#is that mary's attitude before stede leaves makes what we see of her in ep 10 feel so much more triumphant

[yergink]

so i was thinking about the anniversary flashback and there’s something interesting about the way stede and mary’s gifts are really just them misguidedly presenting each other with what they think will be the solution to the problem that is their marriage. 

mary gifts stede the lighthouse painting and specifically calls back to what they were told at their wedding. she’s saying “let’s remember what is expected of us.” she’s sort of. tethered, i suppose, to complacency here, and i feel like that’s reflected in what she says later, too. “we’ve only got this one life. we have to try, don’t we?” in this context, it’s kind of admittance that she doesn’t expect to ever have anything more.

then stede attempts to gift mary the revenge--by extension, a life away from society--and he’s really just begging her for an escape. like, he doesn’t know what the problem really is, but it’s like he knows it’s here on land and maybe, just maybe, if they got away, things would be better. 

and... neither of them are right in these solutions. on mary’s end--it’s never going to matter how much they try to be together, they’re never going to love each other, they’re never going to be happy in the life they have.

and for stede, he’s never going to have room for his self discovery if his family join him at sea. he needs to disconnect entirely from the societal pressures that have traumatized him. 

and it hurts so much more because they are both offering solutions. you could consider that they’re simply in denial about how broken their relationship is, but mary seems genuine when she says she doesn’t hate their lives enough to so completely upend them, and stede does seem excited at the prospect of his family joining him at sea. but at the same time they’re both just so horribly wrong here, and it’s because neither of them understand what the other really needs. staying on land and trying to make their marriage work will only drive stede further into his depression, and them going to sea would sever mary’s chance at getting what she needs (support, community, freedom). 

this is all what makes their conversation in ep 10 so much more meaningful. them sitting down together, finally and for once having an actual honest discussion is like a sigh of relief. they finally get the chance to see each other clearly for the first time and it’s. just so wonderful in comparison.