#is what I'd say if I wrote any great volume of fic

[thetruearchmagos]

A disturbing amount of my plots by now involve people trying to hide the fact they're sick from their significant others.

*The disturbing part is the fact that I can never write it well 💀

[lady-in-the-lair]

Hii after tld I am trying to read the comics but I don’t know where to start, can you recommend me anything pls:3

Thanks for asking! Here are the most symbrocky of the comics. There are other good Venom comics, but this is where I'd start to fill in everything the movie left out:

“The Hunger” 1996 -- that's where I got my Tumblr banner image from. The most symbrock of any of the comics, in my opinion, even without saying anything outright. It explores the bond between Eddie and Symby and has a uniquely dark, eerie tone without going overboard on the edgelordness. I bought the whole volume it's collected in just for that storyline.

Mike Costa run, starting at issue #5 (the first four issues feature Symby getting abused by its host to the point that it regresses and is unable to speak properly. Eddie only shows up in Issues #5). I'm still unclear on why Eddie asked Liz Allen out other than to no homo a run full of "my love," "my darling," and literally giving birth together...clearly, it did not work.

"First Host" -- the Mike Costa extra featuring the symbrock baby, Sleeper.

Marvel Presents #5 (2019)  -- It's a collection of Marvel stories, one of which features Eddie and Symby getting intimate. I have mixed feelings about choices made in part of the comic, and the art is terrible, but the actual intimacy is great! Also, it's barely PG-13, it's all implied and more psychological than anything else and inspired me to write a fic, it was so validating.

For non-specifically symbrock content after the cut!

David Michelinie wrote some great general Venom stories I recommend checking out. Even without overt symbrock (which is just one aspect of the characters!), and the absence of Symby's voice, you feel like he gets the characters and his writing isn't all doom-and-gloom.

"Venom: Seed of Darkness" (Len Kaminski, who also has good content) -- Not symbrock; this takes place while Eddie is still a reporter, but it shows how and why he'd bond so closely with Symby even without their mutual hatred of Spider-Man. Everyone is afraid of the alien monster he's reporting on; he's fascinated and even sympathetic iir.

Carnage (2015) -- It's dark and spooky and while it features Eddie, he's bonded to a different symbiote and the symbiotes are not the focus of the story. I like it for the Lovecraftian elements and characterization of Eddie, who seems more like himself than in other recent comics--a bit of a himbo, trying to do the right thing, loves kids, and is generally respectful of women (bunch of female characters in this one).

I also like the Agent Venom comics, though Eddie only briefly appears and Symby is bonded with Flash Thompson, the soldier who lost his legs in the movie. Those are just generally solid action comics with some character development for Flash.

I do not personally recommend the other pre-Costa 2000s Venom comics, as they mostly feature Eddie and Symby hating each other to various extremes and being generally very OOC. This is the era when Venom got dark and edgy and weird in a bad way, with Eddie going off the rails and Symby having a variety of awful hosts. Some good stuff to cherry pick, like Symby still loving Eddie when it sees him in that Anti-Venom getup, but generally bad, bad, bad imo.

I'm only current as of the beginning of Donny Cates's run, as I didn't like where he was going with it and the Look How Dark and Edgy This Is of it all. He also was disrespectful to fans who shipped symbrock (despite it being canon in the Costa run) and tried to no homo it...by having them co-raise a son and having Symby tell Eddie "I love you." Whatever he intended, he clearly backed away from the symbrock so hard he bumped into himself. All that being said, he does explore what Eddie and Symby mean to each other and packs in some good grieving from Eddie when he loses Symby (....who is a dog at the beginning of the run...)

Still, I'm sure there's a lot to like in there even if his dismissal of fans and worship by dudebros has always left a bad taste in my mouth and I stopped reading relatively soon.

I'd avoid Venom: The Madness, too. Hate that one!

Something to be aware of is that both Eddie and the symbiote are very different in the comics than they are in the movie! It varies from writer to writer, but Symby isn't as vocal and sassy and Eddie is just a different character with certain constants that didn't make it into the movie much--a difficult childhood with a distant father, loves kids, uses big words, Catholic, bodybuilder, generally respectful of women (okay that might just be my opinion after reading a lot of comics and cherry-picking the series I like--do not read Venom: The Madness!), and wants to protect innocents, his defining trait.

[scipiosmith]

Hey scipio, I am genuinely curious: what made you want to do a team shuffle in SAPR?

Looking back at the previous stories you wrote makes me curious why you made them join certain teams. Like weiss with flash, russel and Cardin.

If you had to start over again would you team shuffle again or just keep it the same?

The reason I started writing SAPR was because I couldn't find any rewrites that didn't retain Volume 3's conclusion, with Pyrrha going up to the tower, fighting Cinder, and they dying. It became clear to me that if I wanted to see Pyrrha survive in a long-form work then I would have to do it myself.

I wasn't sure originally how exactly I was going to do that, until I settled on a crossover as a way to bring in an overpowered character who could face off against Cinder and save everyone (I'd noticed that overpowered OCs got looked down upon, but crossover characters got a lot more leeway). Hence the MLP crossover and the presence of Sunset Shimmer, who I chose because... because I wasn't very familiar with RWBY, I wasn't sure I would get the characters, and so I wanted a character I knew intimately whom I could rely on as a crutch in every sense.

Having made that decision, doing a team shuffle made sense for my objectives (plus, I'd read a very good fic called Infighting, Insanity and Social Ineptitude, which was one of my inspirations to write SAPR): Sunset and Pyrrha would be on a team together, so that Sunset would be motivated and in position to save Pyrrha; I wanted the story to be Arkos so having Jaune on the team as well made sense; and then Ruby... I thought I might like Ruby best out of the Team RWBY members so having her on the team seemed like a good idea at the time.

Having done that, and assembled the titular team, it was then necessary to do something with the remaining members of Teams RWBY and JNPR to get them into fours. Again, having read Infighting, Insanity and Social Ineptitude, the pairing of Yang and Nora had worked well there, plus Ren and then finally Dove to round out the team (again, Infighting, Insanity and Social Ineptitude).

Once I'd decided that this would be not only a crossover but a fusion, pairing Weiss with Flash was a rather obvious decision to give Sunset something to be very upset over, while also adding Cardin and Russel created the idea of an antagonist team for the early part of the story.

Blake... it's kind of funny to look back now but I didn't really get Blake when I was planning out this story. I didn't like her very much, I didn't envisage a big role for her, so I decided to stick her in with the most minor of minor characters and then Adam could murder her at some point and that would be that. The way that she ended up taking over the whole fic to a great extent is definitely a case of a character rebelling against their assigned role in the story.

If I was going to do it all over again I would have Weiss be the final member of the titular team (Team SSAP? Team SWAP?) instead of Ruby; I never liked Ruby as much as I thought I would, and I plain don't like her now, so I would give Weiss a bigger role and have Ruby stuck as a minor character not doing very much.

It may seem strange to say but I would keep Blake where she is, because I think that her starting off with this very minor team, rather than for example being on Yang's Team YRBN to begin with, helps with the journey that she ends up going on, with SAPR and especially with the Atlesians.

[laikaflash]

the most interesting topic you’ve researched for a fic

share a fic you’re especially proud of

Most interesting topic I've researched...? It's a tough pick, but I'd have to say the Little Ice Age. This was a period of regional cooling that particularly affected the North Atlantic. It may have started with the catastrophic 1275 Samalas eruption and the resulting volcanic winter, which brought cold summers and harsh winters. And famines. Fast-forward 1560 up to 1630, a colder phase called the Grindelwald Fluctuation saw glaciers expand in the Alps, not to mention erratic weather which caused crop failures. (This phase is believed to have been triggered by increased volcanic activity, but I don't want to get into TL;DR territory.) On top of that, this period overlaps with the peak of witch trials in Europe, and the Catholic territories in southern Germany had some downright brutal ones. For instance, one of the largest documented witch trials in history took place in Trier started in 1581. Between 1587 and 1593, 368 people accused of witchcraft were burned to death.

There are a lot of things that I've glossed over, truth be told. What's more, what I described wasn't even the coldest part of the Little Ice Age. That was the Great Frost of 1709, but that's beyond the scope of my fics.

(ETA: I'd misspelled the volcano's name. That's fixed now.)

A fic that I'm especially proud of? Snow Flower. I really think it's one of my strongest writings of late. I don't know how often I listened to the flashback nightmare Setsuka has in her Soul Chronicle for reference, but it spoke volumes of her childhood. So I ran with that. One of my favorite parts to write was after she shows Shugen the scratches and bruises on her arms. You can just see Shugen's deadly side coming out for a bit.

As he silently examined the marks, Shugen’s eyes widened. A fierce glint flashed in them. His lip curled into a snarl. His right hand instinctively grasped for a hilt that was not there, but the sound of the girl’s sniffling caught him off guard. “Shugen? Please don’t take me back. My uncle really might kill me if…” “There, there,” he said with a pat to her shoulder. “I have no intention of handing you over to anyone who calls you a ‘demon child’ in the first place.” “Even if they’re looking for me?” Shugen looked up at the blackened rafters and thought about it with a sigh. “It’s not an easy thing to do, and it won’t be much easier when you’re older, but sometimes the right thing to do is leave. If you can’t bear to live with them any longer, you’ll have a place to stay with me. I promise.”

I first wrote Setsuka's line "Please don't take me back" in a note because it didn't quite fit into the hearth scene then, but I knew it had to be there somewhere. I think it was before I settled on what would be the final straw for Setsuka before she ran away (whatever it was that broke on her in the flashback; I ended up calling it "the jar incident"). It was satisfying to finally work that line in.

[fallynleaf]

i'm on track to put the most amount of work into the least read fics for International Fanworks Day and Femslash February this year, but i finished one extremely niche project (fanfic of a fanfic...) and am decently far along on what has got to be one of the most ambitious fics i've attempted lol (considering some of the stuff i've written, that's saying a lot). i'll just say that it's testing my pro wrestling match literacy more than any project i've attempted so far...

i also tried something WILDLY different, which is that i wrote my first story in Japanese! i've written a few senryu poems before, but that's the only thing i'd written in Japanese besides answers to textbook questions and like tweets and DMs.

a friend shared a link to Galette's (an independent yuri magazine) call for submissions for 「140文字の百合」 ("140 character yuri"), and i ended up deciding on a whim to attempt to write something. my vocab knowledge specializes so heavily in pro wrestling, though, i feel like that's sort of all i'm able to write about with any degree of confidence, so that's what i wrote lol.

i got a few friends who are fluent or near fluent to look at my story just to make sure the grammar and such was generally correct, and then i worked up the courage to ask a Japanese friend on twitter to look at it for me haha and help me make sure that it sounded natural.

my friend liked my story and only had a few tweaks to suggest, which is encouraging! i ended up being glad i tried it because it was fun for both of us.

i can't post the story here haha because i'm trying to honor the submission rules, but i'll try to remember to share it in three months. i highly doubt mine will get selected for publication in the magazine, but it's fun writing with such a tight constraint like that.

i told my friend i was going to try writing one with asexual characters next, so i've tentatively committed to attempting to write another one around may!

what else have i been up to...

i actually have been pretty caught up on my TJPW translations!! i've been doing great with time management lately, which is unusual for me lol. i'm trying to work on them for 1.5-2 hours every day until the translation is finished. then when i don't have a translation i'm working on, i've been trying to use that time for just reading in Japanese.

i started Dungeon Meshi a few days ago haha because i have an insane plan to read the first 9 volumes (+2 chapters of volume 10) and then pick up Harta volume 75 and read the whole magazine (including Dungeon Meshi chapters) from there lol. we have an informal book club going for Harta in the wanikani forum, and i got easily talked into participating, but my friend convinced me to hold off on reading the Dungeon Meshi chapters unless i was caught up (to the point where Harta 75 picks up at), so i decided i'll just get caught up first and then start Harta lol.

i was kind of worried about the difficulty level of Dungeon Meshi because i heard it had loads of relatively uncommon vocab, but i ran my digital copy of it through mokuro, and it parsed it really well, so i've found it to honestly be kind of a breeze to read, though it is a pretty wordy series, so i'm not flying through 100 pages in a day or anything like that.

the vocab is def somewhat hard, but instant lookups make that not an issue (and i can read almost all the kanji, so it's easy to look stuff up manually when mokuro makes a mistake). honestly the grammar feels generally pretty easy to me? easier than some of the dialects i've gotten stumped by in "easier" manga lol, that's for sure.

i'm really enjoying the manga so far! it's triggering a lot of my nostalgia for D&D, and i'm finding the story engaging and refreshingly different, and the art is really good. the illustrations are super clear, which is really helpful when you're trying to read in a language you're not super proficient in.

i'm wondering if it'll help me get better at reading recipes in the Japanese cookbook i own, haha. the ingredients lists in my real cookbook look almost exactly like this lol (and a lot of cooking verbs are also helpfully illustrated in the manga)

[danpuff-ao3]

hiya!!! <3 ask game for questions 27, 28, 29

Squash!!!!!!!!!! Thanks for the asks! 💛

27.) Are there certain types of writing you won’t do? (style, pov, genre, tropes, etc)

I already answered this one here, but I'll copy/paste what I wrote!

"Hmmm. That's a tough one! I don't know that there's anything I would swear off completely. There are a few things I might be more wary of writing. Like...idk how I'd do with MCD, or with second person POV, but never say never! I like keeping my options open, and I never know where inspiration will lead me!

Actually, I will say, I very much want to write a case fic but I'm not sure I'd be any good at it! I think there are more instances of my inability to write things rather than my unwillingness to write them! But again...we never know what the future holds!"

28.) Share a piece from one of your current WIPs!

Ooh a fun one! Lemme go rummage through Scrivener for something...

Aha! This is the opening to a bookstore AU...hopefully this will help push me to actually finish it sometime soon!

The first time Severus meets Harry, it’s when a heavy alchemy volume slams into the boy’s face.��

Severus’ back is turned when this happens, but he hears the crash-thud and closes his eyes and sighs heavily. 

With great reluctance, Severus turns from his box of new books to examine the scene: a young man with wild, dark hair sitting on his bum in the middle of the bookshop. A pair of mangled spectacles are perched on his (now bleeding) nose and the alchemy book is sitting in his lap, vibrating angrily. 

It does not do to injure customers, but also — Severus steadily raises one brow. “Do watch where you’re going.” 

The man stares up at him incredulously, then barks out a laugh. “You must be Snape.” 

29.) Best writing advice for other writers?

Nothing fancy but: read a lot, write a lot!

Write a lot, because you need to practice your craft, learn your own style, and figure out what works for you and what makes you happiest with your own work.

But you should also read a lot. You gotta replenish your creative well! Other works can be so inspirational, but it's also good to explore other genres and tropes and styles. See things you might wanna try! Or explore subjects you don't care to write, but wanna see -- bask in different types of stories so that you feel rejuvenated for whatever subjects you want to address.

There is so much we can learn from others in reading, and so much we can learn about ourselves through writing. So be sure to do plenty of both! 💖

WRITER ASKS!

[worthlesspride]

For the fic related requests, the first thing that came to my mind was Oikawa making Iwaizumi watch one of his k-dramas. Those two watching Makki and Mattsun was one of my fave bits of the fic :) I'd also love to know what makes Iwa call Makki and Mattsun super romantic! I'm also super curious about Oikawa and Semi in the past and also the idea of Semi trying to train Goshiki really tickles me.. I'm going to stop now.. suffice to say I loved WYCF and look forward to anything extra!

Thanks so much for the ask! I think I’ve covered everything. They’re all below, in no particular order. I had to do a cut because I wrote you several essays. 

Semifrowned down at the drink in his hand. He already felt the threads of hispatience unraveling. “Tsutomu?”

           “Yes!”

           “What drink did I ask for?”

           “A tequila sunrise!”

           Semi cut his eyes up to Goshiki, wholooked as if he was holding his breath as he awaited Semi’s response. “What isthis?”

           Goshiki looked at the drink and thenback up at Semi. “It’s a… a tequila sunrise?”

           “Are you asking me or telling me?”

           Goshiki’s face fell. “I don’t know?”            Semi closed his eyes and tooka breath.

           He still wasn’t sure why Ushijimahad thought it was a good idea for him to train Goshiki. His temper was notsuited for this. “What kind of liquor is in this, Tsutomu?”

           “Vodka?”

           “It’s a tequila sunrise,” snappedSemi. He put the drink down on the bar a little too hard; a bit of alcoholsloshed over. “Tequila. Why would youput vodka in a tequila sunrise?”

           Goshiki flinched back and stutteredover himself. “I-I am sorry, Semi-san! I didn’t mean to! I thought… Okay,tequila, okay. Please let me try it again! I promise I can do it! I am sorry!”

           “Stop yelling,” said Semi. The drinkhad spilled over onto his fingers and he wiped them on the leg of his pants.“It’s fine. You’ve only been doing this for a week. It’s okay to makemistakes.”

           Even if those mistakes were thedumbest ones Semi had ever seen.

           He took another breath and tried tocalm himself even more. He couldn’t lose his temper on Goshiki. He didn’t thinkthe kid would ever recover.        

           “I’m sorry,” said Goshiki again. Helowered his voice only slightly.

           “Just go read through the studyguide I made you,” said Semi. “We open in less than an hour. It’s Friday, soit’s going to be too busy for me to do everything myself. I’m going to needyou, Tsutomu.”

           Goshiki lit up like a Christmas treeand returned to full volume. “Yes! You can count on me, Semi-san!” He turned onhis heel so quickly that he nearly stumbled and rushed off toward the back ofthe building.

           Semi propped his elbows on the bar,hid his face in his hands, and breathed a sigh of exasperation.

           Footsteps approached, and longfingers danced lightly up the length of Semi’s spine.

           Semi didn’t flinch. “What?”

           “Look at you, raising up ourprecious baby bird,” cooed Tendou. His fingers went higher, threading gentlyinto Semi’s hair. “He’ll be ready to leave the nest any time now.”

           “If I don’t end up killing himfirst.”

           “Now, now,” said Tendou, the grinevident in his voice. “You know you like Tsutomu. It’s impossible not to likehim.”

           “I like him alright,” said Semi.“It’s just having to deal with him that’s the problem.”

           Tendou’s hand fell away. He leanedback against the bar. “You’re doing fine. He’ll be slinging drinks like aprofessional in no time.”

           Semi dropped his arms and stood straight,frowning up at Tendou. “Some people are unteachable. He might be one of them.”

           “You’re being dramatic.”

           “A tequila sunrise,” said Semi,gesturing toward the drink on the bar. There were several other mixed cocktailsscattered about, all of them made improperly. “With vodka.”

           Tendou shrugged. “Sounds alright tome.”

           “I think our customers won’t agree.”

           Tendou reached up to flick a pieceof hair away from Semi’s forehead. “I think you worry too much, Semi-Semi.”

           Semi scowled at him.

           “Anyway,” said Tendou, “isn’t itbetter to deal with Tsutomu than Shirabu?”

           Semi barely held back a twitch.“Yeah, I guess.”

           “It’s fine,” said Tendou. He took astep forward, into Semi’s personal space, and grinned down at him. “Besides,you’re the best bartender I know. If anyone can train Tsutomu, it’s you.”

           Semi rolled his eyes, but his badattitude weakened as Tendou leaned closer, his breath sweeping across Semi’slips. “You know what Ushijima said about PDA at the club.”

           “I don’t see Ushijima,” said Tendou,slipping a hand around Semi’s waist. “Do you?”

           Semi’s mouth tugged into a smirk. Hetilted his head back, felt the first brush of Tendou’s lips, and then:

           “Semi-san! I have a question!”

           Tendou stepped back, and Semi took acleansing breath.

           He couldn’t lose his temper. If heyelled at Goshiki, the kid would be crushed.

           Goshiki was trying. He couldn’t helpit.

           “What, Tsutomu?”

           Tendou smiled, more softly thanusual. “You’re doing great, Semi-Semi,” he said quietly, as Goshiki half-joggedtoward them. “I’m so proud.”

           Semi rolled his eyes, but couldn’thelp the soft warmth in his cheeks as he turned away to help Goshiki.

Why Iwaizumi thinks Makki and Mattsun are too romantic: 

1. Ontheir two-month anniversary, Matsukawa sent roses to Hanamaki while he was onshift. It was a classic bouquet of a dozen red roses, and the card was a simplecollection of XOXOs.

 2.They got matching tattoos. When Iwaizumi asked, Hanamaki agreed to show him. Hestarted to push his pants down, and Iwaizumi decided he didn’t want to know,after all.

3.They use disgusting pet names for each other; sweet cake, cherry blossom,sunshine, doll face, sugar lips.

4. Anytime they get coffee, Matsukawa always has the barista draw a little heart inthe foam of Hanamaki’s drink.

5. Onetime, Mattsun was so focused on his phone that he completely ignored everythingIwaizumi was saying. Iwaizumi looked over his shoulder and found a screenful ofhim arguing back and forth with Makki about who loved each other the most.

6.Hanamaki sent Matsukawa identical roses on their three month anniversary, withanother collections of XOXOs.

7. Duringshift change, they leave obnoxious notes for each other on the patrol roombulletin board.

8.Once, Hanamaki left his phone at Iwaizumi’s place. Iwaizumi picked it up tosend Mattsun a text to come get it, and was greeted by a history of sexting thatincluded detailed descriptions of touching each others’ faces and discussinghow beautiful each of them were. Iwaizumi barely stopped himself from throwingthe phone in the garbage.

9.When Oikawa dragged them all to karaoke, Hanamaki serenaded Matsukawa with thesappiest love songs that Iwaizumi had ever heard.

10.Once, Iwaizumi received a picture message from Matsukawa, followed immediatelyby an urgent text of “THAT WAS MEANT FOR MAKKI. DON’T OPEN IT.” Iwaizumiintended to delete it, because he had no interest in seeing Matsukawa’s dick.Oikawa insisted, and they were gifted by a picture of Matsukawa’s bathroommirror, steamed over from a hot shower, little hearts and doodles drawn in thesteam.

((Allof these things are done intentionally because Makki and Mattsun get greatpleasure from Iwaizumi’s reactions.))

Althoughhe didn’t like to admit it, Oikawa knew exactly what Semi was doing.

           He’d known for a while; much longerthan he cared to think about. He’d denied it for so long that he’d nearlyconvinced himself it wasn’t happening, but some things were impossible toignore.

           Finding a stash of cocaine in hiskitchen cabinet was one of those things.

           Oikawa had been quite calm about it,because although he’d been in denial, he’d already known. It wasn’t a surprise.

           He’d taken the drugs out of thecabinet, calmly walked into the bathroom, and dumped the powder in the toilet. Aftera single flush, there was no proof that the cocaine had ever existed. He buriedthe bag at the bottom of the garbage can and went about his day as if nothinghad happened.

           He was calm about it, but Semicertainly was not.

           Semi came home late, which had beenhappening more and more often. Oikawa heard him come in and open therefrigerator. There was beer, but Semi probably didn’t grab one. He had beendrinking less; likely because he’d replaced the need for alcohol with the needfor something else. There was the sound of a cabinet opening, a long pause, andthen the cabinet door slammed shut so loudly that Oikawa winced.

           Footsteps stomped closer and Oikawaresumed brushing his teeth, staring blankly at himself in the bathroom mirror.Semi threw the door open as Oikawa spat in the sink, the taste of minttoothpaste clinging to his tongue.

           “Welcome home, Semi-chan,” saidOikawa, forcing a smile. It looked out of place on his face, like someone hadjammed a puzzle piece into the wrong place. “How was your day?”

           “What the fuck, Tooru?”

           “Not so good, then,” said Oikawa. Heleaned close to the mirror and pulled his lips back to check his teeth.

           Semi grabbed his shoulder and spunhim around, slapping his hands onto the sink on either side of Oikawa, caginghim in. Semi was a little shorter, but the intensity of his glare made up forthe difference. “What. The. Fuck.”

           Oikawa kept his face impassive,though his heart thundered in his chest. “You’re going to have to be morespecific, Semi-chan. You’re not giving me much to work with here.”

           “Where is it?”

           Oikawa tilted his head. His bloodran hot with panic, but he made himself raise a causal brow. “Where is what?”

           “Don’t play dumb with me,” snarledSemi. “Where the fuck is it?”

           Oikawa had only seen Semi like thisa handful of times.

           All of them had been in the pastmonth.

           “I’m still not certain what youmean,” said Oikawa, “but if you’re talking about the drugs that you draggedinto my apartment without my permission, then consider them gone.”

           Semi’s face contorted, scowldeepening, eyes flashing. He pulled back, fists tight at his sides, and for afleeting second Oikawa thought he was going to hit him.

           Then Semi turned on his heel andtook a single step away. “This isn’t your apartment,” he snapped. “We livedhere together, Tooru.”

           “That doesn’t mean you can stashyour drugs here. I’ve told you I’m not okay with this.”

           “And I’ve told you it’s not a bigdeal,” said Semi. He turned back toward Oikawa, and his expression was only alittle tamer. “I’m only selling to make some quick cash. We can barely affordto pay rent. I want us to have nice shit, you know? I want to get a nice place,and a car, and not have to worry about scraping together enough to eat for theweek. Once we’re okay I’ll stop.”

           “We’re okay now,” said Oikawa. Hewanted to step closer, but he was a little wary. He cared about Semi, but whenhe got like this, he was a little frightening. “Everything is fine, Eita. I’mhappy the way we are. I don’t need anything else.”

           “Well I do,” snapped Semi. “I wantmore. We deserve more, and I’m going to get it for us. I’ll stop soon, okay?”

           “Selling it is one thing,” saidOikawa, quietly, “but using it is a different story. You’ve got to stop doingthat now, Eita. It’s messing with you.”

           “I’m not using,” said Semi. Thewords were angry, bitter. “I might take a bump every now and then but it’s nota big deal. It’s not like I’m addicted or anything.”

           Oikawa should have swallowed hisnext words. “Then why are you so upset that your stash is gone?”

           Semi looked up at him, and his glarewas poison. “Because you need to stay out of my shit. It’s not your business,Tooru. Don’t fucking do it again.”

           He stormed toward the bathroom door.

           “Where are you going?” said Oikawa,following despite himself.

           “Don’t worry about it.”

           Oikawa stumbled into the living roomjust as Semi slipped back into his shoes. “You’re going to get more, aren’tyou?” said Oikawa. “You can’t stand the thought of going a night without it. Doyou see what you’re doing to yourself, Eita?”

           “Fuck you,” snapped Semi. “You don’tknow anything about it.” He slung the door open, but hesitated before hestepped outside. He looked over his shoulder at Oikawa and said, “I’ll be backlater.” He paused, considered, and added, gruffly, “I love you.”

           Oikawa felt his heart break in hischest. His throat went tight and the tears pressed at his eyes, but he simplyshook his head and said, “Yeah, sure. I love you, too.”

           Then Semi was gone, and Oikawa droppedonto the couch and sobbed.

           Oikawa should leave. He knew heshould. Everything between them was wrong lately. The drugs were the problem,and Semi clearly wasn’t going to stop using them anytime soon. It was in hisbest interest to get out before things got worse.

           He wiped at his eyes and took ashuddering breath.

           He should leave, but he couldn’t.

           Oikawa thought about when he and Semihad first started dating, and the way Semi looked at him like he was somethingto be admired. He thought about all the flowers Semi had bought him, which hadbeen dried out and preserved in a wooden box in the wardrobe. He thought aboutthe way Semi had held his hand and smiled at him and kissed him like he was somethingto cherish.

           Oikawa should leave, but he caredtoo much about Semi to do it.

           Maybe things would get better.

           Maybe they would go back to normal.

           …and maybe they would only getworse.

           It was a good thing Iwaizumi lovedOikawa so much.

           If he hadn’t, he was pretty sure hewould’ve hated the moron.

           Oikawa gasped much too dramaticallyfor the situation and seized Iwaizumi’s arm in a death grip. “Iwa-chan! Hedidn’t die in the car crash! He came back!”

           Iwaizumi looked at him blankly, thenslowly returned his focus to the TV screen.

           This drama was the singular mostidiotic thing Iwaizumi had ever seen, and he’d seen a lot of stupid things.            

           “Of course he came back,” saidIwaizumi. “They all come back. It’s the same characters doing the same thingsover and over again. Don’t you think it’s a little bit predictable?”

           “How dare you.”

           “I’m just saying, these shitty soapoperas are-”

           “Don’t finish that sentence,Iwa-chan.” Oikawa folded his arms with a huff. He tried to scowl, but it lookedmore like a pout. “This is prime entertainment. It’s a masterpiece.”

           Iwaizumi fought against an eye rolland barely won. He settled more comfortably into the couch and bumped hisshoulder against Oikawa’s. “Fine. It’s a great show. I love it.”

           Oikawa slipped him a sidewaysglance. “Don’t patronize me.”

           “I’m not.” He tugged at Oikawa’scrossed arms, freeing one of his hands and fitting their fingers together. “Ifit makes you happy I like it. It’s fine.”

           Oikawa’s pout lessened. He squeezedIwaizumi’s hand and again focused on the television. “I wonder how his daughterwill react. She should be happy, but then again, the sex scandal he had beforethe wreck might have pushed her away.”

           “Doesn’t really matter,” saidIwaizumi with a shrug. “There’s no way that’s his actual daughter. Her dad isthat guy with the bad haircut. Her mom had a secret affair with him fifteenyears ago.”

           Oikawa turned his head slowly, hisface blank. “No, she didn’t.”

           “Well they haven’t admitted it yet,but it definitely happened. It’s all in the context. Remember that conversationthey had a few episodes ago? They dropped hints all over the place.”

           Oikawa’s mouth fell open. “What thehell, Iwa-chan? You’re spoiling the show!”

           “I’m not spoiling it if it’sobvious.”

           “It’s not obvious! Get out of myhouse.”

           “I live here, too.”

           “Getout of my house.”

           Iwaizumi snorted and wrapped an armaround Oikawa’s shoulders. Oikawa resisted the embrace, but the struggle washalfhearted. He sank into Iwaizumi’s side with a huff.

           “I hate you, Iwa-chan.”

           “Love you too, Tooru.”

[k1tcaliber]

hey i was wondering if i could get a short fic or something regarding merging/bonding sparks with starscream. i read the thing you wrote about it, and idk i'd love to read an actual narrative piece. that poor precious boy is too damaged and needs some good old loving in his soul ~

so uh i know you asked for a “short fic” but

i kind of took it and. ran with it. i’d already had a portion of this written out for the Sparklight AU, so i just...well, finished it.

and it is almost 3500 words long.

below the cut, for...well, the above reason really.

“I…haveno idea what any of this means, Starscream,” she said, opticalridges pressed together in confusion.

Hefrowned – of course she didn’t. She still had a lot to learnabout her new body. Her new life. “Right. Well…it’s simple,really. We just…open up our chestplates and…touch our sparkchambers together.”

“That’sit?” She asked, almost monotone.

Henodded once. “More or less.”

“Moreor less?” She repeated, questioning and confused. “What are youleaving out?”

“Nothing.That’s the process,” he said bluntly, crossing his arms. Therewas a pause, and Sparklight noticed his wings fall a bit before hespoke again. “Oh, alright, there’s…usually some sort of…vowssaid,” he explained, his voice tapering off, volume lowering as tobecome nearly inaudible.

Sheheard it anyway. “Vows? Like…at a wedding?”

Helooked away, frowning deeper. “F-Forget I said anything…it’stoo soon to have this discussion.”

“What?Why? What do you mean, ‘too soon’?” She was deeply confused bynow, and it irritated her. His unwillingness to talk about the thingthat he himself had suggested wasn’t helping either.

“Why?Because you still have a lot to learn before you can make thisdecision. It’s too soon, you have too much to learn still, it wouldbe irresponsible of me to—”

Thelook in her optics grew wild. “What are you talking about? I stillhave a lot to learn? About what? I don’t…I don’t understandanything you’re saying!” She yelled, hands balled up into tightfists, body stiff.

Hisexpression showed shock and a bit of fear for about a second beforehe regained his composure, his optics staring off into the distance –away from hers. “Bonding with someone is…not a decision to betaken lightly. It creates an unbreakable, lifelong bond between thesparks – the very life energy – of two bots, and…our lives arelong, Sparklight. If…” He stopped himself and shook hishead a couple of times. “Never mind that.”

“Stopdoing that!”

Hefinally looked into her optics again, only to be met withexasperation and building tears.

“S-Stopdoing what?”

“That…thatthing where you cut yourself off midsentence and tell me to forgetwhat you were saying! I h-hate it! I’m not stupid,Starscream! Just fucking tell me what you—”

Witha growl and a sneer, he interjected. “Fine. If we were tobond, and you decided a million years from now that maybe I amjust as insufferable as everyone says, you would be stuck bonded tosomeone you hate!” His volume was increasing, and not at a slowrate. “You would never be able to bond with someone youactually love! It would haunt you every single day of yournearly limitless existence, as a reminder of the terrible mistakeyou made as a newspark!”

Aperiod of silence ensued. He was venting hard, clearly affected byhis own words. She looked like a deer caught in the headlights,shaking.

Herelaxed considerably, his expression turning concerned, as herealized his own mistake. Slowly reaching out a hand towards her, hestarted to speak again, this time quietly, as if it would drain someof the volume out of his outburst. “Oh, Primus, no, I’m sorry, Ididn’t…I didn’t mean to—”

Sheslapped his hand away and burst into tears before nearly launchingherself out of her seat on the berth. He watched her nearly stumbleas she ran across the room and into the washroom before lockingherself in – and the whole time, he felt as if he’d been stabbedthrough the spark chamber.

Andhe was angry. Not at her. Never at her. But at himself. Thoughtsswirled around his processor. I can’t do anything right. Ireally am a failure. I don’t deserve her. I don’t deserve anyone.I’m a waste.

Hestood up and crossed the room in the opposite direction – towardswhere the table and chairs stood. His last step wasn’t a step –he swung his leg back before kicking forwards, knocking over thechair and sending it skidding a few feet away, its motion disturbingthe table and other chair as well.

Hestood there for a moment, once again venting heavily, his handscurled up into fists as his mind cleared itself out.

Hehadn’t been paying attention to the time, but he realized he didn’tknow how long he’d been standing there or it had been since she’drun away – and he hadn’t heard anything from her at all. Heweighed his options: one, he could sit back down and stew in hisself-hatred until she decided to emerge; or two, he could go check onher now that he’d calmed down.

Thelatter was really the only option.

So,calmly, he crossed the room and knocked on the washroom door.

“Sweetspark?”He called out, making sure he could be heard from behind the door.“Are you alright?”

Therewas a second of silence, and it felt like his energon ran cold.

“Wh-Whatdo you want…” Her voice was weak and lacked much intonation; shewas clearly still upset, but he couldn’t help but sigh in reliefthat she hadn’t done anything drastic.

Hepaused for just a moment, collecting his thoughts – he wanted tosay the right thing. But what that thing was…he didn’t know. Sohe tried it anyway.

“I…wantto see you again. I want to…to say I’m sorry.”

Moresilence came, and he waited. He stayed close to the door, but hewaited. If he called out again, he’d be rushing her. So he took adeep vent and waited for her to make her the decision on her own.

Thedoor slid open and he showed great self-control in not immediatelyrushing forwards and holding her tight to his chestplate. She wasstaring at the ground, her arms crossed in a peculiar fashion – asif she was holding herself.

Heplaced one hand on her shoulder and the other hand on the side of herface, rubbing gently. “I’m so, so sorry, Sparklight. I-I didn’t…Ididn’t mean to do that. I love you. I love you dearly.”

“Il-love you too,” her reply came, shaky and quiet. He opened hismouth to speak again, but she cut him off without even realizing it –by stepping forwards and pressing herself against him. He wrapped hisarms around her, and she managed to uncurl her own arms and embracehim in return.

Hecould have cried. “I’m so, so sorry,” he repeated, in awhisper.

“Iforgive you.” Her response was equally quiet, though morestatic-filled than his was.

Hepaused for a moment. “A-Are you sure?”

Shenodded against him and tightened her grip on him.

Withoutanother word, he picked her up and carried her back over to theberth, then lay down with her and cuddled her tightly.

“Let’s…justforget that whole thing happened, okay?”

“N-No,”she said, extracting her head from its position to look up at him. Hesaw her optics for the first time since she’d run from him – theywere dull from crying, but still as beautiful as ever. “I want…tofinish it.”

Hesighed deeply and pulled her back in. “…How about we just relaxfor a bit first,” he suggested.

Therewas a short pause before she spoke again – most likely weighing heroptions.

“Okay.”

~~ ~

Theysat where they had been before – her near her pillows, he on theopposite corner.

Hesighed, and began. “The reason I wanted you to forget what I saidis that…you’re just too young to make a decision that permanent.You’re so young, and you’ve only been a Cybertronian for fourmonths. You have a lot to learn still – I mean that quiteliterally. You…you’re practically a newspark, but without eventhe basic knowledge libraries.” He looked up at her, his opticsflicking from their place on the berthsheets to meet hers. “Th-Thatisn’t an insult, either, it’s just the truth, I swear.”

Shenodded in understanding. “I know. Compared to you, I’m a baby.But…I am—er, was, anyway—an adult human with plenty ofknowledge and skill. I have the logic and reasoning ability tounderstand anything you tell me – if you tell me everything I needto know. If you don’t tell me anything, or refuse to, then I can’thave the understanding you want me to have.” She paused to collecther chaotic thoughts. “Why did you ask me if I’d heard aboutspark bonding before?”

Heanswered meekly. “Because…I wanted to talk about it with you.”

“Whathappened to change your mind?”

“I…rememberedhow young you are. How much you still don’t know. It…made me feelirresponsible. Like I’d made a mistake.”

“Star…Iknow there’s a lot I still have to learn. But I want to learn itwith you. I want you to teach me. I want you to explainthings to me. I want you to be with me while I learn about you andyour world – my world too, now.”

Hestared at the berthsheets once more, mouth hanging open a tiny bit ashe processed things.

“Soplease…” she started, without allowing him to speak – not thathe’d tried to, yet. “Explain to me one more time what sparkbonding is. Why it’s important. Why you want to do it with me.Please. I need to understand.”

He took a deep vent before starting. “…Very well. I can’t takeback what I’ve said. So…” He paused for just a moment. “Sparkbonding is…a ritual, of sorts, performed between two bots. You andyour partner. It is done by opening the chestplate to reveal thespark chamber, then…touching the spark chambers together. Thesparks will be able to connect through the metal, and…a bond isformed.” Another pause. “You recall that our sparks are our verylife force, yes?”

She nodded. “Of course. That was Lesson One,” she remembered,with a giggle. It was one of the first things she learned about theCybertronian body – before she'd even had one.

A smile slowly appeared on his face – her laugh was a powerfulthing, to him. “Right. Well...when you bond your spark withanother, it creates...a link, between you and your partner. You'llstart being able to sense their emotions. It's...” He paused again,the smile falling back off his face. He noticed hers fell too. “It'sa major decision. It's irreversible. You...if you bond with me,you'll be bonded to me for life. A bond only dissolves when one ofthe sparks goes out.” His volume was lowering, and he didn't knowif he meant to do that or not. “I love you, Sparklight. I've neverbeen more sure of anything in my life, and I've lived a very longtime.”

He looked up at her, not having realized that his gaze had evenlowered, and he could practically see the gears turning in her brain.

Suddenly, she looked up, a confused, inquisitive expression on herface. “Starscream, are...are you asking me to marry you?”

His exhaust fans went up a couple of notches. “Ah—well...I guessthat would be the human termfor it...”

“Yes.”

It took him a couple of seconds forher statement to process, andwhen it did, hisoptics opened as wide as they could, and he turned to look at her.“What?”

She leaned forwards, tears buildingup in her optics as she took his hands in hers.

“Yes, Starscream. I will.”

“A-Are you sure?! This is—youhave millions of years ahead of you, and—don't make—”

“I did this for you. I went fromhaving a hundred-year lifespan to a hundred million-yearlifespan because I wanted tobe with you. I want tobe with you. I gave up everything I knew and loved because I knew Iloved you more.”

He had no words. For once, his mindwas quiet inside. But his spark was overflowing, whirling in hischest with the repeated realization that he is loved, that he isworth something to someone.

“...Star?”

Her sudden quietinterjection pulled him out of the daze he was in, and he felt herlift a hand to his face and sweep her thumb across his cheek –removing a tear he hadn't realized was there. He looked at her andhis vision was blurred – more evidence that he'd started cryingwithout realizing it.

In the span of about three seconds,he freed his hands from hers and lunged forwards, onearm around her and the other hand on the back of her head, and pulledher in close, theirfaceplates meeting with a slight clang,their lips meeting in a kiss. Her yell of surprise at suddenly beingpulled forwards was cut off by their lips connecting.

Itwas only a few seconds until they pulled apart. He started shaking,his wings held low, and Sparklight wrapped her arms around him,guiding him into an embrace, his head coming to rest on her shoulderas he let go and allowed himself to cry.

“I know,” she whisperedsoothingly, rubbing his back. “I know. It's going to be alright,Star. You're going to be alright. We'regoing to be alright.”

~ ~ ~

It only took a minute or so for himto finish. He lifted himself off of her, hiccupingas he wiped his face with his hand.

“No, don't do that...”Sparklight half-whispered quickly, before snatching up a fistful ofblanket and using it to clean him up. “You could scratchsomething.”

He gave a half-hearted chuckle andsmiled. “You care too much about me.”

“I could nevercare too much about you.” She smiled back at him as she spoke,finishing her self-appointed task.

“...So...you really want to...tobond with me?” He actually looked timid– a very rare occurrence.

“Yes,” she responded calmly. “Ido. I would give myself to you over and—”

He held up a hand to stop her.“Please, sweetspark, take it easy, I'm an old bot, I can't handlethis much emotion.”

She gave a small chuckle, butnodded. “Alright, alright. I'm sorry.”

“Don't be. Now, we have...a coupleof things to work out.”

Her optical ridges drew low and shecocked her head. “Like what?”

“Well, a date, for one.”

“We can just...do it, at any time,right?”

He nodded. “Well, yes,but...there's a bit of a snag, with that. It's best if both partnersare as close to emotional baseline as possible, or...or else, itmight...it could—”

“What? What's the problem?”

He sighed, once again casting hisgaze towards the mattress beneath them. “If something goes wrongduring the process, the bond could...fracture. A fractured bondis...”

“You don't need to tell me aboutthat, Starscream. At least, not right now. I'm not worried about it.”

“Okay. I'm just...” He paused,thinking about how to phrase his thought. “...Nervous,” hefinally admitted.

“So am I, love, but...honestly,what are the chances of something going wrong?”

“...Not very high. Notnon-existent, not in the slightest, but...the chance is rather low.I...I still want to wait a while before doing it.”

“Of course. What were youthinking?”

“One week from now, measured inhuman time. At night, before recharging.”

“Why a week?”

“It gives us both time to thinkabout it,” he explained. It frustrated her slightly, but...she knewhe had a point. “I don't want to jump into something, and...I don'twant to push you into anything.”

She opened her mouth to retort, buthe held up a hand. “I know. You want to do it. But...I just don'tfeel like making this decision on the same day you learned about itfor the first time is a good idea.”

She looked somehow disappointed, butalso understanding. “...You're right. So, one week, then?”

He smiled warmly, placing a hand onher cheek. “One week.”

~ ~ ~

The lights were dim, and Starscreamsat himself neatly on a chair close to the berth while Sparklightstayed where she was, a fewfeet away.

“Are you sure you're ready forthis?” He asked, his brightly glowing optics piercing through thedim light.

She nodded once. “Yes. I'm ready,Starscream.” She didn't wait for him to beckon her forwards beforewalking up to him herself.

Silently, he helped get her settledon his lap, facing him, chestplates nearly touching.

“Do you want to go first?”

She shook her head. Despite knowingexactly what she was going to say, she still wanted to know if sheneeded to adjust anything to sound...well, not like an idiot.

“Okay.” He took a deep ventbefore starting.

“Sparklight. When I met you, I waslost. It stings to admit it, but I was just...floating along, with noreal purpose. I was resigned to my fate, I was resigned to the factthat I would either die alone on this rock entire galaxiesaway from home, or I would spend the rest of my life being beaten byMegatron. You came along andchanged everything. Even as atiny organic creature, you made an immeasurable impact on my life. Isaw the light shining inside you. You gave up everything so that Imay be blessed with your presence formillions and millions of years, and I will be grateful until the daymy spark goes out. I love you, Sparklight. Open up your spark to me,so we may never be separatedagain.”

Fighting back her tears, she took aslow, deep vent of her own to calm herself.

“Starscream. BeforeI met you...I, too, was lost. My life had no direction, no vibrance,no light. We met by sheer coincidence, and when you asked me to comewith you – to help you – I went. I learned that the help youneeded from me wasn't the help you'd asked for. And as it turns out,I needed your help as well. I willingly left behind everythingbecause you mean so much to me. I would rather have you than all ofthe material possessions on Earth. IfI had to do it all over again, I wouldn't do a single thingdifferently. Everything I do for you, you do for me. We're strongertogether. I love you, Starscream. Open up your spark to me...so wemay never be separated again.”

A moment of silence followed, andtheir chestplates slid open, nearly in perfect unison. The area wasilluminated by the soft blue glow of their sparks through theirchambers – one layer of metal was just not enough to contain thelight emitted.

And then he pulled her the lastcouple of inches in, embracingher tightly.

Their spark chambers met, and energyimmediately began to arc between the metal surfaces. Their opticsclosed and their venting became slow but heavy andslightly labored as theirconsciousnesses combined. It felt like they were both floating, freedof their bodies and reduced to their sparks, inside a cloud, combinedinto one being. They couldtell what the other was feeling, and they both knewthat the other was experiencing the most intense, divine sensationthey'd ever felt.

Suddenly, a thought entered hermind. She didn't hear him speak it, but she knew he sent it.

Are you alright?

Yes, she sent back. Areyou?

Yes.

And that was it – no more words were necessary. Just feelings. Andthey were more than content to sit there bathing in the light oftheir combined love for a while.

Getting tired.

The message decoded itself to him. He began to give off concern, andhe felt an apologetic wave.

Don't be, he said, sendingover reassurance as well. We can stop.

A pause.

Are you sure?

Of course. Don't strain yourself.

Another pause.

Please.

And that was all it took – theypulled apart, the energy stopped arcing, their venting began to ease,and they quickly slid their chestplates shut once more sothat they could lean against each other and recover. It was astrenuous affair – but well worth it.

“Well...” he started, ventingstill labored. “Shall we...go lay down?”

She nodded against him. “Uh-huh.”

Nearly effortlessly, he stood up andhefted her into the air before carrying her the short distance to theberth and laying her down before getting in next to her.

Everything was different now. Theyknew it, yet the words to describe it continued to evade them.

But they both knew that the lovethey shared was stronger than it was before...and it was mostcertainly stronger than their fear.