hey, don’ gotta cry, lovie. Just wait ‘til she sees him. Promise she’ll fall in love jus’ like we did, trust me.” He wipes a stray tear from your cheek and gives you a reassuring smile.

“You’re right,” you tell him, feeling silly for getting so emotional so quickly. “I know it’s a big adjustment. My mom told me I was the same way when my little sister was born.” Harry nods, retracting his hand from your face and reaching to grab a tissue from the table beside your bed.

“See? Who woulda thought yeh didn’t like your sister when she was born? The two of yeh are inseparable at this point, know she’d be right here beside you if she wasn’t away at university.”

You’re about to respond when a gentle knock at the door interrupts your conversation. Harry’s eyes light up as he turns to see his mother, Gemma, and your baby girl all walk into the room. Gemma is holding a big bouquet of flowers, Anne has a bunch of balloons with “It’s a boy!” written in curly script, and Ally is clutching onto her grandmother’s hand, a stuffed bear that you don’t recognize as being hers in tow.

“C’mere and give Daddy a hug,” Harry immediately stands up and goes to pick up your daughter, twirling her around. “Missed yeh so much, love bug. Were you good for grandma and auntie Gem?” Harry’s voice is still quiet, as Oliver was still sleeping, and no one wanted to deal with a fussy baby at the moment.

“Yes, daddy.” Ally answers quietly and shortly, looking down at the floor. Harry notices this and sets her down, kneeling to make eye contact with her.

“What’s wrong, Ally? Mumma and Daddy have noticed that yeh haven’t been yourself lately. Something botherin’ you?” Harry questions, already knowing why she was so upset but wanting to give her a chance to freely express how she was feeling.

“S’just…” she says, tugging on her shirt and stretching it out, a bad nervous habit she developed. “I don’ think I want a brother, Daddy. Auntie Gem said it would be fun, but I jus’ don’t think so.” Your daughter has a look of genuine worry on her face. At this point, Gemma and Anne have made their way over to you, quietly offering congratulations and gushing over Oliver.

“What makes yeh think it won’t be fun, bug? What are some things you’re worried about?” Harry takes one of her little hands in his, rubbing gentle circles on her thumb. Ally harshly rubs at her eyes, and you know this means she’s about to start crying.

“Jus’ think you and Mumma won’t love me anymore… because you’ll be too busy playing with him,” She looks over in her brother’s direction, not even wanting to say his name. “I bet he’ll get more cuddles than me.”

Your heart breaks at the fact that your daughter thinks you and Harry don’t have enough love in your heart for her and her baby brother. “Ally, come over here and lie next to Mumma,” you call out quietly. Harry picks her up and brings her over to you, laying her on your bed cautiously to make sure she doesn’t accidentally get tangled in any of your IV’s.

“Baby, there’s nothing and no one on this planet that could make me and Daddy love you any less. We have enough love in our hearts for you and Oliver. Do you understand?” You ask. She doesn’t say anything.

“D’ya wanna hold him?” Harry offers, looking at his mom and sister who have hopeful looks in their eyes. They know how difficult it’s been for Ally to accept a new sibling, as Anne and Gemma have both reassured you countless times when you’ve vented to them about it.

“I guess,” she mumbles, looking at her hands. Harry tries a different approach.

“I see yeh had a new bear in your hand when yeh walked in. Is that for your brother?” Ally looks at the bear that she had discarded on the chair and nods slowly.

“Auntie Gem got Mumma flowers, an’ grandma got balloons. So I wanted to get something too,” she tells him, looking between yours and Harry’s faces. He smiles widely at this and reaches to grab the bear.

“That’s so thoughtful of yeh, bug. See? You’re a natural big sister! Did Auntie Gem teach you some things when I wasn’t around?” Ally chuckles at this, playing with the stuffed animal’s legs. “Do yeh wanna hold him and give him the bear, Ally?”

She quickly nods, a noticeable shift in her mood. Harry tries to hide his excitement as he walks over to Oliver’s bassinet, who was now starting to wake up. He coos when Harry picks him up, and you’re relieved when he doesn’t burst into tears like he has been for the past few hours.

“Hold your arms like this,” you demonstrate for your daughter, situating her body next to you so she could hold her brother without hurting him. Out of the corner of your eye, you notice Gemma pull out her phone and start recording.

“Ready for him?” Harry questions. Ally nods and Harry slowly places her brother in her arms. “Make sure yeh hold the back of his head, bug. Can’t let it dangle.” You help her readjust her hand placement to offer more support to Oliver’s head. Ally looks up, a dimpled smile on her face.

“He’s so little!” She exclaims, staring back down at him in awe. You and Harry look at each other, tears filling your eyes for what felt like the thousandth time that day.

“He is, isn’t he?” You ask, quickly wiping under your eyes. Anne places her hand on your shoulder, looking down at her grandson with a look of pure adoration in her eyes.

“He’s beautiful,” she gushes, sounding slightly choked up. “He’s got eyes just like yours, Ally.” You see her smile at this, but she doesn’t look up, not wanting to stop staring at her new brother. She reaches carefully with the hand, not supporting her brother’s head to grab the stuffed bear she picked out for him, setting it next to him.

“This is for you, Olly,” she says, placing the bear beside him. “You can sleep with him every night!”

Harry glances at you again, a look of relief on his face. “Olly, is it, bug? He has a nickname just like yours,” he tells her, reaching over you to smooth her hair. “Ally and Olly. I like tha’.” Your heart is full, and your family is complete.

At least, for now.

[strawbunniiee]

A Girl and a Ghost Ch. 3: The King’s Revenge

SOOOOO this is the part where the plot thickens :)

if anybody else wants me to tag them in these chapters so you know when they come out i will gladly do so andksnkfs

hope you enjoy! ive had tons of fun with writing these :D

dont mind me, just lettin my frendos know that this is a thing skfnkdjf

@salamifuposey @monsterbride99 aaAAA when i initially posted this i COMPLETELY forgot to do this a a a a a sorry

King Boo was furious.

How could that peasant, that foul impure abomination of a Boo do this to his beloved crown? It contained his power, it was so incredibly important to him...

And that filthy little purple haired brat! How could she so carelessly throw a rock at him like that?

He plopped his body down in a chair and marinated in his own rage for a few minutes.

After a few moments of enraged silence, he spoke.

"...I have got to get my revenge on those two. But... how will I do it?"

King Boo began to brainstorm a way to get the ghost Rabbid and his little idiot friend in hot water.

"Torture? No, no... one of them is a ghost. It wouldn't hurt him... Torture could be done with the little nuisance however. Perhaps a bit of childhood trauma will teach her not to mess with the wrong people." he thought aloud.

He spent almost fifteen whole minutes thinking of gruesome ways to get back at them, until it finally struck him.

"...Oooh, I know. I know exactly what to do now. It'll mostly affect that bloated rabbit, but I can still do some damage to his moronic pipsqueak pal."

He grinned maliciously and floated towards the doors of his manor.

"I'm about to open up some old wounds of yours, Tommy." he said to himself.

———

Meanwhile, Phantom was racing through the sky with Jawaii in his arms, panicking. He would never let King Boo lay his foul hands on her.

They were both absolutely dead silent the whole time until Jawaii opened her mouth.

"...Do you know that guy?"

Phantom halted for a moment and looked down at the young alien he held. "...Yes, I do, but I don't think I would like to go into detail at the moment. We have a very... rough history, I will say."

"Oh... I get it. It's okay, I won't pry. I understand." Jawaii said.

"Just remember that if King Boo ever tries to hurt us, I'll make sure he will regret it for the rest of his days." promised the Rabbid ghost. "I swear on it."

Phantom resumed his flight and soared down to the ground safely. He gently set her down in the grass.

"That was actually really fun! We should do that again sometime! ...without being scared off by an evil ghost, obviously. That would just make it less fun." said Jawaii.

"I'm glad you were entertained, I suppose... King Boo is quite intimidating. And rude." said Phantom.

Jawaii put her hands on her hips. "Well, yeah! I mean, he made fun of your weight! No friend of mine is getting made fun of like that!"

Phantom laughed a bit. "Oh, don't worry, I wasn't that harmed by that statement. I er, get that all the time."

She frowned. "Why do people tease you about that, that's dumb! Besides, I think you're perfect just the way you are!" She gave him a hug.

He hugged back and smiled. "Awww... thank you. I was born like this, I can't help it you see."

"You're a giant fluffy singing ghost bunny with a mustache, I have no idea how anybody could hate THAT! Cuz I don't."

"Oh, don't make me blush from all of these compliments!" said Phantom, smiling.

Jawaii jokingly grinned evilly. "Never. I'm gonna shower you in compliments 'til you DROWN!"

She cackled maniacally as she began relentlessly saying nice things about him with Phantom begging her to stop. Soon, it became a full-on flattery war to see who could out-compliment the other. They had a grand old time.

Eventually, the sun began to set.

"Oh yikes, I better get home. I had no idea we stayed out here for so long! Mom is probably having a heart attack as we speak!" said Jawaii.

Phantom was quite alarmed, his ears sprung up in worry and concern. "She's having a what?! Oh, poor child, I hope your mother is all right..."

She burst out laughing hysterically.

"Wh-what's so funny? I thought your mother was dying!"

"No, dummy! That was an exaggeration, I meant that she's probably WORRIED about me!" Jawaii continued giggling like a maniac.

"Ah. I see now... Thank you for correcting me!" Phantom joined in on the laughter.

They got themselves together after a moment.

"Oh yeah, mind if you could fly me over to my house..? We're kinda far away from home." said Jawaii.

"Of course!" Phantom replied happily.

Jawaii climbed on his back and the two flew home.

———

After flying back to town, Phantom gently set Jawaii down in front of her home.

"See you soon, my friend. I enjoyed showing you around Spooky Trails today!" said Phantom.

"Cya tomorrow Phantom! I had a good day today too!" She ran up to him and gave him one last hug.

She walked up to her door and waved goodbye to Phantom. He waved back.

"Moooom! I'm hoooome!"

Jawaii's stepmother Stella ran in.

"Oh, Jawaii! Thank goodness you're all right! I was so worried, where were you?"

"Sorry I came home late! But I spent today with a friend of mine."

Stella had a look of pleasant surprise on her face. "You made a friend? That's so wonderful! I know you haven't really ever had any friends, honey, I'm so happy to hear that you finally made one!" She smiled.

Jawaii grinned. "Yeah! I'll tell you allllll about him! He's the best."

They sat down at the dinner table with the food Stella made.

Jawaii dug into her mashed potatoes and ate it like a wild animal that had nothing to eat for the past 3 weeks.

"Honey, chew slowly. I don't want you choking!" said Stella.

"Sorry, Mom..." Jawaii said, frowning.

"It's okay. I don't want you in the hospital or anything, especially after you just made a new friend!"

"Oh, I've known him for a while, actually. We've been hanging out together a lot!" she smiled, her mouth still full of food.

"...Jawaii, sweetie, don't talk with food in your mouth.“

"Oh yeah! Sorry again Mom.."

"Anyways, that's why you've been out so much lately? I'm so happy for you, Jawaii!" Stella smiled.

Jawaii gulped down some water. "Yep! I'm glad I'm his friend too!"

They spent dinner talking about all of the fun adventures she and Phantom had gone on.

Jawaii however, conveniently left out any mention of them being in danger, she wouldn't want to worry her stepmother of course!

"Oh yeah! I meant to ask you this, but I got totally sidetracked but where's Dad? And where's Hakai?" asked Jawaii.

"Your father is out destroying planets again, and your sister is having a sleepover with some friends of hers." said Stella.

"Ohhhh. Wonder why Dad's out so late. Hope he's alright."

"I'm sure he's fine, hon."

Jawaii had another sister though, and her name was Roe. She went to a boarding school and wasn't home most of the time.

She stretched and yawned. "Hey Mom, I think I'm gonna hit the hay today."

Stella gave her a small look of surprise. "Oh! You are? Usually you're quite a night owl. Maybe you're just tired from all your little adventures with Phantom."

Jawaii smiled. "Yeah. Maybe. Anyways, g'night Mom! Love ya, don't let the bed bugs bite."

Stella gave Jawaii a hug. "Aww, good night sweetie. Love you too.”

Jawaii ran upstairs, changed into her nightgown, brushed her teeth and jumped into bed, quickly falling asleep after her long, tiring but fun day.

———

That same night, the Mushroom Kingdom was as quiet as ever when it was nighttime. The once colorful, cheerful inviting land was deathly silent, almost hauntingly so.

Princess Peach was safely tucked in her bed, sleeping peacefully.

But little did the sleeping princess know, this would not remain for long.

King Boo had finally made it to the castle after venturing there to exact his revenge. He knew how dearly Phantom loved Peach. Breaking them apart forever would be the ultimate punishment for stepping on his turf. He knew that either way, the plan would work. If Phantom didn't come to the manor, him and Peach would be separated forever. If he did, however, it would give the vengeful king the chance to trap him and Jawaii in his manor, to torture them and possibly even kill them somehow.

He knew he could kill Jawaii, that was no problem, but Phantom...? Could he possibly do it again? ...No, he's a ghost now. He can't be killed again. But the king knew that even if he couldn't die, he could still make him suffer for as long as he wanted. Possibly even for eternity.

He phased through the castle walls, not having any of the guards notice him. Then, he finally found her room. There Peach slept, defenseless, ready for the taking.

In the blink of an eye, he snatched her from her bed.

Peach immediately woke up and let out a shrill scream of horror, alerting the Toads guarding her door.

But it was too late. He had already burst out her window with her and was headed straight towards his mansion.

———

Tap, tap, tap.

Jawaii woke up very late that night to a tapping sound she heard at her window. She went over to it to find one of the Peek-A-Boos she had met in Spooky Trails, tapping away at her window.

"Hey... aren't you that kid who Phantom is friends with?"

Jawaii rubbed her eye and yawned. "Yeah. Why do you ask? And how are you at my house anyway?"

The Peek-A-Boo had a somber expression on his face. "Well... I have to tell you some... bad news."

Jawaii was horrified of what was about to come out of his mouth next. Did something terrible happen to Phantom?

"His love, Princess Peach was kidnapped by King Boo. And... Phantom is gone. He went off to go save her. Knowing King Boo, Phantom may not come back in one piece. ...The other Rabbids told me it was best to go tell you. That way, you would know where he is. You deserve to know..."

Jawaii was devastated. How could this happen?

She knew she had to save him. And if she couldn't save him... then she wouldn't let him suffer alone.

"...No. I'm not going to let this happen to him."

The Peek-A-Boo was taken aback in surprise by Jawaii's response. "...I dunno if you should go. You're only a kid. You could get seriously hu-"

"I don't care." said Jawaii.

She jumped into her closet and changed into her usual clothes, grabbed a lantern and ran out of the house and into the black, haunted forest that she met Phantom in.

[if-the-crown-fits-translate-it]

Duchy Conversation 2

[26/03, 02:08 AM GMT - 26/03, 03:35 AM GMT]

[The following transcript details the conversation is between one of the Crown ARG Discord members and one of the newest Court members, Duchess, on Twitter]

Donti: “Hi! how has your day been? :D I hope you dont mind me messaging you again!”

Duchess: “Good evening. It's no trouble, but I don't believe we've met; it was my brother that you spoke to previously. I go by Duchess. It's a pleasure to meet you.”

Donti: “Oh hello Duchess! I did talk to your brother last night, he was very nice! I’m Donti, its nice to meet you! How has your day been?”

Duchess: “Oh, I know who you are. Siblings tell each other everything, you know?

My day has been fine enough. This house has been... Interesting, so far. But I suppose I am enjoying myself regardless.”

Donti: “Siblings dont always get along, my sibling doesnt tell me !anything!, Theyre so insufferable!! Its nice to know you two get along!

Also! Its been interesting? Interesting how? Did anything special happen?”

Duchess: “Ah, Duke and I did have our guarrels in the past. Horrid memories. But the Crown has fixed all of that now- we need not dwell on such unpleasant matters.

Nothing concerning happened, if that's what you are wondering. Simple family matters. It's just a bit lively! Such characters within these walls. Conflict is the spice of life, don't you think?”

Donti: “Thats..! Kind of him. When did you meet Crown? (and you're right, harmless conflict is pretty fun! we plebs like to argue :D)”

Duchess: “My, so many guestions! While I appreciate curiosity, I wonder if this is truly a fair exchange?

How about a trade; you will reveal something personal first, and I will answer your guestion. Don't worry, your secrets are more than safe with me! :)”

Donti: “I am a naturally curious person! But I’m always alright with fair trades, where would the economy be if I wasnt? What would you like to know? :Dc

You can ask as many questions til you hit something satisfactory, if that helps!”

Duchess: “Let me see... What is the one thing you desire most in your life?”

Donti: “Hmmm... The one thing I desire most? That’s a tough one, but I think the one thing I want is to go home. Its been so long since I’ve been there.

Was that a good trade? Or do you have more questions >:Dc”

Duchess: “Ah, home. We all yearn for such comforts in the end, don't we? To feel that loving embrace of familiarity... To exist in a space where we need not guestion whether we belong. Such unconditional acceptance can be so hard to find.

Of course, the family's arms are always open. :)

And yes, that feels sufficient for one return.

To answer your previous guestion... My dear brother and I met the Crown in a time of need. It's a terrible thing, you see, to feel yourself losing the one you love most. We may never have recovered without his gracious assistance.”

Donti: “You understand too, huh. Home is a special place.

...And thats a very kind offer, but I could never intrude, from what I can tell, your family is very big and happy! No need to squeeze in another :D

Oh...! Did something happen.. Between you and your brother?”

Duchess: “Ah, it is not my place to offer such accommodations. But the Crown is a generous soul, and the family is always expanding... Who knows? Perhaps if you catch his eye, his hand could extend to you next. :)

Regardless; I have answered my guestion in full. You'll have to tell me something else to learn more.”

Donti: “Ah.. That would be interesting... Maybe if I catch his eye.

And as for the questions :d shoot away, madame!

(Where would the question economy be without us, I wonder?)”

Duchess: “Who is it that you value the most?”

Donti: “You’re asking me to rank my loved ones! :oc Fun game, but its always hard to choose, they all usually end up tying for first and second!

In general, it would be my sibling. He’s terrible, but I love them anyways.. But as for people !you! can meet? I have a friend named Raeva! She’s fantastic! She’s usually out and about mapping the tunnels, though.”

Duchess: “Of course, to measure love is a difficult task. But one might also say it is an inevitable one, no? Surely there will come a time in every life where you must choose. Undoubtedly there is an answer. Is it not better, then, to be aware of your true priorities?

Your friend sounds interesting. I will have to introduce myself in the future. :)”

Donti: “I hope a time where I have to prioritize some people over others never comes.. Times would be truly dire then.

And I'll introduce you two if you ever meet! :D

Now answer my question!! >:Dc What happened between you and your brother before Crown came and helped you two?

Duchess? If you’re not comfortable with the question you don't have to answer it :o”

Duchess: “It is not so much that something happened between us. It was more of a... Gradual affair.

Imagine love as a flower. You plant the seed, you water it, let it rest within the sunlight. And that flower will grow- vivacious and green with life, the bud blossoming into petals of gorgeous color.

Now, imagine that flower is suddenly shut into a closet. Now, in the shadow, the petals wilt; the color fades from its leaves, and it curls into the dirt like a grasping claw.

Have you ever had a love that grew into rot? That reached the stars, only to burst and decay?

This is the affliction from which my brother and I suffered. And it is the affliction that the Crown helped us cure.”

Donti: “Thats terrible... I’ve only ever had friendships fade... Theyve never rotten...

I hope that never happens between you two again... Its kind of Crown to help you two

Are you two happy now?”

Duchess: “Oh, that's all in the past now, love. Today we're as close as can be!

Do you have more guestions?”

Donti: “Hm.. I have a few. Buut I think its getting late for both of us! They can always wait :D

Do you want to ask a question to even out the board?”

Duchess: “Fair enough. Let us end on something challenging, hm?

What is your deepest fear?”

Donti: “You always pick fun questions :D.

I think I’m scared of being alone. Actually. Scratch that. I know I’m scared of being alone. I go out of my way, just to make friends I know will stay for just a little while longer. Only to have someone next to me.

The day where theres nobody by my side is the day I’ve lost.

Also! Expect my good friend Jack! He’s been meaning to contact you. Jacks very smart and eloquent! I think you two would get along!

Goodnight Duchess!”

Duchess: “I see. You crave the feeling of home and dread loneliness. I wonder if the two are connected?

Alas, that is not for me to decide. This has been a wonderful game, my friend. We should play again soon. There's always more to discover, wouldn't you say? :)

I will be expecting your friend. Until next time.”

[spookysweet-heart]

A Night To Remember

Request: “Hey there, I really love your works and I almost read every Leon fanfic on your Tumblr lol. So I would be very happy if you could do a story, in which the reader and Kennedy known each other since childhood and they're at prom night. He confesses to her that he has a crush on the reader and secretly she/he has to. 😊♥️ I excuse myself for my may bad English xD”

Fandom: Resident Evil

Pairings: Leon S.Kennedy x Fem!Reader

Warnings: None!

A/N: This was really cute to write, Thank you so much for requesting! :)

        Walking down the halls to your locker, you were looking around at the few girls and guys who were giggling and smiling with excitement. All you heard while you passed by were them asking what dress they were wearing, colors they chose, what kind of makeup look they're thinking of doing. The boys were all talking about the limos they rented or the cars they were able to get for the night, some were even talking about the hotels they booked for an afterparty.

When you reached your locker your smile widened as you saw your best friend Leon Kennedy standing by your locker, also with a huge smile on his face once he finally saw you. Leon pushed himself off the lockers and opened his arms wide ready for a hug. You giggled as you wrapped your arms around him as he did the same to you. “There you are, dork! You're late!  The last bell was like ten minutes ago.” Once he stepped back from the hug he ruffled your hair a bit, stepping aside so you could put your books away.

“Don’t do that you know I don’t like it.” You gave him a side glare and put your books away closing your locker. “So are we still on for prom tonight?”

“Definitely, what better way than to go to prom with your best friend?” Leon put his arm around your shoulders and squeezed you a bit as you two walked out the front doors of your high school.

You and Leon had agreed to go to prom together, seeing as it would be better than just staying at home doing nothing, plus there would be free food and you two weren’t going to turn that down.

In all honesty, you were still confused since you thought for sure someone would’ve asked him to prom weeks ago. You had to admit Leon is pretty good looking, really funny, smart in certain subjects, and he has a goal of becoming a police officer after high school, what girl or guy wouldn’t want him to be their date or boyfriend for that matter.

“So my dads gonna drive us, which isn’t bad since he won’t do the whole protective dad routine.”

“I mean I wouldn’t blame him if he did though. He just wants his little girl safe.”

You readjusted your bookbag as you two crossed the street going into your neighborhood. “I know but I mean we’ve been friends since we were babies. You’d think he’d trust you enough to spare you the whole ‘bring my daughter back at this time’ and ‘dont try anything funny’ talk before we head in.”

Leon laughed and switched his textbook to the other arm, “(Y/n), if that happens it’s fine. So do I still come by around six?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure both our moms are going to want pictures.”

The rest of the walk home was pretty silent, You would notice him glance at you from time to time whenever you turned your head slightly to feel the warm sun hit your face. 

What you didn’t know was Leon’s heart was racing and his cheeks started to turn a faint pink color. He thought you looked so beautiful the way your hair framed your face perfectly, the sun making your eyes shine brightly. This wasn’t the first time he noticed the little things, oh no this boy fell for you back in middle school and he was doing a good job at not telling you about it. He didn’t want to ruin the good friendship you two had. He honestly couldn’t see a future without you.

Though that doesn’t mean he never thought of telling you. There were times he was so close to saying it but he backed out at the last second and always made up some dumb excuse to cover it up. He also thought about what it would be like to give you kisses, to call you his, giving you cute pet names, to hold your hand. He knew it wouldn’t be too different than how you two were now, minus the kissing part, but he knew everything would have a different meaning if you two did become a couple. 

“Leon? Hey, Leon are you okay?” You waved your hand in front of his face til be snapped out of his weird trance. When he did he looked at you confused.

“What? Oh shit yeah, I’m alright I just started thinking about the last science test we took, I wasn’t sure if I did my best you know?” He nervously rubbed the back of his neck doing his best to hide his blush again.

“I’m sure you did great Leon, so I’ll see you later!” He didn’t realize you two were already at your house till you waved goodbye to him while you walked to your front door. He stayed till you got inside and then made his way home too.

---------

You had just finished putting on your flats when the doorbell rang. Knowing your mom was ready to open the door gave you a few extra seconds to check your make up and outfit in the mirror before you head downstairs. You picked out a dress in your favorite color and one that complimented your figure the best. 

“(Y/n)! Leon is here!” You heard your mom call from downstairs. Smiling to yourself you made your way downstairs.

Leon was busy talking to your mom that when he did finally notice you his words caught in his throat and he stared at the most beautiful sight he’d ever seen.

“Close your mouth Leon, you’ll catch flies like that.” Leon quickly composed himself and stood up straight smiling as you were giggling and made your way towards him.

“Sorry, sir.” Once you were standing in front of him, Leon took out the corsage he brought for you and slipped it on to one of your wrists while you pinned a smaller and similar flower to his suit.

After almost an hour of taking photos and both your mothers gushing over how adorable you two looked, you finally made your way prom.

The drive to the venue was silent, except for the music your dad put on the radio. Once you did arrive Leon got out of the car and rushed over to open your door and help you out of the car.  

Leon thanked your dad for the ride and surprisingly your dad just nodded and smiled back saying he’ll be back to pick you both up before the night ended.

Walking into the ballroom you both made your way to an empty table. You said hello and complimented some of your other friends on their dresses and got comfortable at the table sitting next to Leon.

“You look really pretty tonight, uh not that you don’t look pretty every other day…” You smiled up at him thankful he wouldn’t be able to tell your real blush from the makeup blush on your cheeks.

“Thanks, Leon You look as handsome as always.” Your smile widened as you saw a tiny bit of pink dust his cheeks. 

“Hey, do you want something to drink? I can go get us something from the refreshment table.”

“Yeah, that’d be great, thanks!” You nodded as he stood up and walked into the other side room where all the drink and food were.

Taking a deep breath in and out, you tried to steady your heartbeat. You didn’t think it would be difficult to hold down your feelings tonight but apparently, you were wrong. You knew you were done for when you saw him in his suit and with his hair combed back, he looked incredible tonight.

You calmed down just as Leon came back with your drinks and you thanked him as he handed you your cup. 

The rest of the night you both stole glances, talked to your classmates and even danced to a couple of songs with everyone. Overall the night was fun and you two were having a great time. You both had sat down taking a break from dancing, laughing at someone doing a ridiculous dance as everyone else gathered in a circle to cheer them on.

Finishing your drinks, you two started talking about how funny and adorable your moms were when they made you two take pictures earlier that night. 

As you were both laughing enjoying the conversation you noticed the music started to slow down as your laughter subsided. A slow song started to play and all the couples paired up on the dance floor.

Leon looked over at you swallowing the lump in his throat and set aside his nerves. Standing up he held out his hand to you. Looking down at you with a nervous but slightly confident look. “Would you, um would you like to dance...with me?”

Your blush was way more noticeable by now but you didn’t really care at this point. You nodded in a silent response and took his hand letting him lead you to the dance floor.

Leon placed both hands gently on your waist as you placed yours on his shoulders, both of you swaying to the music. You noticed Leon looking uneasy while you both danced. “Hey, are you okay?”

“Yeah, I’m alright. I just, can I be honest here?”

“Of course, are you sure you're okay?”

“I am. It’s just- look I don’t know any other way to say this without being nervous as hell.” He looked into your eyes and took a deep breath. “I like you- no, I….I love you, (Y/n). I’ve loved you ever since we were kids as friends and I guess as we got older the love I felt changed to something more than friendship. I understand if you don’t want to be friends or want me in your life anymore after I just ruined everything so I’ll just-”

You caught Leon off gaurd as you pressed your lips against his. Leon was stunned for a moment and when he realized what was happening he gladly pressed his lips back to yours smiling into the kiss.

You pulled away smiling up at him wrapping your arms around his neck to pull him closer to you. “You talk too much you know that?” You laughed when he looked embarrassed hearing that from you. “I love you too, Leon. I’ll always want you in my life no matter what happens.” 

Leon beamed when he heard you say the words he would only dream of. “Good because you’re never going to get rid of me.” 

You smiled and sighed softly. “By the way, how is it that no one asked you to prom, I swear there was a bunch of people swooning over you.”

Leon laughed and shook his head. “Honestly, I got asked a couple times but I turned them all down cause I really wanted to go with you.”  He leaned down closing the gap between you two once more in another sweet and passionate kiss. This was definitely a night you two would always remember.

[postmoderns]

do you know any films that evoke the same feeling as melodrama by lorde ?

i thought i was just gonna make a list but i got so carried away thank you for this i did not know this was something i could not shut the fuck up about. these are the films that make me unashamed to feel and love too much, which is the biggest mood i get from melodrama: experiencing life more vividly in heartbreak and self-discovery. 

Green Light- In The Mood For Love (2000) Dir. Wong Kar Wai

For me this song is about being unable to move on. knowing that you need to move on, but that fantasy of love and “what if” pains you. This is why I feel like this song could be sung by either of the main characters in wong kar wai’s in the mood for love. theyre lonely, finding codependence and company when they find out their spouses are cheating on them with each other. they act out a fantasy where they play each other’s spouses, acting out scenes and trying to figure out where it went wrong. and unknowingly, they fall in love. but what is real and what is theater? Its one of my favorite films of all time. and the amazing cinematography and vivid colors feel incredibly Melodrama. They can only speak in code. It’s sultry and missed connections and unrequited love. its the definition of this album i think.

Sober- The Doom Generation (1995) Dir. Gregg Araki 

Jack and Jill got fucked up and possessive/ When they get dark… All the gun fights/ And the lime lights/ And the holy sick divine nights/ They’ll talk about us, all the lovers/ How we kiss and kill each other… alright gregg araki is a strange shock value experience and this is definitely his most heterosexual film but who does teenage wasteland better than him honestly. sex, violence, whatever. three teenagers. theyre driving. they keep accidentally killing people. they make out. people die. but its not your average transgressive film i dont think. (disclaimer i dont watch a ton of them so i could be wrong) 

Homemade Dynamite- American Honey (2016) Dir. Andrea Arnold 

Our rules, our dreams, we’re blind/ Blowing shit up with homemade d-d-d-dynamite/ Our friends, our drinks, we get inspired… If you haven’t seen this already, its about a group of young people with nowhere to go and their camaraderie, and their survival despite people who have hurt them. living unapologetically despite (something) is what i think this song is.

The Louvre- Heartbeats (2010) Dir. Xavier Dolan 

I am your sweetheart psychopathic crush/ Drink up your movements, still I can’t get enough/Blow all my friendships to sit in hell with you… these are stories about desire and longing for someone unattainable. and being unable to stop wanting because its addictive. its about a two friends who fall for the same guy and both pursue him to the detriment of their friendship. xavier dolan does the pop music slow-motion painfully alone mood well. Its also about being unashamed of how much love you feel i think. 

Liability- Moonlight (2016) Dir. Barry Jenkins

They say, “You’re a little much for me/ You’re a liability/ You’re a little much for me”… Moonlight is so many things but a big part of Chiron’s character and life is how his past has made him who he is, and how he becomes reserved to the people around him as a result. i guess thats how he copes with coming of age, retreating inside himself with quiet strength. that movie wrecked me ive only seen it once and im scared to see it again. its perfect. 

Hard Feelings/Loveless- 35 Shots of Rum (2008) Dir. Claire Denis

I’m at Jungle City, it’s late and this song is for you.. God, I wish I believed you when you told me this was my home… I’ll start letting go of little things ‘til I’m so far away from you.. So this film is about people just living their lives. its quietly brilliant and very claire denis. paris at night. people dealing with any and all kinds of loss and living their lives so close to each other. The sounds especially at the end of this song remind me of train tunnels, turns, braking. shes a widowed conductor. the idea is that shes always moving and running away but not quite. but life quietly goes on. 

Writer In The Dark- Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind (2004) Dir. Michel Gondry

I am my mother’s child, I’ll love you 'til my breathing stops/ I’ll love you 'til you call the cops on me/ But in our darkest hours, I stumbled on a secret power/ I’ll find a way to be without you, babe… so in this film, theyre forced to be without each other. not only that but to wipe their minds of their lover completely, afraid of how much love affects them. i think once this film is done with you and youve cried your eyes out you get that same resolution: that this thing or person that you once thought you needed in order to live, you can find some way to continue without it. and if its fading, to enjoy it in the present, or, whatever feels like the present. 

Supercut- Lady Bird (2017) Dir. Greta Gerwig

Cause in my head, in my head, I do everything right/ When you call I’ll forgive and not fight/ All the moments I play in the dark/ Wild and fluorescent, come home to my heart… lady bird is told like a dream, the way the scenes blend together like memory. the whole thing feels like its fleeting. in lady bird’s head, this is right. no matter what happens or who she accidentally hurts or what her future is, its going to be okay. This is a song about homecoming i think. not to a place or a person but to yourself and the memories of a love once had- and to cherish those memories, come home to my heart

Perfect Places- Daisies (1966) Dir. Vera Chytilova

All the nights spent off our faces/ Trying to find these perfect places/ What the fuck are perfect places anyway?.. This is a film simply about two teenage girls who desire and consume, unashamed. Its wild and sporadic and playful in style and makes very little sense but its so fun. I think its the movie playing in the head of the speaker of the song. shes ashamed but she doesnt want to be. the perfect place is one where she will be unashamed. 

[roaringheat]

Wait so what happened to barrett, pleasE, i want to know more!

Im so happy you asked holy shit

Under a read more cause it’s just as long as the last one lmao

I really should have done this before talking about Morgan but im doing it now i guess!! So, starting over again, Barrett goes into the woods to experiment with plant photography cause Morgan likes the outdoors and Barrett wanted to gift him those plant photos as a kinda thank you for the camera thing. I also want to mention that both Barrett and Morgan are in their early to mid 20s rn. He’s wandering and taking pics along the way when suddenly he spots a big bush of pink marigolds. The kind of marigolds that are bigger and have a bunch of smaller ruffled looking petals. He’s immediately intrigued and he doesn’t know exactly why but he starts walking towards it. He’s never seen pink marigolds before and there seemed to be some kind of glow about them so because of that, he crouches down to get some close up pics. The bush suddenly lashes out, immediately grabbing hold of him and dragging him in and thorns that weren’t there before are now suddenly digging into his skin. At this point, he’s thrashing around and being pretty loud which catches the attention of someone named Muriel as she steps into view. She’s a black woman in her late 30s who could be described as a “witch” kind of but i dont really think that term suits her. She’s brandishing an axe covered in charms, got this iridescent cloak sort of outfit, has some gold lines on her face, and both her eyes are this solid dark blue. No pupils or anything. But yea she happens upon this scene cause she was out on a routine check to find and destroy things that have gotten mutated due to the “magic” she does in her house nearby. This plant in particular had basically mutated pretty far to the point where it became basically a carnivore. The reason Barrett was attracted to it so quickly was,because of the mutation, the plant could attract/lure humans and some animals within reaching distance so it could attack and eat them. Everything caused by the mutation is the “glow” Barrett saw which was actually a faint pink aura, the ability to move, and the thorns which were used kinda like venom in the way that with enough of it its supposed to kill the victim quickly so that the attacker can eat with ease. So Muriel is feeling pretty responsible for Barrett being in this position so she goes over and gets him out of there and kills the bush with her axe. The plant managed to get a bit of the venom stuff in Barrett’s system so he’s weak and kinda just passes out after getting saved. Muriel hoists him over her shoulder and takes him back to her house a little further into the woods. She genuinely feels like shit for indirectly being responsible for this so she decides to keep an eye on him til he’s ok again. Barret wakes up in a spare shitty bed in Muriel’s place in the most excruciating pain he’s ever felt all over him as if his whole body was on fire. He launches himself out of bed but just drops to the ground again basically screaming. and Muriel bursts into the room and doesn’t know what to do but she sees him on the ground in pain and then notices he now has this pink aura around him and it starts clicking into place for her. Basically with the venom from the plant, its kinda like a zombie bite. The intent is to kill but if bitten and then left alive, the person would turn into a zombie. In this situation with the plant, the venom was never meant to turn others but yet since Barrett got the venom in his bloodstream and wasnt killed, the plant has basically grown in his body and given him all it’s abilities including some extra stuff. But yea back to the scene, he’s basically begging her to stop the pain in any way possible and so she knocks him out. When he wakes up the 2nd time, the pain is a lot more dull but now he’s freaking out cause he’s now noticing the pink aura and like he almost fuckin died and now he’s in some stranger’s house. Muriel explains to him all of what happened and Barrett is kinda a dick to her cause he absolutely doesnt trust her and i mean like he’s a white man in the 1920s. Ofc Muriel doesn’t take too kindly to that but she’s convinced if she lets him leave while he has no control over the shit that he got into, he’ll get killed. So he stays with her for about a year and eventually they warm up to eachother. That whole year, they both learn most of what exactly Barrett can do now. As far as appearance, his eyes have changed into this shimmery pastel pink and he’s gained that same pink aura that the plant had so his whole body looks tinted pink. They make him look pretty fuckin inhuman so Muriel teaches him how to suppress it so he look normal. It’s easy for him to do (just a bit uncomfortable) as long as he’s in a stable mental state and as soon as he stops holding it back, it’ll come right back out again. As for abilities, He can grow and control those marigolds branches/vines from his skin, heal quicker and more efficiently so he’s a lot harder to kill (although serious wounds can still take him a couple days to heal), and he’s gained the same attraction ability that the plant used to lure victims. This mainly makes people immediately trust him and easier for him to manipulate which comes into play a lot later on. Then they find another ability of his thats completely different than anything the plant had and this one is 100% my favorite. If Barrett is making physical contact with someone else’s skin, he can bring out the most recent emotion that person is feeling towards the person theyre looking at and like amplify it to the extreme. So like for example, if person A is mildy frustrated at that moment with person B and theyre looking person B, when Barrett uses that ability on person A, itll amplify that frustration and make person A suddenly extremely hostile towards person B even if they would never hurt person B normally. It always depends on the most recent feeling towards someone so a lot of the time Barrett has no way of knowing what he’s amplifying and which emotion will come out. Depending on how much effort he puts into using this ability, this effect can last from 15 minutes - an hour. Its harder for him to use it on anyone who isnt human so he has to put significantly more effort and usually wont last as long as it would on a human which i absolutely did on purpose cause i introduce more nonhuman characters later and its really cool. The way to tell if someone is under that effect (other than the abnormal behavior ofc) is that theyre eyes will turn the same shade of pink as Barrett’s are when he’s not holding everything back. The draw backs to using this though is that the more effort he puts, the harder it is for him to keep himself looking normal. So if he were to use that ability with like full force, he wouldnt be able to hold back the aura, eye color, or any branches growing from him. So basically he has to be real careful. Its really useful for fights/ self defense tho which i have a lot of scenes like that planned out. But yea Barrett and Muriel find this out cause he accidentally does it on Muriel during an arguement. Muriel is looking at Barrett at that moment and was currently feeling immense guilt for everything that happened to him so when Barrett accidently amplified that she just starts sobbing. It doesnt last long cause although Muriel is technically human, she has some powers herself due to “worshipping” this beetle god which is a whole nother story lmao. But yea anyway, Barrett learns how to control all his shit over that whole year staying with Muriel and once they both think he’s gotten a decent amount of control, Barrett goes back to normal society and brings Muriel with him since theyve gotten really close in that period of time. Muriel tells him not to tell anyone in fear that he’ll be hurt but he doesn’t really listen. And like you guys already know he goes to Morgan and then Virginia and tells them all about everything that happened. Virginia takes it a lot better than Morgan obviously. For a short period of time before Morgan starts going crazy, Barrett, Muriel, Virginia, and Morgan all become like a kind of friend group. Once Morgan starts getting paranoid and reclusive, it gradually falls apart. Muriel has been staying with Virginia since coming with Barrett back to society which is why she was there when the hitman Morgan hires is threatening Virginia. You guys know the basics of all of what happens next pretty much. There’s more scenes with Virgina in between this and Morgan’s death but they aren’t really major scenes. She does try a few times to fix everything with Barrett and Morgan but obviously it doesn’t work out. So skipping to after Barrett and Muriel flee, like i said Barrett is never caught cause ya know 1920s crime investigations were shit lmao. The murder does cause uproar for a while cause of how weird it is what with all the flowers and Morgan’s weird behavior before his death. and cause Morgan was almost famous. Barrett becomes pretty untrusting towards humans after this and as the years pass with Muriel he gets to the point of just straight up hating them and hating being referred to as one. I have ideas for events that happen in between the 1920s and modern times for Barrett and Muriel but don’t have anything set in stone yet. Around late 1920s early 1930s they discover that Barrett’s aging has also been affected. At this point they dont know how much but its obvious hes gonna have a longer life span than most humans. Barrett gets really upset thinking about out living Muriel and basically begs her to work some “magic” so she’ll live longer cause she’s pretty much the only person he trusts completely. Muriel says no cause tampering with the natural cycle of things rubbed her the wrong way. They get into an argument where Barrett is mainly just pleading with her and she storms out. While she’s out tho she decides to do it for him and arranges some stuff to pause her aging until she decides to let it keep going again. There’s drawbacks to this kinda magic of course but i still havent decided what exactly. So basically after this point her body stays aged in her early 40s. Years past and its modern times and Barrett and Muriel are now a little over 100 years old. Barrett’s only aged about 15 years since now he looks to be in his early 40s as well. He’s definitely adapted with the current life style a little bit but still really keeps an old timey way of speech and clothing style. He’s changed a bit personality wise due to being alive so long tho. Him and Muriel have become very nihilistic. Barrett still really resents humans especially with how his attraction ability makes them all so trusting of him and predictable which has gotten boring for him. He’s kinda gotten a bit of a superiority complex due to believing he’s above humans in every way but learns to be charming and fake nice around them to not raise suspicion. Then they meet those 2 nonhuman ocs i briefly mentioned earlier! I got a lot of plot stuff for modern times as well as currently working on figuring out more stuff for Muriel and Barrett back in the 1930s and 40s but this has gotten insanely long and probably more than you even wanted to know so ill leave it at that!

[yenneferw]

For the character thing: Oswald (Gotham), Max, Anne, Jack, Thomas, John, James, and Billy (Black Sails), and the Doctor :D (il your blog)

tAww thank you! :-D And thank you for all the characters! Sorry for answering this so late lol

Also I didn’t even realize I wasn’t doing it in order I just saw James’s name and I fuckin went for it lol oops

Aaaalso sorry it’s so long I have a lot of feelings

Oswald Cobblepot:

Why I like them: Oswald’s such a cute little fuck and he’s very devious and the underdog so I latched onto him early on and he’s one of the only things left about Gotham that doesn’t make me sad after all the queerbaiting 

Why I don’t: I really didn’t care for when they always had his teeth dirty that was,,,,,,,,,,, too much. Also some of his hairstyles have been a bit more questionable than others. Also the fact that he was made canonically gay just to queerbait like yay a gay guy but,,,,,,, meh 

Favorite episode (scene if movie): It’s been a bit since I watched it but the episode where he was pining over Ed and trying to tell him he loved him was a good one for him he looked cute and I liked his plight 

Favorite season/movie: I really liked his rise to power in season 1 and if I remember correctly he finally ended up somewhere in the end after all the shit with the gangs so that was really cool 

Favorite line: I can’t think of one right now but I’ll make up for it with my favorite Look ™ which is how he’s always able to look like he’s kind of on the verge of tears

Favorite outfit: Idk anytime he’s wearing a suit is good

OTP: Os and Ed obvs 

Brotp: Mmmmmm idk him and Ivy seem cool as friends even tho I haven’t watched in a while

Head Canon: don’t ask me headcanons,,,,,, i’m so bad at headcanons a lot of the time

Unpopular opinion: I don’t know the fandom well enough lol i’m bad at his

A wish: Nygmobblepot,,,,,, alas,,,,, which isn’t to say it’s bad to hold out hope but i’m so cynical and bitter :-/

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Death, heterosexuality

5 words to best describe them: clever, manipulative, ambitious, cowardly (but shh it’s okay he’s not always cowardly), vengeful 

My nickname for them: Os I love when ppl call him Os lol

James Flint:

Why I like them: do you want me to write a book,,,,, I love him so goddamn much it hurts…….. He’s just so smart and he deserves so many hugs, he’s a gay icon, he tries so hard to do right even tho he’s a fuckin murderous pirate, he’s a murderous pirate that likes his books and his tea and gardening with his best friend, his eyes are the prettiest things on god’s green earth….. love him 

Why I don’t: not applicable I refuse to insult my boy lmao

Favorite episode (scene if movie): Probably the one where Miranda died or the one right after bc Toby Stephens is such a good actor and also he fuckin burned the town down for hurting his best friend and??? goals. Or the last couple of episodes bc that shit iwth John………… and then the reuniting with Thomas………… wow

Favorite season/movie: I really liked his rise back to the top from season 2 bc it makes me sad to see him failing and he starts going on a mad and grieving downward spiral after season 2

Favorite line: “This ends when I grant them my forgiveness, not the other way around” I’m sure there are more bc his speeches are all beautiful (like the “there be dragons one”……. kill me) 

Favorite outfit: Everything he wears is perfect 

OTP: flinthamilton is literally the only thing that waters my crops anymore, although silverflint gives them a nice solid rain every once in a while and is hella valid too

Brotp: James and Miranda is so beautiful that I regularly cry about them but I also liked when James and Madi were teaming up

Head Canon: He and Thomas break out of the plantation and become feared pirates again, also he was dating John and Gates lmao

Unpopular opinion: He’s gay and not bi like not for bi erasure or anything but like he just gives me such a gay feel you know what I mean. And also I don’t think what he had with Miranda was really anything 

A wish: for him and Thomas to be happy 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: for him and thomas to be sad lmao

5 words to best describe them: Intelligent, vengeful, loving, sad, amazing,,,,

My nickname for them: idk I don’t have nicknames I guess I always call him James and not Flint and it seems like a lot of people just call him Flint lol (also “lvoe of my life” does that count)

Max:

Why I like them: oh my god. oh dear i love her. When will your fave. She’s so brave and smart and loving??? like I called James loving but Max is on another level. She’s so protective of the people and the things she cares abotu and loves, and she’s so fucking smart. And she’s so brave to pursue everything she wants to pursue, like she’s a wlw of color in the 1700s and yet she still rules Nassau without giving any fucks about conventions and shit

Why I don’t: oh man is there a reason. I don’t like that she went to Woodes Rogers’s side for a while and betrayed Anne and Jack but I understand why she did so I’m not angry with her for it

Favorite episode (scene if movie): whenever she walks on screen,,,, but idk I can’t think of anything specifically but I liked it when she took over Nassau from Eleanor 

Favorite season/movie: I liked her arc in season 4 even if I really didn’t like all the decisions she made, and I really liked how she ended up in the end so probably season 4

Favorite line: she’s so smart and wise so like everything she says but also I really like her speech to Anne “I am so sorry for working so hard to protect the wrong things, for failing to see that there is nothing important that does not include you” 

Favorite outfit: that yellow dress oh my god! does anyone else remember that yellow dress! it was so pretty she looked so pretty! She has really good style in general but I love that yellow dress 

OTP: Maxanne

Brotp: Her friendship with Idelle is nice and also I like her friendship with Jack

Head Canon: again I’m so bad at headcanons

Unpopular opinion: I don’t think I do

A wish: For her to rule Nassau and continue dating the love of her life Anne Bonny and support her piracy and have her position in Nassau fully supported by everyone alive 

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: death? sadness? she deserves literally the best all the time

5 words to best describe them: compassionate, perceptive, brave, honest, wonderfulbeautifulgorgeous i love her

My nickname for them:I don’t have one for her

Anne Bonny:

Why I like them: She’s amazing honestly I love her sailor’s mouth and I love her bravery and her principles and how logical she is. And I love how kickass she is and how she’ll do anything for the people she loves and I love when she stops being guarded around people and her face Softens, I’m gay for how she looks out from under the brim of her hat 

Why I don’t: I honestly can’t think of a reason……. ok I guess I don’t like that she got violent with Max in the beginning when she was having her gay crisis and like killed Idelle’s friend…….. but honestly reblog if you get murderously violent while having a gay crisis

Favorite episode (scene if movie): I can’t think of something specifically but like when she was with Max and they were just soft and dating that is my reason for waking up in the morning, AND when she saved the ship with the glass and all god wow i died

Favorite season/movie: Mmmm season 2 was prime maxanne season wasn’t it…….. good shit

Favorite line: I can’t think of any rn but wow every time she opens her mouth it’s a gift

Favorite outfit: idk generally her pirate outfit? and her hat is amazing

OTP: Maxanneeeee

Brotp: her friendship with Jack is something I would die for they make me so happy

Head Canon: I don’t know that I have any idk maybe that she and Max are still dating after the show ends?

Unpopular opinion: I don’t know that I have one about Anne

A wish: That she’s happy with Max and potentially Mark/Mary too if she wants to be

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: Being unhappy,,, not being with Max or Jack,,

5 words to best describe them: strong, logical, angry, devoted, the world “fuck” 

My nickname for them: I don’t have one for her

Jack Rackham:

Why I like them: he’s so funny and I really like his goals and his arc like he starts out as this guy who just wants his name remembered and that’s still him in the end and I like that that goal doesn’t change, but he finally gets to be the single pirate captain in Nassau which is really cool for him, and he’s also super smart I love him

Why I don’t: I didn’t like his first reactions to Anne and Max, he was kind of a dick about it, but I’m glad that he eventually accepted them and got closer to Max and all

Favorite episode (scene if movie): I liked his scenes with Blackbeard and I also like his earlier scenes where he’s more comic relief-y and I really like when he gets to be a Pirate Captain Dude, that’s not an episode but I just like these particular moments with him. I really liked when that one girl at the Guthries’ was like “Do you know Captain Jack Rackham????” and he was like…………………….. i’ve made it guys

Favorite season/movie: Mmmmm honestly Jack is really consistently awesome throughout like so is everyone else but he’s really well-characterized and grows a lot throughout and I can’t really pick which season of him I like the best

Favorite line: there are so many “if you’re all going to act like children, then I will be your daddy” it’s not my favorite but it plagues me every waking moment of my life and I can’t ever escape it, to rogers: “you and I were neck and neck in this race til the end. But, jesus, did I make up a lot of ground to catch you,” and I really like his speech to Teach about Vane but I can’t find it for the life of me

Favorite outfit: man all of them, Jack Rackham is the most extra well-dressed man in Nassau

OTP: Jack and happiness…….. 

Brotp: if anyone answers this with anything other than Jack and Anne then I’m not sure they watched the same show like to each their own but I can’t imagine a life where their friendship isn’t my fuel

Head Canon: he had a major crush on Charles Vane. I don’t always love Charles Vane so I think he could’ve done better but he definitely had a crush on him

Unpopular opinion: again I don’t think I have one I”m not good at this

A wish: for him to be the most feared pirate around just like he wants to be i’m so proud of him

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: for him to be hanged or something especially if it was in front of anne or for him to have to watch anne die

5 words to best describe them: cunning, ambitious, sarcastic, idealist, stubborn

My nickname for them: i don’t have one but like….. another love of my life….. actually everyone that anon asked me about is one of the lvoes of my life anon must know me well

Thomas Hamilton:

Why I like them: oh my heck he’s beautiful. He has such a good heart and such a good vision of the world. He wants things to be so good and the world doesn’t deserve him at all. He’s so caring and loving and gentle and understanding and he just wants to see a world where people aren’t afraid of him and his sexuality and people aren’t afraid of pirates because he understands that a lot of them are just people who society has really hurt like James turned out to be, he’s such a good leader and if England didn’t suck he could’ve done so much

Why I don’t: the wig that’s all that wig killed me like I don’t even like regular wigs but that big ass brown wig haunts me

Favorite episode (scene if movie): the flashback scenes even tho it’s very short they kill me. His smile as he looks at James. I too would go to war with society over that smile 

Favorite season/movie: lol i mean he’s really only in season 2 unfortunately for us all. That little bit in season 4 is revolutionary but season 2

Favorite line: I feel like I’m not gay enough if I don’t say “Know no shame” bc god can you get a better gay line than that I’m in love

Favorite outfit: anything but the fucking brown wig I’m sickened by that wig

OTP: flinthamilton is unbury your gays, straightbait, and overall beautiful so like………. gay icons

Brotp: his and Miranda’s relationship was not as characterized as James and Miranda obviously so I’m not as undyingly in love with them but they were super good and I’m sure they were just as good as James and Miranda but for obvious reasons that wasn’t onscreen as much

Head Canon: he becomes a pirate dude with James after escaping the plantation no one can convicne me otherwise

Unpopular opinion: I don’t think so 

A wish: for him to just live in peace and for him in another universe to actually get everything he wants out of life

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: what if he had actually died. my heart hurts. why did i type those disgusting words

5 words to best describe them: visionary, optimistic, sympathetic, intelligent, twink extraordinaire. that’s six words you say? how can you counter twink extraordinaire 

My nickname for them: my boy james’s SOULMATE

John Silver:

Why I like them: He’s so…………. like I like his self preservation and I fucking LOVE his characterization and his journey from selfish coward to selfless leader, he might be the best characterized character in this show like the show is really really good at characterization but John Silver obviously had a long way to go to become Long John Silver and He Did That. He’s also so sweet and soft sometimes and I love his curly hair

Why I don’t: I just………. my heart is always with James so when he sort of went the opposite ways I couldn’t help but be on James’s side….. like I still love him and understand his view……. but i’m sad

Favorite episode (scene if movie): I really like the episode where he starts talking shit at dinner to the entire crew and outing that guy for fucking a goat and I also really like the episode where he loses his leg and I really liek the last couple of episodes. I just like a lot of him ok he’s great

Favorite season/movie: I like the beginning of his Long John Silver story when he redeems himself to the crew in season 2 but I also like his coming into Long John Silver in season 4

Favorite line: oh my god he says a lot of good things but I don’t know who I would be if I didn’t say “I will stand here with you, for an hour, a day, a year while you find a way to accept this outcome so we might leave here together” and then the parallel speech to Madi…….. I’m alive and living and this is going to kill me

Favorite outfit: anything but his beginning blue jacket that jacket is the worst lol

OTP: silverflint or him and Madi

Brotp: before Billy…… was cancelled, him and Billy were good buds and I liked it

Head Canon: that he dated that one guy who drowned with the goat Muldoon or something 

Unpopular opinion: do people like his blue jacket? I hate it

A wish: that he can at least be happy with Madi at the end and their relationship is eventually fixed which I think the thing on the cliff alludes to

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: death…… sadness…….

5 words to best describe them: manipulative, secretive, loving, enduring, perceptive as fuck

My nickname for them: none but what if everybody called him Johnny

Billy Bones:

Why I like them: ok have you seen him. he’s so handsome CHRIST. But also he’s always like the voice of reason which is really nice up until season 4. I think I latched onto him bc I already really liked Tom Hopper because of Merlin but he’s also pretty strong in the face of torture and everything he stands for being turned against on his ship, even if it’s not always what I stand for

Why I don’t: season 4? I don’t know her. Also he doesn’t like James and I. would die for James

Favorite episode (scene if movie): I liked it when he was quartermaster for a bit he was a p good quartermaster in season 1 and I also liked the episodes where he “made” Long John Silver and Captain Flint

Favorite season/movie: Idk probably season 1 bc that is when things are still gentle…… innocent…….. good…..

Favorite line: the fuck tent line is iconic. “perhaps we can all agree to forgo, you know, just this once, a fuck tent” when will your fave

Favorite outfit: shirtless 

OTP: idk he definitely dated Ben Gunn js

Brotp: him and Gates

Head Canon: he is asexual as fuck have you ever met him? asexual biromantic. sorry i make the rules and I stick by them 

Unpopular opinion: this isn’t an unpopular opinion i’m sure but billy after s3 can choke. before s3 he’s fine. after…… don’t talk to me about that 

A wish:for him to come to his fucking senses and stop being a horrible idiot

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: for him to stay a fuck lik ehe was at the end fo s4

5 words to best describe them: headstrong, loyal, sentimental, ideological, determined

My nickname for them: i dont’ have one but can you imagine if ppl called him bilbo 

The Doctor:

Why I like them: I mean this really depends on which Doctor you know? this one’s probably going to be long bc I’m gonna do a bit about all the new whos. So 9 I like because he’s very brave and determined in the face of everything he just lost and because he has such a good heart when he easily could have been so cold. And when he is faced with how he has hardened some, he always works on getting better and being a better person. also idfk but like christopher eccleston is all of our uncles who brings us the cool like $20 iTunes cards. 10 I like because he’s so loving that it kind of ruins him. Like that kind of is the way of the Doctor but he just keeps on loving and loving and loving until he’s traveling alone desperately looking for some fun and some companionship so he doesn’t have to feel the hurt of Rose and Donna and doesn’t have to feel how badly he misses Martha. He’s like. He’s like the guy that goes and gives you a giant bag full of shit that would suck if you just got it alone but in bulk like deodorant and tissues and socks and shit. 11 I like because he’s very fierce and fiercely protective but also silly and fun like I like how he can be bouncy and stuff and then the next moment he’s been quiet and scary or loud and scary or gentle and wise. 11 forgot to get everyone anything but he’s the main source of laughter so everybody pretends they’re not disappointed bc his gifts are usually cool. 12 I like because. Eyebrows. But also because he’s a lot different than other Doctors like hte Doctor tends to do morally ambiguous things sometimes but it feels like 12 is so much more morally ambiguous than others. He’s angry about everything that’s been done to him and he feels grief from things he hasn’t thought about in a while and it’s an interesting and different twist on him. 12 intentionally got everyone nothing and ate all the vegetables and left. why am i relating them to christmas? i’m materialistic 

Why I don’t: I don’t feel like going that in depth again but I’ll just say I don’t like how Moffat’s Doctors become what the story is about. The story I feel like is supposed to be about not only the Doctor, but the story and the companions, but Moffat’s Doctors are so much the centerpoint of the story that it loses some of the really really cool things from RTD’s era and some of the spirit of the Doctor. moffat is why my farm animals have all run away 

Favorite episode (scene if movie): this is really hard lmao. I’m gonna pick an episode a Doctor. 9- The Empty Child and The Doctor Dances. I like “Everybody lives!” that’s the best. 10- Midnight. That acting tho and really seeing 10 scared and helpless is something different and really cool. Also The End of Time bc it’s literally the best episode of anything in existence. 11- Idk I can’t really decide. Maybe “The Big Bang.” I love 11 but for the life of me I can’t ermember a fave ep. 12- I’ve onyl seen s8 and part of s9 but I like that one episode where the Doctor thinks he’s dying with Missy I can’t remember what it’s called

Favorite season/movie: 9 lol he only has one. 10- 2 or 3 I really can’t decide. 11- 5. 12- I’ve only seen 8 fully lol

Favorite line: that requires…… so much thought and so much work. They say a lot of cool things. The Doctor is all about speeches and one-liners lol

Favorite outfit: 11 has the best outfit ngl but 10′s is a close second

OTP: Rose and 10 obvs who doesn’t love them, I mean River and the Doctor have always been good, idk my otps for Doctor Who usually involve companions and their partners

Brotp: all the companions every single one of them I’m alive. have you ever met amy pond. have you ever met martha jones or donna noble. have you ever MET jack harkness 

Head Canon: I have……….. a lot I feel like i couldn’t type all of them up first of all the doctor is gay so jot that down

Unpopular opinion: mmmmmm I’m sure i have some but I can’tt think of them 

A wish: FOR THE DOCTOR TO BE ANYTHING BUT A STRAIGHT WHITE MAN

An oh-god-please-dont-ever-happen: for 13 to be a straight white man or for Chibnall to be as bad as Moffat :-/

5 words to best describe them: genius, kind, hopeful, loving, vengeful

My nickname for them: I don’t know that I have any but I might that I’m not remembering

[dailrpwmf-blog]

Rough estimate cost of insurance for me driving?

Rough estimate cost of insurance for me driving?

I m going to be driving a 2001 Jeep Wrangler Sahara edition in April once I get my license. i ll be 18 when I start driving. What would be a rough estimate of the cost per month for insurance? Btw the jeep is all stock no mods, no lift, nothing.

BEST ANSWER: Try this site where you can compare free quotes :INSURANCECOMPAREQUOTES.US

SOURCES:

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[jess-oh]

reflection

hey journal, rachel has been living with me for the past couple days now and she's good company! im really looking forward to spending the rest of this week with her. i think im going to be pretty sad when she leaves but God, I trust you. Thank you for allowing us to have this time together and grow together on a deeper level. of all the people in new MAST, im glad i get to work with Rachel. I probably trust her the most rn. i feel pretty bad bc i tried to stay up last night in case Rachel woke up so we could start venting to each other but I ended up falling asleep around 8 or 9pm and didn't wake up again til 3:30am. I flaked on our session T 0 T but hopefully we can do it tonight! i think we both just feel physically and mentally exhausted yesterday so maybe unpacking everything tonight will lead to better, clearer results. im also realizing that i hate giving all the time without ever feeling like im receiving. even when i do receive, i dont really believe it's happening and don't understand the effort being made on other people's parts when they do give to me and it just feels off. maybe it's bc it isnt how i envision them giving to me is. i do want to be more appreciative of every moment when people do genuinely want to give to me but it is currently hard for me to understand. like it felt fine when rachel was cooking and cleaning my dishes for me and bc i saw it as not a big thing to clean my dishes, it wasnt that alarming to see her doing it for me. it just made life easier not having to do it myself but there was no real sacrifice being made i guess. i dont want to go home and just be listening to my sister and my parents' complaints all the time. i really feel like nothing will have changed. it was nice not speaking to them for a year and time i needed away from them to learn to be more self reliant and making a community and a life for myself here and away from them. i dont want to live the same life and be stuck in the same cycle over and over and over again. i keep ending up feeling miserable and burnt out in the end. i need to change something to make it different this time. i dont want to be defined by the ways that i felt hurt in the past. i dont want to be defined by how much i feel like i need to work in order to prove myself. i want to learn and understand how to rest and just be present and be with God. I keep feeling so alone and I don't want to be anymore. I want to learn and know and be willing to move forward and make something different so that I can serve better and be used by God better. I want to be able to stand up and defend and challenge the community to be more like Christ. I want to stand firm in my faith at church, at school, in public. I want to be able to rest in my identity in Christ, knowing that He is always on my side and I don't have to worry so much about everything else in the world. I do genuinely want to be able to fall down but not feel like I have to get back up for the sake of helping others. I want to be able to fall down and stay down and take my time getting back up instead of just forcing myself to be okay. I hate that I experienced a drive by shooting and being basically abused by my roommate this past year. They were both absolutely horrible, awful experiences that I really do not wish on anyone else. And I am so upset that I had to go through those things this past. Honestly, even recently, I have been bitter again towards God's for continuing to bring so much pain and hardship. I resent Jason because I feel like I can't get along or try to be friends with anyone he's had a falling out with in the past without feeling like I'm not being loyal to him. I know he feels alone and I want to stand firm and strong by his side so that he knows he isnt alone and that I will at least always be there for him. But that has kept me from feeling totally present and open with Angela, Chelsea, Yaeji, Cecilia, Joyce, Jiham, Songbee, Anna, Jiwoon, sometimes P. Josh, and I'm sure even more. It sucks. I feel like I'm being kept from making deeper relationships with people that I could potentially get along really well with because I'm trying so hard to stay loyal to Jason. And plus, I feel like whenever I have expressed concern or given him an issue that I need help dealing with or just someone to listen to, he is always quick to answer in an incredibly blunt manner. And sometimes, the challenge is a good wake up call for me to get up and keep going and do something about it instead of just wallowing in my pain and guilt. But other times, I just end up hurt. And again, he almost never apologizes! Even if I tell him he hurt me, he doesn't apologize! He just takes it as something to be assessed and logically figure out where to go from here. How did I not notice these things before? Was I just afraid to lose the few people that I did trust that I was afraid of ever seeing their true colors? Of actually seeing them for who they are instead of this perfect mirage I wanted them to be? And I always feel like I'm doing to my best to defend other people but because he's already so hell-bent on being cynical and pessimistic, he doesn't listen or even try to understand my point or that I may be right and he just isn't giving them the benefit of the doubt. I keep trying to do better in my relationship with him but in the end, I feel like I keep getting knocked down anyway and it leaves me to believe that I'm doing something wrong and need to learn to do better but maybe it's been his fault a lot of the times too. I was just too blind to notice or see. I don't want to be on bad terms with him. I don't want to hate him. I do really value him so highly as a friend and we've fought enough times whilst still maintaining our friendship together. But this is so frustrating and I can't move on from her at this pace. I need to break this cycle and change something. Anything. It was so hard for us to have a serious, normal conversation at all but then we talked it through, toned down the joking, and have started to move forward from there. I think also just because I've probably shared the most of my insecurities and inner most thoughts with him, I trust his opinion because he has all the facts laid out. And, he gets along with so many people that he's reached out to bc of his genuine character and pure intentions. Many people that I tried to reach out to but failed at. If he can do that and they see him as so great, he must be a great person, right? Are we just too close? Are we too comfortable with each other and I'm just left seeing all the excess ugly stuff that he doesn't show the rest of the world? He seems genuinely unhappy and bitter but I also don't know how to help him anymore without it taking a cost at myself. Or even if I'm willing to pay that cost, I don't even know what to do anymore. Sigh. I'm glad I have the opportunity to think more about this and process and reflect everything now that it's the summer. I want to keep this up and continue to document and flesh out all the thoughts and things running around in my mind. Johnathan messaged me earlier today to ask if I was able to rest well. I was surprised he decided to reach out and check up to see how I was doing. I didn't talk to Amanda at all yesterday. I saw her but I didn't even say hi.I texted her on the train this morning though and asked if she'd be down to get some coffee together today after her class. I want to be friends with her again. But not like this. I need her to know how I feel. Even if there's not much she can do about it to help the situation, I at least want to hear her side of the story. Or at least just let her know. If I don't tell her, I think my resentment towards her will always be in the back of my mind, silently lingering, slowly growing. I need to fix this now before it's too late. So, again. I'm upset with Amanda because I feel like I tried so hard to invite her to becoming more involved with Movement in order to be a part of the community. I was just a member my sophomore year and didn't ever make that much of an effort to get involved and as a result, I was definitely not a part of the community. I felt like I needed to get involved in order to be a part of it. And I didn't want Amanda to suffer the same fate I did as a sophomore and feel like she wasn't a part of Movement—especially as someone that was here before and is now in a ministry filled with a bunch of people she's never met before. I tried so hard to invite her so she wouldn't feel like such an outsider. But she almost never came. And, it really broke my heart when we were trying to plan for senior banquet and realizing that no one really knows Amanda that well. And I am really happy people have gotten to know her better recently. But when I found out no one knew her, I really felt like I needed to make sure people did and present the necessary opportunities for that to occur. Whether that was pushing her to do certain things or have to interact with people or whatever else. But then, the few times Johnathan asked her to come, she came. Why was me asking never enough but for him, it was so easy for her to be convinced to come? Is it just because we're on summer break and she doesn't have to worry about so many classes and the workload that comes with it? Does it even have anything to do with Johnathan at all?And, she is so incredibly loved and adored by the NU collective and has had such an easy time getting along with them and being accepted into the community. She never even came. I tried to come so much more often than she ever did and I never felt like I was at that level of acceptance. I still feel excluded and left out from the ministry a lot. What was so different about her that I didn't have? And finally, I'm upset she's dating Johnathan now. Not because that itself is inherently wrong or that there's anything wrong with him. I'm just upset because it shows me that they're moving on. And because I'm still in Movement, I feel like I'm still stuck in the past. And I know that that isn't true. It's in my hands now to take the baton that they've passed onto me and run at full speed ahead forward, bringing Movement to a brighter future. I do, genuinely, want to leave it knowing that it will continue to grow in the right direction. And I know that it'll take a lot of effort and sacrifice on my part. And I do genuinely want this. I just don't want to feel like I'm alone in trying to fight for this better future. I want to know that other people are serving with the same goal as me. That we are all trying to make Movement a better place and are willing to take the time and energy and make the necessary sacrifices to make that a reality. It's a lot and it's asking for a lot but if we're serious about making Movement a more God-centered ministry that is actively trying to raise each other up and keep each other accountable in becoming more Christlike, then it's something we need to do. I just don't even want to care anymore. No wonder Jason's more burnt out than I am. He's been doing this for a year longer than me and somehow found the strength to keep going and serving. And still, no one bothered reaching out to him or getting to know him. I think Movement as a community never felt the need to make the effort in reaching out to us as MAST because we explicitly signed up to voluntarily serve the community and learn to be disciples so that we could make disciples. But at the end of the day, we're only human too. We want to know we're not just people you see as someone whose responsibility it is to serve you. We want to know that we are someone you see as a friend. As a brother or a sister in Christ. Not just someone whose sole responsibility is to take care of you. Maybe that's why I'm so upset now. Because I'm caught in this weird in between area where I did have community with old MAST but now they're leaving and moving on with their lives. I need to learn to let go of them and find community in new MAST now. But because none of them were on old MAST, I don't feel like I have community with any of them. Especially with Joyce, Sean, and David, I still feel like they're people I need to serve. That I can't show my true colors to because I'm just expected to serve them. And I do, genuinely, want to trust them and be able to serve alongside them. And know that I can find community with them. But as of right now, I can't. I feel like I need to serve them and lead them in the right direction as the only continuing MAST member. Give them tips and advice on small group leading and how to hold themselves and everything else. Reasons to keep going when it seems hard. Ways to challenge them and and to do better. But I don't want to be alone. I don't want to feel like I'm fighting this fight by myself. Like the only person I can rely on is me. Even with P. Josh, I do genuinely love and trust and respect him so much. But, it really breaks my heart whenever I see him so discouraged and I want to do my best to change the culture in Movement so that he doesn't have to feel that way again. Or at least just not as often. I started going to bible studies and prayer meetings just to make sure at least one person showed up. Because if he was already discouraged to only see me come, how awful would he feel if no one decided to come. And I really don't want him to feel that way. He doesn't believe Movement has actually grown all that much. At least not spiritually. I believe we have grown a lot. Maybe not spiritually but at least that community aspect is starting to get there. It's better than nothing. And the 5 of us in MAST this past year did definitely grow maturity wise, mentally, and spiritually. We have grown in our faiths and matured and that's a result of him. We were able to live out these characteristics and newfound values because of the ways he led and taught and discipled us to be. We have grown. Maybe not as much as he might've wanted but we did grow. And even if people suddenly came out the last couple meetings just because it was the last one, at least people came and could hear and learn about the Bible and pray for the nations. Better they came, even if it was for the wrong reasons, than not at all. I am the happiest when I don't care. When I interact with people without worrying about how it might be affecting them. When I just act as unapologetically me as I can. And I usually get along much better with people when I do present myself like that. maybe things wouldnt have been so bad if the whole Eunice thing didn't happen. Everyone was quick to turn on her but I wanted to really try and hear her side of the story. I saw her as the victim that I needed to reach out to. But she hurt a lot of people and I don't think I ever took the time to really try and understand everyone else's perspective and their side of the story. At the end of the day, whatever her reasons were for pretending to be a student at NU, she betrayed and hurt a lot of people. That was the bottom line. And she needs to own up to her actions and acknowledge that would she did was wrong and apologize for it. No one will ever be able to move on if she doesn't. What happened with her is something we choose not to address and just ignore that it happened. I can't even imagine how stressed P. Josh must've been trying to navigate that whole situation and especially for something that drastic to happen during his first year. He had a rough first year and still decided to stay and try and salvage Movement. And look at where we are now as a result. Thank you, P. Josh. Truly. I'm surprised Jason said that Movement was so great for him his first year of serving with Angela. It was his everything and he loved it. I just assumed he also had an equally bad time as me but maybe because of the Northwestern life group, he felt differently. He's been so bitter towards everyone recently so I just assumed it had always been bad from the start. I guess I was wrong. We're not the same person at all. And we had very different experiences. And now we're both here now. And it's time to let go and move on. God, please give me the strength and the courage to confront Amanda today and express all these feelings that I have towards her. Please let us just get and have everything out in the open and leave no words left unsaid. Thank you. I pray this all in your name,Amen.