#is this just another flavor of plant brother's conflict? maybe :3 | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

deathghost8 · 5 years ago

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First fragments **This forms a broad timeline however the specific breaks and amounts of time between have been mostly left out, though you may occasionally note formatting artifacts which somewhat mark the break points.** I guess this all started late one night when a passenger in my car asked a strange question- What are you like as a person? My mind locked up for a moment trying to produce the response. I’m very inward, as in there’s so much thought swirling about my mind that it can be a struggle to pull any of it down into verbal communication. As you just saw. So I used to misinterpret my inwardness as solitary, but as I’ve grown up I have learned that I vitally seek people. I seek to help them. I need the energy, being needed. I started with just me, a fragment of me, inside, and worked my way out. I refused external wisdom. I had to figure it all out my way. That’s what I’m like as a person. In kindergarten I would refuse to do the art projects, desiring to make my own design than to reproduce the suggested themes. Another night, in the deep suburbs near where I lived, I stared into the vacant shops and offices, brooding. A very typically slow Friday night. Nothing at all is going on out here, even on a weekend night. What’s so convenient about this store, I demanded to know. All you fucking sell is sugar water, candy, junk food, nothing real. The overhead signs glowed back at me defiantly. Over 112 energy drink. Flavors to choose from. Deli. Restrooms. Ice cream. Energy zone High Voltage. Cold drinks. This ain’t convenience! This is shit! It’s not just the health less ness… It’s the infuriating marketing we’ve all been force fed for generations now asking us to accept healthlessness. Near the start of that night, waiting for any ride requests, I stared into the library across from my place. Imagining an old library man, the keeper of the establishment. It brings him joy, and he’s lived there and kept the place in order for as long as I can remember. But no. No we don’t have that. We have economics which have divided us up, kept us living separately, just coming together to grind through the workday, scarcely interacting, then back to our disconnected residences. We need to rehumanize everything. We need old library men. The concept of the library is theoretically just right, but under implemented. It needs to be a center point to a village, a place where everyone can convene and receive nurture, knowledge, nourishment. It needs to have a kitchen and other community driven facilities. Even housing units, as an option for anyone experiencing a conflict at home or difficulty finding a home. I would love to cook for my neighborhood. Nothing brings people together in belonging like good free food. We need to rehumanize everything. We can’t continue on like this. Several weeks before that, I sat in a parking lot, which happened to contain a cell tower. I posted it to all of my blogs and accounts. Behold the beacon of our dystopia ~ a state of civilization in which our communities keep us separated instead of unified, and this technology tethers us to the employer and gives us the illusion of connection to each other so we scarcely notice the actual distance of humanity from itself #wireless #lifeless #dehumanized #dystopia A little after that, I drove past a curious mass of parked cars. So many all parked, but the location did not seem to be a public parking lot or car dealership. Maybe they were rental vehicles. I think that sight planted the seed of thought that continued to haunt me. But I realized I’ve been haunted by this for as long as I can remember in my adult life. I’ve always peered into partially lit, empty offices or residences with dim lighting spilling out, just longing for some purpose, some life. Who I am has formed almost completely upon the basis of this haunted sense of the scarcity of actually living. The emptiness all around me. I don’t know what to do. But just now, having come up with the right words for my relation to the other humans here and now, I can see that my calling is to spark rehumanization. I have to do it. Everywhere I go, every way within my control, I have to positive initiate. Break the insecurity. Unite with those around me. Give them permission to be alive for once just by crossing paths with me. The things people say to me, mostly drunk ones, in my car have confirmed this thought process. My city is populated with beautifully vibrant people just doing their best. For the first time ever I feel a kinship with my actual place, that I only could have gained going around serving the people, lightening their load - there is immense freedom in being transported without having to drive. It is similar to minimalist housing. Far lower emotional overhead. Zen af. All on its own before we have exchanged one word, my efforts are toward rehumanization when I am out on the road taking people out, or to work, or getting them home safely. ~ Hey employers- are you sick and tired of unmotivated, whiny employees always trying to get more time off and get off the hook for being late when they barely even work while on the clock? Look no further, I have the answers you need. My new human efficiency program will help you schedule your labor and time off provisions so that work will get done when it needs to and the employees will be happy and engaged in your organization’s goals. My seminar will teach you everything you need to know about engaging your workforce as human beings, trusting in their talents, and structuring work the way real people actually work. You’ll learn how to treat people who actually have more important priorities in their life than your profit margins and performance bonuses, so you can unlock the true potential of the parents in your workforce rather than constantly working against it. I’ll teach you how to avoid the 3 most common productivity and morale busting mistakes employers make when it comes to allocating human resources, to achieve astonishing levels of occupancy you never thought possible. ~ Spent most of today experiencing waves of furiousness… The rare state in which life is screaming at you in every color. The one where it’s like you’re going cry, but you just linger in that space without the catharsis. How much suffering and loss is it going to take before we acknowledge it. We are complicit in every death. Every murder and every suicide. It’s on us, while we yet continue to stand by whilst human beings are thrown away, and treated like garbage by elitist economics. I’m ready for open revolt against the extreme wealth that has decimated any semblance of fair free market. Donating my platelets every other week has imparted to me a sense of vitality, a willingness to bleed and physically give of myself in defense of fairness for my kids and my brothers and sisters, all life on our earth. I grew up through a large amount of grief and trauma, having lost my mother at age 10 and suffered numerous abuse and neglect following this, developed PTSD. I spent the last few years recovering and learning what I needed to do in order be the real authentic me in defiance of the PTSD suppressing myself, to hide it even from my own consciousness - dissociation is the primary feature of symptoms. I realized that all the work I want to do, all the life dreams I have involve non monetary gains. Work whose value isn’t money, but love. I bounced several ideas off my sister (first born, and grew up in an adoptive family, I am 2nd born, we just met last summer)- everything from family campus / super libraries to update for the needs of families in today’s economy, to an emergency life crisis ambulance/center (for the purpose of providing access to first response in critically life threatening EMOTIONAL / DOMESTIC injury rather than physical, to a housing program designed to complement the first response so victims of economic tyranny or domestic oppression would have somewhere to go to escape the trauma source, to a restaurant that operates sort of like facebook where you do not actually have to pay to be a patron / participant in the product. I don’t want to be making food just to throw it away. I want to feed the people, and teach them how to make great food for cheap. I want to apply this same aesthetic to all aspects of living/service industry, from housing, to gym/shower, communication/internet cafe, clean drinking water, and early preschool (0-5 education) that is DIRELY needed for our generation’s families with kids. Ever since I lost my higher paying IT job I’ve been very focused on the entrepreneurial attitude toward making a living. It got me thinking about the actual term, living… and I realized that it’s not living at all to sell off most of your time in order to pay for housing and nutrition. I drove with uber and lyft for the better part of this year, but I also worked on a food truck and in a grocery delicatessen. We throw away almost all of what we make to be sold, hot or cold, day by day. Why not operate as a non profit, remove the pay to play and ridiculous markup that is done to create a profit margin, and serve all who are hungry, whilst accepting tips / pay what you want and running a recipe blog / school to promote Budget gourmet as a brand while attracting sponsors who want to be part of the ecosystem of community consciousness and hunger security inclusiveness. Thus the idea is dual faceted. I want to run as a food truck, going where there are likely to be a lot of hungry and economically rock bottom or near to it community members. But I also want to have the ability to share the recipes and the knowledge for our frugal gourmet minimalism theme in a way that builds community. So there is serving in house but also the to go / DIY element that has done very well for brands like blue apron. The bicycle collective near here has an earn a bike program where kids can come learn how to build the bike and get to keep it. The idea is to give to the community, not serve a bottom line or a profit target. Pay to play is a garbage aesthetic and we need to start acting against it immediately. I have to start somewhere. I cannot keep flushing my time down the toilet for an hourly wage. what this really comes down to is this you have the permission to be you and the power to do so that is your authenticity and your creativity that is who you are whatever you feel makes you powerful and special and worthwhile if anyone looks upon that, your truth, and feels saddened or threatened, or uncomfortable because of your truth. That is not on you! that is on them, on their unwillingness to be vulnerable, or to hold space for human truth death makes you stronger when i am gone, u will become more powerful than can possibly imagine because you will experience the spiritual level up that is only found when your close connection or bond passes on i am trying to teach this to layne when she asks me all the time what will happen if me and her mom die ok? no it’s not ok ok. thats true but being not ok is not bad being broken and enraged and furiously lost are all natural and fuckin true and human and im perpetually stuck in that state, so much so that i can almost not participate in the routines placed before my by my society That’s why creatives are often furiously volatile. The creation is like an answer to our dread, our fiery abandonment. Not even that. It is a song. The dread is instrumental and our creation and product is the vocal. Anarchy… he eyed the borrowed body wash bottle critically, turning the word and the concept over in his mind as he scrubbed his hands clean of the filth left from the cleanup in the back. It was a disgusting job but someone had to do it. The funny thing was, he surmised, that anarchy would be a context in which everyone operated as individuals without any sort of manufacturing and packaging that made this body wash what it was. Fake, mass produced, inhuman. Anarchy would be human efficient and free of the corporate entities peddling this Branding. Just then, he heard the door open. It seemed his friend had decided to join him for a shower room chat after all. how lovely. This whole idea about charging for emotional presence / attention is interesting to me although I hate monetary currencies. Because you either have insufficient amount or else zero worry. It’s too much of an extreme. It’s the core essence of the dynamic between a client and a professional that my fascination has been fixed upon. Not the currency. The exchange of affirmation / support. The audience / receiver offers something non monetary just as the performer. Each of them needs the other. The two roles are in perfect balance. The thing that’s corrupt and fucked up is the monetary racket on human rights such as housing and nutrition access. So we’ve ended up radically having to Charge for something that is actually built in to relational structure of a tribe / population as a life guard / social infrastructure. ~~~~~~~~~~ Now, I’ve begun to think about money a little bit more intricately / focus on the nuance. There are two monetary exchange contexts that I think stand alone as good pure implementations of the abstract ideal of numeric currency. 1- when you pay your ex in the absence of any other tangible interaction, reason or desire for them to respect you or accept that you’ve done something useful - child support is actually an empowerment to the party who wants to be more civil toward the one who is being irrational. 2- tipping for attention/emotional presence. This is therapist, dancer, cam model, even tips you give to your driver or waitress. It’s similar to Play. You choose to do it freely, you aren’t exactly trading a numeric sum for a fixed quantity of something the provider creates. It’s in flux. What you get is the nurture of that person and the fulfillment of having given on your own choice, not on the structure of Product A costs X dollars. So we are talking about power. Emotional power. I once wrote something about becoming powerful being the cure for vengefulness. If you become powerful there’s no need to venge. The really intriguing thing there is the wondering whether without money’s influence we would just be naturally exchanging the emotional attention currency very freely and in a two way fashion, and money has muted us, made us withdrawn and uncertain and insecure….. crippling us with respect to emotional capability. It was funny because Layne was telling me that we should just throw away all your money. Then we can be free. She was so right! She’s always right. Kids are are smartest citizens. We just fail to listen to them or give them any freedom to choose their own passion. If they aren’t free to make their choices how can they ever reach their real potential to contribute to the human race ? Danksgiving thoughts: Be an Oregon person. They are nice to a fault! Let being nice to someone be the mistake, not failing to include people without meaning to. I talked to a random maverik worker while I was getting my soda. (Granted, she had just shot me an incredulous look questioning why I had punched the mtndew Pitch black button for one sec with no cup under it - but I responded by speaking to her without even thinking about it. I read a cue and then responded to it. I wasn’t even high yet) -Sorry, I’m a little disoriented, they don’t have any soda machines in Oregon, all their soda setups are ultra basic. I haven’t seen code red anywhere out there. Ah found it sweet (on this machine, I meant) Of course though, that’s because every restaurant and fast food just about in that state will sell you 10 different kinds of beer on tap, they just don’t care about soda. At the register she continued the thread, smiling and asking me if I was from Oregon originally. After I had realized I was taking forever to go and get to her register to pay for the drink. Commenting that I was sorry my friends were blowin up my phone today as I walked up, in recognition of how long I’d been standing there sipping the drink and looking at the phone. Once I danked up, and got home, I was thinking and realized what I’m writing, and telling right now. I realized that I positive initiated her, and I need to be an Oregon person and not a muted non participant. Just before the knowledge hit me, I was having a discussion with myself about how great the medication felt. How Utah was starting to drag me a bit but how totally recharged this was making me feel. And then pontificating further how my personality is such that I only need really small amounts of medications, the ways parts of me are magnified and variated is significant without large alteration, they scale up powerfully. However, the degree to which I am the full complete me without any med is very low. I’m far from the fully realized me, baseline. Further from it than the more normal people are from theirs in a fully unmedicated state. So that’s the trade off for my kind of neuroatypical. Further from my communicable self much of the time. Normal are a lot more authentic automatically. But I’ve learned about myself that the best thing I can do for others is automatically include them even if it isn’t necessarily otherwise beneficial to me to do so. That’s what Oregon and its people are giving to me. Potent inclusiveness affinity. * What if some works of fiction we enjoy are actually just the very clever way of certain individuals publishing their alter ego, their actual deeds, which they otherwise are unable to fully reveal to their peers or family. If this were to be read by someone who knew me, they wouldn’t know it was fiction. They would read it as factual based on contextual links to their perception of me. This is my art. What’s depicted here represents my attempt to understand the full fledged version of me, the one that interacts intuitively and doesn’t withhold any thought or feeling, just expresses itself authentically. * He had ultimately realized the folly of having a low amount of human bonds at any given time. If you’re only close and bonded with one (or none), you start to go a little loopy. it’s an echo chamber. You need a robust emotional support grid in order to access your full emotional capability. Your sanity… your intellect. The echo chamber itself can drive both partners into a place of slight unwellness, spawning toxicity and abuse within the interaction.He had finally realized what had gone wrong with his ex. They just corroded away in the convenience of each other. Then finally the bond was just too brittle, broke, and became jagged, so they had no choice but to part ways. Lesson learned. Make many friendships, and love hard, love often, love as many as you can. Not doing so is literally poisonous. Taking human risks is absolutely crucial for survival. So take them… or die inside. Bringing a child to existence can inflict the beginnings of this state on someone. Now you may be wondering how this enlightenment equates to a broken state for Stanley. Well…. I’ll explain it to you. Loving is really painful. Pain is power.Joy is sharp as fuck and we rarely actually encounter it in its pure form, the agonizing one. The one that stops time and makes us question if we may have just died and are now just experiencing the mind’s last few fantastical random musings. Its preamble is a stark, icy, disorienting space we feel when we connect most deeply with another. It’s a space that at first we fear, we respond with adrenaline, and a need to escape it. Only once we stop running away from truth, as in with death, do we begin to become capable of perceiving the power, the raw energy presented before us. The fear it triggers is so deep and primal, that only once we have mastered that fear can we harness the full spectrum and array of human capability found there. Stanley had explained this to his friends. The strongest entities are those who have risen from being REPEATEDLY shattered and destroyed. Aliveness literally only exists within the boundary of that moment of rising. Not the bottom, not the apex. Only during the rise do we experience life. ||||||| Prior fragments Missing some that are voice notes which describe plot pieces and character elements ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ 5TH JANUARY 2016 HAUNTER It had been only minutes, it seemed, since he collapsed exhausted into bed. Crushing, enormous pain filled his mind, hurling him back to consciousness. Crying out in the darkness, simultaneously involuntary and yet labored. It was so hard to exert the force, yet all he could do. He could not yet pry himself from the bed. He was frozen in pain. Was it an evil spirit, visiting disdainfully? *What have I done to deserve this, please go away, you. I’ve nothing against you. I just need my rest. I beg of you.* No. No, that was nonsense. I’m actually dead. I am doomed to whimper in the dark for the next foreseeable while, with no end to it. My peace has been stolen away, he thought to himself as he continued to bend under the weight of the cold oppression on his mind. I can’t even have a reasonable death. He would have chuckled except for the pain exceeding anything he had ever felt. It occupied him. Self was lost, faded into the background, the sharpness in his head was the only thing in existence. And the only thing keeping him conscious. Finally he managed to leave the bed, still moaning. Oooow. He stumbled in the dark to the kitchen for a pill. He stumbled into the study for a bit of a breath from his herbal inhaler. If there was any hope for him now it was the relief that God’s plant could bring to him. There he sat on the sofa bed. And the dark one sat beside him. The pain throbbed and lurched. He stared the entity in his invisible face. Why have you come here? ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ [stanley p] . . . He sat, continuing to wonder for quite some time. Hours seemed to pass, yet there he sat. Perhaps he had become lost in something deeper than the ability to express whatever it was. [powerful selves] I contain dark wisdom. Well, being wise feels a little too similar to being delirious. I’m realizing that I am as traumatized by my experiences up close to death itself as I am by what it took from me before that…. Knowledge of who I am. If I become powerful, then revenge itself loses meaning. If I become powerful, I become able to engage, provide affection, and harness total honesty to those I care about and wish to receive care from. [dreams of my death] This is my other recurring dream. One is brightness and belonging. With someone, within somewhere, that I don’t currently know. This one, is one of the other kind- Dreams about the end. It’s a very short dream. I am in some kind of elementary school. It’s daytime. I feel extremely heavy and altered. I take your hand and tell you I need to go out by the trees and lie down. It is hard to walk because I am so heavy. I am going to walk as far as I can and then collapse beside the trees. The sun is shining. I am going to die on this day- something is wrong with me and I am going to lie down and let it happen. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chapter /0/prologue, part 1 Success is the worst. no question. he’s the picture and definition of why our capitalism has failed. it has cultured the bacteria of ignorance, growing to absolutely terrifying levels. Most ignorant and least ethical ones have risen to hold the modern resource, wealth. in so doing, they have denied this resource to the common citizen. A system which primarily accomplishes this rather general prosperity shared by the vast majority of a populace simply should not be permitted to continue. What this amounts to is a new collective wisdom. That another few sorts of crime exist beyond what we original presumed in our legal system. Financial violence, and cyber abuse. These are the new evil. Based within the imaginary realm of monetary value and electronic communication, these wrongs currently dominate present day (modern) life. The amount of power that our number 1 criminals of today actually command is beyond the level that could’ve been imagined by civilization 200 years ago. It is a greater tyranny than any previously encountered in human history. Entire wars have been fought over less tyrannical situations. Why am I telling you this? What does this actually matter now. Their power is so great it can never be defeated now. Knowing is not half the battle. The battle is already over. ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~ Chaper 0, part 2 in 2016, Ronnie goes on to win presidency… but it turns out the illuminati is real and in direct control of the US government, where wall st has really just been a front for this secret organization, closely run by (along with other ultra wealthy elitists) Frank Success. who, it turned out, just decided to enter the race for some laughs. To amuse himself, fabricating the presidential run of a fictional character- a ridiculous and bigoted simpleton with too much money- when in actuality he is a brutal intellectual who just borders on extremely sadistic. so although the working class had won the presidency, subsequent attempts to elect purple party working folks into the government to create legislation of the new democratic socialism for human efficient and parent positive egalitarianism, what wouldve truly been the end of harsh collectivism as well as rugged individualism…. all attempts fail because voting is somehow overpowered by illuminati trickery. Ronnie’s administration discovers this by employing the most clever cyber spies recruited from anonymous, and ex-nsa whistleblowers (After it was permanently shut down a little before the 2017 inauguration of Ronnie) and at the same time covertly running a candidate in direct cooperation with actual illuminati agents. beating them at their own game once again, the reality is clear to the sandman… Ronald Sander, that there is no democracy possible while such large amounts of power exist in such concentration in the hands of essentially state-less tyrants. that their power exceeded that of monetary funding.. so no matter how resonant the political revolution, the elite stood as immovable objects.. threatening more and more every day to hire private armies in order to wage war on the former serfs at whom they used to scoff. he’d realized that american democracy couldn’t touch this enemy. as a result of this discovery, ronnie is forced to lead a global revolution against the corporations and elitist individuals who have rendered democracy completely unusable until they are disarmed. in essence a battle for what would become this.. The New States of America. the problem is, the elitists haven’t been defeated. not yet. we’ll get to that later. just be patient. [hello, newcomer / ch0 p3] Hello. My name is I don’t have one. My discipline is positively cultivating life. nurturing and supporting young people, myself, and my community. I am a lifeguard, a quiet fellow who doesn’t apologize for my refusal to recognize the worship of money, or imaginary beings supposedly influencing life in the known cosmos. The only worship I find honest is the worship of life’s beauty. Human beauty. Joy and pain. Living, dying. Adoration, and grief. All beautiful. All powerful. All real. I reject interruptions of my real life by imaginary constructs such as currency and deity. Now, my work and effort is largely ignored. I am so unvalued by the intentions of my so called civilized society, I barely even get to do the work that matters to me. Most of my attention is spent toiling for wages to exchange for basic necessities. Due to institutionalized bullying, present day history features an upside down paradigm in which work and specifically wages supports living. In this paradigm, the most important work goes ignored at least and very often completely undone. Only work in the pursuit of monetary profit gains is incentivized. That’s a strange terminology, incentive, but I swear to you it is the prevailing lingo of my people. Allow me to explain. It is a word that describes the intention to get someone to do that which has little to no actual vital value. This ‘Incentive’ is only necessary when your economics are so backwards that meeting basic human needs is considered success. In my location in space time, not being homeless is considered success. It’s not only possible but fairly likely that you can be completely excluded from the economics we have, as most wages to be found are far too low as compared to the cost to obtain housing. As a result, housing is a temporary arrangement for the vast majority of my people. We enter into an agreement to surrender the majority of our wages in exchange for the living space. This is called rental. It’s just a really fancy term invented to conceal the utter ludicrousness of the actual arrangement. The place you rent to live is called apartment. You live there, but it isn’t home. Welcome to my apartment. My tiny little sliver of society I’ve been granted the privilege to temporarily occupy. Due to the smallness of employment wages, several individuals often join together and split the rental fee, resulting in the only significant clan structure being composed of groups of us spending almost all of our time on the wage gather. We’re alone together, scarcely accruing the necessary energy to meaningfully spend attention on one another, those rare moments we even cross paths outside of the Employment scuttle. What’s the point, you wonder. Why do they continue to serve the wage, why do they not demand that the wage serve them? Like I said - institutionalized bullying. Around 1% of the people take the gains, the major portion 90% or more of what is produced by our hard work. In the beginning, this is what they did. Since then, they have created new imaginary funding known as credit, and increased it through various crooked means, to the point that now, they have infinite income. Infinite access to any item or resource that they might find useful, entertaining, or intoxicating. Oftentimes, something’s use to 1%ers is purely in its superiority value. The privateness- Its ability to exclude others. Vacation houses. Private aircraft. It’s a great big club. The party to which we aren’t invited. That is why they do not demand the wage serve them. Those from whom we would demand it are secluded away in this infinite privateness, hidden from us, untouchably elite. Using their limitless resources, they create a second version of the truth, obscuring further yet their ultimate superiority. These are the two vices - dishonesty and theft. Through these, 1%ers continuously augment the elite status to which they are addicted. They have corroded from the inside out. They are cancer on life and its beauty. They are the definition of evil, in my view. They have continuously diminished that which sustains and vitally support living, pushed it down, degraded it…. This is what we are left with: Wageslavery, notfreedom, emptiness and collective loneliness. We have nothing. The things that we have represent little more than the debts incurred to receive them. It’s good that you are here now. The private club is approaching its end. The people are awakening. The truth is being reassembled bit by bit. Employment is being circumvented by a new practice known as sharing. Stick with me, newcomer, and you will see.

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